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devilishchaos · 1 year

Text

Backseat fun | Jack Harlow imagine

Rating / genre: M (18+); smut, fluff

Pairings: Reader x Jack Harlow

Summary: Things get heated and you go at it in the back of the car.

Warnings: Explicit smut, oral sex (m and f receiving), use of pet names “princess”, “baby”, “babe”, “good girl” like once; explicit talk

Word Count: 2 122 words

This is a work of fiction. The story, names, characters and incidents either are product or the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Tonight has been good so far but you couldn’t wait to get home and get your hands on your husband. The whole night the two of you had been randomly teasing one another and you were about ready to burst if you didn’t get your hands on him soon. It had been another boring celebrity party that you and Jack had attended.

“Babe, behave.” Jack chuckled when he felt your hand slowly running up the inner of his thigh, he glanced at you before staring back at the road in front of him. All night long you'd needed him and you didn't want to waste any more time waiting till you got home to get him.

“What are you doing?” He questioned you, arching his brow up when he felt your hand slowly beginning to rub him through his jeans, he was hard and you smirked to yourself. After all the teasing he’d been doing to you tonight it was about time you got a little fun for yourself.

“Just..keep driving.” You mumbled, your hands shakily starting to undo the button of his jeans, followed by the zipper as he shifted his hips just a little. The roads were deserted thanks to it being almost midnight right now which meant Jack couldn’t drive slower while you did whatever it was you were planning on doing to him.

“You teased me all night, Jackman..” You pouted at him, slowly starting to rub him through the thin material of his tight underwear, taking your time to work him through your fingertips and smirking when he let out a small hiss when you touched the tip of his cock.

“I thought you liked the toy? You picked it out.” Jack winked, making your whole body flame as you remembered the day you picked out the vibrating underwear he’d told you to wear tonight.

“I do, but you never let me fucking cum!” You reminded him, leaning down over the handbrake and placing a soft chaste kiss over his cock in his boxers giggling to yourself as you watched his dick twitch beneath the fabric.

“So you’re getting payback or something?” He questioned, his voice cracking ever so slightly as you pulled him free from his boxers and slowly licked your lips at the sight of him. Precum leaked from his tip and he slowed to a stop at a red light, turning down to look at you, a blush beginning to creep up on his cheeks. How was it possible that he was blushing after all he’d been doing to you all night?

“You are so cute.” You whispered before slowly licking the head of his cock, humming as your tongue came in contact with the salty taste of his precum. Jack let out a breathy whine, causing you to smirk solely focusing on the head of his cock. You dragged your tongue slowly on the underside of his dick, enjoying the way it twitched against your tongue and the way his hips bucked ever so slightly toward you. The light above the car illuminated green and he reluctantly began to drive while you took the rest of his cock into your mouth, slowly moving your head up and down on him as he let out a choked moan.

“Fuck, your mouth always feels so good..” He grunted out, running his hands over the wheel as he tried to find a vacant parking lot the two of you could disappear into but it seemed there was always another car inside. He needed it to be empty with what he planned for you. You hummed around Jack, sliding him to the back of your throat and doing your best not to gag because of the size of him and moaning around him as he quickly turned on the vibrating underwear for you. Your pussy clenched around nothing as you let out a strangled moan..he’d been turning it on and off all night and for the last hour of it being off you’d forgotten just how good it felt.

“Princess, I’m going to fuck you so good you’ll scream the neighbourhood down.” Jack groaned as he tried to focus on finding any damp parking lot at this point. It was hard to focus when he could feel just how good it was to be inside of your mouth, so warm and wet but nothing would beat the way it felt to be buried deep inside of you. You slowly began to pump the rest of his dick while your lips wrapped around the head of his cock, swirling your tongue around as you rubbed his dick.

“Just..ughh..fuck, just like that.” He moaned out, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were beginning to turn white. You ran your tongue over the slit of his dick making his hips buck up suddenly and a loud whine sound from your husband's lips.

“W-Wait..stop.” He begged, once he could feel how close he was getting and he didn’t want to cum without being inside of you. His left hand slowly came down to tap your back as you let go of him with a pop sound giggling a little as you stared at him. By now his eyes had darkened and you knew he was close to losing it.

“Parking lot!” He motioned over to the empty car park that was across from where you were and you smirked, nodding your head as he began to drive toward it. It was a multi-storey car park which meant he could go and find somewhere the two of you could be alone - not that anyone was around anyway since it was literally the dead of night.

As soon as the car was parked Jack shut off the vibrating underwear for what felt like the millionth time and you giggled, slowly climbing into the back of his car and looking at him as he stared at you with hunger in his eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He smirked at you, pointing down at your legs before making a motion for you to move them apart. You were wearing a dress which meant he would have a pretty good view.

“Spread your legs.” He chuckled, his voice deeper, and you smirked slowly spreading your legs apart as he looked down at you drinking in the state of you. You knew you were soaked at this point since you could feel your wetness dripping down your thighs but what did he expect after teasing you all night?

“You’re so fucking hot.” He grunted, slowly leaning over the seat and hooking his fingers under your underwear. He then painfully slowly began to pull them down, his eyes never leaving your core as he watched the way you dripped.

“All for me?” He chuckled, throwing the underwear into the front seat and climbing into the back to join you, your heart began to thump as you decided to tease him ever so slightly.

“The toy did all the work, you can’t take-” You barely had time to finish what you were going to say when Jack wrapped your legs around the back of his head and buried his face between your thighs.

“Oh my God! Ahh..” You cried out as you felt him push his tongue into your pussy, your hands slowly beginning to make their way into his now longer locks and gripping onto them, pushing him closer to you - if that was even possible. The car was soon filled with wet sounds as Jack continued to eat you out like a man starved, his fingers slowly beginning to replace his tongue as he pumped them in and out of you at a steady pace, your head rolling back against the window.

“Oh, Jack..” You moaned out, glancing down at him to find him already looking at you, smirking up at you before curling his fingers inside of you making you moan louder.

“What was that about the toy doing all the work? I seem to be making you cry out louder than that lousy little thing..” Jack began to suck on your clit as you continued to cry his name out over and over again, your stomach beginning to tighten as you felt yourself getting closer.

“J-J-Jack..I-” You warned him but it only egged him on, his movements continuing at the pace they were as your hips rolled against his face.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck baby..” You called out feeling the tightening in your stomach suddenly snap. Your orgasm washed over you as you rolled your hips uncontrollably against Jack’s face, the sheer pleasure driving you to pull away from him as you whimpered a little.

“That’s my good girl.” He chuckled, softly kissing your clit as he pulled his fingers out of you, looking you dead in the eyes as he slowly cleaned them off with his mouth making you roll your eyes from the sigh and the intensity of everything going on.

“I want you..” You called out, pulling him up toward your face and kissing him desperately. Your arms wrapped around the back of his neck as you bit down on his lip, desperate to feel him inside of you after waiting for so long.

“So needy, I love it.” He lined himself up and looked down at you, waiting for the all-clear from you and so you needily bucked against him.

“Jack, please.” You breathed out causing him to chuckle softly before slowly pushing into you, inch by inch as he looked you in the eyes, both of you letting out small moans as you felt him stretching you out. The one thing you could never quite get used to - his size and he knew that which was why every time you were together like this he would start slow and gentle at first.

“God..Jack, faster.” You whispered to him, bucking your hips up to meet his as he let out a deep groan when he felt you clenching around his cock. Jack held your face gently in one hand and in the other he held your hips, slowly pulling out of you before pushing back in. Everything felt so hot right now, maybe it was the thrill that you weren’t supposed to be doing this but everything felt so much better, so much hotter than it usually would. You moaned out loudly whenever Jack thrusted deeply into you, the feeling of being so full driving you wild as you pulled him closer to you.

“Look at you baby..taking my cock so well.” He grunted out, looking down between you two as he watched his cock disappear in and out of you as he groaned lowly. Picking up the pace of his hips as he slammed in and out of you, looking down at you as you cried his name out.

“Fuck, I’ve needed this all night..” You moan out, lifting your hips up to meet his every thrust, your stomach beginning to tighten as you felt the familiar feeling of our orgasm approaching. Jack grunted when he felt you clenching around him.

“You want to cum for me, princess?” He questioned, reaching his hand down and rubbing your clit as you screamed his name out.

“Jack! Yes! Yes! Please..please!” You begged, looking up at him with lust-filled eyes, your walls clenching him tighter as he moaned loudly. His thrust started to pick up more as he looked down at the need in your eyes.

“Ohh..Jack.” You cried out, your orgasm hitting you like a freight train as you clenched around him, your hands reached for anything you could grab onto and you ran your hand down the window. Jack on the other side continued to thrust into you, his hips stuttering a little as he filled you up. Your heart pounded against your chest as you looked up at him, sweat beginning to drip down his face as he looked back at you letting out a small chuckle.

“I didn’t know we would be recreating the titanic scene..” He nodded at the window and you glanced at it, your body heating as you saw your handprint on the window and Jack just chuckled.

“Let’s get ready to leave..” He whispered, burying his head in the crook of your neck and softly kissing the exposed skin there, whimpering a little as he pulled out of you and began to get himself dressed.

“I think Imma stay in the back, I don’t really wanna move.” You giggled, watching as your husband effortlessly jumped over into the front of the car and started the engine back up, glancing back at you and giving you a wink before starting to drive you both home.

#jack harlow #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x you #jack harlow smut #jack harlow fluff

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heavyhitterheaux · 8 months

Note

Hiii! “Loving you feels lighter.”

Hello my sweet baby HCH! I hope you love this!

Jack noticed how you were looking at him as the two of you were laughing on your first date night in a while. The triplets were with Urban and the two of you had finally finished going to marriage counseling, however, Fatima told the two of you to reach out whenever you needed her no matter how big or small.

The two of you were still seeing your regular therapists and it was helping you communicate better with one another to set up to have a positive household environment for the triplets.

“Why are you looking at me like that baby girl?” Jack asked as he stole a sip of your iced tea and then slid it back across the table.

“Nothing. I’m just really happy.” You said while smiling back at him.

“Why, is it because I rearranged your guts this morning or? I mean I can do it again once we leave here too, it’s not a problem. Just say the word.”

“Jackman! Shut up!” You responded and continued to laugh.

“What? I was just asking.” Jack said as he shrugged.

“You want me to be honest?” You said while starting to play with the fabric at the bottom of your dress.

“Of course I want you to be honest with me. That’s all I ever want.”

“I’m trying to think of the best way to describe it.”

“Take your time, sweetheart. We have all night.”

“Loving you feels lighter.”

“What do you mean?” Jack asked as he was trying to understand what you were saying.

“I just feel that before with all that we were going through, I felt a heaviness I guess I should say. Every day I woke up not knowing if our marriage was going to survive and I hated having that feeling. I wanted for us to be okay again.”

“And now we finally are. And I’m thankful that you gave us another chance.”

“I mean you got me fucked up if you thought you were getting rid of me that easily. Been together since we were fifteen and love like that doesn’t go away overnight.”

“I never want to get rid of you, you know me better than that. If anything, my love for you continues to grow every single day. It doesn’t matter if we have a bad day or not. It’s just knowing that I have you by my side makes it all worth it because I know we’ll do anything for each other and make sure that the other is okay. No matter how big or small the issues might be.”

“Okay that will be the second time you made me cry today.” You said as you could feel the tears in the corners of your eyes.

“Don’t cry, baby! I’m just being honest. I honestly don’t think there’s enough words in any language on earth that can describe how much I love you and care about you."

"Yep, now I'm crying." You said through your tears and Jack immediately grabbed your left hand to kiss the back of it as he played with your wedding ring.

"Putting this ring on your finger was the best thing I've ever done, and you have my heart. Always."

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow blurb #first lady of pg #harlowcomehome

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jackharloww · 10 months

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Isabella and Jackman Part 2

summary: The one where Jack and Isabella are childhood friends. Could it be more?

Click here for Part 1

Part 2 of the collaboration with @harlowcomehome

Isabella took another look in the mirror, fixing her hair in the process. She wasn't quite sure why she was nervous, it's not like it was the first time she and Jack would spend time with each other. But something felt different this time, she just wasn't sure what it was. Her parents had to leave earlier, and Jack insisted on picking Isabella up. Just as she reached for her bag to put on more lipgloss, she heard three knocks on the door.

"I'm coming" she yelled out, quickly applying the lipgloss before she walked out to open the door for him.

While waiting, Jack turned his back towards the door, watching as two kids were playing across the street. He got a big smile on his face, reminiscing old times.

When he heard the door open he quickly turned around. "I..., wow" Jack was stunned, his eyes staring at her, almost as if he was trying to memorize her face and every piece of her body. She felt herself getting warmer, looking away from his stare.

"You look absolutely beautiful Isabella," Jack felt breathless

"I could say the same about you" She winked at him. He wore a black suit that fitted his body perfectly, and the fabric hugged his toned arms. Isabella could tell he had shaped his beard up, and his curls were a bit shorter.

"Let's go" Jack gave her his arm and she happily hooked her arm with his, turning around to lock the door. They walked together to his car, Jack opened the door for her and waited until she was seated to close it and walk around to the driver's seat.

There was a bit of awkward silence as Jack started driving, but that quickly disappeared when the song Best I ever had by Drake came on the AUX,

"Remember when that girl, what was she called? Sarah? Sabrina? broke up with you and you had this song on repeat and couldn't stop crying" Isabella giggled at the memories

"Yes Sabrina, and I wasn't crying" Jack had a small smile on his face, his eyes looking straight ahead of him.

"oh yeah sorry, your eyes were just leaking" Isabella started laughing when Jack shot her a dirty look.

"Whatever" he mumbled with a smirk, before starting to sing the lyrics of the song, Isabella quickly following his lead. They sang, laughed, and shared more memories the entire way to the venue.

When they arrived, Jack quickly walked over to her side, holding his hand out for her and helping her out of the car. She straightened her dress, "Thank you", she smiled at him. He dropped her hand but quickly put his on her lower back instead, as he led the way inside the venue.

Isabella kept her eyes on Jack, realizing now that he seemed nervous. “Are you okay?”

“Me?” He nervously chuckled, “Couldn’t be better, I’m here with you.”

Isabella bit her lip nervously at that, taking a seat. “Warning, weddings always make me cry” she whispered and Jack laughed. He knew she was a soft and sensitive person, that’s part of why he liked her so much.

When the wedding vows were spoken she started to sniffle. Jack handed Isabella a tissue as she dabbed her eyes. It wasn’t long before everyone was finding their seats for dinner and dancing.

“Thanks again for coming with me” Isabella smiled.

“I mean Clay was busy so…” he winked knowing she caught on to his lie previously.

“I’m surprised you wanted to come with me actually” Isabella tried to get information out of him but the wedding Dj interrupted the conversation by announcing the dance floor was now open.

“Let’s dance?” Jack turned to Isabella hopeful she wouldn’t question him too much more.

The first song that played was fast-paced, Isabella and Jack dancing foolishly around one another as giggles were muffled by the loud music.

“Do you do these moves on tour? I bet people would pay good money to see them” Isabella teased making Jack's entire face practically glow red.

He started to walk away, embarrassed as she grabbed him by the wrist pulling him back and into her. The proximity of their bodies surprised them both for a moment.

“I- I was only joking” Isabella looked up at him, her eyes were soft and sincere. Truthfully Jack knew she was joking but she had a way of making him feel flustered.

“I was just going to get some water, rejuvenate” he chuckled and she agreed as the two of them went back to their table momentarily to take a drink.

Jack admired her as she waited for him, her hand on her hip as everyone else danced. He had always had feelings for Isabella but made excuse after excuse not to tell her, but there was something different about tonight. He felt eager and ready to confess his feelings, he wasn’t sure what made tonight different but being home always made him feel such strong emotions.

The beginning notes of Elvis’s song Can’t help but falling in love began to play, Isabella turned to Jack smiling wide “This is the song my parents danced to at their wedding!”

“Shall we dance?” Jack held his hand out for her to grab.

“It would be a shame not to” Isabella winked as Jack guided her to the dance floor again.

He rested his left hand on Isabella’s lower back, pulling her closer to him as he held her left hand in his right one. They both started slowly swaying to the music, Jack looking right at her taking in all of her beautiful features as she looked over his shoulder.

He gave her a twirl and Isabella let out a beautiful giggle, that quickly became Jack's favorite sound. He bought her even closer to his body when they returned to their original dancing position.

"Like a river flows" Jack began singing along with the song, and Isabella locked eyes with him. "Surely to the sea, darling so it goes, somethings are meant to be". He didn't look away even once, He held intense eye contact as he whispered the last thing "For I can't help, falling in love with you".

Isabella took a deep breath, the eye contact along with Jack's loving expression was making her core tighten. She saw how Jack bent down, moving his face closer to hers and she panicked, it all became too much for her.

Isabella took a step back and shook her head, "Don't" she whispered, not trusting her voice to properly speak up. With that, Isabella turned around with her back against Jack and ran out of the venue. Jack looked around, thankfully everyone was in their own bubble to notice anything, he looked back at the door Isabella had just run out of and he couldn't make up his mind on what to do. He wanted to run after her, fight for her, and make her his girl but he wasn't sure if she felt the same way.

"Fuck it," he said to himself after standing there for a few seconds, contemplating his next move. Isabella was worth fighting for.

He walked out of the venue, not seeing her at first. She was standing to the side, a hand over her chest as she was breathing deeply. He didn't like seeing her like this, and knowing he was the reason for it broke his heart.

"Izzy, I'm sorry" He said when he walked up to her.

She turned around, tears welling in her eyes. “Why did you do that?” She cried out.

“Do what?” Jack was hurt by her reaction.

“Just ruin our friendship!” Isabella sniffled, trying to gather her thoughts and feelings.

“I ruined our friendship? Why? Because I actually thought you might feel the same way?” Jacks face was red with embarrassment but he wasn’t going to give up that easy.

Isabella wiped away her tears, looking up to meet Jacks eyes. “Feel the same way? And what way is that?” She asked, not sure what he was implying.

"Are you seriously that oblivious?" Jack said frustration could be heard in his voice. He threw his hands up in the air before resting them on his head, running his fingers through his hair. "Every time you're near me my heart starts beating faster, When I hear your voice, I’m at peace. I can finally slow down and enjoy everything around me. You light up every room you walk into with that smile of yours and I want to be the reason you’re smiling, even if that’s corny.” He chuckled "That's the way you make me feel"

Isabella's breath caught as she stared at Jack in disbelief. She had never really thought about the possibility of Jack liking her until now. Jack hurriedly continued, his words spilling out, "I can't ignore these feelings any longer Isabella".

"I don't understand Jack" Isabella breathed out, not really comprehending Jack's words.

"I'm in love with you Isabella, and I have been for a long time" Jack's frustration seemed to calm down now, being replaced by a hint of nervousness,

"Jack, how would this ever work? You're you and I'm just me" A small laugh escaped Isabella's lips as she wiped away remnants of her tears.

"That's the reason I love you Izzy." Jack took a step closer to her, putting his hand on her cheek and cradling it. "Give us a chance" He breathed out, their faces close to each other.

Isabella didn't say anything, instead, she leaned in. Finally feeling his lips against her. The kiss was soft, and Jack's lips felt perfect against hers, It felt like two puzzle pieces finally finding their place.

"You know," Isabella said against Jack's lips, "All the things you said, I felt them too, but I never allowed myself to believe we could be something more. I was too afraid" She confessed.

"I understand that fear, but I'm willing to take a leap of faith and fight for you, for us" Jack's thumb brushed against Isabella's cheek, and a big smile could be seen on both their faces. Isabella leaned in and gave him another kiss, already missing the feeling of his lips against hers.

"You want to go?" Jack asked her, giving her another kiss before she could answer. She giggled into the kiss and nodded, "Yes please".

He took her hand into his and started walking to where the car was.

"Oh and Jack" Isabella said, a cheeky smile plastered on her face. "I love you too," She said once he locked eyes with her.

-------------------------------------

Taglist: @middlechild404 , @harlowsbby , @w1ldthoughts , @neon-lights-and-glitter , @nattinatalia , @hoodharlow , @itsyagirljaz

#jack harlow fic #jack harlow #jack fic #jack harlow fluff #jackharlow #jack harlow stories #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack x reader #fanfiction #fanfiction prompts #friends to lovers

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velvetstreets · 2 years

Note

I have suuuch a specific request after Urban’s 🗼🚂 post. Could you maybe write something where Jack wants some pictures/ videos of him and his girl before going on tour so he asks Urban to help and maybe he gets more involved (or stays behind the camera, writers choice)?

JACKMAN & BIG WHOREEEE lmao

“Baby-“ Jack turned to look at you. The two of you were laying in his bed, both on your phones with Jack’s left hand rubbing up and down your exposed thighs.

“Yeah?”

“We need to take some new pics soon, before tour starts again.” He said scrolling through his photo album.

“Mmm, you’re right, it has been a while.” You said looking at him, reaching a hand out to caress his jaw. He leaned into your touch and kissed your palm. He set his phone down and took your hand, slowly kissing up your arm and onto your neck and chest. You closed your eyes and let out an sigh of relief.

Jack shifted so he leaned on his forearm while leaning over you a little, his other hand going to the waistband of your shorts. He slipped his hand through and palmed your pussy through your panties.

“Jack-“ you groaned, your head feeling fuzzy, rational thinking out the window as a primal feeling came over you - you’d do anything to get Jack to continue his movements.

“Would you be okay if Urban took pictures and a few videos for us?” He murmured in your ear, continuing to rub you through your panties, your arousal seeping through the fabric.

“Y-you want Urban to film us?” You asked, eyes still shut in ecstasy.

“You’ve seen his work, better than any iPhone. Plus I’ve seen the way you look at him, he looks at you the same.” Jack continued to kiss you and finally he slipped his fingers under your panties, rubbing at your clit a little before slipping two fingers in you.

You moaned loudly as Jack pulled your cami down, making your tits spill out. He attached his mouth to one of them as you groaned out.

“I- I didn’t know you saw t-that.” You said feeling guilty.

“Don’t feel bad baby, I think it’s hot.” He said, the pads his fingers rubbing against your walls.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. My perfect ‘lil slut, squirming and writhing around on camera for us. How would you feel about that?” Jack said kissing up along your neck and jaw.

“C-could be fun. You’re okay with it?” You let a deep shaky breath out through your nostrils.

“You being spread out for me and Urban? Hell yeah. Plus he knows you’re mine anyways, it won’t be weird - but I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to, this is just a suggestion.” Jack said as one of his thumbs massaged circles into your hips. You let out a moan of relief, your legs and hips always aching at least a little bit.

“Fuck yes, Jack, right there-“ you moaned.

He ceased his movements except for kissing along your chest.

“Need an answer before you cum babe.” He said nonchalantly, like he wasn’t holding onto the edge of your orgasm.

“Yes, let Urban film us, I don’t care- it’s all for you anyways.” You said letting out a frustrated sigh.

“Yeah? You sure? I don’t want you saying yes just because you’re about to cum y/n.” Jack said using your name; you knew he was serious and wanted your consent, or your objection to know where you stood on the situation.

“Yes, Jack. I’m okay with him filming us, promise. Now make me cum.” You told him, and he kissed your face a bunch making you giggle before he went back to the task at hand. His fingers worked at a face pace as they slipped in and out of you, his thumb harassing your clit with the hard pressure he was rubbing it at. Soon enough your orgasm crashed, your legs twitched around Jack’s hand, your jaw falling open into an “oh” shape, as your eyes were screwed shut - taking in your ecstasy.

“I’ll never get tired of seeing you cum.” Jack chuckled before sucking his fingers clean of your essence.

4 days later..

Jack had invited Urban over for the night to hang out, already laying out the details and specifics for him beforehand. You were a little nervous to say the least, but both Jack and Urban reassured you that you had nothing to be worried or insecure about. Urban was adamant about that especially since he was the third wheel here. You warmed up to him a little more; usually you and Urban were besties, but you crawled a little back in your shell subconsciously when his eyes bulged out his head when he saw you in your lilac lingerie set.

“Chill man.” Jack said smacking him upside the head.

“Sorry. You look great y/n.” Urban said with a friendly smile.

“Thanks, Urb. So.. how do we do this?” You asked shyly.

“Y’all just do your thing, and I’ll give directions where they’re needed.” Urban said setting up his video camera and his vintage camera.

“I figure we’d take pictures first, and then videos?” He asked the two of you.

“Sounds good.” Jack said, making his way towards you, tilting your chin up and smiling down at you. “Y’okay baby?” He said quietly, only for you to hear. “Mmhmm.” You nodded your head - still in his palm - and smiled back at him, the dimples he loved so much peeking out.

You got on the middle of the bed, perched on your knees as you faced the boys. Jack put on some music to set the mood, with Urban starting to snap pictures as you posed. After a few shots, Jack placed his Kentucky state chain around you.

“A few with this chain too. Looks good on you sweetheart.” He said winking. Urban kept taking pictures as you continued to pose - tits, ass, thighs, pussy - all up in Urban’s camera lens, as well as his own face. He really tried to keep his professional brain on, but part of him couldn’t doubt the arousal he was feeling from seeing you like this. You saw his tongue peek out and swipe his lips when you sat on your knees spread, pulling your bra down enough for your tits to squeeze out, biting your lip.

“Okay lie on your back for me.” Urban asked you.

You did as he instructed, laying down on the bed and he straddled your waist to get a good birds eye shot.

Jack replaced his Kentucky state chain for the KY one now, his favorite chain to see you in. It was basically yours now, he wore it every once in a while, but he loved seeing it on you more than on him.

“So pretty for us, baby.” Jack praised you, boosting your confidence and smiling at him. Urban sat perched on top of you, careful not to make any certain moves; when all he really wanted to do was grind into your hips right now. You looked up at him so innocently, long lashes batting at him, soft thick pink lips that were coated in lip gloss, shining up at him. Urban continued to take a few pictures before you took your bra off. You laid back pushing your boobs together as your heard the shutter of his camera.

Urban asked Jack to exchange his camera for his video camera, deciding he had gotten enough pictures for now. It was when you reached a hand down to your panties and started to rub your clit under the fabric, letting out a soft moan, that Urban’s dick got hard. You felt and noticed this, looking up at him, grinning. Glancing at Jack, you gave him a knowing look, and he nodded, signaling he gave his permission. Looking back at Urban, you put your hand on his bulge, rubbing up and down his length, adding some pressure. Urban was caught off guard, lowering the gadget in his hand, looking at you with confusion and relief.

“It’s okay Urb. Keep going.” You assured him.

He craned his neck to look at Jack. “All good man.” He promised him. Urban turned back to you and got off the bed. Before you thought you had scared him off, he put the camera down and pulled down his jeans and T-shirt, so he was left in his boxers and undershirt. Jack did the same and walked over to the edge of the bed while Urban picked the video camera back up.

“C’mere, princess.” Jack said, pulling at your legs so you slid closer to him. He turned you over so you were on your stomach, and then he put his hands on your hips, lifting them so you were on your knees - ass in the air. Jack spanked you a few times, causing you to squeal and whine out in pleasure; Urban’s dick occasionally twitching at your moans within his boxers. Jack slid your panties down your legs, rubbing his hand over you ass again before spanking it one more time.

“Fuck!” You moaned into the sheets.

“Y’see what I mean about the sounds she makes for me Urb? So hot.” Jack chuckled as Urban hummed in agreement.

“Turn around again, sweetheart. We wanna see you.” Jack said rubbing his hand on your lower back, giving a kiss to your spine. You flipped over, and Jack took your ankles, spreading your legs open. He swiped his thumb through your folds, your left leg twitching at his action.

“So fucking wet, baby. You gotta come see this Urb.” Jack said. Urban bent down on his knees, and rested an arm over your leg to get a good angle of your pussy with his camera. Jack spread your folds with two fingers, and continued to rub at your clit with his thumb. He finally inserted two fingers, slowly pumping in and out of you. You couldn’t contain your moans, hands now removed from your tits, currents grasping at the sheets beneath you. Urban was practically drooling at how your pussy glistened on camera. He looked up at you and you met his stare, eyes hooded and smiling that sweet smile of yours at him, he could cum right now at sight before him to be honest.

Jack kissed your clit before removing his fingers, causing you to let out a frustrated whine. He slapped your clit, making you cry out before chuckling and removing his briefs.

“See how bratty she gets when she’s needy man? Dick is the only way to shut her up. Show us how needy you can get, sweet face.” He said turning his attention back to you. Jack stroked his dick a few times before positioning himself at your entrance. He slowly thrusted into you, letting out a grunt of relief, while you moaned out at the fullness.

“Oh god, Jack.” You cried out, as he sped his pace up, the slapping of his thighs against your ass echoing the room. Urban filmed Jack fucking you, watching as his dick slid in an out of your pretty pussy. He angled the camera back up you body, getting your chest and your face in the frame. You smiled up at him, and reached a hand out for him to take, which he did. You brought his hand to your breast, squeezing his hand over the flesh, making your moan out a borderline pornographic moan, to which Urban shivered at.

“Urbannnn-“ you whined out.

“She wants you in her throat Urb. Make her be quiet for a little.” Jack grunted.

You tugged Urban’s grey sweats down, his erect cock slapping up against his lower abdomen. He got closer to your face and you leaned your neck to swallow him whole.

“Jesus, fuck-“ Urban said inhaling a sharp breath as you bobbed your head up and down on his dick.

Jack took your right left and lifted it over his shoulder, causing him to hit a new position with in you. You felt your stomach start to tighten as Jack fucked you at the intense speed and harshness he thrusted at, his tip constantly nudging your cervix. You moaned around Urban’s cock, which was now slathered in your saliva and his precum, the blowjob becoming messy - a favorite of yours.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum-“ Urban groaned out, as the hand that had snuck into your hair tugged at your locks. Urban pulled away from your mouth and jerked his cock, cumming in your mouth and on your tits, groaning deeply.

The action made your head fuzzy with arousal, making you clench around Jack’s dick as your toes curled and your grasp on the sheets inbetween you fingers were so hard you thought you had ripped them. You came with a loud moan, tears spilling from your eyes, your mascara running down the sides of your face. Jack finally reached his peak, pulling out and cumming all over your pussy and lower stomach.

“Fuck.” He breathed out, setting your leg down and leaning against your knees. You couldn’t speak. You were a floating mess, covered in cum and unable to form any words, much less use your voice to even squeak out a single sound.

“God damn. You weren’t lying about her mouth.” Urban groaned in disbelief. He also couldn’t believe he managed to keep filming the entire thing, he was everything went out of frame once you put your mouth on him, but he managed to capture everything - much to his surprise.

Jack laughed at his comment, and looking at you, expecting you to have a comeback or yell at Jack for discussing your sex life so freely with others. But nothing came, your brows furrowed and eyes still shut, riding out your orgasm and the intense wave this one was.

“Looks like the dick finally shut her up.” Jack joked and fist bumped Urban before the two boys put their boxers back on and went to clean you up and take care of you.

Jack came over with a warm wet cloth, cleaning the cum off of you before kissing your forehead.

“Footage is gonna come out great baby, you were our own personal pornstar. So pretty…” he murmured.

You gave him a lazy smile, eyes still very much hooded in exhaustion. The boys smiled at you, taking in the angelic sight that was you. You hair fanned out, drunk smile on your face, the smell of cum still on your skin, relishing in the attention and praise you received from the two men before you. The three of you felt beyond satisfied, and excited to rewatch the events that just played out again once it was all edited.

—————————————————————————————

Tag list: @hoodharlow @moody4world @lenaskyler02 @lcandothisallday @harlowthot @triplexdoublex @thinkingaboutjharlow @bbyharlow @jackharlows-world

#anon #jack harlow #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x you #jack harlow smut #jack harlow blurb #urban wyatt #jack harlow x y/n #urban wyatt x y/n #urban wyatt smut #urban wyatt x you

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vanwritesfan-fiction · 10 months

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The Bull (18+) (Request)

You use your latest argument to release some built up tension, more than once.

Words: 1,652

“Can you just shut the fuck up?” Jack was white knuckling the steering wheel, doing at least 20 over the speed limit as he drove back to the house. “You embarrassed me at the restaurant! Why the hell did you yell at that guy?” He whipped his head to look at you, swerving as he righted the car back into the lane. “You mean the guy you were getting ready to fuck in the bathroom?!”. You scoffed, shifting in your seat. “Please, he was a waiter, and he was just being nice. None of this would have happened if you showed up for our date on time. You were two hours late! I looked like I got stood up, and he felt bad for me.”

“I told you-,” Jack was trying to hold back his anger bubbling to the surface, “- that we had an issue at the studio. Work is important, don’t you get that?” he replied through gritted teeth. You leaned back in your seat, turning to look at Jack, arms across your chest. You looked him up and down, “If you stand me up again, it will be the last time.” Jack rolled his shoulders back, trying to hide that your words affected him. You weren’t satisfied with his reaction, so you decided to hit back one more time. “Maybe I will call Sam up, see if he’s busy tonight.”

Jack slammed his foot on the break, stopping in the middle of the empty street in front of your neighborhood. The sudden stop forced you forward, your seatbelt restraining you. Jack kept his eyes on the road, but you could see the steam billowing from his ears. “What the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to kill us?” Without another word, he turned into the neighborhood, pulling the car into the garage, and allowing the door to lower down before addressing you again. You were tired, and done with this argument, so you gathered your things to head into the house. As you grabbed the handle you heard the click of the lock. “Where do you think you’re going? We’re not done here.” Jack’s voice was steady and intimidating, but you weren’t in the mood. “Let me out of the car, Jackman.” You peered at him with narrowed eyes, your demeanor shifting when you saw the pure lust in his sapphire gaze. He looked drained and buzzed, like he’d been drinking, but you knew for a fact he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in years.

He slipped his hand down your thigh, his fingertips grazing your lace panties. He leaned over the console, his lips touching your ear as he took in your scent. “You smell fuckin’ amazing.” Your breaths quickened as he cupped your mound, giving it a squeeze, your clit rubbing against the fabric of your underwear. You looked at Jack through your lashes, moving your hips to writhe against his hand. “I thought you were mad at me?” your voice was small, sounding pitiful, knowing it was going to set him off. “Take them off.” He was still short with you, but you obliged immediately. You slipped your fingers underneath the band and slid your panties off, throwing them into the backseat. You tried to pull Jack in for a kiss, but he pulled away. “I’m still angry with you. You deserve to be punished.” You smiled, knowing you were going to enjoy every moment of this reprimand.

Jack licked two fingers, his saliva glistening in the garage lighting. He slipped his hand down your front, sliding into your already wet pussy. Foregoing any foreplay, he hooked his fingers, thrusting in and out of you, your orgasm building in your stomach immediately. You gripped onto his arm to steady yourself, losing control of your extremities. “Be a good girl and come for me.” You let out a whimper, the only thing way you could respond as you began clenching around his fingers. “Use your words, baby.” Jack began to pull his fingers out of you, but you grabbed his hand and held it in place. “Don’t you dare”, you shot out in between heavy breaths. Jack quickened the pace of his fingers, leading you to your orgasm quickly, your release soaking the leather seat. Jack pulled out of you, cleaning up your mess off of his fingers. You looked at him, apologetic for making a mess in his otherwise pristine Jeep. ‘Don’t apologize for doing what you do best, baby.” He pulled you in for a quick kiss, the taste of you lingering on his lips. “Get out.”

You stumbled up the steps to your bedroom, your legs still shaking and weak from the car. You landed on the bed, watching Jack as he stripped off his clothes. He entered the bed from his side, laying on his back. You climbed on top of him, his erection brushing against your abdomen as you layed your weight on top of him. You crashed lips, your tongues exploring one another’s mouths as Jack slid the straps off of your dress exposing your breasts. He quickly flipped you over, so you were on your back, pulling the rest of your dress down your legs. With your naked body exposed, he took a minute to admire the sight in front of him. His eyes were hungry for you, and he was going to ravish you before the night’s end.

He slid down the bed, starting at your feet. He massaged your calves, placing gentle kisses the length of your legs, which madge you giggle. He held you at your ankles to keep you from squirming on the bed while he licked up your thighs, stopping short of your pussy. You groaned with disapproval when he moved past your throbbing core. “I’m saving the best for last.” Jack gave you a devious grin. Your hands found his messy curls as he alternated between sucking and blowing on your nipples, each one getting equal attention. You pulled his head up to meet you for a kiss, only separating when you could no longer breathe. “Let me make you feel good too, baby. I’ll do anything.” “Anything?”, his eyebrows lifted with his question. Jack grabbed under your arms, sitting you up so you were leaning against the headboard. You stuck out your tongue, confirmation you were ready to pleasure him.

Jack rubbed the head of his cock a few times before he shuffled up to you, his crotch at eye level. He presented his hard cock to you. “Spit on it.” You spit, your saliva dripping down the head, Jack moaning at your compliance. “You’re such a good girl.” Growing impatient, you grabbed the base of his member, sliding it down your tongue. You grabbed the back of his thighs as Jack thrusted into you, your eyes watering and drool pooling from the corners of your mouth. “Fuck, shit, baby. That’s it.” You backed away, gasping for air. “Are you done?” You shook your head fervently no, going right back to work. Jack’s thrusts got lazy as he was close to cumming, so you took over, stroking what you could not fit in your mouth. He came with a guttural moan, his release slipping down your throat. You gave him a smile as he laid on his back with a huff. “God, you’re so fucking good at that”, he chuckled.

You hovered over him, Jack’s eyes closed in pure bliss. You began stroking him again, Jack’s flaccid penis twitching at the sensation, building his errection again. He groaned in pain, “I don’t have anything left in me, literally.” You let out a curt laugh. “Let me take over, baby.” You licked him cock from the base to the tip, Jack growing hard at the sensation. You spread his legs and positioned yourself between them, turning around so he had a great view of your pert backside. He grabbed two big handfuls of your ass as you rubbed the head of his cock through your folds. “Careful, please, baby”, Jack begged, already too sensitive to any movement. You lowered down his length, both of you moaning out at the sensation of filling you up. “Fuck, baby, just like that.” You felt two smacks on your ass, his hands leaving a lingering stinging. You leaned your torso on his legs, grabbing his calves for support as you moved your hips in a circular motion. Jack had a perfect view of his dick sliding in and out of your dripping pussy, groaning at the sight. The position hit your cushiony ceiling just right, the shallow penetration taking you over the edge. You let moan after moan slip from your lips as you sped up. “Fuck, that’s it baby, I’m right there”, you called out to him. You clenched around him as you came for the second time tonight.

You slowed your hip movements as you came down from your orgasm, working yourself back up and laying down next to Jack. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you in to kiss you on the forehead. You both were exhausted for your activities, planning to fall asleep as you were. Your eyes were closing when Jack hummed to grab your attention. “What, baby?” you patted his chest to let him know to continue. “Don’t ever bring Sam up again.” You laughed, totally forgetting about that random guy from dinner. “I don’t even think that’s his name, I just made that up to piss you off.” Jack lifted his head, giving you a crazed look. “Are you fucking serious? Well, that restaurant owner is going to be confused when he gets a message tomorrow, telling him to fire that waiter Sam.” “Jack, tell me you didn’t.” Jack covered his eyes with his arm as he laughed. “I didn’t. But I would for you.” You pulled him into for a last kiss before you both said goodnight.

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jackman thomas harlow #jackharlow #jack harlow concepts #jackman harlow #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic

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megantheebaddest · 2 years

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fwb jack harlow with happy ending! xx

Falling asleep at night for Jack, was getting harder and harder to do. He always found himself not being able to get comfortable, and his mind would always be racing about everything and anything.

You and Jack are so close so on these kind of nights he typically texted you to come over. A few nights here and there turned into just about every other night. Whether it be with him on the tour bus, in a hotel room, literally where ever he was you were there, when he needed you. Any time that you’d be with him he’d be free of all of that. He always told you that you are his peace and comfort.

Tonight was a bad night for Jack so he decided to text you. He grabbed his phone and unlocked it, right as he did, a text from you vibrated his phone. Seeing your name light up across his phone made him smile ear to ear.

Y/n: I guess it’s my turn to not be able to sleep☹️ I need you…

Jack felt like his heart could explode. Jack was completely aware of his feelings he just never knew exactly how you felt.

Jack: Be there in 10…

Jack immediately jumped out of bed wearing only his grey sweats so he threw a pair of sneakers on and a hoodie and grabbed his phone and wallet and headed out.

Once he arrived at your house he used the code to get in and entered your house quietly in case you did happen to fall asleep. He peaked around in the living room and kitchen before heading to your bedroom. It was very dark and there was no sign of you so he went up the stairs to your bedroom. The door was cracked open so he peaked through the door before entering. He could have fell to his knees when he saw you.

You were laying up against your head board wearing one of his hoodies and some black panties. You had your hair in a big messy bun and you had your glasses on. You were scrolling through your phone. Jack felt like he could just watch you all night but he couldn’t take it he just needed to hold you.

He lightly pushed the door open and stepped in your room. Your head shot up and your face lit up. Jack was smiling so big at you.

“Hiiii” you said excitedly.

He walked over to his side of the bed and you got up on your knees to hug him.

“Mm.. hi” Jack said as he squeezed you in his arms. The moment he smelled your familiar scent he relaxed.

“Thanks for coming Jackman.. I missed you!” You said climbing back into your spot.

Jack giggled “You always say that”. He started emptying his pockets and taking his shoes off.

“Because it’s true! I always miss you J.” You said.

He smiled and yanked his hoodie off with one hand. “No need to miss me mamas.. I’m right here” He said as he slid in the bed next to you. He grabbed you and scooted you to be closer to him. You giggled and brought your hands up to his bare shoulders and wrapped your arms around his neck. You were rubbing him and tickling his back. He had his hands wrapped around your waist.

“You’re so pretty” Jack said looking in your eyes.

His hands started wandering down to the band of your panties. He started running his fingers over the soft fabric where your clit would be. A soft moan escaped your lips. He leaned in and connected his lips to yours. With one swift motion he rolled you to be on top of him. You started dry humping him. He was digging his fingers into the back of your thighs and making out with you.

You suddenly pulled away from the kiss.

“Jack..” you said quietly and out of breath. He was already looking at you.

“Hmm?” He hummed.

“I wanted to talk to you about something but i don’t know how too.. i mean- like.. i don’t know.” You say stumbling over your own words. Jack smiled at you and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. You were still on top of him. “Whatever it is you can say it, ma.” Jack said. As soon as that sentence left his lips you blurted out your feelings.

“I’m in love with you.” You said. You were looking him in the eyes. His eyes widened.

“Jack. I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t have said that. Just forget-”

“I’m in love with you too.” Jack cut you off.

You looked at him shocked. “I want you to be all mine. ” Jack said. He grabbed the back of your head and pulled you back to continue making out. You moaned and started humping again. You pulled back again quickly “I’m all yours Jackman.”

#jack harlow #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow blurb #send in concepts #send requests #anon request

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deliciouskeys · 1 year

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Since you brought up the question of Homelander's suit, I can't get out of my head something I noticed about it between seasons and I hope it's not just me who's noticed this as I find myself watching different scenes over and over just to confirm I'm not crazy, but I haven't seen anyone else discuss it.

I don't think the suit is consistent. Or maybe Starr isn't consistent? Or even a bit of both. I remember reading that he didn't particularly want to bulk up for the role repeatedly or pull a Hugh Jackman of sorts, and I get that. Logically, padding makes sense (and is frankly normally used regardless because the actors tend to lose a lot of weight during filming). I also remember that the suit he wore kept making him overheat, but that's kinda beside the point. Kinda, since that would make him lose weight and that much is relevant.

The suit seems less... I guess fitted? In the second season vs. the first, and even the third. So it does look like he probably lost weight. But its definitely still formed to his basic muscle structure (Thanks Banshee) as far as I can tell, probably custom even. Beyond that, and there's one scene I can really think of that shows this more definitively than others (the final fight in the last episode of the third season, the suit almost looks velvety in some scenes), but it almost seems like the texture changes in some of his fight scenes, and the suit itself looks a little leaner?/form fitted in those scenes. It definitely did seem to fit him best in the first season though.

For another reference, compare the suit at any point in the first season, and then look at it when he's about to push Ryan off the roof. It doesn't look like it fits him as well there as it did before.

Maybe they're just changing the material because of the overheating and they do a decent job of making that transition mostly?? seamless (since either no one else has noticed or said anything, hopefully I'm not crazy), or they use CGI to make things a little smoother so his suit doesn't look messed up in fight scenes, but I don't know. It could just be Starr's weight fluctuating (or a bit of both).

I will say there is one distinct place on the suit that I do not think is so much padded per say as... Definitely made to highlight the area to an obscene degree.

His... His crotch. Um... So there's this scene at a specific angle in Banshee that sorta y'know not precisely but kinda implies ehem and I'm just gonna stop there. Mostly. But also it definitely for sure reminds me of the episode from Almost Human where Urban says "Oh my g--... is that all for one person???".

...

Homelander's crotch.

...

Okay. I'm done. About that. Mostly.

But also, my answer to that question is scifi logics! I tend to like a different approach to super suits. Plain fabric and padding is just an impractical choice because it would absolutely explode every time the task at hand is remotely strenuous or requires superspeed or something. And really all you'd get is a naked Superman/Homelander more often than not.

The New-52 gave Kal-El a Kryptonian nanotech suit that was indestructible armor, and lots of people complained about this being pointless for him but I saw the perfect reasoning behind it. Bitch is gonna end up naked every goddamn time if he doesn't have something that can withstand him and what he does.

For Homelander, that idea gets more complex obviously because Vought would not have Kryptonian nanotech, but they might be able to lace steel or a very strong metal into a fabric in his suit, or make it from some kind of compound V jacked plant fiber material so it at least lasts longer than something normal. Or both.

...

Unless they just legit do not care how often his already obscenely highlighted crotch goes on display for people, outside of the suit. Who knows, maybe they want to give everyone but Love Sausage dick envy with Homelander.

But please tell me I am not the only one who noticed the suit/weight inconsistency?

As far as I know— which isn’t far— it’s the same suit since season 1, but they have altered it a bit every season.

Regarding the cooling, here’s the system they use (looks like some kinky shit lol) (presumably don’t need it when they’re shooting outdoors in Toronto in the winter months) (presumably it’s used between takes and waiting for scenes, not IN-scenes lol).

Regarding changing body, um yes, Antony Starr has lost a lot of weight. Can only speak to his legs, ass, and face though lol since we don’t see him shirtless until S3. But you can compare S3 to Banshee, or the movie he filmed right before filming S1. TL;DR: his weight changed a lot, most of the change is obscured by the suit.

Here are S1, S2, and S3 bare legs (first pic is S2 but filmed in S1). Granted from different angles, but I think this explains why the suit may not seem as fitted in S3.

As for crotch… not sure if you’re asking this but yes irl it’s padded lol. I guess we would have definitive proof if they showed us this picture from the back:

As for the suit’s indestrucibility, I would argue it doesn’t really make sense, but it could be a very heavy material that only looks like matte cloth but is some kind of metal. Don’t know how you’d have any flexibility in that and don’t sound like you’re walking around wearing armor with every footfall though. 🤷‍♀️

#not sure I answered all your questions #just answering to the best of my knowledge #thanks for the ask!#homelander’s suit #homelander #the boys #the boys tv #costume logistics #the boys bts

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jackets1213 · 1 month

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Hugh Jackman Brown Bomber Jacket

Product Specifications:

Inspired by: Hugh Jackman

External Material: Fabric

Inner: Viscose Lining

Front: Zipper Closure

Collar: Ribbed Collar

Color: Brown

Pockets: Two Outside and Two Inside

Sleeves: Full-length Sleeves with Ribbed Cuffs

SHOP NOW

#Hugh Jackman #Brown #Bomber Jacket

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go-amy-go · 5 months

Text

Dear Bride and Groom, I am Perfectly Capable of Dressing Myself for Your Wedding, so Calm TF Down

That’s right, my loves. I am a grown woman with a credible fashion sense. In fact, since you forgot when my birthday is and planned your wedding on that hallowed day, I will be exactly 52 the day you walk down the aisle. In those 52 years I have learned how to dress my particular body. I am unlikely to show up under or overdressed (as long as you finally get around to sharing the dress code with us). I will cover up any offensive tattoos and my hair will be a silver and blue cloud of loveliness. So you don’t need to worry about me, No, I mean it, stop worrying about me and sending me pictures of bridesmaids dresses that will make me look like a stumpy flower fairy. I mean, I’m not a bridesmaid. I’m not an anything, really. Stepparents get stuck out of the way somewhere, which is absolutely fine with me.

BUT! As a gesture of good will, I will show you some of the dresses I have considered and rejected. This will make you feel better and engender trust in my decision making process. I think.

Anyway, here we go:

You have to admit, people like this look. Something about the doubled-up granny hose and the sparkly crotch just does it for a lot of people. But I really wouldn’t want to upstage the wedding party, which I most certainly would if I attempted to stuff myself into this glamorous sausage casing.

This looks super comfortable and I think it comes in your theme colors but I am sensitive to the the objections of the older guests who might be troubled by this ensemble. Is your internet-ordained celebrant also an exorcist?

This festive fabric is popping with with colorful birds. You like birds, don’t you? Oh, sure, I get it. Psychedelics aren’t on the menu. Moving on.

Ok, I can see that this is inappropriate for a beach wedding. Still, I may pick up some horns to slip on when you aren’t paying attention. (Which should be always, seeing as it’s your wedding day and you have enough to worry about!)

Did you know that I once played a ringmaster in a school musical? My costume was nowhere near as exciting as this one, although I did have a large hat. So you can understand why I am drawn to it. Still, as far as I know we are not going to be having a Hug Jackman sing-along, so I’ll skip it.

If only you were getting married on a farm! This one is made out out honest-to-goodness flour sacks and cast-off overalls, but maybe it’s a bit immodest.

This, on the other hand, is Duggar-esque. Having lived through a half century of August birthdays I can tell you that this would render the wearer miserable in about 5 minutes. Waaay too much fabric.

This is the dress I most wish I could wear, although I promise I won’t. I just know how much I would enjoy drifting through the ballroom like the vengeful ghost of a Victorian governess. Alas.

As a final gift to you, let me suggest that if you are really adamant that I match the other two mothers you should consider this new take on twinsies, er, tripletsies. I call dibs on green!

And so, my beloved children, I hope I have shown you that I can be trusted to pick out my own appropriate wedding attire. Now you can stop thinking about it and turn your attention to the little shells you are going to scatter on the tables.

Much love,

Your wicked stepmother

#bridezilla #weddings #stepmother

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