#JOKES ON YOU! My hyperfixations have just gotten worse! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sungodlywriting · 3 years

Text

snow sight

1.5k words

SFW, minors can interact

philza fluff

self hate, reader feeling like/describing themselves as a burden, description of eye pain (in the form of snow blindness)

A voice called your name. You barely heard, continuing to build the wall along your automatic farm project. You’d been out in the tundra all day, waking up extra early with the new build lighting up your mind from the moment you opened your eyes.

Exhaustion weighed heavily on your muscles, the cold from the snow and the heat from your heavy winter clothes mixing in a horrific clash of senses. You’d had a headache for Gods knew how long, your vision had begun to blur as the sun’s glare off the snow reflected into your eyes.

A voice called your name, accompanied this time by a hand on your shoulder. You startled from the sudden contact, looking up into the eyes of your boyfriend. He was blurry at first, the stinging pain in your eyes coming into your consciousness full force as Phil pulled you from your hyperfixation.

“Hey babe..” You smiled, putting the spruce planks you’d been using back into your inventory. Your grip shook as you tried to unblur your sight, finally sliding the stack of planks into an empty spot. You saw Phil frown, knowing he was taking in your lack of goggles or your regular winter gloves.

“You didn’t come in for lunch, it’s almost sunset.” Phil gently fit your goggles over your head, placing the item over your eyes. Almost immediately, the stinging sensation from the snow’s reflection died down, becoming an annoying memory as Phil pulled you to stand.

Almost sunset? You had no idea you’d been out so long, your farm project stealing your sense of time right out from under your feet. You gave him a shrug and a lopsided smile.

“I didn’t have breakfast either, so..” Your joking tone died at the sight of his disapproving frown only getting worse, his gloved hand finding your freezing fingers and locking them with his own, turning back towards his cabin.

“Alright, that’s it, inside time,” You whined and made no move to pull your hand away from his, kicking through the snow like it had personally wronged you.

“Phiiiilll…. I was almost done!”

“Nope, inside time.” You knew he would probably just carry you if you resisted, and a bit of rest for your eyes did actually sound great.

Once inside the cabin he sat you down on his crafting table, rolling his eyes at the playful grin you gave him at his choice of resting spot.

You didn’t remove your goggles, enjoying the shaded view they cast over your vision. Phil returned a few moments later with a water flask, a swirling pink potion, and a plate of still warm food. Your stomach let out a fierce grumble, heat rising to your cheeks as Phil gave you another of his disapproving frowns. He was good at that, speaking entire conversations with a single expression.

He set the food and water aside, fitting himself between your legs and reaching to remove your goggles.

As he pulled the item off your face, you noted that your vision had cleared up a little already, and that most of the cabin’s windows had been shut, leaving the slivers of dying sun that slipped through the gaps in the shades and the warm glowing light of nearby lanterns.

Phil gently cupped your cheek, tilting your head side to side as he inspected your face.

“Snow blindness.” His tone dripped with worry and the ever present tinge of dismay he held when you weren’t taking care of yourself. You gave him a soft shrug, unable to tear your eyes away from the glittering lapis blue your boyfriend held in his gaze.

“I didn’t even think about bringing these..” You gently flicked your goggles from where they sat. “I was too excited.”

“I know.” His tone shifted into something softer, gentle and loving as he offered you the regen pot. You took it, shaking it gently in your hand and watching the contents swirl faster as you avoided the bitter taste you knew filled the bottle.

Phil watched with a playful smile, thumb rubbing over your cheek. “It’s not going to fix you up if all you do is stare at it.” You pouted at him, leaning into his gentle hold on your face.

“It tastes so bad, babe. Don’t make me..” You gave him your best puppy eyes, stopping after only a few moments at the still persistent sting. Annoyed at the pain, you took a deep breath and took a swig out of the bottle, your face twisting as the bitter liquid slid down your throat.

You made a noise of distaste, handing the bottle back to Phil with another pout. “There, tyrant, are you happy?”

Phil shook his head and set the bottle aside, chuckling softly at your antics as he offered you the water flask.

“I’m going to put the rest of this away,” He picked up the half empty potion bottle. “And that is half full. I want it empty by the time I get back.” He stepped away, walking through the door onto the shared bridge of you and Techno’s homes.

You stared balefully at the water flask, feeling your mood sink. You weren’t upset with Phil, not by any stretch of the imagination, more so that you’d gotten to the point where you were making him care for you, burdening him with your lack of self care.

You unscrewed the lid of Phil’s flask, taking a drink of water tainted bittersweet by your emotions.

By the time Phil returned you’d drained the water, flask set to the side while you pitifully picked at the plate of food he had given you several minutes ago. Your emotions had only continued to spiral in his absence, a dark pit filling up your stomach

“What’s wrong?” He was always so attuned to how you felt.

“Nothing..” You stuffed your mouth with a large bite, head drooped as if you could avoid the way Phil turned to face you. He spoke your name quietly, resting his hands on your thighs when he was close enough to touch you.

“I’m sorry.. I feel like such a burden on you.” You spoke truthfully, feeling a tingling in your eyes that had nothing to do with the regen potion’s effects. “You’re here, taking care of me because I was too useless to do it myself, and I pushed away my health and got too excited about my project and I-” You felt guilt and self hate overwhelm you, tears starting to drip from your eyes as you dropped your chin against your chest, not wanting Phil to see you cry.

“I don’t even know why I feel like this all of a sudden. It’s so stupid.” You felt ridiculous, whimpering like a little kid over your ridiculous emotions.

“Oh, songbird..” Phil cupped your face in his hands, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. With gentle thumbs he wiped your tears away, unbothered by the fresh flood that came dripping onto his hands. “You’re not a burden, sweet thing. I’m taking care of you because I want to. I like looking after you, it makes me feel good to know I can help you. Knowing you trust me enough to let your guard down and let me take care of you is one of the best feelings in the world, love.” You sniffled and closed your eyes, your head leaning into one of his palms. “And you might feel like this because you’ve been pushing yourself to the bone all day, with no food or water, and probably not a lot of sleep last night.” He was right, as always. You’d spent most of the night thinking about fun ways to upgrade the efficiency of your farm, and once you’d finally gone to sleep you’d woken up early anyway to get to work. You nodded against his touch, pressing a teary kiss against his wrist and muttering a quiet apology. You felt silly now, having let your emotions get the better of you and make you make a fool of yourself in front of your boyfriend.

Phil gently shushed your apology and put your picked-at plate aside, effortlessly lifting you up into his arms. You tucked yourself closer against his chest and felt plenty of the stress you were weighing on yourself disappear as Phil walked the two of you towards the bedroom. He set you on the bed, disappearing for only a few seconds to grab your plate and set it on the nightstand. You kicked off your shoes as Phil stoked the fire in your bedroom, tossing your pajamas on the bed next to you.

Less than five minutes later you were both tucked into bed, Phil’s arm wrapped snugly around your shoulders as you finished up the food he’d made for you.

When your plate was clean Phil kissed your forehead, keeping you close as you both laid down and extinguished the lanterns. The crackling fire across the room was still giving some light, the heat it was providing kept the two of you comfortable as you dozed off in each other’s embrace. After the day you had, you could really use some rest.

#PHLZ #my fics

29 notes · View notes

strangestcase · 2 years

Note

🏳‍🌈 🎥 for the hyperfixations ask game :)

I have already answered the scenes one so!!!

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

Hjdjdjdjdd OH BOYYY

headcanons come and go and change but recently I’ve gotten a new one and um. I think you all know which one it is. Transmasc Jekyll. (Bangs fists on table)

listen, book!Jekyll is. Like THE ultimate kin for me. I project so much into him and I identify with him like A LOT. because he’s a little bitch bastard but he makes my heart go 💚💚💚 Do You Understand. It’s such a queer story and it’s a bit sad I barely see “serious” analysis that go any further than “Oh, Jekyll is gay”. What if he was also trans… and I also love to make dorks angry all like hey what if he Has Gender Identity and Uses Pronouns… hahaha.

Anyway so I love to project my identity into him and…….. yes, pre-op transmasc he/they pronouns user Jekyll Is A Good Headcanon. To think that someone like me can like… live long and have a good job and do whAt he wants even if what he wants is to perform horrible experiments and kill people is 💚 he says textually he feels guilty for doing things he KNOWS aren’t all that bad but he’s been taught to see them as bad anyway and that hits very hard… the struggle for identity, trying to be a person you aren’t, wanting to change your body, seeking refuge in a persona, etc etc just so Transgender.

But I’ve decided he’s transmasc specifically like. I want jekyll to be a trans man because I am transmasc and I think he’d be too… and use he/they/it pronouns like me. He’s like me (: just a guy that just so happens to have tits and stuff, a normal guy. trying to internalize the idea that no he’s not a Wrong Man, and. YOU KNOW HOW A LOT OF SCHOLARS BELIEVE JEKYLL IS GAY AND HYDE IS A METAPHOR FOR. BEING GAY AND IN THE CLOSET. so the he/they trans man thing (: the trans man thing adds flavor to it like it just getting worse because he’s into men and he doesn’t know what to make of it… all that work to become a man and theyre the wrong kind of man? what does that mean? and so he uses the Hyde persona to try and find a way to be comfortable with that, to turn off that little voice in their head that makes him feel inadequate.

the he/they thing I started as a joke btw but scoobs I don’t think I’m joking anymore 💔 Jekyll uses he/they and goes by he/they/it as Hyde and if he lived today they’d have a science themed hand painted binder (: I just want him to be like me but it just so happens it fits so well.

#doc talks #jekyll and hyde #dr jekyll and mr hyde #long post

7 notes · View notes

dweetwise · 4 years

Text

day 21: i don’t feel so well

prompt from: whumptober pairing: felix x ace notes: the hanahaki au nobody asked for. i’m still a little confused about the trope but i tried <3 warnings: descriptions of illness, injury and blood, temporary character death word count: 3130

“That was awesome! She didn't stand a chance!” Steve cheers.

“That's what she gets for camping. What a bitch!” Nea laughs

Ace grins despite the pain, steadying himself against Jeff's sturdy form while the four of them are making their way back to the campfire after a successful trial.

His head is swimming and there's blood staining his teeth, his back stinging from numerous bloody gashes from the killer's katana. But he's alive, even if he had to crawl out through the exit, his teammates not letting the Spirit secure the kill on him.

When they get back to camp, Steve and Nea are off to spin the tale of their rescue to the others, and Ace can't help but smile when they generously color the experience; just like he would.

Jeff supports him to sit down against one of the logs, offering a somewhat awkward "There you go, buddy" in encouragement.

Ace sees Quentin hand Claudette one of his med-kits and then the group's resident healer approaches him with determined steps.

“Hey, sweetheart—” Ace starts with a grin.

“Stalling isn't going to work,” Claudette shoots him down quickly, seeing right through his act. So Ace sighs dramatically and shrugs off his jacket, and the girl immediately hikes up his shirt to start cleaning the wounds on his back.

Ace hisses from the sting of some kind of alcohol, turning his attention back to the others to try to distract himself from the pain.

Most of the others are listening to to Steve's and Nea's story while the rest are scattered around camp, doing their own things. Kate is tuning her guitar, Jake is stocking one of his toolboxes, and Cheryl seems to be practicing the card trick Ace taught her a couple of days ago.

And then there's Felix.

Finally giving himself permission to look at the handsome German, Ace's heart immediately starts beating faster. He's not even doing anything, just sitting by the fire engrossed in a conversation with Zarina, but Ace is so infatuated even just Felix breathing is almost enough to make him blush.

He thought he was too old for schoolboy crushes like these, but then again how could he not fancy Felix? The guy has some absolutely god-tier genes, a chiseled face and ice blue eyes and a body to die for. He’s also smart, and sophisticated, and filthy rich.

And god knows none of those qualities had ever been Ace's strong suit.

At first Ace had thought his hyperfixation on the man was jealousy, but then his body showed him that was definitely not the case; he didn't want to be Felix, he wanted to be in Felix. The realization didn't phase him as much as it maybe should have, because even the straight-as-a-board Ash had commented on Felix's good looks. And Ace sure as hell wasn't even straight to begin with.

No, his panic had come from when he'd caught himself looking at couples like Jeff and Adam being mushy together and imagined himself and Felix in their place.

Ace had a healthy amount of confidence, though the others might not describe it that kindly, but he wasn't blind. Felix was younger than him, maybe not by an impossible amount but still enough to be noticeable. He was also model-tier gorgeous with a body to match, and while Ace wasn't bad-looking he also had a crooked nose and a build solely used for drinking and gambling.

All in all, he recognized when someone was out of his league, and even though he couldn't resist a cheeky flirt ever now and then, he knew his feelings would never be returned.

But he still allowed himself to look; sue him.

He's in the middle of an indulgent daydream about laying his head on Felix's lap like Kate is doing to Yui on the other side of camp, all the while effortlessly keeping up small talk with Claudette tending to his wounds.

And then he starts coughing.

It's not a normal dry cough, it wracks his entire body and keeps going, and he curls in on himself because damn it’s making his throat hurts and his lungs ache something fierce.

“Ace, what's wrong?” Claudette's worried voice cuts through the attack. He tries to reply but it just makes him cough more, and it's not stopping—

Something slimy lands in the palm he's using to cover his mouth and then he can breathe again, taking sharp gasps of air while his throat tingles from the abuse.

He looks at whatever piece of his organs he managed to cough up, the Spirit's blade probably having rearranged some of his guts. He opens his hand and sees—

A flower?

It's absolute covered in blood, but there's no mistaking it, a single flower sitting in the palm of his hand with some loose petals surrounding it.

Why did he cough up a flower? Where did he even get it? It looks like some sort of cherry blossom, a far cry from the Entity's pustulas or the forest bouquets they pick and use for offerings.

“Are you okay?" Claudette asks, moving to kneel beside him in worry. When she sees the flower, she gasps in surprise.

“What happened?” Meg is quick to join her friend, coming up behind Ace to peer over his shoulder. “Uh… did that flower come out of you?”

“I… guess so?” Ace says, his voice raspy and throat protesting being used.

“So you just, like… ate it? Before?” Steve cocks his head in confusion.

“Come on now, I'm not that stupid,” Ace snorts, some of his worry giving way to amusement over the incredulous situation.

“Then what the hell was that?” Meg asks, scrunching her face up in thought while poking at the gross flower.

“I’m pretty sure I know what’s wrong,” Adam raises his voice from across camp, straightening his back when all eyes turn to him. “It’s an illness, I recognize the symptoms."

“Can't say I've ever heard of a disease that makes you barf petals,” Ash offers, clearly skeptical, and Ace shares the sentiment.

“Shh, hear him out!” Laurie scolds.

"It's a Japanese folk story,” Adam explains. “Flowers start growing in a person's lungs, causing coughing and bleeding and..." he hesitates.

“Well?” Meg demands.

"And ultimately resulting in death, unless the condition is cured," Adam says grimly.

“Are you talking about hanahaki?” Yui pipes up before anyone can question the weird statement. “You know that's just a shojo manga trope, right?”

“It's also mentioned in historical literature,” Adam argues, though from the way he refuses to meet Yui's gaze, he seems to be embarrassed over the subject.

“Dude, nobody cares if you read girl comics, just tell us what the cure is,” Feng snorts, and that's probably the most concern Ace has ever seen her display over his well-being.

“It's—” Adam starts, before faltering, awkwardly scratching at his neck while looking at the ground. “Supposedly caused by unrequited love.”

There's dead silence in the camp.

And then Nea bursts out laughing.

“Jesus, what a story!” the tagger snickers. “Can you imagine Ace as a fairytale princess?”

“Honey, I think you might have gotten some myths mixed up,” Jeff says diplomatically, patting Adam's knee affectionately.

“Yeah, you probably just inhaled a flower in your sleep or something,” Steve encourages Ace.

“I'm pretty sure this is just a practical joke from our dear spidery overlord,” Ace chuckles and pointedly doesn't look Felix's way. Come next trial, his injuries will have healed anyway, including the weird burn in his lungs.

But they don’t.

Trial after trial, the Entity resurrects him and heals all of his wounds but the coughing persists, more and more flowers following.

Even the others are getting worried.

“That's it, bud,” Ash offers, patting his back while Ace is wheezing for breath after coughing up some more petals. “It's just a weird flu, you'll be good as new soon.”

“At least the flowers go with my shirt,” Ace jokes, voice reduced to a rasp, clearing his throat. “Pink was always my color.”

He's trying to keep his and the others' spirits high, since there doesn't seem to be anything they can do to fix the situation.

“We need to do something,” Ace hears Laurie hiss to Dwight, apparently disagreeing with his sentiment.

“B-but how can we even help him?” their leader, bless his heart, looks genuinely upset over Ace's condition.

“Maybe we should try Adam's suggestion," Laurie says.

“Yeah, except you know he wouldn’t tell us even if he did like someone,” Yui huffs from beside them. “Good luck getting an answer out of a compulsive liar.”

Ouch, but also fair. Ace sure as hell isn't going to reveal his dumb little crush, especially since Felix has avoided him since this entire goddamn flower thing started. He knows there's only a slim chance that Felix realizes what's really going on, but it still feels like rejection nonetheless.

He can deal with this. Even if it kills him, the Entity will just bring him back anyway. It's not even that bad.

But then it gets so much worse.

After a week, Ace is laying on his side while black spots dance around in his vision and he struggles to draw enough wheezy breaths into his lungs. His chest hurts, and his throat is so sore even just the air passing through burns like fire. He hasn't been able to speak in days, and that's almost worse than the pain, not being able to use his only coping mechanism of running his mouth until something sticks to lighten the mood.

His head is cushioned on Kate's thigh and he gets a tiny bit of satisfaction from the knowledge that at least he managed to lay in one pretty blonde's lap before dying, even if it’s the wrong one. The touch is comforting nonetheless, though the fact that it’s accompanied by Kate's girlfriend practically screaming in his ear kind of puts a damper on the whole thing.

“I swear to god, I will make every single person in this camp kiss you, do not test me,” Yui threatens, one of the few who haven't given up on curing him. “Is it Jane? Bill?”

If Ace had the energy, he'd probably laugh about her choices, curious as to why those two were the ones she picked. As it stands, he merely stares at her, wondering if his eyes look as dull and lifeless as he feels.

“He's going to die,” Jake says from somewhere to his side, but Ace doesn't even bother turning his head or denying the statement. Hurried voices shush the saboteur while Kate starts humming a melody to distract him, Yui glaring absolute daggers in Jake’s general direction.

His next trial, Jake's prediction comes true.

Ace collapses to the ground in the midst of a coughing fit. The flowers are growing even bigger now, he can feel them tearing at his throat and vocal cords, retching when they trigger his gag reflex on their way out. His vision blurs and then goes black, body finally giving up as the illness consumes him.

He's not even injured from the killer, but the pool of blood he falls into is big enough to cover the entire side of his face. He lays there, not sure if he's even breathing, just thankful that the awful coughing has stopped for at least a moment.

When he comes to, he expects the small comfort of the campfire before he has to go through the same thing again. Instead, he doesn't have enough energy to even open his eyes, slowly realizing he's still in the trial.

It takes him even longer to realize he's being held partly off of the ground, his body hanging limply in someone’s grasp. He idly wonders if a killer is going to mercy hook him, but then he hears something.

Crying.

Focusing on the sound, Ace realizes he's not just being lifted, he's being held in someone's arms. Someone is holding his near-dead body and crying.

With both his mind and body broken from suffering for so long, he allows himself to imagine it's Felix, even though he knows it's not true. Felix has shown he doesn't care, not talking to him and being so grossed out by his symptoms he’s barely even looked at him—

“Das tut mir leid,” is whispered against his hair, and Ace wonders if he's hallucinating or if his brain has given up on speech comprehension, because that sounded an awful lot like German.

Suddenly, he gains some of his strength back, his chest not feeling nearly as tight as it has for the past few days.

“Felix?” Ace asks, and even though it comes out as a raspy whisper, it's impossible to miss in the stillness of the quiet moment. The surprised hitch of breath he gets in response sounds impossibly loud, and he manages to blink awake just enough to see the tear-streaked, wide-eyed face of the person he never thought he could have.

And that's when the Entity decides he's bled on the ground long enough and he blacks out from blood loss.

When Ace comes to, he's no longer in pain. He can breathe. And he wants nothing more than to get back to camp and be reassured that he wasn't imagining Felix being there for him in his final moments.

He runs to the campfire, panting from exertion once he's illuminated by the familiar glow and shocked faces turn to look at him.

“What the—did you run here!?” Meg exclaims incredulously.

“Yeah,” Ace says, eyes scanning the small crowd of familiar faces, so focused on finding a particular one he doesn't even realize the implications of managing to speak without issue.

“Your voice!” Kate exclaims happily, and Ace pauses to collect some of his thoughts.

“Shit, you're right,” he says, a smile tugging on his lips for the first time in what feels like weeks.

“Welcome back, you bastard!” Nea cheers and flings herself at him in a sideways hug, and Ace stumbles to catch himself from falling, chuckling at her antics.

Claudette is sobbing, looking impossibly relieved, and the others are cheering among themselves, though Ace can't make out the contents because he sees a familiar figure making its way to camp and his entire world zones in on that person.

Felix looks up at the sound of the commotion, and Ace's heart breaks a little over how puffy his eyes still look, but then their eyes meet and Felix looks so hopeful—

“Hey,” Ace says, and it probably gets drowned out by the others, but Felix's eyes widen in recognition and he starts walking faster.

“Are you…?” Felix asks, close enough for Ace to hear him over the others shouting.

“He's fixed!” Nea answers for him, finally letting go of the almost painful hug in favor of smacking Ace on the back encouragingly.

Felix glances at Nea but quickly looks back at Ace, waiting for confirmation.

“Yeah, I… guess I'm cured,” Ace says, and it almost feels weird to hear his own voice again. “Or... You know, I hope so.”

Because he's still not sure about Felix's feelings, and he has no idea where they're going to go from here.

But he doesn't need to worry, because Felix's face lights up in a way he's never seen before, letting out a disbelieving, genuine laugh. And then he's stepping forward and cupping his cheek and Ace only has time to blink in confusion before his head is tilted up into a kiss.

“Woah,” Ace hears Nea exclaim, her hand leaving his back like burned. “This, uh… this is new.”

Ace smiles into the kiss and tunes out the rest of her and the others’ surprised babbling, grabbing Felix by the collar of his dress shirt and pulling him deeper into the kiss.

When neither of them are making a move to pull away, their friends seem to be getting fidgety from the show.

“Why don’t we go for a stroll in the woods?” Kate suggests, and the chorus of “Sure!” “Great idea!” and “Oh fuck yes get me out of here” that follow are enough for a laugh to bubble up in Ace’s throat and get swallowed by Felix’s mouth.

When the last pair of footsteps have hurried away, Felix deems it appropriate to finally break away from the kiss. Though he doesn’t go far, burying his head into the crook of Ace’s neck and shoulder and wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Welcome back,” Felix murmurs against his skin, and the warm affection spreading through Ace’s chest is a welcome change from the constant pain he’s been in for way too long.

“Didn’t expect such a thorough welcome,” Ace can’t resist flirting, hands sneaking up to rest on Felix’s incredibly firm back. The chuckle he gets in return reverberates through both of their bodies due to how close they are, and Ace wonders if Felix can hear his heart frantically beating in excitement.

“I’m… shit,” Felix eventually sighs, lifting his head to meet Ace’s eyes. “I don’t know how to make up for being an idiot. I just watched you suffer and didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” Ace says, but now he’s curious. “Why did you avoid me?”

“Because I was afraid that I'd get the illness too,” Felix says, looking at the ground in shame. “I thought any one of us could get it, and because of how I feel about you… I was scared I was next.”

The confirmation that Felix had feelings for him even before this whole clusterfuck started is enough to make more butterflies dance in Ace’s gut, a flush creeping up his neck over how the other is openly spilling his heart.

“If I’d have known I was the one causing it, I would have done something sooner. I’m so sorry," Felix murmurs, looking at him with sad puppy eyes.

“Hey, it's not like I was being very cooperative,” Ace points out, giving his most encouraging smile. “It's not your fault, it's the dumb flower sickness.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through that, regardless,” Felix frowns. “But… I'm glad it lead us here,” he adds with a bashful smile that makes Ace’s heart do a couple leaps.

“Figures the best and worst things of my life would happen simultaneously,” Ace flirts, and apparently Felix enjoys being called the best thing in his life, because his sappy smile widens even further.

Ace can’t resist diving in for another taste, capturing smiling lips in a kiss that lasts even longer than the first one and makes their friends groan and complain about “Geez, you’re still going?” when they rejoin them at the campfire.

#whumptober2020 #no.21 #i don't feel so well #dead by daylight #fic #blood tw #death tw #riconti #ace visconti #felix richter #dweetwrites #dbd #dbd fanfic #prompt #felix x ace #illness cw #vomiting tw

16 notes · View notes

glowyjellyfish · 4 years

Text

For some reason, despite not having watched the show in roughly seven years according to when I last wrote thoughts about it, I decided last week to start listening to a podcast about Buffy the Vampire Slayer because October. The podcast turned out to be amazing, and despite being thoroughly disillusioned with Joss and worried that would change how I see the show too much, I started watching along with the podcast. Well, really I’m playing catch-up. I just started the Reptile Boy podcast episode, and I just finished The Pack in actually watching. My perception has changed, but mostly in a more mature/woke direction, I’m seeing more problematic stuff and wanting to deconstruct it, but it’s not hampering my love of the characters. I am trying to use death of the author to try to deconstruct and watsonianly explain things, but sometimes it’s better to just go “the writers fucked up” or “yup, that’s a weird and creepy Joss fetish” and let the characters off the hook and be a Doylist.

Here are the thoughts I’ve had so far, which as you can see cheerfully spanned the entire range of the show, because season one doesn’t give me personally a lot to work with.

-Xander is borderline Nice Guy in season one, and I don’t like it. I am enjoying deconstructing him and figuring him out more than I ever did before, though, despite an uneasy feeling that doylistically it started from Joss’ idea of how a average dorky teenage boy would act when surrounded by awesome girls and then reasons for it were added later. It’s really genuinely interesting that Xander’s the heart of the team and has all the feelings about everybody and wears his heart on his sleeve, crushing a lot because of that leaving him vulnerable in addition to hormones, and that growing up in an abusive and neglectful household led to insecurity and overcompensation and poor coping skills. And it’s a really fascinating idea that he despises vampires because he lost one of his best friends to them, and can’t handle the idea of any being capable of redemption or good behavior because he semi-accidentally staked Jesse while trying that concept out and if they can be redeemable then he can’t forgive himself, but of course the show didn’t want to talk about Jesse and preferred to heavily imply if not outright say that Xander’s feelings about vampires were mostly about jealousy over Buffy, which is the most Nice Guy angle they could have possibly chosen. (I... can’t say I totally mind, as Jesse’s behavior was objectively worse than s1 Xander, but still I think it would have been better to not ignore his impact on Xander.) I’m glad Xander more or less gets over his crush after season one and doesn’t wade any further into Nice Guy territory, if I recall correctly, and I’m not claiming it’s unreasonable for him to have had it in the first place, it’s just so much of his behavior regarding it is so uncomfortable, and it could have been handled loads better.

-weirdly, The Pack is the first episode of season one that I found I still thoroughly liked. I did enjoy the show deconstructing/dealing with some of the Xander problems by cranking them up to eleven, and part of it is that I am a sucker for werewolf and werewolf-like stories, and also a sucker for supernatural things happening to the Normal Harmless People in media, but I honestly think a big part of it is how little the episode uses terrible s1 special effects to play the story out. It’s all in the acting, and there was some really convincing and good acting going on.

-I discovered that the last time I watched seven years ago, I concluded that despite his general attitude, Angel genuinely likes being around fun and lighthearted people. I want to bask in that concept for a moment before I turn it around to an earlier point, and say that if Xander wasn’t constantly openly hostile to Angel, they could very well be bros, and I am bummed the show never tried. I mean, jealousy or not, Xander’s vampire issues should still be a problem. But I like the idea of Angel just silently enjoying Xander’s dumb jokes and his naivety, and logically Angel would also super appreciate Xander being adamant about killing him when he’s gone evil. In fact, even if they never became bro’s in canon, I’m going to declare it headcanon that Angel quite liked Xander as a person, and just did not take kindly to constant jabs at his nature. Although, honestly, Angel probably would be a little jealous of Xander regardless for being the most emphatically human person around, (especially considering what a disaster Angel was when he was Liam? He wouldn’t see Xander and think “what a foolish child”, he’d think “is this what I could have been if I was alive now? if I had a couple good people in my life to protect me and help me grow into a better person?”), and wouldn’t really enjoy Xander constantly reminding him that Xander is human and Angel is not. So here’s the revised headcanon: Angel likes Xander as a person, and would quietly consider him a friend if Xander wasn’t openly hostile to him. Angel does not super enjoy spending time with Xander since it means constant needling and reminders that Xander has what Angel never got, but he does appreciate that Xander never lets his guard down and by extension reminds Angel not to let his guard down, either. I will have to see if that holds up as I rewatch; I am still mired in season 1 and I haven’t gotten up to them even sharing a scene yet.

-I have been thinking a little about the escalation of Willow’s heartbrokenness over the course of the series, and… I know there’s a good topic there but it just makes me sad to think about.

-on willow: I think she’s bi and the show/joss is just bi-phobic. Watsonianly, she just never had a full education in the nuances of sexual orientation, and emphasized her gayness to reassure Tara and to embrace a label to define herself. However, while I think she’s bi, I would describe her as having more attraction to women than men, and might even argue that all her attraction to men is demisexual—Xander’s obvious, and Oz did all the pursuing and showed all the interest early on. I think Willow was excited to be desired and to achieve the milestone of not only “boyfriend” but “cool boyfriend in a band” that helped distance herself from nerdiness, and it took a little while for that to build up to attraction and love. Not super long, but long enough for her to doubt her attraction when thinking about it in hindsight.

-speaking of Oz I have so many Oz thoughts. Oz, I love you, but where did you get the idea that you need to solve all your problems yourself and not talk to anybody about it? Stoicism is cool and all but use your words, Oz. You would solve so many of your problems if you learned how to communicate! WHO TAUGHT YOU TO BEHAVE THIS WAY. I haven’t gotten up to him yet but my fandom brain’s already there, he’s my favorite and I can’t wait to try applying this perception to him in action.

-I would love to peek into the alternate universe where Oz didn’t leave. Hell, I want to know what would have happened both if everything else was basically the same but Oz was still around as a main character (say, he wanted some distance to work on control but didn’t leave town; Willow was very upset about it but perhaps not to the same degree, and still met Tara while looking for a way to train/practice magic and developed feelings for her; New Moon Rising happened similarly but Oz doesn’t leave town at the end; alternately he did leave but just for the first stretch of episodes and he stays after NMR), and also in the different scenario where because Oz isn’t leaving, Xander is picked to be The Gay One. I mean, he’d have to be bi, too, and my mind honestly boggles at the hurdles the show might have had to leap to make it plausible, but I would like to see it. What kind of boyfriend would the show have given Xander, and why am I thinking of Schitt’s Creek when I wonder what a gay romance for Xander would look like?

...but I’m reeeeally getting ahead of myself now. I did not expect to have so many of my thoughts be about a. the dudes and b. Xander, but what can you do? Soon I’ll have material to talk about, for example, how amazing Cordelia is, but for now...

(and yes, I have been pinging from one fandom to the next in order to find The Right One, and doing one or two thought-dumps before I find myself moving on to a different one without finishing the first. I do not control the hyperfixation. I might go back and forth when the newest one loses its shine, but I am really enjoying the concept of revisiting Buffy for October, and might proceed to do the same with Teen Wolf when I’m done if only for a fascinated comparison between the two and what inspired what and what was improved upon or done worse. Might. Hyperfixation, remember.)

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs

6 notes · View notes

kachinnate · 4 years

Text

we’ve finally come time for the one (1) annual Kayla’s Having a Bad Time post

i don’t know anymore what exactly is wrong with me but wow!! is it bad!!! and wow do i hate it !!!!! i have not gone a day w/o crying in like a week and a half and i’m so tired, i’m literally so tired of hating myself just for existing and i’m tired of all the little things that should not upset me upsetting me only because they’re in masse, only because all together it’s so much and i only have two fucking hands

and like in the back of my mind even fucking still i’m like “.... okay but placebo effect. okay but you aren’t really sad tho. okay but you literally just don’t want to get better you are doing this for attention you are doing this bc being content would be easy and you just want to stir the pot clearly, just stop” to the point where i’m like I Guess I Have To Prove to even myself that i am fucking justified in feeling the way that i do before my brain gaslights itself into thinking that there was never anything wrong with me to begin with and that i’ve fucking put myself in this hole myself for no reason other than ... i don’t even know! i don’t know

makes a list in my notes :) to remember all the heinous bullshit going on :) and maybe for catharsis reasons i don’t fucking care anymore

- it’s the anniversary of the thing. you know. ;) the kind of traumatic experience of having the people i called best friends fucking uhhh pick on me every day for the entirety of like eight months - on my eating habits on my behavior on my anxiety on the things they knew i fucking hated about myself - only for them to just. drop me all of a sudden, on THEIR own terms, as if I was the one who fucking did anything to THEM, thus rendering me from never getting my own fucking closure from the situation ! i have both of them still added as friends on snapchat and i follow them on instagram because for some reason i know that if i just blocked them it would cause problems (what problems?? what arbitrary fucking problems???) seeing their faces makes me feel literal actual dread, i can’t go to one of the restaurants in my town alone because they work there and i hate it ! i hated every second of april 2019 - september 2019 where i felt fucking psychotic for being upset over this situation, where i couldn’t convince myself that i wasn’t insane for being strung up and i couldn’t even call it trauma until like march when someone coined it that for me themselves lol ,,,, i hate myself for still giving them my thoughts, i hate myself for wondering that in a different universe where i wasn’t as fucking stupid or ditzy if they’d still talk to me. i hate myself for wondering if ***** looks at the message i left on her poster last april where i told her how much i admired her and loved her and thinks about me, because that was probably the last time i ever said anything real to her, which... haha. what a JOKE right?

- my rsd has somehow fucking spiked and gotten so much worse in like.. the last eight days. literally when i first posted ‘sweet hibiscus tea’ i went and checked it a few days after and it had like. two dislikes? and i like. cried? :) which is so dramatic and i hate it djksgndsg i can’t go a day reading messages or texts from anyone who talks to me without finding one that’s not inherently positive and picking it apart until i’ve hurt myself over something that wasn’t even related, im too sensitive about EVERYTHING but i don’t know how to address it or deal with it so i just don’t which i think is... why it’s getting worse oop. it gets triggered by literally fucking everything i hate it here

- one of the only things bringing me any sort of serotonin rn is making content. hense the hyperfixating on my r and on this oneshot and on the writing meme things, like. it makes me feel productive, but hyperfixating for me oftentimes leads to a bad headspace which makes me fucking disoriented when i come out of it, and like. ofc there’s the typical things w it too like me forgetting to do other shit like eat or whatever but it’s literally been the only way i can cope with myself. making things. getting validation for things. if i can entertain someone for like, ten minutes, maybe anything i do matters. maybe. fuck.

- i can’t not self isolate myself when things are bad, i just. can’t sdjgnsd like i hate talking about myself i hate talking about the way i feel because nothing makes sense?? i encourage people to talk to me when they feel bad but i can’t ever do the same for myself because i’m a hypocrite! and like the feelings of worthlessness overpower everything i do! convince me people don’t care and shit when i know that’s not the case, but if i acknowledge that then i have to think about how i’m being selfish by fucking moping but not talking to anyone, and i just! i cannot win !!! ever!

- ^^^^ on that note, literally the few times i’ve felt okay recently i’ve had that ripped right from me by little things people close to me have done, like !! can you not vague me?? regardless of if you see that i’m doing bad mentally or not ???? i’m begging you , i’m so sorry that i’m not acting normal but can you for one second maybe consider that i’m a person ? i may be SAD but i’m not fucking STUPID so if i bother you just tell me ??? it’s the least you can do ??????

- scared i can’t love. scared i’m not morally a good person. scared that i’m selfish but don’t realize it. i wasn’t meant to have a confidant i don’t think and who am i to ever try and subject anyone to my fucked up head

- i’m constantly fucking terrified on my dad’s behalf because this dude is 41 years old yet i’m the fucking adult out of the two of us most of the time? he comes home drunk so often and i’ve thought that he’s had alcohol poisoning more than once and i hate being fucking scared of having to like. contact fafsa or my college like “hey can u adjust my financial aid, because i’m kind of an orphan now? :’)” we don’t have any other family, i can’t ask anyone to help me it’s literally me and him against the world and he’s put me on this pedestal of being an amazing daughter so i feel guilty at the thought of anything happening to him as if i’m his fucking guardian. he drinks so much and he’s so infidelious and ridiculous so what’s going to happen when i leave ?

it’s just. so much. but i don’t want to be a beacon of negative shit because even after all of this i’m self conscious of making other people sad so i pretend that everything’s fine on my sc and in person , which i know gives off the vibe of “but she’s not even acting sad? :///” when i offhandedly mention anywhere that i’ve been depressed and i just. i’m sorry that i don’t post about how when i’m not staring at my huion screen i’m fucking staring at the wall wondering if anyone would fucking notice other than my dad and my coworkers if i just disappeared without a word

it feels selfish to complain about my life feeling bad with all the shit going on, too, on top of that. so it’s better if i just don’t say anything at all, there’s other shit to deal with other than my life falling apart because really this just happens every year around this time doesn’t it. i’ll get over it. i’m being dramatic and stupid and in like two months none of this will even fucking matter

tldr; i need to get my meds upped or something

#irrelevant #do not be obliged to say anything i really just needed to scream on somewhere that wasn't snapchat #bc for legal reasons people don't need to know how i feel <3 #garbage.txt #if you're new here i swear that this isn't normal i'm just fucking bad rn #we'll be back to memes and content momentarily #not proofread #can't look @ this rn #gonna drink some hawaiian punch and probably work on #something #as always <3 #vent #ask to tag #i don't think there's anything particularly Jarring in this but #tw alcohol #longpost #long post

3 notes · View notes

theother-will-grayson · 5 years

Text

So in a lot of human!aus I see the sides have completely different jobs and Roman is really the only performer but like...Thomas is a musical theatre nerd so it makes sense to me that all of the Sides would be different types of performers adding little bits of themselves in every performance.

I go to a performing arts college as a musical theatre major, so I know what I’m talking about. Therefore, I present:

Sanders Sides as Musical Theatre People That I Know and their signature Broadway song

(Deceit and taglist under the cut)

Roman

There is no one gayer.

The only boy in the first semester advanced ballet class.

Will not stop twerking randomly, always goes clubbing.

Specializes in over the top funny songs, but can play a really grounded and real leading man when he wants to.

Has really solid instincts, but sometimes needs to let the song or scene be funny because it’s funny rather than the fact that he’s funny

Idolizes Beyonce

Knows the lyrics to everyone else’s songs

Always trying to steal female songs

Very new Broadway (Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill, Wicked)

Always down to be the background dancer in your song for you.

Never afraid to make the bold choices as an actor.

Pretends to be an overconfident bitch who roasts the shit out of people just to be funny but is actually down to earth and incredibly kind.

Open fascination with famous musical theatre divas

Signature song: Could be “I Believe” from Book of Mormon or “I’d Rather Be Sailing” from A New Brain

Patton

Special skills include looking like a smol bean but then will kick the door down and belt his heart out.

Incredibly supportive to a fault

Always shouting things like “I DON’T OBJECTIFY MY FRIENDS BUT YOU’RE SUPER SEXY YOU’RE SLAYING”

Has a cute aesthetic and then one day shows up for a scene in a sexy minisKIRT WHAT THE FUCK (and slays it???????)

Definitely has a sound you would not expect

Can flip between sexy growl belting and a classic operatic sound a la Kristin Chenoweth

Is always super philosophical and can get deep really quickly

Great taste in memes but will also talk about the current events he’s referencing with good knowledge on their impact.

Is incredibly kind but not above talking shit when someone is a dick, and therefore you know a person is really bad if Patton has a bad opinion of them

Is infamous across sections for being a neverending font of positivity

Mom friend, always a listening ear

Kind to teachers but doesn’t kiss ass

Casting type all over the god damn map

Signature Song: “I Am What I Am” from La Cage Aux Folles or “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables

Logan

One of those actors that also takes writing and directing and film classes

Watches at least one new movie a week for fun and research both

Refuses to date for at least his first semester

A really precise actor to a fault

Can sometimes over think and over plan his scenes and songs

His best performance of the semester was when he had to do a song where he just sat down and sang a ballad without any blocking and it was so real and beautiful that everyone was fucking sobbing.

Always complimented on his work ethic

Universally beloved

Analytical and always working

A good scene partner who will never flake out on a rehearsal

Gives good notes, director friend

Fills out character analysis sheets and thinks about mannerisms etc. like his life depends on it.

Solid knowledge on different acting teachers and styles

Needs to rely on instinct more but is far from a bad actor.

Has more sound than you’d think

Signature songs: “What You’d Call a Dream” from Diamonds and “Purpose” from Avenue Q

Virgil

Actor that relies on instinct

Would kill to play Peter Pan

Does not take bullshit

Is really bad at taking notes because he forgets that a note from a director is not an insult to your skill, but a NOTE to make you BETTER

Has a hidden talent in sardonic comedy

Surprisingly good at silent physical comedy

Character actor -- can play a physical comic and dramatic roles with a big personality, but can nail being strong and real when he really tries

Loves playing angry roles

Great skill for playing chorus roles and bit parts

Not a dancer but he puts forth his best effort in every dance class

Has a hyperfixation on becoming really good at stage combat and juggling

Has an open disdain for certain popular shows like Cats and Grease

And gets really oddly excited about the shows that get glossed over sometimes like Godspell and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

Gives really good notes and is extremely helpful in improving others’ performances, but is always afraid to speak up and give notes for fear of seeming like a dick who thinks he knows everything

Extremely self-critical and has gotten called out by certain teachers for being more critical of himself than they are of him.

Makes edgy jokes

That one person who always sings a song badly for the meme

Has a wealth of knowledge about musical theatre history in weird spots but not other spots that you would expect (for example can list an extensive timeline on how gay rights are connected to theatre and how closeted playwrights birthed the drag queen, or how Hello Dolly killed the movie musical, but got several questions about Sondheim wrong on his Musical Theatre History exam)

Is constantly watching video essays on film, will wax poetic about the directing style/acting style of ANYBODY he loves and has the knowledge to back it up.

Gives self-deprecating compliments

Needs to make people laugh to validate self

Love for old broadway

Idolizes the 25th Anniversary version of Phantom because of the screamo punk aesthetic and can tell you the exact timestamp where you can see Ramin Karimloo's wrist tattoo

Defends movie versions of musicals

Really wants to be a leading man but it just isn’t his casting type

Has a background in straight plays

Wealth of skill in technical theatre, background in competition shows and forensics

Signiature songs: “Santa Fe” from Newsies and “Extraordinary” from Pippin

Deceit:

Compulsive Liar

Constantly telling everybody about his long list of credits and everything that he’s done (he was in a Reeces Puffs commercial, he was in a circus and his favorite was the aerial silks, he’s a professional figure skater, he taught pointe to national champion ballet dancers even though he’s in low level ballet and he can’t do pointe himself, he can bench way more than the guy who works out all the time and is obviously bigger than him) and no one ever believes him because of all the bullshit he spews.

Idolizes the other guy who plays his type in the class and literally copies everything he does except worse.

Can be really condescending at times, always taking the lead in a bad way and ordering people around.

Everyone that doesn’t hang out with him regularly likes him because he’s charismatic while everyone who is in his class shakes their heads

Always buttering up teachers except he never takes their notes because he’s above them I guess

Rubs Virgil the wrong way the most

Always doing his own choreography in downtime during classes even though that’s really disrespectful to your current choreographer

Over indicates his acting

Is the one person anyone has ever seen Patton talk shit about

Never does his homework or reads the script like he’s supposed to -- once he didn’t know anything about Les Miserables of all things (”I think it’s French?”) and you just hear someone from the back of the room go “Didn’t you say you were in this show???”

It’s really a shame because everyone can tell that he’s a really talented singer and kind of a cool person and would be amazing if he stopped being an ass.

Signature song: “You’ll Be Back” from Hamilton

Taglist

@ironwoman359 @sandersstudies @cattonsanders

Also tagging @abraca-datass because Patton is definitely based off of her

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #broadway #musical theatre #headcanon #from the bitch that brought you veggie sides #amda #hamilton #avenue q

194 notes · View notes

everwizard · 5 years

Text

Addie’s Story

Note: Before you read this, please understand that this is heavily based off of my real life. All the events contained herein either actually happened or are summarized based on the reality of a certain time frame. That being said, these characters represent aspects of myself and this story is about how they would react to it. Also, in order to avoid deadnaming myself, I changed my childhood name in this story.

Trigger warning: assault, verbal abuse, death mention, depression

2006 - 5 Years Old

A small orange-clad child appeared in the mindscape. Logic, Morality, and Adventure stared at it. After all, new people don't show up very often. This was a sight to behold.

“H—hi.” waved the child. She was noticeably nervous. Her body was trembling and she stuttered her words.

Logic got up and walked over to the child. “Who are you?” she said.

“A—ADHD,” the child replied.

Logic regarded this child. She had never heard of an ‘ADHD’, much less knew what it was supposed to be. “What do you do, exactly?”

“I don’t really know. What do you mean?” ADHD could feel Logic’s calculating eyes burning into her. This made her all the more nervous.

Morality stepped forward. “Well I’m Morality. I tell Morgan what things are right and wrong. I also help with feelings!”

Adventure joins. “I’m Adventure. I deal with Morgan’s fun and well, her adventure.”

“Yes, and I’m Logic. I am Morgan’s memory and everything she knows about everything,” Logic finished. “So what do you do?”

“I… I still don’t know. All I know is that I’m supposed to be different or something.” ADHD wished these people would stop asking all these questions.

“That’s okay,” Morality started, “take your time. Let us know when you figure it out.”

ADHD smiled. “Okay. I promise.”

2008 - 7 Years Old

“ADHD!” A shout came from somewhere in the mindscape.

ADHD appeared. “Yeah?” ADHD took this time to see who had called her. It was Quinn. What did Quinn want?

“You did it again,” Quinn replied, almost as if reading ADHD’s mind.

This was very unclear to ADHD. “Did what again?”

“You made us forget again. Morgan had an assignment due today but she didn’t do it because you made us, more specifically, me, the person who does it, forget.”

ADHD’s heart sank. I let them down again. I’m such a disappointment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“You never mean to! You just do things! No matter what happens or who it hurts!”

ADHD swallowed hard. Stop! I know, okay!? You all hate me. I don’t need to exist. I just make everything worse. “I’ll do better next time. I promise.”

“You better.”

2009 - 8 Years Old

ADHD stood in her room. There had been another fight with Quinn and the others. Like always, it ended poorly.

"They always blame me for everything. They never take responsibility." She moved to sit on her bed. "I'm the reason Morgan has no friends. I'm the reason Morgan always forgets to do things.

"It's not Rylie's messed up right and wrong. It's not Quinn thinking she's better than everybody. It's not Adventure being too forward. It's me. It's always me."

July 2012 - 11 Years Old

Quinn called a group meeting. Everyone was there. Well, everyone except the new girl. ADHD doubted anyone even knew there was a new girl. She had been hiding out in ADHD’s room since she arrived and she rarely came out.

Quinn called the meeting to order. “As you all know, Morgan is starting at a new school soon. It has to go perfectly.”

The group nodded in understanding. They did not want this next year to go as poorly as the last.

Quinn continued, “Rylie, you’re in charge of making Morgan some new friends. Journey, you need to find Morgan some new hobbies and interests. I will be in charge of Morgan’s studies. And ADHD? Just stay out of the way.”

ADHD nodded. It was the same every year. Nobody can know about me or they’ll think we’re crazy. “Understood, Quinn.”

“Good. Does anybody have any questions?” Nobody raised their hands. “Good. This meeting is dismissed.”

The sides headed their separate ways; Journey, Rylie, and Quinn probably going to assist Morgan while ADHD retreated to her room to spend time with her new friend.

“Hi Sadness,” ADHD said calmly, “I’m back. How’s it going?”

“Same as usual, I guess,” Sadness replied. “Still sad.”

ADHD hummed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Could you tell me one of your jokes?” Sadness requested.

“Yeah.” ADHD thought for a moment. “How does the ocean say hello?”

“I don’t know,” answered Sadness. “How?”

“It waves!” ADHD could see Sadness’s lips turn up ever so slightly. It was enough for ADHD to know she helped. Any time Sadness felt more upset than usual, she often asked ADHD for a joke. ADHD knew they were bad but she felt happy knowing that it at least helped a little.

A few moments of silence passed. ADHD was fidgeting with her fingers as Sadness layed on the bed. Sadness spoke up.

“Hey ADHD?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how the others all have names? Do you have one too?”

ADHD thought for a moment. This was the first time anybody had asked her for her name. The others didn’t care for her enough. To them, she was just a disability, getting in the way of their important work.

“Yes I do. It’s Addison.”

“Can I call you Addie?”

“Sure.”

May 2015 - 14 Years Old

Middle school had been okay for the most part. Morgan had actually made some really good friends. Some of them were coming along to Morgan’s new school while others went to the rival school.

Eighth grade had probably been the Sides’ best year in a long time. Addie certainly thought so. So too did Sadness.

Addie looked around her room. A few posters and various other merchandise littered the walls and shelving space. She had recently discovered a new trait of hers. She didn’t have a name for it other than fandom obsession. It might be just a phase but she wasn’t so sure.

She decided to try to locate Sadness. They had gotten really close over these past few years. They bonded over being the outcasts.

The three other sides eventually found out about Sadness when Rylie realized she could no longer control those emotions. Sadness came out of hiding and introduced herself after the others asked Addie too many questions about it.

The other three decided it was fine to let Addie and Sadness have their kinship because it was better for everyone that way.

So Addie strolled on over to Sadness’s room and knocked on the door. “Sadness! It’s me!”

Sadness opened the door and allowed Addie in. “Hi Addie. It’s good to see you.” The corner of her lip turned up slightly.

“It’s good to see you too! Wanna hang out today?”

“I always want to hang out with you,” Sadness replied.

Addie smiled and moved further into the room. Sadness followed and the two began their leisure time.

August 2015 - 14 Years Old

Addie and Rylie could often bond about things that excited them. This was one of those moments. Journey was in on it too this time around. The three were caught up in a moment of euphoria that they had not experienced in a long time.

Suddenly! There’s a flash and before the trio knew what hit them, there was a girl dressed in green standing before them.

“Who are you and what are you doing!?” Journey demanded.

“I’m Luck but you can call me Lucy,” said the girl. “And I just saved Morgan’s life.”

Addie, Journey, and Rylie took in what just happened. Sure enough, Morgan was picking her bicycle off the ground and there was a person sized dent in a nearby minivan.

“We hit that car,” Rylie observed.

“Yeah. You did,” Lucy replied. “And if I hadn’t been here, Morgan would be dead. Pay more attention next time.”

Addie began zoning out. This was all her fault if only she had just paid more attention. If only she had put in some thought into what she was doing. Morgan could have died and it would have been all her fault. “I… I need to go.”

And with that Addie left.

She fled to her room and was unable to stop the tears as the started to flow.

November 2015 - Age 14

This wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a good night that Morgan could enjoy. Not like this.

Addie held herself tightly, fingers digging into the fat just below the ribs.

She wasn’t the only one in shock, though. Everyone was. Even Lucy didn’t see this coming.

It had been a good night until Rylie prompted a text to Morgan’s mom. Morgan was loyal and Rylie wouldn’t stand for anybody disrespecting her family. Not even different members of the same family.

That text set off what Morgan eventually consider the worst night of her life.

“We should have just kept quiet,” Addie muttered.

“Yeah,” agreed Rylie. “This is all our fault.”

Memories flashed through Addie’s mind. Memories she knew she would never forget. Morgan clutching the porch. Listening to the verbal abuse, all the harsh things said. Morgan’s sister in hysterics ten feet away. Trying to be brave. Facing down Morgan’s grandmother. A slap across the face. Being shaken by the shoulders. So violently, still clutching the porch. The grandmother grabbing Morgan’s long dirty blonde hair and trying to drag her inside a stranger’s home. “May I have my phone back?” Morgan asked after it was over. “No you may not,” replied the grandmother.

Now they had nobody. No way to contact the outside world.

Nobody knew what to do as they listened to the people around them placing blame and verbally attacking Morgan.

So they did nothing. This was, in fact, their fault. They could have left it well enough alone.

This was the night that ruined everything.

This was also the night that Sadness became Depression.

September 2016 - 15 Years Old

They had been going to therapy. It was really helping.

Addie was learning more about herself just as Morgan was learning about herself.

They had learned more about their neurodivergence as well as the gender and sexuality spectrum.

Addie now had words for all the weird things that made her different. Hyperfixation, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, stimming. All these words that explained why she was the way she was.

There was another word she learned, though. One that had nothing to do with ADHD. Non-Binary.

This word made a lot of sense to Addie. This word describes us, she thought.

"Quinn, can I talk to you?" Addie asked the air.

Quinn materialized in Addie's room. "Yes Addison, how can I assist you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about this word that I think describes us."

"And what word is that?"

"Non-Binary."

"Ah yes," Quinn started, adjusting her glasses, "a term relating to the gender spectrum in which one feel they are neither male nor female."

Addie nodded her head. "Yeah. I think we might be that."

"An interesting observation. I'd have to say that I agree. We should check with the others first, however, and see what they think."

Addie didn't need to see what the others thought. That little validation was all she needed. From this point on, she was a they.

And they were happy.

May 2017 - 16 Years Old

Therapy had been going very well. The treatment left everyone feeling healthier and happier.

Well, except for Depression. One can't feel happier if one can't feel happiness. The therapy was working for them though. It boosted their mental state so they weren't constantly depressed.

Today, they were in one of their better moods. One of the best in a long time. Camp was about to start and Morgan was finally going to be able to work.

Depression called for Addie and they arrived just seconds later.

"Addie," Depression started, their mood shifting to nervousness, "You know how I'm the only one who hasn't shared their name?"

Addie's eyes lit up. "You mean it's time!? Can I get the others?"

"Yeah but before you do, I want to say something."

Addie nodded, listening.

"This is all thanks to you." Depression enveloped Addie in a hug as Addie's face turned red. "I couldn't have done it without you," Depression whispered.

Addie returned the hug. This was nice. They were so happy and honoured to have been such a big help to Depression, even through all these tough times.

The pair broke apart. A red tint lingered on Addie's face and Depression's lips were slightly upturned.

Addie cleared their throat. "Everybody! Get in here! Come quick!"

One by one, the remaining four sides joined Addie and Depression in Depression's room.

"What's the matter?" Quinn asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Depression has an announcement they'd like to make."

"Go for it!" Rylie chirped, pumping her fist in the air.

"Um, okay," Depression started. "The reason I called you all here is to tell you my name."

"Go on," Lucy urged, folding her arms.

Depression took a deep breath. "My name is Dierdre. But please call me Dre."

Quinn nodded. "Dre," she repeated. "I like it."

It was Dre's turn to blush now. The others were so supportive. They didn't expect this but it's all they ever wanted.

Dre had never felt this warm. They felt almost happy.

March 2018 - 16 Years Old

The group had come to a conclusion. They were, in fact, non-binary.

It wasn't a sudden decision. There had been a lot of thought and questioning involved. It happened gradually.

Addie was the first to identify this way, then Dre. Quinn and Journey joined next. Then Lucy. Today was the day Rylie finally joined.

Rylie had made the announcement a short bit ago. Everyone had welcomed them into the group. It had been a difficult process for Rylie and Addie could tell they were overjoyed that everyone was so accepting.

A voice rang out through the mindscape. "Everybody please gather in the main room. This is important." It was Quinn's voice.

Addie popped out of their room and into the meeting place. They waited patiently for the others to arrive.

Once everyone was gathered, Quinn spoke up. "I called you all here because we have an important decision to make that we need to make as a group."

"Alright then," Lucy started, "out with it."

Quinn ignored the sudden interruption and cleared their throat while adjusting their tie. "Yes, well. It seems Morgan needs a new name. And because this is such a big decision I wanted you all to be here.” A beat passed before Quinn continued. “Does anyone have any suggestions?”

A few ideas were thrown out and Quinn wrote each of them down.

“What about a name that means ‘new’?” Addie suggested. “Like how they’re starting a new life as a new person.”

“Sounds cool!” Journey chirped. “Exciting!”

Everyone hummed in agreement.

Quinn began listing off some examples of names that mean new. “Neo, Gen, Primus, and Newton are a few that I know.”

Lucy voiced their opinion. “Those suck!”

“I don’t know, Neo sounds pretty cool,” Dre argued.

A small voice perked up from the back of the room. “What about Nova?” Rylie asked.

Quinn hummed. “It means new and I quite like the space connotations associated with it.”

Journey jumped up. "Sounds cool!"

"I agree," said Lucy.

"Yeah," replied Dre.

Everyone turned and looked at Addie. "What do you think, Addie?" Quinn asked.

Addie smiled widely. "I love it."

May 2019 - 18 Years Old

Nova finally graduated high school. It was a rough journey for everyone but at least now it's over.

The sides we're all looking forward to something in the next year. Journey was ready to start as a camp counselor. Rylie wanted to make new friends and perhaps even find a love interest. Quinn was ready for a break. Lucy was excited for the thrill of saving Nova's life. Dre couldn't wait to get an emotional support animal. And Addie was happy to finally be themself.

They were finally fully accepted by the other sides. Rather than putting them down, the others would try to work with Addie to solve the problem.

A lot of people grow out of ADHD but in this case, ADHD grew with a lot of people.

#personal #novas thoughts and ramblings #novas sides #sanders sides #my sides #my writing #writing #writeblr

6 notes · View notes

kirinda-ondo · 5 years

Note

Rant/tell me about Cobalt and why u love him so much??

Ok so this is probably going to get very long, and very, very cheesy, and I hope y’all are ready for this.

Cobalt is a very special character to me and is absolutely my favorite character of all time, from anything in the history of ever. It doesn’t matter what other fandom I’m hyperfixated on or what character I’m saying is my son at the moment, if you bring him up at any time, in any context I will be there.

So you’re probably wondering how I got here.

Once upon a time, it was 2009 and I was a young weeaboo, constantly absorbing everything anime or manga I could. I had just come out from the Astro Boy movie, and I immediately wanted to watch the source material. I’d already seen a bit of it on adult swim when they were running an Astro Boy marathon, but I had to go to bed at 11:30 then so I didn’t get to see much. So this time, I went to youtube and I found all the (dubbed) episodes of the 60s series. (Sadly you can’t find them all there anymore and it’s a crying shame).

I basically marathoned them, but over in the sidebar where the recommendations were, I kept seeing the thumbnail for part 2 or 3 (this was back when youtube only let you post 10 minute videos and you had to watch anime in 3 parts) of the episode “Brother Jetto.” You could plainly see him, and so it was clear this was supposed to be Astro’s brother. I thought it was neat that Astro even had a brother, as I’d only known about Uran before. I wanted to know more, but I promised myself I wouldn’t skip ahead. Though it was very tempting at times, I stuck to my guns and watched all 83 episodes up to that point.

However, it was not actually love at first sight. When I finally got to this episode 84, I wasn’t really impressed. “Wow, he’s kind of annoying, what’s the point?” I had thought like a fool, but I was still willing to accept him as part of the canon, as I figured I’d be seeing a lot more of him now that he had been introduced. After all, that’s what they did with Uran! But then…. that pretty much didn’t happen at all, which I thought was kind of weird. After all, why introduce a new sibling if he’s not going to show up again?

But then I got to the episode “A Deep, Deep Secret” about 6 episodes later, and I found myself a little relieved that he wasn’t completely canned. Upon watching that episode, I’d found that he’d started to grow on me a bit, but he still wasn’t my favorite. However, the trend of him being gone for several episodes only to show up once in a blue moon continued until I’d run out of episodes. I moved on to the 80s series next (and then the 2003 series) having learned that Cobalt had been replaced by Atlas as Astro’s brother. While I enjoyed those series (the 80s one a bit moreso than the 2003 one), I found myself kind of missing Astro’s dingus brother that had barely seemed to get a chance. After marathoning all the series (at the time), I started doing some googling and found out he had a slightly better run in the undubbed Japanese episodes (which was also how I discovered AB-O! Hi fandom!) and I’d learned a lot more about him. But the most important thing I’d learned was that I was in fact very emotionally invested in this character now and I was in deep.

Mind you at this time the undubbed Japanese episodes were nearly impossible to find without purchasing the complete DVD set and a player that could play them (on account of the fact that the set was region locked from western DVD players) so for years I sat wondering more about what those Japanese episodes were like, as the forums only had plot summaries with a handful of screencaps to go off of. Nowadays you can watch all the undubbed (and sadly unsubbed) episodes here but 13 year old me did not have the knowledge to do foreign language googling at the time.

But still, my Cobalt-loving heart wanted more, so I scoured the English speaking internet for whatever I could find, official or fanmade. Official content was virtually nonexistent, and the amount of fanmade content, I could count on one hand. The general fan consensus at the time seemed to be “Who the hell is Cobalt” or “Eh, whatever,” which was a far cry from how it is now. But being horribly deprived back then, I did the only thing I could: I combed through the dub for every episode he was in, coming up with a whopping total of…..four (well technically five but in that one he’s literally only in the last five seconds with no animation or lines), and I watched them religiously. I could pretty much quote Cobalt’s debut episode by heart. (For the record I can no longer do this to the extent I used to, but should the opportunity arise, I can still quote large chunks of it).

As I did this and learned more about him in my desperate googling, I started developing jokes for what would become my first silly comics, for which I am known in this fandom for. The art and writing for these was….. painful, to say the least, so I don’t even like to think about it, but as I’d already had a decently sized following from drawing silly (read: bad) Sonic comics, they caught on decently well, and I’d even managed to drag my friend and son down with me into Cobalt Hell™. Together, we made a group for Cobalt fans on deviantart (which is still up, but I no longer run it, as I deactivated the account that modded it without transferring ownership, so now it’s likely a wild west hellscape that I’m a little scared to look at).

This seemed to help do the trick though, as Cobalt fans were slowly coming out of the woodwork and appreciating this good boy. On and off I’d spread my yelling about Cobalt (and my silly drawings) to different platforms like the Astro Boy forums and tumblr, and even as I got into different things, after awhile, things kinda grew without me. Now I’m not gonna be out here claiming I built this city myself with my own two hands, as a lot of people got dragged into this hell of their own accord, but I do like to think my, umm….passion at least helped generate some interest, and I can’t help but be proud of how far this fandom has come from “Who the hell is Cobalt” to “Look at this good boy, I love him” and literally all the other Cobalt fans I’ve met have been the coolest people (in general, not just because of their good taste).

I think what really changed my life though was when AprilSeven, a mod on the Astro Boy forum and also probably the original Cobalt fan, as she’d seen the 60s version back when it was originally airing, finally got a hold of the undubbed Japanese episodes, and graciously allowed me and a few of the other big-name Cobalt fans get in on that action, and boy howdy, the screenshots and plot summaries really did not do these episodes justice (at least in terms of Cobalt content). My understanding of him as a character expanded like tenfold, and my appreciation of him expanded even more than that.

…Which brings me into a nice segue in which I shift more into just exactly why I like Cobalt so much. Yes, there’s more. I warned y'all, this was gonna be a Pandora’s Box that could not be closed once it was opened.

I honestly just find him a joy to watch. A lot of what made him grow on me was just how funny he is. I’m a sucker for comic relief characters in general, and he has a personality that lends itself to comedy. In the anime version, he’s literally introduced right out the gate as being kind of a dingus. He’s naive, he’s way too trusting of obviously suspicious people, he’s easily confused, he’s easily distracted, he’s a klutz, and he just… regularly destroys the laws of physics and/or the fourth wall just because. Sometimes he also gets weird ideas in his head to do things that could have been done a completely different, easier way and weirdly enough, it actually kind of winds up working? It’s so fun to watch him approach problems because he’s just… so far out there sometimes.

But beyond being absolutely weird and hilarious, he’s just a really sweet kid. He doesn’t like to fight, he wants to make friends with everyone and everything, he will drop literally anything he’s doing, no matter how important it is, to help someone in need, he’s good with babies and small children and puppies (sometimes), he would fight (and sacrifice himself) for his family, and just means well even if he tends to bungle things up and make them worse sometimes. Honestly, and this is gonna sound dumb, but he helped me be a better person. I used to be an absolute asshole when I was younger, but once I’d gotten into Cobalt Hell™, I was like “I wanna be that sweet and good (but with a better sense of stranger danger)” and I made that effort and did that shit.

That being said though, he’s not perfect, and I wouldn’t want him to be. His flaws, though they kind of give him the short end of the stick in life, are a lot of why I find him so endearing. All the naivety and confusion and general lack of coordination I mentioned before aside, he’s honestly just really relatable. He’ll say jokes so bad that Uran wants to punch him, he’ll opt out of the plot because he doesn’t want to get out of bed, he’ll fight with his siblings over silly petty things, he’ll get frustrated if he tries something and it doesn’t go his way, he’ll absolutely partake in his siblings’ mischief (if not start it sometimes), and just so much more. He just feels like a kid you would know (or maybe a kid that you were at one point) and I really appreciate that about him.

Unfortunately, the canon was not kind to Cobalt, and I think a lot of that comes from Osamu Tezuka just… not knowing what to do with him after making him? Like in the manga, he was just kind of created as a really rushed contingency plan because they thought Astro was missing. Sure, he was taken in as part of the family afterward, but not many appearances later, he was killed off in a firey explosion… Until Tezuka decided to change his mind and let him live in the end. His grave’s still there though. He gets to see it. I know it’s a framing device to explain the circumstances of Cobalt’s retconned death but it’s kind of fucked up to let a boy see his own grave..

Even being brought back, Cobalt didn’t get to do very much. He’d get some good scenes with Uran, but a lot of the time, he was sort of just relegated to filling up space in the background, provided he actually survived til the end of the chapter. When he wasn’t getting forgotten by the plot and thusly zapped out of existence, he would wind up sacrificing himself in some way that wouldn’t allow him to continue to take part in the plot anymore (be it parts, energy, etc.) The most painfully egregious example of this is in the chapter “Youth Gas.” Astro and Cobalt are convinced to fight each other to the “death.” They’re not really dead, but Ochanomizu says they are and can’t be repaired. At first, there’s mourning for “two of the world’s greatest robots,” but then we see a funeral service in which only Astro’s body is shown and his parents are only mourning him, completely forgetting Cobalt exists. He’s never seen again for the rest of the chapter. Now I would assume this is just a writing mistake, but it really does make it look like Cobalt’s own parents wouldn’t even bat an eye if he died, so there’s that.

The anime isn’t quite as horrible, and it is kind enough to give Cobalt a more prominent role once he finally shows up (even getting a handful of focus episodes!), but he doesn’t go unscathed either. In this version, he has the misfortune of being created by Dr. Umataro “Father of the Year” Tenma before Astro was made and was scrapped because, to quote dub!Ochan, “his electronic brain wasn’t as perfect as Dr. [Tenma] wanted.” (read: he thought Cobalt was a dumbass). Cobalt is eventually found and brought into the family, but because he still winds up not being relevant to the plot a lot of the time, he is once again zapped out of the existence and looks like a victim of child neglect. As a result, he gets left out of family vacations and holidays, even in favor of Chi-tan, who is usually even higher on the scale of irrelevant Astro Boy characters. Unlike Astro, Cobalt doesn’t have any consistent friends to even remotely justify what he could possibly be doing offscreen by himself, so it just kind of implies a very sad and lonely existence in-universe.

And of course, the final, meta blow that literally every fan of Cobalt is still despairing about to this day: basically being yeeted out of the canon. After the 60s series, he disappeared off the face of the earth until 2015 when some lovely soul decided to bring him back for Peeping Life TV: Season 1?? (The question marks are part of the title). He’d be referenced again a couple years later in Atom: The Beginning, and will be here for the game Eshigami no Kizuna sometime in 2019 as a… moe anime girl. That’s a little weird, but I’m hoping these sorts of weird appearances will mean a trend toward putting him back in the canon (and hopefully being treated better).

It just hurts my heart to see such a good character get treated like this by canon. He deserves way better and it just seems really clear to me that Tezuka didn’t really know what to do with him. I feel like he has a lot of potential as a character, though. Regardless of what origin you pick for him, Cobalt is essentially existing as a worse version of Astro. I feel like you could have some good character development regarding how he would feel about himself in relation to Astro in sort of a parallel to how Astro might feel about himself in relation to Tobio, the person he was based off of. You could go some neat places with these sort of questions about identity and expectations, I think. Or if you want to just do something funny because your character arcs are getting too real now, you can just let Cobalt do some silly shit. He’s a versatile character!

I’ve done all this rambling and now I’m not really sure how to wrap all this up, so umm

Cobalt is a good boy and deserves better, please hire me Tezuka Productions, and thank you for coming to my TED Talk

#cobalt collection #kateh rambles #i feel like there's probably more i could have rambled about believe it or not but this is already so long.......

14 notes · View notes

coll4p2e · 5 years

Text

You don’t question it, because you have no reason to. You are happy. Very, very happy. They are everything, and you are dedicated to them. You are still in the ship, the simulation isn’t advanced enough to replace entire worlds like that, but it is smart enough to give you just enough of what you want. Its bustling with life, flowers, bright colors, and people. People you love, people you can trust. Past friends pre-rebellion era who have died long ago, the nice maintenance crew that didn’t hurt you and talked to you like you were a troll, and of course, your family.

Dis finally fell asleep in your lap at least an hour ago, her light breathing comforted you. Unaware that the sounds of heavy breaths weren’t hers, but your own. You played music for them, all the music that you’ve heard and found in the helm. Karion likes some of the typical music you play, guitars and singing, but didn’t like as much the videogame music. He definitely didn’t like the Gruntilda battle theme you played, the look on his face was trying to be supportive but it was clear. You found it funny, you didn’t mind.

He was busy exploring the ship, a curious one as always. Since there’s no danger there’s no reason to stay in one place right? Unless there’s a very sleepy cat on your lap. You heard Primma make a soft noise behind you, but you didn’t look up. You kept your eyes focused on the flowers you were putting in Mews hair.

Primma sat next to you, rustling your hair gently. Her voice elegant as always. She tells you how much they missed you, how they had been looking for you. Its all so stupid now, all the trauma, all the pain and bitterness. It doesn’t matter now, you are happy and with your family.

“I know,” You reassure her, leaning into her touch. She traces her fingers in front of your scars, you don’t remember when she got in front of you or where Mew went but you don’t pay it too much attention, she probably woke up and moved. Her nails were painted a pretty jade color, you noticed. She ran her index finger up and down your arm and cheek, she looked distressed.

You snort, furrowing your eyebrows and pushing away her hand.

“What? Thethe are hardly new and altho when were you tho hyperfixated on my fathe, itth weird.” You joke, its not serious. It doesn’t matter. She tells you that they’ve gotten worse. Your smile fades a tad. She apologizes, and you reassure her its ok. They don’t hurt anymore, well...they do. But you wont let her know that. “Keep prodding at me and ill thtart prodding back, you know that.”

She drops the subject, you guess she could tell you were uncomfortable talking about it. When she touched your scars, there was an unfamiliar numbness around certain parts. That was the most uncomfortable part. It was almost like the goggles were still on.

“You know I can thtill control the thhip right? Have any muthic requethtth? Ith the light too bright? I can fix anything you want, really.” She denies your offer, pulling you into her. It feels like there’s multiple fingers wrapped around your arms, like your flexing. You try to relax but its harder then you remember it being. She’s so worried. About you, about everyone. You wish you could help.

#long post //#action post #ask to tag //

1 note · View note

hauntedcloset-blog1 · 6 years

Text

Bearly a God || Eddie and Nora

“What the fuck? What the goddamn fuck?”

“Boo.”

Nora Pine, mayor wannabe, owner of Wallspace, proud citizen of Ashkent Creek, decided today was the perfect day to take her menagerie of animals and go for a nice picnic in the woods. Which was how the scene was set. Sitting picturesque under a large black gothic umbrella, Nora was sharing a feast with her closest friends. Barnabas, the horse, ate from a large pile of hay. Princess Fluffy, the caiman crocodilian took bites of a large chicken, spiders crawled over containers of food, bats hung in the trees around and a snake laid patiently across Nora's shoulders as she took a bite out of a rarely cooked hunk of meat.

Recently repaired camera in hand, Eddie embarked on a mission through the woods. His head needed clearing though he promised himself that he had just been spending too much time at home. The night spent with Owen, the anxiety that it had brought on, had left a mark on his psychethat he refused to acknowledge. Questions had popped up in his mind that he wasn’t ready to answer, so he began to hyperfixate on the supernatural underbelly of Ashkent more than he previously had. Currently, the sound of some creature weeping was guiding him through the forest. It sounded human, but looked like someone shaved their dog and then let it melt in the sun like a toy soldier. He thought it was kind of cute. The trail of tears stopped abruptly when the creature the Squonk found a menagerie of creatures and the presence of one Nora Pine. The camera that had been pointed at the ground slowly panned up and recorded the scene for a moment as Eddie muttered the words, “What the fuck?”

The scent of salt tear joined the party as a cute hairless bear joined the clearing. "Hello friend, please help yourself to anything you'd like to eat." She told the obviously supernatural creature, taking another bite of the barely cooked hunk of meat. The trailing footsteps had not been missed by her as the sweet scent of a moderately scared adult human entered her senses. His smell of soap and green apples was heightened, adding a bit of sulfur to the scent.Nora inhaled deeply, enjoying the second meal that had come to join them. Staring blankly into the camera she waited for the man to put it down before saying. "What about you? Are you going to join?" She pointed to a spot near her and her black and gray checkered picnic blanket.

Lowering his camera and powering it down, Eddie simply stood there dumbfounded for a moment. The scene that he’d walked in on looked like some sort of renaissance painting. “Join?” He echoed tepidly. The thought of making himself at home had not even crossed his mind. “I didn’t bring anything.” Ever afraid of imposing, Eddie was hesitant to join. “What, uh, what would I be joining anyway? You’re kinda givin’ me some godly vibes, which I dig, but I’m not a particularly devout individual.” He held the camera in front of himself awkwardly. “Promise not to smite me?”

"Yes, join." Recognization was slowly dawning on Nora, now that she saw the man behind the camera. Eddie. She followed his vlog. He liked supernatural things in Ashkent. She liked supernatural things and Ashkent. Of course, she'd found and followed him a long time. But then he said she looked godly. Nora saw the whole prank unfolding before her and knew, in that instant, she had to take it. "I know you aren't devout, Eddie. That's why I'm here to talk to you today." Reaching for the power within her, she created an illusion over herself, a tall black shadow, around 20 feet tall, with bright red eyes flickering in and out. "We need to change that." She smiled up at him, a finger stroking the face of the snake wrapped around her. "What would it take?"

The fear of God had been delivered directly to Eddie’s heart. He lost his balance trying to take a step back and ended up falling on his ass. Hitched up on his elbows, his eyes widened at the sight before him. It was too convincing to believe in at least a little. Not to mention the fact that his inner turmoil had pushed him to believe that he could use some spiritual cleansing. The vampire bite, the drunken night spent thinking he could be the reason someone died, as well as few of his other greatest hits. Eddie, mouth agape, found himself unable to reply for a solid few seconds. “Uh, I don’t… it’s not really something I think about a lot.” He paused for a moment before asking, “Are you gonna kill me?”

Eddie's fear drifted openly and heavily towards her, Nora took a moment to breathe in deeply, consuming the large amount of fear emanating from her poor new victim. It was a shame. She really was a fan of his vlog, but who was she to let a good joke go. "No Eddie, I am not going to kill you." If a face that refused to use its features to make expressions could look 'kindly', that was what Nora was going for. However, she had the feeling she just looked a bit conctipated. After all, she wasn't used to telling her facial features to move. "This is a picnic, a start of joy and new beginnings. Please, dust yourself off and come join. We've got much to discuss." She took another large bite of the barely cooked meat, refusing to drop her direct eye contact. "Confess your sins."

The news that death was not in his immediate future soothed Eddie to a degree. His heart took the chance to calm down a bit and attempt to make sense out of the situation he found himself in. Gods, as far as he knew, didn’t make house calls in this day and age. He wondered if it was some sort of fae trick, but a trickster would have probably been more killing to kill him. As long as he didn’t tell the being his name -- wait, it seemed to already know that fact about him. Fear was bubbling in his gut once more. Regardless of what title belonged to the startling creature, it had already proven itself to be strong. Animals revered it and it didn’t seem to be bound to a particular shape, though it did seem to issues with facial expressions. “My sins?” He stammered as he stood up and brushed himself off. “I ate pork the other day… does that still count or have we moved passed the deli aisle?” It was an attempt at levity paired with an awkward laugh.

The squonk seemed to be having difficulty finding food at her table. Considering it was filled mainly with meat, Nora decided that would be the likely problem. Reaching into one of her picnic baskets, she pulled out the salad she made, just in case someone joined, but had no plans on eating. She laid it out for the naked little bear and gave it a reassuring nod. "Please, dig in friend." Her attention turned back to Eddie, and as he talked about eating pork, as his sin, she reached for the power in her. Projecting a woman with a pig's face, just as big, but more detailed to replace her. It flickered out. "Forget everything the bible told you Eddie. There were religions before Christianity and there will be religions after. I am much older and far less concerned by what people eat." She emphasized the point by taking a big bite of her meat. "Now will I have to ask you to join a third time, or will you take a seat and stay awhile without necessary force?" To face the facts, Nora is a glutton for fear.

Benevolent was the word that came to mind when the figure offered options to the melted dog. Eddie noticed the Squonk softly crying into the salad and felt as though he had encountered what was truly a kindred spirit. The projection he had been shown shook him, but he reminded himself that he had seen worse. No stranger to nightmares, Eddie simply closed his eyes and told himself it wasn’t real. Even if it was, he felt that denial made for a better friend than fear. “Forget the bible; got it.” He announced as he hesitantly reopened his eyes. “I.. I’ll sit. No need to force me, promise.” Uncomfortable in his skin, Eddie realized that this ordeal had already forced him into a dirty, sweaty state. He felt truly disgusting, but the so-called-God didn’t seem to be the type who would let him take a break to go shower. He sat among the animals and awaited further instructions.

Eddie took his seat at her picnic, after many times asking him. The fear seemed like it was starting to lessen, something she didn't like, but he was getting used to his current situation. Sitting across from him she summoned an illusion of a pitch black spirit with ice falling from its eyes that went soaring towards him, an audible illusion of a screech filling their tiny place in the woods and causing birds nearby to flee. As the illusion swopped after Eddie, Nora had reached back in the grass behind her to grab another snake friend. The illusion gone, she wrapped it carefully around his shoulders, ensuring that he wouldn't be running anywhere soon. "What is the worst thing you've done, Eddie?" She wondered if or when he'd recall their online conversation and call her out for who she was. Or even ask what she was the god of. That seemed like an obvious question.

Unsure of why a God would be so interested in frightening him, Eddie had not seen the spirit coming. He nearly fell back once more, barely catching himself. Fear had certainly reintroduced itself into his system though, this time, it was paired with frustration. Eddie took a deep breath and allowed the weight of the snake to be placed on his shoulders. He didn’t recognize what kind of snake it was, but it seemed docile enough. He would make sure not to make any sudden moves around its head. His attention turned back to the figure that had beckoned him to sit. This was the first time he’d really gotten a good, up close look at Nora. There was a strange sense of familiarity as he slowly pieced together that he had seen her before. She was asking for his greatest sins when gods were usually on the up-and-up when it came to that sort of thing. Frustration struggled to become his main emotion, but he fought against it. Eddie played a part for a living as an internet personality. He knew how to conjure up a mood. Quickly, he looked away from Nora and and shook his head. “I don’t know.” He said distantly. “I’m not sure if I should talk about it… even to someone as great and powerful as you.”

A surge of fear, then the fear ebbed. Wasn't he scared anymore? Nora stared at him, wondering where the fear went. She had done this for fear. Where had the fear gone? She examined him, a head tilting to the side as she considered. Carefully taking a bite of her meat she motioned a hand asking him to continue. "The great and powerful should never be content to sit idly elsewhere while their creations fumble in the dark. The great and powerful should be hands on in places with trouble. They should strive to make things happen, and enjoy themselves while here. I am here to help, Eddie. Don't you think that's a good thing? Tell me so I may help you."

The way Nora spoke was almost convincing; she certainly had a way with words. The illusions, still unexplained to Eddie, had also nearly pushed him to the brink of believing. It would’ve been nice, he thought, to feel as though he was important enough for a God to take interest in him. Maybe that was the most unbelievable part, but there was too much going on for him to focus on his own self-pity. “It’s a… a very good thing.” His eyes closed for a moment. “But, you see, it’s not something that I have already done. It’s something that I’m going to do.” He raised a hand, reacting as if it was acting independently from the rest of him, and sent it forward to carefully push against Nora’s shoulder. “I pushed the future mayor of Ashkent Creek.”

A hand raised he pushed her. He. Pushed. Her. Well, now this game was truly getting fun. Carefully she unwrapped the snake from his shoulders. "Eddie." Nora talked as she removed the snake from her own shoulders. "I am a kind an benevolent god." Slowly she made her way around the food and the animals, careful not to crush any underfoot. "That is why I am giving you a three-second head start." She turned to face him, emotionless, cold. "Run."

His head canted to the side, wondering for a moment if she was truly serious about this. Realizing that, if she was, he was running out of time. His feet finally listened to what his brain was telling them to do and began to run in the direction he’d originally come from. The weeping of the Squonk that had led him into this situation became faint, but Eddie sensed that something even more sinister was on its way.

This was fun. Making new friends was a blast. Eddie was such a fun playmate, Nora watched him take off in the opposite direction, fear dripping from him and leaving a bountiful trail for her to consume while following. "Ready or not, Eddie, here I come." The bear slid over her like a second skin, once something she feared but now an extension of herself. Hands turned into giant paws topped with knife-like claws. Her jaw jutted outward, growing for the numerous and large teeth that emerged. Then there were her eyes. Normally they were a forgetful green, nothing too extravagant but pretty none the less. In her bugbear state, they glowed red and fearsome. She let out a triumphant yodel as she began to barrel after Eddie.

The sounds coming from the forest only made Eddie run faster. A quick glance behind him revealed the bear that was chasing him. As much as he wanted to assume that he had been correct about Nora, this certainly was cementing the fact that she was some sort of ancient God. There wasn’t much time to think for Eddie as his body gradually grew winded and began to threaten to stop working all together. He was barely a few feet ahead of the great beast and something told him that he was about to lose that lead.

Nora would be lying if she said her whole mind was on this chase. The wind blew through her pelt and her mind wandered to 'I don't run enough. This is fun. Maybe Eddie will be my running partner.' He was slowing down. He could use the practice. His fear was surmounting, and Nora savored its smell and taste. As an actual food dish, it would be horrible. Green apples, soap, and sulfur. But as a fear? Delicious. As he slowed down just a fraction of an inch Nora sprang herself on him, dragging him down to the ground with her, and all her bear weight, delicately placed on top of him. Nora wanted to play with him, not crush him, after all.

Eddie actually managed to let out a muffled scream as he scrambled to cover his face with his arms as if that would protect him from being mauled. It didn’t take long him to notice the fact that teeth had not torn his flesh asunder. “What the fuck?” He mumbled breathlessly as a humorless chuckle escaped his lips. “What the goddamn fuck?” He peaked up at the bear through the space between his arms.

As Eddie peaked up at her through the space between his arms Nora's long bear tongue licked his nose. The game was complete and she won. Shifting back into a human, completely naked and very unashamed of that fact Nora stared in her monotone way at Eddie. "Boo." This had been so fun. If only he'd peed his pants. It would have been the perfect game.

#touchofchatzy #bearly a god #in which eddie is a dumbass

2 notes · View notes