#It's like I never get enough sleep these days (I do but I dont)

[bear-cubs-art-things]

Life is kicking my ass rn and. I'm very tired and very busy ahehwhqjehdhf

Have a husk while I figure out my mess :')

#bear cub art things #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #husk #ugh I'm so tired. #It's like I never get enough sleep these days (I do but I dont) #also I'm in pain 👍🏻 #my knees and lower back hurt whenever I do something strenuous #and then my left pointer finger fucking H U R T S #I SMASHED IT AGAINST MY DRUM LAST NIGHT WAAAHHH #ITS BRUISING UNDER THE NAIL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #I'll be okay. But like I said. Life's kicking ass

[coridallasmultipass]

Felt cute, might deteriorate later. [He/Him]

#feels like im in hell um #shibuya to belgium #anyway did my eyebrows perfectly but its night and ill prob sleep em off so ugh #im so tired bro i went thru my arm workout THREE times today bc of stress and anxiety #not to mention body dysphoria on top of the health concerns im trying to not think about anything rn so selfie time #OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG #but tbh not enough im still hurting with stress #could fuckin go for another round but i rly gotta try n sleep bc i get to cry abt all this in therapy tmr yaaaaay #fuckin hate that i cant treat endo lmao its like living in a cage w a tiger and not knowing when its gonna attack or give a love bite #anyway not to be a crybaby but yeah im not okay and dont know how im expected to go on lol #thought i looked good in my red light but ended up w a good orange light pic #wish i could show off my arms but its not impressive. mostly just feels nice to be like... solid lol #wish i could afford a gym #so my face will have to do for now hope i dont regret posting selfies at almost midnight lol #me #selfie #Cori.exe #Image.exe #ignore my chapped lips pls my dermatillomania has been rampant for the past like 2 days lmao i never stood a chance #hhhhh idk what to tag beyond this fence sitting whether to post or not so im just gon post and then go sleep hffff

[wabblebees]

.

#been fighting for my fucking LIFE against a 24hr migraine #after gettin home from work yesterday i tried Everything. #sleeping+water+food+meds+staggering MORE meds+showering w/the lights off+massaging to release my clenched jaw+tea+sunglasses inside+etc #gave up on getting rid of it a WHILE ago & have just been riding the waves #so tell me why. just now. after eating thee Worst microwave burrito of my entire life. its FINALLY RECEEDED. to be just my normal headache. #im not joking. #the last 24hrs ive been making SURE to have Real Nutrients in my body bc ik thats like. step 1 to ''make the Pain Brain bearable'' #and yet nothing. NOTHING has put a dent in it. save for the worlds soggiest shittiest frozen burrito #im like. legit kinda mad abt this lmfao #i microwaved that fucker and horked it down even tho what ive been craving all day is mediterranean food bc we dont HAVE any close enough #but what we do have. is frozen shitty burritos. and granted ! my headache is not Gone. but my headache is NEVER Gone #ive had the same headache since i was 12 #but legitimately 2 minutes after that stupid burrito. we went from a 7/10 on the headache scale to a FOUR #infuriating. i deserve gyro after all that. or maybe shawarma... #neither of which we have in the house. terrible #anyway. complaint session over lmao #if u read this ily. mwah.<3 kthanxbye #bee speaks

[cannibalkissies]

I'm having the worst health issues this month ;~;

#i'm having to drive #and go to appointments #and make sure i drink my liquid iv #and drive again #but make sure i eat enough #and then when i dont take care of myself #i feel like the room is spinning #and it's hard to sleep #and my neck is getting worse #and my period is delayed #ive never had this sort of period thing happen to me before #and i'm having gut issues a #and ... fuck dude #i want a break #i cant get one #not to mention i fight with my abuser at least once a week #and she sucks at cleaning so i have to clean dishes sometimes on top of all of this #i hurt my thumb really really bad the other day doing dishes and its still locked up #i want a pause on all of this shit #i do... god all fucking mighty #vent #sorry #sorry sorry ugh.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#truly i have too modes. so fucking busy i cant breathe. cant think without a muddled lag. feeling motion sick as i walk #a path ive walked a thousand times over. or not busy enough. without thr pressure i revert to a liquid state and spill across the floor #i cant seem to do anything. at least when im busy i cant feel how miserable i am. at least for a little while bc i have to focus #idk how to find a balance. it always seems to be all or nothing. outside my control but directed by my control #ugh. after the month ive had the misery's caught up with me. also i havent been sleeping enough #i felt horrible all day in the lab ans i was like. i mean maybe its low bloodsugar? but then when i went home i felt 1000 times better #which is. ya kno understandable but not great #idk i can just feel the anger leaking out from under my skin. ive made the system unlivable. now im suffocating on the echo of pain #and i feel bad bc it must b all over my face. bitterness simmering in my words #i met with my boss today for a delayed meeting of a delayed meeting and showed her some preliminary data. she was excited and asked what i #felt abt it. and i dont feel anything abt it. nothing. i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont fucking care #set my datasheets on fire. burn them to ash. i wouldnt feel anything #and im sure some of that sentiment came thru bc she later texted me to reiterate how cool the data is bc no ones done a study this #extensive ans i dont kno how to reply bc again i dont care. theres no breathing enthusiasm back. that dim light has been extinguished. i #look forward to never having to think abt it again. #whatever the more pressing issue is that i cant get my brain to function enough to save me from the other problems i have boiling over #just me sabotaging potential future happiness from where i sit unhappily in the present #annoying. ugh i need to sleep. #unrelated

[nerdie-faerie]

Feeling a lil vindictive, a lil nasty this morning

So context, my brother had a work do last night and before he left he told my mum he'd becoming back here and doing so alone. So tell me why he called me at 3am when I'm trying to sleep but travel anxiety and says he's bringing two mates back? I tell him he can't I'm leaving at 6 tomorrow he just goes yeah they'll just be passing through your room. No I've gotta get up in 3 hours you can't be keeping up, yeah it's fine. The fuck it is not

Anyway so my alarm goes off 3 hours later I've barely slept, my brain already woke me up several times prior but that doesn't mean I'm turning my alarms off immediately or getting ready quietly after the prick disturbed my sleep

#Demon Spawn #travel tag #the rest of my siblings got a nice goodbye but im not a morning person on a good night sleep let alone when i havent been able to sleep #like i wouldnt have gotten much sleep regardless because of anxiety but i woulda been able to fall asleep sooner if i hadnt been dragged out #of bed kept awake by the rage induced adrenaline and the sounds of sports being played on tv and chatter in the next room #and hes gonna spend all day in bed anyway so i dont feel guilty particularly when hes had guests over constantly for the two weeks ive been #home which denies me access to the ensuite and kitchenette thats accessible from his room and he constantly keeps me awake #i dont get to enjoy my comfy non student accommodation bed because the fcker never lets me go to sleep and my mum wont let me sleep in #i did fix my sleep schedule minutely was getting tired at 12 instead of 2am from where i fcked it during assignment season so small mercies #had to wake my littlest brothers up to say goodbye and the babby started crying 😢 my mum wanted me to wake her and the baby up too #but the baba was still half asleep and definitely not processing that i was leaving 😂 she was so unbothered guarantee ill have to facetime #my dad dropped me to the bus stop and hes as bad at small talk and emotionally constipated as me but he was just coming back from a night #shift so i appreciate that that was him putting in extra effort and him checking i had enough money is as close to sentiment as he can do #everyone else? cute goodbye. my sister was already awake when i got up to the house pretty sure she had an alarm set..... #my oldest younger brother? i hope the hangover sucks

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them- #better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so! #anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎 #i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay. #.vent

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

On the one hand I haven't eaten anything today and that's definitely a failure by rehab standards, on the other hand I ate an entire 2000 calories yesterday and if I eat anything right now I think I might throw up. So.

I guess it is what it is. I just want to be a normal person who eats normal amounts of food. Why is that so damn hard?

#i made a joke to my grandma the other day about slowly starving to death #and she said back 'youd think youd be thinner then' #and i know she didn't mean for that to matter to me like it did but like #that's what everyone says #no one ever believes that i simply dont eat #they look at me and they think to themselves #thats someone who must eat a lot who must love food who must get plenty and need to cut back #and it has simply never occurred to someone from looking at me that i fight tooth and fucking nail #just to crack 800 calories a day #never not once not in 15 years but it's been true that long #and its so exhausting to be called a liar to be told i need to be more honest in my food diary to be told to eat better #like bitch if i were eating for me do you think id eat this shit????? #no i eat what i do because im desperately trying to pack in enough calories in a day and i know i physically cant eat enough #if i were eating for me it would be all #carrots and berries and woodland forage shit like some fucking rabbit and id only ever manage like 400 calories a day and id be dead by now #i dunno man i just get so tired i try so hard to do as im told to eat to sleep to shower to take my meds to function but i just #i just can't man #i often think about the fact that im probably just fighting the inevitably institutionalization that has been waiting for me since age 14 #but whatever

[puppysdog]

being depressed sucks but not being depressed is so fucking hard. bitches cant win at anything

#.txt #its getting a little out of hand again #i havent been eating really again and my sleeping has been bad #so its either no sleep or nightmares #and the sleep meds just make me groggy the next day #i havent been able to do anything i want for weeks and ive had so much time off #and i spend it trying to catch up on sleep i never get #i have so many things i want to do!! i want to clean the tank out to set it up for fish!! #i want to finish cleaning the bones!! #fuck man i just want to draw or write or something!! #and even before that i have appointments i need to make. i still havent cleaned or fixed my car #i need to get rid of clothes and clean the place entirely #it all keeps building up it doesnt matter if i can do little tasks at a time because its never enough #i can never do enough or be enough #living like this is a nightmare and i dont have the energy to fix it anymore #meds would help but how the fuck am i even supposed to do that when every psych isnt taking new clients #or doesnt take my insurance #or never gets back to me #i cant keep fucking trying when it never works out #everything hurts all the fucking time. im probably dying #but i cant make a doctors appointment to figure out whats wrong so what does it matter #can someone just fucking euthanize me already

[dexaroth]

i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself

i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean

#its a hexer case and wouldnt you guess the front has a hexagonal pattern. so pretty.. #it came with 3 fans installed there too that have a cmyk color style to them and it looks quite neat. im thinking of buying some leds to pu #inside the case to go with my keyboard tho idk if id go that far tbh (< gamer rot is setting in. im not immune to pretty lighting..) #its also got a lot of unused space inside. im thinking of making more sculptures to put in. though idk if thatd be safe for it #bc cold porcelain is glue and water. what if it evaporates inside and suddenly everythings covered in a glue film #i wonder if varnish would help? the transparent nail polish sure didnt do shit it came off like 2 days after sculpting the rw slug sleeping #which like yeah of course. its nail polish. but i didnt expect it to flake since all it does is sleep on top of my laptop keyboard #i need miniature glass cake cover tops to encapsule every sculpture inside for safety #looking at it still no wonder these are called towers gotdamn its legit so huge.. #it looks awkward tho bc i cant fully make it glue to the wall bc of the cables so its like. awkwardly a bit in front of the wall #im scaared as to how to tell if it ever gets too hot. on a laptop u just press ur head against the left half and feel how hot it is #i think im gonna need software for this.. sigh. tho maybe ill never get to that point since its supposed to be decent #AND its not 8 years old + the 3 fans and gpu fan and cpu fan. surely thats enough. the case even has space for more than that!! #the acrylic side reflects my keyboard too. so niceys. stimulation for my creature eyes #my desk is gonna be so fucked up when i have to organize everything too bc the one i have now is perfecly laptop-oriented #it sits on a custom wooden desk and the keyboard+drawing tablet sit below. but theres a shelf on top of my desk thats too low for the> #>normal monitor to sit to so i wont be able to use the custom desk. and i dont even know what ill do with my laptop either #finally a good change in my sad life routine fr. i cant wait to play watchdogs on this and overgrowth and other ones #AND LAGLESS KRITA SMUDGE ENGINE BRUSHES!!! AND DOUBLE BRUSHES. THEYRE SO LAGGY #A N D ACTUAL FULL HD NORMAL MONITOR. maybe that will get me to not draw in small canvases anymore #now im anxious i just want the day to be over to get the monitor tomorrow aouugh.. just bc i started coding my resources neocities page #dextxt #<the 'major life events' ((sorta)) tag returns. one for the books.. if something bad happens.. itll be here to remind me of the good times

[arthur-r]

need to poll my friends, does anybody drink black coffee like just coffee from inside of a coffee pot and you don’t put anything in it?

#haven’t tried black coffee since i was like ten and i hated it then and now i have mixed feelings #the biggest problem was that it is way too warm i am all burnt up now #that’s what milk is for really is just to drown out the heat turn it into a regular temperature beverage #anyway it tastes well enough and i guess the point of black coffee is it gets the job done #that being said caffeine usually makes me feel unwell so don’t ask me why i went for it today #pro tip if you don’t want to aggravate somebody’s heart problems don’t pour coffee near them when they’re sleeping #(‘‘sleeping’’ what i mean is eyes closed head on desk still perceiving things. not strong enough to wake me up from a dream or anything) #anyway if you pour coffee near me and i’m currently tired out of my mind i’m gonna ask to have some there’s no way around it #so um not my fault i was aided and abetted and i play no role in my own destruction #anyway i’m also feeling entirely fine shdhdf i’m nearly convinced it’s been a chocolate allergy this whole time #and if i stop drinking mochas then i’ll stop reacting cause it’s not the caffeine that’s the problem. we’ll find out soon #anyway who drinks this. do my friends drink this?? do my friends have tips on how to drink this #for example how do you make it not be warm but also not be filled up with milk #do you just blow on it. like an old man in a fable about a satyr who thinks humans are the strangest creatures #the taste is kind of epic honestly like it’s not good but it’s kind of good #at the very least it makes me feel like an old academic #anyway hi it’s senior skip day and i’m playing the system by showing up at the school building and skipping from here #shdhdf i’m gonna go to class from here on out though. just had to skip physics cause i never did the essay and i’m afraid of confrontation #that’s also not my fault because who assigns an essay in physics class???? i dont know this stuff well enough to write about it?? #although of course that’s the point of assigning an essay is to see if we know everything well enough to write about it shdhdf #so anyway i’m here to ask my friends who drink black coffee (if there are any) what do you do to help it cross the line to just being good? #cause right now it’s like good in several ways but it’s too warm and it tastes a little bit silly. i need pro tips for college #cause honestly i love the taste of coffee and like i said the chocolate might be the problem so i’m turning away from mochas #probably they’re both a problem. but let’s say i start drinking decaf black coffee. what do i do to make it incredible. please and thanks #shdhdf mostly i’m just checking in though. how is everybody? i really hope you are doing well!!!! #i’ll be around for a bit then heading to humanities class eventually i can’t skip on the teacher who invited me to her book club #also like. lunch. and like i said i have integrity now. gonna go to the rest of my classes #but so anyway i hope everybody is doing well!!!! let me know if you need anything!! listen to corrections by poolboy if you feel like it!! #me. my post. mine. #alright this is my last tag but i’ll be around. hope you are well and let me know!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#some reflections on 2022 as a year bc im bored and tired mostly prob bc my hormones r fucked up #ill b real. it was not a great one. not the worst i guess. that award goes to 2016 when i was a junior in undergrad and i was spiraling #and i did kno y it was happening so it was scary. now at least i kno why mostly but i think ive experienced the most soul rattling cosmic #despair in this year just bc i pushed and pushed to the point of destruction and i mean i have a history of doing that but i never wanted #to like quit before like as in fucking quit my job and just fucking break things. its weird. and ive got that panic feeling now #its the same one i get when ive been in therapy for a while and nothings helping. and i keep thinking: help me help me someone make this #stop bc i dont want to b like this anymore and i dont kno what to do. bc i was hoping a break would heal me and that would b enough but #the fears been creaping in the past few days bc deadlines and projects snd i havent done anything i need to and i still just want to give #up. ugh. im probably just feeling melodramatic bc i overextended socially yesterday. but idk what to do. hope for a better year i guess #at least i kno i wont b living where i am in 8 to 10 months. so change is coming but things r still up in the air #and i mean 2023 wont b off to a great start bc i have to go to lunch with my grandparents and i dont want to #why? bc i think theyre bad ppl. and itll just b me. and i dont kno for how long ill b there. #my last day home and i have to spend time with them. i shoulf b working on a manuscript. i should b doing that now #but instead im laying here trying not to cry. i just wanna go to sleep. less than 48hrs and ill b back to the desert #feeling a little better maybe but idk all is not well #so yea hopefully 2023 will b a bit better #unrelated

[veggiesforpresident]

i seriously dont understand how anyone has the goddamn time and energy to do all the things necessary to staying in some semblance of good health

#yes im sick rn thats not the POINT #i work FT and am in grad school PT and i dont have a goddamn life! #how the hell am i supposed to do that AND exercise AND cook 3x a day AND do laundry AND AND AND #its too fucking much!!! #but i cant NOT do it!! #lest i suffer consequences down the road!!! #i hate!!! everything!!!!! #i also have no goddamn time for fun either #fun? i dont know her #sorry im just. fucking miserable and exhausted all the time #oh and if you dont get enough sleep youre FUCKED the rest of the day #and whenever i try to do like exercise i get so goddamn exhausted the next day #and i KNOW thatll get better with time but this week ive prolly got covid so my energy is totally shot #and it just... feels fucking hopeless like im never gonna get into a goddamn routine

[wabblebees]

.

#rant incoming! tldr: im just complainin' bc im a dumbass playing with the new blorbos from my head but i SHOULD be asleep. oops #had brain fog + migraine + joint pain BAD all mcfucken day #to the point where i spent the last 11 hours just laying in bed being adhd miserable bc it Hurt to be awake but the understimulation had me #fuckt UP. i couldnt sleep to escape it bc i couldnt fucken relax my FACE enough to make my head stop hurting but i felt like i was going #full yellow-wallpaper lady in my own head bc through the brain fog + the headache i couldnt focus on anything stimulating or fun enough #and now. NOW. now that its 2am and the ibuprofen is FINALLY working. i cant sleep bc i have dnd brainrot #ive got all these fun ideas that i dont wanna forget so ive been scrambling to get them all down before i can #but also i SHOULD be SLEEPING. yet every time i lay down my brain's silly little lightbulb ''bing!''s Back On and im!! hoough!! #sooo fun thinkin abt it all but also... dude. u dont have a campaign or table or a party or ANYTHING. so W H Y do u gotta do this rn #whyyyy rn. all day i wanted this or sleep and got NEITHER. but!! oh sure nOw the brain worms are active. #i have WORK in the morning little brainworms. its 2am!! where were u at 6o'clock!! we coulda done all this t h e n #But Also. i am rotating these new lil fuckers in my head at mach speeds #im so fucken psyched for smth to happen with these ideas even though ik theres like. literally no way in hell for them to go anywhere lmao. #ive never dm'ed in my gd life hgkfshfkgk idk wtf im doing here. ive played in like. 2 canpaigns total. wtf is going ON lmao #goddamn. adhd my beloathed. ah well #also just realised the phrase 'blorbos from my head' probably sounds.... very very silly lmao #im typing this out bc im hoping doing smth slightly Different will break the brain cycle enough to let me Go Tf To Bed lmao #wish me luck lmaooo #bee speaks

[tokyoteddywolf]

It sucks so much once you realize how entwined someone is in your life, then it just sucks more when you have to scrub away the traces it existed. That it was there, and it was good, until it wasn't anymore.

(Ignore my angry venting it's 3am I'm cranky and want chocolate.)

#vent #i feel like my hands are soaked in blood that soap cant clean #'blood is thicker than water' they say but that just makes it all the harder to scrub away once it goes bad #i loved you so much and i still do but now everything is just bitter and rotting and i hate it so much #and im just ranting to myself about how unfair it is that im doing so much better but i still miss what i had #that it wasnt your fault i didnt get help sooner- i believed so badly that i didnt deserve help. #that if i just waited long enough id rot away and be done with it all. #and i never got to say 'thank you for loving me when i couldnt love myself' at the worst time of my life. #you tried to help me. i can appreciate that #but i can be bitter that you still abandoned me. i have that right. i am going to be better and do better but you dont get to have that. #im still learning how to be a proper human. one that can learn to love herself and not distrust any form of affection. #but im going to do that on my own and when im better i hope you see it. i really hope you do. #you both still abandoned me though so fuck you both for that. im not gonna be nice about it anymore. #i didnt wanna hurt feelings even though mine were CONSTANTLY trampled over. so yeah. fuck you. that feels good to say. #fuck you for never apologizing. fuck you for abandoning me in a city i had no place else to go in. fuck you for giving me false hope. #fuck you for making promises you couldnt keep. fuck you for all the times i felt alone or excluded or just plain unwanted. #fuck you for constantly picking each other over me. fuck you for all the times i had to swallow how i felt because it was 'mean'. #fuck you for making your love conditional. fuck you for never even trying to understand how i felt. fuck you for taking years of my life. #and mostly just- fuck you for making me think i was worth it. #i felt like i had to do all the work in that friendship. starting convos and game days and INTERACTING. #the friends i have now dont do that shit. they COMMUNICATE WITH ME. Fuck you for that too by the way! not communicating! #rant over. fuck you. im gonna sleep now knowing you wont see this cuz ya BLOCKED ME.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Lately I've been going to bed around 4-6am and I have to wake up at 9am every day so I've only been getting 3-5 hours of sleep, but last night I went to bed at 2am so maybe I wouldn't feel like shit the next day, but I woke up at 6am and could not fall back asleep because I feel wide awake. My body hates me and doesn't want me to ever have more than five hours of sleep I guess

#i woke with the fucking sun today and i hate it #well maybe i dont hate it. its kind of nice to be an early riser for once #but this has happened before. where i go to sleep early for a change and end up waking up hours before my alarm #and then less than half an hour before my alarm ill be steuck by exhaustion and not have enough time to fix it #and i love my roommate but shes awake and doing dishes and leaving the apartment and then coming back #its 7am. she usually has the same sleep schedule as me so idk whats going on with us today #it feels like i pulled an all nighter because usually thags the only time i see the sunrise. maybe ill order some fast food breakfast today #maybe ill take my dog for an early walk if its not too cold. brb let me check the temperature #ooh its 37. thats hoodie weather. my poor dog keeps getting woken up by my whims. the othe night i accidentally woke him #because i wanted a bagel at 4am and he sleeps in the kitchen area #i would love to do this every day. go to bed earlier and wake earlier. but im not a morning person #and i usually work until 11pm. i work at a bar so its nighttime schedules for me. which i love. im a night person for sure #im not looking forward to moving back in with my parents because likely i wont find another job with this type of schedule #they live in a tiny ass town. i never understood how people move to a tiny town with no connections there. like they have no family there #except for my geandpa but he moved there after my parents. my parents moved there woth no family around #no one has heard of my hometown. it has 2000 people in it. it doesnt have great schools. its not diverse. theres no draw to it #idek how my parents heard of it #maybe ill learn to bartend there. get a job as a bartender. or maybe go to college. or become a firefighter or emt #although idk if college is right for me and i dont want to make a mistake that costs thousands of dollars #ill just take a class or two at the community college. that could be nice. but most likely ill go into a trade. my brother is a welder #and my dad is a cop. neither went to college. my dad says he could get me a job as an electrician. that would be nice #yeah probs wont go for my degree. will probs just take some classes for fun and a consistent schedule #and then become an electrician or something. sorry this turned into a weird rant #good morning everyone ily