#If you know me irl I am not talking about you

[fuckedupvamp]

I talked to all the people I know IRL and noone, noone fucking cares that I am proship.

Tell them what Anti's do, my Psychiatrist says I shouldn't bother "they just want attention"

My parents say "they are just dumb fucks"

My boyfriend says "don't listen to them, you're amazing with all of your flaws"

Maybe I am not good person for having BPD and lashing out sometimes

I am still loved

Don't fucking come at me and tell me I deserve to die and I am sick I know I am sick I know I deserve to die but you don't care about victims you don't care about trauma you don't care about me so why just look at my flaws and insult me thAT IS CRAZY

Omfg

#proship discourse #proship #proshipper safe #proshippers are welcome #proshipp #anti anti #proshippers please interact #proship please interact #proshipper

[emmaismyana]

Hi!! I hate to intrude on your blog but I don't have a blog to talk abt this stuff (too risky) and I can't talk to anyone about it irl so I was wondering if I could go on a mini rant abt my ed bcos I'm a little fed up w myself rn 😭.

So, I've had what I like to call Ana Lite (TM) for a few years now (I used to eat smaller portions at meals to shrink my stomach/appetite) but it devolved into a full blown ed around Oct 2023. That's when I started seriously losing weight (and tracking it). Well, I've been fat all my life. And I don't mean skinny fat, or midsized, I mean fat fat. Like, (medically) obese. When I started I was 85.7kg. Between Oct and Dec of last year, I lost down to 72.8kg. I felt amazing, I had hit two of my gws and felt motivated.

Well, afyer some intsnse fluctuation, for the past 5 months or so I've maintained at 74.8kg. My honeymoon phase was over and I was no longer motivated to actually fast and get actual progress. Well, about 2 weeks ago I decided to change that. I weighed in then at 74.7kg and at the end of that week I was at 72.5kg (a new lw!!) I was (and am) overjoyed, but there's one issue. I fast as much as I can, but I can't avoid dinner or meals on weekends bc of my parents (my parents have both already asked me if im eating, i cant risk them knowing). My period was supposed to come that week, but as it normally happens when I fast, it didn't start until I started eating more on the weekend.

My period makes it so so much harder to fast bc my cravings get so much worse and you already gain weight on your period, which means I'm constantly bloated and feel fatter than usual. Anyway, my goal is to hit 59kg before I go back to school next year (important weight bc at my height it means I'll be 15 lbs under overweight) and it'll be so much easier if I lose as much as I can before summer starts bc once I'm home all the time it'll be a lot harder (I'm also currently unemployed, so ik getting a job again will help.) I have 2 weeks before summer hits and I really really wanna hit 68kg by then but I'm scared I gained weight this week 😭 and I rlly just needed to talk about it bcos I haven't eaten all day and I'm about to go to the gym and I need to make sure I don't binge afterwards bcos I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow.

(Also I feel rlly bad about this but my friend who is Chinese and slightly overweight very vocally hates her body and definitely has an ed but if I were to let her know I have one too or that ik she has one it wouldn't end well. That's not the part I feel bad about. This summer she's going to china to stay w her mom who is very skinny and very fat phobic and ik the ppl around her probably won't care if she starves herself and I feel so bad for feeling this way but I'm so scared she's gonna lose a ton of weight without me. She's always been skinnier than me and the way she talks about herself makes me feel so much fatter but I love her and we've been friends for such a long time. The one thing I have going for me is that I have skinny legs and she has expressed so many times how jelous she is of them and I feel so shitty that it makes me feel good about myself. Everything between us already feels like a competition, I just wish we could both be skinny without the drama. But also, i don't want her to go to the hospital or anything I want her to get better and all of this shit is just so confusing 😭)

So so sorry if I annoyed you! I just don't have an outlet for any of this stuff (other than my journal lol) and you seemed really sweet.

(🐚 for me to find later if you do decide to post)

Hii!! Im not gonna respond to everythinf you said, my apologies!

But im so glad you were able to rant and please feel always welcome to, either anonymous like this or in my dm's youre always welcome ♡

Hope you feel a bit better :) and tysm for calling me sweet ahaha you seem nice too

#ed but not ed sheeran #light as a feather #pro for me not for thee #th1nsp1ration #i wanna be tiny #starv1ng #th1gh g@p #th1n$pø #i wanna lose weight #tw weight

[field-s-of-flowers]

why are theater kids mean

#soph’s posts #If you know me irl I am not talking about you #I don’t let irls follow me if I don’t like them #Why are people whispering about my friends behind their backs!!! Shut your fuck up Casey!!! #I have a lead you don’t get to talk about my friends like that #Hash tag theater kid problems

[vanweezer]

that type of person who you think you'd be friends with in every universe - expressed through jim & corey - id/transcript in alt text

so this is a kind of not-so-surprise for my friend @sinclarsupremacy , bc they were the first person i showed this two and was on the phone with me the whole time while i made it. didn't give a single thing away until everything was scanned and done. five dead pens and one reliable sharpie later, i show him this. wanted to get used to drawing the slipsour guyz more but also wanted to articulate something i have troubles saying to important people. this is kind of an ode to all my close friends ive made who i definitely wouldve hung around some graveyards with, and an ode to some bands i didnt know id like as much as i do 🫶

#corey taylor #jim root #also based on that one jim page where they called him the 'group ghoul' and talked about how hed get nightmares #of a flaming head telling him he was gonna burn in hell #ill tell you one thing. having dorks like nate in my life wouldve saved ME some melodrama #however i am always melodramatic (eg: this very post) so maybe it just wouldve made things melodramatic-er #slipknot #stone sour #<- again purely organizational i dont wanna step on anyones toes #artings #nate tag #dunno if i should tag this as #rpf #but considering this is a story ive growth'd from my dome. fictional retellings of irl doofuses & whatnot. whateva #prolly gonna go on a sideblog soon. you know how it goes #also im sorry jimberly i made you have the silhouette of a yugioh character #if this is rpf in the traditional sense call it the au where jim and corey are able to shoot the breeze like this #in a way that isnt insanely passive aggressive or terribly jokey or downright explosive. yknow how they be #drinking game: take a shot each time jim says yknow or coreys fucking HAT deteriorates in quality #tell your friends that you would be friends in every universe

[llitchilitchi]

setting off for a long journey

#dnf #oblivion au #sketchbook #ert #do I even tag this? should I tag this absolute mess of an au with any of the participants? #this was simply me wanting to draw the view of white gold tower after like a 5h obliv sesh #yes I know that theres only two towers at the side shut up #this isnt even a real location I imagine this would be in jerall mountains but it doesnt make sense #this is like. cheydinhal view at best. probably more south idk I made it up #just needed to have these two kiss in the early morning hours before dream has to leave for a mission #Ive been playing more obliv so there Might be more idk #done with like 10 colouring pencils cause yeah #the blue looks eyestrainy but trust me its worse irl I love that colour #wish I could get the colours more true to life #anyways thank you for reading this rant I am here to talk about this silly au that I am very normal about

[mostlybroadway]

can someone plz talk to me about nerdy prudes/the hatchetfield universe as a whole so the hyperfixation doesn’t eat me alive

#starkid #team starkid #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #black friday #nightmare time #i’m obsessed i need to talk to someone #dm me if you want #i am the only hatchetverse obsessed person i know irl #i need mutuals to dm about this

[mafuteru]

"sometimes i forget mafumafu isnt like a guy in our friend group." comment made by my friend just now

#theyre not rly interested in musicians and dont have social media accounts so they only know about mafu bc of me #when you talk so much about mafumafu that your irls even give you the nickname mafu... orz #assigned factkin #were gonna go do something together this weekend (activity not decided yet). for once i am actually excited about a hangout event #ultra super rare moment for me #shion.txt

[enden-k]

At some point I will def start writing love letters to him, so I hope you're mentally prepared

-anon that proposed to Kaveh

please dont send them to me, i dont wanna come off as mean but i genuinely dont know how to respond anymore to smth like this and i dont wanna keep continuing feeling stressed and uncomfy on this blog anymore

#i dont feel for him like that bc theres only one character i started to feel comfortable and all that stuff for #where i for the first time could even get into and understand all the self shipping stuff #but still very timidly #and i still feel a little uncomfortable when ppl approach me so openly and violently about their self shipping #that i dont know how to react especially bc i dont do self ship for me or others here. #and only can feel this to one specific character #so i feel very out of depth? out of my comfort zone here #this is mostly bc i am aro and i feel uncomfortable in general when ppl talk about romantic stuff irl #which is why i do ships bc i get to explore smth entirely fictional not involving real ppl that doesnt make me uncomfy #and perhaps why the only character i feel comfy and do the self ship thing is this specific characte #bc i feel like his way of love and showing affection is similar to mine #which gives me comfort #idk if i explain it well #and sorry for rambling in tags #i just dont wanna say “you make me uncomfortable” and not explain what exactly #so no one misunderstands it #tbd #reply

[derpinette]

girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could

#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does #i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY #HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY #OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited... #turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was #always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me #i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY #we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it #i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow ) #& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together #we even talked about finding moids ugly #it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^ #talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL #i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do #also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women #& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT) #i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy #to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD

[lyxchen]

None of my irl friends ever ask "hey what are you currently obsessed with?" "what fandom are you in right now?" "what new shows have you watched?" "what are you drawing fanart for right now?" and that makes me a little bit sad

#like most if not all of my irl friends have showed me that they really don't care what i'm into at the moment and so i don't tell them #anymore #and they never ask #so i guess they really don't care #like when i was fully Obessed with jatp i talked about it all day every day but after a while i realized that my friends were kinda annoyed #by that #at least that's how it felt #so i just kinda stopped #and they didn't notice #and now i don't really tell my friends about my new hyperfixations anymore because i'll just get the same reactions #and i know that i can't expect them to always listen to me and always care about what random show i like at the moment #but it would be nice if they did ask one in a while #i mean i listen to what happens in their lives too #because i care about them and am interested in what they like #anyways thank you lovely people in my phone for fangirling with me and listening to me ramble about my current hyperfixations♡ #lea's random thoughts #*once in a while

[uncanny-tranny]

It's still fucked up to go "why can't people accept trans men as men when they act JUST LIKE cis men," and it (at best) is putting trans men in a shitty position wherein we have to prove ourselves suffieciently enough and at worst is actively just transphobia reliant on gender essentialism, which affects all trans people and then some.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #i've honestly found that people have held me to a much higher standard than cis men and i imagine that is multiplied tenfold among TPoC #the conversation about how we (general) make TPoC into a Threat is not mine to have. i have seen this discussion pop up multiple times #and the way gender is racialized absolutely affects PoC and TPoC #it runs me the wrong way precisely because of the gender essentialism and how much of that is rooted in transphobia 👍 #like i feel as though people will read past the transphobia i'm talking about to go 'oh classic man whining' but... #...transphobia is transphobia even if it is 'gender-affirming' transphobia #my manhood isn't affirmed when you assume i'm a danger or that i am bound to be a fuck-up yknow? #because i *do* actually try my best to be good to the people around me and i *do* my best to protect others #and i am confident in the fact that the people around me irl will know that i don't fuck around when it comes to wanting to have their backs #like i have made it clear that i am willing to go apeshit if i'm told somebody is not safe #anyway i just want people to be mindful about how they talk about trans people and how playing into gender essentialism won't save us #i want people to know that they're still hurting trans people even if they think they're somehow punching up at us #talking about this because it's weirdly something i see so often when people even look at a trans man (only slightly hyperbolic) #people assume trans men have no idea what women and gender expansive people go through when it's like...??? HUH??? #(also going off earlier my manhood doesn't even *need* to be rooted in protecting others and being a shield for me to be a man)

[aroandawkward]

It feels kind of magical to happen across other aspecs in the wild. Once I heard a friend of a friend talk about aesthetic attraction so I tentatively asked if she was aspec and her face lit up with a "Yes!" Another time I was chatting with someone that I'd sat next to in the first lecture of a new course and (because they were talking about queer stuff) I mentioned that I was aroace and they exclaimed "No way - me too! I've never met another one!" and we were both so excited. Even just learning through the grapevine that an acquaintance (e.g. a family friend I played with when we were kids, and a girl I was in a writing group with six years ago) is ace and/or aro makes me feel so warm and happy. It reminds me I'm not alone. It reminds me that other aspecs don't just live on the internet. They are out there in the world, living their own full and rich lives.

#Aspec #aromantic #asexual #actually aromantic #actually asexual #Feeling kinda down today partly cos of aroace-related stuff so I'm trying to remember moments like this #This has happened to me a lot more since I started being more open about my orientation #because that openness creates more opportunities for these discoveries #But I think I'm also more able to revel in it than when I was less confident in being aroace #like I remember a few years ago seeing someone I knew irl posting on social media about being ace #and just feeling flat about it because I didn't feel connected to them #and I didn't feel like I'd ever be able to talk about that with them even if we were friends #But now I feel more solid in my orientation #I am more able to be like 'same hat!!' #Anyway I know I have been lucky to have these moments #but if you are someone who has never met another aspec person #chances are that you will one day #or maybe someone you already know just isn't out #or hasn't realised yet #There are enough of us that it is more than possible to meet other aspecs by pure coincidence #Awkward aroposting

[thegunslingerfollowed]

The problem is I have chronic guilt about something that I can’t control but everyone on tumblr would tell me I’m a bad person for. Unfortunately, this is the only place I can vent so this particular issue will just destroy me from the inside

#actually ocd #guilt #chronic guilt #morality ocd #moral ocd #I do have POCD but this is (surprisingly) not about POCD #people on tumblr will tell you you’re a terrible person for POCD tho #I just wish there was someone who I could guarantee not judging me #not a therapist because they’re just judging me in their head #I don’t have close friends irl or on the internet #I can’t talk to anyone except my parents who are great but very unhelpful on this issue #d originals #ocd #I recognize it is part of the ocd but also part of it is like… objectively true you know #I want to die it’s tearing me apart #why can’t I just get rid of it? #I should be happy rn and I’m not #I’m only happy when I briefly forget this fact about my life #why is my brain like this? why is something that most people would consider a blessing a curse to me #why am I so ungrateful #just want to die but I know I’ll never actually attempt #I’ll just feel like this forever

[burinazar]

:( patheticposting

nearly literally reduced to tears rn by how overwhelmingly it feels like nobody cares what I make or like or think about and how meaningless any of my creativity and love and effort is

[larabar]

dump consisting of stuff from today and Months ago

#hi sorry i just realized how much stuff ive forgotten about and its. a lot #so im posting it when nobody's awake :] #so so sorry about that color palette one me n an irl friend found it and Immediately wanted to try it out. pro tip :dont #also theres some stuff from my frontiers au ! anything remotely related to sonic being a ghost i latch onto so fast #in the 2nd to last one he can breathe btw he just doesnt .know . that he can #gh h i wanna talk more about this au so bad .. #sonic frontiers spoilers #sth #doodles #eyestrain #< the color palett;e one #ok i think thats it thank you and .gnight i am tired #frontiers role swap

[mel-loly]

-“Just a flower, in the middle of the field at night, a light is turned on and reveals.. A day arriving with confident hope and silent happiness!”🌹🐝

#for those who didn't get it.. today is my birthday! and so tomorrow is really the day of the party and etc.. #that's why I put “arriving” because tomorrow is a really special and very important event in my life akzbskhzjsb #and yes. I'm cosplaying as princess bela. she's one of my favorite characters and her dress.. It's literally a dream come true for me! #because I'm really going to use one similar to this one tomorrow irl and- #I won't tell you guys more details because it's personal things but- well. that's a little explain of what the art is about! #I really feel very happy.. and I admit. I don't even know how to explain my happiness but.. well... #I feel special. surrounded by people who *really* love me and show true affection for me and.. #that I just have to thank. for everything. I have gratitude for all of you! like- thank you very much. really. for everything.. #I can't even express in words how grateful I am for each of you #know that I love and appreciate everyone who is still with me on this journey called life! #and of course- I couldn't forget to talk about him lol. thanks to mike! #I don't know what would have become of me if I hadn't met someone as friendly and good-hearted as him #he was always by my side and made me feel more special in every day. in a unique way and one of the most important to me.. #I love him very much/p. and I hope that our friendship will be forever happy and respectful the way it already is! #(of course. this also works for the other friends I made here too- please don't get mad or jealous! I love you all. okay??) #and well.. that's it. #I hope I still stay here. that I enjoy my day and face any fear or harm that I might have ahead of me and.. #that I just hope for the best. I put everything in God's hands and I feel confident that things will work out no matter what the cost! #thank you guys again for everything and happy birthday to me lol-💛 #happy birthday to me #it's my birthday #mel creator #mel loly #cosplaying of beauty and the beast #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #my art blog #art mel #art #my art #my oc character