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mechahero · 6 months

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//Some HypnoOutlaw AU stuff because I have a problem

Lambda's username on there is jetixis (or cyberworldz maybe? If I go down the cyberworldz username route, he'd use it out of spite or some attempt to seem cool because it's ironic to use the name of Hypno.space's competitor while being on HS. Even though he uses Hypno.space and doesn't use CyberWorldZ at all.)

His desktop wallpaper is the classic light green and slightly darker shade of green checkered background. Or a Taurus X wallpaper. He changes between the two a lot.

Listen, his display settings are Squisherz themed, except for the sound which is default. His cursor setting is HS default or this cool gauntlet cursor he found while poking around one night. His screensaver is Oozle Drip.

Motor City isn't a thing but he still does live in Virginia. I don't know where in it yet.

He's usually on HS to hang out with people. He's kind of lonely in real life and uses the internet as a method to connect with other people and talk with them!

Yes, he has a virtual pet. It's Mushi. He used to have an April the Flying Hamster but he made the mistake of taking a weeklong break from HS and it sort of... died? (I know the pets don't actually decline or die when you log off but roll with it.) He's still upset about it.

The song that plays on his page is either Wild Sleep, or he managed to scoot around HS's copyright system so he can have Platinum Retriever or Glamopaster #2 as his page theme.

His page is... well, it's not really weird exactly. It's kind of just average? Imagine a page for a heavily masc 18 year old but slightly juxtaposed by the fact that he often talks about cute things he likes. And the background being pink perhaps, that too. Maybe a mix of cool and cutesy gifs and stuff.

He just kind of talks about whatever! From the music he likes, the shows and games he likes to watch and play. Average stuff. He won't shut the hell up about KATACLYSM and a vampire show he likes though.

Has a page dedicated to Taurus X. He wanted to make a fan club so he could talk about it with other fans of the show but he wasn't sure how to do that, so it's just a page.

Has an unlisted page that's tucked away. It mostly functions as a diary. It's more of a place for him to try and put his thoughts and feelings. It's rarely updated due to how weird he feels about it.

He has another unlisted page which is basically just a place for him to put his fanfiction. He mostly writes a lot of worldbuilding stuff for the world his character is in. He very rarely writes stories about his character, which is a cyborg catboy that takes cues from JRPG protagonists. (Just... roll with it. Please.)

Has a third unlisted page where he posts screenshots of drama he comes across and talks about it. Think like Gossip Girl. Lambda tends to follow these bouts of drama very closely. It's mostly for his eyes only as he's aware that it's really fucking weird to post about someone else's drama publicly, hence the unlisted page. Doesn't stop him from getting into the occasional fight outside of that page though. Because never knowing when to keep his mouth shut is just consistent with Lambda no matter the verse.

He's a sparklehaze disliker, sorry. He's tried to like it but it's not his thing. Dislikes a lot of cosmic music and coolpunk songs as well.

Ironic considering he's a Fre3zer fan lmaooo (he only likes Icy Girl and that's it so that doesn't even count.)

Secret Seepage fan. He keeps it to himself but Lambda really does like their songs. He just doesn't want to be made fun of for listening to the HS equivalent of nu metal lmao.

He's just kind of nosy. His nights when not spent in ChitChat talking to his friends or posting on his page consist of going onto other people's pages and looking through them. He has a lot of fun going through rabbit holes and seeing just how many pages are connected to each other. The downside is that he tends to find a lot of weird stuff. But hey, that kind of happens so he's not too bothered by it, he just moves on.

You know Lambda would have the HS_Lifestyles badge on his page. And HS_Music. And HS_GamersOnly while we're at it. He's not subscribed to a lot of things.

#//buries my face in my hands and scuttles off #//posting stuff related to hyperfix has me feeling cringe but im posting it anyway #//might switch this around for dream.settler stuff when the game comes out though #//dont ask me abt his headband id bc i dont feel like going through all of the ids to make one for him without accidentally copying someone #//-else's #//yes the mundane stuff counts. ITS PART OF THIS #//this is going to sound so weird without context sorry yall #//i have been working on this for an HOUR now im not typing anymore on this post #//yeah the cyborg catboy is just a joke. bc hes basically that minus the ears and tail in the main verse #//its a bad joke sorry yall lmao #//but yeah this post is LONGGGGGGG and im kind of just done with it #//wrung this from my brain like a sponge #//tosses this onto the dash #backup log {ooc}#//yeah im just going to put this here for now

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atlas-affogato · 11 months

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YALL 60% OF WHAT IVE WRITTEN TAKES PLACE IN THE FIRST PART

#oh my god its so longgggggg #i knew the first part would be the longest but oh my god #i have not written hardly anything for canon era (part 2)#oh my goddddd #its crazy to see that #like i knew this but also i didnt #writing #my writing #my fanfiction #my fanfic #jca fanfiction #jca enforcers fanfiction #jca enforcers #77k words of pre canon stuff so far

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cupuasu · 1 year

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so many indian movies i want to watch and so little patience or will to watch any movie over 150mins lately

#why are they all so longgggggg pleaseeeeeeeee i canttttttttt #such a drag to watch 1 hour movies these days let alone 3 hour movies #i dont have the mental capacity to watch long movies anymore its sad #i wish theyd show these long ass movies in the cinema cos its the only place im ok with #who wouldve thought that watching movies in my phone or in my laptop would permanently damage my experience with films LMAOOOOOOOOO

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baylardo · 2 years

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The Julia and Tom paris child custody chapters are making me go insane

#BARF #ITS NOT EVEN WORTH IT THIS ARC IS SO LONGGGGGGG #Booklard #Acts of Contrition

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minubell · 8 months

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please more Rapunzel.

#tides of war #TOW ficlet #fourth age #Eonwe #Sauron #Mairon #Nienna #Oh lord this one took a while its so longgggggg #but finally progress! Maybe?#A change at least #All these Valar keep giving Sauron gifts like “sorry for your cringe past we're cool now right”

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a-moth-to-the-light · 2 months

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what i'm working on!

a. top 10 chung ha songs

b. top 10 stayc songs (i'm obsessed with these lists i love making internet-friendly numbered lists bc they are also me-friendly numbered lists)

c. balladsposting (highlighting my favorite soft/quiet/downtempo songs)

d. an alba reche discography review / explaining why i'm so obsessed with her music / why you should all listen to alba reche

e. my top songs of 2023 (I CAN'T LET GO OF IT ITS BEEN SITTING IN THE DRAFTS FOR SO LONGGGGGGG BUT I KEEP SAYING 'NO ITS NOT READY IT NEEDS A LITTLE MORE WORK')

f. highlights of my winter 2023 playlist (goodbye winter, hello spring!)

#yes it's all music stuff !!#maybe i'll get back to my book & manga & webtoon stuff one day ?#future of six

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hoe4rairai · 2 years

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Headcanon - Raian Jealous S/O

Warning … VERRRRRRRRYY LONGGGGGGG AND OF COURSE ITS NSFW 🔞 😏

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><

Raina never gave his S/O a room to be jealous nor ever fed her mind with doubts like some other fucked up men who do in general.

Raian took his S/O to a walk by the village river at night when he was back to town after a mission.

Walking in serenity and silence just like they always used to do.

He never holds her hand in public but instead he lets her clutch to his arms while he keeps his hands in his pockets.

They passed by a tall blonde girl who had the kure eyes and she was remarkably beautiful, Raian didn’t pay attention to her he was just looking ahead, chin up and calmly arrogant as he always been.

The Blonde stopped him with a sweet sexy voice: (Oh Look who graced us with his might presence? )

Raian turned his head slowly towards the girl’s direction and his eyes widened a little and a tiny smirk on his face, he walked towards her pulling his S/O along since her arms were still clutched to his.

He called her by the name, it was a unisex name ! ( Raian never calls a girl by her name unless its his S/O ) the rest of the girls are all Bitches to him .

The Blonde apparently has a history with Raian, from the way the are talking and interacting, Raian didn’t bother to introduce his S/O to the blonde whom she in return didn’t even notice the S/O existence. Or let’s say she just straight up ignored his cute petite but well-formed Girlfriend, she looked like a dwarf in between two giants.

The brief chat ended and Raian still didn’t introduce his GF to that blonde and to make it worse , that Blonde had balls of steel to approach Raian and pat his shoulders before she left , she fucking ran her hand on his left shoulder and looked at him with a daring look.

THAT IS IT …..

S/O unclutched her arms from Raian They started walking again.

Raian can sense his GF mood shifted

S/O breathing is irregular

Raian didn’t get it why his S/O is mad?!!!

MEN ARE SHITZZZZ SOMETIMES or we just overreact but hell NO that is not overreacting, any girl would be jealous and mad, unless she doesn’t love her man.

They were supposed to cross to the other side of the river to get her favourite ice cream

Until she stopped suddenly and with a fake orchestrated calm voice S/O said: I want to go home and NOW.

Raian looked at her annoyed with her sudden mood swing: he turned his head giving her death glares which she withheld stubbornly, and he said with a low husky annoyed voice: ( Bitch then why did we leave home and bother huh .. Fukin waste of time … )

HE CALLED HER BITCH BUT THAT BLONDE HE PLEASANTLY CALLED HER BY HER NAME …

DA FUCK HE DID NOT ….!!!

S/O left him and walked on her own, Raian walked behind her and wanted to annoy her more so he called Ohma and told him that he met that hot blonde chick AGAIN …

AGAIN … AGAIN …

S/O had it all planned in her head, she will kill Raian tonight ..

He was laughing not considering how annoying he has become and how annoyed his S/O had turned.

They reached home, she walked first and slammed the door to his face

He laughed and gave her a sneaky one of his annoying hyena laughs.

The next thing Raian knows things are throwing at him left right and centre, he dodges everything like a pro I MEAN OF COUSRE.

S/O didn’t stop there, she stared to search for the biggest knife and she started crying out of anger.

He looked so calm and folded his arms against his chest saying in a deadly sarcastic sing song voice: ( Careful playing with big toys ) then he tilted his head asking her with a teasing but deadly tone : ARE YOU JELOUSE OF WHATS HER NAME and released another hyena laugh with lower pitch.

Jealous did he say JEALOUS????

She charged towards him with the knife and he skilfully pulled the hand which was holding the knife fare from him and wrapped her arm around her chest while fast but steady turning her body around, so now the knife still held by his S/O but Raian squeezed her hand till she dropped it to the floor , her back is stuck to his chest and torso and Raian’s other hand holding her other hand behind her back firmly

He hissed in her ears: HOPEFLESS BITSH ( he was stressing on the S )

He forced her hand to drop the knife with little pressure from him, but it was painful for her.

She turned around to face him, and to her own surprise she SLAPPED THE DEVIL

FUCKZZZZZZZZ

His face slowly turned back to look at her, head tilted, eyes are now sparkled with a Murderous look with an intent to hurt , hands on his hips, licking his lower lips ever so slowly , his Adam apple bobbed as if he was about to say something but instead drew a smile that made her realize she is in a deep shit trouble.

S/O stood there trying to think fast what to do to safe her ass from this bad situation.

With all her might, she jumped on him, his killing instinct kicked in immediately and took his stance to break her back till he felt her wet kisses on his neck, they were hot , hungry and apologetic , he was not having it so he pulled her away breaking her grip on him abruptly , she lost control and fell right at his feet .

She looked up, he looked down at her, she slowly reached out to his pants, undoing it while silenty sobbing and looking at him

He just stood there wondering wdf is she doing and why, but he didn’t let her

He pulled her by the arm smacking her body to the wall, she felt that and gasped loud

He glued her to the wall with his body and whispered in her ear to stop acting like a jealous psychopath, HE REALLY HAD IT

She kicked his balls; it didn’t do much for him and she managed to run to the room and before shutting the door he just jolted the door and it probably broke , Raian is getting mad.

All that and she didn’t say a word just hitting him and then kissing him.

She finally asked with tears WHO IS SHE?

He walked towards her like a lion answering: Don’t bother

She asked again who is she?

He is now right in front of her about to snap till she looked him dead in the eyes and said in a giving up tone: I LOVE YOU RAIAN

His mind short circuited for few seconds

She came on to him as rough that he even was surprised that she has that in her .

She reached to him , kissing him roughly, pulling any garment that she touches out of the way. Till he was topless, and she was completely naked and on top of him on bed.

How they got there: will while she was roughly kissing him, he was moving back till he threw them both on bed and now she is in control with his permission.

She made a quick work and took his pants and boxers off.

She is flushed in pink hue all over her body, her breathing is fast and rough like a kitty after a long session of playing, her hair was all messy over her face and shoulders

He was on his back looking at her with strange anticipation, he loves this side of her that he never tapped on before.

She freed him from all garments and with a quick job with her warm hand he didn’t take time to arose, she looked at him with a sneaky angry smile and he was just looking at her still with anticipation.

She worked on his member with rough licks and squeezed his ball sack and his body sent an extasy shiver, he relaxed into the mattress further, his hands are holding her head with a firm grip but she removed his hand and held it firmly to the mattress next to her

He was pleasantly surprised with her rough protocol initiation.

SHe kept sucking on him with a fast base and without any breaks

She started salivating and she kept going

Her face was fucked up and messy, but he loved the scene

She made herself gag few times, he pushed himself farther inside her mouth and she didn’t mind,

She stopped and moved away, his hand were still in her grip while his other hand was behind his head resting

He is fully naked Infront of her and so is she.

She left him to the cold space, his devilish eyes were following her every move like a predator.

she climbed up on his chest, his member was inches away from her entrance and she can feel the heat and erection

she released his hand and reached to his neck.

His neck is quite large for her petite hands, so she grabbed his with both hands

he gave a lazy but enticing breathy laugh and licked his bottom lips slowly,

she was looking at him with dead serious eyes filed with lust and anger

In his slow husky low voice, he said: ( What now S/O ( he called her NAME ) u wanna kill me.

He then thrust his hips in a sudden, she almost tripped to the side

She lost balance and tried to stabilize her hands on his chest

She slowly reached out to his face , both hands went back to grab his neck

She bit his lips and drew blood; he didn’t nudge he again gave her the lazy breathy laugh

He is teasing her keeping her tensed and angry want to know where she will reach with this anger, till he eventually gets her where he wants her to be UNDER HIM whimpering and out of breath and fucked

But for now, he wants to play this game, he is enjoying her silly but cute tantrum.

Bitting on his neck leaving marks, he allowed her, though HE NEVER EVER DID before

She was rougher than she ever been, and he liked it so much

She was rocking herself on him while kissing him harshly, dripping wet on his abdomen, her entrance was hot and wet, and he can feel her throbbing though he is not still inside her yet.

He wanted to tense her up to see her ends to fire her up so he can get the monster out of her and see how far she ca get with him before she collapses

He wanted to say something, but she covered his entire face with a pillow

He let her be, his hands are now lightly moving over her thighs moving to her back and back down to where she is dripping on him and teased the clit and stopped

She moved slowly to align with his painfully erected member

His hands stopped moving when he felt himself inches from her entrance, anticipating and going about feral on her if he hadn’t controlled his monstrous lust by now.

As if she was punishing herself , and as if she wanted to feel the pain, she didn’t prepare herself and she pushed him inside of her one go

Earning him a load painful but pleasurable moan from her

She lost control over her body so the pillow that was over his face was lifted by him slowly to reveal Raian’s face that is about to bounce at her in any second.

He saw her helpless, angry, in pain and pleasure using his body to pleasure her own

Her eyes were closed , her hands were on his chest for support , her thighs were wide open sitting ridding him hard and rough and he saw how stretched she was by him

She only could go far with riding him on as he should support her due to the difference in body sizes.

But he let her to struggle and to suffer , he enjoyed that fucked face of her and her desperate moans while she is going as hard as she could on him.

He moved his hand slowly to her waist to support her, but she roughly slapped his hands away and started hitting his chest again everytime she gets deeper in her thrusts on him.

But she was about to loose it all, couldn’t take the intensity any more

Raian immediately knew her limitations and without a warning, he wrapped one arm around her waist and turned her around on her stomach,

She gasped loud when he pulled away from inside her and she felt the coldness inside , it was cruel how he pushed himself out of her . but it wasn’t painful it was just out of a sudden

Both her hands now are in one strong grip by one of his hands and he pinned her down to the mattress, spreading her legs wide open , with the hand that was on her waist is now slightly lifting her butt so he can aligne with her entrance and he started licking her NO

(EATING HER )

Her head is muffled into the pillow she is losing herself , her entire body is under his control she was not ready to give up yet but he was about to finish her right there and then

She felt his warm body of top of her pushing her back down to the mattress.

This said position has always been little painful because he tends to go the deepest in her but she loves the sensation when he is deep inside of her and that was what he was getting at

He was preparing her roughly with his fingers

She was moaning and he demanded her to scream his name

She refused, she kept refusing

But when he wanted to teach her a lesson he knew the best way to do so

He pushed himself in her one go, she couldn’t control the pleasurable feeling and said his name in the sexiest moan ever heard by him before, he wanted to hear her say his name again and again and he kept pushing himself inside till she really felt she couldn’t handle it any more

She begged him to make her cum and he was not done with her yet

But knowing her libido isn’t as his and he generally doesn’t want to hurt her but he loves to overstimulate her especially while teaching her a lesson.

She breathed hard she said : Ra..ian …. Why … … can’t .U . stop .. hurting my feelings WHY ..?

He stopped

He pulled out slowly

He moves away from the top of her and allowed her to move her body again

she turned on her back and looked at him

He hovered closer to her face, started kissing her softer than usual

She made herself relaxed underneath him, her legs were wrapped around his torso

She held his neck and pulled him closer to her, she was feeling cold already and wanted his body to warm her up, he understood the gesture and did exactly that.

While they were kissing, he felt the need to feel her warmth inside and so he invited himself inside of her again, pinning her with his body she didn’t reject she felt him stretching her again and she was ready for another round but rather this time little more relaxed

He pulled out again adjusting her by placing a pillow underneath her bum

She pulls her upper body up slightly to reach out to him, Raian was on his knees and she started kissing, touching, and licking his upper body, leaving litter of wet kisses that made him feel kindda ticklish in a nice way and something else he can’t explain.

She gently glided over his thighs, she held his neck for support while his hand supported her bum, her legs were around his hips, one hand found what it was looking for a warm rock-hard D* waiting to be pleased again.

She guided it to her wet entrance while looking at Raian’s face and reaction, he went Flat lined for a second when he felt the cold touch of her hand to immediately the hotness and wetness of her V*, he sent a low deep growling moan that made her heart skip a beat, she didn’t know that man can bring out such beautiful noises. His head was pushed back while she was griding on him . holding his neck for support.

He looked back at her with lustful eyes, he wants to break her, but he is letting her get her way with him this time because he made her angry.

He held the back of her neck, he pushed both their bodies to bed, she is underneath him while he is on top of her giving her peace of mind and showing her the stars .

The anger subsided and she is now a helpless kitty underneath him , he wasn’t sure why she was jealous, but in the back of his mind he liked what she is when she gets rough with him.

He is thrusting deeper earning himself beautiful sounds from his S/O who is now in a bless state. That little cute monster is now a happy kitty .

Raina made her cum twice, thrice until she literally begged him to cum and to her surprise, he came few times already inside her, but he kept going because he enjoyed overstimulating her . Rusty Fuck

They both are back to breathing calmer, his arms are resting behind his head and her head on his chest , making circles with her nails over his chest and abs.

Silence just silences

Until she heard his after sex hoarse voice demanding her something weird

Raian : Get off your pills

S/O : WIDENED EYES , HEAD LIFTED looking at him surprisingly

S/O : HUH ?!!!!!!!

Raian: looking at her with lazy dark eyes with an impression over his face that says without words ( NOT THE TIME FOR STUPID QUESTIONS )

S/O: her unpredictable mood shifts again and she lashes out

S/O: lifted her entire body off of his, was making her way out of bed when she started trailing back to the bathroom saying to him with high pitch voice: You make me jealous, hurt my feelings , ignore my existence in front of this blonde who obviously you have the hots for and she was about to be all over you and you now you are asking me to get off my pills ??!!!

Raian with flat voice and no facial expression : A ‘HE’

S/O : A WHAT /…

Raian : looking at her winking with a nasty smirk a ‘HE’

S/O : oh now you like MEN

Raian : WDF HE IS A FIGHTER TOO AND HE LIKES TO CROSS DRESS , DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE HIM , THOUGH HE IS BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU I MUST SAY

And he got up from bed, walking towards her looking down at her then he spanked her ass to get her moving to the showers with him.

She tried to talk back to him but was pushed to the bathroom

She couldn’t believe he was this mean to play all along and get her this vulnerable and edgy

She looked at him plotting something in her mind, but he knows his S/O way to well and can sense her mood shifts again.

With a rough but relaxed voice : Come here…

She just couldn’t resist that man when he is in this relaxed state , she walked to him likean obedient child, he gave her a sloppy kiss, she felt the cut she caused to his lips earlier in the night and with a serious deep voice looking straight into her eyes

Raian: loose the pills

S/O: not your decision not your body

Raian : MINE , and he grabbed her butt hard made her yelp

S/O: turned around and enjoyed the warm water on her body and the heat emitting from the man standing behind her, she smiled to herself. Realizing that he wants babies from her. He wants a family with her.

Probably the first & last long ass headcanon I will ever write ...

#kengan ashura #kenganverse #kengan omega #kengan ashura imagines #raian kure #kure raian #the devil #ohma tokita

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winterrhayle · 6 months

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if you could remove five songs from 1989 and replace them with the vault tracks, what would they be and why?

i'm gonna do this but WITHOUT suburban legends because no 1989 song deserves to be replaced by that mess, sorrrry (i swear im not a hater i just think it's the worst song on the album)

also while i'm here i reordered the whole album hahahha

okayyy so here's my ideal version of 1989 (vaults are underlined)

new romantics - i think this is the ideal album opener, just because wtny isn’t really a well loved song when you take it out of the context of it being the first track of 1989 (even though i like it personally, its on the bottom half of mine and most peoples 1989 rankings) but new romantics still works bc it sounds like a song of new(romantic) beginnings, and its kinda the thesis statement of 1989,, about how the album is supposed to be super free and light hearted (also the intro of this song is so iconic and its perfect as a track 1)

blank space - im kinda trying to do this album somewhat chronologically, but also im trying to get the themes and production to flow,, blank space is a perfect track 2 bc it still sounds like a city track like new romantics, but it also sounds equally beach-y, and those are the 2 aesthetic elements of 1989 so its a good joint album intro. ALSO blank space gives u a good idea of how Taylor was seen at the time, as a dramatic serial-dater or whatever..,,, which leads me into track 4…

“slut!” - like i was saying,, blank space is about how she’s seen, and slut touches on the same topic of being slut shamed, but this time its about what SHE actually feels, and it flips it into being like,, its worth it bc i met this really cool guy aka:

(harry) style(s) - and this is the first sense of like. problems in the album, as in its pretty clear from this song that the mysterious guy she’s dating is not someone that she’s gonna last with,, also it gets us back into the city vibes smoothly bc the rerecord of this song has added sparkles which is reminiscent of the beach songs, but of course style overall is a city song so it flows well

wonderland - this is a perfect track 5 bc its a super emotional song that details the relationship + the breakdown of it, also its a BOP (y’all need to appreciate wonderland more)

out of the woods -🚨 BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP🚨and like most of this albums its a lyrically sad bop and it fits with wonderland and explains the anxiety further

i know places - same purpose as ootw, it explains why the relationship was doomed from the start as its 2 very high profile people

say don’t go - fits chronologically, and talks abt how he didn’t love him back, and all he needed to do was not go,, (as in all he had to do was stay if u know what i mean)

this love - this love came back to me woahohoh (i think this is where it fits chronologically? where mr lover man comes back)

all you had to do was stay - she decided its too late to get back together tho RIP HAHA

now that we don’t talk - post break up realisations, lhh isn’t that amazing

wildest dreams - back to the beach rq, with a side of post-breakup mystique and i bet you think about me energy

clean - still keeping it beach-y, and now she’s clean from both the relationship, and the album booklet secret message is ‘she lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything’ which is nice bc self love,, and she’s moved on , ALSO LINKS BACK TO THE ALBUM THEME OF FINDING URSELF

shake it off - ngl i put this here bc i think going from the emotional song clean to SHAKE IT OFF is funny, and every ts album needs a jumpscare at some point. but honestly this kinda fits thematically, because its talking about her persona like in blank space, but this time instead of leaning into it she’s shaking it offff and she’s clean (^) from the expectations to be what other people want or expect her to be. also its a fun song and brings up the energy for the home stretch of this longgggggg album

is it over now? - is it ever really over????????? NO (also i would consider this song to be a city and beach song because the AUUU HAAAAAAAAAA parts remind me of seagulls) alsooo if u loop it the ending of this song leads nicely into the intro of new romantics

deluxe edition :

16. you are in love - the deluxe is my excuse to put my QUEEEN you are in love on here bc it didnt fit anywhere

ik u probably intended for me to replace songs that have similar themes with their corresponding vault but theres so many songs that i just cant bear to take off😭 but heres the parallels anyway: blank space / slut, all you had to do was stay / say don't go, style / suburban legends, wildest dreams / is it over now?(this is a reach), now that we don't talk / idkkkk i cant really think of an equivalent

#u always send me these asks probably expecting a short answer #and literally anybody else would answer that in like a paragraph but i always have wayy too much going on in my head #asks #bea tag #taylor swift

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kewlgayroommate · 5 months

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I wish there was a faster way to make icons. i have that annoying need to get it all done and then I am free to do other things but its taking so longgggggg

#whines and kicks my legs #ooc. // rae of sunshine

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bookofmirth · 1 year

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I've read your meta-analysis about Nesta and her sisters and I agree with mostly all of them, so I wanted to know your thoughts on Nesta's relationship with her father. Especially since its a huge element in her trauma and grief.

Personally, I don't like how ACOSF painted him as a victim Nesta should have been more appreciate of. It almost erases any accountability Nesta should have reserved for him.

Nesta was maybe 11 when they lost their fortune and throughout their poverty, her father never protected her or her sisters the way they needed. Going so far as to only talk about the day they will get their fortune back.

“But at least Nesta didn’t fill our heads with useless talk of regaining our wealth, like my father.”

It personally bothers me that his ego got in the way of protecting his daughters and finding means to protect them.

"He’d been so sure the venture would gain him even more wealth—an obscene amount of wealth. People told him he was mad, but he refused to listen. When they were proved right … I think that humiliation broke him as much as the financial loss.”

“He could find work if he wasn’t so ashamed”

His own ego was his downfall. And his daughters paid the price.

But it bothers me more that the narrative paints Nesta as the one who needs to become deserving of his love without acknowledging her right to be angry with him and expect more from him. Papa Archeron was painted the victim and Nesta—the child she was through majority of their poverty—the aggressor.

Despite everything, I do believe he loved his daughters. But love isn't always enough. Especially when its used to vilify Nesta further.

Hello! I have so many thoughts about Nesta (and Elain and Feyre) and her parents! Thanks for giving me an excuse to write about them. This got longgggggg...

Generally speaking, I didn't think that acosf excused Papa Archeron so much as it made Nesta grapple with the fact that despite all of his failures - which were definitely failures - and despite her own anger towards him, she still loved him and is angry at herself for that, and wonders why she's so affected by the death of someone that she thought she hated. I always like to distinguish between intellectually knowing something, and emotionally accepting it. You can know intellectually why someone did what they did, without being okay with it. I think with Nesta, she is angry at him and she wants to hold on to that anger, but ultimately he was her father and that's a lot easier said than done.

Because of all that, I don't think that Nesta's thoughts about her father are honest. Her negative thoughts about herself are a big part of acosf, and I thought this was interesting:

She’d failed her father, failed Feyre for years before that. Failed her mother, she supposed. And with Elain, she’d failed as well: first in letting her get taken by Hybern that night they’d been stolen from their beds; then by letting her go into that Cauldron. Then when the Cauldron had taken her into the heart of Hybern’s camp. She’d failed and failed and failed, and there was no end to it, no end—

But were those things are failures? Or is Nesta being too hard on herself? Just because Nesta thinks those things about herself doesn't make them true, so imo the book isn't trying to vilify Nesta, but to help her sort-of... contextualize and understand that the things she thinks about herself aren't true? At least not 100% of the time. (We're all assholes at least a little bit of the time.) So back to her father, I think there is truth mixed in with the self-debasement because yes, he lost their money, yes he refused to pull himself out of his depression or what have you and get work, yes he failed to get healers for their mother - and yet. Nesta still loved him. And she's so, so confused by that, and so angry at it, because she also sees herself as a failure and therefore not worthy of love or forgiveness. But here she is, loving him anyway. And she sees Elain and Feyre, openly mourning their father and seemingly forgiving him for every shitty thing he did, and she feels like she doesn't deserve the same sort of forgiveness that they are offering him.

If Nesta can't forgive their father for his failures, then why would anyone forgive her for hers? That's what she's thinking, if not explicitly. IMO. Although we know that she does find some peace with his memory, and that other people can embrace her as well. It just takes her time to get there.

That is all I hear—the snapping of his neck. His last words to me. That he loved me.” She whispered, “I didn’t deserve that love. I deserve nothing.”

I mentioned in another post that I wonder if Nesta really understands what unconditional love is, or if it's always transactional to her. No one "deserves" love, or has to earn it, or is "good" enough for it, but that's where her thoughts tend to go. This is another example of her thoughts being inaccurate, btw. This is at the end of the hike when she finally lets it all out and tells Cassian what she's been thinking and feeling. And here is his response:

His eyes glimmered with pain for her. “You are. I’ve seen it—I’ve seen what you can do when you are willing to fight for the people you love. Why not apply that same bravery and loyalty to yourself? Don’t say you don’t deserve it.” He gripped her chin. “Everyone deserves happiness. [...] She blurted, “All the things I’ve done before—” “Leave them in the past. Apologize to who you feel the need to, but leave those things behind.” “Forgiveness is not that easy.” “Forgiveness is something we also grant ourselves. And I can talk to you until these mountains crumble around us, but if you don’t wish to be forgiven, if you don’t want to stop feeling this way … it won’t happen.”

Cassian's response isn't to tell Nesta that she's wrong, that if she just changes her attitude it will be fine, but that she needs to move forward and forgive herself. Which is exactly what she needs to do with her father as well, because to put it bluntly he's dead and she can't hold onto hate forever and still be a functioning, healthy person. And she can't keep berating herself for Elain being thrown in the Cauldron, or the Illyrians dying, or Feyre hunting, because most of those things were completely out of her control.

This makes me think that later on, Nesta will have to deal with their mother. Because considering that Nesta was "closer" to their mother, though what we mean by closer is complicated at best, and their mother is the one who molded Nesta into this child whose future was one of "conquest", we saw zero done in acosf to address that relationship. Maybe it's partly because their father's death was the more immediate concern, but I also think that it makes sense for that relationship to play out a bit more with Elain. As we saw Nesta's focus was on their father though they weren't close, I wouldn't be surprised if Elain still has unresolved issues with their mother because of how dismissive she was of Elain.

(Sidenote, I made a post before acofas came out where I predicted that Nesta would refuse to openly mourn their father and would have a hard time with grief, and that Elain and Feyre would go through that process "normally". I can't find it but I swear I knew it would work out exactly this way.)

The second factor at play here is that I think that his death is a huge, huge factor in why Nesta sees her father and their past the way that she does. Not because of the way that he died, but because she will never get the chance to reconcile with him or have the conversations they needed to have. In other circumstances, they might have been able to move past all of the hurt and have some sort of relationship. Probably never a close one, but something. Instead, since he died, Nesta is left with all of this leftover rage and nowhere to put it, because now grief has taken over and she doesn't want to grieve this man she thought she hated, and he's not even there for her to yell at over it! So I think that part of this whole complicated web is that Nesta was used to her father always being there, and it's easy to be mad at someone and refuse to forgive them when you think they'll always be around.

Basically, the fact that their father was not great at taking care of them and protecting them is something that Nesta resents him for while also loving him, because you can't choose your family. And this is all wrapped up in her own ideas of what it means to be worthy of love and forgiveness, and how other people might view her own failures.

I hope that this all made sense - I've been thinking about it for a few days since you sent this ask and I feel like family relationships are so incredibly complicated if there is any sort of failure, hurt feelings, betrayal, etc. I'm coming from the perspective of someone who is not close to her family but still cares for them. Despite old hurts and grudges. Also I hope that this actually answered your question haha! Basically I don't think anyone was the villain here, just human. And if we're lucky, we get to grow up and see our parents as humans, too.

#nesta archeron #acosf #acotar #thoughts on characters #ask #anon

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