#I'm tired and pissed off while writing this so might not make much sense

[dolleminas]

I'm doing a refresher on Dutch and maths since I'll be going back to school this year, and I've always been critical of the school system since it is highly impractical, but teaching this to myself just highlights how absolutely HORRID it truly is. And I'm absolutely convinced it's a class-issue.

Let me paint you a picture. In the Netherlands children go to school once they turn four years old. Depending on their progress, they are between the ages of six and seven by the time they'll start at basisschool (primary/elementary school). Around their twelth/thirteenth year they graduate, and they go to highschool. During basisschool the teachers prepare you for a test called CITO, and depending on how you score you are grouped into several levels of "cleverness." When you have a high score you're in luck! You go to a good high school, you get a lot of support. Afterwards you can go straight to university. Doctors, scientists, professors...

Now, if you get a lower score you might need to work harder for it. You first go to college after highschool which will take four years. You can become a plumber, a cleaner, a nurse, a hairdresser, etc. Then if you want to continue studying you can get your HBO-Bachelor, which is another four years (or two, if you manage to get a shortened course due to having the right pre-education). Which means that if you just so had the misfortune of having scored low on CITO you need to study an additional six to eight years.

But wait, that is not all.

What if you want to go to university? Well, often universities will not accept students who didn't go to the right type of highschool. You can still apply and get seperate certificates, but you do need those certificates. Sometimes they will ask for several. If you want to be a doctor you will often need Dutch, Maths, Biology, Chemistry, and more. You can follow a course for those online, but those cost money and will take a while to graduate from them all, and they are often only available for self-study. There are no teachers to guide you.

Which now brings me back to CITO;

If you do badly on your CITO, you'll most likely be lower income for the rest of your life unless you want to study for an additional six to eight years. There is the assumption that children who do worse on the CITO are better at working with their hands and it's better to give them that oopportunity.

I'll paint you another picture.

What if the teachers are understaffed and overworked? What if the classes are too big? What if most of these schools that can't help individual students are in poor neighbourhoods with mainly immigrant families? What if learning disabilities go undiagnosed?

I scored low. My maths and Dutch were bad. I struggled all through highschool. Then, why, now when I study on my own I taught myself more in two months than my teachers did all throughout basisschool and highschool? How do I score almost perfectly on everything now, and why didn't I score that way when I had teachers that were supposed to help me?

When I was in basisschool two clases were often fused together. Instead of focussing on what each class had to learn the teachers had to teach both classes at once, with vastly different course work. When you didn't speak up, you didn't get help. When you weren't outwardly struggling, you were told to do some independent study because other children were struggling more. You got told to ask your parents for help with maths and Dutch. But what about parents who don't know maths and who don't know Dutch?

It's no surprise that many, many of these children failed their classes and scored low on their CITO. These children then are only able to find jobs that pay minimum wage. They are kept poor. The entire country looks down on the people who went to "lower" education.

It's hard to look at this and see anything else but to keep poor people poor and keep them from getting into higher education. After all, who can spend eight years extra on school when there are bills to be paid? The middle class parents can afford tutors and private schooling, but poor people cannot. If you graduate high school at eighteen years old, it's easy to imagine you can stay with your parents if you can go straight to university for six years and come out a doctor. If you aren't working class, you can afford that.

But who can really afford to study fourteen years to become a doctor without income? Who can afford to be without a job at 26 years old and remain without a job for six more?

It's hard to look at this and think this wasn't done on purpose.

#I'm tired and pissed off while writing this so might not make much sense #but I fucking hate Dutch schooling #honey speaks #dutch #middle class #lower class #education #classism

[ivanzplaid]

Can I have some head cannons for Otis Driftwood, The Grabber, Thomas Hewitt and the Sinclair brothers if you write for them with a male s/o who whenever they do something wrong, break something, set a boundary etc they start apologizing profusely kind of in fear due to past partners? I understand if this is kinda too dark

TYSMM🫶🫶 i love this sm, of course i can do those! but fr thank you for this request, its refreshing to have not just a grabber request, and dw, this isnt too dark, ive done worse 🫡 and x male readers r my fave to write for!!

i dont know how to feel abt these so they might be ooc but i hope not too much, i need to get a feel for them more💔 this made me watch house of wax and i found out i love bo LMFAOO

alsooo, i reached 200 followers!! tysmm!!!! i have smth planned, sooo if youd like smth written, ask and ill tell yall what im thinkin

requests r open, masterlist is up!!! these motivate me ilyg :)

Warnings: Murder mentions, Slight language / anger, mainly fluff

------------------------------------------------------------

Otis Driftwood

my god he is just head over heels for you, but will make snarky comments to cover it up, doesnt want to show it alot so hes compensates

youve been living with him for a while now, he is so happy to have you, when its just you two he sarcastically tells you how much you mean to him, and will hold you protectively

he is a very protective man

he never really made you feel self conscious about fucking something up, he might make fun of you lightly or let out a "oh for fucks sake" before cleaning jt up, but he was normally just sarcastic, never staying pissed

one night, yall were asleep on his bed together, his arm rested nicely against your stomach, fitting perfectly

you got thirsty, so you carefully maneuvered yourself to get up

its so fucking dark in his room, you cannot see shit

not even two steps off the bed, you hit something, and it clatters to the floor

you can already feel the tears swelling up as you breath faster

you knew what you knocked over

otis's painting he was working on

even just thinking about the consequences made you sob quietly while standing there, afraid to wake him up

this however did wake him up, hearing his boyfriend cry when he was asleep made his senses heightened, all he heard from your dark figure was a small "im so sorry, please dont be mad, i didnt mean to" which was paused by hiccups & sniffling frequently

"what the fuck- oh, oh shit. hey handsome, its alright, just sit over here and tell me why the crying?"

rubs your back, hands & shoulder a lot as you tell him, hes tired and just wants to make you feel better, but the more you sob & talk, the more curious he gets, so he pops the question

"why the hell are you saying sorry so much?"

he didnt mean to put it like that, he knows it was an accident, but his phrasing isnt always the best

however, he is wide awake once youve explained everything, your past, your ex, what they did, and as he sits there quietly listening, he is only seeing red

he thinks so highly of you, why the fuck would anyone do this to you?

he wants the names of them, he is determined to come across them, and inflict nothing short of torture, you didnt deserve any of that

he'll lay off on his famous comments, respecting what he just learned, he doesnt want to lose you, so he adapts his usual demeanor so you arent afraid of him, true fear is reserved for his victims

he praises you a lot since learning it, reassuring you quietly & in his own little ways

he does his best to understand, word will get around the family, and everyone understands, mama is literally so sympathetic towards you & baby likes to talk shit alot abt them with your permission

"I'm so sorry Otis, this is all my fault,"

"Hey there prettyboy, its fine, no need for the crying here!"

//

The Grabber

he is all ears

obviously he has a short temper, but if you get a chance to talk, or to explain yourself, he changes immediately

holding you close, stroking your hair, kissing your forehead

you mightve broken a plate, or smashed a bottle, but he assured you he is going to clean it up, and to mind your steps so you dont cut yourself anywhere

just like otis he wants to hurt them, he should be the only one to make you cry, make you hurt, but not like this

"youre still a good boy, it was a mistake! mistakes are inevitable my dove."

setting a boundary after hearing your past will make him more lenient, easing up on whatever it is, wanting to make you feel more loved by him than anyone else

will be happy you shared this with him, in his mind hes satisfied youre trusting him more! what a fun day!

thinks no differently of you after you shared this, hes happy his boyfriend is comfortable around him, hes happy youre in his life, and now he knows how to please you more!

"Al, thank you for.. understanding everything, its a lot I know, but-"

"You are special, peach. I would do anything to make you comfortable in our home."

//

Bo Sinclair

being a good boyfriend and setting aside his asshole tendencies

he is doing his best, and his best is actually pretty ok

you might've accidentally messed up his workspace, or made some type of boundary, but no matter what, he shows you the upmost respect, at first he was going to tease you, but seeing how upset you were made him pause

"Darlin', don't put too much thought into it, I promise ya I didn't take it to heart,"

he puts an arm around your shoulder or cups your cheek in his hand, rubbing circles on your skin, one of the few times he shows an excessive amount of pda

he follows your boundaries immediately, no questions or doubts about it, will curse to himself if he accidentally crosses it

if you try to apologize profusely, he will first tell you that its fine, hes not angry, kissing your cheek, but if you keep on going, hes going to make you know its fine, whatever he sees fit is what he'll do, he wants you to know he wont hurt or make you feel bad, may get internally frustrated but he cuts it out fast

i can see him at night, once every blue moon, slow dancing with you to show how much he loves you, and how youre still his #1 even after mistakes, this is a rare moment for the both of you, cherish it, but he will be picking the music

king of knowing when youre upset but he will wait to see how upset you are, can read you easily so he has an idea of what to do

hearing your boundaries makes him understand you more, he is may act like a dick, but will take a moment out of his day and listen to what you need to feel loved

bribes lester to see if he can get the ex into town to get his hands on them

"This is alot, I shouldn't be so sensitive about these things,"

"Sweets, this helps me love you more,"

//

Vincent Sinclair

#1 boyfriend right here

he will gaze into your eyes as you talk about it or apologize

wants to hold you ( if youre alright with it ) while you tell him

saying sorry to him makes him feel bad for some reason, he knows you didnt mean to make the mistake, he doesnt want you to hurt

might aswell dream abt making them a wax figure but discarding them, they arent good enough to be put anywhere

if you happen to break something in his little spot, he will think of how it can be replaced, knows how to calm himself down easily so he can communicate with you ( to the best of his abilities )

healthy relationship🙏 ( the most caring you could get for a sinclair brother )

is not afraid to show you how he isnt mad at you, likes for you to spend time with him, sitting while he works, or if you dont prefer that, then having you around while he works with the wax, or just taking a walk with him to calm you down

is a little taken aback at how much youre apologizing, very curious man

will give you things taken from victims, no remorse, less wax, win-win!

//

Lester Sinclair

he.. tries his best

he listens, he focuses on you and nods, showing you that he is in fact paying attention

he does not have the best memory ever, please remind him, he will remember instantly and apologize

"Sorry toots, my memory is a little faded,"

he is so sincere though, he means good intentions

whenever you begin to over apologize he suggests taking a car ride with him, or finding a nice place to sit in peace so you two can talk it out

goofiest damn smile, warms the heart

he can communicate pretty well, better than bo

if you let him, he'll lay down with you while putting an arm around your shoulder, saying how good of a boyfriend you are, how happy he is with you, mainly words of affirmation

really just wants to make you happy, he will do anything

"I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.."

"Wanna take a ride, maybe outta here for a bit?"

-------------------------------------------

im too tired to release a fic tonight, but ill post one tmrw for the requests im getting dw!! again, i cannot tell if this is ass or not so all notes r lit🫡

requests r opennn masterlist is uppp🫶

#the grabber #the grabber x reader #black phone #lester sinclair #lester sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x you #house of wax #house of wax x reader #bo sinclair #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x you #vincent sinclair #vincent sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x you #horror movies #x male reader

[rjalker]

"https://www.tor.com/2023/11/25/doctor-who-celebrates-60th-anniversary-by-reuniting-one-of-its-greatest-teams-in-the-star-beast"

I've left this as a comment on the site, but, you know, they might just not publish it so here you fucking go.

= = =

I'm sorry but it's very ironic that this review brings up the Doctor asking for the Meep's pronouns and respecting those pronouns, only for this review to misgender the Meep by refering to the Meep as "it". The Meep explicitly uses nameself pronouns -- ie, the Meep/the Meep's. The Meep doesn't use it/its pronouns. I see so many people celebrating that this episode is "making TERFs mad", but then in the same breath they misgender the character whose pronouns we are explicitly told.

The Meep is not an it, he, she, or they. The Meep is always "The Meep", as is demonstrated in the episode. But I guess people only care about neopronoun users when our existence will make TERFs mad, but not when it comes to actually using our pronouns! I wish I could say I'm surprised, but by this point the Doctor Who fandom has proven to me they don't actually respect neopronoun users, they just hold us up to scare away TERFs, immediately followed by misgendering us -.-

As many people have pointed out, Rose being trans *because* of the metacrisis is just the "nonbinary alien" stereptype all over again, as a tripple whammy with the Meep also being the only character in this episode using neopronouns, and here's something I haven't seen anyone else point out--

If Rose were being written like a character who makes sense, why wouldn't she have just asked the Meep's pronouns when she first met the Meep? Why didn't she introduce herself to the Meep with her own pronouns? If she's the sort of person who corrects other when they assume someone's pronouns without asking...then if she were a real person not meant to set up a tired, transphobic joke ("Did you just assume my gender?!?"), then she would have literally just casually asked for the Meep's pronouns in the first place, instead of only randomly getting upset when the Doctor assumes he/him for the sole purpose of being corrected.

No parts of this scene was written in a way that makes sense for the characters as we're supposed to believe they exist. If we accept that Rose is willing to go to bat for other people about asking for pronouns instead of assuming, then she would have asked as soon as she met the Meep! She would have asked the Doctor! She'd be introducing herself to everyone she meets with her pronouns!

But no, that would mean that Russel T Davies didn't get to use the "Did you just assume my gender???" joke in 2023 while pretending to be progressive about it. And it very much is pretending to be progressive about it, because if he actually wanted to show that asking for pronouns is normal, he would have had Rose and the Meep introducing themselves with their pronouns in the first place!

Imagine if Rose had asked for the Doctor's pronouns! Imagine if we'd gotten to have a legitimate conversation about the Doctor's pronouns and gender identity outside passing jokes!  Imagine if the Doctor had been given the real opportunity to think about the answer and genuinely choose, rather than having everyone else assume based on whether they think the Doctor currently looks like a man or a woman! Imagine if we'd actually gotten to see the Doctor allowed to truly express a preference or even just saying "all pronouns are fine with me"!

But no. We get another iteration of the "trans people are unreasonable and get pissed off over things that don't matter" joke but this time...pretending to be progressive so now people aren't mad. Even though it makes no sense for any of the characters and is clearly only here because the cis man writing the episode thought it'd be funny.

And seriously, does Russel T Davies think all trans people are inherently nonbinary? Because there is a massive difference between purposefully creating representation for nonbinary trans women / transfeminine people, and assuming that all trans people, no matter their gender identity, are inherently nonbinary. And because Russel T Davies doesn't seem to understand the difference, he gives no explanation to the audience, which is made up of millions of cis people, for whom this is their first introduction to trans and nonbinary people! So now are they gonna think all trans women and trans men are inherently nonbinary? Are they gonna think all AMAB nonbinary people use she/her pronouns?

RTD has a responsibility to represent trans people in a responsible way, and this episode is just failing that. Rose is presented as being trans and nonbinary only because she's not fully human, as though being trans is something unnatural that happens to you rather than something you are.

And even if we ignore the rest of the problems with the way trans issues were handled in this episode, you know the thing that's causing the most lasting damage?

Russel T Davies teaching millions of people, cis and trans alike, that assigning other people "x-presenting" terminology is Progressive™ and Cool™ and Fun™ and Acceptable™. When trans people have been talking about how harmful assigning other people these terms is for years now.

It's literally just misgendering but masquerading as progressive, and placing the blame on the person being misgendered, rather than asking the perpetrator to check their own biases and learn not to assume people's genders or pronouns just based on appearance.

No one has ever asked the Doctor what pronouns to use, or what gender-terms, or anything. All everyone does is assume based on the gender of the actor who currently has the role. And that's not how gender works. And calling it "gender-fluidity" is just completely false. Gender fluid people aren't literal shapeshifters who magically change their sex when their gender shifts, and saying that the Doctor is inherently genderfluid because a woman had the role one time is just, plain biological essentialism and assuming that everyone who looks like a man is a man, and everyone who looks like a woman is a woman, and all aliens are magically cis to whatever their current society-assigned sex is.

Which is something trans people have also been talking about since Jodie Whittaker took the role. Just because the Doctor is being played by a man at the moment does not make the Doctor a man. That's just reinforcing cissexism and shoving trans people under the rug so you don't have to think about us anymore. Why do you think the Doctor has to be a man because David Tennant is in the role? Why do you think the Doctor has to be a woman because Jodie Whittaker had the role? It's because considering the idea that gender is separate from sex is uncomfortable for you, so you decide that the alien shapeshifter Must Always Be Cis To The Sex I Think They Are Right Now.

And I was hoping RTD would maybe address this when he came back as showrunner, but we've all seen where that's taken us now. So I guess we're just gonna keep playing this game of "everyone's always cis because I don't want to think about gender" for the next few years.

And no, the Doctor is not “male-presenting” just because David Tennant is in the role. That’s not what those terms mean, and it is absolutely negligent for Russel T Davies to have characters assigning these terms to other characters without permission, while portraying this as Progressive and positive and funny. It’s literally just misgendering. It’s not okay.

And again. Cannot stress enough how painfully ironic it is that this review is praising the show for respecting the Meep's pronouns while misgendering the Meep with it/its pronouns that the Meep explicitly does not use.

There's absolutely no excuse for misgendering the Meep after you praise the show for not doing that. Come on, people, please at least pretend you respect neopronoun users if you're gonna hold us up as anti-TERF shields -.-

I need absolutely everyone reading this comment, whether you’re cis, trans, nonbinary, or other, to swear on all you hold as holy that you will not ever call someone any “x-presenting” term unless you’ve explicitly been told by that person that that’s how they identify.

Do not call trans women who haven’t transitioned “male-presenting” or “masculine presenting”. Do not call trans men who haven’t transitioned “female-presenting” or “feminine-presenting”. Do not call gender nonconforming men “female-presenting” and do not call butch women “male-presenting”. Do not call nonbinary people any of these terms unless you’ve explicitly been asked to do so. “male-presenting” is not a synonym for “looks like a man” or “wears men’s clothes” or “assigned male at birth”, and vice versa for “female-presenting”.

These terms are strictly for self-identification only. Assigning them to other people is literally just misgendering. Do not do it.

#DW spoilers #Doctor Who spoilers #RTD2spoilers #The Star Beast spoilers #RTD2 #RTDWHO2 #Rjalker watches Doctor Who #Doctor Who: The Star Beast #transmisia #exorsexism #biological essentialism #gender essentialism #Doctor Who transmisia #Doctor Who exorsexism #Doctor Who bigotry #Doctor Who biological essentialism #Doctor Who biological essentialism 2: Electric Boogaloo #RTD transmisia #Russel T Davies transmisia #RTD exorsexism #Russel T Davies exorsexism #Doctor Who fandom bigotry #Doctor Who fandom transmisia #Doctor Who fandom exorsexism #Doctor Who fandom neopronomisia #dw fandom bigotry #dw fandom transmisia #dw fandom exorsexism #dw fandom neopronomisia #neopronomisia

[specialscum]

Past a certain point (I wanna say sometime in 2022 but that year was kind of a blur with the ones before and after it, so I can only really be sure that it was after '21 and before '24) I realized I wasn't playing competitive games because I consistently found it fun, but because I thought it *might* make my own or someone else's day a little better. I swore off doing that again (not for the first time, hehe) in the middle of a team deathmatch because I realized no one ever benefits from it long term. You get to not completely hate the entire world for one or two games, and then one of two things happens:

A: Turns out you're a normal person, and you go back to treating others in game like a normal person does (very respectable if you're not rude and/or unreasonable, not very useful)

B: You go back to thinking of people with their in-game roles in mind, but without necessarily liking them (generally a big part of how most people get an understanding of what they're playing and with who, can go really right if you allow yourself to learn, makes you go fucking insane)

The best thing to do for someone in that kind of game is to convince them to quit. Not by telling them that they're "trash" and should "uninstall", just by pointing out the obvious and saying it's just throwing diluted rabies at yourself with the occasional victory to keep you going.

I realize this post may or may not make zero sense, I'm kinda completely pissed and overjoyed and scared and salty and tired right now. If you want something to take away from it that does at least sound coherent, though: There's nothing to be gained. Proving your own skill? Come back at a different time of day, time of month, couple years of people with the same ambitions and fresh faces. You'll try the same thing again, but against your own past. You'll be either old news, old shit, or an old man trying to pass as a veteran to everyone watching.

Or maybe you really are just here for fun? This is the Internet, we don't get together to have fun here. We get together to get divided, and we get divided to have some morbid parody of "fun". Man, remember fun? Fun was so fun, I wish it wasn't brutally murdered in a gross little shed in the back of the middle of nowhere when I turned twelve.

There's no "reason" why people get together in little teams where things either go to hell within 10 minutes, or you make a little alternative interpretation in your brain where we DID fuck up, it just wasn't immediately obvious to the ones who got to feel good together because we were too busy preaching about how great teamwork is while the others went off to die and have the worst cry's ever induced by entertainment. No "reason" to do THAT every day. Just excuses about how "oh but it'll be fine once I just [whatever achievement you're aspiring for, not thinking about how badly you'll want another one after {unless you're not as stupid as me, of course}]". Well it won't be fine. You'd have to get to a point where there's nothing more to achieve for that to happen. Which would only even be possible if you were completely incapable of setting your own arbitrary (pseudo-reasonable) goals *ever*, out of the question.

So that's the post. Last paragraph's conclusion is a little shorter than I planned, but I'm slowly getting more tired and less capable of writing like this. I hope no one ever reads this, and I'm sorry for making it. I would also say I'm sorry for existing, but I'm not in the mood or state to do much more than just lie down and shoot literally *anything* other than this through my brain right now.

#gaming #don't read if you have taste

[screechthemighty]

Okay so. I do have thoughts on the TriMax ending, actually. Keep in mind I'm very tired rn and might have a head cold and I only read the ending once at like 3 a.m. on a work night BUT hear me out.

I think the ending works fine conceptually. I don't mind the fact that Vash is kinda sorta back in the same position that he once was--big bounty, on the run from people who want to capture him for it, Meryl and Milly on his tail--because while the broad strokes are the same, a lot of specific details aren't, and I think that's where it works for me.

Yes, Vash is back to being an outlaw, but if you think about it, he's also a lot freer than he was back at the start of Trigun? He can't use his powers anymore, which is really kind of a big load off his back when you think about how much trouble they caused him. He has his girls back, which is a big plus. Knives is gone which is...more of a mixed bag, so put a pin in that, but seeing how Knives was the root of a lot of Vash's problems, there's some benefit there.

But I think for me the biggest change comes when his interview (if you want to call it that lmao) gets broadcast and you see how many people are happy he's okay. All the people he saved along the way. All the friends he made. Vash has always had people willing to stick up to him, but I think in a post TriMax world, where he's not only been able to show those people his true face but his presence was instrumental to saving lives (and people know it!! He was the connection between humanity and plants and people saw that), he's going to have a much easier time navigating the world. Like, yeah, there will always be people who don't give a shit about that and just want the money, the Earth Federation is still pissed at him, but there's still improvement there. Not to mention the Earth Federation being there is going to (hopefully!) ease a lot of weight off the backs of everyday people, which will in turn mean things like "less crime" and "less financial incentive for regular people to turn Vash in" (see: the town from the first few chapters of Trigun Classic).

So on the whole, while the tone shift back to lighthearted is a bit jarring, I actually like the ending.......except for the fact that I feel like there's an arc missing between the end of the main plot and the actual ending. This is why I said to put a pin in Knives, for the record.

There's a big chunk of Vash's potential emotional development from those six months that we just don't get to see, and I feel like that's the biggest part of the reason why the ending is so jarring. We don't get to see him process the fact that he's still alive despite his losses, we don't get to see him truly process those losses, he's just kind of...back at it? Which, to be fair, he does compartmentalize way too much in the Actual Canon, so that kind of makes sense? But it is odd to not see that process, even if only in one chapter, to wrap things up. Like obviously I have no idea what happened behind the scenes, but it almost feels like this was all the story Nightow was allowed to write so he had to just wrap everything up in one go and move on.

So, yeah, basically this would've been a perfectly good, even great ending had we gotten like two more chapters to see what went down with Vash mentally during those six months. But that'd also be a tough sell, so I can see why we didn't. But I like the ending. If nothing else it affirmed to me that "March to the Sea" by twenty one pilots was the correct choice for my Vash playlist.

#screech reads trimax #incoherent trigun screaming #keep in mind I'm a bitch who doesn't like character death #and will always take an ending where the character lives and even implicitly gets the chance to heal and find peace #even if they don't explicitly find it at that moment in the ending #over one where they ''find peace'' in death which I have. Thoughts about but those might be controversial so #we'll just leave it at that #anyways this is why God of War: Ragnarok's ending was absolutely GOATed -

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary115

1/6-7/2024

saturday - sunday

i feel compelled to write something down.

i just did, but i won't put it here. it's a bit about the rave. it was a crazy night, basically.

it makes me think about when my friend and i, in 2018 i think, we would watch thunderdome videos, the gabber event, and we'd say:

we could make this happen in vegas.

we never could. but we wanted it because we wanted the music. but this is the closest we can get and always, it's tragically ruled by drugs. obviously it always will be, it's party music that needs a profit somewhere. but it's sad that all the music is geared towards that only. techno strictly to drone on and increase the highs, or whatever, to please the people who keep taking up the pisser and doing coke, the people who try to get people to do coke, the people who can's stand anymore and who don't realize they're becoming creepy because they're just thinking everything is crazy nice and sexy. the music is not what we wished for, the engagement is about the fantasy of authentic raving or whatever. it sucks and is tragic. i'll still go to the shows. i want them to be good. sometimes they are. this show was in the place that we theorize is an onlyfans house the other half the time. grim stuff.

my friend's ability to get into the dance scene here, + keep up with it, speaks to his zeal for creating good music, and his love of the music itself. it's sad that his sets aren't more popular, because you can actually sense different songs in his set, they're all his song, but some of the sets tonight were totally like 1 song stretched out to 30 minutes. frustrating stuff. especially when paired with the cokeworld thing going on. drugs are so fucking irritating and people who do them in obvious ways/make a thing of it usually piss me off so much. i make exceptions for friends, maybe just because it's been a while since i've been around this kinda thing.

but it's 7 am and i'm so tired so, tomorrow i might say more, and i'll post selfies and maybe pics of when the night was less heavy. but it basically kind of drove my friend a bit crazy. as always his set was really good, he did something unique, i think. shibuya kei-affected dance music that eventually swelled into more hardcore-oriented sounds. gabber type stuff. really lovely stuff, he's a very good songwriter.

anyways, i love my friends, i feel sort of sad. we stole a bunch of stuff though. not a bunch of stuff, but they were charging for cliff-bars but during cleanup that was left unattended, so we like, took 2 whole boxes basically. that's a lot of food, it's really good for us, it's like snacks for a bunch of time, at least.

related to music today, i got new vocals done! not all the way, but the idea's down, most of the song is good i think, just the first part's hard. but that's maybe gonna be not hard to figure out, i'm really excited for that. my voice is hoarse from the rave though, talking to people strains my voice in that environment because my voice is so quiet.

i am tired, though, so:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[temporarymoods]

bad spirit

hi blog, missed you too. yesterday was a really good day, I realized by the end-- more on that later. well today started quite nicely, too, but right now there's a dark swirl in my chest and I wish it would just leave me alone.

i don't try to be angry, but a lot of the time i just am. this really only hurts me. i get miserable and sad about it. sometimes i figure my irritability is my body's way of telling me it's hungry or tired, so i feed it, and break. and yet

writing this was a good idea-- i can already tell its starting to doze off, just a little. still i'm mad at a bunch of things. you can imagine the vectors shooting out from behind my ribs in a plethora of directions, sharp and targeted. mostly at people, i guess, or circumstances. big difference, i know. but whatever. on one hand, i house all these weird values and general angst. on another, you could just call me sensitive. (i might have once cried, haha, but it's true.) tendency to get feelings hurt-- is this not all of us?! i think about my trauma, as compared to his and hers and theirs and yours, and a rough sense-making picture emerges; i don't talk about this with anyone, really, not my therapist, not myself, but i guess there's no harm in mentioning here that i wasn't the most well-supported when upset growing up. i feel that i'm bent out of shape.

anyway, enough! i don't feel super comfortable talking about how i process things weird/poorly/not at all. i'm supposed to be the friend that's always processing, lmao. about that. actually no. never mind.

back to the angry cat in my thoracic cavity-- she's gray and black, her hair is standing on end, and she's really tiring me out. what has pissed me off to such a degree that i had to abandon this afternoon's schoolwork quest on rough-start terms and pop open tumblr.com? well maybe that's not for you to know, blog. just kidding, i'll cut a slice of the cake for ya.

marching band (cue audience reaction) takes a lot of time & effort from me, and i don't get a ton in return. that's one reduction! much more within the honestly painful & complex situation to discuss but, no... that! scratch uno. scratch dos? the repairs around my apartment have been completed rather shoddily; net-zero outcomes, i say, pessimistically-upon-reflection; there are just as many problems as there were before our requests were handled, i exaggerate. on the real, that's just annoying, sorry. sorry i'm being a bitch, idk, blame my other, more serious, home security trauma that i'm not going to get into right now/you just have to take my word for! ugh, god, so bad at this. that's the other thing though, i thought while making pizza for snunch (snack lunch)-- why do i feel like a bitch all the time?

answer: either i) i am or ii) i'm crazy

this is where i, if presently corny (i can practically hear the nodding), get even more so-- this is why i really do want to know what people think of me, because at default i have some of the worst answers. common themes: exhausting, rude, unserious. i mean, fuck!!!

(thank you mother phoebe waller-bridge for the 'bad feminists' line and for your pronunciation of 'cafe', while we're here)

so, what? i feel badly about myself, sometimes people make me feel bad about myself, and separately, i might just be a horrible person. lmao. let's go with curtain 3-- ass scenario, but what can i even do? the thought is to go away, as much as possible. convenient, given that's what i do when i'm in a mood, like right now. isolate, then stay: that kind of sucks. and is pretty dumb. which brings us to the 'reform' option, i.e., get better, in the moral sense.

i've been reading this reproductive justice book and it's got me feeling like i've got the right outlook on things. like, god, i'm so glad this work is letting me see the world more clearly; like i actually have the real knowledge to do something about all this crap. as i walked so serenely to campus this morning (dressed perfectly, empty mug in hand because i just walked out of the house with a sip left in her,) i was listening to an audiobook version of the text. along the way i found an id card on the ground, brought it to the library. saw a familiar face outside the building, thought "oh that's the grad student labor organizer i didn't have time to talk to the other day, let me see if i can help" and ended up hailing down strangers to vote for the next better part of an hour before class. glad they're getting their union! at least that made me feel good about what i do to this world.

kind of done writing now. here are the last thoughts.

i wonder if i do too much alluding on this blog? i mean, i'm gonna make the link publicly available soon and using the adjective "dramatic" to describe kate only flies with my mental health some days. i don't... idk. this is my art!

finally::: maybe im pasing ! and maybe my good friend from high school will visit me in october ! and maybe i will learn to talk all of the time the right way ! maybe, leaves will turn orange, and fall, and everything will be alright.

cya, kate 9/21/23

p.s. post playlist: - opener: a thread to find, shannon lay - damn, ada lea - eye on the bat, palehound - my love mine all mine, mitski - finale: big girls dont cry, fergie

#weird #depression #emotional processing #confusing weather #internal

[goatpaste]

So imagine if Jotaro DID eat Dio. Like, Dio manages to piss him off enough that he goes Batshit Feral. (Angst? Maybe? I'm not good at writing angst)

The others find him standing over the corpse of Dio, they think they've won only to realize the state Jotaro is in. Poor boy is completely out of it. His hat came off in the fight showing off his horn. His horn used to be small enough to hide under his hat, but now it's much bigger. Long sharp fangs and talons for claws, drenched in blood. He's growling and snarling, trying to do his best to keep his instincts at bay - they're screaming for more blood, for him to eat his friends - and to tell the others to back off before they get hurt. As Joseph gets closer to him he starts whimpering, he's scared and utterly traumatized because by what he's done. Joseph is trying to comfort his grandson the best he can, but Jotaro is too far gone. Joseph hates himself for resorting to even the smallest shock of Hamon, especially with the scream that it rips from his grandson. Thanks to his heightened pillar man senses, Jotaro is more sensitive to Hamon. But it also helps snap him out of it. He breaks down in tears, he's only 17 after all and I'm pretty sure that losing yourself to untamed instincts he's not used to and eating something that looks and acts so human is sure to crack him. Especially when he realizes that he defiled the body of his Great Great Grandfather. He tires himself out and konks out.

By the time he wakes up he finds both Joseph and Wamuu by his side. When Joseph told Wamuu what happened, he left his post at Holly's bedside knowing she was now safe and had Kars and Esidisi. Wamuu quickly realizes they sent a Baby - compared to him - who has no formal training what so ever out on the battlefield. And he's quick to try and comfort the shaking boy.

I just, want Jotaro to get a hug from his grandpas.

OGUh yeaH like, i dont touch much to the like idea of jotaro EATING dio but its totally there and its SOmethiNG to think about

and the idea of like, Dio getting eaten knowing this will leave a worse scar than any wound he could psychically leave. To let Jotaro know that he's the same kind of monster as him, eating and hurting everything around him.

And wham who while spending many years around humans at this point, learning to understand them but still struggling to overcome the way he is. As a pillar man who will probably never die, and raised to not mourn death the same as a hunan might. Himself especially thinking the height od death is especially to die in combat, to die glorious in battle.

Raised by pillar men who killed their own race and shunned out one of the two they spared in santana. Yes he's learned love and many thing that make human special, almost 50 years he's been by their side as a companion. But when he holds that 17 year old jotaro in his arms as he shakes and mutters about the way Dio LOOKED at him in that final moment. How all his friends are dead and gone, all the people he's hurt or killed. Wham really see's just how small and young and different Jotaro is from a pillar man or human. Even his own Holly who trembles just from seeing her son like this. They should never have gone through this, what a horrible thing to happen to creatures so young. God he would give anything to done better for them.

#pillar fam #long post #jojo #jjba #jotaro kujo #dio brando #holly kujo #wamuu

[sparring-spirals]

I can't believe I forgot about Fy'ra Rai!!!!! The guest battle royal with her was a week ago!!!! Anyways, would it by any chance be possible to see the in depth analysis you mentioned in the response to my previous ask? As well as the angstier ones? I want to hear everything. I love cr meta, and you're one of better cr meta writers I've found on this wonderful hellsite.

Oh Fy'ra Rai was exquisite in the battle royale. :'D Anjali's delivery with her is top notch.

Oh! Well first of all- thank you, so much, that's really fucking cool to hear!! :'D Fantastic meta was what actually first drew me into the fandom + made me start following more people, and start posting more. So: You're in luck, there are a Ton of fantastic meta writers for CR, and also I'm really, really honored I'm doing the same for others now. hell yeah.

(At some point I might scribble out a recommendation list of some of my faves, but if you traipse through the #character meta tag here you're bound to find a few you'll like, I'm sure. Seriously talented people abound.)

And uh- listen. If you're sure! Sure! :D Fair warning that since its basically three different half finished posts mashed into one:

1- its long.

2- its even less edited than normal, so flowery as hell, long winded, rambly, potentially misspellings here and there.

There are bits that I've pulled out potentially to write a separate meta on (aka dorian feelz), but this is the gist of it. I labelled it to help break it up a bit!

this gem

wait this concept is funny so im moving it to the top: the exu trio dynamic is just two people affectionately looking at the third with a mix of love and concern and then looking at each other like "can u get a load of this". except in all combinations. thats it.

exu vibes, aka party of few braincell many love

I keep thinking about the EXU party, and the way they really, really, just liked each other. Everyone in the party was- lonely, or newly alone, or missing people. No session 0 pairs, just people missing a sister or feeling isolated or grieving, or running, terrified. And they came together and got blackout drunk and like- their intro is a domestic morning and a pissing contest. The EXU party liked each other so much. Right off the bat. They were terrified and panicking and they were also having a fucking blast, with each other. Doing orange-peel slice smiles. Performing for crowds. Sticking hands into ash-holes. And then I think about them split in two, Opal and Dariax somewhere together (if they were going to leave it to one person to keep her company, best to leave it to Dariax, armed with a sense of optimism like a mallet, as stubborn as it is hopeful). And thinking about the EXU trio, losing any more of themselves? A tripod without one of its legs? They like each other so much. They lean so close on each other. Please, dont rip them apart any further :(

exu vibes but angsty

(Even if they all come back together, their worlds have been so different, their experiences. Even if they all make it out. Even if they're all okay. Which is the way of things, sometimes, but Im also thinking about that first meeting, Opal yelling "FOOOOOOD" and everyone failing to interrogate a "gardener". Itll never be exactly the same, I know, so all we can hope for is everyone being okay enough to fondly remnisce on those times as well.)

(and I keep thinking about Dorian, running and running and unfurling from his shell, learning to lean on his friends, learning to express himself, learning, growing, happy. Having to rip that down. For a little while, he was happy. Safe. Overjoyed. Just a little while. Of course he couldn't have it forever, right?)

(Im really sad about dorian actually but that might need to be its own meta)

dorian and orym, tired dads

Dorian and Orym very much had the "tired team dads" vibe during EXU (they were the only ones who seemed to consistently hold the brain cells), which was already delightful. But there was still a formality there, I think, and they didn't fully trust each other, which is how you end up with them nearly getting into a fight over the crown in early EXU days. But fast forward to C3, with Fearne between them gleefully causing mayhem wherever they go, and its just. There's a sort of settled comfort, that wasn't there before. They've already weathered some Shit with each other, they don't know everything about each other but they get each other, they trust each other, they love each other- all still undercut with a sort of shared, tired amusement. For two characters who are (Relatively) reserved, and guarded, sharing a knowing look over the head of Fearne is- its good! :)

fearne is third leg of tripod and also steals tripod

Not to say that Fearne is just an addendum to the two of them, because oh god no. Fearne would never. Fearne is a fae, and Fearne is Fearne, which means she loves Mayhem and Chaos and Problems, but she loves Dorian and Dariax too. She enjoys teasing them, yes, and giving them mild conniptions, but you also see her giving them healing, getting sad at the prospect of being separated. Fearne collects trinkets, and that means them, too. They're hers, and she's theirs (as much as anyone can Have Fearne), and she loves them.

dorian and dariax, liar and a fool

Oh, and Dorian and Dariax. The more we learn about Dorian the more I love their interactions in EXU. Dorian, running from expectations and shackles, meeting Dariax who would never ask for anything more of you than what you are. Dorian, made of 20 lies stitched together and chock full of anxiety, meeting Dariax, whose worldview is so, so, simple, and honest, who thinks Dorian is cool as hell, who likes Dorian for him. And Dariax, who is used to being underestimated and mocked, being treated kindly and sincerely and with respect from this fancy blue boy. The Double D's (YES they coined this themselves) were just. Agh. Fucking pure. Okay. They both called out for each other by instinct at different points in the campaign and like. Goddammit.

fearne you wanted to bring opal to the ocean

also Fearne liked Opal A Lot. Like. Goddamn. Theres something about that, the way Fearne is untouchable until she very suddenly isn't.

pretty pretty rich kids with the world on their shoulders

Dorian and Opal were like. I feel like its well summed up by the two of them banding together early on and doing a "we'RE NEW IN TOWN AND LOOKING FOR DAGGERS" bit sums it up. I think there's a level of- not wealth, per se, but a little bit of Extreme Younger Sibling vibes coming off both of them. Of things to live up to and endless debts and expectations that they never had control over. I kind of wish Opal were here, now. Ready to get excied about a ball with Dorian. Ready to rip off anyones head that makes him uncomfortable. Silent and understanding about going home, with all the ubwanted eyes and expectations you thought you'd outgrown. God, I really do wish Opal was there- I think she'd get it, maybe better than those present can. I really think she would.

#I really come on this website and throw three million words at you all huh. hmmm #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e12 #exu trio #character meta #my meta #Exandria unlimited #party pals #dorian #orym #fearne #opal #dariax #fy'ra rai #shitpost #god I really am emotionally compromised by dorians situation so we'll see if I can get coherent thoughts out of that or not #anyhoo I am genuinely REALLY FLATTERED you like my meta writing. its really neat to have come full circle tbh. surreal. #speculation #spar speaks #ask away!

[dancingintherainwithchifuyu]

Sorry for being dramatic but i love dramas 😭 but what if one of the bonten timeskip, baby sano mother actually had a son who is baby sano twin ? So the girl wasn't useful for her this is why she gave up on her. and kept this secret with her and told no one so baby sano boy can be the heir of her family. until one day teen baby sano girl gone crazy for seeing a teen boy that just looks like her daddy 😭. Same height, same face, typical sano black eyes and black hair, even the smile 😭 she thought she is dreaming or just missing daddy too much or tired or sick or even worse (eaten some of haru pills on breakfast and that might be the end of sanzu life on mikey hand) but its like she always sees him after school on her way home 😭 so maybe she asked raiden to investigate instead of her since she cant do anything without mikey knowing and she didn't want mikey to go crazy like her. So maybe with a personality like his dad, teen sano boy becomes a friend of raiden 😭but how can she even know if they are related or not when she cant remember her mother and this teen has his own family already 😭 but hey, one of the bonten excusives senses that is something off with the girl and her bf 😭 probably sanzu or omi since they know her the most after mikey and they know how shinshiro looks like so seeing that teen boy is gonna be like a train hit 😭 while sanzu may report back to mikey right away i think omi would handle the situation himself, just getting all the background information and then he sees the face of the women he and waka warned shin about 😭😭😭 omi being a criminal his first thought was to commit a murder but thinking of mikey, probably he is the one who may act upon that thought 😭😭 like no matter in what way they break the news to mikey he isn't responding well 😭😭 and probably the most saddest decision the two sanos will make is to .. just forget about him to not drag him in their messed up lives 😭😭 mikey literally was crying his heart alone because shin deserves to know about his son but he will never know that he is dead and that boy deserves to be part of the sanos, at least to know his real father and how awasome he is but he will never get the chance to at all 😭😭 sorry for writing all of this but i needed to cry .

You made me cry!!!

Calling him : Masaaki which means True brightness

Raiden can definitely see how the twins are so similar and it hurts him so much because this bitch of a mother separated them. She even lied to Masaaki and told the boy she lost his sister during birth. Raiden is this 🤏🏻 close to breaking his one rule and beating a woman.

He just sees (Y/n) hopeful look everyday and how can he take away that smile. He goes to Kakucho and request to talk to Mikey. He tells him everything he found out, from how the mother lied and how he can't tell (y/n). Sanzu seemed so pissed off because this bitch hid Mikey's nephew and had the nerve to hurt (Y/n) like that. Takeomi and Kakucho decide to investigate.

Raiden is stuck between friends, he continues telling (Y/n) that he's handling it and the guilt is eating him alive for lying to the girl. Meanwhile he can't help but scowl at the mother when he hangs out with Masaaki because the boy always smiles "I'm living for us both, I know she's looks over me"

When they break the news to (Y/n), she's tears up and immediately runs off. She always knew that her mother was never in the picture but to keep her from her brother...

Sanzu was the one who found her, she wasn't ready to head back to hq. So he just sat with her, letting the girl cry into his chest and scream at the sky. "Guess you just gotta show that bitch huh?"

Sanzu returned during midnight carrying the sleeping girl, his heart ached that she had to go through something no one ever wanted her to go through. Part of him wanted to make (M/n) suffer and pay for what she did to the Sanos.

Personally I think they would wait for Masaaki to be older, once he's older and wiser. Then they would probably tell him, if he wants prove? (Y/n) would do a dna test of she had too, why would she lie about something like that. Plus the reaction of (M/n) only confirms it, Masaaki would be happy that his sister is alive. Angry at his mother for separating the two from each other.

Maybe by that time Raiden worked up the courage to confess

#single dad shinichiro #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyorev x yn #tokyorev x you #tokyo revengers x yn #platonic tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers fluff

[remindingpersephone]

Working Shit Out

I need to write about some shit in order to work it out. You know how it goes. I'm posting it late at night, and under the cut, so those of you not interesting in my merry-go-round don't have to scroll past my endless babbling.

I am tired. I'm impatient, easily irritated, depressed, anxious, angry and dangerously close to giving up on hope. I know a lot of it has to do with repeated blows to the psyche: how life in a pandemic changes everything, political chaos, real world challenges like inflation and work stress, the existential impression of lurking doom, et al. So many people and circumstances are disappointing me on a daily basis. How is a person supposed to stay cheerful, kind, compassionate and understanding in the face of all that. But what other choice do we have?

I know my coping mechanisms are not only not healthy (no exercise, way too much sugar and Netflix), but they also aren't working. If they were, I wouldn't be this pissed off and bummed out.

The cherry on top is that I'm mired in a month-long writer's block that doesn't look to be letting up any time soon. Writing has always been my joy and my sanity, my salvation, my haven from a world that is trying to stomp on my heart. Without it I feel lost.

I've never really forced myself to write. It comes when it wants to, and often goes the same way. But it always comes back. Maybe I'm at a point now where I have to sit at the keyboard and just write. Even if it's crap. Even if I don't recognize myself in any of it. Just the mechanical exercise, doing the thing, will knock something loose, so to speak.

I remember reading an article years ago about creativity and inspiration. The author said she approached writing like anything else that had to get done. I'm paraphrasing her here but, she said, "Do I feel inspired to clean the toilet? No, I just clean the toilet. Writing is the same way."

I've never been able to make that approach work. In the past, when I'd force myself to write when the inspiration wasn't there, I ended up with true shit. Boring, rote, going-through-the-motions storytelling. I hated it.

But maybe now things are different enough that this might work. Not that writing while uninspired is going to create a masterpiece, but it might just work out the kinks. Maybe momentum is the thing I need right now. Get the ball rolling. (Oh how I love idioms & metaphors.)

So, yeah, I'm here rambling trying to decide if this makes any sense when I see it written out. Writing is more than just an activity I participate in. It's part of who I am. It's so automatic, and when I'm in the zone, nothing makes me happier. But it doesn't come as easy as it once did. Life, adult responsibilities, and other burdens eat up the time and the energy I once had for writing. I have to work harder at it. Some days I just don't have it in me to work that hard. But that doesn't mean I've given up. I will never give up on writing. That would be like giving up on breathing. (Jeez I'm so dramatic.)

I have always believed that anything worth having/doing takes some effort to achieve. I have to accept that my writing is no different.

#writing #rambling #motivation #inspiration #chasing light

[uwua3]

may I request taichi with friend/crush reader? reader asked taichi to help them dye their hair, and while the hair dye is processing they start to awkwardly flirt/joke with each other to the point that they don't notice how much time passed and the dye became too dark. i'm sorry if this is too specific, but thank you so much in advance if you do write it! take care! c:

hi hi, anon~ ☆ thank you so much for requesting! this made me sososo #Happy because taichi deserves all the love in the world 💗 !! ∪･ω･∪ please give our baby puppy nanao your heart 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 he deserves it! you also deserve love, anon~ ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) please accept all my #Love 💖✨ for this prompt! thank you for everything, i love you lots, okay? :D 💕

summary: when your best friend, taichi, texts you there’s an emergency, you come running to a bad hair day

author’s note: please love taichi lots, reader! that’s all~ have a good rest of your day and remember taichi & i will always love you sososo much !! (>◡<♡).:｡

word count: 3,055

music: dream boy – waterparks

bad hair day!

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

“where is he?!”

sakyo stared down at you, opening the door after waking up to repetitive pounding that nearly shook the whole dorm

you were still in your pajamas and out of breath—did you run over here?

before sakyo could angrily swear at you for making no sense just past midnight, you ducked underneath his arm and escaped around the corner

although some dorm lights were on, most of the rooms were pitch black as expected of it being a school day tomorrow. you were about to sprint into the slightly ajar door of room 105 before omi stepped out, an amused smile greeting you

“taichi’s in the bathroom, if you’re looking for him.” omi gestured towards the shared bathrooms at the end of the hallway, to which you gratefully thanked him and ran off again

(omi looked after you, a smile upon his tired expression. “kids these days.” omi yawned, heading back into his dorms and shutting the door softly behind him)

you didn’t take as much consideration into your actions before you slid into the communal bathroom, slamming the door behind you with uncontrollable force. you leaned against it, panting as you finally saw him

nanao taichi was sitting near the sink with three (3) boxes of random hair dye on the counters, very obviously confused and distressed

“taichi, what’s the emergency?!”

“my hair dye isn’t the right shade!”

“... are you serious?”

this was it. it was hair–dye day

except this time, it wouldn’t be just taichi’s hair transformation—you were getting a new look, too!

how did you get yourself into this mess exactly? maybe sleepily reading an urgent message from your best friend late at night declaring he was having an “emergency” wasn’t a good idea after all...

there was something about taichi’s big puppy eyes that couldn’t make you say no despite all your frustration, so here you were, tiredly following an overexcited boy down the aisles of the local convenience store

did i mention it was way too late? on a school day, by the way? i didn’t, well, now you know!

“taichi,” you called out, rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes and tried not to wince at the bright led lights of the display. taichi barely paid attention, humming an incoherent answer as he browsed the rainbow shelf of hair dyes in front of him

“don’t you think... we should wait until tomorrow?” taichi seemed to process your words a moment late, because he turned towards you, bewildered as if you were the crazy one

yeah, you were crazy. taichi definitely wasn’t holding three wildly different boxes of hair dye and debating between all of them. he also definitely didn’t mislead you into thinking something happened when all he had was s bad hair day. you knew you had to intervene or else his usual red would become kazunari’s palette

“tomorrow? what’s wrong with now?”

“it’s almost midnight, we have school in nearly seven hours, and i know for a fact you didn’t do your homework.”

(taichi flinched at that and you were unsatisfied to see you were right, as always)

“i know that, but!—” “it’s midnight.” “hey, new day, new you, right?” “we have school in a few hours.” “think of how cool you’ll be showing up with dyed hair!” “you have homework.”

“i know, i know,” taichi shrugged, holding the boxes up to his line of sight with serious consideration as he glanced at you. with one look at your tiredness, taichi put the red cart down and completely faced you, putting his hands on your shoulders with a pout

“come on, don’t be like that!” taichi whined, nearly stomping his feet when you just huffed and looked away. jumping so he stayed in your view, it was like a pet wanting attention and using its cuteness as its charm

“hey, hey, look at me, please~?” taichi dragged out, moving his hands so they cupped your cheeks. he made you look at him and all you saw was a backwards baseball cap on a head of nearly half black hair and wide cyan eyes. he looked fully awake, you wondered where his infectious energy came from

“turn that frown, upside down!” taichi turned the corners of your lips up with his pointer fingers, making you automatically smile with the way his giggle got louder. “that’s my best friend!” taichi patted your cheeks again and bounced back down to his heels, rocking back and forth on his worn down sneakers

“look at us! we’re two high schoolers about to make an impulsive decision! nothing could go wrong!” taichi laughed and although there were a million things that could’ve gone wrong, you just sighed with a smile on your face

“you’re right.” you said even if he wasn’t. taichi just picked the cart back up and tilted his head towards the dyes, asking for your opinion on what colors you liked

you chose red, too. when taichi questioned why curiously, you patted his head and responded with, “so we can match!”. the boxes of hair dye you both bought were red just like taichi’s face when you answered honestly

sneaking back into the bathroom to avoid the “you have school” lecture from a very pissed off sakyo who still couldn’t go back to sleep, you and taichi failed at hushed whispers. everything felt like a joke and it didn’t exactly help taichi found everything you did hilarious and comical

setting down the boxes like it was second nature, taichi let out a sound of excitement at the colors. even if you were running on little to no sleep, you felt the same with the adrenaline of looking like a new person in just a few hours

“we’re gonna look so cool!” taichi squealed, taking his time mixing the dye color with the bowl and brush quickly

you sat on the sink counter, swinging your legs as taichi leaned onto the surface next to you, rambling away about how popular red was this season and how all the students will fall in love with his trendiness

used to your friend’s lovesick, hopeless romantic antics, you fondly rolled your eyes as you stretched, stifling a yawn

“is that why you decided to dye your hair tonight?”

“... maybe. there was advice that having perfext roots would attract any woman in my favorite love advice column!”

“...” “do you think people will like my hair?” “they might think we’re a couple since we’re matching.”

taichi suddenly stopped mixing, staring at the bowl wide eyed at the red dye. you were about to ask what happened, before taichi nervously laughed and looked towards the ground

“u–us? a couple?! no way...” taichi blurted out, avoiding your eyes as he began mixing even faster

“do you want me to change my color then—?” you cautiously started, about to change your mind before taichi interrupted hastily, almost knocking the other boxes over by waving his gloved hands

“no! i mean, haha... no, no, it’s fine! don’t worry about it!” taichi laughed so you slowly nodded, not buying it but deciding to go with the flow anyways. you were too tired to think about it too hard

you both unanimously agreed that taichi would dye your hair first. after all, he had more experience doing this by himself until you came along

one thing though, you didn’t want to ruin your pajama shirt. after rummaging through his closet quietly, you felt a t–shirt land on your head and heard a victorious laugh from the doorway

lifting the shirt, you recognized the one–eyed monster graphic design on the front, its tongue sticking out with some graffiti text above its head

“are you sure? you always wear this one?” you hesitated to take it before taichi forced it back into your hands, his expression easy and humorous

“take it, it’ll look better on you, anyways.” taichi casually said and you wondered how many smooth pick up lines he’s been reading. but, one look at his light smile and you could tell he genuinely meant it

returning back into the bathroom wearing a black t–shirt, you had changed into his t–shirt as well. while you were making sure all the dyes were separated to avoid any accidents, you barely noticed taichi stop dead in his tracks

(how come you looked so... good, in his t–shirt? maybe, he should give you his clothes more often... taichi gulped, wondering why he was suddenly feeling this way. it must’ve been the lack of sleep, the tiredness of staying up past his usual bedtime, that’s all!)

“are you ready for the best hair day ever?”

unexpectedly, taichi was quiet for the next hour or so. you could tell from the way he carefully applied just the right amount on your roots to how he knew the time on the box without even looking

maybe it was the way neither of you had proper sleep schedules, but you nearly fell asleep when taichi began combing your hair. after letting it develop, taichi began evenly distributing the red color while humming a popular pop song from his playlist in the background

you didn’t know when you dozed off, but you woke up to a flash of a camera and heard taichi’s snickers right in front of you. rubbing your eyes, you sat up straighter to notice a plastic bag was wrapped around your hair with an empty bowl of red dye discarded in the sink

“morning, sleepyhead~!” taichi greeted way too happily at this hour, making you groan as you stood up. “you didn’t sleep, taichi?” you wondered out loud, noticing how he scrolled through his phone aimlessly with a nonchalant sound

“yawn—i mean! i’m not even tired, gotta wait for your timer to go off to rinse your hair!” (it was his rule that he was always the last person to sleep if he was with you) taichi proudly held up his phone and showed you the screen, as if you could see it from there

(maybe if you could, you would’ve prevented the disaster about to occur in the very near future)

“your turn, puppy. come over here.” you stretched and taichi squealed, running over just to nearly knock over the chair from excitement. taichi always liked doing things with you, and you pampering him made him feel a lot happier than he’d like to admit

“can you stay still?” “i’m trying~! geez, so mean first thing in the morning... uuh...” “awww come on, don’t act like a kicked puppy, taichi!” “woof...”

it was the saddest bark you’ve ever heard. you smiled even if taichi was squirming in his seat and pet his dry hair, your best friend automatically leaning into your touch with a content sigh as he closed his eyes. oh, finally! taichi went still, letting you start the dye process quickly

just like you, taichi was on the verge of staying awake and falling asleep. it was nice to have someone taking care of you like a little kid, not to mention how neither of you have slept for more than half a hour at time. as you applied the rest and making sure all the sections were even, taichi stirred in his sleep with a cute yawn again

“i’m cool, right?” taichi mumbled, seemingly getting closer and closer to snoring. you held back a snicker, nodding your head as you kept going with the dye. for your first time, it wasn’t even that bad

“yes, of course. you’re the coolest boy at o high, taichi.” you reassured truthfully, to which taichi pouted like a kid, crossing his arms and leaning his head back. you made sure none of the dye dripped off before you started painting the bright red on again

“that’s not true... juza and tenma go to o high... they’re so popular, everyone loves them.” taichi added on sadly, but you knew he meant it and it wasn’t just fishing for compliments. wondering why a boy as amazing as taichi would have an inferiorty complex, you frowned and tried to focus on applying the dye

“well, i think you’re the coolest to me, then. after all, juza and tenma don’t have this cool red hair!” you almost ruffled his hair but stopped, knowing it’d mess up the part. taichi must’ve sensed you were about to do so, because he let out a loud, sudden laugh with a big smile

“hehe, you’re the coolest to me, too!” taichi trailed off into a low voice, about to fall asleep for good. you wrapped his head to make sure the hair stayed in place, satisfied with your hard work and dedication to your best friend’s appearance

“do you say that to everyone you meet?” you joked, but taichi just shook his head vigirously, entering sleepy puppy mode anyways

“no, just you, you know why~?”

“why?”

“‘cause... i like y...”

taichi snored, his head falling lower as he fell asleep for good. you didn’t even process it, deciding to take the seat next to him without checking the time

time to get some shut eye...

you slowly woke up, realizing that you were now laying your head on top of taichi’s. he was almost drooling on your shoulder, even breaths leaving his lips as he continued sleeping. you lifted your head to look around for the reason why you woke up, until you noticed the constant ringing of taichi’s phone on the sink counter

“puppy, wake up, it’s time to rinse our hair.” you pushed taichi off, automatically waking him up as he rapidly blinked, trying to focus his blurry vision as he yawned

“... has the sun always been up?”

you froze, staring at taichi’s casual expression before it morphed into shock, his wide eyes finding yours with urgency. don’t tell me...

you rushed off the chair, nearly hitting it to the ground as you grabbed taichi’s vibrating phone, looking at the screen. instead of a timer for rinsing, it was labeled for starting the school day

“taichi.” you said, slowly turning to see him staring back at you. the realization dawned upon both of you severely. “we have school in less than a hour.”

mankai bathrooms were always chaotic in the morning, especially with twenty (20) plus boys all sharing one space. yet, today might’ve been the worst day to use the bathroom yet

you and taichi immediately began cleaning up and rinsing your hair at the same time, losing your minds over the lack of time as you two knew both your hair could not be saved

“what if i’m not cool anymore?!”

“can we focus on going to school on time?”

(banri and juza were exchanging their usual harsh morning greetings to each other, walking side by side to the bathroom only to hear taichi’s pierching shriek and your immediate scream back. they shared a look before collectively going back to their room, not wanting to know. it was the first thing they agreed upon in a while)

taichi dashed out of the bathroom with half a hour to spare, quickly putting on his uniform on without noticing omi who stood by the door, holding onto taichi’s backpack with an amused glint to his eyes

when taichi finally found his o high dark green blazer and pants (his dress shirt buttons were mismatched, but that wasn’t important), he was about to run right past omi before omi put his arm out, stopping taichi from leaving

“forgetting something?” omi held out taichi’s backpack with a packed lunch, making taichi exhale with relief as he took it gratefully. “omi, you’re the best ever!”

omi instead shook his head and crossed his arms, gesturing towards the bathroom where you were still cleaning up the red mess

“no, they’re the best. make sure you tell them that.” omi scolded gently, ruffling taichi’s hair but suddenly narrowing his eyes, looking the teen up and down with a confused look

“huh...? didn’t you dye your hair, why isn’t it that red?”

“don’t remind me, omi!”

(fun fact: leaving hair dye on for longer than 45 minutes will in fact, make the color much darker than intended)

(also... dry hair...)

you luckily brought your uniform, thinking the big emergency would require a sleepover. you stepped out of the bathroom and apologized to the bewildered and incredulous line that formed outside, rushing off to find taichi shoving a piece of bread in his mouth

“here! catch!” you assumed taichi tried to say, because his words were muffled as he threw you something from the kitchen. you caught it with ease, putting it in your pocket as you and taichi said goodbye to everyone in the dorms

you two didn’t even bother addressing why taichi’s hair was many shades darker and why yours was red as well. you two just left and prayed to whoever was listening you’d make it to school on time... or else

half way through making it out the door, you and taichi finally caught each other’s eyes and burst into laughter, nearly falling onto each other in the middle of the sidewalk like a bunch of weirdos

“yo! look at our hair!” taichi spluttered out, reaching up to touch your now red hair. you wheezed, trying to not cry from the sheer audacity of the strange situation at hand

“dude, look at your hair! it’s even darker!” you laughed and even though his bright red hair was apart of his identity, taichi couldn’t stop laughing just because he went through it with you

“am i still cool?”

“definitely, even cooler now, i think.”

the laughter died down and taichi wrapped his arm around your shoulder, grinning like there was no tomorrow

“you’re the best. i’m so lucky to have you.”

you suddenly remembered something you didn’t respond to just mere hours ago, and figured it was better late than never

“i like you, too.”

when taichi overcame his visible shock and multiple “are you serious?! don’t play with my feelings like that!” and figuring out you were being honest, he slipped his hand into yours with a visible jump to his step as you two walked to school

even if he wore gloves, his hands were still somewhat stained red from the hair dye that started it all

(“did you do the homework this morning?”)

(“... we had homework?”)

(“oh, taichi...”)

#nanao taichi #taichi nanao #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3! #mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #taichi x reader #a3! taichi #a3 taichi

[bciwasinlove]

Hi. I have not been on twitter or even in the fandom long enough so i came here to ask you about something. What's with the song claiming thing? Suddenly ziams are claiming songs that have been claimed as larry song. No I'm not gate keeping. Pardon my word choice.I'm not English. But I'm just curious. As long as i have been in this fandom, no control was a larry song the moment it came out and everyone was ok with it and even ziams never claimed it before.now suddenly they are like oh liam also wrote it? Home has always been larry song considering the timeline, him leaking and all, ziams never claimed it before, now suddenly home is a ziam song too? 18 was taken as a larry song from the moment ed said it was written from 1D perspective and everyone was ok with it considering how Louis used to literally serenade Harry like turning his whole body,changing pronouns etc. No one had a problem untill now. Suddenly in 2020/21 ziams are claiming it. Why didn’t they do it before? Why now? I'm just curious.

Warning selfies have been a thing with Louis for years. Now suddenly it is linked with liam too? How? Did he do it before or something? I genuinely don't know. So let me know plz.

The whole devlin thing, devlin album came out in 2017 i guess and they comparing Louis tweet with zayn tweeting that is from 2016. How does that make sense?

Also some people say larry closeting didn’t work but ziam did...awful thing to say. If it didn’t work then there wouldn’t be so many antis and they are still going through so much. People wouldn’t believe Harry dates every woman that breaths around him. And they claim there are two bbg in ziam relationship right? Why did they need two bbg if it worked? I mean if the closeting worked? Bbg has nothing to do with relationships.

Idk if ziam was real or not but I'm sure gigi was pregnant, she had that symptoms, pregnancy glow,tired face and all. Now whoever the father may be..idk.

I'm not convinced about ziam and how does that make me hypocrite? Also there are some "if this counts(larry),this counts too(ziam)" thread. what's with the comparison?

Sorry about the rant.

Hello anon wow this is long a lot to unpack so I'll start with your song questions.

Idk why ziammies are suddenly trying to claim songs that have ALWAYS been larry related. Especially when Liam said in an interview that Louis and him were a song writing duo for 1D BUT that he wrote the melodies and it was Louis who wrote the song lyrics. Last I checked melodies don't equal meaning of a song so how are these songs about ziam?

Some examples of this....

They are trying to claim Home but Liam said the song was personal to Louis and how when he read the lyrics he didn't want to change them. Home is also a direct response to If I Could Fly with ONLY Harry on the credits. Home was leaked by Louis the night of Belfest when Larry found out BG was being taken pasted the birth of a kid and it pissed off Louis so he leaked Home as payback bc it was clearly a loud song management didn't want on the album.

They are trying to claim 18 but the song was written by Ed who said [compared to other 1D songs he wrote for them] he wrote 18 with a 1D member in mind. [That is why we claim the song at all.] Ed was closeted in the band to Harry next being Louis and Niall he was the least closeted to Zayn and Liam. Side note Ed has a song called Friends that he said was about 2 friends of his who fell in love and when a fan yelled L&H he laughed/smirked and said init so it makes the most sense 18 was written with Harry in mind. Plus 18 is about meeting/loving someone sense they were 18 and it was only Louis who was 18 when they all met and it was Harry who would scream NO 16 when singing the song. Also larry changed the lyrics to HIM and would stare directly at each other when singing 18 livem According to ziam MPs ziam weren't a couple until at least 2 years into the band so why would 18 make sense for them also given they were both 17 when they met & none ever went NO 17 when singing it.

They are trying to claim No Control but that song as we know is about the morning after sex and the second round they end up having. Like stated before Louis wrote the lyrics to 1D songs and Niall plus Larry always made it DAMN CLEAR what that song was about. Also remember when Harry would always jam out hard core when Louis would sing his part in No Control aka majority of the song. Yeah that song is Louis song no doubt.

They try to claim Alive which makes no sense bc Zayn nor Liam is on the credits at all only Louis. They say it's bc Liam said he related to the song ok I see that but still he didn't write it and still how does this song equate to ziam? Alive is more a song used as proof Louis isn't straight bc it's about self exceptance of who you are even tho others around you for along time made u feel there is something wrong with you. It's about Louis who is more confident part way through the story being told and then helping his lover [who seems to be a bit insecure about themselves] except and love who they are. Since Liam didn't write on it the relationship aspect couldn't be about him and Zayn. Since he said he just relates to Alive at BEST it could mean he might not be straight but it can't be used as proof of who his partner is when he didn't write on it.

There's others but I think you get the point they have always been larry or hinting at Louis sexuality songs so I don't get why or how they are suddenly saying their ziam songs? Myself @lovemylarents and @fearlessmoon09 think bored people in quarantine is what happened to change the landscape.

To your next question warning selfies...

So warning selfies was something Louis did everytime something BG stunt related was going to happen. He started it and did it a ton back in 2016/17 when BG stunting was massive for him. Liam never had anything to do with warning selfies and Louis warning selfies were ALWAYS like I said BG related so suddenly ziammies going Liam does warning selfies for things involving Maya or Gigi makes no sense. It was ALWAYS a Louis thing.

For the Devlin thing...

You hit the nail on the coffin with that one the album with the song Cold Blooded that had the lyrics "so is it true XXXX fathered a baby? I don't really think so, if you ask me he don't like ladies. Could have been HARRY, yeah, I bet it was HARRY" [emphasis on Harry bc I saw a ziammie change the lyrics to Liam] came out in 2017 while Zayns tweet was done in 2016. Unlike Louis tweet which was specifically about this album not just the artist and tweeted during the height of BG stunting. So not the best comparison. They really should fact check before making these "larries are hypocrites" threads bc veteran larries know and fact check everything.

Next thing you mentioned what I call their slogan "larries closeting didn't work but ziams did that is why less talk about/believe in ziam then larry" piss me off so much and what you said it right. If larry's closeting didn't work then we wouldn't be here complaing about how the GP sees Harry as a queerbaiting womanizer, how solo henries who want to have sex and suck Harry's dick exist and how some locals don't want to join Louis fandom bc they think Louis and his fans are homophobic or that twarries exist thinking Louis is a deadbeat dad. Tell me again ziammies how their closeting didn't work? It is so invalidating to everything larry has been put through. Also if larry's closeting didn't work but ziams did then why did they need 2 BGs for Ziam and only one for Larry? Myself @kaybutlarry @babyhoney-28 and @onlythebravestan are still waiting on an answer to that question haven't gotten one.

As you said about Gigi yes she definitely looked more pregnant then Briana ever did. The reason I don't believe in their BG with Gigi is bc their story is inconsistenent. Side note back when Liam had a kid no one besides a few on tumblr ever said it was BG 2.0 they didn't start saying BG 2&3 until Gigi happened. Back to inconsistenences so their original story when we first learned Gigi was pregnant was it's fake just like Briana there's no kid, then when Gigi did the livesteam showing she had a bump and a round face you get when pregnant the story changed to she's pregnant the kid is just not Zayn's.

Then I recently saw some who [after the kid was born] went back to the story the kid is fake there is no kid OR they are using a child actor. Unlike Louis BG they don't have a consistent story that makes sense. Also the kids are never shown unlike with Louis kid F gets posted every damn day with creepy and bad photoshop, and a million articles about how he is Louis twin to shove it down our throats the kid is Louis. The situations have NEVER been the same with Louis vs even just Liam kid.

To your last point ziammies keep calling and making threads about how larries are hypocrites bc we don't believe what they do which is damn annoying bc they constantly say just leave us alone why do you care we exist but then constantly make threads like that getting mad we aren't all ziammies. If your going to make threads against us then yeah were going to say something and respond to your threads the way we would to a debunking larry anti thread. Their threads like that are either using funny coincidences of larry that we don't use as concrete proof to compare to ziam OR their ziam version of our proof has been debunked already like the Ziam Levine Stylinson sticker on the bears. [If you want more info on that ask @lovemylarents.]

They constantly take what is a larry proof and say it's also about ziam [Example the songs] or have a ziam proof that mirrors a larry proof. [Example the devlin thing or selfies] In their threads they always compare miniscule larry things that aren't our MAIN proof. See the miniscule proofs are the house and the big proofs are the concrete foundation that without it those miniscule things would not be able to really count as proof of larry and the larry house would fall. Ziammies ONLY have miniscule proof not a very solid foundation so I'm unsure how long their house will last.

I have been in this fandom for 10 years I have seen MANY ships come and go [Examples: Ziam, Ziall and Narry] but the one ship that has always been here was Larry. Larries have been here for 10 years, Larries are the ones who are talked about in the media, Larries are the ones constsntly gaslighted, Larry is the one ship that needs to be denied a bunch [poorly might I add] there's NEVER been any other ship or ship group people have hated, gone against or talked about this much besides Larries/Larry.

Funny [not for us] but funny that Liam goes through all the trouble of gaslighting Larries and talking about EVERY Louis stunt but he never mentioned Ziam which is a ship that actually involves him or the Ziammies who say Bear isn't his kid. Why did he talk about US and not THEM which involve him? Also funny Liam can easily say the word Ziam but Louis can't pronounce an EASY @ just bc it has the word Eroda in it.

My mutrals and I all agreed we didn't give af that ziammies existed until they kept talking shit about how we aren't ziams to and then go why are larries acting like antis hating us. First off it was NEVER larries hating on them it was toxic solo Zsquad and solo Liam stans who were. We didn't get involved until the entire tl was LARRIES ARE HATING US AND BEING HYPOCRITES. Second off and my last thought it's easy if you don't want us in your replies then don't make threads about us being hypocrites and use easily debunked ziam proof or miniscule larry proof to mirror bc we will point it out bc you think were hypocrites thank you.

#twitter ziammies #ziammies think larries are hypocrites #stop stealing larry songs #stop stealing larry proof #larries

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

Trick or Treat

A fic in The Kompound series dedicated to the one and only Josephine.

@theegoldenchild @bastioncarterstevens-udaku @hennessystevens-udaku @alyshastevens-udaku @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @chaneajoyyy

It was on sight.

His sleeves were rolled up and she could see the blonde hairs on his forearms. It looked like he had makeup on his wrist covering another tattoo.

Josephine was ready to give up the draws to the Starbucks barista. There seemed to only be two working and one was a skiny twenty-something white guy with curly blonde hair, a close shave, and a tattoo on the side of his neck that kept trying to reveal itself through the collar of his black button down.

Jojo lowered her tinted sunglasses to view his blue eyes unobstructed. He stood at about 6'3.. 6'5 which was perfect since she was 5'10 and unattracted to anything under 6'1.

He tapped the register showing the customer the price, taking their money before moving the line along. A quiet king. Jojo was sold.

She moved her glasses to the top of her head and as he moved around, she watched him calmly assemble a two sandwich/three drink order. That was when she noticed his hearing aid and decided she'd moan so loudly in his ear during sex that he'd have to keep it turned off.

Jojo's turn to order came. The barista's chin lifted to her and she leaned closer to look into his ocean blue eyes before scanning over his skinny but muscular arms. His name tag read Logan.

"Logan..," she smiled, eyes sparkling with shameless flirtation. "I want one of you, can you bring me that?"

He smiled as if his day had been made.

"Tall Caramel Snickerdoodle Macchiato," she ordered leaning in just a bit more at the counter to display her cleavage.

He shrugged as if he'd speak but Josephine quickly realized that 1) he couldn't and 2) he was confused.

"Secret Menu," she clarified.

He shook his head in confusion.

"Tall soy caramel macchiato upside down with two pumps vanilla and two pumps cinnamon dolce," she said quickly while adjusting her glistening cleavage and drawing his eye for an instant until he redirected himself. He had self control which Jojo liked, but she also knew how to break that up. She wanted him sooner than later. Quickly he began putting the drink together himself with great care despite the queue of people in line behind her. That was when she gave him her super-white smile. In no time, his number was on her cup in sharpie and Jojo had walked out into the sunshine, sipping with a new man at her disposal. It was a great day.

Josephine fantasized briefly about what his dick might look like. She had every intention of sucking the pale out of her new caucasian boy toy, but she also had a motive.

"Jojo! I'm a need to put an 'a' on that if you gonna use it. I told you already how it sounds."

The longer Josephine thought and smiled her coke white smile, the easier it was to decide that he'd be the perfect underling to draft into her plan of Halloween mischief. She skipped in the sunlight, her skin glinting. By the time she got back to her car and slid into the driver's seat to start it, she was giddy.

"Why you gotta be such a murderous lil thot," Erik muttered causing Josephine's head to snap up. His voice came crisply over her shoulder as if he were there. She quickly scanned the area, her car, and her clothes finding nothing.

"What the french toast.. Where are you," she asked looking around. She sat in her car in front of Albertson's grocery store beside the Starbucks drinking her drink. Her fingers brushed over the phone number written on the cup in black sharpie.

"Nah don't hide it now," he chuckled. Jojo primped in the visor mirror not giving a damn if he saw the number, she just didn't want her plans ruined.

"I don't know what you mean sir," her voice went up innocently as she applied her clear gloss.

"Jojo... my heart can't take this bullshit right now."

"Don't know what you're talking about. Bye!"

Josephine closed the car door and walked into the grocery store grabbing a cart and wiping it down. She patted down her jacket lapels and the pockets, her tube top, leggings, and boots.

"Don't kill family, Jojo. For once.. let's enjoy a normal holiday."

Josephine looked around wondering where Erik's voice was coming from.

"A witch can't do a lil light shopping in peace?! I'm innocent.. I'm being domestic and minding my business," she smirked looking through tomatillos and avocados. Erik didn't respond.

As she shopped for the ingredients to prepare the perfect Mexi-family dinner, she heard no more voices. Then she got back to the car to put the bags in the backseat. Her witchy senses began to tingle as she turned the wheel to leave on her way back home.

"Don't make me use magic," she paused still looking for the source of sound. "Cuz I really don't feel like it."

"Cheating make you tired huh," he teased. She slurped and sat her cup back in the holder in response. She knew what she wanted to do, she'd jinx him somehow and then laugh until he figured it out. Smiling, she continued to cruise on her way back to the compound.

"What you want nigger," she snapped. She knew he hated it, but he shouldn't have spied on her.

Erik stood to the side of his witchy wife, watching her obvious attempt at pissing him off. He knew she was plotting a long time ago, he just didn't know what.

"Errr those are your ears... This is my mouth and we're both black, nigger."

Erik kissed his teeth audibly. "What are you doing Jo.. you up to something."

"What?! You're breaking up, I can't hear you!"

"Bull."

She couldn't hang up, but she could ignore him. She honestly only wanted to cook in peace and feed the family for the time being, that was true. However, she wouldn't be Josephine without something up her sleeve.. and her fearless spontaneity was a reason why he loved her so much.. wasn't it? Everyone loved her.

She wouldn't flip the house upside down and then fix the issue every single time if she didn't love them and they didn't love her. They needed someone like her to keep them on their toes, looking over their shoulder every 15 minutes. She was the excitement. As the magical one, it was practically her duty to introduce chaos and adventure.

Afterall.. What was fun without a lil fear and screaming?

--

"You stuck your foot in that, girl," Angel praised, rolling her eyes as she pointed to Jojo in approval.

"Mhm," Erik hummed nearly in a food coma.

"Yesss and I HATE avocado with a passion but somehow you got me to eat it and like it," Charlie chuckled.

"Yeah, bitch, ya done good," Homie added, satiated.

Dinner was a hit and the family sat around the dinner table, absolutely stuffed.

"Baby, you did THAT," Ryley sighed, holding her stomach.

"Thank you niggerettes," Josephine grinned glowing with pride. She loved to cook and her skill was greater than that of Wolfgang Puck. As old as she was, and she had some millenia on her, she knew every technique and seasoning there was to know.

Aly'sha belched covering her mouth quickly after and Bastion snickered.

"On that note, let's all take a walk to the outer gate," Hennessy spoke standing from the table to lead the group in the walk outside.

They knew not what waited for them.

--

The weeks of October slipped away and after holding back patiently and silently, Josephine was able to begin the ultimate Halloween mischief she'd been planning for nearly a month. She was itching with excitement. She'd been stealing small amounts of money from Erik and each of the wives here and there just to fund it all and that was hard! Not morally... Ryley and Hennessy were just hard to steal from. She'd had to replace the stolen cash with counterfeit bills to pull it off and they never suspected a thing. She rubbed her palms together with a sneaky grin.

Phase 1 of the plan was already complete. The first order of business was to lure the household into a false sense of security. Josephine had been sweet as pie for a good month or so. There was no reason for things to change.. or so they thought.

Phase 2 was in the works. She had already secured herself a caucasian side piece, now she wanted to flaunt him like a new fur, shake things up. Phase 3 would begin within the chaos. But first.. she needed to call him.

"Logan," she spoke through the phone once she heard him pick up. "It's been.. wonderful.. You giving me massages, free coffees, and doing that thing I like," she giggled. "BUT...," her face straightened and her eyes glowed purple. "It's time," she spoke cryptically. "You know what you gotta do."

When she hung up, she received his text message reading 'I know what I must do.' She sighed a knowing sigh, staring at his handsome picture and replied, "Tell your family you're moving to Kenya and then drop this phone in the acid I gave you. I'll see you at dinner."

She didn't want his family to worry.

--

Three nights before Halloween, Josephine prepared a heaping spread of crab legs, shrimp three ways, oysters, linguini, biscuits, corn on the cob, and bisque. Tasting the bisque with her small spoon, it was perfect. She hummed in satisfaction.

As Kennedi set the table, Josephine grinned evily over the pot of corn and potatoes. She was a wicked but beautiful woman. She just wanted some fun was all. The madness couldn't happen on Halloween because she actually wanted to go to the family party and she knew said family would need a day or two to... recover.

"Jojo, what you doing," Kennedi asked when Josephine had been stirring the bisque too long.

"Oh nothing, I'll call the others."

Josephine's way of calling the others was to push a thought into their heads telepathically to make them all think the kitchen was on fire. They all came rushing down with the exception of Aly'sha who determined her nap was more important.. and Bastion who was busy drying her toenails. For them, she'd had to take out her phone and call.

"Now that we're here as a family," she smiled sweetly serving them each in her kente apron. She gave Erik an extra piece of corn and a kiss on the forehead.

"There's an extra table setting," Ryley noticed. "Who's coming?"

"I don't know, Jojo added it," Kennedi looked up, suddenly as suspicious as the rest of the table who were all looking at the door. It was Logan.. and just as planned, he walked in like he owned the place and took a seat at the opposite head of the table. Josephine walked around and kissed him on the forehead next.

"Oh hell nah," Kimora whispered as Charlie scratched a nonexistent itch on her neck looking to Kennedi and down at the table.

"What da hell," Angel's high voice of confusion sang, echoing everyone's thoughts while Ryley shook her head and quietly bit into a biscuit.

"Disrespectful," Hennessy muttered with Aly'sha nodding in agreement.

"Hella," Bastion added sipping her water.

Erik, however, he sat very still watching the scene ahead of him. Time sat still with him as tiny clinks of water glasses and spoons could be heard and Josephine sat on Logan's lap, feeding him soup and feeling on his tattoos. Every wife wondered silently what would happen.

Erik's chair skid as he stood and all eyes went between him and the scene unfolding on the other end of the table.

Erik passed Angel, Hennessy, Bastion, and Charlie, and Kristina who was sitting there quietly having joined her friends on whim. She was suddenly regretting it, wishing she'd went to her own man Trevante's place instead.

Smirking, he took a step back.

"Have fun," he smiled leaving the room. Bastion followed. Then Kristina. Then Hennessy left. Then Aly'sha and Kennedi. Then Angel and Ryley.

"At the dinner table," Charlie hissed looking at the tall, gangly man. "He looks high," she noticed suddenly. "Not normal high.. it's-" she gasped putting it together. "You bewitched him!!!"

"Shh!!! No.. He's.. just a little crossfaded," Josephine lied watching Charlie rush from the room to tell the others. She let out a deep sigh. Her plan wasn't unfolding the way it was meant to. Erik wasn't even angry, for one. That pissed her off. Because of it, he'd forced her hand.

After kissing the doting Logan goodbye and running her nails through his curly blonde hair, she wrapped her hands around his neck and choked him out until his life left him. Then she ate her bisque.

She'd see them once they relaxed a bit. They'd get over it.. afterall, what was Halloween without a lil trick or treat?

"Now you've done it," she fussed entering the living room where Erik layed tangled in the legs of his wives. Kristina had left. "How dare you not murder the man I cheat with!!"

"I ain't feel like it," Erik muttered, pleased with himself.

"Jojo, we're watching Lovecraft Country," Hennessy snapped. "You wanna watch?"

"No, I'm mad!"

"Then shhh," Bastion and Kennedi said in unison.

That was the last straw for Josephine. They were ruining her mischief! She had to get things back on track.

"Stop that," Charlie pointed when Josephine's eyes turned purple, but it was too late. With a snap of her fingers the power went out. Josephine vanished and only her disembodied dramatic voice was left behind.

"You have offended the great Josephine and now... you all must pay," she cackled wildly, panting slightly in excitement. "I have trapped you all here and if you don't find the bomb I've planted within the next ten minutes... there will be DEAAAATH!! Muahaha!"

She was completely serious, she'd planted a bomb. The collective groan on her household was music to her ears as she watched them drag themselves from room to room in pitch black searching for a bomb with their phone flashlights.

"JOSEPHINE GET YOUR ASS IN HERE," Hennessy yelled tired of the bullshit. She threw a pillow across the floor and Ryley was the next to scream in frustration.

"I'm a kill this girl," Angel muttered, jogging with Charlie to move the babies to the panic room.

"JOSEPHINE," Erik yelled in anger. "Just WAIT till I find you!"

Josephine felt jolly as if she'd accomplished a great feat. She loved her angry husband.

"Ahem," she grinned once they'd eaten up 8 minutes. "I have a clue! The bomb is.. implanted in something.. or should I say... someone. You find it, you win!"

Instantly, the house stampeded into the kitchen finding the body propped up in the chair at the dining table.

"I THOUGHT HE WAS STILL ALIVE," Angel shrieked once she realized. She and Kimora jumped back to grab Erik's arms and he stepped in front of them.

"Get to the panic room," he muttered quickly, "Now!"

Angel, Kimora, and Bastion ran with Kennedi who went to keep them safe.

"Hand me a knife," Erik demanded plunging it into the body once Ryley placed a large one in his hand. Hennessy had to walk away, her stomach feeling weaker.

Recklessly, Erik cut the body open getting blood everywhere and there it was.. a small bomb. Charlie was jittery, covered in blood, but she held her light while Aly'sha looked on to offer any verbal help she could as Erik worked to shut the bomb off and spare the house.

7... 6... 5... 4...

He couldn't figure it out so he threw it and snatched his wives from the room as quickly as possible, pushing them down and diving over top of them as best he could as a cover. For seconds they all laid there in anticipation of the explosion.

"Um," Ryley sighed. Hennessy scrambled to her feet to walk, heading to the panic room.

"Something's not right," Charlie whispered.

Just then Josephine cackled, her large voice filling the room. "It was a trick, the bomb was dead!! Happy Halloween, niggeronis!!!"

Suddenly the power flickered back on, but Josephine couldn't be found. She was long gone having vanished and teleported to the beach. She was laying in the sand watching the moon, still laughing.

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #erik stevens #the kompound #josephine #erik x oc #trick or treat #eriknutinthispoosy

[vivwrite]

With the Ghost of You(When the Sun Goes Down We All Get Lonely)

Maybe he’s just imagining, maybe its just another fantasy he pictures, but Luke seems semitransparent, a halo casting around his figure, holy, angelic.

“The night was very long but it didn’t seem long to the Snow Man; he stood lost in his own pleasant thoughts, and they froze until they crackled.”

or: Ashton meets Luke in a library, and the story tells itself. (AO3 link👇)

ooookay so my first fic for lashton and 5sos . Thanks for reading it. And tbh I'm extremely nervous because English's not my first language. So sorry for the mistakes lol.

One thing: I read Marquez's work in my first language, and I can't find the English version of it, so I translated the title and first sentence to English. There might be a mistake so sorry again lol

-

Ashton has always loved the library.

It isn't the school library, which is always so grand, demure, solemn, much like a robot- no, too cold and inhuman.

What he prefers, rather, is a smaller one run by a group of retired professors. It seems determined to hide itself in the northeastern corner of the campus, made up of three small but never crowded reading rooms. No matter when he walks through the doors be can find lamps shading yellowish circles on wooden tables, rows and rows of bookshelves up to the ceiling, and seats, beside small windows where the sunlight outside leaks in just perfectly on sunny afternoons.

To him it's always a getaway, a secret hiding place from the stressed and sometimes too fast school life, the only friend he can turn to when he isn't that enthusiastic about life, a comfort when facing another rock bottom. He's already studying a too rational subject; he'd love spending some time being just sensitive in here.

He'd spend hours and hours wandering among the bookshelves, picking one when he feels like it, skimming a few pages before deciding to read on or not. By doing this he feels just like a boy on the beach, amazed by an emerald or sapphire brought on shore by waves from time to time- what matters isn't just the book he gets. It's more of the communicating, the chore he gets to strike.

-

Unsatisfactory experiment result, loads of homework, a long and tiresome discussion with the professor about his research orientation- which he thinks is too early for him to consider, but she insists that as he has already got postgraduate recommendation he needs to consider it fully right now- and Ashton finds himself wandering in the library again, walking aimlessly, not for finding books, just to feel the connection.

It is a strange feeling, really, to be connected with books. Most of them on the shelves just seem to be books as they are, silent, quiet, lifeless. But, well, maybe it’s just his imagination- but some particular ones seem to be staring back- especially that one.

His hand automatically moves to pick that book out of the column.

It is quite delicate, a hard back small enough to be held on one hand, the title shimmering under the dim lights.

Ann’s Diary.

He remembers reading it in his teen years.

“Sorry, but that's mine.”

Ashton springs from the bookshelf. The book slips straight from his hand, hitting the wooden floor with a thud, as a boy rounds up from the other side.

He's tall- even taller than Ashton. And quite young, a freshman or sophomore, maybe. He is staring at Ashton from behind those strands of blonde, messy curls falling off to his face, piercing pale blue eyes met with his hazel ones, and that made his breath hitch for a second- although those eyes are definitely showing dismay.

"I... I don't really understand." He tries his best to cover all the confusion and fear- dealing with strangers always makes him uncomfortable (although he can manage it by acting cheerful and shit), especially with a pissed one.

But the boy seems determined to stay silent and on edge. He just flips the first page open, gesturing to a mark on it.

It's a two-word initial. Must have written quite a long time ago, as the lines are a bit blurry and the ink has faded into light gray. But he still recognizes the word, written in Italic, reading "L.H.".

Wait. The librarians never said that there is a place for personal collections.

Before he can ask about it the boy swirls around and walks off, leaving alone a dumbfounded Ashton.

-

He goes to ask the librarians, then the curator(because the librarians know nothing), about books with a L. H. written on it.

"This is a long story, darling, but it's late." Mrs. Hemmings' voice is collected and calm as always, but Ashton can tell that there is something as her eyes are a bit dull, "Maybe the other day."

-

His favorite spot in the library is a small table tucked behind seven rows of bookshelves of English literature(yes, he counts how many bookshelves are there), just besides a small window. Others rarely find it- unless they're crazy for novels by Adeline Virginia Woolf or they're just too bored to do anything else.

That's why he chooses here- There's no disruption, no noise, only the random shuffle for a person searching for books and pages being turned. Being alone.It suits him.

The sound of a chair pulling broke the silence,ripping him from the novel plot- someone has slipped into the chair opposite of him.

Well, fuck.

Ashton lifts his head from the pages, slight agitation rising from his chest, which shifted to utter surprise as his eyes meet a strangely familiar shade of blue.

Before he could say anything the boy blurts out , "Please... I want to explain."

For a moment Ashton just sits there, staring. Thoughts cloud his mind, tangling messily, laying conflicted- He was so senseless but now he seems so sincere! He won't trust his own voice right now, afraid that something stupid pops up all of a sudden. So he decides to just nod, a silent permit for the stranger to go on.

The boy clears his throat, looking a little nervous, "About the incident yesterday... I'm sorry. Got into something stupid and was shouted at all day long- but, I mean, fuck, even that isn't the reason I became such a jerk to you. I'm not trying to defend myself, but please don't be angry... Oh my fucking god, I don't know what I'm saying." He groans, pushing a hand through his curls, messing it up a bit.

Well, isn't that adorable.

Ashton hears himself chuckling, "I understand, no worries. Everyone has a bad day, don't we?"

He watches as the boy visibly relaxes with the reassuring words, a smile slipping on on his face, "Yeah, I guess. Thanks... Um, what's your name, by the way?"

Oh, right.

"Ashton."

"Thanks, Ashton." the boy's smile widens, "I'm Luke."

So the initial does belong to him. The L. H..

It's not until silence falls that Ashton realizes he may have stared at those sea- blue, sincere eyes for a bit too long. Hastily he ducked his head into his novel, flushed, trying to pick up the stream of Woolf's consciousness again.

"Virginia Woolf?" Luke's voice cuts in, and to Ashton's surprise- filled with pure interest.

Everyone else just thinks he's crazy and nerdy fancying Woolf's works.

"You like her?" He can't help but feel hope lighting up.

"One of my favorite!" Luke's literally buzzing with excitement, like a puppy finally getting some fresh air after a long lockdown in the house, "Never found another person to discuss, though. Everyone just say it's too hard to understand and shits."

And with that their conversation swiftly shifts into a heated discussion about stream of consciousness novels, to Woolf, then Proust, Faulkner, all way up the history, even to Freud- and Ashton finds, surprisingly, that they can strike a chord in every part of it- and the way Luke talks relentlessly, smiling so broad, eyes shining and hands waving- tells him he holds the same feelings, same thought, same passion.

His throat's sore- he hasn't talked that much in like, forever- but that doesn't stop him from being smug like an idiot when he leaves the library.

He's been alone for a long time, But it seems that he has finally found someone.

-

He starts to spend more time in the library- first just to do some more leisure reading and writing stuff there, then he starts bring his textbooks and laptop there to finish his homework, then even starts to stay there as long as he neither has classes nor needs to go back to the dorm. Yes, he admits it's kind of strange one's never tired of a library- especially that he has already ploughed through every part since he first stepped into it- but he knows why- a cute boy with ocean blue eyes and a smile is always there now.

It has become a routine. Luke accompanies him every day, sometimes already halfway through a novel when Ashton arrives, while other times Luke shows up merrily when he’s buried in the middle of projects and homework, bringing in a sense of cool breeze and fresh air before peeking over and ushering him to take a break(well sometimes the work has to be done, but Luke’s so sweet that he can’t refuse). Their time spent together is usually quiet, Ashton either typing away on his laptop or on a book, while Luke is immersed in his own novel, just piping up from time to time to discuss the plot or asking about the author. Topic wanders- books, school life, bands, music (seriously, how many same hobbies do they hold?).

They have went through so many fields- Stream of Consciousness to Science Fiction, Agatha Christie to Akudagawa, Shakespeare's Sonnet to Samuel Ullman's prose, but the list still seems far from ending. To Ashton's surprise Luke have read most of the writers not only by representative works but also less- famous chapters- many of which he only knows but has never read. He had thought he's an English Literature student, but Luke amazed him again by saying he studies Math actually- the same amazement occurred again when Luke discovered the chemistry paper Ashton's working on.

He can’t recall the last time he felt this content -Well, he can’t even remember when he has become so silent and depressed, on edge and under pressure.

But seems Luke has already become the solution.

-

Ashton sighs, recoils back in his chair, takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes- He never learns the lesson of not leaving your homework to the deadline, fuck it.

Besides him Luke rises his head, a slight smile tugging at his lips, "You finally done?"

He just groaned, eyes shut."I wonder how the fuck you can even finish your homework. You never seem to be doing anything related to math."

"Maybe that's because all can be done quickly if I want."

Smug idiot.

"Wait till you're a post graduate and you'll know what's torture."

"Will quit right after four years, then."

Ashton scowls, cracks open one eye and spares a hand to flip Luke off, to which he ducks away (he always does) and giggles, "You're of no fucking help."

"What do you want me to do, then?"

"Don't know. Tell me a story. Or just read something. As long as I'm not thinking my head off about the synthesis route of some stupid fucking molecule I'll be fine."

He heard a light chuckle, "Aye- Aye, Captain, here we go."

The sound of pages turning, Luke clearing his throat, then,"'It's so bitterly cold that my whole body crackles!' Said the Snow Man."

Ashton lifts an eyebrow wearily,"Now you're telling me an Andersen's Fairy Tale?"

"Shh. Shut up and be a good boy. It's my favorite one." then, "This wind can really blow life into you! And how that glaring thing up there glares at me!" He meant the sun; it was just setting..."

Luke reads on, and Ashton finds himself relaxing, sinking into the familiar tale he’s read hundreds of times as a toddler, following the thread of the story, recalling the dialogue, how the Snow Man calls the Old Watchdog “my friend”.

Luke's voice fades for a brief second, then returns, slightly changed, softer, “Then the Snow Man looked, and he really saw a brightly polished thing with a brass stomach and fire glowing from the lower part of it. A very strange feeling swept over the Snow Man...”

Here comes the part- tracing the memory he can still feel it, the confusion when toddler him read to this part, then realization and excitement for no reason when he picked it up again, just for one time, before he come to this city.

He thought a new place brings a new life. That he would finally leave that old black and white town. He thought he knew what life was all about, what love was.

So ambitious, so young, so dumb.

Ashton blinks furiously, shaking the thoughts flooding up away from his mind. He’s here, in his favorite place, with an adorable boy who keeps his company, reading a tale to him. He’s fine, they’re fine, it’s fine.

His eyes lands on Luke.

The small lamp on the table is tilted slightly, soft golden light casting gently down on the boy’s right side, splitting a silhouette, leaving the left side of his face in the shadow. Curls falls off his face, dangling. His long, thick eyelashes turns to an almost-silver color under the light, trembling slightly, dancing altogether with the little particles floating in the air, as those blue eyes, clear as the sunny day but still deep as the sea, moves with each line, each word on the page. Maybe he’s just imagining, maybe its just another fantasy he pictures, but Luke seems semitransparent, a halo casting around his figure, holy, angelic.

“The night was very long but it didn’t seem long to the Snow Man; he stood lost in his own pleasant thoughts, and they froze until they crackled.”

The story’s still going, coming to an end, and Luke’s voice, a little raspy now, is merely above a whisper, like if he tells it any louder the fragile, beautiful tragedy will be destroyed.

“Come out, dear sun! Come often, skies of blue!

And nobody thought any more about the Snow Man.”

And with that Silence falls, a sad love story coming to its end.

For a while they just sits, looking into each others eyes.

The atmosphere’s changed, he knows it, can feel it. It’s a brand new feeling, one he has never felt, the rising urge, the need, the want, to get closer to the boy in front of him, to truly know him, to be with him, go through everything with him, feel the same with him, to like him, love him.

Hesitantly, he reaches out, slowly, hand trembling.

For a moment Luke seems to be on the same page with him, eyes fluttering shut and automatically leaning in, but suddenly he gasps, like being reminded of something he has long forgotten, and recoils back sharply, Ashton’s hand touches nothing but air.

Why.

“It’s late, Ash.” Luke whispered, not looking him in the face, “Maybe the other day.”

-

Something’s changed between them.

Not that the intimacy has changed- no. They still meets at the very table, reading and chatting, Luke still listens to his bickering about homework and fucking lab life- but something’s there, like The Sword of Damocles, hanging dangerously, but both just choose to ignore it.

Luke’s still Luke, sweet and gentle, cute and caring. But he’s somewhat quieter then before- he’s still chatting when it comes to their hobbies, but he always stops abruptly after the topic’s over, cutting the conversation.

It’s only that Ashton’s confused, confused about fucking all of it, confused about why Luke refused his invitation, why Luke takes a step back while he finally decides to step forward. It’s like an invisible barrier is built, all things suddenly turns indefinite without reason.

He hate it. He fucking hate all of it.

It’s only worse that he’s stuck in the library right now- it’s pouring outside, he’s left his umbrella at home, his jacket has no hat, and Luke’s oddly quiet.

He’s reading, more of scanning automatically, mind crowded with uncomfortable thoughts, screaming at him to at least find out what’s wrong with Luke(he don’t know how when they’re in this awkward state), to pluck up his courage and try again(well look what a coward he becomes when it comes to pining), to get this mess sorted (to which he has absolutely no fucking idea).

Fucking shitty day.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed- the sky is darkening, pure black seeping into pale gray, as the window starts to mirror the lighted lamp, making it unable to see the outside.

He hears a sigh, then the sound of book shut.

He can see those clear blue eyes from the corner of his eye, a little dim than usual, like the eyes of a sad puppy, and that almost break his heart. He wants to get close to the boy again, tell him it’s okay, he’s here, no need to keep those shit all alone and stuff- but instead he stares intently at the screen, so hard that his eyes starts to water, cursing himself inwardly.

A pause. Then, “Ash.”

Ashton gives himself a slap in the head, then puts on his most cheery face, “Yeah?”

Luke shakes his head furiously, “Don’t... Don’t act in front of me. I know you’re not well these days, and it’s all because of,” He waves his hand impatiently, then pulls his curls, casting out another deep sigh, “Yes, I... feel there is something I need to explain.”

And again he finds himself lost of words, exactly like the last time Luke made an explanation. But Luke’s acting different- strange. He’s frowning, shifting in his seat, hands tightly clasped together, teeth tugging at his lower lip, eyes filled with... fear.

Luke has never gone frightened in front of him.

“Hey, hey.” He reaches out, trying to grab Luke’s hand, but the boy squealed and pulls away abruptly again- so he just sighs, being as comforting as possible, “It’s okay, Luke. All okay.”

Finally the boy seems to have made the decision. He points to the book he just finished, which is lying on the table now, “The second short story.”

“You’re making me a puzzle through Marquez? Typical.” Ashton picks up the book, checking the writer. He’s trying to make a joke, but it came out weak and not funny at all, as Luke just sighs again and rests his head in his hands.

“I don’t know how to say it, so.” God, he hates how Luke’s voice sounds, all hurt and in pain.

“Luke, I mean, I’m not forcing you, but you know you can tell me everything-” panic’s rising, and he feels the urge, that they’re coming to the crossroads-

“Um, Ashton?”

He’s never hated life- the approaching librarian as well- more than now.

“Yes?”

She comes to stand beside him, a hand on his shoulder, “It’s ten now and we’re closing in five minutes. You need an umbrella?”

“Um, just a minute. We have something to discuss. I promise it’ll be quick.” He gestures to the seat across the table, where he knows Luke’s sitting.

He expects a nod, but her face is puzzled, coated with a layer he can’t read, “We? But Ashton, there’s no one across the table.”

“What?”

His head whips around, so quick that he thinks he must have strained his neck. He closes his eyes, then opens them again- yes, Luke is sitting right there, in the chair, totally frozen besides the nervous act just now- but he’s there.

“But...”

She only shakes her head, “You’re the only one here all day, Ashton. No one else feels like coming on such a stormy weather.”

With that she leaves.

Ashton turns back to Luke frantically, “What the hell-”

He’s met with a stony face and watery blue eyes. Luke seems defeated and in total grief.

“Tell me, Luke. Tell me!” Panic overcomes him, his voice three octaves higher than usual. It can’t be real, it’s just his fantasy, things like this can’t happen in real life...

Luke holds out his trembling hand, and very slowly, reaches over, linking it with Ashton’s.

A wave of icy cold rises up- from his feet up to his spine, overwhelming him, drowning him, making his head dizzy, the world turning, the sense-

The sense of not being touched.

Luke’s hands go straight through his.

“Because they can’t see me.” The silhouette figure whispers, voice barely audible.

“I’m not as real as you see me, Ash.”

-

The next three days come and go like a blurry scene.

Ashton remembers it just vaguely- he remembers fleeing out of the library, running alone the dark campus path till his chest burns and every breath becomes a burden. He remembers the rain, pouring down and hitting him relentlessly, flowing off his face, mixed with some warm fluid he didn’t dare to think about. He remembers walking back to the dorm, all worn out and broken down, throwing himself on his bed and crying till weariness finally came over. He slept, then woke, then ushered himself into sleep again, like only in dreamland he could forget all of it, until he was really not able to sleep anymore.

He pushes himself up from his bed and stumbles into the bathroom, eyeing himself in the mirror. He looks like shit, even worse than a hangover, purple bags hanging from his eyes and hair sticking in all directions. He sighs, turning to walk from the bathroom, cursing as he nearly trips over something on the ground- but the word died halfway in his throat.

It’s that book. The Collection of Marquez’s Short Stories. He must have thrown it on the floor that night.

Ashton swallows, hesitant- he’s not that sure if he’s ready to face it, that memory, that typical boy- but his hand does it for him, already flipping through the pages.

The second work, what is the second work......

He sees the title.

Someone Messed up the Roses.

He takes in a breath.

Today’s Sunday, the rain’s stopped, and I want to pick some red and white roses to my grave...

His eyes is welling up, but he reads on, about the story of a boy’s ghost and his sister, a wish never coming true, a story of love and regret.

There’s a note, written in Italic, at the corner of the page, end of the story, black ink suggesting it’s freshly written.

You have given me the happiest moments my whole life and beyond life, Ash. It might be like a cheesy novel, but I love you and I’m sorry.

Luke Hemmings

He’s crying before he knows it.

“Fuck, Luke.”

-

The scenery outside the window’s changing, fading from concrete jungle to fields and woods. On the end of the road, a hill’s approaching.

He’s sitting in the bus, hand clutching at Marquez’s Collection and a piece of paper- a piece of paper Mrs. Hemmings gave him, showing a route to the place he wants to go.

The vehicle stops and Ashton stands, hopping off the bus, going for the iron door just beside the muddy road.

He pushes it open, the rust on it sticking on his hands, the scent of soil coming up to greet him. As he keeps walking stones appears- delicately carved, yet lifeless.

An oak. That’s what she told him- an oak beside him.

He lifts his head, looking around, and found it- an oak, already tall, rising from the soil, pointing straight to the pale-gray sky.

Uncertainty and fear echoes in the back of his mind, trying to stop him, as he just goes on.

He’s already experienced lost once. He doesn’t want to lose it again.

He stops in front of the oak, hesitates before sitting down, cross- legged.

“I don’t know what to say, Luke.”

He stops, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“A part of me is telling me to forget all this, deny it, wave it off as a dream. It’s all just a fantasy, something I pictured, and I’m supposed to, I should...”

“But, Luke, every minute spent with you is so real.”

“They would say I’m crazy, everyone will; I mean, who would believe a person falling in love with someone already gone- and supposed to be in the state of nonexistence? But... you’re like someone I finally found, a person in this world who could understand me... Who I’ve searched for my whole life.”

He sniffs, blinking away the tears welling up, “You know, during my years alone I’ve learned about not to expect, not to hope; but you... you bring the difference, like a light suddenly cracking in. I mean... if you’re there, if you’re really there... please, just please, give me something to hope, to wish for, and don’t just go away like that.”

“Because I’m so lonely,” He finally let it slip, “So lonely, Luke.”

A soft wind picks up, leaves rustling, like an answer. But as he listens on everything just stays silent, like they’ve always been forever. No silhouette, no soft voice belonging to a boy.

The sky’s getting dark, so he just pushes himself up and leaves.

-

He continues with the life. Attending classes, finishing homework, finally deciding his research orientation. His professor says something about “A big step” and “I know you can do it”, which he just brushes it all off, not truly listen.

He continues to go to the library- but not sitting in that very table anymore, and just stays there for less then an hour each day. He’s read Someone Messed Up the Roses again and again, like all of the other works have suddenly lost their attraction to him.

The pages are all dog-eared and worn out, but he just goes on with it, flipping the pages, ready to read the short story for like the twentieth time.

“I wouldn’t treat a book like that, you know.”

He jumps from his seat, eyes widening, turning around.

Someone turns up from behind the bookshelf.

Messy curls, sea- blue eyes, the lips curling up in a slight smile.

It’s like a dream. He’s in a dream.

Like he can read Ashton’s mind, the blonde walks straight up to him and extends his arms, wrapping him into an embrace.

He feels warmth.

Still no feelings of being touched, the figure still semitransparent, but warmth.

“It’s real. Don’t doubt it.” Luke’s voice is soft, reassuring, barely above a whisper.

Just like he remembers.

The warmth doesn’t fade, like when he’s standing under the afternoon sun, closing his eyes, feeling the hope coming up.

He finally believes it- tears are sliding down his face before he knows it.

“Luke."

#lashton #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #5sosfam #5sos fanart #5sos fandom #5sos slash #first work and I'm nervous as hell

[159potterhead]

Oh! I'm just dumb. I woke up today and I didn't saw any post from you so I went through your blog and their were a few post so I scrolled like crazy to get down and then it started showing posts frm 2 days ago and I thought maybe my ask got lost again. I think I might have scrolled past this one and assumed wrong.

Sorry for late reply bestie :DD To wrap up within few words my day is just me complaining and wanting to go to sleep. I wake up early for classes and stuff and I log in Tumblr ao3 and good docs while sitting in class then if I get time I try to continue that fic but I just lack motivation all I do is stare at the screen. Then we have a little break and the same thing continues till 5 pm. Then rest of my day goes with watching tv while doing file work and assignment and me complaining again. We have this presentation thing in afternoon where students have to prepare different topics so at night I prepare notes and make a ppt and complain more. I know I've said this before but I really want to go to sleep last few days were tiring by the time I go to bed it gets around 2:00-2:30 and then in morning I've to wake up early. I want to watch spn again from the start and I'm putting it off from a long time coz I feel bad for my eyes already. I've to sit in front of the screen a lot and my eyes are like give us a break. And I take a break and read a fic so my eyes are like are you freaking kidding us? Do you wear glasses coz I do and I think I need to go for a check up🤔🤔

I hope your days are better how does your day goes?

oh no you’re not dumb, I just post a lot💀 so it makes sense that you don’t see it. plus tumblr doesn’t let you know that someone answered your anonymous ask so there’s that. follow this tag, maybe they’ll let you know when I answer?

dw bestiee;) I feel you on an emotional level there buddy. yk idk if this is healthy or not lol but I find complaining therapeutic, like if I complain enough then it won’t piss me off as much anymore. woah wifey you need to get some rest, do you find it hard to fall asleep or do you not have time to fall asleep? I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT BREAK TO READ FICS, MY EYES DO THAT TOO😭 hmm maybe you do🤔 and oo my gf wears glasses;) also no I don’t wear glasses but I think I might someday with all this screen time thanks to everything closing. speaking of everything closing, how’s the whole covid situation over there?

aha thanks. well my schedule changes a lot but recently it’s been consistent for a couple months. so i’ve got classes that start at 11, and I always go to sleep with the hopes that I wake up early and have a productive morning. but of course I end up leaving my 10am alarm, and when it rings I snooze and stay in bed until I realize it’s 10:30 now and jump out of bed and get ready. by get ready I mean wash my face and brush my teeth and check tumblr💀 I spend like an hour trying to think of what to have for breakfast, by then it becomes brunch. after I’m done with my classes I either stay and do some work or make lunch, something light usually. then I do some more work and finish off whatever essays I have postponed handing in. after sunset, I’d make some tea and watch a movie or two. I’ve been trying to log as many films as I can on letterboxd lately. and i’d read for an hour or so, sometimes write. then come midnight I realize that I haven’t studied, so the panic of procrastination kicks in and I attempt to do my most in two hours. works like a charm everytime. I sleep and the cycle continues.

🎶if I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep, never let them take the light behind your eyes🎶💕

#i’m sorry my day is long💀 #I tried to summarize it as best as I can #thee lover anon saga <3