#I’m very worried about a lot of things

[vers-1]

Also music I’ve been really into lately

#47 #not much sauce this time around #the last one I got from greys anatomy #it’s 2 am and I have work today I need to go to bed #I’m very worried about a lot of things #I went to therapy the other day and it helped but that’s a bit of a past problem #I don’t see it coming up a lot now that it’s all done but I get why she wants to visit it #I can also see how it’s effects ripples into other parts of my life #yea it is a big thing I need to address #the whole emotions thing #you kno i studied this to learn empathy.. I didn’t get that. I just have more compassion for humans #I’m just a fence sitter now #I like it tho #I’m not a very honest person so it’s nice to let it all out but also I can’t let my guard down too much #there’s a small list she can’t kno about #should I tell her I’m on the fence about that? finish the job or let live? I still don’t know #cause once I make that vow that’s it- I will commit #Spotify

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo getting hit with a truth curse but instead of forcing him to admit to super sad or worrying things it’s things like “it was me who broke the remote” “I saw Mikey prank Donnie and helped hide it because it’s way funnier if he didn’t know who it was” “I rip my clothes to look more like Raph’s because he’s really cool” “my stripes aren’t even red they’re pink!”

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #plot twist he COULD be admitting angsty stuff but he’s pushing the less oof truths forward instead on purpose #raph: hey leo what do you want for dinner #leo: *about to bare his soul on all his internal torment but pivots* I’m afraid of snakes #(no but fr Leo’s stripes being technically more pink instead of red is cute ngl) #(a very reddish pink to the point that in certain lighting it looks red but at the base they’re p pink) #(i also am very fond of the idea that Leo doesn’t just have questionable taste in fashion he also just loves Raph a lot and looks up to him) #but yeah I think that something like this would be 99% Leo admitting to unimportant things or admitting to how much he values everyone #like they all KNOW Leo loves them and he’s talked them up enough for them to know but it’s different when he’s like #‘I just wanna read my comics with you guys around - it’s my favorite place to be’ #or again just random bs that doesn’t REALLY have a lot of weight like #‘I like using my portals to prank random people around the world’ #‘I’m worried about being a bad influence on hueso jr’ #‘sometimes I kinda wanna see hypno’s plans succeed’ #‘it’s been way too long since I found this out and honestly it’s embarrassing but I actually don’t have a di-‘ #SORRY COULDNT HELP MYSELF #(<-but did u know that that pink rather than red observation actually ties into this headcanon as well if u know about red eared sliders)

[mstormcloud]

I think applying tropes commonly found in Sonadow fics to other sonic ships is very funny

Like today I saw the cute posts by Blu-ish about how hedgehogs circle and headbutt eachother when courting and how Sonic and Shadow would do that and I agree.

However I think the implication that mobian hedgehogs do this is HILARIOUS when applied to ships that only involve one hedgehog.

Like Silver starts circling around Espio one day and lightly shoving him with his hip or his shoulder and Espio is like: ???? What are you doing??

Or even Blazamy like- Amy keeps circling Blaze and the less Blaze reciprocates Amy does it more to try to get Blaze to react. Blaze eventually just tries to politely tell Amy to stop cause it’s hard to hold conversation while she’s moving all around.

But later Blaze talks to Silver and is like: “I have no idea what she is trying to do…perhaps she is finding a weakness in my stance? Should I fear her hunting me for sport???”

And Silver is like: uh. Well. I think she’s hitting on you? It’s a hedgehog thing.

And Blaze just freaks out because WHAT DO YOU MEAN AMY WAS FLIRTING WITH HER

#silver would hold that over Blazes head for way too long #cause for the FIRST TIME HE KNEW SOMTHING SHE DIDNT HAHAHA #honetsly another Sonadow trope that I think would be interesting to see with other ships is the paw thing? #like yes some Sonadow fics are very strange about it I’ll admit #BUT #I really like the idea that the gloves are a culture thing it’s just very fun to think of how mobian culture would differ from human culture #like ofc I’m an espilver trigger so my brain goes there like #I love the headcannon that Espio reads romance novels #but I also feel like on Mobius a lot of romance tropes would be things usually done by mammals #since just like in real life I headcannon that mammals are commonly seen as cuter than reptiles even in Sonics world #so Espio gets a little self conscious about such things (cuz he’s a teenager and worries a lot) #he doenst ahve soft fur to cuddle or ears to flick or paw pads #but I feel like if he were to show silver his hands silver would not even care about such things #because silver just loves Espio cuz he’s Espio #looking back on my tags and noticing typos is so embarrassing lmao #like uh I meant to write espilver truther above….not trigger #Aw well whatever #silver the hedgehog #sth #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #espio the chameleon #amy rose #espilver #sonadow #blaze the cat #blazamy

[dumb-doll-lips]

what would happen if you told her you were saving money for a nice trip and could she contribute money towards that?

(she doesn’t have to know it is to go visit your Daddy)

Super appreciate you trying to help✨.

I don’t think that would go well. There’d be immediate questions of where I want to go, and no one would believe I’d want to go on trip by myself, and I don’t have anybody I can use as like a mom friendly cover story. But like I kinda don’t thing it’d get that far bc she’d be quick to be inviting herself. She brings up travel and going on trips a lot. She’s already heard a lot of me saying I haven’t been interested in traveling for a while (which is a little true but mostly I don’t want to go on more trips w her, it never goes well). It has felt to me that if share I want to go somewhere she’d want to plan the trip to come, and bring the whole family if she could. There’d just be a lot of questions and even if I could convince her I just want to do it alone, I feel like that would either get her like pre-worrying I’m going to die so then like all the questions (and prolly her sounding like she’d cry if I went on a trip and didn’t like immediately reply to her) or her making me feel like a shit person for not wanting to go w her (def feel like I’d get put on the spot to have to explain why I’d want to go alone).

I think my leading idea is to ask for some expensive curling iron (or set but I’ll need to specifically pick it out or she’d think anything id consider to be an improvement on what I have to be too pricey for what it is). If it’s an expensive she’ll hit the gift cap amount she has in her mind sooner and I won’t be asked to come up with as much.

#this specific kind of thing has been on my mind a lot bc i sooo want it to be easier on my end to go see my daddy #having a good lie is the only way i can think of that has any potential of going well #there’s like her seeming to feel too uncomfortable or too nosey to give anyone privacy around things #and this like believe that everyone is kinda useless and can’t do anything #which comes to her being overly controlling when she can or excessively worrying when she can’t #and making the worrying my problem to #I mentioned to her that I’m dating some bc I thought it’d be better than her worrying I’m just sitting in my apartment alone and depressed #which she very much thought and would be telling me she’s worried about me #but mentioning dating has been even worse #I think it’d just add to her thinking I’d get myself killed #well this just turned into venting in the tags #ask

[devilsskettle]

dinner in america is such a “take what you want from it and leave the rest” movie for me because i do think it’s very cute and i can buy into some of the wish fulfillment nature of the story but admittedly there are some parts that really don’t work for me, there are some parts that fall a little flat either in terms of the characters or humor, and the pacing is a bit of a challenge tbh. but it’s unbelievable what the human brain can overcome by virtue of simply Just Liking That Guy

#idk i just like that guy #obviously i’m a loser girl enjoyer but i have some qualms about how infantilized patty is throughout the script #it must be said i worry how much of the wish fulfillment thing is about guys wanting to date fairly naive young women who don’t know things #and who are ‘innocent’ and easy to take advantage of etc #but i also think that a LOT of the wish fulfillment thing is being a young woman in the world for the first time #feeling unsure about how you make sense of the world and your place in it #feeling pretty inexperienced wrt intimacy etc #and having someone see you very clearly for who you are and not caring about you figuring your shit out #and just liking you and wanting to be with you and thinking the stuff that makes you a freaky little weirdo is rad af #so like simon’s narrative role ends up being WAY more mpdg than patty’s and that actually saves the movie for me lol #anyway sorryyyyy for turning into a kyle gallner fan blog. frankly predictable behavior from tumblr user ‘devilsskettle’ though tbqh #also this movie is like. if may from may (2002) grew up in a healthy family and found somebody who could match her energy #instead of that asshole poser she gets involved with #so good for her. definitely part of the weird girl cinematic universe #honestly feels like a movie that should’ve come out in 2002 instead of 2020

[laniemae]

Could John start hurting himself in trial 3?

TW FOR SELF HARM

So I’ve got a lot of theories for trial 3 and stuff but this is the one I want to talk about first since it was the one that stuck out to me most yet I haven’t seen people talking about the possibility

I actually wrote about this theory quite a while ago which I’ll just link to but I definitely do think it’s very likely but hasn’t been discussed much.

For a brief summary of the post I made it’s a theory on how John may have self harming desires but doesn’t physically hurt himself as he’s afraid of hurting Mikoto. Basically it’s how the reason why Mikoto’s clothes are so tattered is because John has been ripping them apart in another way to harm himself but not physically hurt Mikoto. Heck, there’s very clearly bite marks on the clothes so I highly doubt it was from the fight with Kotoko. And as well as just ripping his clothing it probably explained the breakdowns John is said to have at night especially in that one minigram where Es heard on it and there was a lot of crashing sounds and stuff breaking, even ripping sounds which definitely matches with what I was saying. So John does all of this in a method to self harm as a stress reliever but not physically harm Mikoto.

So here’s the trial 3 theory. As of recently Mikoto has stopped denying John’s existence as everything he’s seen in heard it’s just too much for him to deny anymore. And instead of that he’s began to hate John so much and blame him for every bad thing that’s happened, even going as far to blame him for what happened to Mahiru even though it was very clearly Kotoko’s fault. And with John, he loves Mikoto. Dedicates his entire existence to him and despite all the constant trauma and suffering he’s endured the only thing that keeps him going is the possibility that Mikoto will love him and praise him for saving him.

“Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying?

Cling to me, hoist me up as your "savior", stand up and sing out your gratitude, that'd be good.”

Judging by these lyrics, it seems John is somewhat aware that Mikoto is denying his help but still wants to believe it. Even Neoplasm he says how Mikoto’s entrusting him with his heart, which can either be he doesn’t fully know about the hatred or is denying it. But what I’m really worried about is how much Mikoto loathes John in trial 3 and what he could do.

As I said earlier John dedicates his existence to Mikoto and I couldn’t explain how John may feel after he would realise his hatred for Mikoto  aside from his entire existence being denied. I already discussed this in another theory but for John to so deeply love Mikoto and dedicates everything to protecting him and only holding on with the possibility of approval and being told he did a good job, only to be met with unimaginable hatred from the person who he idealises as someone who could never hate anyone must be devastating on so many levels for John and… you can tell where I’m getting at here.

So what would happen next? Could perhaps John feel so betrayed by Mikoto that he could go to actually physically hurting himself out of conflicting feelings around Mikoto? Loving him like that but feeling so betrayed and hurt that he just tries not to care about Mikoto any more and harms himself out of both previously established coping mechanisms and spite?

It’s hard to tell here, as John is one of those characters who it’s very hard to predict what would happen next so who knows what he might do. I just believe this may be the most likely based off things that have been implied and established.

And just to address a potential elephant in the room is I highly doubt John would disappear in trial 3. That’s not how it works, and just because Mikoto may not be Guilty any more doesn’t mean he would be relieved from all stress so John definitely would still have his purpose. And I think it’s most likely why John claimed that he would disappear was that he believed Es hated him and wanted him gone, so he claimed that he would disappear if Mikoto were to be voted Innocent as a way to sway Es to that verdict. And there are lines such as “I’ll play dead even if I’m alive right?” And “can’t get rid of me now” that definitely imply that he will stay or perhaps pretend to go dormant which perhaps would be interesting as we’ve seen him masking as Mikoto in the minigrams before so it would be interesting if he does that in trial 3 perhaps. And side note even though this is kinda cheating theory wise but it would be stupid to remove John from the story like that so uhhh.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #John kayano #john milgram #tw sh #tw self destruction #I just wanna say I’m sorry for bringing up such a dark subject matter like this in a theory sense #It’s just when writing about the darker themes in milgram I always get scared I’ll offend someone by how I talk about it so sorry #But trial 3 is certainly gonna be crazy #This theory is one I’ve had for a while and thus easier to write but I’ve got a lot planned #Like it definitely seems like how in trial 2 kotoko was the main antagonist/one causing conflict and it definitely seems #That in trial 3 amane will fufill that role #Which I mean I am uhh really exited about that because Amane’s my favorite and I love character who fuck up everything #But from everything we’ve seen the whole thing with fuuta and Shidou she’s going to be the one starting the whole chain of events #And there’s definitely a lot of theories on people who could suffer or be injured because of everything #Definitely Haruka but that would be from himself #But from the amane thing potentially Shidou if she or fuuta attacks him #Maybe mahiru if Shidou can’t treat her if she’s injured which could be really bad I’m actually very worried for her #And fuuta if he goes too far deep into the ideology and actually takes off his eyepatch but that’s kinda hard to predict #And as I said it’s definitely likely that mikoto would be hurt but at the hands of “himself” rather #And with kotoko I have absolutely no clue how she would react to the guilty verdict but that unpredictably makes it more exiting #I’ll have to talk about kotoko and the others in a separate theory because it’s so complicated but aughahhan hiatus brain no #And kinda off topic with the mood that I’ve kinda set with this post #But looking and analysing the lyrics of meme and double for this post #I found it pretty funny how John is actually really affectionate when referring to mikoto #Like of course the “snuggle together and say good night” lyric which is funny because how that does not fit John normally but does make sen #And in double he uses words such as basically “welcoming home” mikoto and in those freeze frames whispers of good morning #Which one again is really funny as edgy boy misanthrope John has said almost uwu fanfiction stuff canonically #But it totally makes sense to his character which makes it all the more funnier but kinda fucked up as from what I’ve said in the post #Why am I talking about something funny like this? Maybe I’m just too worried about talking about dark subject matters I’m sorry

[starteas]

do what you want forever actually. just because more people have eyes on you doesn't make you less human. I think you should be kinder on yourself and remember that you aren't just here to make content: you're a complex individual with a lot of thoughts on things and you shouldn't be afraid to share them out of fear of backlash. and if you ever feel like "maybe I shouldn't say something?", take a step back, deep breath, and ask yourself why. Please take your time and remember that you are loved and appreciated, and that those are the people who should matter most to you. not meaningless hate from people who don't even totally understand what they're defending. now go have a spectacular day, I was possessed to write this

Thank you so much. That means a lot. 🥲

#I’m gonna be totally honest sometimes I forget I’m a person #because my following has grown so much over the years it’s hard for me to see myself as anything but thre creator of Lumi #like it’s a title I love and I’m very happy to hold #but it’s also just… difficult in a way #seeing people see me as a huge inspiration is cool and really sweet #but it’s also very scary #i feel like I have to be a huge example for other folks out there #and if I mess up or write something regarding an opinion it has a bigger impact than I’d realize it to be #as someone who’s trying to break into the animation industry it’s. a lot. for sure #i constantly worry about messing up and not doing things properly #but seeing this was a great reminder that I am after all just a person. I’m complex and flawed and no less human #so thank you for this genuinely #it means more than you could ever know #Evan bleats #anonymous

[beetlevsboy]

Juno is fr going through an arc rn like say what you will about whether he’s in the right or not but this lady is being so so casual about everything like if he can just fix it then it’ll all be *fine* and eventually he’s going to realize he cannot and our lady is going to actually breakdown me thinks

#the penumbra podcast #juno steel tpp #juno steel #tpp juno #peter nureyev #tpp #tpp season 5 #tpp s5 #I’m honestly kind of hoping juno stops because 1. he’s kind of accidently screwing things for Peter and making it really hard for him and #2. ruining a lot of their trust because he’s turning it from the slow trust and love they were cultivating and making it so Peter has no #control while he himself is just letting peter do bad things to him in return and it just has the potential to turn into a very bad cycle #they tried really hard at getting out of #I do want them to be endgame but there’s just so much stuff and I just want them to be able to take care of themselves first and for most #without having to worry about the other or feel like they must let the other get away with any pain they inflict on them bc of a #simultaneously selfish and altruistic reason #like understanding they’re causing the other discomfort but being selfish and disregarding that while also not blaming them for hurting him #in return because in a way he thinks like this is what he deserves to get in return and that’s just so not healthy for either of them yk #this could be an ass take idk I’m not good at words

[shaykai]

S c r e a m i n g /pos

#finished deltarune chapter 2 (should’ve finished it a while ago but I got side tracked hard by Zelda andndjsjsjsj) #anyways I have a lot of thoughts sjsjjsjsjsjsj #can’t decide if I have no trust for ralsei or all of the trust for ralsei #uhhh spamton is fun #Queen is an absolute delight love her lots #infinitely concerned about papyrus djdjdjdjjd #can’t wait to see tori in the dark world #sans’ torie’s and asgore’s dynamic is to die for #I’m your eggs-husband was the funniest thing in the world #alphys and undyne kind of flirting??? is nice djdjjdjdjd #also infinitely worried about kris djdjdjjd they seem… h #djjdjdjsjsjsj #98% sure noelle’s dad is gonna die #coughing and saying you need to run more tests in a fictional setting is basically a death sentence #anyways a lot to think on here I am ecstatic for the next couple of chapters #very excited to meet the next hidden bosses

[starlooove]

I feel like ppl ignore hobie is a BLACK punk and it’s so tiring

#white ppl be racially aware for 5 seconds challenge. #like sure hobie would steal or whatever but I need you think about why ur so excited to say this #and those posts where it’s like hobie and miles go to the mall and hobie steals something from each store #like no actually blk punks don’t put other blk ppl in danger bc stealing is ‘fun’ #that’s actually something blk ppl have been talking to their yt delinquent friends Abt for a long ass time #and like. I feel like a lot of y’all treat hobie being a punk as like. a hobby first and foremost #and that’s what it might be to you but like pls read a hobie comic or talk to a blk punk irl #not to be shady or whatever but things like being a punk is about being nice or hopepunk aesthetically comes from a lot of gentrification #and a lot of respectability politics #that’s a general statement bc my opinion on all of that is very divided and like. all over the place #but in general if ur a white punk and excited Abt hobie thats great and ily but pls remember he’s not you #he’s not supposed to be you #you can relate but pushing the things you have the privilege to do onto him is like. weird for blk punks who see themselves in him #and it’s not that deep to me cause I’m personally avoiding hobie content till y’all get over him like y’all did with Kat 🤞🏾 #but it’s very annoying to see and it kinda worries me bc how do u see blk punks irl #and this is about hobie but there’s a similar thing with miles g. and miles #like these are black children first #can y’all stop calling miles g. a fucking thug and being stereotypical asf

[gazeboarcade]

this week is such a mf bummer

#my littlest sister is in a bad situation and had to be hospitalized #my college friend from undergrad I just found out died abt 2 months ago #I’m so goddamn tired and it’s only Wednesday :(( #I feel very lonely bc I’m struggling to communicate about everything #and I feel like an idiot for wanting attention #I feel like a bummer and a drag #I’m just so worried abt my sister and there’s legit nothing I can do!! so that blows #school is rlly stressing me out so THAT blows #lots of big things to worry abt doing #and I can’t bring myself to do them today bc I feel so sick abt my sister #and my friend #and like work is incredibly rewarding IF it goes well but mostly stresses me out lately #but I guess at least it’s a break from school work???? idfk #I’m just overwhelmed and feel rlly shitty abt myself :( #delete later

[itspileofgoodthings]

One of my students saw me yesterday walking across the field at lunch and I waved and then she threw her arms in the air and goes “Miss K, you belong in the SOUND OF MUSIC also I don’t know anything about your love life and it’s not my business but when it happens it will just be [ chef’s kiss motion ]” and it was so cute and funny and everything alsksksjejejehehjejee

#like she just. it was just this overflow of emotion and delight in my person #that only a 17 year old girl can give #it is the positive and very precious to me side of what I was talking about with boundaries the other day #I taught this girl in 8th grade #And then again her sophomore year #and she just. Loves me! A lot! #anyway there are real negatives to it sometimes and just dangers and fears #because it gives me power and sometimes it gives me the temptation to use that power #and also it can go to my head! because the affection of teenagers is an elusive thing #so I’m just trying to stay on the right side of all the lines #but that was kind of just a little gift of a moment after a hard week of worrying #also thank you so much for praying for me. I was able to pray myself about it which I have not been able to #And just remember to give all the most specific and embarrassing moments and missteps (that I do not speak about here) to God #So thank you ❤️ #Anyway

[quietwingsinthesky]

even has killed people—though perhaps that depends on your definition of people—and it’s not. how do i put it. it’s never cool, you know? it’s never a moment where this puts them in control of a situation, where they can show off some skill in putting someone down. because even is not, generally, very powerful, and they do not know how to do this.

it just gets messy.

which is one of those terrible reasons why they… well, they don’t like the master, but they have to like that she can do it easy, quick, clean. she can give even the ability to, as well, when she wants. if for no other reason than it means that they won’t have to scrub it raw off their skin later, they appreciate that.

#but if left to their own devices? #what im saying i think is: the doctor 🤝 even: has killed someone with a rock #and of course i say whatever your definition of people is because you’d have to ask if you count daleks as people #i’m honestly not sure if even does. they might have pre-getting launched into a pocket dimension war. they really might have. #very expansive definition of people on account of them not really feeling like they should count as one anyway so therefore if they do. lots #of things must. including the murder trash cans. they’re flesh on the inside aren’t they? they speak they think they hate. #but i think they stop. because it’s better not to. it’s easier. and guiltless too. not like a dalek stops to xonsider your personhood. #but to be very very clear. even has also killed just. guys. #actually i have in my notes here that the tone-setting moment of this whole. arc? #is that it really starts with a jailbreak. predicated on lackluster security for one of the prisoners because they are *just* a human. #and the other is. well. and there’s a war that won’t end that there’s no escape from now to worry about. #but the tone-setting part yeah. is that this really starts with even befriending someone like them through the bars. time lords need #janitors too you know? someone has to clean up around the cells. and they let even out for a minute because of that friendship. #as you can imagine. even is not going back in the cell once they’re out of it. no matter what they promised. and their ‘friend’ is going to #alert someone. and. #you need to understand most of all from this first point. that even doesn’t know that regeneration isn’t A) an inherent trait of gallfrey #rather than a granted one and B) infallible. that’s the cslculation they make. that whatever damage they do won’t matter because they’ll #come back from the dead. ………they do not. #it’s reslly a ‘congratulations! you broke free of the narrative constraints (and safeties) of standing near the doctor! murder is now #unlocked! good luck!’ moment akdhfkshdkfj #anyway. <3 makes their life worse on purpose <3 #dw oc

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[starbuck]

been thinking about Them so i redrew a screenshot to cope (it made me worse)

#tuco salamanca #nacho varga #better call saul #thinking is so bad - i need to stop doing it #desperately want to write something coherent about them - but i haven’t managed it yet so have this instead! #the way i drew Tuco in like 45 minutes and then Nacho took me fucking hours #and i’m STILL not fully happy with him!!!!!! #he looks so easy to draw and YET!!!!!!!! #i was trying to capture a lot of different emotions there too #bc the primary emotion is obviously that Nacho knows he’s about to betray Tuco and he’s worried about that… about something going wrong #but there’s also like. he’s watching Tuco do this stupid ‘lie detector’ thing - right? #and that’s probably really annoyed Nacho in the past bc - as he says - it makes what could be a very quick and efficient collections #take hours and hours #but now it’s like. this is the last time he’s EVER gonna see Tuco doing it and that’s Something - right? #because also you have Tuco scanning every dealer desperately for any sign of betrayal #and all the while the real danger is sitting right behind him in the form of the one person he trusts completely #it’s all just So Fucking Much #more people should be insane about this #let’s hear it for the Miserable Depressing Relationships gang!!!! rise up!!!!!!

[obstinaterixatrix]

I consider myself good at hosting but not necessarily a ‘good host’ because I try take care of everything and try to keep an eye on everyone but am very. Never Forget You’re In My House. I’ll put guests to work when relevant and get clean-up started while people are still around lol

#my ramblings #I think this is fine to say #but one time I was home while sister’s ex was visiting for a while #and I got pissed off because I never saw him do anything and he was getting too comfortable. leaving things around. #so I made him take the trash out #I think dad was like ‘oh but that’s my job. I’m not going to have anything to do.’ #if he doesn’t take out the trash I will kill him. and take him out to the trash. #I also hated him because he wouldn’t actually tell mom what he would or wouldn’t eat #his version of being a good guest was never saying his preferences and always going like ‘it’s fine’ and leaving everyone else to guess #hot tip: expressing preferences actually makes it easier to accommodate you #like obviously there’s a rude way to do it but I don’t care if someone has dietary restrictions or is a picky eater as long as they just. #Say What They Can/Will Eat #tho I will admit I’m not perfect at remembering #oh I’ve been handing out pistachio chocolates at work because folks get stressed a lot but one coworker is allergic to tree nuts #I finally remembered to pick up Non Poisonous chocolates so whenever I bring them out I can be like. And You Can Have These #anyway compared to mom she’s a lot more willing to go above and beyond for guests #she’s very ‘gotta make sure they don’t worry about anything!’ #I’m very. ‘they can worry a little.’