#I’m really fucking sleep deprived

[earthwormspaghetti]

Ah fuck I think I might be ace.

I’ve never wanted to screw, and in 14 years of living I’ve only had like 4 “crushes”. I defined crush as wanting to live and get old and wrinkly with that person. They were all female. Males weren’t interesting to me. My mother tells me that I’m just not old enough, but given all corporal changes due to hormone development, I should logically feel SOMETHING. But I don’t. I don’t want a girlfriend, maybe a partner to hug and have a cute dinner with, but not someone who I consider a sexual partner. Physical intimacy disgusts me, I only like hugs, and in moderation. I’ve felt like that all my life. I’d prefer to live alone for the rest of my whole life than live a life of misery and repulsion at the other person.

Hell, I think tiddies are cool, but I don’t see them as sexual. They’re like a bird’s plumage, they’re interesting and unique. I don’t want to be sexual towards someone’s mammary gland insulation, that just feels like trying to have a conversation with a mannequin. It’s weird.

Self pleasure isn’t my thing, either. Why jerk off when you can just do something fun? Something thrilling or mysterious, that gives you adrenaline like the endorphins produced by physical pleasure.

I’ve always related to canonically aroace characters. I don’t remember any of their names, but I do remember Mordecai from the Lackadaisy comics and film. He never understood innuendos or implications of sexual stuff, it just didn’t interest him.

I’m going through a lot of things, mainly it being 00:37 in the fucking morning and I woke up at 6:00, but I think I’m possibly… sapphic ace? Romance seems cute, with cuddles and meals and little gifts.

Anyway, I have nobody to talk to and I’m lonely. Typing this out on my phone feels cathartic. I used to say I was bi… I think I just wanted friends and didn’t understand how love worked. Being sexually harassed in school probably played a part in my outright disgust for intimacy, and my “friends” letting the bullying and harassment happen made me crave love. Not love as a piece of meat or a pretty face, but love as appreciation that today, I’m alive and well. That I can see a new day with them.

I feel empty inside. My whole life feels foreign. I feel like all the self hatred and loathing towards a part of me I never understood has turned to understanding. I don’t look forward to my mother’s reaction, when she inevitably finds out via the most unbelievably weird ways, as usual for most important information. She says she loves sex and cannot live without it.. she says life without sex is like death. Checkmate, you dingus, I’ve already almost killed myself twice this week and it sure doesn’t feel scary. I just feel sad and tired.

Oh, Satan I need to go to bed. ):

#questioning #I’m really fucking sleep deprived #asexual

[crowleyscleaninglady]

I can’t sleep and all I’m thinking about is a GO and hunger games style fic

Like Aziraphale would be Peta with the heart of gold, people thinking he’s weak when he’s really strong, and just being a cinnamon roll (the baker part would fit too)

And Crowley would make a fantastic Katniss like full of spunk and spite. Like being the one to try and trick the gamemasters at the very last second. And also just risking everything to save Peta/ Aziraphale

More characters include

President Snow - Metatron

Seneca - Michael

Prim - Jim/Jimbriel

Gale - Gabriel

Rue - Muriel

Haymitch - Nina

Effie - Maggie

#imagine micheal sheens fucking micro expressions during the flashback with peta and the burnt bread #okay but imagine the outfits during the first parade #and Crowley in the wedding dress as it catches on fire in CF like askdhskald #either I’m sleep deprived or I’m really onto something and I’m not sure which #like this is either my best take or y’all are going to put me in a tinfoil hat in a padded room #the hunger games #hunger games fanfiction #good omens #good omens fanfic #good omens x hunger games #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale

[inkblackorchid]

Now that I’ve posted the second part of Crow’s analysis, I feel like I just realised something. Aki’s arc post dark signers is all setup and no payoff. Meanwhile, Crow’s looks like no setup and all payoff.

Shit, I may need to write a whole post of its own about that.

#yugioh 5ds #aki izayoi #akiza izinski #crow hogan #this may or may not be a big realisation #I wouldn’t know I’m tired as fuck and might be seeing things that aren’t there #if I’m right they really went for the double whammy #and screwed over two characters at once though #more on this when I’m not sleep deprived #orchid rambles

[camgoloud]

who else up feeling the soul-numbing empty hopelessness for absolutely no reason this friday night

#literally nothing bad even happened to me personally today cannot emphasize this enough #i just read one too many of the Wrong wikipedia articles during the period after the sun went down at fucking 4 pm or whatever and then #my brain just decided it was time to replay the biggest hits of the great 2020-2022 depressive episode for fun i guess #and now i’m having. a series of moments. over a series of ridiculous things #again not even specific things that have actually happened to me just the whole vague existential dread deal i guess #truly i haven’t felt this shitty without some kind of direct cause for a year and half at this point #which is having the semi-beneficial side effect of reminding me to appreciate just how good my mental health has been recently #like. remember how i used to just feel like this all the time for. actually most of my life Until a year and a half ago? damn that’s crazy #i hope i snap out of this lmao i really cannot deal with walking into the holidays as a hollow shell of a person #but i think i’ll be fine tomorrow actually pretty sure i’m just kind of sleep deprived after this week #caseyposting

[feralsteddie]

It’s the not knowing, that gets him.

The not knowing what could’ve happened if Eddie Munson had made it out of that fight.

They’d barely known each other, spent a few days fighting monsters after a few months of barely acknowledging each other over the head of their mutual friend after a few years of avoiding each other in the high school hallways.

But those few days were something. It took him a while to realise that, or, to come to terms with the fact that it probably wasn’t all in his head, but they were.

He spends more time than is probably healthy thinking about what could’ve happened, even if he forces the thoughts to stay inside his head, where they can’t hurt Dustin any more than his death already did.

Would they have been friends? Linked together similarly to him and Robin? He could see it. Nights where the three of them curled up on his bed until the sun rose and they could breathe again. Evenings spent watching movies and getting high and talking until their voices gave out.

Would they have been more? There was tension, he knows tension. Could write a whole book on signals and looks and the shifts in tone. Even if he was just trying to deal with the situation he’d ended up in, and he’d been the only age-appropriate guy around, that still left a foot in the door. They could’ve cracked it open some more, taken a step inside. Could’ve learned each other. Could’ve slotted next to one another like puzzle pieces, matching their scars up when they pressed together.

They could’ve just fallen back to routine. Eddie spending time with the kids when he wasn’t. Trading looks over Dustin’s head only a bit heavier after sharing the secrets of what lurked below.

Or Eddie could’ve been swept away by the government. Or hidden away with Hopper. Or arrested in the hospital. Or taken out by the mob. Or or or or.

Not every scenario was nice, but they ran through his head anyway.

Because, the fact was he would never know. Would never get the choice to learn, to see. To either grow with him or grow separately or grow apart.

There was a whole future, full of whatever life he was supposed to have, just gone. Stomped out and leaving blood stains on the ground of the Upside Down. Leaving Dustin broken open and a name no one would let them clear and a skittish look to anyone who dared to be different, in case they were blamed for the next Hawkins tragedy.

Any of those possibilities or a million other ones he couldn’t think of, left empty and dissatisfied. Because he just couldn’t know.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #technically mentioned #listen I just- sometimes I’m reading fic and it’ll be really happy and I just have to stop #because all of the aus are amazing and wonderful #and there’s nothing but a sad echo to them because he fucking /died/ #he died with his name in the mud #a sweet boy who made a sad cheerleader laugh and brought kids who had targets on their backs under his wing #who joked through the fucking terror that’s learning monsters are real #and took time to comfort a guy who used to be a dick about his place in their mutual friend’s life #like!!! holy fucking shit he had so much depth and so much of himself to give! #and no matter what kind of life he would’ve led after all of that he still deserved to find it #and like #I didn’t get emotional at the actual scene bc honestly it wasn’t that well written #but just thinking about this now uhhh #owwie #sorry y’all I’m sleep deprived and SAD #pyreposting

[ezraphobicsoup]

ok handels messiah is just as wonderfully dreadful as i remember it why does he write tenor lines like that. what the hell man

#the hallelujah line is just like incomprehensible #he just makes you fucking jump down an octave at one point i’m pretty sure??? #at least we’re singing this with another choir because otherwise it would just be me and this one other guy #and bless him he’s lovely but i think he’s gonna struggle with handel which i mean i don’t blame him #at least ive done three of the choruses already so i can help ? #it’s weird doing messiah again i can’t lie #cause we did it at school last last december meaning i was Experiencing The Motions at the time #meaning i associate it with like bojack horseman and persona 5 royal #like when it says wonderful counsellor in one of them i remember going ‘no way just like maruki except not’ #and being in the classroom and fuck i’m never gonna go in those classrooms again #oh that’s a weird feeling i hadn’t processed that bit yet that’s just gone forever. the poor music department i do miss it #but no i remember going in at lunchtime and only like 4 people showing up to do these extra compulsory rehearsals #and the music teacher lookin so concerned at my deteriorated sleep deprived state #and me realising that he wasn’t entirely completely mean and evil #man i hope i never have to do haydn’s creation again #not only did i sing soprano (what the fuck) i was going through it at the time #man that’s really how that all was huh #why’d i deal with evil guy for so long that’s surreal #anyway right music am i right #ezra’s real life rambles #ezra likes music

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

god im so fucking busy ughhhhhh

#and of course instead of getting shit done i’m posting on tumblr #but i have a lot to do and im really fucking stressed and sleep deprived and all that jazz #i might have to stop posting as much so that i can like not have all of this shit to do #but i also love tumblr so #personal #text #gifted kid burnout hits hard

[argumentativeaxolotl]

I accidentally became invested in Grey’s Anatomy because I saw a DeLuca edit uhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anyways Grey’s Anatomy is now apart of my fucking Anatomy I guess??? It’s ironic because I hate looking at organs and insides yet for some reason when it’s on a tv show I’m fine 💀 probably bc I know that it’s fake so uh.

My thoughts so for for those who care(even tho this show is like eighteen years old(what the fuck)

I love Derek he’s so 🦐

I fucking hate hate hate Addison she’s just a bitch and I will fight her with my FISTS.

Alex is a little shit but i love him he’s just a little guy (who probably needs therapy).

Izzy is cool. She’s got the most depth aside from Meredith and Derek so far.

Meredith got a lil bitchy there for a moment ngl. My boy Derek did NOT need to tell you everything 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥

George is a pookie. He’s just a little guy, your honor.

Christina is a fuck-wad, but she is a bestie westie fuck-wad.

I’m tweaking again ig lmfao. Enjoy my late-night tweakings— I MEAN MUSINGS—

#andrew deluca #grey’s anatomy #what rhe fuck #how did this happen #I’m really confused I’m like already in seasons two rn what I was on season one like two days ago but I’m already halfway through season two #i’m a little sleep deprived ngl #tweaking #ramblings

[neondiamond]

.

#here is a non-exhaustive list of things i did/that happened today: #woke up at 4:30 a.m. because apparently noodle likes it when im sleep deprived #was fucking slammed with work all day #i locked noodle into the bathroom twice and another time in the pantry #not on purpose he just like to follow me everywhere and sometimes i don’t realize #found out the bottom corner of my fridge door is really fucking sharp #by slicing the top of my damn foot on it after opening it #ouch #had to go buy bandaids bc i’m not a real adult yet and didn’t have any #then taped a towel to that corner as a temporary anti-foot slicing solution lol #realized after picking up noodle earlier that he’s getting real heavy already and that i probably won’t be able to pick him up much longer #… then cried about that lol #i’ve only had small dogs before this has never happened to me and I WAS NOT READY YET OK 😅 #almost cut myself again while chopping a sweet potato #i always forget how hard they are #and texted my mom about 4 times to ask cooking questions bc again…clearly not a real adult lol #and it’s only 6 pm… room for more! 😂

[transdavyjones]

I showed my friend a few episodes of the monkees (it was their idea ok they saw me drawing gwen and were like we’re watching this right now) and like. Oh my god it is literally one of the most awkward interests to share with someone who doesn’t know what to expect from it

#the monkees is like #one of those videos with a bunch of really fast meme sound effects stacked on top of each other #you know what I mean? with the vine boom and shit #but it’s for 24 minutes straight #they said ‘yeah I can see why you haven’t watched through the whole thing yet. there is only so much of this you can take.’ #😞 #she said to her it’s just like a bunch of theater kids fucking around doing improv. which yeah that’s actually literally what it is #they did enjoy it btw bc I made it sound like they’re criticizing it they’re not they thought it was fun #god I’m so sleep deprived. night night

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

.

#my dad had a friend stay the night last night and i thought it was supposed to be only last night #but apparently not #and i’m trapped in my fucking bedroom #our house is Not Large so wherever they are in the house i can hear them #and i can’t move from room to room without bumping into them and even if i could #the only rooms i can really be in is my room the bathroom and the kitchen #i waited stuck in my bedroom desperately needing to go to the bathroom for a full hour bc she was showering and doing her hair and shit #anyway i am fucking grumpy and not dealing with it well #i’m overwhelmed and i want to slam my head into things until my head bleeds #I don’t think i can do this #i’ve been trying but it’s been so so fucking bad for my health #i can barely leave my room and my room is too small for me to do anything like my exercises in #and because the only time i can move around the house freely is late at night i’ve been regularly staying up until midnight or later #just so i can leave my fucking bedroom #which means i’m getting about three or four hours of sleep before work and never more #and my dad gives me so much shit for napping during the day #i’m so sleep deprived i’m so stressed i want to cry #also the ONE #ONE SINGLE stipulation f #for my dad moving back in here (from both my mother and I) #was that i got the big bedroom so i at least had space to live #because my dad would get my bedroom the office and during the day both the dining room and living room #and my dad keeps making excuses #at first it was supposed to happen right away #then he promised it would be no later than Christmas #and now he’s saying he ‘doesn’t know how it will work at all we have too much stuff’ #meanwhile my mom and i have come up with solutions to literally every problem he comes up with #anyway i feel like i’m backsliding because it’s taking everything everything in me right now not to do something stupid #because somehow the only thing that calms me down when i get like this is still physical pain #but that’s not an option right?

[theoreticslut]

Or it's because you celebrated Halloween last night instead of getting enough sleep. So don't complain, it's your own fault 🤷‍♀️ :/

I really don’t want to be a bitch but here we go…

1) yes I know it’s my own fault

2) I said I was sleep deprived bc I was FROM having a party - didn’t realize I needed to specify why I was sleep deprived 🙄

& 3) if I want to complain there is literally nothing stopping me; you don’t like it then just don’t fucking read my shit.

Like the fact you actually took a minute or two out of your day to send me a linked ask to tell me not to complain when you could easily just ignore it & keep scrolling says something. Really hope you have a great day though! & thank you so much for caring that I finally got the sleep I needed!

#holly’s replies #anon asks #like you really needed to tell me that my sleep deprivation is my own fault?? #do you honestly think I don’t know that?? #i’m not complaining bc i’m dumb - i’m complain bc I can & want to #& yes everyone! #I may be sweet & kind but I’m not afraid to be a bitch! #don’t fucking test me or give me attitude bc I am NOT in the line of business to deal with that shit #in all seriousness though I love you guys & am happy you follow me/read my shitty rambles #but if something irritates you pls just fucking scroll past it #i’m not about to deal with a bunch of attitude

[trashbaget]

.

#nevermind i was just sleep deprived and being dramatic lmao #he’s just some guy #bro he is #he is so fucking cute it’s not funny anymore #he’s attractive as hell and such a snazzy lil dresser #he always makes me laugh and our inside jokes are incomprehensible in the best way #i get so much pure joy just from talking to him that it’s just a little barbaric #i just want to know what his hand feels like with his fingers locked in mine #i want to hold onto him and spin around in his kitchen making food and minding his cats weaving through our legs #i want to curl into him on the couch and watch movies and put my head in his lap so i have to crane my neck up and around to see him properl #i want to lean into his personal space and look at his lips and not be afraid that i’m doing something i shouldn’t #i want to crash into him at the end of a long day and just be in his arms and listen to the sweet hum of his lungs hold me like a lullaby #god i just want something to HAPPEN #because things are always fucking HAPPENING between us but nothing’s HAPPENED to make me Know it isn’t all in my head #like we pretty hellkin much went on a date going for a walk in the woods and then watching a movie afterward #in the words of a friend: you dont watch corpse bride alone with someone after going on a walk in the woods. not platonically. #another friend was breaking out shit theyd noticed from LAST YEAR that makes them think he’s into me #my friends are pretty convinced that he’s into me and that just……that kinda fucks me up bc what if he doesnt? howd ALL these ppl get duped? #i guess i never realized how close we really were already which. does that >really< say anything…? #was this a didnt know what was right in front of me situation? #are we getting to the chorus? to the climax? to the thick of things? #what is Happening #what is happening between us #what are we doing what are we becoming is there anything really here

[moonjade]

This might sound odd but does anyone else need to have things go in a certain way before they can do something? I’ll give an example since idk how to word it better. Before I go to sleep at night, I have to watch the same YouTube video at the same time stamps (I start watching in the middle of the video, around the 10:30 timestamp, then from the beginning of the video), then I have to lay on my left side for a few minutes, and then I can finally go to sleep (on my right side). I can’t sleep otherwise. I also have to have a fan going because I can’t sleep without it. But it has to be a certain sound and frequency. Is this normal or 😅

#text #personal #i also can’t sleep in hotels because it’s not my bed and the lighting/temperature/etc is not to my preference #plus i can’t sleep next to/near other people because it fucks up my sleep environment #this applies to more than just sleep btw #i have to have the same breakfast every single morning #i have to be able to shower at the same time every single day #i need to have an established routine and when that gets interrupted then i get super emotional and pissy #and like super upset and mad. like REALLY upset and mad that i could throw a fit #i do not like change at all and would rather live the same exact (or similar) day every single day #i like predictable environments. i like when it’s quiet #somehow going to the grocery store always ends up with me having a headache or becoming extremely irritable #like there are just too many people and noises and why are there 50 kinds of spaghetti sauce to choose from #unrelated but i can’t handle hot temperatures at all but i also can’t handle being too cold either #ugh I just wish i could be Normal(tm) and just deal with it like everyone else does #and it affects my relationships/possible relationships to other people as well #like sorry i can’t go out because it’s too noisy/bright/I haven’t been there before so idk what it’s like #um anyways this was extremely embarrassing to type out but I’m sleep deprived and have only gotten 4 hours of sleep and I’m going to Disney #today so. i just know everything is going to be amplified by 100 and I’m gonna have a migraine and get upset

[xeedtiktok]

They went to a fan project birthday cafe to surprise doha :((

SOBBING

THAT’S SO CUTE

#FUCK YOU NATURE SPACE IM STILL COMING FOR YOUR KNEE CAPS #I’m still gonna tag non-official pics as fansign tho I’m really lazy #BUT STILL. THATS CUTE #I KNEW IT WAS A BIRTHDAY THING BUT I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS A FAN PROJECT #K-GREENIES ARE THE GOAT FROM WHAT IVE SEEN #THEYRE SO NICE AND REPECTFUL TO THE GUYS #respectful* damn I can’t spell tonight #I went off the deep end sorry #I have a lot of feelings and I’m v sleep deprived #also its a birthday event so it got the *happy birthday (blank)* tag which is as specific as I’m getting bcs again lazy

[piniatafullofblood]

less depressed more numb lately

#i’m safer for it tho #maybe my bodies self preservation instincts finally kicked in #or maybe im just really fucking sleep deprived #pretty sure it’s the second one #but I’m passing my classes #so.