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#I’m ducking tired.
violet-amet · 1 year
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Just one last thought I have for now. Cancer tw, general health stuff, and maybe some slight topic about dark thoughts on my own lifespan. So yeah. Lots of stuff. Might delete this but this is also my blog so I might just keep it up.
Aside from the typical stuff of having to deal with cancer and trying to recover from that, boy does my brain not accept it. It doesn’t want to. And it’s understandable. It’s ducking traumatic ya know? And losing my uterus because of the whole tumor thing was wild. Still won’t get over that and the pain that I sometimes still feel to this day. But I’m fine. Happy to be alive and all that.
But fuck me does my brain make it difficult to not think dark thoughts. Death will always be in my mind, bothering me, by reminding me that they are still there. And my time is definitely counting down. I don’t know when, and I hate that my mind jumps into unfortunate ideas that it should change. But that’s the thing I’m helpless. It can’t be helped. But I want to stay on this earth to enjoy it. I want to chill, talk, laugh, etc. but it’s not easily when my brain goes into dark territory. But that’s why I plan to make one story entirely focused on this. Use it as a way to express my thoughts through fiction. That’s what I always loved about writing, to make a self insert and try to figure things out as I write. It’s what keeps me grounded. These thoughts are not mine but the little worm that decided to live in there. Anyway yeah, life is weird and depression is weird, but I still love life. I am just dealing with unhappy thoughts.
It’s just.. maybe it’s the survivors guilt talking, because several close people in my life died as well as one young child, but I feel like I didn’t deserve to live. It’s. A lot. But I try to still keep going anyway. Yeah.
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sherbetyy · 6 months
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babeys .
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playing 2gether…….... 🥰🥰❤️
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gwekkuu · 7 months
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No new autumn piece this year 😔
So let me share some old ones I still like :0
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sunny1927 · 8 months
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Okay I wasn’t expecting myself to make an entire minute animatic wow.
But yeah do enjoy this animatic that was going to be very short that I made for The Backup Detectives (feat Teri Beary)! 💚✨
Backup detectives belong to @skullse-mi & @thebackupdetectives
Teri Beary belongs to @angelleplaytoonbeary (wanted to add her for so long 😁 I love your character truly!)
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writebackatya · 11 months
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Why is this duck so damn stubborn whenever he’s the one causing magic-related problems for his family!?
DuckTales: Silence and Science #1
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disney-mystical-au · 8 months
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Apprentice Mickey is now here!❤️✨
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Description:
Mickey Mouse over here is also an apprentice to Master Yen Sid (and is training with him), despite his small size however. Mickey had always been a try harder throughout the village (and tries to help others who are in need).
He is also Oswald’s younger brother. Mickey always saw Oswald as the bright one and really looks up to his big brother, but other times he sees Oswald sometimes stupid. Cause he’s Oswald. ❤️💙✨
✨❤️But that’s it! (For now) enjoy!❤️✨
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creativesparkz · 8 months
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stand up puppet boy,
it’s time to start the show!
(happy dhmis tv show one year anniversary❤️❤️❤️YIPPEEEEE)
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taxlthomas · 10 hours
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dumb dumb doodles
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writhe · 7 months
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just had the most terrifying experience of being followed
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hazzahannah · 11 months
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HAPOY BDAY PEE PAW MCCARTNI HABE A WONDEFUL 81ST BDA6 UR MUSIC MEANS THE WORLD T ME ILYY 🎉🌈💕
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cephalopodiums · 2 years
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The friendship family journal, all pages in order. 
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Link to the individual posts with details of my reasoning with my headcanon names for them. 
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sherbetyy · 8 months
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UPDATED! MORE PARTS AVAILABLE ‼️📢
I’M HOSTING A DHMIS REANIMATION COLLAB FOR THE JOBS SONG!!! (for the late anniversary.. yuay!!)
READ HERE FOR INFO AND UPDATES ON AVAILABLE PARTS.. (REMINDER ⚠️ SOME PEOPLE’S REBLOGS OF THIS MIGHT NOT BE UP TO DATE)
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each animator will be assigned to a job of their choice to animate!! (unless you’d like to work 2 jobs..)
HERE ARE THE JOBS!! (‘HELP WANTED’ means the part is available and ‘POSITION FILLED’ means it’s taken. if there’s a name beside it it means it’s finished)
1: school (POSITION FILLED) astronomalyy
2: office job (POSITION FILLED)
3: football (HELP WANTED)
4: judge (POSITION FILLED) pizza-feverdream
5: doctor (POSITION FILLED) billypeacockart
6: lumberjack (POSITION FILLED)
7: crypto bro.. (POSITION FILLED) solchle
8: sitting on a chair! (POSITION FILLED)
9: army (POSITION FILLED)
10: ice cream truck (POSITION FILLED) sn33zy
11: barber (POSITION FILLED) dhmis-autsim
12: fishing (POSITION FILLED) yippeepy
13: astronaut (POSITION FILLED) fluffybirdcentral
14: petersons (POSITION FILLED) totally average kid
15: mailman (POSITION FILLED)
16: artist (POSITION FILLED)red-string-and-patches
17: toolmaker (POSITION FILLED)
18: therapist (POSITION FILLED) cosmicxd
(if you’d like to quit your job please dm me!)
here is a video so you know where your part stops and ends!!
and here’s the discord for you guys to discuss it!! i will not be there unfortunately, but the co-director mtsodie will :o]
RULES🐞
-keep it SFW obvs..
- don’t make your animation just one frame/a still image.
-don’t directly trace anything
-please don’t ask for a job if you aren’t actually going to participate !!
-AS A NOTE.. the slide transition at the end of your animation to the next will be up to you to animate! :o]
-please don’t use stuff like gacha club/life for your part
-make sure your animation is as long as your clip!!
ONCE YOU’VE FINISHED YOUR ANIMATION EMAIL IT TO [email protected] !! (please ignore the name of my old weird ass email ..) i’m not very good at this sort of thing, so i’d appreciate as much support and reblogs as i can get for this!!
and by all means …. GET CREATIVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
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aaandbackstabbed · 3 months
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Tell me why the run up to mock exam week is actually kicking me so hard in the arse?!!
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sunny1927 · 10 months
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These AUs took over my life…How?—
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Jokes aside tho I really do enjoy these Disney AUs and I give them lots of love if I have too. (And this was old art and I forgot about it so I finished it)
Seriously though they took over my mind lol 😂
Mickey and Oswald on the left corner belong to Disney (I just add them there)
Backup Detectives belong to @skullse-mi
Disney Musketeers: Brothers in Arms belong to @bniebee
Teri Beary belongs to @angelleplaytoonbeary
Pls give them some love! They deserve it! (And now watch me disappear again lol) (and I should stop making fanart…maybe idk we will see—)
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usertransducks · 5 months
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i’m frothing at the mouth the only duckverse stuff down here i can find is in blind bags
Michael Mouse please I ain’t risking getting a bunch of you in different outfits to maybe get Donald, Panchito, or maybe Josè (one of the mysteries was also wearing a sombrero so I think its him?) or risk other Disney Afternoon for Scrooge or Darkwing
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edit: me after yet another store without my favorite birds:
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the-derpy-duck · 5 months
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For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky makes me think a lot of thoughts.
Yippeeeeeee!!! McCoy is my favorite Star Trek character. He might be one of my favorite characters in general. I like that he is empathetic but not exactly ‘nice’. He doesn’t express empathy in the way that is generally expected, but he obviously has empathy in a way that Kirk and Spock do not. His actions are driven by his emotions, him and Spock come into conflict because of this. The main two three characters make up a large portion of the show and it’s one of the easiest things to see in any given episode because both Spock and McCoy are extremely stubborn and believe themselves to be in the right. To Spock, McCoy acts irrationally, to McCoy Spock is sociopathic in everything he does. Despite coming from a planet filled with people who have minor telepathic abilities Spock has a difficult time understanding the feelings of those around him, and McCoy can’t fully understand Spock or his emotions despite being so empathetic. He knows that Spock feels emotions and he calls him out a lot because he wants to be right, Spock disputes him with logic every time because (logically) he also wants to be right. Long way of saying, they are fighting and the reason why they are fighting is fairly ironic.
I’ve been watching a lot of Star Trek. I’ve watched more of a show from the 60s then I ever wanted to. A lot of the episodes are really good. A lot of them are really bad. All of them are from a show that was made in the 60s. I think that the best and worsts parts of shows often stem from when they are made, as attitudes change with time so do the ways actions and ideas are presented in media. As we develop better technology we are able to do more. TOS Star Trek has a lot of charm and it is fun, it also is unapologetically and unforgivably from the 60s and I love it for being that. I think the show has told many good stories and I think ‘For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky’ is one of them. That’s a really long title holy shit.
The episode is centered around McCoy. He is the main character for arguably the fist time and he is dying. The episode opens with him telling Kirk that he is going to die (after a small fight with Nurse Chapel) and asking him not to tell anyone. Kirk agrees but is clearly upset because his friend and CMO is dying and he has one year to live. The enterprise runs into an asteroid that is going to collide with another planet in 390 days. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam aboard the asteroid which is actually a spaceship. Nurse Chapel says ‘a lot can happen in a year’ to McCoy. He is probably leaving Star fleet due to whole death thing and this is probably the last time he will ever go on a mission for the Enterprise. Kirk wants him to stay on the ship because it is a lot safer for him there, McCoy refuses and insists on going. Spock has probably clocked onto the fact that they are both acting weird. They are confronted by the people who inhabit the spaceship and are overpowered. McCoy is knocked unconscious for a very short period of time and Kirk explains that they come in friendship. He also helps McCoy stand up again. The priestess, Natira, takes them to see the oracle which is their leader. It is also explicitly stated that they think that the spaceship is an actual planet. The oracle shocks all three and they are all knocked out. The group is then taken to their own little space. Kirk and Spock wake up but McCoy is still unconscious. Spock comments that he must have been hit with a stronger shock. Kirk explains to him that McCoy is dying. When McCoy wakes up Spock puts his hand on his shoulder for an extended period of time. This is his way of showing support and that he is upset about the fact that McCoy is dying. It looks like he squeezing his shoulder, McCoy moves and he keeps holding on. He doesn’t say anything and I think this could be representative of Spock’s need for his friend, although they may bicker a lot they are friends and Spock’s life would be a lot more empty without McCoy in it. He isn’t ready to let go of him yet. Kirk tells McCoy that Spock knows and they move on. A man enters and he explains that he knows that the world is a spaceship because he climbed a mountain (which is forbidden) and touched the sky. He says this as he is out through an extreme of pain before he dies. A devise is in his head and it glows red when it is hurting him. Natira enters with some other women and she gives them food. Kirk notices that she likes McCoy and it seems to be reciprocated. Kirk comes up with the idea for McCoy to talk to her and stay with her while Kirk and Spock find out what’s going on with the oracle. Things go very badly and Natira wants to kill them but doesn’t because McCoy doesn’t want them dead. An interesting thing to note is that when McCoy was talking to Natira he says that he was never happy. He also wants to stay on this planet and I don’t think it’s entirely for Natira. He likes her a lot but I think another factor is the fact that he doesn’t want his friends to have to watch him slowly wither away and die. He wants them to suffer as little as possible and staying on this spacecraft living with someone he loved would be a way for them to think that he spent his last moments in peace. It would line up with the way he’s been characterized up to this point. Eventually the gang figures out that this is a ship from a galaxy long sense destroyed and it has been floating for around 10,000 years. This detail is important. McCoy becomes apart of the society and the obedience thing (what killed the old man from earlier) is put in his head. McCoy figured out how to access a book that Spock can read to fix everything. He contacts the Enterprise but almost dies in the process. Spock removes the obedience chip and he fixes stuff. They also find a large database of medical information so McCoy isn’t gonna die anymore.
That was a lot and a very bad summary, I highly suggest watching the episode as it is very good. I think the ship is a metaphor for how religion is used to manipulate and hurt people. Hear me out. So Natira is a priestess and whenever Kirk and Spock go see the oracle on their own it is called sacrilege, which is when there is a violation of what is considered sacred. The man walking up the mountain despite it being forbidden could be an illusion to a few different biblical stories but none would line up exactly. The book is the largest thing for me though. This could be interpreted as just humanity in general with facts and science and studies and whatever, but my own experiences make me lean more into religion. The people are not allowed to read the book. They have also been floating around for 10,000 years which I think is about how long our recorded history is. I could be wrong though. The people blindly follow the oracle and it will use its power to make sure that they stay in line. This is demonstrated with the old man, McCoy, and even Natira.
Widespread literacy was not always a thing and this was especially true during the Middle Ages in Europe. Art was so important because it was how the people could learn and know about their faith, but the upper class (which did include preachers) were able to read. The general population was unable to check to see if what they were being taught was accurate to the original text which created a power imbalance and an exploitable population. During the time a bit before the French Revolution (not the Middle Ages or when widespread illiteracy was a thing) the clergy used money from the peasants for their own gain.Religious groups have also used their power to silence people. Galileo was put under house arrest because the church believed in the geocentric model whereas he presented evidence for a heliocentric model. Despite this Galileo was still Catholic and believed in the Christian faith when he died. The old man who we see in the episode could very easily be a Galileo stand in. He climbed a mountain, a forbidden thing to do, in pursuit of scientific discovery relating to space. He spent a large portion of his life being unable to share this information but was willing to die to get it out. Natira is upset by his death but doesn’t seem to recognize it as a failing of the oracle but of his outspokenness and his need to spread his word. I’m not very knowledgeable about Galileo’s history but my astronomy teacher said that he believed that Galileo wasn’t put to death in large part because he was Christian and because the people who wanted him dead knew that he was right, but he was too loud about it. Old man is Galileo. Mistranslations and misinterpretations of the Bible specifically are widespread today and it causes a lot of people to be shunned and othered in certain communities. As a queer person who is also Catholic I have experienced this firsthand. I also live in a generally conservative area although it is very close to a city. Although my parents aren’t actively homophobia and I am very lucky that they were mostly chill they still have issues regarding the lgbtq community. I don’t think that this episode is specifically about gay issues but it is about control. McCoy no longer has control over how long he will live. Spock cannot control the fact that his friend is dying. Kirk can’t control McCoy. Nurse Chapel encourages McCoy to take control over the little time he has left and to live a good life. The oracle works to keep control over the people. I don’t fully think that the motivations of the oracle matter that much, because it’s not about the oracle it’s about what the oracle does and how it affects these people’s lives and how it reflects onto us. The oracle works to maintain control, because if the people read the book then they would be able to understand that they are not where they need to be. And the oracle would be corrected, as it is done in the episode. More connections to religion can be very easily spotted in the episode, the people kneel when they are in the presence of the oracle, they are promised a paradise that will eventually come and they are never given a date for this paradise (note that when the asteroid arrives at its destination it will crash into a planet and both the people on the asteroid and planet will die, creating a small Armageddon), the ‘creators’ gave the people a book of teachings that is hidden in a rock, and even the star that’s on the oracle has a bit of religious imagery. When Jesus and two of the apostles went up the mountain and Jesus either showed them god or turned into a heavenly form it was stated that his face shinning like the sun. The three wise men also follow a star (I think it was the brightest star) to find Jesus, and in old Catholic art (and modern catholic art but it’s a lot more toned down) people who were important characters were depicted as having a yellow halo/ring around their head.
Also this is the biggest stretch but I think the cure to McCoy’s illness being found in the data logs could be a reference to Jesus healing people, preforming miracles, and bringing people back from the dead. Look. It’s an explanation, that doesn’t mean it’s a good one.
A major part of this episode is McCoy facing the fact that he will die. Religion helps a lot of people feel calm about death and the potential of nothing. It brings people peace and that is not something anyone will ever have the right to take away from a person. McCoy joining this world could be like when people who are dying turn to religion. It can be inferred that McCoy is Christian through a few comments and context regarding where he is from. McCoy is from Georgia (or at the very least the American south but I think he’s specifically from Georgia) and that’s apart of the Bible Belt, aka lots of religious people live there. McCoy also makes a few references to the Bible, mainly in regards to the Garden of Eden. The spaceship (a religion) helps give him a sense of belonging, purpose, and community, as well as a sense of control that he lost earlier in the episode, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that this world will kill a lot of people. But the people on the asteroid, at this point in time, do not know or have the ability to change the fact that they are gonna crash into a planet. It was a malfunction and one that was actively hidden from them. It’s sort of comparable to Fahrenheit 451 in the sense that they never got to live in a world where they had a choice. This is how they were raised basically. Montag and co were never in control or their world, their parents and their parents’ parents were the ones who made the world the way it was, they were just raised in it. They didn’t choose to not read because it was never an option. They have only known propaganda and they were never taught media literacy. The same logic can be applied to the people of a Yonada, the decision was made for them centuries before any of the characters were born. They aren’t stupid, they just didn’t have a choice.
Another interesting thing to me is that McCoy doesn’t seem to be that good at lying to people about how he feels. We’ve seen Kirk flirt with women a lot of times but it is almost always because he is lying to them and trying to get something. McCoy doesn’t flirt, the one time that he does have a love plot he genuinely cared about the other person. Kirk doesn’t consider how his actions will affect people in the way that McCoy does. In the Omega Galaxy episode McCoy is very compassionate towards the captain of the other ship for the first third of the episode. Kirk is very compassionate, which is why he is (mostly) a good leader, but he isn’t exactly empathetic and definitely not in the way that McCoy is. Anyway, I do believe that McCoy genuinely cared about and loved Natira. Apart of why he wanted to stay was because he genuinely enjoyed her company, I think the other part has to do with not wanting his friends to see him die but that’s already been stated. McCoy has never come off as the type of person who would lie about emotions, he makes it clear when he is being sarcastic but I don’t think he has ever lied about his emotions to gain something. Although when Kirk and Spock lie it is mostly out of necessity so they can return to the Enterprise. Kirks main solution to every problem sometimes seems to be lie and flirt basically. But I think that’s mainly because I’ve been binging the show and watching like three or four episodes per day sometimes. McCoy isn’t very good at being manipulative or flirting but he is very good at disobeying orders.
The interpersonal relationships between McCoy and everyone else is developed quite a bit. He fights with Chapel at the start of the episode and they are implied to be very close friends. She genuinely wants him to spend the rest of his time doing things that would make him happy. Which makes sense, I would imagine that working closely with someone for such a long time would cause people to become very close. Spock is also affirmed to be McCoy’s friend multiple times, the whole logic vs emotion debate doesn’t really ever start because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if something doesn’t make logical sense in this scenario because in a year McCoy will be dead. Spock cares a lot about both Kirk and McCoy, and despite how much they fight both of them do (begrudgingly) respect each other. When Spock asked McCoy to come with him and Kirk for the thing in ‘Amok Time’ he agreed without question or any snarky comments, he also did try to learn how to do the Vulcan hand salute. He said that it hurt but I think that was meant to be taken literally. I think most people need to train their hands to do the thing and I don’t think McCoy would actively go out of his way to insult Vulcan culture past the whole being obsessed with logic thing (not gonna get into the debate on if or not Vulcan is obsessed with logic or if a culture can be obsessed with something. Not what this is about.) the main issue that McCoy seems to take issue with is the way that Spock handles things. They are set up to fight but they are friends. The fact that McCoy wouldn’t have told Spock on his own is also interesting to me. I think a large part of that is because he is extremely prideful, but I also think that no matter how Spock were to react McCoy would be upset by it. If he had an emotional reaction (which he arguably did) then that would be bad because he is a Vulcan and that’s a big no no. But if he didn’t care then that would mean something else entirely and I don’t think that something is else is something that McCoy would want to confront in his life. He wants to die not knowing exactly how his friend would take this news because his friend is a repressed prick emotionally unavailable 99.99% of the time and is never emotionally available for McCoy. Kirk is also very badly affected by the news that McCoy is dying. He respects McCoys desire to not have anyone else be told. I think the way that he is portrayed in the episode is very well done, Kirk values the lives of all the crewmen on his ship but he is friends with McCoy. They are extremely casual with each other and I think that McCoy is the only person who constantly will go against Kirks’s orders in sound mind because he does not agree with them. In general I thought that the acting was well done in this episode, DeForest Kelly did an amazing job and I think he generally just plays the character of McCoy extremely well.
Outside of a religious reading, this episode has a lot of general commentary about dogmas and how misinformation spreads through generations. It’s fairly one to one for both a religious reading and a general secular reading, the asteroid spacecraft has been traveling for around 10,000 years which I think is roughly how long we’ve (humanity’s) recorded history. We’ve lost a lot of history due to the burning of books, purposely or accidental, and the longer we exist and the more history we record the harder it is to teach our history. Schools have to cut out parts of history because there isn’t enough time to teach everything (speaking in the us, I took ap history classes so it was very different for me I got to learn a lot more history but for on level classes I know it’s a bit different). We also just loose stories and we loose bits of history. Movies and books get lost because copies weren’t made, people cover up their own tracks to make sure they are safe and that makes looking back harder. There is that one Russian composer who was gay and his letters to his brother were censored for many years. Gay and trans people have existed for a long time and so has their works, but they get hidden and destroyed. A binary gender wasn’t fully the normal in native cultures to my knowledge and understanding but I’m also not an expert on that. We will never be able to learn everything but we can still learn a lot. But we have lost things to obscurity. People will continue to lie for their own gain and benefit, but sometimes we don’t realize that we are lying. When a fact becomes widely accepted it is what is true, which is part of what this episode is warning against. This also gives it another connection to F 451, in a very broad sense the societies are similar. They are both oppressive, the main population had no power in making the world, and the messages and themes are similar.
McCoy and Kirk are so similar yet so different that it makes me think they are almost character foils of each other. They both are compassionate and use emotions when making decisions, but McCoy actually understands and feels the emotions of those around him, he’s a bit more considerate than Kirk but he’s not as good with words or as tactful, he’s still blunt and he’s not necessarily nice about what’s happening. McCoy’s own emotions often blind him to all sides. Kirk doesn’t always consider how his actions will impact those around him, he lies to save himself and his crew numerous times but this ends up leaving a lot of people out of the loop when they really should have known what was happening or what the plan was. He’s a good leader and cares about others a lot, he is aware of the emotions others feel and he uses that to his advantage when he needs to. Which is something McCoy clearly struggles to do. Kirk didn’t expect McCoy to stay or to want to stay on the asteroid. I think he thought that McCoy and Natira were both physically attracted to each other and he probably didn’t think anything much would develop. He wanted McCoy to keep her distracted. But McCoy wasn’t able to do that because of the way he experiences the world around him and emotions. Kirk definitely feels sympathy and some empathy but, for the seventh time, not to the extent that McCoy does. McCoy would be an awful captain because he rarely considers logic in non medical situations. Even then, I don’t think he would actively consider the risks of providing medical aid to someone (who he is confident operating on), he just would. He is impulsive and can be a voice of reason when he isn’t the one who is in charge of the enterprise. He is a good doctor and is presumably good at leading the medical team. Kirk is sort of if you combined McCoy and Spock, which is why he is a good leader as only focusing on logic or emotion will lead to failure or at least a breakdown. Kirk very clearly wants McCoy to come back to the Enterprise, but he does let him stay. Kirk and McCoy both have a mutual respect for each other which is part of why he lets him stay. But Kirk (mostly) shows respect to those around him. Which is probably why people like him. McCoy is 100% willing to disobey Kirk if he is asking him to do something that goes against his moral compass. Also this is a small thing that doesn’t fully relate to anything but McCoy didn’t tell anyone that Miranda was blind because it was her choice on if or not she told the others. And I just think that’s neat and didn’t fully expect that from the show. Anyway McCoy is one of the few characters that will openly go against Kirk when he is of sound mind. He is definitely loyal to Kirk but it doesn’t make him blind to Kirk’s flaws and he’s usually one of the people who will point out when he is doing something wrong or out of character. Spock does it as well but I don’t think he’s as willing to go against Kirk. Like he will, but he won’t like it and he’s a lot less aggressive when compared to McCoy, who will tell Kirk that he’s being an idiot and that yes we need to go investigate the mental hospital you idiot.
I feel like the romance aspect of this episode was done pretty well, and I think I do have an explanation for the insta love thing. So McCoy is someone who is isolated, not the way that Spock is but he still is isolated. In TOS it is never confirmed that McCoy had a wife or kids. It’s also not outright denied but McCoy’s family isn’t mentioned to my knowledge. He is friends with Jim, Spock, and Chapel but he states in the episode that he is unhappy and the implication is also that he is lonely. I think that he was desperate for any sort of connection after getting his diagnosis, he clearly found a lot of joy and purpose in helping others but (from what I know) working in the medical field is stressful and death is an inevitable part of the job. McCoy isn’t unfamiliar with death, he’s the main person who confirms that people are dead in the show, but he was actively putting off confronting his own mortality and loneliness. I also think that it is possible that he just couldn’t connect with anyone else on the ship the way that he could connect with Natira. He obviously has friends, but it isn’t that difficult to take a queer or neurodivergent reading from the episode (if your a bit off like I am). Kirk and Spock are both fighting back when they meet Natira, but McCoy choses to surrender and that makes her take an interest in him. He cannot fight very well (it’s explicitly stated and shown in one episode) which makes him an easy target but it also shows a clear difference. Him initially surrendering could have been a sign that he was more friendly than Kirk or Spock, the latter of which insulted Natira when she welcomed them although the insult was not unwarranted or even that harsh. It wasn’t even really an insult actually. He was just sort of rude. Regardless, McCoy is different. He is physically weaker than the other two and he was the first to try and make peace. He also was the first to point out that they didn’t know that they were on a spaceship. Natira notices that McCoy was struggling and she wanted to stay with him. I do think they were both intended to be physically attracted to each other, but they don’t express it in the same way that Kirk or Spock would with their own love interests. McCoy asks about the Oracle and wants to know more. Even if he was just trying to get more information about what they are dealing with but it’s more fun to think that he did take genuine interest in her and her culture. McCoy also does say that he values truth and I don’t think he would lie in this situation. Like he wouldn’t have a lot to lose but I don’t think he would lie. McCoy saying that he valued truth makes me think that he was being genuine about his feeling for her. Natira seemed to also be lonely. McCoy said that he was lonely and Natira talked about how her heart was empty until she saw McCoy, saying that it sustained her but that it was empty. Her job likely isolated her in a way similar to McCoy. Her job is important and everyone knows who she is but she has so few connections to others. She could choose a partner but she doesn’t even consider it until McCoy shows up. This could be viewed as a metaphor about relationships, specifically queer ones. Neither character felt attraction to others before they met each other and that could speak to a gay awakening or dating and having crushes when you are asexual. It could represent finding a person who understands you and how your brain works when you’ve previously been surrounded by people who simply cannot understand how you. It’s definitely a stretch, but I do think it is a potential reading. I don’t think it was intended at all to be anything remotely like that, but the author is dead and I killed them.
Overall I really enjoyed the episode. Again, McCoy is my favorite character from Star Trek and I like that he got his own episode, even if he needed to be diagnosed with a terminal illness to get one… Regardless of everything I said I think it is a powerful story about having a terminal illness and being forced to face the fact that you/your loved one is dying. Kirk struggles to let go of McCoy and he very desperately wants to stay with him (he was actively fighting that one star fleet officer so he could stay near the Asturias for just a little longer) and it’s very understandable. I could write a whole other post about how much Kirk struggles to let go of loved ones but I think this one is long enough as it is. Actually fuck it. Kirk spends the entire episode attempting to grieve his friend who is still alive. He’s going to lose a person who is so very clearly important to him. I haven’t watched The Search For Spock yet but from reading the little blurb thing I do know that Kirk is not handling his friends death well. Even in The Wrath of Kahn (which I have watched) Kirk has a really hard time accepting the fact was gonna die. He was clearly shaken when he was giving the eulogy at Spock’s funeral. Which makes sense because he just lost a person who was very very very important to him. When McCoy is telling him about how one of the crewmen has the terminal illness he is not happy but when he is told that it is McCoy he is devastated. He continues to be upset after the fact and he starts to treat McCoy like he is made of glass afterwards. He openly objects to McCoy coming with him and Spock on the mission and is more protective of him than he would have normally been. He very briefly freaks out when McCoy doesn’t wake up when his name is called. It’s sort of a blink and you’ll miss it type thing but it is there. He’s not coddling McCoy or even that controlling over him, Kirk treats McCoy with respect and dignity. He recognizes that McCoy is still a person who has the right to make his own medical decisions. Kirk is upset and he doesn’t want to leave his friend but he cares for and respect him. He isn’t the type of person who would force his friend to do something he didn’t want to do, especially if said friend was dying. He spends the entire episode in shock and just morning his friend while he also needs to do his job. He isn’t ready to let go of McCoy, multiple people tell Kirk that he needs to let go, including McCoy although it was indirectly. If they actually had the balls to keep the terminal illness and have everyone deal with the consequences it would have been really interesting to see how Kirk would continue to grieve. Spock as well because I’ve noticed that he has this tendency to literally hold onto people. He does it to McCoy in this episode and in ‘The Empath’ and he does it to Kirk in ‘The Motion Picture’. You can definitely get some interesting analysis out of that, which I sort of talked about but not that in depth.
McCoy and Spock have a very complicated relationship and it gets explored in a few episodes which I really like. Most of those episodes also have Spock in command which I also like seeing because it does a good job at showing why both Spock and McCoy fail as captains (for extended periods of time at least). Spock often ends up being so logical and distant that he comes off as cold, uncaring, and apathetic. This is most obviously seen in ‘The Galileo Seven’ where everyone gets more and more upset with him as time goes on. But the relationship that Spock and McCoy have when Kirk isn’t around and they are under pressure becomes antagonist in a more genuine way. McCoy verbally rips Spock apart in the episode where the one ship disappears for a bit and everyone looses their minds. He was under an extreme amount of stress but it’s one of the few times where we actually see McCoy loose his shit with Spock. Despite the fact that they have opposing personalities and philosophies they are still friends, the fact that they both care about each other is very clear to the viewer. If or not the characters both understand this is a bit more unclear. They mutually are fiends and they both know that they care about the other, but I don’t know if McCoy thinks Spock cares about him. If he is so lonely, it would make sense to assume that he feels disconnected from the world around him and also makes sense to me to assume that he assumes (or knows) that the people around him do not feel as strongly as he does. He has three friends that we know of; Kirk, Spock, and Chapel. He’s also on a giant spaceship floating around in empty space. Being lonely and isolated makes sense but it makes more sense when you consider that one of his closest friends is emotionally unavailable, although you do know that he feels emotions. You’ve seen him show emotions, but never for you. You care deeply for him but he can’t feel the same way for you, even if he is your friend and he feel friendship for you he doesn’t feel the same amount of friendship and he doesn’t feel it as strongly. And I mean that it a completely platonic way. It sounded like I was describing an unrequited crush, which I guess you could see it as. I get why people ship Spones. Silly little guys. Anyway Spock’s general disconnection makes McCoy’s worse, even if it wasn’t intended. They don’t mean to hurt or isolate each other but they do. McCoy didn’t want to tell Spock he was dying because no reaction would have been a good one. I also think that he doesn’t want to know that his friend wouldn’t feel anything or care about McCoy’s death. He has a year left and he doesn’t want to spend that year dealing with the aftermath of him telling Spock. Sorry this repeated a lot of stuff I already said but I wanted to talk about McCoy and Spock’s relationship in a more complete way.
McCoy doesn’t want to let others know that he has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and he doesn’t want to tell Spock. It’s an upsetting position to be in and McCoy really can’t do anything about it. Apart from kind of the oracle there isn’t a real villain in the episode. There is a conflict but not a person who is actively being antagonistic. The conflict is generated by two inevitable outcomes, McCoy’s death and the asteroid colliding with the planet. They both are ultimately changed but for most of the episode death was the only real outcome that could happen. Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
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