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hongism · 3 years

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Hello again Caly 👋🏻 It's been a while, I'm sorry. I’m the anon that messaged you about asking for advice/your opinion on something related to writing a while ago. 🥺 So basically my question would be: what's your stance on writing fan fiction for real people? Do you think it’s fine or kind of weird and why do you think so?

I’ve also written out my background/thoughts for context. You can totally skip that, I just thought it might make sense to explain where I’m coming from. I’m sorry in advance for the wall of text that will follow. I’m very bad at keeping it short. 😭

So, I used to be a writer. I started out with kpop fan fiction when I was around 14 (I’m 24 now), but I stopped writing for kpop groups when I was around 17. From then on I wrote fan fiction for fictional characters, mostly anime characters, but I stopped sometime last year. I still have a lot of unfinished ideas I want to write, a lot of them include fictional characters, but others include real people, like the Ateez members or another group’s members, and that's the problem. Let me explain a little further: After a very painful breakup in the second half of last year I got back into kpop. More than ever. While I was casually listening to a few groups before, I suddenly started getting into like 10 groups within a really short amount of time (got7, mx, dreamcatcher, everglow, skz, svt, oneus etc. just to name a few). It’s been great so far, because the music and the groups are kind of a safe haven to me (if that makes sense). I mean, Kpop really helps me cope and kind of escape or make reality a little easier, I'm sure there are more people out there who feel the way I do. I wouldn’t say I’m overly obsessed or anything, but Kpop just is my biggest source of comfort right now, so sometimes I wonder "isn’t this a bit much?“. It’s a difficult topic. But anyways, of course one of the groups I got into was Ateez, otherwise I probably wouldn't be here writing this right now. So I listened to fireworks when it came out and I was impressed and instantly fell in love with them. A little while after that, when I still couldn’t match all of their names with their faces, I started browsing the ao3 tag out of curiosity and I stumbled across moc. I absolutey fell in love with the story and every aspect of it. It also inspired me to write myself again! I've had so many old and new ideas flood my mind, but I really haven't gotten around to write anything yet, because the fact that I'd be writing fan fiction for real people as an adult woman makes me feel kind of uneasy? But I don’t want it to make me feel uneasy! You know? I think it should be fine as long as you’re capable of differentiating reality from fiction. And as an adult with common sense you usually can do that, right? But I’ve seen many people, mostly on tumblr and twitter, say that it’s just weird and wrong and that it automatically makes you a delusional and obsessive fan. So now I’m torn between wanting to realize all the ideas I have (Big thanks to you, because you, your blog and moc are a huge inspiration for me 💕 also moc is without a doubt the best fan fiction I’ve ever read. It’s just an absolutely impressive and thrilling story) and feeling like I’m not supposed or allowed to do that? I hope that makes sense. I know there’s a million other things I wanted to tell you, but I think that’s enough for now. If this is a discussion that interests you, I might comeback with my two cents. 😳 Anyways, I hope I was able to convey my inner conflict and my feelings and everything. 🥺 English isn’t my first language so it was a bit difficult to phrase everything in a way that felt right. Thank you so so much for taking the time to read and answer this. I appreciate it A LOT. I hope you have a great week ahead of you! 🥰🥰🥰

hello hun i'm sorry it took me so long to respond to your ask!! i wanted to make sure to set aside some time so i could be as thorough as possible in my response and give you my thoughts as clearly as possible!

so this debate has been something i've dealt with and struggled with a lot over the years of consuming fanfiction and creating it. i started out writing fanfiction of media like anime before getting into kpop, and it took me around 3 years to even start reading kpop fanfiction. every once in a while, the debate of whether or not real person fanfiction is okay or not comes up, and that does always discourage me. i wish i could be like 'yeah im solidly set in this opinion!' but i do still get discouraged myself, and that's something i think a lot of people struggle with! i resonate a lot with how you feel and what your opinions are and how much music and kpop means to you. i also get those worries of 'isn't this a bit much?' and such and it's a difficult thing to talk about and think about, but as you said, i think there is a line when it comes to fanfiction and life and reality

i have no issue with real person fanfiction. i tend to not read or write 'idol' aus because it feels a little too real for my comfort zone, but i will say that the people who dislike it are loud. they're hard to ignore and avoid. you aren't delusional or obsessive for enjoying fanfiction. it's called fan FICTION, meaning it's not real and it should not be meant to be real. it should be fine as long as you're able to draw the line and say 'this is not real and it will never be'. i think it's okay in some instances to be like 'man i wish i could live in this universe' while still realizing it's not real and you're not trying to force it down anyone's throats. that's the biggest thing in my mind. as long as you are not trying to shove it in these idols' faces or psychoanalyze them and their relationships, it's okay.

if someone doesn't like fanfiction, it's easy to just take a step back and say 'okay i won't talk about it/share it with you'. you can really cater your own experiences, decide what you want to see or don't want to see, but a lot of people complain about 'having' to see it. pretty much every single fanfic writer i've spoken to and encountered says they NEVER want someone to send a fanfic to an idol/the person who is in it, which is good and i think the best course of action when it comes to fanfic.

all in all, fanfic exists, it's out there, and it's FICTION. it's not real, it's not meant to be shoved in other people's faces, it's not meant to be shared with the idols who are characters in it, and most often the idols are 'place-holders' for characters. what i mean by that is they are a common place for a lot of people, something recognizable and enjoyable, but the personalities and way they're written will always differ across the board. you could think of it almost as a canvas, a person you like being a canvas for you to paint your words and stories on. writing fanfiction about kpop does not make you any less or more of a fan, it doesn't mean you don't respect and care about these idols as human beings and people, and the biggest thing to worry about is simply understanding and respecting your boundaries as a fan by not sharing it/shoving it in the idols' face.

i hope this all makes sense and isn't coming off the wrong way? but i also hope it helps you feel better and understand how i feel!! you say english isn't your first language, but i would NEVER have guessed, your english is absolutely perfect and understandable <3 thank you so much for trusting me and talking to me about this, i'm very grateful and thankful for it and your sweet words about my works 🥺💕

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1143

survey by brock-checkitout

Do you like cheese? Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.

What type of shampoo do you use? Dove.

Do turtles make you happy? I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))

Name one person who snores in their sleep. Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.

Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses? Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???

Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown? That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.

Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars? Just the cookies and cream variant.

What smiley face do you use the most? :) I very rarely use others.

What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

Do you listen to rap? Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.

Look at something green, does it have batteries in it? That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER? Ink and paper.

What is the last cuss word you said out loud? Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.

Do you like cows? Sure.

What kind of car does your mother drive? These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.

What do you get in your tacos? I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.

What is your opinion on blueberries? As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.

Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick? Nopes.

Is there a bottle of lotion near you? There isn’t.

Name one person that you know that smokes. Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.

What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.

Are any of your friends vegetarians? No.

What is one phrase that you hate hearing? “All lives matter” really pisses me off.

Can you name four presidents right now? Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.

What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD? A jacket.

Do you currently own a cat? Nope.

What do you think of Ulta? I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.

Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke? No.

Do you like classical music? Sure, some.

What is your opinion on Oreos? I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc.

Do you like Chips-Ahoy? No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.

What did ya think of this survey? It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.

survey by carolynnnnonia

1. What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30ish.

2. When did you take your default picture? It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.

3. Are you hungry? Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.

4. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.

5. When was the last time you ate ice cream? I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.

6. What computer game is in your CPU? I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.

7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn? You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.

8. What color is your winter jacket?

9. Do you have any siblings? Yup.

10. Would you call yourself skinny? Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.

11. Does your phone take pictures? Yes, 2008 survey, it does.

12. Who is your favorite neighbor? They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.

13. Do you wish at 11:11? No.

14. Have you ever gotten a detention? We don’t have detention here.

15. Do you still watch Disney Channel? Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.

16. Who did you last IM? Angela.

17. Who is your least favorite teacher? Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.

18. What were you doing six hours ago? I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.

19. What is your ringtone? Just the default iPhone ones.

20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it? I had to look this up haha but yeah.

21. Have you ever been to a show? Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.

22. What are some details about your first kiss? Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.

23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend? I went to UP.

24. Have you had any soda today? No and I most likely won’t.

25. What is your favorite scary movie? Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.

26. Do you own a Wii? We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.

27. Did you wear shorts today? I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.

28. Anything fun happening this weekend? There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo

29. What shoes did you wear today? One of my sneakers.

30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.

31. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Nope.

32. What was the last television show you watched? I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.

33. Do you know any other languages? If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.

34. Are you wearing anything green? No.

#survey #surveys

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ghosttownaz · 3 years

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Daniel Kobayashi Opens Up About His Video For “BLUE”

It’s a cold night in February when I have this conversation with Daniel Kobayashi, an artist that has made noise recently with his music being noticed for its angst-channeled romanticism. His video for the latest song to catch the ears of listeners ”BLUE” just released and after taking in the amazing visuals, I needed to ask him a few things. This our conversation.

Ghost Town Media: First off, the song “Blue” is amazing. Did you know you had something this special when you wrote it?

Daniel Kobayashi: Thank you! Truthfully no. When I wrote blue, I was writing it at the same time as several other songs. It was a very natural, quiet process. It wasn't until weeks after I released it where I was like - "oh okay, I can see how someone else would be into this."

GTM: Have you had moments like that before like with your song “Russian”?

DK: Russian was definitely the first time that happened for me, I think that's why I adopted a pop/rock/hip hop sound. This song is like the perfect example actually - I just let it rip when I was recording and the energy came across and reached out to people. I'm looking forward to writing more music like that, but maybe lightening up a bit ! I don't feel nearly as intense now haha.

GTM: Speaking of rock music, do you think you will experiment with a live band in the future?

DK: Of course ! I've worked with a live band before for some of my music and I loved the energy.

GTM: There seems to be a big emphasis on color throughout the video, was that something you and the director wanted to stand out?

DK: I have an obsession with the relationship between colors and emotion. Colors our a powerful way to communicate. When Louie and I say down to write out this video, we knew right away that we wanted it to be colorful.

GTM: Has that always been something you’ve wanted to keep in mind while creating your visuals?

DK: Absolutely 100% yes. I have a very specific range of colors I work with, I am very particular about the use of colors in my art.

GTM: On a slightly personal note, what is your favorite color?

DK: Haha, I’m a big fan of crimson red.

GTM: Does the triangle in the video have any symbolic meaning?

DK: No. None at all.

GTM: Do you think the talent involved in the video might be so talented that they don’t even realize that they are creating any underlying symbolism?

DK: Truthfully yes, and at some point Louie (the director) even mentioned to me that the neon structure I was inside of (ya know, the large neon cube) was meant to symbolize the imprisonment we feel inside of toxic relationships. I was kind of blown away by that.

GTM: Is the direction of your videos something you have more of an oversight with and how much do you ask from the director?

DK: Because I have a background in photo editing and design, I like to have an in depth involvement with the editing process. I don't like bossing people around because I feel like that'll stifle their creativity, but I do like to steer the direction a little bit. I try to make it a 50/50 experience.

GTM: How far back does that experience go? Was that a passion before music?

DK: Oh I've had an interest in being able to edit and design for as long as I can remember - like - 12? 13? 14? It's been a long, long time. My admiration for those two things were always hand in hand. I remember the definitive moment: the music video for 'all of the lights' by Ye dropped - and after I saw the intro that Hype Williams made - I KNEW I had to be able to make stuff like that.

GTM: So you would credit Hype Williams as your inspiration? What other artist/directors inspire you?

DK: Oh man - visually? Japanese designer Kenzo Takada, Kanye West, Marina Abramovic, The Neighbourhood, George Lucas, Stanley Kubrick, Lana Del Rey, Yung Blud, I could go on. I'm a pop culture freak! Haha.

GTM: You’ve got an eclectic set of influences. That’s amazing. So back to something a little closer to home. Did or does the song ever feel too real at times? Do you, or maybe even other artists, get a little freaked out at the idea of such a personal thing being on display?

DK: It's funny you ask that! I was just thinking the other day about how personal some of my music has gotten. I haven't gotten used to that yet, but I've noticed the more personal and real my music gets, the more people can relate. I don't get freaked out about being honest on some of these tracks per say, I think I've gotten pretty good about just saying what I feel. It's the aftermath that always makes me cringe! Haha.

GTM: When you say aftermath do you mean the end product itself or the response it gets?

DK: Oh I for sure mean the response it gets. You never know how people are gonna take one thing or another, and on top of that, everyone is a keyboard warrior nowadays. Hopefully it's all love for this song and video but we'll see!

We wrapped up the conversation with well wishes and me racing back to my YouTube app to watch the video for “BLUE” again after I gained a deeper appreciation for a song I already had on repeat.

by: Steven Sandage

#ghost town media #ghosttownmedia #hip hop #hiphop #underground hip hop #undergroundhiphop #emo rap #hip pop #azhiphop #azwaytooactive #music video #musicblog #Music Journalism #musicjournalism #indie #indie rock #indierock #rock #underground

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ivory-sunflower · 3 years

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✨Hyperfixations✨

Hello!

If you’ve seen previous posts from this blog, you might already know that I’m autistic; It’s not something I hide because I don’t see the point in doing so. I’m putting this disclaimer here so people don’t come for me and try and call me out for whatever reason.

I’ve had many fixations through the course of my life, as I’ve gotten older the way they develop and the impact they have had definitely changed. In my early teens I was dealing with a myriad of other mental health issues alongside these fixations. However, at the time we didn’t realise that that’s what they were because I was only diagnosed when I was 14. It’s important to note that I was dealing with other issues, as those issues consumed a huge amount of energy and so I never realised how truly draining hyperfixations are. It’s only now that I’m fairly level with my other issues that I have seen the full effect of a hyperfixation. I always put my lack of concentration and the exhaustion down to the anxiety and depression, but it’s become clear that they weren’t the only factors.

I joked in a couple of posts that Temples were becoming a new fixation for me, but oh boy... It has hit hard. It has completely knocked me off kilter. For the last 3 or 4 weeks (maybe longer) it has been almost unbearable, all I can think about is the band and it’s incredibly difficult to concentrate on anything else. Even when I manage to focus on something else, if someone says something that fires something in my mind then I’m just out for the next half an hour. I’ll be trying to do physics revision, I’ll be looking at Milikan’s oil drop experiment, I’ll see the word “Atomised” and then I’m off thinking about ‘Atomise’ and suddenly it’s been 2 hours.

It’s just so frustrating because I’ve never experienced a fixation in this way before, it’s so intense and I just want it to stop. I know that I shouldn’t get so annoyed with myself over it, but it gets in the way so much for me. When my mental health deteriorates and I can’t work or concentrate I find it easier to accept because I know that when my brain is in puddle mode that doing anything complicated just isn’t viable. The people around me also recognize this. With this fixation, I’m finding it hard to justify why I can’t do anything. I just can’t get myself to view it as “valid” because my brain certainly isn’t in puddle mode, it’s very active in fact, so I understand why I can’t shift that energy to be productive. It’s much harder to explain too and the people around me are less understanding. I’ll be honest, I don’t blame them for not understanding - heck, I barely understand it myself at times - how can I expect them to understand something they’ve never experienced and never will? It’s been a nightmare trying to keep up with college work, and I can feel myself beginning to burn out because of it, I feel like I can’t let myself fall behind because the reason doesn’t feel “valid” to me. I can’t exactly go to my tech teacher and say “Hi miss, sorry I didn’t do any of my assignments or coursework this week, I’ve been thinking about a band.” - granted, there’s more to it than that but at a basic, bare-bones level that is what I’d be saying. To someone who doesn’t live in my autistic little mind, that sounds like the most ridiculous excuse imaginable.

It’s hard to explain that it’s not voluntary in a lot of ways, it just happens whether I like it or not. It’s getting to a point where it’s impeding on my ability to function normally. I can’t sleep properly because I can’t get my brain to shutdown and stop thinking about them, or the music, or whatever else. I get distracted from work, from daily activities like cooking and cleaning, even hobbies are getting neglected unless they’re related to the fixation. I’d been learning ‘Clare De Lune’ on piano but that’s been sidelined for ‘Certainty’, any guitar parts I’d been learning and writing have just been ignored because I just can’t concentrate on them, but I can with Temples riffs. The only times I’m not thinking about them is when I’m sleeping and when I’m worrying about other things (intrusive thoughts kinda worries), even then I’ll occasionally start worrying about Temples. Example: “Does Tom remember my brother heckling him last year? He probably does, and he hates me.” - that’s a bit of a side point but one I thought I’d mention anyway.

To an outsider, I will just look like an obsessed fangirl and if you want to think that of me then go for it, if this post doesn’t change your mind then I’m not going to convince you otherwise. I wouldn’t compare this to a fangirl experience, because usually those experiences are enjoyed by the girl in question. With this, I spend a lot of time wishing I wasn’t like this. I spent months fighting it off when I could feel it starting. I’m not saying it makes me completely miserable because with a hyperfixation does come happiness and excitement, it’s part and parcel of it, but in between those times I hate it.

I have had very complex feelings around fixations in the past and the same rings true with this one. It seems to be hard to grasp for neurotypical people that we do NOT choose to fixate on the things we fixate on. For me this stirs a lot of anxiety because of the obsessive nature of a hyperfixation. My last few have centered on real people, such as bands or YouTubers, and I always feel awful about it because it feels creepy. I would never actually stalk these people, but the amount of content I consume and the energy that goes into it all just feels like too much even though there’s not much I can do to stop it. I can take away the media but that wouldn’t stop me thinking about it. I’ve experienced a lot of ostracisation from past friends because they found my fixations weird or annoying, and that feeling of rejection got internalized and I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’m weird because of it. I know for the people around me, it probably does get boring that I only talk about one think for hours at a time and it’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve found friends who take the time to let me talk about my thing without getting annoyed or taunting me. Even with a supportive network, I still find it hard to get out of the mindset that fixating on real people feels wrong.

I’ve had this complaint for years, but recently I’ve seen more and more people misuse the term “hyperfixation” and it’s really been bothering me. It seems to be the new ✨cute, quirky thing✨ to say that “X, Y, Z is my hyperfixation!” when in reality the person saying this probably just really likes X, Y, Z. I get so frustrated because they don’t realise just how tiring they can be, how they don’t always make a person happy, and how they actually make us feel. Not to mention the fact that when too many people say it in the wrong context *Context by Temples starts playing* the word starts to lose it’s meaning. This only makes it harder to explain to people “no, I don’t just really like this thing, it literally consumes my whole life, I’m so tired, please make it stop!”.

This has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days and I wasn’t sure if I should post it or not but after talking about some of this stuff with a friend, we decided that maybe I should. I won’t be tagging this under Temples because it doesn’t feel right.

~ Love Ginger xx

19/01/2021

#personal✨#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #hyperfixiating #hyperfixation #rant #long reads #being autistic #actually neurodiverse #autism spectrum

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adolanables · 5 years

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INFLUENCED - Part 2 (G.D)

PART 2

“So what was Grayson Dolan talking to you about last night?” Charlotte questioned, the two of you on opposite ends of the dark gray couch you shared.

“Oh, ya know…” You tried to ignore the topic, digging your spoon into your pint of Ben and Jerry’s and turning your attention back to Carrie Bradshaw giving some killer advice on the tv.

“Shut the fuck up,” She chucked a pillow at your head and rolled her eyes. “Apparently he doesn’t talk to ANYONE, Y/N. What did he say to you?”

“Well, we met at the party last weekend.” You shrugged, giving her a simple answer. “He was just saying hi - he noticed me down by the water.”

“You already met him and you didn’t tell me!?” She shrieked, setting her own ice cream down on the coffee table. “THE Dolan twins?!”

“Okay, to be fair I only met one of them.” You pointed your spoon at her. “And I don’t know, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Jesus, Y/N.” Charlotte shook her head at you, a small grin on her lips as she settled back into the couch. “It’s like you’re from another planet sometimes.”

Laughing at her comment, you couldn’t help but agree. Sometimes it did feel like that - you just didn’t understand some of the things normal 20 year olds got worked up about. As much as Charlotte claimed to be as against the influencer community as you were, you knew she loved it. Living here for a few years was getting to her - and most of your friends if you were being honest. It bothered you more when it first started happening, but it’s nearly impossible to avoid it at this point, so you’ve just learned to accept it.

A few minutes later, Charlotte decided to head to her room for the night and get some sleep. This was the second year the two of you were living together and you couldn’t complain. She was always there for you to pull you out of your hermit crab ways when it was most needed.

*one new text message* your phone buzzed on the table in front of you, your eyebrows furrowing as you saw an unsaved number

*still waiting for you to post the pic…^* the message pointed at the image above it in the message thread - the one Grayson had sent you last night. You smiled softly, shaking your head at yourself for forgetting to save his number.

You took a deep breath and opened Instagram and quickly uploaded the picture, just using the eyeroll emoji for your caption.

*there* you sent back to him. Rolling your eyes as you heard Charlotte scream your name from her bedroom, surely shocked that you had posted a photo.

*pretty… I liked your other caption better though* your phone lit up again, your heart fluttering slightly as you read the first word. Okay, what? Your heart fluttered? You gotta be kidding me.. You shook your head trying to rid any mushy thoughts from your brain.

*graysondolan commented on your photo* the notification popped up at the top of your phone, a feeling of dread shooting through your body for a moment. You were sure people stalked what this boy did on every social media app every second of the day.

*careful not to roll those eyes out of your head…* his comment read. Funny - you thought. You simply liked the comment and clicked to open your likes. Just two so far - Charlotte and Grayson.

The next week of classes was sort of overwhelming. Charlotte was constantly pestering you about Grayson - in absolute shock that he had not only followed you on Instagram, but had also commented on your photo - a photo he definitely took. It seemed as if the Dolan fandom was in just as much shock, trying desperately to figure out who you were. The flood of follower requests was so massive you finally gave in and just made your entire account public, not wanting to deal with blocking everyone.

On top of all of that, you had your first exam, You did okay on it, but okay wasn’t good enough at UCLA - you needed to do great. The rest of the week you beat yourself up, staying in your room at all times to study and do homework ahead of time so you would be able to enjoy your weekend. It was now Thursday evening and you were thanking the gods you didn’t have any Friday classes.

*new message from Grayson* your phone buzzed on your nightstand, pulling your attention away from your textbook. You were genuinely surprised. He hadn’t messaged you again since the quick convo you had about the Instagram post. Truly, you didn’t think too much of it. You weren’t one to obsess over texts or how long it took someone to respond to you.

*You busy?*

*Just finishing up some homework, why?* You sent back quickly, tapping your bare thigh with your index finger.

*I’m in the area… wanna chill?* His words made your stomach flip and you cursed under your breath once again at how excited you were.

*Sure. Do you want to come here or?*

*I’ll pick you up? Address?* He was texting you so fast you were sure he was sitting somewhere just waiting for you to respond.

You quickly typed him your address and threw your book off your lap, sprinting to your closet to pull on a pair of nike shorts and a crew neck. You tightened your ponytail, knowing you had no time to attempt to do anything with your hair. The thick-rimmed glasses sitting gently on your nose weren’t your favorite accessory, but they did a good job of - ya know - helping you see. On top of that, they covered the dark circles under your eyes you also had no time to cover.

Just as the doorbell to your small house rang, you slipped on a beat up pair of Vans and sprinted out of your room, hoping to get to the door before Charlotte. She popped her head out of her doorway and looked at you quizzically, “Wha-?”

“Can’t talk gotta go!” You waved at her, throwing the door open and hopping outside to slam it shut behind you.

“Well hello to you too.” Grayson chuckled at your chaotic entrance. You instantly wished you had taken a few more minutes on your appearance. He had on a long sleeve white t-shirt, a pair of pastel pink and white shorts with matching socks and white slides. His hair was pushed back away from his forehead again and he was looking down at you with a small smirk on his plump lips.

“Uh, hey.” You breathed, catching your breath from sprinting through the house. “Sorry, if Charlotte had answered the door she would’ve talked to you for three hours.” You smiled softly as he turned on his heel and headed down the sidewalk.

“I get it - were you done with your homework?” He glanced over his shoulder at you as the two of you headed towards his car.

“Basically.” You lied, your mouth dropping open slightly at the sight of the baby blue Porsche Grayson stepped up to, opening the door for you. Surely he noticed your awe, but you shuffled past him and sunk down into the luxury car. “Where are we going?”

“You got any ideas?” He smirked as he sat down in the drivers seat, his free hand starting the engine. You simply shook your head, adjusting your glasses on your nose. “Hungry?”

“I could eat.” You nodded, leaning back into the warm leather seat as he pulled out onto the road.

“Who gets a cheeseburger with no cheese?” You gawked at Grayson as he took a giant bite of his cheese-less In N Out burger.

“Dairy-free, people, duh, Y/N.” He muttered, chewing his burger.

“I just love cheese…” You whispered as you took a large bite out of your burger as well.

He smiled at you softly as you chewed, his eyes watching you intently. The two of you had grabbed In N Out and were now parked on some ledge behind a few trees. This would definitely be considered a make out spot - ya know, if you were into that kind of thing.

“So, Y/N.” Grayson swallowed the last bite of his burger and took a sip of his water. “What’s there to know about you?”

“Well.” You let out a deep breath and thought for a moment, your lips twisting as you tried to think of something. “I’m a comm major.. I want to be a sports reporter. Uhh, I grew up in Santa Barbara. I have three siblings… anything else?”

“Older or younger?” He readjusted in his seat, leaning his strong back against the door, his legs extending in front of him.

“Three younger. All under 6 - uh, my mom got remarried when my dad died.” You tossed your cheeseburger wrapper into the empty bag at your feet. “They all still live in Santa Barb-”

“Your dad died?” Grayson’s face was serious, his eyebrows furrowed together as he glanced up at you.

“Yeah when I was 14.” You titled your head at him, wondering why his demeanor had changed so suddenly.

“My dad died earlier this year.” He blurted out, his eyes glued to his hands in his lap.

“Oh, I’m so sor-”

“No, don’t apologize.” He shook his head at you, pulling himself from the slight emotional falter he had. “It’s just nice to meet someone who gets it… ya know?”

“Yeah… I do.” You nodded at him, tucking your knees to your chest in the seat and resting against the door to better face him.

The two of you sat there in his car for what felt like hours. Just talking about everything. You learned he had two siblings - his twin and an older sister. His mom and sister still lived back in New Jersey where they grew up. He was hopeful he would be able to make a place for them here where they felt like they could come all the time - he missed them both so much. He lived about thirty minutes away from you in Encino - he and his brother had just bought a new house there. You had questioned how he felt about YouTube and he told you he’d be lying if he said he didn’t have bad days. There were days where he just wanted to quit - wanted to go back to being normal. But he knew everything he had was because of his job and he wouldn’t want any other job.

He learned you had been a straight A student your entire high school career, getting a full-ride to UCLA. If you hadn’t gotten that, there was no way your family would’ve been able to afford to send you to college. He learned you didn’t get along very well with your step-dad, but you adored your three little brothers. That you’d go back to see them more often if you had a car to take instead of the train. That you were blind as a bat without your glasses or contacts, you probably wouldn’t even be able to tell he was a person without them. Your favorite color was red because it reminded you of blood which reminded you of life.That you’d never had a boyfriend - nope never. He asked why you had such a bad attitude towards his career. You’d explained that you’d always felt like the unfortunate kid growing up and moving somewhere where your looks and clout meant more than who you were made you start to hate the community. You never wanted anyone to like you because of what you were wearing or how many followers you had.

It was nearly 2AM when Grayson pulled back up in front of your small house, his tired eyes glancing over at you as you gathered your things. “Thanks for hanging out, Y/N.”

“Thanks for asking me to.” You smiled at him, tucking a piece of your hair that had fallen out of your ponytail behind your ear.

“Uh, do you maybe want to come to this thing we - Ethan and I - are having tomorrow?” He was nervous? “It won’t be that big, I swear - and NO filming allowed. It’s just this small house-warming thing.”

“Oh, um, sure - yeah.” You nodded at him, feeling a little more comfortable going knowing there wouldn’t be any cameras. “Can Charlotte come? I promise she’ll behave.” You assured him, laughing softly. “And she has a car, so it’ll make it easier.”

“Yeah, of course!” He smiled, nodding his head at your confirmation. “I’ll text you the address, yeah?”

You agreed, leaning into him as he reached over the console to give you a hug. It was a little awkward leaning over the large piece of plastic in between you, but the smell of his cologne lingering on his neck and the warmth exuding from his body made your stomach clench. He pulled away from you, his hand resting on your forearm as you looked up at him.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered, his eyes glued to yours. Jesus christ, you wanted him to kiss you so bad. The look in his eyes said he wanted to do the same, but neither of you moved. You broke the gaze, leaning down to pick up your keys and pushing the door open.

“Goodnight Grayson.” You grinned at him, waving over your back as you headed back into the house.

“We’re going WHERE?” Charlotte shrieked, her bowl of Cheerio’s flying across the kitchen.

“Oh my god, Charlotte!” You hissed, a laugh escaping your mouth as you watched her hurriedly clean up her mess. “You’re not going anywhere if you’re going to throw food!”

“Sheesh, Y/N - let a girl wake up first!” She gawked up at you. “Do you know who could BE there?”

“Uh?” You raised an eyebrow at her, taking a bite out of your bagel.

“Ugh, I see why he likes you.” She giggled, tossing the broken pieces of glass into the trash can. “Pretty college girl who has no idea who he is - he’s gonna fall in love. I give it a month.”

“Give what a month?” You rolled your eyes at her. “He does not like me like that.”

“Oh nothing, Y/N.” She smiled at you innocently. “Nothing at all.”

“Oh god, Charlotte - I don’t think I can do this.” You muttered to your best friend as she drove up the long driveway, the two of you being let in the gate by security.

“Yes you can, Y/N. I’ll stay by you this time, swear.” She assured you, her voice serious. She looked beautiful, her hair tossed up into an intricate up-do, dark makeup on her eyes and a small black cocktail dress on her body.

You sighed and leaned your head against the window, trying to relax. Charlotte had insisted you straighten your long hair, it fell down your back smoothly, covering up the cutout on the back of your dark red dress. It was simple, small straps, falling just above your knees. She had put a little makeup on you as well, and insisted you wore at least a small heel.

Grayson did tell you it would be dressier in his texts earlier - sending you the address and time. He said to get there at 7ish and that he would be in a suit, so to dress however she felt comfortable.

Charlotte parked her car behind a plethora of much nicer ones in the driveway. Her eyes widened as a bright pink Tesla came into view “If that is Jeffree Star I make no promises that I won’t shit myself.”

“Oh god, Charlotte.” You whined, burying your head in your hands.

“Y/N!” Grayson exclaimed, opening up the front door as the two of you walked up the driveway. “Charlotte - nice to formally meet you.” He grinned at your friend momentarily before looking back at you, his gaze tracing up and down your frame.

“Nice to meet you too.” Charlotte smiled back at him, stepping past him to let you have a few seconds alone.

“You look great, Y/N. Wow.” He smiled at you, his hand extended to you. His upper body was clad in a dark blue sport coat, the white of the button up made his teeth stand out. You took his hand and followed him inside the house, his hand falling from yours as soon as others came into view.

“Thank you, so do you.” You smiled back at him softly.

You followed Grayson through the long hallway into the main living area - the house was absolutely beautiful and for a moment you wondered how anyone could hate this life when they actually lived it. As you rounded the corner and saw the plethora of people hanging out on the modern gray couches, you remembered why you hated it. Grayson turned over his shoulder to look at you, his face falling slightly as he read your very obvious facial expression.

“Okay, there’s a few more people here than I led on…” He smirked at you, guiding you to sit down on the edge of the couch, he seemed to have caught Charlotte’s eye as she rushed over and accompanied you. “I’m going to go get you two some drinks - champagne okay?”

“Yes!” Charlotte spoke for both of you, knowing full well you were at a loss for words.”Y/N, you okay?”

“Uh - yeah… just-” You glanced around the room, taking in as many people as you could. Everyone was just absolutely stunning, you felt so out of place - like you definitely should not be there. “A lot of people.”

“Relax, Y/N.” Charlotte patted your knee encouragingly. “Grayson wanted you to be here, so you should be here.”

You nodded, sinking back into the plush couch while you waited for Grayson. Charlotte started blabbering about who she had met in the kitchen, but you couldn’t help but zone out for a few seconds. There were countless beautiful women surrounding you - tall, blonde, drop dead gorgeous. Why had you even thought for a second that Grayson could be interested in you? No, you weren’t ugly and you had a great body, but you were by no means a model and that is clearly the type of girl the Dolan twins kept in their company.

“Two champagnes.” Grayson handed two glasses to you and Charlotte, his signature grin back on his face. He took a seat on the ottoman across from you and knocked your knee with his. “Let me know when you’re drunk enough to meet some people.”

“Shut up.” You muttered, rolling your eyes at him as you chugged the glass of champagne. Charlotte giggled at you and shoved hers into your hand as well, knowing you needed it much more than she did.

Approximately five glasses of champagne later, you were feeling much more courageous. Grayson had offered you his arm to hold on to as he pranced you around the room introducing you to everyone. Honestly, a lot of the faces blurred together - you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that they all seemed to have the same surgeon. As the two of you approached Ethan, you felt your stomach clench with nervousness once again. You weren’t sure why, but you really wanted him to like you.

“Ah, so this is the infamous Y/N.” Ethan smiled at you, leaning in for a side hug as he shot his twin brother a look.

“Infamous?” You looked at Grayson curiously, his neck turning a bit red at the mention.

“I’m just kidding with ya.” Ethan quickly responded, not wanting to embarrass his brother any further. “It’s really great to meet you - I’m glad he convinced you to come.” He took a sip of his cup of what looked to be water. His hair was longer than Grayson’s, jaw a bit stronger as well. You couldn’t help but find him attractive, but the sparkle in Grayson’s eye is what you felt your stomach flip for.

“It’s good to meet you too.” You smiled back at the confident boy in front of you and turned your attention to Grayson. “Now I just gotta find out why I’m so infamous…”

Ethan chuckled and patted Grayson on the back as he wandered away towards the rest of the guests. Grayson guided you into the empty kitchen and propped himself up against the marble countertop, extending his hand to you. You happily grabbed it and he pulled you close to him, his hand resting on the small of your back. You knew your cheeks were bright red and eyes wide, he smiled softly at you as he noticed the change in your body language and the increase in your heart rate he could feel as your chest was pressed against his.

“Want a cupcake?” He grinned, approximately two inches from your face - he was asking if you wanted a cupcake.

“Uh - wha-?” You questioned, he interrupted before you could finish.

“Cupcake.” His cheesy grin took over his entire face as he shoved a chocolate cupcake right into your nose, an elated giggle leaving his mouth as your jaw dropped.

“Grayson!” You shouted, swatting at him as he backed away from you. You dropped the cupcake remains onto the white counter and reached for a paper towel, trying to understand what went through men’s head sometimes. “Why did you do that?” You snapped, trying your best to get the chocolate icing off your face without ruining your makeup.

“I - uh -” He stumbled over his words, glancing down at the ground and tugging at the hair on the back of his head uncomfortably. “I thought it would be like cute - funny? Um -” God, he was struggling. You continued wiping your face off, your anger subsiding slightly as you remembered Charlotte mentioning he wasn’t known for being too smooth with the ladies. His dating record few and far between.

“It was pretty funny.” You grinned at him in your best effort to make him feel better. You could tell he was floundering trying to rationalize even with himself why he had done that to you. “Could you be even more hilarious and try to get the rest of this off my face?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, stepping back towards you and gripping your waist - a soft shriek left your lips as he easily lifted you to sit on the counter top, now eye to eye with him. He grabbed another clean paper towel and started to dab at your face, a serious scowl on his. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking... I should’ve realized I’d mess up your makeup… I’m-”

“Stop.” You held your hand up, shaking your head slightly as he finished cleaning your face. “I’m not mad - honestly.” He let out a sigh of relief, his hands resting on your bare knees - the contact was making your heart race and you tried your best not to let it show in your voice. “Kind of nice to know THE Grayson Dolan can make a mistake.” You wiggled your eyebrows at him.

“I’m not perfect.” He shrugged, smiling at you softly. “A regular dude.”

“Just a regular dude.” You snorted, your face reddening as he tightened his grip on your knees.

He lifted his eyes from your lap up to meet your own, his smile faltering as he leaned in closer to you. You could smell his strong cologne surrounding you, his fingers pressing into your thighs, his minty breath fanning over your face.

“Hey Grays- ope,” Ethan’s head popped around the wall and immediately disappeared. “Don’t mind me!” He yelled, his footsteps quickly disappearing down the hallway.

Grayson laughed awkwardly and tapped your thighs gently, taking a few steps away from you and reaching out to help you down off the counter. You straightened out the bottom of your dress and cleared your throat, grabbing your phone off the counter to see Charlotte had texted you a few times to see if you were ready to go.

“I think Charlotte is ready to head home..” You glanced up at Grayson who was watching you intently, his lower lip tucked between his teeth.

“Oh - uh, yeah, sounds good!” Grayson smiled at you, following you back into the living room to grab Charlotte.

He walked the two of you to the door, quickly saying goodbye and hugging both of you. He shuffled away quickly, making Charlotte shoot you a confused look.

“Geez, I didn’t think he really was THAT awkward..” She giggled, slipping the key into the ignition of her car. “I mean - I’d heard stories, but oof.”

“Oh stop.” You rolled your eyes at her, glancing down at your phone to see if he had maybe texted you. “It’s kind of nice… not having some Rico Suave…”

“Oh my god, what year is it, Y/N? Rico Suave!?!” Charlotte screeched, her high-pitched laughter filling the car as the two of you headed home.

#grayson dolan #adolanables #ethan dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan smut #grayson #grayson dolan fanfic #ethan #the dolans #influenced!grayson #influenced

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captain-of-the-historicfuture · 4 years

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Heyheyhey! Sorry it took so long to ask I kept getting distracted lmao. ANyway, could you do #5, 10, 11, 14, 16, 18, and 19? You can just pick a few if you don't want to do all of them

Hello!! You’re so valid LOL. Heck yeah I wanna do all of them! I’m not going to answer #14 here because an anon asked it earlier (I just haven’t been able to think of an answer for one of the others they asked so the whole ask is sitting in my drafts for now). Sorry it took me so long to post these!

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither really. I try not to drink carbonated stuff too often, but also I just don’t much like the taste of Coke or Pepsi LOL. (Sorry for being a pleb. 😔)

However, if I had to choose I’d go with Coke because my father is 100% a Coke Over Pepsi guy so. Makes things easier. 😂

10. Ever been in love?

Ah, well, this is tricky.

Romantically? No. Although sometimes I’ll “fall in love” with a character just ’cause I’m vibing so well with them. Like, friggin’,,,, Elsa from Disney’s Frozen dkcnjsjf. I read Elsa x Reader fics for goodness’ sake KSJFJSJ.

Platonically or something? Maybe. There have been times I’ve gotten so comfortable with someone I couldn’t imagine life without them. There have been moments where I was taken aback by how soft a friend made me, how much I enjoyed having them around. There have been instances where I just froze and sorta smiled to myself, utterly content with doing a small thing with someone that made us both really happy. Do those count?

With a concept, a place, a dream? Heck yes. Many times. Over and over. Yes. Sometimes even with life.

11. Last time you cried?

In general? Like, fifteen minutes ago when I got some of the bubble bath stuff in my eyes fjcnskfjsk.

For an emotional reason? Not in a surprising while actually. It was not uncommon for me to cry myself to sleep, NoT gOnNa LiE. But my mental health’s been pretty manageable in recent months, given the ability to stay away from people, school, etc. I’d say the last time I cried due to pesky feelings wasss a li’l over a month ago? Was having One of Those Days, and then I read something super emotional that was exactly what I needed to hear and I dunno. The dam broke. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

16. Hair colour?

Dark brown! You have to be really close to see it as that though. Otherwise, it just looks black. Also, in the past people have spotted red hairs on my head so. Hair is whack I guess!

18. Obsession?

WELL. In terms of my special interests due to the Autistic LifeTM, I’ve got rabbits, space sciences, and pirates for long-term.

In general, I also tend to obsess over fandoms and whatever media I had most recently consumed and/or gotten attached to. My longest lasting fandom obsessions would be The Mentalist, The Hobbit, and TwoSetViolin. There are a lot though. 😇

If we’re talking about the mental health / psychological kind of obsession, then ha do I have plenty. Intrusive thoughts and compulsions are g r e a t. But yeah I won’t get into that.

For simplicity’s sake (I say, despite having already written three paragraphs for what could have been a two-word answer), I’ll just say my obsession is Star Trek. Because I post/reblog a heck ton of that on here.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

I think I’d like everyone who is alive right now and who would ever come to live to understand the Catholic Church. Like. Not necessarily to join and follow it because I don’t want to force anybody. But I’d like to have every misconception cleared up, every question answered, every doubt addressed. If that makes sense?

On a more selfish/personal note, I’d want to wish for an understanding of what my future (should) entail(s). Like… What the heck am I supposed to do after high school? What’s the best way to deal with some of the Personal Stuff happening in my life right now? How can I best support my younger siblings once I’m a legal adult? Just so I can feel less confused, less directionless, less adrift.

Send me numbers to ask me personal questions!

#thou canst not then be false to any man #invictusmaneo

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sumukhcomedy · 4 years

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The Duke Lacrosse Case: A Generation’s Example of Systemic Racism

In March 2006, I was a couple months away from graduating from Miami University. This is when the event known as “the Duke lacrosse case” began. I was in college just like these players were. I was on a campus a lot like Duke University (and that probably wishes it was Duke University). Now, 14 years later, I can look back and know that my fascination and frustration with the case at the time was based off something I can describe now a lot better than I could then: systemic racism.

For ease, if you would like to read up on a summary of the case, the Wikipedia article will suffice.

In the wake of the news of this story and how much press it was getting, Black and Brown people across the country reacted in anger and frustration. We saw this as an example of rich white young men wielding their power to violate a young Black woman’s body. This is a practice as old as the start of the slave trade and it was now on the front pages of every newspaper. As a result, there was a desperation for justice to be served in this case much like the desperation we see now with the many Black lives that have been killed.

But the great failing of the Duke lacrosse case was of course its fabrications. The story by the accuser, Crystal Mangum, was not accurate. These young men did not rape her. These young men were subjected to months of scrutiny and their reputations tarnished as a result. Sure, if I hear the name, “Reade Seligmann,” I’ll think “Duke lacrosse case” or “rape” immediately. It’s certainly unfair but it’s how we became to be programmed.

But how all of us became to be programmed is why the Duke lacrosse case is such a fine example of systemic racism, an example of Black Lives Matter years before it existed, and an example of how racism works hand in hand with class oppression and the patriarchy.

We must first understand that our entire interaction with the case was based off the optics presented to us of it and even to this day those optics have been skewed. At the time, we looked at it pretty simply: rich, young, drunk white kids rape poor Black stripper. Our reactions and our anger were affected by however we may react to that sentence. We separated not just by race but also by class and even by our judgment of the profession of exotic dancing.

When it became apparent that Ms. Mangum’s story had too many discrepancies and the case was dropped, the attention now turned to Durham County District Attorney Mike Nifong. Nifong, possibly for political motives to ensure his re-election, was disbarred for the various ethics violations he committed in handling this case. Whatever Nifong’s underlying reasons may have been, he used the media and the feelings of Black people victimized their entire lives by systemic racism in an attempt to benefit himself.

When we look back at the Duke lacrosse case, our reactions are likely very simplistic and not focused on the systemic racism that pulsates through the whole story. Even the 2016 30 for 30 ESPN documentary, Fantastic Lies, did not capture it properly. Much like the documentary, our reaction is to focus in on how bad it must have been for the white players to go through such a false accusation. It focuses in on how terrible of a district attorney Nifong was. It focuses in on the racial dynamic on the campus as compared to Durham. It focuses in perhaps, in a small way, on Mangum’s mental illness. But we have never actually cut to the depths of this case and how it is perhaps my generation’s finest and most accessible example of systemic racism.

First, we must ask ourselves why our primary focus is on the Duke lacrosse players? Yes, they were not deserving of being falsely accused. No one should have to go through that. But do we focus and feel bad for them because they are white and privileged? Even in the documentary, a player says, “Not a month goes by when I am not reminded of the damage those accusations have had on my reputation and the public's perception of my character.” That’s true and that’s terrible but the accused have gone on to formidable lives. They’ve gotten advanced degrees in law school or Wharton Business School. While they endure a lot for the accusation, their lives were able to progress on the same trajectory as would have likely happened without the case and they still have the same privileges.

How do we then look at Nifong? Simply a power-hungry, media-obsessed District Attorney? Why don’t we actually look at him as yet another white man in the system who used Black people and, in particular, one Black woman for his own advancement? There has been no criticism of Nifong on that aspect nor any culpability on his part for those issues.

Mangum is now serving time in prison for killing her ex-boyfriend. She claimed she did it in self-defense. We look back at Mangum as simply a tragic tale. She is a woman who has mental health issues and was an exotic dancer. She could not get herself out of those issues and ultimately ended up in prison. For some, it’s a sad tale. For others, she is a liar and the sadness should only be assigned to the lacrosse players who were accused of rape.

But, as we begin to examine ourselves and how we interact with systemic racism, we should use the Duke lacrosse rape case and its 14 years in our lives to retrospectively and currently examine how we felt and how we analyzed it.

I can say that, at age 21, I immediately assumed these lacrosse players were guilty and I wanted to see justice for this young woman. Why did I feel that way? Because I also have been a victim of systemic racism. Because I also was of Brown skin on a predominantly white, upper middle class campus. I saw guys on my campus just like the Duke lacrosse players every day. I certainly knew that those type of men were capable of such behavior. So I reacted emotionally and presumed guilt. Once I was made aware that the story had holes, I accepted that this was unfair to these young men and that they were innocent and I accepted that it was unfair because I believe in proper justice. I agree that they didn’t deserve to go through what they did. Even my look at Nifong has progressed over the years. I went from thinking “Why would he do this?” to realizing he is yet another white man wielding his power for his own gain and the feelings and the lives of Black people in his process to do that did not matter.

As for Mangum, there’s nothing to do but to feel bad. Her life to begin with was subject not just to systemic racism but also to the patriarchy. She had whatever reasons for becoming an exotic dancer, but that occupation in our society also subjects an individual to even more heightened levels of systemic racism and the patriarchy. As a result, it only could have intensified her already present mental health issues. Now she is yet another Black person that is incarcerated.

If we want to accept racism’s existence in our society then we must accept the fact that while the young white men involved in the Duke lacrosse case were innocent of rape, they were not innocent of systemic racism. None of us know what truly happened on that night at 610 N. Buchanan Blvd. in Durham. But, just understanding the party was filled with white upper middle class men, the fact they shared emails referencing American Psycho, their age, their consumption of alcohol, and the fact they ordered strippers, the behavior was not perfect. The power dynamics involved touch issues of potential racism, classism, and sexism. So, yes, even though I was not there, I believe some insulting things were likely said by these men to these women. I’ve heard insulting things in my life under far less difficult circumstances and I’m a middle-class Brown man. And, once you heave enough insults at an individual at one of the lowest realms of systemic racism, classism, and the patriarchy, it’s unclear what the possibilities could be. In this case, it was an accusation of rape. It later sadly became her incarceration.

If my generation truly wants to think deeper on race, then we must reflect back on the Duke lacrosse case. Think about what you thought about then. Think about what you think about it now. But, most importantly, ask yourself this question: who is the real victim here? Your answer could help you understand your place in systemic racism and systemic racism’s place in our society.

#duke #duke lacrosse #black lives matter #blm #systemic racism #racism #sports #espn #classism #sexism #patriarchy #durham

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willel · 5 years

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Season 3 Review

TLDR; I’ve only watched it once so far. My opinions are relatively positive, but I did have this... weird feeling like something more was meant to happen but didn’t.

The Review:

Here’s the order I will go in. Plot review, and then character by character review. For the characters, I’ll try to put the shorter reviews on top. Don’t expect a perfect review, these are my free flowing thoughts.

Plot:

Plot was ok? I’m going over it in my head right now and there’s nothing in particular I didn’t like. Like last season, maybe they could’ve spent more time on other characters and relationships? Relationships that REALLY needed it? The flow of the story moved at a decent pace. I didn’t really feel like it was dragging at any parts.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but they just have way too many characters. When you have this many characters, you spread your story thin. It happens every single time. Why do writers never learn from this? The more you add, the more time you have to give them, time you don’t have?

But now it’s too late. Maybe some of these characters can fall back into the background? (Such as Robin, who I didn’t mind really)

As for how everything resolved, it was ok I suppose. The Mind Flayer? He was cunning, sure. But not nearly as cunning as the fandom dreamed him up to be, and I preferred the fandom interpretation. For a while we’ve all been predicting the Mind Flayer wouldn’t immediately go for El. He’d go for her friends and family, or Will’s friends and family, or Will again and then make it’s way to her. It’d make his beef with her very personal. Like take Mike. Or Hopper. Someone she’d least likely expect.

But no, it was taking random victims from town, or people El already didn’t like or know. (which by the way, I feel sorry for those poor people. Some were just children. Tsk)

Things could’ve gotten so much more cunning and creepy. Like they’d all be questioning if they’d been infiltrated by the MInd Flayer and someone in the Party wasn’t on their team or something. I dunno. Something.

As for how everything wrapped up, I don’t think Hopper is dead for one. Joyce was breaking down and assumed he was dead, but was she actually looking at his crispy body, or just an empty spot? If it’s empty, why do I feel like he escaped into the portal or hid somehow? Huh

And the very end?? As predicted, the Byers are moving away. I know before the season released the big theory was Will and El would be kidnapped, but after we got a still of Jonathan caressing Nancy’s face (they both looked to be crying), the shot of The Party biking away from the Byers empty house... I dunno. Something was off. Would Joyce still move if they were gone? I mean surely she would’ve stuck around Hopper to get help in finding their kids, and I highly doubt Hopper was gonna move anywhere.

I remember a very long time ago, Noah mentioned something about characters coming together, but not in the way he expected. And more recently, he said something happens at the end of season 3 that will give him and El more screen time next season.

This leads me to 2 conclusions. All that Byers fluff I wanted is next season... AND SO IS ALL THE EL AND WILL I WANTED.

But... I feel like there was so much opportunity to put some stuff in THIS season, you know? So, I’m kinda conflicted right now. I look forward to it next season, but I also feel it could’ve fit in this season 2.

CG looked good. Better than I was expecting. So good job folks. My biggest takeaway is simply too many characters. There just is.

So, onto the characters!

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Characters

Erica: Very happy with how this turned out. We’ve already got black nerd rep with Lucas, but now his little sister too? So rare to see in media to be honest. It would be so cute if she joins The Party for DnD games. Not as a main maybe, but the person to go to for math.

Robin: You know, I’m glad it took the turn it did, with her being gay and all. I’m glad they aren’t trying to pair every single person under the sun. I think it’s good that Steve found someone that gets him, but that is truly just his friend that happens to be a girl. That said, I don’t know what there would be for her to do in future seasons, you know? Like, maybe she serves a role similar to Mr. Clarke where she can crack some code or something. But as a character? There’s no where for her to go, you know? And that’s not a bad thing! I think she can totally work as a supporting character. (though I feel conflict with that too. Cause she’s LGBT representation and we’re kinda imbalanced with the cast if you know what I mean)

Steve: I was fully expecting them to turn Steve into a complete goof and lean in too hard on the meme. They still kinda did, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. His doucher side still popped out now and then. Some scenes with Robin I liked (the bathroom discussion). Other times they spent WAY too much focus on his story (the “do you remember ms. Clicker” and “ooo the ceiling is wavy”). That said.... I feel like Steve’s character has also been mostly resolved? Where does his character go from here? Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend, but like Dustin’s girlfriend, I don’t find it necessary to focus on or anything. He’s got a friend his age now, still friends with Dustin. If there weren’t so many Steve fans, I feel like it’d be a natural progression to have Steve fall back a little too. (but I doubt that’s going to happen.)

Dustin: Dustin. Mmm. Dustin. I always feel like I have so little to say about Dustin. Not because I dislike him, but hey. We all have our favorites, right? I’m glad he took Erica under her wing and showed her it’s ok to be a nerd.... SD THAT HE BROTHER COULD’VE HAVE DONE THAT, but I digress I digress. Sometimes, your sibling isn’t the one to show you the way. It’s cool that he got a girlfriend I guess, so he actually wasn’t upset about Max and Lucas at all. He basically had similar feelings to Will, but less angry and intense. Was not interesting in the whole singing situation, but it was nice to have a comedic comeback with Lucas and Max teasing him.

Lucas: Lucas, my other son. He served the role I thought he would this season. The love doctor, trying his best to set his bestie on the right path. I mean, I guess his advice was sound, but El isn’t Max. His and Max more toned down relationship is how I feel like 14 year old romances should be. Teasing each other. Teasing mutual friends. Playing around. Hugs. They’re sweet. Wish we’d gotten more time of them talking about stuff going on though. I thought Max and Lucas would kinda work together to give their friends some space and give them time to think or something. Not Lucas actively working to get them back together and Max almost doing the opposite. I’m so happy that he was trying to apologize to Will about the dnd campaign. Will insisted he didn’t care anymore, but I bet he still appreciated Lucas bringing it up and saying it was a good campaign. What a good friend. So cute that they worked on the fireworks together. AND THE SEASON STAPLE HAPPENED, THEY HUGGED! YES. AND LUCAS WAS ACTION MAN, CUTTING EL FREE OF THE BEAST

Max: Max was definitely out of have fun this season. I’m glad she made a new bestie and they got along great. Though I do think Max could’ve approached the “you should be more independent” situation more gently (because El will take it all literally and do stuff word for word), it is what it is. The end result was positive. I’m glad Max called Mike out on being a little too controlling/protective, but you would’ve thought the others would’ve said something sooner? I guess Will tried but we all know how that went. Lucas poked fun at him, but didn’t really push for change. So, it’d make sense for Max to be the one to do it I guess. El had to make things change, not Mike. What I did not like this season was Max on multiple occasions trying to get through to Billy? We saw what their relationship was last season. Toxic as all hell. I’m sure Max wouldn’t want Billy to die or get morally wounded or involved in the supernatural shenanigans but... something was just off about everything. Mm.... like... she’s seen what Billy can do. Would she really doubt he did something bad that hard? It would have been nice if El had a “I need you to trust me.” line with Max like she did Mike. They’re both in their own way trying to dictate what El should be feeling (Max much less so, but still). Even if Max believed her, would’ve have changed much either way. Moving forward, where can her character go? Maybe some family stuff? Billy’s dead now. Where will Neil’s abuse go? Because, it’s clear he’s always just been a piece of shit.

Mike: Mike wasn’t as cruel as he could’ve potentially been, but he certainly was a little shit sometimes. His love and affection for El was clearly becoming an obsession. I’m glad he was basically forced to take a step back and had to try and work things out. El gave him virtually no pity or reward until she felt like he earned it. And the whole thing with Will? Ooof. What were you thinking Mike? Will obviously put a shit ton of work into his campaign and then you treated it like a joke the entire time and didn’t realize you were being a butt until Will finally had enough. Mike has always been very emotional and hot headed. He easily gets tunneled visioned too. But you know, despite liking girls and being with a girl, Mike Wheeler is still Mike Wheeler, a nerd who doesn’t know how to deal with girls really. I’m sure by the next time we see him, he’ll be much better.

Hopper: Hopper??? He was.... basically a dick the whole season. While I didn’t mind he was being the “leave enough room for jesus” trope he had going on, threatening Mike and making him lie to El was just.... what the heck are you doing Hopper? You’re really going to risk your relationship with El and Mike because you don’t like that they’re kissing so much? I get that you miss spending time with your brand new daughter, but I’m sure eventually all those butterflies would calm down and you could have your father and daughter times again. He should’ve swallowed his pride and did what Joyce said. And then Joyce? Omg Hopper please. She lots the man she was potentially going to marry and move away with less than a year ago. I know you’re horny, but please have a little class? I don’t hate Hopper, but man. He was WAY out of line sometimes. And I probably only feel this way because Joyce essentially told him “Screw you” multiple times. I can see why Joyce was hesitant to jump into a relationship with Hopper. He does share a few qualities of Lonnie. Don’t get me wrong, not NEARLY as toxic. But Joyce spend the whole season arguing with him like she did her ex husband. That can’t feel good, you know? Hopper needed to be better. He needed more time. Buttttt, unfortuntelyyyyy, time that could’ve been used for that.... wasn’t used for that. As for his death? To be honest, I won’t be convinced until I see a proper body. But just.... he was so considerate and patient last season with Joyce. What happened? Ooof

Joyce: Joyce. Best mom Joyce. I love her. Always have, always will. She did not take any shit this season from anyone. I can tell she was beyond pissed that Hopper was blowing off her concerns yet again. It was hilarious that she left him alone to yell into the void and was like, “No it’s ok. I’m just gonna borrow these and break into the facility without you.” I wanted soooo much moRE TIME WITH HER SONS. OR WITH EL. What are you doing Duffers? Then again.... when I really think about it, Joyce hasn’t had anything to do except worry about one of her sons in season 1 and season 2. It was a nice change of pace for her. She had her own adventure of sorts and that’s great. That said, I did love the .00002 second clip of her and Jonathan wiping his face. And I love that she was hugging Will so tightly that he actually said, “I’m suffocating.” I also liked that Will and Joyce cried in each other’s arms..... BUT WHAT THE HECK, SOMEONE GIVE EL A HUG PLEASE

Jonathan: I will say Jonathan’s nonchalance toward Nancy’s treatment did not feel quite like him, but I guess I understood his point of view after they were fired. Like, OBVIOUSLY he didn’t like Nancy’s treatment, but I guess the Byers financial situation has gotten so bad he just.... let that stuff slide (Joyce mentioned how Hopper was her first customer and she’s doing nothing but putting clearance labels on all their store products, so her job is definitely not safe) I’m glad we were granted not only the arguments, but also their apologies and whatnot. I feel like it’s in Jonathan’s nature to be skeptical until he’s proven utterly wrong. Not a bad trait to have, just makes him a wee bit hard headed. I was sorely missing Byers bro time. Omg there were so many opportunities to have them not just next to each other, but speaking and stuff? Or worrying about their mom? Or something? What is up with that? Ooof. They said this season was reminiscent of season 1, but I don’t see that at all. Even when Will wasn’t there for most of the season, the Byers still just... had so much???? going for them??? But now? There are no gifsets I can make this seasons of the bros basically. Or of Joyce and Jonathan. Like, nothing. And that’s a shame. (Just that scene of them driving in the car basically) Though, LET ME JUST SAY IT WAS SO BIG BROTHERLY THAT JONATHAN WAS TRYING TO HELP EL BUT WAS UNABLE TO CATCH THE WIGGLY CREATURE. AND TRYING TO PROTECT EL FROM THE WRIGGLY MOUTH TENTACLE. He’s so soft.

Nancy: Nancy had a lot to do this season and that’s great. I wonder now that the two hot dogs holding her back the most in the post are gone if she can finally shine and make a name for herself? Or maybe she’ll follow her mom’s advice and work for a different paper? I’m glad she stood up for herself and followed through with her investigation. Also, it was kinda cute that Mike called for her when the big beast was breaking through the ceiling

Karen: KAREN. I thought I was going to be really mad at you this season, but I’m glad you turned things around. Ted sucks, but he’s not a creep or abusive. If you want a new life Karen, then I hope you do it the proper way. Just divorce him or whatever. But you know what? Karen dragged his ass out to a crowded fair and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself so maybe he just needs a push in the right direction. As for the kids, omg. I’m glad Mike and Nancy finally came to her to cry and talk. Maybe they didn’t tell her everything, but at least they told her something? You know? And she had beautiful sound advice for Nancy. Karen is back in the graces of good moms again.

Will: WIll my boy. I know they said Will would be getting a break this season, but other than his friendships falling apart and feeling like the worst... to me, it was kinda odd how the Mind Flayer didn’t care about Will at all? Will is basically giving away all of the Mind Flayer’s secrets and he doesn’t care at all? Does he not know? Surely the all powerful Mind Flayer can tell... unless it’s not the Mind Flayer piece that’s giving Will this ability to sense him. Like, Will really has a sense evil ability I suppose. Which leads me to WIll’s power. I think this can be considered Will’s power, but I have a problem with the way they implemented it. Will sensed things sure, and could tell the Party if the monster was nearby or something. But... why have Will feel that so late? Wouldn’t this plot point be better implemented by Will feeling the Mind Flayer much much sooner? Or within people when they aren’t acting psycho with black veins? Why have Will say “Oh yeah, something bad is here.” When it’s obvious something bad is here. You know what I mean? I mean, technically he was feeling it before anyone else noticed anything, but not enough time to properly warn them. You know? Maybe this is a matter of practice makes perfect. He needs to work his new muscle to get a faster heads up. But yeah, my prediction in that way was right. His powers would be related to sensing or feeling. In some episodes, there were these various moments where I was sure Will was going to step forward and say something. Or offer El advice or comfort (like when she was diving deep and Flayed Billy was being mean, because he’s seen and felt some shit too), but it never happened. It always fell onto Mike to resolve. And I mean, that’s ok I guess. And typical of him to do so. I was also expecting more people to notice when Will was touching his neck and stuff, but Mike only noticed that one time in the movie and no one else paid attention. Also, it was weird that it took Will so long to notice Nancy and Jonathan’s struggle in the hospital. Side note, Will the Wise had me ROLLING. Will should join the drama club after all. He’s amazing. He should become an actor. On the topic of his sexuality, I have changed my mind on it. While before I was certain he was gay, now I think he’s either gay or aroace. Or both. To be honest, I’m not well versed on the subject, but whether he’s ace or not, I think he’s still gay. As for where his character is going? I hope his BRAND NEW SISTER EL can get him to chill on the “All girls are icky” routine. Pffff. My boy, you don’t gotta romantic like a girl to be friends ya know. Honestly, I can’t believe Will and El only really had 1 conversation on screen. That is BOOTY. P.S, I’m glad there wasn’t a love triangle. It would have been a mess. Lol

El: And nowwwww, to El! El dealt with a lot this season. I remembering mentioning to a friend that everyone demands Will get a break, but never mention El getting a break. She was basically tortured this season. I’ve discussed her a lot in Mike’s section, but to summarize, I’m glad she found her own form of independence this season. She was taking on a little too much Max (like she was with Kali. And before that, Mike), but by the end, you could clearly see she really coming into her own. A little mix of everything with her own self coming through. Now, onto her powers. So, they’ve changed how they work a little. Apparently, El decides who can and can’t see her in the void. That means, the ONLY people who have broken this rule is her mother and Flayed Billy. That whole thing with Will? That’s because she wanted him to hear her at the very least. And also, apparently anyone can talk to El while she’s in that place because she heard Mike like she heard Joyce in season 1. Also, that power to dive into memories wasn’t Terry’s power. Or rather, that’s yet another power El has that her mother has too. At this point, it kinda feels like they’re just piling any ability onto El that fits what they’re trying to do with the plot. It is an interesting choice that she’s lost them for now, but I wonder why exactly. You can still hear when she’s using her power, but nothing happens. Now El can really be a “normal” girl until they reappear (which they’re bound to do). Also, IT IS SO SO AMAZING THAT JOYCE TOOK HER IN AND NOW iT’S A FAMILY OF 4 AND JOYCE IS LEGIT HER MOM OMG. EL HAS A MOM!!! (Ok, she’s always had a mom. But you know what I mean) She’s now living in a house with more people. And although Joyce is a very clingy paranoid parent, she is not clingy and paranoid like Hopper. If there’s a problem, she properly address it with her kids. I think El will really like this new take on family with Joyce.

Other:

Was SO happy to see Bob. I’m glad his memory is alive. Would’ve liked to see Will think about him, but I guess Will had another things going on. Still. Would’ve been nice. Very nice. Also glad to see Dr. Owens for a split second. You know, I really liked that Alexei guy. He turned out to be kinda adorable and was really trying to help. It’s so sad what happened to him honestly. Didn’t care for trying to make Billy sympathetic, but I guess if you’re going to kill him off, you should better understand why he’s suck a dick. I guess. And, it’s quite sad all those people disintegrated into poo. I feel like I already said this.

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Conclusion

Although my feelings have not completely settled, there is one thing that’s clear. I still prefer season 1 and 2. I basically feel like everything I expected to happen this season is actually going to be next season. It’s a weird feeling to have. Makes me feel uncertain. Should I really be looking forward to the promised next season when I felt like this one surely could’ve had more? Know what I mean?

I want to say I should definitely be getting what I want next season. But... I wish it were this season.

As for what’s coming next, well, obviously the Russians are dumb and they opened a gate. And they have an American prisoner. But anyway, I wonder what the Mind Flayer/Demogorgon is going to do next. Track down El? Mmm.... and I guess the US government right now must not be a threat whatsoever. Not with Owens in charge. Mm. El faced no backlash being seen by all those government goons.

Ok that’s it for now. If ya got questions my askbox is open.

#stranger things #spoilers

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wiccamoody · 5 years

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on fandoms, deppy, glee & my life changing through media

sometimes i think i must be silly or too obsessed or too attached when i think about how much dan and phil, and being in this community, have changed my life.

people laugh when people talk about celebrities and fandoms changing their lives, and maybe one day they will be that realization that the celebrities and the fandom didn’t really change anything, that they were just a catalyst to the change you went through. maybe i’ll figure that out in 20 years or something, but right now the change is distinctly tied to these things, these people, these fandoms.

i’ve been in fandom (and by fandom i mean internet fandom) for just over 10 years now. i remember being around 9 or 10 and wanting more from harry potter than just the books and just the 5 movies that were out and just the pc games we had. i did some googling and found fansites and forums and fanfiction and i was probably too young to be reading and looking at a lot of what i was looking at but i was sucked in and completely gone (and harry potter still remains the one constant fandom in my life. despite all the bullshit, it’s my one fandom for life, at least right now). i’ve been in many a fandom ever since this, and while i’d say harry potter and twilight (which i got into around the same time new moon came out) had the largest influence on me as formative fandoms, glee came into my life sometime in 2010 and that changed everything.

i was 11 when i started watching glee. probably too young, but the awful jokes they made mostly flew over my head which is probably a good thing. glee was…my life. harry potter was too, and then twilight, but glee had this impact on me in such a different way than those two. harry potter was my escape in my childhood, something i could easily turn to, like a comfort blanket. twilight was my bridge into the young adult lit world, and into the emo, goth, monster loving phase i haven’t quite left yet. but glee…glee shaped my whole world for me.

i recognize that this is quite problematic; the whole show is problematic. it complicated my relationship with myself, with others, how i valued my self worth, and ultimately in really formative years of my life (11-14 was my prime glee phase, also my prime puberty phase, and i started high school at 13) left a lasting impression that i carried with me. i wish i had been past those years when the show was airing, i wish i knew how to critically consume media but i was a literal child.

it was great though. despite having to go through my late teens unlearning things, glee was so fucking great. fandom was great. fic was great, feeling seen was great. but now i’m just haunted by it and i love to hate it. and i know it changed my life. for the first time watching it i felt this…feeling of comfort, in an odd sense. glee was supposed to be (key words here: supposed to be) a show about the misfits, for the misfits, and comedic. it was all of those thing for me because i was a kid and i was lost and confused and stuck and i didn’t know how to critically consume media. i used to have episodes on to help me fall asleep. i spent all my birthday and christmas money on music and boxed sets. i read fic and i wrote some in my head because i was too chicken to post anything and i spent hours combing through twitter. it consumed me and i let it because it was a safe space for me. again, very problematic looking back, but it was that first space for me to feel comfortable.

i grew up in a very accepting household, but my mum’s old school in that she relies heavily on “gaydar” and always said she would know if i were gay and she knew that i wasn’t. and mum’s always right, right? a few other things happened in my life tangentially to that, and i just never had the space to think about my sexuality as anything other than straight. i didn’t question…anything about myself because i was a walking conglomeration of self-hatred and glee character personalities, and my mum knows best, right? but i latched onto glee and what it was supposed to mean, and i latched onto klaine and everything it meant to me, and when i was constantly asked “why are your favourite characters always the gay ones?” i never had an answer besides i liked them and they’re just…my favourites, when deep down they resonated with me in a way i hadn’t experienced before so i kept them close to my heart.

the glee got progressively shittier and my interest was waning and i turned to other things. my best friend got into these dan and phil guys some time in october 2014 and begged me for months and months to watch them until she sat me down in december 2014 and forced me to watch a dan video because “you’ll like it and you’re a lot like him!”. and i immediately felt both of those things.

i fell so fucking hard for them. i spent my entire winter break that year watching everything with them in it that i could get my hands on, consistently watching the sunrise as vyou after vyou played and i scrolled endlessly on tumblr, taking in everything i could.

i was so lost, 15 going on 16 and depressed without knowing it, feeling like everything was going to fall apart when i touched it, like my existence was the end of the world because i am also very dramatic. but watching them was (and still is, really) an escape. from reality, from my feelings, from everything.

to make a long story short (because this is already so very long) despite everything happening in the phandom, i found so much solace in it. it was this space that fostered so much openness about sexuality and shit in our lives because a lot of people were my age. i was older and i knew how to critically consume media and i wanted to challenge the adults in my life so i took a lot of comfort in what this community was, and still is.

i don’t know if i would know i’m a lesbian (which i still have trouble typing out; words have power and stigma, and this one has been used against me in many ways) at this point in my life, or earlier, or at all, if it weren’t for this space. there are a lot of things i wouldn’t have known about myself without this space, far too many to list. i don’t even know if i would have gone to get help again, to get an actual diagnosis instead of shrinking away from help because the first “professional” i reached out to told me my mental health was just a minor issue in my life, that just breathing and willing away the thoughts will help. i don’t know if i would be on the recovery journey i’m on right now if dan hadn’t made that video about his depression. the list goes on, in this personal sense.

and i wouldn’t have the people i have in my life now if it weren’t for this community. if i hadn’t said fuck it and decided to write and post and then taken the leap to join a word war chat and get angry to the point of joining idb and ceasing my position as a lurker and have everything spiral into what it is now, i would probably still be who i was just under 2 years ago, and that person was so sad. the friends i’ve made in this community have truly enriched my life and i’m so happy to have them in my life and to be able to call them friends, more than i can say.

there are so many things in my life that wouldn’t have happened without fandom. i could be here for hours and hours listing and explaining, but i’ll save anyone reading this far still.

people still laugh when i talk about fandom, especially when i say it’s changed my life. people who don’t get it will never get it, and i’m trying to brush that off and unlearn the shame i’ve instilled in myself over the years because people are mean. i’m not sure why i typed all that out. it’s been on my mind, though, and i wanted to put it somewhere. media changes people. the media we consume is important, whether you’re a fan of the media or not. it’s important to society and important to individuals. fandom’s been there for me in too many ways to say, but i wanted to get some of that off my chest. i’m ~feeling things and i wanted to say something. even if no one reads this i’m happy to have gotten it out and sent it into the void. i’m obsessed, yes. silly for sure. but i’m not silly for knowing that things have changed my life, and to continue to say that they have. i still have a lot to unlearn in the way of shame, and i know owning it is part of that. so maybe my conclusion to this massive wall of text is this is me owning it right now, owning the thing that people like to laugh at. it’s a step in the right direction, at least.

#maybe this is like a blog post or something idk #am i using tumblr as intended? idk lol #i just wanted to get this out #this is a ramble

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gothsic · 5 years

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meta: “marie” - annie kaye.

the tragedy of annie kaye is that she really was just a child when it happened.

the truth was that she simply did not know any better - but loneliness and impulsiveness will truly prevent a person’s judgment from being stellar, to say the least. she was young and intensely analytical, the type of person who spent her days, even as a child, dissecting people she found fascinating. but connecting with others was rather difficult for her - and her best friend, christina, was the only person with whom she held a steady friendship.

still... annie could not deny the constant ache in her heart, the hollow pit that took the place of her stomach. it simply would not go away, and at times it felt as though that pain was going to overflow, and eventually consume her until there was nothing left.

but that was before she met jo.

annette kaye was the type of girl who would sit quietly in the back of the classroom, the one who was often ignored. still, she had an intimidating presence that could easily deter others - this was unintentional, and it left her feeling isolated, unable to figure out how to fix it. her home life, with a frequently absent father and a lackadaisical mother, was certainly not helpful either.

in high school, that was when things changed. she found something interesting, something worth dissecting. that person, of course, was jonathan vastielle - the artist who seemed to be an endless puzzle to put together and take apart until there was nothing left. he had friends, yet seemed to push people away. he was friendly, yet simultaneously not. a jokester that hid a great deal of anger the more she dove deeper into everything she could find - by him and about him. anything and everything.

he became an obsession for her young and hungry mind. she simply could not stop - she checked constantly, reading through everything he said and did. watching videos. reading his work. doing everything in her power to put together a psychological profile - albeit an amateurish one. but after a while, that too was not enough. she had to kick things into second gear fast, or else she would have to face her pain, the loneliness creeping up on her quicker than ever before.

and so, the e-mails started. she decided to assume the persona of one marie samson, a mysterious woman who would confront him using gestalt therapy tactics, all at age 14. find the key points, and nail him - that was her strategy. why? not simply because she was bored, but because she desperately wanted to fix something; as her parents’ marriage was failing and her social life was deteriorating the more she dove deeper as an escape, the more she wanted this more than anything else. marie samson became a comfort character for her, through which she confronted him about his fakeness. that he was, in reality, an angry man.

though he did not respond at first, annie kept persisting - eventually asking the killer question that brought him to her in the first place: that he was an open book masquerading as a mystery. she provided evidence, and it floored him - where had she learned this stuff, he wondered? he was, after all, a private person. so, he took the bait.

...and responded. under a proxy, of course - lest he be caught. how did you find that out? he’d asked her, in no uncertain terms. she responded in kind: your books. your show. it’s everywhere: your hatred towards your father, your mother having vanished before your very eyes. i’m certain it hurts - not the memory, but the anger. she wrote not like someone her age, but twice it - though he did not know it at the time.

simply put, he was hooked. she was a horrifying drug, one that pierced the brain. she was someone who exposed him for who he was - though terrifying and abhorrent on some levels. there was no denying that she was intriguing. their relationship over the internet was kept up for several years, as annie continued her performance as marie into her 17th year.

that was when she found out about adri swann.

it really happened suddenly. she saw her in passing on his social media - a woman who was in her late 20s, and looked almost identical to her. it was pretty easy to determine that the two were dating - holding hands, having drinks together, the usual things couples did were posted on her instagram. annie was, needless to say, horrified. she saw the opportunity as a moment to completely black out everything, and vanish. finding out about adri changed everything. though the situation at home was getting worse and her college years were looming, what better option was there?

he was dating her doppelganger. things had become frighteningly clear.

annie left without a word, and jonathan was undeniably confused by her disappearance. he, of course, never told adri or his other friends anything about her. how could he? she was his little secret. he tried to reach out to her, but there was no answer.her e-mail was deleted, and anything that he could have possibly found to contact her was gone or privatized. no matter what he did, he simply could not communicate with her. she was really, and truly, gone.

jonathan, however, did not stop his chase for her. he kept looking, and looking. he only knew that she was called marie samson - but he had secretly kept all her e-mails. there had to be a way to track her. and lo and behold, after much scouring on the dark web, there was.

annette kaye, currently a senior at usc, majoring in screenwriting. she lived with her parents still, and looked slightly different from before. and unfortunately for annie, she was not careful enough to keep her records from being leaked online - it truly is difficult to do so in this connected age. within days of beginning his obsessive search, he found her phone number; somehow, it was listed. what an exciting day. his heart was pounding.

what a disgusting man. he ought to be fucking skinned alive for what he was about to. but he did it anyway.

he reached out. he wrote to her. it’s jo. i need you.

20 year old annie was freshly starting her senior year when she received this strange message. she thought she had managed to forget about him, or at least prevent herself from thinking about him on the daily - that was the struggle, really. but he always did manage to creep into her interpersonal relationships, even though she had certainly improved on that front since then. part of her felt that she had still not fully gotten over that time. when she read that message from him for the first time, her blood ran cold.

but it excited her too, sent her pulse racing. and how ashamed she felt. she gave it a day or two before she decided that she would respond - against her better judgment, of course. what the fuck is wrong with you? she wrote earnestly. she meant it, too. are you an actual moron contacting me like this?

so began their second stream of communication, even if annie believed she was strong enough to resist the temptation.

at this point, the two were communicating over a text messaging app that would automatically destroy messages within 5 seconds. his idea, lest he be caught. annie agreed, if only because it was exhilarating. she was so attracted to him, so hooked herself - even if she loathed herself, seeing him for the scum he truly was underneath that beautiful exterior of altruism. though disgusted with the fact that he was seeing adri while still talking to her, things were about to take a turn for the strange. stranger than strange, in fact.

he asked for a meeting. he wanted to talk to her one-on-one without the barriers of technology. and, perhaps disappointingly for you, reader, she agreed - if only to satisfy her curiosity ( and because part of her was still dominated by the excitement of cracking the mystery ).

that night would become the first and last time jonathan ever truly saw annie kaye in the flesh; not as jonathan vastielle, but as jonathan velazquez. they met at a park at around 2 in the morning, where most people were not going to look. he knew her the second he saw her getting out of her car, wearing loose fitted clothes and now sporting straightened brown hair; not the blonde she once had. still, he was stunned, amazed. what was he doing? what was she doing? this was utterly mad.

they didn’t have much to say to each other at first other than jonathan making the occasional quip and annie looking away in horrified anxiety. the night sky was polluted, not a star in sight. the wind, unusually chilly. every breeze that went through the miniscule holes of her sweater seemed to freeze her ever the more, keep her paralyzed. the only thing thawing her was her rapidly beating heart.

but then jonathan asked to touch her face. he asked, the motherfucker. how dare he? naturally, this enraged her - marie samson emerged once again, but an enraged marie; perhaps the self annie had been suppressing all this time. she yelled at him, berated him, called him a pig and a scumbag. she wasted so much FUCKING TIME ON HIM! somehow, that idiotic question was enough to send her flying into an emotional outburst, releasing all the animosity she had held against him for the past few years.

jonathan merely listened to her, hanging on to every word. all he could truly comprehend was that she was there next to him - in the flesh, tangible. he wished to feel the softness of her youthful cheeks, wipe away the tears that were now flowing down them - not because he did not want to see her sadness, but to look at him; and only him. as long as she liked him, or on some stretch, loved him unconditionally, then it would be fine.

right?

annie’s outburst resulted in her grabbing the collar of his sweater, looking right into his eyes, teeth gritted. she was overflowing with rage, hatred, and each nanoangstrom of disgust that could possibly fill her body. he too looked back at her, stunned. what was happening here? the two were silent, staring at each other - two terrified animals.

then, he asked her the same question again. this time, she did not respond - paralyzed in place by the depths of his eyes that seemed to spell a twisted abyss with no end in sight. a hypnotizing and horrifying darkness that was so palpable, she swore she saw herself reflected back in them. a true wolf.

the rest you can unfortunately imagine. that was what annie wanted in the moment, what jonathan wanted in the moment. she caved in to her loneliness, despite the rage flowing inside her. she let him touch her, despite how it felt simultaneously strange and wonderful - touch her every which way, in fact. but the thing that she would not let him do in public, at least, was kiss her.

that was reserved for his car.

you can probably imagine what happened next - perhaps it makes your blood boil. maybe you even feel sick thinking about it. i certainly hope you do - but not because of annie, but because jonathan did something he should not have done. while he had done out of complete and utter animalistic passion which could only be defined as a ravenous hunger for her, annie had done it out of her desire to connect with someone else. she wanted it too... or did she? in the moment, she could not tell - and perhaps part of her simply did not care. in the end, she had never truly gotten over her loneliness. her brain told her that she let it happen. that was how she felt, anyway. the shame washed over her during the entire encounter.

and just as quickly as it happened, it ended.

annie said nothing to him, and simply vacated the car. she loathed herself, and merely walked back to her own car. for what felt like hours, she stared out the window in front of her; he doing the same, from the looks of it. but she was not really looking at him - she was staring off into the distance, at her reflection - which she could never truly escape. it truly was judgmental stare it was giving her. the shame was certainly not going to go away soon.

but... life must go on. after some time, she simply took a deep breath, collected herself, and started the car. she drove normally back onto the highway, and off to her home despite how weak her body felt. why did she feel both pleasure and pain simultaneously? no. she knew the answer, and it was enough to make her SCREAM. and scream, she fucking did. oh, did she scream.

that was the moment she made the decision to never see him again - for good this time. she would get her life on track. become someone. leave him behind to rot like the scum he was. he did not care for her, only what she could do for him - the only thing special about her was what she had done all those years ago. and she certainly did not want to give it to him. she never could - because he was a void. an empty fucking void.

after their encounter, jonathan simply never heard from annie again. he tried to contact her, of course, but this was for naught. whenever adri saw him pensive, he did not respond to her. things began to become a blur for him, even though he acted the part of the man who had it altogether - or at least, relatively altogether.

while jonathan was undergoing the sleep experiment at the yamashirogumi group, adri was putting together her documentary on him and his chronic insomnia. in her investigation, which eventually made her change the subject of the documentary into a straight character study of jonathan himself, she found out about annie - and tracked her down herself. when the two women met for the first time, it was truly a traumatizing moment. adri was horrified, but annie had unfortunately been dreading the possibility of them meeting for years. still, they managed to remain cordial - and annie told adri her story in excruciating detail, on one condition.

that her name be omitted. she wanted to be referred only as m. and nothing more than that, if she was to move on, she had to do it by cleaning her slate and pushing past what happened. adri agreed, and the rest is history.

to this day, jonathan still watches her in vain. annie has no interest in doing anything with him - in fact, she’s trying to repair her relationships and move forward into a brighter future while still acknowledging that what happened to her, unfortunately, happened. she is trying to be stronger and deal with her pain in a productive way.

to her, there is simply no other way to win.

#YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND ME! NOT IN A MILLION GODDAMN YEARS! - META.#( im expanding on the situation with annie because )#( i purposefully left it out of the about; i felt implications were enough )#( so this is what happened. the nitty gritty )#( it is unfortunately triggering so read at your own risk )#( keep in mind i dont write this content on this blog in the form of rp because fuck no )#( however this is really important to understand whats going on w him and his obsession with annie on a more )#( detailed level i guess )#( again; i dont support this shit its fucking nasty )#( but jo is unfortunately very nasty )#( surprise... lol... )#( btw i am never writing this shit in any fucking rp thread so lets reiterate that )#( you can skip this one! its just for people interested )#( but dear god its done )#( finally )#( ill be posting the link to this in my about as well for ppl who wanna read it later )#( read at ur own risk!! let me reiterate )

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briangroth27 · 6 years

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Incredibles 2 Review

I absolutely loved Incredibles 2! It's a great time at the movies and definitely worth the 14-year wait. I was initially skeptical of it picking up seconds after the original, but I think the story threads here—particularly Jack-Jack's (Eli Fucile, Nick Bird) development and the Anti-Super laws—needed to be dealt with onscreen rather than off. I liked that they reversed the structure of the first movie and had Helen (Holly Hunter) go off on the adventures while Bob (Craig T. Nelson) stayed at home to watch the kids. Even better, this switch was rooted in statistical facts that Elastigirl was the most effective and efficient hero between herself, Bob, and Frozone (Samuel L. Jackson). Since so much of her Elastigirl persona was left in the past in the original movie because she’d moved on in life while Bob hadn’t really, showing Helen truly loving her work and being great at it was a perfect moment that let us see a whole new side to her. Seeing Helen so overjoyed at getting to be a hero again—and being great at it, with no collateral casualties—was excellent! It was also nice to see that she had detective skills; a good contrast to Bob smashing his way through problems (and which have probably have helped her deduce what her kids are up to over the years!). That her heroic competence was truly valued outside her family circle and by the people who wanted to use her to push their politics Bob Odenkirk, Catherine Keener) was a genuine and welcome surprise; I'd love to see more female heroes respected and revered the way Elastigirl is here. Bob playing Mr. Mom was a lot of fun, even if I’m more than ready for a competent parenting duo instead of the always-effective mom and the cliché overwhelmed dad. That said, Bob’s battle with Dash's (Huck Milner) new math, Violet's (Sarah Vowell) teenage angst, and Jack-Jack's terrible toddling was extremely relatable and a great change from the superhero midlife crisis we saw in the original. I enjoyed Bob’s playful ego about being the better hero in his marriage and loved that it was balanced by genuinely caring that Helen had the space to do what she needed to do. That sort of loving/selfish balance is an extremely difficult line to walk but the writing and acting totally pull it off without making him unlikable (and it's not even hinted or implied that Helen is in any way selfish either). It was especially sweet of Bob not to tell Helen what was going on with the family not because he didn't want to come off as incompetent, but because he knew she'd stop her mission. Yes, he benefits from her completing it, but I fully believe that he also wants the better future for his kids that Helen can secure. I would've liked to see more of Dash and Violet in general, and particularly their school lives. Dash has homework trouble and Tony (Michael Bird), the boy Violet made a date with, forgets her (a cool example of superhero lives wreaking havoc on civilian ones as well as the law affecting the Parrs in an unexpected way), but the Anti-Super laws would've been stronger if we'd seen the kids’ lack of choice Bob talks about. Violet wanting to be normal and Dash being "defined as a person" by heroism does play out that choice, but we don't really get to see consequences of the laws in terms of impacts on the kids. Does having to come in second place in track rankle Dash? And if he's defined by being a hero, how does he feel about having to hide at school? Is anyone suspicious of his speed? Does Dash have to fight to control himself when confronted by bullies that openly hate Supers? By teachers who preach that Supers are bad and should be illegal? Playing up the questionable aspects of the first movie's ending—is he cheating by using his speed, even for second place? How is not living up to his potential affecting his development?—would've built up a lot more pressure on the need to make Supers legal again. Violet hating being a Super made her a good proponent for not being legalized, though I would’ve liked more of that as well. How much of her tragic love life is really angst about not being able to be herself? Maybe she could’ve gotten involved with a student organization to keep Supers illegal, pitting her against her mom’s efforts. What if she discovered another Super kid at school and was forced to choose between outing them or letting them stay hidden? Might she find that pretending to be normal at school is simply boring or stifling her in ways she doesn’t want to admit? That said, I loved what we did get from Dash and Violet and absolutely dug Jack-Jack's awakening powers! The idea that Super babies often have multiple abilities is a very cool metaphor for kids having unlimited potential and it also made for a lot of fun, varied action scenes. His battle with a raccoon was highly entertaining and his unexpected bond with Edna Mode (Brad Bird) was a brilliant twist! Edna discovering a role as a loving aunt was as hilarious as it was heartwarming and a great way to reveal a new dimension of her character. Frozone is always a welcome addition and it was great to see more of him here, both as a "rebel" with Bob and Helen trying to get the Anti-Super law reversed, as a protective uncle to the Parr kids, and finally a hypnotized enemy. I’d like to finally meet his wife Honey (Kimberly Adair Clark) though. It's beyond time she was more than just a nagging influence taking the joy out of his superheroics (though I like that she knows her worth!). I really hope she’s also a retired Super so we can see what the two of them are like outside of their home. Or, it would’ve been easy to make her a Lois Lane-type figure, so she could cover Helen’s return to prominence and at least get a moment of bonding with her. Either of those options would be great and I’d like to see their relationship explored somewhere. I knew who Screenslaver (Bill Wise) was almost immediately, but that didn’t lessen my love for this character at all. The hypnotism was a spooky and old-fashioned angle that felt totally fresh and fit the retro-futurist world of The Incredibles perfectly! Screenslaver also managed to comment on modern concerns about social media obsession, which was a nice bit of relatability (just like Bob and Dash's struggle with new math) while remaining rooted in the films’ era, when TVs were the hip new thing everyone was obsessed with. Screenslaver was a creepy, cool villain who topped Syndrome for me. I just wish his argument—that people were getting lazy and becoming too dependent on Supers—was more explored with examples of people being "less" because of superheroes (beyond hearing about a death caused by waiting on one). Maybe Screenslaver should’ve been saved for a movie set after the law against Supers was lifted, but slightly clearer examples of his point here would’ve worked just as well. I feel like his argument would be stronger if we got to see Supers making things too easy or if more people were put in peril because they waited for Supers to fix their problems instead of the big argument against heroes being the collateral damage their fights cause. That said, I absolutely loved this villain and would definitely be down for a Screenslaver return! Underminer (John Ratzenberger) was also a cool, second-tier villain that felt like a classic comic book bad guy. He's clearly patterned off of Mole Man, but that didn't matter to me; it was kinda refreshing (and appropriately old-school, given these movies’ time period) to see a villain who just wanted to rob banks. He also provided a good way to reintroduce the family's heroic dynamic and to showcase Bob and Helen's different fighting styles while complicating their lives further, building off the end of the first movie brilliantly. I liked that it became a strike against the heroes that he was forgotten in the scramble to stop his drills and that he actually got away. The new Supers that were introduced didn't make the biggest impression, but I preferred this to more focus on a bunch of random new people who would take screentime from the Parrs. I did like Voyd (Sophia Bush) a lot; her fangirl attitude toward Elastigirl was fun and she was a nice answer to Syndrome's toxic fandom. I hope she returns in a sequel! Krushauer (Phil LaMarr) was a solid threat and got some good and funny lines in, while Screech playing up his full animalistic nature was creepy and something I hope Daredevil does with Owl Jr. These wannabe Supers did bring a variety of challenges to the final battle, so as secondary adversaries go, they worked perfectly. All the fight scenes contained very clever uses of everyone’s powers and were choreographed with an insane amount of fun and imagination! The numerous powers on display also made for battles that were never uninteresting. Even Bob's Incredibile got a nice showcase here as a display of the retro tech in this universe. I love the design of this world in general, but classic spy and superhero aesthetics like that are my favorite parts; I wish more superhero franchises would embrace stylized elements like this to carve out their own identities. Speaking of classic aesthetics, I loved that Bob, Helen, and Lucius had their own old-timey superhero theme songs! Michael Giacchino’s music was great as always, but those themes were great surprises! Brad Bird's direction was crisp and the writing emotionally resonate, bringing the heart of the first movie back at full force. I can't wait to see what comes next from this world! I hope we don't have to wait another 14 years for Incredibles 3 (and I didn't need the apology/”trust us the wait was worth it” video that played at the beginning of this one; it only made us wait longer!), but I definitely want to see more adventures in this universe. Now that Supers are allowed again, I’d love for the next movie to introduce Dash and Violet's trouble-making cousins as wannabe supervillain bad influences. Cousins would bring aunts and uncles who have differing parenting styles from Bob and Helen, as well as Bob and Helen’s in-laws, who have their own opinions on how to “correctly” be heroes as well as parents. I'm thinking Christmas Vacation with superheroes, but whatever the next film is, I'll be in line to see it! While we wait, you should see Incredibles 2! It's among Pixar's best and definitely worth seeing on the big screen!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

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surveyhoursss · 3 years

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146.

Your name is Jordan

You were born in April

You're 19

Gaming is a huge part of your life

You have more than one gaming tattoo

You have a tattoo of your animal's paw print

You drive a Lincoln

Sports cars > supercars

You love 90's cars

You're planning on getting a Subaru Impreza next

You do cosplay

You have 11 piercings

You have endometriosis

You graduated in 2015

You were named after Michael Jordan

You want to get into the Youtube world soon

You have almost 10k followers on Instagram

You went to cosmetology/beauty school

You did not pursue cosmetology as a career

You're into graphic design

You own a screenprinting business

You sell products on Etsy

You've been in a relationship for over a year

You've been mentally abused by a past relationship

You own a gaming laptop because you like mobility

Your all time favorite game is Sly Cooper

You have 50+ gaming consoles

You have 500+ video games

You joined the Harley Quinn bandwagon this year

You like to collect pink things

You don't travel a lot (wish I did more)

You live in Michigan

You're trying to gain weight

You were bullied for most of your school years for having acne

You have a pet that means a lot to you

You've been in long distance relationship

You've had your belly button pierced since you were 14

Your favorite drink is chocolate milk

Your eyes are grey (grey, green, i have no clue lol)

Your favorite movie is Pulp Fiction

You own every Tarantino film on VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray

You've become more confident with your body lately

You used to hate Victoria's Secret but now you love it

You love to play board games

You like to host game nights with prizes

You wear extensions

You have a promise ring

You have trouble growing/strengthening your hair

You try to be organized but fail most of the time

You used to work two jobs and 7 days a week

You shop at thrift stores

You rarely ever buy clothes at full price

You've seen 15+ bands live

Your favorite was Foo Fighters

You enjoy all music

You're trying to change your style of clothes / hair

You love to sing even though you're not good at it

You get emotional easily

You're the oldest child

You didn't go to college

Your boss is your role model

You usually sleep 9 hours a day

You take a lot of naps

You have social anxiety

You have trouble speaking

You love winter

You're very generous

You don't really get the generosity from others back to you

You don't like water

Your favorite pizza is Buffalo Chicken

You weighed 95-100 lbs until you were 18 (i've been anywhere from 80-140 lbs lmao)

You recently gained about 20 lbs (refeeding ;w;)

You're 5'1

You did cosplay of a Pokemon

You like glitter

You like space buns

You complain a lot

You hit puberty in 3rd grade

You've always had iPhones

Your computer or laptop cost over $1,000

Your town has a population of around 3,000

You like horror games but are deathly afraid of them

You have a natural tan

You don't have any freckles but wish you did

You go to garage sales often

You've gotten an I.V before

You've lost part of your eyesight temporarily due to a migraine

You've had extremely bad panic attacks in the past

You get 'triggered' very easily

You have grey eyes

You hate doing laundry

You don't mind other house chores

Your S/O is over a foot taller than you.

You write poetry, mostly about the stars / space

You used to write short stories

You own every single Sims game

You've bought all the Sims 4 add ons even though you hate it lol

You used to write stories with the Sims 2

You were dedicated to a forum around the age of 9

It was a 4kids forum haha!

You used to make short films

You hate texting

You learned HTML when you were 10

You wanted to go to school for Computer Science for a long time

You used to play Call Of Duty competitively

You have a lot of online friends

You've never been on a plane

You've never been zip lining but might soon

You enjoy camping

You own a quad / 4 wheeler

You've always dated boys older than you

Your boyfriend is 6 years older than you

You love to drive long distances

You enjoy going to car shows

You're voting for Gary Johnson

You have self-harmed before

You take short showers

You love wearing dresses

You wear cat ears a lot

You like taking photo-shoots of yourself

You have A.D.D

You take Vitamin D supplements for depression

You've kissed more boys than you can count on your hands

You've never been drunk

You play Pokemon GO

You never eat popcorn at movie theaters

You still use 720p screens

Your first console was a PS1

You really want the Playstation VR

You've funded a game before

You're unsure if you will be able to have kids or not

You've had mono before

you enjoy being creative

You used to make perler sprites

You've paid for art of yourself before

You've accidentally cooked something in the microwave that didn't belong in there.

You've made friends from a video game

You used to use Piczo

You don't like modern/futurustic FPS

You don't like RPG's

You've NEVER seen the Notebook

You own a Ouija board

You took online classes in school

You failed gym class

Your favorite Pokemon is Cubone

You're an Aries

You're pro-choice

You got a dry socket after getting your wisdom teeth removed

It was the worst pain you've ever been in

You've written down every dream you could remember for the past 2 years

You're an introvert

You don't really like to be touched

Your voice is high pitched

You hate shaving

You bite your nails

You have tiny ears

Your natural hair is a few inches past shoulder length

You have huge scars on your knees

You have a deep scar by your eye

You like to read

You've read Rage by Stephen King

you like cleaning

Your favorite arcade game is Mappy

You own every color Gameboy Color

You've felt unloved before

You've been bit by a tick before

You don't understand the obsession with Funko Pops

You're into kitten play

You believe you're talented

You still live at home

You clean your car... a lot

You like to take pictures of everything

You like the name Amethyst and Jade for a girl's name

You like the name Nathan and Jayden for a boy's name

You've had pink hair

You've had lavender hair

You've had red hair

You've had blonde hair

You've had a pixie cut

Your hair is naturally curly

You never leave the house without makeup on

You love the rain but hate thunderstorms

You're afraid of being alone

You're good at math

You always do the cat eye eyeliner

You don't know how to contour

You've watched every single episode of Friends

You've watched every single episode of That 70s Show

You own a pair of the Nintendo vans

You're spoiled

You own around 50 Pulp Fiction related merch

You've seen the movie countless times

You have A.D.D

You've gone to a teacher for personal help and they didn't help

You've never had to call 911 before

You eat Honey Nut Cheerios nearly every morning

You love breakfast foods

Your parents aren't divorced although they should be

You've started a GoFundMe for an LDR before

You saw Back To The Future in theaters

You used to smoke weed but don't anymore

You've never smoked a cigarette

You would never work in fast food

You don't really like concerts but you still go

You love going to the dentist

You've had a guinea pig before

You've had a turtle before

He was named after one of the Ninja Turtles

You've had a German Shepherd before

You've never watched a Kardashian show

You never swear

You like to go on walks

You prefer Pepsi over Coke

You're really picky about food

You own a machete

You own a Halo helmet and energy sword

You don't like Bethesda as a company

The first game you ever beat was GTA III

Your favorite mini games are the ones on Pokemon Stadium 2

You only own one perfume

You buy clothes for dirt cheap and sell them to make profit

You enjoy making your bed because it's aesthetically pleasing

You've done Harley Quinn cosplay

You want to do Daenerys cosplay

You made love coupons for your boyfriend on Valentine's Day

you like to be creative with cookies/cakes/desserts

You own a pink gaming headset (Trittons)

You own Astros A40s

You've never had a Scuf controller

Your voice is very quiet

You've had the same Pikachu plushie since you were 4

One of your favorite bands is ADTR

One of your favorite bands is Volbeat

One of your favorite bands is Taking Back Sunday

You've seen all of your favorite bands live

You don't have a favorite song

You get jealous of people that are more successful than u that are younger

You sing in the shower

Music puts you to sleep fast

You're too optimistic

You've sexted someone you weren't in a relationship with before

You've gotten a girl expelled from school before

You've never been in a physical fight

You laugh a lot

You suck at making eye contact

You've been threatened for your life before

You play video games with your sibling

All your grandparents are still alive

You've met your great-great-grandfather before

You naturally have brown hair

You wear glasses

You've lost your glasses before

You have bad memory

You used to have almost 5,000 friends on Facebook.

Now you only have around 300

Your favorite restaurant is Red Lobster

You have a Lenovo computer

You only buy Samsung TV's

There were less than 70 kids in your graduating class

You check on your ex's social medias every so often

You've seen someone with a gun to their head before

You have Cards Against Humanity and ALL of its expansions

You have Exploding Kittens

You see Canada almost every day but you've never been there

You've kissed a girl before

You've been cheated on while living with that person

You've been best friends with someone since elementary school

You prefer hot foods over cold

You have an innie belly button

You prefer fruits over vegetables

You have a lot of collectibles

Your phone is pink

Your favorite game show is Family Feud

You're right handed

You have a birth mark on your butt

Your favorite month is February

You don't like Harry Potter

You like Pearl Jam

You like to dance even though you're bad at it

You're not athletic

You're not very good with saving money

You have a dual screen monitor set up

You have 5+ consoles hooked up currently

You have string lights around your bed

You don't have any posters up

You own a Japanese video game

You want to buy a game that's currently valued at $300+

You've never gone hunting

You've never gone fishing

You've been to a drive in theater

You've been to Florida

You've driven in a car for over 24 hours straight

You're not really close with any of your cousins

You're not a huge fan of chocolate

You've owned a pair of Uggs

You only use white clothing hangers

You try to keep the boxes for everything

You got your first job at 18

You've always had creative ways to make some extra cash

You have a tattoo that your parents don't know about

You got a tattoo as soon as you turned 18

You don't like kids

You always panic over the worst case scenario

You don't like wearing jeans

You don't like wearing pants in general

You haven't showered yet today

You've never gotten stitches

You hate whipped cream

You have Irish heritage

You're not religious

You gave your first BJ at 14

Your longest relationship was 2 years

You've never been asked on a date by a stranger

Your favorite music video is No One Knows by QOTSA

You have a very short temper

Your Youtube inspiration is SSSniperwolf

You've always wanted to start a cookie decorating business

You've always wanted to own a business in your own store instead of online

You've lived in the same town your entire life

You're going Pokemon hunting tonight

You like exploring

You've never had a full time job

You never want an office job

You've never been to Warped tour and never want to go

You own 5+ copies of one of your favorite games

You put a lot of effort into your Instagram page

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rinnnyxr · 3 years

Text

One rule: bold everything that applies to you, then count the answers.

Aries Gotta go fast Independence Participant, always Fuck you, don’t tell me what do to *brooding intensifies* Good sense of humor I ain’t neva scared “I’m not competitive but I’m gonna win” Assertive Going first Running yellow lights

People are drawn to you even tho you don’t invite them Feelings = action Impulsivity Creative Leader Competent “I thought you didn’t like me”-everyone Accidentally hurting people’s feelings Shares everything with partner What if the pope blasted cigs? Starting shit you don’t feel like finishing “I guess that was rude” No. 11/24

Taurus Treat yo’self Underappreciated at work Loyalty Great tastes in art&culture Spoiled (or wishing you were) Robe appreciation A vice (alcohol, weed, or comfort food) Homemaking/nesting Continuing to do something you don’t love just because you’re resistant to change Affection via touch Easy going Perfecting a wardrobe that is both comfy and flawless Having good ass eyebrows Highkey sensitive Stubborn af Not even taking your *own* advice Gossiping Lady in the street but a freak in the bed Creativity Spooning Commitment Stressing out over a change in someone’s tone of voice Finishing what you started Lots of venting lol 14/24

Gemini Unpopular opinion factory Secret&diverse intellectual landscape “Oh I got really into *miscellaneous hobby or topic* for a while” Intellectualizing or ignoring feelings Cleaning maybe once a year Look, a distraction! Thinking faster than you can talk Restless without hobbies Talking faster than you can think Reading four books at once Tons of energy Teaching others what you know Trivia machine Moodiness Knowing everything but also forgetting everything Existential crisis “Sorry I forgot to text you back” So many interests so little time Accidentally talking too loud Young at heart Pretty good public speaker Endless scrolling Shitposting Unpredictable sleep schedule 6/24

Cancer Connecting with women “Guess I’ll have to love you with my whole heart and soul” Vegetarianism/veganism Fear of rejection Surrounding yourself with soft blankets and mood lighting Ferocious protector “I’m not going to dwell on it” *dwells on it* Takes child-rearing seriously Hardshell protecting soft ego Feeding sad friends Forecast: mood swings Heart of gold but still a badass Bad with boundaries Learning how to relax like it’s your job Lightweight drinker Yeah. Crying, ok? It’s not a big deal Mama trauma Food = comfort Nostalgia as a coping mechanism Identify built off memories Complaining Very emotionally intuitive of others Big fan of physical and emotional affection People telling you all their BS all the time 9/24

Leo Friendly Self-indulgence Never being able to tell if you’re the best or the worst People trying to compete with you lol Sensitive Decent at cheering people up Great hair Wardrobe swings between hot as hell and lazy af Interrupting Having a sense of honor Not doing something because you’re not good at it Talking too loud Finding dogs pretty relatable Creative talent Super supportive friend Enthusiasm Socializing like it’s your job&then needing to recharge Memes Priorities: eating and sleeping Boo hiss at rejection Looking good even when you feel like shit Drama Needing lots of love Loyal 6/24

Virgo Relating to Hermione Granger Gives great advice even when your own life is in shambles Flirting and running, an autobiography Petty Pretty damn intelligent Loving words/linguistics 8 hours of “studying” = 1 hour of real work Swings between clean and slobbish Indecision Splurging on food Mom friend A freak on the DL Peculiar eating habits Pretty good with words Good with pets and/or kids Known to schedule sex Multitasking af Cleaning as a coping mechanism “It me” Loves self-care but deprioritizes it 0 to hottie in 2 seconds flat Lowkey wood nymph All the receipts Bratty sub or service top 13/24

Libra If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all Pls no fighting Good judge of character Leadership roles in friendships Takes up less emotional space for the well being of others Art adoration Real glo up wizards Nature adoration Hates boredom Wholesome Keep it cute Emotionally braced for betrayal Lowkey running from problems with people Falling in love with people’s hearts/minds Investing in your appearance Loves all things cute Always the mediator Trust issues Charming Staying up to date on culture Taking the high road Always putting your feelings aside for others Aesthetics Mom friend 12/24

Scorpio Growing up early Being a new person every few years Black/dark wardrobe Pain is cool Interest in psychology/criminology/sociology Privacy Sexual but not promiscuous All or nothing thinking Intelligent Loner/lonely Taking care of everyone Would kill or die for loved ones Protective as fuck Bloodhound for truth Deep Fascination with death/insanity/occultism Love-hate relationships “idk I’m just feeling numb rn” Jealous or possessive Trust issues Loyal as fuck Secretly soft Gets shit done Boundaries 13/24

Sagittarius Long ass bucket list Prefers to mind their own business Unbothered Nice enough that people always think you’re hitting on them Fear of missing out Optimism Honest and upfront Your shit is lowkey not together Plenty of friends Snobby enough to have good taste Flirting your way into something you can’t finish Storyteller or philosophical preacher “Here for a good time, not a long time” “…rude” Free spirit “Films” Distracted Smarter than you look I’m just speaking my truth! “I’m just inviting a few people” Falls in love with your mind, then your body Blows up the aux cord Hedonism phases Horniness gets you into some shit lol 9/24

Capricorn On your grind Discipline dgaf attitude Stoic in the streets, softie in the sheets Planning ahead, way ahead Always prepared (Un)healthy coping mechanisms Likes structure Prioritizing self-mastery Loyal protector of friends, babies, and animals Basically born an adult Dark humor People being mad about your tough love Old soul Major procrastinator Kind of a know-it-all on the DL Major sadness and madness People thanking you for your tough love People think you’re responsible “Why was I programmed to feel pain” meme Parenting your parents “Lock that in the trauma vault” Either a loner or a socialite Giving advice like it’s your job 8/24

Aquarius Me, an intellectual: Needing to do things your way Superiority complex Gossip Conspiracy theories Skepticism Not even having the energy to tell people how wrong they are Courteous/considerate People love you but you hate people Lonely Outsider syndrome Relating to cats a great deal Hates being told what to do or when to do it Not trusting someone/something that’s popular Being accused of being emotionless Insightful Feeling like the only rational person in a room Existential crisis Devil’s advocate just to get people to think Rationalizing tf out of your feelings Hates small talk Vices You’re entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it is Interest in sociology, psychology, and politics 9/24

Pisces Empath Dramatic Poetry or music Lots of imagination, fluctuating identity Getting high on being outside Alone time “Idk I’m just a lil sad rn idk” Spiritual af Helping people heal Existential dread Pets love you Mommy issues Good with kids Cathartic crying over art, movies, or nature Knowing how people feel before they do Feeling misunderstood/alone “Go with the flow” Encountering spirits On life: “I’m just here for the ride” Drugs Forgiving others but blaming yourself Kindness Sorry, I was dissociating Exploring nature 11/24

I am most like a: Taurus I am actually a: Virgo

Have you today? Watched an animation? Pet an animal? Been grocery shopping? Talked to a sibling? Seen a spider? Had a stomach ache? Seen someone attractive? Played a musical instrument? Eaten meat? Brushed your teeth?

Have you in the last week? Paid for something with a credit card? Kissed someone passionately? Told someone you miss them? Read a book? Been to the gym? Broken a fingernail? Collected the mail? Been to work? Used something with batteries? Eaten cheese?

Have you in the last month? Been to a doctor? Packed a suitcase? Tried a new food you’d never eaten before? Taken a bubble bath? Chewed gum? Played a card game? Seen a movie at the cinema? Been on an airplane? Blocked someone on Facebook or other social media?

Have you in the last six months? Been in a hospital for any reason? Written a handwritten letter? Been on a train? Gotten a haircut? Broken up with someone? Eaten out at a restaurant? Stayed in a hotel? Been to a concert?

Have you in the last year? Been to a funeral? Held a newborn baby? Been to an amusement park? Dyed your hair? Been to the dentist? Smoked a cigarette? Been to a cemetery? Bought something over $500?

Shy Girl 1. You haven’t been in a lot of relationships. 2. People have asked you to speak up because they couldn’t hear what you were saying. 3. You get nervous when meeting new people. 4. You’re not good at talking to guys you like. 5. You have trouble making new friends. 6. With a group of friends, you are usually the one who doesn’t add much to the conversation. Total: 4

The Girl With Low Self-Esteem 1. You are not happy with your appearance. 2. You don’t think you’re good enough for any guy. 3. You don’t bother trying to get a date because you know you don’t have a chance. 4. You think people are lying when they compliment you. 5. You are not satisfied with your weight. 6. Sometimes you wish you were someone else. Total: 4

The Girl Who Is Too Obsessive 1. You like to know where your boyfriend is at all times. 3. You tell your boyfriend what he is and isn’t allowed to do. 4. Sometimes you message/text/call your boyfriend too much. 5. You’ve followed a boyfriend before because you thought he was cheating. 6. You have trouble keeping a boyfriend. Total: 1

Flirty Girl 1. You are obsessed with cute guys. 2. You have cheated or would cheat on a boyfriend. 3. You can’t be happy with just one guy. 4. You have been known to flirt a lot. 5. What your boyfriend doesn’t know won’t hurt him. 6. A lot of guys think you’re attractive. Total: 1

Confused Girl 1. Your relationship status is complicated. 2. You don’t know what kind of guy you want. 3. You’re not good at making decisions. 4. You’ve thought you were in love but really weren’t. 5. You get confused easily. 6. You are always changing your mind. Total: 2

The Needy Girl 1. You’ve been badly hurt after a breakup. 2. You depend too much on others. 3.You would do anything for a boyfriend if it meant making him happy. 4. Your boyfriend is a huge priority. 5. You can’t stand being away from your boyfriend. 6. You would accept anyone who asked you out. Total: 1

Playgirl 1. You have been in a lot of relationships. 2. You have hooked up with someone just for sex. 3. Most of your relationships weren’t serious. 4. You don’t really care if you break someone’s heart. 5. You are good at getting guys. 6. You are not a virgin. Total: 2

The Future-Seeking Girl 1. You have thought you found “the one” before. 2. You have imagined what you and your boyfriend’s kids will look like. 3. You want to get married. 4. You want kids. 5. You’d like serious long-term relationships. 6. You and a boyfriend have talked about your future together. Total: 3

The Attention-Seeking Girl 1. You love attention. 2. You have faked an illness or made a story up to get someone’s attention. 3.You love receiving gifts more than giving them. 4. You love PDA. 5. You hate it when your boyfriend pays more attention to someone else rather than you. 6. You would date someone even if you didn’t like them. Total: 1

The Dominator 1. You hate it when you don’t get your way. 2. You wear the pants in your relationship. 3. Your boyfriend would do anything for you. 4. You are spoiled or someone has called you spoiled. 5. You love to be in control of things. 6.You are usually the one to plan the things you and your boyfriend do. Total: 3

You are: Shy girl and The Girl with Low Self-esteem

The computer [] I spend hours at a time on the computer. [] Without the computer, life would not be the same. [] I depend so much on my computer, if it broke down, I would cry. [] I have sooooo many pictures, files, games and other things saved on my computer. [] I have my own computer, and it is in my room. [] I buy stuff online frequently. [] When I have homework or other responsibilities, I tend to go on the computer instead. [] I have been late to something because I couldn’t get off the damn computer. [] My parents always say that they’re ‘going to take away my internet’ because they know that would be the ultimate punishment. Total: 7

Online chat/phone [] I have spent more than 6 hours talking on the phone. [] My phone is practically attached to my ear. [] I have gone to sleep extremely late because I was up talking on the phone. [] My cellphone bill is too high. [] If my MSN/AIM/Yahoo, etc. won’t allow me to sign in, I go crazy. [] I have over 200 online buddies. [] I met good friends, or even my best friend, online. [] I meet people in person that I met on the internet, complete strangers. [] I spend more time in chatrooms than I do with my own family/friends. [] I’d rather chat online than by phone, e-mail, or in person. Total: 5

Magazines/books [] I am ALWAYS reading something. [] I have 100+ magazines. [] I buy more than 3 magazines every month. [] I am subscribed to more than 3 magazines. [] I am soon gonna run out of space to put all my magazines! [] When my mom threatens that she’s gonna thrown out my magazines, I yell and tell her that I’m keeping them forever! [] Reading is way more fun than TV, computer, music, etc. [] Books are my life. I even wanna write a book. [] I spend more money on books/magazines than I do on clothes every month. Total: 0

Music [] Without music, my life would be miserable. [] It seems that I’m always humming or singing something. [] I like every type of music. [] My mp3 player/iPod has over 1000 songs. [] Not to mention the huge amount of songs I have on my computer. [] I have 200+ CD’s. [] Music cheers me up, makes me happy, relieves my stress..kinda like a best friend. [] Whatever mood I’m in, I can always listen to some music. [] I am/want to be in a band. [] I lost count of how many concerts I’ve been to. Total: 3

Movies [] I see at least 4 movies in theatres per month. [] I have so many DVDs, I don’t know where all of them are! [] I have a DVD player in my room, that I use often. [] I buy every movie that I really like. [] I keep all my movie stubs. [] I am always quoting things from movies. [] I can list 20 of my favourite movies right now. [] I watch the Oscars religiously. [] Movies are better than TV shows and music put together. [] I have over 5 favourite actors and over 5 favourite actresses. Total: 0

Make-up, hair & other girly things [] I straighten/curl/crimp my hair every day. [] I don’t remember how my own natural hair colour looks unless I look at old pictures. [] I have so much make-up, I don’t even use half of it. [] I have more than 5 eyeliners, 5 eyeshadow palettes and 5 lip glosses. [] I wear bows, hairbands, ribbons, etc. in my hair. [] I get my hair cut more than once every 3 months. [] I LOVE pink, anything pink is good! [] Flowers are awesome, as well as chocolate, jewelry and designer clothes. [] Accessories are actually more important to me than my clothes! [] I have more than 5 purses. Total: 5

Television [] I watch at least 5 shows per day. [] I spend more than 5 hours watching TV every day. [] I am addicted to some shows. [] If I miss an episode of my favourite show, I’ll freak out. [] I watch TV before I go to sleep. [] My alarm clock is my TV. [] I have seen every MTV show at least once. [] I have more than 500 channels on my TV. [] I use picture-in-picture. [] During commercials, I flip to other channels to watch something else. Total: 2

Sports [] I watch sports every day. [] I have been on a sports team more than 5 times. [] I play sports any chance I get. [] I am very athletic and fit. [] I work out all the time. [] I also walk, run, bike, or swim on a regular basis (as a way of exercising). [] I have a favourite basketball, soccer, baseball, etc. player as well as favourite teams. [] I like to be outside waaayy more than staying inside. [] I don’t mind getting sweaty or breaking a nail. [] No, I’m not girly. Total: 1

Food [] I am in love with chocolate. [] I will eat anything once. [] I always eat when I’m bored, stressed, watching TV, etc. [] I don’t care about my weight, all I wanna do is eat! [] I have tried Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Indian, as well as other kind of dishes. [] I don’t have many foods that I dislike. [] I like going to parties or other gatherings for the food! [] My friends say I’m a pig when it comes to food. [] I cannot go to the mall without eating something at the food court. [] Snacking is my favourite pastime. Total: 6

Going out/friends [] I go to tons of parties every year. [] I have more friends than I can count. [] If someone invites me to go somewhere, I don’t care what mood I’m in, I’m going! [] Movie theatres, amusement parks and malls are among my favourite places. [] I hate staying in, I’d rather be out 24/7. [] The computer is cool, but partying is so much better! [] My friends and I do crazyyy things! [] I cannot pay attention in class because I’m always chatting with friends or thinking about what I’m gonna do that night. [] Work? Who has time for a job when you can hang out with your friends instead! Total: 2

Shopping/clothes [] I go shopping at least twice a week. [] I don’t care how many shoes or accessories I have, I always need more! [] There’s always more room in my closet for more clothes. [] I follow fashion/trends. [] I have 10 or more pairs of jeans. [] I have 30+ shoes. [] The mall = best place ever! [] I spend money like nothing else. [] I can’t just ‘hang’ at the mall, I have to buy something! [] I want a job at my favourite store so I can get discounts and go shopping after work! Total: 2

Bad things [] I steal/shoplift frequently. [] I smoke cigarettes every day. [] I smoke something other than cigarettes regularly. [] I have gone to school/work high or drunk. [] I get drunk when I’m with friends and then do stupid things. [] I have done sexual things under the influence. [] I curse ALL the time. [] I fight with people constantly. [] I have been arrested. [] I am banned from 2 or more places.

Total: 1

My addiction is: Music, then Magazines/Books and Shopping/Clothes. True that :P

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miraniel · 6 years

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l85 questions tag game

Tagged by @peppermintfeminist. Hi mate! You’re the best!

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Alcoholic? You’re kidding right? I recently tried a milliliter of Somerset Apple Brandy and NOPE, never again. Non-alcoholic? Water with lemon.

2. Phone call: My parents, just before I left for England, where I am now (not over the excitement yet)

3. Text message: “Yes” in response to my grandmother, who asked if I got her text.

4. Song you listened to: Reflection from Mulan

5. Time you cried: Two days ago, in the middle of a back country road in Somerset, over a goddamn Severus Snape fanfic. I’m still mad that the writer actually managed to make me care about fucking Snape.

— Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: No. Have I dated someone once? Yes, but only by accident.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No.

8. Been cheated on: Look I’m ace as fuck and have never dated really ever.

9. Lost someone special: Yes, I’ve lost friends in multiple senses.

10. Been depressed: I don’t think so.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Any alcohol has this taste for me that the best I’ve been able to describe it is “rancid nickles,” it’s bloody awful, and I’ve never been able to stomach more than a sip of the stuff, so no.

— Fave colours

12. Olive green.

13. Purple.

14. Deep cerulean.

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Not really. I made a couple of cordial acquaintences in the drama productions I’ve been in, but no one close.

16. Fallen out of love: No, see above about being ace as fuck. Now, my brief obsession with the show Sherlock...

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes. So many times.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes, in both good ways and bad ways.

19. Met someone who changed you: So many people. Just one who springs to mind is my Education professor at college. She was amazing.

20. Found out who your friends are: I am fully aware that I am a terrible long-distance friend. It’s my worst flaw and I wish I was better about this. I think I’ve betrayed more friendships by just letting them slip away than I ever have had people turn on, or abandon, me.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Unless we’re referring to familial pecks on cheeks... no.

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Nearly all of them, apart from one random guy that my cousins met online and who has since befriended the entire family.

23. Do you have any pets: I no longer live at home, but my family still has one of the two cats we had when I was growing up.

24. Do you want to change your name: I think about it sometimes. I think about it a lot. I’ve just started using a new name with an eye to it becoming my official pen name. I don’t know if I want to start using it as my everyday name.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Oh, crap... I can’t remember. I think my mom was there, and my grandparents. We had cake and a tiny family party. I think. All I remember is I was glad I didn’t have a play rehearsal that day.

26. What time did you wake up today: 6:50 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, for once in my life.

28. What is something you can’t wait for: Finally achieving my lifelong goal: being employed, being published, and being financially stable enough that I can afford a little house, with a dishwasher and laundry, and a cat, and food, and health insurance, and Netflix. It seems... a long way off. Also the next episode of Supergirl?

29. This question is mysteriously missing, so I will pose a question to the universe/the people I’m going to tag: What was the first piece of media (film, book, world, comic, game, character, etc) that you were ever obsessed with?

30. What are you listening to right now: Silence.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Several Tims, but no Toms. Excluding possibly some random middle aged guys back when I was growing up because who remembers that sort of thing

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: People assuming I’m in my early teens and asking me things like how high school is going. Then I’m like, “Nope, I’m like ten years older than that, graduated college a while ago now,” and they’re like “Oh, you look so young,” and I’m like “I know!!” and then (and this is the bit that’s driving me crazy) they all say “You’ll be so grateful when you’re my age!” Like... I just kind of called you out for patronizing me? And your immediate response is to patronize me again? Also there’s no guarantee that I’ll still look ten years younger than I actually am when I’m 50? Also, I may be grateful or not when I’m your age but it sure isn’t doing me any favors now? Please stop. Just stop.

33. Most visited website: I may or may not be slightly obsessed with Nonasuch’s fantastic Dogfather Harry Potter AU and I might check their tumblr once or twice a day.

34. Hair colour: Somewhere between dirty blond and light brown now. It was blond when I was a kid.

35. Long or short hair: Okay, so I really want to be able to braid my hair elaborately again, but I also love the feel of short hair on the back of my neck. Right now it’s in an inbetween stage and I can have neither of these things. What is a person to do.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: I had things I called crushes when I was in high school and hadn’t figured out I’m ace as fuck. I get hardcore friend crushes.

37. What do you like about yourself: I’m proud of my talents, though I play them down more than I should, and I neglect to practice them more than I should. I like how far I’ve come figuring out my identity and who I am these past six years or so.

38. Want any piercings: Under no circumstances am I voluntarily going to sit still and let someone poke a needle through me or into me for anything other than a medical necessity. This applies to tattoos as well. I respect people who have them, but hell no for me.

39. Blood type: SOMEONE knows because I’ve had a blood transfusion, I think, but I don’t have a clue.

40. Nicknames: I have wanted a nickname my entire life and nothing has ever stuck.

41. Relationship status: Single asexual inactively seeks person willing to share habitation, bookshelves, Netflix, pet, and nerdy conversation for the rest of their life.

42. Sign: I don’t do the zodiac thing at all, but I’m an INTJ and a Hufflepuff.

43. Pronouns: Um, this is a weird place and time to do this, but since you asked, I’ve just changed them to “they/them.”

44. Fave tv show: Ever? Avatar the Last Airbender. Right now? Supergirl, The Flash, Miraculous Ladybug

45. Tattoos: See above regarding NEEDLES

46. Fave city: Albuquerque. Fight me.

47: Ever had surgery: When I was a kid I had The Case of Pneumonia From Hell and Fun Times in Hospitals and got chest tubes and part of my lung removed. Also a few minor random stuff.

48. Piercings: See above regarding needles. The needle phobia is directly related to the Fun Times in Hospitals.

49. Sport: Literally none. I’ll watch gymnastics and skating every four years, but apart from that the highlight of my interest in sports was that time that JKR was live-writing the Quidditch World Cup on Pottermore.

50. Vacation: I’m in Oxford right now, somewhere I’ve always dreamed of being! And I’m on my way to Scotland and Wales.

— More general

52. Eating: Sushi, macaroni and cheese, fruit, chocolate, scones

53. Drinking: tea, tea, tea, milk, orange juice, non-alcoholic lemonade or apple cider, water, tea, tea, tea

54. I’m about to watch: Brooklyn 99 (The UK has it on netflix!!)

55. Waiting for: My betas to come back to me on my novel draft. Then it’s agent shopping!

56. Want: A cat, the ability to focus, the ability to read properly without stupid eye problems, a job, writing time

57. Get married: ... growing up I fantasized about getting married because I wanted my paternal cousins to meet my maternal cousins and I couldn’t think of any way that would likely happen apart from my marriage and I think they would get on like a house on fire.. this still seems like one of the only motivating factors for me ever to get married.

58. Career: Author and poet and crazy cat lady

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: Neither. I don’t actually like making eye contact even though I’ve learned to do it, and why would I stare at people’s mouths?

61. Shorter or taller: For a dance partner? Taller, but not significantly so.

62. Older or younger: If this is meant to be about romantic partners? Because why would anyone ask this question? Significant age gaps are generally not a good thing either way, except possibly between two consenting adults who understand and work to alleviate the uneven power dynamic a significant age gap typically creates?

63. Nice arms or stomach: The heck?

64. Hookup or relationships: Relationships.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant and trying to overcome it

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: NOPE

67. Drank hard liquor: See above regarding the horrors created by my taste buds and any alcohol.

68. Turned someone down: Yes. It was awwwkward, but he was a friend. Normally, when I suspect someone likes me, I run away and never speak to them again. Trying to get over that.

69. Sex on first date: Uh nnnoooo

70: Broken someone’s heart: I hope not

71. Had your heart broken: By friendships, yeah.

72. Been arrested: Nope

73. Cried when someone died: Not really.

74. Fallen for a friend: A couple times, but in like, a really aggressively platonic way

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: Yes.

76. Miracles: Yes.

77. Love at first sight: Yes, because it basically happened to my parents. Theirs is a story of being bookstore managers, an immediate attraction, a mutual failure to understand origami, and a shared love of Star Trek. It would make a perfect rom com but there was literally no drama. My parents are adorable.

78. Santa Claus: I have always had the ability to choose what I believe in. Santa Claus was one of those things, long after I knew the truth.

79. Angels: Not really of the stereotypical “feathery wings and flawless skin” type. In the possibility or even likelihood of benevolent forces or beings outside human comprehension that are not a divine creator but may be from or of the divine, yes. This likely has a lot to do with how many times I read Narnia, The Dark is Rising, and A Wrinkle in Time as a kid, now I think about it.

— Misc

80. Eye colour: Green

81. Best friend’s name: I have a few. One starts with a C.

82. Favourite movie: The Fellowship of the Ring. Or 101 Dalmations.

83. Favourite actor: Maggie Smith

84. Favourite cartoon: Avatar the Last Airbender. I didn’t discover it until I was about 18, but I love it to death.

85. Religion: Ex-roman catholic Episcopalian

Tagging @nerdiekatie, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @dragon-feathers, and @fantasiavii

#ask me things #replies #tag games #y'all don't have to do it if you don't want to #anyone who wants to do it pretend I tagged you

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