#I will need 5 to 7 business days to emotionally recover | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thequeenofuselessinformation · 6 months

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So basically the entire character list of The ballad of songbirds and snakes is the exes from hell

1. Coriolanus Snow

-Mansplain Manipulate Manwhore

-Great hair and fashion sense

-Love bombs you

-Old money

-His (grand)mom hates you because her son can do no wrong so clearly you're the problem

-His favourite hobby is emotional and mental abuse

-Snitches on you when cheating at family board game night (he's deflecting that he's also cheating)

-Emotionally stagnant (narcissist with mommy and daddy issues)

2. Sejanus Plinth

-Loves you to bits, so does his mom (your waistline will never truly recover)

-Indecisive about where to grab dinner always

-New money and it shows in his insecurity

-Supportive asf

-Breaks up with you because he can't be with a non pacifist/vegan

-Daddy issues

-Condemns Shein hauls

-Identity crisis every other week, you'll have to talk him out of a buzz cut, jumping off the ledge or giving all his money to scammers (if you collect all the stamps you'll get a financial compensation from his dad on the wedding day)

3. Lucy Gray Baird

-Her Ex is a dick, will stalk and harass you

-Her family is a bunch of hippies, will make you eat with your hands, on the floor, while singing Kumbaya

-Sings you to sleep, braids your hair

-Almost poisoned you thrice cause she doesn't understand you shouldn't mix cleaning products together

-Old soul

-Thrifts, recycles

-Puts salt in your coffee after arguments

-Ghosts you after your make or break argument

4. Casca Highbottom

-Never asks about your day, his is always worse

-Drug addict in denial

-Weird beef with his old classmate's son (he never lets anything go)

-Dislikes people, which would be fine if you weren't included

-Always on some sardonic shit, probably a business major with a psych minor

-His pills take all the space in the shared bathroom, your makeup will be shoved in the far lowest drawer next to the TP

-His ancient ass coworkers hit on you at symposiums, he's too high off bathroom cocaine to stop them (or gets off, either way you're tired and want home)

5. Dr Gaul

-Devil Incarnate

-You somehow rizzed her up at a function and she's been showing up at your house ever since (you don't how but she has both the address and a key)

-Petting zoo type of owner

-She always smells like chemicals and latex

-Asks you unhinged "Would you rather" questions and refuses to drop it (makes your Would you love me if i were a worm ex cute by a long shot)

-Will perform experiments on you without your knowledge or consent

-Insists her pet snake shares your bed

-Freak in the streets and the sheets (the restraining order won't even go through cause she's in cahoots with half the Government)

-Definitely wanted for war crimes somewhere, the G in Geneva convention stands for Gaul

6. Lucky Flickerman

-A clown.

-His hair and skincare products take over the entire bathroom/vanity

-He can't dress to save his life, but he sure thinks he can

-Golden retriever boyfriend energy

-Steals your concealer, refuses to admit it

-Would you like to see a magic trick? What do you mean this is a serious fight, there's a quarter up your nose

-Impulsive buyer, has 13 snow globes of panem because they were on sale and looked shiny

-Even his pet thinks he's a dumbass

-Cries during movies

7. Tigris

-Yes she do the cooking, yes she do the cleaning

-Insecure about her appearance (critical, will cost you)

-Her family is a bunch of snobs

-Anything she touches turns into gold

-Her cousin can do no wrong, you have to accommodate everything for him or she'll die (and he never even visits, "just in case")

-Her grandmother is a package deal, I hope you like boomer propaganda and info commercials early on Sunday morning

-Empathetic asf

-Puts everyone's needs above hers (and unfortunately yours)

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jovialenfp · 1 year

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I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years. It was on-and-off, and it was a whirlwind of hurt. I kept thinking I didn't deserve any better, and that I'll never get anyone better. He made me feel like I was ugly, and I was lucky to have him. He cheated on me with my neighbor (And other women). Toward the end he even threw me up against a wall.

I am embarrassed I stayed with him for so long. Some of these things I didn't know until the end, but looking back there were signs that I had ignored because I didn't have any self-confidence and he knew it. I have PTSD from this, and it's been a rough road. He was a disgusting man who turned into a stalker because I refused to be with him. He scared me, but for whatever insane reason I still loved him.

Six years later, I don't love him anymore and I am married to the healthiest individual and completely in love.

While I am not in love with him anymore, I am not over the pain completely. I still have nightmares, but they are getting less and less. I am going to therapy, and it helps that I have people I love and trust to talk about it with. Here are a few pieces of advice:

1.) You WILL hurt, be angry, resent, be depressed. You can't avoid it. It's going to happen. You'll be angry at yourself and him. Don't treat anger as a bad thing, however--use it to your advantage. Wear it like armor. Use that armor to fight the feelings of wanting to go back to him (he may not want you back or he may, but you can still use this armor either way). It is okay to be angry!! But don't let it turn you bitter. He didn't end your life. You have a chance to begin again.

2.) More on not being bitter: Being bitter only closes you to opportunities. It can make you hate the world, and in turn make you unwilling to try new things and new people. What happened was unfair, and you didn't deserve it, but it doesn't make the world owe you kindness. It can still be cruel. That's why it is so important to open yourself up to new things so you get the chance to gain experience and knowledge of who you are.

3.) When you feel depressed, talking about it over and over with your friends will not help. Lamenting on it makes you more depressed. No matter how depressed you are, throw yourself into something: pick up a hobby, study, throw yourself into your work.

4.) Sometimes you won't be able to focus on your distraction. It's okay. Cry. Cry for a little while, and then when you're done crying, pick back up on a task that will keep you busy or sleep if you're tired. Don't feel bad about being sad. You went through a hard time and this is normal.

5.) Exercise. Endorphins are a good thing, and this helps create endorphins. Try it if you're getting too angry or too depressed. You'll be too physically exhausted to care! Try making it fun, like playing Just Dance, zoomba, or bellydancing.

6.) Eat healthy. Eat a ton of vegetables, minimize sweets. Sugar causes inflammation, and inflammation of the brain may be a possible trigger for depression.

7.) Take it one day at a time. You hear this a lot, but no one ever explains what it's like; essentially, you live life one day at a time, and don't worry about tomorrow so much. Practice mindfulness, meditation, and being present in the space you are in. It's hard at first, but you have to train your brain to do it through creating a habit of meditating. It's a lot of effort, but it pays off.

8.) When you're feeling down, dress yourself up. Go out. Take yourself out on a date. Do something to seduce your inner self. You need to learn to be comfortable and happy with yourself.

9.) And when you're ready to open up to someone new, you could try making an online dating profile. But be upfront with them that you are just out of a relationship and you don't intend on getting to serious right away. You can also tell them that if it feels right, you are open to it developing into something more serious. Flirting can be a way to boost confidence. This is a double-edged sword, though. I would recommend keeping sex out of this to avoid developing feelings for each other unless the relationship organically grows and you connect. You can get busy later. (I hear some women have no trouble not connecting to other people emotionally when it's just sex, but I can't imagine it for myself, honestly.)

10.) Buy a sex toy. You have to take care of yourself in that way, too, if you feel the need to. Sometimes you might want to sleep with someone because you're lonely. Use it, and take the need for sex out of it. It will clear your mind and make you think about whether or not you want to do it with that person.

11.) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! Make sure you bathe, eat, sleep regularly. Make sure you treat yourself with kindness and tenderness. Don't beat yourself up for something someone else did to you--even if you think it was you who did this to you. Think of that past you as a completely different person, because they are! You are not that person anymore, you are reborn! Don't let anyone say you brought it on yourself.

12.) If you have suicidal thoughts: This is tough. I had these. I still do. Every time I started thinking about it, I reached out for help to my friends and family and medical professionals. Call a suicide hotline if you need to. Make sure you are going to therapy. Make sure you are taking your medications as prescribed. If the thoughts get bad, I found it comforting to say "I can always die later." I forced myself to keep putting it off until I was in a better place. If you are being negative toward yourself and you can't get out of it--at least when self-talking use open-ended statements. Give yourself a way out, a choice. You can say "I feel like dying, but I choose to live on. This is my decision." It empowers you. It gives you control when you feel out of control.

13.) Time really is the best healer. One day, you'll be able to look back and see you've come really far. You'll realize how resilient you truly are. And you'll also realize that there are some really good people out there. Sometimes you need to learn how to trust again, and that takes time and good people who are trustworthy. Don't keep anyone who isn't in your life.

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nightwinginflight · 2 years

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i just watched a let’s play of Endling and i’m gonna need 5-7 business days to emotionally recover

#shouting into the void

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engagemachine · 2 years

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I miss you guys so much. I feel like we don't chat anymore!! I have been remiss in responding to comments on my posts and I do apologize for that. I don't want to be that person that forgets to respond. I did mean to go back to some of those posts, but they got a bit lost in my notifications, and now it feels too late.

How are you guys?! February is here already. I am very much anticipating spring. I am ready for the sunshine, longer days/more daylight hours, and for the flowers and trees to come back into bloom. Everything always looks a bit dreary in the winter; I try to find the beauty in it, but I am a Green girl through and through. I want to see things alive and blossoming. I miss seeing the sunlight dappling the pavement through the trees. I miss warm, humid nights and summer sunsets.

Work has been incredibly busy. Usually at night I do have some downtime and will spend that time restocking our med room, making sure our PPE is well-stocked within the halls, or I'll clean up the supply room, but lately I haven't had time. I typically have four or five Covid-positive patients in one night, while the other one or two patients are negative. For a brief (brief!) time, it seemed like Covid was petering out, or at least, my Covid patients weren't that sick... now I'm starting to treat very sick patients again, although generally they are still doing a lot better than they were during the Delta variant, which was an absolute nightmare. I saw so much death during that month of August and September of last year... I still don't think I have fully recovered from that. I read an article the other day talking about how many younger nurses (such as myself) are being exposed to more death than most seasoned nurses have seen within their entire career; that is so startling to think about. It has definitely taken a toll on me, and so many other healthcare workers. Sometimes I don't find out a patient has died until a couple of weeks later, or when we'll look them up in the system to see how they're doing after they've been transferred to the ICU, and then we read the note stating that the family has agreed to hospice, or they're about to pull the plug because there's nothing else that can be done.

My last couple of shifts have been potent reminders of why I do what I do. I've done a lot of hand-holding, a lot of sweeping-hair-off-the-forehead and back rubs while I tell my patients I love them and they're doing such a good job. I'm really proud of the care I administer, but sometimes the doubt sets in, and that's heavy. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough, but sometimes there is nothing more I can do, and I know that, too.

I've been trying to go back to my regular hours (the kinds of hours I was working before I went back to school) but it's been hard. I really believe my body (and my mind) is trying to tell me I need to come off of nightshift, but I've gotten so comfortable with my job and my team, so the idea of anything else is kind of unthinkable, even though I know I probably could be getting paid better if I made the jump to another hospital. The staffing (as always) has also been incredibly challenging, and our hospital is trying to make it the new norm to strap us with a nurse to patient ratio of 1 to 7, which is insane. I take care of six patients at one time, but it is generally agreed that 5 is what's more comfortable for a nurse on the kind of floor that I work on; a nurse to patient ratio of 1:5 is mandated in California, for example... and I desperately wish that was mandated across the board for all the other forty-nine states. Nurses and nursing staff are suffering emotionally and physically from the intense workload, and it is also extremely challenging to take good, quality care of six patients at one time, let alone seven.

It is also very, very hard working nights, and I know that mentally I would greatly benefit from having a more established routine, which is nearly impossible to maintain when working nights. I try to group my night shifts together so that I can spend the rest of the week trying to "reset" my internal clock, so that I am not sleeping during the day and up all night, but that is so hard to do, and I am exhausted all of the time. That has honestly taken a toll on my body and mind probably more than anything else I've gone through in these past couple of years.

I am not the same person that I was since I made the switch to nightshift, and I really, desperately miss and long for my old self. I've been thinking about that a lot, lately. I feel like I keep moving farther and farther away from the person I used to be, this person that I used to love, and that's a very hard thing to have to reckon with and come to terms with. I guess I fear I don't even really know who I am anymore, or I fear that I do not even know what I want. Sometimes it is hard to be passionate about the things I used to be passionate about, because the energy simply isn't there. I know something needs to change.

It is also hard not to get sucked into this cycle of negativity perpetuated by the news, and the events taking place in our world today. I think, perhaps, another reason why I find myself long for my "old" self is because she didn't know the perils of the world today. Things were "simpler" back then, or maybe I was just operating under a certain level of naivety. But I do know one thing: I did not live and operate beneath the weight of so much fear.

I really hope you all are well. I wanted to journal about some other things going on in my life, but I ended up just info-dumping about work, and this post is already quite long. I love and miss you all. I am thinking of you always, and I thank you for all the lovely messages and kind thoughts you have shared with me recently. All my love.

#text

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ygreczed-3 · 4 years

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The Red Guard and the Snow Angel

Hank and Connor’s kiss

Hank and Connor fighting

Hank and Connor having good time with Sumo

Connor’s “I’m not going anywhere”

Gavin and Nines : interface

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

They eventually find something in one of the books : Kamski is known to live in a castle, with 7 beautiful angels to serve him. No one knows how to get to Kamski's castle, since the pike is guarded by the darkness war spirit (actually Kamski being the powerful magician he is, sealed the war spirit to the castle, condemning it to the protection of the whole rock he lives on).

On their first attempt getting to the castle, Hank gets injured, and they're forced to retreat to Nestlepeek

Connor stays near Hank as he recovers, and can't help but touch him with noticeable loving attention. Nines sees him but just decides to say nothing, knowing he's too emotionally compromised with Gavin to give his brother a lesson. Gavin is totally oblivious to that, he's just very bad at hiding his concern for Hank (yes ! he is low-key worried for his human comrade).

Nines somehow gets to talk calmly with Nines, for the first time since the street fight.

Nines : I just don't understand. You've always been so ambitious, always training to be more powerful, why don't you use this aspiration to channel the power source and thus use it? It doesn't make sense. Gavin : It's… It's just too fucking much to process okay ? This war spirit is in me, I can feel its thirst for blood and violence all day long, and I know I can't control him because I…

Gavin just stops before he can say he's too confused with his own priorities now to have a defined goal he can use to canalize the spirit's energy. He used to know what he wanted to do with his power, but now, he feels a latent part of him wants to use it to protect his partners, Hank, and the two snowy idiots. He's still not ready to admit it outloud and thus, the spirit having no specific goal to unleash its violence, is in fact uncontrollable.

Nines, who is a bit more honest with himself than our favorite rat, already knows he cares for Gavin more than he should in regard to his given mission, and just feels so useless when Gavin refuses to talk to him. At this point Nines only wants to help him. He looks quietly at Gavin's nape, where the seal of the war spirit is still noticeable and forms a delicate golden scar. The Golem feels a little contradictory about this scar, one part of him being satisfied and proud of the mark he was able to let on Gavin's body, and the other part of him feeling guilty for it.

Nines : I'm sorry for this. You didn't ask for it and now you have to deal with… a war spirit and unwanted killing desires. I sometimes forget you're only human, it's not in your nature to use magic. Gavin : … It's okay. Let's just… stop talking about the spirit, deal ?

Nines remains carefully silent when Gavin offers his hand in a casual manly shake. He knows humans culturally use handshakes to settle an arrangement, and decides to ignore the deep and intimate meaning of this specific gesture in his own culture. Their hands meet, as Nines' skin unwittingly turns white at the contact, but the golem doesn't pay much attention since a human can't interface anyway. Gavin's smug expression shows he's about to say something but his grin fades away as Nines realizes their mistake : in a flash, he can feel Gavin's doubts about his unsaid desire to protect Nines despite his hatred for golems. Nines isn't sure what passed through the contact and doesn't have a clue on what impression Gavin had about his inner thoughts, or if he even felt or saw something. The human is the first to break the contact. He looks shocked, as he meets Nines' eyes and for a moment, none of them can speak.

Gavin : The hell was that ?!

Nines is confused too : … I didn't know it would… interfaces only happen between magic creatures… Maybe… the spirit allows you to connect with me.

Gavin : What the… You read my thoughts ? Nines : It's not… mind reading. I caught a diffuse… "impression". Gavin : … Shit.

Gavin looks suddenly so betrayed. He looks down and sideways, taking a few steps away, hands on his neck as if he was trying to hide his head between his arms. When Nines tries to get closer, he almost jumps away.

Gavin : Don't- Fuck it, don't… touch me. Nines : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to probe you. Gavin : What exactly did you… hear or whatever? Nines : … I think… I have an answer for why you can't use the spirit's violent spree. Gavin : Fuck you, that was private ! Did you search for it you fucking asshole ? Nines : Like I said, I didn't mean to interface with you ! You too must have seen something from me so stop being a child. Gavin : I didn't-

Nines waits patiently for the end of the sentence but it never comes, as some realization seems to dawn on the human warrior.

Gavin : That nice fluttering in the stomach, when we held hands, actually it was you ?

And for once, Nines is the one to remain silent, his face even but internally too embarrassed to answer the question. No wonder this sensation passed through the connection. For the few seconds their hands touched, Nines was, in a Golem way, experiencing a gesture akin to a kiss, of course he was kind of "emotionally impacted".

Nines : … As I said… let's not embarrass ourselves any further.

And at that exact moment, Gavin realizes that Nines likes him… more than a partner, more than a friend.

In their room, Connor is holding Hank's hand.

Hank : So, what should we do ? Connor : I didn't think about it yet. I wanted to be here when you wake up. Hank : ...I still have three days of bed rest at the very least… Are you sure you want to lose all this time when we're so close to the goal ? I mean, we already went through the desert, you don't need me anymore. Connor : Of course I need you, Hank. Hank : Ahaha… It's nice to go easy on me like this but you don't have to- Connor : You have to trust me, when I say I need you. It's not because I think you can help me go faster or even because I think you can help me cross a specific territory. I just… need you because you mean something to me.

Hank stays quiet but tightens his hand around Connor's, looking down right at them, his large, calloused fingers embracing the golem's white and slender ones. A long and deep look into Connor's golden brown eyes tells him there is more into this already meaningful gesture than he might think.

Connor breaks the eye-contact, and Hank realizes how intense the moment was : Connor's eyes inexplicably make him feel comfortable, as if he was floating in a warm air bubble, and he instantly misses the feeling when Connor stops mirroring his gaze to look down at their hands.

Connor : You know… There is this ultimate quest upon us, something we have to achieve to save our people… And this goal governed us like it was the only thing that mattered… Maybe I'm being a selfish brat, but Hank you're so important to me, I don't want you to be injured or killed in all this. Hank : You're important to me too, Connor. (And then Hank laughs, giving in to his stupid and unwanted feelings.) Actually, you probably couldn't even understand how much you mean to me.

When Connor meets his gaze with a puzzled expression on his face, Hank decides he has to tell him. If anything, Connor could still change his mind and keep going without him, and then Hank will be able to finally move on. He's too fucking old to pine for a pretty boy, and if it's gotta be painful then he wants it the sooner the better.

Hank : I… recently started to develop… indecent feelings… Connor, purposely obtuse: "Indecent" ? Hank : I mean... in a… hum… romantic way. Come on kid, don't make me say it. Connor : Why would "romantic" be "indecent" ? Hank : Dunno, I'm old and pathetic, you're young and cute, sounds indecent to me. Connor : Hank… I love you too. Hank : ...You, huh... Sorry what ? Connor : I mean every single word in this sentence, Hank, I really do. Hank : … Oh.

Connor chuckles at Hank's blank expression, as his poor brain processes the information with unprecedented difficulty. And as Hank starts moving again, his brows frowning and his mouth forming an "o" like he was gonna say "why ?!", Connor just leans towards him and brushes his beard with his lips before meeting his mouth, softly.

And god, they love it. Hank leans forward to deepen the kiss, Connor catches his beard, his fingers following the edges of his chiseled jaw until they reach his neck and nestle around it.

And it's a weird sensation to Hank because he used to know what was hot passion and what was tenderness, and at this very moment, he could feel both in Connor's grip, burning fire and smooth touches at the same time. That's it, love, love everywhere.

They separate because the older man needs to breathe and hopefully, Connor remembered it because Hank was just gonna kiss him until he falls unconscious.

Hank : Am I dead ? Connor : You're thankfully alive and safe, but you need rest. Stay calm. Hank : I can't believe it… i'm… almost scared of falling asleep and realize you're gone when I wake up. Connor smiles smugly at this : he takes Hank's hand in his own, kisses the palm softly, his deep dark eyes locked on Hank's. Connor : Sleep tight. I'm not going anywhere.

So, as soon as Hank can walk again, the party goes back to Kamski's peek.

Hank : I feel better but I admit that I don't think I'm able to fight anything right now. Maybe we can find another way ? Gavin : Humans and Golems can't beat a war spirit. But, huh… a war spirit could do. Nines : … Is that you you're talking about? Gavin : 'Know another war spirit around here ? Nines : But you… you can't control it… I mean, you're obviously facing a dilemma with your own motivations right now. I don't think you should endanger yourself in this state… Hank : What dilemma ? Gavin : Not your business. It's fine, I just need… I just need to meditate a little bit more. Connor : We don't need much more than a distraction just a moment until we reach the castle. There we'll activate the seal and it should stunt the spirit for some time. Nines : I'm not letting him go alone. Gavin : Still don't trust me, snow man ? Nines : I'm concerned for your well being. I wanna help. Hank : Well then we can do that. Nines and Gavin take care of the spirit and Connor, we get to the castle as fast as we can. You're good ? Connor : … Yeah, that sounds good. I just need to talk with Nines. In private.

Hank and Gavin just look at each other, surprised, but then they leave the brothers for their serious talk.

Connor : What was that ? "I'm concerned for you well being" ? Gavin is right, only a war spirit can compete with a war spirit… even if we wanted to, we couldn't help. Nines : Gavin can't control his spirit. I saw it when we interfaced, he truly can't, no matter how much he meditates, as long as he will have this dilemma, he can't make it. Connor : Wait what ?! Interfaced ? How ? Nines : Guess the spirit makes him sensible to magic connections. Connor : What's the deal ? Why can't he control it yet ? He's strong enough, and for what I know, ambitious enough, so it's only a matter of… Nines : He's confused. He grew fond of us, and he knows we're basically enemies. We're all being reckless, he's the only one to keep this truth in mind; if we can't reach Kamski, or if he refuses to help us, we'll have to go back to the war we left, go back to kill each other. He can't resign himself to accept his attachment to us if we're going to be his enemies again. Connor : … Do you think he can make it ? Against the darkness war spirit ? Nines : I don't. That's why he needs me there. If the thunder spirit takes control of his body, I'll be there to hit the seal in his neck. Connor : Oh Nines… You love him, don't you? Nines : … We're selfish and weak, Con. This mission… our whole kind is waiting for us to succeed. And we're threatening this long awaited deliverance because we fell for humans… Connor : ...That's why we can't fail. I understand you're worried but maybe… Maybe that's the reason why Gavin wants to try : he knows we can't fail now.

In the final act, Gavin and Nines get ready to fight with the war spirit, while Hank and Connor plan on reaching the castle as fast as they can, and find Kamski.

Gavin and Nines are hiding near the war spirit.

Nines : … Are you ready ? Gavin : I don't really have a choice there.

Gavin breathes deeply and steadily, to focus and calm down before entering the arena.

Nines : I'll be flying right behind you, okay ? It's factually stronger than me, so I have to maintain minimal distance with it, but I'll be ready to hit your seal when you need me to, and help you run away if you're in a bad state. Gavin scoffs : Thanks Snowman, I feel so confident right now, with you believing in me like this. Nines : … Sorry I just… worry. Gavin : Look, I was right, at that time, I couldn't do it and I was totally right. But today I… I'll do it. And I want to prove it to you.

In front of Nines' incredulous stare, Gavin offers his hand : Nines narrows his eyes as he detects static electricity all around his fingers, as if his spirit was already eager to fight.

Nines : … Do you know what it means to us, Golems ? Interfacing with someone ? Gavin : Enlighten me, snow man. Nines : ...I'll tell you if we survive this fight. Gavin : Huh… fair enough. Now, take my hand, I'll show you.

Nines gulps nervously and reaches for Gavin's hand, his own fingers turning white as he gets closer to the human's warm skin.

And he can feel everything. It's a lot less blurry and chaotic than the first time, as somehow Nines' first sensation is Gavin's serenity about sharing his deep feelings. He catches a volatile thought that flies through the human mind, saying in a flippant tone "we might die, no need to get embarrassed", and smiles at it. Interfacing with Gavin is very special for some reason : Nines had interfaced with other Golems before but it was never so vibrant, so intense. "Maybe that's because we're about to die" he feels, and for a moment he wonders if that comes from him or from Gavin. Nines feels like Gavin is an extension of himself at that very moment. Suddenly, the realization he's gonna fight against a gigantic, ancient war spirit dawns on him. He feels scared, sure but somehow, confident as well. He can do it. He will do it now, because if he fails, he'd give up on his people in Detroit, his friends Hank and (surprisingly) Connor. He would give up on Nines and he's not ready to. He used to fear that he was making friends with an enemy… That they'd have to separate at some point, and go back to where they belonged, Detroit and Jericho. But if Gavin fails now, Detroit and Jericho are doomed. He used to fear that death was preying upon him… now he fears that his team could die. That Nines could…

If he fails now, Nines and he will be dead, and that is much more scary than befriending a Golem.

Nines frowns as he feels Gavin's hand twitching in his, as if he was about to draw it back. He wants to stay connected, he wants to melt into Gavin's mind, because he feels so scared right now.

All he can catch is a glimpse of something that sounds like "I have found some higher purpose in life than my own existence", before Gavin breaks the contact.

When Nines opens his eyes again, they're wet and his breath is short. Gavin too, seems a bit shaken up by the interface.

Nines wonders what exactly the human saw/felt/heard from him and feels very self conscious for a floating second. He wants to kiss the human, he can feel it in his vein, the fire of love rushing, burning his cold body. Gavin must have felt it through the interface… and somehow, Nines wonders if he knows. He doesn't seem shocked or… disgusted.

Gavin : You okay ? Nines : Yeah… I'm ready to go.

Gavin exhales sharply : Alright, let's do this.

Nines : I've got your back. Everything will be alright.

So they get out of their hiding spot and as Nines takes off, Gavin summons the thunder spirit.

We then follow Hank and Connor, who are climbing up the rocky column at the top of which Kamski established his castle. Actually, Hank climbs it and Connor flies around to help him find the safe grips.

They're constantly attacked by monsters with long members (parts of the war spirit), and can't fight them all back. They decide to run forward, and they finally reach a huge grid in a tunnel : Connor can pass between two bars, but Hank can't. Behind them, the monsters are getting closer.

Hank : Run before they catch us up ! Connor : Wait, there must be a way for you- Hank : I'm sure there must be, Connor, but we won't find the solution in the next few minutes we have. You have to keep going without me. Connor : What are you gonna do ? They're gonna outnumber you, and… and you're still healing from the last injury--- Hank : You have to find Kamski ! He must know how to stop those monsters, and the war spirit out there. He can help us ! Connor : … Yeah, right.

Connor puts his hands on the floor and ice columns grow up from the ground, keeping Hank in a safe space. When the man looks back at Connor with tenderness and gratitude, Connor kisses him through the bars.

Connor : The ice won't last long but it can buy you some time… Hank I… I love you. Don't let me down. Hank : I swear. Now, run, and don't look back.

Connor nods and starts running to the castle, as the monsters start to attack ferociously the ice cage Connor created. Hank knows it's not gonna last much longer, and that he'll have to fight. He prays to be able to see Connor again.

#The red guard and the snow angel #TRGATSA #dbh #detroit become human au #dbh hank #dbh hank x connor #dbh hankcon #hankcon #gavin reed #dbh gavin #dbh nines #dbh reed900 #reed900 #detroit become human

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studyingsobriety · 3 years

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Relapsing

Relapsing. For non-addicts, “addiction” is the big and scary word. For recovering addicts, “relapse” is the real big and scary word.

So let’s start with the basics. What is a relapse?

If you’re not familiar with the word, I suggest doing a little researching on the topic, but here is a link to a basic definition and explanation of a relapse.

As the article mentions, relapsing is totally normal for recovering addicts. Trying to quit an old habit and be totally done it with it forever is scary, and very hard needless to say. Plus, for lots of recovering addicts, including myself, the relapsing process is a huge growth experience.

That being said, I am not at all condoning, suggesting, or recommending ANYONE to relapse. Experiencing a relapse is not fun, which I will get into here in a moment. If you feel perfectly fine being sober, don’t try a relapse just on a whim. I promise you, you will regret it. But what if you are feeling like relapsing?

Before I get too into what it’s like experiencing a relapse or how handle a relapse, let me tell you something that may blow your mind: A relapse begins weeks or even months before the action of using again happens. It’s crazy, right? So let’s say right now, you’re experiencing high cravings and you’re really thinking about giving in. Your relapse process has already started...probably days or weeks before you even started getting the cravings.

A relapse is a process that happens over months or weeks. A process full of occasional triggers (external and internal, like emotions) and behaviors that feed into your cravings.

Here is how the process works in 10 stages (they don’t always have to happen in this order):

1. Denial - You’re concerned about your wellbeing, but you’re in denial of that concern.

2. Avoidance & Defensive Behaviors - You may start worrying about others more than yourself. You may also experience impulsive or compulsive behaviors.

3. Crisis Building - You may experience tunnel vision due to anxiety and/or depression. You’ll start to lack in planning things out, and when you do try to plan things out, you fail to do them.

4. Immobilization - You may find yourself “checking out” a lot or daydreaming.

5. Confusion and Overreaction - You feel confused about how you’re feeling and may also feel irritated.

6. Depression - You’ll experience a lack of routine and poor eating and sleeping habits.

7. Behavioral Loss of Control - You’ll start rejecting help from anyone. If you’re in a support group or recovery program, you may stop attending meetings.

8. Recognition of Loss of Control - You’ll realize you’ve lost control of your behavior. You’ll isolate yourself, pity yourself, and possibly lie to others saying you’re fine.

9. Option Reduction - You may stop getting help or treatment. You’ll resent sobriety. You’ll tell yourself the only ways out of this is by suicide or using again.

10. Relapse Episode - The relapse episode is when you finally use, causing bio-psycho-socio damage to your nervous system.

Here are some signs the you or a recovering addict is slipping into the relapse process:

- expressing doubt

- depression or anxiety

- anti-social

- surrounding yourself with substance use

- saying you have it “under control”

- experiencing unfamiliar emotions

- all or nothing thinking (for example: well I already took a small sip, one glass wouldn’t hurt)

- change in attitude about sobriety (for example: it’s not worth staying sober)

- constant stress and lack of healthy coping mechanisms

- change in routine

Here are some behaviors that may feed into your cravings:

- poor diet

- excessive caffeine or nicotine

- lack of exercise

- poor stress management

- euphoric recalls of usage

- awfulizing abstinence

- magical thinking about using

- empowering cravings (giving it more power and control over yourself; too hard to resist)

- denial and evasion (denying the recovery programs are helpful)

- social conflicts

- lack of communication

Now that we’ve talked some about what can lead up to a relapse, here’s the real question: How do I stop myself from relapsing?

- BE AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS!!!

- recognize your triggers

- again, be aware of your emotions(!!!) and identify your behaviors. Are you feeling extra anxious or depressed? Are you no longer following through with your plans or routine?

- get busy! Fill your time with things that are proactive, things that will trigger the happy chemicals in your brain. Play with your pet, exercise, cook something, paint something (even if it’s ugly), do something!

- self care--PUT YOURSELF FIRST! You simply cannot take care of others as well as you could if you’re taking care of yourself! Drink water, get enough sleep, do things you enjoy, read a book!

- keep working toward your sobriety, even if you don’t want to

- maintain sober relationships. When you’re feeling anti-social, FORCE YOURSELF to reach out!

- know and avoid these setup behaviors I mentioned earlier

- when you get that euphoric recall, dismantle it. Yes, it may have felt amazing, but think about all the damage it’s caused.

- when you get a craving, wait it out. Cravings usually don’t last for longer than 30 minutes. Talk it out with a friend. Distract yourself by doing something else.

- finally, don’t shame yourself for getting a craving. Cravings are normal, no matter how long you’ve been sober. Accept your craving as normal, then go do something else!

Now that we’ve talked about what builds up to a relapse and how to prevent it from happening, what if you’ve already relapsed?

If you’re anything like me, or most addicts who relapse, you’re probably feeling very guilty and shameful. Whether your relapse happened just last night or it happened a month ago and you’ve been hiding your everyday usage from everyone...what you’re going through mentally and emotionally (and probably physically too) is a lot.

The hardest part of a relapse is being honest about it, especially if you’ve been using for some time and have been hiding it. I once lied to my friends, family, support group, and therapists about my days sober for 2 weeks straight until it broke me. But something someone in my group said stuck with me: “Secrets keep us sick.” It’s true. After lying to everyone about my sobriety for those two weeks, the thought of lying one more time turned my stomach upside down. And I was killing myself with shame, guilt, and drugs more and more and more.

The saddest part of a relapse are the reactions you’ll get when you are honest. You’ll get lots of “thank you for being honest with me” and “I know it took a lot of courage to come out and say that.” But you’ll lose a lot of trust in some people as well. People who don’t get it will blow up on you. Some people may be so upset they’ll say they can’t trust you anymore. What those people don’t know is that those aren’t the reactions we need at the moment. If you’re coming out about a relapse, you’re probably feeling loads of shame and guilt, and it’s hard not to continue to feel that way when others feed into it. You may even start to feel like losing hope.

But please don’t do that. The BIGGEST thing to know if you’ve just relapsed, is that it’s perfectly normal, that you can’t change what you’ve done in the past so there’s no point on dwelling on it, and that all you can do is move forward from here. What does that look like to you? Moving forward? It’s different for everyone, but it’s a question you should ask yourself. I’ll tell you this, it’s going to require lots of patience and hard work to stay sober. You’re going to have to really prove yourself to some people to regain that trust back. And it’s going to take lots of time, some longer than for others. Patience. It’s a growing process, you’re just experiencing the growing pains. Just keep doing your best. Your best is enough. :)

#sobriety #recovery #recovering addict #addiction #addict #drug addict #alcoholism #sober #support #motivation #relapse #relapsing #relapse prevention #relapse education #addiction education

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in-a-cave-with · 4 years

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ults steve: hhhhrrrgrggggrgrggghhh i need affection or i'm going to commit a war crime -- ults tony: i'll give you affection but like i still want you to commit the war crime ngl it's kinda hot when you do that

ults steve, after receiving affection: that was way too much affection please leave me alone for at least 5-7 business days so i can recover emotionally

ults tony: wow emotional isolation that’s kinda hot

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heartless-zabrak · 3 years

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cruor and/or nux for 5 through 8?

Sorry this took so long, I wrote up the responses on mobile, which then deleted everything and I had to emotionally recover for a few days LMAO Anyway, Ask Me About My OC!

5. What kind of clothes is your oc most comfortable wearing?

As soon as he gets to chose his clothing, Cruor wears almost exclusively light armor or his compression suits. He wears his Mando armor as much as you'd expect a Mando to, but even before then he would be fully covered and usually with armor. If he needs to remove his armor for whatever reason, he has no qualms about doing so no matter the company, given that the company already knows he's a Zabrak.

Nux, on the other hand, takes after his Jedi Master, Kit Fisto, and is shirtless or down to booty shorts as often as he POSSIBLY can be, he's just more comfortable that way. As an adult, when he can pick his own clothes, he's very "tits out" kinda man.

6. What kind of clothes is your oc least comfortable wearing?

Cruor very much hates revealing or thin clothing, when he isn't bulked up with armor he's in a compression suit. He doesn't like to have needlessly exposed skin.

Nux is the opposite as well, he doesn't like pressure on his body and he doesn't like to wear heavy or cumbersome armor or clothing.

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

I think my top Cruor song is Control by Halsey and Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde

Honestly I haven't thought too much about music for Nux, but I'm working on it soonnnnnn

8. What’s it like inside your oc’s mind? (Literally, or metaphorically.)

Cruor's brain is full of ghosts and other people's memories =] And anxiety. Invasive thought is an understatement. He accidentally knows a TON of people's business and he tries really hard to mind his own lmao

Nux? Head empty, only Whatever Character He's Attached To. He finds a being to hyper-focus on and his whole brain just highlights them and there isn't room for anything else!

#cruor #nux #star wars oc #sw oc

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keikilahelas · 4 years

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just finished descendants of the sun and i need 5 to 7 business days to recover emotionally

#what the FUCK was that #i have been sobbing for over an hour now ????????#i can't even #if you ever decide to watch this ..... goodluck because you're going to need it so much #malak.txt

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healinghomegroup7 · 3 years

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What Husbands Can Do When Their Wives Have Postpartum Depression

When your wife has postpartum depression (PPD), which affects about 1 in 7 women after childbirth, you might feel confused, annoyed, scared, sad, worried or any combination of these. My husband certainly did. You might be thinking, "Why can't she just be happy? What's wrong with her? Aren't new moms supposed to be happy now that the baby's finally here? What's going on?"

Remember that PPD is a biochemical disorder which is no one's fault - not yours or hers. Although you can't fix it like you can a broken cabinet or leaky faucet, it's your job to support her as she recovers. Warning signs of PPD include anxiety, lack of energy, frequent crying, inability to sleep at night even when the baby's sleeping, low self-esteem, guilt feelings, appetite problems, irritability or anger, overwhelmed feelings, forgetfulness, decreased sex drive, and hopelessness. The normal Baby Blues should be gone by two weeks postpartum, so if she's still feeling weepy, she needs help. Or, if the symptoms are more severe than the mild Baby Blues even during the first two weeks, don't wait - get her help right away. You or she should call a healthcare practitioner you trust and ask for a referral to a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression.

Here are some pointers that will help you to help her and your relationship: (Excerpts from Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression by Bennett and Indman)

Just being there with her is doing a great deal.

Letting her know you support her is often all she'll need. Ask her what words she needs to hear for reassurance, and say those words to her often. Things like, "We'll get through this. I'm here for you. I love you very much. You're a great mom. The baby loves you. You'll get yourself back. The PPD is temporary. I'm sorry you're suffering - that must feel awful. This isn't your fault."

Share at-home responsibilities.

Even a non-depressed new mom can't realistically be expected to cook dinner and clean house. She may be guilt-tripping herself about not measuring up to her own expectations and worrying that you'll also be disappointed with her. Remind her that parenting your child(ren) and taking care of your home is also your job, not just hers. Your relationship will emerge from this crisis stronger than ever.

Let her sleep at night.

She needs at least 5 hour of uninterrupted sleep per night to receive a full sleep cycle and restore her biorhythms (Chapter 11 of Postpartum Depression For Dummies* explains in detail how splitting the night can work even if she's breastfeeding or you need to leave the house early for work.) If you want your wife back quicker, be on duty for this time without disturbing her. Many dads have expressed how much closer they are to their children because of nighttime caretaking. If you can't be up at night taking care of your baby, hire someone who can take your place. A temporary baby nurse will be worth her weight in gold.

Get the support you need so you can be there for her.

Often a husband becomes depressed during or after his wife's depression. You can help protect yourself by getting your own support from friends, family, or professionals. Regular exercise or other stress-relieving activity is important, so you can remain the solid support for your wife. Provide a stand-in support person for her while you're gone. o Don't take it personally. Irritability is common with PPD. Don't allow yourself to become a verbal punching bag. It's not healthy for anyone concerned. She feels guilty after saying hurtful things to you and it's not good for her. If you feel you didn't deserve to be snapped at, calmly explain that to her. (Excerpts from Postpartum Depression For Dummies by Bennett)

Back her up in her decision- making.

If your wife needs to see various practitioners, take medication, join a PPD support group, stop breastfeeding, or whatever else, she needs to know you're behind her 100 percent. You can certainly participate in the decision-making process, but the decisions themselves are ultimately hers. It can be helpful for you to accompany her to a therapy or doctor's appointment so you can ask any questions you may have regarding her treatment. As a therapist, I find the partner's attendance useful and I encourage it at least once. My client is always relieved to know that her husband is getting support and now understands more about her situation and the illness. o Don't mention how much her care costs. She's already feeling guilty about what she's costing the family, both emotionally and financially. Without your wife's mental health postpartum, nothing else matters. During PPD recovery, couples may use up savings and take out loans - consider it an investment in launching your new family in a healthy way. Be open to doing (and spending) whatever it takes to get her the right, specialized help, not just whoever is covered by the insurance plan.

Practice the work/life balance.

You've probably read your employee handbook about your company's work/life balance program. Now's the time to make it work for you. Tell your manager what's going on at home, that you need to leave work every evening on time, and that you can't take expended business trips for the foreseeable future. You may see this practice as career suicide, but it isn't. Many of my clients' husbands have taken parental leave, and have made the effort to be at home on time every night during this difficult period. Federal law provides husbands job-protected time off from work following the birth of a baby or to care for a seriously ill spouse. If you're a domestic partner, it depends on the state in which you live whether or not you'll be covered. If necessary, go ahead and move off the corporate fast track to help your partner recover. Your physical presence to her is more important than the next promotion, and years from now, when you look back on your life, you'll never regret having chosen family over work. I hear over and over from my clients that they don't care about the big house (with the big mortgage). They just want their husbands at home. So, if you're thinking that it's for her and your kids that you're working long hours, traveling, and so forth, you may want to ask her what she thinks - you many be surprised.

Maintain intimacy.

As you and your wife walk the road to recovery, it's important to maintain intimacy, even if it's (for now) void of any sexual activity. You may be rolling your eyes with the thought of "just cuddling." After all, what's the point of cuddling if it doesn't lead to anything? But for her, just being close to you and being held by you is comforting and healing. She may also have some physical healing to do following the birth process. Remember not to take her lack of interest in sex personally. This isn't a rejection of you - it's mainly about hormones, brain chemicals, and life changes. If you're the one returning from work at the end of the day, make sure you greet your wife first, before you greet any other member of the family (including the furry, four-legged ones). The relationship with her is the most important one and without it, no other little person would be there (see Chapter 15 for other sex and intimacy issues). Refer to the first bullet for ideas of what to say to your wife that will truly help her.

There are also some clear no-no's to avoid. Here are a few: DO NOT say:

"Think about everything you have to feel happy about." She already knows everything she has to feel happy about. One of the reasons she feels so guilty is that she's depressed despite these things.

"Just relax." This suggestion usually produces the opposite effect! She's already frustrated at not being able to relax in spite of all the coping mechanisms that have worked in the past. Anxiety produces hormones that can cause physical reactions such as increased heart rate, shakiness, and muscle tension. This is not something she can just will away.

"Snap out of it." If she could, she would have already. She wouldn't wish this on anyone. She can't snap out of PPD any easier than she can snap out of the flu. Be patient, non-judgmental, and upbeat. With the right kind of professional help along with your consistent and loving support, your wife will recover and your marriage will likely be stronger than ever.

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cosmonaughty · 5 years

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I recently re-watched Season 1 of Fargo FX and, as is the case with every great show or movie, there were things I noticed that I had missed in earlier viewings. A few of these had to do with the portrayal of hospitals in film, which is another small obsession of mine, so I thought that I would take the time to combine these two interests and talk about the way that Fargo FX depicts hospitals. I will be mentioning the inaccuracies in this portrayal and the way that the liberties that are taken advance the plot and enhance the mood of certain scenes. By pointing out these inaccuracies, I am not trying to criticize the show or its writers, I’m just using my specific experiences to talk at length about something I love.

(Also, this post will contain big ol’ spoilers for Season 1 of Fargo FX, so go watch it if you haven’t yet and then come back.)

There are a few scenes that I wanted to discuss here, and I will bring them up chronologically. In episode 5, Lester is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance with what appears to be sepsis resulting from a shotgun pellet lodged in his hand. In the following episode, he sneaks out of the hospital to frame his brother for his wife’s murder. He does this by switching beds with his roommate, whose face is bandaged. As far as accuracy goes, it pretty much goes without saying that this concept is pretty farfetched, but I’ll run down the issues here anyway.

It’s never really clear to me what injuries require intensive care in this show (more on that later), but I will say that Lester recovers from sepsis in what must be record time. When I had more or less the same thing, my body essentially held down its own power button and restarted everything. I was in the ICU for multiple days, though I’m not sure how many because I wasn’t lucid the entire time, and I was pumped full of fluids and antibiotics, as well as hooked up to multiple tubes and wires.

Lester, however, is in excellent condition pretty much as soon as the source of his infection is removed, despite having been delirious, vomiting, sweating, shivering, and all that other fun stuff only the night before. His room seems to be on the general ward and the only thing hooked up to him is an IV, which appears to be dispensing saline and nothing else.

He is also under the care of what may be the least competent nurse I’ve ever seen in any show. Nurse Farber comes in to transport Lester’s roommate to radiology, but if she had checked his bracelet, she would have realized she was transporting the wrong patient. She also moves the entire hospital bed, rather than moving the patient to a gurney or a wheelchair, as has been my experience in the past (those beds are portable, but they’re very heavy and unwieldy).

However, these aren’t “mistakes”. They are deliberate choices that serve to move the plot along. We can’t put the story on hold so that Lester has a couple of weeks to recover and gain his strength back, so that process needs to be hurried along for the sake of the plot. If the nurse had checked his bracelet, his plan would have been foiled and, again, the plot would not be able to progress. If she had moved him to a wheelchair or gurney, he wouldn’t have been able to smuggle a change of clothes with him. So, these choices don’t arise from the writers’ ignorance of hospital procedure, they just need to bend some aspects of reality to advance the plot.

I would also like to point out some things this scene gets right about the hospital (based on my experience).

This room layout is pretty accurate. I like the little details like the plastic cup + bendy straw that everyone always has on their bedside table (even if you can lift a cup to your mouth, a bendy straw is required. It’s like an unwritten rule). I like the detail that the windows don’t open and I really appreciate that they didn’t have Lester pull out his IV like every renegade tv character seems to do. Instead, he simply disconnects the port from the tube so that he can move around, which I’m sure is more difficult than he makes it look but it’s leaps and bounds better than the old rip-em-out technique that I seem to see all the time.

I also like that the nurse uses the pain scale, which is pretty standard but I get a kick out of it. And, believe it or not, I have actually been deposited in the hall and left alone by nurses while waiting for imaging, which is how Lester manages to escape in the first place. Personally, I’ve never made it out the front door, but I haven’t tried that hard.

Now that we’ve talked about how the writers take liberties to advance the plot, let’s look at how similar inaccuracies can be used enhance the mood of a scene. If you want to see me get emotional (you sadist), get me talking about episode 7. In this episode, Molly, having been hospitalized after an emergency splenectomy, makes a trip from her room on the general ward to question Mr. Wrench, who is in custody in the ICU after having been shot twice by her (it’s not clear where he was shot, but he indicates his upper right chest, so somewhere in that area). He uses a white board to ask about his partner (Mr. Numbers) and Molly confirms that he is dead. She makes an attempt to connect with him and asks for his help in finding Lorne Malvo, but he shuts her out by refusing to look at her and she leaves. Later, in episode 8, Malvo shows up to taunt Wrench about having killed his partner, as well as to commend him for coming closer to killing him than anyone else had in the past. He gives Wrench the handcuff key and leaves.

Like I said earlier, it’s not clear what requires intensive care in this show, since Mr. Wrench doesn’t appear to be any worse off physically than Molly is (or than Lester was earlier). He does have more stuff attached to him, which is…good(?), but let’s talk about this ICU room:

This looks nothing like any ICU room I’ve ever stayed in. For one thing, in my experience the bed has always been facing the door, not inward to the rest of the room. I assume this is to make it easier to provide emergency care, which is the function of just about everything in the ICU. For this same reason, there’s very little privacy; the doors are usually clear glass and people come in and out all the time (nobody checks on patients in this show).

As I mentioned above, he has more “gear” (no, that’s not the correct term, but just be glad I didn’t call it “swag”) than either Molly or Lester, but far less than I would expect to see. There are maybe two bags on that IV pole, so probably saline and morphine (no blood/plasma/antibiotics/other medications). He’s got a heart monitor and a pulse oximeter, but no oxygen or bp monitor. Whether I like it or not, I’m always given oxygen in the ICU (which I tend to remove as soon as possible, apologies to my nurses) and if he was shot in the chest, he might actually need it. I’m also not convinced that heart monitor is working, since it doesn’t fluctuate at all when Malvo shows up in episode 8. ALSO: that bed rail should be up; I don’t care if he is handcuffed in place, that looks like a fall risk to me. Who is running this place?

(I’m also kinda jealous, because I’ve never been in an ICU room with this much natural light.)

As I mentioned before, there is specific intent behind these omissions and changes. For one thing, if there were several different machines and wires and lines and the like, the shot would be really busy and it would be distracting, both visually and auditorily, as hospital equipment tends to beep and beep and beep and beep.

Additionally, the shots are very clean, which effectively communicates a sterile environment to the audience; the natural light from the window compliments the Season 1 aesthetic really well and it also contributes somewhat to the coldness of the scenes in this room.

Speaking of which, this is as good a time as ever to bring up something I only consciously noticed very recently. Let’s go back to episode 7 and take a look at the difference between his room and Molly’s.

It’s very subtle, but the light above her bed is a warmer tone; her bedding is also comprised of warmer, lighter tones. Additionally, there’s some framed artwork on the wall, and most importantly she is surrounded by people (and flowers) in every shot.

Even in reverse shots of her, the frame contains color and warm tones. Contrast this with a similar OTS shot of Wrench in his hospital room. The temperature of the scene is a lot colder and the frame surrounding him is empty, which is excellent shorthand to communicate loneliness and alienation.

His room also has some kind of mesh over the window, the practical purpose of which (if there is one) eludes me. As I mentioned earlier, hospital windows don’t open, something the writers are obviously aware of, and I’ve personally never been in a hospital room that had a grate or bars over the windows. Regardless of its practical purpose, this is another detail that contributes to the theme of isolation that is present in the design of these scenes. Being in the hospital can be a lonely, alienating experience, which is something I feel is communicated really well here.

These are subtle decisions that make a huge impact on the mood of the scene. I’m gonna be real with you right now, Mr. Wrench is my favorite character and this scene breaks my heart every time I see it. A good deal of that is owed to the quality of the show’s writing and the amazing talent of Russell Harvard and Allison Tolman, but it is always fun to see how my emotions are being relentlessly manipulated by the cinematographer as well. Good job, you guys.

I want to conclude with a proposed alternative to the staging of that last scene.

As you can see here, this scene is set during the day, with daylight clearly visible from the window. However, imagine how the emotional intensity might be different if the scene was set at night.

In my experience, nighttime in the hospital can be the most difficult, emotionally speaking, and it’s something I’ve even come to dread as a patient. For the most part, visitors have to go home, the room is dark but the lights are on in the hall and the nurses’ station. You can’t sleep because you’re uncomfortable and people keep coming in to take vitals and blood, and overall it’s very lonely.

So, imagine this scene exactly as it is played out in Season 1, but now instead of a closed off room with daylight coming through the window, the lights in the room are dimmed, it’s night outside (maybe street lights are visible through the window, but not too much). There is a soft glow coming from the heart monitor. Molly is sitting beside the bed with her back to the open door rather than the window. In the background the lights are on in the hall, you can see hospital staff going about their routine in the background. His life is falling apart in this scene, but it’s business as usual for everyone else. Even Molly, as sympathetic as she is, is just doing her job here.

I’m not saying that this staging would have been better, but it would have had a different emotional intensity. I like to see how the environment of the hospital could be used to enhance the mood of a scene, rather than simply act as a back drop because hospitals are deeply personal places, but can be so alienating at the same time. That said, I think that the way they used the environment to impart that sense of loneliness was excellent, and I support the decision to omit certain specifics that might compromise the mood or the flow of the plot.

Oh, and, if you still haven’t done it: go watch Fargo FX.

#fargo fx #fargo season 1 #lester nygaard #lorne malvo #mr wrench #molly solverson

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renpark-blog2 · 4 years

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Staying Sane in the Quarantine

A One-off blog post by Ren

As we may all be painfully aware of, different parts of our country have been under varying levels of quarantine due to the unfortunate and current pandemic that is ravaging the rest of the Globe. And strangely, as the quarantine progressed, there has been a topic that’s been popping up more and more, and it seems that more people are talking about it than ever before, whereas people used to play it off as something minor that wouldn’t affect our day to day life to being part of our daily struggle just to survive, maybe since they finally get to experience for themselves, they finally managed to gain enough empathy to understand people going through it.

I am of course talking about our mental health, which despite what anyone tells you, is just, if not more important than Physical health according to professional health experts. It seems that since the quarantine was initiated and our freedoms became limited, as well as other… more special problems… mental health deterioration has become somewhat of a secondary epidemic tied closely with the current pandemic we’re feeling right now.

Our mental health plays a big part of our life, you could even say how good your mental health is dictates how good your day will be today or even tomorrow, it’s an essential part of life that’s almost impossible to control, yet somehow it controls you in almost every way imaginable. At first, it may seem a bit fun to be forced to stay at home, you can do whatever you want, you can do things whenever you please, since you’re not going anywhere anyways, but there’s just so much you can do when you’re stuck at home, it gets to a point where everything becomes overly repetitive and you start feeling like you’re wasting your life away instead of being productive with your life and getting somewhere, it becomes quite overloading and over time you just run out of energy and motivation to do anything. It can be quite a vicious cycle, one that’s hard to deal with, and much harder to end.

I’ve been going through something similar this lockdown, especially with everything going on both personally, and publicly. The world is such a stressful place to be in right now, especially with all the ongoing events and the responses to them. Everything feels like it’s out of control and it makes me feel even worse that there’s nothing I can do about it.

I am aware that a lot of us are going through the same thing, I want to help in any possible way that I could. So here are some ways I have used to cope with and improve my deteriorating mental health, I hope that this manages to help you, but if it doesn’t, please don’t hesitate to contact a mental health care professional.

1.) Temporarily disconnecting from the world

I know that it may seem irresponsible to suggest this, but an effective coping mechanism is to disconnect yourself from the outside world for a while. Trying to stay away from the news, away from social media, away from anything that keeps on bringing back the negative emotions that you want to get rid of. Staying informed is important, but being too informed makes you start questioning things that you would not want to question, it can get quite dangerous.

I’m fully aware that some of us are fighting for something, and we think that if we rest even for a little bit we are going to lose this battle. But do not fear such thing, remember that you are just as important as the thing that you’re fighting for, give yourself a break for a short while, fighting for something can become extremely and dangerously emotionally taxing in the long run. Remember that this is not just your fight but our fight, take some time to recover, let other people handle the situation first, remember that you’re not alone in this. Don’t forget that a soldier well rested is more effective than an exhausted one.

2.) Giving yourself time to breathe

Society expects us to be constantly on the move 24/7, we’re not allowed to rest, we merely exist in order to be productive. Don’t forget that you’re human too, and you need to take breaks every once and again, you aren’t some kind of super soldier that does not have the concept of being burnt out or being tired. Some standards of modern society are impossible to achieve, and you just have to accept it, although you should never stop doing your best in anything, but you still need to remember to allow yourself to breathe every now and again, don’t kill yourself from working and tiring yourself out.

Remember that you don’t exist just to keep on working, let yourself rest, let yourself breathe, always being productive will make you less productive. Overexerting can strain you both physically and mentally, it can take a heavy toll on you, and may even affect your overall productivity. So please, remember to breathe, remember to let some fresh air get into your lungs before you keep going in this tunnel of never-ending smoke.

3.) Letting yourself do things that you want to do once in awhile

A lot of people will say otherwise, but it’s good to let yourself have fun once in a while, sometimes ignoring your responsibilities for awhile can actually be good for you. We are not machines, we have the need for recreation, which is just as important as our need for shelter and food, but recreation should also be taken in moderation, too much recreation would cause you to abandon your responsibilities, which would be even more devastating. Remember to let yourself have fun but have just the correct amount of fun to not go crazy, especially in these trying times.

If you think that there is no time for fun and that you have to keep working on a constant basis, please remember that this could contribute greatly to you burning out. Having fun is important if you want to keep on working too, too much of something will become bad in the long run, and the same goes for work, enjoyment and recreation is here to counteract that, so don’t be afraid of letting yourself do what you want every once in a awhile. But like everything good with life, remember to do everything in moderation, as I cannot stress enough, too much of something will just make you worse off that where you started.

4.) Managing your time and your workload

This one should be the easiest to explain but one of the hardest to do. It’s important to manage your time and your workload, as to make sure that you don’t get overwhelmed and regain a semblance of control in your life. It’s extremely difficult to do because there’s not one answer on how you should be managing your time, because people have different ways of being able to cope with different levels of workload. But there is one thing that I have realized myself that helps with easing the workload, and that is not being too hard on yourself.

Being strict on yourself only makes you feel worse, especially when you don’t reach your deadlines, which happens more often that we would like to admit. It gives a feeling of the loss of control, of not being good enough, it’s a feeling that we all know and quite abhor. Give yourself a deadline, but be more flexible with yourself, treat yourself with the same amount of strictness as that of a parent who wants their child to grow up well, and not like as if you are your own supervisor.

5.) Taking a break from everything for awhile

Every once in a while, you get the feeling where even recreation isn’t enough to fulfill you anymore. That is a sign that you need to take a break from almost everything, the time you have to do so will depend on how you feel. Sometimes it’s not so bad to let yourself go, you don’t have to be busy all the time, sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. Think of it in the way of letting your wounds heal over time.

There’s nothing wrong with doing nothing, so do not be ashamed of doing something if it’s for the sake of getting better. Catch up on your sleep, play games, do whatever doesn’t cause you any type of emotional stress. Let yourself go, remove that baggage even if it’s just for a short time, you can come back stronger, you can come back better.

6.) Taking back control of your life

This is something that is much easier said than done. But you should start taking steps to take back control of your life, taking matters into your own hands and giving yourself a feeling of being able to do things, that you are able to get over your problems. Of course, there is not one way of doing this, there are different problems for different people, but you should take time to learn about your problems, and eventually you will learn to deal with them, and take back control. Make sure not to deal with large problems first, make sure to start small, as small problems can eventually get big, especially when left unchecked.

7.) Helping and getting help

This one is especially important, and something a lot of people tend to take for granted. Getting help from people, professional or not, is important for preventing your mental health from degrading. Just the fact that there is more than one person dealing with the problem makes it easier to handle and to solve. As two brains is better than one, as they say. But not all problems need to be solved, just the idea that someone is willing to listen to you and share your pain should be enough to lift at least a little bit of weight off of your shoulders. Make sure that you seek help when you can, this will help you much more than you think it will.

The other way is also important. Helping others can give you a sense of being needed by someone, it will give you a small pocket of relief and help you realize your worth. Even if you aren’t able to help yourself, never forget to lend a helping hand to those who need it, and make sure to do it only if you’re able to, as you would not want to risk making the situation worse than it already is.

Those are some ways I learned to cope and to improve my mental health ever so slightly. I hope that this was able to help in any way. I know that this would not be of help to everyone, but even if it helps someone who desperately needs it, even if it’s just one person, then this long wall of text would have served its purpose. 😊

If you still feel terrible, remember to go to a professional, they would probably know a lot more than I would. Or even a friend if you cannot afford to do so. Just remember that you shouldn’t do things alone, let yourself be helped, even if it’s a little bit.

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 4 years

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Oh NO!

There’s a MEETING on the fifth! HECK.

As soon as I got the message saying “May 5th”, I was like “huh, that sounds familiar, why”. And then I looked in my calendar. And saw the blank square. And stared at it.....

And then I realized THAT’S WHEN APOKOLIPS WAR COMES OUT.

HHHFFFFFF

Highest priority for me about seeing it is seeing is AS SOON as possible so I don’t get ANYTHING else spoiled! I don’t even want to see a single gif before I see the movie for myself! I’m really genuinely excited about how Constantine and Raven are going to be in this whole situation, and how the HELL they’re going to get out of it with their two strongest on the meta and mystical side nerfed so hard!

So, I’m starting my new job on Monday. Which means I’ll have worked on Tuesday, May 5th. And I was planning to get home, get food, and get watching...

And then I was thinking, okay. The meeting doesn’t start until 8pm. Maybe I can do what I did with the SU finale, where I watched until IMMEDIATELY before the meeting began, spent two minutes putting on my business jacket+foundation, used the bathroom, and slid right onto Zoom. Then did all my Post-Viewing Celebration and Liveblog Posting and fan-content consumption after the meeting. until like 3am, as is my custom.

So, maybe I could get home, watch the movie Immediately, and go right to the meeting after?

But here’s the thing. The bus ride home is an hour long. (It’s not even from transfers or anything, it just takes an hour for the bus to make a fifteen-minute drive down the street.) My work schedule is until 5:30pm. With current events, the buses are on a reduced schedule, so the first bus home doesn’t leave until 5:50... Best case scenario, I don’t get home until 6:50.

Amazon won’t tell me HOW LONG the movie’s RUNTIME IS.

But by the time the meeting is over, after the training and everything, it’ll be like 11. Sometimes it goes until midnight. And I’m not gonna want to start watching a movie that’s going to utterly FUCK me up emotionally at midnight. Especially not when I’ll have work in the morning.......

...Mmmmmmaybe... I could dip into the post-emergency-fund-savings stimulus check leftovers, and take a Lyft home? That’s a fifteen minute drive, I could be home by 6. I have bags of popcorn in my room, I could just grab a carrot and some hummus for dinner and get right to watching when I get home, and theoretically watch the movie by 7:45, though that would depend entirely on its runtime, how often I pause to take notes on commentary, and how the internet connection is.... nyyyygggghhhhh, for a full-length movie, that’s super risky, though. And even if I do get through the movie by 7:55, if the meeting miraculously only goes until 10:30, I’ll still have to get up for work in the morning and won’t be able to spent HOURS seeking fan content... Heck.

I’d hate to watch the movie and not have time to Process it before I have to go to bed-- I won’t be able to sleep after an emotional high without Processing it. And I really don’t want to be a zombie the next day, if I stay up late consuming fancontent... (Besides, sleep deprivation is really bad for your immune system. And I’m going to be on public transportation with gloves and no access to masks.)

So I guess, while I could theoretically watch the movie, I’m also going to need time to RECOVER from the movie. And that’s going to be a multi-hour process..... so as much as it pains me to realize, I’m going to have to avoid Tumblr on Tuesday (in order to avoid spoilers because people don’t tag reliably in this fandom-- plus there are so many different ways people phrase that movie’s tags).... and so, I just have to resign myself to wait until Wednesday evening to watch.

Damn it.

But really, that’s only one more day. And I’ve been agonizing over this movie since like February fricking 25th. Another singular day won’t kill me....

I’ll probably hop on Tuesday to make a brief LOA announcement, writing it from my blog’s page instead of the dash so there is Zero Risk of being spoiled, and just... Try Really Hard to get through the day without going on Tumblr. That’ll be interesting, but I can take a walk, browse new music, search for my muses’ music tastes. Generally just fill in the time before the movie.

And then let the entirety of my Wednesday evening be completely dedicated to JLD:AW!

I think that’s the better choice, anyways, because for a whole movie with Such a cast and So Many Things promised to happen, there’s probably going to be a lot to comment on.

i gotta know what the FUCK raven and damian are talking about in the freaking med room though! I gotta! I GOTTA. knowing them it’s going to be murderously vulnerable and force me to Feel Things. I’m definitely gonna need time for my damirae heart to heal over when I finally know what they’re talking about. And if, you know, Something Shippy happens. Because I was a hard sell on that ship, but once I fell for them, I completely PLUNGED.

So anyways, waiting ‘til Wednesday, final verdict.

My new Countdown Date for JLD: Apokolips War is Wednesday, May 6th.

#rhs personal posts #rhs jld:aw

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dragonpiango · 4 years

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My review of 2019

January:

So I recently graduated from community college in the previous December, and I started university at HT with a scholarship for piano performance. Honestly I thought going to a HBCU was going to be weird, but turns out I’m not much of an outcast. It was a nice transition to a new setting and new people and a breath of fresh air! It was amazing having a practice room to myself and the mental thought of “getting to know my music” became a reality although my first piano lesson with my new professor was strange. His impression of me was way different than what I thought. Although he is a outstanding teacher, he might have overthought what I was capable of.... him assigning me my pieces and they consisted of Bach French suite No. 5 in G Major, Mozart sonata K.332 in F Major, Chopin Nocturne in D-flat Major, Chopin Scherzo No.2 in b-flat minor, and the most memorable piece IMHO Ravel’s Une Barque Sur L’Ocean from Miroirs.

February:

So still settling into a new university and meeting new people (although I just stayed in the music building bc that’s where all my classes were) it was Black History Month. Being apart of the choir at school and the only ensemble they offered, we were pretty busy with a lot of performances BUT it was enlightening too. Everyone has been so welcoming and coming from a background in classical music I’ve been introduced to Gospel music not only for voice, but piano. From accompanying spirituals to gospel it really has opened my eyes that music doesn’t have to be so strict. It is a way of expressing emotions and from then on I took my repertoire more seriously in the sense each piece had its own “character.”

March:

This month is a crucial one, not only did I find my “clique” at school, but they only consisted of two people. Ant and KayP. Not going to use their names but these two were the only two that understood who I was and I understood who they were. We might have drifted a little bit since one has graduated but in the mean time, during these few months, have been my shoulder to cry on. They were very talented vocalist who taught me a lot in the sense of accompanying and vice versa. Since our school is small, our “accompanist” was my piano teacher, so every rehearsal was around his schedule, until I came into the picture. They really pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and really get me to where I need to be. During this time, I was still working retail and I have a true appreciation for those who commit full time to retail because lemme tell y’all. That shit is a lot of work. Especially around holidays. Balancing out school and work was a struggle, but I managed through especially when I don’t have a piano at home. I have to go to school to practice and with retail, all my extra time would be working.

April:

By this time, everyone is stressing because of finals, but luckily since I grabbed an associates degree from COmmunity college, I didn’t have to take my core classes and cry. Music classes were all my focuses were on especially performance. I had a few performances in between for our seminar where we perform in front of all the music students, and for me, being a pianist, I didn’t have to rely on my teacher for rehearsals and accompanying. I just focused on me and this got me ready for our benefit concert that I was honored to be a part of. KayP being the current Miss HBCU and queen of the school, decided to raise money for students of troubled pasts who have really turned their lives around in college and made a great GPA would be rewarded with scholarship money that we raised. I was the one who got to close the whole show out and it truly was an amazing experience. Being able to perform for a great cause is always heart warming and I will cherish that moment forever.

May:

So the semester comes to an end and I have juries (where we perform our pieces in front of the faculty and get graded ) what I did not know is that since our school is so small, they invite and pay other professors from the biggest university next to us UT Austin and have them come sit and grade us as well. That to me was a shock moment, because coming from a university in a small town before we had enough people and knew everyone. Community college DIDNT have juries for piano which was odd, but this was a perfect opportunity to really put my hard work into good use. After juries, I did splendid with a few mistakes that I was able to recover from, and lemme tell y’all. No performance is perfect. And I have accepted that. My piano teacher hooked me up with one of his good friends who owns and directs her own music school and I became a piano teacher there. Oddly, I’m the youngest teacher there with no doctoral degree and am working on a BA still..... but none the less, this transition really opened my eyes.

June:

School is finally out, and I reduced my retail job to just Saturday. I finally got my reputation as a teacher at my new job and gained students rather quickly to where I was almost booked up Monday through Friday. With little to no teaching experience it was a trial and error process. I was taking over a studio of a former teacher who had visa issues. So all his students were a tad skeptical with me more so their parents. But after observing lessons and learning their names it was only a matter of time that I was teaching them and really became someone they look up to. It started off rocky because I wasn’t used to a build your own schedule, from what I’ve experienced with teaching at a music school is that someone does the schedule for you. Not in this case, so having to communicate and try to accommodate every students schedule was a tough start, but once I got used to it, the ride was easy from there. Unfortunately, most students were gone on vacation so I had to work with only a few who stayed in town and accommodate those who were in town for that week. That aside, my communication improved after constantly talking with parents 24/7.

July:

This is where life gets exciting. My boyfriend had surprised me with tickets to go to Chicago. I would go back because the city is amazing and food is delicious and it’s easy to get around in Chicago. It was a nice break from work and really helped me bond with my partner. During this time we had two cats. One names Roger and the other Gladys. So a little back story, when I moved in with my partner, his cats basically adopted me. Gladys was a daddy’s girl and kept to Todd mostly but she was very seeet with me and made adorable monkey noises when you picked her up and cuddled with her. She was diagnosed with cancer and the year before that we made the decision to remove her tumor and hope that she would live a healthy life. Well this is where the tumor came back full force and in Chicago, I was a wreck because I felt bad enjoying my time away and leaving her at home. My partner (who is the mature one in our relationship) had a sit down with me about what to do with her and I lost it. He didn’t want to put her down either, but it was for the best. We agreed to keep her comfortable until we knew it was time. Before the month ends tho, we are back home and my sisters boyfriend sends me a text saying he is serious about her and wants to marry her. The retail I work for is a jewelry store and he had asked me to help pick out a diamond for my sister since he knew what she wanted. So this was the good news. We find the diamond, and have it set in her favorite setting and my boyfriend who is full of surprises gets me a ticket to visit her in LA.

August:

So my birthday month is here, and I fly out to LA to deliver the ring to my now sisters fiancé and they fly out to Italy and he does the deed and she says yes. Happy note. But as school starts back up for the new semester, my partner had a issue to where he would be in a state to where he couldn’t move much due to a unusual circumstance. And before that we decided to put Gladys down. It was a tough decision but we gave her the best life we could ever had hoped for her and I was emotionally drained from everything. Having to keep a positive attitude for my students and going to school and being an adult in general. The only way I got thru this period is from my best friend and coworker who knows what it’s like to go through life and it’s always better to have an open mind and ear to talk to. I call her my mamma because she’s like a mother figure to me but also a amazing friend. Without her, I probably wouldn’t have been mentally there at all for anyone. In the time of summer until now I haven’t had a chance to practice because I forgot to mention that i had a Jr recital coming up which is why my repertoire was so big.

September:

After everything passed and I’m in a better mental state, I proceed to my schedule of school and work and find a time to practice in between. What’s great about this month is that since the semester just started, I had plenty of time to catch up on my practice and really get my lessons to become productive in shaping and understanding different musical styles. My partner is all better and life is great because I was in the best part of my life. Doing well in school, amazing texting job, and a best friend who is there for me and most importantly my partner. He’s been my rock since we first met and I can always rely on him and vice versa. He understood that with my free day off that I needed to spend it practicing and told me to go for it and be as productive as I can. I honestly wasn’t used to that kind of support but I am grateful.

October:

This is where reality hits and my recital is next month. I get very crazy about everything. I had all my music learned but because of my indecisiveness, I kept changing how I shaped everything and my mind goes blank. Probably a dark time for me because I didn’t know how to handle this kind of stress. I’ve put on hour long recitals before and the only thing different this time is that I’m getting graded and want to make such a great impression to further my education to a dictator degree. The dress was eating me alive and on top of that, one of my students decided he wants to enter in a competition and I say why not. Let’s do it. Getting him ready for that and keeping my sanity was hard to do but I managed. He did well, but not well enough to get a medal but his parents were very impressed with how quickly he progressed with me. That’s always a plus, right?

November:

The month has come for me to have my big recital and I invited all my friends and coworkers and they all made it. I was truly nervous but if you don’t get nervous, are you even human? It turned out wonderful although the first piece (Bach French suite) was shaky, I had to tell my self that I was having fun and everyone here is here to support me and want me to do well. That little talk was a confidence booster and ended the recital flawlessly. After my recital, my job has their student recitals so my focus was all on my students doing the best they can and having fun. This month was fun because I was selected to do masterclasses for piano students through out my job and it was very enlightening to see how talented the new generation of musicians are! Only positive comments because I couldn’t honestly find anything wrong with any of the students performances and their teachers are amazing.

December:

So getting all my students ready for their recital was a big time investment but totally worth it because they all performed so well and I honestly cried bc I felt like a proud parent LOL. But after that was time for the semester to end up and one class was making me go crazy. Everything ended well and I had ALL A’s and one B but I know what to expect for next semester and everything will be great. Honestly this year has me all sorts of fucked up with emotions and I proved to myself that when I stay committed, I can really achieve what I want. This year was a great year for me and a way to end a decade because when 2020 starts, I know what I need to do and where I need to be.

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