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#I was raised in a pretty much completely catholic town and I’ve always been insanely ignorant so it took me a solid four years to realize m
philsmeatylegss · 10 months
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A huge underlying view among many terfs that frustrates me beyond belief is Islamophobia. I have seen countless of posts from Terfs using the stories of abused Muslim women as an excuse to say the whole religion is oppressive and sexist. I have seen so many posts about how hijabs and burkas are oppressive and women who choose to wear them are working against women’s rights. They often imply that most of, if not all, Muslim men are violent in the name of religion. They fail to make the obvious connection between the fact that there’s a huge difference between fascist governments using Islam as an excuse to oppress women and actual Islam and Muslims. Ofc women should have the right to chose if they want to be religious, if they want to cover up, if they want to take on a submissive role. No one is denying that. The reasons those rights are taken from women, often in the Middle East (which is what terfs often reference), is the fault of the government, not the religion. Yeah, there are abusive men who will use Islam as an excuse for their actions. Just like there are Christian men who will use Christianity as an excuse for their actions. Same goes for pretty much all religions. People covering up their abuse under the guise of religion is not limited to just Islam. It happens in most religions. It’s happened pretty much since religion started.
It’s just so ignorant and out of touch and you know they have never spoken to a Muslim person. If they did, they would know Muslims are the same as Christians and Jews and atheists and so on. It’s not some evil curse. It’s a religion that mainly focuses on peace. And to demonize it, using the horrors women have faced as an excuse is just so messed up. Most people on the internet haven’t realized there’s a big difference between a religion and people using that religion as a coverup for their shitty actions. The existence of governments using Islam to persecute women is because of bad people, not Islam. Terfs just want one group of people to be declared bad so they can blame everything on them. They claim to want to protect all women, and then condemn an entire religion. They talk about horrid treatment of women and blame religion rather than the perpetrators. It’s a very common belief a lot of them hold and I never see it mentioned and it just really pisses me off.
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softboywriting · 3 years
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Mi Alma | Santiago “Pope” Garcia
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Summary: After years of tension, you and Santiago finally get together at your best friend’s wedding. [Film: Triple Frontier] [Post-Film] [Flirting] [Making Out] 
Word Count: 6.7k
|Masterlist In Bio|
Frankie and Tiia's wedding is unlike any other you've been to, and you've been to a few. You're the last of your friends to get married, if it ever happens. You're picky with your men, have high standards. It's fine. You don't mind being alone for a while. Drama and games are not in the cards for you so you won't settle for someone. But this isn't about you and your love life, or so you think.
The couple was never quite normal. Frankie coming from a Catholic upbringing and since shunning it to become his own man and follow his heart. Tiia has always been a free spirit and very much into the unknown and world around her. They make an interesting yet perfect match and their wedding is no run of the mill church ceremony with a bunch of people in pews for hours on end. No. They have quite the opposite.
For starters the wedding is outdoors, a forested area just behind the house Frankie and Tiia bought last year. It's beautiful, the trees in full bloom, greenery as far as the eye can see. There wasn't a ton of prep to be done for the ceremony, just setting up chairs and arranging flowers among the natural foliage. Orange and yellow, those are Tiia's colors. Roses, carnations, peonies, you name it. She took everything the florist could get her in those colors. Frankie didn't care, he said he would love anything she loves. There is an arch made of wood that a friend of yours specially crafted just for the happy couple. It's their wedding gift from him, as Tiia will put it in her garden after the ceremony.  
The day Tiia showed you her dress you knew that the wedding would be magical. It's non traditional of course, very Greek goddess meets fairy queen. Draped white and cream fabric, gold accents, braided embellishments. It's incredible and she looks completely stunning in it. It isn't until the day of the wedding that you see her veil, natural colored faux antlers made into a crown like setting atop her head. She is beautiful.
You find yourself on the day of the wedding getting ready and waiting for the ceremony to start. You've not been told who you are to walk with. Tiia said she didn't tell any of the bridesmaids who they're walking with because she didn't want to cause any problems. Honestly you're not sure what that means, you only know that your friend Caiti would have a problem if she was paired up with Benny because of a past relationship. You check your reflection in the small mirror decor beside the door you're meant to go out. You look fine. Good. Great actually. You twist your finger around a loose bit of hair by your temple and smooth the top of the dress that matches Tiia's flowy one. Damn good.
"You're up." Says Tiia's brother, opening the patio doors for you.
You take a deep breath, pull up the hem of your dress and step out. The plan is that you meet your groomsman at the end of the wrap around deck and you walk to the forest together. You can't help but wonder who it will be. Any of the guys would be great, you're familiar with them all. Benny? He is single currently. Will? No, his fiance is in the bridal party. Frankie's brother? Maybe but...no. Santiago. Oh Lord have mercy. If it's Santiago you're going to have to reach deep into yourself and find some inner calm. Every time the two of you are together with the crew it's like fire. It is undeniable the way you connect but you have never- shit.
At the end of the deck is Santiago. He looks insanely...tempting. You say a prayer to any force listening. Did he have to look so good? Tailored slacks, a deep blue button down, no tie and sleeve rolled up, even the watch on his wrist is sexy. Fucking hell you could just turn around and run back into the house. Demand another partner.
"Hermosa..." Santiago mutters as you approach.
"What's that?"
Santiago snaps his eyes to yours and smiles warmly. "Nothing, I was just thinking out loud." He offers his arm and you take it.
"What does that mean? Hermosa?"
He leads you carefully down the steps into the grass. "It means beautiful."
"Oh...oh!" You flush, heat rising from your chest. "Thank you."
Santiago chuckles softly and lifts your hand to kiss it. "Every woman should be told they look beautiful."
"You're a sweet talker today."
"I've had a drink or two. Frankie and I had a talk before the wedding, pre marital nerves."
"I can't imagine. I've never gotten that far into a relationship."
Santiago's eyes meet yours as you glance over to gauge his reaction. He raises his eyebrows and you raise yours. It's always like this. Silent conversations. They're louder than any words you've ever exchanged. "Are you excited for Tiia?"
"Through the roof. She hasn't shut up about Frankie since they met. I'm glad she's found her person."
"Me too." He stops as you arrive at the archway. "You never know when you'll meet the right person."
"Yeah, I guess so."
He steps away, touch lingering on your hand as he parts. "Who knows, maybe you've already met them."
You look at him and he says nothing more, just gives a little smile. He knows exactly what he's doing. Fueling the fire. That's it. This wedding, you're getting Santiago Garcia.
______________________
The entire ceremony you stared at each other and it is unlike ever before, there was no conversation in your eyes. It was just a game of who could out stare who. Until Frankie began reading his vows, then Santiago's gaze changed. It flicked between you and Frankie, soft and loving.
There were tears, actual tears when Frankie began to talk about how he felt about Tiia and their bond. All of the guys were crying, proud of their best friend to be so happy and excited to take this step in his life. But Santiago...he couldn't look away from you. You try not to look away from Tiia and Frankie, knowing they deserve your undivided attention and not Santiago. It's hard. Santiago's eyes...they're undeniable, irresistible, commanding. He is making it hard not to think about what it would be like to be in your friends shoes, or lack thereof because she is actually barefoot under that dress. What would a wedding with Santiago look like? A beautiful tailored suit, beard grown out a bit for sure, messy curls, bowtie or regular tie. Hmm. And your dress, white or blush? Formal or fun? You've never thought about your own wedding and yet here you are just-
You snap out of your dream world when the guests begin to clap, the ceremony is over. You raise your hands and clap, smiling at your friends. Santiago gestures for you to join him as the bride and groom walk back down the path. You're meant to follow after, being in the wedding party and all.
Santiago's hand slides across your lower back the moment you're in reach. You swear you can feel your skin tingle all the way up to the back of your neck. "That was incredible."
"It was a very pretty ceremony."
"Are you feeling well?"
You frown and look at him, he raises his eyebrows. "Yes? Do I look ill?"
He shakes his head. "Not in the slightest. You looked...distracted."
"Can't say I wasn't."
Santiago gives a soft knowing hum in response and nothing more. Kindling. He's throwing kindling into this fire now. The son of a bitch. No. You would never call him that. He's too good. "Ride with me?" He says and you realize you've walked together to the front of the house where everyone is parked.  
"I-...Benny."
"Benny?"
"I promised Benny I'd ride with him. I'm supposed to be his DD tonight and care for his truck should he get a little out of hand."
Santiago smiles softly. "I see. I'll meet you at the hall then?"
You nod.
He lays a hand on your cheek and presses a kiss to the opposite side. "Drive safe."
Your heart threatens to explode and you're stuck standing there like a deer in headlights. There is no way you're going to survive this wedding.
_____________________
The reception is when things really kick off, it usually is though isn't it. The reception is held at a party rental hall in town, their house not being ready for so many guests and a large dinner and dancing. You ride with Benny, having to just take a moment and figure out what your next move is with Santiago.
"You and Pope, huh?" Benny says, looking over at you. "When's that happening?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on anyone with eyes could see you two tryin’ to undress each other up there."
You stifle a noise of protest because you know that if you make a scene about it then Benny will be even nosier. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Yeah alright sweetheart." Benny laughs to himself, a quick breathy little chuckle. "If a girl looked at me like that for an hour, we'd be kicking boots in the back of this truck right now."
"You're gross Benny."
"Never said I wasn't." He grins and does a little tongue click. "Pope is a good man, the best I know. Give'em a chance."
"Sure, thanks for the pep talk Benny."
"Anytime sweetheart."
Once you arrive at the reception you immediately run into Santiago. No, literally you smack into him when you step in the doors. He seemed to be on his way outside as you were going in. His familiar spicy cologne flls your nose and your eyes cross for a moment. You know it's him before he speaks, before you see his face.
His hand comes up, steadying you with it on your back. "Easy there, honey."
Honey. Fuck. You're so fucked. "Sorry, I was just trying to go in."
"Mmm. I forgot my phone in the car, I'll be back."
"I'll be seated?" You say awkwardly.
He chuckles and steps away from you. "Go on, don't wait for me."
"I wasn't going to?" You step in and look around for your table. It should be near the front. You look for the names and sure enough there you are right next to... Santiago. "Great."
"Is something wrong?"
You jump and Will chuckles. "No, I'm fine."
"Where'd Pope go?"
"His phone."
Will nods. "Have you seen Benny?"
You shrug. "We drove together but I've no idea where he went. Check the bar?"
"I checked there, I bet he's out back." Will sighs and heads for the emergency exit door that's propped open at the far end of the building.
You take a seat and Santiago returns, sliding behind you and taking his seat next to you. The chairs are close, the table being a little small for the amount of people seated at it. You can feel Santiago's warmth, his scent filling your nose. Oh how you love that cologne. It's one of two he's worn since you met and this one just nails it right on the head. If you knew the brand you would buy it and drown yourself in it.
His hand comes down on your thigh and you feel like the world has stopped and begun to burn around you. It is absolutely no mistake, he knows what he's doing. His fingers flex against the loose fabric of the dress and it falls open a bit along the side split, exposing your skin beneath.
Will stands from the end of your table and taps his glass a few times. He is going to make a speech. Of course, it's Will and he is the best speech giver you've ever met. You try to distract yourself, wondering how many wedding speeches he has given. If you ask him he will know. If you ask him how many of anything he has or does he will know. You smile to yourself, eyes flicking to Santiago. Will is the reason any of this is happening. If he hadn't given Santiago the coordinates to the ravine with Lorea's money, Santiago would have never gone after it, never gifted the wedding fund to Tiia and Frankie.
Santiago's hand shifts and you're acutely aware of its position further up your leg, his pinky finger brushing your tender inner thigh. Should you tell him to stop? He didn't ask to touch you, and you didn't tell him yes or no. Did he need to ask though? Honestly you don't mind aside from the fact that it's driving you crazy. He must know what he is doing to you, how you feel. He has always been physically affectionate with everyone, hugging, cheek kisses, hands on arms and backs. His love language is very obviously touching.
Will begins to wrap up, and you raise your glass with everyone else to toast. Santiago grabs his glass with his non dominant hand, not letting your thigh go. "To many years of love, happiness and joy. Mr. and Mrs. Morales!"
"I'm up next." Santiago says, giving you a squeeze that makes your stomach jump.
You watch him stand and he taps his glass. You have no idea why but your heart is pounding in your chest. His ass is in perfect view, his thighs...oh his thighs. You decide to get a little retribution for the thigh touching and you lay your hand on the back of his leg, just above the bend of his knee. It's not much, just a gentle touch and nowhere near sexual. You're sure he's burning up though.
"Tiia, the day Frankie met you I knew his fate was sealed. I had not once seen my brother so engrossed in a woman than when he talked about you. When you and I finally met, and I saw that red hair of yours, I knew there was something special. Hermana, eres fuego. You have made Frankie a better man, a calmer and more gentle man. Without you I don't know where he would be." Santiago raises his glass higher. "I hope to find a love like yours someday. Cheers to new family, life and a beautiful union!"
Your hand falls from his leg as he sits down and he slides his back over your thigh. "That was a nice speech," you whisper.
"Thank you. I know it wasn't nearly as long and detailed as Will's but I tried." He swipes his thumb back and forth. "Even if I had a little bit of a distraction."
You smile and give him an innocent look.
"Malo..." He mutters softly and tears his gaze from yours to Benny who's standing at the table opposite.
You reach out and run your hand over his shoulder, settling with it on the back of his neck. Your fingers slip into the curls there and he lets out a subtle shaky breath that you don't miss for a second. Two can participate in his game of touches and you're going to play hardball.
Benny makes his speech, short but sweet and meaningful. Tom's wife is up next. Before she stands you make eye contact with Tiia. You could feel her stare before you caught it. She gives a little smirk.
"Honey, you're going to make me fall asleep." Santiago whispers, ducking his head close to you after a minute or two.
"That's not quite my goal."
He slips his hand down your inner thigh and you feel heat swell between your legs. "What is your goal?"
"What is your goal, Santiago."
"I-"
"Thank you everyone for coming and for your well wishes. It means the world to Tiia and I that we're surrounded by so much love." Frankie says and everyone cheers softly. "Let's have dinner and cake!"
"Bride or groom?" Santiago asks, close to your ear.
"H-Huh?"
"The cakes. Bride or groom's cake?" He points to the table with the two cakes on it. "I'll get you a piece."
You try to remember what kind they both are but you're drawing a blank. All you can focus on is Santiago and you feel bad. This day should be about your friends and here you are wetting your fucking pants for Santiago Garcia. Christ.
"Honey?" He purrs and your mouth falls open as he squeezes your thigh. "I'll get one of each."
"Y-yeah. "
Santiago stands and leaves the table. The lack of heat on your leg is a shock. You're still burning up but it's nowhere near as bad as when he's close. Tiia comes over and leans against your table, she grins knowingly at you.
"How's it going over here?"
"Fine? Should it not be?"
"Is he being nice?"
"Santi?"
"Santi?"
You flush and lean your head into your hand. "Santiago. Yes, he's being nice. Why? He is always a sweetheart."
Santiago returns with two plates of cake and sets them on the table. He grabs Tiia's cheek and gives her a kiss to the temple. "Hermana."
"Problema." Tiia giggles and Santiago rolls his eyes.
"I am not trouble." He takes his seat beside you and gives a pointed look at Frankie nearby laughing with Will and Benny. "Hay problema."
Tiia pushes Santiago's head and he laughs. "Frankie is not trouble! He's a good boy."
"Mmmm." Santiago says, raising his eyebrows. "Good boys don't have the most fun." He catches your gaze and winks.
"You're insufferable. Enjoy the cake, lovely." Tiia says to you and heads off to meet her new husband.
Santiago dips his fork into the slice of white and yellow frosted cake, the bride's cake, and brings it up to your lips. "Try it?"
"I can feed myself," you giggle and he bumps the frosted bit against your lips. You open and take the cake in. It's delicious and you remember now. It's an apple spiced white cake with caramel cream center.
"Good?" He asks, cutting a bit for himself. "Oh wow that's amazing."
You nod and reach for your own fork but Santiago pushes it away. "Hey-"
"I got it." He smirks, cutting a slice of the groom's cake. Chocolate with butter rum filling. "Open up."
"Give me my fork, Santiago."
He shakes his head and you reach for it. He knocks your hand away and holds your wrist loosely. "Ah, I said open up."
"Santi..."
His eyes go darker than you've ever seen and you imagine they must be lust filled to be so heavy. "Open up." He says once more, but this time with more authority.
You open your mouth obediently and he presses the fork down gently to your tongue as he slides it out. "Mmmm."
"Better than the last one?" He asks, cutting another piece and holding it up for you. You take it in as well and he smiles.
This is far too intimate. What the fuck are you doing? You're not even together, you're not dating, neither of you have explicitly said this was happening. Not to mention you're at your friend's wedding, in front of people and he's... he's driving you insane.
"Excuse me." You mutter softly, pushing away from the table and leaving a very confused Santiago behind. You head for the emergency exit and take a deep breath of the cool spring air as you step outside. You need to breathe.
___________________
Minutes tick by as you sit on the fence post that blocks a patio area from the parking lot. You figured Santiago would have come for you by now, but you didn't expect it. He's too sweet to impede upon your personal space when he knows you definitely needed it because of his actions. Footsteps behind you draw your attention away from the passing traffic on the road nearby. It's Will.
"What're you doing out here all alone?"
"Getting some fresh air."
"I can understand that." Will takes a seat next to you. "I saw you head out here earlier. I figured I'd give you a little bit before coming to check on you."
"Thanks. Am I missing anything?"
"Tiia is going to throw the bouquet soon. Do you want to catch it?"
You laugh softly to yourself. Do you want to? Do you want to be the next friend to marry? You're the only one not married besides Benny. The rest of the guests are family or friends who are married. "Maybe Benny should give it a try."
Will snorts and you laugh at the sound. "You'd need tempered steel to tie that man down. He's too wild, too free to settle down."
"Yeah, Benny is...Benny."
Will taps your arm with the back of his hand. "C'mon, let's go see who gets the bouquet."
"Alright." You slide off the fence and head back into the hall with Will.
Inside you see a crowd of people near the bride and grooms table. Tiia has her back to the crowd and you watch as she swings the bundle of flowers backwards. There is a collective gasp and you strain to see who caught the flowers.
As the crowd clears you see Santiago standing there with the bouquet. He's laughing, saying something to Frankie's aunt nearby and then he sees you. Your heart races. He gestures for you to come to him.
"Why did you-"
"For you." He holds the bouquet up and kisses your cheek. "I thought you might want them."
"Thank you. They're pretty."
"Are you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah, why- oh. When I went outside. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just run out on you." You lick your lips and look down from his gaze. "I just needed some air."
Santiago cups your cheek. "Hey, look at me."
You look at him and it's a mistake. Your heart pounds, threatening to break through your ribs. "Yes?"  
He leans in whispers, "Did I go too far earlier?"
"The cake?"
He nods.
"It was unexpected, but no." You can feel a flush rising in your chest. "I mean you've always been affectionate but we haven't really...talked about it."
Santiago chuckles softly. "I suppose we haven't. It's always been there but we've never acknowledged it. Are you uncomfortable? I know I'm a few years older and-"
"Santiago."
"Yes?"
"We're in the middle of a wedding. Maybe we should discuss this later? More privately?" You look around at the crowd that's pretty much dispersed.
He cracks a sheepish smile and tucks a bit of hair behind your ear, gliding his fingertips along your cheek before bumping your lip with his thumb. "Mas tarde, cariña," he murmurs.
You lick your lip where he touched and he doesn't miss it, eyes snapping to your mouth. "You know that I know limited Spanish."
"I said we'll talk later." He puts his arm around you and guides you toward your table. "Let's clear the way for the married couple's first dance."
_____________________
The first dance doesn't happen right away. The removal of the garter happens first. For those unfamiliar, it's like the tossing of the bouquet but generally for the men. The husband removes his wife's garter, a thin band of fabric worn around the thigh, and tosses it to the crowd. The one who catches it is said to be the next to marry. It's a symbol of good luck.
You watch as Tiia takes a seat in a chair brought out to the center floor. She is bright pink and you can't help but laugh a little. Frankie comes around the chair, taking her hand and kissing it gently. He says something you can't make out, but Tiia smiles.
"Come on Frankie!" Benny hollers.
"Oh be quiet Benny!" Frankie quips, flipping off his friend. "Not like you want it!"
"The hell I don't!"
Everyone laughs.
Santiago's hand slides over your knee, pushing the dress aside and allowing it to fall open. He can't keep his hands off of you it seems.
Frankie kneels down and pushes Tiia's dress up to expose her legs.
Santiago's hand inches up your leg, massaging his fingertips tenderly into the soft skin. You spare him a glance and his focus seems to be on the married couple like everyone else.
Frankie leans in and grabs the garter with his teeth and the guests cheer him on. You attempt to clap but your brain is elsewhere, short circuiting on the arousal nerves between your legs.
"Do you want it?" Santiago purrs in your ear and you shiver. Why did that have to sound like such a loaded question. Do you want what? Him? The garter? His attention?
"W-what?"
"The garter."
You turn your head to look at him and reply when suddenly you're smacked in the face with something. You jump, startled by the sudden sensation, and look down at the table where the white garter is sitting on it.
Somewhere Benny is hollering wildly, and Frankie says something along the lines of how you're the lucky lady. You don't hear it really because Santiago grabs the garter and rubs it between his fingers, smiling at you playfully. His other hand is still on your leg, farther up and dangerously close to your underwear.
"I'd love to see you in this." He says, fingers flexing on your skin. "And nothing else."
"Santiago!" You whisper sharply and he leans in close.
His lips meet yours and your heart stops. The world stops. His hand leaves your thigh and slides around to your hip, the other cradles your head, angling your face for better access.
It's like years of tension have finally broken and now it's coming out like breach in a dam. You reach for him, not sure what to grab but you land on his hair and his shoulder. He deepens the kiss, tongue pushing past your lips to roll against yours. He tastes like minty gum and you can't get enough.
He grips your hips with both hands and hauls you over onto his lap. The chair creaks under the weight of two bodies. You can't care, this is a dream come true. You don't want to stop kissing him because if you do, it feels like it might never happen again.
"Baby," Santiago groans into your mouth as you roll your hips down against his lap, desperate for some release. "Baby we gotta stop."
"No," you lick into his mouth desperately and he chases your lips, biting gently to slow you down.
His hand finds your hair and grips firmly, pulling you back. "Listen to me."
You stare at him, eyes locked on to his. They're so full of promises of what's to come. He looks as wrecked as you do, you're sure. "Yes?"
He grins slowly, leaning in for a soft kiss. "God you're beautiful like this."
You try to return the kiss, chasing his lips as he pulls back but his grip in your hair is firm.
"We're still at the wedding." He says softly. "I don't think we should be grinding on each other in such a public setting."
You lean back, settling yourself back on his thighs. Reality comes creeping in, a cold rush of embarrassment rising up your spine. He's right. You're at the wedding still, everyone can see you right now. You got so caught up in the euphoria that you forgot where you were.
"Santiago, you son of a bitch." Benny says from behind you. "You finally did it."
You turn and look back while Santiago leans over to see Benny. "Go away."
"Oh I will, I'll leave you two to face suck like teenagers. I just wanted to say it's about time. How was it?"
"Benny." Santiago says warningly.
You look between the two of them. "How was the kiss?"
Benny nods.
"Good, really good? Why?"
Santiago groans.
"Do you know why we call him Pope?" Benny asks and you shake your head. "It's because he brings you closer to God when he gets his hands on you."
"Benny! Fuck off!" Santiago shouts and throws a fork on the table at him. Benny dodges the projectile and runs off laughing. "God damn menace."
You run your hand through his curls, brushing your thumb over a little spot of grays peeking through. "Is that true?"
"Is what true? The Pope thing?"
"Yeah. Is that why they call you Pope?"
Santiago smiles softly. "It is. It's stupid and childish but-"
"I like it." You slide off his lap and lean in close to his ear. "You took me closer to God with a kiss, I can only imagine what more will be like." You grab his hand and before he can respond you step back, pulling his arm up. "Dance with me?"
_____________________
You and Santiago dance for a long time, slow and sweet. After about the tenth song he kisses your temple and says he needs to take a seat, his knees are killing him. You part from him and he goes to sit with Will and Frankie who are near the bar. You turn and head to the bride and grooms table to sit with Tiia.
"Hey you," Tiia says with a playful smirk. "I thought you were gonna get eaten alive earlier."
"I'm sorry." You sink down into Frankie's chair and she laughs. "I just lost my mind for a few minutes there. Was everyone staring?"
"No, everyone got up to dance and get food from the buffett. I noticed, obviously, because I've been watching you all night."
"Creepy."
Tiia pushes your shoulder. "Oh shut up. I set you up, but I never could have guessed this outcome."
"You set me up?"
"Yeah? I picked Santiago to be your best man. I knew the two of you have had chemistry since you met. I just gave you a little nudge in the right direction." She looks smug as she takes a sip of her wine. "You're welcome."
"You're a troublemaker."
"Matchmaker, thank you."
You roll your eyes. "Maybe too good of a match maker. I sucked face while you had your first dance."
She laughs, nearly spitting out her wine. "I don't need everyone to watch me dance with my husband to validate our marriage. You're my best friend, the fact that you are just as happy on my wedding day as I am, that means the world to me. You deserve a good man, and Santiago is a very good man."
"You really aren't mad I didn't pay attention?"
"Nope, because I can guarantee you I'll be all over Frankie at your wedding."
"My wedding? Yeah we'll be in our sixties before that happens." You pick at a spot on the front of your dress, directing your focus elsewhere in hopes of ending this conversation. "No one wants to marry me."
Tiia kicks you. "Bullshit. If you asked Santiago right now to run away and get married at a little chapel in Vegas he'd say yes."
"No he wouldn't. He's not reckless."
"Yes, he is. When it comes to you there is nothing he wouldn't do."
"Whatever."
"Whatever," she says mockingly. "Do you have any idea what he has told Frankie?"
You narrow your eyes. "You're lying."
"Have I ever lied to you?"
"Once. A birthday present that I figured out."
Tiia rolls her eyes. "That doesn't count."
"Why would Frankie tell you about what he and Santiago discuss?"
"Because I'm nosey and I ask. Plus, you're my best friend and you two have obvious chemistry."
"So what did he say?"
Tiia points to Santiago as he makes his way across the room. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"
"Tiia!"
"What's my two favorite women chatting about huh?" Santiago smiles and hands you a glass.
You look down into the glass. You can't drink today, you're Benny's designated driver.
"It's non alcoholic, don't worry."
"Thank you."
"She doesn't need alcohol to get a little crazy." Tiia teases, elbowing you from her seat. "She has a better drug, right Pope?"
Santiago chuckles. "You're never going to let us live that moment down huh?"
"Never. I was surprised you didn't just take her to the bathroom."
"Tiia!" You shove her and she cackles. "God!"
"I'm teasing you. Seriously, if you guys wanna get out of here and have a little fun I'll get someone to take Benny home." Tiia looks across the way at the table where Benny is telling some animated story. "Or he can sleep on the couch at me and Frankie's house. We'll drop him off before we go to the hotel."
Santiago shakes his head. "I'm not stepping out on your wedding, and I'm sorry for the behavior earlier. It's not the right time or place."
"You two are a match. She said the same thing when she came over. I'm not mad, I'm happy you're happy." Tiia stands and walks around the table to stand before Santiago. She lays a hand on his cheek before giving it a hard pat. "Problema."
"Un poco."
"Oh no you're big trouble, not little trouble." She says and shoves his head back playfully. "Go, make my girl happy."
Santiago smiles and kisses her forehead. "You heard the lady." He offers his hand to you. "Can I take you home?"
"One more dance?"
"I think I can manage that."
You follow Santiago out onto the dancefloor, hand in his as he lays his other on your waist. A slow song comes on, one you've heard a few times on the radio but never paid much attention to.
"I'm sorry about earlier." He says softly out of nowhere.
"I'm just as much to blame."
"I just got a little ahead of myself, like Benny said, I felt like a horny teenager."
You giggle and lean your head on his shoulder. "It's been a while, and we built this tension to a boiling point. We were bound to snap someday."
Santiago runs his hand up your back and cradles your neck loosely. "Have I told you how beautiful you are tonight?"
"Yes, but I don't mind hearing it again."
He drops his head to your ear and places a little kiss on the outer shell. "You'd look even more beautiful in my bedroom."
A hot flush warms your cheeks. "Santi...cool it."
"I can't help it." He grins and you hear rather than see it. "I just want to eat you up."
"We can stay a bit longer." You kiss his throat and he lets out a quiet groan that you relish in, grinning big ear to ear against his skin. "It'll do you good to wait. You'll want it more."
_____________________
The sound of a cell phone ringing rips you from a deep sleep. It's unfamiliar, not your ringtone but shrill and annoying nonetheless. The room is bright, the sun shining through the cream colored blinds and past the sheer curtains. Everything is familiar but like you had seen it in a dream, nothing was quite the same as you remember. You sit up and look around. Yes. It's the same as last night, the lighting makes things look different is all.
"Make it stop," Santiago groans from beside you.
"I don't know where it is." You pat around the blankets, trying to find the source of noise. "It's your phone."
"Fuck." He sits up and you get a full view of his strong, bare back in the bright daylight. There are a few scars, but one big one just behind his shoulder gets your attention. It looks strange, like a paint splatter of pink skin against his tan complexion.
You reach out to touch the scar, trace it curiously. What on Earth made a scar like that. "Santi?"
"Just a minute baby." He leans over and your hand falls to the bed. He comes back up with the phone in hand and swipes the screen to deny the call.
You lay back and he crawls under the covers beside you.
"Now, good morning." He grins, touching your nose and you sniffle. "I hope you're not too sore."
"Me?" You giggle, rolling to face him head on. "I'd be more worried about you."
Santiago chuckles. "Because of my knees?"
"Yeah and your back." You slide your hand over his shoulder and explore the scar with your fingertips. "What's this one from?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"Mmhmm."
"A bullet." He takes your hand away and threads his fingers between yours. "A sniper when I was twenty seven. We were on a mission somewhere in the Ukraine. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and boom." He chuckles softly. "It went straight through. I suppose I'm lucky, they were clearly aiming for something more vital and missed."
You play with his fingers and he watches. What do you say? Sorry? Wow? You know Santiago and the guys are ex military special forces. You know they all have their scars and close call stories. You've heard the others tell them over and over but Santiago...he has always been quiet.
"It's a lot to take in." He murmurs, bringing your knuckles up to kiss.
You laugh softly, more to yourself than anything. "I broke my leg falling out of a tree once."
Santiago chuckles. "Bet that hurt." He kisses your knuckles again and lets his lips linger. "It's okay if you're not sure how to respond."
"Thank you," you mutter sheepishly.
His phone starts ringing again and he sighs. He rolls over and grabs it, bringing it back to lay between the two of you. "It's Frankie."
"Answer it."
"Should I? You don't mind?"
You shake your head. "He might need you."
Santiago swipes to answer and presses the phone to his ear. "Buenos dias pendejo."
You smile and he gives you a cheeky grin. That's a little bit of Spanish you do know. "Be nice."
He mouths a quick, 'No' before speaking again. "Why are you calling me after your wedding night? Shouldn't you and Tiia be sleeping? I didn't give you that money to wake me up at the crack of dawn when you're meant to be boarding a plane to Hawaii for your honeymoon in a few hours."
"Hawaii sounds good." You snuggle down into the blankets, imagining the warm sun on your body.
"Yes she's fine." Santiago chuckles softly. "Did you want to talk to her?"
You raise your eyebrows and he gives you a wink.
"Here you go." He passes you the phone and you press it to your ear.
"Hello?"
"Did that dick make you stupid?" Tiia asks through a laugh.
"Shut up!" You laugh, rolling over onto your back. Santiago's arm snakes across your waist and he pulls you close, face in your shoulder. "I'll hang up on you."
"Really though, did you guys have a good night? I just wanted Frankie to call and make sure you got home okay."
"Yes, we got home okay. It was a good night."
Santiago hums against your skin, biting playfully at your jaw. "It could be a better morning."
"Which one of you said I love you first?"
"Tiia."
"I know it happened."
"Goodbye Tiia, I'm hanging up now."
"Oh you-"
You toss the phone into the pillows and close your eyes. Santiago lazily kisses your neck, his short beard giving you a bit of a burn on your shoulder.
"It was me." He whispers between kisses.
"Hmm?"
"I said it first."
"You could hear her?" You shift around and lay so you're face to face agan.
He nods. “Do you remember?"
"Mmm. You said I love you, mallma?"
He presses a kiss to your lips. "It's mi alma. Do you want to know what that means?"
"Yes."
"It means, my soul." He runs a hand through your hair and brings you close for another kiss. "It's a pet name for someone you really care deeply for."
You grip his back and press your forehead to his. You give a sheepish smile. "How do you say I love you again?"
"Te amo."
"Te amo, Santiago."
He grins and chuckles softly. "We'll work on the accent."
"Good thing I have the best teacher."
"Yes you do."
"Until then," You tuck your face into his neck and he threads a hand in your hair. "I love you."
"I love you too."
End
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Header by delicate-venus 
Dedication: To delicate-venus, because you let me write your dream wedding for you with your dream man as inspiration for this fic. 
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*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****
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trichster · 7 years
Text
15/06/2017, 11:00pm.
So because it’s pride month and it’s literally everywhere (which is beautiful and I love it) I guess it has hit me harder than ever.
I think I was around 16 or 17 the first time I considered I might be not straight. I’m not very good at feelings though so I’ve never really had a crush on anyone, but I do remember watching some girls and thinking they were beautiful.
Back then, I didn’t really think anything about it. I’ve been raised in a catholic atmosphere. My parents and most of my family are catholics, I went to three different catholic schools and I even won a catholic scholarship to study in a catholic university. My parents are overprotective and though I love my grandparents, they weren’t really open minded so I can’t really blame my parents for the way they think. They were raised that way and both grew up in small towns where new and different thoughts were bizarre. I don’t share their opinions but I don’t blame them either.
Like I said, I was raised in that environment. It wasn’t until I finally moved from the town to the city that I began to think about my sexuality. Even though my parents never really told me or my siblings that being not straight was wrong, as far as I remember, they’ve been implying it for years. So when I turned 16-17 and began to notice things about girls that I was supposed to notice on guys, it freaked me out a little. It wasn’t because I was scared of being a lesbian or something other than straight, it was more the fact that I just knew my parents wouldn’t take it well.
So I decided to hide it. Like I said, I’m not good with feelings, so it wasn’t really that hard for me to hide it. I don’t get attached to people easily so it’s not like I had to sacrifice a crush or a potential relationship or anything. Instead, I just pretended that I didn’t find anyone attractive, regardless of their gender.
When I turned 16 I moved to an all girl high school (catholic, again) and I was so angry that I got enrolled there that I didn’t even try to make friends. I was pretty shit the first year if I’m being honest. I made friends my last year though. And up to this day, they’re still my closest friends. Even though I was there for two years, I didn’t really get a crush on anyone, so I thought that maybe it was just me being complicated and decided to ignore it again.
When I went to college though, things changed. I’m not really sure why, but for some reason I started to think about it again. It scared me so I decided to just ignore it and let it go. I was not dating anyone so there wasn’t really a reason to overthink it. These last two years though I have been thinking about it non stop and if I’m being honest it’s driving me insane.
I don’t have a problem with liking girls. I have, in fact, accepted it a long time ago. It wasn’t really a problem to me. I’ve always thought of people as people regardless of the way I was raised. It might be cause I spend most of my free time on the internet because I know for sure my siblings don’t share my views on lots of things. I don’t know, but I’ve never seen people as other than people, regardless of their race, sex, color, religion or anything. I just don’t care. So I didn’t have a problem with liking girls.
My parents though, that’s a completely different story. If it weren’t for the fact that I just know they wouldn’t approve of my liking girls I wouldn’t even be having this crisis. I remember reading “ those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind ” once, but the truth is, it’s not like that for me. I love my parents more than anything in this world and I just know they wouldn’t accept it. And honestly, the mere thought of losing them is enough to drive me completely insane.
Which is ridiculous, because I’m 23 and I can’t talk to my parents about something that is so important for me. The only people who know are my best friend (who was completely supportive, like I knew she’d be) and another friend I met a few years ago on twitter and who was equally supportive and amazing. Their support means everything to me because when I’m having a crisis I know I can count on them and I know they’ll make it better.
It makes me so sad that I can’t talk to my parents though. My dad is an amazing father, but he would never accept something like that. I just know he wouldn’t. I have enough reasons to know he wouldn’t. And my mom is like my other half. She is my mom and my friend and my sister and my everything, but I know I can’t tell her either. And it sucks.
It’s so hard for me that I can’t talk about this with the two most important people in my life. And it’s not like I’d rub it on their faces either. I just wish they knew. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished they knew. Every time there’s a slight mention of homosexuality I literally tense up because even though I know they don’t know, I feel like if I open my mouth, they’ll know. And the thought of them knowing scares me to death. I know they wouldn’t stop talking to me, I know they wouldn’t disown me or kick me out, but to think that they would stop looking at me the way they do now is enough to destroy me. They’ve always told me how proud they are of me for being such a good student and such a good girl and such a good daughter, and the thought of losing all of that for something like this, something that I can’t change about myself, something that shouldn’t matter to them but does because of the way they were raised, it kills me. I don’t want them to look at me and feel pity or regret or guilt. I’m not strong enough to deal with that. I’ll never be strong enough to lose my parents like that.
And it scares me because I know that if someday, for some sick joke of destiny, I fall in love with a girl, I’ll have to take a decision and either way it’s going to hurt like hell. And it sucks because as long as they don’t know, I’ll keep hearing their homophobic crap every time the matter comes up and I will feel like shit and it will shatter me but I will not have the strength to speak up because I’ll be scared that they’ll know and it sucks. It sucks so much. I feel trapped inside myself and it’s driving me mad because I can’t stop thinking about it and the more I think the more I crumble and it’s making me feel so damn hopeless.
I don’t want to lose my parents but I feel like I’m losing myself instead.
It sucks.
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