#I should go to bed but I don't want to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

running-in-the-dark · 9 months

Text

I've gotta go to the dentist again tomorrow. I got two fillings done on Thursday but they feel really rough and it's hurting my tongue (plus my brain doesn't stop noticing something like that so I'm constantly aware of it and it's exhausting), so I've got to get that fixed.

this time I have to drive myself, so I can't take any Lorazepam. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a quick visit anyway, at least this kind of thing has never taken long in the past, so. it should be fine, I know that. but I feel so shitty anyway. it's like the anxiety/fear is there right below the surface but it can't quite come out (probably thanks to the anxiety meds) so I just feel off all day. it sucks (though I much prefer this over the actual anxiety, that completely ruined the days leading up to anything like this).

#plus I've been extremely tired all day so that doesn't help #I should go to bed but I don't want to #then I'll wake up and it'll be tomorrow and I'll have to go there and it'll be scary and I don't want to :(#it's so weird that going to the dentist used to be one of the things that DIDN'T scare me. or at least not any more than just regular #everyday stuff #but now anything medical that involves anything being DONE (so not just a visit to talk about something) is fucking terrifying #i just don't want to struggle anymore. I want to get up every day/most days and just feel alright and for everything to be neutral #everything feels so difficult and like I can't do it and what's the point anyway. if I can't do this at 31 then it's never gonna get better #right? how could it #ugggh #I'm so fucking scared of being done with uni. if I get a job I don't know how I'll cope. I already can't handle life and I don't do #ANYTHING right now 😭#I just wish my brain would shut up #for a little while at least #personal

12 notes · View notes

lazylittledragon · 3 months

Text

do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow

1K notes · View notes

infiniteorangethethird · 5 months

Text

ik the common agreement in neurodivergent circles seems to be that we all function better at night but here's to the ones who are on the opposite end of the spectrum. To the early birds who wake at 7 and can't stay up past 10pm. To the ones who are left out of almost every social event bc everything seems to be happening after 8 but you're normally in bed by that point. To the ones who are made fun of bc "only little kids go to bed that early". To the ones who, even if they wanted to, can never seem to find their place among others bc of society's expectation that the real fun only begins after midnight. I see you, I feel you, and I wish you a very same

#it's especially annoying bc everyone around me seems to believe #that THEY are the weird one/minority for going to sleep at 4am #when i have literally never. not once. met someone who went to bed at 10pm like me #as part of their natural sleep cycle #& ik i can't be mad at others bc you don't really pick your sleep cycle but like.#a lot of the time it feels like they aren't even trying to involve me #bc 'if i wanted to be involved i should have just stayed awake longer'#instead of like. starting shit earlier or idk #and then im the idiot for not being able to force myself to stay awake #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #adhd #actually adhd #autistic #autism #actually autistic

246 notes · View notes

yangjeongin · 11 months

Text

HYUNJIN ESQUIRE INTERVIEW

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #stray kids #bystay #createskz #staysource #malegroupsnet #a9gifs #*gif #*ccarly #*hyunjin #*carly:hyunjin #i don't want to talk about these. proceeds to talk about these #i actually rly like the coloring but god. i had to work so hard for it. these took so much longer than they should have #because for w/e reason my coloring made the bg decide we were in a 16 bit video game suddenly it was awful #so i had to STRATEGICALLY DENOISE these i am #going to eat glass. nd also go to bed gn #long post

730 notes · View notes

miscellaneoussmp · 3 months

Text

Pac hearing about Tubbo dying and instantly going into denial. Nobody around him that he thinks is dead ever stays dead.

Not Walterbob, Not JV (he saw his corpse too, deep stab wound, and all that blood), Not Felps.

Not even Mike or Richas stay dead. (He grieved for them so much. Maybe he's still grieving? Will he ever stop? No. Probably not.)

Not Cell.

Not even himself. (Did you know it only takes mere minutes to bleed out from your femoral artery? How did he survive? Did he die? A part of him did maybe?)

Pac just has to wait. Nobody ever stays dead.

Pac just has to wait.

#qsmp #qsmp pac #qsmp tubbo #i don't want to tag anyone else #it is 2 am #i should go to bed

108 notes · View notes

katebeckets · 1 month

Text

Emily’s Follower Appreciation Event 🌷 ⤷ 🎨 lemon breeland + color palette

#faf9bf / #f4e3d4 / #f0cfc9 / #f2bfc7

for @lemonbreelnd ♡

48 notes · View notes

anothermonikan · 10 days

Text

feeling very objectum tonight. hello objectums. I love you

#as if I'm not Objectum every waking moment of my life sdhdshds #but yeah I'm. feeling it today!#I'm about to go to bed with bby hehe #I'm thinking about my old phone that was probably my first object crush before I knew what that was...sigh #I lent them to my younger sibling when their phone broke and I haven't seen them since then </3 #maybe I should ask if they still have them buttt it'd be a bit of a weird thing to ask because I have a. technically better phone ^^;#I would like to see them again yknow. now that I know and all that #I was really attached to them aha....I didn't really want to get a technically better phone or whatever #ack. having lotsa thoughts!!#Like oh I'm friends with my siblings bike like legitimately I will talk to that thang #and my me and my fathers car are friends now. I didn't like her at first because I was very used to older cars and her having #a simple UI touchscreen put me off. I still don't really agree with touchscreens in cars but it's not like you have to use it for anything #which is better than some modern cars aha....#Oh jeez bby is like warm warm aha ^^; I better put her on the fan #This could've been like 3 separate posts. oopsies ehe ^^;#Objectum #Android.txt

33 notes · View notes

mattodore · 6 months

Text

not many people online atm so i figured i’d show off theo’s freshly customized moles :) i'll post a proper close up of his face moles later because i'm obsessed, but for now here’s the full thing.

also this is how this background looks with the character page (this isn't the pic i'll be using, i was just testing things out). i'll probably alter the code to match the background rather than editing the background’s color, i think.

#the cas background was much closer to the page’s color before i turned my preset on </3 #river dipping #theodore doe #echthroi #ts4 #i might delete this later... we shall see #i just don't like posting theo when he's showing a lot of skin idk why...#ig it's bc i know how theo feels abt his body and everything so eyeeee am just like. everyone close your eyes.#but i want to show his moles off because they took me forever to place where i wanted #he has four!!! moles on his left palm that i love so bad and no one is ever gonna see them kjfdhnkfdjhn #i imagine matthias kisses theo's palm there all the time #…jotting this pose idea down expeditiously ✍️#i’m laying down for bed now so hopefully i get at least four hours tonight 🧎#also i only took test shots today while in cas so tomorrow i have to hop back in there to actually take the pics i want for the oc page #i want to do everyone’s but i just know i should just keep it simple with mattodore first #oh—also! downloaded a ton of clutter cc yesterday and today so i’m hoping i might actually get to that in-my-bag tag game soon #but yeah . . . nothing else to say and my eyes are watering from yawning so i’m going to sleep 🚶#everyone watch over theo for me while i sleep 🔫#gn!!!! <3

68 notes · View notes

considerablecolors · 3 months

Text

Me: ok ok so basically it all started when i was listening to Cool As I Think I Am yeah? and im like omg Peter Spankoffski is literally everything and more that Jeremy Heere from Be More Chill tried and failed to be

Them:

Me: like Cool As I Think I Am? that's LEGIT literally just the Chad version of Loser Geek Whatever

Them:

Me: AND THEN. I'M LIKE WAIT. NONONO. ALL THE CHARACTERS LINE UP BRO. like you have the sidekick that the fandom immediately adopts as their favorite little queer icon that makes constant references and has one of the saddest scenes in the show and deserves better? MICHAEL AND RICHIE

Them:

Me: a really quirky out-there girl that loves musical theatre? CHRISTINE AND RUTH BRO

Them: i-

Me: AND AND AND. A BULLY THAT'S LIKE OBJECTIVELY A BAD PERSON THAT THE FANDOM CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE BECAUSE HE SHOWS ROOM FOR KINDNESS YEAH??? RICH AND MAX MY DUDE

Them: uh-

Me: AND FINALLY IT CLICKS. NAH MAN. IT'S NOT JUST THE CHARACTERS. IT'S THE PLOT TOO.

Me: nerd guy and his friend(s) getting bullied and used to it, when he decides he's going to finally change the status quo because there's a girl he likes. then the bully intervenes and changes the status quo FR FR. it's all your standard high school drama and THEN a supernatural force intervenes and turns shit dark!!

Them: well-

Me: LIKE LIKE there's a party thrown where everything horribly goes wrong!! everyone starts being nicer to the nerd and you think it'll be fine but then nerd guys friend's start getting hurt and suddenly the entire school/world is at risk, PLUS the dream girl is at risk, so nerd guy is like SHIT gotta fix things

Them: i mean-

Me: THEN THE SHOW HAS A SUPER HAPPY UPLIFTING CHEESY ENDING WHERE EVERYTHING IS FINE BUT THEN. LAST MINUTE. THE SUPERNATURAL ELEMENT GETS TEASED AGAIN AND YOU'RE LIKE *GASP* IT'S NOT GONE IT'S STILL A THREAT WAIT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT BUT THEN YOU DON'T GET TO KNOW

Them: so um-

Me: LIKE IT ALL LINES UP. THE MIX OF CLASSIC SHOWTUNES SOUNDTRACK WITH A POP/ROCK TWIST. THE SLIGHTLY OUTDATED TEEN LINGO. THE UNDENIABLE HORNIEST OF MOST OF THE CHARACTERS. NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE IS LITERALLY JUST THE BETTER VERSION OF BE MORE CHILL!!

Them: were you-

Me: BUT THEATRE KIDS AREN'T READY TO HAVE THAT FUCKING CONVERSATION YET SO I JUST HAVE TO SIT HERE, KNOWING I'M RIGHT, SWINGING MY BAT AT THIS HORNET'S NEST, TRYING TO SPREAD THE GOOD WORD, BUT THEY HATE ME FOR SPEAKING THE FUCKING TRUTH

Them: ...

Me:

Them: ...

Me:

Me: OH MY GOD. OMG. I'M SO SORRY I'VE LEGIT JUST BEEN RAMBLING HAVEN'T I

Them: ...

Me: ughhh that's so embarrassing lolol okok so anyways

Me: i'll get to the point lol sorry

Me: ok so um basically i was interested in commissioning you to make like- basically think of it as like an episode of Nightmare Time but it's like Pete x Michael ok?

Nick Lang: um.

Matt Lang: that's not really how this...

Nick Lang: yeah, we don't really do that

Me: oh :( cause you guys are homophobic?

Matt Lang: OKAY-

#this is the cringiest my Tumblr will ever get BUT LET'S GET JUST A LITTLE BIT CRINGIER #i think the curt mega cop and the shakespeare theatre teacher should fuck OK ANYWAYS #cc speaks #hatchetfield universe #nerdy prudes must die #starkid #ill tag bmc a bit later i don't want this at the top of that tags recents LMAO #you know how we talk about shower thoughts WELL THIS QUIET LITERALLY CAME TO ME WHILE LISTENING TO NPMD IN THE SHOWER #AND I WAS SO INVESTED IN MY REALIZATION THAT I COMPLETELY MISSED BULLY THE BULLY AND THOUGHT MY PHONE SKIPPED THE SONG FOR SOME REASON #BUT NO #I JUST GOT SO CAUGHT UP THAT I DISSOCIATED FOR THAT ENTIRE SONG BRO #anyways #it's 5am im going to bed

45 notes · View notes

robotslenderman · 1 year

Text

A week or two ago a post was going around tumblr about someone who spent like 3 hours breaking down a task into a list of like three dozen tiny steps and then was able to execute it in one go

RN I have to haul a heavy-ass loft bed (the type with shelves and cupboards underneath it) and I've been putting it off for months bc my brain is like "nope can't do it"

the list method works, dude. it totally works. whenever I get stuck I just add stuff to the list and then keep going and it's amazing

#the door thing is bc the loft bed is right next to the door and I don't want to trap myself in here after I pull it out lol #am not going to be able to shut that until the paint is dry #hmm I should add 'remove blue tac' to the list #Dusty talks #ufyh #adhd

151 notes · View notes

beanghostprincess · 2 months

Text

Good morning (<- it's 6 am and I have to work all day)

#why can't i just stay home writing #arospec awareness week my ass the only thing i'm aware of is that i want to go back to sleep #we should have like. free days for being arospec i want to go back to my bed that's how i celebrate #the only reason i'm posting this here is because if you don't see me around today that's why (<- murder me)

22 notes · View notes

solarpunkani · 3 months

Text

Oh yeah speaking of going to chill with The Ladies, I hope to go tomorrow (and my mom wants to come too lmfao) and it will be the first Official Test of the sunflower bag of legend

First official test meaning first time I'm gonna carry it with stuff in it outside of the house.

All I really plan to put in there is some balls of yarn, some hooks, maybe some scissors, and my little flat tray of safety pins and yarn needles, so nothing too too heavy (well except for my 1 pound yarn balls but yknow) but I'm still both excited and nervous. If I really wanna test it out, I might put my ipad in there for good measure.

I'll report back with my results.

#listen I KNOW I should probably make a liner #but full honesty. I don't know how. and I'm too nervous to fuck up the bag somehow trying to do it #it might be more of a decorative outing backpack purse kinda deal #something to wear to craft meet ups or maybe to hold my stuff when I go to garden sales/festivals who knows #honestly like while im not planning to monetize this hobby by selling sunflower bags. if i really wanted to. like.#garden sales would probably be a half decent place to find the target audience #anyways i need to go bed its 12:30 gnight

27 notes · View notes

lanaevyssmoved · 7 months

Text

i keep getting so tempted to talk about the exploration of toxicity and abuse in fiction and how it can be a genuine recommendation from therapists to help you heal and talk about your experiences while othering yourself, and how if you do it online you're going to make people uncomfortable and you will be judged, so you need to learn how to balance these things, to do what you want to do for yourself while also being mindful of those around you.

but then i remember how disasterous this conversation is whenever it seems to be brought up and i change my mind

#fray.txt #something something exploring dark themes saved my life when i was younger #something something it doesnt give you the right to do this without appropriately tagging your stuff or keeping it private #as its generally more advised by professionals to do it privately and thats also how i would advise it #something something but its also good that people can explore these things if theyre incapable of creating it for themselves #so having the resources out there like fanfiction for example is good for those cases #something something instead of wishing death and the social collapse of people doing this just block and move on #something something sometimes the weirdo freaks you want to cancel on the internet are people trying to heal from their own trauma #idk. i don't have the strength #i should go to bed this is the past 9pm fray talking

24 notes · View notes

fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 7 months

Text

...

#trying /really really hard/ not to let the overuse of terms such as 'secular' bug me here at school #but honestly I'm starting to get annoyed with it :')#ugh dear Lord I am trying SO HARD not to be argumentative and annoying and avoid my real problems in life by being snarky and unteachable #but it is HARD SOMETIMES LOL #bc I really want to argue #I really need the energy release it provides #even when I don't really care about the subject being argued about #college complaining #I think I'm using a different tag by accident every time lol #I'm trying so hard to grow up and put away childish things but I'm feeling so worn out. the problems aren't fixed.#and venting on tumblr isn't fixing it but I don't want to ask to schedule another appointment with my councilor bc I know it costs a lot #and I don't want to burden anyone here at school with my problems. that's self-seeking isn't it? and it's not fair to expect other people t #fix my problems.#I should turn to Christ alone since He should be enough for me. right?#I don't know and I hope I'm not being rude or blasphemous but I'm tired some of the depression/anxiety symptoms are showing up again #and I don't want to go back to shaking in fear and not being able to get out of bed for days in a row

23 notes · View notes

raiiny-bay · 1 year

Text

x

116 notes · View notes

iguessitsjustme · 2 months

Text

Listen. Do I know it's a bad idea to go into the MDL comments? Yes. Do I do it anyway? Of course I do. I'm nosy. I want to see what disasters are happening in there.

#also thanks to that i'm able to see what users are lowkey bullying people for daring to not like the show #not even saying anything bad about the show but just offering honest criticism #and i get to block them #and maybe one day if i block enough users #the mdl comments will be safe for me #but also i don't want that because it's the lowest stakes drama ever #i'm not involved i'm just watching #they don't know me they know nothing #i don't post on mdl except once maybe twice and that's only when i'm looking for information #like who is this random side character or does this have a dvd release #but boy oh boy it's like watching the world's most unhinged train wreck #i can't even say it's the gayest train wreck because i do not think the worst offenders are even queer #i mean they might be but most of them have in their bio and have mentioned in their comments things that make me go #mmmmmm you're the problem i have with fandom coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool #say you're supporting the actors all you want but you're still on the internet bullying the actor's fans #i should really get ready for bed since i didn't sleep last night

7 notes · View notes