#I saw someone say they wished a new campaign would be set far in the past or future from the past three and I like that idea | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fific7 · 3 years

Text

Cold Day in Hell - Part 2

Logan Delos x Reader

A/N: This does not completely follow canon, it’s mainly lemon zest 🍋 because the world needs more Logan Delos.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content, including oral, between consenting adults* in some chapters. Drinking and swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My GIF)

Logan went back to his own office after showing her to hers. He sat down in his plush office chair and swivelled slowly from side to side, picking up his pen and tapping it on the desk as he did so. He was thinking. How was he going to approach this?

Unusually for him, Logan wasn’t 100% convinced that she was attracted to him. That was something of a departure for him; the norm was that he would just look at someone and that was it, they were putty in his hands. Not this gal. He thought she might be interested but he could tell that there were walls up there, that was for sure.

Should he ask Juliet? She was dead set against him getting involved with this new lady, but it might be worth listening to one of her lectures if he got some useful ’women’s perspective’ advice at the same time. He got up and strolled the short distance down to her office, knocking and popping his head round the door. Juliet looked up from her screen at him, “Hey, Logan... what can I do for you? I’m right in the middle of something here.”

Irrespective of her comment, Logan went into the office and sat down in the chair opposite her. Sighing, Juliet put her screen lock on and lounged back in her own chair. Knowing him as she did, she could tell just by looking at his face that he was in thinking mode, in fact he wasn’t even looking at her; he was staring at the back of her big computer screen, a sure sign that his mind was off somewhere else. “Logan!” she said firmly, and his eyes snapped to hers, “I’m busy here, darling brother. What’s on your mind?”

As Juliet had been expecting, he said the name of their new secondment. Then he held up a hand, “Now I know you don’t want me to go there, Jules - but I’m serious here. She’s not a one-and-done in my mind.” Juliet snorted, “What then? A two-and-done?!” Logan rolled his eyes, “Ha ha, very funny. No. I’m thinking of something a bit more... established than that.”

Juliet’s eyes widened, “You mean....” her voice took on a mock awestruck tone, “...a relationship, Logan?” He nodded, “Well... yeah. I suppose you could call it that.” She sat forward, eyes boring into his, “No! I just don’t believe you. Look, you’re the guy who’s out on the town every night with a different person. Or occasionally someone you’ve taken out once or twice before. You are just not a monogamous kinda guy! I don’t want you to mess around with this girl!” Logan crossed one leg over the other and made a point of studying his nails, “I know you don’t, but I want to take her out. And I’m gonna take her out, Jules. She can make her own mind up if she doesn’t want anything to do with me from there on.”

Juliet muttered something and Logan leant in a bit, “Whaddya say, sis?” She looked him straight in the eye, “She probably doesn’t want anything to do with you right now, never mind after you’ve taken her out. Your reputation proceeds you, Lo.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You’d spent a little time arranging the few items you’d brought with you onto your new desk. Your laptop, your favourite pens, a ruler and a stapler. That was it - you liked to travel light. And anything else you needed, you were sure Delos Destinations would be able to supply by the kilo-load. Logan had said to you, before disappearing back to his own office, “I’ll leave you to settle in, and anything you need.... just ask!” There had been the merest hint of a wink accompanying that last comment, but you’d poker-faced it and just said, “Thanks, Logan.... I’ll bear that in mind.”

You so wished that he wasn’t as handsome as he was, as you had to admit that this made it quite difficult to concentrate on your projects. Shaking your head, you pulled up the folder for one of said projects on your laptop and began work on it.

Hopefully Logan would just keep to his own office. Otherwise you weren’t sure how much work you’d actually get done. Your eyes would be too busy drinking in the male masterpiece that was Logan Delos.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan walked dejectedly back to his office. The visit to Juliet for advice had been a complete and utter waste of time. All he’d got was one big rant about keeping far away from his new love interest. Well, he wasn’t about to do what she said, he’d be damned if he would.

Back in his office, he took to swinging from side to side in his chair once more. He really didn’t have a clue how to start his campaign to win her over. Logan just wasn’t used to having to chase down anyone he was interested in, so this was a bit of a new challenge for him. Should he go all out and whisk her off somewhere in one of the private jets? Take her out on the company yacht? Pick her up in a limo and take her to a premiere?

Or should he go low-key, ask her out for a coffee and see how that went down? Build it up from there? He’d picked up his pen once more and as he got more and more frustrated, threw it across the room where it bounced off the door, dropped and skittered across the floor. A couple of seconds later, his secretary knocked and opened the door, “Did you need something, Mr Delos?” “Uhhh.. no, no, it’s fine, Stacy, sorry about that.” She gave him a bit of a look, nodded and closed the door.

He sighed and thought to himself that he’d better get ready for these upcoming investor meetings in Seattle the following week. He sat bolt upright in his chair, smacking his forehead. Of course! Why hadn’t he thought of that sooner!

Three days in Seattle... just the two of them.... perfect!

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You heard a small tap and then Juliet’s head appeared round the door. “Welcome!” she smiled, coming into the office and over to you, giving you a big hug. “I’m so pleased you’re here!” You agreed, “Yes, I’m pleased to be here. It’s lovely to see you, Juliet.” “It’s going to be so much easier all round,” she said, before sitting down opposite you, “...it’s going to make a big difference to the status of the projects.” She paused, her eyes - so like Logan’s - gazing into yours, “And.... I don’t mean to sound off-putting, especially on your first day... but I’m guessing you already know that my brother is really quite taken with you?”

You gave a small smile, “Umm... yes I kind of did get that vibe.” She nodded, “You’re a damn good engineer and that’s a big part of the reason you’re here, but this was Logan’s idea and I’ll be straight with you, he’s busy working out how he’s going to get close to you.”

Laughing out loud, “Juliet, no offence to your brother - who’s a very good-looking guy - but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I go out with him. I know he’s a complete player.” She laughed too, “I’m glad you’re already aware of that. I mean, I love my brother to bits but he is just terrible at relationships! He doesn’t mean to be, but he says he doesn’t know if he could ever love anyone, any one person. It’s not really in his DNA.”

You took a breath, thought to yourself, why not? - and asked, “Is his ...uhh... substance abuse a thing of the past now? Well, as much as it can ever be.” Juliet nodded, a pained look on her face, “Yes, thank god. We had a pretty awful time with him for a while, especially after a... a particular situation in Westworld, but he’s clean now and still goes to meetings every so often just to keep himself in line. I really thought we’d lost him a couple of times, so yes, he’s done really well. I’m proud of him.” “You should be,” you agreed, having seen tears welling in her eyes when she’d mentioned losing him. “I’m sorry I brought that up, Juliet, I shouldn’t have said anything.” She smiled, “Hey, it’s fine. You should know what you’re getting into... or rather not getting into!”

You both laughed at that.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

In the meantime, Logan had asked his secretary to book one of the private jets and two hotel suites in downtown Seattle for the dates of the investor meetings. He was almost bouncing around his office, he was so pleased with himself and his new plan.

He thought he heard the sound of laughter coming from her office, and couldn’t stop himself from going right next door to see what was going on. He opened the door after a brief knock on it, and saw his sister sitting with the object of his affections, the two of them still laughing.

Juliet turned round and said with a smile, “Lo! We were just talking about you.” His eyes narrowed suspiciously, “Oh yeah?” She nodded, “Yeah. Are your ears flaming?” Logan scowled at her, “What have you been saying, Jules?” with a quick, anxious look over at the other woman in the room. Juliet stood up and said, “Oh, nothing too bad, Logan,” giving him a wicked little smile and striding out of the room.

Logan watched Juliet go before clearing his throat and turning back just in time to see her hiding a smile. “C’mon,” he said, “...what did she say?” She shook her head, “Honestly, nothing bad. She was just pulling your strings.” Logan just managed to stop himself saying that she would be more than welcome to pull his strings, before sitting down in the chair which Juliet had just vacated. “Okay... well, what I came in to tell you is that we’re going to Seattle next week...” total surprise on her face, “....to some investor meetings,” Logan carried on smoothly. “Oh now, Logan, why on earth would you want me to go to them?” “You’ll be able to update them on a few of those middleware projects you’re working on. You were so much better than that boring asshole they let do most of the presentation. You’ll wow these guys.”

She was still looking at him as if he’d asked her to go to the moon. “It’s all booked,” he said quickly, a tiny bit of confidence leaving his voice, “...so I’ll give you the dates and schedule, okay?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Oh, he’s booked it already has he? you thought. Sighing, you could feel your shoulders slump a little in defeat as you agreed to go with him. You knew that your boss wouldn’t be very impressed if you didn’t, as apart from helping Delos Destinations get more investment, you’d be floating your own company’s name out in front of them.

“Who else is going?” you asked, and saw a distinct gleam in Logan’s dark eyes as he answered, “Uhh.. just the two of us. Don’t want to overwhelm them with too many speakers.” He slapped his hands down onto his thighs, “Well, I’d better get back, I’ve got a meeting in 5. I’ll get those details to you asap.” He stood up, “See you later,” and left your office.

Okayyy - just the two of you? This trip was shaping up to be something out of a bad romcom.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan had mentioned the proposed Seattle trip to Juliet as they were both leaving the office, casually dropping in who was going amongst all the other details. She stopped in the middle of the corridor, looking round to see if anyone else was within earshot before saying in an exasperated tone, “Really, Logan? Are you serious? And I suppose there’s only going to be one room available when you get there?!” Logan held up both hands, “No!! You can check, there are two rooms booked!”

Juliet scowled at him, “Logan, I swear - you better be on your best behaviour. She’s only just arrived, so you piss her off this early in then I’m going to be super pissed too!” Logan did one of his over-exaggerated eye rolls, “Oh for fuck’s sake stop worrying, Jules, I’m not about to piss her off. I’m out to charm her.”

“Oh god help her then,” muttered Juliet as she stalked towards her car.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan took your hand as you stepped out of the chauffeur-driven car at the private airstrip. You’d thought about ignoring his outstretched hand but instead placed yours in his. A smile appeared on his face, “Now, this is how it’s gonna be over the next few days - us holding each other’s hands through the investor meetings.” You rolled your eyes, “Whatever you say, Logan.” “I do say,” he smirked, hand going to the small of your back as you reached the bottom of the steps up to the aircraft and guiding you onto them. You knew that his eyes were glued to your rear as you made your way up the steps, but tried to ignore the feeling. Every so often you’d catch Logan’s eyes on you, looking at you as if you were a prey animal and this made you even more determined to avoid getting involved with him.

But lordy it wasn’t easy, you admitted to yourself as you watched him settle his tall frame into the extremely comfortable seat facing yours. You’d never been on a private jet before, but you were having difficulty paying attention to all its facilities when Logan was looking absolutely edible in an impeccable dark blue suit and light pink shirt, unbuttoned quite low as usual and showing off a little chest hair. Your eyes met his after you’d finished exploring his body, and he was looking so smug you wanted to punch him. Damn! You’d better be more guarded in future when drooling over him.

Now you started showing an interest in the interior of the plane, but every time you caught Logan’s eye he was still smirking at you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Ha! he laughed to himself, he’d obviously chosen the right suit then. He’d taken particular care when dressing that morning as he’d wanted to look really good for her and it seemed he’d made a good choice, judging by the look on her face when she’d finished eyeing him up and down.

He lounged back in his seat, still gazing at her. He wanted to fuck her so badly! His mind supplied a vision of himself climbing on top of her as she sat there, undoing her top, pushing her skirt up and.... He could feel himself getting hard just from that short clip playing in his head right now.

“Wanna fu-...”, he clamped his jaw shut, before carrying on, “...wanna drink, sweetheart?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You were under no illusions as to exactly what was running through Logan’s mind at that moment.

You’d noticed how his eyes had glazed over slightly as he stared at you, his lips parted, and you could literally see his trousers tightening by the second over his groin. The dead giveaway was when he almost asked you if you wanted to fuck instead of what you wanted to drink. You couldn’t stop a smile making its way onto your lips. There was an undeniable thrill that you could turn him on like this ...but No!!! your brain said. This guy’s middle name is ‘Player’ and even his own sister had warned you what a hound-dog he was.

“I’ll have a G&T, please,” you said sweetly, “...and nothing else, thanks.”

Logan looked stunned for a second, then pressed the call button for the attendant.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Oh shit, Logan thought, she knows exactly what I was thinking. I guess I’m being a little obvious here, I’d better calm it the hell down. He just wasn’t used to playing it cool in the pursuit of someone. Usually he went from 0 to 90 in sixty seconds, and the people he hung out with expected that from him. Not this gorgeous example of womanhood though. He was going to have to majorly change his approach.

But being with her like this - so close, just the two of them - was driving him crazy as it felt really intimate, and while his thoughts were still firmly planted in the sexual receptor of his brain, the longer they were on the plane together the more he realised that he was enjoying just being with her. Which surprised him to be honest, that wasn’t something that normally entered his sphere of relations with other people. She had a very calm demeanour, and it made him feel at ease. Conversation flowed, and he felt like he was getting to know her a lot more.

Initially he’d hinted to his sister that he wanted more than sex from his new love interest to get Juliet off his back, but now it appeared that karma had got him fair and square. It felt like that he did really want something more.

What that was, he wasn’t exactly sure yet.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Checking in to the fancy hotel in downtown Seattle, you noticed the receptionists - male and female - checking out Logan and not being discreet about it. He, meanwhile, was in his element, flirting up a storm with them while handing over his black Delos card to register for the rooms. You shook your head, smiling to yourself. This was exactly what put you off him. You were more than certain that he’d be sharing a bed with one or all of them that night.

He handed you your keycard, and quickly noting your room number you took off like a shot towards the elevators. Logan had been surprised when you’d set off so briskly, and scrambled to grab his bag and suitcase beside the reception desk before following you.

He reached the elevator just as you turned, smiling at him and commenting, “Have fun with your new little friends,” and nodding your head back towards reception.

Hitting the ‘close doors’ button, you were still smiling at him as the doors closed.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan scrabbled at the ‘call’ button but not quickly enough to stop the doors closing in his face. Damn it! The other elevator arrived after a couple of moments and he rushed into it, wanting to catch up with her. What had he done wrong? She’d seemed pissed off underneath that smile. And what did she mean by his ‘new little friends’? Then he realised what had ticked her off - he’d been doing his usual flirting with the hired help who of course had been flirting right back.

But it didn’t mean anything to him, it was just his usual m.o., didn’t she realise that? He’d obviously need to introduce her to the Delos way of doing things so there’d be no future misunderstandings.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You were just putting your toiletries out in the bathroom when there was a knock on the door. Knowing it would be Logan, you opened the door to find him standing outside still with his suitcase and bag in hand. “Come in,” you invited and he walked quickly inside. You went back to the bathroom and finished laying out your shower gel and shampoo.

He stopped next to your bed and sat on it, waiting until you emerged from the bathroom. You had to admit he looked good on your bed but dismissed the thought and headed over to your suitcase to start unpacking. “I always flirt with the staff,” he said, “...it gets you a better level of service.” “Or just gets you serviced,” you said before you could stop yourself. You heard his deep chuckle as you kept taking items out of your case.

“No, that’s not the aim,” he said, “truly it’s not.” Walking over to the unit underneath the giant flat-screen TV attached to the wall, you began putting the garments away in the drawers then became aware of Logan invading your personal space to look over your shoulder. He was smirking at you and you suddenly realised you were holding a handful of your lingerie. Long fingers stroked one of the silky pairs of panties you were holding and you abruptly shoved them all into the drawer and slammed it shut. “Logan!” you admonished him, but his only reaction was to keep smiling mischievously at you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan had tried to persuade her to come out on the town with him but she’d decided to stay in the hotel and have an early night. So he’d gone out on his own, heading to a restaurant he’d eaten at before and ordering a steak and some wine. The waitress had been very interested in him, hitting on him shamelessly but he’d politely brushed her off.

There was only one person he wanted in his bed. Not sure how long it’s gonna take me to get her there though, he thought glumly.

What did surprise him was the fact that he was willing to hang on in there until that happened.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Drifting off to sleep, aware of the low sound of the TV in the background, you couldn’t even be bothered to sit up to grab the remote and switch it off. There was a low knock on your door, then a second one - louder - when you didn’t answer the door. Groaning, you got up and went over to it, looking through the peephole to see Logan standing outside.

Sighing, you opened the door and he swept into your room as if he owned it. Then with typical Logan braggadocio he threw himself gracefully onto your bed, propping up some pillows behind him, crossing his ankles and linking his hands behind his head. You rolled your eyes heavenwards and closed the door, making your way towards where he lay. You were damned if he was going to chase you out of your bed. Standing beside it with your hands on your hips, you demanded, “Logan... what do you think you’re doing exactly?” Those dark eyes of his roamed all over you in your short little silk nightdress and he smiled, “I’m lonely.”

“Lonely!” you laughed, “You’re... you’re just... unbelievable!” His smile got wider, “I’m more than willing to prove just how unbelievable I am, but you won’t let me.” “Do you blame me, Logan?” His smile faltered, and he looked away from you, gazing at the TV, “I guess not.” But then those dark chocolate eyes were back on you, “But you could at least give me a chance,” he said with a small but genuine smile.

You felt yourself melt a little, you couldn’t help it. So against your better judgement, you lay down next to him on the bed, under the covers. “Can I get myself a drink?” he asked. “Oh, I see, it’s my mini-bar you’re after, is it? Help yourself.” He got up and headed over to it, laughing and turning back to you, “You know only too well what I want, sweetheart.”

“You can have a whisky, Delos, but that’s all you’re having.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan sighed as he poured the whisky miniature into a glass and made his way back over to the bed. But then he perked up, after all he had made it into her bed - in a manner of speaking - and against all expectations. Now he just had to make sure he didn’t screw it up (again, in a manner of speaking) by hitting on her.

If he got to spend the night in her bed, that would be enough for him - for now.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your eyes slowly opened and you gave a little yawn, wondering what time it was and thinking that today was the first round of investor meetings, when you suddenly realised that you could feel someone’s breath on your ear and that there was an arm slung over your stomach. You were lying on your side and you moved your head slightly to look over your shoulder, but you knew what you’d see before you did.

Logan. His eyes closed, hair tousled, lying on top of the covers but he’d still managed to more or less wrap himself around you. He shifted slightly, giving a little sigh and burrowing his nose even further into the nape of your neck.

Oh hell. This was really not a good plan, but you couldn’t deny how good it felt to be lying here with him. He looked so deliciously handsome while he was asleep. But also vulnerable. You turned away from him and studied the bedroom wall opposite you.

You really did have to watch how you were handling this, or despite your best intentions you were going to end up getting badly hurt.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan awoke from the very horny dream he’d been having, only to remember that he was partly living it in real life. He sensed she was awake - he could tell by her breathing - and he decided to push his luck a bit. He gave a small sigh as if he was still sleeping, and gently rubbed his erection against the back of her leg. He heard a quick intake of breath, and smiled to himself as he felt her trying to squirm away from him but he tightened the arm he’d sneaked over her during the night.

“Logan!” she hissed, “Get that away from me!” He chuckled, “Aw sweetheart, get what away from you?” He further pushed his luck by moving her hair aside and kissing her behind her ear.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You shivered, he’d kissed you somewhere you wished he hadn’t as it made you want to kiss him back so badly. You were very aware of his body pressed up against yours, how good he smelt, how good it felt to be lying there with him almost wrapped around you....

You’d better get him out of this bed before you made a catastrophically bad decision.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

(Not my GIF - credit to owner)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@obscurilicious @theshadowkingsqueen

#logan delos #logan delos x reader #logan delos fan fiction #ben barnes #westworld #logan delos imagine #logan delos fanfic

83 notes · View notes

lynkhart · 3 years

Text

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

#Critical Role #Critical Role Spoilers #CR Spoilers #shadowgast #Essek thelyss #Caleb Widogast #C2ep141 #C2ep141 spoilers #critical role finale

64 notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

Note

How about a canon divergence where wen qing doesn't bump into wwx but instead bumps into nhs and nmj. Would it be a tragedy or a fixit? Would nhs temper nmj's hatred for wens? Would nmj act honorably at seeing the old men and women and children doing hard labor or would he only see the clan he hates?

It was Nie Huaisang’s fault, probably. Someone tripped over someone else’s feet, and then he apologized and she apologized and then they both apologized, and then there was the whole “you go first, no you go first” dance and anyway eventually Nie Mingjue stormed over to yell at his younger brother for wasting time. He took one look at the ash-faced girl, caught her by the shoulder and said, “Aren’t you that Wen Qing? I used to see you at discussion conferences – what are you doing here?”

The whites of her eyes showed in her terror, and he scowled fiercely. “I don’t slay unarmed women or children outside of combat,” he said. “The question was literal – what are you doing here? The Jin sect said they resettled the remnants of the sects somewhere they wouldn’t make trouble.”

Wen Qing pressed her lips together, then couldn’t help herself and snarled, “If you call hard labor camps where everyone dies ‘resettled’ – they took away my baby brother! They took me to another city, I didn’t want to leave him, but I didn’t have a choice and when I returned…my brother’s as soft as yours – they’re going to kill him!”

Nie Mingjue’s scowl deepened, and his eyes flickered over to Nie Huaisang, the words ‘hard labor’ clearly ringing through his mind and struggling with his deep and abiding hatred for the Wen sect, the memories of Nie Huaisang being snatched away from him and sent to an indoctrination camp to be used as live bait. The very reminder of it made his face black in anger.

Nie Huaisang looked between the two of them and covered his face with a fan. “Dage,” he said, and his voice helped break through the haze of anger. “Maybe we should – check?”

It’s not like we trust the Jins, given the way they want to be the next Wens, he meant, and maybe there’s a little bit of Isn’t our sect’s guiding principle to stamp out evil wherever it’s encountered, human or not?

“Sect Leader Nie, I demand an explanation!” Jin Guangshan shouted. “You cannot barge into my territory, threaten my sect’s disciples, take away the prisoners won at war –”

“I’m not so blind as to tell the difference between captivity and torture unto death,” Nie Mingjue snarled in return, not even slightly moved. “Not only did I take the prisoners from Qiongqi Path, I demand you turn over every other one you have, no matter where –”

“Those were legitimately captured prisoners of war! We took them instead of spoils –”

“If the allocation of every penny matters so much to you, you may have the spoils seized by my Nie sect in exchange,” Nie Mingjue said, flicking his sleeve disdainfully. It couldn’t be more obvious what his implication was: that the Jin sect, despite all its riches, cared more for money than for honor.

Jin Guangshan’s eyes narrowed. “It’s most unlike you to get up in arms defending Wens, Sect Leader Nie; wasn’t it just yesterday that you called them all Wen-dogs and sought their utter destruction?”

Nie Mingjue sneered at him, but he continued, oily smile spreading on his face like a stain, “It couldn’t be that Sect Leader Nie has changed his implacable mind so quickly – perhaps it is the pressure of war on a man so young…you should take care for your health, make sure you’re not being unduly confused. People in your family die so very young, after all.”

“Enough nonsense,” Nie Mingjue said, eyes very nearly red in anger. “If my mind is so unclear, why did you choose to follow me during battle? When Wen Ruohan threatened, you dithered and delayed, and when there was no other choice but war, my blade was strong enough for you to hide behind, but when we have peace you rush to the front to claim a position that shouldn’t even exist – no one should be Chief Cultivator, Sect Leader Jin, no sect placing themselves and their own interests above another’s! But if the alternative is you, perhaps I should strive for it after all!”

“Is your brother actually going to try to be Chief Cultivator?” Wen Ning asked Nie Huaisang shyly; he was the only Wen currently inside the Unclean Realm, on account of needing heal his injuries. The remainder were all living in a small valley not far away where Nie sect cultivators kept a close watch.

Nie Mingjue hated injustice above all else, even Wens, but only by the smallest margin; in their new homes they were given food and water and medicine, but not freedom. Too many cultivators, male or female, had hidden themselves among the helpless to launch sneak attacks and assassinations; even children could carry a knife and swear to avenge their fallen parents.

Those like Wen Qing were watched most of all – she led one of the Supervision Offices that everyone had so hated, and she did nothing to stop them; she was indifferent to evil, and to Nie Mingjue that was very nearly the same as evil. It was only that the war had been officially ended that held back his hand; if they had still been at war, he would have executed her without so much as blinking an eye.

Still, Wen Qing had told Wen Ning that she was pleased with their current situation. A true prisoner of war camp, however strict, meant that they would be kept safe from all those who sought personal revenge, and Wen Ning couldn’t help but agree that the trade was worthwhile. The Jin had all but sold opportunities to those who wanted to get in a kick at their fallen bodies, just to say they’d been involved in the Sunshot Campaign; the Nie sect had those types of people, too, glaring and hateful, but the Sect Leader’s military discipline made them too afraid to do anything more than raise angry voices – and what were angry voices, compared to angry hands?

After all, if they’d come even a few shichen later – if Nie Mingjue hadn’t already known where the Wens were being kept, due to his position as sect leader, and been able to fly there on his sword at full speed – it would have been too late for him. Wen Ning didn’t even recall exactly what had happened, but two of them had been beating him and the chief inspector hadn’t stopped them, only told them to be sure to throw his body over the cliff when they were done with him…

“No, of course not,” Nie Huaisang said, pretending to be busy by his side. He had no skill at medicine, but it was a way to spend his time that his brother approved of and wouldn’t interrupt, so he came as often as he could. “He hates the idea, thinks it’s rotten to the core – like we’re all a bunch of sheep, needing a shepherd. No, he’s just saying it to annoy and distract Jin Guangshan. Besides, imagine if they made the position inheritable; that would make me the next one, and wouldn’t that be terrible for everyone?”

“The children young enough not to remember may join the Nie sect as guest disciples, if they wish,” Nie Mingjue said, his tone brooking no argument. “The adults will remain as they are.”

Wen Qing crossed her arms. “There aren’t many cultivators left among us, and it’s fine for all of those - they’d be happy to take up a life farming,” she said. “But those of us who are already on the path of cultivation should not be stymied –”

“You mean your brother, Wen Ning.” Nie Mingjue had some natural sympathy for her position, due to having his own weak-willed younger brother, but not very much. “No. In the end, he’s a Wen; we will not raise snakes to bite us later.”

“What wrong can you put on my brother’s shoulders beyond his surname?” she challenged. “What evil does he have?”

“Indifference to evil –”

“He was hardly indifferent!” she snapped, pushed beyond her limits. “I told him to do nothing, me, and yet he wouldn’t listen, time and time again. He kept Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng hidden after the destruction of the Lotus Pier, smuggled the latter out, even carried him out on his own back, and if that wasn’t enough, he collected what he could of the Jiang masters’ ashes for them – later, when Wei Wuxian asked me for help, he even –!”

She suddenly seemed to realize she’d said too much and shut her mouth.

Nie Mingjue looked at her thoughtfully. “You’ve already said this much,” he said. “There’s no point in stopping now. What did Wei Wuxian ask you to do?”

“Shh, don’t tell anyone I’m here,” Nie Huaisang said, gesturing for Wen Ning to join him in the closet where he was hiding.

Wen Ning, still a little uncomfortable in his new Nie robes, confusedly obeyed, even though he was still sweating from saber practice – he’d had to start over, alongside the children, but to his surprise he’d found that the straightforward brutality of the saber suited some secret resentful part hidden inside of him that wanted nothing more than to chop up everything he saw. “W-what’s going on? Why are we h-hiding? We’re in the Unclean Realm. What can harm us here?”

“Feelings,” Nie Huaisang said. “They’re the worst. My poor brother has to sit out there and listen to it directly, too – the burdens of being Sect Leader. I’m glad it’s not me.”

Wen Ning blinked. “Oh,” he said. “Are Wei-gongzi and Jiang-gongzi still fighting?”

“No, they’ve moved on to crying.”

“They were crying while they were fighting.”

“Yes, well, now they’ve moved to the just crying stage. There’s been lots of hugging, too; they stop for half a breath and then set each other off again, it’s awful. Can’t they be all manly and stoic like we Nie?”

Wen Ning gave Nie Huaisang a doubtful look.

“Well, me excluded, of course,” Nie Huaisang said with a laugh and a wave of his hand. “And anyway, even I only like crying when it’s going to get me something. Or out of something!”

Wen Ning suddenly felt as if he understood much more about his new Sect Leader’s endless frustrations with his younger brother. “But why are you hiding?” he asked.

“I have a reputation of avoiding work to maintain,” Nie Huaisang said, totally puzzlingly, but a few moments later there was a knock at the closet door.

“Huaisang, I know you’re in there. Get out of there and have an emergency,” Sect Leader Nie said. “Anything, as long as it requires my personal attention, and have it happen as soon as their sister, the young madam Jin, arrives – that’ll just set them all off again, especially as she’s pregnant.” A pause. “Do you think I can order Wen Qing to handle this as part of the terms of her parole?”

#mdzs #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #wen qing #wen ning #my fic #my fics #Anonymous

1K notes · View notes

canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

Text

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 16, part two

(Masterpost of All the Rewatches) (Previous Post) (Canary’s Pinboard of Stuff)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes

Just A Box of Rain

The brothers find Jiang Yanli and tell her what happened. Pro Tip: a good way to deliver bad news is like this. 1. say "I have bad news" so the person can be prepared for a shock 2. clearly state the bad news.

Standing in front of the person with tears streaming down your face and looking away when they try to meet your eyes is not, actually, a super effective method for delivering bad news.

This episode continues to be punctuated by closeups of characters' hands as they respond to events.

Yanli clutches her broken lotus pendant, cutting her palm and bleeding as she weeps.

Not-at-all symbolic rain drenches the three of them while they cry, standing apart and not comforting each other.

Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep You think that you're gonna drown Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep With all this rain falling down

(more after the cut)

They upgrade their boat with repaired seats and a real oar, and move along toward a hopefully-safer location.

The scenery continues to be gorgeous, and it appears to be actually really raining on this river or lake. We see Wei Wuxian's hand on the boat's oar as he takes his siblings to what he hopes will be safety.

Maybe you're tired and broken Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken

OP is valiantly resisting dropping a chunk of "Don't Pay the Ferryman" lyrics in here, because projecting European symbolism onto Chinese media is not my bag. This scene does carry a lot of weight, though, showing Wei Wuxian’s sadness and isolation, his ever-growing distance from his siblings and reminding us of his servant status. While his siblings sit under shelter with tears falling down their faces, Wei Wuxian stands in the rain, laboring to protect them and not letting his own tears fall.

It's totally reasonable that Wei Wuxian is the one to man the oar, right? I'm sure Jiang Cheng is the more exhausted of the two of them even though Wei Wuxian started off his day yesterday getting whipped FIVE times by the Zidian and ended it by being choked for 45 seconds.

Self-Isolation

They reach an inn, where Yanli has a fever, maybe from being left outside all night while her brothers failed to work out any of their interpersonal shit, followed by getting extremely rained on for hours and hours.

Wei Wuxian carefully puts on a bright, optimistic face for her, practicing for his future fake happiness after the Burial Mounds.

Jiang Cheng sits and has a lot of feelings, totally not helping while Wei Wuxian tends to Yanli. This is not typical of him and just shows how deeply shocked he is by what's happened; usually he is extremely attentive to Yanli and careful with her health.

Wei Wuxian tries to get Jiang Cheng's attention, so that Jiang Cheng can take over caring for Yanli while Wei Wuxian gets medicine. Jiang Cheng is busy staring into the middle distance, and won't respond.

This is Wei Wuxian realizing that absolutely nobody is going to help him.

Wei Wuxian goes out in his distinctive robes with no hood or anything, to buy some fever medicine, and is quickly surrounded by guards. They hear "we caught him" and run off, leaving him be.

What Wei Wuxian doesn't know, that we learn in Episode 50, is that Jiang Cheng and his death wish decided to take a stroll, and seeing the Wen soldiers approach Wei Wuxian finally snapped him out of his reverie. So he let himself be caught in order to draw them away from Wei Wuxian.

Let's talk about this choice. In terms of clan roles, Wei Wuxian is absolutely the expendable one. Jiang Cheng became the clan leader when his father died, and knew it from the moment he saw his father's body.

So far he's 1. Tried to go back to fight and die, against his parents' express instructions 2. left his sister alone in an inn with a fever 3. given himself up to be killed in place of his chief disciple, when it's his disciples' job to die for him, if it comes to that. All but two of Clan Yao's disciples died to protect fucking Captain Blowhard, for goodness sake.

All of these actions are emotionally super understandable; he's young, he's had a terrible shock, and he's an emotional guy who's never heard of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. And I'm not here to defend feudal power structures. But perhaps Jiang Cheng shouldn't ring the "YOU PROMISED" bell quite so loud in the future, considering his own relationship to his obligations.

Wei Wuxian begs Yanli to stay put and stay safe while he goes to find Jiang Cheng, and he promises to take Jiang Cheng back from the Wens. Yanli clutches his hands and asks him to promise again that he will rescue their brother, and that they will all go to Meishan together. But for once Wei Wuxian is completely honest, and disentangles his hands and sets off without another word.

More running ensues, this time in the rain. To quote Adam in Season 7 Episode 1 of Spooks, "all this traumatized running is starting to really annoy me." (Spooks is the shit. Don't watch it if you like characters to have a lifespan longer than a mayfly's)

Camera Operator: Finally, a little appreciation

Wei Wuxian arrives in Lotus Pier, and can we just take a second to appreciate the decor of this place? Look at that tile floor with the cobblestone border, and the bamboo wall panel behind him.

He grabs the first Wen he finds, who turns out to be a much-needed friend.

Rescue Me

The Untamed is the tale of a man’s devotion; devotion so strong it transcends clan allegiance and even death. And that man’s name is Wen Ning.

Initially Wei Wuxian chokes him, like bros do, until he recognizes him and lets him go...

...only to immediately grab him and demand to know if he had a part in the massacre. Wen Ning stays pretty calm, seeing the angry side of Wei Wuxian for the first time, and explains that he heard about what happened, and is there to help.

Wei Wuxian absorbs this and lets him go, giving us a closeup of their hands together, with Wen Ning not so much resisting Wei Wuxian's grip as giving a steadying grip of his own to his best friend.

Wen Ning, who Wei Wuxian saved from one water demon, has already saved Wei Wuxian from one horrifying animatronic dog, and does not actually owe him a life debt at this point. Wen Ning has defied his sister and his entire clan and flown to Lotus Pier with a team of minions, with the specific intent of fucking things up for Wen Chao to the best of his abilities, simply because "Wei Wuxian is a nice person."

Wei Wuxian isn't feeling like a nice person just now, however, thinking that he can use Wen Ning as a hostage to...what, trade for his brother? Wen Chao would probably be happy to kill Wen Ning himself, but his dad needs Wen Ning as a way to control Wen Qing, so maybe that plan would work.

Then Wei Wuxian sees this small pouch hanging from Wen Ning's belt, and it stops him in his tracks.

For once we are not given a flashback to explain his thinking, so I’ll provide one

The talisman he gave Wen Ning to protect him, now protects him from Wei Wuxian himself. He lets Wen Ning's arm go, and tries to think of another plan.

Wen Ning already has another plan, and has come to Lotus Pier prepared to enact it.

Wei Wuxian can't believe he's found someone to help him. In a moment of wrenching vulnerability, he asks Wen Ning to save Jiang Cheng and to retrieve the bodies of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. Wen Ning immediately agrees.

Wen Ning then embarks upon the least sneaky sabotage campaign of all time, chatting to the guards while messing with the wine, and generally acting like a person who is up to something.

Nobody respects him enough to worry about it, though, and the party proceeds as planned.

The banquet is set up in the cleaned-up courtyard of Lotus Pier The Yunmeng Supervisory Office, and features dancing girls performing in the center of the beautiful carved paving, and corpses hanging in the doorway.

I bet Jin Guangyao hires this same dance troupe for his future parties.

Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao sit at the main table, snuggling and being gross, but mercifully not necking on-camera because this is a 100% no-necking show. The drinks are sent around and Wen Chao tells Wen Zhuliu to drink up.

Wen Zhuliu is busy gazing wistfully at Yu Ziyuan's corpse.

Let's face it, Wen Zhuliu is the only dangerous person in this place at the moment, so what he does next is the make-or-break for Wen Ning’s plan.

Wen Zhuliu smells his wine and immediately can tell something is wrong. He takes a long moment to consider the situation, eyes on Yu Ziyuan, and then downs it, letting his emotions--perhaps something in the neighborhood of remorse, perhaps simple disgust at his craven supervisor--get the better of him.

In the morning he will be able to tell Wen Chao with 100% precision exactly what the drug is, probably from smelling it right here. This is the only miscalculation Wen Zhuliu makes in the whole show, and it eventually costs him his life.

Wen Zhuliu has no reason to think this decision will hurt him. It's definitely impossible for Jiang Cheng, whipped and crushed, to avenge himself and his parents. But Jiang Cheng, with Wei Wuxian’s help, is going to achieve the impossible.

We end with Wei Wuxian hiding while he waits for Wen Ning, as strung out as we have seen him so far, although he's got worse mental states ahead of him on his journey. He doesn't know yet if he was right to trust Wen Ning, and the episode ends with him, cold, wet, and miserable, waiting to find out.

Next Episode: Still miserable, but with a cape! Soundtrack: 1. Patty Griffin, Rain 2. Grateful Dead, Box of Rain

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #the untamed meta #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #rain #moar rain

212 notes · View notes

the-green-maiden · 3 years

Text

Supernatural Fair Fight Livestream Recap with timestamps

(based off of the notes I took while watching live. any errors are mine and not the fault of the cast or abrams)

21:01 Panel Starts. Misha introduces panel- Stacey Abrams, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padelecki, Erik Kripke, Berto the ASL interpreter.

21:02 Stacey Abrams talks about how she got into SPN. Talks about running for governor(?) in California(?), having trouble gathering support/campaign funds. On a particularly bad day, ends up watching SPN in her hotel room. Loves it, ends up watching the whole show after this. Quotes “Even if it’s hard we can’t stop” and “who else is going to do this” and talks about keeping going.

21:05 Kripke: “Wow”

Ackles: “That’s one of the most beautiful interpretations of what we do, how we tell the story.”

21:06 Kripke: “Grateful we could provide inspiration”

21:07 JarPad: *reiterates above* joke about how “Kripke’s writing is questionable at best.”

21:08 Misha: “The reason we tell stories is to inspire people” creates an allegory about the ‘invisible enemy’ of voter suppression with the invisible enemy trope common in storytelling. “As we made the show, we were taking inspiration from [Abrams]”

21:09 Kripke asks Abrams to tell more about Fair Fight

21:09 Abrams talks about a secretary of state(?) [whose name I didn’t catch but who JPad refers to as ‘Lucifer”] who was in charge of voter registries in Georgia who wrongfully removed thousands of voters from lists, closed essential polling locations, and prevented people from voting, which disproportionately impacted POC and youth voters, and led to 8+ hour wait times in remaining locations. Abrams tells of how her and FF acted to fix this and change the whole system for the better. “If this becomes about politicians, no one is going to care, but when it becomes about people’s [list of basic rights and essential services]...” “...Patriotic belief that democracy means that if you’re eligible to vote, you get to be heard. Fair Fight is committed to ensuring that every voter in the US has the right to vote, and we are pretty good at it.”

21:16 Misha voices concerns about Trump’s attempts to make the 2020 vote counts seem unreliable.

21:17 Abrams gives an in-depth history of voter suppression in the US, committed by both parties at various times, including restrictions on mail-in votes, ID laws, and something about the voting rights act.

21:18 A bunch more panelists join in, including Jake Abel, Felicia Day, and a number of other SPN cast members.

21:19 Abrams says that in Texas a gun license is a valid id to vote, but a college id is not. “Everyone should get to participate, not just the chosen.” Mentions that she has not seen the final 3 episodes yet, request no spoilers until she logs out.

21:22 Kripke thanks Abrams for her political work.

21:22 Felicia Day says she was very excited to meet Abrams at Dragon Con.

21:33 Misha and Kripke try to move panel along to comply with Abrams limited time availability.

21:24 Rachel Miner “We all admire you [Abrams], you’re our hero.”

21:25 JPad gives a long speech thanking Abrams that was too fast to write down verbatim. “It’s important that everyone have their own voice” says it’s an honor to meet Abrams.

21:26 Bob Singer asks a question about Purdue(?) not showing up to a debate.

21:27 Abrams gives a detailed answer about swing states, swing voters, the lack of swing voters in Georgia, and the relatively small impact that Purdue(?) missing a debate would have on his numbers. Long speech about mail-in voting.

21:29 Sebastian Roche asks a question about run-off votes. Abrams answers.

21:30 Rachel Miner asks a question about voter registration descrimination against people w foreign names.

21:31 Abrams talks about how this has happened and what Fair Fight is doing to combat it, and how Fair Fight’s legal actions have managed to significantly reduce the amount of mail-in ballots thrown out for having difficult to understand names on them.

21:33 Shoshanna Stern thanks Abrams for her efforts in making voting more disability accessible.

21:34 Abrams answers, gives more info on the subject and the importance of having accessible voting locations.

21:36 Jim Beaver says it’s wonderful to be able to talk to Abrams, etc.

21:37 Abrams realizes her time has just about run out, and says thank yous and good byes. Mentions that tomorrow is her birthday. Multiple members of the cast wish her a happy birthday. More goodbyes from everyone, and thank yous to and from Abrams. Abrams exits call.

21:39 Kripke and Misha encourage people to donate to FF

21:41 Misha and Jensen rib each other, joke about an open bar.

21:41 Misha “Now we’re just going to waste your time for half an hour now that she’s gone”

21:42 Curtis Armstrong tells a short story about his mother, who was a voter activist in Detroit and Switzerland, and how nice it was to see Abrams talk.

21:43 Trivia intro. Multiple jokes made at the same time about state capitals.

21:44 Jim Beaver “When my kid was 7, I asked her the capital of Vermont and she said V”

21:44 Kripke asks semi-serious question about what JPad wore as protection in the ball-crusher Japanese game show scene in Changing Channels.

21:45 JPad “A thimble. A mini-thimble. No, a cup.” says something else about the cup.

21:46 Ackles “Our special effects team likes to go above and beyond”

21:46 JPad comments about real fear in that scene

21:46 Misha tries to get trivia back on track. “Without powers, what does Dean say Cas is?”

------[Baby in a trenchcoat]

“Other name of the Impala?”

Julie McNiven guesses “A special place”. Someone calls out “baby”

-----[Metallicar]

“Name of Sam and Jess’s friend who goes with them to the bar in the pilot?”

Even JPad, who was in the scene, does not know. Kripke comments that it was named after an irl friend of his from Tiuanna, named LUIS.

“5 works Kripke ripped off for SPN?”

Everyone guessing at once, including: Animal House, On The Road, Good Omens, Constantine, Star Wars, and several others.

“What herpes medication does Sam have to do a commercial for?”

[Herpexia]

21:52 JPad and Julie rib each other about herpes meds, and argue whether the term is prescription or subscription for medication. One of them brings up the example of having a subscription to dog food.

21:52 Jake Abel “What if your dog has herpes?”

Misha “I only hope that Stacey Abrams has tuned in”

Seb makes another joke about state capitals, then asks JPad the capital of Albania.

Jared has no idea, guesses ‘new albania’

Seb “Tirana” talks about having lived on a boat, presumably near Albania.

Rob Benedict: “Thanks for tuning in”

Bob Singer asks who knows the story of Seb getting a massage at VAncouver airport.

Jared (paraphrased) “We all fly through Vancouver airport a lot. Just past security there’s a massage place [with the chairs where you face the floor].” One day JPad and Ackles went through security and saw Seb getting a massage. They go over, convince the masseuse [who knows them all at this point] to let JPad take over. Seb does not notice, despite the fact that the masseuse is a small woman and JPad is holding his hands weird to try to make them smaller. JPad says he put his hands down Seb’s back and up his shirt, and Seb still did not notice, just making a noise and saying ‘very nice’. JPad gets as far as groping Seb’s ass before Seb notices anything is up. This is still the middle of a busy airport.

21:58 Seb “It was strangely sensual. Thank you, Robert, for bringing that up.” “I was perturbed for the whole flight back.”

Ackles “Another highbrow story”

Seb “It’s really fun being on that set. It really is” Claims they are also serious sometimes, to which there is laughter in response.

Ackles “It going to be like that on The Boys, Krip?”

Kripke “No massages to completion”

Seb “Wait there was no completion”

Krip “Saw photos of [Ackles’s] supersuit today”

Multiple jokes from several people about Ackle costume for The Boys being assless, crotchless, entirely made of paint, and cowboy-themed.

22:01 Misha “time for about 5 minutes of outtakes”

Someone jokes about adding ‘give Seb a massage’ as a donation tier.

Misha thanks the fans, says he loves and misses all the cast. Asks Rob B to sing.

22:02 Rob B “tune into my radio show” [for singing]

22:03 Misha announced that $225,000 has been raised for charity so far in the stream.

More thank yous from everyone to everyone, including the zoom team.

22:04 Seb “Vote out Mitch McConnel:

Jensen “Such as British accent to tell us who to vote for”

Seb “I’m half French half Scottish”

Jensen and Seb joke about scottish and french alcohols, and how they can’t be mixed.

22:05 Kripke thanks the fans for 15 years. Everyone else joins in on thanking fans for 15 years.

Jake Abel “There was a big gap in there for me somewhere”

Seb asks if Jake was in the first season.

22:06 Jake “3rd, 5, and 15”

Seb gives long thank you speech.

Jensen talks about how the cast is sticking together “This group is not being dispersed”...”I take comfort in knowing this” jokes that they’re stuck together whether they like it or not.

Misha “Like herpes”

Felicia “Genital or otherwise”

22:07 gag reel begins, including Misha’s ‘on-camera finger, Jensen falling off a chair “furniture could use some work”, Jensen failing to pick a lock for a very long time and Jared asking ‘Cas” to open it, Jensen saying ‘hail misha’ instead of ‘hail mary’, Misha failing to keep a straight face while looking at Alex Calvert, Jensen eating something too hot(?), and more that someone has probably already uploaded in full anyway.

21:13 stream ends.

130 notes · View notes

breitzbachbea · 3 years

Note

📒💖

Emi, I'm kissing you on the mouth right now, you're so sexy. In general but also for taking the bait.

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

The Constantinople AU

This AU is from 2017 and came about because I watched a TED-ED video about Constantinople's walls, relistened to the Aladdin soundtrack and because I had earlier talked with a friend about how I had not really seen people make a genie a woman. I came back years later to explain it to my friend Jonah and add new stuff and this year I showed it to @amber-isnt-a-precious-stone to add even more things. It's one of my favourite AUs for sure.

Dramatis Personae:

- Herakles Karpuzi (APH Greece) as Son of the Roman emperor and heir to the throne - Sadık Adnan (APH Turkey) as Soldier in the Ottoman army and Imposter Prince - Dilan Taş (Human OC) as Jinn and Sadık's unsuccessful wingwoman - Athanasios Karpuzi (Human OC) as the Roman emperor and serial skirtchaser - Salvatore Vento (Human OC) as Advisor to the emperor and Fuckface McBadDad - Michele Vento (APH Sicily) as Herakles' childhood friend

The Happenings™:

- It's set in Constantinople in an alternate Universe, close to ours. It’s the late High Middle Age/Early Late Middle Age (depending on how you want to periodize. I am working with how the German Middle Ages are divided, which is arguably a very bad method for classifying Byzantine. But this is my silly Hetalia AU, not my term paper). Around 1300, I’d say.

- Athansios Karpuzi is the current Roman Emperor, which makes Herakles the heir to the throne. Athanasios is desperately trying to wed his son off to any available suitors to form new alliances, but two things keep getting into the way: 1. Herakles is thoroughly uninterested in playing along with Athanasios’ plans. He’s not a chess piece on his father’s board if he's got anything to say about it. 2. Salvatore Vento is Athanasios’ closest consultant and protests any marriage for whatever reason he can find. For the sole reason that he has been eyeing the throne for himself the entire time and wants to marry his own son, Michele, to Herakles.

- Like in my Hetalia AU "Like Father Like Son", Salvatore and Athanasios trust each other as far as they can throw one another. There is no genuine trust here at all, no sympathy, really, they just stick together because they know the other is useful. Have some assorted banter as result of this:

Salvatore: "Immortal what a name! What a title to bear! Although immoral would have fit you much better." [Athanasios’ etymology is “immortal”]

S: "Maybe you wouldn't have to struggle to find a suitable bride for your son if you stopped dragging every young woman within and from outside Constantinople to bed." Athanasios: "He's into guys too, problem solved." S: "Oh, yeah, me dumbass thought you needed stop whoring around, how silly of me."

A: "If he is into anything at all. But if I have another child, they might keep this empire going." S: "No legitimation to the lineage's claim to power like a gay loner and a bastard child." A: "Ah yes, I hired the man whose wife ran away with his son so he could berate me about family life. How I value your opinion, Salvatore." S: "She didn't run away." A: "No, she just hides and sends you people until she can get her divorce. I'm very inclined to give it to her."

S: "They're childhood friends! They'd make a great couple!" A: "All I can hear is what a great emperor you'd make, ruling on my corpse."

- So. Herakles is staunchly resisting any marriage to anyone and minding his business one day, walking along the great walls of Constantinople. He stops to look out into the surrounding area and suddenly, hears a noise. Confused, he looks down and sees someone scaling the wall. Sadık looks up and sees the most beautiful man he has ever seen … spotting him trying to get into the city.

- Sadık is part of the Ottoman Turks, who’re conquering the area around Constantinople these days. He’s some nobody in the army and thought he’d give it a shot and get into the city by himself to earn some fame (and money).

- Herakles is seriously impressed Sadık managed to actually almost scale the famously impenetrable walls of the city. Not impressed enough to actually let him in. So these two banter a bit, Sadık now distracted by this hunk in front of his nose. Herakles correctly assesses that he’s a Turk and says of himself that he’s the emperor’s son. Sadık: “Hey, hot stuff, if that’s true and it’s so impressive, why don’t you let me in as a reward?” Herakles: “Yes, of course. And then I’ll open the gates for the rest of your people, so that you can just walk in and take the city. What impossible thing do you want to happen next, a kiss on the mouth?” Sadık: “What’s so impossible about that?”

- Either way, Herakles threatens to sick the guards on him, which leads to a “Oh no you wouldn’t” - Herakles grins and definitely would, so Sadık has to retreat. (#Don’tSickTheGuardsOnMyAssYou’reSoSexyAhaha).

- He goes back to camp, having gained nothing but a crush. He gets in real trouble for rummaging around the booty, where he finds an oil lamp and WOULDN’T YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Dilan, a Jinn, pops out and Sadık uses his first wish to get out of trouble. Once that is done and the two have a moment of peace, he's thinking about what to do next and his mind circles back to Herakles.

- Dilan: "Ah yes, they always want something with love ... so who struck you and what's the problem?" Sadık: "Well ... I don't really know if it's true but he said he was the son of the emperor. He certainly looked the part! And I didn't really want to wait for him to call the guards to confirm it." Dilan: "Wait ... so you want to get with the son of the Roman emperor?" Sadık: "If that handsome little shit didn't lie to me, then yes." Dilan: "Isn't that a little out of your ballpark?" Sadık: "What, is it out of yours? Can't help me in that case, magic lady?" Dilan: "Psht, don't make me laugh! I can make the impossible happen, just tell me what you need." Sadık: "I dunno ... I guess getting inside the city?" Dilan: "That's it? That's all you need? That's less than a no-brainer -" Sadık: "Oh yeah, if it's so easy then, save that second wish for later. I got past one of the walls already once, I'll figure that out without your magic." Dilan: "Alright, alright ... and what about the wooing of your sweetheart?" Sadık: "That we'll see to once we're there ..."

- Dilan and Sadık chitchat while they make it to Constantinople. Dilan spends some time in the lamp, because walking is boring, but she does tell him that she's pretty sick of being in there. So that's where Sadık learns about her wishing to be free. Dilan in turn learns that Sadık doesn't have such a rosy life either (especially because now he can't return to the army, after he basically deserted).

- So they get to Constantinople and decide to actually factcheck if they got the right guy - and if yes, some general information about the emperor's son. Luckily enough, a friendly trader/tradesman tells them a bit about the city and the imperial family. Dilan: "So, did you by any chance ever see the emperor's son?" Trader: "Oh, well, that's an odd question, isn't it? But since you don't seem to be from here, I can understand the curiosity. Well, let me think ... You often see him only from afar ... during a triumph where he had accompanied his father during the campaign I got to see him up close. What a regal figure there at the head of the troops!" Sadık is too lost in the vision of his crush all decked out in military gear on a horse. And then taking all that gear off and being a regal figure while he fucks Sadık into the sheets … Dilan: "Yeah, yeah, yadda yadda, we need something more concrete. Height, hairstyle, haircolour, what does the dude look like?" The trader/tradesman is a little baffled but does provide a description that lines up with who Sadık saw. So with that information, they start to wonder how to woo a future emperor.

- Luckily, now that the trader/tradesman thinks they're here for imperial gossip, he actually mentions the fact that Emperor Athanasios hopes for his son to follow his footsteps and is currently looking for a suitable match, so that Herakles can be of political use even while he's still in charge. So Dilan and Sadık get an idea how to get into the city and Herakles heart. Or his pants. Milestones are still up for negotiation.

- After the grand entrance happened, where Herakles definitely took offense at either "Heard your prince was a sight lovely to see" or "Heard your prince was hot, where is he?" because either question was accompanied by Sadık's flirty looks, Athanasios actually lets Sadık and Dilan into the palace. There he and Salvatore discuss the entire thing, aka if whoever Sadık pretends to be is a good match.

- While they talk political stuff and snark, because of course Salvatore is against it, Sadık continues to feel very smug in his new princely identity and makes flirty eyes at Herakles. Herakles is just like "ugh" and much more happily plays with his cats. Which tbh sounds like they're 16 or something, but they're not that much younger than in canon (I think they'd be 22 and 24 here).

- Hijinks ensue. Herakles tells his dad that he’s a Turkish soldier that tried to sneak into the city and Athanasios doesn’t believe him, thinking Herakles is now lying badly to not get married. Dilan and Sadık are developing a friendship that is best described as hoes being bros.

- Dilan: "Look, you like cats. Cats are furry. Hairy, if you will. You know who else is hairy? Sadık. He's juuust as hairy as a cat - shhhht, I'm wingmanning for you and it's working great, you can thank me later."

- At first, Dilan mostly employs her magic for some silly little things with Sadık to woo Herakles. It doesn't work very well. Herakles: "I know it's magic, that's not impressing me - Okay, it is kinda cool, but you're still a dick." Dilan: "But a dick with a cool sidekick, come ON! What else do you want me to do to make the nerd viable?!" Sadık: "You call that wingmanning?!"

- Once Dilan realizes dickbags Athanasios and Salvatore are, she also uses little magic tricks to continously make their lives worse. Ironically, this may be what finally endears her and Sadık to Herakles. (If you haven't noticed, he doesn't like his father very much and Athanasios doesn't care for him aside from being a political pawn).

- At one point, Michele shows up at court! Herakles is overjoyed to see his childhood friend, which he hadn’t seen in years! Sadık is absolutely not, because it looks like just when he and Herakles almost had something, this twat shows up and steals the show!

- Dilan: "Well, I can't make him not love this dude, but I could beat the dude up." Sadık: " ... keep that in mind."

- However, when Dilan goes to investigate what Michele is doing here (and wingwomanning again), this ensues: Dilan: "Hey brah, what's up, why so blue looking? Is it because your boo just told you you ain't his number one anymore?" Michele: "I, eh ... no ... May I ask who you are?" Dilan: "Just one of the servants of the insanely charming and powerful - and hairy - Prince who's here to marry the Prince. Yep, he's sooo gonna marry that guy." Dilan: "There was a whole musical number about it, you should have seen it, I was on top of my game." Michele: "Sure heard about it, you stirred up trouble here. Hope it helps ... I'm not saying that Herakles should marry someone his dad set in front of him, but it'd be nice if he found someone at last. He told me he was very lonely the last years ... I don't want to leave him behind just as lonely again." Dilan: "Yeah, it'd be - Leave him behind?"

- Dilan: "Good news! His loverboy is not here to stay! He wants to go to the west, he's just here because of his terrible dad!" Sadık: "Oh, that's good! Wait ... isn't his father that asshole of an advisor?" Dilan: "Yeah. Why." Sadık: "The guy who wanted to marry his son to Herakles since apparently forever?" Dilan: "Yeah, but his son is not going to marry him." Sadık: "I smell a trap 10 miles against the wind."

- There is no trap however. Herakles realizes that the crush on Michele is nothing but a childhood crush and has to be left in the past … and that he wants to move forward with Sadık. When he wants a conversation one-on-one, Dilan wants to make it a one-on-two, but Herakles asks her if she doesn’t want to keep Michele company in the gardens, it’s not gonna take long, an hour or two at most. Then she can also fetch Michele when they’re done, so that Herakles can say goodbye before he leaves for Sicily.

- Dilan thinks about it, finds it’s not a trap (and if it was, nothing she and her fists couldn’t solve) and goes in the garden. There she talks with Michele and makes the mistake to either show off her magic powers, tell Michele of TurGre’s meetugly (#Don’tSickTheGuardsOnMyAssYou’reSoSexyAhaha) or to be like: “Hey, do you wanna know a cool secret? Sadık isn’t a Prince, all of this is my doing. Pretty cool, eh?”

- Unfortunately, they’re not alone. Salvatore was searching for Michele in the gardens, to get his “fucking rotten brat of a son” to play along after all instead of disappearing once again. So he overhears this. Salvatore: "Oh, so Prince Sadık is not a Prince? That's a funny joke indeed and I'll laugh my ass off the hardest in the end."

- So just when Herakles and Sadık had time to talk about their feelings and confess and, also, you know, make out and fumble for good measure, they get interrupted. Literally when Herakles was finally stripped down to his tunic and Sadık slid his hand underneath it.

- Athanasios: "This is gonna be the last wall you breached, you little rat." Herakles: "Dad! Stop it!" Athanasios: "This man nearly ruined our dynasty. Arrest him." Salvatore: "Arrest the man indeed. Go and get the ex-emperor." Athanasios: "Ex-Prince. It's not the right time for your snark." Salvatore: "I'm not talking about that small fish. Guards - arrest this careless idiot who nearly ruined our city by letting a scammer into its walls! Clearly the emperor's been in on this and can't be trusted!" Athanasios: "You've lost your mind." Salvatore: "You've lost yours and it's actually the thing you'll miss the least when syphilis is going to eat away the last of your rotten brain in the dungeons. So get him! And that ottoman faker, too, just get the trash out of here."

- The scene ends rather dramatically, because I love the thought of Michele and Dilan rushing to their help, but they get held back. Dilan maybe gets restrained by some anti-magic stuff. And Dilan begs Sadık to use his last wish to help him. To solve this problem. But Sadık refuses, because he promised to use it to set her free. So Dilan is just livid and upset, distraught, yelling at him to let her do something while he gets taken to the dungeons.

- So now Salvatore’s in charge and setting his plans into motion. PR is of course the first thing that needs to be done, so there’s a speech to Constantinople’s masses: "But, as you know, I respect and regard the royal family, the entire dynasty, more than any of you! So I am not going to assume power, it'd be a crime against God himself who granted us this emperor, if I had removed him for anything but his unstable condition and his tragic mistake of almost letting his lineage being tainted! Not to mention that this would have been the end of our beloved empire, our city, suddenly overrun and ruled by those barbarians! No, of course I'll give my power to the true heir who was merely a victim to his father's incompetence. To prove I really mean it, I'm even going to give up my son to the Prince, to forever bind my loyality to the throne!"

- Michele: "I hold no more respect for you as father as I did when we left. I'm not going to play along your perverted plan." Salvatore: "Well Michele, if you don't respect me as father, then maybe you'll respect me as the Roman Emperor!"

- Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Athanasios and Sadık have some great chitchat. Sadık: "Guess that's some quality father and son in law bonding time, eh?” S:“Though I'm pretty sure your son would rather call me daddy than you." A: "Once this entire drama is over, I'll have you decapitated. Or just kick you back to your people and let them handle this." S: "Ah, but when I came here as a fake prince, your arms and gates were wide open. Should've listened to your son when he told you so."

- Here’s also some Salvatore content: Athanasios: "And now you strut around in my clothes. I'm surprised they even fit you fatass!" Salvatore: "Oh, the entire imprisonment is really getting to you, ain't it, emperor tightlips? Ah, I meant - ex-emperor tight lips. Now you've sunk low enough to insult me with such details. Is it because you have nothing else left now that you're off your high horse?" Salvatore: "I thought so. At least you're enough of a sound mind to not threaten me with 'once I get out of here' hot air. Because we both know you're not getting out of here in a lifetime anymore. And yes, I’m wearing your rags, since I’ve got no time to waste.” Salvatore to Sadık: "Actually, it's sad that you aren't going to be there to watch it. Although, I think a public execution would just spice the entire wedding festivities up, if I think about it."

- Ah yes. The wedding. Herakles: "You look great today, my love. Like a polished jewel." Michele: "Thanks. I'd never seen a man more handsome than you though. Truly, a prince with all his qualities seen right away." Both: -sigh- Ft. Dilan, who’s just watching the kids sadly and is trying to reassure them she got this, she’s gonna find a way, it’ll be fine!!!

- Herakles and Michele wonder why Sadık didn't use that wish. To which Dilan replies he said he'd free her with it, but she didn't believe he'd actually uphold that promise. And he shouldn't have because now she's useless and he's in trouble. (And Hera only falls more in love with Sadık, because being a good person is HELLA swoony.)

- Dilan also tries to cheer them up and I believe she can still do small magic tricks, she just can't get out of whatever shackles/confinement she is in. So when she isn't despairing or raging, she tries to cheer Herakles and Michele up with some silly little tricks. She shapeshifts into their fathers to make fun of them. Which leads them to an idea ...

- I have no idea what it is though. I only know that the grand final and resolution involves shapeshifting. If anyone who's better at plots wants to give me ideas, please do.

- However they manage to stop Salvatore's machinations, this is what follows: Salvatore gets thrown into the dungeons. Herakles decides to not let his father out and instead take the crown himself. He becomes emperor and marries Sadık. Sadık uses his last wish to set Dilan free. Michele goes to travel to Sicily, promising he’ll write letters to them and come visit some day (Dilan promises the same).

- The end of Salvatore and Athanasios rotting in jail together is SO satisfying to me, bc now that they are useless to each other, there is nothing left to do but be a pain in each other’s ass. They hate each other and they DESERVE EACH OTHER.

Sequel Bait:

- Before we get to the sequel bait, let me give you some prequel bait for a change. Here's a little "what if one of the many suitable matches for Herakles had been one of the Beilschmidt brothers" scenario. Plus free medieval history lesson:

- Now for the actual sequel: Three years come and go. Herakles and Sadık settle in their new rules as emperor and ... emperor's husband. (I don't know if Byzantine empresses were "put into office" in the same way the Emperor was. If someone is more knowledgeable about this than me, correct me).

- Their marriage is going swell, however both struggle in their new official roles. Herakles faces all the administrative problems and tough decisionmaking that comes with being a ruler, while Sadık struggles to be accepted by the people of Constantinople. Where Herakles tends to take care of the court, Sadık tries his hand at being a military leader.

- One morning, Sadık wakes up with Herakles in the room. Which should not be surprising, if it wasn't for the fact that Herakles had left the city yesterday. He's oddly nonchalant about it when Sadık asks him and also ... weirdly chipper? Eager? Kitschy in his flirting? He's at first flattered, but soon very confused by everything and wonders if either he hit his head real hard in his sleep or if Herakles fell off his horse when he tried to make it out of the city.

- Turns out none of it, because after some more eyelash fluttering, his "husband" goes POOF! and turns out to be Dilan, who's on the floor laughing. "You should have seen your stupid face! Really! Wait, I'll show you!"

- After Dilan is done shapeshifting into Sadık, absolutely overacting his reaction and argueing with him about it, they finally get to catch up. Turns out that Dilan was bored by travelling around the world and wanted to check in on her old buddy.

- She couldn't have chosen a more opportune time to do so. Once Herakles returns, he ... at first has a weird reunion with his husband. Sadık is kind of wary around him and starts to list his attitude and general personality traits/ticks as proof for ... something. Takes a while for Herakles to get the news that Dilan is back, too.

- Herakles is very relieved to hear that! He wanted to confide something in Sadık, because after he had returned to the city, someone had taken him aside. Natasa Simonides, an old and trusted courtly advisor, needed help. Recently, her husband Ibrahim disappeared and she's worried.

- Natasa also told Herakles a secret: Ibrahim is a Jinn, which is why his disappearance worries her even more. Herakles informs Sadık and asks Dilan if she knows anything, but she sadly hasn't heard anything either. - Before she can zip off and see if she can find Ibrahim, Herakles asks another favour of her - to educate Natasa's twins, Timothea Farah and Omar Veniam instead. Natasa thinks they may be able to find their father, but they don't know they're half-Jinn, so they'd need some guidance. Dilan happily agrees to be their teacher!

- My only more in-depth infos on Jinn and their children with humans comes from this Monstrum video by PBS Storied. I don't think Thea & Omar would need to be taught by anyone to be seers and how to be in communication with non-human spheres, but it makes for a better story.

- So Dilan is off to teach the kids while Sadık volunteers to go and search for Ibrahim. Herakles resumes his imperial role in the city.

- It's not really fun and as the people become more and more agitated with the status quo, more and more people "remember" that the old emperor is still around. Enough people are going "What's that kid knowing anyways?! All those highfangled ideas and useless reforms, for what?" that a select few decide to stage a coup by releasing Athanasios from the dungeons.

- Now, I still haven't decided if Salvatore also gets let out. The problem is that I really would begrudge him his freedom ... but I also begrudge Athanasios his freedom! It doesn't feel fair that one bastard gets to walk free and the other doesn't!

- Out in the field, Sadık isn't having much more luck. No Jinn in sight and the trouble he has with a few of the men that accompany him keeps him thinking about the acceptance problems again. He really wishes at one point that Herakles wasn't emperor at all. You can imagine how terrible he feels for these thoughts when news of the coup catches up to them. Be careful what you wish for and all that jazz. On top of that, he gets into trouble as well - betrayed by some of the men he had taken along. He gets stuck in some place like a cave or an abandoned house he was investigating ...

- Sadık finds a large sealed bottle and thinks 'Well, what's the worst that could happen?' He is greeted by a GIANT cloud of smoke instead of anything edible/drinkable. By the time the cloud is human-shaped, he already has a giant grin on his face. Sadık: "Hah! I have a sixth sense for this kind of stuff!" Jinn: "Greetings, mor-" Sadık: "Yeah, yeah, quick question, is your name Ibrahim? Or do you know one of your kind called Ibrahim who's been passing through recently?" Jinn: "My name is Ibrahim - " Sadık: "Great! You know a Greek lady called Natasa? I take that look as a yes. Okay, so first wish is to get us out of here, second wish we'll see, third is like freeing you from the whole servitude bit - You do the three wishes thing, right? Anyways, your wife and kids are wishing for dad to come home, so get us out of here, you'll get explanations on the way back."

- In the meantime, Dilan and her protégés, along with Natasa and Herakles, have been trying to figure out how to solve the problem at court. It doesn't help that the news of Sadık's troubles also reached them (I know the speed of spreading information may be historically hella inaccurate, but I need it for the drama). So Dilan is torn between helping her best bud and helping the rest at court. The Greeks cook up a plan and assure her that she should go and help Sadık, they've got this.

- The plan is to get Athanasios to do something incredibly stupid that would immediately turn the people against him. They exploit the fact that Athanasios likes to listen to words that fall from pretty lady's mouths. So Timothea flatters her eyelashes and promises to tell him something of a vision she had ... that the divine has something to tell him through her. (Don't worry for her, she may have to endure his fingers under her chin, which is infuriating and nauseous enough, but no more skin contact than this). Thea gets backed by her brother to lend it more credibility once Athanasios considers with his head and not his dick.

- And we can all appreciate that Dilan has been sent away, otherwise the scene would have been like this: Thea: "The spirits are talking to me about you ... " Dilan: "Mhm, mhm, indeed, I can hear them to. They're saying that you're a bitch!"

- Dilan in the meantime reaches Sadık, Ibrahim and those of his troop that haven't betrayed and abandoned him as soon as they heard of the coup. A little happy reunion before she immediately fills them in on what's happening.

- They come up with a plan themselves to finally get rid of Athanasios and the Simonides and Herakles have begun to sweat a little back home, because Athanasios mistake of listening to the twins' advice has bought them time, but not really solved the problem yet. Which is when Dilan and Ibrahim sweep in, concocting an illusion powerful enough to wrap up everyone in Constantinople and make Athanasios seem like the literal devil. Some mass-hallucination miracle bullshit, truly, to assert that he doesn't deserve the throne.

- Maybe for good measure, Athanasios disappears after the illusion is over. Dilan and Ibrahim have no idea where he went, they say with a smile.

- Another grand finale! The four lovers are reunited, Thea and Omar are overjoyed to have their dad back and he is overjoyed to have his kids back. When Dilan tells the Simonides twins that they did a great job, she's a good teacher after all haha!, Ibrahim and Natasa invite her to stay. Dilan says that they don't need her, surely, now that Ibrahim can teach them, but Ibrahim says he could use some help. Herakles also encourages her, saying that he'd love to have her at court - and Sadık also bullies her into staying. "What do you wanna do, see the world again? Didn't do much for your peanut brain the first time around, maybe hit the books together with Hera so that you'll be a passable teacher some day."

- Dilan and Omar also have evolved a crush on one another during this entire mess. That's what I'll leave you with - all well that ends well.

Also hey you! Thanks for reading all of this! Here's a little bonus content if you made it this far!

A wonderful fanart of Michele and Salvatore by my beloved friend C0FFINATED over on twitter!

Here's an amazing commission of the Greeks and Turks by @captkirkland ! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to repost the pictures myself on tumblr & you shoud reblog it from him anyways. Show him and his amazing art some love! From left to right it's Timothea, Herakles, Omar, then Dilan, Sadık and Havva (who's not featured in this AU, rip. Things would have worked to well with their brainpower).

Thanks for reading this! Hope you have a wonderful day!

18 notes · View notes

minghellafine · 3 years

Link

Full interview below.

The first thing Max Minghella does when he joins our Zoom call is ask me about the weather. It wasn't just a conversational cliché though, he really wanted to know what it was like where I was. I tell him I'm in New York City, where spring can surprise you with a day that's colder or warmer than it looks. This particular day was chilly. "I'm always cold," he interjects, "I'm reptilian. My body finds a way to keep me cool." He shivered as he spoke, sitting in his sunny backyard in Los Angeles wearing a T-shirt. I checked the temperature right after our call. It was 80 degrees in L.A.

Despite any discomfort, Minghella is just really happy to be at home. Unlike the millions of people who spent 2020 in quarantine, he was working on season four of The Handmaid's Tale throughout the spring and summer."I'm sort of jealous of people who have this moment to pause and reflect," he says soberly. "Even with all of the trauma it's caused and all the things that obviously were detrimental, I know a lot of people who've had big life changes in the past year."

He acknowledged, however, that creating something in a time when everyone wished they could escape was ultimately a lucky thing. "There was a ubiquitous sense of gratitude," he adds.

Outside of the global pandemic, the dynamics on set had shifted — this season, his co-star Elisabeth Moss (or "Lizzie" as he affectionately calls her), was a director. "She was amazing on set," he explained. "Just very in control and it ran super smoothly. When I saw the episodes she directed, it just kind of blew me away. Her style — it's very cinematic and it really underlines the sci-fi elements of the show. It has a real kind of scope and confidence to it. I think she's a real filmmaker."

RELATED: Marvel's New Face Danny Ramirez Has the Range

Minghella's character Nick has an interesting arc this season too – he's realizing his role as a senior member of the Gilead ruling class, but also still in love with June [Moss]. It's a complex character that challenges you as an audience member. He is the brooding love interest, and while you may root for him and June to be together, you also have to see him for what he is: an architect of a world that kidnaps women and uses them for childbearing.

What made the previous three seasons of the show even harder for viewers to digest was the fact that people so badly wanted to believe there could be a good guy defector — maybe even Nick — in a room full of bad guys. During those years, many people felt that the dystopian elements of the show were reflective of the nationalist agenda being put forth in the United States by the Trump Administration. So much so that a group of protesters famously wore Handmaid costumes to protest anti-abortion bills and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation hearings. Without saying much about the parallels in the show — other than chalking them up to "pure coincidence," Minghella felt the Handmaid's Tale, whose protagonists are anti-Gilead, are "on the right side of history." He added diplomatically, "Ultimately, I'm most proud because I think it's really great fiction."

I get the sense that the pursuit of "great fiction" is something that consumes Minghella. He's someone who appreciates art (he got his big break in 2006's Art School Confidential), and his parents are Anthony Minghella, the late award-winning director of The Talented Mr. Ripley, and actress Carolyn Choa. He loves details (see our earlier weather conversation). Even the way he talks about Los Angeles has a story-like quality. He tells me about how he knew when the city became his home after a feeling he got driving past the Silver Lake 7-Eleven. As he told it, I pictured it like a scene in an indie movie starring Zach Braff.

"I had this sort of pathological obsession with movies from birth. [My mother] worked for the British equivalent of the Motion Picture Association, so she would watch three films a day. By three or four years old, I was just kind of an obsessed movie person." It's his favorite movie, Beverly Hills Cop ("I think I saw 100 times by the time I was eight years old," he says) that inspired another big role he was working on during quarantine: Minghella stars as a detective opposite Chris Rock in the Saw franchise spin-off Spiral: From the Book of Saw.

"The movie was so serendipitous for me. I feel like I almost manifested it in my life," Minghella muses. "There's a line very early in the movie where we're investigating these crime scenes and we come to a grizzly one. My character looks nauseous. Chris's [character] says to me, 'Are you okay?' And my character says, 'Yeah. I mean I'd been dreaming about this since I was 12-years-old.' And that was a very kind of weird line because it's just true."

Now at 35 years old, Minghella is feeling settled. He is still a "film nerd" that gets giddy with each new opportunity, but he's less anxious about the results. Next thing on his list? Vacation.

"I'm hoping in May once the movie comes out I can run away somewhere."

Read on for his cheesy would-be campaign slogan, his fast-food weakness, and the time he escaped a tornado while working on a film with Blake Lively.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Mary Tyler Moore.

What's the last thing you do before you fall asleep?

I listen to 1950s radio shows. Usually Dragnet. I was researching a project in that period briefly and got sort of into the radio culture of that time. And now I find it incredibly soothing.

Favorite villain?

Hans Gruber.

Describe a memorable dream.

I had a recurring nightmare as a child in which my grandmother turned into a cat. So Tom Hooper's Cats was very traumatizing to me.

First album you ever owned?

My mother bought me the Top Gun soundtrack on audio cassette.

If you were required to spend $1,000 today, what would you buy and why?

I would do anything to help a distressed dog.

If you ran for office, what would your slogan be?

Some kind of tacky pun using my first name. "Take it to the Max," or maybe "Max on, Max off."

Name one place you've never been but have always wanted to go.

Easy. Japan. I went when I was one, but I don't think that counts.

What's the most uncomfortable outfit you've ever worn?

I did a film called Art School Confidential and I had to wear a beret and I found every moment of it truly humiliating. I remember being completely traumatized by it.

Describe your first kiss.

My first kiss was at a bus stop. I was 14 and I lied and told the girl that it wasn't my first kiss, but I think it was probably immediately evident that it was.

What's one dish you're always tempted to order if you see it on a menu?

There are so many things. That's the sad answer. French fries is the truth.

Favorite on-set memory?

I did a movie called Elvis and Anabelle with Blake Lively like 100 years ago and we shot in Texas. There was a tornado one night that forced us to evacuate the set and we had to sort of drive off in a hurry. I put on this song by The Knife called "Pass This On" in the car which is very dramatic and cinematic. The tornado was sort of in pursuit of the vehicle while we were speeding away. And it was just far enough that it wasn't life-threatening, but also a radical visual. That's one of my favorite life memories.

The Handmaid's Tale season 4 premieres on Hulu April 28, and Spiral: From the Book of Saw hits theaters on May 11.

Photographs by Emily Malan. Grooming by Sonia Lee for Exclusive Artists using La Mer. Polaroid Photos by Max Minghella. Special thanks to Polaroid. Production by Kelly Chiello.

#max minghella #the handmaid's tale #saw #spiral #elvis and anabelle #the social network #interviews #*

46 notes · View notes

astralaffairs · 4 years

Text

on fear under stark, dying lighting || thomas jefferson, fotp-verse

title: on fear under stark, dying lighting

pairing: thomas jefferson x reader, an fotp-verse oneshot

words: 5k

request: how would thom react if lets say maybe his neo-nazi supporters get too passionate abt their anger towards mc’s articles and um try to shoot/mug/harm her to stop her from writing anything else against thom?

notes: ok so first off lemme preface this w the fact that thom is a self respecting black man who has another self respecting black man as his running mate so tbr the neo-nazi white supremacists r not exactly his demographic of supporters. that said i fucking loved this prompt; set in the universe of freedom of the press, but not canon w/ the storyline

tags: @stargazelaurens @ivory-haired-queens @exoticxchicken8@assbuttstyles777 @distinguishedpotsticker @fukaaaaaaaa@hereforthepsyche-assessment @ivetoldamillionlies@fangirl570 @thealaddinkid @lasciviouspeach@snazzydoesthings @shy-and-awkward-daveed@rachelhermionerose @soft-weeb-s @gryffinclxw @anamrnk@daveeddiggsit @ayayayayana @marinovakovich@cryinghazelnutt @thefandomgirl03 @a-hopeless-fan @cloudynblw @tinywhim @lolidunnoaboutnow @siriusorionblackiii @fanfic-addict-98 @checkurwindow @nyxie75 @i-know-i-can @yxseminx @yavin4andor @sugacita @sstrawberry-fanta @youtxbemusic @queenwilty — hope i didnt miss anyone; lmk if you want to be added!!

Beep.

Y/N scrunched up her nose as her eyes fluttered open, the gritty, incessant sound of the machine grating on her nerves — while she was no stranger to the sound of her own heartbeat, she'd never heard it like that. When she finally tried to look around the room, she winced. The sterile-white LED lights lining the ceiling made her eyes burn; as she adjusted to it, slowly waking up, she began to notice the steady click of an IV drip not far from where her head rested.

She didn't move at first, blinking hard as the ceiling was her entire range of vision, but when she tried to sit up, a sharp pain shot through her shoulder, and she cried out, her hand flying up to the spot.

"Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart, lay down, okay? Relax, please. You're gonna hurt yourself."

The beep of the heart rate monitor accelerated in a fleeting moment, and steady, familiar hands came to rest gently on her good shoulder and her upper back, easing her into the crinkly mattress beneath her. She turned with wide eyes to find the last person she expected at her bedside as he propped her head up onto a pillow.

"Thomas?" she asked breathlessly. "Shit, I... What are you doing here? Did you bring me here? I don't..." Her brow furrowed as she eyed his worried expression, the small, scared frown he wore. As she tried to shift in her bed, turn to look at him, she gasped at the throbbing in her upper arm — with that, it didn't take long for her to recall exactly what she was doing there, though the details were hazy. She didn't know what to make of her current circumstance, though.

"Here, d'you want me to raise the back of the bed so you don't needa hold yourself up?" Though she'd screwed her eyes shut, her jaw clenched as she tried to bear the pain, as his hand ghosted down to her forearm, as he brushed his thumb across her skin, he could hear her pulse beginning to settle. She nodded, laying onto her back with a grimace.

A moment passed in silence while she tried to collect her thoughts. She let out a soft hum when the reclined top of the bed began to fold upward, letting her shift into a sitting position, she withdrew her right arm from Thomas's grasp, pulling it back to instead lace her fingers into his. "Better?"

"Mhm." When she again opened her eyes, he'd pulled his chair closer. She frowned. "How are you here? You... We're in public, Thomas; you can't..." She trailed off, but when the concern in his gaze didn't subside in the least, she said, "Did I die? Am I... Is this even real? I don't understand."

Despite everything, at her words, a teasing grin split his grim expression, and he squeezed her hand lightly. "Well, first of all, 'm flattered that you think wakin' up here next to me might actually be heaven—" She rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help her soft, endeared smile. "—but no, you're alright, just in the hospital. You're gonna be fine."

"I guess that's a relief," she sighed, pursing her lips. She eyed him with concerned hesitance. "But what are you doing here?"

"What d'you mean, 'what am I doing here?'" he asked incredulously, his voice soft. "Three of my supporters just tried to fucking kill you 'cause they were tryin' to defend my image. Did you think I wasn't gonna come see you? Make sure you're okay? I've been worried sick, Y/N."

"I..." She swallowed the lump building in her throat as she remembered everything that happened, how quickly it'd all gone down. With the way they'd cornered her, she was lucky to have escaped with a bullet in her shoulder. She was lucky to have even made it out alive. "I'm really, really glad you're here," she said with a weak smile, "but we aren't exactly holed up in your penthouse, right now. How do you plan to explain that you came to visit me in the hospital?"

"Well, officially, 'm here to offer my deepest apologies on behalf of myself 'n my campaign and to let you know that I entirely denounce what happened," he said, and as his gaze fell, as he couldn't bear to meet her eyes, she could see the remorse in her demeanor. "Everyone's just gonna think it's damage control, and I get why. Some of that was just an excuse for me comin' to see you. But really... I can't tell you how sorry I am that this happened. 'M so, so sorry that people came out 'n tracked you down, tried to murder you in my name. You can't... I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I could go back and do somethin' different to stop this from happenin'. That I didn't spend so much time messin' with you on Twitter. That I woulda—"

"Stop it," Y/N said, her voice hardly more than a whisper. She could see Thomas's eyes welling up, his stare glassy; she could hear his voice beginning to waver. "Stop. You know this wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could've done to prevent it. You're a good person, okay? I know you. Please, please don't blame yourself."

She squeezed his hand, and he shut his eyes tightly. "Fuck, I don't—" He sniffled loudly, reaching up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "Don't know why you're comforting me right now. 'M not supposed to be the one who needs it; I don't wanna make this about me. 'M sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You aren't responsible for this, and I don't blame you for it in the least." At her gentle tone, he let out a ragged huff, still not meeting her eyes. She frowned. "Hey, look at me. You didn't do anything to incite this."

"You're too forgivin'," he finally said, lifting his head to meet her gaze. "I don't deserve it."

She scoffed at the words, breaking his gaze to shake her head in exasperation. "Thomas, if you don't deserve to be forgiven, that's because there's nothing to forgive. Please, this isn't your burden."

There was a skip, silence aside from the IV drip and the staticky beep of the heart rate monitor. "That's enough talkin' about me," he finally said. Y/N sighed. His deflecting was overt, but he didn't seem to care. "How are you? I don't just mean your shoulder, either. No one would judge you for bein' rattled after everything that happened."

She shrugged, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "I'm not great, if I'm honest. I was just so scared." She drew in a shaky breath. He took her hand in both of his, pulling his chair closer to her side. "How'd you even find out about this, anyway? Lafayette?"

"Now, why d'you think Lafayette woulda heard about you bein' in the hospital before I did?" He could only feign offense, but the eyebrow he raised was playful. She couldn't stifle her amused smile. "That hurts, sweetheart, really. He matters that much more to you than I do?"

"Shut up; you know that none of my other friends would tell you about this," she groaned, but any exhaustion in her voice was contrived. "Alex and his sister-in-law are my emergency contacts. Which one of them would've ever called you?"

"Alright, alright." Thomas huffed, trying to purse his lips to hide his grin. "James called me. Dolley saw it on the news."

"Oh my god, it's on the news?" Her eyes widened, and Thomas was struck with a pang of guilt as he heard her pulse begin to spike — there wasn't much she could hide when hooked up to a heart rate monitor. "Shit, I– I need to call Mira and Orlando; they've gotta be terrified. And Angelica, holy shit, I'm sure she's heard. What time is it? How long has it been since the story broke?"

"Hey, calm down, okay? They're outside. They know you're gonna be alright," he murmured, rubbing the back of her hand comfortingly, and he sighed as he heard her heartbeat slow. "Everyone's out there. James 'n Dolley came, Lafayette came... Hamilton brought his whole family. I met Angelica, just now."

Her eyebrows shot up, but a laugh was etched into her surprised smile. "Oh, no, tell me you're lying. I can't imagine that went well."

He hummed in agreement, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watched her enthusiasm begin to grow. "Nah, not so much. Think she woulda throttled me out in the lobby if Mira hadn't stopped her."

Y/N groaned. "Of course Mira's out there defending you. Some priorities."

"Oh, would you rather your friends killed me with their bare hands?" He raised an expectant eyebrow, and when Y/N only shrugged, he scowled.

"Listen, all I'm saying is that if someone shot you in my name and James tried to throttle me for it, I'd understand."

Thomas gave a reluctant hum. "Forgot how much you liked havin' people's hands around your throat. Guess you'd probably enjoy it, huh?"

Her eyes widened as her breath caught, blood rushing to her cheeks. She could feel her skin burning, and somewhere in the background, she was vaguely aware of the rush of her heart rate monitor. "Thomas. Shut up, I swear to god."

He laughed when she tried to shove his hands away, yank her right arm out of his grasp, but when he just squeezed her forearm teasingly, she turned her head. She couldn't meet his gaze with the scowl she wore. "Aw, what's the problem? You only into that when I'm the one doin' it?"

"Thomas." She whipped her head back around to him with a wearing look, appearingly taken aback, but her teeth were sinking hard into her bottom lip. When she saw the mocking pout he wore, a chill ran down her back; her stomach turned.

"Y'know, I'm kinda havin' fun with bein' able to hear your heart rate." When he winked, the corners of his lips turning up into a knowing smile, the heat in the back of her neck flared.

"You're exhausting," she grumbled. He shrugged.

"Mmh, I can see that." When she turned to him with an eyebrow raised, he grinned. "Nothin' to be ashamed of, sweetheart. I know I—"

He was cut off by the click of the door being thrown open, and a nurse rushed into the room, closely followed by the small army of people there to see Y/N. They both pulled abruptly back from one another. Y/N's heart was pounding.

"Y/N! Are you okay? Did something happen?" Eliza asked pushing through to see you with wide, worried eyes. Y/N opened her mouth to respond, but when she just gaped at everyone for a moment, Alex immediately cut in.

"Jefferson, I swear to god, if you laid a finger on her, I'll end you. I knew it was a bad idea to let him in here," Alex scowled, glaring at Thomas as he strode toward them, but Y/N's brows shot up.

"Hey, woah, stop it," she said holding up her right hand, a silent request for him to come to a halt. Reluctantly, he did, still eyeing Thomas skeptically. "Nothing happened. I'm okay. Why'd you all come in here like this?"

"Your heart rate was rising, dear. We thought you could've been having a seizure, or a heart attack, or... or something," Dolley said, and Alex glared when she pushed her way in front of him. "How are you? I saw the video online, and oh, Y/N, it was awful. I couldn't bear to see such a thing happening to you."

"Dolley, hey." Y/N wore a soft smile as Dolley came to her bedside, resting a hand on her calf. "I'm okay. Not the best I've ever felt, but it isn't anything I won't be able to sleep off. That, and some painkillers, of course."

Dolley gave her a wry smile. "Let me know if there's anything I can do. I have a neglected bottle of rosé sitting in our pantry and two pints of ice cream in the freezer, so go ahead and pick your poison."

Y/N laughed. "I'll have to see what flavors of ice cream you've got stashed away, but either option is dangerously tempting."

Dolley was about to reply, but when Angelica emerged to her left, she jumped back, startled. "Anyway, why was your heart rate so high? You don't look like you're going into a coma, so what'd he do?" Angelica nodded toward Thomas, the look in her eyes all business and her brow furrowed. Thomas raised an affronted brow.

"Oh, please, Thomas wouldn't hurt a fly." As everyone began to disperse themselves around her bedside, the group who'd come to see her made Y/N's heart warm. She resisted rolling her eyes at the doting smile Mira gave Thomas alongside her words, which he returned gratefully. (Suck up.) However, Mira also turned to Y/N with a hesitant look. "Right, mija?"

Y/N pursed her lips, glancing between Mira and Thomas dubiously, but Thomas looked smug. "Yeah, yeah, he's in the clear," she agreed reluctantly. "My heart rate spiked because I stupidly tried to use both my arms to shift where I was sitting. It didn't feel so great for, y'know, my bullet wound." When she gave a weak smile, there were sighs of relief scattered throughout the group (Thomas's was the most adamant; he hadn't expected her to bail him out quite that easily).

"Well, we are glad to see zat you are alright." Lafayette offered her a soft smile, and when she found him standing directly beside Thomas, she reached out to squeeze the hand he had resting on the rail of her bed. A flicker of dejection passed through Thomas's expression, gone almost the moment it came.

"I'm glad to see all of you here. It was really sweet of you to come," Y/N said, looking around the group. Her eyes lit up when she caught sight of James standing just behind Dolley, a small smile resting on his lips. "Aw, James, even you showed up?"

"Of course, Y/N. We on Thomas's campaign have been incredibly concerned."

She rolled her eyes at his formal tone. "Yeah, yeah, talk all you want about your political agenda, but we both know Dolley dragged you along to visit."

"I truly can't help but take offense at that," James said, his brow furrowed, and he shook his head. Regardless, he wore an amused smile. "As though I'm unable to cross partisan lines for an injured acquaintance?"

"Aw, aren't we friends by now?" Y/N asked, plastering on a pout, and James laughed.

"I suppose so." He squeezed Dolley's shoulder, an eyebrow raised, and she shuffled aside, inadvertently crowding into Angelica's space. When James took a step forward, Y/N's eyebrows shot up at the bouquet of flowers he held, the envelope attached to them. "These are for you, on behalf of our entire campaign."

She had to shift in her seat to turn and take them from him in her right hand, but as she did so, she grimaced at the dull pain in her shoulder when she moved it. Thomas's hand shot out to support her before he realized where he was, and he stopped himself short, pulling his hands back into his lap with a wince.

"Thanks so much, James, these are beautiful," Y/N said, inhaling deeply as she held the flowers up to her nose. "Who picked them out?"

"I did." The sound of Thomas's voice among the group surprised her. Her eyebrows were raised when she turned to him, and she struggled to stop her small smile from widening at his words.

"Well then, thank you, Secretary Jefferson. I appreciate the gesture."

"It's the least I could do, Ms. L/N." She pressed her lips together; it was all she could do not to laugh at the formality in his tone. He gave her a sympathetic smile, but as she met his gaze, it was doting. "I'm terribly sorry that this happened. Please, don't hesitate to reach out if there's anything further we can do to support you."

She cocked a brow. "Care to pay my medical bills?"

"Gladly."

"Wait, seriously?" Her eyes widened. "I was joking, but I'm holding you to that."

"As you should," Thomas said reasonably, giving a shrug. "I understand how difficult this has gotta be for you, and for your family, too. We'd like to support you in any way we can."

While his gentle tone made her smile, holding his stare, but Alex scoffed loudly.

"Oh my god, don't fall for that, Y/N," he interjected. Y/N raised a brow. "He's just trying to avoid a lawsuit. Or convince you not to start bitching online about how he almost killed you."

"He didn't almost kill me," she huffed. She glanced back hesitantly at Thomas, and he was watching her with guilt heavy in his expression. "One of his supporters did. It's not the same thing."

"Yeah, they tried to kill you in his name. Why are you giving him a pass?"

"If you shot him in my name, would it be my fault?" She pinned Alex with an expectant stare, and he huffed. "You know it wouldn't, and this is no different. If you're gonna spend the next few minutes attacking him, go wait in the hall until he and James leave. My head already hurts, so I refuse to listen to you picking a fight."

Alex folded his arms. "Why aren't you kicking him out?"

"Because you're the one getting worked up, right now," Y/N said matter-of-factly, but Thomas sighed.

"I understand that you all want me gone. I won't impose," he said, and when he began to push his chair out, Y/N and Mira wore identical, dismayed expressions.

"No, no, you aren't imposing!" Mira insisted. "Please, stay."

"'S alright, Mira. I know when I'm not wanted. I should be goin'," he said, giving her a reassuring smile, but his nervous gaze flickered back to Y/N. "Unless, of course, you've got any more grievances you wanna air? I'd be happy to listen, but I don't wanna overstay my welcome."

"Actually," Y/N started, pursing her lips. Thomas's tense demeanor softened as she went on, "I have a few more things I'd like to say before you go. You aren't off the hook just yet." Though her expression was hard, Thomas was struggling not to grin at her not sending him away. Y/N looked back around to her friends and family. "If you'd all give me another minute? I need to get some things off my chest."

While everyone obliged her easily, turning to give her space as they started toward the exit, Dolley and Lafayette shared a knowing look. Y/N's nurse smiled. "I'm glad to see you awake and feeling better. I'll be on call if you need me."

"Thanks so much," Y/N said quietly, and Lafayette caught her eye with a grin.

"We will be back in a few minutes, chérie. Do not do anything rash."

Y/N's eyebrows shot up when he shot Thomas a wink before following everyone else out, and they sat another moment in silence until the door finally fell shut. Thomas breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, now that everyone's outta here, you gonna rip me a new one?" he asked playfully, and Y/N rolled her eyes, finally letting herself grin as she turned to him, leaning fully back against her bed.

"Don't tempt me," she warned, and he laughed lightly. "But I just wanted another minute with you. If you want to go or have somewhere to be, I'll understand."

"I'm gonna stay as long as you're lookin' to let me," he replied, and when he rested his hand on the bed's rail, she took it in hers.

"I don't know how long I can believably pretend to be yelling at you, but I don't want you to leave just yet. I'm really glad you're here." She swallowed hard, glancing down at where their hands were linked. "I've just... been so distant recently. Is it silly to say I was afraid I was going to die without seeing you first?"

He let out a light, breathy laugh; the look in his eyes was akin to relief. "Jesus, I hope not, 'cause I've been up all night worryin' about the same thing."

Her eyebrows shot up, and he gave her a sheepish smile. "You've been up all night?"

"How was I supposed to sleep?" he asked, his eyebrows raised. He shook his head in disbelief. "You have no idea how scared I was, sweetheart."

"I can imagine," she said with a sigh. "Thank you for coming. I'm sure it wasn't easy to get in here with my friends all ready to bite your head off."

"Mmh, not exactly," he agreed, tone dry, and when she caught sight of his irked expression, she raised an eyebrow. "I didn't get too warm of a welcome."

"How'd you convince them to let you stay here until I woke up, anyway?" she asked, and a lopsided grin split his expression. He shrugged. "Don't tell me you just waltzed in here, and they let you into my room. I know them better than that."

"Lafayette vouched for me."

"Seriously?" Y/N furrowed her brow. "And said what?"

"That it'd be best for you to be able to get everything off your chest before everyone came in to see you." He shrugged, and though Y/N rolled her eyes, his smile was smug. "Guess I'm lucky you're takin' pity on me, huh?"

"Really, Jefferson. I should consider being a little harsher next time. Really making you pay for being thoughtful enough to show up here and comfort me when I'm terribly injured." She bit her lip, eyeing him tentatively. "Hey, can anybody see us right now? Are there any windows or security cameras I'm missing?"

He shook his head, brow furrowed. "Uh-uh. Relax. It's just you and me, alright?"

"Then will you come sit with me?"

His eyebrows shot up when she looked at him hopefully, shifting over on her bed, but it wasn't until a moment later that he answered, his words hesitant. "I dunno, sweetheart. I know you're in a lotta pain, and I don't wanna accidentally hurt you. You should just rest."

"Please?" The look in her eyes was hopeful, and she ran her thumb across his knuckles. "I just... wanna be held. I know you've gotta go soon, but..."

She couldn't finish her sentence, instead just trailing off, watching him with pleading eyes, and he sighed. "God, I hate not bein' able to say no to you. Move over."

Y/N grinned when he stood, delicately propping himself up onto the edge of her bed and swinging his legs up beside hers. His left arm brushed against her right shoulder, and she winced, trying to prop herself up onto the side of his torso. His hands found her waist. "This okay?" he asked softly, shifting her to lay against his chest, and her smile went soft.

"Yeah. This is good." She hummed contentedly when he absentmindedly began tracing patterns into her hip through her hospital gown. "Thanks for being here. Not many people would be willing to fight through my friends just to see me for a few minutes."

"Well, I did have some help," he murmured, his lips just above her ear. "I mean, since you gave Mira the power of attorney and all, she got the final say on who was allowed to come in and see you. You know she's got a soft spot for me."

Y/N giggled. "I guess your whole 'golden boy' act does come in handy once in a while."

When Thomas huffed, she could feel his warm breath tickle the side of her neck. She shivered. "Y'know what, I'm gonna let that one go, but only 'cause you're injured."

"Or because you know I'm right," she teased, craning her neck back to look at him with a wide smile, and he raised an amused eyebrow.

"Mhm, 'cause I'm secretly a terrible person, huh?"

"Good thing we agree." She pushed herself up to lightly kiss the underside of his jaw. "I just wish you could stay longer. I know you probably have a million things to get done, but I hate that you have to use some bullshit excuse just to come see me."

"So do I," he sighed.

"I just wish we could do... whatever this is in the light of day."

"What if we could?"

"Thomas," Y/N groaned lightly. "It's a nice thought, but you know it isn't possible. You aren't going to drop out of the race for president, and I'm not going to stop covering the campaign. I like my job too much. I don't want to give that up."

"And I'd never ask you to," he assured her, "'S just a nice thought."

"Yeah," she agreed reluctantly, her gaze downcast. A beat passed in silence; they were both too caught up in their own heads to pay attention to the steady click of the IV drip within a foot of them, the buzz of the dying LED lights overhead. Finally, Y/N said, "Is there any chance you can come up with some excuse to come back and visit me tomorrow? I'll have my phone on me, so I can text you when the coast is clear."

"I'd love that," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. He hadn't realized it, but she'd begun to doze off, her eyes fluttering shut as she laid her head against the warmth of his body, the steady feeling of his heartbeat in his chest lulling her to sleep.

"Thank you," she murmured, covering his hand with hers. "I love..." She trailed off when she could feel him inhale sharply, his chest rising against her back, and despite her fatigue, she knew enough to hold her tongue. "Love that you could make it here. Thanks again."

"'S been my pleasure."

She didn't respond, content to just rest in his arms, and his smile was soft as he looked down at her. Several minutes ticked by, and the pair was at peace in the sterile environment, relaxed despite the bullet wound in her shoulder, the danger she'd been in hours before, despite the tension that always hung heavy in their dynamic, unavoidable with the risk they were taking being together.

"Thanks for keeping me around, sweetheart," he whispered, and his words were met only with the heavy sound of her breathing, leveling out as she drifted further and further from consciousness. He swallowed hard. "I love you."

She was too far gone to hear him.

A few more minutes later, the room's door clicked open, and Thomas's eyes widened, realizing the position he was about to be found in. His eyes widened.

"Y/N, is it alright if everyone else—?" Lafayette emerged from the doorway alone, cutting himself with a soft smile when he caught sight of Y/N laid against Thomas's body, perfectly at peace in his embrace. "Ah, Thomas. I am glad to see zat she is being well taken care of," he said softly, a teasing lilt to his voice. Thomas couldn't take it too personally. "Is she... asleep?"

He nodded. "Has been for a few minutes. Think she's been needin' some real rest," he replied, warm gaze drifting down to Y/N's calm, absent face. "Y'know, the kind that doesn't come from faintin' in pain and some anesthetics."

Lafayette chuckled lightly, folding his arms. "I think zat it is for ze best," he said. "But I was sent in 'ere to see whether or not Y/N was done, ah... lecturing you for ze 'arms done. I am not sure I 'ave any way to tell everyone zat she is still busy in 'ere."

"Sounds like it's time for me to head out, then, huh?" Lafayette nodded, and Thomas looked down with a reluctant smile. "Alright, gimme a minute. Send everyone in when I get out of here, yeah?"

"Of course." Lafayette departed without another word, appearing to be rather pleased with the scene before him. Thomas sighed, trying to shift Y/N off of himself without rattling her, and when he gently laid her shoulders back down onto the mattress, her head resting to one side on the pillow, he leaned down to kiss her forehead softly.

"I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay?" he whispered, disregarding entirely the fact that she didn't hear a word of it. He finally lifted himself off of the side of the bed. "Goodnight, Y/N."

His footsteps stalled another moment as he stood beside her; his tender gaze swept down the entirety of her stature, but it was clouded with remorse when he once again glanced to the bloodied bandage wrapped around her shoulder. He swallowed the lump of guilt in his throat.

He turned off the lights on his way out.

157 notes · View notes

trilliastra · 4 years

Text

4 times jin ling saved jiang cheng + 1

His sister’s funeral is held two days after the Sunshot Campaign.

Jiang Cheng insisted on holding her funeral in Lotus Pier, but she belonged in Lanling Jin, next to her husband’s grave, that much Madam Jin said, and Jiang Cheng was tired of fighting after doing it for days. Even though his sister’s body won’t be next to their parents, their ancestors, at least they will have their good memories, her laughter and her kindness, in their halls.

Madam Jin watches him wearily when he stopped insisting, kept watching him through the entire ceremony with something akin to worry in her eyes. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t know, he could not look at her for too long, ashamed, that Wei Wuxian, his brother, caused so much grief to her clan, and Jiang Cheng did nothing to stop him.

He couldn’t even deliver the final blow like a coward, a shame to the Jiang Sect, a failure.

“Sect Leader Jiang,” Madam Jin calls him once the ceremony is over, gesturing for him to follow her steps towards the place that once belonged to her son and his wife, “I want you to take him with you.” She says, opening the door, and Jiang Cheng frowns, confused, when she insists the maid deposits the little baby in his arms.

Jin Ling is sleeping peacefully, but when Jiang Cheng closes his arms around him, the baby opens his eyes slowly. Jiang Cheng braces himself for the screams that don’t come, Jin Ling simply waves his little hands around and keeps staring at him, almost curious.

Jiang Cheng only held him once, two days after he was born, and under his sister’s watchful eyes. He remembers being nervous, scared of hurting that tiny, defenceless being, but his sister only smiled, fond, and said, “you’re incapable of hurting anyone, A-Cheng.”

Oh, he swallows heavily, if only that was true.

“He is the heir –” he tries to say, but Madam Jin shakes her head, stopping him with a stern look.

“He will have food and toys and servants to please his every need, but he won’t have a family.” She says, stepping closer to run a finger over the boy’s forehead. “I won’t be alive much longer,” she points out, “and I will not let him grow up under that man’s care.”

Jiang Cheng understands her worry, Jin Guangshan didn’t even go to Jiang Yanli’s funeral, too busy doing something – or someone – to attend the ceremony. And though Jin Guangyao was there to pay his respects, Jiang Cheng noticed he kept his distance from Madam Jin as the woman glared at him most of the time.

Their Sect is a mess and the only one that could bring balance to their lives is dead, along with his wife.

But still, Jiang Cheng looks down as Jin Ling lets out incoherent noises and then almost smiles when he gets Jiang Cheng’s attention again; it is too much responsibility for someone so – broken.

He wasn’t even planning on staying alive to watch his nephew grow up.

When he looks up, Madam Jin is staring at him as if she knows exactly what he is thinking. He forgot she was good friends with his mother – only a strong, intelligent woman could understand another.

“You need each other.” She says, finally, and leaves Jiang Cheng alone in the room, still holding a small baby in his arms.

Jin Ling makes an annoyed sound, yawning, and Jiang Cheng carefully starts to rock him, up and down, trying to mimic his sister’s loving touch.

“This is going to be hard, A-Ling,” he says and Jin Ling stops fussing, eyes locked on Jiang Cheng’s face, “I will make so many mistakes and I’ll probably hurt you.” His sister was gentle, Jiang Cheng is far from it. He is all rough hands, sharp words. He doesn’t know how to care for another, how to comfort someone when they are sick or hurt or sad, he was not raised for that. “But, I – I will take care of you and I will protect you and, I will love you.”

And Jiang Cheng will, that much he can promise his nephew, can promise himself. He will love this boy like he is his own son, like Jiang Fengmian loved Wei Wuxian, like he wished to be loved by his father.

“No matter what you do, no matter who you grow up to be.” He keeps saying and Jin Ling watches him the entire time, as if memorizing every word, understanding that from now on, this is the parent he will have. Not his father or his mother, but his uncle, his protector, his family.

Time passes quickly when one is looking after a child and soon enough they are celebrating Jin Ling’s third birthday and the boy could not be more loved. Jiang Cheng yells too much and smiles too little, but he tries his best for his nephew, runs after him when Jin Ling is feeling particularly hyperactive, comforts him after a nightmare and reads him stories every night, sighing tiredly when Jin Ling insists on listening to his favorite tale over and over again.

It isn’t easy and most days, Jiang Cheng still doesn’t know what he is doing. But Jin Ling is healthy, happy, and that is all that matters.

The questions start when he turns eight and more and more families move to Lotus Pier. It’s normal, now, to see a mother with her new born baby, a father with a toddler on his shoulders, a five-year-old stumbling and calling her parents for help. Jin Ling never questioned his past before, he never knew other kids were not raised by their uncles, but now he does – and Jiang Cheng is exhausted.

“But why?” Jin Ling keeps asking, and Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath and promises him he will do it one day, when he’s older.

He should have known Jin Guangyao would not think the same.

Jin Ling arrives from Carp Tower that night, crying, and Jiang Cheng watches helplessly because his nephew refuses to be touched. He understands death, they had buried many people through the years, mostly elders and occasionally a disciple or two, but it is clear now, that Jin Ling never thought of it as something so grand, something that could affect him directly.

And it does not help, that Jiang Cheng has no idea what side of the story Jin Ling was told.

“Jin Ling,” Jiang Cheng tries when a servant arrives with Jin Ling’s dinner, “come, it is time for dinner.” It isn’t, admittedly, the best way to deal with a crying child, but Jiang Cheng has no idea what to do, how long Jin Ling will keep at it. The boy is even too young to know what he is feeling, never mind explain it to someone else, who does not know what to feel as well.

“No.” Jin Ling yells, throwing a pillow at the servant, who startles and drops the tray on the ground. She immediately flushes red, bowing and apologizing, but Jiang Cheng shakes his head, raises a hand to stop her.

“Apologize.” He tells Jin Ling. “Now.”

“No!” Jin Ling screams, even louder. “You are not my father!” He crosses his arms, turning his back to Jiang Cheng, his sobs growing weaker as he gets angrier.

Jiang Cheng feels his head throbbing. He closes his eyes, runs a hand over his face. “Jin Ling, either you –”

“You let them die.” Jin Ling accuses and Jiang Cheng loses his balance at the venom in his words, feels like he’s been punched by someone ten times stronger than himself.

Madam Jin was right to send him away, the Jin Sect is too cruel to tell such a story to a child so young.

“You – you do not understand what –”

“You never told me!” Jin Ling screams back. “You never said the truth!”

“There is more than one truth!” Jiang Cheng yells back, and promptly shuts up when he feels Zidian coming to life. He is losing control, he – Jin Ling does not deserve to see this side of him.

“The Yiling Patriarch killed my parents!” His nephew cries out. “His name was Wei Wuxian and you still kept his room!”

Jiang Cheng does not answer, because there is nothing to say. It is true and he hates himself for it. Wei Wuxian killed Jin Ling’s parents and Jiang Cheng still loves him, sometimes even wishes he was still alive, there is no excuse for that.

“I hate you.” Jin Ling says, finally, and Jiang Cheng leaves the room.

Jiang Cheng spends most of the night in the woods, hunting ghosts and destroying everything in his path, blinded by his anger and the indescribable pain in his chest.

He never thought he could hurt this bad again, not after his sister’s death, but the hatred he saw in Jin Ling’s eyes tonight – Jiang Cheng had only seen it once, in his own father’s eyes.

Eventually, he collapses on the ground, exhausted, and absolutely destroyed. He does not have the strength to lift his sword anymore, and Zidian shrinks back into its ring form.

He shivers from the cold and closes his eyes, feeling himself fall asleep. It is dangerous to stay here, alone, so defenceless, but Jiang Cheng was ready to die eight years ago, and he still is, now.

The world would be better without him anyway. He shouldn’t even have survived, all those years ago, after being captured by the Wens. Wei Wuxian would have been a better Sect Leader, a better son, brother and uncle.

It is funny, he smiles at last, mournful – he thought he was nothing without his Golden Core, but now he would give it away happily, just so his nephew could have his family back.

He wakes up with his Head Disciple calling his name, desperately.

No, Jiang Cheng thinks, leave me here.

Let me die.

“Sect Leader,” she calls, “please, Jin Ling is calling for you.”

“What –” he asks, blinking confusedly.

“He is sick, Sect Leader.” She answers. “He needs you.”

Despite the fact that his entire body hurts, despite the blood gushing from the cut on his arm, Jiang Cheng unsheathes his sword and takes flight. He should be dead, but his nephew needs him, so he will live.

At eleven Jin Ling can only be described as clingy. He does not like going to Carp Tower any more than Jiang Cheng likes watching him leave, but it is his duty still, his legacy, and – liking or not – his family as well.

But he always comes back, a cloud over his head that quickly vanishes as soon as he sets foot on Lotus Pier, promptly throwing himself on the lake and swimming happily with the first disciple he sees. Jiang Cheng does not have it in him to berate him – or the disciple – as he always ends up in the lake as well, liking or not.

They always have their meals together and at some point Jin Ling decided he should start watching Jiang Cheng work – as ‘practice’, he said, but Jiang Cheng knows better.

After their fight, many years ago, Jin Ling ran a high fever, tossing and turning on his bed from nightmares, sometimes screaming Jiang Cheng’s name, other times pleading for his life. Jiang Cheng never left his side, holding a wet cloth over his forehead, clothes still covered in blood, as he prayed for his sister’s forgiveness, for his nephew’s quick recovery. When Jin Ling finally woke up, hours later, Jiang Cheng apologized, promising to tell him his side of the story, and Jin Ling promptly threw himself at him, crying and apologizing as well.

Their relationship has not been the same since, it’s been better, Jiang Cheng realizes, and he takes to enjoying their time together even more. He has no illusions this will last, Jin Ling is quickly growing into his own person, more mature, independent, smart. This will not continue forever, but Jiang Cheng will still cherish these moments, where he can look to his left and find Jin Ling unconsciously imitating his stance, one hand on his belt, the other on his back.

Sometimes, Jiang Cheng thinks, he’s happy to be alive.

Jiang Cheng has grown used to the letters. At first, he considered the marriage proposals annoying, would rip the papers to shreds and ignore every word. It was offensive, to receive such letters so soon after the war, as if he was nothing more than a possible husband, the path to glory to some of the smaller Sects or, worse, more power to the bigger ones.

It is not so bad now that he trusts their own reputation, knows most people would see it as a fruitful alliance and not just the possibility of ruling over a broken Sect. He still gets the proposals and denies each and every one of them, but some families go beyond, desperate for power or salvation.

Xin Li Hua is a beautiful woman, her smile is sweet and fierce at the same time, her words shaper than a blade. In another life, Jiang Cheng could see himself falling for her, but in this – he feels nothing but admiration.

She came alone, carrying nothing but a letter from her father. Jiang Cheng offered a room, food, clothes and help to her starving family, but made sure she knew nothing else would come from it. Xin Li Hua nodded, bowing gracefully in front of him and Jiang Cheng thought it was settled.

It was Jin Ling who saw right through it.

“I don’t like her.” Jin Ling says, later that night, throwing pieces of chicken for Little Fairy to catch in the air. The dog will get fat, Jiang Cheng had warned, but he does not have it in him to deny her food either.

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, takes off his shoes as he sits down on the pier, dips his feet in the water. “You don’t have to.” He says. “I will not marry her.”

“I know,” Jin Ling says, rolling his eyes back. Jiang Cheng blames himself for that habit, but huffs out a laugh anyway, “but she looks at you in a weird way. As if she wants to – to hurt you.”

Jiang Cheng frowns, surprised. Jin Ling is a perceptive boy and smart as well; he has become quite protective of him, of their people. Those are great qualities for a future Sect Leader.

“I don’t know,” Jin Ling says, flopping down next to him and resting his head on Little Fairy’s fur, “just – be careful.” He warns, pleads, turning his big eyes to Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Yanli was perceptive as well and she was constantly worried about him, asking him to take care of himself, to look out for trouble, to always come back home safe.

“I will.” Jiang Cheng promises his nephew, like he used to promise his sister. “I will.” He repeats, resting one hand on Jin Ling’s hair.

Two days later the disciple Jiang Cheng ordered to keep an eye on Xin Li Hua finds her trying to poison their food. She does not explain why, keeps her mouth shut for the entirety of the trials presided by the Chief Cultivator himself.

Jin Ling does not tell Jiang Cheng ‘I told you so’, but his eyes do and Jiang Cheng has to hide a smile behind his hand. Despite it all, he is deeply proud of the man Jin Ling is becoming.

Jiang Cheng spent most of the last sixteen years looking for Wei Wuxian’s spirit, for what reason – revenge, forgiveness – he never knew, but just as he was starting to give up on his quest, he comes back. Unexpectedly, in the midst of all the chaos, like he used to. Jiang Cheng is not even surprised, this is exactly how Wei Wuxian used to operate, always making an entrance, always having something to say.

He never really cared about the consequences of his actions, only kept moving from one shiny toy to the next like a child, leaving the mess behind for Jiang Cheng to clean. It is no different now, despite the fact that sixteen years have passed. He wreaks havoc wherever he goes, irritating some people, charming others.

And it is with a heavy heart and a confused mind, that Jiang Cheng watches history repeat itself. The first time Wei Wuxian appeared into Jiang Cheng’s life, he stole his father; the second time, he steals his nephew.

His chest hurts. It is like his Golden Core knows its original owner is back and is trying to run back to him.

Deep down, Jiang Cheng knew he never deserved his second chance, nor the third or the fourth. Wei Wuxian did. It is obvious now, he always thought Wei Wuxian was the traitor, but in reality, Jiang Cheng is – the one who turned his back to his brother, who never believed he could have been a victim as well.

He throws Sandu away, does the same with Zidian, screaming painfully. He does not deserve this power, does not deserve to be called Sandu Shengshou. He is just a failure, a fraud.

Jiang Cheng sinks down on his knees in the ancestral hall, fighting off his tears. Why wasn’t him enough for his father? Just because he was born from the wrong woman, or was it something else? Did Jiang Fengmian know, even before, what Jiang Cheng would do? How pathetic he would become?

Did he know he would fail them all?

“Uncle,” he hears Jin Ling call, his voice soft and worried.

“Leave.” Jiang Cheng screams, frustrated. This is the last thing he wants, for Jin Ling to witness him at his lowest, to see who his uncle really is. He keeps his back to him, groaning when Jin Ling does not move. “What? Wei Wuxian must be with Hanguang-jun, go after him if you want.” He says, closing his eyes, tells himself it will be fine.

It hurts, but it will be fine. As long as Jin Ling is happy, Jiang Cheng will keep his distance, will let his nephew have everything Jiang Cheng could not give him. All the stories, the adventures, the laughter.

He will not be here to see it, anyway.

“Uncle,” Jin Ling repeats, stronger this time. Jiang Cheng hears him moving, and the next thing he knows, his nephew is kneeling in front of him, eyes – his mother’s eyes – shining with anger, “why do you insist on being alone?” Jiang Cheng blinks, startled. “Did you assume I would think less of you? Did you think I would be ashamed?” Jin Ling shakes his head, drops his hands on Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. “No! Look what you did! Our Sect, me, you-” Jin Ling lets out a sob, lifts one hand to hastily wipe out his own tears, “you did this all by yourself!”

“With his Golden Core!” Jiang Cheng insists. He would have been nothing without it, just a hollow man, alone.

He hears the slap before he feels it. The hand connecting to skin; Jin Ling’s hand, his face. Astonished, he looks up at his nephew and gasps. This isn’t the boy he raised anymore, this is a strong man, fierce, headstrong, a Sect Leader.

“It does not matter!” Jin Ling yells. “What you accomplished after matters! Our clan, our people, me! Uncle,” his voice softens, “you would have done the same for me, would you not?”

Jiang Cheng does not have to think twice. “Of course!”

“And would you think less of me because of it?”

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes, struggling to breathe. “No.”

He feels Jin Ling’s hands on his back, pulling him closer, his head resting on his nephew’s shoulder. “Uncle.” His nephew repeats, soft, always soft.

He is just like his mother, Jiang Cheng thinks, and that thought alone pulls him back from the abyss. He did something right in his life, he raised a caring, loving man, as opinionated as his father, as gentle as his mother.

Jin Ling is his best accomplishment, and no one will be able to take that away from him.

“A-Ling,” he says, at last, “I want to tell you a story.” Jin Ling pulls back, eyes red with tears, and looks at him curiously. “The story of how I lost my Golden Core.”

+ 1.

Sometimes Jin Ling feels guilty for not missing his parents. He knows his life would be entirely different if they were still alive, his uncle having told many stories about his parents. So, he knows about them, but he’s never had them in his life.

He holds his father’s sword with pride and longing for things that could have been, dreams about his mother’s laughter, even though he will never know how her voice really sounded like; but when he was sick as a child, it was not his mother at his side, it was his uncle. When he went on his first Night Hunt and came home crying out of frustration for not being able to capture a ghost, it was his uncle that listened to his rambling, then stayed with him on the training field until the sun began to shine in the East.

He might have wished for a different life sometimes, especially after a fight with his uncle, but those were just words uttered out of frustration and anger, Jin Ling never truly meant to exchange his reality for a fantasy; the familiar touch, the kind – and sometimes rough – words, for a dream.

So, when the option is offered to him, he already knows what to say.

“No.” He raises his sword, takes a step to the side and positions himself between the demon and his family. Jin Ling notices Sizhui on his right and Jingyi on his left, his friends and allies, ready to help him if necessary.

“What would your mother think, A-Ling?” The thing says and Jin Ling has to remind himself the body it is possessing is still of an innocent boy, not older than fifteen, and who does not deserve to die. “When she finds out you gave her up for –”

It is taunting him and Wei Wuxian has to be held back by Sizhui, angry tears streaming down his face, before he is collapsing, his arm bleeding profusely from where the demon stabbed him. His uncle does not say anything, and Jin Ling worries he might have passed out.

“I do not know.” Jin Ling answers, waiting for the signal. He is beginning to feel frustrated, but he holds his ground – Wen Ning will come, he tells himself, he always does. “I never met her.”

“But you want to.” The thing uses the boy’s mouth to smile. It is an ugly thing, and wrong, all teeth and hunger, eyes shining with mirth and sickness. “Just let me have a taste, A-Ling, and you will meet your mother, yes, your uncle will not feel a thing. He is ready for it, too.” The thing licks its bloody hands, uncle’s blood, and closes its eyes, savouring the taste. “He wants it, A-Ling.”

“Well, too bad.” Jin Ling snarls, frustrated because he knows it is true. His uncle would not hesitate to sacrifice himself for Jin Ling’s mother, and he hates it. Jiang Cheng is his uncle, yes, but also his father and mother, his family. The only he’s ever had. “He is not going anywhere.” He notices the tree on his right shaking and jumps, reaching out to hold the thing’s left arm at the same time Wen Ning comes to its right. Jingyi does not hesitate to help and even Sizhui has to abandon Wei Wuxian to come to their aid.

The demon screams and kicks, throwing Jin Ling against a tree and knocking Wen Ning to the ground. It is not a fair fight; even if they are four against one, the thing is avidly trying to kill them, while they have to hold back, worried about accidentally hurting the boy the thing is possessing. By the time Hanguang-jun arrives, Jingyi’s nose is definitely broken and Jin Ling can barely hold himself up.

Two disciples take his place holding the demon down while Hanguang-jun works on the exorcism; and Jin Ling – he crawls towards his uncle, breathing heavily through the pain in his arms and legs, too worried to care about anything else.

“Uncle,” he whispers, shaking hands coming to touch his uncle’s chest.

“A-Ling,” his uncle answers weakly, “you should have –”

“No,” Jin Ling interrupts, knowing very well what his uncle was going to say, “no more.” He lays his head against his uncle’s chest, feels his eyes closing with exhaustion. “I do not need my mother, I already have you.” He manages to say before passing out.

He wakes up on his own bed in Lotus Pier. He rarely visits anymore, too busy with politics and Night Hunts to come back home, but his bedroom is the same, the toys he used to play with as a child still on the shelves.

He sits up immediately as he remembers the night before, his uncle on the ground, bleeding. He tries to get up, groans as his legs give out and he collapses back on the bed.

“Keep still.” He hears Wei Wuxian, feels his hands on his shoulders, forcing him back down.

“Where is he?” Jin Ling asks, alarmed. Every time he got hurt or sick his uncle always stayed with him, he never woke up to an empty room.

“Resting in his own room.” Wei Wuxian explains. “He will be fine.” He says and Jin Ling finally breathes out, relieved. Wei Wuxian smiles. “You are just like your mother,” he points out and Jin Ling blushes. He’s been hearing that a lot lately, “but you are a lot like Jiang Cheng, too.”

He nods, looks down when Wei Wuxian laughs, amused. “I know.” He’s heard that a lot, too, growing up. It never failed to make him smile, proud. “Can you – can you help me?” Jin Ling asks, awkwardly. He still does not know how to interact with Wei Wuxian, does not know what to feel about him yet.

Wei Wuxian seems to understand, though, and he only smiles before helping him up.

“A-Ling,” his uncle says, weakly, opening his eyes when Jin Ling touches his hand, “are you –”

“Yes.” Jin Ling nods, watches his uncle’s expression soften. “I am fine.” He takes a deep breath, gestures for Wei Wuxian to stay, when the other man tries to leave the room. “Uncle,” he says, “I meant it, you know that, right?”

“You shouldn’t.” Jiang Cheng says immediately. “It is not fair.”

“Maybe.” Jin Ling answers. “But it is the life I know, you are the parent I had.” He stresses, watches his uncle’s eyes shine with a mix of confusion and hurt, but also pride and happiness. “I cannot choose a life I never knew. I miss them, the idea of them. I know she was a great woman, I know he was an honest man, but you are my family.” Jin Ling explains, feels himself tearing up. “Promise me you will not forget that.”

His uncle takes a deep breath, eyes going from Jin Ling to Wei Wuxian and then back to Jin Ling. Finally, he nods. “I promise, A-Ling.”

Jin Ling smiles, squeezes his uncle’s hand. He looks up at Wei Wuxian then, and takes another deep breath. “And you,” he says, watches as Wei Wuxian reaches out for Jiang Cheng’s other hand and smiles when his uncle accepts the touch, “can we start over?”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian answers immediately, eyes shining with tears as well, “I’d like that.”

They both look down, “yes,” Jin Ling’s uncle says, “I’d like that too.”

#jiang cheng & jin ling #jin ling & jiang cheng #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #my fic #welp this got long #SO MANY feels #i dont even know where this came from #hope y'all enjoy tho #tw: thoughts of suicide

104 notes · View notes

travllingbunny · 3 years

Text

Tribes of Europa, season 1 - thoughts

I finished season 1 of German post-apocalyptic Netflix drama Tribes of Europa a couple of days ago, and I have... lots of thoughts and mixed feelings.

It's a standard post-apocalyptic show with all the usual tropes, but mostly well done, and has potential. I ended up liking it better than I expected, mostly because one of the storylines (Kiano’s) turned out to be pretty good/interesting.

The main problem of the show is that most characters, so far, don't have a lot of depth. An exception is a female villain who has proven to be quite complex and interesting. On the other hand, while I loved seeing Oliver Masucci, in a role completely different from Ulrich Nielsen, and he's great and charismatic, I feel like I've seen the exact same lovable rogue-turned-mentor character a dozen times in various shows and movies. The main trio of young protagonists have the potential for interesting character development, but it remains to be seen what saason 2 does with it.

At least there's one thing that makes the show different than most post-apocalyptic shows I'm aware of - I can't think of any others that take place on the European continent? Usually it's North America, Australia, or UK. So, that's interesting... But then, after I finished it, I started thinking a bit more about some of the elements of the worldbuilding, which are a bit... questionable? I'm reserving judgment till these things are explained.

Spoilers under the cut.

In the first episode, the show did the GoT thing of introducing us to a likable family and then having siblings separated by fate and trying to get back together, while having different storylines. But they should've spent a bit more time with them together and explaining their history.

The show also does that thing where the siblings look nothing like each other and are played by actors of different ethnic origins, so I was waiting to hear they were half-siblings or some other explanation, but there was none. Well, OK then.

One thing I wasn't crazy about is that Kiano had a girlfriend we saw for about 20 seconds and then she apparently got killed for no particular reason. I can't say it's even fridging, since he never even mentions her afterwards and he has a lot of other reasons to hate the Crows.

But Kiano's storyline turned out to be the most interesting , and most disturbing, the kind that can make or break the show, depending on how it deals with issues like slavery, rape, trauma. So far, the show has dealt with it well, which made me like the show more than I thought. (It definitely beats The 100 - a show it was the 100 in the Netflix promo campaign - in that respect. I was already scared it would do something similar to The 100, which really dropped the ball when it touched on such issues in a really clumsy way in season 3.)

Lord Varvara has turned out to be the most interesting and compelling character, and excellently played by Melika Foroutan. (I wish I could say the same about the Crows’ big boss, Yvar - but whether it is mostly due to the OTT costume and makeup or the similarly OTT acting, I had a hard time taking this guy seriously.) She is not exactly morally grey - she is definitely a villain, slaver rapist and murderer, but her role as a former slave - a victim of abuse turned abuser, and someone who upholds the ideas of Social Darwinism - makes her role very interesting and ambiguous. I think that (especially based on some hints) that she used to be a sex slave, too, and if she was also made to be a Crow by her former slave master, that would probably mean Yvar used to be her master. That could lead to some interesting tension and conflicts, as she probably hates this guy deep inside, but still has to vie for his approval, even now that she has “made it”. And she sees to see something in Kiano that makes her think they are similar, that he is 'strong' like she thinks she is (on the other hand, she despised her other slave who had a huge Stockholm Syndrome for her).

I'm curious how they deal with Kiano's character development next season, and how far into moral greyness or darkness it will be willing to go with him. Varvara is a blueprint of what he could become. He didn't exactly show much concern for the lives of other slaves, except his father.

Liv's storyline was also pretty interesting. with her navigating the political issues of the Crimsons. I liked that the Crimsons as a whole turned out to be more morally grey than I initially expected - with their strict military discipline to the point of authorianism and lack of tolerance for dissent.

I don't know if the show expected me to side with the general (aka "Father") or think his views were right, as Liv did? I did not.. "Let's make peace and unity with slavers"? No, dude. But I’ll go with the idea that we are not necessarily supposed to side with him rather than David just because Liv did; or that a third option may be found (such as causing a rebellion among the Crows themselves, which would be my preferred direction of that storyline).

(I also rolled my eyes whenever he started going on about "old European dream" or whatever he called it. No, my dude, you need to brush up on your history. Your plan is nothing like the EU, unless your plan is to go and deliver a bunch of demands to the Crows: "Unless you guys: abolish slavery; ensure human rights for everyone; install a viable non-slavery based economy etc.. - we're not letting you into our new unified Europe!" He also may needed to be reminded EU was formed after Axis powers were defeated.)

I've heard that a lot of people didn't like Elja's storyline because they found it the least interesting, and sure, it wasn't very emotional and didn't have much character development, but I'm very curious about the mystery of the Black December, the Atlantians etc. so I liked it. And I liked the fact that Elja wasn't a naive kid and could deceive people and keep secrets when he needed to.

But there are certain problems I have with the show’s world-building... which, at its worse, may end up being just as problematic as The 100′s was.

While I like the idea of a post-apocalyptic show set in continental Europe, and with languages other than English - almost all of the characters are only speaking German or English (the latter, I guess, for the same reason it's widespread today - people speak it as a second language and use it to communicate). We should really see more people who speak other languages. So far, that’s only happened sporadically - but my problem is more with the fact that the most villainous tribe, Crows (murderous, slave-owning Eurotrash-like villains with very Social Darwinist views) - even though they speak German or English 99% of the time - very notably use certain words from Slavic languages - and only for specific terms like "lubovnik" ('lover' - actually sex slave), "boi" (fight/battle), "svobodnik" (free man?). These were very recognizable. I have no idea what "Bozie" means, but I read somewhere it comes from Russian. What's supposed to be the backtory behind that? Sure, I am for more language diversity, but did a German show have to give the kind of barbaric-version-of-fascist villains these questionable Slavic references? That would be uncomfortable in so many ways.... It's not just Slavs, because another notable Crow character, Grieta at some point used Romanian (and the actress is Romanian), but I hope they're not going with the Evil Barbaric Eastern Europeans here. To be fair, many Crows were clearly slaves at the beginning, which complicates things... but Varvara says her real name - slave name - was Sophia, which could be anything - while her Crow names is Varvara - which definitely sounds Russian or Bulgarian (or, I guess, it could be Greek).

On the other side, opposed to the Crows, we have the more “civilized” tribe/army of former Eurocorps, whose members have so far only been heard speaking English, German and, at one point, Dutch - curiously called Red Crimson Army (!), I have so many questions...

Another questionable thing, pointed by the host of the Culture Cave YouTube podcast, who did an overall favorable review of the show, howeverpointed out that the Crows - the villains - are the only ones who don't conform to gender roles? And the males who are the most 'effeminate' looking are baddies. I didn’t even think of that initially, but thinking about it... yes, it has been like that so far, hasn’t it?

I’m reserving judgment till next season, but I only used to give The 100 the benefit of doubt with its questionable world-building, and we know how that turned out.

#tribes of europa

18 notes · View notes

queerchoicesblog · 3 years

Text

Epilogue: Underwater (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele Series)

As promised, here the epilogue of the Zetta x Adele Series, folks.

This is the very end of a project that meant me quite a lot to me and got me through the last terrible year. Thanks to all those who supported it: hope you enjoyed it and will enjoy this ending.

In case you were wondering, this song inspired the whole series, particularly the last chapters:

youtube

I will skip the tag list for once since it’s pointless anyway.

➡️ Ch. 1, Ch. 2/1, Ch. 2/2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7, Ch. 8/1, Ch. 8/2, Ch. 9, Ch. 10/1, Ch. 10/2, Ch. 11/1, Ch. 11/2, Ch. 12, Ch. 13, Ch. 14, Ch. 15 , Ch. 16, Ch. 17

_________________________

Almost a century after the sinking of the RMS Titanic and to celebrate Canada becoming the first country outside Europe to legalise same-sex marriage, the Canadian Film Institute decided to work side by side with several LGBTQ+ organisations across the world to put together an exhibition focused on the early queer cinema and the many queer stars who were forced to hide their true selves in the Golden Age of cinematography, spanning from 1890s till the aftermath of Second World War. "A testament to the role the LGBTQ+ community played in the history of cinema and that we have always been here, even if people hardly saw us" as a journalist wrote on a queer magazine. After the recent discovery of some private documents, the curators were overjoyed to include an icon of the 1900s - 1910s cinema like Zetta Serda into the retrospective and cast a new light on her extraordinary career sadly soon forgotten after the advent of the sound era. Yet, the silent picture star was mentioned as a model and 'endless source of inspiration" by many queer movie stars like Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn, Greta Garbo all part of the retrospective. Rumor has it that as soon as she landed in America, Marlene Dietrich demanded his agent a meeting with Mrs King.

A curator drove all the way to Montreal to meet the last known heir, a certain Mrs. Julia Nowak, who greeted him on the threshold of a cosy downtown apartment. She offered him a coffee and a slice of a Polish sweet bread: the recipe was a family heirloom, she explained, beaming. She was in her late fifties, a therapist, she said. Her hazel eyes gleamed when she added, in a pleasantly soothing voice that betrayed a hint of excitement: "I must confess I am so incredibly happy that you contacted me about the retrospective. I adore the idea and I will make sure to attend it. Also" she nodded to a wedding picture hung to the wall "did you know that my wife is in politics? She campaigned for the legalisation...yes, Madeleine Fournier: see, you know her! We got married right after the law passed. If anything, your call and project made me twice as happy". She took a pause, smiling over her coffee in remembrance. "Anyway, back to the matter of your visit...yes, as far as I know, I am Zetta's last heir. As you probably know, my family wasn't officially related to her but she stated otherwise in her will". She moved to the couch and gestured the curator to follow her as she opened up one of the boxes and chests piled into the living room and picked out an old album, the leather cover worn at the edges. Dust waltzed in the air as she opened it with caution and gentle care. She showed him a slightly discoloured black and white picture of a young couple kissing for the camera in front of a church. Another wedding picture, from a different era. "Nana Hileni and Papa Maciej's wedding picture. I still remember them even if they both died when I was barely a teen...as if one couldn't bear to live without the other. Or so I like to think. She would help me with the homework, mathematics particularly, and he baked this bread for me till he was too weak to do so. He always claimed that he won Nana's heart with his pastries but she always denied it laughing". She passed another picture of the same couple proudly standing in front of the Nowak family bakery in Hoboken. "Frankly, I believe that Papa's broad shoulders and Marlon Brando smile are more likely to blame for this coup de foudre" she laughed. "And he knew how to deal with her no-nonsense attitude and vice versa. They...balanced each other, if you wish". She picked another picture and handed it to him. A woman was looking down in tender adoration and awe to a baby nestled in her arms looking up at her, outstretching a tiny arm in an attempt to touch her face. "There! This is Dad" she pointed at the baby before turning the picture where someone wrote 'Alex meets Auntie Adele'. Turning it again, she pointed at the woman. "This is Adele Carrem. Or Auntie Adele as I've always heard calling her. Nana's sister and Zetta's publicist and companion" Putting it back into the album, she carefully picked a bunch of other old pictures. "You surely know who this one is" she smiled, handing out the one on top. The photo was rather grainy but you could still recognise the same kid, slightly older, around two, sucking his thumb, cuddled up in Zetta's lap. The actress had aged a little but her features were unmistakable and it was endearing to see her sitting by the fireplace to read that kid with the sleepy face a bedtime story. "Sadly, I have never met them. I wish I did, oh you have no idea...but stories of them lived through in our family" Julia continued. "My Dad loved his Aunties - as he called them - dearly and by what I've heard and read, they loved him in manner as if he was their own. He knew little of them or Zetta's career back then...to him they were just the sweet ladies who would buy him ice-cream in Central Park or take him to see his favourite pictures over and over again at the movie theater. He said he will never forget the afternoons he used to spend with them in a Manhattan cafe that no longer exists around Christmas: Nana and Papa worked like crazy as the festive season approached and the glorious cup of hot chocolate with an elegant puff of cream on top with the Aunties became a tradition to him. He kept it alive somehow as he did the same with me". She handed the curator a bunch of other pictures: Zetta cleaning up Alex's face smeared with jam, the both of them laughing; Zetta posing with Maciej and her Dad at a table in the Hoboken bakery. He eventually mirrored her smile seeing a five years old Alex at the beach all engrossed in building a sandcastle with Hileni and Adele, and he standing at the water edge hand in hand with Miss Carrem, looking out into the distance. "These are family pictures. I'll show you the Zetta's private memorabilia we cherished". Julia searched a little, opening an old chest and handling every item inside with tender care. When she found what she was looking for, she showed the curator an elegant set of smaller boxes containing letters, dried flowers and photos. "I have already received an offer to get these published. I'm still pondering it. Before agreeing, I want to consider throughly if this is a thing they would have wanted, even if they're no longer here" The curator nodded as she kept searching. He skimmed a few letters and smiled as his eyes fall on the photos hidden away in those boxes: the two women sitting together and chatting at Hileni's wedding, Zetta's reading a script, lazily sprawled on a chaise long in her apartment. Some had short lines handwritten on the back, like a promotional picture with "Missing you" written by Zetta herself. The curator showed another to Mrs Nowak: a visibly excited Miss Carrem proudly showing to the camera a document announcing her voter registration. On the back, in Zetta's penmanship: "On the way to vote...my sweet Adele won!". "Oh you didn't know? Auntie Adele was a suffragette! I couldn't believe it when I first heard it! Nana told me that she was in and out jail when they lived in London because of protests. You know, like those suffragettes you read about in history books but less famous. Yet she fought for women's rights and kept fighting for them even in America. She was quite disappointed though by some major decisions of some feminist movements and eventually joined a socialist Union 'more rightfully welcoming working class individuals, immigrants and black brothers and sisters'. It's all in those letters but yeah, you couldn't possibly know. So little is known about her outside family". A little smile drew on her face as she put back the photo. "That photo was taken the day of the first election open to women. I checked the date. I suppose Zetta wanted to immortalise the moment...it was sweet of her, huh? Auntie Adele must have been so proud and overjoyed that day! You know, my Dad was born in 1920 when women's right to vote was legalised nationally and Nana once told me that Auntie commented the lucky coincidence saying she was incredibly happy her nephew would get to live in a fairer world. She was a true force of nature...she never talked much of the sinking of the Titanic just like Zetta and Nana actually but when one day Dad asked...he was barely a child and probably found an old article about the tragedy...Auntie Adele minimised but Nana assured him that her sister saved her life that night, risking her own to go down to the belly of the sinking ship to bring her to safety. Auntie simply shrugged, saying that it was what sisters do and that they made it to the lifeboats only thanks to Zetta, who shouted protests to stubborn officers and eventually found them a spot on a boat. I cannot even bring myself to imagine how scary that must have been: I cried so much when Madeleine took me to see Leo and Kate...to think they were there and it was all real!" She picked a few other objects out the box: a Shakespeare Sonnets book in a leather cover with golden engravings, with a little handwritten dedication 'To Adele, my sonnet 116. Happy birthday! With all my love, Zetta'; old scripts with annotations, a framed photograph of Adele and Zetta slow dancing barefoot in the living room of a gorgeous Long Island mansion. "These have a sentimental value" Mrs Nowak noted, her voice betraying the flicker of emotions as she picked it up. She took a deep sigh and continued. "I remember the day I told Dad I was gay as it was yesterday. We had always been quite close so it came natural to tell him first. We were in his car, he had come straight from college to pick me up at ice-skating practice. I..I dropped it in the middle of a conversation, bracing myself for the worst. I heard so many bad stories about coming out to your parents I was terrified of the consequences but I couldn't hide it anymore. I mean, yes, in public: bullies get even nastier if they know and I didn't want people shouting me "dyke" at school. But I needed to get it out of my chest...with someone at least. He kept quiet for a moment and I felt like drowning in shame. But then he spoke". A nostalgic tender smile formed Julia's lips. "He said he had two amazing Aunties that contributed to make his life a wondrous adventure. It was thanks to them that he, the son of a baker, could attend a prestigious college, for instance: they offered to pay for it without asking a penny back. They also helped him write his first romantic letter to his childhood sweetheart and consoled him when the little girl turned him down. But his Aunties had a secret, he added. He said: to my kid eyes they were no less a couple than Mom and Dad and at home we all treated them in manner but one day Mom made me promise to behave differently when we were in public. In public I would refer to her sister as 'Auntie Adele' but call Zetta by her name. He didn't get it and it took some getting used to. He soon noticed that even the Aunties behaved a bit differently out in the sun: they wouldn't hold hands or use endearing words in the street or when other people were around. They simply behaved like good friends did. He understood it later when he, as stubborn as a mule, asked them directly". Julia gently grazed her fingers on the glass of the framed photograph, caressing it. "And they told me everything, he said. That they were in love, just like mom and dad were, but people out there could be uncomfortable and extremely rude to women loving other women and men loving other men. That they kept their companionship a secret in public because those people had no problems with women being friends and they didn't want to have bad words or worse happening to them. I remember asking him what he thought about it. He smiled. 'I cried. Since Auntie Zetta mentioned people claiming that women like them were sick and would burn in hell, I actually started crying. I sobbed desperately in her arms, crying that I didn't want them to burn in hell, I loved my Aunties and I was happy they loved each other. Eventually they explained me it was just a vile lie spread my malignant people. But I got quite a scare and kept staring at them with puffy red eyes and my face wet with tears for a while. It required lots of cuddling to bring a smile back on my face'. He shook his head, laughing of his endearing naivety. Then he pulled over and looked at me. He continued: 'I still don't get why people keep spreading those mean lies but I know for sure that my Aunties weren't sick and didn't end up in hell and so won't you. Don't believe bullshits like that for a split second, okay? And I also want you to remember that it doesn't change a thing for me and mom too. You will always be my little girl, our little girl and we love you'. We shared a long hug before driving back home. On the way back he insisted to buy my favourite chicken and waffles for dinner, saying mom's veggie soup could wait. For my birthday, a month later or so, he asked me to follow him to the attic and showed me this chest. To meet the Aunties that 'would have surely been there for me'". She tipped away a tear. "I told you I married Madeleine right after the legalisation of same-sex marriages. My wedding was also the last public event Mom and Dad attended together before his health worsened irremediably. He passed away last year". For a moment she looked on the verge of tears but she recovered quickly. "Sorry...anyway, that day Dad insisted on walking me down the aisle even if he was getting weak. He beamed with pride when a friend fixed a rainbow ribbon to his jacket. Later at the lunch he read a speech he had written for the day, his hand shaking. He shared the story of his Aunties. He said that despite the hardships their situation forced upon them, they had quite a happy life together, a happiness carefully hidden from the world. He wished us to find something similar to what they shared without needing to hide anymore. He said Adele and Zetta would have been so happy and proud to celebrate with all of us that day" Mrs. Nowak picked the Shakespeare Sonnet book and gave him a fond look. "He brought this to the wedding. And he read for us the sonnet 116, the one Zetta mentioned in her dedication. You know, the one that starts with 'Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments..." ----------------------- A few months later the exhibition on old Hollywood queer cinema and artists opened. Each artist had a room that soon filled with a crowd of enthusiastic visitors. In the first half, in a room arranged as a turn of the century nickelodeon with velvet chairs, all the memorabilia of Zetta Serda's public life: panels explaining the various stages of her career and the birth of her myth, promotional pictures of her performances, articles about her and a copy of a gazette announcing her wedding with the director Richard King. On the wall, on a screen her entire filmography rolled up in loop, bewitching spectators after a century. In display cases: the gorgeous sapphire necklace she wore on her last night on the Ship of Dreams and at the movie party of Surviving the Titanic, and a replica of her Cleopatra costume. The aging Queen of Egypt with a tragic love and destiny immortalised by Shakespeare was her last role back on the theater stage before retiring from the scenes. Old scripts with her personal annotation were displayed with photographs taken on sets and mundane events. The wall hosting the motion-picture screen cut the room in half. On the other side, the hidden half of her life. Her life with Adele no one suspected back then. A life kept secret that now unveiled in front of the eyes of the visitors. The curators discovered that finding public pictures of Miss Carrem was nearly impossible, true to the nickname she acquired as time went by: The Shadow. She stayed at Zetta's side until and even after she stopped acting, showing rare loyalty and devotion, but ever surrounded by this mystery allure. No one, even the most stubborn reporters managed to know anything about her and she was soon dismissed as a Titanic survivor, possibly a fan, who worked as Zetta's secretary and somehow gained her respect. Little they knew about the depth of their relationship and what stacks of secret letters and family memories revealed of the life of Miss Carrem. A panel finally told her story and her secret achievements: Adele, or better Adal, kept fighting for a fairer world and society her whole life and marched for women's right to vote on the famous parade in 1915. She also passed the teaching of Edith Garrud to her American sisters. The only pictures of her came from the Nowak family, except for one. The only photograph of a public appearance of Miss Carrem as well as the only known public appearance of Zetta and Adele. An old grainy photo accurately framed showed Adele shaking hands with The Unsinkable Molly Brown on a podium. In her free hand a shiny medal and a few steps behind the mayor of New York. According to the panel, the survivors' committee founded by Mrs. Brown decided to award Miss Carrem a medal for bravery and a generous check "to help her and her sister starting a new life in America". With great surprise, Miss Carrem received the medal and the check, thanked the board but refused the honors. Instead, she asked to deliver them both to the family of a certain Charlie Stoke, a stewart that lost his life in the sinking to save her life and those of many passengers. She added that her friend expressed the desire to study naval engineering one day and she wished that the money kindly offered to her would be enough to establish a scholarship for boys like him across the ocean. In another picture, Miss Carrem and her sister chatted with Moll Brown in company of Zetta. Eventually, other philanthropists and wealthy socialites signed checks for her cause so that the Stoke family received a generous contribution too. And today, as another picture confirmed, the faculty of naval engineering of the University of Newcastle hosts a marble engraving of Charlie Stoke: to his memory a scholarship had been instituted one year after on the anniversary of the sinking. Since 1913 it has been helping students of poor background to get an education and improve their life. Zetta herself became a philanthropist during her Renaissance and ever since. The first act of her new phase of her life was joining the Moll Brown survivors committee to provide help to the second and third class passengers families and survivors. Some said that the tragedy she witnessed touched her heart, other claimed that it was to be attributed to the influence of her publicist. Jokingly, she used to say that after all, she had too much money yet all she could have wished for in her life, so why not doing some good with it? A considerable donation under her and Mr King was received by the main hospital during the Spanish flu pandemic; she was particularly active in providing financial help to struggling neighbourhoods and female education institutions. In the middle of the room, a long glass display hosted the Shakespeare Sonnets opened at sonnet 116 and a selection of the private correspondence between Zetta and Adele. My darling, You will receive this letter tomorrow morning when I'll be already off to Chicago. The suitcases are ready and packed, this is a goodnight note scribbled the night before leaving you to remind you how much I love you and care about you. How much I'm going to miss you even if - thank God! - we won't be parted for long... Do not forget you promised me to write every day! Write to me, Adele, write to me whatever thought crosses that gorgeous mind of you: you know I could you rambling for hours without getting tired of the sound of your voice, of your sparkling wisdom. I wanna know everything. So don't be shy: I'll be waiting your letters with tender impatience. Can't wait to be in your arms once more. Adoringly yours, Zetta - Dear, dearest Zetta, I went to Central Park today with Hileni. It was a gorgeous spring day, sunny, a gentle breeze blowing: 'simply too beautiful to be wasted inside' as my sister put it. Did I tell you that she's still exchanging letters with the delivery boy from the hat shop? I thought they were over but apparently he invited her to the nickelodeon next week. Anyway, walking in the park with her I suddenly realised how I wanted to share that spring wonder with you. When are you coming back to New York? Tell me soon, please. And even 'soon' won't be soon enough: you're always on my mind since you left. But yes, tell me soon so I can make you promise we will go for a walk before the weather becomes too hot. Do you think I can wrap my arm with yours? Is it professional enough for a publicist? Even just for a few steps: oh you have no idea how I would love that! Or maybe you have? I hope so: it'd mean you miss me as much as I miss you when we are apart. Oh, I almost forgot: all settled with that magazine you mentioned before your departure! I negotiated a two pages long interview, plus pictures. And a cover mention. Hope I did well: you have already fired me as your secretary, I must prove you I am just what you're looking for in a publicist... Can't wait to see you again! Loving you always, Adele Only one letter was copied on a panel of its own on the main wall side by side with a blow-up of the picture of Adele and Zetta slow-dancing barefoot and free, for a blessed moment immortalised in a discreet shot. Adele pressing a tender kiss on Zetta's forehead, drawing a soft smile on the acrtress' lips. Many visitors commented it was heartwarming to see such a photograph that conveyed the intimacy and the warmth of affection radiating from the dancing couple. Some said that Zetta was even more beautiful like that: free, hair slightly askew and genuinely happy, loved. What stole their hearts away though was the letter attached to it. It was no surprise that the curators decided to name the retrospective Underwater. Dearest Adele, Forgive me for the tone of this letter. I am writing it down in bed while I cannot sleep and my mind runs back to you as if we could meet halfway between the miles separating us, in a world of fantasy of our own. It's ridiculous how much I miss you! I want you near, I need you near all the time. Take tonight: if you were here with me, I would be heavenly sleeping in your loving embrace. Most unfortunately, you are not and I'm lying here, insomniac, thinking of you. And about my life. No, don't frown. I am not getting all sad again. It's...bittersweet. And - I'll spoil you the ending so you will stop worrying, hopefully - it gets better the more you proceed. Have you ever felt trapped underwater? I did, my whole life. Always hiding, always measuring words, gestures, gazes not to let them see, not to let them know...so little time to go up and break the surface. Drop the mask and breathe. In, out. Once, twice. In my lowest moments I repeated to my myself: how are you gonna survive? One day an acquaintance with a remarkable passion for the sea explained me and the other bored commensals that you can keep someone alive by breathing oxygen into their mouth underwater. Pretty much like mouth-to-mouth resuscitation helps an unconscious person to regain consciousness. I found it interesting but doubted his words. Then I met you, Adele. My dearest, wondrous Adele. And I learnt that yes, you can't breathe if you're constantly underwater...but you won't drown if you have the right person swimming by your side in those deep waters. Put your lips on me, Adele. Touch me, hold me in your arms. And I can live underwater. With your love, I can live underwater. We can live underwater. I love you. I want to cover a full page of these three simple words: I love you. I want to cry them out and entrust them to the winds, to the night. But what for? Who cares if the world knows or not? I'll whisper them over your lips when we will be reunited. So you can breathe underwater. Counting down the hours separating us, my love. Eternally yours, Zetta

#titanic storyscape #sc titanic #zetta serda #adele carrem #zetta x adele #zetta x adele series

35 notes · View notes

dreaminginthedeepsouth · 3 years

Link

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

July 12, 2021

Heather Cox Richardson

Today’s news all centered around the Big Lie that former president Donald Trump won the 2020 election.

Yesterday, Trump spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), where the audience cheered through his meandering speech, in which he insisted that he won the 2020 election. “The entire system was rigged against the American people and rigged against a fair, decent and honest election,” he said. CNN’s Daniel Dale, who has fact-checked Trump’s speeches for years, called the speech “untethered to reality.”

But Trump was not alone: the whole three-day event featured speakers, including Representatives Ronny Jackson and Louie Gohmert, both Texas Republicans, focused on that Big Lie.

Just how untethered from reality this argument is became clear today when U.S. District Judge Linda V. Parker held a hearing on whether the lawyers who tried to overturn the 2020 election results in Michigan should face sanctions. Those lawyers, dubbed the “Kraken” by one of their leaders, Trump-affiliated lawyer Sidney Powell, produced close to 1000 pages of affidavits intending to cast doubt on the election results. Michigan and the city of Detroit filed complaints with the bar after the lawsuits failed, calling for punishment for the lawyers who had signed on to the effort.

As today’s hearing proceeded, it became clear that the so-called Kraken lawyers had made no effort to verify much of anything they presented to the court. Repeatedly, Parker asked if anyone had tried to verify any of the affidavits they had filed; repeatedly, they indicated they had not. At one point, Parker said, "I don't think I've ever really seen an affidavit" like this. "This is really fantastical," Parker said. "How can any of you, as officers of the court, present this type of an affidavit?"

Parker suggested that the whole point of the lawsuits in the first place was to spread lies to make people think the election wasn’t legitimate. "My concern is that counsel here has submitted affidavits to suggest and make the public believe that there was something wrong with the election...that's what these average affidavits are designed to do, to show there was something wrong in Michigan….”

Although Kraken lawyer Juli Haller began to cry during the hearing, Trump-affiliated lawyer Sidney Powell made it clear that, far from backing down, she wanted to move forward. Repeatedly, she and other lawyers demanded a trial or at least an evidentiary hearing, clearly trying to legitimize their claims by presenting them in an official setting. Like other Trump supporters, Powell is hoping to use official procedures to legitimize lies. We saw this in the hearings before Trump’s first impeachment, when lawmakers such as Jim Jordan (R-OH) used the official proceedings to construct a narrative for rightwing media.

David Fink, an attorney representing Detroit, called that pattern out: "Because of the lies spread in this courtroom, not only did people die on January 6, but many people throughout the world...came to doubt the strength of our democratic institutions in this country.”

Also today, news broke that, back in November, the Republican National Committee’s chief counsel, Justin Riemer, called claims that Trump had won the election “a joke.” Speaking of the lawyer pushing such claims, Riemer said, “They are misleading millions of people who have wishful thinking that the president is going to somehow win this thing.”

And yet, the Republican Party itself is tethering itself to Trump.

In Oklahoma and Alaska, state Republican Party leaders have backed Trump-supporting challengers to James Lankford (R-OK) and Lisa Murkowski (R-AK). Lankford was actually speaking on the floor of the Senate on January 6, preparing to object to some of the certified ballots, when the rioters broke into the Capitol. After the insurrection riot, Lankford chose not to continue his objection to the counting. He now faces a primary challenger.

So does Murkowski, who, when party leaders similarly primaried her with someone backed by former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in 2010, won a write-in campaign. Shortly after the insurrection, Murkowski said to a reporter: "I will tell you, if the Republican Party has become nothing more than the party of Trump, I sincerely question whether this is the party for me.”

In Pennsylvania, the chair of the state senate's Intergovernmental Operations Committee, Trump-ally state senator Doug Mastriano, is demanding an Arizona-type recount of the 2020 vote in his state. Blocked by Democratic governor Tom Wolf and the state’s attorney general, Mastriano today issued a statement saying he would continue to fight for what he called a “forensic investigation.”

Meanwhile, in Texas, at least 51 of the 67 Democratic lawmakers are leaving the state to block Republicans from passing voter restriction laws. By fleeing the state, they will deprive the legislatures of enough lawmakers to do business, a number called a “quorum.” The Texas legislature is in special session this summer in part because the Democrats blocked these laws in the same way in May. In response, Texas governor Greg Abbott vetoed funding for the legislature. Today, once again, he accused them of abandoning the duties for which voters elected them.

And yet, the Republicans’ argument for further restricting the vote is based on the Big Lie that the state needs to be protected from voter fraud after the 2020 election.

Tomorrow, President Joe Biden will go to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to make a speech on voting rights. He is expected to call out the Big Lie and to talk about “actions to protect the sacred, constitutional right to vote.”

—-

Notes:

https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/12/politics/fact-check-trump-cpac-election-lies/index.html

https://www.npr.org/2021/07/12/1015315950/texas-democrats-leave-state-in-effort-to-block-gop-voting-restrictions

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/07/12/cpac-dallas-trump-election/

https://news.yahoo.com/time-lisa-murkowski-join-democrats-093326694.html

https://www.lankford.senate.gov/news/videos/watch/senator-lankfords-floor-speech-is-interrupted-when-protestors-enter-the-us-capitol

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/fight-over-trump-loyalty-okla-gop-chairman-endorses-sen-lankford-n1273269

https://www.businessinsider.com/sidney-powell-lin-wood-michigan-lawsuit-sanctions-hearing-2021-7

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/pa-republican-asks-counties-hand-over-ballots-effort-start-arizona-n1273275

Senator Doug Mastriano @SenMastrianoDespite attempts of obstruction by the Wolf Administration and the Attorney General, the Intergovernmental Operations Committee will press forward in the pursuit of a forensic investigation:

senatormastriano.com/.../mastriano-…

July 12th 2021

2,032 Retweets6,139 Likes

/photo/1

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-kraken-powell-wood-giuliani-b1882871.html

Andrew Feinberg @AndrewFeinbergHaller, one of the Kraken lawyers, is crying.761 Retweets3,683 Likes

July 12th 2021

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/07/12/trumps-kraken-gets-an-intense-grilling-testy-court-hearing/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/rnc-trump-stop-the-steal/2021/07/12/79e58a02-e320-11eb-934f-7e6c1927f261_story.html

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jul/12/joe-biden-donald-trump-big-lie-speech

https://www.texastribune.org/2021/07/12/texas-democrats-walk-out-voting-bill/

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#quotes #Letters From An American #Heather Cox Richardson #The Big Lie #January 6 2021 #political 2021 #corrupt GOP #criminal GOP

5 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1257

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Oh for sure. We had to watch It’s A Beautiful Life and I know I cried every single time I watched that movie, whether for school or on my own time.

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? I don’t really get this question. I feel like it would make more sense if it asked how early I’m willing to wake up in the morning...? Anyway, I don’t pay attention to the time I sleep at night. Sometimes I’ll pass out as early as midnight, and sometimes I’ll be up until 3; it doesn’t matter to me.

What is you favorite type of lunch meat? I’m not into those in general.

What time of the year do you dislike the most? The heat in April and May is just brutal and uncalled for. It gets so hot and disgustingly humid and most times the aircon can’t even do much to quell it.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? Yeah, banana ketchup since that’s what we usually have a bottle of. Generally, I have banana ketchup with most of my breakfast dishes too.

What is your favorite color to wear? I don’t really have a favorite to wear those days mostly because I barely go out anyway and there’s been little need to update my closet.

Are you an overachiever? Seems like the type of question you should be asking my parents, not me haha. Personally, though, I’m fairly proud of what I’ve accomplished.

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe longer legs and smaller teeth, but I’m not exactly insecure about mine.

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry? Did you just raise the possibility of marrying a deer? Anyway...since I mentioned Two for the Road in the last survey, I’ll go with Mark from that movie. Seems like my type of partner.

How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? With legs...around 2-3 weeks. Armpits, maybe about a week or so. Never more than a month for either.

What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? For the most part I’ve always been cautious of what I say; writing, on the other hand...I’ve written stuff on my diary wherein I let out all my frustrations against my mom. I know they were mean because she cried over them – but that also entailed snooping through my stuff, so I’ve never felt bad about it. I meant those things as I wrote them because it was my safe space, and she violated that. That’s on her.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? I did, but I instantly realized it was bad so I stopped as soon as I began.

What is your favorite thing about your life? How everything seems to have fallen in its place these days. There’s really little to complain about and I’m grateful for that.

Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Animals.

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? No.

How many real bfs/gfs have you had? One.

Did you enjoy your past relationships? I did.

Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. << I love this choice, let’s just go with this one lol.

Could you wait until marriage for sex? Sure.

What’s the best Nirvana song? I don’t listen to them. I know a couple of songs but I don’t like them enough to be my favorites.

What was the last thing that impressed you? The new Butter remix with Megan Thee Stallion.

When was the last time you were in a pet store? Years, years ago.

What nationality is your last name? Spanish or Portuguese, I’m not super sure.

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? I never dip my chips; I just have them as is.

Who was the last boy that you saw cry? Idk...maybe one of my cousins from one of our family reunions last year. I don’t get to be around a lot of boys or guys.

Does your mom know you do surveys? No. I’ve never had to raise it and I can’t see a situation where I would have to.

Have you ever had a serious injury? Yeah, I got a big wound from when I went snorkeling around a decade ago. I wasn’t provided flippers so when I was kicking to stay afloat I managed to hit the coral reefs underneath repeatedly, which majorly scraped and gashed my left foot until it was an open, bleeding mess. It was infected for weeks and I’m surprised it didn’t leave any kind of mark or scar.

What was the last thing you achieved? Handling a campaign for a major client successfully and getting good coverage and results for it.

Would you enjoy being famous? Probably, but I wish I had some sort of talent or skill that would propel me to popularity in the first place hahaha.

What’s under your bed? Some things I collected from past hobbies and interests, like all my old wrestling magazines.

Do you enjoy travelling? Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? I mean I joined an org in college, which technically makes me a member for life. I’m not name-dropping but it’s one of the two journalism organizations in my alma mater.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? I can’t recall. I don’t drink strawberry milk.

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I never collected those.

Do you have a clock in your room? Nope.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? I honestly can’t remember. I only had like three sessions with different instructors for each, and the one instructor I remember having was extremely cranky and impatient.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Hold It Against Me is pretty fun.

Does mind over matter work for you? Sure.

Are you paranoid? Oh yeah. Overthinker is pretty much my middle name.

What is the best thing about winter? I wouldn’t know but considering the things associated with it, I’ve always believed it would be my favorite season.

Have you ever been truly in love? Hmm. I think so, yeah. I’d give myself that.

Are you currently planning a trip? Nah. Nothing set in stone, but Angela, Reena, and I have been talking about flying to South Korea next year. We’ll see.

How many plants are in your home? Several. My mom is a bit of a fan, but it’s nothing obsessive.

What is your favorite possession? I treasure my BTS merch, I guess haha. Nobody is allowed to touch them or move them around without my permission. As often as my mom likes to barge in my room and touch my stuff, she seems to understand and doesn’t lay a finger on any of the merch either.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? Sure. But it's never really mattered to me; it just feels nice to be nice and do nice things for people. It does feel nice to be thanked, but I don’t necessarily do it for the recognition.

What movies have tripped you out? I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Midsommar, Anomalisa, Under the Skin, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Killing of A Sacred Deer are a few of them.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? Yesssss, I even had a pair as a kid. I got into it because I loved to ice skate, but it turned out I wasn’t as good as gliding on the ground so I ultimately preferred ice skating. Anyway, no, I haven’t done rollerblading in years.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? I did. I stayed because it’s where I felt safe and I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do outside of it.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? Sure.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? Nope. I find them more distracting than anything else, and they actually keep me from sleeping.

What summertime treats do you love? I don’t have any.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. < Yeah, this sounds about right.

What do you hate most about moving? The last time we moved was in 2008...and I don’t really remember disliking any part of it. I was actually excited for us to have a home all to ourselves after living with extended family in a cramped house all my life.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Depends where. Sometimes it can be exciting, sometimes it can be inconvenient but you kinda do it out of desperation lol.

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No, I’m scared of how it would affect my body so I’ve never tried.

Has anyone ever whistled at you? Countless random men.

Do you like scarves? They can be comfy if I’m traveling somewhere cold...but I don’t really get to do that often, so.

Is your father homophobic? I haven’t seen any signs from him. My mom is much more likely to exhibit internalized homophobia – she just did the other night.

Do you take gummy vitamins? No, only when I was a teenager.

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? I don’t think so, nothing I can recall.

Who would you like to meet before you die? I don’t have any goal person in mind.

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? Hmm, probably not. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The Avril Lavigne doppelganger one is extremely hilarious and I read up so many thread about it on Twitter just so I can see how far people can stretch it.

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die? I don’t care.

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? Either of my best friends.

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? The weather.

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? Yeah the soundtracks are actually fucking great. The person who took this survey before me named Supermassive Black Hole by Muse, and that’s one of my favorites from all the soundtracks. The song Slow Life in New Moon is nice, too. How old was the first person you kissed? She was 17, going on 18.

Will you be a strict parent one day? I’d have some rules set but I wouldn’t suffocate my kids.

Last person to stand up for you? Heck if I know. I can do that for myself.

Have you been to a baby shower? No.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My ex.

What’s your favorite high school memory? Hiding a same-sex relationship from my conservative, homophobic Catholic teachers.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I like being single these days.

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Trying out the Nevis Swing in New Zealand.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate? I saw no point in studying chemistry.

Italian food or Chinese food? Chinese. I like Italian cuisine, but sometimes I find it a tad bit salty for my taste.

Do you like to make flash cards when you study? Not flash cards but sometimes I’ll write my notes down in several index cards because for some reason I retain information better that way.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? No.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I never saw the appeal of most of them, honestly.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Gabie.

What do you think about Marilyn Manson? I have nothing to say about him tbh.

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing beyond getting into an argument with this kid in 2nd grade and getting sent to the counselor’s office for it.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? I used to, until I handed it down to my sister...and until she let it smash onto the ground because she didn’t place it on her tripod properly when she was filming one time. I still don’t get why she’s so defensive about it; I wish she’d just admit she majorly fucked up on that. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? It makes me silently judge the parents more so than letting myself be bothered by a child.

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? We’re not offered the chance to get yearbooks unless we’re in graduating years.

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No.

Jalapeños: yay or nay? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Did you ever play Minecraft? No. I can’t care less.

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Me, sometimes. Hahahaha.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The way I was broken up with, like what the person who last took this said. I’m not tortured by it and her anymore, but I don’t think I deserved to intensely mull over about what I could have possibly done to be broken up with the way she did.

What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. < This pretty much hits the nail on the head on how my ex is, so I’ll just go ahead and agree.

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I’d get braces again and...that’s it, really.

What are your feelings on feminism? I support it and I support how it advocates equality.

Describe your first relationship? I’ve only had one relationship so I’ll just answer the following question.

Describe your last relationship? Internally toxic; uhhh healthy at some points I guess, when she wasn’t being a selfish prick; a disaster towards the end.

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? I honestly don’t know what constitutes ‘safe sex’ in a same-sex relationship, sooooo idk if I have.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? It’s a realistic take on love and I appreciate that it took its sweet time to highlight the ugly sides of love and marriage. Also, Audrey Hepburn taking her acting chops to the next level was just beautiful to watch. She was always a fantastic actress in all her movies, but I could tell her acting in Two for the Road had just a little bit more depth to it.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I’m nice and approachable.

Do you feel protective over someone? My friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear? Heat Rush.

Where did your vehicle come from? My parents got it for me as a high school grad gift.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007, and back then I was designated as a flower girl lol. I’ve never been to a wedding where I was chosen to be a bridesmaid.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken? CHICKEN SANDWICH. Also chicken wings.

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Oreo cheesecake topped with 24 macarons.

What do you wear to bed? Something thin and airy.

What were you doing at 8pm last night? I was watching Bon Voyage.

#survey #surveys

3 notes · View notes

96harmony96 · 3 years

Text

Chapter 3

when Megumi and I stepped into an elevator, I hit the button for the top floor.

“I’ll be back in five minutes, if anyone asks,” I told her, as she stepped off at Waters Field & Leaman.

“Give her a kiss for me, will you?” she said, playfully fanning herself. “Makes me hot just thinking about living vicariously through you.”

I managed a smile before the doors closed and the car continued its ascent. When it reached the end of the line, I exited into a tastefully ornate and undeniably masculine entrance foyer. Smoky glass security doors were sandblasted with jauregui INDUSTRIES and softened by hanging baskets of ferns and lilies.

lauren ’s redheaded receptionist was unusually cooperative and buzzed me in before I reached the door. Then she grinned at me in a way that got my back up. I’d always gotten the impression she didn’t like me, so I didn’t trust that smile for a minute. It made me twitchy. Still, I waved and said hello, because I wasn’t a catty bitch—unless I was given good reason to be.

I took the long hallway that led to lauren , stopping at a large secondary reception area where his secretary, Scott, manned the desk.

Scott stood as I approached. “Hello, camila,” she greeted me, reaching for his phone. “I’ll let her know you’re here.”

The glass wall that separated lauren ’s office from the rest of the floor was usually crystal clear but could be made opaque with the push of a button. It was frosted now, which increased my uneasiness. “Is she alone?”

“Yes, but—”

Whatever else he said was lost as I pushed through the glass door and into lauren ’s domain. It was a massive space, with three distinct seating areas, each larger than my boss Mark’s entire office. In contrast to the elegant warmth of lauren ’s apartment, his office was decorated in a cool palette of black, gray, and white broken only by the jewel-toned crystal decanters that decorated the wall behind a bar.

Floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the city on two sides. The one solid wall opposite the immense desk was covered in flat screens streaming news channels from around the world.

My gaze swept the room and caught on the throw pillow that had been carelessly knocked to the floor. Beside it were indents in the area rug that betrayed where the couch feet were usually planted. The piece of furniture had, apparently, been bumped askew by a few inches.

My heart rate sped up and my palms grew damp. That awful anxiety I’d felt earlier intensified.

I had just noticed the open door to the washroom when lauren stepped into view, stealing my breath with the beauty of his exposed torso. His hair was damp, as if from a recent shower, and his neck and upper chest were still flushed, as it became when she exerted herself physically.

she froze when she saw me, his gaze darkening for an instant before his perfect, implacable mask slid effortlessly into place.

“It’s not a good time, camila,” she said, shrugging into a dress shirt she’d had draped over the back of a bar stool . . . a different shirt from the one she’d been wearing earlier that morning. “I’m running late to an appointment.”

I gripped my purse tightly. Seeing her so intimately brought home how badly I wanted her. I loved her insanely, needed her like I needed to breathe . . . which only made it easier for me to understand how Magdalene and Corinne felt, and to relate to any lengths they might go to in trying to lure her away from me. “Why are you half dressed?”

There was no help for it. My body responded instinctively to the sight of his, which made it even harder for me to rein in my rioting emotions. His open, neatly pressed dress shirt revealed golden skin stretched tightly over washboard abs and perfectly defined pectorals. A dusting of dark hair over his chest arrowed down and darkened into a thin line, leading to a cock presently encased in boxer briefs and slacks. Just thinking about how she felt inside me made me ache with longing.

“I got something on my shirt.” she began buttoning up, his abs flexing with his movements as she crossed over to the bar, where I saw his cuff links waiting. “I have to run. If you need something, let Scott know and she’ll see to it. Or I’ll take care of it when I get back. I shouldn’t be more than two hours.”

“Why are you running late?”

she didn’t look at me when she answered, “I had to squeeze in a last-minute meeting.”

Did you now? “You showered this morning.” After making love to me for an hour.“Why did you have to shower again?”

“Why the inquisition?” she snapped.

Needing answers, I went to the washroom. The lingering humidity was oppressive. Ignoring the voice in my head telling me not to look for trouble I couldn’t bear to find, I dug his shirt out of the laundry basket . . . and saw red lipstick smeared like a bloodstain on one of the cuffs. Pain twisted through my chest.

Dropping the garment on the floor, I pivoted and left, needing to get as far away from lauren as possible. Before I threw up or started sobbing.

“camila!” she snapped as I hurried past her. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

“Fuck you, asswipe.”

“Excuse me?”

My hand was on the door handle when she caught me, yanking me back by the elbow. Spinning, I slapped her with enough force to turn his head and set my palm on fire.

“Goddamn it,” she growled, grabbing me by the arms and shaking me. “Don’t fucking hit me!”

“Don’t touch me!” The feel of his bare hands on the bare skin of my arms was too much.

she shoved back and away from me. “What the fuck’s gotten into you?”

“I saw her, lauren .”

“Saw who?”

“Corinne!”

she scowled. “What are you talking about?”

Pulling my smartphone out, I thrust the photo in his face. “Busted.”

lauren ’s gaze narrowed on the screen, and then his scowl cleared. “Busted doing what, exactly?” she asked, too softly.

“Oh, screw you.” I turned toward the door, shoving my phone in my purse. “I’m not spelling it out for you.”

His palm slapped against the glass, holding the door closed. Caging me with his body, she leaned down and hissed in my ear, “Yes. Yes, you goddamn will spell it out.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as our position at the door brought back a flood of heated memories from the first time I’d been in lauren ’s office. she’d stopped me just like this, seducing me deftly, drawing us into a passionate embrace on the very couch that had recently seen some kind of action forceful enough to shove it out of position.

“Doesn’t a picture say a thousand words?” I bit out through clenched teeth.

“So Corinne was manhandled. What does that have to do with me?”

“Are you kidding me? Let me out.”

“I don’t find anything even remotely funny about this. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been this pissed off at a woman. You come in here with your half-assed accusations and self-righteous bullshit—”

“I am righteous!” I twisted around and ducked beneath his arm, putting some much-needed distance between us. Being close to her hurt too much. “I would never cheat on you! If I wanted to fuck around, I’d break it off with you first.”

Leaning into the door, lauren crossed his arms. His shirt remained untucked and open at the collar, a look I found hot and tempting, which only made me angrier.

“You think I cheated on you?” His tone was clipped and icy.

I sucked in a deep breath to get through the pain of imagining her with Corinne on the sofa behind me. “Explain to me why she was here at the Crossfire, looking like she did. Why your office looks like this. Why you look like that.”

His gaze went to the couch, then to the cushion on the floor, then back to me. “I don’t know why Corinne was here or why she looked like that. I haven’t seen her since last night, when you were with me.”

Last night seemed like it’d happened forever ago. I wished that it had never happened at all.

“But I wasn’t with you,” I pointed out. “She batted her eyelashes and said she wanted to introduce you to someone, and you left me standing there.”

“Christ.” His eyes blazed. “Not this again.”

I swiped angrily at a tear that slid down my cheek.

she growled. “You think I went with her because I was overcome with the need to be with her and get away from you?”

“I don’t know, lauren . You ditched me. You’re the one with the answers.”

“You ditched me first.”

My mouth fell open. “I did not!”

“The hell you didn’t. Almost the second we arrived, you took off. I had to hunt you down and when I did, you were dancing with that prick.”

“Martin is Stanton’s nephew!” And since Richard Stanton was my stepdad, I thought of Martin as family.

“I don’t care if he’s a damned priest. He wants to nail you.”

“Oh my God. That’s absurd! Stop deflecting. You were talking business with your associates. It was awkward standing there. For them as well as me.”

“That’s your place, awkward or not!”

My head jerked back as if she’d slapped me. “Come again?”

“How would you feel if I walked away from you at a Waters Field and Leaman party because you started talking about a campaign? Then, when you found me, I was slow dancing with Magdalene?”

“I—” God. I hadn’t thought of it like that.

lauren appeared smooth and unruffled with his powerful frame lounging against the door, but I could sense the anger vibrating beneath that calm surface. she was riveting always, but most especially when she was seething with passion. “It’s my place to stand beside you, and support you, and yes, just fucking look pretty on your arm sometimes. It’s my right, my duty, and my privilege, camila, just as it’s yours in reverse.”

“I thought I was doing you a favor by getting out of the way.”

His arched brow was a silent, sarcastic comeback.

My arms crossed in front of me. “Is that why you walked off with Corinne? Were you punishing me?”

“If I wanted to punish you, camila, I’d take you over my knee.”

My gaze narrowed. That was never going to happen.

“I know how you get,” she said curtly. “I didn’t want you jealous over Corinne before I had a chance to explain. I needed a few minutes to make sure she understood how serious you and I are, and how important it was to me that you enjoy the evening. That’s the only reason I walked away with her.”

“You told her not to say anything about you two, didn’t you? You told her to keep quiet about what she is to you. Too bad Magdalene screwed that up.”

And maybe Corinne and Magdalene had planned it that way. Corinne knew lauren well enough to anticipate his moves; it might’ve been easy for her to plan around his reaction to her unexpected appearance in New York.

Which shed a whole new light on why Magdalene had called me today. She and Corinne had been talking at the Waldorf when lauren and I spotted them. Two women who wanted a man who was with another woman. Nothing was going to happen for them while I was in the picture, and because of that, I couldn’t rule out the possibility that they might be working together.

“I wanted you to hear it from me,” she said tightly.

I waved that off, more concerned about what was happening now. “I saw Corinne get into the Bentley, lauren . Right before I came up here.”

His other brow rose to match the first. “Did you?”

“Yes, I did. Can you explain that?”

“I can’t, no.”

Injured fury burned through me. I suddenly couldn’t bear to even look at her. “Then get out of my way, I have to get back to work.”

she didn’t move. “I just want to be clear on something before you go: Do you believe I fucked her?”

Hearing her say it aloud made me flinch. “I don’t know what to believe. The evidence sure—”

“I wouldn’t care if the ‘evidence’ included you finding me and her naked in a bed together.” she uncoiled so swiftly, I stumbled back in surprise. she stalked closer. “I want to know if you think I fucked her. If you think I would. Or could. Do you?”

My foot began to tap, but I didn’t retreat. “Explain the lipstick on your shirt, lauren .”

His jaw tightened. “No.”

“What?” The flat-out refusal sent me into a tailspin.

“Answer my question.”

I studied his face and saw the mask she wore around other people but had never worn with me. she reached his hand toward me as if to brush my cheek with his fingertips, then pulled back at the last minute. In that brief instant in which she pulled away, I heard his teeth grind, as if not touching me was a struggle. Agonized, I was grateful she hadn’t.

“I need you to explain,” I whispered, wondering if I imagined the wince that crossed his face. Sometimes I wanted to believe something so badly, I deliberately manufactured excuses and ignored painful reality.

“I’ve given you no reason to doubt me.”

“You’re giving me one now, lauren .” I exhaled in a rush, deflating. Withdrawing. she was standing in front of me, but she seemed miles away. “I understand you need time before you share secrets that are painful for you. I’ve been where you’re at, knowing I needed to talk about what happened to me but just not ready. That’s why I’ve tried very hard not to push you or rush you. But this secret is one that’s hurting me, and that’s different. Don’t you see that?”

Cursing under his breath, she cupped my face with cool hands. “I go out of my way to make sure you don’t have any reason to feel jealous, but when you do get possessive, I like it. I want you to fight for me. I want you to care that much. I want you crazy about me. But possessiveness without trust is hell. If you don’t trust me, we’ve got nothing.”

“Trust goes both ways, lauren .”

she sucked in a deep breath. “Damn it. Don’t look at me like that.”

“I’m trying to figure out who you are. Where’s the man who came right out and said she wanted to fuck me? The man who didn’t hesitate to tell me I tie her up in knots, even as I was breaking up with her? I believed you’d always be brutally honest like that. I counted on it. Now—” I shook my head, my throat too tight to say anything else.

Grimness thinned his lips, but they stayed stubbornly closed.

Catching his wrists, I pulled his hands away. I was cracking open inside, breaking. “I won’t run this time, but you can push me away. You might want to think about that.”

I left. lauren didn’t stop me.

* * *

I spent the rest of the afternoon focused on work. Mark loved to brainstorm out loud, which was an awesome learning exercise for me, and his confident and amiable way of dealing with his accounts was inspiring. I watched him breeze through two client meetings in which he conveyed an air of command that was both reassuring and nonthreatening.

Then we tackled a baby-toy company’s needs analysis, zeroing in on poor return expenditures as well as untapped avenues, such as mom-blog advertising. I was grateful that my job was a distraction from my personal life, and I was looking forward to going to my Krav Maga class later, so I could burn off some of my edgy restlessness.

It was just past four when my desk phone rang. I answered briskly and felt my heart leap at the sound of lauren ’s voice.

“We should leave at five,” she said, “to get to Dr. Petersen’s on time.”

“Oh.” I’d forgotten that our couples therapy sessions were on Thursdays at six P.M.It would be our first.

Abruptly, I wondered if it would also be our last.

“I’ll come get you,” she went on gruffly, “when it’s time.”

I sighed, feeling far from up to it. I was already raw and irritable from our fight earlier. “I’m sorry I hit you. I shouldn’t have done that. I hate that I did.”

“Angel.” lauren exhaled harshly. “You didn’t ask the one question that matters.”

My eyes closed. It was irritating how she read my mind. “Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re keeping secrets.”

“Secrets are something we can work through; cheating isn’t.”

I rubbed at the ache behind my forehead. “You’re right about that.”

“There’s only you, camila.” His voice was clipped and hard.

A tremor moved through me at the fury underlying his words. she was still angry that I’d doubted her. Oh well. I was still angry, too. “I’ll be ready at five.”

she was prompt, as usual. While I put my computer to sleep and grabbed my belongings, he spoke with Mark about the ongoing work on the Kingsman Vodka account. I watched lauren furtively. she cut an imposing figure with his tall, leanly muscular frame in his dark suit and carried herself in a way that projected impenetrability, yet I’d seen her terribly vulnerable.

I was in love with that tender, deeply emotional man. And I resented the façade and his attempts to hide herself from me.

Turning his head, she caught me staring. I saw a glimpse of my beloved lauren in his wild blue gaze, which briefly exposed a helpless yearning. Then she was gone, replaced by the cool mask. “Ready?”

It was so obvious that she was holding something back, and it killed me to have that gulf between us. To know there were things she wouldn’t trust me with.

As we exited through reception, Megumi rested her chin on her fist and gave a dramatic sigh.

“She’s crushing on you, jauregui,” I murmured, as we made our way out and she hit the call button for the elevator.

“Whatever.” she snorted. “What does she know about me?”

“I’ve been asking myself that same question all day,” I said quietly.

That time, I was certain she winced.

* * *

Dr. Lyle Petersen was tall, with neatly groomed gray hair and sharp yet kind denim blue eyes. His office was tastefully decorated in neutral shades and his furniture was extremely comfortable, something I noted on every one of my visits to him. It was a little weird for me to see him as my therapist now. In the past, he’d met with me only as my mother’s daughter. He’d been my mom’s shrink for the last couple of years.

I watched as he settled into the gray wingback chair across from the sofa lauren and I sat on. His keen gaze shifted between us, clearly noting how we’d each taken seats on opposite ends of the sofa, our stiff postures revealing our defensiveness. We’d made the drive over in the same way.

Flipping open the cover of his tablet, Dr. Petersen gripped his stylus and said, “Shall we start with the cause of the tension between you?”

I waited a beat, to give lauren a chance to speak first. I wasn’t terribly surprised when she just sat there, silent. “Well . . . in the last twenty-four hours I’ve met the fiancée I didn’t know lauren had—”

“Ex-fiancée,” lauren growled.

“—I found out the reason she’s dated brunettes exclusively is because of her—”

“It wasn’t dating.”

“—and I caught her leaving his office after lunch looking like this—” I dug out my phone.

“She was leaving the building,” lauren bit out, “not my office.”

I pulled up the picture and passed my phone over to Dr. Petersen. “And getting into your car, lauren !”

“Angus just told you before we got here that he saw her standing there, recognized her, and was being polite.”

“Like he’d say anything different!” I shot back. “He’s been your driver since you were a kid. Of course he’d cover your ass.”

“Oh, it’s a conspiracy now?”

“What was he doing there, then?” I challenged.

“Driving me to lunch.”

“Where? I’ll just verify you were there and she wasn’t, and we’ll get that part out of the way.”

lauren ’s jaw clenched. “I told you. I had an unexpected appointment. I didn’t make it to lunch.”

“Who was the appointment?”

“It wasn’t Corinne.”

“That’s not an answer!” I turned back to Dr. Petersen, who calmly returned my phone to me. “When I went up to his office to ask her what the hell was going on, I discovered her half dressed and freshly showered, with one of his sofas bumped out of place, pillows strewn all over the floor—”

“One goddamned pillow!”

“—and red lipstick on his shirt.”

“There are two dozen businesses in the Crossfire,” lauren said coldly. “She could have been visiting any one of them.”

“Right,” I drawled, my voice dripping sarcasm. “Of course.”

“Wouldn’t I have taken her to the hotel?”

I sucked in a sharp breath, reeling. “You still have that room?”

His mask slipped, revealing a flare of panic. The realization that she still had his sex pad—a hotel room he used exclusively for fucking and somewhere I’d never go again—hit me like a physical blow, sending a sharp pain through my chest. A low sound left me, a pained whimper that had me squeezing my eyes shut.

“Let’s slow down,” Dr. Petersen interrupted, scribbling rapidly. “I want to backtrack a bit. lauren , why didn’t you tell camila about Corinne?”

“I had every intention of doing so,” lauren said tightly.

“she doesn’t tell me anything,” I whispered, digging for a tissue in my purse so I wouldn’t have mascara running down my face. Why would he keep that room? The only explanation was that she intended to use it with someone other than me.

“What do you talk about?” Dr. Petersen asked, directing the question at both of us.

“I’m usually apologizing,” lauren muttered.

Dr. Petersen looked up. “For what?”

“Everything.” she raked a hand through his hair.

“Do you feel that camila’s too demanding or expects too much from you?”

I felt lauren ’s gaze on my profile. “No. She doesn’t ask for anything.”

“Except the truth,” I corrected, turning toward her.

His eyes blazed, searing me with heat. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“Do you want her to ask you for things, lauren ?” Dr. Petersen queried.

lauren frowned.

“Think about that. We’ll come back to it.” Dr. Petersen turned his attention to me. “I’m intrigued by the photo you took, camila. You were confronted with a situation that many women would find deeply upsetting—”

“There was no situation,” lauren reiterated coldly.

“Her perception of a situation,” Dr. Petersen qualified.

“A patently ridiculous perception, considering the physical aspect of our relationship.”

“All right. Let’s talk about that. How many times a week do you have sex? On average.”

My face heated. I looked at lauren , who returned my look with a smirk.

“Umm . . .” My lips twisted ruefully. “A lot.”

“Daily?” Dr. Petersen’s brows rose when I uncrossed and recrossed my legs, nodding. “Multiple times daily?”

lauren stepped in, “On average.”

Laying his tablet flat on his lap, Dr. Petersen met lauren ’s gaze. “Is this level of sexual activity customary for you?”

“Nothing about my relationship with camila is customary, Doctor.”

“What was the frequency of your sexual encounters prior to camila?”

lauren ’s jaw tensed, and she glanced at me.

“It’s okay,” I told her, even as I conceded that I wouldn’t want to answer that question in front of her.

she reached his hand out, spanning the distance between us. I placed mine in his and appreciated the reassuring squeeze she gave me. “Twice a week,” he said tightly. “On average.”

Tshe number of women quickly added up in my mind. My free hand fisted in my lap.

Dr. Petersen sat back. “camila has brought up concerns of infidelity and lack of communication in your relationship. How often is sex used to resolve disagreements?”

lauren ’s brow arched. “Before you assume camila’s suffering under the demands of my overactive libido, you should know that she initiates sex at least as often as I do. If one of us were going to have concerns about keeping up, it’d be me just by virtue of possessing male anatomy.”

Dr. Petersen looked at me for confirmation.

“Most interactions between us lead to sex,” I conceded, “including fights.”

“Before or after the conflict is considered resolved by both of you?”

I sighed. “Before.”

He dropped the stylus and started typing. I thought he might end up with a novel’s worth by the time all was said and done.

“Your relationship has been highly sexualized from the beginning?” he asked.

I nodded, even though he wasn’t looking. “We’re very attracted to each other.”

“Obviously.” He glanced up and offered a kind smile. “However, I’d like to discuss the possibility of abstinence while we—”

“There is no possibility,” lauren interjected. “That’s a nonstarter. I suggest we focus on what’s not working without eliminating one of the few things that is.”

“I’m not sure it is working, lauren ,” Dr. Petersen said evenly. “Not the way it should be.”

“Doctor.” lauren set one ankle on the opposite knee and settled back, creating a picture of unyielding decisiveness. “The only way I’m keeping my hands off her is if I’m dead. Find another way to fix us.”

* * *

“I’m new to this therapy thing,” lauren said later, after we’d gotten back into the Bentley and were heading home. “So I’m not sure. Was that the train wreck it felt like it was?”

“It could’ve gone better,” I said wearily, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. I was bone tired. Too tired to even think about catching the eight o’clock Krav Maga class. “I’d kill for a quick shower and my bed.”

“I have some things to take care of before I can call it a day.”

“That’s fine.” I yawned. “Why don’t we take the night off and see each other tomorrow?”

Thick silence greeted my suggestion. After a moment, it became so fraught with tension that I was motivated to lift both my head and my heavy eyelids to look at her.

His gaze was on my face, his lips thinned into a frustrated line. “You’re cutting me off.”

“No, I’m—”

“The hell you’re not! You’ve tried and convicted me, and now you’re shutting me out.”

“I’m exhausted, lauren ! There’s only so much bullshit I can take before I’m buried in it. I need sleep and—”

“I need you,” she snapped. “What is it going to take to make you believe me?”

“I don’t think you cheated. Okay? As suspicious as it all looks, I can’t convince myself you’d do that. It’s the secrets that are getting to be too much. I’m giving all I’ve got to this and you’re—”

“You think I’m not?” she twisted in the seat, sliding one bent leg in between us so that she faced me directly. “I’ve never worked so hard for anything in my life as I have for you.”

“You can’t make the effort for me. You have to do it for you.”

“Don’t give me that crap! I wouldn’t need to work on my relationship skills for anyone else.”

With a low moan, I rested my cheek against the seat and closed my eyes again. “I’m tired of fighting, lauren . I just want some peace and quiet for a night. I’ve been feeling off all day.”

“Are you sick?” she shifted, cupping the back of my neck gently and pressing his lips to my forehead. “You don’t feel hot. Is your stomach upset?”

I breathed her in, absorbing the delicious scent of his skin. The urge to press my face into the crook of his neck was nearly overwhelming.

“No.” And then it hit me. I groaned.

“What is it?” she pulled me into his lap, cradling me close. “What’s wrong? Do you need a doctor?”

“It’s my period,” I whispered, not wanting Angus to overhear. “It should start any day now. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before. No wonder I’m so tired and cranky; I’m hormonal.”

she stilled. After a heartbeat or two, I tilted my head back to search his face.

With his lips twisted ruefully, she admitted, “That’s a new one for me. Not something that comes up in the course of a casual sex life.”

“Lucky you. You get to experience the inconvenience reserved for men with girlfriends and wives.”

“I am lucky.” lauren brushed loose strands of my hair away from my temples, his own luxuriant hair falling around that chiseled face. “And maybe, if I’m really lucky, you’ll feel better tomorrow and like me again.”

Ah, God. My heart ached in my chest. “I like you now, lauren . I just don’t like you keeping secrets. It’s going to break us up.”

“Don’t let it,” she murmured, tracing my brows with his fingertip. “Trust me.”

“You have to trust me back.”

Folding over me, she pressed his lips softly to mine. “Don’t you know, angel?” she breathed. “There’s no one I trust more.”

Sliding my arms beneath his jacket, I hugged her, soaking up the warmth of his lean, hard body. I couldn’t help but worry that we were beginning to drift from one another.

lauren pressed the advantage, his tongue dipping into my mouth, lightly touching and teasing mine with velvet licks. Deceptively unhurried. I sought a deeper contact, needing more. Always more. Hating that aside from this, she gave me so little of herself.

she groaned into my mouth, an erotic sound of pleasure and need that vibrated through me. Tilting his head, she sealed those beautifully sculpted lips over mine. The kiss deepened, our tongues stroking, our breaths quickening.

The arm she’d banded beneath my back tightened, pulling me closer. Her other hand slid beneath my shirt, cradling my spine in her warm palm. Her fingertips flexed, gentling me even as the kiss grew wild. I arched into the caress, needing the reassurance of her touch against my bare skin.

“lauren . . .” For the first time, our physical closeness wasn’t enough to calm the desperate wanting inside me.

“Shh,” she soothed. “I’m here. Not going anywhere.”

Closing my eyes, I buried my face in her neck, wondering if we’d both be too stubborn and stay, even if it turned out that it would be best to let go.

2 notes · View notes