#I just started rewatching the x files a few days ago

[seungkw1]

the truth is out there — csc

♡ pairing: choi seungcheol x gn!reader ♡ theme: x-files au ♡ wc: 8.2k ♡ warnings: none ♡ a/n: started rewatching the x-files recently and the idea of this popped into my head so i simply had to write it!! also, y/ln refers to ‘your last name’ bc ya know. agent stuff.

‧₊˚✩彡 moodboard by @myhimbomingi ‧₊˚✩彡

When you joined the FBI you didn’t expect to end up working in the basement with a peculiar agent obsessed with all things extraterrestrial, but your new assignment is certainly taking you places you’ve never been before.

10 September 1993 Washington, D.C.

taptaptap

The light knocking on your desk pulls your focus away from the almost-completed report on the screen of your monitor. Most would call report writing the boring part of the job, and while you don’t necessarily disagree your high levels of attentiveness allow you to efficiently plug away at the otherwise mind-numbing task - so, you don’t mind it so much. That is, unless you are interrupted. 

“Hey Frenchie, the Bergmeister wants to see you.” 

Stifling a sigh, you look up at your bothersome coworker, Soonyoung, who is currently leaning over your desk while eating a sandwich. You grimace as you see the multitude of crumbs he’s managed to drop all over your paperwork in the five seconds he’s been standing there.

“What does he want?” you ask, not bothering to hide your annoyance.

“Didn’t say,” he mumbles through the large bite he just stuffed into his mouth.

The Bergmeister is the inane moniker Soonyoung and his pals call your supervisor, Assistant Director Bergman, behind his back. Frenchie is the irritating nickname nearly half the office now calls you, to your face, due to an unfortunate incident involving French dressing and the light gray pantsuit you chose to wear on your very first day on the job. You figured they’d get tired of it after a few days, but that was several weeks ago at this point - and much to your chagrin it seems to have stuck.

You give Soonyoung a very obviously fake grin to accompany your obviously sarcastic response. “Thank you, Agent Soonyoung - helpful as always.”

Soonyoung winks at you. “For you? Anytime.” You imagine grabbing his sandwich and bopping it on his head. 

The muted sounds of landlines ringing, keyboards clacking, and fax machines whirring drift past your ears as you walk steadily to Bergman’s office, maintaining a false air of confidence as to mask your anxiety. You’ve never been called into his office alone in the two months you’ve worked for the FBI - you quickly leaf through your mind for anything you’ve done that could be a potential mistake, but you come up empty handed. 

Bergman’s door is ajar - you rap your knuckle against it twice as you step inside. He peers up at you through thick, round lenses. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, come in, have a seat - and shut the door behind you.”

The heavy door closes with a deep thunk. As you lower yourself into the chair facing the desk you notice you’re joined by a man you’ve never seen before. He says nothing, but looms in the corner of the room, smoking a cigarette. 

“I’ll spare you the bullshit, Y/ln,” Bergman starts. He looks more tired than usual. “Have you heard of the bureau’s division known as the ‘x-files’?”

You feel your normally stoic face contort into a confused expression. Whatever you were expecting him to say, it wasn’t that.

“Well, yes, sir… but isn’t that an unofficial department?”

He takes a sip from his styrofoam cup of coffee. “Correct - it’s not official, but I assure you it is very much a ‘functional’ operation.” He all but rolls his eyes at functional. 

You shoot a glance at the unintroduced man in the corner, but he remains expressionless. Bergman continues. 

“I’m sure by now you’re well aware of the reputation surrounding this subsect and its…proprietor, shall we say.”

You give a single nod. By your second day in the office you’d heard all about the x-files: cases allegedly involving aliens, the supernatural, and all sorts of nonsense you chalked up to pure baloney. You’d also learned of the lone employee who spearheads the whole operation from the bureau basement: Agent Choi. Nobody seems to take him, or it, seriously - so much so that you had begun to doubt if it was even a real department, and if Choi even existed. But apparently, the rumors were true. 

“I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons behind this decision,” Bergman tells you, “but all you need to know is that this assignment is significant in nature.”

Assignment?? Surely he doesn’t mean…

“I’m not sure I understand,” you ask hesitantly, “am I-”

“Being assigned to the x-files? Yes.”

Your stomach lurches. You open your mouth to inquire what exactly it is you’ve done wrong, but clearly he anticipated this exact response. 

“This is not a punishment - though I certainly know why it might seem that way. But, it’s imperative that we receive reliable insight into the operations of this endeavor.”

You sit there in silence for a few seconds, dumbfounded. “So, you’re asking me to spy on Agent Choi.”

Bergman waves his hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, I know how this sounds. And essentially - yes, you will be our eyes and ears into this otherwise elusive project. Choi will know we’re sending you there to report back to us, but we don’t care. We are confident you will succeed in providing us with useful information.”

You wait for him to go on, to elaborate in any capacity, but apparently he’s finished. 

“Alright then, so when do I-”

“Immediately,” Bergman interjects. You purse your lips, trying to hide your displeasure. 

“Yes sir,” you reply as respectfully as you can muster. 

“Great. We’re counting on you, Y/ln.” You glance once more at the smoking man in the corner, but he remains silent. 

“Dismissed.”

You walk out of Bergman’s office, still trying to process what the fuck just happened. You have the misfortune of passing Soonyoung’s desk on the way back to yours - he opens his mouth, clearly about to say something annoying again, but you briskly zoom past him before he can get a word out. You make a beeline for your desk, grabbing only your purse and coffee cup before heading toward the elevator. 

X-files, here I come, I fucking guess. 

—-

Your eyes take a few seconds to adjust as you step into the dim basement. The elevator doesn’t come down to this level - you spent a good ten minutes trying to locate the correct stairwell that would even bring you here. You make your way through a seemingly endless hallway of dusty filing cabinets, forgotten boxes, and broken computers before you find yourself in front of a nondescript door, not quite shut - the only thing signifying that you’ve arrived at your destination being the makeshift paper name plate with S. Choi written in ink. You raise your fist to knock but before you can do so you hear a voice call out from inside. 

“Come in.”

You push the door in, its hinges giving you a high-pitched squeeeeak as it opens. You make a mental note to find some WD-40. 

The sad excuse for an office is equally dim-lit as the hallway, but it’s a sight to behold: a desk at the center of the room - neat, but stacked with newspapers and case files, a small lamp lighting up the open file in the desk’s center; a bookshelf nearly reaching the ceiling, overflowing with books on seemingly every topic under the sun; archival boxes stacked as tall as the numerous filing cabinets, which are also topped with more boxes; a massive bulletin board filled with articles and photos; but most notably, pinned the wall, is a poster featuring a flying saucer, accompanied with the text I WANT TO BELIEVE.

In the bizarre room sits a dark-haired man typing at his computer, his back to you. 

“I presume you heard me coming,” you state. 

“From a mile away,” he replies, still typing. 

You wait for him to turn around, say hello, anything - but the clickclack of his keyboard continues.

Several seconds pass, but the man says nothing. Apparently, it’s on you to break the silence.

You sigh under your breath. “I’m Agent Y/ln, I’ve been-”

“Assigned to the x-files to spy on me?” he interrupts, eyes still glued to the monitor. 

“They told me you’d know that,” you admit. 

The typing stops. Choi turns around, the heavy desk chair giving an unpleasant creak as he leans his elbow over its back, finally facing you. His appearance takes you by surprise: strong eyebrows, plump red lips, soft dark-brown eyes - you weren’t expecting to find such a handsome face attached to the man with a reputation for being a “crazy UFO freak”, in the words of your coworkers. He’s much younger than you anticipated too, around your age - and seemingly so… normal. His eyes do a quick scan of your figure - his expression barely changes, but a quick flash of interest tells you you’re not exactly what he expected either. It is extinguished almost immediately. 

“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” His tone is passive, but you detect a hint of somberness in his words. His warm eyes lock onto yours. 

“Name’s Choi, but I’m sure you already knew that. You can call me Seungcheol, though.” If it was anyone else, you’d think it was flirtatious in nature - but you can tell that was not his intention.

“Okay. Well, Choi, what exactly am I to do here?”

An eager grin lights up his face. He rises from his chair, grabs a case file off the pile on his desk, and opens it - throwing it back down onto the desk, facing you.

“I’m so glad you asked.”

You quickly skim the details: a series of disappearances in a small town, all teenagers. So far, no bodies have been found. Local law enforcement has compiled a list of suspects, but they don’t seem to have many leads.

“Okay, so we have a potential serial killer.” 

Choi shakes his head. “That’s what the local police think. Which seems reasonable, unless you’re familiar with the location.”

You glance back at the file. Spirit Lake, Iowa.

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s a known UFO hotspot. Sightings have been reported for decades, most notably in 1967 when there were three different sightings - one of which was caught on camera by two different witnesses.”

He hands you a stack of old polaroids. You flip through the grainy photographs, which all appear to showcase an ambiguous but distinct saucer-shaped object in the night sky.

You stare at your new partner. “Choi, this could be anything. Most so-called UFO ‘sightings’ are nothing more than aircraft that are very much from Earth.”

“The U.S. Weather Service officially stated that it was a weather balloon, however no weather balloons were launched within 500 miles that day. There were also no flights - civilian or military - on record for the area that night.”

“And have you considered that this could all just be a hoax?”

“Sure, it could be. But what if I told you that in 1967 there were also three recorded disappearances, all coinciding with the UFO sightings?”

He hands you a separate case file on the 1967 disappearances. All of the cases are closed, as the three who went missing eventually turned up again - unable to account for what happened to them, but otherwise unharmed.

You close the file, setting it on the desk. “So let me get this straight: you think these people were all abducted by aliens. And you think the exact same scenario is happening again, this year?”

“There have been three recent UFO sightings in the area reported, and we have three missing teens. It all matches up.”

You stand there in silence, at a loss for words. Guess everyone was right, you think to yourself. The man is insane. 

“Okay, let’s say you’re right,” you finally respond. “How exactly are we supposed to contribute here? Looks like they’ve already exhausted all leads. Why the hell do we need to fly out to Iowa?”

Choi gives a knowing smile. “They found the first girl this morning. Alive. Barely remembers anything, but unharmed.”

“And you want to go catch some little green men.”

“Actually, ‘little green men’ is a misconception - known encounters have widely reported extraterrestrials to be gray-skinned and not that much smaller than us. But anyway, more or less - yes, we’ll be in search of evidence that alien life is making contact with humanity.”

You stand there in disbelief. So this is where you’ve ended up - in the basement with a madman on a wild goose chase. As you’re thinking about quitting on the spot, Choi goes back to his computer.

“Anyway I’ll get us booked for the first flight out of here tomorrow morning,” he informs as he resumes his typing. “Want me to pick you up?

“No, that’s quite alright.”

“Suit yourself.” 

You wait for him to say something further, but he doesn’t. You turn to leave. As you approach the doorway you hear the creaking of his chair once more. Looking back, Choi is facing you.

“It’s nice to meet you, Agent Y/ln.” 

His expression is sincere. You may be stuck with a madman, but at least he’s not a complete asshole.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

You feel Choi’s eyes follow you as you exit the room.

—

11 September 1993 Spirit Lake, Iowa

The gravel driveway crunches loudly as the rental car slows to a stop. Your partner shuts off the ignition and turns to face you, his left hand still resting on the wheel.  

“Ready?”

You glare back at him. “You’re acting like this is my first case, Choi. I’ve done this before.”

You open your door and exit the car before he can reply. You’ve barely gotten started on this investigation, but he’s already on your nerves. 

You approach the cottage-style house and ring the bell. A disgruntled-looking woman in her 40s opens the door.

“Mrs. Miller? I’m Agent Choi, and this is my partner Agent Y/ln.” You both raise your badges. “We’re here to speak with Alexandra, may we come inside?”

Mrs. Miller practically scowls at you. “She’s already spoken to the cops three times, leave us alone.” The door slams shut in your face.

You and Choi shoot a look at each other. You hear a voice shouting inside, followed by loud arguing. The door reopens to a young girl, high-school age, with jet black dyed hair, heavy eyeliner, and a nose ring.

“Ignore my mom, she’s a huge bitch,” the girl says as she steps outside, slamming the door behind her. She marches past you. “I’ll talk to you, let’s walk.”

Choi raises his eyebrows at you as he turns to follow the girl. You join him.

“You must be Alexandra,” he says to the girl, who is still walking.

“Alex,” she corrects. The girl finally stops, turning around to face you. “Are you going to take me seriously or are you just going to laugh in my face like the cops did?”

“I believe you,” your partner assures her. 

The girl turns to you, arms crossed. “I take it you’re the skeptic then?” Before you can respond she continues. “Trust me, I am too. I’ve always heard all the stories growing up about the abductions in this town, but I thought it was all bullshit. But I don’t know how else to explain what happened to me.”

“Can you start from the beginning?” Choi asks.

The girl sighs. “Yeah, sure. I was driving home from my friend Becky’s house, by myself. It was pretty late, like around 9pm. I was on Campbell Road, I had just passed the old schoolhouse. It was dark as shit and nobody else was around. Then suddenly there was this crazy bright light, it was all around me and I couldn’t see anything. I remember slamming on my breaks, but I don’t know what happened after that. I don’t know how long I was out, but I do remember waking up a few times and I swear I was in some like laboratory or something. I was laying down but I couldn’t move - I could just barely make out some figures standing over me. Then, next thing I know I’m walking down the road again, right where I was driving. No fucking clue how I got there. A deputy found me and took me to the hospital. They told me I was gone for six days. I had to talk to the cops like a hundred times, but there was nothing else wrong with me so they sent me home. And now everybody thinks I’m fucking crazy.” 

“Nobody believes you, then,” your partner empathizes.

“The cops think I’m lying and that I ran off with my ‘boyfriend’ for a week,” she scoffs. “I don’t even have a boyfriend. But of course that’s what my mom believes now, so now I’m fucking grounded.”

“I’m sorry,” Choi tells her sincerely. 

“Do you have any connections to the others who have gone missing?” you ask.

Alex shrugs. “I mean, we all go to school with each other, but I don’t really know them.”

Choi finds a piece of paper and a pen in his jacket pocket and scribbles something on it, then hands it to the girl.

“This is where we’re staying, if you remember anything else give us a call.”

On the drive back, Choi appears to make a wrong turn. 

“You were supposed to go left,” you tell him.

He shakes his head. “I want to check out the location where Alex was taken from.”

“Why?” you ask, “There’s nothing there. When they found the car they towed it.”

“Just want to check it out.”

You can tell you’re not going to get any further answers out of him, so you just sit there in silence, listening to whatever is on the local radio playing quietly in the background. Your stomach starts to rumble, so you glance at the clock: 4:54pm. No wonder, you think to yourself. You hadn’t stopped for lunch, so you were well overdue for a meal. You made a mental note to look out for restaurants on the way back.

“There’s the schoolhouse,” Choi points out a few minutes later. “We must be close.”

The sound of static fills the car as the radio cuts out. You fiddle with the knob, trying to find something else, but nothing is coming in. Guess we’re out of range.

Suddenly, the car goes silent as the engine dies. You’ve barely rolled to a stop when your partner jumps out of the car and starts running back the way you came.

“Where the hell are you going??” you shout after him. No response. With a sigh you exit the car as well. You see him standing in the road, looking at the ground. He turns as he hears you coming, pointing down to the road. 

“See the tire marks? This must be where Alex hit the brakes.”

You look at the ground to see the black marks, indicating a car had braked abruptly.

“Our car shut off right as we passed this exact spot,” he says excitedly, jogging back to the rental car. As you follow, you hear him trying the ignition a few times, until the car finally turns back on. 

“Look,” he commands as you re-enter the passenger seat. He points to the digital clock on the dashboard: 5:11pm. “What time do you have?” 

You glance at your watch: 4:56pm.

“Many instances of alien activity result in residual electromagnetic fields. It’s often been reported that those visiting such sites will experience ‘missing time’, a phenomenon we appear to have just experienced.”

The look on his face is energized - borderline excited. You stare back at him, unenthused.

“Choi, just because my watch is wrong doesn’t mean we time traveled.”

“Then why did the car turn off in this exact spot?”

“It’s a machine, cars malfunction sometimes,” you respond, nearly exasperated. “You’re trying to connect dots that aren’t even here.”

“These events happening in tandem indicate that something abnormal is going on here, Y/ln. You’re choosing to ignore substantial evidence.”

“Oh my god,” you mumble, holding your head in your hands.

Choi shifts the car into drive and makes a u-turn. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“That’s the first reasonable thing you’ve said all day.”

He smiles, but says nothing.

On the drive back into town, you subtly watch him out of the corner of your eye. He drives in silence, but you can tell he’s deep in thought - about what, who knows. Despite his ridiculous antics and asinine beliefs, you admit that his passion is oddly inspiring. You find yourself starting to grow fond of your new partner for some strange, inexplicable reason. 

You push that thought to the back of your mind.

—

13 September 1993

“Can you hand me the Ramos case file?”

You look around for the requested file, to no avail. You joined Choi in his motel room early in the morning to review case files, which is proving to be incredibly difficult as he is apparently one to haphazardly leave shit all over the room while he is working. 

You finally locate the folder and toss it over to him. “You know, this might be easier if the entire place wasn’t an absolute disaster zone.” 

“I like to call it organized chaos,” he says proudly.

It has been six days since the second kid, Mark Ramos, disappeared - and Choi is convinced that he’ll be “returned” today, given that Alex was found after the same amount of time. So, much to your displeasure he planned for you two to stake out the location where he was last seen: the parking lot of the gas station corner store where the boy works.

“Wow, that sounds enthralling,” you told him, deeply sarcastically. 

As you are wrapping up prepping for the stakeout, the landline on the nightstand rings.

Your partner reaches and grabs the phone, stretching the cord across the room and placing the receiver between his ear and his shoulder as he continues working. 

“Choi,” he answers curtly.

You hear a muffled voice on the other end utter a few sentences before he stops what he’s doing. A tired look washes over his face.

“God fucking dammit. Alright, thanks.” He slams the phone back onto the base.

“They just found the kid. We missed it.”

You’re secretly relieved that you don’t have to go sit in a car for hours now, but you keep that to yourself. He’s clearly peeved, and although you’ve never witnessed his bad side you’re discerning enough to know that you don’t want to be on it.

“I’m sorry,” you say finally.

To your surprise, he walks over to the bed - where you’re sitting - and plops down onto it, holding his head in his hands.

You sit there awkwardly in silence for a few moments, not knowing what to do.

“Are you okay?” you finally ask.

Your partner sighs. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just thought we had this one.”

You feel the urge to ask the question that’s been on the back of your mind since you met him, but he seems really dejected - and you don’t want to upset him. Fuck it, you decide.

“Can I ask you something?”

He lifts his head up, resting his chin on his interlaced hands as he looks over at you.

“Sure,” he answers. You find yourself starting to get lost in his big brown eyes, but you force yourself to snap out of it.

“Why are you so obsessed with aliens? I mean - it seems like more than just an interest for you. It seems… personal, almost.”

Choi exhales, closing his eyes. He sits up, leaning back onto his hands, staring into the distance with a sense of sadness in his expression.

“When I was 12, my younger brother and I were very close. We were three years apart, but we had so much in common.

He pauses, lost in thought for a moment. He continues.

“Jinsang and I always shared a bedroom. We had a bunk bed, he slept on the top bunk.” He smiles wistfully. “He loved it up there. Always called himself ‘king of the world’. Even as he got older, he never lost his childlike wonder. He was the definition of pure at heart.”

You listen solemnly. You honestly were expecting some off-the-wall answer from him - you didn’t anticipate that it’d be anything so serious.

“Late one night, I was supposed to be asleep, but I was reading a book under the covers with my flashlight. Suddenly there was a blinding light that filled the room, and a deafeningly loud whirring noise that made me cover my ears. I pulled the blanket off me, but the only thing I could make out was some dark figures standing in the room. I couldn’t see who it was, so I assumed it was my parents. I called out for them, but the figures didn’t move. It was so loud and so bright. I was terrified.

Then - I heard my brother scream. He was screaming for help, but I was paralyzed. Suddenly everything stopped. The light and the sounds disappeared in an instant. I looked where the figures were standing, but nobody was there. I didn’t hear my brother anymore either. I jumped out of bed to check on him - but he wasn’t in his bed. I started to panic. I told myself maybe he had run out of the room, but I knew I didn’t see or hear him climb down. I ran to my parents crying, ‘Jinsang’s gone!’ They searched the house, but he wasn’t there. They searched the neighborhood, thinking he had run away, but he wasn’t anywhere. The police investigation went on for months. They never found him.”

He rests his head back on his hands. You sit there silently, not knowing what to say. Your mind races, trying to process his words: So, he believes his brother was abducted by aliens? He may be strange, but he’s not mentally disturbed, I really don’t believe he would just make something like that up… But what can the explanation be? Is it a false memory created as a trauma response to his brother disappearing?...

“I’m so sorry,” you finally tell him. Without thinking you place your hand on his shoulder - but after a moment you realize how awkward that might be. He’s your assigned work partner - you met him three days ago. But, you feel his tension slightly ease - your touch seems to be relaxing him. Choi lets out a deep exhale and sits up - you quickly drop your hand back to your side. He rests his palms on the bed, just barely grazing your pinky finger. You hold your breath as a spark of electricity rushes through your body - you ignore it.

“Thanks,” he says sincerely. “I know how it sounds to other people. But that’s why I get so invested in these cases. I have to know the truth, Y/ln.”

You sit in silence for a few moments. 

“Well,” you finally speak as you get up, returning to the scattered files, “if your theory is correct we have one last chance.”

Choi perks up, a surprised look on his face. He stares at you for a moment, then grins as he processes what you just said. You grin back at him.

“Let’s go catch these sons of bitches.”

— 14 September 1993

Your stakeout plans are back on - this time you’ll be surveilling in the middle of the woods, by the lake, where Mark had disappeared when camping with friends. Choi wakes you unnecessarily early with rapid knocking on your door. You answer in your pajamas, half asleep still. He invites himself into your room as he brushes past you and slams more files on the table. Turning to you earnestly, he begins to recant the game plan. 

“Choi,” you interrupt, trying to shut him up. He doesn’t hear you. He rambles on - practically bouncing with excitement.

“Choi,” you repeat, this time louder. He stops, his round eyes animated with enthusiasm. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s 6:30 in the morning. We’re staking out the location tonight.”

“And?”

“You could’ve at least let me sleep in til 7.”

“No time to lose!” he says eagerly as he turns back to his work, picking up where he left off. You let him yap for a minute before interrupting him once more.

“Can I at least get some coffee first?” 

You head to the nearby shitty diner together, Choi of course working through breakfast. You can tell through his excited state that he’s on edge. This has to go right - it is, according to him, the best chance he’s ever had. You spend the day going over everything, reviewing every last little detail - cooperating with whatever he needs, whether it be tactical or simply supportive. Before you know it the sun starts to go down, and you’re on your way to the middle of fucking nowhere together, to find some aliens.

Choi parks the car on the rocky path near the shore, killing the engine. It’s quiet out here - peaceful. The lake is bigger than you expected, and surprisingly beautiful as it reflects the painted colors of the sun-setting sky. 

“Romantic, isn’t it?” 

You turn and look at your partner, intending to make some snide remark, but all thoughts in your mind vanish when you see him. The golden tones of the dusk sunrays bring out a beautiful glow in his skin, his brown eyes radiating in the light; you knew he was good-looking, but seeing him this close - he is absolutely stunning.

The logical part of your brain starts setting off alarms - you know you should be feeling uncomfortable in the intimacy of the whole situation (he’s your coworker for gods’ sake!!) but it couldn’t be more opposite. The other part of your brain simply has the urge to lean in and kiss him.

“Mhmm, sure,” you reply, feigning sarcasm, veiling your true feelings.

You chat informally with Choi (“You can call me Seungcheol,” the memory of his words flashes through your mind), conversation flowing naturally as you both talk about whatever comes to mind. You find yourself laughing more often than not, and you find yourself relating to your partner more than you ever anticipated. It’s easy being with him.

Logical brain is absolutely screaming at you right now. There’s no fucking way you can allow yourself to develop feelings for your work partner - you know this. 

I’m allowed to like him as a friend, you say to yourself. You’re gonna be working with him for god knows how long, of course you need to get along. But you’re not convinced.

Conversation wanes into the night as darkness falls over the lake. You feel your eyelids grow heavy. Choi notices.

“You can sleep if you want,” he tells you. “I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

“I’m fine,” you assure him. But it’s quiet, dark - and soon you feel yourself beginning to drift off.

VRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

You jolt awake, instantly blinded by the overpowering light surrounding you. A deafening booming noise permeates the air - you don’t know what it is, but it sounds like the rumbling of a thousand jet engines.

You can’t see shit, but you can tell Choi isn’t in the car. You heave open the passenger door, straining to push it open against the rush of wind engulfing the vehicle. Once your eyes adjust somewhat you find your partner about 15 feet away, camera in hand. You look up, but you can’t make out the massive object hovering over the lake - all you can see is five giant blinding spheres of light in the sky.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?” you scream to your partner - but he doesn’t hear you.

Suddenly, everything stops.

The lights, sound, and wind disappear in an instant. Disoriented in the dark, you stumble over to where Choi was standing, but you realize he’s gone - your eyes adjust and you see him sprinting down the lakeshore. In the distance you see another figure, laying on the ground. Choi approaches the figure, kneeling down next to it. You head toward them, but he turns to you and shouts from afar.

“CALL FOR BACKUP!!”

—

The figure on the beach indeed had been the missing boy. The ambulance rushed him to the hospital - but just as the previous two missing kids, he was okay. The next day you and Choi were able to get in and talk to him briefly before being shooed out by the nurse. It was the same story as the others - he didn’t remember anything, but he was completely unharmed.

Three out of three missing people now returned, safe and alive - your business here is done. You can finally get the fuck out of Iowa.

You’re pretty thrilled about leaving, but Choi is ecstatic. You remind him neither of you actually solved anything, but he doesn’t care. He got his photos of whatever the fuck was above the lake that night - it doesn’t answer all of his questions, but nevertheless he got what he came for.

It’s dark by the time you depart from the hospital, driving back to go pack up your things so you can leave first thing in the morning. 

Choi parks the car, and you walk back to your rooms. As you approach the motel, he suddenly swings his arm out in front of you to stop you - the door to your room is slightly ajar, the lock broken. Choi draws his gun, and you follow suit. Holding up his fingers, he silently counts down from three. He bursts through the door, sweeping the room. You follow, turning on the light to see the entire room has been utterly ransacked - the contents of your suitcase as well as all the files from your briefcase are strewn everywhere. 

Choi pops out of the bathroom. “All clear, but the bathroom window is open - if they were just here, they still might be nearby.” He sprints out of the room, pausing briefly and motioning for you to wait. “You stay here, I’ll sweep the area.” He’s gone in a flash.

You turn around and grimace at the absolute mess left behind by whoever the fuck was here. With a sigh you begin to clean up the mess, starting by gathering all the documents. As you sort through them all to put them back in some sort of order, you note that everything seems to be there. Your personal belongings all seem to be accounted for as well. Whatever they were searching for, they clearly didn’t find it.

Choi reappears in your room, sweating and breathing heavily. He shakes his head in disappointment. “Nobody in sight. Asked the manager if he saw anything suspicious, but he clearly didn’t know shit.”

He removes his suit jacket and throws it on the table before plopping down in the singular chair. He runs his hand through his sweaty hair as he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Anything missing?”

You shake your head. “Not a single thing.”

“Shit,” Choi mumbles under his breath. “They were probably looking for my room.”

You raise your eyebrow at him. “Who-”

He waves his hand at you, interrupting. “Don’t worry about it.”

You are worried about it, but you know he’s not going to elaborate even if pressed. 

“Okay. Well, I want to shower and go to sleep, so kindly get the fuck out.” Your tone isn’t angry, you’re just exhausted. 

Choi gets up, but instead of leaving he deadbolts the door and returns to his seat.

“Absolutely not, what if they come back? I’ll keep watch.”

You give him the most exasperated look. “Are you shitting me? I don’t need you to keep guard, I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not taking that chance,” he insists as he crosses his arms. 

You’re stubborn as hell, but in the short time you’ve known Seungcheol Choi he’s done nothing but give you a run for your money in that department.

You roll your eyes. You’re too tired to argue with him. “Fine, whatever. Just give me some privacy, alright?”

Choi salutes you as he turns his chair around. “Roger that.”

You shower and make your way back to your bed. Choi is still sitting in the chair, facing the locked door, his gun and holster sitting on the table right next to him. 

“Are you going to be able to sleep in that chair?” you ask. “Looks uncomfortable.”

Without turning, he replies. “I won’t be sleeping.”

“Seriously? You don’t need to stay up all night just to-”

“I’m not sleeping, Y/ln, it’s not up for debate.”

You stare at the back of his head. Sighing, you pull the covers up and go to turn off the lamp, but you pause.

“Choi?” you call out in a soft voice.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

He turns his head ever so slightly, looking at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Goodnight, Y/ln.”

With a swift click you pull the chain on the lamp, and the room is flooded in darkness. As your eyes adjust, the moonlight seeps in past the closed blinds, and you can just make out Choi’s shadow as he keeps watch. Protecting you. 

Within seconds, you are fast asleep.

—

You open your eyes, the bright early morning sun rays peeking in through the window. You lay there, contemplating going back to sleep, when you remember the events of last night. You sit up abruptly to see your partner still in the chair, still facing the door, awake.

“Did you really stay up the whole night?” are the first words out of your mouth.

Choi turns around, his eyes tired but still alert. He nods.

“Did you know you snore in your sleep? Very quietly - it’s cute.”

“Oh, shut up” you grumble as you get out of bed.

Choi rises and grabs his jacket before heading toward the door. “Get ready, we have to be at the airport in an hour.” The door shuts behind him before you can respond with something snarky.

As you make your way to the parked car with your suitcase, you see your partner waiting for you - zoned out in the driver’s seat. 

You yank the driver’s side door open, startling him as he nearly jumps out of his seat. 

“Absolutely not,” you tell him sternly. “You didn’t sleep at all last night, I’m driving.”

“I’m fine, Y/n.”

You go to yell at him when you pause, realizing he just called you by your first name for the first time. He must be delirious, you think to yourself. 

“No, you’re not. And I’d like to make it back home in one piece, thank you.”

“Y/n-”

“Seungcheol Choi get your dumb ass out of the fucking car NOW.”

The expression that washes over his face looks like that of a scolded puppy. He clearly wasn’t expecting you to shout at him. 

“Okay, okay! Fine, you win.” He gets out of the car, walking around to the passenger side. As he opens the door he looks at you, trying to conceal the grin spreading across his face, but failing. 

“I like you like this. You should yell at me more often.” 

You stare at him, exhausted. “You’re insane.”

“So I’ve been told,” he says with a wink as he disappears into the car. 

You sigh for what feels like the thousandth time this week. After a few deep breaths, you reluctantly join your partner in the car. 

“And since when do you call me by my first name?” you inquire as you turn the ignition. The car engine comes to life with a rumble. 

Choi looks at you, his eyelids heavy. He gives you a sleepy smile as you back out of the parking space. 

“I told you you can call me Seungcheol,” he reminds you. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

He gives no response, but shrugs, leaning back against the headrest and closing his eyes. You stare at him for a brief moment. His black curls lay unruly against his forehead, brushing against his long eyelashes. A faint shadow graces his jawline - the result of not having shaved today. The top few buttons of his shirt remain undone; he didn’t even bother with a tie. Once again, you find yourself stunned by how handsome he is. You push that thought away as your attention returns to operating the vehicle. You shift gears and pull out of the lot. 

“Take a nap, dummy,” you tell him softly. 

—

Not five minutes have passed into your drive before the sound of gentle snoring greets your right ear. You glance over to see Choi positively zonked out in the passenger seat. A grin involuntarily appears on your face - he may be a headstrong pain in the ass, but even the toughest agents eventually fall victim to the cursed necessity of sleep. 

The “highway” out of town toward the airport is nothing more than a vacant country road. You drive for at least fifteen minutes without seeing a single other car. In the absence of Choi yammering on about some off-kilter conspiracy theory, or recounting a tale of a previous case that seems too fantastical to be true, your mind starts to wander. The events of the past week replay in your head. Unlike your partner you don’t quite believe you saw an alien spaceship, but whatever it was certainly is making you question a lot of things.

Your musings are cut short when Choi suddenly jolts awake, nearly making you jump. 

“Jesus, Choi, you scared me.”

He blinks dully a few times, the gears in his head creaking back to life as he tries to reorient himself. After a brief moment of mild panic he regains lucidity, slumping back into his seat with a groan. He yawns as he rubs his eyes. 

“Sorry,” he responds drowsily. 

“Did you know you snore in your sleep? It’s cute,” you jest, repeating his words from earlier back to him. After a moment, he realizes. 

“Fuck off,” he mumbles - but out of the corner of your eye you see him grin. 

You turn the radio on low volume, tuning into the rock station the dial was already set on. A few minutes pass without words, the crooning voice of Mick Jagger supplementing the conversation. Suddenly, Choi perks up, looking in the rear view mirror before turning around to peer out the back window. You glance in the mirror to see a dark car in the distance. 

“Finally, some sign of life,” you remark. “I was beginning to think we’d entered The Twilight Zone or something.”

Choi says nothing, but you notice the concern on his face. I wish he would stop being so paranoid, you think to yourself. He turns back around but keeps his eye on the mirror. Not even a minute later he snaps his head back to look out the rear window again. 

“Shit,” he exclaims, his voice disgruntled. 

You look in the mirror again to see the same car, rapidly approaching as it speeds toward you. Your eyes dart forward again, only to see another dark car up ahead - parked in the middle of the two-lane road, creating a blockade. 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” he says through gritted teeth. 

“Choi, can you please enlighten me as to what the fuck is going on,” you ask nervously. 

“Fucking SHIT,” he shouts, not elaborating. 

“CHOI.”

“Stop the car,” he gripes, his head in his hands. 

You apply the brakes, as you couldn’t keep going even if you wanted to. The car ahead is blocking the whole road, and the trees on either side are preventing you from being able to swerve around it. 

The car following you parks, also blocking the road behind you. Two men in dark suits emerge from each car and casually surround the rental. One of them, from the car in front, walks over to the passenger side of your rental - he knocks on the glass twice. 

“Get out of the car.”

Choi unbuckles his seatbelt, taking his time, before reaching for the door handle. He pulls the latch and opens the door slowly. 

“Both of you.”

Your partner turns to you. “Do what they say,” he says quietly.

You follow the mystery man’s orders. It’s early, but the sun already stings your skin as you step out of the car.

You look at the men, trying to get some sense as to who they are, but you’ve never seen any of them before - you presume they would have nothing on themselves that would give any sort of identification anyway. The men’s guns remain in their holsters, but their hands rest on the frames. You don’t doubt that they would shoot you in a heartbeat if you made any funny moves.

“Open the trunk,” the same man orders to neither of you in particular. His tone is stern, but not overly aggressive.

You make eye contact with your partner. He gives you a slight nod.

You take the keys from the ignition and walk to the rear, inserting them in the lock and turning the key. The trunk lid gives a loud clunk as it pops open. The man signals to the two men that came up from behind you - they approach the trunk, pushing you out of the way as they open it. Choi’s hands clench into a fist, but he doesn’t move.

The men carelessly rummage through the trunk’s contents until they find what they were apparently looking for: Choi’s camera bag. The man opens it and pulls out the chunky Nikon, removing its film. 

“Hey, be careful with that!” Choi shouts angrily. 

Once the other man finishes fishes out the remaining film canisters from the bag, they put the camera back. They signal to the ringleader - he nods. The other men immediately return to their car.

The man in charge claps his hand onto Choi’s shoulder forcefully. 

“Thank you, Agents Choi and Y/ln - very much for your cooperation,” he says smugly. Choi shoves the man’s hand off his shoulder, teeth clenched. Without another word, the man heads back to his car. 

“You won’t get away with this forever,” Choi shouts after him. 

The man keeps walking. He doesn’t even turn his head as he replies mockingly.

“Keep up the good work, Agent Choi.”

You watch the cocky bastard enter the driver’s seat - both cars immediately take off. It was over as quickly as it had begun. 

You know Choi is infuriated, but more than anything he looks absolutely dejected. He leans onto the car, his head resting on his arm in defeat. 

“Who were those men?” you ask him quietly - but you suspect he doesn’t know either.

He takes a few moments before he lifts his head, resuming his posture. His saddened eyes lock with yours. 

“They’re the sons of bitches who make sure nobody knows the truth. Lying to the public, hiding information even from us - destroying all evidence that UFOs exist.”

He lets out a deep sigh. “I really thought I had it this time. Turns out, I was just really fucking stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” you tell him firmly. Softer, you add, “And I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you about… well, everything I guess.”

He laughs softly. “It’s okay, I don’t blame you. I’m the crazy alien guy in the basement, after all.”

He nudges you with his elbow, his voice friendly. “You know, you’re alright Agent Y/ln.”

You smile. “You’re alright too, Seungcheol.”

His face lights up at the sound of his first name. He smiles back at you warmly.

“Now, let’s actually get the fuck out of Iowa,” he says with vigor.

“That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.”

—

20 September 1993 Washington, D.C.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Have a seat, Agent Y/ln.”

You sit in the sturdy oak chair across from the Assistant Director’s desk. You are, once again, joined by the nameless man - smoking his cigarette silently in the corner of the room.

“I read your report on the Iowa case,” Bergman tells you as he flips through the open file on his desk.

You wait for him to continue.

“It is certainly… of lower quality than your usual work.”

You hide a grimace. “What exactly was the problem with it, sir? I was very thorough.”

He gives you a tired look. “Yes, of course - but the report itself is not what I take issue with. What I take issue with is its contents. I assigned you to the x-files as a voice of reason - to rein in Agent Choi, not perpetuate his outlandish theories.

“With all due respect, sir, I followed standard protocol. My report gives no indication that I agree with Agent Choi’s conviction that what we saw was indeed a UFO, and that the government is responsible for some larger conspiracy - I simply detailed everything that I witnessed in Spirit Lake objectively as I experienced it.”

Bergman sighs before closing the file. “Alright, Agent Y/ln. You do good work. But next time, maybe try to prevent your partner from chasing after little green men.” 

“They’re supposedly gray, actually. According to Agent Choi,” you inform him matter-of-factly. 

Bergman stares at you, incredulous. He opens his mouth to say something, but gives up. He waves you out of his office. 

“Dismissed.”

[to be continued…]

#ren's fics ੈ♡₊˚•. #fic teaser #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen fics #svt fics #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #s coups #choi seungcheol #scoups #s coups x reader #scoups x reader #scoups imagines #scoups fics #choi seungcheol x reader

[shelbgrey]

hiii ! i’ve just recently gotten back on tumblr after rewatching bones again and ive been dying for some lance sweet posts ( so thankful you write for him you’re amazing <3 ) anyways i was wondering if you could write something up for sweets with maybe this prompt ? 0.4) “Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?” especially if the reader could be plus sized if not, i appreciate you reading this have a great day,night <3

Let me take your pain away(Lance Sweets)

Paring: Lance Sweets x Plus Sized!Reader

Summary: Lance comes home all scraped up and his girlfriend patches him up, trying to take his pain away.

Prompt: 0.4) “Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?”

MasterList

“hey, this is Lance Sweets, leave a message”

I started to get worried when Lance wasn't answering his phone. I knew he was out with Seeley, dealing with a suspect, but that was a few hours ago. Even then Lance was good about answering his phone even if it was a quick text. Every time I got Lance's voice mail the more I worried and the harder it became to concentrate on the file I was studying for the case.

An hour later there was a knock at the door, I immediately sprang from the couch and ran towards the door. It's funny, I could just recognize it was Lance just by his gentle and yet firm knock.

I sighed with relief when I saw it was Lance, but he looked rough. He had a few bruises and cuts on his face, his side looked like it was nicked from the way he was holding it, and his shirt was covered in blood. “Oh Baby, what happened?” I asked softly as I pulled him into our home gently then closed and locked the door.

It hurt to see him like this, his bright smile was gone and he winced in pain after every move he made. I followed him close behind, afraid he would lose his balance. He let out a groan and leaned against the door frame of our bedroom, his breathing quickening. He sighed and looked towards the floor. He was completely exhausted and you could just see how much of a beating he had taken. “I'm okay…I'm okay…”

I gave him a soft expression and gently helped him sit down at the foot of my bed. I took the holster that held his gun and put it on the nightstand so he could sit comfortably. “Just let me take care of you… You don't look fine” I said softly. Lance closed his eyes and tilted his head back, taking a few deep breaths as I gently moved a few strands of hair off his forehead. I saw a cut on his forehead.

I knew that he would be fine and did his very best to put up a brave face but, yet the cuts and bruises on his face spoke for themselves. They revealed the pain he was in and everything that he had been through to night. All the fighting, stress, pain, you could see it in his eyes.

“It's okay…” I said softly and gently ran my fingers through his hair. “I'll get you cleaned up so you can rest…”

Lance let out a shallow breath and nodded his head. He would never admit it, but the fight had taken a lot out of him and he needed a break. He had always tried to put up a tough front for people, always telling people he was fine, even to me, yet I saw right through him every single time. We had an incredible bond, one that could never be explained unless you experienced it yourself. I kissed his forehead gently then left to get the first-aid kit and some clean clothes for him.

Lance sighed, his eyelids falling slightly, yet he fought it as much as he could, waiting to be taken care of like I did so many times before. I left him in our room and rummed around for first-aid supplies. That was one of our favorite things - our abilities to take care of each other with no judgment. It showed how much we loved each other. He was still setting at the foot of our bed when I came back with the first-aid kit, a towel, and the clothes, I set all the items down on the bed next to him

I reached for the buttons of his stained t-shirt and started to up softly, so I could get the ruined shirt off and clean his injuries. After I unbuttoned his shirt I slowly pushed it off his shoulders then threw the ruined shirt on the floor. I cringed slightly when I saw the nasty cut along his side and various bruises on his body. When you work at the jeffersonian you become desensitized to gore, but seeing him all bruised up made my heart pound.

my eyes softened and worry flooded my mind when he winced in pain after a single touch. I saw the nasty cut on his side, it looked like he was cut with a blade or something. “honey... If this was any deeper we would be taking a hospital trip right now” I said softly with a hint of worry as I gently cleaned the cut with warm, wet washcloth.

Lance chuckled softly, the pain becoming slightly more tolerable after being cleaned by the warm washcloth. The cut was actually pretty bad, yet Lance did his best to hide it the entire time. I worried to much. I'm always afraid he was gonna die. After I cleaned up the blood, I pulled out the bottle of peroxide. I gently brushed the cut with a cotton ball soaked in peroxide, I was slow and careful with my movements. Lance bit his bottom lip, wincing as he gripped my hips.

“I know Honey... I'm almost done” I said softly and started to apply clean bandages on the cut after I got done cleaning and treating it.

Lance's eyes slowly closed as I began to apply the bandages to the wound. He breathed a sigh of relief once it was all done. His body relaxed a bit, letting himself take some time to unwind after being so stressed from the case. He opened his eyes and looked at the floor, seeing just how bad his shirt actually was.

after I got done with the worst injury, I got a fresh cotton ball soaked in peroxide so I could start treating the cuts on his face. I moved and stood between his legs so could reach him better. I placed my hand on his jaw, gently tilting his head back so I could clean the cut on his forehead. The cuts on his face all stung a bit, he ran his hands up and down my curves slowly, trying to distract himself from the pain. At least they weren't near as bad as the one on his side. Some were just small cuts that would heal up quite nicely while others were a bit more severe, the largest one being on his forehead. He kept his eyes completely closed because it made the process easier on him.

“God, Lance” I whispered sympathetically as I put the last of the bandages on his face. “What happened out there?” I whispered.

Lance winced, holding his side as he shifted on the bed. “M-me and Booth went to bring the guy in”

“the guy me and Temperance interrogated today?” I asked softly as I wrapped up his busted knuckles. I noticed the broken skin and the bruises, the guy definitely put up a fight.

“yeah… N-next thing we know he shot up the place and ran for it. Me and Booth got separated… I went after him on my own”

I looked down at his busted body, feeling terrible about his outcome,he noticed and signed. “I'm sorry I worried you tonight… He somehow found out about our connections and threatened your life… I snapped”

I placed my hand under his chin and gently lifted his head up so our eyes could meet. The brow eye that usually held so much love and happiness now looked tired and broken. “you have nothing to be sorry about, but there's no reason to risk your life over me,” I said softly.

“Then Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you? Why do I wake up every morning thankful you're lying there next to me, why are you spending your night patching me up instead of getting a good night's sleep? I know why, because you're worth fighting for and worth protecting” he spoke softly. “i'd go through this pain all over again if it meant keeping you safe”

I gently kissed his forehead. “I love you… Don't come home to me like this again” I said softly.

He smiled softly. “I love you too”

“I'll help you get changed then you need to lay down and rest” I said softly, running my fingers through his messy hair.

I picked up his bloody shirt and towel, throwing it in the hamper. I quickly grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and a flannel to wear to bed. I came back to him and helped him pull the flannel over his shoulders, but didn't button it up in fear of irritating any of his injuries. He pulled his boxers, I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his messy hair, fixing it slightly “There... All patched up” I whispered.

Lance smiled softly then he slowly crawled into bed, laying down into the comforter. He closed his eyes once again and breathed in a deep breath, letting out a long sigh as he did so. His body was so tired and worn out after the lengthy fight. It felt so good to just relax and know he was safe.

I smiled softly and carefully climbed into bed, getting comfortable on my side of the bed, usually we'd cuddle in bed but since he was so sore I was just gonna sleep on my side of the bed.

“Thank you for taking care of me… I love you” Lance said softly, drifting off to sleep.

“I love you too”

#Lance Sweets #Lance Sweets x reader #Lance Sweets imagines #bones x reader #Bones imagines #Requests #john francis daley #lance sweets one shots

[goddesspharo]

Tagged by @antiquitea

Last song: King Princess’ “Hit the Back.” It just feels like an indie movie montage, you know?

Currently watching: Just got off a 24 hour call and am about to go see Barbie in an hour! Let’s goooooooo. I went to an advanced screening of Oppenheimer a few days ago so I will thankfully not have to spend six hours at the movie theater to do Barbenheimer after spending twenty four hours at the hospital already.

Currently reading: Starting Rachel Yoder’s Nightbitch before the Amy Adams Netflix dog transformation. 

Latest obsessions: I just had this oat milk espresso with chocolate and caramel from this tiny hippie cafe that was so good that I’m never going to stop thinking about it.  I watch a lot of movies, but I’ve been going to the theaters a lot this month and I forgot how much fun that is, especially for A Big Dumb Blockbuster! (I went to a screening of Theater Camp last weekend and those theater nerds (affectionate), of which I am not one, went WILD for the Nicole Kidman AMC ad and the Joan, Still hospital cameo in equal measure. Such fun!) Now I’m kind of bummed that they front-loaded all the good summer ones so early because what’s left? So I’m pivoting to maybe restarting The Massive X-Files rewatch, (still) thinking about spies, appreciating Glen Powell’s dumb face, and cracking up over all the celebs on my Instagram feed who have taken this strike time to go on European vacations. I want to be a soccer girlie to see the US Women’s Team QI it all, but Peacock is live-streaming the World Cup in Spanish and I do not remember enough high school Spanish or know enough about soccer for that to work.

Tagging whoever wants to do it!!!

#ask me things

[elvenbeard]

Get to know me

I've been tagged in three separate memes with that title by @timaeusterrored and @katsigian, thanks a lot for thinking of me! :D For brevity's and simplicity's sake I'm just gonna throw all of them together in one post ~ Won't be tagging anyone in particular, but if you read this and feel inclined to share some stuff about yourself, pick and choose from the questions listed here and feel free to tag me in your posts! :D

Favorite color: Purple, Turquoise, and Black

Relationship: single

Currently reading: when I'm not re-reading my own stuff for editing purposes, I currently just really enjoy reading everyone's Cyberpunk drabbles and OC lore posts because I live for that stuff! for having been a very bookish kid I don't really read much anymore admittedly D:

Last song Played: "A Dialogue In B Flat Minor" by In Flames (it's on my V playlist and a very Vince and Johnny song to me XD)

Song Stuck in my Head: "Gloves" by Saint Punk (I'm obsessed with it because it fits Vince so much and I'm working on something inspired by it)

Last Movie: oooof... I think it was "The Shawshank Redemption", I was recently in the mood of rewatching some 90s classics while drawing!

Last series: If youtube series count, I'm currently rewatching Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime for the 11th or so time XD I've loved true crime stuff for as long as I can remember and BFU is also just really nice as background noise for when I'm working on something for a few hours at a time. Looking forward to diving into Mystery Files xD (the last "actual" series I watched before that was "Better Call Saul", rewatched it from start to finish in English for the first time xD)

Sweet, spicy, or savory: ooohhh hmmm.... dammit, I guess I'm too much of a sweet-tooth to not pick sweet xD

Favourite Food: Pizza with lots of different cheeses

Craving: to quit my dayjob, because objectively, it would just be really fucking funny to do. We're chronically understaffed and simultaneously also being forbidden overtime to catch up on the backlog, so it's just extremely exhausting at the moment.

Tea or coffee: Coffee, but tea is nice too :3

Dream Trip: everywhere... but my top 3 are Japan, Iceland, and Canada. I'd love to go to Japan during cherry blossom season, spend one week in all the big cities and another more on the countryside, going hiking, looking at temples, forests, and spending a day or two at a ryokan with onsen. Iceland I'd also like to see as much of as possible, I'd actually love to do a guided tour on horseback across the country xD And honestly, same for Canada (without the horses though), also a trip across the country visiting all kinds of sights and cities along the way would be awesome.

Last Thing I Googled: 2023 Conventions Germany

Currently working on: the final stages of my new Kerry x V drawing, editing some VP shoots, writing Vince's background lore fic (6 chapters done, about 6 more to go!), started writing a post-canon fic (but only have a few paragraphs), and my ongoing Cyberpunk 2077 Let's Play videos XD cause I always wanted to make a full Let's Play like that and given my current obsession it works. Looming on the horizon are also some short comics and ideas for mods and even more VP!

Are you named after Anyone?

After an OC of mine, if we go with Elven as the name I'm predominantly using atm XD Long story short, but "Elvenbeard" was an elf OC I once cosplayed as and who got his name from a friend of mine during a very long and funny train ride to the convention we were headed to. Good times XD

2. When was the last time you cried?

A couple of days ago. I think it was a mix of stress and having too many feels about Kerry xD

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, and don't want any. Unless pets count.

4. Do you use Sarcasm a lot?

I would never do such a thing.

5. What Sports do you play/ have you played?

None xD I was the short fat kid that got relentlessly bullied by my PE teacher for years which completed ruined any interest in sports I might have ever developed.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Honestly... I think I've gotten quite good at picking up people's vibes first. Picked up a very bad "stay-far-away-from-them" vibe from someone a couple of days ago, and when I met them again a little while later one of the first things out of their mouth is transphobic bullshit. I (sadly) felt rather validated with my first impression.

7. Eye Colour?

Hazel.

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Both can be good! I don't like overly gory movies or stuff that relies heavily on jump scares, but a scary film with a good story and some unexpected twists I really like (some of my faves being "Hush" and "The Conjuring"). I'm also a sucker for Happy Endings though. Best thing overall? Angst with a Happy Ending.

9. Any Special Talents?

Does hyperfocus count as a special talent these days? XD

10. Where were you born?

Somewhere in rural Germany.

11. What are your hobbies?

Yes... Drawing, writing, sewing, crafting, cosplay, gaming... and the newest addition: virtual photography!

12. Do you have any pets?

Yess, a cat!

13. How tall are you?

160cm/ 5'2 - smol and full of rage

14. Fave Subject in School?

Art, History, and English as a secondary language

15. Dream Job?

Creating things that make people happy and being able to live off of it ooooor anything that allows me to finance that kinda "maker of all kinds of things" lifestyle I'm dreaming of. Ideally, if I have to keep a dayjob, I'd like one that only takes place in the timespan of Monday to Thursday, or Tuesday to Friday, and doesn't start at 5.30 in the morning, but at 9 or 10. Or just generally the option of home office would be nice. I don't wanna be rich, but I'd like to have financial security for myself and my cat, enough time to do my silly little arts and crafts, and travel somewhere cool once a year or so.

#personal stuff

[ssahotchhner]

like real people do

PART TWO

hi! this is my first criminal minds fic, i haven’t watched the show all the way through in several years and while doing a rewatch discovered that i HAD to write hotch. this will be two parts, here’s the first! let me know your thoughts please, i love talking to my readers (:

words: 5837

pairing: hotch x reader

warnings: usual criminal minds nastiness, rape mention, death, curse words

Everyone knew that SSA Aaron Hotchner has been emotionally unavailable since his divorce, so everyone was that much more surprised when he kissed you at the bar in front of all your colleagues at the BAU. You wouldn’t lie, you had had a crush on Aaron for years now, but you had imagined your hypothetical romance much differently. As it was, Aaron had immediately left the bar in a flurry of embarrassment, murmuring a hurried apology on his way out leaving you to the unabashed teasing of your coworkers that you had pretended to brush off. Now, days later, Aaron still refused to so much as look at you.

“Y/N,” Morgan rolled his chair over to your desk, “I’m dying to know, is Hotch a good kisser?”

You sigh, “Fuck off, Derek.”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Derek,” Rossi says as he passes by, “Don’t you think it’s bad enough Hotch is giving her the silent treatment now?”

You tried to hide the way the tears pricked the back of your eyes at his comment, but you were surrounded by FBI profilers.

Morgan lowered his voice and reach out his hand to touch your arm, “Hey, babygirl, I’m sorry, I was just teasing, maybe you should try talking to Hotch--”

“Talking to me about what?” Aaron had been so quiet walking up on you and your head had been low, so focused on not crying that you hadn’t heard him.

“Nothing.” You say quickly, and as expected he avoids making eye contact, “Do you need something, sir?” You don’t miss the way he flinches at the formality. Good.

“We have a new case.” He says simply and walks away.

Morgan let out a low whistle, “You really hit him with the ‘sir.’” You started to get up from your desk, but Morgan put a hand on your arm again, “Seriously, Y/N, I’m sorry. If you need to talk I’m here.”

You sighed and stood up again, forcing a smile, “There’s nothing to talk about Derek, I’m fine. Now come on.”

“We have a serial rapist in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.” JJ starts immediately as everyone files in. You feel Morgan’s gaze on you the entire time and try not to get frustrated. He’s been like a brother to you since you joined the BAU a few years ago and you know this overprotectiveness was just him being a good friend, but it was bound to drive you nuts. “Victims are all white women ranging from their late teens to early twenties at a local university.”

“Why are we being called in for a rapist on a college campus?” Reid asks, “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but we all know the statistics. There are dozens of serial rapists on college campuses.”

“Because this one is torturing them while he rapes them and leaves them notes leading up to the attacks.” Hotch says as Penelope begins to pull up pictures on the screen of these women. “Slut, whore, bitch, cunt. All carved on their chests.” You do your best to hide the nausea that rises in you as you look at the pictures. Do your job. You remind yourself.

“What do the notes say?” Emily asks.

“They seem like thinly veiled threats,” Reid begins, “They sound romantic at first glance, but if you read closely you can see the context.” 

“He breaks into their dorms when they’re at class or at parties and waits for them to come home and then he holds them at knifepoint so they won’t scream.” Penelope says, trying not to let her voice shake.

“Risky to do in a dorm building and no one’s seen him?” Morgan says.

Rossi ponders this, “That means he must blend in, someone no one would think twice about being inside. A student, an RA, or a university official.”

“University officials don’t normally enter student dorms unless there’s an issue, they’d be more likely to stand out and students would talk about them showing up.” Hotch muses.

“Y/N, you’re awful quiet today,” Emily nudges your elbow, “What do you think?”

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, but Aaron’s. Still looking at his manila folder as if Emily hadn’t addressed you. As if you didn’t exist. You clear your throat, “I think the RA or student theory makes sense. We should probably interview the RA of the first victim, assuming he’s a man. It would make sense to me that he would start with one of his own students and then begin to branch out. Maybe he thought he could stop, get that release he needed after just one, but the need only grew stronger.”

“Wheels up in thirty, we’ll discuss more on the plane.” Hotch says and stands, walking out of the room without another glance.

“Did something happen last night at the bar?” Emily murmurs, the only member of the team who didn’t make it out the night before, “Hotch is acting really weird around you.”

Derek snickers on the other side of you and you elbow him, “That’s it, I’m going to talk to him.”

Reid winces, “Good luck.”

“It’ll be fine, kid.” Rossi says and squeezes your shoulder as you pass.

You take a long breath before you finally build the courage to walk into Aaron’s office where he’s packing his briefcase. “Sir, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can it wait until we’re on the plane, agent?”

Agent. You roll your eyes toward the ceiling, “No, sir, it can’t.” You can’t hide the bite in your words this time. He finally looks at you, really looks at you. You wonder what he sees.

“Close the door.” He says quietly and then sits behind his desk.

You walk slowly to the seat in front of his desk. This time, he watches you. “This is the first time you’ve looked at me all day.”

“I wasn’t aware you were analyzing me.”

“Are you telling me you haven’t been analyzing me all day?”

“Agent, what is this about? We have a plane to catch.”

You stare at him for a few moments longer, “Fine,” You stand, “If you want to pretend nothing happened, I’ll do the same. But if you could at least stop ignoring me, that would be great.”

“Agent--”

“And use my goddamn name, for Christ’s sake.”

He stares at you and you know he hates your emotional outburst and that in turn makes you hate yourself. “Then you stop calling me ‘sir.’” He says quietly.

Your eyes soften for just a moment and then you storm back out of his office nearly plowing over Rossi as you leave. Rossi walks into Aaron’s office to see him rubbing his forehead, “Well that doesn’t look like it went well.”

“I screwed up, Rossi.” 

“Oh, come on Hotch, it was just one kiss. It didn’t mean anything--”

“It did mean something. To me. Maybe not to her.”

Rossi shakes his head, “Then why are you giving her the cold shoulder?”

Hotch sighs, “Because we work together, because she doesn’t feel the same, because she’s the first woman I’ve kissed since Haley. Pick a reason.” Rossi looks like he’s going to interject, but Hotch stands, “We don’t have time for this, Rossi, let’s go.”

Rossi sighs as he watches Aaron walk out of his office and follows after.

***

You’re quiet most of the plane ride, conscious of the looks everyone is giving you as you read the information in the manila folder over and over, trying to be good at your job instead of thinking about your boss.

“When we get off the plane, JJ and Prentiss, you go talk to the victims. Rossi and I will touch base with the police. Morgan, Reid, Y/N, you go talk to anyone you can find at the dorms, see if anyone’s seen anyone suspicious.” You make it a point not to react, but everyone else reacts anyway, watching you carefully. Hotch almost always assigns himself with you. 

“If you guys don’t stop psychoanalyzing me I will eject myself from this plane.” 

Everyone looks away except Aaron and when you meet his eyes, he’s smirking. Those smiles are so rare and you can’t deny how it satisfies you to know you were the reason he did so. You quickly look back down at your work, careful not to reveal anything you’re feeling.

***

“Do you have feelings for Hotch?” Reid asks without preamble when you’re in the car with Derek.

“Spencer!” You exclaim in outrage. Derek just laughs from the driver’s seat.

“What? You both wouldn’t be being so weird about one kiss if it wasn’t something more.”

“Okay, Romeo, remember that she’s armed.” Derek cautioned.

“He’s my boss, Reid. It’s weird because he’s my boss.”

“Well, sure, by definition Hotch is our superior but we all know--” Reid cut himself off when he saw the look Derek was giving him in the rearview mirror, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s weird.” He said quickly.

You sigh and turn to the window and ignore Derek and Spencer the rest of the ride.

***

“So you mean to tell me that ten women have come forward about being raped in their dorms and you told them to consider themselves lucky they weren’t murdered and sent them home without doing a rape kit?” Aaron’s furious. Furious with himself for the previous night and he’s more than happy to take out that anger on the local Milwaukee police department.

“Look, man, we get a lot of he said she said in here, we don’t have the time or the man power to follow up on every one.”

Just then his phone rings. It’s you. He wishes he could ignore the pang that goes through him just from reading your name. “Hotch.” He answers.

“Sir-- I mean, Aaron.” You correct yourself quickly, and then realize you should have called him Hotch, but it’s too late. “They’ve found a body.”

He frowns, “A body? That doesn’t fit his MO.”

You swallow, “Yeah, well, everything else does. He seems to have gotten a little carried away with the carving this time.”

“We’ll be right there.”

You hang up your phone and then turn back to Reid and Morgan who are looking over the crime scene. You sit with Victoria’s, the victim’s, distraught roommate and try to calm her and maybe get some actual information out of her. You don’t hear or see Aaron walk in until he’s already next to you, “Did you get anything from her?”

His closeness makes it hard to focus, “Just regular roommate stuff, she might be more useful once she calms down. I asked if her roommate had a boyfriend or anything like that and she said she was quiet, kept to herself. Boys were out of the question.”

“He’s escalated. Why?”

You shrug, “Could be because we’re here, that might have upset him and he lost control. But it could have been an accident, roommate says Victoria had a heart condition. The stress of the situation might have killed her.”

Hotch nods, “Good work.”

He was trying to be normal, you could tell. And he was trying so hard. “Thank you.” You said softly and then you excused yourself. Everything about him set you on edge and over and over the moment he kissed you plays in your head.

***

You’re both laughing to near snorting while sitting at the bar and Aaron can’t stop watching you, “You have an incredible laugh, you know?” He says softly when you’ve both settled down. “Sometimes when I think this job isn’t worth it, I’ll hear your laugh outside my office and just that sound…” He realizes what he’s saying suddenly and turns his head away from you smiling at his drink now.

“You make it worth it for me too.” You say and his eyes are back on you, “You so rarely ever smile, but when you smile at me… It makes it all worth it. The long hours, the horrible cases… all of it.”

When you look back at him he’s suddenly serious again. You can see his eyes calculating as he searches your face and you realize with a bit of shock that he’s trying to see if you’re lying. When his eyes finally settle back on yours, he gently reaches up, almost without thinking about it and curls a loose piece of hair behind your ear.

And then in the next second, his hand still on your face, his mouth is on yours.You forget that there’s anyone else in the world for those few seconds that he kisses you. Until everyone on the team starts jeering and Aaron pulls away like he’s seen a ghost.

“Aaron?” You say, frowning as he jumps up from his seat, not looking at you and gathering his things.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he murmurs and then runs out.

Derek’s laughing as he walks up to you, “Damn, princess. You broke Hotch! I gotta say, you’re incredibly out of his league.” You glare at him. “What? You’re out of my league too.”

You smile at that and try to act like everything’s normal, but you’re sure Spencer notices that you drink more and laugh a little too loudly.

***

You’re pulled back from the memory as JJ walks toward you, “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” You nod, “Fine, just needed a second alone to think.”

She stops in front of you and rests her hand on your arm, lightly squeezing, “You can talk to me, you know, about men. Even Hotch.”

You smile, “I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m fine, really. It’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s a big deal if it starts interfering with the job, and I can see it on both of you,” She’s stern all of a sudden, “I know he’s our boss, but underneath that he’s just any other man, Y/N. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.”

“Guys,” Derek interrupts, sticking his head out into the hallway, “You’re gonna wanna see this.”

When you come back in the room, Spencer is crouched over the body, gloves on, examining the carvings in her body, “There’s hesitation in the cuts this time and you can tell they were done after she was dead. And if you look a little bit closer…”

“‘Sorry…’” You read the small script, astonished. “Remorse. It was an accident.” Your eyes dart back and forth as you lose yourself in your own thoughts while the rest of the team discusses, “I think we can deliver the profile.”

***

“We’re looking for a white male in his early to mid twenties.” Hotch starts, “He most likely is able to gain the women’s trust, maybe he’s a student RA or a student tech worker, but they let him in without a second thought.”

“I thought he breaks into the dorms and waits for them?” A cop asks.

“He does,” You say, “But the initial access is how he chooses his victims. He’s a loner, doesn’t have many friends, certainly no girlfriend. It’s possible that he asks these girls on dates when he first meets them, and when they refuse he feels entitled to them anyway which is why he comes back for the rape.”

“What about the murder?” Another cop asks.

“We believe the death of the last girl was an accident.” Reid responds, “She had a heart condition and the medical examiner has confirmed she died from sudden cardiac arrest. The unsub even seemed to show remorse when he defiled the body after, carving the word ‘sorry’ into her body.”

“The killing has most likely set him on edge. He’s remorseful, upset, overcome with immense guilt, but he blames the women. If they had just said yes to him, he wouldn’t have to do this. She wouldn’t have died.” Derek continues, “You should be looking for someone who was soft spoken, but as the rapes started he became more assertive, maybe he had an altercation with a professor or supervisor.”

“You’ve probably interviewed him already,” You say, “He inserts himself into the investigation because he feels guilt and watching the investigation play out validates that he was right for doing what he did.” You sigh, “There’s one more thing. He didn’t intend to kill Victoria, but… He spent time with the body after she had passed. He mutilated her as well as continued his rape of her afterward. It’s possible that he enjoyed the kill and will kill the next time as well. So stay vigilant and… please tell the girls not to let any men in their dorms. Thank you.”

Aaron comes up to you, “Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

You nod and follow him into a conference room and he closes the door behind you, “You’re really an incredible profiler, agent.”

Again with the ‘agent.’ “Thank you, sir.”

“I just wanted to assure you that I will remain nothing but professional around you from here on out.”

You tilted your head to the side and you knew the pain was evident on your face as you didn’t try to hide it, “I see.”

“You’re upset.”

You laugh, “Did you mean anything you said at the bar, Aaron, or were you just drunk?” You’re aware of how vulnerable you’re being in front of him now as you can hear the tears in your own voice.

You see him calculating what the best response is and this just infuriates you more, “Forget it, you’re just going to talk to me like some unsub, trying to best figure out what to say to calm me down.”

He shakes his head, “That’s not what I’m doing.”

You start to walk out and stop to stand next to him, “You just said yourself I’m an incredible profiler, so please don’t profile me and think I won’t notice.”

He closes his eyes as you continue walking out, “Y/N, wait.” Despite yourself, you do stop at the sound of your name. “I’m sorry, I-- I meant the things I said at the bar, I’m… But I’m your boss and I don’t want to make it difficult for you to do your job.”

You force a smile and look up at him, “Don’t worry, Hotch, won’t be a problem.”

And then you’re gone and he gets the feeling you won’t call him Aaron ever again.

***

Spencer walks in the entrance of the dorm you’ve been staking out, two coffees in hand. He hands one to you wordlessly, “Have you gotten any sleep?”

“Obviously not.” You sigh and happily guzzle the coffee, “Thanks.”

“Hotch is upset.”

“About what?” You murmur, half paying attention, half going over the case again on the papers in front of you.

“About you, obviously.”

You don’t look up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How do you even know Hotch is upset? He always looks like he’s pissed at something.”

“Because I’m a profiler. Everyone knows he’s off, no one will say to his face that it’s because of you.”

You sigh and look up at him, “Spencer, we’re fine, okay? We’re adults.” He’s quiet, but he won’t stop staring at you, “What?”

“I know that I’m… not the most perceptive when it comes to emotions, but… I think he’s in love with you. And I’m pretty sure you’re in love with him.”

You smirk, “And what makes you think that, Mr. Profiler?”

He smiles back, “Well, Hotch is always watching you, mostly when you’re not looking and when he does his expression sort of… softens. He almost always assigns the two of you together when giving the unit assignments, which I think is partially because he likes to be around you, but also because he’s trying to protect you, especially after that hostage situation a few months ago. He was a wreck when you were in there. Screaming at everyone, I really thought he would kill the unsub when he found him.”

“He would do that for any of us, when any of us were in danger.” You said, quickly shaking your head to dismiss the idea.

But Spencer shakes his head, “You didn’t see him. It was different.”

“Spencer, he barely gave me a pat on the back when I left that hostage situation alive.”

“That’s because he doesn’t trust himself around you. Why do you think the only time he’s ever given you a hint at the way he feels was when he was drunk?”

Your head is spinning as you look at Spencer, “No, that doesn’t make any sense--”

“It makes perfect sense and I know you know that.” Spencer’s phone rings, “Reid.” He sighs and lowers his head, “Where? Okay, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up the phone, “There’s another body.”

You sigh, “I really hate being right.”

***

“You were right,” Hotch says from behind you, “He’s discovered he likes killing.”

It was never easy looking at bodies, but somehow it was always worse when you had predicted it and still not been able to stop it, “How did he do it?”

“Manual strangulation.”

“Has anyone checked for skin or blood under her fingernails? Sign of a struggle?”

Aaron nods, “Already scraped off and sent to Garcia.”

“Even if she can’t find a match, we’ll be able to narrow down suspects by the injuries she left.”

“The school is panicking, they want to evacuate the campus.”

“If they evacuate we’ll never find him, he’ll just start again somewhere else.”

“That’s what I told them.”

You sigh, “Why are the girls still letting him in?”

“Maybe they’re not,” Hotch mused, “Maybe he’s starting to pick the girls from his classes now that we’re here.”

“The last two victims, do we have their schedules? Their majors?”

“They were both nursing majors,” Emily interjects, “Third year.”

You nod, “Okay, so by that point, third year, majority of their classes are restricted to nursing majors only.” You flip your phone open and dial Penelope.

“Hello my delightful fairy princess, what can I do for you?”

“Garcia, the last two victims, can you cross reference their class schedules and tell me if they had any classes in common?”

“Yes, just a second… Three classes in common.”

“Okay, cross reference with the remaining victims.”

“Um, okay, wow, all of them had two classes in common.”

“Shit.” You mutter, “Can you send over the class rosters of both those classes, but just the men. And also send pictures.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks, Penelope.”

You shake your head, “They were all nursing majors.” You say as you hang up, “How did we miss that?”

Reid was shaking his head, “We didn’t have a lot of time to interview the victims before the first body turned up.”

“Alright, we need everyone looking through those rosters, rounding up every male we can and interviewing them.” Hotch starts, “Y/N, you’re with me for interviews, the rest of you keep in touch with Garcia and find out anything you can.”

You try to ignore the shock you feel that he picked you this time, noting Reid’s raised eyebrows as he left the room. “You sure you want me on interviews?” You ask when you’re alone.

He’s looking at all the evidence on the corkboard, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Wasn’t sure if you would want to work closely with me anymore.” You say, standing next to him now and also looking over the evidence.

He looks at you now, “You have the same features as a lot of the victims, I’m hoping it’ll get a rise out of our unsub if we find him.”

You nod, “Makes sense.”

“And,” He says pointedly until you meet his eyes, “As I’ve said already, you’re an excellent agent and I could use your help on this.”

You heave a big sigh, “Okay, how do you wanna play it?”

He shrugs, “I think you already know what role I need you to play.”

***

This is maybe the tenth or so interview you and Hotch had done with no success. You were tired of playing this role, especially in front of Hotch.

“Jordan.” You smile sweetly at him, making sure to lean over the table just a little to give him the view he wants, “Did you know either of these girls?” You lay the pictures of the last couple victims on the table, wait to see his reaction. He brings his hands up to rest on the table and you see the shallow scratch marks on them, you share a discreet look with Hotch who barely nods in acknowledgement.

He stares for far too long. Hotch notices his hands clench into fists. He’s excited by the bodies.

“Yeah, I knew them.” He’s still looking at the pictures, “They were in two of my classes.” He finally looks up and gazes at you hungrily, “You seem awful young to be an FBI agent.”

You smile again and then look away, a sign of submission. “Stop flirting with my agent.” Hotch says placing his palms abruptly on the table. Jordan doesn’t flinch at Hotch’s presence, not taking his eyes off you. He’s more confident than either of you anticipated. Was the profile wrong or is this the wrong guy? “How did you know the victims?”

“I just told you, from class.”

“Did you ever see them outside of class?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe, to do a project, not in a while though.”

“Jordan, do you know if either of the girls had a boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” He frowns, “Those two? No.” He practically scoffs.

You tilt your head to the side, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Those girls aren’t the boyfriend type. They’re whores.” There’s the bitterness in his voice.

You try to make your face as empathetic as possible, “What do you mean by that, Jordan?”

“Well, you know, they slept around… Wouldn’t give a nice guy like me a chance. You must know their type, you’re the FBI.”

You nod, “It must be so hard for a handsome, smart guy like you to get rejected. I can’t imagine why anyone would dream of missing out on that,” You shake your head, “Their loss.”

Hotch audibly scoffs and you watch Jordan glare at him. He’s getting angry. Good. “Hotch, why don’t you go get Jordan a water?”

Hotch blinks at you, trying to figure out if you had really just given him an order, “Agent, I am the lead interrogator on this case, I’m not leaving you alone in here--”

“Agent Hotchner,” You turn in your seat to face him, hoping he’ll read your expression, “Please get the young man a water, he’s been in here for hours.”

His eyes search your face for a few moments and then he leaves the room without another word. He won’t be getting Jordan a water. You know he’s watching carefully from the other side of the glass. “Sorry about him.” You say, “He doesn’t understand men like you.”

“Men like me?”

“Men who know how to get what they want.”

His face transforms as he watches you and he leans back in his chair, relaxed, legs spread to assert his dominance. “And you understand that?”

“There’s nothing sexier than a man who goes after what he wants… No matter what.”

He leans forward and whispers, “Even when they beg me to stop?”

You swallow past your disgust and, though you hate to admit it, fear, “Did they beg you to stop? Victoria and Erica?”

His smile widens as he watches you, “You remind me so much of them.”

“Can you tell me what you did to them? How you killed them?”

He licks his lips now, you think he’s lost all sense of where he is, falling for the delusion you’ve set in front of him, “You’re just like them, a dirty little slut. You want to be punished, don’t you?”

“Please.” Is the last word you whisper before he practically jumps across the table to grab your throat. Your chair falls backwards and he’s on top of you, crushing your windpipe. How could you forget that he was uncuffed? Hotch rushes in, he yells as he pulls Jordan off you, but you’re not sure what he’s saying. Then he’s cuffed Jordan and taken you out of the room.

“Sit.” Aaron says, ushering you to a chair that you practically fall into. You’re still coughing and you’re shaking a bit as Aaron gives you a water.

“I forgot,” You start, your voice hoarse, but Hotch brings the water cup to your mouth, insisting you drink before talking. You take a couple swallows, “I forgot he wasn’t cuffed.”

He shakes his head, “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.”

“No, I needed you on the other side of the glass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the delusion otherwise. I needed him to forget who I was and just see me as a potential victim.” Aaron wouldn’t meet your eyes, not wanting to admit that you were right, “I’m going back in there.”

“No, you’re not, that’s out of the question.”

“Is that an order, sir?” He scans your face in frustration, “You know it has to be me. He won’t talk to you. I’ll be fine.”

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “Fine. Ask him about Erica, don’t ask about Victoria.”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t kill Victoria himself, it’ll ruin the fantasy and he might lie to you to try to impress you. The details of the murders weren’t shared with the public, only the unsub would know how each of them died. He needs to reveal how he killed Erica to you and then we’ll have him.”

“Okay.” You stand and hold your hands behind you so he won’t see them shaking, but he’s a profiler. The attempt is mute.

He takes a step closer, “You don’t have to go back in there,” He says softly, “No one will think less of you.”

When he’s this close, looking at you with such concern, it makes you want to melt in his arms. But you had a job to do, “I can do this.”

And before he can make you think about it more, you turn away from him and march back in the interrogation room.

“Sorry about that,” You sit back down at the table and smile at him, “My partner gets a little jealous sometimes.” You lean in and whisper, “He’s usually the only one I let handle me like that.”

Just like that he’s back, “Why don’t you uncuff me so we can continue?”

You bite your lip, “I’d like to hear more about the other girls first.”

***

“Why is she in there by herself?” Rossi came up behind Aaron who was watching the unsub’s every move, ready to jump in again if needed.

“She insisted.” Hotch says simply, “She almost has him.”

Rossi sighs, “She’s stubborn. Like someone else I know.”

Hotch is quiet for a moment, “I can’t be with her, Rossi, it could ruin her career.”

“You can’t know that. And besides, don’t you think that should be her decision to make?”

Hotch doesn’t answer, he just continues watching you.

***

“Does it turn you on hearing what I’ve done to them?”

You’re sitting on your hands now, trying to stifle the growing panic in your head that was telling you to get out. He’s unarmed, he’s cuffed, Aaron is right there. He can’t hurt you. “You have no idea.” It came out breathless from your fear, but he interpreted it as desire.

“First, I knocked her out, tied her to the bed. Then I waited for her to wake up before I began. I stripped her clothes off her at that point and then I fucked her while she cried,” He’s smiling at you and you’re doing all you can to keep your expression neutral. “I took out the knife and started carving her up. You should have heard her beg. And then, when that’s all finished, I strangled her while I came inside her.” He leans over the table to get closer to you, and it takes everything in you not to move away, “Have you ever watched the light leave someone’s eyes, sweetheart?”

You calmly scoot your chair back and stand, buttoning your shirt back up and then resting your hand on your gun, reminding him of who you really are, “Thank you, Jordan. You’ve been incredibly helpful in this investigation.” And then turn to leave ignoring the way he calls after you.

When you exit the room, Aaron and Dave are both waiting for you and you sit down, exhausted, resting your head in your hands.

“Nice work, kid.” Dave says with a squeeze on your shoulder, and then he’s gone.

Then, there’s another touch on your back, more gentle and hesitant. You look up to see Aaron watching you, concern masking his face, “I’m fine, Hotch.” You say, shrugging him off.

His hand drops and you immediately regret it. “When you were taken those months ago, by that unsub…” His words are slow, as if making sure this is what he really wants to say to you. You know exactly what he’s going to say before he says it, “He raped you, didn’t he?” Your eyes snap up to meet his. “You would never tell us what actually happened, all those hours he had you, a sexual sadist.” He shakes his head, “There’s no way he would’ve been able to control himself.”

You shake your head just lightly, “I can’t do this now, Aaron.”

“Then when?” He’s frustrated now, borderline angry, “You lied at your psych eval, you said nothing happened, we let you come back after just a couple of weeks--”

“And I’m doing just fine, aren’t I?” You stand so you’re nearly eye level with him.

“You think I didn’t notice the way you almost fell apart in there?”

“But I didn’t. I finished it and I did a damn good job and you know it.”

Hotch erases all traces of emotion from his face as he stares you down, “You’re suspended for two weeks, effective immediately. Hand over your badge and gun, agent.”

You nearly stumble back from him as if you’ve been hit, “Aaron?”

“What’s going on?” Prentiss has entered the room now followed by the rest of the team, all watching with confused and worried expressions.

“You heard me.” Hotch says, never taking his eyes off you. You make no moves to take out your badge or gun, “Now, agent.” There’s bite to his words this time.

You feel humiliated. With the whole team watching, you place your gun and badge on the table and brush by Aaron without a second glance. Pushing past the team, even Spencer who reaches for you.

“What the hell was that, Hotch?” Derek says once you’ve left.

“She lied in order to pass her psych eval. I did what I had to do.” Everyone’s staring at him, but he walks by, seemingly unphased, “Good work, everyone. Get some rest, we go home tomorrow at first light.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #hotch fic #hotch fluff #hotch angst #hotch imagine #mine

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa has 8 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files fics at AO3 and her website. She writes Mulder and Scully in a very lovely way. I've recced 3 of my favorites of her fics here before: Bird in Snow, Fall: East on M St, and Skuamorph. Big thanks to Tabula Rasa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I'm always extremely pleasantly surprised to get kudos (or, very rarely, a comment) on my old fic, but I'm always happy to see it! I did post them all (I think) to AO3. I'm not surprised people are still reading fic, though. It's an iconic show and now with streaming, it's really easy to watch older shows and natural to want fic about them!

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

XF was my first fandom, definitely my first online fandom, and so it will always have a special place in my heart. Also... I had a great time! I stumbled upon and joined the Scullyfic email list by accident, but it was the best thing I could have done. I learned a lot about how to be a writer and how to be in fandom, and those lessons are still important to me. Foundational. Also, in terms of modern fandom drama, XF was more low-key on the drama (although it didn't seem like it at the time!). But I learned something that's always served me well: find like-minded people, and hang out with them. Don't worry about the rest.

Also... you can't control the show, but you kind of can control the canon.

Because of Scully, I ended up taking a forensic anthropology class in university-- and now I have a Master's in a forensic science! Part of the Scully Effect, and proud of it!

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Definitely mostly email list! I never really got the hang of message boards. Posting fic was exhausting, and tbh I never figured out how to work Ephemeral. I checked it every day, though! I loved, after a new episode, everyone sending in their thoughts and reading everyone's experiences together. Fandom was a lot more work back then, tbh!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

That fic can be just as good, or better, than traditionally published works. There are works of XF fic that have stuck with me for years now, far more than some books I've read. That fan writers can know the characters better than the show writers. The fandom in general was really smart, and mostly more adult than me (I joined fandom when I went away to college, so I always felt at the younger end of the scale. That was good though!).

Also, my first time reading and writing porn. Not gonna lie, I was shocked the first time I accidentally read smut. But I adjusted fast. lol

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was still a kid (now we would say preteen) when the show premiered- I think in middle school. But I was already into ghosts, aliens, monsters, solving mysteries, and I'd already imprinted on the dynamic thanks to Square One (really)! I was also just old enough to start developing celebrity crushes. Hilariously, I did not twig to the fact that I'm bisexual the entire time I was in XF fandom, despite having enormous crushes on BOTH Mulder and Scully. Ahhhh!

Also, my whole family was into the show, but I was definitely the one with the hyperfixation. I used to take notes and record the episodes as I watched. It just had the right stuff and hit at the right time. And I've always been obsessive.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

As a kid I also really liked Star Trek, and someone had given my dad a book about the history of Star Trek, which I read. This included mentions of fandom and fanfic. As soon as I had a private-- and perhaps more importantly fast-- internet connection (in college), I went looking for XF fanfic, and that was that. Hooked immediately. Also I shipped them A LOT so that's what I went looking for.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I tend to not go back to a fandom once I have a new fandom, so I wouldn't say I'm in it. I did hang around the edges for the revival, of course, because I wanted to experience that with the same people, but since the revival was mostly not that great (with a few exceptions), I didn't get pulled back into it. But I still think of the people I knew in the fandom a lot, and always hope they're doing well.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I've never left fandom, and I've been in a BUNCH: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Bandom, Supernatural, now CQL/The Untamed and other Chinese-media fandoms, with many smaller ones in between or on the side. I feel like at their core fandoms tend to be similar, although where you host the fandom makes a big difference: Livejournal, tumblr, twitter. I think that because fandoms now tend to be bigger and more diverse (which is good) there tends to be more wank (which is bad). In some of them I was close to a group of people, some of them not. Honestly the best thing is when someone you know from an old fandom is in your new fandom. It's so much fun. I have really good friends thanks to fandom, and I've had them for YEARS. Like. 15 years.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I tend to focus more on ships than characters, but some of my all-time favs: Scully, Hermione, Sirius Black, Castiel, Lan Wangji, Xie Lian. That's just fandom-oriented ones, otherwise we'd be here all day. :D

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I don't often rewatch episodes any more, although if I come across an ep on tv I might. I definitely still think about them though! For example, I'm a teacher now, and just a couple weeks ago one of my colleagues mentioned he'd heard the students saying they shipped two of their classmates, and he was like "Ship? I don't get it" and I was like "HOO BOY, do I have a story for you!" And I explained how shipping came from XF fandom, and why. That was fun. I definitely still think about Mulder and Scully too-- I mean, they're cultural touchstones, so they do come up sometimes in greater pop culture. Also, I was in Hannibal fandom for a while, and Gillian Anderson is still The Best.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven't read XF fic in years, even the ones I remember as being really significant/important to me. I still have my all-time favs saved on an external HD though! Fic in another fandom- every day lol.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Blinded by White Light by DashaK has stuck with me. Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ruby-Throated Warbler by I forget I'm so sorry -- that's lasted as my ideal post-canon MSR and as an interesting and different way to tell a story.  [Lilydale note: It’s by rah.] I was always thrilled to see fic by Brandon, JET, MaybeAmanda, Syntax6... and, frankly, everyone on the Scullyfic/ Emuse list. So many talented people in that fandom!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Things Outside, which is the only thing I've ever written based on a dream, and I'm really satisfied with it. It was hard to write but so much fun to revel in the weirdness. I always kind of wanted to write more because I know a lot more about the situation, but otoh, I like the open, ambiguous ending (usually I am very HEA).

In other fandoms, King & Country in bandom (MCR) and in Supernatural I'm very proud of Hope and Clay. I struggle to write casefics even though I love to read them, but that one really worked out.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I don't think I'll ever write something new. There is an old fic that may be done but it was smut so I was too shy to post it at the time. In theory if I find it and it's decent, I could post it!

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do! I write fic very slowly, but I do write still! I have a million ideas for stories, but I'm so slow at the actual writing part.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I usually take a jumping-off point from canon, or of course, something I need to fix or expand on. Or sometimes I start telling myself a story as I fall asleep and the idea grabs me long enough I can manage to write it.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I was getting into fandom and realized people didn't use their real names. I flipped through my history book looking for inspiration, and decided tabula rasa was a great name for a writer. I tend to add an X because it's rare to get "tabularasa" as a username, and the X is indeed for X-Files (so I'm something like tabulaxrasa most places). I usually go by Tabula Rasa or Tab, though. And I still use it because 1) it IS a great name for a writer; and 2) it's not fandom-specific so I can keep it in every fandom.

I identify with it so much I have answered to this name in class (oops). I have a "Tab" t-shirt (as in the soda, but I have worn it to Comic-Con for ease of ID-- better than a nametag!). And my mom got me a necklace with a "tab" typewriter key as a charm, which I adore. Yes, I have accidental merch of myself.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

As you can tell from the above, my family knows (my family being my parents and sister). They are supportive! I think my mom read a couple stories? But obviously she has to know the fandom to get it... I got my sister into fic, and we even wrote a couple fics together (in Gundam Wing). She's a lot more selective about fandoms, but she's joined fandoms on her own, too. She's just not in one constantly, like me. :p

I tend not to tell not-online friends unless I have felt them out and know they're super fannish, or they bring it up first.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Most of my old fic is now on AO3 and I hang out on twitter a lot, @tabula_x_rasa

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I'm really glad people are still in this fandom! It will always be so important to me. Thank you Lilydale, for this nostalgia trip!

(Posted by Lilydale on March 30, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #tabula rosa

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı / Edser ask from episode 43 (2x04)

AKA Serkan’s episode. 

There is also speculation about episode 44 based on the fragmans and a few random asks

 (Asks under the cut)

Anonymous asked: Hey, Liza! How did you like the ep? I still get chills when watching the diary x video scene and the final one.. Finally the truth is out to both Serkan and Kiraz! And that fragman! 😍 but It seems like Aydan filing for custody will be the new drama, do you think it will last long? Because I highly doubt that they will give solely happy edser and Kiraz in remaining episodes..

My full episode thoughts are here,  but I agree the diary and video scene was spectacular. It makes me teary every time. 

I’m also psyched that the truth is out. Truthfully, I was one that wanted Serkan to find out at the end of the first episode, but now I concede that it was better to draw it out a bit to really build everything up to this episode and his journey to letting go of his fears. What a character arc they gave him. They really explored Serkan and what drives him this episode and it was a treat-- a painful treat-- to watch it all unfold and for him to finally admit what had driven him to push her away all those years ago and what was still holding him back in the present. 

As for what’s next, that’s a great question. I agree that it’s unlikely we’re going to get happy Edser family from here on out, there has to be some obstacles and drama before we get to the end. The Aydan custody drama will clearly be the conflict in episode 5, but I don’t see it as any real barrier for Eda and Serkan. We see in the second fragman that Eda is already confronting Serkan about it, so if Aydan is doing something underhanded they can’t draw it out too long. 

I assume that while the custody thing may cause a wee bit of miscommunication between Eda and Serkan, I think it mostly will serve as fodder for Aydan and Ayfer’s relationship dynamic and give the supporting characters something to run around and chase after while Eda, Serkan and Kiraz actually start forming their new family unit. If anything it might serve as a catalyst for Serkan. Picture it, Eda confronts Serkan about it and Serkan is like “I don’t know anything about that, I wouldn’t do something that would hurt you or Kiraz, but I do want her, I want us.” You know, serve to clarify things.  

There are probably a few episodes of family drama in store for us as everyone, including Eda, Serkan and Kiraz adjust to this new reality. I assume once the euphoria of having her Baba back wears off for Kiraz, she might ask some questions that are hard for Eda and Serkan to answer. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: i don't think i've cried THIS much at an sck episode... in like ever lmao. i was full on silent sobbing at serkan watching kiraz's baby videos.. but the scene i really loved the most was the one where they have it out after that fancy dinner. it was EVERYTHING we needed to hear serkan's POV and i almost can't believe a lot of us got the "can't have kids" theory right. i have loved so much this season how edser have communicated, even when it's painful and hard.. it was sorely missing for them.

I know! The communication! I don’t think they’ve ever communicated like this. Of course their issues were not as deep and nuanced back in the first batch of episodes so going this in-depth wasn’t necessary, but they didn’t communicate like this when dealing with Babaanne or when it was really needed after the amnesia era.  

Honestly, so pleased the “can’t have kids” theory was correct. It goes so far in explaining his actions and thought process when pushing her away, as distorted as that thought process was.  It truly was selfless, because I’m sure all he wanted was to hold her tight and never let go, but it was also so unnecessary. Their love story has just been so tragic, but if you think about how many things were stacked against them, it’s also stunning that their love has persevered. They were so opposite and unlikely to fall in love to begin with and then you add in all the things that stood in their way, meddling mothers, family secrets, Serkan’s father being responsible for her parents death, evil, rich, powerful grandmother using everything in her considerable arsenal to keep them apart, psycho stalkers, kidnapping princes, crashing planes, amnesia, brainwashing and abusive exes, plotting “friends,” tumor, cancer, separation!

To come out of all of that and to see they are clearly still in love with one another... well they really don’t have any other choice. They should get married immediately with no pomp and circumstance just so they are legally tied together. So when the next tragic, catastrophic thing comes along it will be that much harder to pull them apart.  

Anonymous asked: deniz and burak are the most harmless "3rd party" characters we've ever had in the show that it almost makes me laugh when ppl get so insecure about them.. especially with burak, knowing that he's gonna be melo's love interest, even if i don't want it. like, sure serkan is naturally gonna be jealous, maybe possessive, because of "buba" but it's all being shown right now as light comedic relief.. i've seen some people REALLY take it to heart when it really doesn't seem like it's that deep lol.

I know, it’s all so mild. They also aren’t actually even third party love interests, because there is absolutely zero interest from either side of the main pair. Both are there to a) serve plot purposes and b) show that neither Eda or Serkan is interested in anybody else. It’s nice, we get to see that while they both have had options, neither has been able to move on and both have chosen to remain alone. 

As for driving the plot, Burak’s presence was necessary because they needed someone who Serkan thought was Kiraz’s father, and Deniz was necessary because they needed someone who would do whatever Serkan wanted when Serkan wanted to force proximity with Eda. 

Looking at the fragman, the real “triangle” might be Buba - Kiraz - Baba  but I also think that will mostly be played for laughs.  A way to give us some “Drain the pool” and “Burn the flowers” type jealousy moments from Serkan, since that was a hallmark of Ayse’s early writing. 

However, I can see why some folks were put-off by that vibe. Because, yes, if you’ve been standing in as a male-figure for the 5-year-old daughter of the woman you’re tying to woo (let’s not pretend that’s not why Burak takes such an interest in Kiraz) and the father that the 5-year-old has been wanting and pining for actually re-enters the picture, maybe you don’t need to force your way in and have “Buba day” the day after he returns. I’m not saying you can’t have it ever again, I’m saying you let the family have some alone time and figure things out. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would postpone such an outing. However, it looks like Serkan is not put off so easily and we know he doesn’t lose, so it will probably lead to humorous scenes. 

The good thing about this is that it shows that Serkan won’t sit passively by. Here Burak is giving him an out, Serkan can have his day back, go to work, he can slide into fatherhood slowly, but looks like Serkan is going to have none of that and is going to crash their fishing outing. How’s that for someone who said he wasn’t ready for fatherhood a mere 24-48 hours earlier?

Also it’s worth noting that Kiraz doesn’t see Burak as a father-figure, if she did she probably would have joined Ayfer and tried to get her mom to marry him. Instead she’s been almost obsessed with her father, talking about him, dreaming about him, wanting him and was very quick to correct when someone mistook Baba and Buba. Also she wanted Buba to meet her father.  So Kiraz wanting to spend time with him isn’t a slight, in her mind he’s a friend, an uncle and with all the upheaval keeping their plans might feel safe to her. We’ll see.   

 martha0206 asked: Hi! I love your pinned post. That moment was perfect. Also, I loved the sad and emotional scenes as well as the funny ones. The episode was amazing!!! ❤ Serkan made Kiraz dream come true and I've rewatched that scene and cried because it's too beautiful and touching 🥺 K: Dad? S: Happy Birthday, my daughter 🥺😭❤

Ahh... this post that was pinned.  Thank you for the kind words, I also love that scene. I just love it because it’s such an EXTRA thing to do, putting on the astronaut costume and making an entrance like that, but both Serkan and Eda have always been so extra that it works for their little family. 

I love that he made Kiraz’s dream come true in the most dramatic way possible.  But beyond being dramatic, it was the perfect way to signal that no matter what fears or hang-ups Serkan had, he’s committed to getting over them and he’s ready to go all in on fatherhood. A perfect way to show not only Eda that he’s serious, but to show all their friends and family he’s serious. DO YOU HEAR THAT, AYFER? He’s back and he’s going to be her daddy, and there is nothing you can do about it!

Anonymous asked: do you think the writers goal is to make us hate Ayfer and Aydan? because its just a deeper and deeper hole for these two and I don't understand if they're supposed to be a happy family at the end. I actually realized going back that Ayfer never really developed into liking Serkan/Edser, she just accepted him one day and that was that but with Aydan, her character development was top tier up until episode 29 came along and she never recovered. Now I just want them gone.

LOL, I think this is a pretty popular sentiment among fans.  

Personally, I need to see how badly Aydan is meddling in the next episode. If it’s fairly inept meddling that just causes some mild misunderstandings but also serves as a catalyst for an Edser conversation about the future, I probably won’t get too upset with her.  However, if her meddling is more competent this time and she gets them into real trouble or causes real problems, then I’ll get annoyed with her. Although, I have to say if we need a few episodes of drama, I would rather this sort of controlled, family drama (meddling mamas causing a misunderstanding about custody) then, you know, other melodramatic things that certain other writing teams used to do... like kidnappings and obsessed stalkers. 

As for Aydan, I can’t help it, even though I can never forgive her transgression in 29, I feel sorry that she lost out on so much of her granddaughter’s life.  So if she wants to come in and cause headaches and drama for Ayfer (not Eda, Kiraz and Serkan... but Ayfer) then I have no problem with that. As far as I’m concerned those two can run around for the next few episodes playing cat and mouse while Eda/Serkan/Kiraz quietly form a family.

Honestly, I don’t think they want us to hate Aydan, because they give Aydan funny scenes and relationships outside of Serkan with Kemal and Seyfi and even Engin and Piril, but I have wondered if they want us to hate Ayfer. Because Ayfer doesn’t get any redeeming scenes.  I mean we’re talking about a woman who managed to raise her orphaned niece and her niece never wanted for love and turned out to be a strong, smart, confidence, successful woman... sooooo she must be awesome, right!?!  NOPE. I mean to take a character like that, who had to have been so instrumental in Eda not feeling lonely like Serkan did, but then make her so unlikeable... it has to be on purpose.  

Anonymous asked: I loved this episode of sen cal kapimi. I wasn’t so mad at the pregnancy thing. I know lots of fans are but I really liked how they made Eda and Serkan emotional and we could understand them better. I just hate how all the people who don’t like the show anymore have turned into toxic haters. It’s so frustrating. If she show isnt working for you, then why do they keep watching? 🙁

This happens in every fandom where the show keeps going and takes turns that some fans don’t like. My best advice is to not expect others to change or to stop watching or stop hate tweeting/posting, but to take steps to change your own experience so they don’t ruin it for you. I can’t tell you how many people I currently have muted on twitter. Lots. I don’t want to see the cynical, nasty tweets day in and day out about this show, the writers etc. Twitter has always been hard to take because so many people post their knee-jerk responses there and often choose to word vomit their first emotional response which for some people is mostly negative. That is true for every fandom, and has been true for this fandom since I started looking at responses there. 

So to protect yourself, seek out people who are enjoying the show and post content that you want to see and mute, unfollow or even block those who make your experience worse. 

You’ll never regret curating your experience. 

Also I don’t really consider this fandom toxic. Sure there’s negativity about the storyline and internal drama about a variety of things, but after you’ve been though shipwars that get hella toxic and include fans trying to destroy actor’s careers and who attempt to use social justice issues to bully their fanon ships into existence on a constant day-after-day basis for years, this is nothing. This fandom is a daisy-lined, sunlight walk in the park in comparison.  

Anonymous asked: For the way they treat their child's SO, I prefer Aydan over Ayfer. Ofc Aydan has been selfish & rude to Eda but Aydan saw her as a respectable foe even when she didn't like Eda. Even now her ire has been directed more at Ayfer than Eda. Ayfer eventually accepted Serkan but never seemed to like him. I get why she thought he was bad for Eda but often her anger has been unwarranted. Ironic how mad she was at him for keeping a secret from Eda for 2 weeks. Even now we see how Ayfer's anger sways Eda

I also prefer Aydan over Ayfer, here’s my recent post on it. 

The problem is not that Ayfer never liked Serkan, the problem is that Ayfer never care that Eda did like him. Ayfer can dislike him all she wants as long as she doesn’t interfere, but oh wait, she has interfered, time and time again. She’s used guilt and manipulation in attempts to control Eda at every turn, to the point, at times, of not caring that she was forcing Eda to sacrifice her career as well as her love. 

It will be interesting to see Ayfer’s response when she realizes Eda is going to let Serkan into their lives. Will she double down on badmouthing Serkan and pressuring Eda not to get involved with him, or will she smarten up and back off? I think we know the answer to that. 

Anonymous asked: Hii! I’m curious what they will come up with for the remaining episodes, I mean, drama-wise, cause no way will Ayse give us 7 episodes of Edser x Kiraz happy family time 🥺 but sure, that is also reasonable since Turks need drama to keep watching

You know, as I said above, I’m very curious about this. To be honest I didn’t really expect Eda and Serkan to be at this emotional place by the 4th episode. I mean they’re not totally ready to get back together, but they’ve both made it obvious that they still love one another, and that is kind of a big milestone in a romantic story. 

Seriously, my assumption prior to the season was that we’d have these initial finding out episodes, and then Eda and Serkan would still be sort of outwardly pretending that they didn’t want to get back together, or still angry at one another, but then they’d be forced together by Kiraz. You know there’d be some parent trapping, and a handcuff episodes and then Kiraz would manipulate them into living together and we’d get all sorts of domestic sexual tension scenes.  Now these things may still happen to some degree, but Edser is starting from a very different outward emotional place than I thought they would be. I assumed we’d get another 4-5 episodes of slow burn, forced proximity before they admitted things and got engaged. But now it feels like their feelings are out in the open and they could decide to get married at any moment. 

So we’ll have to see how the writer’s decide to chart their emotional journey over the remaining episodes. One thing I’m sure of, there are some wonderful scenes coming our way.  

Anonymous asked: I'm back and happy to say that Engin delivered!! THAT is how you use a side character. (Not whatever they were doing with Ayfer for what seemed like half the episode) This was a perfect scene for these two and had no business being as emotional as it was

Oh, yes, as I said here in my episode thoughts, the Engin/Serkan scene is the one that really started me crying on first watch. Anil was really fantastic in that scene and it made me realize how sorely I had missed Serkan/Engin as male best friends who actually talk about their emotions. Where was that guy when Serkan was being brainwashed and manipulated by Selin!?! Oh yeah he was in the hands of inept writers. 

Glad the real Engin is back!

Anonymous asked: Serkan's vehemence against wanting kids, and his dislike of kids in general, make so much more sense with what was revealed.. we just had to be patient! I can't imagine wanting something so much, having it be your "dream" and being told it's impossible.. Serkan's method of dealing with it was trying to convince himself he never wanted it in the first place and trying to dislike the topic altogether. no wonder he was never close with Can either as an uncle... how heartbreaking!

Yes, I absolutely think that was part of it. He dealt with the fact that he couldn't have children by outwardly adopting the attitude that he never wanted it, even though he still knew deep down that it’s all he wanted with Eda. 

Heartbreaking indeed. 

Anonymous asked: i hate to think of more drama when it seems like we have such a fluff-filled episode next week.. but this week's conversations b/w edser have me thinking.. do you think a possibility of reoccurrence of his tumor, or just a scare could be coming as one of their "final" hurdles. except this time instead of making his mistakes from the past, he'll do it right this time. obviously everything will be resolved happily, but i was thinking of the possibility of this when serkan was discussing his health

While anything is possible, I don’t see a reoccurrence of his tumor happening because they had a scene where the doctor said he was in perfect health and that since it had been five years he now had the same chance of occurrence as an ordinary person.  However, I suppose it’s not impossible that they give him some sort of scare so that he can prove he’s changed and that they won’t abandon his family if that sort of adversity comes again. 

Honestly, if I was Eda, I would make him go to therapy as a condition of them getting back together. Make sure he develops some coping skills for the long haul. 

Anonymous asked: the ending of the last episode was equivalent to ep 11 but kiraz version for me.. the whole build-up of serkan initially thinking he can't be her father - a good father - and his fears about leaving them both halfway culminating in him saying kiraz is a miracle, that she's perfect.. watching her home videos to showing up WHEN IT MATTERED!! for his daughter.. ugh i'm so glad there was that build-up, but also that it wasn't stretched out over multiple episodes.

Yes, I agree it was all really well done. It did feel like we had all the build up we needed to truly appreciate the moment and to appreciate Serkan’s extraordinary character arc. 

He truly rose to the occasion at the right moment, and I love that his grand gesture not only made Kiraz’s dream come true, but it showed everyone his growth and acceptance of his role as her father. 

Anonymous asked: can they just bring back Tahir - him and Melo had so much potential. let's just say he finally quit working for Babaanne and decided to come back to Istanbul to find Melo 😊

Yes, please!  He really liked her! Though she never really liked him, lmao. She could have gotten there with time. Though, I guess if she really likes Burak I can get behind it. And by that I mean I won’t bitch about it too much. No promises. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: Anon here! Thank you so much for that explanation!!!! It seems really interesting, might just have to give it a chance now! Thank you kindly 😊😊

It’s a fun show and I do recommend it. Let me know if you start watching!

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #edser #sck episode discussion #sck discussion #edser discussion #serkan bolat #sckask #asklizac #anonymous

[haloshornsinkstains]

Other Side [Songfic, slight Dabi x F!Reader]

While I’m working on Kinktober stuff and my head is a mess, here have a songfic that wouldn’t leave my damn brain for the past few weeks after I saw an animatic based on this song (The Other Side from The Greatest Showman). It just works? Also, apologies on the quirk, I was rewatching Bungou Stray Dogs and <3

CW: Female reader, alcohol, swearing, mention of unwanted groping, Endeavour is a dick... otherwise, pretty SFW

You groaned, pressing your head against the bar and gesturing to the bartender for your usual. Hearing the glass set down beside you, you looked up and smiled, taking a long drink. “Thanks Ryu.” The bartender smiled sympathetically. “Boss still a dick?” “The biggest flaming dick in Japan.” You grumbled. “They’re still keeping me on office duty. I break one creeps jaw and they trap me inside. Mirko punched a reporter and she’s still a top hero.” “Hey, it could be worse. You could be not working under the number one hero.” “No, that makes it worse.” Ryu frowned. “How?” “I hate him. I always hated him.” “Then why don’t you just leave and work for someone else.” You scowled at your glass, left hand leaving dents in the wood of the bar where it rested. “Not allowed.” “Bullshit. And stop denting my bar.” “Truth. Believe me, I’d leave if I could. But I can’t.” You sighed, lifting your hand from the wood apologetically. “Sorry Ryu. If I left I wouldn’t get to be a hero any more, even if all I do is paperwork I worked my ass off for this.” Ryu shrugged, spotting another customer signalling him out of the corner of his eye and smiling apologetically. “Sucks I guess. I’ve got people to serve, shout if you want a top up.” “Believe me, I will.”

You heard a glass set down next to you, the unmistakable heat of a body taking up the seat to your right. "Hey there princess." The voice was gravelly but so familiar. "Nope. I've had more than enough Todoroki bullshit for one day." You growled, staring daggers at your drink.  "Sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else." You turned, narrowing your eyes at the man sat next to you. "Dabi. You remember I've known you way too long to fall for your bullshit right? And I am so not in the mood." Dabi went to lift his glass, only to find it stuck to the bar, your skin giving off a faint red glow. "Come on princess, I only want to talk. We can bitch about that asshole like old times." You sagged a little, the glow fading and his glass suddenly much easier to lift. You knew he wanted more than to just talk, Dabi's talks always came with attempts to recruit you into the league or, if he was drunk or high enough on adrenaline, his bed. But he was an old friend, and one of the few people more than happy to join your Fuck Endeavour and Fuck The Hero Commission rants. Shaking your head you gestured to one of the darker tables in the back, this might have been a very shady bar but Dabi was well known enough now that even here someone might be dumb enough to try to call the pros. And you liked this place too much to see it turned to ash. 

  You both settled into your seats in the back, you nursing your whiskey with a frown. "So what did dear old dad do today?" "Existed?" You huffed. "Bitched me out for not downplaying the damage caused in one of his 'rescues' while I was writing his reports for him. Which turned into more general belittlement of my attitude, abilities as a hero, quirk… basically he covered all the bases." "You know they'll never let you leave there right? You'll be doing paperwork until you die." Dabi drawled, you glared at him. "They're keeping you there because you're too dangerous to them, you know too much and you were caught sympathising with a villain. He hates you, he won't hesitate to put you down at the first sign of defection. You're trapped." "I didn't sympathise with a villain. I just didn't disagree with all of his ideas regarding the behaviour of heroes. I didn't exactly agree with his methods, I liked Ingenium plenty thank you very much." You grumbled, swirling the amber liquid in your glass. “He was friendly, and fun.” "Still… you hit like a truck when we were kids, I'd love to see what damage you can do now." He hummed, eyes flashing bright for a second. "You could be very dangerous. So they lock you up in an office doing filing for a man that hates you like a good little minion." "You're alarmingly eloquent today." You took another sip, setting the glass down and closing your eyes with a deep sigh. "I worked my ass off to be a hero, why would I want to throw that away?" "Oh, so you enjoy being his little secretary?" Your eyes flashed, skin glowing red as his chair creaked under the sudden strain of the gravity increase. Dabi just smirked, that stupid smug look that told you he knew he'd won. "Just listen to my proposal?" You sighed, the oppressive pressure dissipating in an instant as you waved at him to continue. Maybe he'd put a new twist in the spiel this time.

"Right here, right now I put the offer out I don't want to chase you down I know you see it"  “We do this on a near weekly basis, you have quite literally stalked me to this bar, if that’s not chasing me down what is?” You scoffed and shook your head, eyes flicking to the bar while you debated how many more drinks you were going to need after this. "You run with me And I can cut you free Out of the drudgery and walls you keep in So trade that typical for something colorful And if it's crazy, live a little crazy" "Well at least you acknowledge your league is entirely batshit." "You can play it sensible, a king of conventional" "Conventional? Really? I'm wounded." "Or you can risk it all and see Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play 'Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride It'll take you to the other side 'Cause you can do like you do Or you can do like me Stay in the cage, or you'll finally take the key Oh, damn! Suddenly you're free to fly" You drummed your fingers on the table, honestly the bird metaphors were a bit weird but he was starting to sound like he had a point, which was…. Alarming. You needed to shut this down fast or you’d break.

  "Okay, my friend, you want to cut me in Well I hate to tell you, but it just won't happen So thanks, but no I think I'm good to go 'Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I'm trapped in" Dabi scoffed. "Really? Didn't sound like it five minutes ago." You shot him a glare. "Now I admire you, and that whole show you do You're onto something, really it's something Don't you know that I'm okay with this uptown part I get to play 'Cause I got what I need and I don't want to take the ride I don't need to see the other side So go and do like you do I'm good to do like me Ain't in a cage, so I don't need to take the key Oh, damn! Can't you see I'm doing fine I don't need to see the other side"

Dabi laughed, gesturing at the dingy bar and the glass in your hands with possibly the most judgemental look on his face you’d seen in years.  "Now is this really how you like to spend your days? Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays"

You sighed again, but your shoulders were sagging now and he knew he was winning. You couldn't pretend you enjoyed this any more, restrictions and abuse breaking you down into someone much easier to tempt and mould.  "If I were mixed up with you, I'd be the talk of the town Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns"  You huffed, waving a hand vaguely in his direction.  

"But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little Just let me give you the freedom to dream And it'll wake you up and cure your aching Take your walls and start 'em breaking Now that's a deal that seems worth taking But I guess I'll leave that up to you" He stood to leave only to find the gravity of your quirk forcing him back down. He knew then that he had won, they'd turned a hero. Shigiraki might take some convincing but that didn't matter right now. Your resolve was crumbling.

"Well it's intriguing, but to go would cost me greatly So what's in it for me?" "Freedom. You want to punch the next guy who touches you inappropriately through a building? The League won't question you for a second, and there's no paperwork." You shook your head. "You'll have to raise the price a bit more than that." "Its a big fuck you to Endeavour?" "That was weak even for you. Dick has hated me since I was, what, five? All I’m doing is giving him an excuse to come after me. He'll be after my head as soon as I leave, and as much as I’m loathe to admit it we both know he's powerful." "You get to spend all the time you want with your favourite childhood friend…" his smirk turned wicked and knowing. "No one to stop you, no questions, no hiding in the corner of a dingy bar. And I guess Shigaraki is okay.” "You play dirty, you know that right?" "Well, I am a villain." Rolling your eyes you knocked back the last of your whiskey and stood, holding out a hand to him. "Well, guess I'm pissed off enough not to care any more. Congratulations Touya, you win." Grinning Dabi took your hand, ignoring the use of his old name in favour of pulling you in for a hug. “Oh, you’re going to be amazing Princess.” “I’ve always been amazing.” You chuckled. “Take me to your leader before I change my mind.” Dabi grinned. “As you wish.” “And no burning down my favourite bar!”

The pair of you stepped outside, Dabi sending a quick message on his phone that was shortly followed by the appearance of a swirling black void. "No wonder I've never seen you on the subway." You joked, though your fingers tightened anxiously around his. "Time to move up in the world princess." He chuckled, tugging you forwards into the void. "You know I don't like...holy shit." You stepped out into a different dingy bar, several faces snapping up to look at you as you appeared. Dabi was a comforting presence at your back. “No more corners of dingy bars huh?” You murmured, shooting him a sideways glance. "Hey Dabi, what's with the midget?" You bristled. "I am not a…" "Shit, that's a pro!" The villain speaking launched at you, intent to kill flashing hot in his eyes. Already irritated and more than a little on edge you activated your quirk, watching him fall flat on his face as overwhelming gravity pulled him down. Dabi had crumpled to his knees behind you, the others struggling to move.  "Princess."  You just growled. "She's with me, with us." Dabi continued. "Princess?" With a huff you released your quirk, watching warily as the villain who'd gone to attack you pushed himself to his feet. Dabi's hand on your shoulder made you flinch but his grip was strong, somewhere between restraint and support in case wide scale use of your quirk had taken it out of you. It was hard not to appreciate the gesture, even if you felt fine. "Meet Graviton. She's… an old friend." "I didn't know you could make friends." Your head snapped around at the sound of the voice, focusing in on Shigaraki sat at the bar, watching you from between the fingers of the hand on his face. "I've got more than you creep." Dabi snapped back, fingers digging into your shoulder. You tipped your head back a little, raising an eyebrow at him.  Shigaraki scratched at his neck, eyes never leaving you. "Why is she even here? She could be a double agent."  You couldn't hold back the laugh that bubbled out at that. "Hah, no." "Why are you here?" You were glad for the dim lighting, the constant attention making a blush rise on your cheeks. "I had a really bad week, and Dabi asked nicely. Even said please." As much as you tried to be nonchalant you couldn't hide the slight tremble in your voice. Shigaraki scoffed and you finally looked away from him. "I'm sick of being stuck doing paperwork because the Heroes say so. I worked hard to get my license only to be told I'm not allowed to do anything except sit in a cage with someone I hate. Guess I finally had enough. I was told you'll let me use my power." "And she really wants to punch Endeavour in the face." Dabi added cheerfully. "Oh yeah, that too." "I trust her, and you should know by now I don't drag in just anyone." "Shigaraki, she could be useful. She has inside information and that power was impressive." The black void behind the bar spoke, startling you a little and pulling a quiet chuckle from Dabi.  "Fine. Make yourself useful, if you try to betray us I'll kill you." Shigaraki huffed, standing from his seat. "Kurogiri, I'm going back to my room." "Welcome to the League [name]."

#my writing #songfic #f!reader #dabi #dabi x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha #halo.writes

[jamlocked]

Tagged by: @raeofalbion, thank you!

Last Song: Wolf Alice - The Last Man on Earth. Augh, this song. It's so beautiful and I can't make up my mind whether to put it on my Mormor or Sheriarty playlists. It's not the words so much as the general vibe...idk. Maybe I'll just enjoy it as it is, though is a song really a song if you can't utilise it for fandom purposes? (ofc it is but you know what I mean.)

Currently Reading: We'll include 'listening to' on this as well because I've always got an audiobook on the go. I just started 'Fire from Heaven' by Mary Renault. It's the first in a triology about Alexander the Great, and I heard about them because they were raved about in two other fictional works I've recently read. So far, so good.

As for physical books/ebooks, I just finished a few but I'm about to start 'Dune' (probably should have read that already), and am about of a third of the way into 'Lanny' by Max Porter, which omg, is so so so good. If you haven't read Lanny, do it. But read 'Grief is the Thing with Feathers' first, because that might be the best thing I read last year. So original in style, and gorgeous. And 'Lanny' is not a follow up but might be even better, idk yet. Strong recommend.

Currently Watching: RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under, which I am very behind on. But GO SCARLET, just because she's super hot both in and out of drag. I also obviously devoured The Pursuit of Love - not as great as the book but still loved it, and Lord Merlin could murder me with a pineapple and I'd just say 'thank you'. Other than that I have been mostly watching football, though the season's over now so I'll probably find something to dig into soon enough.

Last Movie: Uuummmm. Hmm. Can't remember? It's not like cinemas have been open and I struggle with the attention span to sit through a film at home these days. Oh wait though...it was the first X-Files movie a month or two ago. Kidlet and I are doing a full X-Files watch/rewatch (obvs she has not seen it before; obvs I had seen the first four or five seasons, I forget, but OH MY GOD I was not prepared to reignite my crush on Mulder as;ldfkj my teenage lust for him was entirely justified, well done self for having excellent taste, yes sir). So yes, it was that movie. The next movie will probably be the second X Files one when we get that far.

Craving: Motivation to stop eating junk food and get back into the gym. I was doing so well a month ago. For term to be over so I can get time to write again. The attention span to be able to write. A job that excites and fulfills me. My friends. A holiday. All the usual stuff.

Tagging literally everyone. Yes, this includes you. Let me see what awesome things you are devouring at the moment so I may devour them too.

#all about meme

[xxmisty]

My Big Humiliating Torchwood Confession - Part 1 :P

Warning: this will be a LONG post, and i’m sorry about that! 

Lucy is sat opposite me asking me repeatedly if I’ve started typing yet because she knows how desperately i’m putting off making this post!!1

This is awful, this is.... probably the most embarrassingly intimate confession i’ll have made since the day I opened up about my fetish way back at the start of 2013. And on the surface of it it probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but IT IS TO ME! And a big chunk of the trauma i’m about to express is tongue in cheek but it’s genuinely been - and continues to be - a huge bundle of DISTRESS AND HUMILIATION AND UTTER RESENTMENT!!! Because this year has been.... one hell of a personal journey and i don’t even mean anything to do with the pandemic.

It all started on New Year’s Day. I was feeling horrendously ill; the miraculous medication that had started to give me my life back had run out and thanks to the festive postal delays my new lot hadn’t arrived yet. I was in agony, I had a horrible headache, I felt sick and I could hardly move. We spent the day watching a bunch of muppet stuff, and that night we watched the first ep of season 12 of Doctor Who and, y’know, it was a pretty damn good episode (plus thirteen in the suit.... fuuckkk) 

So afterwards we started having a discussion about Chris Chibnall - we’ve long held criticisms about some of his writing (not all of it, but it’s a mixed bag) and Lucy told me I still hadn’t seen his worst writing because that was for Torchwood...

Which I had never seen. Which I had been desperately trying not to see, although I didn’t know why. I just always had this vibe like a big “NO ENTRY!” sign at the idea of ever watching it. It’s not as though I had a logical reason for it, it’s not like I’d read up about it and thought, ‘naahhhhhh, I don’t fancy watching that’. I just had a big WARNING sign in my head, telling me not to go there. 

Several years ago Lucy made me watch the first episode (after i’d been avoiding her threats of showing it to me for like 2 years) and like... it wasn’t horrible? It wasn’t... great either... but it didn’t kill me. Then a couple of years ago she showed me Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang because we were having a big Runaways phase so she wanted to show me an episode with James Marsters in. Again, it didn’t kill me. It wasn’t horrible. But I still had those big NO ENTRY!!! signs up in my head. I was still trying desperately to avoid actually being shown Torchwood as a show.

And the the new year happened and I was too WEAK AND DEFENCELESS to know what was happening when Lucy and I cuddled up in bed that night. I was too sick to really comprehend what she was doing or to fight back when she announced she was going to show me the very worst of Chris Chibnall’s writing... and put on Day One followed by Cyberwoman.

Oh. My. God.

All day I had been in a state of physical agony. Suddenly my mental and emotional state was far, FAR worse!!! The sex gas alien was bad enough, then by the time she put on Cyberwoman my brain was trying to shut down. I used to suffer blackouts and, god, I kept blacking out all the way through it, and instead of being her usual loving, wonderful self she KEPT FORCING ME TO COME ROUND TO WATCH IT!!!

By this point it was gone midnight and I was in a state of utter distress!! This was the worst double helping of tv I had ever sat through in my life and I sat up and let forth a tirade of absolute distress! This, I decided, had to be the reason I’d been avoiding Torchwood. Because it was more like.... Torurewood :P 

Yep, that had to be it. Couldn’t possibly be anything worse, could it? 

At least now lucy had shown me those two terrible Chibnall eps I would NEVER EVER HAVE TO WATCH THEM AGAIN. Or ANY Torchwood episodes. Yes, my ordeal was over. Had to be.

Nope. We went back to bed and she put on Out if Time. And i’ll admit, the story was much stronger but goddddd I had issues with the endings! And my level of despair started to rise even higher. I HATED Torchwood! This was the most distressing night’s viewing ever and I just wanted to go to sleep and be done with it all! Lucy put one more episode on afterwards: They Keep Killing Suzie. And that was much better but halfway through we finally fell asleep - so surely my trauma was over with.

Nope.

I had horrible nightmares of a very thirsty Gwen coming onto me all night, over and over again and it was HORRIBLE!!! Like, you have no idea how distressed I was! And when I woke up I blamed lucy whole-heartedly and she very sympathetically laughed at my plight!

But yeah. My trauma was over. No more Torchwood. I’d suffered the night from hell. Now it was time to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move on! My medication arrived that day, I started work on some new pet portraits and life went back to normal.

Until that night, when I saw the telltale sign of Lucy putting a video on and turning her iPad around and then there they were - the opening titles of Torchwood - and I wanted to jump out the boat and into the canal and swim as far away as possible!!!

But the episode she put on was Fragments. She said she wanted to show me Chris Chibnall’s finest episode. And y’know what? It was really pretty fucking good. And god, I was fURIOUS about that!!! When we went to bed she pulled a real double whammy though by putting on Adam - which became instantly one of my favourite episodes of ANYTHING, EVER. And I looked at my wife, shook my head, sighed and told her, ‘nice save, Lucy... nice save...’

Over the next couple of weeks we also had a major Doctor Who rewatch and revisited most of the New Who era, and - to my mixed feelings - she dotted various other episodes of Torchwood in around them. I was conflicted - after the Adam and Fragments double bill I was no longer in brain-screamy hatred territory. I did however keep having flashbacks to that godawful night. Plus i’d had several further nightmares about a thirsty Gwen and I did NOT like it! But by a couple of weeks into January I’d seen a fair bit of Torchwood. Some of them twice. 

Around this same time I’d started back in testosterone after not being able to afford it for the last 3 years. And then I started to notice I was getting some..... urghhhhhh..... unusual... and very uncomfortable feelings... about certain.... things... and characters.

And I started falling headlong into a great big gay panic :P

And here’s where the whole story becomes a HELL of a lot more embarrassing so i’m going to put it under a read more :P

Did ya click on that read more? Wh-why? there’s nothing to see here... especially not a long tale of shame and distress :P ugggghhhhhhh ok, FINE;

Basically there were two things happening at the same time. One was that I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in two decades. When I was a kid/teen we didn’t have the phrase ‘hyperfixation’ so I just called them obsessions. I always had obsessions, at any given point there was always this ONE THING that was my entire life. i lived it, breathed it, became it. It was my whole world, my whole personality, my focus, my lifeline. 9 times out of 10 it would be a tv show. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I would generally change my obsession about once a month. There were several ‘usual suspects’ that would cycle around over and over - Red Dwarf, The Brittas Empire, Sonic the Hedgehog, Halfway Across the Galaxy, Parallel 9, Out of this World... 

late in 1995 I became obsessed with The X Files and - bizarrely - that obsession just ran and ran. I was so used to my obsession changing around once every month that it was bizarre to still be absolutely hyperfixated on it almost 9 months later. And then, in June 1996, my longest ever obsession took its place, a little known uk fantasy show called Bugs. 

That... was my longest running obsession. And oh my god, was I ever obsessed with it. I have no idea how that one obsession kept going for 3 years. i’m sorry this is particularly wordy but this is kind of personal and I want to explain this right.

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll probably known that one of the most defining moments of my life happened in the summer of ‘98. My cousin’s husband sexually assaulted me and my life spiralled into total despair. While that night was bad enough, the slow breakdown I went through over the course of the year that followed was harder to recover from. And eventually I came out the other side to some degree but i’d lost my love of three things that made me the person I was: writing, drawing and being obsessed. All three were so closely entangled with that night and surviving afterwards that it changed something that had always been a fundamental part of me.

I was no longer able to feel obsession. To hyperfixate the way I previously had. It was like something was broken inside me. And that was like a loss unto itself. It was SUCH a big part of me. It had been the only way i’d survived years of depression when I was young. My obsessions were what kept me afloat. 

In the last decade there are a few things that I called ‘obsessions’ and I thought were as close as I would ever get to the way I used to feel. I thought maybe it was because i’d ‘grown up’ (pah). That’s not to say that i wasn't thoroughly into Ashes to Ashes, FNAF and Homestuck, for example, because of course I was! I even called them obsessions, but there was something that just... wasn’t the same, no matter what I did.

And over time, I got back the other things I’d lost. I started writing my A2A fics in 2010 and Lucy helped me to start drawing again in 2018 and god, both times it was like finally having a piece of myself returned after so long! As for my ‘obsessions’, I just thought I wasn't able to feel the way I used to because I wasn’t a kid any more.

But then, I thought that about Christmas Eve too, and then lucy came into my life <3

Still, the last thing I was expecting was... for *those* feelings to start sneaking back in my life. Feelings I hadn’t been able to experience since the summer of 1998-9. And to my further distress I discovered that they were relating to a certain show that I’d had a traumatising introduction to on new year’s day...

Suddenly it was all I could think about; TORCHWOOD! TORCHWOOD! Aargghhhhh and yet I still hated it! It was still awful! And yet... at the same time... it was so goooooooood.... arghhhhh, every time we watched an episode there was a  knife twisting in my guts, reminding me that I hadn’t even felt these feelings over things we’d been HUGELY into... the fandoms we’d met through, the fandoms we discovered together. Nope. It was Torchwood that brought back my ability to hyperfixate! And I have SO MANY ANGRY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!

And believe me, I kept thinking it was going to stop and go away BUT IT HASN’T! It’s only gotten worse! And as of yesterday Torchwood officially became my second  longest obsession ever!!!

I. AM. FURIOUS!!!

It’s... urrghhhh I hate this fact but it’s almost like I have a crush on the *show*??!!! I... can’t explain it better than that??? It’s like, if I could throw Torchwood on the bed and make sweet, sweet love to it I would :P and yeah, i’m saying all of this tongue in cheek but i’ve had a fucking sky high libido ever since I went back on T (ohhhhh and believe me I am LOVING it!!! 💙💙💙) But it’s like... there are elements of Torchwood itself that are so fucking hot that I get.... reactions that I am SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED ABOUT for so many reasons deidjdhdggjhaaahhhhhhhhh

Lucy literally only has to say ‘Torchwood’ at me and I end up in a gibbering heap half the time - I am not even kidding!!!

This, however, is NOT the worst thing that happened as a result of Lucy making me watch this god damned show.

But honestly this post has gone on WAY too long already so i’m going to save that for part 2.

Oh god... my shame.... my total and utter shame....

To be continued :P

#torchwood #about me #me #obsessions #hyperfixation #moirspritmaterail blogging #Lucy is MEAN!!! #my posts

[seungkw1]

the truth is out there — csc [TEASER]

♡ pairing: choi seungcheol x gn!reader ♡ theme: x-files au ♡ teaser wc: 1.5k ♡ warnings: none ♡ a/n: i started rewatching the x-files recently and the idea of this popped into my head so i simply had to write it!! also, y/ln refers to ‘your last name’ bc ya know. agent stuff.

‧₊˚✩彡 moodboard by @myhimbomingi ‧₊˚✩彡

When you joined the FBI you didn’t expect to end up working in the basement with a peculiar agent obsessed with all things extraterrestrial, but your new assignment is certainly taking you places you’ve never been before.

👽 full fic out now 👽

10 September 1993 Washington, D.C.

taptaptap

The light knocking on your desk pulls your focus away from the almost-completed report on the screen of your monitor. Most would call report writing the boring part of the job, and while you don’t necessarily disagree your high levels of attentiveness allow you to efficiently plug away at the otherwise mind-numbing task - so, you don’t mind it so much. That is, unless you are interrupted. 

“Hey Frenchie, the Bergmeister wants to see you.” 

Stifling a sigh, you look up at your bothersome coworker, Soonyoung, who is currently leaning over your desk while eating a sandwich. You grimace as you see the multitude of crumbs he’s managed to drop all over your paperwork in the five seconds he’s been standing there.

“What does he want?” you ask, not bothering to hide your exasperation.

“Didn’t say,” he mumbles through the large bite he just stuffed into his mouth.

The Bergmeister is the inane moniker Soonyoung and his pals call your supervisor, Assistant Director Bergman, behind his back. Frenchie is the irritating nickname nearly half the office now calls you, to your face, due to an unfortunate incident involving French dressing and the light gray pantsuit you chose to wear on your very first day on the job. You figured they’d get tired of it after a few days, but that was several weeks ago at this point - and much to your chagrin it seems to have stuck.

You give Soonyoung a very obviously fake grin to accompany your obviously sarcastic response. “Thank you, Agent Soonyoung - helpful as always.”

Soonyoung winks at you. “For you? Anytime.” You imagine grabbing his sandwich and bopping it on his head. 

The muted sounds of landlines ringing, keyboards clacking, and fax machines whirring drift past your ears as you walk steadily to Bergman’s office, maintaining a false air of confidence as to mask your anxiety. You’ve never been called into his office alone in the month and a half you’ve worked for the FBI - you quickly leaf through your mind for anything you’ve done that could be a potential mistake, but you come up empty handed. 

Bergman’s door is ajar - you rap your knuckle against it twice as you step inside. He peers up at you through thick, round lenses. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, come in, have a seat - and shut the door behind you.”

The heavy door closes with a deep thunk. As you lower yourself into the chair facing the desk you notice you’re joined by a man you’ve never seen before. He says nothing, but looms in the corner of the room, smoking a cigarette. 

“I’ll spare you the bullshit, y/ln,” Bergman starts. He looks more tired than usual. “Have you heard of the bureau’s division known as the ‘x-files’?”

You feel your normally stoic face contort into a confused expression. Whatever you were expecting him to say, it wasn’t that.

“Well, yes, sir… but isn’t that an unofficial department?”

He takes a sip from his styrofoam cup of coffee. “Correct - it’s not official, but I assure you it is very much a ‘functional’ operation.” He all but rolls his eyes at functional. 

You shoot a glance at the unintroduced man in the corner, but he remains expressionless. Bergman continues. 

“I’m sure by now you’re well aware of the reputation surrounding this subsect and its…proprietor, shall we say.”

You give a single nod. By your second day in the office you’d heard all about the x-files: cases allegedly involving aliens, the supernatural, and all sorts of nonsense you chalked up to pure baloney. You’d also learned of the lone employee who spearheads the whole operation from the bureau basement: Agent Choi. Nobody seems to take him, or it, seriously - so much so that you had begun to doubt if it was even a real department, and if Choi even existed. But apparently, the rumors were true. 

“I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons behind this decision,” Bergman tells you, “but all you need to know is that this assignment is significant in nature.”

Assignment?? Surely he doesn’t mean…

“I’m not sure I understand,” you ask hesitantly, “am I-”

“Being assigned to the x-files? Yes.”

Your stomach lurches. You open your mouth to inquire what exactly it is you’ve done wrong, but clearly he anticipated this exact response. 

“This is not a punishment - though I certainly know why it might seem that way. But, it’s imperative that we receive reliable insight into the operations of this endeavor.”

You sit there in silence for a few seconds, dumbfounded. “So, you’re asking me to spy on Agent Choi.”

Bergman waves his hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, I know how this sounds. And essentially - yes, you will be our eyes and ears into this otherwise elusive project. Choi will know we’re sending you there to report back to us, but we don’t care. We are confident you will succeed in providing us with useful information.”

You wait for him to go on, to elaborate in any capacity, but apparently he’s finished. 

“Alright then, so when do I-”

“Immediately,” Bergman interjects. You purse your lips, trying to hide your displeasure. 

“Yes sir,” you reply as respectfully as you can muster. 

“Great. We’re counting on you, y/ln.” You glance once more at the smoking man in the corner, but he remains silent. 

“Dismissed.”

You walk out of Bergman’s office, still trying to process what the fuck just happened. You have the misfortune of passing Soonyoung’s desk on the way back to yours - he opens his mouth, clearly about to say something annoying again, but you briskly zoom past him before he can get a word out. You make a beeline for your desk, grabbing only your purse and coffee cup before heading toward the elevator. 

X-files, here I come, I fucking guess. 

���

Your eyes take a few seconds to adjust as you step into the dim basement. The elevator doesn’t come down to this level - you spent a good 10 minutes trying to locate the correct stairwell that would even bring you here. You make your way through a seemingly endless hallway of dusty filing cabinets, forgotten boxes, and broken computers before you find yourself in front of a nondescript door, not quite shut - the only thing signifying that you’ve arrived at your destination being the makeshift paper name plate with S. Choi written in ink. You raise your fist to knock but before you can do so you hear a voice call out from inside. 

“Come in.”

You push the door in, its hinges giving you a high-pitched squeeeeak as it opens. You make a mental note to find some WD-40. 

The sad excuse for an office is equally dim-lit as the hallway, but it’s a sight to behold: a desk at the center of the room - neat, but stacked with newspapers and case files, a small lamp lighting up the open file in the desk’s center; a bookshelf nearly reaching the ceiling, overflowing with books on seemingly every topic under the sun; archival boxes stacked as tall as the numerous filing cabinets, which are also topped with more archival boxes; a massive bulletin board filled with articles and photos; but most notably, pinned the wall, is a poster featuring a flying saucer, accompanied with the text I WANT TO BELIEVE.

In the bizarre room sits a dark-haired man typing at his computer, his back to you. 

“I presume you heard me coming,” you state. 

“From a mile away,” he replies, still typing. 

You wait for him to turn around, say hello, anything - but the clickclack of his keyboard continues.

Several seconds pass, but the man says nothing. Apparently, it’s on you to break the silence.

You sigh under your breath. “I’m Agent y/ln, I’ve been-”

“Assigned to the x-files to spy on me?” he interrupts, eyes still glued to the monitor. 

“They told me you’d know that,” you admit. 

The typing stops. Choi turns around, the heavy desk chair giving an unpleasant creak as he leans his elbow over its back, finally facing you. His appearance takes you by surprise: strong eyebrows, plump red lips, soft dark-brown eyes - you weren’t expecting to find such a handsome face attached to the man with a reputation for being a “crazy UFO freak”, in the words of your coworkers. He’s much younger than you anticipated too, around your age - and seemingly so… normal. His eyes do a quick scan of your figure - his expression barely changes, but a quick flash of interest tells you you’re not exactly what he expected either. It is extinguished almost immediately. 

“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” His tone is passive, but you detect a hint of somberness in his words. His warm eyes lock onto yours. 

“Name’s Choi, but I’m sure you already knew that. You can call me Seungcheol, though.” If it was anyone else, you’d think it was flirtatious in nature - but you can tell that was not his intention.

“Okay. Well, Choi, what exactly am I to do here?”

An eager grin lights up his face. He rises from his chair, grabs a case file off the pile on his desk, and opens it - throwing it back down onto the desk, facing you.

“I’m so glad you asked.”

—

a/n: thank you for reading this teaser!! i'm v excited for this one :) reblogs, comments, or any kind of feedback are all greatly appreciated &lt;3

#ren's fics ੈ♡₊˚•. #fic teaser #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen fics #svt fics #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #s coups #choi seungcheol #scoups #s coups x reader #scoups x reader #scoups imagines #scoups fics #choi seungcheol x reader

[mypersonalrambling]

Passion Warfare

Warnings: Violence, Sexual themes, Language, Smut, Angst 

Word Count: 11087

Pairing: Alex x Reader, Bill X Reader

Requested: By  @walkxthexmoon​ :). I hope you enjoy this piece. Thank you for being patient during this process! 

Author’s note: This took awhile for me to finish. It’s been one the more challenging pieces to write because I know next to nothing about boxing. I wanted to make sure the sequence of events was as close to reality as possible, although there still may be some inaccuracies. 

Summary: AU Alex Hogh Andersen and Bill Skarsgard are well known Scandinavian boxers. The two know nothing of each other until an encounter has them realize they both want the same woman. 

                                      .......................................

Today is the only day Alex hasn’t been in training. The two of you are watching his last boxing match on TV. Alex repeatedly states he needs to watch his matches over and over, to learn what he could have done better. He isn’t one to let things go when it comes to boxing. Anything he could improve on he was going to. Even when he has no upcoming matches he’s in the gym training close to every day. This isn’t a complete shock though, you’re ex-boyfriend, Bill, is also a boxer and it was the same way. You realize that if you are going to continually date boxers then your life will consist of always being second to the ring. 

Unlike Bill, however, Alex is more flexible, understanding, giving you time and attention. Alex and you aren’t even dating and he makes time for you. Bill hardly ever did and the two of you dated for four years. You met Bill before he’d made it big. He wasn’t training much in the beginning then he won his first match and things went crazy from there. Bill blew up seemingly overnight. He went from fighting a couple of times a month to only fighting three or four times a year, to give him time to prepare. “You okay, Babe?” Alex questions, bringing you out of your thoughts. 

“Yeah, just daydreaming is all. What were you saying?” Alex looks concerned but he lets it go. He knows if you aren’t ready to talk about something, there is no use prying. 

“See right there, I should have put my weight on my left leg instead of my right leg. I wouldn’t have fallen back when he hit me,” he points his finger at the huge screen, rewinding the recording for what felt like the hundredth time. 

You try to appear interested but you’ve heard this all before. It makes you nervous, knowing the relationship could take a turn, ending up how it did with Bill. “If you’d kept your weight on your toes, it would have given you more leverage to block, but also allowed you to maneuver out of the way.” 

“See that’s why I like you. You don’t mind watching and listening to my critiques. Plus you’re able to give tips. No one else is ever interested in this. They all complained and always asked to be doing something else.” Alex rests a hand on your thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb. Though you would rather be engaging in other activities, you take any time spent with him. 

“Yeah, I’ve been around it for so long that I’ve picked up on some techniques.” Alex knows your ex was a boxer but you’ve kept him in the dark about who it was. You made a promise to yourself to not tell him in case he ever met him or worse fought him. 

“I remember you saying that before, but you’re with me now. I’m not going to be like him. I know I train all the time, but I still make time for you, right? I know there are times like this where we’re watching the last match so I can improve but we’re still together. How about we go out to dinner tonight? That little place on the corner is open late. They have the best Chinese food.” You shake your head yes, appreciating the gesture. He may not always have time, but he makes up for it with nice gestures and letting you know how much he cares for you. 

The two of you spent the next few hours watching and rewatching his match. He virtually fills an entire notebook of improvements to be made. He would take them to his trainer, Leif, tomorrow so the two of them could come up with a game plan to incorporate the adjustments needed for Alex to become better.  

By the time you arrive at the restaurant, the dinner crowd was slowly filing out. This made the dinner more intimate, able to focus on each other. Alex isn’t extremely well known but enough at least one person usually comes up to ask for an autograph when the two of you are out. Conversation flows freely, the two of you are able to talk about anything. Alex pays attention to the littlest detail when it comes to you. He grasps onto everything you say. “I love listening to you. I could listen to you talk about your passions forever. You invest your time into such important issues, it makes me wonder why you would ever put up with a simple boxer like me.” 

“You’re not just a simple boxer. You care about important issues as well. And if you don’t think I feel the same way about listening to you talk about boxing then you’re mistaken.” You reach over to rest your hand on top of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The food was magnificent, you forgot how delicious food could be when it wasn’t frozen. The end comes way too quickly, however much to your pleasure Alex invites you to stay the night. 

By the time you awoke he was gone, the first thing you do every morning is to make a cup of coffee. Alex had preset the coffee machine to have a cup ready for only a few minutes ago; the steam still rising out of the cup. He left a sweet note on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine, “Thank you for spending the day with me yesterday, Doll. I’ll be back around three and I made reservations at your favorite place. Be ready by five, see you soon, have a great day.” The note is signed with the letter A accompanied by a smiley face. 

Since today is one of the only two you didn’t have to work, you decide to get Alex a little present. The first thought you have is to grab his favorite dessert, for after dinner. However, since he was training you decide to get him another sweet treat. There is a lingerie shop a few blocks from you. You make the short trek to the shop, eager to find the perfect piece. Considering Alex’s favorite color was red, even his boxing uniform had to have red in it, you look for any ensemble with red.  

Walking into the shop, the choices are overwhelming, so many colors and styles. You want a piece that is simple, but elegant. Understated is usually your go-to, although today you are feeling adventurous. Suddenly a dark, red ensemble catches your attention. It was simple with lace cups, flowy at the bottom, yet would accentuate all your amazing assets. He would never know it was under your clothes until he was getting ready to take them off of you. 

Alex keeps to his word and is home by three. He looks worn out, you’re unsure if he will even still want to go to dinner or if the only thing on his mind was sleep. “You’re looking rough, tough workout?”

“Yeah, it’s been kicking my ass. My trainer wants to continuously get me into better shape for any upcoming fights there may be in the future. Let me rest for a bit, I’ll hop in the shower then we can head to dinner.” He throws his bag on the floor by the door. You knew it would be there until the next morning when he stuffed even more clothes into it. 

“Are you sure you aren’t too tired? We could always reschedule.” Of course, you want to go however, you know the toll training has on his body. You learned long ago plans would inevitably be canceled more than kept. A moment of thought crossed his face but soon is replaced by exhausted determination. 

“No, no I’m just needing a moment to relax. A massage might help,” a smirk spread across his face. 

“You know if that happens we won’t make it to dinner. Now go take a hot bath.” He makes his way to the bathroom. You take this opportunity to change into the lingerie and the outfit for the night. You hope he invites you to spend the night again or at least accepts the invitation if it comes to staying at your place. Alex comes out not too much later looking like a new person. He practically looks as if he hadn't been training all day. “You look refreshed.”

“The bath helps, but probably not as much as a massage would have.” He winks always having to make a cheeky comment. He is never one to hold back when it came to sex or jokes about sex. Usually, he would make the comments at the most inappropriate times, only loud enough for you to hear. 

“Maybe if you’re good. I’ll give you one after dinner.” Your eyes take in his entire body. It’s difficult not to stare when he is standing completely nude. He isn’t shy about his body, not that there was a need to be, he has a relatively perfect physique. 

“Oh yeah? What do I have to do to get one?” He and you have slept together a few times that never stops you from being amazed at how good he looks. His body is defined from all the training, his muscles becoming more prominent by the day. “Helloooooo, you know it’s not polite to stare?” He says, waving a hand. 

“Sorry, you just look so good. Dinner is a pretty good start, may add more stipulations later.” You throw clothes at him, signaling for him to get dressed. 

“Well, that’s not fair. How am I supposed to be good if there are no guidelines?” He makes a show of nonchalantly putting his clothes on. Knowing you wouldn’t be able to keep your eyes off of him. His playfulness is one of the many things you like about him. 

“Life isn’t fair, you should know that. Now come on, let's go or we’ll be late.” He finishes getting dressed, and you know he isn’t done with the teasing. It would be an all-night event. 

The dinner goes successfully, the conversation flowing freely, and the food is delicious. It’s a small hole in the wall joint that makes the best pasta around. Alex and you can barely keep your hands to yourselves. The two of you are sitting on one side of a quaint booth. Throughout dinner Alex keeps a hand on your thigh, giving a gentle squeeze here and there. As you suspect he skips dessert, knowing if he didn’t, it would mean an extra hard workout the next day. 

Alex drives with one hand on your thigh. His skin is hot against yours. He always seems to have his hand touching some part of you. It feels peculiar to be with someone who is openly affectionate. You are used to a minimal amount of touches or caresses. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, you aren’t the best at showing affection. He drives you back to your apartment, the anticipation killing you. He parks out front waiting for you to initiate, “Do you want to come in?”

Alex didn’t take long to say yes. It’s easy to see the lust in his eyes. Now you’re standing in the bathroom staring, hoping he likes the lingerie you chose. Although, you know Alex likes you in anything. He’s told you plenty of times you could wear a garbage bag and he would love how it looks on you. He was the type to just appreciate having an intimate moment together. When you finally open the door you see him lying on the bed propped up on his elbows, “Wow, you look…….exquisite,” he pauses before the last word. 

“You think so? I picked red because it’s your favorite color.” You sit down straddling his lap, running your hands through his hair, watching as his whole body relaxes. Moving your hands to his shoulder, beginning to knead them giving him the much-needed massage. As you begin to stand up, Alex lets out a frustrated humph. “Take off your shirt and lie on your stomach,” you say motioning the action. 

He doesn’t need to be told twice, turning until he’s lying face down. Grabbing the oil that’s set on the nightstand, you kneel on the bed so you’re straddling him. You generously pour oil on to his back, already able to feel how tense he was. Even though this is a foreshadow of the night's events, you want to do your best to make him feel better. You work slowly, making sure to knead every tense spot. “Ughhh, your hands are magic. I swear it doesn’t even feel this good when a professional does it. Have you ever thought about changing professions?”

Though you know he is only joking, it has crossed your mind a couple of times. Every single partner you’ve been with had suggested it to you. You did plan to massage his entire back, however, Alex couldn’t wait for the end. He flips you over about partway through, “Sorry Doll, can’t wait any longer.” You’re able to feel how hard he is and begins to grind while he’s on top of you. He presses you into his chest, trying to get as close as possible. The two of you spend the night getting your own type of workout that would have him extremely tired for tomorrow’s training. 

You work the next couple of days, they go by in a blur. You and Alex talk a bit on the phone, just to check-in. You‘re excited to go see Alex train today, it is one of your favorite things to do, watch hot, sweaty men beat the shit of each other. By the time you get to the gym, Alex has already been training for three hours. You find Alex has been utilizing the heavy bag and speed bag. One to improve his speed the other to improve accuracy and technique. Currently, he is hitting the speed bag. His arms moving at such a fast pace, it was practically impossible for you to be sure how he could see the bag to hit it properly. Leif is giving improvements as he went, Alex taking and utilizing them promptly. 

Two hours later, Alex is finished for the day, he tells you to wait while he takes a quick shower so he doesn't stick all the way home. You sit outside the locker room, scrolling through your phone until someone coming out of the locker room catches your eye. Doing a double-take, your breath hitched. It couldn’t be him, he is usually in Sweden, why would he be here in Denmark? You try not to stare, but your eyes are glued. You must have made a noise because the next thing you know, his eyes are locked on yours. You wish he would walk away without saying a word. The two of you haven't talked in months and now isn’t the time to do so. He doesn't seem to feel the same because he makes his way to you. “Hello, Y/N,” his voice is strained. 

“Bill, what are you doing here?” Your heart is racing, what if Alex came out? How would you explain this to him? You’ve kept Bill from him, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He isn’t one to not show his protectiveness over you; it would be even worse after finding out Bill was your ex. 

“I train here now, closer to my new apartment.”

“You have an apartment here?” Shit, he even moved closer to you. It seems impossible to get away from him. Bill and you didn’t end on the best terms. “Why did you move here?”

“I moved because my trainer quit and I found out this place has the best trainers. I couldn’t just go to any trainer. They need certain qualifications. What are you doing here?” He is agitated, his jaw set, his nostrils flared, his hands were balled at his side. 

“Just waiting on my friend. They train here as well.” You know that isn’t the whole truth, however, it isn’t a lie. Neither you nor Alex set a title for your relationship. Without a doubt, you know Bill wouldn’t accept that answer. He is never one to leave things alone. 

“They...are you waiting on a boyfriend?” His fists clench even tighter, inevitably knowing his nails would be leaving marks on his palms. 

“No, it’s not a boyfriend.” 

“Then who?”

“It just...doesn’t matter. I don’t have to tell you. We aren’t dating anymore.” Now you are beginning to get angry. Who did he think he is? Acting as if you were still part of his life anymore. He didn’t have the right to know your life. He lost that right when he failed to put any effort into the relationship.

You shift from side to side, hoping Bill would leave before Alex came out of the locker room. It would cause even more problems than you’re already facing. Much to your dismay, Alex pops out seconds later.  

He makes his way over to the two of you, “You ready to go? Who is this?” Alex knows who Bill is. He’s too popular for Alex not to know that he is also a boxer. 

“I’m Bill and you are?” Bill’s voice is overly sweet although his facial expressions gave his true feelings away. 

“Name’s Alex, how do you know Y/N?” He isn’t any better at hiding his emotions than Bill is. It makes you wonder if all boxers have that issue. 

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Bill states. 

“Pretty sure I asked you first.” Distain seeping through Alex's voice. 

“I’m Y/N’s ex-boyfriend. We dated for four years. Surprised she hasn’t mentioned me.” 

“Oh, she has, most of it not good I’m afraid.” It wasn’t necessarily true, you did speak about the good times you shared with Bill, however, you let Alex know upfront about your apprehensions of dating another boxer. 

“Oh really?” Bill’s eyebrows raise in shock. You would do anything to disappear at this moment. You never wanted to have them in the same room together, let alone having a conversation with each other. 

“Yeah, she’s much better off now. Anyway, we need to get going, don’t we Babe?” Alex slips his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. If either Bill or Alex could get away with it, you were sure either of them would throw a punch. 

“Yes, yes, we have a lot to do.” The reality is Alex and you would go separate ways tonight. Though you know there would be a long conversation about the events of today. And you knew there is a high probability he is going to be very upset at the fact you never mentioned Bill’s name. 

“Of course, I’ll see you around.” Bill gives a forced smile before Turning the other direction and walking away. 

“He’s your ex? I’ve seen him here for the past couple of months. He’s here almost every day that I’m here and I’ve been training beside him, not knowing this is who you’ve been talking about all this time. I thought he was an arrogant bastard before. Now I know he is, all the shit he put you through.” Alex runs his fingers through his hair, giving the ends a little tug. He isn’t one for confrontation, outside of the ring of course. Although he isn’t able to hide his emotions, you know that he would never actually hit someone without being provoked. 

“I’m sorry, I just thought it would be better if you didn’t know, for this reason. You’re in the same sport, you were bound to run into one another. And he can be a little cocky at times. Well maybe really cocky, but this right here is what I wanted to avoid.” Your voice squealing at the end, unable to fight your anxiety any longer. “Please can we just go.” Your whole body feels as if it would implode at any second, your entire body shaking. 

To no surprise Alex takes you home, leaving you to think about the events over and over; wondering if there was any way to avoid it. Then you realize, nothing you did would have avoided this. If they hadn’t met today, they would have met at some point at a match. 

You lay in bed until you’re unable to keep your eyes open. You knew you had to wait until your physical exhaustion overtook your anxiety-ridden mind. 

Meeting Alex happened by accident. You went to the gym to find Bill, however, you ended up funding Alex. Seeing him in person was completely different. You kept up with all the up and comers, Alex being one of them. He stopped his training session just to come to talk to you. “Hello, I’m Alex. What’s your name?”

“I’m Y/N.” You were unsure of his intentions. Bill was nowhere to be seen. You hoped he didn’t come out anytime soon. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the cheesy line. “Sorry that was so bad, has that ever worked on anyone?”

“Got your attention didn’t it? So it can’t be that bad. You looking for someone might be able to help you find them.” 

“Uh, just a friend, doesn’t look like they’re here though.” you hoped Bill didn’t pick this time to show his face. Maybe this was the sign you needed to not go back to him or more attempt to have him take you back. Alex is confident but hadn’t crossed the line into cocky. You awoke in a sweaty mess. Of course, your dreams are filled with the two of them. You couldn’t even get a break while asleep. Looking at the clock, you sigh in relief when you realize there are still a few hours to sleep. Turning on a podcast, hoping to take your mind in a different direction. 

The morning arrives all too soon. You make your way to work thankfully it was a short shift. Meaning you would have time to go see Alex train for a bit. 

The moment you walk in your heart stops, Bill is training next to Alex. All this time you’ve never seen him, now he’s appearing everywhere or so you felt. Walking over to Alex, he stops to greet you, “Hello Doll, how was work?”

“It was good, nothing exciting happened. Looks like you’re training hard. How much longer do you think you’ll be?” 

“Maybe an hour or two. You can always wait for me at my apartment if you’d like.” 

“I can wait. I like to watch, you look good when you’re all hot and sweaty.” There is just something so hot about seeing sweaty men that turns you on. It makes you wonder if that’s the only reason you continue to date men who are involved in extreme sports.

You watch as Alex gets into the ring with Leif. Leif was a former world champion boxer, now turned trainer after he became too old to compete. Both put on the required equipment, appearing determined. Leif’s fighting style is an out-boxer whereas Alex is a swarmer. Alex isn’t short, but he tends to be smaller than most of his opponents so he has to overwhelm them. He is very good at bobbing and weaving. He’s fast on his feet, easily able to evade most other fighters. Alex usually gets hit countless times before he can land a solid punch. 

Alex invades Lief’s space, immediately trying to close the space between them. Leif, however, is more of an out-boxer, wanting to put more space instead of less. He easily steps out of Alex’s reach, returning to a defensive stance. Alex knows exactly the offensive steps to corner Leif. Alex backs into the corner letting Leif come to him. Leif steps forward, leaving enough space Alex would have to step forward to hit him. Alex keeps his gloves to his face, shuffling until he can throw a hit. He misses, this doesn’t stop him from pushing Leif backwards until he is against the rope. This gives Alex ample opportunity to land punch after punch. The two seperate, Leif informing him of everything he needs to improve on.  

Watching him box is so sensual to you, the way he concentrates, the way he calculates moves. His strength and power showing through, making you want to jump him right there. Your shifting must have been noticeable because Bill caught your gaze, his mouth set in a straight line. Bill begins hitting harder, faster, knowing you’re watching. Your shifting worsens, the desire between your legs growing. Your mind wanders to both of their bodies pressed against yours the only thing on their minds is your pleasure. The two of them working together to make you feel nothing but pleasure. Their hands roaming your body, lips pressing against your skin leaving marks to be discovered later, A grunt pulls you out of your daydream. By the look on Alex’s face, you must have been staring at Bill. 

Excusing yourself you head to the restroom to splash water on your face. The coolness doing nothing at first. The desire between your legs isn’t any better, no amount of shifting was helping. Sitting down on a bench, giving yourself a moment to get your thoughts straight. Time escapes you until a message from one of your friends pops up making you realize Alex should almost be done training. 

Once you are done, you make your way back to the training area. Much to your relief Bill is gone. Alex begins to gather his belongings, giving you the side-eye. You watch as he gathers his gear, not once looking at you. Usually when he’s done the two of you make plans for the rest of the night. He doesn’t say anything but you know what he must be thinking, “I wasn’t staring at him,” You blurt, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. 

“ No one said you were.” Alex does his best to keep the irritation out of his voice. 

“I was just daydreaming.” you sound defensive, knowing you’re giving your guilt away. “I...I…didn’t mean to. Alex, he and I dated for years, it’s still difficult to see him.” 

“I know, I’m sorry, I don’t want to lose you to him. I like you Y/N.” This is the first time Alex truly sounds like he’s letting his emotional guard down. It’s enough to break your heart. This is the first time you realize how much of your past relationship you’ve brought into this one. From the start you let your apprehensions be known about dating another fighter. You can’t believe it’s taken this for you to understand. Alex has been fighting against Bill this entire time. If you didn’t let past things go this would never work out with Alex because you would never let your guard down enough for him to truly win.

“You won’t, Alex it’s...he was a part of my life for so long.” This situation is bringing up all your buried emotions for Bill. However, this is just what you need to work through the suppressed feelings. Alex is a genuinely kind person, someone you didn’t want to lose. “I’m sorry, I should have never brought my pain from my past relationships into ours. I know right now there is nothing I can say will make it better, but I am sorry.” 

“I know Y/N, I know.” You remain quiet, letting the moment settle. The tension didn’t alleviate much, however, Alex drives to his apartment not willing to part with his routine. Many words aren’t spoken but that doesn’t stop the two of you from sharing one of the most passionate nights since you’ve met. Alex makes a show of letting you know the type of person you’re with now. A person who rarely puts himself above others, someone who never lets you forget how important you are to him. The night left you feeling more secure than you’ve felt in a while. 

The next few days went by like usual. When you aren’t working, you are at home or with Alex. Before this you had failed to recognize the routine Alex and you have fallen into. It makes you feel empty when there’s deviance. Everything has been going smoothly until you are at Alex’s apartment on a Friday afternoon. The television has been on in the background for most of the day. Paying it no mind until Bill’s face came onto the screen. “I challenge Alex Hogh Anderson to a match for the Scandinavian Championship title.”

“That asshole thinks I won’t.” Alex jumps up from the couch, rapidly pacing in front of the television. “Knew I couldn't stand him, he thinks I’m scared. I’ll show him,” he declares, punching the air a few times, getting into his defensive stance. “He’ll wish he’d never challenged me.” Alex has yet to sit back down. The news keeps replaying the segment. After hearing and seeing the smugness of Bill’s challenge a few times, you shut off the TV unsure of anything to say. Alex took this as guilt from you, “You’re awful quiet, did you know he was going to do this?’

“Of course not Alex, I don't talk to him. The last time we spoke was at the gym. I know you can beat him, but this is exactly what he wants from you. He wants you angry, he likes to know that he can get under your skin. Don’t give him that satisfaction. He’ll never let you live it down, he’ll always have that power over you.” You’re still in shock. Bill had always been competitive and cocky, you just now realizing how much. The nerve he had to challenge Alex, only because you’re with him, making your blood boil. Did he think this would win you back? Part of you wants to message him, but you know it was useless. And would only irritate Alex more. Alex calls his manager to let him know he isn’t going to back down from the challenge. 

On your way home, you wonder if this is worth it. Being with boxers is exciting, of course, but there always seems to be drama, no matter what. You don’t know how much longer you will be able to handle this. Is dating them worth this? You could find someone with a different profession, maybe a teacher. Someone who’s career doesn’t involve fighting or competitiveness. Although in your heart you know that would bore you to death. 

Lying in bed you will your mind to rest. Nothing would be more satisfying than sleeping for the rest of the night. Thoughts of Alex’s answer float through. You can only imagine the anger that will seep through his press talk. Alex has an almost perfect public image, he’s very knowledgeable about the art of remaining composed just enough for the camera’s yet having enough showmanship to attract the eye of new potential sponsors. Images of Bill and Alex flood your mind. The thought of them fighting made you sick to your stomach. Deciding there is nothing for you to do at the moment, you grab your favorite book, knowing eventually it will help you fall asleep. Before you know it you awoke to a book flung onto the floor, your phone buried under the covers, and a sore shoulder from falling asleep in the most uncomfortable position. 

You barely heard from Alex during the next few days. He’d send a text now and then, telling you he was training harder for the next few months. He promises you he isn’t upset however your gut is telling something completely different. Without evidence to support your irrational thoughts, you let the situation be for now. Bill messages you after the broadcast asking to meet and talk. You type and re-type a message a hundred times, yet no words seem right. Nothing good would come of meeting with him. If anything it would make matters worse. You know Bill would only apologize for the behavior then continue to not change. Bill tends to be impulsive and you are sure he is only doing this to attempt to get you back. He has learned something because he isn’t blowing up your phone. Bill used to be relentless, hardly ever letting things go even when you begged him. 

After a week of little communication, Alex finally messages you stating they have a date for the match. It’s five months away, giving both enough time to prepare. You are nervous for Alex; Bill is bigger and has more experience. Both of them are competitive with a bloodlust for winning. The fight would not be easy for either, it would take a complete knock out for the other to win. Messaging back you ask if the two of you can spend time together. 

A couple of hours go by before he responds. “I don’t have much time. I’m training once if not twice a day now. But I can squeeze you in. I feel bad for not seeing you lately. Would you mind meeting me at the gym? N’ bring an overnight bag. If you want that is.” 

You respond with a simple, be there as soon as I can. Instead of packing your normal overnight back with extra clothes to change into after sex, you only pack the essentials. It isn’t that you don’t want to have sex with him, however, you know from the sounds of his training schedule, he would be lucky to stay awake for longer than a couple of hours. 

Arriving at the gym, you take a few deep breaths to prepare yourself encase Bill happens to be there as well. Thankfully, Bill is nowhere in sight. Alex looks in even better shape than he generally does. His six-pack defined the lines sculpting a perfect shape. His arms are more prominent, the veins popping out when he clenches his fists. Even his jaw seems more defined, though you doubt it’s true. “Hi, Alex,” you keep your voice monotone, not sure how his mood is at the moment. 

“Hello, I'm glad you could make it.” A smile breaks out across his face. His demeanor would have you thinking, nothing rocky has happened in the past few days. 

“It’s quiet here today, generally more people are training.”

Alex must have read your mind because he goes quiet for a minute, “Yeah, Bill took his trainer to a different gym so we could train without the other seeing all of our moves. Both of us would have been too focused on watching the other to learn their style rather than focusing on bettering our own.” He goes back to punching the bag in front of him, hitting the same spot over and over. This has always been one of his best strategies, able to land multiple blows with force to the same spot. 

You sit down, enjoying the view. Alex trains for the next few hours, you occupy yourself by scrolling through your social media feed, wandering the gym, and attempting to hit the punching bags as you’ve seen Alex do. It makes you laugh when you can’t hit the bag more than twice in a row. You know there would be no boxing career in your future. Towards the end of the session, your stomach lets itself be known. Leif and Alex look over both give a small laugh. “Sounds like someone is ready to go. Let’s end it here for today. No training for tomorrow, you need a rest day with these extra workouts. I scheduled a massage for you in the morning, take it easy. I mean it,” Leif states giving a side-eye to both of you. 

Alex doesn’t clean up at the gym, wanting to get home as soon as possible. The two of you hop in the shower, you give him a mini massage of your own. Neither of you bothers to take Leif’s advice, by the time you are finished it was difficult to move. You can’t imagine how he must be feeling. It doesn't take much effort at all to fall asleep or stay asleep. 

You wake up feeling more refreshed than you have in a long time. Alex is still sound asleep, snoring loud enough to wake the neighbors. Since it is the first time in a while you are awake before him, you decide to fix his favorite healthy breakfast. He stumbles out just as you’re finishing, “Mmm, smells delicious. You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.” 

“ I know, but I wanted to. You deserve a day of rest and being catered to.” You sit a plate in front of him. He shovels a couple of mouthfuls in while still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “What time is your massage?” 

“Eleven, I believe. It’s only an hour though then we can spend the rest of the day together.” 

“What do you suppose we do with the rest of the day? I was thinking we could watch a couple of movies, maybe eat some popcorn, and just relax. I don’t want you to be too tired to train for the rest of the week.” Many more things pop into your head that you would much rather be doing, however, Alex needs to focus on his workouts to prepare for this fight. 

“Sounds like a great day to me. This is delicious by the way.” By the time you finish cooking your food, he’s almost done. 

“Thank you, now go hop in the shower before you’re late to the massage.” 

“I would much rather you be the one giving me a massage.” He finishes the rest of his food before hopping in to take a quick shower. You clean the kitchen before taking a shower yourself so you can go to the store and grab a few snacks. You make sure they are healthy so he'll be able to eat snacks without feeling guilty. 

Alex trains harder than you’ve ever seen him in the past couple weeks. Most days he is in the gym with only an hour or two break. While he’s gone you set up the living room for the most comfortable possible way to lie there all day. You hop in the shower before throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt. 

He returns home, not much later looking somewhat relaxed. “How was the massage?” 

“It felt great while she was doing it, but now I’m sore. I’m gonna get some ibuprofen. Then we can spend the day watching movies.” He moves slowly, you feel bad, wondering if he should just lie in bed instead of on the couch with you. Though you know either way he is still going to be sore. 

The rest of the afternoon is spent watching a variety of movies. Everything from pure romance to the bloodiest scary movie. Although some movies go unwatched because the two of you are too busy catching up. You choose to stay the night, not knowing when the next time this will happen. It’s easy to get back into sync with the other as if your routine never strayed. 

The next four months continue in this pattern. You see him maybe one night a week for a few hours. You do appreciate the effort and any time you can see him. Many times you think about going to watch him train at the gym, but didn’t want to distract him. Only once did you visit him while training, however, that was to only drop off some extra workout clothes. He gave you a quick thank you, see you later before rushing back to training. 

Next week was the big press conference where Bill and Alex would trash talk, weigh-in, attempt to intimidate the other. Neither of them is the type of person who is easily intimidated. There is a high chance you are terrified enough for everyone. Alex could talk shit with the best of them, but so could Bill. The only difference was Alex was better at keeping his composure. Bill has a difficult time not showing his emotions on his face. This whole process was eating you up inside. You are with Alex but Bill is still important to you as well, though you hated to admit it. He was your first love and you’re unsure if you’ll ever be rid of feelings. 

In the next few days, you feel as if you are going to jump out of your skin. Your anxiety was so terrible, hives began to break out on your legs. Great, you thought, just what you need, another thing to worry about. You’ve been using every coping skill available to you. Some worked more effectively than others. You can’t wait for this to be over until then you are going to put your focus on the positives. Alex invites you to stay the night, even though the two of you will most likely be sleeping. 

The day of the press conference finally arrives, your nerves on edge. Alex leaves early in the morning, wanting to ensure he has enough time to make last-minute touches to his speech for the conference. You make the short drive to your apartment, giving yourself enough time to raid your closet. You want to make sure you have something appropriate to wear. Another part of you wants to dress alluring to throw Bill off his game. 

You settle for a compromise between business and alluring. You pick a blue dress, Bill’s favorite color, that hugs your body perfectly. A small part of you is uncertain whether it’s the best idea to try and attempt this. There is a chance this could backfire and would anger Alex even more than he already will be. These last few months have been hell for the two of you. Alex barely had any time for you, you were even lucky to receive a message from him. It’s been a long, lonely road, one you hope to never go through again. 

When you arrive at the conference, the place is already packed. The fans wait impatiently for it to begin. Alex makes sure to have a seat up front for you but off to the side so you aren’t grouped in with the fanatic fans. He knew how quickly things could become chaotic. You sit calmly, scrolling through your phone, answering the few messages from friends about the fight. Your best friend has been by your side, listening to you complain, talking you through the overthinking and doing their best to keep you sane. The stage is set so the moderator is in the middle of the stage with stools on each side. The closest two are where Bill and Alex will sit. Far enough apart the two wouldn’t be on top of each other, but close enough when things become heated, they could be in each other’s face. 

Finally, the moderator comes out on stage, “Is everyone ready?” Almost the entire crowd screams “YES!” at the top of their lungs. Nervousness washes over you, your stomach instantly began to hurt. “Alright, alright, here they are. Bill Skarsgard, a two-time champion and Alex Hogh Andersen, a first-time contender!” They work their way up to the stage, each sitting on opposite sides of the moderator. Bill scans the crowd, his eyes becoming glued to you the moment he sees you. You’re able to see his breath hitch for just a second. Alex watches the interaction, a moment of displeasure crosses his face. Someone who didn’t know Alex very well wouldn’t even notice, but you did. He knew you only wore the dress to tease Bill. 

The press conference is one of your most favorite parts of boxing challenges. There is just something thrilling about watching the two trash talk, doing their best to agitate the other. The conference starts calmly, however it doesn’t take long before the two can barely contain their disdain for the other. Every few minutes your eyes lock with one of them. The longer Alex sees you in the dress the more irritated he becomes. 

Both give and take little jabs at each other. Before long the two are in each other’s faces, close enough you’re sure spit was hitting the other every time they spoke. Bill did some of the best trash-talking, that was until the very end. Alex let the crowd die down as the conference was coming to the end, “I would just like to thank everyone for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of this. I most want to thank my gorgeous girlfriend Y/N. You know her, don't you Bill? Well, maybe not so much anymore.” Bill’s face turns red, clenching his jaw, and tight fists at his sides. If there hadn’t been cameras and a thousand or more witnesses you’re sure Bill would have punched him right there. The crowd goes silent, everyone waiting for Bill’s response, however instead Bill walks off stage. 

After the conference, you meet up with Alex for just a brief moment. The two of you sit in his car not saying a word. You decide to break the silence, “Really Alex? You just had to bring up the fact I’m with you know. There was no reason for that.” You know you shouldn’t be as pissed as you are, but you felt he crossed a line.

“Yes because I knew it would get to him. I couldn’t think of anything else at that moment. He deserved it, after all, he said to me. But you’re right I should have tried to think of another comeback.” 

“I’m sorry, I overreacted. I know it’s hard to think on the spot when you're in front of that many people. This whole thing is ridiculous to me so it seems everything puts me on edge.” You grab his hand, rubbing your thumb over the back. The two of you spend the next hour talking about all the activities you’re going to do after the match. The one thing you agreed on is a vacation, it didn’t even matter where. 

The match is finally here. You aren’t sure if you’re calm because your anxiety has passed beyond feeling anxious or if the fact the day finally here, you are excited for it to be over. 

Alex messages you, “Good morning. Can’t wait to see you.” He must have gone to his trainer to prepare. Nothing would make you happier than being able to relax, Alex told you after this fight, he was going to take it, at least easy for him. 

When you arrive, the only people there are the crew and the building personal and of course Alex and Bill. You walk to Alex’s locker room to see him and Leif going over last-minute strategies. “If he backs up, keep moving until he’s in no position but to fight. Don’t let him maneuver past you, his defense will be thrown off.”

“Okay.” Alex’s voice gave away his true feelings. There was a barely distinguishable shake in his voice. 

“If that isn’t an option, try to stay back until he tires himself out. Use his strategy against him.” Alex shakes his head, looking focused. 

“Hey, Alex.” Your voice is meek not wanting to interrupt them, but you doubt they would have stopped talking anytime soon. 

“Y/N, you’re here early. Thought you wouldn’t be here until a little later.” 

“Yeah, I just wanted to see you before the fight. I can leave and come back if you’d like.” 

“No, no it’s fine. I’m happy you’re here.” He walks over, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you in for a kiss. “I do have to prepare though. Can she stay?”

“No, I want all of your focus on preparing. Sorry Y/N.” Leif did sound genuinely apologetic. It makes you wonder if Alex had told him who Bill was to you. 

“I understand, I’ll see you after.” Leif did inform you there is a lounge to sit in if you didn't want to leave. You decide to stay so you won’t have to fight the crowd coming in again. You sit down on the couch, grab your book out of your purse and begin to read. 

A couple of hours later you take a break, checking your phone, ignoring all of the texts flooding your phone. You know most of them only want to discuss the fight. Getting on Twitter you see the championship is trending, everyone debating on who they thought is going to win. It’s split fifty-fifty; some thought Bill would win due to the fact that he has more experience. Several thought Alex would win due to his fighting style and determination. 

The lounge remains empty, much to your enjoyment. You didn’t have the energy to talk with anyone especially knowing it would only be about who you thought would win. Only a few members of Bill’s team would know your relationship with him and would take too much energy to explain you’re here for Alex. 

Around an hour before the match, you change into a custom made jersey dress. It’s red and black with Hogh Anderson on the back. You didn’t tell Alex about it, wanting to surprise him. You opt to go to the locker room for hopefully a short, encouraging pep talk. Alex’s eyes grew huge when he saw you in the dress. “You like?” You grin, giving him a little twirl. 

He closes the space until you’re pressed into his chest. “Very much so,” he leans in to press his lips against yours. It’s as if no one was there besides the two of you. He pulls away first, “Now that’s what I call a good luck kiss. Sorry to cut it so short, but it’s almost time.” 

“Of course, I’ll see you afterward. Good luck baby.” You whisper the last part in his ear. 

Walking towards the arena you scan until you see Alex’s family. You and his mom converse, that is until Valter notices you are sitting beside him. “Hello Y/N, long time no see.”

“Uh...yeah, been busy.” Your brain pauses unsure of what to say. It crosses your mind to ask one of Alex’s family members to switch seats, but you aren’t going to let him get the best of you. 

“I bet dating a boxer is difficult. Although you would know since you’ve dated two. Funny how you left one just to date another.” Heat shot to your face, is he really going to talk about this here. Bill let it be known you’d hurt him, but maybe even more than he let on. 

“Really? Are you seriously going to talk about this now? It doesn’t even concern you.” Valter doesn’t seem fazed. He turns back to his family, acting nonchalant. 

Soon Alex and Bill walk out of their locker rooms, followed by their teams. The crowd erupts in cheers. It takes a few minutes for everyone to settle down. The announcer, Jesper,  stands in the middle of the ring, the crowd quiets down to a murmur. He faces the camera informing the fans in person and at home, the fight would soon begin. Alex and Bill are in their respective corners, both turn to face the middle, their teams hyping them up. “Welcome to the Heavyweight Championship of the World. In this corner, we have Alex Hogh Anderson.” Jesper reads off Alex’s stats, a mixture of boos and cheers arise from the crowd. “AND in this corner, we have the returning Scandinavian Champion, Bill Skarsgard!” Jesper then reads Bill’s stats from the previous year. 

The referee then steps in announcing there will be twelve rounds, lasting three minutes and explains the rules to each contestant. Both appear focused, only one thing on their mind, winning. Alex and Bill stretch, jump and wait for the bell to ring. Shortly after the bell rings signaling the beginning of the first round. Alex makes the first move, trying to get Bill pushed into a corner, Bill  maneuvers himself out of the way. Alex tries once more to no avail. Bill analyzes the situation waiting for the right moment to take his first swing at Alex. His fist collides with Alex’s left cheek, stunning Alex. The arena erupts in cheers, the excitement of the first hit landed. It doesn’t take long before Alex regains his composure, starting his method of attempting to corner Bill. He isn’t able to accomplish this before the round ends. They go to their corners, taking a break, their trainers reminding them of techniques. 

The next few rounds continue in the same fashion. Alex and Bill, both get in their punches. They become more and more exhausted as the match goes on. There are many instances where it looks as if they are cuddling in the ring. It makes you giggle if only the two actually liked each other that much. Bill is usually the first one to push away, giving him the best chance of trying to catch Alex off guard and get a few hits in. This only works a couple of times. It doesn’t take Alex long to learn Bill’s strategy. 

By the time the final round arrives the anticipation is killing you. Both have gotten their fair share of hits in. At this point, it seems to be anyone’s game. As much as you hate to admit it, you are surprised Alex has been able to keep up with Bill. The differences in strategies add a level of learning for both of them. They have to try and gauge the other’s next move though it’s different than what they themselves would have done. 

Bill lands a few punches making Alex unsteady, blood dripping down his face. Alex dodges Bill’s assault for the next thirty seconds. Regaining his composure Alex comes back twice as hard, pushing Bill until he has nowhere to go but in a corner. Alex lands punch after punch. Bill is only able to block a few, his efforts to push Alex back appear useless. The timer continues to count down until only ten seconds are remaining. The crowd shouts along with the timer until it hits zero. When the bell signals the end of the round, Alex backs away, leaving everyone to see Bill’s bruised and bloody face. Bill slumps down unable to move. Alex looks more shocked than anyone. 

Medical personnel and Bill’s team swarm to give him the appropriate medical attention. Once he regains consciousness they go to their corners, their teams help them rehydrate, take their gloves off, and wipe off the sweat. The energies exuding from either side are vastly different. Cameras are instantly in the ring, ready to interview them. They interview Alex first, giving Bill time to have his wounds cleaned. After the interviews are over, the crowd disappears slowly. You remain in your seat until there is almost no one left. You hope it’s enough time for Alex to have time to rest. 

Arriving at the locker room, you’re surprised to see it empty besides Alex and Leif. The two are reviling in the win. Walking a little closer you can hear what they’re saying, “I told you that I knew you’d win. That’s your first knockout Alex and against a previous champion. It’s no easy feat. I’m proud of you Alex.” Leif hugs him, giving him a few pats on the back. 

“Alex,” you announce wanting to get his attention, but not wanting to interrupt.

“Y/N, I can’t believe I won,” he says bewildered, making his way towards you. The two of you stay in the embrace not wanting to let go. It’s been so long since the two of you have had time to just enjoy the other’s presence. Leif excuses himself, letting Alex know they would celebrate tomorrow so he could have the rest of the night to relax. “I want to thank you, Y/N. You don’t know how much your support means. It’s one of the only things that kept me going. You know I’m gonna take it easy for the next few weeks and give you all my attention.” 

“Alex, I’m just happy it’s finally over. I know the risks of dating a boxer. Of course, I was going to support you. I am happy you won.” You lean in to kiss him. You are happy he won, however, the relief of it being over overshadowed the win. He doesn’t seem fazed, not wanting anything more than to be with each other. “Here let me help you with your wounds.” He sits down while you gather the supplies. 

He flinches when you first apply pressure. It doesn’t take long since most of his wounds had been tended to during the match. A soft knock causes you both to turn. Bill is standing near the door. “Hi, I just want to say congrats on the win and sorry for causing all of this.”

“Thanks, man. You did a great job, surprised I won actually.” You knew that had to hurt Alex to admit, but he was trying to play nice with Bill. The tension in the room was thick, almost suffocating. 

“I’m sorry for starting all this Y/N. I shouldn’t have challenged him just because I was jealous. I was upset about losing you, especially to another fighter after you said you didn’t want to date me anymore because training took too much of my time. I was having a hard time letting you go,” Bill says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Thank you for apologizing. I’m just glad it’s over. I will admit the process was exhausting and the match was entertaining.” What you want to say is the match was provocative. The two of them fighting, their sweaty bodies pressing together. The imagery brought heat between your legs. 

“Y/N?” Alex questions raising his hand in front of you. “You not staring at Bill again?” He asks smirkingly. 

“I...uh…” You’re at a loss for words. There is no way you are going to be able to explain your way out of this. 

“Again?” Bill appears confused, but also intrigued. 

“Oh, yeah a few months ago before this all started. When you first began training at the gym. She blurted she wasn’t staring at you. Can’t help but wonder what goes on in her head.” You’re starting to panic, how are you going to get out of this?

“Oh did she. I bet I know what’s going on in her head.” Bill has known you much longer than Alex, giving you time to confess some of your deepest sexual fantasies.  

“Oh yeah?” Alex stares inquisitively.  

“She mentioned a few times a fantasy of hers was to have a threesome. I assume you already know about how hot she gets from watching us box.” Bill’s voice is laced with cockiness. 

“She’s mentioned the latter, but never the first part.” Alex raises an eyebrow at you. The tension in the air soon turned from awkward to sexual. Alex makes his way over to you first, Bill follows soon after. Alex stands behind you, placing kisses to your neck. Bill is more hesitant waiting for permission from you. Giving him a reassuring nod, he shuffles forward placing a hand on your waist. Looking into his eyes feelings of lust come rushing back. Bill pulls you closer to him leaning down to kiss you. 

Alex’s hand slips under your dress, fingers grazing over your covered core. Instinctively you tangle a hand in Bill’s hair, bringing back the last time the two of you were together. He follows Alex’s lead, bringing a hand under your dress to knead and pinch your nipples. You tug at the bottom of Bill’s shirt wanting it off, you want anything standing between you and the two of them gone. 

They follow your hint, the three of you racing to get clothes off. You stand back looking at the two of them: cocks hard, dripping precum, their bodies bruised from the fight, their eyes almost black from dilation. Making your way to them, dropping to your knees, grabbing both cocks in each hand. Both men let out a slew of cuss words, their hands naturally tangle in your hair. Bill’s cock is long and slim, whereas Alex has more girth, both beautiful. 

Quickly you move your head until your lips are almost touching Alex’s tip. You lick a long strip up his shaft, teasing, knowing he loves it. After a few short licks, you take him in your mouth until his tip is reaching the back of your throat. Your pace is moderate, not wanting him to come too soon. Popping him out of your mouth, you switch to Bill. With no hesitation, you take him into your mouth. It’s more difficult than you could have imagined trying to concentrate on two people at once. 

Bill pulls you off of him, pulling you so you are standing. He attaches his lips to your neck: sucking, biting, sure to leave a mark. You’re so focused on him you fail to notice Alex dropping to his knees, only noticing when you can feel his hot breath against your thighs. Alex gives you no mercy, leaving many marks behind. Bill soon switches his assault to your breasts. The feeling is so overwhelming, you can barely keep your knees from shaking. Thankfully both of them have a grip on you. 

With no warning Alex wraps his lips around your clit, sucking, using his tongue to draw circle eights. You feel fingers running along your pussy, collecting the quickly forming juices, though it isn’t until they’re slipped in, you realize it’s Bill’s fingers. Bill is still working on making as many marks as possible along your torso. Sweat begins to form on your forehead, a tightening in your stomach, you are grasping at the air. Your orgasm rushes over your body, both men holding you up until you regain your composure. Once they’re sure you can stand for yourself, they move away. 

Alex searches for anything to throw on the floor. He finds and throws a couple of towels down, hoping to cover enough space to lie down without being on the cold floor. He lies down waiting for you to climb on top of him. You hover above him, so you can align yourself. A moan escapes your lips, loving the feeling of having him inside of you. You move your hips in circles, Alex’s hands resting on your hips. Your high is close approaching, so fast you almost forget Bill is standing there. “Come join us.” You whimper. 

Bill looks unclear of where he should place himself. “I have lube in my bag,” your breathing is labored. A puzzled look crosses his face, but not for long. He digs in your bag finally finding it at the bottom applying a generous amount to his fingers before running a couple around your puckered hole. Bill inserts his fingers slowly, stretching you until he’s sure you’ll be able to take him. You’ve never been so thankful for almost always carrying lube in your overnight bag. 

Alex stops thrusting so Bill can inch into you. Bill takes his time when he’s fully in neither of them move. You thought you’d felt fullness before with just one of them, this, however, is one of the most breathtaking sensations. “Please...move.” Your voice is weak and pleading. Alex thrusts first setting the pace of long, hard strokes. Bill attempts to copy Alex’s movements so they were thrusting at the same time. 

The feeling of two cocks thrusting at the same time was euphoric. It’s nothing that you’ve ever felt before, practically too hard to explain in words. Their strokes switch to short and fast, Alex hitting that sweet spot inside of you each time. The two finally are able to sync, pleasure building, becoming too difficult to hold off. Alex brings his fingers to your clit, rubbing circles, applying pressure wanting to feel you come around them. Bill’s lips are pressing against you, surely leaving more marks. 

Your second orgasm was approaching hastily, your body still tired from the first one. Your eyes are barely open waiting for the high to wash over you. Alex knows one thing that will get you off pretty much every time you’re that close, “Come for me Princess,” he feels your muscles tightening around him, “That’s it, come Princess.” You love being told when to come. There’s something powerful about someone else controlling it. 

It’s your turn for a slew of curse words to escape your lips. Your second orgasm of the night hits you like a truck; your legs shake uncontrollably, your hands grasping at Alex’s chest, your walls clenching around them. Both keep thrusting through your high, you can tell they’ll come soon after. Bill comes first, his cock twitching, spurts of come filling your ass. Alex comes soon after, holding your hips to his. 

The three of you lie there catching your breath. You would have never imagined this happening especially after the events that took place. You’re the first to move, gently sliding forward until Bill’s cock slips out of your ass. When you stand up, all you can feel is come dripping down your legs. Alex hands you one of the towels he’s been lying on. Once you’re cleaned up, you sit down on one of the benches. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.” You say in a gleeful frame of mind. 

“Me either,” Bill states. Alex gave an affirming nod. “So what now?” Bill asks, still processing the events.

“Well I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m starving,” you announce throwing your clothes on. They begin to clean up as well until there’s no trace anyone has been in the locker room, let alone had sex. Bill decides it’s best to home, not wanting to push his luck any farther. 

Alex and you end up at his apartment and order food. You had planned to talk with him about the situation however you decide you're not up for that discussion right then. You replay the night’s events in your mind over and over. You don’t know where this leaves the three of you, but what you do know is having a threesome was more mind-blowing than you could have imagined. You fall asleep wondering what the future has in store.

#alex hogh andersen #alex hogh #aha #bill skarsgard #au #smut #angst #boxing #bill skarsgård imagine #Bill Skarsgård #bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgård x reader #alex høgh andersen #alex hogh imagine #alex hogh x reader #writing #billskarsgard #alexhoghanderson

[bleachellie]

watched the 1996 movie yday and then the 2003 animated special “scream of the shalka” 2day, so i’m Officially done w/ classic doctor who now.. 🥺

i don’t have much 2 say abt the movie.. it was good, i liked paul mcgann as the doctor and i wish we’d got 2 see him in the show (and maybe one day i’ll get around 2 listening 2 his audio plays?? 🤔) but at the same time i’m.. glad they didn’t continue w/ a show from that 😅 it was a V american movie, it reminded me of the difference between the x-files show and the movies, which isn’t ~inherently~ a bad thing, but also i think i’d have hated 2 see an american continuation of doctor who like, it was just so tonally different?? 😳 but like i said, i did enjoy it as like, it’s own thing anyways!!

scream of the shalka tho was V interesting.. 🤯 for anyone who hasn’t heard of it (bcos even i hadn’t until a few months ago 😦) in 2003, for the 40th anniversary and 2 years b4 russell t davies bought the show back w/ christopher eccleston, they were considering bringing back doctor who as like, an animated show u’d watch online, and scream of the shalka is the first and only one they made for it!!

it had richard e grant (who came back as the great intelligence in the matt smith doctor who’s) as the 9th doctor (this whole special got ignored when the show Actually came back 😅), derek jacobi as the master (4 years l8r he played the master in the proper show!!), sophie okonedo as the companion (she l8r played liz 10 in the matt smiths ones!!) and even david tennant in a V minor role b4 he was ever famous!! 🤯

it was mostly abt some aliens invading the world, but there was also some v interesting backstory in it that i kinda wish they’d done in the actual show in some way?? where i think something bad had happened 2 one of the doctor’s previous companions so he’d sort of.. given up being the doctor and helping ppl at first (i suppose a bit like they did w/ matt smith after amy and rory died??) and the master had been bought back as a robot who lived in the tardis and was reluctantly helping the doctor?? 😨 and the doctor gets sent 2 earth during this crisis by someone ~unrevealed~ controlling the tardis (i’m guessing the time lords??) and the story was abt him like, deciding 2 help ppl again, and taking on this new companion, so it was v cool!! 🤯

again a bit like the movie, i’m glad that’s not how they actually carried on w/ the show, but it was like, an interesting lil piece of history 2 watch on it’s own!! 😭

so now that i’m finally done w/ all of classic who, i think i’m gonna start rewatching the modern series from the start next week.. 😳💕

#ellie watches classic who

[hartigays]

Ship History Meme

Embrace your past and get to know your friends’ fandom origins!

Rules: Post gifs of your fandoms / ships starting with your most current hyperfixation and work backwards. (Bonus points if you share any stories about how or when you got into that ship! But not necessary!!) Then tag anyone whose fandom history you’d like to learn about!

I was tagged by: @gideongrace thanks bby!! 💜

Most Recent: barisi (law and order: svu)

How did I get into it? it’s my current hyperfixation but i’ve shipped it for a long time, basically since the first moment that barba and carisi were on the show at the same time years ago, and then i started reading fic when they finally had screentime together for the first time. i rewatch random seasons of svu every now and then and i always resume my love for these two when i do

Next: effoff (sex education)

How did I get into it? i recently decided to finally binge sex education and it’s just another situation where the moment they had screentime together, esp adam being an asshole to eric (cause i knew they were gonna do something w that i just KNEW IT), i was totally a goner for them

Next: harringrove (stranger things)

How did I get into it? oh god they’re my constant, my ~touchestone~, i will never not love these two idiot boys (i have other hyperfixations rn but they’ll always be my number ones) but i didn’t actually get into them until like january of 2019?? i’d been in between fandoms and decided to rewatch st and noticed their chemistry for the first time and i was like hold up.........then i tested the waters n read some fic and here we are

Next: thiam (teen wolf)

How did I get into it? so i’d watched teen wolf from day 1 that it aired, but i stopped circa-s5 because it was just. so bad i could NOT. i loved theo but the whole premise of s5 i just couldn’t get into. so i stopped for a few years, then one day i decided to finally watch s5 and ofc s6 naturally, and i got v attached to theo and liam. started reading fic and hyperfixated on s6 quite a bit and became a hardcore thiam shipper

Next: rickyl (the walking dead)

How did I get into it? i don’t know. i don’t even watch twd anymore, i stopped after the mid-season finale of s6, but i’ve always loved rick and daryl’s relationship. i still rewatch the first 4 seasons every now and then and get back into my rickyl hyperfixation. this is also a ride-or-die ship of mine that i’ve had for a long time and i go back to it often

Next: stucky (captain america trilogy)

How did I get into it? this is such an old ship of mine that i really don’t even remember. i’ve been watching marvel movies since i was in middle school, and i started getting into the fandom around my freshman year of high school. the cap movies were always my favorite and bucky was (and still is) my favorite fictional character, so me shipping stucky just evolved naturally. they are my number 1 ship of all time and i’m not ashamed to admit it

Next: sterek (teen wolf)

How did I get into it? I WAS LIKE 12 AND IT WAS MY FIRST M/M SHIP, they are the OG’s, the lights of my life, the fire of my loins. i started watching teen wolf when it first aired and around the same time had just joined tumblr about a year before, so i was already getting into the fandom side of tumblr when i started following teen wolf blogs. a lot of people were posting about sterek and it peaked my interest, and i v quickly got invested!!

Next: mulder x scully (the x-files)

How did I get into it? i’ve been watching txf since i was literally an infant. if we wanna be technical, actually since i was in the womb (my mom is a major txf fan and she apparently watched it all the time when she was pregnant with me). i always watched it with my mom growing up, and mulder and scully were so obviously in love how could lil ol’ me not develop a serious love for them??

Honorable mentions (in no particular order): reddie (IT movies), david x patrick (schitt’s creek), malira (teen wolf), kastle (daredevil, the punisher), newtmas (tmr series), sciles (teen wolf), clexa (the 100), bellarke (the 100), bensler (law and order: svu), dorisi (law and order: svu), bucky x loki (marvel)

i’m tagging: @grabmyboner @hoegrove @biillyhargroves @wndasmaximoffs @etterklang @brokebackmountains @mustardprecum @granpappy-winchester @aspartaeme @billyscamar0 @avalonlights and anyone else who wants to do this :-)

#thanks again for the tag babes!! ❤️ #tag game #long post

[beca-mitchell]

for you, i would fall from grace (1/1)

Written for @bechloe-week day 4: high school. Loosely. Super loosely.

Summary: Chloe Beale hasn’t played dodgeball since high school, but she’s pretty sure this isn’t supposed to be how it goes. Or maybe it is. Nothing feels more like high school than a game of dodgeball with your crush and your crush’s ex.

Word count: 3,744

A/N: I was rewatching Trampoline Dodgeball with Kevin Hart & Anna Kendrick and this idea came to me. Then it got me thinking about all my own personal feelings about dodgeball. Anyway, this was my attempt to capture all those messy high school feelings, those mushy romantic feelings, and everything in between...and wrap it up neatly to present as a semi-serious, semi-crack piece of fanfic.

Kind of beta'd, but mistakes are still my own because this was so last minute. Thanks to my irl loves @summersailedin and Jordan for helping me out. You tolerate everything I do and I APPRECIATE YOU.

Read on AO3 or below.

–x–

It is totally just a game to her at first.

First, because Chloe is a super-senior and she’s kind of over sweating unnecessarily, even if she can admit she sees the appeal in lighthearted exercise.

Two, because the Treblemakers and the Bellas have no more rivalry. All previous rules had up and left with Aubrey’s departure and Chloe sees no point in continuing the long-standing tradition of hating the Trebles. Benji is sweet, Jesse is Beca’s amicable ex-boyfriend, and the other young men are nice enough.

Three, because it is Beca’s idea and Chloe knows Beca could care less about sports generally, so if she’s suggesting this aloud to Chloe’s face, it must mean something. She figures it is more Jesse’s idea than anything and Beca is willing to go along for the ride.

Still, none of that matters and Chloe still giggles when Beca mentions it at their weekly co-captain meeting.

“You want to do what?”

“I want to play dodgeball.”

“Okay, but why? You hate anything that propels your heartrate above resting.”

Beca looks mildly offended. “That isn’t true.” She stares at Chloe for a long moment. “I’m not against all activities.”

Something in Beca's tone makes Chloe's breath catch. She wonders if Beca is thinking the same thing. Of the previous night. Soft lips and damp skin. Exploratory fingers. Beca’s name from Chloe’s mouth, breathless and wanting.

It becomes fairly obvious because the light catches in Beca's eyes and she looks a little distant. Gotcha, Chloe thinks. Beca’s momentary deer-in-the-headlights expression is too fun to pass up. “Oh,” Chloe says, mild amusement coloring her tone. “Sex aside, Bec.” She likes the way Beca’s nickname rolls off her tongue. She also likes the way Beca blushes from her forehead to her neck.

It's a little new, this dynamic. While Jesse is Beca’s ex-boyfriend turned acapella partner-in-crime, Chloe is Beca’s sometimes-bedmate. Sometimes-confidante. Sometimes more.

Always uncertain.

Beca recovers fairly quickly and clenches her fists in some form of personal restraint. “Come on, Jesse thinks it’s a good idea. And honestly, it’s for a good cause. We could also use some Bellas bonding time.” Beca doesn’t flinch once upon completing that sentence. Chloe considers applauding her. “We know we’ve got the semi-finals in the bag and it’ll be a good warm up for when we crush the boys later.”

Chloe has no idea what Beca’s idea of a good cause is, but playing a miniature dodgeball tournament at a local high school for the sole amusement of high-schoolers is not Chloe’s idea of a good time. She isn’t even certain what the cause is.

But Beca is being adorable and Beca is gazing at her so earnestly (a welcome departure from her usual complacent expression) that Chloe complies almost immediately. 

And besides, Beca does have a point. The Bellas could always use some good team-bonding exercises. She wishes Aubrey were around to hear this all for herself. She’d be so proud.

So, yeah.

It's just a game or two anyway.

 –x–

 Wait, but–

Okay, so, maybe there is a little streak of competitiveness that almost instantly rises up in Chloe, she can admit that much. But she chalks it up to the inherent competition between the Bellas and the Trebles. It isn't anything personal. They've been rivals since the day the two groups were created on campus, so it’s out of Chloe’s control, really.

 –x–

 Beca ends up getting one detail wrong.

Okay, perhaps a few details. But it is totally Jesse’s fault. And maybe Chloe's. Chloe should have asked for all details before agreeing to this. 

It’s just a small problem, really. 

They all end up being registered to be on one team and it becomes the Barden Acapella Team against UGA’s Competitive Dodgeball Team. To clarify, UGA’s literal competitive team, with matching armbands and uniforms.

Chloe looks at their own assembled ragtag team composed of some Bellas, some Trebles, and all the off-color t-shirts and mismatched socks.

“What the fuck,” Beca whispers furiously to Jesse. “You said this was lowkey.”

“It is!” he insists. “It’ll be fun!’

“We’re going to die,” Beca says, so matter-of-factly that Chloe also believes that to be their ultimate fate. “I’m going to die in a high school gym class like I always thought I would.”

Chloe is distracted briefly, amused at Beca’s aversion to any physical activity. Then, Chloe gets a grip on reality. “Beca, shut up. We are not going to die. Jesse, this was quite the understatement, but I know we can do it. Right, everybody?”

The other Bellas hover with uncertainty. Chloe tries to smile reassuringly at Flo who is the newest member of their team and also a transfer student to Barden. “It’ll be okay,” Chloe says quickly. “This will be fun!”

Flo gives her an amused, slightly patronizing expression. “I know. This is nothing.”

The referee looks bored as he signals for the two teams to close in. “We’ve won an acapella championship before. This is fine,” Beca whispers. “We got this.”

Chloe doesn’t have the heart to tell her this will be quite different. 

 –x–

 Chloe wanders to where Beca is standing in a corner, stretching.

“Need some help?”

Beca scoffs. “No.”

Chloe bumps Beca’s shoulder before she leans down to touch her toes. “Nervous?”

“Why would I be?”

Chloe observes the rest of the Bellas and notes that they’re likely not taking this seriously at all. “You know,” Chloe says. “I’m not sure.”

A series of sneaker squeaks echo suddenly throughout the gym. From the corner of her eye, Chloe can see the rest of the players filing in, like a mass of red and black. The striking colors of UGA. Chloe looks down at her cheerfully green Barden Athletics shirt, stolen from an ex a few years ago.

It appears that the other team already has a captain. He snaps his headband on his head and immediately gathers his team close to start giving orders. 

Chloe has to ask herself for the umpteenth time why she's here again, because, really, it is a stupid idea and she’s had her fair share of dumb ideas.

Chloe glances at Beca who is lazily stretching.

Oh. Yeah.

Teamwork.

Aubrey would be so proud of her.

 –x–

  "Who's team captain?" Amy asks. “Ref wants to know.”

“Me,” Jesse says immediately.

“Um, you’re not my captain,” Amy points out, but otherwise, nobody disagrees. 

“We’re all on the same team,” Beca points out. “Just figure it out. As long as it’s not me.”

Beca’s voice pulls Chloe back to the present. Suddenly, the urge to harness all of her competitiveness rises to new levels and she stands up straighter. “Wait,” she says before anybody can say anything else

She’s never had a problem with Jesse so she sees and understands the surprise in his eyes. But something clicks for Chloe then, when the surprise gives way to something else, almost foreign to Chloe.

Perhaps Jesse never really saw her as any real competition.

That feeling is very familiar.

In high school, it had been absurd, but Chloe had always envied the male jocks and their privileges. She hated the way they got to walk around the school with their lettermans and all the confidence in the world.

Chloe had her own share of athleticism and enjoyed modest-enough popularity. She participated in a couple of the women-only teams (volleyball and soccer), but she never got the recognition the boys did. Ultimately, she never wanted to be them, but she always hated the unfairness of it all.

It is also telling that one of her most vivid high school memories is making out with Grace Henderson underneath the bleachers only for Grace to be on Nick Randall’s arm the very next day, his letterman around her shoulders. Grace had shrugged apologetically at her, like it was nothing personal. It was just status.

Before she realizes what she wants to do, her body is acting ahead of itself and she’s suddenly standing next to Jesse, facing the rest of the team. “I’ll be team captain,” Chloe says, as confidently and surely as she can. 

The surprise on both Jesse’s face and Beca’s face is enough to tide her over for a while, she thinks. It is Stacie who smirks at her, like she understands what this is all about (even though Chloe herself doesn't want to openly admit it).

Amy flashes her a thumbs up and heaves a sigh of relief. “No offense, Jesse,” she adds as an afterthought.

Beca, to Chloe’s pleasant surprise, looks relieved at the thought of Chloe leading them through this complete chaos.

"Are you joking?" Jesse asks, his eyes trained on Chloe’s chin. He can’t meet her eyes. “Why?” Chloe has the same question floating through her mind.

Benji hovers near Jesse’s shoulder suddenly. “Dude, it’s fine.”

Jesse shrugs in reaction to both Benji and Chloe’s non-response. "Sorry Chloe, but this was my idea.” 

Chloe knows from there that she's got him scared. It just fuels her more and she feels an almost manic excitement rise up in her. "So?"

Jesse pounces on that. "Tell them, Bec.” The nickname rolls off his tongue easily and with familiarity. 

“Tell us what?” Chloe asks.

Beca is quiet at first, clearly in deep thought. It is the most pensive Chloe has ever seen her and she would laugh at the absurdity of this entire situation if her heart were not threatening to beat right out of her chest. 

For Beca, she stands between two very viable options (though not literally because both Chloe and Jesse are staring her intently and it's kind of freaking her out). Of course she means viable options for dodgeball captainship. It is currently the most important decision of Beca’s life. She is not thinking about kissing Chloe. Not at all.

Beca’s first instinct is to throw her hands up and question why they’re all freaking out over dodgeball of all things. Beca never liked dodgeball, not even in high school and it was seen as a free gym period whenever their teacher was too exhausted to actually teach them anything useful in physical education.

She had originally suggested it to Chloe and only Chloe because she heard about the tournament from Jesse. She wanted Chloe to agree to it so they could spend some time together. Yes, with the Bellas, but some time together in an environment outside of school and acapella.

She sighs.

“Sorry dude,” she says to Jesse. “Chloe survived being friends with Aubrey for years. And she can kind of run laps around everybody on our team, so I trust her.”

The tension kind of breaks after that and the Bellas erupt into giggles. Even Benji smiles. Jesse’s lips twitch but he does not look angry. He shrugs and hands the armband to Chloe.

Beca tries not to stare too hard at the way Chloe’s arm flexes beneath the fabric of the armband, visible even beneath the opaque fabric.

She looks away quickly. 

Chloe busies herself with adjusting the armband. It’s a garish yellow color which really goes horribly with her shirt and her hair, but she doesn’t care about it. She doesn’t even feel smug about Beca choosing her over Jesse. She just feels the strangest sense of calm, paired with immense satisfaction.

Okay, maybe a little smug. She’s only human. Definitely only human. She couldn’t stop the way her heart skipped a beat or the heat that rushed through her body when Beca’s eyes tracked down her body slowly and surely.

Still, a part of her had expected Beca to support Jesse. Jesse was right, this was his idea, technically. 

But God, for as long as Chloe can remember, even meeting Beca for the first time at the activities fair and the series of events that followed, it had been remarkable to have Beca take her side on anything at all. 

It felt glorious.

Looking up finally, Chloe catches Jesse’s eyes. He doesn’t quite glare at her because he’s not a mean guy, but the look he gives her is wholly unfamiliar.

Chloe has to remind herself that Jesse’s on their team, so it isn't like she can tell him that he’s going down. 

 –x–

 “What’s some good advice?” Cynthia-Rose asks.

“Don’t die,” Amy supplies helpfully. 

Chloe privately agrees, but she figures she should tack on some actual helpful sentences. “Catch the ball when you can. Please don’t get hit by the ball. Look out for your teammates," she rattles off like a drill sergeant. 

Men and women alike nod their heads at her.

"That's all?" Jesse asks a little skeptically.

Chloe narrows her gaze on him. "Yes, pretty much.” She channels some Aubrey Posen. “Or you will die."

Amy cheers. Jesse’s face goes white. Beca looks like she’s trying not to laugh.

Honestly, Chloe’s a little serious. If dodgeball is anything like she used to play it in high school, she hopes that she can make it through the game in its entirety.

(If this is a reflection of what her life was like in high school, she truly and desperately hopes she can make it through the year in one piece.)

 –x–

 Unfortunately for Beca, she is their weakest link. While she is small like Lilly and Flo, she doesn’t quite possess their athletic grace. 

Beca’s determination is cute, though.

“Beca,” Chloe says immediately when she catches the other team whispering to each other and looking in Beca’s direction. “They know you suck.”

“How do they know that?” Beca fires back. “We haven’t done anything.”

Chloe bites back a laugh. She loves this woman. “Okay,” is all she says.

 –x–

 Beca nearly gets beaned in the face twice. Right off the bat. The sound she makes amuses Chloe to no end.

They’re two close calls and it appears that Beca knows when she’s pushing her own luck. Suddenly, she’s standing near Chloe, trying hard not to look like she's using Chloe as a human shield. Chloe feels her presence before she sees her.

“I’ll stop the ball from hitting you. All of them.” Chloe says, catching one deftly as it sails towards Beca’s face.

That catches Beca off guard more than the ball had. "You will?”

"Yeah," answers Chloe. "Of course." 

And then Chloe smiles at her like she did on that very first day.

Beca can almost feel the sunshine beating down on her head and her shoulders. Nothing feels quite as warm as the hopeful expression Chloe fixes on her and the millions of unanswered questions that float above them like a blanket of uncertainty.

"Thank you."

Chloe keeps a pleasant-enough smile for only a few seconds more, then she grows serious. "Don't thank me yet. We've barely started."

 –x–

  Benji gets hit next, right after Chloe sees another Treble go down. It is a hard hit, right on his cheek. He’s pale enough that Chloe can clearly see a perfectly circular red mark. 

Right. They’re up against a literal competitive dodgeball team.

She hopes she made it clear that they were going to barely make it out alive. She already feels sorry for Benji, but she can’t really dwell, not when Beca is–

“Beca?” she murmurs, taking a quick second to spin around.

Oh. There she is.

Beca is surprisingly holding her own. For somebody who barely knew how to punch as to not bruise and injure herself, she whips the ball with some ferocity.

 –x–

  It is not just a game to Chloe.

It stopped being a game when Beca chose her as team captain.

It stopped being a game at each moment the ball barely misses Beca by a hair and Chloe’s breath catches in her throat.

It stopped being a game a long time ago. 

Maybe even from the moment Beca walked into Chloe’s line of sight. From the moment Beca opened her mouth and sang. 

So it is not just a game. Not anymore.

Chloe is so over games.

 –x–

 It happens quickly - so quickly - that Chloe doesn’t even think about it. The ball sails towards her and she thinks quickly enough. If she moves in any direction, she leaves Beca unprotected, though Beca seems less and less concerned with protection and more concerned with whipping the ball as best as she can. 

If Chloe ducks, she thinks Jesse is behind her somewhere, but she honestly figures that he’ll catch it.

She could catch the ball, she thinks as it sails towards her unforgivingly.

Beca sees it happen too. 

She exclaims “Chlo, duck!”

So Chloe does.

 –x–

 Jesse curses as he’s hit right in the face with the ball. It causes him to stumble and nearly fall over. Chloe can hear the impact it makes. It sounds remarkably painful. When she turns, Jesse’s nose is completely red, but he isn’t bleeding. He swipes at his nose uncomfortably and looks betrayed for whatever reason. 

Chloe’s apology dies in her throat, already half-hearted and ill-formed to begin with.

 –x–

 Jesse is clearly feeling better and Chloe already regrets getting him back in the game. He is unfortunately one of their more decent throwers and he dodges well enough. He looks less winded, but he looks at Chloe reproachfully.

“You could have caught that,” he hisses, within earshot of Beca. 

“No, I couldn’t,” Chloe fires back, not even bothering to look at him.

“Guys, it’s just a game,” Beca’s voice comes from behind them. Between the two of them – Beca and Chloe – Chloe never expected Beca to be the one to play peacemaker in any situation. She is vaguely reminded of Beca breaking up her scuffle with Aubrey. Of Beca walking into a chaotic auditorium and using her voice to stop everybody in their tracks.

Beca has always had that effect on her. Chloe takes pause, momentarily forgetting the chaos around them.

Jesse’s voice cuts through again. “Yeah, Chloe!” He’s laughing, but Chloe hears no humor in his voice. Nor does she see any amusement in his eyes. It’s hollow, a little like how she feels right now. “Why are you taking this game so seriously?”

“Dude, shut up. Jesus,” Beca says quickly and quietly.

Chloe feels like she’s in high school again. Being made fun of for having a crush on the track star who would never give her the time of day. Being told again and again that her value was less than the star of the football team. Dating the second most popular boy in the class above her. Holding hands with the girl in her English class.

All of it is a mess.

She knows now that none of those callous words had been true. The stupidity of teenagers - children really - and the way they let societal perceptions mold them into monsters.  

Something catches in her chest, like the last fleeting gasp of fresh air before she’s choking on her own self-hatred. It had been bottled up for so long.

I just want to fit in.

I just want to be chosen.

She looks at Beca.

I just want you to stay. 

Something in Beca’s eyes shifts then. The change is so wondrous to Chloe that she almost forgets that she’s in a smelly high school gymnasium, surrounded by adolescents who honest-to-God paid actual cash to watch young adults make a fool of themselves.

It could be worse, Chloe thinks. Beca looks at her so softly and so lovingly that Chloe forgets about one-upping Jesse who maybe was never worth all that thought after all. Because, after all, Jesse is not mean or malicious. A little quick to assume, maybe, but they can be adults for a moment. 

She is still watching Beca when Beca’s eyes suddenly widen followed by her lips parting in a surprised gasp.

It could be wors –

 –x–

 Stay. 

That’s her last coherent thought.

 –x–

 “Chloe?” 

Chloe wonders if the feeling ever goes away. The feeling that is wrapped up in the smell of dirty gyms and the sensation of being alone in a crowded room.

Suddenly, she’s in high school again, staring breathlessly up at the endless blue sky. She had been winded from a sharp jab from her own teammate’s elbow, which caused her to trip over her own feet. 

She had only ever wanted to fit in. To be wanted.

To be loved. 

“Chloe,” Beca’s voice comes again, disembodied. “Wake up.”

 –x–

 “You should probably see a doctor,” comes Beca’s faint voice as Chloe blinks awake slowly. “You went down hard, Chlo.”

It takes Chloe a second to respond. She finds that her shoulder hurts a little bit and the side of her head is a little sore. She’s sure she has a bruise or two, but otherwise, she is fairly unscathed.

“Chloe?” Beca asks again. “You’re like...awake right?” She looks a little frightened.

“I don't need the doctor," Chloe rasps finally. The hoarseness of her voice probably does not help, but she can’t help but offer Beca a reassuring smile. She hopes it does enough.

“That’s what everybody says before it turns out that they do, in fact, need a doctor,” Beca responds sharply. She sounds a little hysterical, in all honesty.

“I’m fine. It’s fine.”

Belatedly, Chloe realizes that she is staring up at a nondescript, sloping ceiling. Pale yellow walls around her. 

“Am I in the nurse’s office?”

“Yeah, we helped carry you in here after the ball basically concussed you.” Beca finally relaxes before a smirk spreads across her lips. “I bribed one of the high schoolers to send me a video.”

Chloe feigns hurt, internally pleased when Beca flushes upon catching sight of the jut of Chloe’s lower lip. “Did we at least win?” Chloe asks. “Please tell me we won.”

“Well, I was kind of carrying you here with Cynthia-Rose and Benji.” Chloe tries to make her impatience known with just her eyes. “Okay, fine, we didn’t win.” Beca shrugs. “We were never even going to win.”

Chloe finds that she does not care about that. She finds it hard to care about anything else really because Beca looks so relieved to see her. So genuinely happy to see her.

Beca is there.

Chloe reaches out, pausing halfway in the air between her and Beca. With her hand extended, turned upwards, she waits. Beca slowly and gently places her hand in Chloe's.

"Chloe?" Beca questions.

"Just…" Chloe trails off into a pause, then, "stay, Bec." Her hold loosens, but the mere fact that it's there is enough for both of them. "Stay,” she repeats.

"Okay,” Beca murmurs, all games aside. “I will.”

And she does.

fin.

#bechloe #beca mitchell #chloe beale #dodgeball #mine #my fanfic #fanfiction #pitch perfect #bechloe week #bechloe week 2019

[tomeandflickcorner]

Umbrella Academy Rewatch 1x01

With the second season of Umbrella Academy approaching, I figured I should have a rewatch of the first season again.

Of course, we start at the beginning, with us being told that on October 1st, 1989, 43 completely unrelated women around the world miraculously gave birth at the same time.  This event was particularly unusual since none of these women had been pregnant when they’d woken up that morning.  We’re also told that Reginald Hargreeves, an eccentric billionaire and adventurer had attempted to adopt as many of these miracle babies as possible, even going so far as to approach the mothers directly and paying them to allow him to take their baby. away.  In the end, he managed to obtain seven of these unusual babies and brought them to his estate.  As it turned out, each of these seven babies had seemingly been born with a unique superhuman ability.  Luther (AKA Number 1) possessed super strength.  Diego (AKA Number 2) could control the trajectory of any object he throws, with his preference being knives.  Allison (AKA Number 3)  can manipulate people’s actions simply by saying the words ‘I heard a rumor.’  Whatever she says after those words will actually happen.  Klaus (AKA Number 4) is basically the kid from The Sixth Sense.  Number 5 (who never received an actual name for reasons that I’ll explain a little later, can teleport/time jump.  Ben (AKA Number 6) can essentially summon Lovecraftian horrors from his body.  And finally, there’s Vanya (AKA Number 7).  She allegedly doesn’t have any special abilities, so she was always left out when Reginald meticulously trained the others to be some sort of elite superhero team in the vein of X-Men, with the building they all lived in being treated like a school called The Umbrella Academy.

Of course, the main story actually begins years later, when the Hargreeves Siblings have all grown up.  And grown apart as well, as each of the siblings have, for the most part, put their old lives behind them and have therefore become estranged from one another.  In an opening montage, we’re introduced to the now-adult Hargreeves Siblings.  Luther, for reasons that are revealed later on in the show, has spent the past four years on the moon.  Diego has become a vigilante.  Allison is now a big movie star with a legion of fans. Klaus is a drug addict, and is pretty much in and out of rehab.  And Vanya is a violinist who hopes to make it into a major orchestra.  As you might have noticed, there are two of the Hargreeves Siblings that haven’t been accounted for.  As the episode explains as it progresses, Number 5 mysteriously disappeared 17 years prior, and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.  And Ben has died for reasons that are as of yet unknown.

As the opening montage wraps up, Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus and Vanya all learn that Reginald Hargreeves has suddenly passed away.  So they all return to his old estate to attend his funeral.  Though, upon arriving, it’s made very clear that Diego is not the least bit pleased to see Vanya.  It turns out that, at some point, Vanya wrote an autobiography about her life growing up as the odd one out among the others.  And she apparently revealed some of the Hargreeves family’s deepest, darkest secrets within her autobiography.  So this has pretty much further ostracized Vanya from hier siblings, particularly Diego.  Though Allison seems to be willing to look past that in light of the current situation.

Anyway, the next few minutes of the episode allows us to get to know our main characters, and how they interact with one another.  Diego, as we’ve established, isn’t very pleased to see Vanya, which does’t help with how she already felt like an outsider amongst her siblings.  And Luther also seems mistrustful of Klaus, though this wasn’t entirely undeserved, as he stopped Klaus from trying to pocket some of Reginad’s old trinkets.  Off hand, only Allison seems somewhat normal, as she responds with reasonable softness to each of her long-lost siblings.  However, it seems even she has some sort of baggage, as she admits her husband filed for divorce 8 months ago, and her now-ex-husband has full custody of their daughter, something that clearly upsets her a great deal.  During this whole sequence of events, we also meet Grace. who was, for all intents and purposes, the Hargreeves Siblings’ mother, and Pogo, the family butler who is, to put it bluntly, an anthropomorphic chimpanzee.  (Just roll with it.)

As the episode progresses, Luther makes it clear that, despite the autopsy report stating Reginald died of a heart attack, he suspects foul play was involved somehow.  He points out that Reginald’s signature monocle was missing, and he and suspects that somebody took it.  And if somebody took the monocle, it meant that Reginald hadn’t been alone when he died.  Of course, Luther’s attempts at sharing this theory with his brothers and sisters goes poorly when he clumsily makes it sound as if he suspects one of them might have murdered Reginald.

In spite of the tangible rift between them, we do get a small indication that there’s still a deep-rooted bond between the siblings when Luther plays a vinyl recording of Tommy James and the Shondells’ I Think We’re Alone Now.  Even though the five siblings are all in different rooms, they all are shown dancing to the same song.  It’s a particularly enjoyable scene, particularly when the camera pans out to what I call ‘the dollhouse shot.’

However, the dance party is interrupted by a sudden disturbance out in the courtyard.  When the five siblings run outside to investigate, Luther surmises it’s some sort of temporal anomaly.  (Lucky guess!)  As they watch in confusion and bemusement, a figure emerges from the time portal.  To everyone’s amazement, the figure is revealed to be Number 5, who hasn’t seemed to age a day since the morning he vanished 17 years ago.

The Hargreeves Siblings convene down to the kitchen, where Number 5 fixes himself a snack.  As he proceeds to make himself a sandwich (peanut butter and marshmallow), Number 5 explains his prolonged absence happened because he went against Reginald’s instructions and attempted to travel through time, resulting in him getting stuck in the future.  And, while it’s been 17 years since his disappearance for the other Hargrees Siblings, it’s been 45 years for him.  But he managed to finally find a way to return to the present day through some technobabble explanation.  But for whatever reason, while his consciousness remains that of a 58 year old man, his body has regressed to that of his 13-year-old self.  Although, he doesn’t really explain anymore than that and simply walks off, leaving his brothers and sisters to take it all in.

Of course, it then cuts to the funeral service, with everyone gathered out in the courtyard to pay their last respects to Reginald.  But of course, drama erupts when Diego begins an emotional rant about how Reginald was a horrible man and father.  Which wasn’t entirely off the mark, as we see through flashbacks that he might have also conducted experiments on the Hargraves Siblings.  Here, it’s also revealed that Reginald never gave any of them their names and had simply referred to them by their individual numbers.  It was their mother, Grace, who had given them their actually names.  (Which does explain why Number 5 doesn’t have a real name like the others.  He must have vanished to the future before Grace began issuing names)  This ultimately leads to a fist fight breaking out between Diego and Luther. In the ensuing fight, the statue that had been erected in the late Ben’s memory is broken, and Diego ends up throwing one of his knives at Luther, leaving a bleeding gash in his arm.

So, things are clearly still strained between the Hargraves Siblings, who all soon part.  Vanya is the first to leave, with only Pogo seeing her off.   Diego heads off soon afterwards (with Klaus tagging along).  Number 5, however, retreats to a local doughnut shop called Griddy's Donuts, hoping to get a decent cup of coffee.  But before he can begin his drink, he notices a group of men armed with guns entering the shop.  Number 5 doesn’t seem to be the least bit surprised by this, simply remarking he thought it would take them longer to find him.  The leader of the armed men instructs Number 5 to come with them.  But Number 5 chooses to not cooperate.  And he proceeds to utilize his teleportation skills to meticulously kill every single one of the gunmen, as Istanbul (not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants plays over the scene.  Once all the men are dead, he calmly cuts into his arm with a discarded knife, putting out what appears to be a tracking chip.  With the tracking chip removed, he calmly walks out of Griddy’s Donuts, as the poor waitress (whose name will be revealed to be Agnes in later episodes) peers over the counter at the remaining mess and dead bodies, completely shell shocked.

As the first episode wraps up, we see Diego has Reginald's missing monocle, though it’s not clear at this point how or why he has it.  We also get our first glimpse of Ben, the deceased member of the Hargraves Siblings.  Even though he is dead, he is present in the show as a ghost.  Though only Klaus can see and hear him on account of his ‘superpower.’  As for Vanya, she returns to her apartment, where she is shocked to find Number 5 has broken in.  Vanya is quick to spot he’s bleeding (on account of his self-inlicted cut), but Number 5 virtually waves away her concern.  He tells her that he’s decided to share some vital information with her, since he feels she’s the only one he can trust.  Throughout the episode, it was implied that Vanya and Number 5 had been rather close as kids.  For instance, after Number 5 had vanished, Vanya had made a habit of leaving out peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches for him every night, because she didn’t want him to go hungry if he ever returned.  As such, Number 5 tells Vanya that, when he jumped ahead in time, he learned that something catastrophic will happen in the future that will effectively wipe out the entire human race.  While he wasn’t sure what exactly caused the apocalypse to happen, he was able to determine the date it occurred- exactly eight days from the present date.   Vanya takes this bombshell surprisingly well.

Well, that’s quite an opening episode.  We got a group of siblings with a strained relationship, a suitable mystery on our hands and a fast-approaching end of the world. Not to mention the whole weirdness the show just expects us to accept with no actual explanation.  All in all, this episode does effectively rope you in, leaving you with a bunch of questions that you want to see answered.

Additional things of note:

Grace is revealed to be a robot.  Which explains how she sometimes seems to be out of it at certain points in the episode

Vanya is taking what appears to be a prescription medication 

The exploits of the Hargraves Siblings as a superhero team led to them having a certain level of fame.  There were even comic books made about them in the show’s reality.

Even though Luther made him drop Reginald’s trinkets, Klaus still managed to make off with an ornate box with currently unknown contents

#umbrella acedmy #umbrella academy 1x01