#I inherited it from my grandma who is no longer able to wear all of her amazing fashion

[luccorvus]

Not to brag, but...

#I inherited it from my grandma who is no longer able to wear all of her amazing fashion #when I saw Ken wearing a similar one I felt so proud haha #I strive to have the same fashion sense as my grandma and Ken 🌸💕 #Barbie

[creativeashproductions]

Lost Time // Luke Patterson

Summary: Things changed since Sunset Curve fell apart literally as three out of four members died before a gig. Leaving a sad girl behind Luke by chance runs into the reader with someone else. Death tore the couple apart, and time can’t fix this.

Warning: Talk of death, depression, angst and fluff

Words: 2.2k

Might as well join the Julie and the Phantoms fan club!

*For the sake of the story the time frame has been altered, it takes place in the mid-2000s. Also! I tried to make the reader as generalized as I could to make sure that everyone can relate. The reader is Alex’s sister, for inclusion that can be biological, adopted, half or stepsiblings. I want to make sure all people can be the reader.

Masterlist

THIS IS FROM MY SECONDARY BLOG! REPOST!!

The 1990s was definitely some of the best years of your life watching your brother grow more comfortable in his identity. Alex had kept his sexuality secret, taking the frustration of the secret by learning how to play the drums. You would often be found curled on the chair listening to his growing talent; Alex was a great brother.

Alex found friends in three local boys Reggie, Bobby and Luke, even a little more than friends with Luke briefly. By 1991 the boys had formed a band Sunset Curve with each other and a loyal fan in you. By mid-1994 the band had a fanbase and some gigs, but playing The Orpheum was the goal.

Luke had admitted to Alex, he had feelings for you, and with a lot of encouragement from Alex, he approached you. Luke had been focused on music since his parents gave him his first guitar, so relationships weren’t even on the backburner.

“Hey.” Luke spoke, pressing a kiss to your cheek backstage, “Missed you.”

His hair tickled your skin, bringing a bright smile from the teenage boy and a deep blush from you, private time wasn’t as often as it once had been. After Luke’s fallout with his parents a few months back, he had couch surfed between Reggie and Alex’s rooms; he wasn’t allowed in yours.

“You saw me last night.”

“A monumental time.” Luke bent his bend to place a lingering kiss on your bare shoulder, his jacket having fallen down, “Three years together and a bright future ahead.”

Last night had been the third anniversary of your relationship and hopefully the previous night worrying on parents walking in, cheap dates Luke often felt guilty about. Luke knew in his bones playing The Orpheum tonight would open the door to a legendary future. A future where money wasn’t tight and he could you on dates he deemed acceptable for the love of his life.

Bobby voiced brought Sunset Curve’s lead singer back to that moment, you dropped from the stage to settle in the empty audience to watch the soundcheck. With a wink from Alex, he started making the beat to Now or Never, you beamed as they poured their souls into the song. The four were talented and made to be in a band together even if you didn’t really like Bobby.

Cringing at the awkward wink Bobby sent you turned on your converse to head to the bar for a glass of water. Thanking the bartender, you tuned out the conversation with the waitress and the band only jumping when arms wrapped around your waist.

“We’re getting street dogs.” Luke spoke, bringing your body to rest on his chest, “Do you want one?”

The thought of those street dogs honestly horrifying given they were cooked in some random guys car. The one time you tried, it had permanently tattooed the taste in your memories forever, and just remembering was vomit-inducing.

 “I’ll pass.” You wrinkled your nose, turning to wrap your arms around his neck, “I don’t know how you guys like those.”

“Tradition.” Luke shrugged caressing your cheekbone with the pad of this thumb. Gazing at features he wanted to wake up to for the rest of his life, “Still down with the plan?”

“The minute I’m eighteen, we go to the nearest chapel.” You grinned playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’ll be waiting Rockstar.”

Luke pressed a long passionate kiss on your lips, pulling away to jog over to Alex and Reggie waiting at the door. Bobby having declined the street dog invitation to flirt with the waitress Rose. Alex waved before the door closed. Little did you know that would be the last time you saw them alive.

1995 was the worst year of your life. 1996 was the hardest, especially with the forever reminder of your love. You wouldn’t trade 1996 for the world however, only wishing for one change.

Los Angeles, 2004

Alex, Reggie and Luke had learnt a mere few days away from that life had drastically changed forever. Firstly, the three boys had died from eating the street dogs mere hours before performing on the stage of The Orpheum. Secondly, it was no longer 1995 but instead nearly ten years had past bringing the three ghosts into 2004.

The most jarring wasn’t being able to be heard playing music with a random girl named Julie but that the most constant part of the band no longer was there. You hadn’t died that night, and Alex was pretty sure you were still alive. Luke felt lost waking up without you beside him and the deep regret of not reconciling with his parents.

It would be a week before Luke would swallow his pride enough to orb himself into his unchanged childhood home. Emily, Luke’s mom, was in the well-worn chair knitting a scarf Luke recognized as his favourite colours. Mitch was in the kitchen, putting the groceries away. It was heartbreaking being invisible to his aged parents.

“Hey, Mom.” Luke sniffled sitting on the couch nearby staring at his silent mother, “Sorry for not visiting sooner.”

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes feeling hopeless, not being able to ease his parents’ pain, the regret and guilt bubbling to the surface.

“How is Y/N? I bet she’s living in New York of London now. We promised to travel the world together. Part of me is guilty of wishing she had eaten a street dog that night so we could be together.” Luke sobbed, wrapping his arms around his midsection reminiscing on the beautiful girl he had unwillingly left.

“Hey.” Mitch spoke, kissing his wife’s forehead. Her eyes closing in contentment.

“I wonder if you know where Reg and Alex’s parents are. Reggie’s neighbourhood was torn down who knows when. It makes me scared to see if Alex and Y/N’s parents still have their place. I don’t think so. They lost their son.”

“Hey Luke.”

Luke glanced over his shoulder to see Alex at the door, reluctant to impose of Luke’s privacy.

“Yeah.”

“We’re rehearsing.” Alex spoke, smiling as the other teenager took one more wistful look at his parents before orbing out of his house to the Molina family’s garage. Minutes later, the front door opening and feet thudding brought the noise to the Patterson home.

“Grandma!”

A four-foot blue of green and black blur covered the room in seconds nearly sprawling Mitch to the floor. Why was that 1996 year difficult? Well, ’95 was when Sunset Curve tragically died, and a stick changed your life. ’96 was spent going through the last five months of pregnancy without Luke.

October 1995

You kept your lips pressed tightly together, unable to look at the smooth, shiny mahogany rectangle surrounded by flowers. Looking up meant the reality kicking in. Funerals sucked. Especially the third funeral in the last handful of days. It was surreal thinking that one week ago you had kissed your boyfriend and hugged your brother and now they were dead. Gone. Not even a goodbye.

“Are you okay?” The broke voice asked, gaining your attention. Swollen red eyes matching yours held unimaginable pain. While the last few months had been icy with your parents, it didn’t mean losing one of their kids didn’t sting.

“I will be.” You whispered clasping your hands over the scratchy black velvet dress, one you had worn three times too many.

The sobs broke out seeing the best picture Alex had taken in his life, it encapsulated his best features; his beaming smile and kind, caring eyes. Alex was gone. Your brother was gone because he ate a bad hot dog with his friends. You would never see your boys again. Never feel Luke’s skin or share a laugh with Alex or complain about things with Reggie. You wouldn’t get to meet in the chapel with Luke wearing second hand ‘fancy’ clothing. In one night, your life changed.

It changed further seeing the two lines on the test later that night. The heartache growing. The baby you carried would never meet his uncles and his Dad. Would never hear them play or learn to play. ’95 and ’96 sucked ass.

You sighed, closing the door to follow the rambunctious ball of energy into the living room where he entertained Mitch and Emily. Some days it was difficult to stare into the green eyes he inherited from his father.

“Benjamin Lucas.” You spoke crossing your arms, meeting the gaze of the eight-year-old boy, “What did I say?”

“To not runoff.” Ben quietly replied, playing with his hands. His messy brown hair, in need of a trim, falling into his eyes, “Sorry Mom.”

“Please don’t do it again.” You gently told the little boy elated as he quickly found the toy box in the corner of the room.

Ben was loved deeply by Mitch and Emily, who had stepped up when your parents made the decision to sell your childhood home. Wanting Ben to know his paternal grandparents, you had struggled to find an apartment and job to say in the neighbourhood. Since the baby was the last part of their son, the Patterson parents’ had welcomed you into the home where you stayed until Ben was two.

“Do you want us to come around for Luke’s birthday?” You questioned sitting on the love seat, the same love seat you had made out on with Luke many times during movies.

The room turned sad at the question and reminded that for the ninth year, you would celebrate Luke’s birthday without him. A day where Ben wouldn’t fully understand. Emily simply nodded her head.

 “Have you met anyone?” Mitch asked, leaning over to clasp his hands together. For the last few years, they had been pushing you to date. They wanted your happiness and for Ben to have a father even if Luke couldn’t be it.

“Mama can we stay here tonight?” Ben’s innocent voice cut the tension, saving you from answering the question again. Mitch and Emily each nodded their heads at the question, unable to tell the young boy no.

“Have you ate?” Emily asked, turning to look at you in concern. The chuckle left your mouth at the question she frequently requested, she missed cooking for more than two.

“We had pasta before we came.” You replied, turning to gaze out the window to the dark sky, “I should put Ben to bed.”

The soft whine from your son and denial was a nightly routine and very much a mirror image to Luke’s character as well. With a smile, Emily held out her hand to her grandchild, she was notoriously the only one able to get Ben to sleep fast.

 “Come on Bug.”

It seemed the universe was keeping Luke from seeing you and discovering Ben, but when that night came, he was shocked. Emily was curled up on the patio couch, watching Ben in the newly bought sandbox. The patio doors opened. Inside, Mitch had invited a stranger who knew his son into the house.

 “I think I heard the doorbell. I’ll be right back.” Emily called out to you. You had found shade under the tree reading a new book.

The soft cry had you up and running to Ben before you even realized, on his knee was a bleeding wound. You had already scooped the boy into your arms to quickly get into the kitchen. The moment your foot stepped into the home, the sound of a familiar voice and song filled the house.

Gently placing Ben on his feet, you followed the sound to the living room. Across the room behind a young girl stood a boy.

“Luke.” You breathed floored at the sight of the teenager who looked exactly like he did back in ’95. The ghost singing widened his eyes at yours, taking in the mature features and change of fashion.

He continued to sing the song Unsaid Emily he had written as an apology to his mom following the last big fight. The song he never got to show her. His voice faded as the ending of the song came around.

“Mama!” Your attention broke from Luke’s when a tiny hand reached for yours. The pain in his voice bringing you back to the most important part of your life, “It hurts Mama.”

Despite being sad, Mitch was the one to cross the room to lift the little boy into his arms. Placing the little boy on the counter, the man gently wet a paper towel to wash the area.

“I think he needs stitches.” Mitch sighed, furrowing his brows.

“Who is that?” Luke asked the Molina girl. The girl shrugged taking in the features she could recognize. Julie asked Emily.

“That’s Ben.” Emily beamed, looking over her shoulder at the little boy that filled the void of Luke’s death. It didn’t fix the wound or erase the pain, but Ben’s existence helped with the loss as he was a precious gift, “When Luke passed away his girlfriend Y/N found out she was pregnant with Luke’s baby.”

The choked sob fell from Luke’s mouth echoed by the thud of his knees, hitting the floor in the pure shock. The heartbreak painted so clear Julie was sure she could feel Luke’s agony.

God, why did Luke have to eat that fucking street dog. Fuck his band dreams. Nothing hurt as bad as finding out about Ben and Y/N having to be a single parent.

“I have a son?” Luke cried, orbing himself as far as he could from the Patterson home and his most tremendous loss.

Part Two

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[wherearemyglassesbro]

How did each character get their vision in your Genshin Impact AU?

YEAHHH BABEY LETS GOOOO!!!

Some key terms so everyone can be included even if they haven’t played Genshin!

Visions: “The one thing that is known for certain is that Visions are conduits for their associated elements. However, the means by which Visions allow their wielders to harness elemental energy, and what is exchanged for this power, is a mystery.... When a god has deemed a person worthy of a Vision, there are two ways they can receive it: A new Vision appears before them in the blink of an eye, or an old Vision from a now-deceased person can be reawakened by resonating with someone else. It is also suggested that an active Vision can be abandoned and taken up by another person, but how exactly that works is unknown.” -the Genshin Wiki

Mondstadt: modeled after Germany

Liyue: modeled after China

Knights of favonious: an organization of knights within Mondstat, they act as peacekeepers! Helpful people!!

Hilichurls and Ruin Guards: common enemies found in the wild

Abyss Order: an organization of evil, fuzzy mages

The Fatui: all you really need to know about them is that they’re also an evil organization but...humans not monsters

Cryo: ice, Anemo: air(I realize I forgot this in the last post oops!), Geo: rock, Pyro: fire, Electro: lightning, Hydro: water, Dendro: nature

——————————————

Arthur(Dendro): Arthur never thought he’d get a vision. His oldest brother, Alastair, got a Pyro vison when he was 10. And his youngest brother Peter got an Anemo vision when he was 7. Arthur waited and waited and was totally convinced that he’d be visionless. But that’s fine! Plenty of people don’t have visions. His own parents and uncles didn’t even have visions! When Arthur left home at 17 to go to Mondstat to study, his travels were extremely lonely. He had to walk the whole way there, living with just the clothes on his back and a rickity tent to sleep in. He lost motivation about halfway through his trip, breaking down crying beside a big, mossy rock. The Dendro Archon pitied him and slipped a vision into his hand while he rubbed his face. The moss from the rock settled around his shoulders to hug him...And he was just...overcome with joyful sobs. The fact that the Dendro Archon had so much faith in him??? Wow...That’s what kept him going all the way to Mondstat, trudging up the stone steps to collapse on the smooth stairs of the Knights of Favonious’s Headquarters. He’s worked for them since then, receiving tutoring and now working full time as a translator :) since he received his vision, he’s grown leaves out of his head and his freckles turned green. He was born with snake eyes :)

Alfred(Pyro): Alfred and Matthew got their visions the same day. The two were allowed to go adventuring by their parents. They could go anywhere they want as long as they got home bedore dinner time! Alfred, the more energetic of the two, would always run ahead and drag Matt around to new, interesting outside their city. They often went to play on nearby ancient ruins, digging up old artifacts and playing with broken swords they found in the dirt. But one day, they stumbled upon a ruin guard. The machine sat, covered in vines. They assumed it was no longer in service and Matt climbed on top of it to try to pry the head open but uhhh it came to life and literally tried to kill them. It threw the twins hard against a wall and it crumbled, falling on top of them. The gods saw what happened and froze time for a few seconds to place visions into their hands. Alfred woke up very scared but this new power...was reassuring. He realized the gods were on their side! That was the best day of his life. He still goes on adventures! That day inspired him to keep going and to help others :)

Matthew(Anemo): Matthew received his vision at the same time as Alfred. The two were in a great deal of danger and the gods really did take pity upon them. But the Pyro Archon did not think that Matthew would be a good candidate for a Pyro vision. So the Anemo Archon stepped in and bestowed an Anemo vision upon the older twin. Matt was quite literally blown away by his own newfound ability to wield the wind. Together, the twins were able to create a fire tornado which blew the ruin guard off its feet, giving them enough time to sprint away. The slow, rusty beast unable to follow. That day was pretty traumatic for Matt because....he almost died....But hes grown so much since then. The twins were only 12 when they got their visions. He still has no desire for hand to hand combat, that’s why he practices alchemy :)

Francis(Hydro): I find every excuse to bring Jeanne into my AUs just to give Francis some spicy trauma (that’s a joke please don’t come at me). Francis was visionless but Jeanne was gifted her Vision from the Hydro Archon when she was 10. Jeanne was noble, loyal, helpful and kind. The Hydro Archon thought she was worthy of their power! Jeanne got very sick when she was 12 and her condition worsened until she peacefully passed when she was 15. Francis was ruined by her death. Her parents have him her vison. It died with her but carrying it with him and hearing the little bell on the end jingle was comforting. The following year, on the anniversary of her death, he sat under the moonlight singing her favorite song. The Hydro Archon’s heart broke for him and as he sang, they deactivated the vision. Francis cradled it in his hands and cried, his tears dripping down his face to collect in a small floating pool over the ground. In her honor, he learned to artfully wield water, having it swirl around him and his crew while they performed. Even though he knows the Hydro Archon brought it back for him, he likes to believe that Jeanne is providing him with strength and support from beyond :’)

Ivan(Cryo): Ivan has been a nomad almost his entire life. He travels all around to study hilichurls and their way of life. He’s lived with tribes of hilichurls, learned to write and speak their language, learned their style of finger paintings and carvings, cooked with them...Hes participated in almost all aspects of hilichurl life and in return, he provides them with plenty of boar meat and protection. He lived with a tribe in Dragonspine, the coldest area in all of Mondstat, and despite frostbite nipping at his fingers, he’d still go out of his way to hunt for the tribe. While hunting, he saw a saw a dull blue blinking under the snow. He stuck his hand down there and found a woman who had frozen to death. Her ghost greeted him and assured him that she wouldn’t hurt him. She explained that she’d been missing for years and thanked him for finally finding her. She gave him her Cryo vision and he went down the mountain to get others to come back with him to retrieve her so she could be properly buried at the Church of Mondstat where she belonged. Now Ivan can shatter ice at his own will, the woman had been very weak with her vison but he built it up to be stronger and work with his own style of fighting and living. When he lives with tribes in warmer areas, he makes popsicles for the hilichurls so they can cool down :D

Yao(Dendro): Yao grew up waaaay outside of Liyue Harbor. He wasn’t rich but he wasn’t poor. His grandparents had a silk flower farm where they just grew tons of silk flowers, even making their own perfumes too. Yao’s parents inhereted the land when they got married and intended for Yao to carry on the legacy of the Wang family perfumery but the Fatui seized the land and kicked the Wang family off of it. His grandparents passed and his parents retired to Qingce Village to live out the rest of their years peacefully. They offered for Yao to come but he refused, wanting to return their name to its rightful glory! He worked in many shops as a delivery boy, cleaned the streets, took commissions for deliveries outside of Liyue Harbor. He worked HARD in order to buy a shop right in the center of the city. The Dendro Archon admired his perseverance despite him being so young! And while he slept, he reactivated Yao’s grandmother’s Dendro vision, leaving it on the pillow next to his head. Yao nearly passed out when he woke up and saw it!! It was the surprise of a lifetime! He ran as fast as he could until he was out of the city, standing on one of the rocky hills overlooking Liyue Harbor. He held his grandma’s jade polearm in his hands and slammed it into the rocks, screaming joyfully as they split and vines rose up around him, flying every which and cracking like whips! He’d learn to control the power passed down to him and make his grandparents proud :’)

Kiku(Electro): Kiku’s father is a badass. He lost his eye in battle and keeps his vision orb in his eye socket. So he has one, normal brown eye and one bright purple eye with the Electro symbol in it. If that isn’t intimidating....I don’t know what would be. Kiku always wanted to be like him, his father is his role model. He doesn’t have a mom so his dad raised him to be a badass but...a more subtle badass. Kiku’s family was apparently full of Electro vision wielders so he hoped he would get one too! His father told him about his uncles and grandparents having Electro visions and how they worked together as an unstoppable team! The way Kiku earned his vision...Was not what he had in mind. He worked as a patrol soldier when he was 18, making sure the border of his country was safe. He and 12 others were approached by Fatui guards and pretty much....slaughtered. Kiku’s close friend had gotten his Vision when he was 8 after inheriting it from his great grandmother. It was apparent that his friend wouldn’t make it. After a tearful goodbye, his friend passed his Vision onto him. Kiku wears his vision proudly, a symbol of eternal trust and friendship. Kiku now works with the Fatui, profiting of off their greed more than even they know. He hates them but by working with them, he’s keeping the locals safe.

Lovino(Pyro): Lovi’s story is kinda sad. Grandpa Roma’s vision was meant to be his because he’s the first born grandson but the vision rejected him. It never turned on. Lovino became so frustrated that he passed it over to Feli...And it came to life within a week. Lovino felt betrayed, angry and resentful towards his brother. It wasn’t fair!!! How could this happen? So instead, Lovi rejected the Hydro Archon and built a shrine for the Pyro Archon. He made offerings of flowers, stew, chili peppers, wine, anything he could get his hands on. He sat in saunas to develop a tolerance for heat and trained until he was almos passed out. He prayed and did everything he could to get the Pyro Archons attention but still, he didn’t get a vision. By now, Feli had his own vision for three years and was mastering archery. Lovino had enough. He gathered twigs and weeds, stomping out into a clearing “Hey! I know you can hear me! What do I have to do to prove myself to you? I’ve done everything I can! Are you too afraid to give it to me? Huh??? Pussy! Fucking let me-“ uh oh. Now the Pyro Archon was mad. They decided to give him a chance, they could always take it away or kill him if he failed. The vision appeared in his palm and the weeds in his hands burst into flames. He screamed in agony, his arms on fire now. He kept off of a nearby cliff down into the ocean to put out the flames....but he had it. A vision...He’s been ruthless since then. Owning a flower shop and kicking ruin guards asses when they stomp around in the flower fields

Feliciano(Hydro): Feli has always felt guilty about his vision. It was meant to be Lovino’s but it awakened for him instead. He trained when Lovi wasn’t around, everything he did was subtle and quiet because every glimpse of his vision angered his brother. Feli didn’t want that, he wanted them to be close again :( he got lonely when his brother was gone and sound talk to his Vision the way he used to talk to Grandpa Roma. He’s grateful that he received his grandpas vison though!! It was very powerful when it was with Roma but with Feli, it’s significantly weaker because he just doesn’t have the same battle experience. He doesn’t even want it anyway. He is a peaceful guy who enjoys archery and singing in the church choir :) he has no desire for violence the way his brother does.

Ludwig(Geo): Ludwig inherited his fathers vision. He’s still alive but after losing an arm while on knight duty, he retired and gave his vision to Ludwig. The vision easily accepted Lud as its new owner, glowing brightly every time he touched it. The Geo Archon likes strong, loyal and intelligent people and Lud perfectly fits those preferences. Lud was 18 when he got his father’s vision so by now he had already been a knight in training for the knights of favonious! After intense training and an obscene amount of testing, he became a full blown knight capable of fighting monsters when need be. He’s very respected by the civilians of Mondstat and truly makes his father proud.

Gilbert(Pyro): Gilbert has broken many laws in his time and breaking into a very dangerous ruin was probably the best thing he ever did. He found tons of crispy, burnt skeletons in there and lots of fire flowers who spat sparks at him as he walked by. In a bigger flower...He saw a glint and thought ‘Aw yeah!! There’s a gemstone in there! That’s gonna be worth so much money!!!’ So he stuck his hand right into the smoldering flower, getting 4th degree burns as he ripped an ancient vision out of it. The thing had to be centuries old. It’s gold casing was bent and covered in dried blood both Gil’s and whoever else had owned it before. When the vison came to life in his hand, he could feel tbe the energy within was very old... it was later determined that it was likely one of the first batch of visions gifted to the human race by the Archons! Historians tried to buy it from him. It for once, Gil set his greed aside and kept the vison for himself! The vision radiated happy energy at that so he assumed that it was happy he kept it

Please ignore the spelling errors or I will barf 🙂

#Genshintalia au #aph #hetalia #ask away! #headcanons #hetalia headcanons #asks #always up for hc requests #aph france #aph england #aph america #aph canada #aph russia #aph germany #aph china #aph japan #aph italy #aph romano #aph prussia #aph allies #aph axis

[elistariel]

I'm bored off my ass, so here's what going on in my life as of Sunday, September 27, 2020 at 11:44 pm.

- Still working from "home." (Grandparents' house, but close enough 🤷🏻‍♀️).

- work finally picked back up, I had been working one to two days (3-6 hours) a week due to cancellations and whatever else. I managed to get 20 hours this week.

- Herman, my cat has been less than helpful. Nothing like being tethered to your laptop by your headset and your cat decides to start clawing the furniture and you cannot reach him. I'm pretty sure they call monitors that still have to listen to us are getting a great kick of me yelling at my cat between phone calls. "Stop licking the floor you weirdo!" must be a favorite by now. I'm still waiting for him to loudly MEOW right into the microphone as I'm doing a survey.

- one of my great aunts (in her 90s) passed away. She had been declining for a while for a while. Not to be Debbie Downer, but her husband and one of her sisters don't seem far behind. (Maybe a few years at best 🤷🏻‍♀️). It's weird, in a a way, to see people you saw as the grown-ups, those who knew how to handle everything and knew what was what - get OLD. It puts a certain perspective on where you and those closest to you are in life. One day, everyone you looked up to, everyone you looked to for advice, will be gone. (Not literally, there will technically be experts the same age and younger, but hopefully you get my meaning there).

- We had been cleaning out my great grandma's house. (She's still around, just old, nearly blind, dementia and in facility.) Still have a metric fuckton to go through. So. Many. Photos and cards and clothes and pens and buttons and porn and scarves and coat hangers and obituaries and notes in phone books from 1997...

- No, you didn't need to do the double take on that list. I said porn. Nothing like finding your great grandpa's VHS porn stash. I loved how he had his porn in the living room TV cabinet, but had the box of home movies (birthdays, beach trips and Christmas under the bed.) My Pa was a WWII vet who died in 2005.

- Been trying to finally organize Christmas photos from at least 1995 on up into albums. I have earlier, but with the amount of photos I have and the types of photo albums I have the 1995 ones were just a good place to start.

- Wasn't exactly sure what year some of the Christmas photos were taken, so I figured out some tricks to use when trying to date photos. Just so we are clear, this is for actual paper photos. I mean I guess this could work for digital photos too, but with this I was working with the actual paper photos like from the 35mm film that we used to use way back in the day. Also I have a large extended family.

1.) Babies. My older cousins had their babies between 1996 and 2003. I was looking to see which of my younger cousins were in the photos. One baby? 1996 or 1997. Two babies? 1998, 1999 or 2000, etc. 2.) Outfits / Pick one person, and pull out all of the photos of that one person in that particular outfit. Then look at a photo where they are in a group and pick another person, repeat. Soon you'll have a stack from that particular day. 3.) Presents can help date a photo. You aren't going to get the 1999 Christmas Barbie in 1997.

- Been binge watching Haven on Tubi TV. I watched it on Syfy when it originally came on back in 2010, but I didn't really keep up with it back then and I wasn't sure what was going on with the show entirely and I'm pretty sure I never finished it. While I moved into the house I'm in now in 2008, 2010 feels so long ago that it feels like I should have watched the show when I was in my last place I lived in (2006-2008).

- that last bit where it feels like it should have been longer ago than it was, is probably due to some like inadvertent furniture arranging. I've gotten newer couches over the years and I've also kind of moved from my living room to my like office area over the years. Basically, I sort of inherited a large iMac desktop and the only place it would go is in my living room or my old TV was. Then I got rid of cable and just started using my Roku. Because I had the Roku I was using it in my office, as that's where my flat screen TV was now. In a way (slightly), it's almost like I "moved", so it just feels different now than back in 2010? Does that make a lick of sense, I know what I mean, but I'm not sure how to word it exactly. Lol

- I honestly, can barely remember what it was like having to choose what I watch based on what's currently on TV, at this very moment. Bless streaming TV.

- This is random, but I don't even remember what month I started binge watching Time Trax to keep me entertained during the pandemic, but it feels so, SO long ago.

- A cousin had her third son this past Thursday. Had no clue she was expecting. Neither did anyone else at my great aunt's funeral. FYI she and baby did not come. We found out from her aunt. Many, many people did not come, which of course is understandable.

- Shit. I still need to write someone a thank you card for the birthday gift they actually took time to make me. My birthday was in August. 🤦🏻‍♀️

- Been cutting up really old gel pens and using them to make inkblot art. When I say old, I mean like from 2001 to 2003ish. Using a embroidery? needle to get the ink out and smear on the paper. if you're wondering why I've kept gel pens, from nearly 20 years that don't work ... Because hoarder. Actually I've just had them so long and that I've just gotten used to them being around and normally don't even think about them.

- Can masks still be a thing after the pandemic? I don't mean a required thing, but like we should be able to wear masks in public if we have the flu, just don't feel like doing makeup or whatever. I want to be able to voluntarily wear a mask and not get flack for it. Make it like a fashion accessory. Just so we're clear, this is coming from a person who wears glasses and can't see shit with her mask on.

-claimed (won for 75¢) a couch slipcover on Geek. I have absolutely no idea how to properly put it on the couch and my grandparents house, but my cat has claimed The wanted fabric as a bed. So, I'm calling it a win. I also claimed a pet bed through the limited quantity deal, I didn't think my cat would pay any attention to it, but he actually loves it. Epic win. Oh, and I b also claimed a cat tree. I did have to leave the little cat house off of the top of it as it was WAAAAAY too small for my cat.

#life update #thought dump #whats going on #i think this covers it

[sanguinarius-archive]

im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

#asks #tfb #treatsforbeasts #sanguinarius #ok 2 rb #deerlcorn

[ladytauria]

.

vent post, this time not in the tags bc i need more like... space to say what i want + formatting options.

under a readmore, so if u don’t want to hear my ranting, pls pls skip over it, it rly isn’t anything overly serious i just need to vent :)

tw / cw: religion, jehovah’s witnesses, mild political discussion, coronavirus / covid mention

so! there are two (broad) topics of discussion i prefer to avoid with my grandmother. the first is anything that might result in her bringing up the witnesses. the second, is politics. usually a lot of topics fall into both, but some lean more heavily one way or the other. (there is a third, actually: my health. i like to avoid that bc i feel like she talks over me / blows things out of proportion. it’s bc she cares but it’s annoying, and i don’t like it.

friday, she was talking to her sister-in-law / one of my (many) great aunts. now, her sil is an idiot, much like my grandma’s brother. but, she said something about how “she didn’t care if she god covid because at least she would be going to a better place.”

now. one thing you should know if you don’t already --- witnesses don’t believe that you go to heaven or hell when you die. they believe a select amount of people (the anointed) go to heaven after death. everyone else dies & is essentially like... asleep / unconscious / no longer with us until armageddon comes, after which all of those who refuse to follow what they should will die & “the meek will inherit the earth.” by which they mean those who follow the way as written by their version of the bible.

so that clarified. my grandma usually won’t say anything when someone says it to her---not even when my mom died in ‘16, and people were like “at least she’s in a better place now.” because usually they’re being nice, and also, there’s no point. but she will sometimes say something later. not usually if they were being nice, of course---but. anyway.

so she was telling me about it and i made a comment like, “it’s always so weird to me how people who are so mean / rude to others are always the most certain that they’re going to heaven.” bc my great aunt is---not the nicest. at all. and anyway, my grandma agreed with me but then she said, like,

“especially people who are political.” because the jw are very like---against voting & stuff like that, unless it’s like, something that would directly affect their religion. (so if they were going to like, ban them from practicing it, they would be able to go and vote.) now some of them vote anyway, but apparently my grandma was not really a voter even before she converted.

anyway, but my grandma is always making comments on “i’m just not a political person” or like, “i don’t understand why people get so heated over politics they’re just opinions” which. anyway.

i don’t know why friday was the day i decided to say something. i really don’t.

but anyway, after she said, “especially people who are political” i said:

“well that depends on their poltiics. because, i mean, jesus was really political.”

“well were do you get that idea?” she said, so.

i said, “um, because its in the bible? like, a lot of his stances at the time were political. like ‘give them the shirt off of your back’ or ‘turn the other cheek.’“ and i referenced the tumblr posts that float around all the time.

she was quiet for a long time, and then i said, “and i mean, he was also really big about feeding the poor, which is apparently still a political statement.”

& she went off ranting about that, which was nice.

but, anyway, i kind of hoped that you know. maybe i’d given her something to think about? it was a mild hope, really, but i thought it would at least stall her talking to me about politics for a while or saying she’s “not really political.”

but. nope.

today apparently she got a message from a conspiracy theorist cousin/niece (not sure which). & it was dumb, it was that stupid “bill gates is the reason for the coronavirus” thing. with a preface saying to “just share it, don’t post it because facebook removes it.” & like. grandma said she was just going to delete the chat bc her cousin/niece is always sending her that stuff.

well, i said, “just tell you don’t want to her about things like that!”

& of course said, “yeah, i could. i mean, i’m not really a political person.”

& i wanted to say: “do you believe in wearing a mask? do you believe in vaccinations? are you against trump? do you believe the poor should be fed? do you believe religion should be kept out of schools?” the answer to those, btw, is all yes. “okay, then, you’re political. congratulations.”

i did not say any of these.

& of course she followed that up with, “you know when my [two friends from high school] found out i was a witness, they unfriended me for two years. they finally sent a request again, but i took a while to decide if i wanted to accept it.”

and i’m just---

i am so done honestly.

i mean she could be worse? like for instance she’s against banning abortions. (not bc she’s pro-abortion but bc her stance is: they’re going to do it anyway, might as well be safe.) & she doesn’t want people’s rights taken away, and she doesn’t refuse service to people for their believes (as far as i know). she just won’t personally associate with people who have lifestyles / values she doesn’t believe in.

but still.

it’s so very irritating, and honestly, if other parts of my family weren’t worse / i could support myself, i would move out.

anyway.

rant over, for now, ig. just needed to get that off my chest.

#ok to reblog #personal #ranting #rant post #my posts

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Such a Softer Sin (chapter one)

I know you all probably hate me since I’ve not been updating my other fics, but my muses have been all over the place. This one came to me, I had to write it.

It was supposed to be something short and sweet, I had planned for it to be around five chapters. But the boys had other ideas and decided they wanted more attention, so it’s ended up being a lot longer. And I mean a lot longer! :’)

The good news is that I’ve actually finished this fic which means you won't have to wait so long between chapters because they're all written. This is a first for me, I’ve never completed a fic before so yay me! :’) I’m using my own experience for Lila and her grandfather, I went through this with my grandma, so all of this is personal experience and some of it was very hard to write.

This is set pre BDS.

The title of this fic comes from lyrics, I caught fire- the used. One of my fav bands ever. I was listening to the song when this idea hit me.

‘So kiss me like you did,

My heart stopped beating,

Such a softer sin.’

Also, my Daryl Dixon muse is back and I’ve currently got 5 Daryl fics in the works. I know, 5, it's ridiculous, but he won’t leave me alone. So if you’re interested in a multi chapter Daryl fic (or five loool) then keep your eyes peeled. I’m trying to get at least 15 chapters for each of them before I start posting so that you aren't kept waiting like you have been with my others!

---------------------------------

Thunder boomed in the sky as the metaphorical heavens opened, the sky alight with flashes of lightning every so often. Lila ran as fast as her legs could carry her, her clothes stuck to her like a second skin. Of course she would get caught in this weather, she didn't know why she was so surprised at her misfortune when her whole life had been a shit show. Her first day back in Boston and she was already hating being here. She stood huddled under a shops tarp as she tried to figure out where to go next, her arms wrapped around herself like a protective shield from the rain. Her black t shirt and jeans were soaked through and felt uncomfortable, like she was wrapped in a blanket made of ice.

Lila had moved to Boston with her grandfather. She had been his live in help and carer for the past year since his dementia and lung cancer had took a turn for the worst. So when the man said he wanted to go back to Boston, she didn't feel like she could say no, and she had no intentions of not coming with him. She herself was born in Boston, her grandad was Irish and the Irish community here in Southie was booming. She was raised here by her parents, but when she was 10, her mother and grandfather decided to move to New York after her father was murdered. He was caught in the crosshairs of a mafia war, just an innocent bystander that was collateral damage. And as a result, she was left fatherless and heartbroken. She never wanted to set foot back in Boston after that, she wasn't stupid enough to think the mafia weren't still running things here despite the 11 years that had gone by. But her grandfather really wanted to come back here, the closest to home he could get since he couldn't travel. He knew he didn't have too long left, and she couldn't really deny him what was essentially his dying wish.

When they arrived, the small apartment they’d rented wasn't what she’d expected. She wasn't exactly well off and didn’t have some fancy ass place back in New York, but this was ridiculous. The whole thing was like one big room, the only private bit being the bathroom that had nothing but a toilet and a sink. There wasn't even a shower. And then there had been the search for a part time job that she had undertaken as soon as they unpacked. She didn't want to leave her grandfather at all, but he couldn't work and she needed to earn at least some money in order for them to live. But it seemed no one was fucking hiring. Either that or no one wanted to hire her. And now, on her way back home, she was caught in a storm, and she fucking hated them. Loud noises as always scared her, sending her back to being a 10 year old girl and hearing the gunshot from the car as her dad was shot, walking back to the car from paying for gas.

She was soaked, cold and scared and she needed to get inside somewhere to wait for the rain to calm down. She hadn't expected the storm, if she did she would have worn a fucking coat. Her red wavy hair that she had inherited from her mother was luckily up in a messy bun, bar a few tendrils that framed her face, lest it clung to her head and make her look like a drowned rat. She really fucking hated storms. She saw a sign across the road for a pub and she made a mad dash for it. It would be warm inside at least, and it was an Irish bar. She always felt at home there, her mother worked in one back when they lived here and then worked at another in New York. She pushed open the door and the warmth enveloped her, making her sigh with relief. She moved to sit in a booth and closed her eyes. She didn't even realise she was shivering, her clothes still wet and cold and the hair that fell around her face was dripping onto her. The warm air in the pub could only do so much to warm her whilst she was still wearing them and piss wet through.

She sniffled a little and hoped to God she wouldn't come down with a cold from being caught in the rain. She seemed to get sick at every fucking chance and it made her life that much harder. She was in her own world when a blanket was suddenly draped around her and a shot of whiskey placed in front of her, she looked up shocked only to find a pair of piercing blue eyes looking at her.

“Ye looked cold love.” The man said with a boyish smile, looking almost innocent despite his smoldering looks. She blinked at him for a minute like the cold had made her brain malfunction a little. He had dark brown hair and was dressed in a black t shirt that stretched across his broad shoulders and a pair of jeans, almost mirroring what she herself was wearing.

“Uh...thanks.” She replied, still looking a little confused. Since her life was mainly looking after her grandfather now, she had almost forgot just how it was to be in an Irish pub. The people in New York were so closed off, the opposite to how they were in this little Irish community here in Southie. He chuckled a little and shifted on his feet, looking like he wanted to sit in the booth with her but was fighting against the urge. Maybe he was waiting for her to offer, not wanting to just impose himself on her, but she couldn't find it in herself to ask him to, she wasn't really in the mood for company.

She wasn't really sure what to say, she was cold and miserable at her failure to get a job and she was worried about her grandad being back home alone whilst she was caught out in the storm. When she didn't say anything else, the man gave her a nod with a small smile before returning to sit at the bar, next to a guy wearing the same clothes but with dark blonde hair. The blonde was looking at her and he looked almost concerned and she wasn't sure why it unsettled her. She turned away from them and downed her shot, welcoming the warmth that spread through her body as she did. The men kept looking at her every so often as they spoke in hushed tones but she ignored it. If she learned anything from coming from an Irish family and having a mother that worked in Irish pubs, it was that they looked out for each other, it was one of the reasons she chose to come inside here to get warm and not anywhere else.

A few minutes passed before the barmaid came over, she looked around 40 with dark brown hair with a few grays mixed in. She had a kind face as she came over.

“Can I get ye anythin’? Some food or somethin’?” She asked with a warm smile. Lila wondered just how bad she looked if everyone seemed so concerned about her. She knew she was soaked through and she could feel her body trembling pretty bad, but she hadn’t caught a glimpse of herself and she wasn't sure she wanted to with how everyone was acting.

“I’m okay thank you. I just need to wait for the storm to pass.” She replied with a small smile of her own, but it didn't meet her eyes.

“Do ye need te call anyone? We have a phone ye can use.” The woman offered politely. Lila thought about it, it would be good to check in with her grandad and make sure he was okay.

“Yeah, thanks. I need to check in with my granda.” Despite the fact she was born in Boston, her parents were both Irish born and bred. Lila didn't have an accent yet she still said the same terms the Irish used as a result of her Irish upbringing. The woman could tell she had at least some Irish in her, her hair was a dead giveaway and her pale skin. The woman nodded and led her to the phone behind the bar and Lila followed gratefully, the blanket still wrapped around her.

The phone wasn't exactly private, it was right behind the bar and next to the man who had helped her earlier and his friend. They were both watching her curiously and it was making her slightly uncomfortable as she picked up the receiver and dialed her grandfather's new number. She knew the men wouldn't be able to hear the whole conversation and she hoped the lull of conversation in the bar was enough to drown out her side of it too. After a few rings her grandfather answered.

“Hello?” He asked gruffly, making her grimace a little. Her grandfather was always a lovely man, affectionate and happy. But since his condition got worse he started getting angry, a short fuse. His confusion made him mad and she felt sorry for him. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like to forget things like he did, important things and people.

“Granda? Are you okay?” She asked softly, her hand clutching the receiver tightly. She knew when he sounded like this he was having one of his moments.

“Who the fuck is this?” He barked at her. Her heart squeezed a little, she would never get used to having to deal with this.

“It’s Lila granda, your granddaughter, remember?” She prompted softly, sometimes that was enough to make him remember and snap out of it, but as time went on it was getting harder and harder to do it.

“I don’t have a granddaughter! Are ye takin’ the piss? Who is this?” He growled angrily, making her bow her head and inhale a shaky breath. It didn't matter how many times she went through this, every time he forgot who she was and acted like this towards her, it hurt like hell. She felt tears stinging her eyes and she tried to summon the courage to answer him.

“I just told you granda, it’s Lila. Your daughter Mary’s daughter. I live with you remember? I take care of you.” Her voice wobbled as she spoke, betraying her at how upset she was getting. There was a long silence on the phone and she wondered if he was even still there.

“Aye...Lila...where are ye? Shouldn't be out in a storm lass.” She breathed a sigh of relief and sniffled a little, a mixture of the cold and the pain expanding in her ribcage.

“I got stuck in the rain granda, I’m waiting it out in a pub. I’ll be home soon okay?” She said softly as she wiped her eyes. She knew despite the fact he currently remembered her, once she got home she would have to go through it again. It was never ending and it was getting harder for her to deal with. The 21 year old girl hadn't ever expected to be caring for another person like this, to have to watch them deteriorate before her very eyes. The man had raised her after her father had died, it was killing her to see him like this.

“Alright, be safe gettin’ home Delila.”

“I will granda. Love you.” She wiped her eyes again and bit her lower lip with a sigh.

“Love ye too.” With that, he hung up.

Lila put the phone back and heaved a sigh, she could feel eyes on her and she glanced to her left to see the same two men watching her sympathetically and she fucking knew they had heard her. She looked away feeling weak and pathetic for being such a mess and walked back over to the booth she had been sitting at. Ten minutes later the rain had calmed down enough and she knew she had to go before it picked up again. She stood and folded the blanket neatly, bringing it with her empty shot glass to the bar and handing them to the barmaid from earlier. The woman gave her a warm smile before she slipped out of the door and made her way back to the tiny apartment that she now shared with her grandfather.

#boondock saints #boondock saints fanfic #boondock saints imagine #murphy macmanus #murphy macmanus fanfic #murphy macmanus imagine #connor macmanus #connor macmanus fanfic

[pawnshopinhollywood]

Are You Looking For Gold Buyers In Los Angeles?

When times are bleak and people are rushing to hoard valuable items, gold is often the material of choice. It has been in great demand for the whole of the pandemic, and in fact, gold prices soared last year as people worried about how they were going to survive an economic slump. In this situation, many pawnbrokers found themselves out of pocket, as sellers hesitated to get rid of their jewelry. Last August, prices were around $1945 per ounce and extraordinary prices. While there were still lots of gold buyers Los Angeles area, the LA Loan Company and other pawnshops struggled to keep their inventory turning over. People were simply not willing to sell their heritage jewelry or even put it out to pawn while times were still so hard. However, with expectations that the pandemic will come to an end soon, there is growing confidence that pawnshops will soon be able to buy more gold from willing sellers. Selling Gold In California Now that people are ready to start selling their gold pawn shops are looking more closely at what they are being offered. Many people loan or sell items that they have had in the back of a drawer, inherited from a relative and never used, and some may wish to sell items after the death of a close relative when they are trying to clear the property and just have too many goods. Selling gold is the best way to cover bills and expenses when the wage packet or relief payments can’t cover it all, and so pawnbrokers are able to make good business from these sellers. Many people wanting to sell gold are advised that they could get a higher return if they were willing to put it into pawn instead. Selling To Gold Buyers In Los Angeles In order to understand why more people are coming to pawnbrokers to sell their gold, it is necessary to understand that many in LA are finding themselves obliged to change residence when they lose the house they are currently renting, or the landlords sell up because they cannot afford the rental property while they are struggling during the pandemic. Moving home quickly will mean that there are lots of items in the house can’t be transferred to the new property and one option is to sell them in order to clear space. Many people who are moving from one location to another are willing to discard jewelry that simply taking up room, and this could mean that they are looking for people who are keen to buy gold. Getting Rid Of Jewelry A lot of heirloom jewelry is no longer suitable for wearing and gets relentlessly pushed to the back of the door. Owners might think that they are keeping these items for future generations, but a lot of people with gold jewelry are now realizing that they are simply passing on unwanted items: “If I did nothing, one day my girls would be saddled with figuring out what to do with their grandma’s old earrings and this vestige of their parent’s broken marriage”. As more people are obliged to downsize as a result of the pandemic, it makes sense to try to resolve the issue of what to do with these unwanted and unwelcome heirloom pieces. One of the best solutions is to try to reach a deal with a pawnbroker. Either selling the jewelry through a specialist gold buyer or putting it out to pawn until a relative can be found to take it. Selling Your Gold Items In LA If you decide that you want to part with your gold jewelry in Los Angeles, then you should be considering the types of gold buyers available in your area. At LA Loan Company, we recommend that you meet with a buyer to establish exactly how much your items might be worth. The buyer may offer to buy the gold or suggest that using our pawn option could be the best solution for you. Find out how we can make your gold jewelry reach its full potential by talking to our team today. Contact us online to book a consultation or call us at [phone] now

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

Once There Was a Heroine (1)

Marinette/Ladybug Appreciation Week, Day 1: Designing/Sewing

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

AO3 / fanfiction.net

Summary: When Adrien’s granddaughter Dottie finds his keepsake box, the two of them set on a sentimental journey. While they go through the contents of this “secret treasure” Adrien spins a tale of a brave girl he once knew. Her name was Ladybug. 

A Marinette/Ladybug Appreciation Week connected story.

“Once There Was a Heroine”, Part 1: Designing/Sewing

‘Grandpa! Grandpa! I found something!’

Adrien stuck his head inside the library. ‘What are you doing here, Dottie? I thought you were in the playroom?’

‘I was looking for a book,’ his granddaughter fluttered her lashes, a perfect picture of innocence filled her green eyes. ‘but I found this instead.’ She presented him with her discovery, a black wooden box, already missing the lid. ‘There are all these funny things inside. What is it, Grandpa?’

Adrien sighed. Dottie was a curious little kitten and once she set her head to something, there was no way to discourage her until her curiosity was fed. He smiled, suppressing a chuckle. Nosiness was definitely a Cesaire streak, as were the gentle chestnut curls Dottie inherited after Grandma Alya.

‘You shouldn’t take things that aren’t yours, kitten. Not without asking me or Nana,’ he admonished her, but entered the library anyway. He crouched next to the girl and peered inside the box, although he knew exactly what he had put in there forty years ago. But he hadn’t opened it in a long time and now as he eyed the content, he couldn’t help feeling more than a little nostalgic.

‘This is my keepsake box, see,’ he reached to the bottom and found a slightly faded picture of his first class at Françoise Dupoint. ‘I wonder if you recognize any of your grandparents in this photo, sweetie,’ he waved the photograph in front of Dottie’s eyes.

She scrunched her nose as she studied the image. ‘This girl…’ after a while she pointed to a bespectacled redhead, ‘she looks a bit like me. Is this Grandma Alya?’

‘You’re a bright little kitten. Yeah, this is Grandma Alya,’ Adrien chuckled. ‘You look a lot like her. Wanna keep guessing?’

‘Not really. No one else looks familiar. But this is more interesting!’ Dottie grabbed a few items from the box. ‘What are these?’

Adrien put the photograph aside. ‘Let’s see, shall we?’

‘This looks like a scarf,’ the girl pointed out. ‘It’s pretty. Can I try in on?’

‘Okay, but be careful,’ he frowned when she wrapped herself in the light blue fabric.

‘Smells a bit like you, Grandpa!’ she exclaimed and he couldn’t help but to burst into laughter.

‘That’s because it’s mine. I used to wear it a lot,’ Adrien admitted, ruffling her hair. ‘But then I got scared it might get damaged so I put it here to keep it safe.’

‘Ooooh,’ Dottie cooed. ‘It that case you better take it away. Nana says that I am a little cataclysm on two legs!’

‘Well, she should know best I suppose,’ he snickered. ‘She was once declared the Clumsy Queen,’ he winked and the girl giggled.

Dottie smiled, showing the cute little dimples he adored so much. ‘‘She told me! Nana said I shouldn’t worry about that, because I am good at so many other things. It’s okay to be clumsy,’ she stated proudly.

‘Otherwise people would think you’re too perfect,’ Adrien bumped her gently on the nose. ‘What else do you have there, kitten?’

‘A hat!’ The girl pulled out a black derby and plopped it on her head. It immediately fell to cover her eyes and only her nose was visible from under the rim. She turned her head blindly a few times eliciting another bout of laughter from Adrien. He adjusted the hat so that she could get her vision back, using this occasion to brush a speck of dust from the top. The feathers have long ago been replaced with fake ones, but he still had to suppress a sneeze at the memory. ‘How do I look, Grandpa?’

‘Pawsome, I mean awesome!’ he rushed to take his mobile and shoot a few pictures with Dottie striking funny poses. ‘You’re certainly the cat’s meow!’

‘Was it your hat?’ she asked putting it on his head.

‘Yes, I once modeled it for my father.’ Adrien skewed the derby to the side aiming for a rakish look. Dottie scooted closer and pecked a kiss on his cheek, while he managed to snap a selfie.

The girl pushed a few CDs into his hands. ‘Ooooh, what are these? I’ve never seen anything like this!’

He couldn’t help but to smirk at her enthusiasm. ‘These are called discs. When I was young people recorded files on them, including music,’ he explained. ‘This is a record of one of my favorite artists - Jagged Stone. Have you heard of him?’

Dottie nodded and clasped her hands, ‘Nana likes him too! Can we listen to it now, Grandpa?’

‘Sure, but like this,’ he waved his device at her and pulled up the music app. ‘I no longer have a CD player, though I’m almost sure Grandpa Nino still has one.’ He pulled up his playlist and in a few seconds Jagged Stone’s music filled the library.

‘Oh, Grandpa, someone drew something on your discs,’ Dottie saddened and pointed to the signature scribbled on the cover. ‘That is rude. Maman says no one should draw in books and such!’

Adrien laughed at her indignant pout. ‘That’s okay, sweetie. This is a signature of the person who designed this cover. I asked her to sign it for me.’

‘Hmmmm,’ the girl hummed biting her lower lip. ‘Then I guess it’s okay,’ she finally declared. ‘There’s lots of things here,’ she ducked into the box and returned with hands full of new items. ‘Why did you put these in the box?’ she asked inspecting a pair of rag-dolls, one in a red black dotted suit, with blue pigtails, and one dressed all in black, with tail and cat-ears.

Adrien lifted the Ladybug doll from Dottie’s hands with a gentle reverence and brushed his fingers over its hair and suit. His eyes glazed with sudden affection and prickled with unexpected moisture.

‘Grandpa?’ his granddaughter called, taking his hand.

‘I’m okay, kitten, I just… remembered something,’ he replied with a weak smile. ‘These are just a few things that I’d put here to remember a very special person; the one who made them,’ he said after a moment. ‘This is my secret treasure,’ he whispered taking the things scattered on the carpet and reverently putting them back in the box, ‘don’t tell anyone I showed it to you,’ he winked, pushing the memories to the back of his mind. It wouldn’t do to scare his granddaughter with sudden display of emotions.

‘That person… the one who designed the cover? She made all these?’ Dottie asked, her eyes blown wide. She rummaged in the box again and this time, much to Adrien’s dread retrieved a picture of his fourteen year old self posing for a photo next to a masked girl clad in a tight red suit. There was a yoyo and a few hearts scribbled on the side and a handwritten inscription, which Dottie thankfully wouldn’t be able to read yet with her beginner’s level reading skills.

A sparkle of recognition flickered in his granddaughter’s eyes and Adrien already knew there was no other way out of it. The photo cemented his fate. ‘Is this her?’ she asked. ‘What was her name?’

Adrien sighed in defeat and sunk into his armchair. ‘Ladybug. Her name was Ladybug, sweetie,’

‘Like that girl from the books Grandma Alya wrote?’ the girl turned to look at him. She couldn’t have read Alya’s books, they were way to advanced for her, but she must have seen the pictures in them.

‘That’s the one,’ he confirmed waving Lady-doll’s hand at her.

Dottie was clearly impressed, her eyes skipping over the contents of the box with a newfound respect. ‘Did you know her?’

Adrien’s smile grew wide. ‘Everyone in Paris knew her. She protected the city,’ he stated proudly.

‘Duh, I know that,’ she whined rolling her eyes in a manner so similar to Ladybug that he had to suppress a gasp. ‘But did you know her like, talked to her, spent time with her, or… or…’

There was fondness in Adrien’s voice when he replied softly, ‘Yes. She was my friend.’ He reached out and pulled Dottie onto his lap. ‘Wanna hear more about her?’ he asked, walking the Ladybug doll towards her Chat Noir partner that his granddaughter still firmly held in her grasp. The black rag hero waved his tiny hand courtesy of Dottie’s fingers and sat on the armrest.

‘Yes, please,’ the girl breathed, her big green eyes boring intently into him.

‘Okay, then listen up,’ Adrien took a deep breath. His eyes glazed again as he travelled almost fifty years back. ‘Once there was a heroine, Princess of Paris…’

‘My Lady,‘ he thought.

#Marinette/Ladybug Appreciation Week #We Are Miraculous #day 1: designing/sewing #perdita writes #Once There Was a Heroine #ml fic #Adrien Agreste #Dottie Agreste #Ladybug #miraculous ladybug #aged up characters #post hawkmoth #family #drama

[totalfanfreak]

The Sweetest Mess

The Sweetest Mess

[For the request - Can you write an imagine where Spencer is babysitting the readers kid at her house and she comes home to both of them giggling and covered in glitter or flour something like that.]

“Keep your hand on the railing, honey.”

“Oh, mom.”

“Oh, son.”

Six years old and he already had that sarcastic eye roll down, you could never say anything though, remembering yourself growing up he inherited most of that stubbornness from you. The elevator was broken for the third time this month now, and was now forced to carry groceries and your infant daughter up the flights of stairs.

“Hold on and I’ll help you!”

The voice echoing in the stairwell scared you; almost making you jump and lose your balance on the bags and car seat.

“Mr. Reid!”

You couldn’t help the smile coming on your face as you heard the excitement in your son’s voice. The man was a bit of a godsend, always helping, and being so kind to your children. It was something they needed, a male figure they could look up to, especially since the one that was supposed to be there had stormed out of your lives. You would never regret your children, the only good to come from that marriage, but you regretted falling for him. You regretted being stupid enough to believe you could find true love at seventeen.

“It’s okay, Mr. Reid we got it, we just want to be careful on these stairs.”

“Come on, mom you know he’s gonna help anyway.”

Your son was right, no matter how you tried to deter the help he offered you never could shake off the man. Though you never wanted a hand out, it was nice to have someone so infallible around. That small, shy smile he had curled on his lips as he approached the three of you, putting out his hand to take away some of your load.

“You know you shouldn’t keep doing this Mr. Reid, I feel like I’m taking advantage of your –“

“Spencer.”

You stared, a tad baffled. “Huh?”

His eyes downcasted, the smile still present. “I’d prefer it if you called me Spencer.”

“I’m sorry, I know you’ve told me that. I guess I get used to hearing everyone else in the building calling you that.”

He tilted his head, climbing the steps beside you. “Would you prefer it if I called you, Mrs. L/N?”

“God, no.”

The smile changed to amusement. “And why is that?”

“Besides the fact that I haven’t changed it back to my maiden name? I guess it’d make me feel older than I am.”

You saw him quirk a brow at you, and you chuckled silently. “Okay, I get it. Thank you for helping us, Spencer.”

“It’s not a problem, I enjoy getting to see all of you.”

You don’t know why but the statement made you flush a little.  Approaching the door you cursed inwardly as you fumbled with your keys.

“We enjoy seeing you as well. W-would you like to come in?”

“Sure.”

It wasn’t the first time he had been in, and it wasn’t the first time you felt anxious having him in your home. You always forgot if you picked up everything and had put the laundry away, it worried you to have him think you weren’t taking care of your home. Though each time everything was in place, and Spencer always looked about as if it didn’t matter anyways.

“I see you guys have bought of cake ingredients.”

Your son pulled himself up on the island, the smile showing some of his missing teeth.

“Yep, we’re having a party at school tomorrow!”

“And this one volunteered us for cupcake duty.”

Your son looked sheepish for a minute before helping Spencer unload the bags. Undoing the straps you lifted your daughter out of the carrier.

“I’m going to change her and I’ll be right back, make yourself at home.”

Changing her diaper you snapped the onesie back in place, tickling her belly until her eyes crinkled in delight. You kissed her cheek as you wrapped her up, seeing the boys still at the island, you were about to offer Spencer a drink when the phone rang. It was your boss, needing everyone in the department to come in needing an overhaul for the inventory that was to be collected. You turned away, rolling your eyes as you told him you’d be there as soon as you could. Sighing, you shut off the phone, seeing the pout forming on your son’s face.

“No.”

“Honey –“

“No! You promised!”

“I know, and I’m going to keep it, I just have to go in for a little while and you get to stay with grandma for a bit.”

“I don’t want to go to grandma’s! She always makes me go to bed early and feeds me raw vegetables all the time.”

“It’s only for a few hours –“

“I can watch them.”

Startled you turned to Spencer, forgetting he was here in the middle of the tantrum. Your cheeks heated from embarrassment.

“Mr. Reid –“

“Spencer, and it’s fine, if you trust me enough that is. I have three godchildren that I watch all the time, I promise I’ll keep them safe.”

Your mouth opened and closed as your son came tugging on your shirt.

“Yeah mom please, Mr. Reid says he doesn’t care, he can help with my cupcakes.”

“No, honey, I mean –“

That shy smile was back. “I can’t say I’m that great of a cook, but I’d be glad to try.”

“Yeah mom, and Mrs. Reid can tell us about the knights again.”

You smiled, you had taken some meals over after seeing Spencer bring his mother to stay, she was a nice woman, as sweet as her son when it came to the children.

“It’s too much to ask Spencer.”

He laughed. “You make it sound like they’ll climb on the walls or something.”

“They could. And I can’t have you do the things that are my responsibility.”

“I’m not, but it’ll give us something to do and take a little bit off of you.”

You looked down at your son, who was giving the most pleading look he could muster and you couldn’t help but give in.

“If you’re sure –“

“I am.”

“Well, let me write down the number where you can reach me. I shouldn’t be gone but a few hours, I just have to fill out and file some data sheets and I should be on my way home. I’ll call if I take a little longer, and if something comes up for you, call, and I’ll have my mom come down…Thank you so much for doing this, Spencer.”

He grinned at you, all shyness gone, and inhibited look you didn’t think he could possess. “It’s no problem, like I’ve said I like spending with all of you.”

You pursed your lips in a smile, going about to write down and gather what you needed. Approaching him to hand over the baby. You felt bad, felt bad for Spencer but also having to leave your kids because of work…again.

“Say bye-bye, mommy.”

You smiled as Spencer gently raised your little girl’s hand in a wave, only for the bundle to turn and take hold of one of his curls.

“If they start driving you crazy, call me.”

This time the wave went smoother, and you couldn’t help the grin at seeing your kids happy with him. The papers kept coming, as soon as you finished and stacked your outbox another stack would appear and you milled about the computer filling out the boxes until your eyes wanted to bleed. No one called and you took that as a good sign, hoping your son hadn’t tied Spencer up and was holding him hostage. Stapling the last pages together, you assumed you had just went through a decade’s worth of production lists before you were able to leave. It was way past the time you were supposed to be back, and you were glad you had called Spencer beforehand. He had said it was fine, that everything was going good. Your daughter had gotten fussy and it took a little bit of effort to get her down for her nap but other than that had been fine. It was almost dinnertime now, and you had to make two dozen cupcakes and dinner when you got home. A great addition to what was supposed to be your day off.

Huffing up the stairs, you almost fell in the doorway. But the shriek of happiness your daughter emitted woke you up. Coming further in you stopped suddenly. The whole kitchen was a disaster area. Cake mix, eggs, milk, frosting, sprinkles, and spaghetti coated almost every surface. Spotting you, your daughter squealed again, thrusting her tiny fist that contained noodles up at you.

“Y/N, we were going to clean up as soon as we finished I swear.”

You turned to Spencer’s voice, before bursting out laughing. He was just as coated as the rest of the room, mix dusting his hair and clothing.

“What happened?”

Confused by your reaction, he halted.

“We made the cupcakes, momma, they’re good too!”

You glanced to your son, who was as worse for wear as everything else. “I’m glad, but how’d you make this huge mess?”

He bit his lip before turning to Spencer.

“The mixer didn’t cooperate right, and then when we were cooking the baby would start crying and I tried to juggle both –“

Taking a paper towel you stood on tip toe to wipe the frosting from his cheek. “It’s okay, Spencer, I can tell they had fun with you. I can easily clean this up in the morning.”

“Oh, absolutely not, I’ll clean it for you. It is my fault after all.”

“You took care of my children, fed them, played with them, and took care of something I would’ve had to stay up late to do, you’re fine.”

“But –“

“If you’re that worried, you can come in the morning and help clean then. Maybe…maybe we could make pancakes too, you could bring you mom over for breakfast.”

Your son cheered. “She can read King Arthur again!”

You smiled, grinning at Spencer. “I’d prefer Sir Galahad.”

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #fluff #request #single mom

[adaralondon]

Their Eyes Were Watching God: A masterpiece underappreciated in American Literary culture.

From the start of her childhood, Janie’s life was full of issues.  Raised by her grandmother (referred to as Nanny in the book) from birth, she never knew her parents and the little parental influence she did have was authoritarian. While the authoritarian parenting style may[JC1]  make it easier to control the children, there are many psychological issues that start to develop as the child [JC2] grows up because “they do not focus on meeting the child's existential and emotional needs [and] are more concerned about the child living up to their adult standards, norm abiding ideas, consensus values, and expectations.” (Positive Parenting Alley). By using this parenting style alone, Nanny restricts Janie’s ability to find out who she really is, affecting self-esteem and self-confidence hence why she only seeks men who appeal to her need for a parental figure or are authoritative by nature. In the novel Their Eyes were Watching God, Janie’s problems stem from the way she was raised and how she is viewed by the people around her (Greater than them because she is half white).

According to Erik Erikson − who along with Freud theorizes that are stages important[JC3]  to a child’s development− Janie is in the stage [JC4] where anything from here[JC5]  will contribute to how she sees herself for the rest of her life, particularly her budding interest in the sexuality of humans. These are the essential ‘Who am I? What is going on with my body/feelings?’ questions all children must answer for themselves. Janie attempts to figure out who she is through pleasure, in the form of masturbation (under the pear tree) and physical contact with her peers.[JC6]  “On a late afternoon Nanny had called her to come inside the house because she had spied Janie letting Johnny Taylor kiss her over the gate post.” (Hurston 36). Psychologically speaking children begin an in-depth exploration of their bodies and other’s around them between the ages of 10- 16, so her actions are not entirely out of the way. However, Janie’s grandmother refuses to acknowledge her granddaughter’s need to grow out of this stage (As all children do) and forces her to marry a middle age man as a sixteen-year-old girl. Maslow’s hierarchy of need states that a person cannot move to the next level without fulfilling the bottom tiers first, and Janie is never allowed to have her sense of self (the level she would be trying to fulfill as a 16year old girl) because of her grandmother’s fear[JC7] .  This notion forever halts Janie’s development because she never gets the opportunity leave this stage on her own but is rather forced out of it. In the end, it is her Achilles heel, as she loses everything.

Janie, in addition to being sexually inept, is also continuously confused about her role in society. Nanny seems to have accepted her role as someone who will never escape the economical chains placed on black people and black women in particular: “De nigger woman is de mule uh de world. “(Hurston 39). However, Janie, who does not know where she fits in, is not content with her grandmother’s submission. Being a mixed child who lived in the ‘White folks’ backyard she was better than other children but at the same[JC8]  time subjected often to many prejudices. This more than likely further confuses her on where she fits in, she thinks [JC9] often to herself: “Am I better than them or Am I one of them?’ When she marries Logan, the middle age man, she is unhappy because he takes away the freedom she has known as a lighter skinned woman by making her do all the hard laboring (what poor dark skin woman would be doing during this time). It is as he sees Janie as a tool to manipulate, a slave to his whim, which is why she runs off with another man.

Janie’s behavior as a young woman is not inherited, it is learned. Since Janie cannot be with her parents or complete the stages of development that she missed (without a proper trigger at least), she seeks out fulfillment to an infinite continuum. By doing this she herself fails to realize that A.) these things are unobtainable − you can never receive your parents love from someone else− and forever seeking them will cause her to remain insecure/codependent.  B.) that when she finds a person that can indulge her needs she will quickly lose interest because they have lost the attractiveness of re-experiencing her childhood trauma. “We unconsciously behave in a way that will allow us to ‘play out’ [Repressed Memories/trauma], without admitting it ourselves, our conflicted feelings about the painful experiences and emotions we repress.” (Tyson 12-13). A great explanation as to why she cannot balance herself in society and why she sees herself in such a low light enough for her only haven is being controlled by a man.

Fed up with being controlled, Janie leaves Logan for a man named Joe. He bates [JC10] her with sweet talk quickly making her believe he is in love with her, just as she has always wanted someone to be [JC11] “You ain’t got no business behind uh plow as a hog is got wid uh holiday!” [JC12] (Hurston 52).  “Janie, if you think Ah aims to tole you off and make a dog outta you, youse wrong. Ah wants to make a wife outta you.” To Janie this is her taste of freedom, however, she is skeptical because Logan is a man who has authority over her. However, being raised by an authoritarian grandparent, Janie associates authority with safety, which why she is skeptical about leaving her safety net, Logan, for a mysterious man who offers her the same freedom as Johnny Taylor did so long ago.

Janie does indeed go off with him, unable to deal with Logan need to control her anymore and begins to feel contentment in the life she lives. Joe establishes a small town that he becomes the mayor of and Janie as his wife, lives the ‘high life’.  However, this attraction is short lived because just like Logan, Joe seeks only control her. He isolates her socially and physically, slowly taking away the freedom she thought she had gained by leaving Logan. He prevents her from talking to the townspeople (because he is jealous, and they are too poor to even associate with her), makes her work in the store, and does not allow her to show her beautiful hair to others. To Janie, her hair is one of her most important features, her pride. It is long and straight, symbolizing the freedom she once had at the Pear Tree in her youth. As time flows on with Joe beginning to become emotionally abusive, Janie is still unable to leave him because of her learned helplessness, but she does begin to speak out against him. As she notices he is dying, she no longer feels compelled to live by his rules. Joe’s death is the gear that finally restarts Janie’s cog, she is able to restart the process of becoming herself. So when Joe dies, she lets her hair down for the first time in twenty years.

Joe’s death, however, causes more harm than good for Janie. Men start to pour like rain, making their interest in her clear from the jump. But rather than being attracted to her as a person, they’re attracted to her whiteness, her long straight beautiful hair. Janie does not share this sentiment and is content in her loneliness because in her loneliness she is free to do whatever she wants, free from the harsh critiques of men, free from just being known as the mayor’s wife instead of just being Janie. However, just like everything her life, her freedom is short lived.

Teacake is the last of Janie’s suitors and the last piece to the puzzle before Janie feels as if she’s truly found herself. He also is young and misguided fulfilling her need for a man who is lost just like her. Although Janie is happy with Tea cake[JC13] , the townspeople are not. They feel as if their light-skinned, long-haired, and rich mayor’s widow should not be associating with someone so poor[JC14] . “Dat long legged Tea cake ain’t got doodly squat. He ain’t got no business makin’ himself familiar wid nobody lak you” (Hurston 116). This is the first explicit instance of classism in the novel. The other instances are hidden amongst the African American community viewing and accepting that will never be any better than the white men and left at that.

The classism has always been there in fact, as Janie realizes that from the time she was a little girl that she was ‘better’ than other Black’s her age because of her mixed-race heritage. She also realizes that she holds a much higher social standing than everyone in Eatonville because she is the mayor’s wife. Even when Joe dies Janie is still beheld as the town’s treasure. The townspeople become disgusted that Janie is attracted to someone who’s obviously below her, someone so “niggerish”.  However, Tea cake makes Janie happy in a way that she has never felt before. He teaches her to play checkers (a man’s game), takes her fishing at night, and closes shop with her, which allows her to feel on equal terms to a man for the first time in her life. He buys her gifts and picks out a color, blue, for her to wear. Teacake reminds Janie of her kiss with Johnny Taylor, of what she wanted her life to be. “Ah done lived grandma’s way, now ah means tuh live mine” (Hurston 126). Tea cake is Janie’s first and last taste of freedom.

As we reach the final chapters of the book. Tea cake proves himself to be no better than Joe or Logan. Although he does not see her as an object, as a partner who is equal to him in terms and stature, he is still manipulative. He steals Janie’s money, lies to her, and even beats, her something neither of her husbands have ever done. He fulfills her sexual desires (her first to ever do so), but he is jealous and possessive just as Joe. He is also reckless, something Janie confuses with rebellious. This kills him in the end as he refuses to leave a town destined to be swept away by a hurricane and is bitten by a stray dog who gives him rabies[JC15] . Ironically as Janie seeks freedom while she is with him, she is the one who chooses to free him by making the choice to end his life. This shows that Janie has finally developed her own sense of self and no longer needs to rely on finding missing pieces through the men who come into her mouth. She did not have to choose to shoot Teacake when becomes infected with rabies and instead could have allowed herself to be killed by him. This shows Janie’s growth as her choices may have varied from the time when she had first met him. Her choice to shoot him proves that she is finally okay with herself, with being alone, with being just Janie.

Their Eyes were Watching God shows the journey of a black woman who seeks to find herself in all the wrong places. It shows her transition from insecurity to being satisfied with who she is at that moment in time. The book is profound in its writing style and overall theme as it can even be[JC16]  compared to The Awakening written by Kate Chpoin. However, the book is not critically acclaimed and has even been banned in United States Schools and curriculum. Perhaps this was because Zora Neal Hurston was a black woman, or because it was because the African American’s in the book were portrayed as rich, or maybe it was because a woman explored her sexuality without constraint. Unfortunately, no one knows the reason why her works were not praised, however, I am hoping that by reading this academic paper others will realize that Their Eyes Were Watching God is more complex than a novel just about a woman exploring her sexuality in physical terms. I hope that readers will soon realize that this novel is about a black woman who embraces her struggles the only way she knows how and that she is the product of her environment. However, she refuses to let it define her and searches for her true meaning/love in life. As some oppose and continuously fight for this novel to remain on the banned book, one aspect opposers fail to realize is that this book portrays a deeper meaning than what the average reader may see, a simple story portraying a black promiscuous woman.

1.      African American critique: Why did The Great Gatsby earn more prestige than TEWWG? They are written in the same literary time. Is it because TEWWG focuses on a prosperous African American town in the south as an opposed to Rich white American man forcing himself on a married woman in New York City?

Works cited:

“Strict Authoritarian Parenting: Long-Term Psychological Effects.” Positive Parenting Ally, www.positive-parenting-ally.com/authoritarian-parenting.html.

“Psychological Effects of Poverty.” The Borgen Project, 8 Jan. 2018, borgenproject.org/psychological-effects-poverty/.

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