#I hope you did some healing

[uncanny-tranny]

I feel so much tenderness to those of you who are putting the often difficult and harrowing work into working through trauma, identifying and navigating triggers, or even just realizing what you need... that's such a tall task sometimes. It's painful to push down those things, and it's even more painful to address it, but it's so worth it. I genuinely hope you can find pride and peace with the knowledge that you are enough, that whatever happened to you wasn't your fault, and that you are so fucking worth the effort of working through this.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #trauma #i wish somebody had told me all of this when i was young and felt it was all my fault + when i was in the thick of it #but that's in the past and i hope that maybe these words will reach somebody who needed it like i did. that would put me at ease #that's probably a selfish thought. but i don't want you (reader) to be alone in this - in those feelings #in my heart there is a spot for everybody who simply are trying to heal and work through it all y'know #because weirdly enough this can be some of the hardest shit you can do - even moreso if you must do it alone or with a network

[alchemania]

Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.

Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!

It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.

#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand. #i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed. #so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING. #she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone. #and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do #she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself #her worth isn't decided by her power yk?? #i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be #or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!! #i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone. #anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug #and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better #4.2 spoilers #genshin impact #furina

[toadallytickles]

My Dream Session with Spiffytickler

So I had the absolute honour of meeting and playing with the bondage master, *thee @spiffytickler.* I have been a huge fan of his work for years and dreamed of playing with him.. still so surreal that he’s a fan of me too and flew me out to torture me~. 

My biggest fantasies and desires are clit tickling, clit focused sessions- like David Mack (The Tickle Channel) style; the girls bound and spread open vulnerable, and have their clits tortured with feathers and toys, edged over and over, then forced to orgasm. My obsession with it is so bad that they are the only videos I get off too. I haven’t experienced play like that before and always dreamed of it. I would drive myself crazy and desperate just imagining what it would feel like to be in that position. Fortunately, Spiffy is very experienced with that style of play, and he’s vetted with references. An absolute dream come true to be spoiled to a pedicure and a Brazilian wax to have my body prepared, to be flown down, given my own hotel room, and then tortured just how I wanted to be.

I’ve never gotten a Brazilian before (but always had a desire to), I’ve never flown internationally alone before, and into a new state, and Spiffy would only be the second person to play with me naked. All new things I would be experiencing~. 

Also the night I flew into the San Francisco airport, the moon was full, big, and coloured orange; it was gorgeous~.  

After we check into my hotel room, I have a quick rinse in the shower, and Spiffy rubs and worships my feet as we negotiate boundaries, our sessions, what will be happening, and what to expect. He wants to explore me a little too.. I lay facedown on the bed as he starts with my feet and works his way up, his fingers uncovering my tickle spots. I eventually flip over onto my back for him to play with me more. We keep the play light this night as it was late, and we both had lots of preparation to do for the next day. 

On Saturday, I wait anxiously and patiently in my hotel room as Spiffy prepares for our session. I’m an early riser and had all the time to pamper and get myself ready to be tied naked and vulnerable in front of him. I knew I was going to be naked for the session and consented to that, I wanted that too- though nakedness, exposing your entire self is very intimate to me. Clay is the only person to play with me naked, Spiffy would only be second- I wanted to look great and feel confident naked in front of him. He offers that I can get delivery or room service to feed myself, but my stomach is so full of anxious butterflies it’s hard to eat. I do take advantage of the wonderful natural light coming in the big hotel window- I don’t usually get a hotel room all to myself; I took a lot of nudes and feet pics~. Spiffy finally picks me up and treats me to bubble tea. Back at his place, he has me relax on his couch to rub and worship my feet as we negotiate our sessions while chill lofi music plays in the background. I get a glimpse of the iconic bed where you get tied to and tortured- so surreal I was where it all happens! Saturday’s session would consist of me bound spread eagle, face up, tape gagged, blindfolded, and wearing earplugs. My safewords were through my hands, 1 finger on each hand being yellow, and 2 being red. The first part of the session would be basically a test, to explore my body, observe my reactions, make note of how I respond to this and that. All to prepare for the next part of the session; the *Torture Timer.* We negotiate here what I want and for how long. I believe I said I wanted 90 minutes of edging and denial, 20 minutes of forced orgasms, and 20-30 minutes of tickling. In this time frame, I would not be allowed to safeword. I bring up that while I’m so excited to be experiencing my biggest fantasies with him, a part of me is nervous that I’ll feel too overstimulated and can’t take it, or won’t react a certain way as I tend to tense up with new people (I’m a pretty anxious sub). Spiffy reassures me that he has a lot of experience with this type of play, and he knows every body is different and reactions will vary. He usually introduces this type of play with those who have never experienced it, and is happy to do so; he’s probably the best person to explore this with~. Also, the goal is to fulfill this fantasy of mine. While he is a Top Dom and likes to play sadistically, he is pleasure-focused and wants to give the sub what they want; he wants to fulfill these erotic fantasies to those who want it, and grants it in a safe setting. I wanted this, I wanted to play sensory deprived with no safeword, and he was granting me that.

I have a quick rinse in the shower and come out with just a towel wrapped around me. I cling to it as it would soon be coming off and he would see me raw. Spiffy has me stand at the end of the bed, facing it. With him standing right behind me, he darkens and dulls the lights, then strips the towel away from me. I appreciated how considerate he was here, to darken the room so I wouldn’t be self conscious. I’m instructed to lay face-down on the bed. He gives me a warm oil massage to soften and relax me. Some spots tickle as he goes over them with his hands. That alone, I already feel wetness between my legs, leaked onto the towel I laid on.

After a nice massage, he has me sit at the end of the bed to put a blindfold on me, and gives me earplugs to put in. Then he wraps tape around my head so everything is snug and in place. I’m then instructed to lay on the bed and get into position to finally be placed in the infamous Spiffy bondage. Once I’m all in, Spiffy puts a few pieces of tape over my mouth to gag me. It finally starts to set in- I’m in my favourite position, open, vulnerable just how I’ve dreamed, and unable to see, hear, or say anything; I am just a toy, a body to be tortured. It starts off with light tickles with his fingers over all my spots, learning my spots, seeing me squirm very little in his strict bondage. Then he sets the Torture Timer. I was finally experiencing what I have fantasized for years~! His fingers investigate and rub my clit- it’s embarrassing as now he’s the second person to touch me like that, but I can’t hide. He then teases my pussy with a single feather, slowly around it, and gradually towards it. The feather is already wet and cool from how wet I was. Then two different makeup brushes stoke over my clit, up and down. This is what I’ve always wanted~. As an anxious sub, I am really good at blocking out what is happening to me, as a part of me tries to deny it like I don’t deserve it. Like I feel too needy the Dom is only doing this for me and not enjoying it themselves. But the strokes were so soft and teasy, hitting sensitive parts on my clit that it would snap me back into the session.. and it wasn’t stopping.. just continuing at its own pace.. and I just had to lay there, open and forced to take it. *Swoon~* No matter how much I squirm and thrust away, the soft bristles don’t leave my clit alone. By surprise he presses the vibrating Eroscillator against my clit, up and down, pressing it into extra sensitive, overstimulating places that make me shift around. Then I hear a familiar, triggering hum- the Pursonic explores my body and uncovers more of my tickle spots to Spiffy, I can’t help it, it’s one of my favourite tools~. It was absolutely awful having it over my hips that were tightly bound down, there was no struggle or getting away. Something then slides into me.. (I am still exploring penetration with toys and body parts, I enjoy it and it feels good, but I definitely prefer external play and have way more experience with it).. the Lelo 2 finds its way inside of me, I make a noise in shock as I wasn’t expecting it, but it’s quickly adjusted into the most magical spot… my body immediately melts and gives into the sensation.. I feel pleasure just radiate from within my pelvis.. he has the toy placed in the perfect spot that helps bring me towards an edge.. then a strong vibration encapsulates my clit- the new toy sucks it up and captures me. I own a Satisfyer Pro 2- this was the Lora DiCarlo Baci, and I fell absolutely in love with it~. Now my clit was being pleasured from both ends, and it drove me wild. Vulnerable and wide open, only to have your most intimate, and sensitive spot focused on and forced to take it..~. My body heats up and trembles as I approach the edge, it feels so good~ I usually announce when I’m close so I don’t go over the edge. As I’m about to cum I attempt to talk through the gag for the first time to warn Spiffy I was about to, how I was trained to, but he ignores me, he ignores my panicked blabbering under the tape and I have my first forced orgasm. The tight straps keep me in place as immense pleasure surges through my body- I tremble and squirm against the restraints as the toys are kept on me. Then I’m subjected to tickles with fingers and the Pursonic, while I still come down from the first orgasm, and all my nerves are heightened. It remains this pattern; forcing orgasms out of me and tickling me in-between. I physically feel myself drop down into levels of subspace. On my fourth orgasm, the Lelo and Lora gang up on me again, and I squirt (more like gush) via someone else for the first time. I realize on my 5th one, I’m drenched with sweat and hot, I’m soaked between my legs.

Spiffy removes my gag and the session is over.. I was not done yet honestly.. but that could be my subspace talking, and we negotiated a time limit. Spiffy let’s me know I squirted twice, and that the session was 2 and a half hours. There was no way, it went by so fast.. too fast- to me it felt like 45 minutes. I was genuinely shocked. I just lay there as he frees me, zonked out, exhausted. I’m not sure what to really think but, I can’t believe I endured that.. did all of that.. with the SpiffyTickler. He kisses and plays with my feet as he tells me I did a good job. I just have to lay there as sitting up makes me dizzy, but we talk about the session, how we felt, and our favourite parts. He gives me back and foot rubs as we order sushi for delivery as that’s what I was craving. Then we watch the newest season of Rick and Morty as we eat it~. The night ends when he drops me off at the hotel I’m staying at- I’m excited to just crawl into bed and just pass out, the whole session and the sensations on repeat in my mind.. I craved more~.

(This is where I randomly took a 3 month break from writing this whoops sorry I’ll wrap it up)

Sunday would be dedicated to content-making and being bound in other infamous Spiffy positions. On my own in the morning I make a trip to Target for breakfast and snacks! Spiffy grabs me in the afternoon and treats me to Starbucks. Back at his place we negotiate what will be going on, including taking me back to the airport. As I’ve never been to California before, and I love sightseeing, Spiffy offers to take me on a scenic route to the airport, and even drive through San Francisco for me to see the Golden Gate Bridge, the Painted Ladies, and those iconic San Francisco houses. (I got a gorgeous sunset video of us crossing over the Golden Gate Bridge~)

The first position he puts me in is the facedown Y-position with my feet tightly secured together. Then I’m positioned face up and mummified-bound in straps, arms to my sides in arm-binders, with my feet stuck in stocks and toes secured back. This is the session I truly had no safeword as Spiffy put my hands in bondage mitts, my safeword signals were with my fingers. This is also the session where Spiffy used his mouth to give me mouth tickles and suck on my nipples.. h oly fuck his mouth and lips were so soft omg… I pretty much lost it when he sucked my nipples and played with my clit, but I had so little room to struggle and thrust. I get frustrated during this session as Spiffy teases and overstimulates me but I can’t edge or get close. I’m extremely picky about the positions I’m in, and can’t cum with my legs closed or close together (I probably can, I’m just spoiled lol). I whine enough through the tape gag that Spiffy takes it off me, and I tell him that I can cum if my legs are spread open. I am truly spoiled as Spiffy invents a brand new position out of his bondage just for me to be able to cum~. I’m in an upside-Y-position, my upper body still bound in straps, hands still in bondage mitts at my sides, but my legs were bound and spread open to the edges of the bed. He doesn’t re-tape my mouth, so I get to moan as loud as I want, all for him.. because of him. 

I have no idea how to end this.. though this was an incredible, wonderful, dreamy experience and opportunity.. I still can’t believe I actually met up with Spiffy and played with him and got put in all those positions AND lived out my biggest tickle fantasy~. I’ve been a massive fan of his content for years, I’ve dreamed of meeting up and playing, and IT HAPPENED!! I had a tickle crush on him, and now I think I actually have a bit of a crush on him after being tortured by him~. One of the biggest highlights of 2022 for me. 2 days was not enough.. that weekend went by way too fast. And I’m still craving and desperate for more. 

Spiffy, thank you so so much again for spoiling me, and pampering me, and giving me my dream session~. You made me feel safe, so comfortable, and seen. You really boosted my confidence and self esteem too. You go above and beyond to care for your subs; I appreciate the ways you put me at ease as this was so new to me. This was all so honouring! Can’t believe you’re a fan of me and my content aH!! I’m happy to now be a play reference for you! Thank you for being part of my kink journey.❤️

#FINALLY GOT AROUND TO IT!! #HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🎉 (to those in 2023!) #This year was filled with so many new experiences- vanilla and kink. I’ve grown so much and have healed so much. #So honoured Spiffy could be part of my kink journey too! #And thank you to my followers for being part of it too! I hope you did some experiencing and growing of your own! ❤️ #my posts #spiffytickler #nsft #tickle community #tickles #text

[cr1ms0nesp3ra-ac3]

Oh boy, guess who's gonna participate that "Sleep Token Lyric" challenge. (Made by @a-s-levynn btw! Check em out!!)

So I will be choosing some lyrics of the songs that relates me the most. Trust me,

you'll see why.

Part 1: DAY O1

The second lyric interests me so I gotta choose this..

Undercut for art!

( That's my irl oc btw, hope you like it or not.. idc. )

#art #fanart #irl oc #sleep token #oc fanart #are you really okay #tw slight vent #( Idk this counts but... ) #Okay. this is obviously an easy concept to say this.. #Do you imagine that you kept on lying to say that you are ''fine''? #like no matter what you do. People will always stay concern. confused nor something else.. you'll push them away anyway. #That's actually what I do when I must stay ''happy'' to other people I know #though I'm not sure if I really have depression... if I did then- well... im cooked. #but at least- this song I first listened back then began to healed me.. #Alright- expect me to post some interesting lyric concept art for this heheh-- #and sorry for the vent rambling btw.. #I know I may be an positive one. But sometimes negativity spreads to me like its a virus.. #but at least.. I hope to keep going for my friends. family. moots and the ones I trust. #that is all for crimson's rambling.. lol #a series of small offerings #<- ( my small ahh brain forgot to tag this- 😭 )

[lucky7i]

#"despite everything that happened dee- and yknow the events falling upon you thats happened- i still consider you Bondi regardless if youre #“technically in the club or not so- i just hope wherever you go you remember that” #whata fuckinh emding i guess it could’ve been worse and i enjoyed the highs and downbad lows #icant with these emo shits and drama queens today i cried and laughed sm (cried more) #its always when i have things to do irl after and my eyes are like @@ #time for a hot shower and sleep for 2 days now #war is over #< bro think he did something #wow what a journey #rip dukes n jess's gifti TT^TT shes with og vb tulip and paragone now the girls are home #I’m glad he went with the tutorial dee mentore ending leaving until someone needs him with some hints and not very closed ending >> sideeye #barrys such an emo himbo goldfosh lmao the literal ending it with a bang was hot and tragicsweet #hs last memory connection with dee Clueless #🖼️🃏 #i loved every last convo that was had with people- the bad and good and the painful and healing #i wish there was one with tj tho ): he called him when he thought it was his last moments in prison god i love that phonecall #wait right ill take their little chat at the gas station ⍢ it was so sweet #chip fey and ed and collin & bbs convos #and he’s been and always will be bondoi gladge #him pulling lots of new pple on their feet for years then either they exceed to great things and move on and away from him #or the city eats them and he never see them again and in all cases he ends up alone again #^i daydreamed about him saying something like that to b im glad he did #the way b speaks to him and how the club spoke to him is fascinating i want to talk about it and analys it #god not me analysing literature years after collage #and i know she was scuffed lmao but coppa looked like she said goodbye to dee too before she got into the car and idc ill take that #the two that i'll miss sm more than anything with barrys story and 4.0 dee and coppa #i think the john thing's so funny especially the “gaslighting himself that dees name was johnathon the intire time” in mc lmao but #🤲🕯️🩸 reunion in aus 🙏 🩸 rekindling 🕯️🩸 max prison or petty crimes 📿🛐 that part revival 🤲🩸🛐 its right there hes righthere 🌀😵‍💫 #dare i say the same dee with the same memories continues 4.0 with a new page and even closer with everyone 🚛 🏭 the copium overload #I also cant wait for more suffer and joy in 4.0 yippeee

[sevenyeargap]

practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable

#things im really grateful for: moved out and away! to the other side of the country! for a new job (first job!!!!!) which was terrifying but #it's been FIVE months and ive genuinely never felt prouder of myself for making it through!!!!! #and even though there HAS been some really really Bad Brain Days this job has allowed me to meet so many interesting people #and it also has allowed me to have a better view of my future; to understand what i really want to do; and given me the boost i needed to #work extra hard to get into my masters program (asylum and immigration law!!!) #ive also became less of a people pleaser and learned to stood up for myself more; get more accomodations and opportunities without stopping #myself to get them bc i didnt deserve them or whatever #i did SO many scary things that felt like pulling my own teeth out but 95% of these things worked out okay in the end #i even got a new job opportunity!!!! i was OFFERED a job????!?!?!?!???! can you believe it????!?!? #GOT MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS #came out to my therapist! said a lot of scary things to scary people but i did it SCARED. AND IT WORKED OUT #ive accomplished so many things this year and grown up and healed a lot. sure there were bad days but - overall? #im so grateful im alive. im so grateful i got to meet so many wonderful & lovely people #(if youve read all of this please know that i love YOU and also i hope hope HOPE you had a wonderful year; or if you didnt then that the #upcoming year will be nothing but kind and supportive to you! 🌱🎀💫)

[yuukimiyas]

ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧ happy new years my loves!! i am so so SO beyond grateful to have had the pleasure of growing my lil city & was able to meet all of you!! whether we interact only briefly or on the daily just know i appreciate & adore every single one of you more than words can possibly describe ໒꒰ྀིㅅ´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა i wouldn’t be half the person i am if it weren’t for you guys <33 & im so proud to say that i have made some amazing forever friends (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾⁾ ik this yr wasn’t easy & it def had its struggles but everyday you continued to show up & be your v best self & i am so proud of you <33 i just know you’re going to continue to do even MORE amazing things!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ 2024 is our yr!! <33 i am kissin your noses so gently as the ball drops!! mwah!!

#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals! #okay i’m ab to get a lil soft ૮꒰ྀི ∩៸៸៸∩ ‎꒱ྀིა im feelin WEEPY!!! #but i remember tellin my bestie that i wanted to rlly get back into tumblr again & im so glad i did bc i got to meet all of YOU!! #i’ve done a lot of healing in these past yrs + made rlly stupid mistakes + tried everyday to better from them & it was HARD & i learned SM #after growing & coming to terms w my past & moving toward my future i’ve happy to say i am the happiest i’ve ever been <3 #& no matter what i was feeling if it was a particularly hard brain day you guys never stopped treating me like i was human <3 #& for that i truly thank you ໒꒰ྀི ´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა i lost a lot but im determined to get it back & then some!! bc im not my mistakes!! #i’m what i’ve learned from them!! & i am only continuing to be my best self every single day!! #i just hope you guys know you mean the world to me ໒꒰ྀི ∩´﹏`∩ ꒱ྀིა & idk what i’d do w/out my fave neighbors & city pals!! <33 #i can’t wait to make so many more memories w you all in the new yr!! ᜊ꒰ ᜊ ´ ˘꒱ ੭♡ cheers to us bbys!! i just know its gonna be amazing!! <3 #smoochin you all on midnight tonight + tmrw & every midnight after that <33 i love you all endlessly ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

[moe-broey]

FINALLY. DOWNSIZING MY PIERCINGS (MOST LIKELY IF MY PIERCER SAYS THEY'RE READY TO WHICH I'M P SURE THEY ARE BUT I WAS WRONG THE FIRST TIME)

#I MIGHT BE. getting ANOTHER fucking bump on my left side and that gives me a lot of info actually #if i sleep on my side it's on my right. i've cleaned everything my face may come into contact w (pillows/plush/ect) #for some reason idk if my body is just Like That or if i did something wrong but the post on my left side #sticks out more than the post on my right. AND!!!!!! i think that is the issue!!!!!! both times i've had complications now #it's been on my left side. i bet you anything that it's the irritation of having a too long bar/shifting around too much #esp like! as lip piercings! they move any time i talk! so!!!!!!! #I HOPE. MY ORDER IS STILL IN. time blindness can and will kick me in the ass #but ideally if everything works out.... i could FINALLY have the spikes..... 😳😳😳 #so far i've had beads on both ends of the bar (recommended way to heal them) and i will admit it has a cute effect #like i have little nubs. HOWEVER. I'VE GOT. I'VE GOT TO HAVE FANGS THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT‼️‼️‼️‼️ #oh btw the first bump eventually healed w minimum effort! just took its sweet time it REALLY annoyed me LMFAOOOO #I HOPE.... TO NIP THIS ONE IN YHE BUD................

[cryptid-crusader]

I love Ranking of Kings and I thoroughly enjoyed season one but I would be lying if I said the whole Daida/Miranjo thing wasn't weird as hell.

#like age gap aside #there was no romantic lead up to Daida asking her to marry him #like nothing #and also... girl is traumatized as fuck #she has been through some shit and DONE some MAJOR SHIT #one little ass prince treating her nice is a good start but that shit isn't going to heal her lul #and also she like... kinda sorta raised Daida? In a fucked up sense #if anything miranjo would probably be like pump the breaks lil man i don't really uhhh feel that way about you #and I'm pretty certain.... she was ready to get it with king bosse so that's a whole thing #it was just... weird #and unnecessary #and did kinda put a damper on the end of the series for me ngl #i was really hoping Hilling was going to be like yeah this ain't happening lul #also... i kinda feel like she got off too easy #she murdered Bojis mom in a horrific way right in front of him so that's unforgivable bro #>:( #anyway I'm done #ranking of kings #ranking of kings spoilers #flapping my wings

[chika-nyan]

Lies down. So it looks like my job is actively trying to moorder me so I’ll probably be mostly ded for a while. Honestly at a breaking point, can you believe vacation was just last month? :) Gonna keep doing my best to hold on for that mid-late spring exit/quitting time with next vacation but it’s going to be a trial forsure.

#I can’t quit now I’m 3/4 of the way to next vacay hour gifting u_u #I’ve come this far I at least need to nab that paid vacation……. #Done being nice work just takes advantage of any kindness I can muster #Please stop trying to call me in on my off days I need those to heal my shoulder 8’D #I came in anyway even when they called at 4am on a day I did not work when I would reasonably be SLEEPING but no not anymore u_u #I am done you will get no more extra hours from me #I don’t want to work more I’m hurting give those hours to coworkers u_u #The hours the company is being so stingy with :) #To the point that a petition is going around saying booooo you suck at staffing git gud binch!!! #Which I did sign because it is true git gud 8U)b #like even some customers have gone ‘you’re all by yourself????’ to me 8’D #I’m just saying ONE more person in the morning would help so much 8’D #Especially since we get tour busses on their way to the mountain starting as early as 7am until 10am!!! #There’s more bs but truly I am just so tired and upset but I hope I can make it to spring #Gonna take off Easter and also go to Sakuracon on the last vacay! #*lies down* But yes will try to give thumbs up out of the dirt mound atop me but will be mainly dead u_u #Sorry this was a long one big thanks if you read through u_u #*blows homie kisses at dorito buddos* Love you (bromo) don’t forget meeeeeee

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

#the results finally came: i have hepatitis. Is not longer just simple sickness and liver malfunction. Now i have chronic illness #and i am back into my place. after being far away for some weeks feeling like a victim of the narrative #how foolish and stupid i was #i tried not to think about it. to not give it importance as she said it was not that serious #but now that i am alone in here again i realize that everything it was my fault #“is our mistake” i can hear her say. but it is my fault: i was the sober one. the one in control. the one that did not let her go #“she was teasing you. was somerhing she wanted” some people reply. but that is no excuse for my behaviour #i was supposed to protect her. to let her be free with herself. and in the end i only gave her pain and regret. i destroyed my last chance #perhaps being denied to fix what i did. to prove myself better. is my punishment and i should accept it #not able to know about her life. if she is okay. if her heart is recovering. if her mind is not killing her. is part of the punishment too #sure. the guilt is destroying me. but i deserve it. in fact. i deserve all the problems i am having. i deserve to be out of her life #my chairs are screaming. my bed is punching. the blankets are a burden. the walls compress me. the juice is sour. #i can no longer make that dish. not that snack. and just thinking about the strawberrys dessert makes me nauseous and want to puke #i am totally sure that event damaged her more than she wanted to admit. if is this devastating to me. should be x10 worse for her. #but i will never know and that is part of the suffering i deserve #i hope she manage to heal. to forget about me. to find someone better that can truly help her #i hope she never wanted to came back. it will only bring her pain. see me will only make her remember the trauma #i am not free of sin. i betrayed myself that day. i betrayer her too. i do not deserve forgiveness from both #the walls are not the culprit. yet my anger keep me punching them. i could damage myself but my liver is already doing that #perhaps this illness will set me free. but until that happens. i still need to try going forward. #mostly becasue is not fair i just give up and end my suffering that easy. i must face my punishment #yet i hope she is not being tormented by my mistake. i doubt it. but she deserve better #hopefully she will never read this and therefore never try to contact me to debate the mistake if she still think was her fault #hopefully she will heal and grow. happy and independent. free with lots of friends. loving herself and someone special for her #i tried to be a saviour but at the end i only destroyed who i wanted to save. along myself in the process #better to stay alone that to hurt someone and myself again #i wish life to let me be in the void where i belong. feeling desires is gross and awful. better to not feel anything like i was before #tried to distract myself with funny stuff and healing posts. heck even some sad and broken stuff to feel understood #but nothing of that was really helpful as i was only neglecting the reality and severity of my actions. i must leave #so goodbye. i should come back when the illness and the guilt stop killing me (if it does not succeed)

[impossible-rat-babies]

me taking whm stuff and sticking in othard to make lore for eyrie’s family like

#it’s like geomancy and astrologian are similar but yet very different #in the practice of it that eyrie was informally educated in had a reverence to the earth #as a way of you respect this but you do not owe deference towards the earth #the earth can be borrowed from as the earth is endless #there are elementals in a nebulous way but they are very distant and very very old #wellsprings of power that one cannot hope to fully tap #it’s but a drop in the endless sea to use the power to heal #their brother is much more versed in the practice #it wasn’t intended to be his course in life but things took a turn after eyrie left #in some bad ways and others in good—he is better served in his current role #eyrie’s brother shouldered the burdens placed upon him much better than they did #eyrie was always the softer of the two. the baby of the bunch. tended to the most by their mother #their brother would make for a more charismatic and public facing WoL #which is good in some cases but eyrie is the one who would make it out of the difficulties—not unscathed but still willing to move forward #I’m still puzzling eyrie and odvirn out #and their sisters ahhhh their sisters #I say that with eyrie having a bunch of half developed children #oc: eyrie kisne

[arthur-r]

i ran out of storage while drawing this so i had to add the white parts in markup and call the rest of it good but this is “self portrait with future beard and pending scar” and i drew it after surgery this morning

#the outfit is stuff i have in real life and so is the scar except it’s not a scar yet it’s a wound #that’s what my mom keeps on telling me when i say wow this is such a cool scar #which is what i say to not terrify myself about how i might always have this scar #anyway if i had still been in ibispaint for the end of this i would’ve added some bright light behind me #because that’s what i was planning on but then i ran out of storage #anyway hi i did the surgery this morning and it went good the IV hurt and the anesthesia was scary but everything else was good #anyway i was gonna fix the shape when i was still in ibispaint but i would need 250 megabytes of storage and i don’t have it :( #so markup is all i have now shdhdf i can’t erase i can only draw on top #which is mostly how i draw anyway but still #anyway the surgery to make my face look regular again all the way would cost money and not insurance at all #so unless it heals really good on it’s own i might look like this forever #so i started thinking about forever and i reassured myself by adding a beard to the picture. and so. that’s why i drew this shdhdf #anyway i missed my dynamic brush and this was my first time using it in a lot of months and i had missed it shdhdf #idk if this is like. good. to people who aren’t on anesthesia. i will have to find out in the morning #but i wanted to break to you guys that it might never go away. but i did that by drawing instead of a picture #because i get nervous on the internet and especially today #and anyway i hope i still like this in the morning but mostly the point before is i have a scar there now #cause that’s what i had to get to not have a tumor there now. and so it’s better and it’s okay but also makes me nervous #but i’m gonna grow up and it will still be okay and this is scary but the worst dangerous part is over #and this is just maybe what i look like right now and maybe it will heal. but i will just have to find out #me. my post. mine. #my art #delete later

[prodkeiji]

ep 9 is a lot to process uhm

#well yang kindaaa went batshit crazy (only bc of that fucking cat whos the real antagonist all along) but im glad she still got herself tgt #ruby is obviously gonna live i think. but yea its implied but idt shes gna use cresent rose anymore 💔💔 LIKE NOOO CRESENT ROSE WAS SO OG #also what the actual fuck is going on w the fight scene like???? #okay i get why neo has no reason to return anymore BUT JAUNE FALLING? #LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ROOSTER TEETH IS HE DEAD DONT YOU DARE KILL HIM OFF I FUCKING SWEAR #i hate that fucking cat so much bro hes so annoying i want him DEAD by next week once the final ep drops #but if he dies ... does that mean neo will die to since shes the vessel :( #as much as i hope thats not gna be the case it's a bitttt inevitable? pls let me have my delusions of neo having her redemption arc pleasee #anyways go ruby do what makes u happy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 as much as i love cresent rose if not using her anymore is what makes u heal + #+ happy i will have no complaints do whats best for you baby 🥹 ueueue i love her sm #no but what if she just uses summers weapons to kill off that cat #and then when they go back to remnant it's back to cresent rose (im delusional) #it's very impossible looking at rubys situation now but hey one can dream yk #SPEAKING OF SUMMER I WAS VERY SURPRISED WHEN I SAW HER IN THE FIRST BIT #i wish they showed her face like cmon why is rt acting like we didnt see her face in that one season like?? 🙁 let me see the pretty mother #AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS RWBY V9 EP 9 it felt like some type of filler ep 💀 not that i hate it but it was kinda short to me #season finale next week better be good or else im gna be so mad like we did not just see neo getting POSSESSED all 4 a bad ending 4 the szn #on a side note: i hope we get to see the others again pls pls pls i NEED renora development 😣😣 my og childhood bffs to lovers 40k words + #+ mutual pining and slowburn romance (it took them 8 seasons to kiss) #rwby v9 spoilers #this was so long to break down damn sorry for the typos i am not redoing all of these tags just to correct them

[daffodilsfortomorrow]

....

#feel like i went through a brief psych episode the last two months #and it was all because i liked a dude???? men are bad for your mental health #it was insane like i cant even explain #liked a dude who claimed to like me back and wanted to date me #and then in a matter of 7 hours rejected me because we are not from the same caste!!!!! #i was so shocked and upset about the whole thing because caste and community are not things people openly speak about in a fucking #metropolitan city but here i am as proof for how wrong I was #I truly lived such a sheltered and protected life lmaoooooo #I told my dad what happened and he said well are you suprised #and I am like yes!!!!! in the year of 2023 in a fucking city (which is not some village with no access to the outside world) who talks #about caste #anyway life sucked for a while but I am getting better now #and this was the first time I sort of wore my heart on my sleeve and then got rejected so that was a fun lesson #trying to get back to how i was before I met this guy and he managed to give me a fucking complex #i also did a bunch of things really weird stupid things because i wanted him to like me #one of those was reactivating my instagram account #hate it #i hope i heal faster so i could move on :( #jo talks shit sometimes

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i think the hardest thing with rehabbing is that sometimes from your point of view there are no success stories some days. we have the birds who are doing well of course but im not really working with them. i did one exam today and the bird had to be euthanised because of the injury severity. the other intakes we were waiting for either didn’t come during my shift or died before they could get to us. the only other bird i worked with was a window strike with severe neurological damage who had to be force fed. sometimes i come home emotionally drained just because rehabbing isn’t always happy endings

#just. drained rn and my pain is acting up #death doesn’t usually bother me and every euthanasia we do is humane and always because the bird won’t heal but that doesn’t always make it #easy. we’ll usually do it as soon as the fatal injury is found so the bird doesn’t have to be in pain anymore or be in more pain because of #the exam and im fine doing those usually #but today it was a soft little mourning dove who was hawk caught and we made sure she’d passed before we did the exam but i took her body #out of the box we do euthanasias in and she was all curled up and instead of being fully stiff her neck just flopped #and it just kinda hit that 30 minutes before hand i had held this animal alive #and she was in excruciating pain i mean her injuries were severe and she had a bone break right on the joint that would have been horribly #painful and she had no grip and her foot was turned out #it’s just. sometimes it’s hard yknow #you always want the success stories and to have hope but sometimes i don’t get that some days #and the window strike isn’t gonna make it either i don’t think. his neurological damage is too severe and he’s not even taking any food he #has to be force fed #it was just a rough day today #bird time #vent tw #death tw #animal death #bird death #euthanasia tw