#I have that feeling like I wanna be bored but dont wanna at the same time if ya know what I mean.

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[anniflamma]

I am a bit bored... But I don't wanna start with another animatic yet cuz I guess I need to relax just a little bit first........... If anyone have any requests for me to draw. Go ahead and ask!

#Preferably queer biblical stuff or greek mythology >:) #I have that feeling like I wanna be bored but dont wanna at the same time if ya know what I mean.

[ecstasydemon]

i just saw the worst take about melinoe that mischaracterized her completely and it pissed me off so bad . exploding that person in my mind

#aaghhhh they called her boring and too prim and proper AND GRGRHTHGRGRRRR #'why does she fret about her herb and mushroom jars' 'she has the weight of a war on her shoulders why is she so calm' #THERE ARE MULTIPLE POINTS IN THE GAME WHERE SHE EXPRESSES HOW STRESSED AND PRESSURED SHE FEELS #MAYBE SHE FEELS PRESSURED TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES AND GIVE HOPE TO PEOPLE BC SO MANY PEOPLE DEPEND ON HER AND SHE DOESNT WANNA DISAPPOINT! #MAYBE SHE GETS NITPICKY ABOUT HER JARS BEING MISPLACED IS BC THATS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS SHE HAS CONTROL OF! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! #'oh why cant they make a girl character that curses and isnt prim and proper' MAYBE IF YOU LOOKED PAST YOUR DUMB INTERPRETATION OF HER PERSO #i need to calm down #more edit #HER BEING NEAT AND TIDY IS ALSO A FOIL TO ZAGREUS WHO WAS MESSY! #GODDD SHUT UPPPP #also they had the worst opinion abt the combat #like sorry you just have bad taste if you dont think hades 2's combat system is even cooler than hades 1 #like fuck you its the same but with even more added moves. fuck off

[theclosetedskeleton]

Only the middle of the week and i want the weekend to be here NOW

#i hate how the days go by so quickly EXCEPT WHEN YOU NEED THE WEEKEND #like please i need a full 8+ hours of sleep and not have to cut my free time #not like i ever get enough sleep #i DONT but. i need it atp #i feel like going to sleep but i dont wanna deal with tmrw ☹️ not like anything bad/ stressful is occurring but #its so draining and so boring at the same time #whyyy does it have to take up all my day. i hate this #eughhh im getting tired #boo #closet rambles again on tumblr

[4giorno]

googles "will i be arrested if i play the exact same bg3 character for the third time in under 2 months"

#like again i know. i paid 70€ for this game i can play it however the fuck i want #but i still feel kind of. embarrassed?? esp bc im at my parents for christmas and new years and they know ive played this character twice #and like surely i should want to do something different after like 250 hours and yet... 😭😭😭😭😭 #and ive realised that i never found the blood of lathander and my character def would want to get it even if it destroyed an ancient temple #and ive seen even more dialogue that i missed bc somehow i couldve long rested more frequently even tho i made a conscious effort to do tha #the second time around (bc i started playing multiplayer with my parents and already we got long rest stuff i never saw 💀) #also dialogue choices that fit him more but i was still too scared to pick bc i was afraid id get insta killed #or a companion would get so pissed off theyd leave.......... #you could be like oh so you know what happens why would you play it but like why does anyone play sims or something #like sometimes you wanna see your little guys in scenarios 😭 #(OH also i wanted to see if i could give astari0n worms in the beginning since he wanted them so bad #and it was literally one of the things he and my character bonded over as in they were the only bitches who thought they should use them #i just never thought to give any to him even tho he asked bc i always forget i can do stuff with the companions #AND im always afraid ill fuck something up for them gfkfjdhfkgkf) #anyway the point is wow still i have an unreasonable attatchment to this character of mine and i love him sm #and somehow i dont get bored of playing the same character after two full campaigns

[szlachtas]

.

#ooc #tbd #((i am out of nowhere super insecure abt ieuan #like theyre a really flat boring character and i should delete #idk have i lost something from them or #do they still seem like the same character or was that character not worth it to begin with-- #idk sorry about insecure posting #i just dont wanna feel weird about a character and not say anything about it.

[tiredeyes1975]

classes i want to take next year: college anthropology, college government, ap literature, ap calculus bc, ap statistics. thoughts??

#i know i SHOULDNT but i want to take all these classes… #i dont want to take regular literature i feel like id be bored #i want to do calculus even though its hard i kinda like it #i could take regular stats but i might as well take ap stats and possibly get college credit #same with government. i might as well get college credit and i would be bored in a regular class #and i really want to take an anthropology class #i know this would be stressful but i really wanna take all these classes :((( #mayyybe ill drop calculus bc but like :(( #and im taking a religion class (required) and choir on top of this #but also. its gonna be my senior year and i have to do college applications and stuff so.. #and also this would make me lose my mind

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#some reflections on 2022 as a year bc im bored and tired mostly prob bc my hormones r fucked up #ill b real. it was not a great one. not the worst i guess. that award goes to 2016 when i was a junior in undergrad and i was spiraling #and i did kno y it was happening so it was scary. now at least i kno why mostly but i think ive experienced the most soul rattling cosmic #despair in this year just bc i pushed and pushed to the point of destruction and i mean i have a history of doing that but i never wanted #to like quit before like as in fucking quit my job and just fucking break things. its weird. and ive got that panic feeling now #its the same one i get when ive been in therapy for a while and nothings helping. and i keep thinking: help me help me someone make this #stop bc i dont want to b like this anymore and i dont kno what to do. bc i was hoping a break would heal me and that would b enough but #the fears been creaping in the past few days bc deadlines and projects snd i havent done anything i need to and i still just want to give #up. ugh. im probably just feeling melodramatic bc i overextended socially yesterday. but idk what to do. hope for a better year i guess #at least i kno i wont b living where i am in 8 to 10 months. so change is coming but things r still up in the air #and i mean 2023 wont b off to a great start bc i have to go to lunch with my grandparents and i dont want to #why? bc i think theyre bad ppl. and itll just b me. and i dont kno for how long ill b there. #my last day home and i have to spend time with them. i shoulf b working on a manuscript. i should b doing that now #but instead im laying here trying not to cry. i just wanna go to sleep. less than 48hrs and ill b back to the desert #feeling a little better maybe but idk all is not well #so yea hopefully 2023 will b a bit better #unrelated

[stinkrascal]

hiiiiiii <3 how are we doing? how are the straud kids doing?

hiiiiiiiii im doin ok, how are you bby? <3 the straud kids are great!! idk when im gonna post the straud legacy again, i really really really want to post the vlad/brie backstory reprisal before i pick up the straud legacy so tbh i havent seen them in so long, i miss my pixel people :-( but in my head im certain theyre living their best lives!! i have so many story ideas that i wanna execute it's so crazy my mind is a jumbled mess of silly vampires lol

#jade answers #itsmariejanel #oh im about to ramble SO HARD in the tags you dont even know #lucien and bonnie are gonna have a baby very soon i decided because bonnie has been pregnant for TWO REAL LIFE YEARS #even though it's only been a few months for them in the story D: so straud grandbabies soon ahhhh im not ready!! #gen is still a misogynist who's terrified to come out to his parents but they'll come around #carlile is still sick with an Unknown Illness... but he'll feel better one day! he just has to feel worse first :'( #nikolai is studying hard at school! making friends! learning about literature and whatever! #klaus is still struggling to make new friends but he'll make them sooner than he thinks!! all the while developing his musical skills <3 #anastasia is an indecisive queen who cannot decide what aesthetic she likes or who she's into. but that's ok! libra queen! #ilya will explore their identity has they get older! and also steal their mother's lighters and attempt to start fires. arsonist icon <3 #maybe the strauds will have more babies idk i have to decide how bored vlad and brie are #brie wants to GO TO SCHOOL! and be EDUCATED! so idk if she'll wanna have more kids at the moment #maybe afterwards though. she can get her degree and then be like heyyyy vladdyyyyyyy ;)))) #idk i have so many plans for the straud legacy i think it's going in a direction i'm really satisfied with!! #especially regarding anastasia/caspian/vaughn/wolfgang ugh it sounds like a love square but i promise it isn't lol #i'm really satisfied with their arcs. especially caspian and wolfgang. i think it's going to go in a good direction #i can't wait for u guys to see it in a thousand years when i finally start posting again <3 #but first i feel like i need to establish things in the vlad/brie backstory reprisal #mainly having to do with vlad/brie's mental health. bc there are characters with the same diagnoses as them #and they help those characters come to terms with their diagnoses #there's also general worldbuilding stuff that i want to better establish in the reprisal that i feel would be beneficial for my legacy too #there's so many stuff and things to do!! and i only have two hands!!!! #but i promise i am constantly working on new story stuff ok? if you read this far i am very impressed lol ily <3

[be-good-to-bugs]

having ocs is great until you have to organize them

#the bin #for a long time whenever i would draw i would just draw a body and then add stuff to it #and like never ever redraw ocs #so yiu would think they were throwaway designs but no. i get attached to almost every character i ever make unless they are like super #boring human losers #but now i actually wanna do stuff with the characters and its a pain cause i gotta go through and take pictures and document #most if them dont have nanes either :/ #so ive got over 200 character designs i need to go through scattered about. im probably gonna marge some if them and firget others #n a lot i think will just become fodder. just like a species or group since i did a lot where id draw diffrent ppl wearing the same clothes #some i think ill maybe archive also. ones that i still like as their own thing but arent my style anymore #tbh it makes me kinda sad how i have many hundreds of drawings ive made the past several years but i never posted them #just kinda sad to me. #anyway. this is such a pain in the ass and im not enjoying it. i enjoy organizing stuff bc tism but not when i have to decide subjective #stuff on what to do. i feel like this will be a long project but at the end id like to make some collage style pictures of them and post it #cause i think its a shame i have so many ocs that i never posted. i never even posted strawberry mold! who i drew right after roach #i think this will be helpful also in just having some stuff existing already that i can use for ibuprexulmethane #some of this stuff will only be good npc stuff for yume juso. #ill probably actually make a little game with rooms dedicated to each of them as a little test for making games #i think thatd be fun and cool to have. and i can add to it whenever i make new ones #tbh i think id enjoy sharing that too #nobody cares abt this lol. but i dont have anywhere else to talk abt it so :/

[bunnihearted]

i've been hating life extra bad lately </3

#so depressed too dont feel like doing anything #wake up w a headache everyday #everything is the same and it is so incredibly boring #spend all day watching yt or a kdrama which is fun but gets so extremely repetitive #i only talk to my mom a few times a day but that gets repetitive too. we kinda dont have anything to say anymore lil #lol* #hate school bc it's uninteresting and boring and i couldnt rlly choose the classes i wanted blah blah #i hate that i've asked for help for 6-7months now w my mental health #but they still have done jack fkn shit #i hate everyone hate everything.... #im so bored #im so unable to do anything too #and i havent been able to reply to messages in days now lol #idk i dont see the point in doing anything i just dont wanna exist

[mxdotpng]

everyone who stopped playing pkmn games after gen 6 was so right for it. why does scarlet/violet look so BAD

#.text #'you can go wherever you want!!!!' okay but what makes this game fun. '.......you can go wherever you want!!!!!' #okay. okay fine but what m 'You Can Go Where You Want.' #open world exploration is a gem in of itself but pokemon games arent. about. exploring. especially considering theyve #not once shown any indication that theyre including what made arceus so successful in that regard #like if youre going to take something that people loved and put it in another game you CANNOT take away what made that thing fun!!! #and the story looks boring to all hell so THAT isnt going to bring anything to the table! the new power up is just mega evolution but #less fun and Sparkly now. theyre doing the literal bare minimum except if the bare minimum was a bar lower than the earths crust #fuecoco im so sorry youre stuck in this game.... #the winning aspect of swsh was that the characters were really fun to have around -- however scarlet/violet #just looks like an amalgamation of what the past games were successful with but only if they looked at the surface of WHY they were #successful at all. not to mention theyre only looking at sun moon & sword shield for that inspiration #bw was successful bc the story FUCKED. the characters were good the music was good and the bad guys were #satisfying to beat the shit out of. its much the same for silver gold and dp. #sun moon was fun bc the story was ALSO fun and the characters were good and made fighting them genuinely fun #and feel like. Fun. like it felt Fun to battle your rivals in that game. i rlly didnt like the trial aspect of the game at all #but some ppl did and thats fine. but what made those fun for people is that it was like. an actual mini puzzle or whatever #and what scarlet/violet has shown this far is like. 'yeah we're kinda just putting together whatever' and. sigh #i dont wanna hate this game bc its not even out yet but gamefreak continually has shown they dont care for their playerbase or #actually making anything thats worth anyones time or money. they just make cashgrabs in order to get the money because #its POKEMON. of course its gonna be hyped up and bought regardless of whether its good or not. #nothing theyve shown has been genuinely captivating save for the short lived hype of Oh Shit New Pokemon #its depressing. #anyway #pkmn

[thedogsleg]

As much as I love cuddling and physicall affevtion i dont wanna do that with anyone because i dont like anyone. You all suck. And i hate you.

#this isnt true. its just when i try to make friends outside of my very small circle um filled with a type of #aparhy never before seen in the world. it makes me hate humans it really does and of course its enitrly a me problem #like its really just people being people but 99/100 people are a bore to text and tiresome to interact with #but im sure they feel the same towards me #ofc this doesnt go for anyone i DO talk to bc. i simply wouldnt talk 2 u if i didnt want to x #me op #i wanna date someone. not really. go ona. dating app and or talk to other people? whats the point. i dont wanna do that #just to cuddle and kiss someone? or sex? id get like half way through and get that sudden wave of 'done now. board.' #like with all affection. i have to carry on? just bc neither of us came? DAMN. WHATEVER. #whatever. #'AM I TRULY UNLOVABLE WAH WAH.' nah. idc. 'can i ever love?' i dunno. its weird.

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost

#rat rambles #oni posting #like I guess I just rly love that oni both manages to commit to being a tragedy while also leaving a world still in motion #like Im glad that olivia didnt get a bittersweet ending and instead got a fucking miserable one #while at the same time the dupes are still left there to keep moving forward #well ok more so I like how the narrative shifts into smth quite beautiful when seen from the dupes perspectives #which is also why I like that the dupes are rarely talked abt directly in the lore logs #idk I just feel like a seed is planted wouldnt hit as hard to me if the dupes were talked abt more #its the same sort of incedental storytelling that I like abt the rest of oni's writing ig #also I just think them being a major part of the lore logs would rly take away from the greater horrors and tragedies of gravitas #like idk I think it would have been a lot more boring if a third of the logs were just jackie going so yeah I tortured dupes some more #it makes the pre end of the world world feel so much bigger while still mostly remaining within gravitas itself #enhances the feeling of glimpsing into a past world #like every now and then I think abt what oni story could have looked like and am filled with joy at what it is now #I fucking love being into fiction thats good god it feels so good to like shit thats just like actually good #it honestly makes me almost wish there wouldnt be new lore but I do think theres room for more #as in theres plenty of room to make shit up and also we need to see more of the scientists pls #as for actual quote unquote plot stuff idk just give me like one jackie and olivia college year video transcript or smth and we're good #theres other stuff that make me lose my mind but for narrative consistency I think itd be best to not touch those two too much #especially olivia I rly think she doesnt need almost any new content the only stuff Id want with her is if it expanded upon jackie #because rly jackie is the only character I think would super heavily benefit from elaboration even if I stand by her not needing much #as Ive said a billion times just smth small to show us her in a more casual setting and we're golden I think #show me that woman being genuinely happy so I can fill in the blanks as she slowly gets crushed by the consequences of her actions #shes a part of this tragedy too and god damnit I want to see the life she ruined along the way of ruining many others #I want to see a woman whos eyes once shined and then when the lights have dulled I want her to say it was worth it with no conviction #metaphorically ofc I dont actually want to see most of it because thatd go against the narrative philosophy already established #rly all this means is I wanna see jackie and olivia doing laundry together or smth #oh also I hope they specifically give otto a whole other log just to clear up my pronoun woes #idc what its abt just have them talk abt their gender offhand or smth #just mi-ma being like how do you do young man and otto is like they and mi-ma is like ah yes young they

[toastsnaffler]

ugh had to get up bc I'm too awake to fall back asleep and started getting hunger cramps

#FINE ILL EAT CEREAL #also made myself rly sad bc i was thinking abt phone calls and it made me think abt how i DONT miss my ex thats long dead and buried #but I DO miss there being someone who was always happy to hear from me or hear my voice any time of day to say anything at all #and always being happy to hear from them in the same way and just. that simple casual kind of love and how easy it was every time #not even talking just how easy it was to be around them and in the same space even if we werent directly interacting #and i love my friends but its not really the same as that i always feel like the longer i talk the more im keeping them from other things #and theyre pulling away and ik my roommate has said before she doesnt rly get anything out of just. being around ppl without- #direct interaction which is ok like thats just how it works for her but also it means whenever im talking to her theres a little desperate #part of me thats like u have to keep talking bc otherwise shes going to get bored and leave except she'll do that either way bc ill run- #out of anything interesting to say.. but again its not the same anyway tho bc we're just friends theres no obligation or anything #not that it was obligation with my ex gah. but it was just so mutual and EASY i dont knowww #i think its on my mind as well bc my roommate was talking abt friends of hers she can just. Always dip into conversation with #and that made me think of my ex but i didnt wanna say bc that sounds dumb and as though im hung up on them (which im genuinely not) #and ik she feels like that abt one of our mutual friends bc theyre much closer than we are and its cute how much she talks abt him and #how obvious her love for him is and i dont begrudge them that at all but i just miss having that myself with someone #but its been so long and itll probably be a long time yet before i ever have smth like that again. if ever man #and it doesnt even matter anyway bc i guess it wasnt ever actually mutual and my ex denied a lot of it afterwards and ik part of that they #were just saying to hurt me (which worked) but it probably was partly true too. maaaan. #i just miss having a favourite person and i miss being someones favourite person even if that wasnt real in the end and i wasnt #i miss at least THINKING i was someones favourite person like back when doubt rarely occurred to me bc i cared so much abt them #like it would hardly cross my mind they didnt. or if it did it was still ok bc it was easily reassured #ahhhh im going to drive myself crazy girl i need to Stop. it doesnt matter its not within my reach anymore but. wails pitifully #sorry for being so pathetic and needy and starved on main in my defence im sick. im gonna lie down for another half hour #and then i guess get ready for work. at least if im working i wont be thinking abt this shit anymore it doesn't matter #ougrhrhhhhgougrh. #.diaries

[snekdood]

the only way i could be anonymous online at this point is if i deleted everything and stopped caring about my comic and gave up and stopped trying, and while that is tempting sometimes, im honestly just too dedicated to my characters and honestly myself and defending myself and my own dignity to do that.

#bitch im a big ol rock i aint goin nowhere lmao #i used to do that sometimes when i wanted a breather but theres no real point in doing that now #bc if i post my characters anywhere no doubt it'll somehow trail back to my abuser or their flying monkeys #and it'll all just come back to the same old bullshit of ppl stalking me and being really fuckin weird to me and pretending to be my friend #etc etc etc #like i understand at this point that they just kinda think they're this vigilantee justice warrior leading an army against a Great Evil #and im kinda over it all like its just really dumb and boring and they're so full of themselves for it and on their high horse about it all #and its why i suspect sometimes theres rwingers in their audience bc if i can provide all that evidence of them doing weird n fucked up #shit and im still ignored then that to me just tells me. they dont care. like they dont care if their fave acts hashtag problematic bc #they're weirdly loyal to them but then get all up in arms whenever i do anything even extremely mildly conceived as bad #its not about you guys actually being concerned about stopping someone bad. stop pretending. lmao. it never was #you wanna see what you can do with your collective power. you wanna see if its possible to drive me off the internet. like thats it #you dont care about the truth or any bloodshed or anything thats whatever to you as long as you can *feel* like you're doing something #well bitch get over it bc i already know thats what you're trying to do and its just gonna make me glue myself here #i repeat: im not stuck here with you. you're all stuck here with me. #either actually engage with my side of shit and try to understand me and where im coming from or fuck off w your b/w thinking asses. #bc ive been doing nothing but trying to be nuanced over here while yall keep trying to find ways to see me as satanhitler #but i understand that when yall dont have a scapegoat bad guy you get to rely on as a punching bag for your shitty life- #that you can pretend you're punching up when more than anything you're punching sideways or down- #then you dont get to feel like the Good Guy Hero like in All Your Favorite Shows Anymore #bc those shows dont deal w nuance do they? they find an enemy and get rid of him and thats it. #so why should you right? surely reality is like a cartoon. right? #and that maybe you're actually BEING the bad guy by punching down at a trans guy who lives in poverty #and let me guess... my abusers defending the rape of israelis rn too arent they? and yall wont think about that huh #just. any bad behavior they do goes over your heads. you'll defend anything they do to the end #but if i even make the slightest mistake its over. #i kinda think yall are just like... kiwifarm types? like thats what you remind me of.... #i just dont believe you have any real convictions or moral framework. i kinna think you just like blood and i mean. given your fandom.... #not very hard to feel that way.