#I find myself going “what the fuck” more and more with arthur's shenanigans

[arthursfuckinghat]

Well, I thought I could outrun the train

Arthur really is just built different

#I find myself going “what the fuck” more and more with arthur's shenanigans #it's so funny this game is gold #not shown: me running from the start of the bridge and almost making it 💪 #i'm crying this is so funny #it's so random #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #arthur morgan #mick vids #funnies

[mxpseudonym]

Just Good Business II

Pairing: Tommy x Reader

Reader Gender Expression: She/Her pronouns, "wife”

Summary: After your arranged marriage with Tommy Shelby, Tommy is MIA while you become one of the Shelby’s

Length: 1549 words (allegedly)

Warnings: Overtones of forced/arranged marriage, otherwise strong “My husband is clueless” vibes

A/N: Part III is very likely!

Part I | Part III

--

As far as things that sounded interesting went, marriage wasn't one of them. Sure, the lead up was fun enough, but a wedding wasn't a marriage, that was for sure. Your first few months with Tommy only confirmed it. 

You'd consummated your marriage on your wedding night, and even once more, when you decided that sharing the master bedroom was a must. But after that, Tommy was always gone. Over three months, you could count the number of times Tommy came to bed on two hands, and the times you actually woke up next to him on one. If he wasn't in London or Birmingham, which was nearly always, he was locked away in the home office. More than upset, though, it made you curious.

"He does everything on his own, for better or worse," Polly said when you got the Shelby women together for tea.

"Head as hard as a rock," Ada tsked Tommy, who wasn't there to defend himself. 

In Tommy's absence, you found yourself getting to know the rest of the Shelby's. It wasn't just relocating from many of your friends and your dubious relationship with your own family that made you cling to them. On occasion, when they allowed themselves to be, the Shelby’s were a lot of fun. 

"I can't!" You jumped back from the horse troughs and the goldfish swimming inside with a laugh. 

"Stop being a scaredy-cat, y/n," Finn teased, expertly picking up a fish with his bare hands. "You can't even touch one." 

"Lady's aren't used to slummin' it, Finn," Isaiah said, nudging his friend with his elbow. Along with meeting Ada for talks about politics and occasionally drinking John under the table, you'd gotten into the habit of throwing big picnics for your new nieces and nephews birthdays. John's small army allowed for two in a month, but that didn't stop you from rallying the troops. Between getting to frolic around the gardens barefoot and teaching the children how to catch fireflies, this was your favorite part about being married. Fish, however, was where your steady nerve stalled a bit.

"It's not too bad, sister," Arthur urged you. Tommy's older brother was sweeter than you imagined. You weren't a fool, you'd asked about the Peaky Blinders during your London escapades. Arthur being comparable to a rabid dog was amongst the rumors. But here he was, kneeling by the troughs and guiding your hand into the paths of goldfish. 

"You're okay. Just take a deep breath," Arthur said when you almost pulled away. The soft scales brushed against your fingertips making you shiver, but Finn and Isaiah's cheers of encouragement kept you going until you did it yourself. Arthur cleared his throat while you tried cupping your palms around one. 

"How's my brother treatin' you?" he asked.

"I don't see him much, but pretty well, I suppose. Big house, lovely new brothers, who's to complain?" You shrugged. 

"If Tommy gives you any trouble, you let us know," Finn said, high fiving Isaiah, who was shaking his head.

"Alright, simmer down, Finn," Arthur murmured, then turned back to you. "He's right, though. We'll talk sense into Tommy."

"Not that you can't do it on your own, Mrs. Shelby. The way Tommy talks about you, I bet you're keeping him in line," Isaiah joked. Arthur gave him a warning look while you raised an eyebrow. How did Tommy talk about you?

"Aunt y/n!" Katie came running around the corner, stopping any questions you may have had.

"Hello, birthday girl!" You hugged her when she was close enough. She really was a spitting image of John. 

"Can we eat cake?" She asked. 

"Yes, we can eat cake." 

The cake was eaten, gifts were opened, and Ada had just joined the children in a game of tag when Francis, the head of the house staff, came to you with word that your husband was home. 

People of habit always stay that way, so finding Tommy in his office was easy. Tommy was just about to pour a glass of whiskey when you entered after a brief knock. 

"You know, knocking doesn't mean you can just enter," Tommy said, looking over your birthday attire. It included a flower crown from Katie and no stockings. 

"Oh? What does it mean, then, Thomas?" You asked with more snap than expected. You did actually tell him about the birthdays. Whether or not he showed up was dependent on the stars aligning. He sat down the glass and turned to you with a sigh. 

"Alright, have at it. Go on and tell me your grievances."

There were so many things to say, you hardly knew which to choose first. Where the hell have you been? Where do you get off not greeting anyone in the house before hiding away? Are your manners lost somewhere alongside your damn mind leading to such a greeting? But the bridge of his nose was pinched between his thumb and forefinger, so you weighed your options and chose the most important one.

"Did you wish Katie a happy birthday?" You asked. He wasn't expecting that, you could tell. 

"No, not yet."

"Come on, then." You walked to the door and held it open until he walked out first. Seeing Tommy kiss Katie's cheek and slip her a coin was satisfactory enough, so you quickly got swept into the shenanigans going on by the gramophone. Polly told you that you looked wilder that day, and like one of the family. She also mentioned on her way out that Tommy stayed for a bit and could hardly take his eyes off of you while you danced with the kids. 

"Polly," you warned. The all-knowing matriarch put her hands up as a white flag.

"There are worse things than your husband loving you and vice versa," Polly said, ever so sly.

Love? After washing up, you thought about what she said while browsing the downstairs library. Of course, there was nothing wrong with loving your spouse, some would even say it was preferred. Even if one of you had something to confess, what did it matter?

"I'm sure you have some things to say to me," Tommy's voice broke through your thoughts and gave you a start.

"Fucking hell!"

"I did knock," he said, smirking a little. You looked over the robe and slippers you'd gotten him, knowing it made him feel too posh but not being able to resist a bit of teasing in retaliation for being ignored. 

"It's alright, I was just grabbing a book." You picked one up and walked towards him. "All I have to say is I don't like the way you talked to me earlier. I don't care how stressed you are." 

"I'm sorry," he apologized with no hesitation. You nodded and went to leave, only for Tommy to stop you. He pulled you back, his hands on your waist. Nothing prepared you for your husband wrapping his arms around your middle and resting his cheek against your belly. You slowly wrapped your arms around his shoulders. 

"Are you alright? Has something happened?" 

"I've got blood on my hands, y/n. Done things I'm not proud of," he murmured. You could only just make out what he was saying. "And I don't stop. I want you to be angry with me for bringing you along with this and putting you up in my house then leaving you alone. Talking to you how I did and putting you and everyone in danger." After a moment, you let out a chuckle.

"Thomas, what the fuck are you talking about?" You couldn't help it really, even when you looked down to see those distressed blue eyes. You pressed the back of your hand on his cheeks and forehead. "Are you ill, Sir?"

"I'm not. I mean it y/n, you've no idea what's gone on." Tommy shook his head and rested it on your stomach again. You scoffed at the man. 

"First of all, you haven't put me up in your house, you've put me up in my house, remember? I just let you live here sometimes," you reminded him of whose name was on the deed. It was for the sake of business, but it was also a gift. Tommy let the corner of his mouth tug up a bit. 

"Second, if you think your wife is dense, think again. Did you think I wouldn't do a bit of research? Ask around? I don't just sit around all day, Polly does like to keep me active, Tom. Plus, one of my mates works at that rum bakery, you think I don't keep tabs on you?" You gave him a knowing look. If you could catch him before he was out the door, you'd have already given him a lecture on getting involved with Alfie Solomons. 

"Ah," Tommy hummed. "That's why you told me to tighten up on security."

"Mmhm. Third of all," you grasped Tommy's face and made him look at you. "When I agreed to marry you, did I ask you where your hands have been?"

"No." 

"No." You shook your head. "And maybe that's my burden to bear, but I'll always look out for myself, don't worry. And I'm not scared of blood, Mr. Shelby." You leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

"Clever, bloody woman," Tommy murmured. 

"The cleverest," You agreed.

--

Tommy Tag List: @soleil-dor

#tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders imagine #tommy shelby fic #tommy shelby

[vanillasakura]

IT’S FINALLY HERE <3

I first got into Red Dead around late July or so when I watched my friend and her dad speedrun the game, and one of the first things I came across for this fandom was Sapphic Week, so I’m very very happy to be able to contribute this year, especially as I’d be lying if I said the lovely ladies in this game weren’t the main reason I initially got into it and ended up buying it for myself.

Once again, a HUGE shoutout to @rdrsapphicships and Aldrig for hosting this event! I’m so excited to see what everyone creates <3 Without further ado, let’s get into it!

RDRSW21 Day 1: Music 

Title: Close Your Eyes (As it Eats at Us)

Words: 1857

Pairing: Abigail Roberts/Molly O’Shea

Warnings/Notes: Slight John bashing I’m sorry but this takes place early chapter 2 so... slightly warranted 

(Title from Close Your Eyes by The Midnight Club)

ao3 link

  ≿━━━━━━━━━━༺❀━━━━━━━━━━≾

Don't you know, when your eyes are closed, you see the world from the clouds along with everybody else?

Indeed, Molly was on her own much of the time. Dutch could only afford her so much attention, and when he was away from camp or otherwise occupied, there wasn’t anybody who really came up to her on their own will. Not exactly like she could blame them, Molly wasn’t the easiest person to get along with. Growing up, she’d always assumed otherwise, but after seeing how Karen and Tilly had told her to stop coming up to them and “being a bitch for no good reason”, she began to wonder if everyone back home was nice to her because they had to be. Even if Molly herself wasn’t a picture-perfect example of politeness, being anything but an angel to the O’Shea daughter could have been considered blasphemy. 

It was lonely, terribly so, but Molly wasn’t quite sure what she could do to remedy the situation. She wrote poetry, she read books, she went on walks in circles around camp, she looked out over the valley (Horseshoe Overlook really hadn’t gotten its name from nowhere), but more than anything, Molly watched.

She watched how Reverend had gradually stopped bothering pretending to read the bible, instead choosing to start downing drinks earlier and earlier. She watched how Bill devoured Kieran with his eyes, all but confirming her suspicion that the man did indeed want to bed the new camp member. She watched how Karen would clench her jaw when Mary-Beth asked how things were going with Sean, but would then take his hand later and pull him out of camp, the pair slipping away to either do each other or to do nothing at all. She watched how Arthur hadn’t bothered to take down the photo of the woman who did nothing but cause him pain even after Hosea had told him to do so, instead still glancing at it longingly every now and again while he cleaned his guns in his tent. She watched Josiah practice speaking in all sorts of different accents on the outskirts of camp, correcting himself out loud whenever something wasn’t quite right. She watched how Jack would try and weave flower crowns for his mother, small hands shaking as he attempted to tie the stems of various blooms together, putting the ones he had broken too short or knocked a petal off of in a pile to his left. She watched how John admitted to Javier and Pearson that, if he could, he would kill Abigail and never think twice about it. 

The comment shouldn’t have startled Molly as much as it did. She knew that John was a good man deep down, but the way that he uttered the confession without so much as a second thought as to if what he was saying was okay made her sick. Abigail was nothing if not kind, hard-working, and strong, nothing like the type of woman you would imagine deserved those kinds of threats. What made John that angry at her, Molly didn’t know, and she wasn’t quite sure that she cared to. 

After that night, Molly didn’t just stop watching. She’d heard people say worse things, many times, but there was something about the raw earnesty in which John had spoken that made his words haunt Molly like nothing else had. She decided to start watching Abigail more, justifying it by telling herself that it was for the other woman’s safety, even though realistically, there wasn’t much protection that Molly could offer her. 

And one of the first things that Molly noticed as she began watching Abigail was that the woman could sing. 

Abigail had this habit, whenever she was sitting in her tent on her own while working on something that needed to be done, where she would hum a tune, letting her own voice pop in here and there with the words that she knew. It was an uncoordinated affair, but it was never intended to be anything but. 

It was also adorable.

So adorable, in fact, that Molly decided that maybe she didn’t just need to watch anymore, maybe she could actually go and sit with Abigail. After all, much like her, Abigail was alone, more often than not. What harm could come of it?

“You need any help?” Abigail looked up from her work, pausing her humming as Molly stood by her, close, but not so much so as to suffocate the other woman. 

“Didn’t know you offered that.” Abigail responded, expression unreadable. 

“Hasn’t been something I’ve extended before.”

“With all due respect, Miss O’Shea, I don’t need anyone’s help if they only do so because they take pity on me, especially someone who ‘isn’t anyone’s servant girl’.” Abigail’s eyes turned cold, her brow furrowed, and Molly felt anxiety beginning to set in. 

“That wasn’t my intention whatsoever, I just…” she trailed off, and Abigail cocked her head, “I just don’t want to be alone. Is it okay if I enjoy your company? Just for a short while.”

Abigail sighed, chewing on her lip. “I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t know that feelin’ all too well. Truth be told, you’re the first person who’s come up to me in weeks.”

“I have no idea why that is, though.” Molly picked a sock out of the basket by Abigail’s feet, grabbing a needle and some thread along with it. “You’re such a nice person, it truly is a shame that others don’t recognize it.”

“ ‘Nice person’? Miss O’Shea, you hardly know me.” 

Molly felt the same dreadful wave of anxiety begin to rise inside of her again. “I may not have talked to you much in the past, but I’ve watched.”

“Watched? Me?”

“I watch everybody.” Molly admitted, stabbing the cotton with her needle. “Although I must confess, I do enjoy watching you. I know that isn’t exactly polite, though.”

“You’re right in that it ain’t, but I suppose I’m a hypocrite, so what does my opinion really matter?”

“You, a hypocrite? How so?”

“Gets lonely when nobody comes up to make conversation. Sometimes, you’ve gotta get your fix by watching others.” Abigail laughed. “You never really feel like a part of the group, but it can help alleviate the pain sometimes.” 

“Have you ever seen how Karen and Sean sneak off all the time?” Molly asked. “Lord only can imagine what shenanigans they get up to.”

“If I know either of them, they’re probably finding some tree to fuck up against.” Abigail said, a smile appearing on her face. “Although, on second thought, maybe not, given what happened at his welcome party.”

“At the welcome party? I guess you must have seen something I didn’t. Mind sharing?” Molly asked, her interest thoroughly peaked. 

Abigail snorted. “Well, you saw how the two of them were all over each other that night, right?”

“Would’ve had to be blind as a bat to not have.” 

“Well,” Abigail continued, “at some point, I saw the two of them go into John’s tent, and given my proximity to them, it wasn’t hard to hear what was bein’ said and fill in the gaps.”

“So they slept together at the party? Can’t say that I’m quite surprised.” Molly tied up the thread as she reached the end of the tear, reaching for a handkerchief to work on next. 

“They sure did, but that ain’t the good part.” Molly watched as Abigail’s eyes laughed, full of a mischief that she had never seen present before in her usually quiet companion. “Sean has got to be the quickest quick shot I’ve ever seen, and given my history, that’s sayin’ somethin’.”

“No.” Molly covered up her mouth, stifling a laugh. 

“Yes! Poor Karen never even got hers, it had to have been the most pathetic thirty seconds in her entire life.” Abigail smiled, and Molly’s heart twitched. Why?

“Thirty seconds? Wow, if that’s so, then maybe they aren’t all over each other when they go out, and you’re right.” 

Abigail laughed, smiling at Molly. “Well, who’s to say, I’m not sure there even is such a thing as a constant when those two are involved.”

“You may be right there.” Molly puffed one of her cheeks out, trying her best to figure out what to bring up next. She was having a lot of fun, she should do this more often, especially as Abigail also seemed to appreciate the time they were spending together. “Okay, now is it just me, or does Bill look at Kieran a little too often for it to be considered friendly?”

“Oh, it’s not just you, no worries. I’m just a little surprised that out of everyone, he decided to be sweet on Kieran.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I mean, he’s nothing like the kind of men Bill’s been sweet on in the past.”

Molly stopped in her tracks. “Wait, you’ve known about Bill before this?” 

“Yeah, it ain’t that hard to figure it out if you know what to look for.” Unable to gauge Molly’s reaction, Abigail continued on. “I mean, I don’t have a problem with it, whatever makes you happy makes you happy, y’know? And if that means lovin’ somebody of the same sex, I sure as hell don’t see a problem with it.”

“We’re in agreement there.” Molly smiled, going back to her work, her heart beat now more palpable. “I mean, as nice as it can be to see everyone here fall in love-”

“Or lust.” Abigail interjected, a smirk on her face.

“Or lust, that’s true-- I still think that my favorite person to observe is you.”

“Hm? And why is that?” Abigail still had that smirk on her face, raising an eyebrow. “What about me is so interesting that you’d prefer to watch me than whatever the latest addition to the Sean and Karen saga is?”

“I, uh,” Molly flushed, suddenly aware of what she was saying and how weird it could be considered. “I just, I like watching you hum and sing whenever you work. Something about it is just, I dunno, very relaxing.”

Abigail clicked her tongue. “You really do notice a lot, huh?”

“Yeah.” Molly replied sheepishly.

“I guess it’s only fair that I tell you that I find watching you write poetry is quite calming.”

“You saw me doing that?” 

“How could I not? Both of us do a lot of watching and thinking, we’re both very similar in that regard.” she said, unbothered by Molly’s embarrassment. 

“I’m… glad, you can find comfort in something that I do.” Molly settled on. 

“The more we talk, the more I’m beginning to think that I just find comfort in you. Somethin’ about you just makes you easy for me to talk to.” Abigail smiled. 

“The same goes for you.” Molly sighed, nibbling on her lip. “We should do this more often. I’m having a good time.”

“So am I.” Abigail agreed. “It’s much better to be with you than to be alone.”

“It really is.” Molly shifted a bit, turning more towards Abigail. Maybe working wasn’t so bad after all.

#rdrsapphicweek2021 #abigail roberts #abigail roberts marston #abigail marston #molly o'shea #rdr2 community #rdr2 #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 fandom #red dead fandom #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #my writing #fanfiction #wlw #sapphic

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 98

I hope everyone is ready for Warlord Bowl!

Warnings in this chapter for violence and blood. Also food, although I think my entire story needs to be flagged with that one.

If you like this chapter, @baelpenrose was a huge help with the fight scenes, which I - quite frankly - stink at writing.  If you don’t like this chapter, well -  I stink at writing fight scenes.

Despite my best efforts - and multiple denials to Charly’s requests for concession stands - the gym area was packed shoulder-to-shoulder for the duel between Jokul and Arthur. People I had never seen populated the stands, while I was surrounded by my family. Conor sat to my left, with Maverick behind me and Tyche to my right.

Cronch, cronch. “Charly,” I sighed. “What did I tell you about the popcorn?” Daggers shot to my right, if I managed my sister’s glared correctly.

Apparently not. “No concession stand for the duel,” Charly recited just before she stuffed another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“And where did that come from?”

“My quarters.” Cronch.

“Swear you aren’t selling it?”

“Naw e’en…” Swallow. “The recipe. This is my personal popcorn, thankyewverymuch.”

“Then why is it blue?” I asked, not completely assured she wasn’t running a black market popcorn ring.

Which made me sound entirely paranoid, but still. This was Charly.

“I wanted it to be blue,” she shrugged, holding a handful up to me.

I glared at the snack, wary. “Does it taste blue?”

Her response was a shrug. “Not really? It tastes like kettle corn. The food consoles are still trying to figure out popcorn, I think, and I wanted kettle corn, so I made a whirly pop on my own.”

Warily, I took a few kernels and gathered my courage to test them.  After swallowing, I frowned. “That’s… actually really good kettle corn....”

“Of course it is. I made it. Like I said,  I don’t think the food consoles understand ‘popcorn’ just yet.” Cronch, cronch. “Wasn’t risking it.”

“And you wanted it blue why…?”

She shrugged again. “Personal popcorn, why not?” With that, she tossed a few kernels of blue fluff in the air and caught them neatly in her mouth.

With a similar shrug, I snagged another handful. “So why are all these people here?”

To her credit, Charly scowled at me. “Warlord Bowl 2044? Do you really think anyone is going to miss out on this?”

“It was supposed to be secret,” I tried in vain, remembering Arthur’s point about that.

Almost as if she could read my mind, Charly snorted. “Eyeah. Hokay. Your personal warlord bestie issued a challenge in front of close to a hundred people and you really thought it would be kept a secret…”

“Not my personal warlord,” I tried, not even believing my own objection.

To my relief, a welcome voice popped up to my side. “She’s worked in call centers, she knows secrets don’t exist in closed systems,” Tyche interjected. “Oo! Popcorn?”

“Bad kettle corn,”  I warned. 

“Not blue-flavored, so I’m okay,” she clarified as she reached for a handful. “And anyway, this is less than I expected.”

“Do tell.”

“Well, there isn’t a stream to the entire ship.”

“Tyche!” I scolded for such an idea.

“Look, Miss-I-love-UFC-Fights-more-than-the-dudes-hitting-on-me, don’t act like this isn’t right up your alley,” Tyche pointed out with an arched eyebrow and a slurp through a straw

Hanging my head, I muttered. “Not my fault if they couldn’t appreciate B.J. Penn.” If I groaned, no one else heard it.

Tyche smacked my shoulder roughly. “Then you should love this fight. Judo versus… whatever the fuck Jokul says he is.”

“Unarmed grappling,” I supplied unnecessarily. Because who the fuck knew what that meant.

I was spared any further conversation by the arrival of our combatants.  Zach Khan appeared to be having the time of his life, hamming it up as the announcer. I had no clue where he got the microphone, and honestly just wondering if I should wonder about that gave me a headache. When he was announced, Jokul managed to earn both cheers and groans as he whipped off his robe and threw it to the side, leaving him standing shirtless like some over-dramatic anime villain.  His only concession to practicality, it seemed, since he left his hair braided in a queue down his back, practically begging for someone to use it as a handle in a fight.

Arthur managed to resist any similar shenanigans.  Instead, he just nodded when he was announced, flexing hands that were either taped or wearing gloves - I couldn’t tell at this distance. From what I could tell, he was wearing what he was picked up in: dark t-shirt, black jeans, and sturdy boots.  His glasses were nowhere to be seen, which made sense with a target as big as Jokul. Where his opponent was prowling around, seeming to be itching for the chance to fight, Arthur was standing eerily still.

And he looked deadly serious about this. I was starting to be grateful I made him promise not to kill the guy.

Finally, Zach seemed to run out of steam and announced the start of the match. Both of them were unarmed, thankfully, but that didn’t stop Jokul from charging headfirst at Arthur the moment he was allowed.  He made it about three steps before Arthur calmly sidestepped and simultaneously reached for an elbow and shoulder while planting one boot against his knee.  A quick full-body twist on Arthur’s part sent the larger man tumbling ass over teakettle.

Jokul managed to glare from his place on the floor, panting in either anger or adrenaline, while Arthur tilted his head like he was trying to figure out what he was looking at. “Can I just point out that, as one of the Ten Thousand, you are perhaps Darwin’s greatest failure along with being living proof that Miys is a terrible judge of character?”

I groaned and dropped my face to both hands while everyone around me snickered. “You got your fight, dork,” I muttered, knowing that Arthur couldn’t hear me and wouldn’t have listened even if he could. “Stop antagonizing him…..?”

A full-throated roar snapped my head up just in time to see Jokul launch himself from his place on the floor, only to end up right back there when Arthur threw him again.  And again.  Jokul repeatedly charged at his opponent, despite it getting him nowhere. It was a bit ridiculous, and it seemed Arthur agreed. After the third time throwing Jokul, he followed behind at a light jog and, as Jokul sat up, aimed a kick squarely at his jaw.  Before I could close my eyes to avoid the slightly-excessive violence, my jaw hit the floor when Arthur landed on his ass with one foot clenched between Jokul’s hands and shoved at an awkward angle. 

“That son of a bitch….” Tyche muttered beside me, while Charly just growled. Maverick and Conor were gripping my knee and shoulder hard enough that I just knew it would bruise.  

To my horror, it only got worse as Jokul wrapped his own legs around Arthur’s thigh and started trying to break the leg at the knee.  Before he could get enough leverage, Arthur managed to kick with his free leg hard enough to break the hold, but wasn’t quite able to get up fast enough to avoid Jokul pinning him to the floor.  Blows started raining down, with Arthur barely able to get his arms in place to protect his face.

I didn’t even realize I was biting my lip until I tasted blood. Threats against Jokul’s life were flowing from Charly’s lips like a prayer, and I was starting to wonder if I had enough hands to hold Tyche, Conor, and Maverick back from jumping in the improvised ring. But still, I couldn’t look away. I wouldn’t let myself look away, blaming myself for what I was watching.

It was Jokul’s turn to taunt, although they came out in staccato grunts instead of his usual crowing as he never let up his attack. “Better - fight - than - that - toothy - whore - but - you - aren’t - stopping - me - either. That - lying - bitch - is off - the Council - and - the rest - of you - will know - what a - real - leader - is.”

As soon as the last word was out of his mouth, Arthur lunged forward, taking a blow directly to the mouth but reaching for Jokul’s shoulder.  The attached arm spasmed and went limp, forcing Jokul to reach with the other one to try to pry Arthur off.  Instead, Arthur grabbed that hand and peeled the fingers back towards the wrist, twisting out from under Jokul as he stiffened in pain. As he got to his feet, Arthur twisted harder and further, with Jokul clenching his teeth to avoid screaming.

I lost all dignity at that point, surging to my feet and shouting. “Come on, Arthur!!!”  My sentiment was echoed by Charly screaming like a demon and incoherent cheers from Conor and Maverick.

Arthur showed no evidence of hearing us, his face full of the closest thing to rage I had seen on his face. There was no sign that he even realized his lip was split and blood dripped from his mouth.  Rather than the burning fury I was used to seeing on other people, he seemed possessed by this cold stillness that chilled me to the core - and it wasn’t even directed at me. 

In what looked like a Hail Mary, Jokul snapped his free hand around to grab Arthur’s ankle.  The attempt was in vain, because right as we could hear the wrist in Arthur’s hands snap, his foot slammed down on the other hand with a sickening crunch.  It took every ounce of willpower in me to keep from revisiting my evening meal when I saw blood trickle from beneath my friend’s boot.

When Jokul’s screams paused so he could take a breath, Arthur issued his ultimatum. “I can keep this up as long as you want to try, but I’m going to suggest you find a brain cell worth listening to and concede.  Nod if you understand me.”

Slowly, in small increments, Jokul bowed his head before raising it to look Arthur in the eye.

“Say you concede. Because if you don’t stop now, we are going to find out just how much damage Hujylsogox technology can repair.  And remember - that so-called lying bitch on the Council has already put it to the test a few times.”

Silence roared through the gymnasium as it felt like everyone present held their breath. One, two, three panting breaths later, Jokul’s mouth moved and his head nodded.

The next thing we knew, Arthur threw his opponent’s broken limb to the ground and stepped away. “Take him to a medbay.”

Charly’s cacophony of animalistic glee threatened to shake the Ark apart, while every bone in my body seemed to abandon me at once. Conor caught me with a speed born of much practice, while Maverick started to steer Charly in a path behind my sister so we could leave. I couldn’t even remember actually leaving the gym, too dazed from relief and the loss of adrenaline I hadn’t even realized flooded my system.  Charly’s blow-by-blow recap of the fight - in case any of us hadn’t been present for the event, apparently - turned into white noise as I fought the sudden urge to sleep.

At some point, I remembered hearing Tyche and Arthur’s voices arguing, which confused me because they both seemed insistent that I needed a medbay.  Why do I need a medbay? Arthur’s the one who got punched in the mouth… “Arthur needs stitches,” I mumbled.

“Sophia! Can you hear me?”

“Tyche, you are screaming. Of course I can hear you,” I retorted. “Why do I need to go to the medbay?”

“You… “ Arthur growled before being cut off by my sister.

“You passed out, Soph,” she explained in an aggrieved tone. “We didn’t know what happened. I said you just fainted from stress, Arthur was worried you were in shock somehow…”

“I said you needed to eat,” Maverick pointed out.

“Ding ding,” I joked half-heartedly. “I haven’t eaten recently.”

I could feel Conor tense up around me. “How recently have you eaten?”

“Evening meal?” I said sheepishly.  When I felt him take a deep breath, I answered the inevitable follow up question as sheepishly as I could manage. “Evening meal yesterday?”

Thump! “OW! Goddammit Conor,” I grumbled, rubbing my backside where it hit the deck. “You fucking dropped me…”

“You told me, if I caught you eating less than once every ten hours, you weren’t allowed cuddles until you had eaten two full meals.”

Tyche’s eyebrows flew as close to her hairline as possible. “Seriously, Sophia?”

“I forgot to eat for five days,” I admitted. “And…. Yeah. I passed out.  I’m trying to take care of myself, right? Although that didn’t mean you had to drop me.” I tried to scowl at him, but my eyes really couldn’t make it beyond his waist at that angle.

When I turned to get some help off the floor, Arthur was glaring - at me. “Eat.”

“Stitches,” I responded.  From this position, I could see at least one tooth was either broken or gone entirely. “And dental. That can’t feel good.”

He tried to scowl, but the flinch betrayed him. “Fine, you have a point. I’ll hit a medbay, everyone else find some food… Sophia, no cooking. You have - let’s see, it took Miys something like an hour and a half to fix a machete blow and an arrow in the chest, so I’ll be around ten minutes behind you. Fifteen, tops.”

My turn to make a face, apparently. “Not fair. I was chopped in half - it took three days to fix that!”

“I didn’t need organs cloned,” he replied airily, waving as he turned toward the closest medbay.  After three steps, he stopped, did an about face, and walked back past us and on ahead. When I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, he held up one finger. “Not a word. He’s in that one, so I’ll find another.”

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#the miys #earth is space australia #humans are weird #aliens #apocalypse #post apocalypse #science fiction #found family #tw blood #tw violence #hfy #humans are space orcs

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

Dear Hannah,

Pairing: technically Destiel, but that’s not what this is about Word Count: 4.9k (wow wtf) Warnings: mentions of self-harm, cancer, shitty father John (as per usual), angst and angst and father-daughter love and angst. Summary: When Dean, strapped to a bed, coughing up a storm, catches sight of his newly-adopted baby girl, he decides that, if he is to leave this world, he has to leave something behind for his favorite person. So he writes a booklet, trying to tell her all the things he would’ve if he was alive. Author’s note: This was originally done for @welldonebeca​ ‘s 2019 Song Challenge but I fucked up thinking the deadline was the 31st of October instead of the 15th. Whatever the case, my prompt was movement, by Hozier, which I interpreted as Dean being fascinated by his daughter enough that he’s inspired to write a letter book to her. Of course this wouldn’t be the entire thing, but I had to keep it under wraps.

Feedback is always welcome! No beta, all mistakes are my own.

~~~~

Hannah,

Christ, it’s the third time I’m starting this. The truth is, I’m coming up with blanks as to how to actually start. This has got to be the best I’ve got.

I’ll tell you the moral of this story, my story,  from the get-go. Life’s a fucking bitch, okay? I want you to know that from now. I’d try to hold back on my swearing, but I want you to know me as the person I am, the person I’ve always been. I know what having an absent, terrible father’s like, as you’ll soon see, and I don’t want that for you. I wish I could tell you all this up close, give you advice, tell you all my crazy-ass stories as the dumbass of the teenager I was, and all the shenanigans your uncle (wow, Sam really is a friggin’ uncle!), by a campfire, while you drink your first beer.

Sadly, my odds aren’t looking so great, honey. So this is all I got. I know it’ll never be enough but something is better than nothing.

Enough with the chick flick introduction, though. Let’s start.

The pen’s heavy in his hand, and it’s equal parts the mental heaviness, the weight of the task, as it is his fatigue. Dean’s really just started this. He can’t believe it. The heaviness of uncertainty, of whether or not he’ll get enough time to finish it settles on his chest like an anvil. There’s a solid chance he doesn’t make it before his time comes.

Hannah’s sitting right there, carelessly looking at the plastic, grinning stars above her crib. She’s so innocent, skin creamy, chocolaty and bright, a young, fearsome woman that’s gonna turn out to be so incredible, he’s certain. A small baby who’s soon to walk.

Dean already knows, this kid is destined for great things.

She’s gonna grow up, past the tutus and the miniature racing-car collections, she’s gonna have a movie she’ll play on repeat for ever and ever, with a song that he’ll learn by heart after having heard it so many times. She’s gonna go to high school and she’ll be bullied but she’ll learn to kick some serious ass. She’ll develop interests, she’ll have mediocre grades but a fiery passion and a love for anything alive.

She’ll, then, go to college. She’ll fall in love, with people and life itself. She’ll do what she loves most and she’ll be so damn good at it, she’ll excel.

And Dean… Dean will be nowhere near her to see all of it.

The bitterness… it makes his eyebrows stitch together, his lip curl in clear frustration and sadness. After everything he’s been through, finally finding the person he loves most and creating a full-ass apple pie life, and it’s all gonna be gone as soon as it started. Because, as he told his favorite Hannah, life’s a fucking bitch, and there’s no denying it.

As he lays there in his bed, pale as a sheet, watching her giggle for a while, reaching for the stars, soon yawning, small eyelids shutting softly and rocking just slightly, he… he falls in love with her. This tiny, tiny happy-beyond-words creature that could ask anything of him, and he’d do it, god damn it. He really would.

A giant bubble grows in his chest, a bubble that makes him feel like he’ll protect her at absolute all costs. He’ll grab the moon and fucking move it if that’s what she needs. And all she has to do is yawn and fall asleep.

A tear appears in the corner of his eye, lingering and falling down his ashy cheek. He can’t believe he brought this bright ray of sunshine to this world, and he’s about to make her live with an absent father. That he won’t get any memories with her at all. It’s torture. All of it.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he grabs his pen with more determination. If he’s to leave her with something, it’ll be a part of him and that is that.

~~~~~

I was born on January 24th, 1979, the first son of a, dare I say, colossally unlucky family. Your uncle, Sam, my brother, is four years younger and will ALWAYS be a wimp, don’t let the height fool you. He always had terrible, shaggy hair and was always the sharpest tool in the box. Hell, the boy went to freaking LAW SCHOOL of all places! That’s kinda crazy!

My parents, your grandparents, were Mary and John.

Mary was a sweet, incredible, fearsome blonde woman, kindest of them all. She’d cut the crusts off my toast, sing Hey, Jude to me before bed and tell me angels were watching over me. (While we’re on the topic of the Beatles, make a note to listen to them. “Hey, Jude” must be your first song, but beyond the classics [Let it Be, Hard Day’s Night, I Saw Her Standing There, I Wanna Hold your hand etc] I hope “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” will hold a special spot in your heart, much like me.)

So, Mary. Sweet Mary. She was a real badass, you know. This one time, Sammy was hungry, so I decided to make, get this, French fries. I think I was seven. She caught me getting ready to pour oil in a very hot pan. When I say she swooped in, I mean it, quite literally. I think she saved me a hand that day.

Now, about John…You’ll have to forgive the mess that I’m about to make with this, but John was a fucking sorry excuse of a father, alright? He got piss-drunk every night after Mom died, and naturally, Sam and I were the punching bags, sometimes literally. The best nights were the ones he wasn’t home.

For years, the house was silent. Sam and I tried to keep everything clean, stock up on canned food, because at times we would only have ten bucks to hold us for over two weeks. I took him to school, fed him, made sure he studied –not that I really had to- and kept John of his hair. At sixteen I picked up a shift at Bobby Singer’s garage, a man that, at this point, deserves the Dad title significantly more than John.

Whenever Sammy was sick, it was my fault. Was anyone loud? Dean’s fault. House dirty? Dean’s fault. Did we wake him up? …Let’s just say we learned not to do that.

I tried to put myself before Sam, did anything I could to protect him. There were times when that wasn’t even enough.

I dropped out of high school at seventeen. The second I saved up enough money, I rented a hole of an apartment at the other side of town, in an attempt to help Sam have a normal life, and we hauled ass out of there.

Before I tell you about our shitty apartment, let me tell you about the highlights of my high school career. Starting off with me “unintentionally” kicking a ball at my least favorite teacher’s face (and hitting him) ((Don’t take your father’s example, kid, violence isn’t the answer.)) (Did feel pretty good at the time though), making out with Jenny in the Janitor’s closet and with Arthur at the locker rooms afterhours (I don’t know what age you’re reading this at, but I sure hope it’s over 16). Also, that one time I pulled a prank at my friend, Cole. I spray painted his entire locker. He didn’t like me very much, to be honest…

~~~~~

An important story I feel inclined to share with you, would be the fact that I was once a bully.

Kids are just mean, but also, I couldn’t understand that troubles at home, traumatic pasts and anger are not to be taken out on other people who are not at fault. Instead of finding a healthy way to deal with everything that was happening at home, I decided that every happy person that was weak enough to meddle with, didn’t deserve any happiness.

I picked on a couple of people, but I think the one I will always regret will be Kevin Tran.

Kevin was a freshman when I was in junior year. He was in the Math club, the Science club and the Robotics club. He had maybe two friends, he was skinny, short, shy as hell, he drowned himself in oversized clothes and always carried a neon green book bag around, that worked on me like red cloth to a bull.

Every time I spotted the bag in the hallway, the drill would start. Shoving the poor kid against the locker, calling him names and laughing at his face for no apparent reason. I’d steal his calculators when I found out he had chemistry tests, spray paint the door of his locker and cause rib bruises from my shoving him against walls and furniture.

I soon find out Kevin was severely depressed. In fact, I saw him in the back of the school, where I’d usually go out to smoke because I thought it was cool (it’s not, it makes you light headed, unfocused and struggle to breathe. Just an all-around terrible experience, but this is just a side-note.)

It was a Friday after school. I didn’t wanna go straight home and Sam still had one more period, so I decided to go smoke and listen to some music in the back of the school building. And that’s where I found him.

I don’t know into how much detail I should go here, but Kevin was harming himself. With a small pocket knife, he sat on an old basket and made incisions on his arms, tears running down his face like a faucet. My God, Hannah, I’ve never felt like a bigger piece of shit in my life, because I knew, and I knew very well, that at least part of those incisions were caused by me.

I called out to him, and the look on his face, as he scrambled away from me, made me feel so much worse. I was the scum of the earth at that moment. I was the biggest asshole on the planet.

My initial reaction, I’ll admit, was pretty harsh. I grabbed the pocket knife out of his hands and threw it as far as possible in the grass. I grabbed a small first aid kit I had in my bag (in case anything happens to Sam), made him sit down by force and bandaged him up. He’d been reduced to sniffles by the time I was done.

Somewhere in between, I remember, he asked me why I was doing this. I didn’t answer.

Eventually, when I was done, I sat on the ground in front of him, ripping blades of grass from the ground. I apologized. Something along the lines of “I didn’t know, not that that’s an excuse. What I’m going through is not an excuse, but I hope it makes you understand that it was nothing to do with you. I’ll stop. I’m sorry. Don’t do this to yourself, man.”

That evening, Kevin was one of the very first people who found out about John. His own dad had passed away, and things at home were rough with his mom. That, along with the whole depression thing… it wasn’t a good combo.

After a solid two hours of talking with him, making amends, apologizing profusely and getting my apology accepted (which I absolutely didn’t deserve by the way,) we made it back out front.

From then on, I stopped picking on anyone. Kevin and I actually became really good friends, though we drifted apart eventually. I think he works in Google now.

This is really important. I want you to pay attention and take heed of my words. There are a couple lessons in this story.

One, be kind. Always  be kind. To everyone. It doesn’t matter if they’re going through a rough time or not, the same way it didn’t matter that Kevin’s father was dead. You don’t know the other person. There’s never a reason to not be kind, if the person has done nothing to you. A smile can make somebody’s day, a compliment can go a long way, and being open and honest and kind will make people who are looking for help find you, it will make other’s lives better, and if you’ve helped even a single person, your life has been successful.

Two, never, and I mean never take your emotional pain out on yourself, or others. There are healthy ways to deal with ugly emotions. There are people who can help. Find a new hobby, as silly as it sounds. Start doing something creative, something that draws your attention elsewhere, like art of any kind, or, in my case, fixing cars. Something to keep you busy. If you’re in trouble, emotional or otherwise, there are people who love and support you, who will do their mightiest to be by your side, and if those aren’t your friends, they’re definitely your family.

Bottling up emotions, or dealing with them in horrible, unhealthy ways has been my go-to. Don’t be like me. Express yourself in different ways, and don’t keep your feelings shoved under the carpet, because it will, absolutely, unceremoniously explode, and you’ll take people down with you. And that’s when you’ll feel like the worst person in the world. The guilt, the residue of said ugly feelings isn’t worth it. Trust me.

If you make mistakes, if you hurt people who don’t deserve it, learn from it, grow, be better. Do not sink into yourself , don’t hate yourself. Apologize, make amends and move on, try to never do the same thing. It’s okay. We’re all human. The only thing that matters is that you try to be better.

No matter what, remember that I will always love you.              

~~~~

So. Our apartment back in Kansas was, as I told you, a real dump. It had a tiny-ass kitchen with a miniature stove, two mattresses that were creaky and lumpy and were left there by the previous owners, as well as the TINIEST bathroom you’ve ever seen. It didn’t have shower walls, it had a shower head and a drain on the floor and was not in any way separated from the toilet. The walls of the place were peeling, the floor was tiled and cracked in a bunch of places and the humidity must’ve been over 80%.

I fucking loved that place.

On our third day there, I borrowed some spray paints from Cole, carried them in a cardboard box up the claustrophobic, green stairs, and opened the door in absolute triumph. That day, Sam and I opened the two windows, scratched the paint off the walls with two spatulas and went WILD. It must’ve been the only day Sam didn’t study.

Actually, no, now that I think about it, there was another time, when little ol’ ten-year-old Sam fell off a ledge and freakin’ broke his arm. I dumped him on Cole’s bike and pedaled to the hospital like a maniac. That was the first day he didn’t study.

Anyways, that apartment wall made our crappy little living situation a home. Our own sanctuary. We finally got agency over our lives, from staying up late, to choosing which type of dish soap we’d use because it smelled better and didn’t remind us of the terror chores once were. Eventually, we got soft blankets, books, board games, decorations… Finally, after 18 years, we’d started our lives.

I think one of my favorite memories would be coming home from my first date with a guy. I was just 18 and Benny, the dude, kissed me before I left, his fists clutching at my flannel. I was driving home with a giant, dopey-ass smile, stretching from one ear straight to the other. That same night, with new-found confidence, I told Sammy to drop his book, bought ourselves some beers and snacks, and drove to my favorite clearing.

There, right under the stars, with Sammy trying out his first beer, I told him I’m bisexual, and the cute bastard hugged me and told me he loved me no matter what. That same night, he thanked me for everything I did for him while living with John. We talked until the sun was rising.

I’ll tell you this right now, kid, in case you haven’t gotten it yet. I love Sam. Love him to bits. I raised that kid all on my own and will do anything to protect him. I know he cares for me, I know it kills him to see me like this, in a bed, pale, miserable and coughing every three seconds. I just want you to know, honey, that whatever you need, anything at all that, for some reason, you don’t want to tell Dad, you go to Sam, okay? You can trust him to be supportive, loyal, to be there for you when no one else is and to love you like you’re his own daughter and best friend. I promise you, he will always, always be there when I’m not.

That night made us grow so much closer. The lesson here, I’d say, is be bold and confident in what you believe in and who you are. Be your own, unique self, be brave, and love whoever you choose to fully and with your whole heart, without shame, ever. If you are yourself, I promise, you’ll find the people that love you for you, not the person you’re pretending to be. You’ll inspire other to be themselves.

A good example of this would be my best friend, Charlie. When I came out, I was armed to the teeth to deal with whoever wanted to bully me for that part of me. To tell you the truth, my school coming out was a mishap. It takes nothing but a risky make-out session in the janitor’s closet and nosey students that rip doors open far too violently. Nevertheless, I was literally out of the closet, fists up. And that’s exactly when I met Charlie.

With her comic book stories and her books, her bubbly personality and bright smile, she wiggled her way into our lives and permanently stayed there. She was a freshman when I was a senior, but she seemed to find sanctuary by my side, as I did by hers. She was just one of those people who clicked, you know? Far too mature and interesting for her age, with an obsession with computers, even back when they were barely even a thing.

She now lives with her long-term girlfriend, Gilda, who owns the best bakery in the state. Ask for the apple pie, you will not be disappointed.

Charlie demanded of me to tell you, first off, to watch Marvel and screw DC right to hell (with which I have to agree, though Batman still remains one of the coolest Superheroes of my childhood (and Joker, the coolest villain)). She also told me that, if you read this, go ask her for her comics, She’d love to let you borrow them and she’s certain you’ll love them. Second off, she asked of me to tell you the Impala story…

It’s not as grand as she makes it out to be, honestly. However this is the part where you’ll learn all about the one and only Bobby Singer.

Bobby was my boss, an old friend of dad’s John’s and the first person who ever saw the bruises under my sleeves. He gave me a job, a family, and later on… a car.

Bobby owns a scrapyard. He taught me everything I know about cars, including driving, and for my seventeenth birthday, he brought a dusty, beat-up car in my workspace. The hood was bent, the seats were torn, and the engine needed immediate replacing. The customer never paid the price for the compartments the garage had paid, so under store policy, the car was ours.

Hannah, I can’t exactly describe to you how long it took me to repair that car. Buying the spare parts and assembling them would’ve probably taken less time. I built her from the ground up, it took me almost a month and a half of daily, eight-to-six work, but I made it. I fixed her up. She was in prime condition, and I had completely fallen in love with her.

I finished working on her early January, dreading the moment I would see her drive away. Bobby had seen all the effort, by then I’d worked at his place for over a year. So, on the day of my birthday, I opened my locker to put on my jumpsuit, when I saw a box placed on my neatly folded clothes. I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now. Yes. It was the keys to my dream car. A beautiful, sleek, black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, the one I had brought back to life. And it was all mine.

I don’t think I’ve hugged Bobby any tighter since then. Hell, I don’t think I’ve hugged him period.

That car… That car is probably the most stable thing in my life, apart from Sam, obviously. I’ve cried in that car, I’ve escaped from my terrible past, I’ve laughed, I’ve had my first time, I’ve been through breakups and I’ve spent my best days with it. I cherish it more than any other item I know. It’s not even an item, it’s my baby. I love it almost as much as I love you.

I met your dad, and kissed him for the first time in that car.

It’s actually a pretty fucking hilarious story. Cas was on a date with this guy who was completely disgusting and creepy as hell, so in true  movie fashion he decided to, get this, jump out the bathroom window and escape.

Yeah.

So just as he was running out of the bar, the guy must’ve caught wind of him or something, because he stepped outside in order to find Cas. What did your dad decide to do, I hear you ask? He ducked behind a car in the parking lot, opened the first unlocked door he found, and jumped in.

Spoiler alert. It was my car.

I was sitting in the front seat, fighting with Sam through text when the door opened. It was highly comical, watching this guy duck behind the bench seat, mumbling “oh God, oh God, oh God, please don’t see me, oh God.” I cleared my throat.

“Oh, I see you, buddy.” That’s the first thing I told him. The look on his face and the genuine yelp, made me laugh a full belly laugh, and completely forget about my fight with Sam. He apologized profusely, explained panicked what had happened and begged me to stay in my car just for a couple minutes so the guy can lose him.

Long story short, we ended up going out ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it… we just clicked immediately. Like, there was a connection. Him and his big words, his baby blue eyes, his steady, deep and rough voice… I knew right away that all I wanted was to spend time with him, learn everything he was willing to share with me.

I’m so glad to have met your Dad. He was, is and always will be one of the best, kindest, most humble and genuine people on the planet. He sees the world from such a beautiful point of view that contradicts my eternal realism (he enjoys calling me pessimistic.) He’s a genuinely great person, and I can’t wait for you to figure so out yourself, if you haven’t already.

Of course, it wasn’t all fine and dandy. Meeting his parents was hellish. Let’s just say, Chuck and Naomi aren’t… the best people. They tried really, really hard to stop us from seeing each other, and eventually, they completely disowned Cas. He doesn’t like to talk about them much. His brother, Gabriel is an asshole, but a loveable one, while his other brother, Michael, you probably don’t know about. And you shouldn’t. Let’s just leave it at that. If Cas wants to share that story with you, he’ll do it at his own time.

I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned here. Something about, when finding your person, to keep them, fight for them, don’t stop loving them because everyone else is telling you (unless of course that person is toxic). But I don’t think I can give you solid love advice through a dumb book. Every relationship is different, and your Dad’s better at this than me anyways.

--

I don’t know exactly how long this thing is, by this point, but I’ve almost finished the pages of this booklet. I was really, really worried I wouldn’t finish it in time, but here we are. However many thousand words later, and I’m clueless as to how to wrap this up.

My life isn’t over yet, however it looks like it soon will be. I will confess to you, I’m scared, but most of all I’m angry. I’m angry at the world, at life and fate, if that’s even a thing, at God even. I’ve fought my whole life for peace and quiet, and right when I have found it, it’s being ripped from under my feet. Cancer fucking sucks.

No matter, my chin is up, and so are my fists. Winchesters don’t give up easy. I will fight this until my last breath, even if the chance of watching you grow up and being able to tell you everything I’ve written face-to-face, is nothing but a sliver. After all, impossible odds were always my favorite.

Sweetheart… I don’t know what to say. This might be the only thing you have left of me for the rest of your life, and it tears me up inside. Of course, I will not be able to write thirty five years of experience in a small book such as this, but this is a part of me, memories you can keep all to yourself. Ask Dad or Sam about any of it, I’m sure they’ll fill some gaps, tell you things I haven’t written.

I don’t want you to cry much, even though I’m not sure you will at all, given the fact that you’ve never met me. Either way, whether you feel or think anything of me or not, I want you to know that I love you so much. I’ve only known you for a couple of months, and, already, you’re the brightest ray of sunshine in my life.

I promise I will be by your side no matter what happens, through every milestone and hardship, I will love you from wherever I am.

Honey, please stay true to yourself. Never give up, no matter what curveballs life throws at you. There’s always reason to keep going, even if you can’t see it. Always keep fighting, ‘till your last breath, ‘cause you’re a Winchester and you’ve absolutely got this.

If there is something I want you to remember from the scribbly mess I’ve made, it’s this:

I love you. I’m proud of you. I believe in you.

Go get ‘em, tiger.

 Bonus:

Tears streaming down velvety soft cheeks, dainty fingers gripping the book tightly, like her life depends on it, Hannah stares at the ceiling and groans at the mess she is. It’s the second time she read that last bit, and just as she thought she’d gotten over it, here she is, crying just as hard as the first.

She gets off her bed, pulling on her sweater sleeves. Feet in slippers, she makes her way down the corridor, knocking on the door, and opening when she gets an answer. Her fingers grip the doorknob, the other clutching the book, and she stares at the bed, watching as green eyes look up from his laptop.

“Why did you give this to me, you ass, you’re not dead,” she sobs, and Dean pushes his laptop to the side, arms opening wide to invite her in them.

“Aw honey,” he coos, a gentle, loving smile on his face. Hannah climbs on the bed and slides to his side, curling up in his arms. “It’s okay.” Fingers stroking her hair gently, as sobs wrack through the poor girl’s body. Dean almost feels bad.

Just then, Cas appears in the doorway, having heard Hannah’s cries. He sees the booklet clutched in her arms, her face buried in Dean’s neck, hidden behind her spring-curly hair. He makes eye contact with his husband, a knowing half-smile on his lips, as he leans on the doorway.

“I love you,” Hannah says, nose stuffed and running. “Thank you for not giving up on a relationship with me, even when you didn’t think you’ll survive.” Tears wet Dean’s eyes, as he presses a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I love you too.”

#dean fluff #dean angst #destiel #daddy!dean #destiel dads #supernatural au #spn fanfiction #supernatural #spn angst #spn fluff #oc

[sqoiler]

THe Director's cut for into the spoilersverse please! and a star too!

ok i’m gonna copy-paste the fic and like. comment on sections. i guess.

so the idea for this fic came from me realizing i have a bunch of alternate stephs. someone had asked me about a black canary steph and i liked the idea but didn’t want to do a full fic with her, so i was kind of like “hey! what if the stephs met each other!” and here we are. 

Lex Luthor made a multiverse machine, in order to mine Kryptonite from other dimensions. It was kinda a good idea, except the machine was faulty, and kept dragging other stuff from the multiverse into Lex’s earth as well. 

The League was dispatched to deal with the alternate versions of themselves that were brought into their Earth. Before he left, Batman assigned everyone in Gotham to guard the city from the various monsters and Rogues who roamed the city.

Spoiler had just finished a fight with a female version of Oswald Cobblepot and was headed to Nightwing to help him deal with a pair of mischievous twins, when the air in front of her opened up and a dark shaped tumbled through. Spoiler grabbed her bo-staff and dropped into a crouch, wary.

i think the “mischievous twins” thing was supposed to be a reference to the batman beyond dee dee twins. 

The shape sat up, and Spoiler absorbed the dark cape and pointy ears, the purple flashes on the suit, and the golden curls tumbling down her back.

Spoiler met her own eyes.

“Shit,” the other girl said, and she stood, brushing off her knees. Spoiler lowered her bo-staff and straightened, looking at herself curiously. “Did you pull me here?”

“No,” Spoiler said. “Lex Luthor made a machine….”

“Say no more,” the other girl said, and Spoiler noticed a yellow bat emblazoned on her chest. Her mouth fell open.

“Batgirl?” she gasped. She vaguely recognized the suit from the images of the other timeline that she’d seen, months ago.

“Yeah,” Batgirl said. “And you’re Spoiler. I haven’t been Spoiler in years, but you make it work. I like the half-mask, it’s nice.”

“Thanks,” Spoiler said, feeling a little ridiculous. “Sorry, I’ve never met an alternate version of myself before.”

“Me neither,” Batgirl admitted. “Although you always hear about it, don’t you.”

“Yeah,” Spoiler agreed. This was seriously surreal. Seeing herself–same height, a little longer hair, but standing so confidently? Spoiler blinked and told herself not to compare. They were different, after all. “So, Batgirl, huh? How’d…how’d you land that?”

“Cass gave it to me,” Batgirl said, shrugging. “When B died. But he’s back now, don’t worry.”

“Huh,” Spoiler said, and she remembered the mentions of Cass as Batgirl, too. “So where’s Babs, then?”

“You mean Babs is still Batgirl in your universe?” Batgirl asked, eyes wide. “This universe?” She gestured around them. Spoiler nodded.

when i made this fic, i didn’t INTEND to slam dunk rebirth/new 52, but that’s what happened. i figured when i started that i needed the two “canon” stephs, and then i made a list of the other stephs i wanted to include (some of which were nightwing!steph & robin!steph) but i had to whittle it down so there’d be the same amount of characters as spider-verse. not because this is a spider-verse au, but because i figured that the gag was already there in the title/concept, and it seemed like a good amount of characters–not too many, or too little. speaking of that, every character ROUGHLY corresponds to a spider-verse one: rebirth steph = miles, preboot steph = peter b. parker, cluekid = peni, dart = spider-ham, canary = gwen, and batman steph = spider noir. 

“Yeah, nobody else has ever been Batgirl,” Spoiler said.

“That’s so fucking weird,” Batgirl said. “Babs hasn’t been Batgirl since before I started out, and that was like five years ago. You mean she didn’t get shot?”

“She did, but there was an implant,” Spoiler said. “So she’s better.”

“Wow. That’s great but–how do you survive without Oracle?” Batgirl asked. “I want my universe back.”

Spoiler agreed with her, and wondered how to put her back. Should she take her to Batman? Hm. For all the multiverse shenanigans she’d heard about, she really didn’t know how to deal with them, what the protocol was.

“Let’s go find Drake,” Spoiler said. “He just got back from a multiverse adventure.”

“Drake? Like the rapper?”

“No, like Tim. My boyfriend? It’s his new code name.”

physically painful to put steph & tim together, but it had to be done.

“Tim picked his own fucking last name? That’s so stupid,” Batgirl said, and although Spoiler agreed, she didn’t say that. Spoiler checked her trackers, and found that Drake was across the city. She got out her grapple, and Batgirl did the same.

“Wait,” Batgirl called a minute later, when they were already in the air. They landed on the roof of the next building and Spoiler turned to her expectantly. “Did you say that he’s your boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” Spoiler said. “Is he not?”

“Not since like, middle school!” Batgirl cried, and Spoiler rolled her eyes.

“We don’t live in the same universe,” she reminded her. “Our Tims are probably totally different.”

“Yeah, right,” Batgirl said, and then there was a flash of purple light and Spoiler turned to face it. Two people appeared. One of them was in a purple bodysuit with a lightning bolt emblazoned on the chest, blonde hair pulled into a messy ponytail. The other was wearing fishnet tights and a leather jacket, an armored purple unitard under the jacket and a skirt over that. Her blonde hair was long, nearly to her elbows, and free-flowing. The new pair blinked at Spoiler and Batgirl.

“Holyfuckthat’susbutBats,” the girl with the lightning bolts said, her words tipping over each other, and Spoiler said, “Before today, I’d never been involved in multiverse shenanigans, and now this!”

She gestured at the duo.

“I’m Dart,” the speedster-Steph said, holding out a hand. Spoiler shook it, dumbfounded.

i felt like dart would be accepted as the most outlandish to the other stephs. she’s a meta, she has nothing to do with batman at all, she barely remembers living in gotham, etc, which is why in my head she was equivalent to spider-ham. like i feel like rebirth steph looked around at these other versions of herself like “sure, that makes sense”, but with dart she was like “what the fuck am i looking at?”

“I’m Canary,” the other Steph said. “Violet Canary, but generally they just call me Canary.”

“Like Red and Gold Canaries,” Dart said gleefully.

“….No,” Canary said. “I don’t know who that is.”

“Black Canary’s partners,” Dart said, rolling her eyes. “Cass and Jason.”

“Cass and Jason are Bats,” Batgirl said. “Not Canaries.”

“Not in my world,” Dart said. “What, in your universe is everyone a Bat?”

however weird all the other stephs found dart, though, she found them all equally weird. all these people we’re used to seeing as bats she saw as totally different things and having them all lumped together would be surreal to her. she grew up with barry as her dad, so learning that in these other universes some stephs a) stayed with arthur as their dad, or b) had some random rich guy she kinda knows as their dad was pretty weird. 

“Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Damian, Babs, Duke,” Spoiler rattled off.

“Duke?” Batgirl asked.

“Yeah, none of those people are Bats in my world,” Dart said. “Dick’s a Super, Cass and Jason are Canaries, Damian’s a Lantern, Tim’s a Martian, Duke’s a Wonder, and Babs is Aquagirl. Or, well, she used to be, before the accident.”

“See?” Batgirl demanded, gesturing at Spoiler.

“I didn’t give her the implant!” Spoiler said. “It happened before I even started crime-fighting!”

“She’s not Oracle in your universe?” Canary asked, looking wildly startled. Spoiler threw her hands up.

“Sorry that you guys landed in a garbage universe, I guess,” she said, and Dart patted her shoulder.

other stephs pushing my rebirth-sucks agenda. i regret nothing. 

“So this is your place, huh? Kinda nice,” she said. “You know, I’ve never really been in Gotham before? Not since I moved away, anyway.”

“Yeah, how the fuck are you a speedster?” Canary asked. “I’m not even a meta, and my job depends on me having superpowers.”

“I was going to ask the same question,” Batgirl said.

“I mean, basically the same way everyone else did,” Dart said. “I made Wally tell me how he did it, who made Barry tell him how he did it, who made Jay tell him how he did it. And, uh, the rest is history.”

“But why were you with Wally–? Never mind,” Spoiler said. “We really need to find Drake.”

At Dart and Canary’s confused looks, Batgirl said in a loud whisper, “As in Tim. That’s his new codename. And yeah, we know it’s stupid.”

“Thank you, Batgirl,” Spoiler said loudly. “Let’s just go, yeah?”

“Won’t Batman snipe me?” Dart asked, and Canary asked Batgirl for a spare grapple.

dart in her head: what the fuckkkkkkk

other stephs: calm down lol it’s just batman

“He’s out of town,” Spoiler said. “Just follow us.”

“Sure thing,” Dart said. “Wait, what’s your codename?”

“Spoiler,” Spoiler said. “You mean you were never…?”

“I used to be Kid Flash, but never ‘Spoiler’, whoever that is,” Dart said. “Sorry.”

“Even I was Spoiler, and I’m not even a Bat,” Canary said, and Dart said, “Okay, we get it, I’m a weirdo among Stephanies. Let’s go.”

They went, and Spoiler wondered if the other Bats were also dealing with themselves. She was leading the way, which was weird, because she never led any ways. Maybe if it was just her and Tim, or something.

Below her, Spoiler caught sight of a swarm of Clayfaces, and she had to stop. She yelled to the others to help her, and they dropped into the alley below.

Fighting with only herself as backup was weird, Spoiler thought. Batgirl threw batarangs that had stuff inside them. Dart sped around confusing the Clayfaces and Spoiler brought her bo-staff down hard on one, but it just sloshed through his arm. Oops.

“Cover your ears!” Canary yelled, and she threw a little device at a Clayface. It screamed, a loud noise that was what Spoiler assumed the Canary Cry sounded like. The Clayfaces barely reacted.

From above, a dark shape descended. Spoiler could’ve cried in relief, even though she was sure it wasn’t her own Batman.

Batman threw a device at a Clayface, which sent out some sort of signal that froze all the Clayfaces that weren’t already frozen by Batgirl’s batarangs. Icearangs? Whatever.

Quick work was made of the Clayfaces, and then Batman led the Stephs back into the air.

“You saved us!” Dart said.

“Yes,” Batman said. Spoiler inspected their new friend. This Batman was shorter than Bruce, and the bat across her chest was purple. The eyes on the cowl glowed with purple light, but it was still unmistakably Batman. She had on purple lipstick, and Spoiler spotted a scar near her mouth. She knew who this was.

“Holy shit,” Spoiler breathed, and beside her, the others seemed to come to the same conclusion. “You’re me.”

this moment right here, where steph looks at batman and it’s herself…? that’s probably why i even bothered writing this fic. 

“I would argue that I’m me,” Batman said, her mouth twisting into a smirk. “But yes, I am another Stephanie Wayne.”

“Wayne?” Spoiler and Batgirl cried at the same time.

as much as i love ignoring canon, in this fic i sort of had to go along with it, and i think this moment was kind of a good one.

“Fuck,” Dart said. “If that isn’t a weird last name to think of me having.”

“It makes sense that circumstances would differ,” Canary said. “Although in my universe, I was never truly a Bat.”

“But Wayne?” Spoiler said, waving her hands.

“Bruce actually adopted you?” Batgirl asked.

“No,” Batman said. “He left a portion of the estate to me in his will, and after I took up the mantle I changed my last name.”

“What the fuck,” Spoiler said, and Batgirl seemed of the same mind.

“Why are you panicking? It’s not that weird,” Dart said. “And I mean, clearly you all aren’t Stephanie Allen.”

“Allen?” Batgirl repeated, her voice an octave higher.

“Sweet Jesus,” Batman said, and Spoiler pushed that image aside for examining at a later time. “The pair of you never shed ‘Brown’, didn’t you.”

“No!” Spoiler cried.

“I’ve never even thought that was an option!” Batgirl said, sounding distraught.  

“I’ve just been daydreaming about the day Tim proposes so I can be anything besides a Brown,” Spoiler admitted.

“That’s disgusting,” Batman said. “You and Tim, really?”

“Why not?” Spoiler demanded. “Everyone seems to be of the same mind–what’s wrong with him?”

“I mean, besides that he’s an asshole?” Batgirl asked. “Uh, two words: Super. Girl.”

“I’ve never even met Supergirl,” Spoiler said, struggling to imagine herself dating Supergirl.

“Tim’s dead,” Batman said flatly. “But I agree with Batgirl’s assessment.”

“I think Supergirl and Babs have a thing going on?” Dart said. “Maybe? But anyway I’m more of a Wonder Girl kinda gal myself.”

“Ditto,” Canary said.

“Okay, I get it, you guys are hetero-shaming me,” Spoiler said, lifting her hands up. “For the record, I am bisexual.”

the idea of every steph besides the “real” steph being gay & having a girlfriend is comedy. gold. 

“Good,” Batman said.

“Although, speaking of my lovely boyfriend, I should probably tell him about this….Stephplosion,” Spoiler said, waving her arms at them. She put her finger to her ear to comm Drake, but then the air folded in on itself on a roof within Spoiler’s line of sight and she saw a flash of a familiar color that made her blood boil.

“Shit,” she said.

“What?” Dart asked. Spoiler pointed.

“There was some….orange over there,” she said significantly.

headcanon that steph hates all orange, but the specific shade of cluemaster orange especially. 

“Jesus fucking christ,” Batgirl said. “If I have to deal with alternate Cluemasters I’m going to slaughter someone.”

“We need to check it out,” Batman said.

“I’m only agreeing since there’s five of us,” Canary said.

“I haven’t seen Arthur since I was eleven and I’m not about to start now,” Dart said, and Spoiler pushed down a surge of jealousy. Batman led the way, grabbing Dart to carry her across the gap.

They stopped at the edge of the roof and looked down at the kid–the kid!–who was sitting on the rooftop below them.

She had on an orange skirt and shirt with blue suspenders. Her tights–also orange–were ripped and she had on orange combat boots. Her bandana was pulled down from her face to rest around her neck, and her blonde hair was in tangles.

Spoiler stared her thirteen year old self in the face and thought about fainting.

“What the fuck,” Batgirl said flatly.

i feel like this moment sort of parallels/reflects the moment when spoiler first sees batman & recognizes it as herself. batman!steph is like a dream come true, and cluekid!spoiler her worst nightmare. both are the kind of dreams you didn’t know you even had until you encounter them, but yeah. holy shit that’s batman and that’s ME vs holy shit that’s cluekid and that’s ME

“Don’t hit me!” the kid cried, scrambling to her feet. She had braces, Spoiler noted dimly. “Who are you? What happened?”

“We’re in an alternate universe,” Batman said. “Something’s wrong with the multiverse.”

“Lex Luthor,” Spoiler provided, dazed. “Mining for Kryptonite. Batman–my Batman–is taking care of it.”

“Oh,” tiny, orange Steph said. “So…who are you, then?”

Batman pulled off her cowl. Her blonde hair was short and messy and her face was–old. Spoiler pegged her to be late twenties, probably. Huh. The other Stephs were all teenagers like Spoiler.

idk if you’ve read “touch the sky” but when steph first becomes batman and is a teenager she’s pretty fucked up, and i needed this batman steph to be cool & confident. she’s been batgirl for a while. again on batman & cluekid reflecting each other, the other stephs are all 17/18, and cluekid is younger while batman is older. 

“Stephanie,” Batman said, her real voice jarring after the modulated one was gone. “I’m you, okay?”

“In an alternate universe, I’m Batman?” the younger Steph whispered.

“Yes,” Batman said, her voice soft and kind of tender. Spoiler wondered what experience she had with kids. She realized that she could have a Robin. “And that’s Batgirl, and Dart, and Canary, and Spoiler. We’re all you.”

“Spoiler?” the younger Steph said, her eyes wide. “Holy fuck.”

“Language,” Batman said.

“I’m thirteen, not a child.” The younger Steph turned and pulled off her backpack. “Look!” She opened it and pulled out a homemade black bodysuit and hooded cape. “Here’s my Spoiler outfit.”

“I’m going to cry,” Batgirl said. Spoiler’s heart was doing something weird, looking at this tiny version of herself wearing Cluemaster orange.

“Oh, yeah, well. Being Spoiler is my biggest secret,” younger Steph said, putting her costume back away.

“Why are you dressed like that, then?” Dart asked.

“Well,” Steph said, drawing out the word. “I thought Dad might, like, kill me if I didn’t say yes when he asked, so I’m Cluekid by day and Spoiler at night. But, uh, I’m working on bringing down the empire from the inside.”

“Empire?” Spoiler repeated.

“Yeah, Dad’s criminal empire,” Cluekid said. “I’m taking it down.”

“Criminal empire?” Batgirl said, sounding shocked.

if all the stephs got transported to cluekid’s world instead, they’d be looking around like “THIS IS THE BAD PLACE!!!!!”

“By yourself?” Batman asked, putting her cowl back on. Cluekid pulled up her bandana.

“Yeah, it’s like…someone’s gotta do it, right?”

“Was anyone else’s Cluemaster, like, vaguely incompentent at best?” Batgirl asked, and Spoiler and Canary rose their hands. “Criminal empire, really?”

“It’s super fun that you guys weren’t Cluekid, but leave me alone about it,” Cluekid said. “My dad’s the real deal.”

“Then what’s your plan for when he finds out you betrayed him?” Batman asked. Cluekid blinked slowly.

“Well,” she said, then she stopped.

“You don’t have a plan,” Dart said knowingly. “I can relate.”

“No, she does,” Batman said, horrified.

“You’re just gonna let yourself die?” Spoiler asked. Cluekid shrugged, her arms going up past her head.

“If I have to!” she cried. “Someone’s gotta take him down and I’m the only one who can!”

cluekid is actually planning on faking her own death at this time, but she doesn’t have all the details worked out yet. 

“Dying’s no big D,” Batgirl said. “I do it all the time.”

Everyone turned to face her.

“I mean, once, but that’s like, more than most people do it,” she amended, and Spoiler shook her head.

i think batman!steph comes from a mix of preboot/rebirth, so she’s probably died as well

“Jesus christ,” she said. “I have to get you guys out of here. I’m going to call Drake, and we’re going to find out how to return you guys. Except maybe Cluekid, cause your universe sucks.”

spoiler just wants a chance to call another universe garbage, for a change.

“Yeah, well, your universe has people leaking into it, so it can’t be all that great,” Cluekid shot back, and Spoiler had to admit she had a point.

zing, now everyone’s made fun of rebirth.

While they grappled towards the other end of town, Batman carrying Cluekid and Dart running below them, Spoiler put in a call.

“Batman,” she said. “I have five alternate versions of myself with me.”

“Five Spoilers?” her own Batman asked, his voice gruff.

bruce instantly: [internal screaming]

“Five Stephanies,” she corrected. “A Batgirl, a speedster, a Canary, a kid, and, well. A Batman.”

“Interesting,” Batman said. “Luthor has been apprehended and once I turn off the machine, everyone should return to normal.”

“Okay,” Spoiler said, and Batman disconnected. Spoiler stopped grappling and the group gathered around her. “According to my Batman, you guys should just…go back soon.”

this fic was about conversations between stephanies, not action, which is why i feel like the end is sort of anti-climactic, but whatever. it needed to end, and it did

“It’s been nice getting to know you,” Canary said. “Although really weird.”

“Agreed,” Dart said. “I can’t imagine being a Bat.”

“I wish that would happen to me,” Cluekid said. “But…”

“It’ll be okay, kiddo,” Batman said.

“Hey,” Spoiler said. “Batman, do you have a Robin? You’re pretty good with kids.”

“Yeah,” Batman said, smiling. “Her name is Carrie.”

writing this fic made me think of a “touch the sky” sequel where steph works through the deaths of her siblings and takes in a new robin. we’ll see.

“Hell yeah,” Batgirl said, raising her hand for a fistbump. Batman obliged, and from the corner of her eye Spoiler saw the universe begin folding in on itself.

“Damn, this is me,” Dart said, looking at the wrinkle in the air. It was tied to her leg, so not a difficult conclusion to make. “Well, it’s been nice knowing you ladies. I wish all of you every success–especially you, Lil Steph.”

“Thanks,” Cluekid said, and Spoiler nodded at Dart before she vanished in a puff of purple lightning.

“I’m going to turn on my earplugs,” Canary said. “Who knows what’ll happen when I get back–but anyway, I’m going to be in the dark, hearing-wise.”

“Okay,” Spoiler said, a little confused, and Canary gave everyone a smile.

“It’s been real,” she said, and then she turned on her earplugs. She signed something at them–Spoiler knew only a few signs and couldn’t keep up. Batgirl nodded thoughtfully.

“What’d she say?” Spoiler asked.

“Oh, I have no clue,” Batgirl said. “Come to think of it, the signs me and Cass use aren’t strictly ‘real’ sign language.”

“She said that she turns off her hearing so it’s not damaged by the canary cry,” Batman said. Everyone looked at her. “What? My brother was mute and he had to talk somehow.”

tossed up on the “was” vs “is”, but i wanted damian to get better and i hoped that if any diehard “touch the sky” fans were reading this, they’d see that yeah, he does get better & talk again.

“Brother?” Spoiler repeated, and Batman said, “Damian.”

Damian, mute?

Damian, Steph’s brother?

“I’m leaving,” Canary said loudly, and they turned to face her. She was vanishing just like Dart, and she gave a little wave, then pointed at Batman, who was also disappearing.

“Goodbye,” Batman said, and then she and Canary were gone, leaving Spoiler with Batgirl and Cluekid.

“I’m gonna be real with you guys,” Cluekid said. “I know it’s only been like two minutes but seeing myself, older and with a place in the world….it’s pretty inspiring to think that in another universe I grow up to be Batman.”

“Maybe you still can,” Spoiler suggested, thinking that she didn’t like the idea of this tiny version of herself planning her own death.

“I don’t think so,” Cluekid said, smiling sadly.

“I’ve been through a lot of shit,” Batgirl said. “I’ve even died before. You can’t let any of that stop you, okay? You just gotta push through it.”

“Keep on coming back,” Spoiler said.

“However long it takes,” Batgirl said. Cluekid blinked, tears welling in her eyes, and then she reached for Spoiler and Batgirl, tugging them both into a hug.

i feel like “never give up” is kind of steph’s motto, and that’s universal among stephs. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Spoiler said, ruffling her hair, and then Cluekid was gone.

“Damn,” Batgirl said. “She says she’s inspired by us, but I’m inspired by her. She’s so brave.”

“Yeah, I know,” Spoiler said, her throat sort of rough. “Geez.”

“Well, it’s my turn next,” Batgirl said. “So, uh. Bye? I guess.”

“Have fun in your universe,” Spoiler said. “With Oracle and Supergirl.”

“Oh, I absolutely will,” Batgirl said. “Have fun with….Drake. Seriously, we give you shit, but if he’s good for you–”

“He is,” Spoiler said, trying not to think of their breakups.

“Then that’s all there is to it, isn’t it,” Batgirl said. She grinned, and the air behind her began to fold. “Oh, what timing!”

“Goodbye, Batgirl,” Spoiler said.

“Bye, Spoiler,” Batgirl said. “You know, it’s nice to see that somewhere out there, we’re still in the mantle we created.”

“And it’s nice to see that we’re in a mantle given to us,” Spoiler said, and Batgirl grinned.

“Hell yeah it is,” she said, and then she was gone, and Spoiler was left alone.

She sighed, and kept moving.

spoiler & batgirl are so similar that of course they kinda got along the best….i think canary was supposed to be kind of distant like “oh that’s kinda weird” and then dart was “oh that’s SUPER weird” and then cluekid was “oh my god is she okay” and then batman more like “wow! #afraid to ask how the mantle got passed down to YOU!”

#long post #i did not do a star. i will do some stars l8r

[greetingsfromeboncreek]

BEHOLD the rest of the commentaries. They’re pretty short in comparison to the others, and I wrote them pretty stream of consciousness, so I can’t guarantee how much sense they make, but it’s done, dammit. 

BTW, my overall favorite characters (in no particular order): Arthur, Charlie, Meredith, Alaster, Iggy, Bael, Mara, Junior, Solstice

My thoughts on 33 different characters below the cut:

The New Friends:

Kirk: Like Nick, probably could have been written out and not much would be changed. However, he gets a pass because he was never really meant to be in the main storyline to start with, being born of a short lived prompt based adventure on the MSPA forums, who got phased into the main storyline. However, unlike Nick he has a genuinely interesting motivation (evil goon gone good, determined to avenge his mistreated coworkers). I also love his overall cheery and easygoing personality, he seems like a very nice guy. Interesting backstory- he was apparently in the army reserves, but got hired by a private company, if I’m remembering correctly? That means that he might not have had any family in Ebon Creek- which means there may well be people still out there looking for him and worried about him, orrr they’ve just been told he’s dead, which is a sad thought. Also has an adorable dynamic with Morty- I could easily imagine him with that one gif along the lines of “I’ve only known Morty for 15 minutes, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in the room and then myself.” I also liked how he’s the only human member of the “good guys” to have any actual combat training- in an AU where nobody has demon powers or magic, he could probably wipe the floor with everyone else. Overall, very nice dude, love his abilities (cool weapons and shouting out power names is really fun), REALLY liked his aegis design, love his dynamic with Morty, grade A character.

Arrie- Another really cool lady! I really liked how she slowly went from confused but not incompetent, to really taking responsibility for the situation in Ebon Creek later in the storyline. It’s awesome to hear she’s going to get a more prominent role in the reboot, I ADORE her new design, and I’m quietly guessing her treasure chest motif pockets have bag of holding style portals in them. Would have loved to have seen her reunion with Azgrut, but ehn, we can’t have everything. Also love her clever use of portals- I think it works really well with her intelligent personality. I also really enjoyed her dynamic with Sally while they were teemed up- rough and tumble lady with a prim, proper and intelligent young woman, both happily beating up their opponents. Wonderful.

Victus- I’ve always had a soft spot for dry, logical characters, and Victus is no exception. I think as a fellow military dude, him and Kirk would have gotten along quite well if they had had more time to talk to each other. However, above all else I love his relationship with Bael- from how he initially turned Bael’s parasitism around on him, to how he, (in my opinion at least) ended up in a near-father figure position. It doesn’t matter how edgy Bael acts, Victus is there to pat him on the head in a patronizing fashion. Sure kid. You’re real cool. (While also taking into account his mental state and showing sympathy.) And frankly, if anyone needs that kind of support, it’s Bael.

Trevor- Always liked this guy! A very useful font of exposition, and a genuinely nice guy. I also really appreciate the fact that he’s not used to the chaos of Ebon Creek, and of horrible situations in general. His moments of vulnerability/near breakdowns (and Eric’s for that matter) remind the audience that everything that’s happening… isn’t normal. He’s the closest thing we have to an ‘audience insert’ in the Asylum arc. Loved his gadgetry based fighting style, would have been interesting to see what sort of demon powers he would have developed, but overall not too bummed about it. Really REALLY happy he got to rebuild his friendship with Azgrut, that was one of the things I was most pleased about with the ending.

Eric- Very similar to Trevor in terms of ‘audience insert’ and ‘nice guy’ and ‘hadn’t been completely traumatized by the start of the comic leading to mental breakdowns’, but rode along with the villains instead of the heroes. Poor thing ultimately ends up suffering more than Trevor though, for obvious reasons. It would have been cool to see someone actually learn how to be a zombie though; Sam and Jericho have been like that for years, and we missed Alaster’s adjustment period, but it would have been amusing to watch Eric slowly get used to it.

Also, he committed the biggest instance of ‘Nice job breaking it, hero’ in the whole comic. Way to revive King Law, Eric. Real smooth. Also very, very interesting in that he was one of the few that SIGVALDI found interesting. Eric’s likely up there on the list of cleverest characters, and I hope he’s doing ok after the end of Suppression.

Assorted Goons:

Grenner- I love this man. I draw him looking perpetually exhausted for a reason. He’s a very good man who blames himself for some very bad things, and while he outwardly holds himself together, is grasping at straws to figure out how to make things better. Is a man that’s plagued with guilt and also the actual plague, but has an INCREDIBLE mental fortitude- it’s been explained that perceiving one’s demonic infection as a separate entity is what kills you, but Dr.Grenner did that… and won. I also love his relationship with Iggy- once pretty good, now strained with Grenner trying very hard to put it back together. I’d really like to see them make up someday. (Iggy takes after his dad a lot tbh, loathe as he is to admit it.) ...Id also like to see Grenner show everyone Iggy’s baby pics. You know he’s got em somewhere.

Kolt- Noooooooo. Probably...my least favorite of the villains. Certainly the one I find the creepiest, for reasons I went over in my commentary with Sally, but also the one I found the least interesting in terms of characterization and backstory. Was really pleased to see his “death” and how he got repurposed into a different character, buuuut it’s less encouraging knowing he was going to come back. Please, you creepy bastard….just stay dead…..

Santris- Changing directions, one of my favorite villains. Unlike Nick, his small number of appearances works in his favor, considering he usually shows up during plot important moments, prodding things in one direction or another. This is a man who KNOWS things, and I love it. What is he up to? What’s his motivation? That’s all part of the intrigue. His power set links into this perfectly, which is to say he doesn’t really have one- he’s the only character that fights without magic or plague powers, leaving his real powers- if he has any- a mystery. There’s only one thing I feel fit to speculate on with this guy, and that’s the fact that he’s PROBABLY an elf, going by his eyes. Even that can’t be confirmed though, and makes things even more strange due to the fact that he seems to mostly work with humans, with little to no contact with Thal’nasia.

Azgrut- Another ‘not technically evil, just a victim of tragic circumstances’ character. Being murdered as a child, brought back as a zombie, and forced to build weapons or else be killed again doesn’t leave a guy with a lot of options. However, the weapons he’s building are his life’s work, and probably the only thing that brings him any real happiness or, failing that, satisfaction. It’s probably why he’s so protective of his work, and why he’s so pissy when anyone comes and bothers him. His magitech based fighting style is cool as heck to look at (And to compare/contrast with Trevor’s), and he has an EXCELLENT general aesthetic to him. Tron line zombie, hell yeah. Overall, his situation was even more miserable and ultimately hopeless than Sam’s, and I’m REALLY glad he got a happy ending. Though it’s a shame that because Arthur raised him, that means he’s still ultimately under control of the Wights, which was his whole goal with the phylactery thing. Wait. Azgrut’s still alive at the end. Which m…..FUCK. ARTHUR’S NOT DEAD, THE CAVE IN DIDN’T KILL HIM. I JUST FIGURED THAT OUT. FUCK

Maggie- Okokokok I’m cool, it’s cool. It’s cool. Arthur’s not dead, fine. I’ll just pretend he’s stuck under a rock somewhere, it’s fine. Ok, Maggie. She’s so. Fucking cool. So goddamn cool, I love her so much. I love her ease and sense of confidence, and the implication that she’s the one wearing the pants in her business relationship with Bartleby, even if the people they work with get the initial impression otherwise. She also probably wears the pants in their romantic relationship too. Which like, might not be a thing, not confirmed for canon, but it’s fun to think about. Also has a bitchin outfit, and the coolest ‘element’ out of everyone in the comic, I think. Gravity powers? There is so much room for shenanigans and cool fight scenes out of that. I’m really looking forward to seeing her in the new comic- judging from the number of stripes on her shoulder, she seems to be the boss in the reboot as well. Keep on rockin, girl.

Bartleby- Look. In almost every piece of media with a lot of villains, there’s always one brightly colored, egotistical and flamboyant one. I think for Suppression, Bartleby is that dude. I’m not even kidding- if you look at the big reference sheet of Suppression characters on Degulus’s Deviantart, there’s only 3 patches of bright color and those are Overload Charlie, Azgrut, and Bartleby. However, unlike other villains of that type, where their biggest flaw is their sense of pride, Bartleby’s motive is that Thal’nasia isn’t proud ENOUGH. He believes that elves are genuinely better than humans, but aren’t acting like it, and that needs to be fixed immediately, by way of violent take over of the government. That is a DELIGHTFUL motivation to have. I’m aware that a lot of Suppression’s villains match up with the seven deadly sins (though it’s not too strictly enforced), and envy is a hard one to pull off. However, Bartleby does it and does it well! (Side note: love this dude’s outfit, and double love the fact that he’s the only character who’s teeth you see on a regular basis… where those teeth aren’t sharp. That’s wonderfully unnerving. A+. )

Tyburn- This dude’s more of an honorable mention because he never actually shows up. You only hear about him in passing, so there’s not a LOT for me to say. It’s some hilarious irony that Azgrut doesn’t know what happened after he died (and neither does Iggy for that matter) so he just lists the completely wrong generals and Iggy just essentially nods and goes “Sounds legit.”. I feel like there’s a lot of mysteries around Tyburn though… like I said, we never see him, so who WAS this guy? Why did he defect? (Is he secretly still alive…?) However, the Blood Red Rebellion seems like it was pretty much a feature exclusive to the original comic, so we’re not likely to get anymore info. I’m fine with that tbh- not everything has to be explained to death. Sometimes a dude is just a dude.

Lexi- First of all. Love this girl’s aesthetic. The cropped haircut? The >:3c face? The goggles? The outfit? Yes, yes, and yes. She’s also the only character in the comic that has a very… ‘big sister’ sort of feel to her. Really she’s just an overworked babysitter who got handed a kid that she is in no way equipped to handle, but she’s doing her best to not mess him up too bad regardless. I get the feeling that she’s a dumb kid who was asked “Hey you wanna do some Villainy (™) “ and she was totally down for it before realizing much too late that. Villainy is not as fun as you’d think and ESPECIALLY not when you’re the replaceable mook.

Junior- Hhhh I love this boy. Look, I love art and drawing. I also love robots n stuff in media. I also have Aspergers, and so I have a tendencies towards anxiety, seeming ‘odd’ to other people, being baffled in situations that others would find normal, and obsessing over certain topics. As a result, those who have seen Junior can see why I love this child so so much. It can be kind of embarrassing to admit it, but I see a lot of myself in this character. I’m glad that he has someone that “gets” him and is looking out for his best interests (you rock, Alaster). We don’t really find out what happened to him, Lexi, Alaster and Maggie after the comic, but I like to think that they all got out ok and are just chilling out there somewhere.

Wight Family

Maxwell- Stern, serious, imposing heads of families are relatively common villains, and it’s pretty easy for it to become a boring, flat stereotype; for a character to become nothing more than, essentially, a villainous rock. Max is not this. Max is trying very hard to be this, but doesn’t always measure up, and that is infinitely more interesting than the evil boulder archetype. His character profile straight up says that he’s only trying to be cool and collected. In reality, he’s surrounded by (what he considers) idiots and is trying very hard to keep this show on the road, and his facade of dignity isn’t nearly as impregnable as he thinks. I love the idea of a cold, collected villain going from complex swordplay to an undignified bar brawl the moment he thinks no one’s looking. Just “Fuck it, fine, I’ll do this the easy way. This idiot doesn’t deserve me at my best anyway.” Unfortunately, while his character is very fun to read, the downfall of having a character that doesn’t go into villainous monologues...means that he never explains his evil plans. Which means I’m STILL not really sure… what it was he was trying to DO. Most of my ideas come from Degulus’s explanations in the comments, which is uhhh probably not the best way to communicate that to one’s audience. I’m pretty sure he was planning on altering the course of the leyline to change the laws of nature, and then controlling the world as an immortal zombie but… trusting Arthur to manage that? Yikes. Maybe not the best plan buddy, but you tried your best.

Arthur- Ohhh this bastard. Who is apparently still alive/undead. This bastard… is actually one of my most favorite characters. Like, irrevocably top 5 (I could never pick a #1, but he’s up there). He is an absolutely terrible person. Lazy and cowardly, but in a way that is loathable and malicious instead of sympathetic. Doesn’t seem to think highly of himself, but...doesn’t seem to have a high opinion of anyone else either. Killed his own kids. Killed his brother (s...sort of. It wasn’t very clear.). And today I figured out he didn’t even get comeuppance for it. (Unless, of course, he’s just trapped under a rock in a caved in cave for all eternity with his phylactery sitting on a desk somewhere. That’s kind of hilarious.) However… despite all that, he is an incredibly fun character to hate. His dialogue and reactions were always funny to read, and there’s something about his desire to just lie down and do nothing that appeals to everyone, I think. In a way, he’s similar to an audience insert or ‘straight man’- the one that says “You realize this plan is stupid and never going to work, right.” and is promptly ignored. In summary, terrible person, HORRENDOUS father, but a GREAT character.  

William- Ok technically not a person, but will still be giving commentary. A golem made of souls is an amazingly clever concept, though probably my most favorite part of William is getting to describe him as a “sack of angry ghosts” to my friends. It’s interesting how William appears to be at least partially sentient though- either that collection of souls does have some hivemind sort of consciousness, or that’s some faaaancy spell coding on Sigvaldi’s part. However, due to the fact that he’s a juggernaut superweapon of necromancy, he’s less a character and more a...almost environmental hazard that the characters have to work around. A unique and interesting superweapon that was a blast to read about how they worked around him, but… doesn’t leave me a lot to talk about in terms of character commentary.

Jericho- Ah, the poor narratively-proclaimed D-list villain. Nobody really likes him. Got waylaid by the events of the story, and as a result never did anything of much significance, but it was lampshaded and he later got a huge upgrade. I feel like that matches his personality quite well though. He takes after his dad a lot more than he’d like to admit; he has pride in being undead, and as a member of the Wight family, expects everyone to cower before him… and it’s really funny to watch how frustrated he gets when people don’t immediately do that. I think the combo with Kolt was a good idea; it gave him a much needed power boost and source of intrigue, being a possessed zombie. I was also really interested in seeing where his relationship with Iggy and Azgrut was gonna go! On an unrelated note though...I found out the other day that he’s only 2 years older than Samantha. However, Samantha’s backstory showed that she died as a little girl, and I thought it was implied by the “go get your brother” comment that Jericho died shortly after… but that would make Jericho have the body of a young teen/preteen at most. Sooo I guess that either wasn’t the day Jericho died and Arthur wanted him for something else, or acid zombies can age. Hmmm.

(PS. If Alastair calls Samantha Sam and Meredith Merry, does that mean he calls Jericho Jerry? Because if so, that’s hilarious.)

Samantha- The undying voice of nihilism, in a travel sized package. Sam didn’t get a huge role or a ton of appearances, but she’s one of the few who got what I considered a complete character arc. She had a problem, finally admitted that problem, got assistance with the problem and got her comeuppance. Her story was sad, but god if that didn’t make it all the more satisfying watching Arthur get thrown around like a toy by King Law. You could almost hear the squeaky toy sounds.

Alaster- I have a lot of respect for this guy. In the beginning of the story, he comes off as one of those mysterious, unhinged villains that gives a dramatic speech and then vanishes. However, the course of the story revealed layers of personality and backstory that made me genuinely feel for this guy. He’s proud to be a Wight, but somewhat paradoxically hates his family- this later turns out to be because his dad and uncle are terrible people, even to their own children, and he’s trying to actually create something resembling a “family” instead of...well, a soul-drowning pit of misery. He’s trying to make the Wight family a better place for the members of his generation. He’s trying to be a good brother, a good role model, and is friendly to Sam even though she doesn’t seem to want his kindness. He doesn’t mind though, he gets it. It’s so nice to see the younger members of “villain” half of the cast have someone in their corner willing to throw down for them no matter what. Alaster is an A+ older brother, A+ babysitter, and honestly probably would have made a good dad if he ever got the chance. Well, except for the ‘teaching kids how to murder’ part. But that’s just a traditional part of Wight education, I can give that the slip.

Meredith- My first thought upon seeing Meredith was “Oh my god she’s adorable.” Since then, my opinion has not changed in the slightest. She’s like Sabrina the Teenage Witch but evil. She wants to make a team of US presidents with chainsaw arms. I want to SEE her make a team of US presidents with chainsaw arms. Honestly, she’s a breath of fresh air in the Wight team. She’s good at her job, but young and enthusiastic. After so many dreary, depressed, gothass villains, it’s nice to see one that’s a straight up ray of bubbly sunshine who also wants to rip out your soul and use you as her cute lil familiar. I bet she can ride that scythe like a broomstick. She’s got the wind powers, it could work. The sad part is though is that...while the old Wights might have survived the cave in, and Arthur definitely survived, Meredith was the only one in the room who wasn’t undead or a lich which means she’s probably. Permadead by the end of the comi- AW FUCK THAT MEANS ALASTER’S DEAD TOO. AUUUGH. Oh fffuck I hope Alaster managed to get Junior back home before he just. Dropped dead next to him.

King Law- Unlike Max, this guy is a lot closer to the “villainous rock” stereotype; he even has an elemental affinity to Earth! While I find him a little more boring than Max though, I’m still drawn to him by his bitchin character design, and intriguing sense of ethics; he honestly has some good points on the nature of goodness and the fact that having a sense of right and wrong is worthless if “right” isn’t being defended. He seems to be the concept of “lawful evil” taken to a reasonable endpoint, whereas Sigvaldi would be the “chaotic” end of the scale.

Nora- Ohhh yes that’s the ticket. This is exactly what I wanted. It’s implied that...terrible things happened to the Wight kids’ mothers. (Ok they’re not really kids but you get what I mean.) However, that leaves a very obvious dearth of Wight ladies, leaving me with a hankering for more. Nora hits that spot so well. She’s elegant, refined, but also has a giant, badass fuckin’ sword (ok well she is the sword but still), and will happily kick the crap out of everyone that messes with her family, despite the drama. Is there a ton of depth and backstory? Nah, she was there for like...10 pages and died (thanks, Charlie), but her very existence is a much needed breath of fresh air. Also I need to draw her in a bunch of fancy outfits starting, like. Now.

Sigvaldi- So, I got one of my friends to read the reboot with me entirely on the off chance that Sigvaldi shows up in it based on the few snippets of the old comic that I showed him, so that certainly speaks wonders for Sigvaldi’s character. Granted, it’s mostly because he’s a lich and this friend loves those, but my point stands. Sigvaldi is great. I love characters with a unique worldview and sense of morality, and Sigvaldi is no exception. He is well aware that he creates monsters and commits sins against the laws of nature, and accepts this...what he truly loathes is those who do monstrous things and try to make it look like justice. Now THATS interesting. I also just generally enjoy his omniscient observer role in the story, popping up to give warnings and make predictions. I should also talk about the end of Suppression, while I’m talking about him, specifically those mysterious voices who’s ranks he joined at the end of the story… I’m not sure who they are, but I sure as hell cant wait to find out! I have a few guesses, but 0 evidence, so I’m gonna hold those cards close to my chest for now.

Other Characters

These guys diiiidn’t get a lot of screentime and also I’m feeling really crappy and sick right now so I might not have a lot to say, sorry.

Figaro- An elf with a BEARD. So good. I like how self aware he is about the nature of his job, and how light hearted he stays about it all. Sometimes, your coworkers are incredibly powerful mages that can control the very forces of nature themselves. And sometimes they’re idiots. And sometimes they’re both at the same time and you just kinda gotta roll with it.

Coin- Had pretty much just one conversation so I don’t have a lot to say about this guy. I like his near-naive dedication to heroics and justice though. That can be interesting in done right, especially if it’s from a character who isn’t actually naive and is instead willing to fight for that ideal. I actually find his family more interesting- he has a last name that’s been mentioned a couple times in different contexts. His family certainly gets around, huh?

Mara- Probably my favorite of the elves. I can understand both sides of peoples opinions of her. On one hand, she’s absolutely a child soldier. There’s definite negative effects to this that she straight up doesn’t have the experience or maturity to understand completely, and even though this frustrates her, the people claiming it are absolutely right. However, I can also understand her desire to be taken seriously as a person, the difficulty in repairing the good name of the Red part of the army, and the massive pressure on her as the last remaining heiress of the Kuin family. She’s got a lot of weight on her, and while I want to see her do well… I also wish she had the opportunity to. Well, be a dumb teenager. Very interesting character, but also very specific to the pre-reboot continuity, so I’m not sure what’s going to happen to her now.

Phylo- This is also a reaaaally good one. I love how much care was taken to write his disabilities- he’s competent and well respected, but his missing arm and blindness are taken into account and addressed reasonably. I especially loved how he has to take his arm off during the winter because of the chill that creeps up it- that shows a lot of thought put in, that not a lot of other comics would. A+ writing on that front. Normally I don’t think I’d like his grumpy, but still managing to brag sort of personality, but in this case I think it works because the other characters mentioned that he was the grumpy one; his behavior isn’t treated by the narrative as being a good thing.

Kevin- Admittedly not a huge fan of this guy. I mean he’s ok, I liked the kamen rider leystone power suit, that’s cool. And granted, we might not have gotten the best introduction to him, considering he was exhausted and it was the middle of the night when we met him. But overall, he seemed to me to be a guy where people kept saying that “he was a nice guy, really” despite being whiny and aggressive the whole time. He kept acting really distrustful, but none of his protestations really affected the plot, so I just spent most of the time waiting to move on from this guy. I get the feeling I also would like him more if I watched any episodes of Kamen Rider, as there’s supposed to be a lot of similarities buuuut I haven’t, so. Still, he’s supposed to be getting a lot of focus in the reboot, so hopefully he’ll be able to stand up on his own virtues.

Roni- Noooot a lot to say about this one. I’m interested in seeing what animal-based life magic looks like in practice though. Plant life magic is easy enough, it’s just plants, but is animal husbandry magic like...being able to control/talk to animals? Or is it kind of horrifying fleshcrafting. I also didn’t think she and Cerene were that similar, but I’m still looking forward to the sister relationship they’ll have! (I’ve also always wondered if that promised hang session with her and Cerene was going to lead up to a meeting and confrontation with Lexi… that would have been interesting.)

Torblad and Esra- Wasn’t a huge fan of these two either. I’m not sure if Torblad was just pretending to have gone crazy, or if he was supposed to actually have some sort of illness from his time travel shenanigans, but overall it just felt weird to me. The tone of his ‘prophecies’ was so different from the rest of the comic that I thought he was a one off joke character or a cameo of some other thing (like how Kirk was a character who was originally from a MSPA fanventure, I thought Torblad was a character from the original RP a lot of the elf characters came from that was going to be a tip of the hat one-off, tonally inconsistent cameo and then we’d more on.). Imagine my surprise when he ended up being responsible for the end of the comic! With Cerene’s help, of course. Overall, he just seems...out of place to me. With the rest of the cast being written well enough in terms of physical disabilities, the effects of trauma, and mental illness, Torblad’s sort of… lolrandom sort of craziness feels cut from a different cloth. I don’t even really have anything to say about Esra- she seems to be there pretty much entirely to interpret for Torblad, soooo I got nothing. Sorry, Esra.

Solstice- Aw yeah, there’s the good stuff. Take this with a grain of salt though; I’m not entirely sure if I’m interpreting her backstory correctly, as we only got bits and pieces of it. She was an excellent introduction to how much things were going to change for our “heroes” when they walked into Thal’nasia- instead of snarky comments and scuffles, they got someone that was spooked, shy, and wondering why the hell they were there in the middle of the night. She’s a bit awkward, but seems friendly and genuine; a much needed change of pace and a breath of fresh air. However, the story is quick to give her more depth than that. She used to be a lot sadder, a lot angrier, a lot more aggressive, and it’s taken time and effort to recover from that. She has a useful, unique worldview due to her golden aura color, but is estranged from society due to her differences and her odd personality as a result. And yet… she’s still become a kind person, with a helpful personality, and I have a lot of respect for that. It’s one thing to become a snarling badass in the face of adversity. That’s cool, and I like that too. Hell yeah, punch those who hurt you. But something we don’t get to see a lot is people recovering, getting better, realizing that while that aggression helped them at the time, it can become self destructive. It’s really nice to see a character that shows that stronger isn’t the be all, end all solution to one’s problems. (Though she could probably still kick your ass if she wanted to. Just sayin.)

#suppression #text post #commentary #oh god im so sick right now but at least it's done

[shinsxu]

TAGGED BY:  @resilizuku (( bless ur presh face and thanku )) TAGGING: @murasaki-no-gomi, @devoursfear, @drxgonquirk, @text-to-speak, @wildxplosion, @electrostaticus, anyone who reads this and wants to do it! also if I tagged u you don’t have to do this if u don’t wanna or if y’all already done it

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN :

NAME : Holly NICKNAME : anything?? holyl, little sin, holls, hollers FACECLAIM : don’t really have one, but I like using an icon with a pile of cute cartoon bunnies piled up on each other against a pink background. I find it strangely relatable.

PRONOUNS : she/her HEIGHT : 5′4″ I think, unless I’ve been lied to ): which I think I have BIRTHDAY :  april 6th (aries!) AESTHETIC : pink, pastels, shiny things ; cafe settings, tea, coffee, warm soft photos LAST  SONG  YOU  LISTENED  TO : White Happy by MARETU (their songs are rather dark so quick warning about that) FAVOURITE  MUSE (S)  YOU’VE  WRITTEN : Karamatsu Matsuno, Arthur Kingsman (MSA), Koichi Haimawari (over here!!), and a shitty demon OC of mine that I love named Bercilak over here ;o;

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  ACCOUNT :

WHAT  INSPIRED  YOU  TO  TAKE  ON  THIS  MUSE :  I fell in love with shinsou. When I first saw him in the anime, I thought he would be annoying and a frustrating character, but nope. fell in love with this precious bean and I’m cry. his determination to become a hero despite what society says about him and his ‘villainous’ quirk really appeals to me. I love how his story of struggle, at least in the beginning, was like Midoriya’s struggle. and also I apparently have an attachment to emo, purple, cat-loving children.

WHAT  ARE  YOUR  FAVOURITE  ASPECTS  OF  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :  His resolve to become a hero despite how people think his dream is absurd or unfitting for someone like him. I also have a weak-spot for purple and cat-loving children even tho I am??? afraid of cats myself??? Also I relate to Shinsou’s inability to fucking sleep.

WHAT’S  YOUR  BIGGEST  INSPIRATION  WHEN  IT  COMES  TO  WRITING : Fanfics. I love reading fanfics and will eat up a lot of them when I find stuff I like. When I’m stuck and can’t write on tumblr, I go to either reading fanfics, or working on my own fanfics. Also, looking at fanart or reading other people’s rps really inspires me too, because y’all are so great and beautiful at writing??? PLS

FAVOURITE  TYPES  OF  THREADS :  I like developing relationships between characters. Not necessarily romantic ones, but just. any kind of relationship. rivals, friends, sidekicks, etc etc the list can go on. I just really like writing. Lighthearted fluff, shenanigans, feels, conflict, the occasional angst... the only thing I don’t like are forced shippings when I don’t feel the chemistry cause u need the chemistry

BIGGEST  STRUGGLE  IN  REGARDS  TO  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :  Despite me loving shinsou and characters like him, it’s been a very long time since I’ve ever written a character like shinsou, if ever. I typically write hyper little shits, angry angsty lil shits, or sweet shy beans. Shinsou is a new character type for me, one that I feel insecure about writing, but it’s also one that I’m willing to learn more about writing as time progresses.

#ooc. || #long post

[agentdagonet]

Echos, Ch. 19

Find it here on AO3

Find it here on tumblr:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Fic Summary: Feet dangling off the edge of the bed, hands still resting on the earpieces of his glasses, Eggsy opened his eyes.

And promptly shut them again, screwing them shut like a child who had the distinct misfortune of biting into a raw lemon. Breathing harshly in his nose and out his mouth, trying to stave off whatever delusional panic had befallen him, Eggsy reopened his eyes.

‘Harry?’

Or: The Hologram Story Nobody Asked For

I promise, more updates are coming!

         Somehow, things fell into a smooth rhythm rather quickly. Arthur's duties weren't in the field, but they still required a fair bit of intuition and problem solving- there was just a fair bit more diplomacy. Which was irksome, to say the least, as a man who had more often than not  solved his problems with fists rather than words. But, it was an adjustment that would have had to happen at some point if he had continued to live much longer.

        Which sounded morbid, but in the life of a spy you had two options: die, or diplomacy. As the former hadn't stuck, the latter remained.

        Eggsy had been easy to adjust to, as simple as holding a gun and somehow just as thrilling. If he wasn't off gallivanting across the globe in the name of keeping the world spinning, they shared breakfast in the mornings. Harry cooked, as Eggsy’s idea of breakfast was a bowl of cereal and some tea- though they kept it even by Eggsy making dinner.

        While the way Eggsy could work his way around a kitchen, and make something from whatever scraps remained after some time away, filled him with pride, it still made Harry ache to see the evidence of Dean Baker's presence. Or, perhaps, simply the absence of Michelle- but that was no better. He could console himself with the thought that his renewed presence in the Unwin house (for that was true, now, with Michelle having retaken her first husband's name) had provided them with security now, but that hardly made up for before.

        Eggsy was still quiet, still seemed uneasy with filling the silences between them, but Harry was hardly any better. He wasn't sure where to begin, what to say that hadn't been said by a ghost already. For all the intricacies he'd hardwired into his home, a history of what had been said already versus what was programmed to be said was not one of them. More than once he had opened his mouth to tell some tale from a past mission, and stopped.

        Somehow, he realised that being told he had already heard things would hurt just as much as Eggsy pretending to be engaged just to humour him. He had aged, but not that far. Harry wondered vaguely about why he cared so much, a protegé was hardly the be-all-end-all of approval, but didn't allow himself enough time to actually solve the conundrum. He wasn't ready to face those facts yet.

        It seemed that Eggsy was holding himself back as well, but Harry wouldn't allow himself to follow that train of thought either. He had already been reminded not  to assume anything, and without facts all he had were assumptions.

        Harry was surprised that he had actually come to enjoy some aspects being Arthur. He got to know everything and be pretentious with no consequence- if he had to go spar with whoever was available each day, what did it matter? He spent an ungodly amount of time in the shooting range, more out of habit and pride than anything else he told himself. He spent his idle hours, which were surprisingly numerous, mastering whatever strange skill the internet suggested that he did not already know. One never knew when such things could be of use.

        Who was he kidding, he was going mad. He was not meant to be a busybody, talking with prospects and mostly safe, behind the scenes. He took great pride in being an unseen purveyor of peace and justice, that was true, but he had always been the hero of the story. Yes, everyone had their own narratives of which they were the main focus, but for Harry nothing had ever felt more natural than being a Kingsman. And, yes, he was technically still one now- but the things he felt had made him feel important and purposed were gone.

        No, not gone- he had always had a thing for dramatics, had always gone to extremes- but those things had been diminished. Or maybe they'd just been obscured to him by being words on paper, or instructions given, instead of visible action. Nothing concrete. There were no more conversations in doublespeak with megalomaniacs, no more illicit escapades with clueless billionaires that ended in far more being stolen than time. No more death-defying feats or undercover conversations with those of the less-savoury sort.

        He was bored. Incredibly so. He had not aged out of active agent status- he had been relegated to a desk due to an injury that he had long since adjusted to. Yes, his sight would never be 20/20 again, but he had adjusted. He had spent what seemed like aeons getting his scores back to the state they had been before Kentucky. It was a meaningless thing to accomplish, he was Arthur now, but it had made him feel more solid. More there than he had been when they'd first gotten back.

        Wait. He was Arthur now.

        ‘Give me the Toledo mission.’

        ‘Excuse me?’ Merlin levelled an unimpressed look in his direction before returning to his screens- Bedivere was currently running from a collection of seemingly possessed museum pieces.

        ‘Give. Me. The. Toledo. Mission.’

        ‘Still not hearing an explanation.’

         ‘I don’t need to give you one.’ Merlin’s eyebrows climbed his forehead, though he managed to suppress the grin that wanted to come through.

         ‘We’ve already assigned Galahad to the mission, it would be superfluous to send another Knight along.’ As if he didn’t know- he’d made the assignation. But there was bored and there was stupid and going on his first mission in nearly two years on his own was far more the latter than the former.

         ‘I’m going with or without your permission, Merlin; will I have to commandeer transport myself, or are you going to put me on the mission?’ Merlin’s mouth twitched, and Harry narrowed his eyes at him. ‘Wait. You’re laughing at me. Why are you laughing at me?’ He was met only with jubilant laughter bursting forth, a grin the likes of which Harry had seen but once before (when he’d become Merlin) splitting his face.

         ‘Oh you absolute berk, you took way too long to catch up- wheels up in twenty.’ Harry walked off feeling distinctly off-kilter, almost in a daze as he gathered his things and made a brief stop in the armoury before making his way to the jet. That had been far too easy- so why had it worked?

         ‘Hey, Harry- here to see me off, then?’ Eggsy paused in his walk up to the jet, half-turned and grinning at Harry, who had just solved the riddle of Merlin’s laughter.

         ‘Not quite, Eggsy- seems we’re on this one together.’ Eggsy’s eyes widened, jaw slightly loosened and the edges of his lips twitched.

         ‘The fuck do you mean seems?! You assign the missions, Arthur!’

         ‘I’d somehow failed to follow that train of thought to its inevitable conclusion: I can assign myself missions. I’d managed to trap myself at a desk because that’s how Chester did things,’ Harry snorted inelegantly, sneering around the name, ‘useless bastard.’ Eggsy giggled, trying and failing to hide it behind a hand, before outright laughing at him. Harry smiled self-deprecatingly, the tips of his ears flushed, but said nothing- once again he’d let himself assume things were one way without bothering to think it through.

         Last time, he’d ended up living with Eggsy- this time seemed to come with rewards just as gratifying.

         ‘Don’ worry, Harry- I’ll take care of you.’ Eggsy winked, turned about-face, and continued on his way to the jet- though slightly slower than before. Harry lengthened his stride just enough to catch up without it seeming obvious that was what he had been doing. Harry felt like he had on his first official mission- excited and nervous and more than a bit anxious.

It felt like coming home all over again.

-

         ‘Dare I ask what happened?’ Merlin sighed, pinched the bridge of his his nose, and took a moment to rub at his temples.

         ‘Well, Naoese was looking at me a bit funny- so I decided to pretend I was more than a bit drunk. He bought it, wandered off, and just so happened to have stumbled upon Harry-’

         ‘I kept him engaged in meaningless conversation- stocks, the weather, you know the drill- as Eggsy slipped from the gala and made his way down to the basement-’

         ‘I made it to the file, but didn’t really think abou’ closing the door behind me- too used to having constant surveillance and the Lake to guide me- and some rando wandered in. So I darted him, tucked the file so it was hidden beneath my waistcoat-’ Eggsy brandished the actual paper file, slightly rumpled, ‘and made my way to the nearest bathroom.’

         ‘Naoese seemed on edge for the latter half of our conversation, but I figured it was due to the guests constantly bumping into him- I’d caught him between the drinks and the dance floor, you see- not because of Eggsy.’

         ‘I got back to the ballroom just in time to see Naoese brush Harry off and come pretty much straight at me-’

         ‘I hadn’t realised that Eggsy had made it back, yet- made the mistake of putting my diminished vision to the door-’

         ‘So I panicked, and tripped him.’ Eggsy finished, looking a bit shamefaced but unrepentant. Harry, on the other hand, was smirking at Merlin.

         ‘That doesn’t explain the soot in your suits.’ What had he allowed to happen here?

         ‘He left the oven on-’

         ‘He liked to sleep by candlelight-’

         ‘Faulty wiring-’

         ‘How about the truth, Arthur?’ Merlin interjected, cutting off the Weasley-twin-esque shenanigans of the men in front of him.

‘Well he looked at me funny, and was a human trafficking dick, so I set a small explosive in the bathroom.’ What had he created?

         ‘And I took offense to his decorating choices; isn’t it fascinating how quickly silk burns? The tablecloths had to be polyester- they barely burned in comparison.’ Eggsy nodded along sagely, not bothering to keep his face straight any longer, as Harry gave the flimsiest reason he could have for setting the house aflame.

         ‘I let you stay at that desk too long-’

         ‘Don’t even try that excuse, we all know what a shit he’s always been on missions, Merlin- Kolkata? Berlin? Kentucky? Harry “hail Satan and have a lovely afternoon” Hart not causing a scene once he’d accomplished what he set out to do?’ Merlin blinked owlishly, and Harry paused for half a breath before seeming to relax entirely.

         Eggsy had just joked about Kentucky. Harry had made a few comments about his eye and a sudden and intense dislike of churches, once feigning pain at the sign of a cross, but Eggsy had always looked uncomfortable and excused himself at the first available moment.

         ‘One would think that age would teach him patience and common sense- he was our main lead on the Orianus case. That was a lot of work you lot put to the wind.’ Merlin continued on as if nothing extraordinary had happened, he didn’t want to spook the boy into retreating within himself again.

         ‘Well don’ interrupt if you want the whole story- when have we ever fucked up the big picture for somethin’ petty as curtains?’ Eggsy looked mildly offended, but opened the paper file (paranoid bastard never digitised anything) about halfway through. There in black and white was a list of seemingly-abandoned buildings and flight paths, names and quantities and dates, for the next six months. ‘See, when I went to the loo to kill some time I flipped through this shit- that’s just from here out, you go a bit before and you’ve got the ones we was already looking for.’ Eggsy flipped back, displaying a map with coordinates marked off and a series of pinpoints.

         ‘This,‘ Harry continued, voice a bit terse, ‘is this past September’s buyers, with their residences and allies marked off accordingly. We were hoping that Naoese was a lynchpin- I believe we took out the King.’

         ‘... I don’t know whether to applaud or ban you from collaborating ever again. The world may not survive the former, but,’ Merlin paused, looking slowly between them both, ‘I doubt Kingsman would survive the latter.’

#dagonet writes #kingsman #kingsman fannfiction #fanfiction #echoes fic #echoes

[pameluke]

a year in writing: 2016 review

Total number of completed stories: 22 

Total word count: 60799

Chronological breakdown:

January  Leverage, The Triple A Job, OT3 Anniversary shenanigans, written for Holly Poly

February The Losers/Kate Daniels Series crossover, Technical Difficulties, Cougar and Jensen meet Kate, written for Chocolate Box

March Brooklyn Nine-Nine, First Aid, Venti Chai Latte Extra Sugar, Throw-Down, Rosa & Amy, Three ficlets about their friendship, written for Purimgifts

April Shadowhunters, Take My Hands And Close Your Eyes, Alec/Magnus, First Date, First fic for the new pairing and fandom of my heart. SW: The Force Awakens, A Force To Be Reckoned With, Poe/Finn/Rey, Threesome sex with the Force!, written for Smutswap, my first smut ever :) SW: The Force Awakens, Open Doors, Open Hearts, Poe/Finn/Rey moving in together. Written for Ship Swap.

May Shadowhunters, A Positive Result, Alec/Magnus, Magnus & Alec & Jace, Magnus dealing with parabatai shenanigans

June River Lea - Adele, reeds growing out of my fingertips, water demons and possessions, written for Jukebox Spartacus (1960), Sing, Antoninus, Antoninus/Spartacus, written for myoldfandom

July Shadowhunters, all that is loved does now glitter, Alec/Magnus, Glitter Marking and Sex Magic, written for not_primetime Shadowhunters, Double The Trouble, Alec/Magnus, Izzy/Simon, the dangers of double dating, written for not_primetime

August Shadowhunters, Nothing In The World, Alec & Izzy, Missing scene Shadowhunters, Glitter By The Water Front, Alec/Magnus, Kate Daniels Fusion Meet Cute, written for Malec Week Shadowhunters, When She Talks, I Hear Revolution, Izzy/Lydia, co-written with @thisissirius and @canadiansuperhero , underground radio, rebellion and romance, written for pod_together, also voiced a Seelie OC.

September Shadowhunters, a little too much, could never be enough, Alec/Magnus, jewellery kink and blowjobs, first part of the Magnus’ Dick Is His Demon Mark series, written for iddyiddybangbang

October Aliens/Pacific Rim, Running Out Of Days, Ripley/Hicks, Ripley finds a new Drift Partner, while mourning her first one, written for crossovering Kate Daniels Series, True Nature, Kate/Curran, Monsters and Magic in a Labyrinth, written for trickortreatex

November One of my goals was to post a story every month, but November sucked balls on a personal and global scale, so I failed. Did work on Yuletide and other fics, just didn’t finish anything, alas.

December Shadowhunters, ever the tears you wept, Alec/Magnus, my take on soulmate fic where one half is immortal Shadowhunters, Armchairs and Paperwork, Alec/Magnus, domestic make-outs on furniture King Arthur (2004), Wild Horses, Bors/Dagonet/Vanora, Dagonet Lives! Featuring the Sarmatian Threesome of my heart. Written for Yuletide.

Other Things I Wrote A weird half fic, half headcanon thing about Alec Following His Heart, Dairy Farmer Level.

So many Dear Author letters for exchanges, I’m always embarrassed about my long-windedness.

Still Stuck In The WIP Folder A treat for Yuletide that I’m only half way in, will probably try and finish it either for NYR, or stalk my recip and see if they request it in another fic exchange to treat them there.

The RomCom I started for Unconvential Courtship, in which Alec and Magnus only get together years later at the Clace Wedding, and need to Fake Date For Political Reasons. Currently at 13k, 5 chapters in, at least 10 to go.

The Cupid AU in which Alec is a cupid who shoots Magnus for someone else in 1700, cue 400 years of pining. 2k in, got boggled down by historical research and magic wordlbuilding.

The Chess Date, sequel to the First Date Fic, 1k so far, but got stuck.

About 5k worth of various outlines and plotideas, including the Phoenix!Alec fic, a bunch of fic ideas for the World Inverted AU, the Izzy and Alec are parabatai fic, more Kate Daniels fusion, and the DragonHeart AU which I plan to co-write with siri.

So much to write and finish!

Overall Thoughts: Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

This year I published more words than in all my other years of fandom combined! Other milestones include: posted over 100k words total to my AO3, posted my first smut (which also was my first PWP), and participated in over 10 challenges. I also think I wrote more this year than I ever did before, but I’m not entirely sure because I didn’t count words for unfinished things in 2015.

Wrote exactly 0 words original work this year, which I didn’t see coming either. Guess the new fandom took it all out of me.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Shadowhunters, the new shiny fandom of my heart. I didn’t expect I’d ever feel about a show like I did about Spartacus, and it’s not completely the same, but fuck I am INVESTED, and I am still super inspired. It’s just a canon with many many hooks for me to grab on to, and I guess I have. Only two more stories to go, and it’s officially the fandom I’ve written most for, never did see that coming.

Did you take any writing risks this year? 

I wouldn’t call it risk taking per se, but I did leave my comfort zone and had a bunch of fanfic first times. I wrote Star Wars (which is super intimidating fandom wise for some reason), I actually wrote for a lot of fandoms I hadn’t written for before. I wrote smut and PWP, and I even wrote a fill for a kinkmeme.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? 

Goal for next year is definitely to let my kink flag fly more, and write the things I’d like to see more of. Try my hand at some f/f smut. 

I’d really like to keep writing steadily, so I’ve signed up for Get Your Words Out, to keep my output steadily.

I also really want to finish my WIPS, especially the RomCom, because First Chaptered Story if I do. 

And I’d like to get back into my Original Work. I actually have a lot of half finished stories and plot outlines lying around, I really want to finish something next year.

On the wishlist is also to participate in NaNoWriMo again next year, but the job might get in the way of that alas.

From my past year of writing, what was...

My favorite story of the year:

Fuck this is hard, because I’m one of those people that writes mostly to still my own hunger, so I tend to really like my own stories (I laugh a lot at my own jokes as well). I guess it would be all that is loved does now glitter, because it gets me right in the id of feelings. It’s the story of myself I’ve reread most. Also, slap fights.

My best story of this year:

I think reeds growing out of my fingertips. I thought if the basic plotline while driving through four european countries at night, and the last image, of the posessed girl diving off the damm was the first thing I came up with. Jukebox is very close to origfic, and I think I really got the creepiness and plot right with this one.

My most popular story of this year: 

By hits, kudos, comments and bookmarks all that is loved does now glitter wins by a landslide. I guess because it’s porn with feelings and features Magnus being his magical self.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: 

Sing, Antoninus for the Kubrick Spartacus. I adapted Latin Poetry for this story, yo. I love all things Spartacus, but the Kubrick movie is very precious to me, and I wish more people still felt that way. Alas, there’s not much of a fandom for this movie, so no one thinks of looking up fic for it.

Most fun story to write: 

Sometimes I really like cracky fic, and I tend to be the only one who finds myself funny, so probably either the Dairy Farmer Thing, or A Positive Result. The funnest experience was totally working together with Siri and Ray for Podtogether though, nothing beats that.

Story with the single sexiest moment: 

Alec coming because Magnus’ toe ring scrapes his calf in a little too much could never be enough. Runner up would probably be Alec kissing Magnus’ toe ring in the same story. Magnus and his jewellery is pretty much the sexiest thing in fandom, imo.

Story with single sweetest moment:

If we’re going for sweetest then I’d pick Izzy distracting Alec with fashion choices in Nothing In This World, because all the Sibling Feelings always. If we’re going for sappiest then I’d pick the Beauty & the Beast Library scene from Take My Hand And Close Your Eyes because Magnus being magical with his magical mood lightning and Alec being in awe.

Hardest story to write:

Definitely A Force To Be Reckoned with, because Star Wars is intimidating as fuck to write for if you never have written in that canon before. Plus there was the whole first time smut writing aspect, and the sex with the Force thing, so I struggled a lot. Still super pleased with the end result though.

Easiest story to write: Glitter By The Waterfront practically wrote itself. I just really love writing in the Kate Daniels setting (I wish it took off like Hogwarts AUs, honestly, it's just so fun, and the magic is so awesome), and Alec and Magnus fit so well there. I pretty much wrote it in a day which almost never happens. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:  Before writing Running Out Of Days, I never really took Ripley's grief for her daughter into account. Or well, I knew she was mourning, but it wasn't part of the emotional impact for me. Writing Amanda as both Ripley's daughter and the Drift Partner she lost really hammered that home for me though, and I now watch Aliens differently.

Favorite Title: all that is loved does now glitter, with miles ahead. I'm just proud of thinking of it, it fits Magnus and the story so well, and it's the only title I ever got a compliment about (and by someone not even into the fandom! although I lured them in by now). I'm just ridiculously fond of it. Favourite Opening Line:  The song of her sisters is sweet and mellow, a brook flowing over pebbles, made round and soft by water and time. (x) Favourite Closing Line: “I don’t need to find them,” he said and kissed Magnus again. “I’m already the happiest I can be. I picked you.” (x)

Favorite Line from Anywhere: Here in this bathroom, while he looks like a disco ball threw up on him, with Magnus standing next to him, looking soft and thoroughly bedded and touching him so tenderly, he truly, finally feels like he belongs. (x)

Fic-writing goals for 2016: 

Write a minimum of 75k Post a story every month Finish at least one WIP of over 10k  

#jan by jan #jan writes fic #a year in review #shadowhunters #brooklyn 99 #kate daniels series #and others #challenges and exchanges