#I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this but this isn’t for the people who ship and let ship and mind their own business

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: rafe x nanny reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside is dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: 18+, oral (m receiving), p in v, unprotected sex (Practice safe sex), cream pie, slapping, chocking, squirting, use of daddy

Wc: 5.3K

Chapter 3: Guess we're both broken

Waking up the next morning, you tossed over to the otherside, noticing the sheets were cold. Peaking through sleep coated eyes you realize that Rafe is gone. Sitting Up you look around the room, his shirt and shorts gone as well. Not surprised that he was gone, a sinking feeling is in your chest, he used you. Once again you are left knowing that you shouldn’t have thought anything else. Should have known him being on his best behavior recently was just another ploy to sleep with you, knowing that he won. 

The rest of the day was spent moping around Tannyhill, grateful that you didn’t need to see him. Sarah being the only person you see when she stops by to get some of her things before running off again to stir up trouble. The day was so uneventful that you even decided to go to your parents cookout. Which turned out as awful as you expected it to go.

Reaching your childhood home you can see your neighbors scattered around the lawn. You notice your dad on the grill talking to one of the other dad, most likely talking about what rub or glaze he used this time. Walking around you greeted a few people who stopped you to ask how work is going. “That Cameron boy is causing you any trouble is he?” If only you knew, you thought. “No he’s not. They are all really respectful to me.” In hindsight it wasn’t a lie, they have been really nice making you feel welcomed. If the past two nights hadn’t happened you wouldn’t be so apprehensive to say it, but they did happen.

Everything seemed to be going well until you reached your mom. She was talking to some of her friends when she saw you walking their way. “Well if it isn’t my precious little angel. Hardly recognize you since we never see you.” She chuckles, trying to mask the insult with laughter. Taking a deep breath you give her a hug. “I know, I’m sorry. Been trying to visit but it’s been hectic.” Saying hi to the rest of the group was met with few words, some of them not replying at all. “How much work can it really be? The young one is practically an adult herself.” Your mom has a way of making everything you do seem insignificant or an inconvenience to her, your job being one of them. 

“You’d be surprised. Wheeze is a saint but she does give me a run for my money. I should go say hi to dad before he feels left out.” With that you walked off to greet your dad. The rest of the night was a never ending cycle of your parents making small jabs at you. Making you and the rest of the party uncomfortable every time they spoke. The cherry on the cake was when they pulled off to the side just as you were about to leave. “Sweetie, we need to ask you something and before you start getting mad you need to agree to hear us out.” Your dad says sitting on the couch looking at you, your mom next to him nodding along to his words. “Okay.”

“So you see we really need to fix up the house. You know how bad the AC is, you would have better luck keeping the fridge door open then that thing working.” Oh god you can already see where this is going, eyes rolling waiting for them to ask you for money. “Don’t roll your eyes at us, we are your parents.” Your mother scolded. “Anyway.” your dad continues. “We don’t have the money to get it fixed. The mortgage is barely even being covered as it is, we just need you to spot us some money. Just enough to get us going.” Taking a deep breath and cooling your nerves. “How much?” you ask.

“4,000.” Your eyes widen at the price, that's a whole month's worth of pay, let alone you don’t have that on you right now due to helping them out. “4,000? You need me to give you 4,000 dollars? By when?” The questions shootout at them. “Yes 4,000 and we need it now preferably.” So that’s why they invited you today, not because they miss you like they claim but because they need money. “I don’t have that kind of money on me or in my account.” “What do you mean you don’t have that money? What’s the point of working for some kooks if they don’t pay you well.” Your dad scoffs turning and looking at your mom. “What did I tell you? I told you she wouldn’t help us.”

This really can’t be happening right now. You have been working since you were 14 to contribute to the bills, every paycheck going straight into their hands. “I have been helping you. I’ve been helping you for the past six years with every bill in this house.” “We never asked you to do that.” Your mother rebuttals, taking another sip from the glass of wine in her hand. “Yes you have!.” you exclaim. “You are literally asking me for 4,000 dollars as we speak. Every time you ask me for money I hand it over without making a fuss, but this I can’t do. I have my own expenses, you know.”

“What expenses? All of a sudden you live in a fancy mansion and you’re too good to help out your parents.” Your dad’s words hurt you. You have tried to be their perfect daughter your whole life. The perfect grade, the scholarship, then declining the scholarship because they begged you not to go. Every life choice you’ve made has been to cater them and their wants. “Yes, dad, my expenses. I have my own car that I pay for by myself, a car loan as well, I even have to buy my own groceries. Then on top of that I send the both of you practically all of my paychecks. I’ve been scraping by trying to make it all work, why can’t the two of you just realize I can’t do this.” Your pleas fall onto deaf ears as they both get up from the couch. “If you aren’t willing to help us then there’s nothing left to talk about. You know where the door is.”

Watching as the walk away tears threaten to spill from your eyes. The drive back to Tannyhill seemed longer than it usually did. The conversation played on repeat throughout the whole drive. Parking your car you rush to the front door, all you want to do is lay in your bed and cry. Tears are already falling from your eyes as you close the front door. “Well what do we have here, country club? This that nanny you keep hiding from me?” You recognize the voice, you’ve seen and heard him around Tanny when Rose or Ward is gone. Barry is his name you think not really caring to find out you just walk down the hall. “Not much of a talker I see.”

“Leave her alone.” Rafe’s voice makes your ears perk up. Even though every muscle in your body is telling you to keep walking and not to look at him, you cave. Eyes meeting he can see the tears in them. “You okay, sunny?” You can’t do this right now, can’t get caught up in him just for him to leave once again. Without saying a word you brush past him, bounding up the stairs to the second floor. But before you can slam your bedroom door you can hear Barry talk. “The fuck you do to her?”

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The next morning you had yourself locked in your room just thinking. First about your parents and then about Rafe, then your parents and Rafe once again. It was torture having to sit in the room replaying ever interaction to see where things went wrong. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you about the Rafe situation but it might for your parents. 

Looking at the clock by the bed you see that it's almost one in the afternoon. Deciding that you can’t sit her a mope for the rest of your life, you get up and get ready. Ward had given you a membership to the country club when you first started, he thought it would be better since you can accompany Wheezie when she goes. A nice relaxing day at the club, eating the fancy food is just what you needed.

It didn’t take long to get there or to find a seat by the pool, most of the people are on the golf course anyway. The only people by the pool are the wives that have kids and the teens who were there for the lifeguard. Stripping from clothes you are left in the red bikini you wore, you put on some sunscreen before laying down on the lounge chair soaking up the rays. 

The sun feels nice against your skin, the heat relaxing your tense muscles finally being given a break. After about thirty minutes you flip over allowing your back to tan, not wanting to be uneven. The sound of kids laughing and the busy club lull you into a peaceful mind. So what if your parents are upset? You have done more than enough to help them out over the years, you can’t keep digging them out of their messes. Who even knows where most of the money you send them goes, it’s definitely not toward the house.

So what if Rafe is a dick who just uses girls and dumps them to the side? You can’t control who he is and clearly he just wanted to hookup nothing more. All that you can do now is just keep to yourself, it’s better to protect your peace then being his new play thing. Then why does it hurt? Shaking off the thoughts you notice how hot you started to get. 

The sun is beating down on you, sweat forming on your skin causing you to stick to the chair. Getting up you head into the pool, the cold warmer cooling you off as you float. You didn’t know this but a few feet away on the dining patio sat Rafe with Topper and Kelce. Rafe was half listening while the two boys talked about something he didn’t care about. His mind kept bringing back the picture of your crying face from last night.

As soon as Barry left he went straight to your room but the door was locked. He sat there for a second and heard nothing from the otherside of the door, assuming you went to bed he left for his room. When he woke up this morning it was all that he could think of, seeing you like that hurt him. You looked like he did after his dad made him feel less of, the thought of you feeling like that made his blood boil. But showing you he cared shows that he needs you, that he actually cares for, that’s not who he is.

No Rafe is the type of guy that fucks everything in his life up, dropped out of school, is a failure to his dad and in relationships. That's what he’s good at, you’ll see it eventually so why even try? Looking out to the course, he can see the pool from here, looking at all the bodies laying around. The red swimsuit draws his eyes down your body, recognizing you as you walk out the pool. The water drips down your stomach, down your legs, but the droplet in between your breasts has him staring. 

Rafe isn’t the only one staring, the few teen boys are staring, then there’s the lifeguard. Rafe remembers him from school and doesn’t like the fact he’s staring at you. He watches as you dry yourself off, putting the shirt and shirt you wore back on. Looking as you gather your things and escape his view as you leave, the boys gather his attention. “Dude are you even listening?” His eyes move back to them “Yeah.” 

You make your way through the halls, carding through your memory to remember how to get to the dining. As you walk, members of the club look at you, judging you for the way your shirt has wet spots from your swimsuit and hair. You decide to sit at the bar not wanting to deal with anyone today. “How can I help you m’lady.” You put the menu down to meet JJ’s gaze. “Oh my god! Jayj hi.” You squeal, catching the attention of patrons including Rafe. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Joining the darkside has really changed you.” He looks around before leaning a bit closer. “How is it on the other side? Miss us already?” He teases. “Of course I miss all of you.” You playful push his shoulder, JJ raises his hands up in surrender before resting his body weight on the bar counter arms next to yours. Rafe stares in shock at the scene playing in front of him. You, his girl, flirting with fucking Maybank of all people.

He sees JJ push a piece of hair behind your hair and you giggle. The chair scraping against the floor alerted the boys, he didn’t even realize he was even up and walking over to the two of you. “Where are you going?” Kelce calls out to him. “I’ll be right back.” As he gets closer he can hear your conversation more clearly. “You should come to the bonfire this week. I’ll make it worth your time.” JJ flirts, Rafe coming up right behind you, the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Looking over your shoulder you can see the look of anger on his face and the smirk painted on JJ's face. 

“Sunny! I didn’t know you were going to be here. Maybank why don’t you run along and get me another drink.” He says with a condescending tone, glaring at the blonde boy. “Rafe.” You say as a warning, already seeing how this is going to end. “What? I’m just asking the help to do his job. Right Maybank?” “I was actually helping out this beautiful customer. Ain’t that right baby?” JJ remarks getting closer to you. The look on Rafe’s face could probably kill JJ if he tried hard enough.

Rafe leans against the counter, his body facing you. “You really slumming it around with this loser? You like being around trash?” His comment made you see red.  How fucking dare he? You knew he kinda took the kook and pogue thing seriously but to call them trash. It’s like he forgets that you are also a pogue, that if it wasn’t for his father you would still be living on the cut with the rest of them. Which is true, he doesn't see you as a pogue or the help. 

To him you’re a kook, you belong with them, with him. “Yes I do. Now this trash is going to take itself out like the “help” do.” You say quoting help as a reminder that you also are the help. “I’ll see you around Jayj.” You tell the blonde looking at you with worried eyes before storming off. “Yeah see ya.” He calls out looking at Rafe for a moment. “Man I knew you were dumb but god damn. That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen you do.” He laughs and walks away to go serve other customers. Rafe knows he’s right, potentially just fucked up whatever the two of you had before it actually really started. More than he has already done by ignoring you for the past day and a half.

He makes his way back to the table, the guys watching as he takes out a wad of cash and throwing it on the table. “I gotta go.” He exclaims, rushing to try and catch you before you have the chance to fully leave. Racing out of the building he sees you in the distance looking for your car. Jogging he catches up to you grabbing your arm and yanking you back to him. “Let go of of me!” You yell at him turning and pushing his chest hard. “No! Come one just talk to me.” He exclaims fighting you to make you stay and hear him out. “Are you kidding me? Talk it out? You just insulted me and my friend.” “No I insulted him. I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

You scoff pulling your arm free from his grip. “So calling him trash just because he’s a pogue doesn’t insult me? I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m also a pogue. I came from the cut just like he does. Does that shit actually really mean something to you? Are you that fucking stupid?” Rafe’s been called stupid many times in his life, from Ward, his sisters, hell even Rose has called him stupid. He knows that he makes things difficult and not many people like him. But hearing you call him stupid fills him with more rage then seeing Maybank think he can have his girl. “Hey don’t you fucking dare. Say whatever every the fuck you want but I ain’t stupid you fucking hear me.” 

He grips your cheeks, pinching them together. “Don’t you ever call be stupid again got it?” You should be scared, you’ve seen his temper before, seen him throw shit around the house or get into a fight with people at parties. You don’t know what to do being on the receiving end of his anger, then his words ring in your ear making you angry all over again. That ache in your pants is ignored as you wrench your head out of his hand. “I don’t know what your problem is but if you put your hands on me again you’ll regret it. You think just because everyone else is scared of you that I will be too? News flash buddy I’m not.” “Don’t call me buddy.” His voice was weaker than it was when he was yelling. 

“You don’t get it.” He states turning away from you and letting you go. “You’re right I don’t. You don’t talk to me for two days completely ignoring me after you got what you wanted. Then when I’m catching up with a friend you come in guns blazing as if the world is about to end. What’s wro-“ “He was touching and flirting with you.” He cuts off your rant, stunning you into silence. “So what if he was?” Rafe’s eyes darken hearing you defend him, telling him you actually enjoyed the attention that you were getting from another guy. “So what?” He laughs differently from his normal one, darker than what you are used to.

 “You really think I want some other guy touching you? Do you fuck him too?” “You’re jealous?” You meant it as a statement but it came out more like a question. “Yeah I’m jealous. All those guys in there would give up all their money just to get a chance with you. You don’t know them like I do, they would jump at the chance to get with a beautiful girl.” This is the third time he’s insinuated you are beautiful in some way. “Well maybe I should give them a shot. You obviously” His lips crash to yours, not allowing you to finish. This is different from the other kisses you’ve shared, more intense. He’s trying to tell you he’s scared of losing you, a crazy thought considering you aren’t even his.

How can he feel so strongly for you than he already did? It’s no secret that he’s always had a thing for you but this is different. The thought of you leaving him for another person actually terrifies him. Everyone has left him and he can’t stand the thought of you being another person who walks away. You try fighting him again but all efforts die when his tongue makes its way into your mouth. Rafe has this effect on you that you can’t explain.

There was always this soft spot for him but now that the lines have muddled together it’s hard to separate your feelings. Arms wrap around his shoulder pulling the two of you closer to each other, bodies pressed together. He pulls away from you for a second allowing the two of you to catch your breaths.  “Get in the car. I’ll meet you back at the house.” Fully pulling away you straighten out your clothes that got a little skewed from making out. He goes to walk to his truck, you stop him. “You can’t just get upset like that and make a scene. If this thing between us is going to work you have to talk to me, okay?” Eyes softening looking at your expression he takes a step forward placing a kiss on your forehead. “Okay.” With that he walks away leaving you standing in the middle of the parking lot wondering what the hell just happened.

The both of you race back to Tanny, Rafe’s truck behind your car. Reaching the house, you make your way inside waiting for him to get here, you lost him at a red light on the way over. You go to the kitchen to get water, the sound of the front door opens, Rafe’s footsteps echoing through the hall. “You think you can just go around and flirt with people?” He’s standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, white polo stretching around his biceps. “I thought we talk-” “No I’m not done.” He enters the room, staring at your body with dark eyes. “Strip.”

The grip on the water bottle tightens. “What?” Rafe is now in front of you, taking the water from your hands, whipping the stray drop on your lips. His thumb gently pulls your bottom lip before releasing it. “Strip and get on your knees. I need to teach you a lesson, I don’t like people thinking they can have what’s mine.” You look at him before following the instructions, staring up at him as he unbuttons his pants to take his dick out.

“Open.” You do without a second thought. “Good girl.” He mumbles, forcing himself in and setting a brutal pace. You have to catch yourself on his thighs just so you don’t fall, his hand holding you in place. Hips thrusting into you, your throat gladly accepts the intrusion, gargling on his length. Tears pooling on your bottom lashes, spilling down your cheeks, making Rafe go harder on you. “Look at you. A mess of spit and tears for my cock. Think maybank can do this for you?”

He’s still on about what happened at the club, to tell the truth you were too. His jealousy causes mixed emotions in you. On one instance you like seeing how possessive he was for you, on the other he resorts to insults to get his way. You give him a rough suck, eyes meeting his. “Fuck.” Rafe pulls out, yanking you up and bending you over the kitchen island. His body covering yours as he lines himself up, you're so wet that you aren’t worried about the pain. You were sure that he would fit, no preparation needed. “Told you I would bend you over and fuck the shit out of you.”

With that he slammed into you, moaning at the feeling of your walls stretching to accommodate his size. He halts when he’s ball deep, giving you a moment to gather yourself, only a moment. His thrust pushes you further into the island, sure enough to leave marks on your hip tomorrow morning. You don’t even care, he feels too good, the feeling of him stretching you is overwhelming. Whimpers keep leaving your mouth. Rafe grabs your arms, using them as leverage to fuck you harder as he keeps them pinned behind you back by one hand.

“Harder.” You moan out. Your body tingling from all the pleasure he’s giving you, your peak creeping around the corner embarrassingly fast. “Yeah? My little slut wants me to fuck her faster?” The degradation goes straight to your clit, walls fluttering around his length. He goes harder for a few minutes before pulling out, a whine of protest leaving you. “You don’t get to cum yet.” Rafe’s hot breath in your ear, his body heat leaving you too. 

He turns you around and hoists you onto the island, spreading your legs to step in between them. Left hand going to guide himself back into you, gliding across your fold to get you hip and bring you closer to the edge. In this angle he hits you deep, pushing against your cervix with each thrust.

Wrapping a hand around your neck, he squeezes lightly just enough to have your mind all fuzzy. You roll your eyes back grasping onto his bicep, manicured nails digging into his flesh leaving crest shaped marks. Rafe hisses at the sensation enjoying the flash of pain radiating in his arm. He starts fucking you hard, pounding into you having his dick spear into your g-spot. His unoccupied hand takes hold of your hair, pulling you till your foreheads are pressed together. His watch digging into the back of your neck, chested firmly pressed to each other, sharing each breath.

 “Squeezing my dick so fucking good baby. Can you hear how bad your pussy needs it?” Rafe moans out. You can, you’re so wet that every time he fucks into you squelching fills the room. You open your mouth but a particular thrust makes you moan instead. The hand in your hair retracts, your head leaning back slightly, it comes down on your cheek. It wasn’t hard enough to really hurt but enough to have pain heat your face. You moan liking the feeling of the smack, mostly just enjoying the fact that he lost himself to the point of causing a bit of pain. 

“You like me hitting you baby?” When you moan he smacks you again, annoyed that you won’t speak. “Use your words.” Rafe’s hand cupping your jaw staring at your fucked out expression, the hand around your neck tightens as his pace increases. You’re wetness mixing with his pre-cum leaking out of you, making a mess between you two. “I like it sir.” It comes out more like a breath but it counts. “My good little girl. You gonna cum for me? Hmm cum for daddy.” The new nickname was the nail in the coffin, the tightness in your belly finally snapping.

 This feeling was a new thought. It was so intense and it didn’t feel like an orgasim that you’ve had before. Your walls squeeze rage so tight that it pushes him out of you, your release gushing out getting everything wet. “Did you just fucking squirt?” Rafe pushes his dick back in, fucking you harder than before. “Such a dirty fucking slut, squirting and getting everything wet.” Moans keep getting pulled from you, pouring out into his mouth as he sloppily kisses you. “Oh fu-fuck… I’m gonna cum. Where do you want it.” “Inside please.” 

If telling him to cum inside you didn’t make him cum, it was the please that did it. Rafe ruts into you, hips stuttering as he fills you with each squirt of him cum. The warm feeling making you moan and flutter against him. He rides out both of your highs, hips finally stopping when they met yours, keeping you plugged. He want to stay there, wants to just feel you, wrapping his arms around your body. He’s enjoying knowing you are stuffed full of him, that his cum is so deep that it's forced out around him. Pulling out slowly you both hiss, you at the feeling of him spilling from you, and him as he’s fixated watching it come out. 

Kissing you for a moment, Rafe pulls away walking to the sink, wetting a rag before going back to clean you up. The touch is so gentle that it barely hurts. He helps you put your clothes back on dragging the both of you over to the living room. He throws himself down on the couch taking you along with him, pulling you closer . “What happened last night.” You hand playing with his shirt stops. “Huh?” Moving your head to his shoulder you look him in the eyes. “You were crying last night. What happened?” 

“Oh” Trying to shift away from him, being blocked by his arms tightening keeping you in place. “It was just some fight with my parents. It’s nothing.” “It is something, it made you cry.” You wish he would stop trying to pry, it’s not as if he cares. Honestly you expected him to flee once your clothes were back on. Pulling you to the couch was unexpected but asking you to talk about your parents was too much. Too personal. The lines of friendship and having feelings are already getting muddled as it is, this would just push it further. 

“Hey.” It’s soft, lips brushing my forehead before he places a kiss there. “You said we have to communicate, right? Talk to me.” With a sigh you tell him everything. How since you were barely able to work you gave them all your money last night. “They expected me to just hand over 4,000 dollars like it’s nothing. Then when I finally put my foot down I’m a disappointment. Nothing I do anymore is right.” Rafe’s hand rubs your arms trying to soothe you. 

“You aren’t a disappointment. If they can’t handle the fact you have your own life then fuck them.” You slap his chest lightly. “I’m serious. You’ve done more than enough for them, if they can’t see that then it’s their loss." A moment of silence, his words soaking in as you both lay there. “Thank you. I” You don’t know what else to say, fingers tracing shapes along his chest. 

“I know what you’re feeling. My dad um he always lets me know how much of a fuck up I am. I know what it’s like to be a disappointment, you don’t even come close.” The confession felt foreign on his tongue. Rafe never opened up to anyone about his feelings, anytime he tried he was met with a “man up” or “this is how a man handles things”, he’s scared of what you will say. He feels you slip from his arms, closing his eyes not wanting to see you leave him alone, trying to calm the burning behind his eyelids. 

“I don’t think you’re a failure.” Blue eye’s open to meet yours, there’s a hint of vulnerability from what you can see. You lean down pecking his lips, pulling away to get a better look of him. “You’re more than what he sees. It’s a shame he doesn’t take the time to notice.” It was your turn to leave him without words. He’s searching your eyes, your face, for any sign that you were lying. That you were pitying him after he devolved a hidden secret. He knows you’ve heard his Dad yell at him but this is different. 

He can put on a mask after talking to Ward when he has to see you. This time he tore the mask off, wanting you to see him without the facade. “I don’t think that about you.” “Huh?” You respond with confusion filling your face. “I don’t think that you’re trash. You are probably the best thing to come out of Outer Banks.” He’s not lying or at least you don’t think he is. The look in his eyes tells you that he actually means it so you smile down at him. “The best thing huh.” You tease. “Don’t push it.”

#rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe obx #outer banks smut #rafe smut #rafe cameron smut #drew starkey smut #drew starkey fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfiction

[thestalwartheart]

if you're still taking prompts from the list:

💙 drunken kiss / tipsy

Hey @dude-watchin-with-the-brontes! Thank you so much for this prompt, and apologies for taking so long to get something written! Here's a short little prompt fill for you. Enjoy 💙 Read it below or on AO3.

drunk.

When they emerge from the pub, it’s still light out, which seems like madness until Q remembers the recent turn of the clock. Daylight savings. The most wonderful time of the year. The night sky is a haze of pink and orange, and if he were a different man, Q would call it romantic.

“It is.”

“Hm?” Q turns to the man beside him. Bond. The last man standing, as ever. He looks remarkably sober for having polished off an incalculable amount of hard alcohol.

“Romantic,” Bond says. “The sky. I was agreeing with you.”

“Right. Yes. I definitely—” Q swallows a small burp. “I definitely meant to say that aloud. Christ. I’m ratarsed.”

Bond laughs. Laughs. It’s such a rarity that Q closes his eyes for a moment. Tries to seal it into his memory and lock it away with everything else that should only be declassified in seventy-five years.

When he opens his eyes, the sky is even pinker, and Bond is standing in front of him. His eyes are lovely, but lovelier are the laugh lines around them.

Deep, they are. Well-worn.

Q knows it’s just genetics. DNA-sequencing. A pinch of his mother, more of his father. The creases of his face don’t mean Bond’s laughed so much in life, really, and yet he smiles easily when they’re like this: drunk under London’s sky, meandering through the city, usually while it’s raining. Thank goodness it isn’t tonight. Q hasn’t an umbrella on him, not even a dangerously experimental one.

“All right, Q?”

“Fine. Yes. Lovely.”

“And ratarsed.”

Q wobbles on a loose paving stone. Bond’s hand steadies him.

“Mm. But a merry sort of ratarsed. I think the fresh air’s helped.”

A laughing couple walk past. They’re handsy, all over each other, and their loud public affection might normally prove annoying, but it isn’t tonight. The sky is lovely, and the company is even lovelier, so why shouldn’t everyone kiss where they like?

Why shouldn’t Q?

He leans in.

But Bond’s hand moves from his arm to his chest, and Q is kept at bay.

“Q.”

“What? But we—” Q breaks off, frowning.

They’ve done this before. They’ve done this in Q’s office, and they’ve done it in Bond’s. They’ve done it in a hospital, and they’ve done it once in Cyprus amongst the olive trees. Infrequent as it is, Q’s habitual drunken snog with Bond is one of the two constants in his life. The other constant is the cats, and he can’t very well snog them.

“I know.”

“Is there someone else?”

He cringes as soon as he says it averting his eyes. He sounds like a desperate wife concerned about Bond’s mistresses—all those overseas trips, the late nights at the office. It’s nine o’clock. Where’ve you been? Absurd, if only because Q’s the one who’s always staying late.

So. They’ve snogged a few times. So what? Q shagged a man named Iain a few weeks ago. Bond’s fucked three women with three different names since. Q forgets them. He’s sure Bond hasn’t.

There’s a messy, drunken taxi line forming outside the pub. People waiting for their Ubers, give their friends one last hug, then two, then three. A weight sinks in Q’s stomach and sloshes about amongst seven pints.

“Too many people, then?” he ventures.

“Q, look at me.”

He does.

“I’d have you in front of a football stadium if that’s what you wanted.”

Q’s breath feels punched out of him.

Bond steps closer, slides his hand up Q’s jaw. Their foreheads touch; Q’s messy curls, greasy from the day, pick up the clammy sweat on Bond’s forehead. Bond’s lips are so close. They look cold. Q wants to warm them.

“I’d just prefer to have you sober,” says Bond.

“Oh. Yes.” Q digs his hand under Bond’s jacket and urges him closer. Behind them, someone lets loose a catcall. “Yes.” He bites his bottom lip. “Perhaps one for the road, though? While I sober up?”

Bond smiles. He turns his head until his lips meet Q’s cheek—or rather his jaw—and there is nothing chaste about the kiss he places there. It’s louche and incendiary in the way of all Bond’s actions. Q’s body does not know the meaning of whisky dick.

When he surfaces from the haze of the last few minutes, an MI6 driver is waiting to take him home. He climbs into the car with Bond, knowing that when he gets out, he’ll be getting out alone. The thought doesn’t smart like it might have on some other night. He creates a reminder in his phone for the following morning — CALL BOND - DATE?? — and leans back against the headrest.

Bond’s hand is waiting for him; it tangles in Q’s hair. Outside, the day disappears into a navy blue sky.

#00q #my fic #james bond #00q fic

[ironunderstands]

I need y’all’s help for something!!

I wanna make another post about Aven’s peacock symbolism bc I found some things and oh boy do I have THOUGHTS, however it’s very hard to research this kinda stuff (esp because I’m already dog at researching things) so if any Romani people can inform me of how they view peacocks/evil eye that would be much appreciated 🙏🙏 I’m aware a lot of stuff is closed practices so I will take the sorry but no answer too 😭 and if I shouldn’t talk about it at all pls tell me (trying to find a source that doesn’t refer to Romani people as the slur for them was damn near impossible so it’s hard to be certain if the info in the:3 sources was placed out of good faith or not, ie should the general public have access to it)

I’ve pretty much only found stuff saying peacocks are a bad thing due to their association with it, as the evil eye is viewed as dangerous/bad in at least Eastern European Romani culture), as well as if the evil eye itself is demonic/associated with the devil but I’m not Christian so I would also need a confirmation on that. It seems like Romani Christians especially swear off peacock related stuff (including their meat), although whether that is related to demonic reasons and/or the general cleanliness rules of both Roman culture or Christianity is something I need to look into more. If anyone actually knows how to research stuff l please help me because I am embarrassingly bad at it and the ghost of academic integrity will haunt me forever if I do not feel my sources are accurate.

A sneak peak of the idea I’m working on is that basically either a ->

Hoyo adorned their Romani coded character in curses either by tone deaf accident or bc they wanted to make fun of him. Which isn’t good or necessarily out of character for the stupid ass company

Or b (the more interesting nuanced interpretation)

Aven views his own luck and by extension himself as a curse so he wears the symbol of that in his culture across his body. As a reminder of both his self loathing and his failure to save the Avgin with his so called “good luck”.

It also has some really interesting satanic implications once you throw Jade + the fact that he only started wearing/being associated with peacock stuff post joining the IPC. Jade already has her references to Christianity, specifically Satan w the snake, contracts and apple in her art, making Avens deal with her for his life a metaphorical deal with the devil/agent of the devil. Most likely out of shame for failing to save the Avgin, working for the people who betrayed them + the previous stuff Aven dawns the peacock related clothing to show he’s cursed.

Also the evil eye is very much related to envy which also suits Aven’s character a lot but I’ll talk about it later

#aventurine #honkai star rail #hsr #aventurine lovers try to let him be happy for once challenge failed

[postazkabansiriussupremacy]

would be so funny if after sirius and reader fuck for the first time, the next time he sees remus hes debriefing like they used to when they were younger and remus is like “you never change do you” but sirius goes “she’s different!” because she is 🤭 and then glimpses of how sirius and reader act together that make remus realise that his friend is indeed whipped, head over heels, long gone

my first ask 🙇🏻‍♀️‼️ thank u. i’m not super confident in writing dialog but i gave it my best effort lmao

from the moment Remus gets back to grimmauld place… he knows something’s up.

The air feels different, and Sirius is all but skipping around the house.

Remus quickly puts two and two together as it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s been going on. Sirius wears his emotions on his sleeve, and it’s been obvious from the very beginning that he has an interest in you.

After a meeting, Remus pulls Sirius to the side and sighs. “Really, Sirius?”

Sirius can’t help the smug little smile on his face. He knows exactly what Remus is referring to, but he likes to play coy, and the back-and-forth between them is always a bit of fun. “Something on your mind, Remus?”

Remus wants to roll his eyes. He speaks in a quiet but firm tone. “Must I spell it out for you? Do you think what you’re doing is appropriate?”

Sirius responds with a simple glance of his eyes. He locks eyes with Remus, slowly looks over to Tonks, and then meets eyes with Remus again. As if saying ‘You’re not one to talk’ without having to say it

Of course Sirius would know about that. Remus thinks bitterly. It’s sometimes easy to forget that Sirius is smarter and more perceptive than he lets on.

Not bothering to try and save face, Remus defends quietly, “That isn’t the same.”

“How so?” Sirius asks, knowing he’s already won the confrontation without even having to say much.

Remus could create a list of reasons as to why Sirius Black of all people shouldn’t be sleeping with one of the new order members. No matter the reasons why, Sirius was never known for committed relationships or monogamy.

But right now isn’t the time for this discussion. The meeting’s just ended and everyone’s rounding up for dinner. Remus sighs. “You’ll never change, will you?”

Remus thinks the conversation is done, but Sirius replies after a short pause. Remus is mildly surprised by how genuine Sirius sounds when he says “This time is different, old friend.”

Remus knows Sirius. He knows him better than anyone else. And he knows that Sirius won’t take this so-called ‘relationship’ seriously.

In Remus’s mind, he thinks that Sirius is just bored. He knows it’s hard for Sirius to be trapped in his childhood home, and having a pretty girl around is a good distraction.

Throughout dinner, Remus can’t help but steal glances at the two of you. He watches the way Sirius listens to you when you speak, his eyes never straying from yours.

After dinner, Remus watches Sirius as he makes you a cup of tea. Sirius adds a generous amount of milk and a small pinch of sugar as if he’s already memorized your preferences.

Then in the middle of the night, Remus rises out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. Whilst passing by Sirius’s room, Remus can hear bits and pieces of your late-night conversations. It’s difficult to make out your quiet mumblings, but it’s got something to do with life after the war and possible children.

Remus decides to stop pestering Sirius. Perhaps this could be a good thing in the long run

#i wanted to make it longer and REALLY show some fluff #but it felt like it was going on too long #idk why maybe it was just insecurity talking #sirius black #sirius black x reader #post azkaban sirius #post azkaban sirius black x reader #sirius black fanfic #sirius black fanfiction #ask

[red-balloon12]

Why the “They’re Out Of Their Honeymoon Phase” argument doesn’t work (all that much)

So one of the popular arguments against the “Chaggie doesn’t have chemistry” critiques is that “They’re pass their honey moon phase.” And for a bit I believed in that sentiment. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt like that argument is kinda…dated? Because Moxxie and Mille are actually married and they had an actual “honeymoon” phase and yet they’re still very affectionate one year later.

My problem with this is that there shouldn’t be a set amount how affectionate a couple should be after a set period of time. Both M&M and Chaggie are Vaild couples. Chaggie strikes me as a couple that A. Are too busy to really be affectionate in public or B. Are a couple that don’t like to really PDA. Both are valid reasons as to why they aren’t as “passionate” with one another as M&M (or OzzFizz for that matter)

And I know what some of you Chaggie critics are going to say. “But how are we going to be convinced they are a couple if they don’t do couple-ly things. That isn’t entertaining.”

Well, they could keep doing what they’re doing now “building off of each other during work” while flirting a little. That way they still keep a low PDA while still doing “couplely” things (although they do hold hands a lot in public and Vaggie isn’t afraid to call Charlie petnames in public sooo…take that with what you will).

But honestly, in an ideal world, Chaggie shouldn’t have to prove themselves as a couple. People should just take them saying “yeah, we’re a couple” and just leave it. Because the reality is, low PDA couples exist in real life and I’ve seen a lot of couples feel seen by Chaggie because they are also low PDA. I think it’s important to showcase different types of couples. Couples that aren’t raunchy like M&M, couples that don’t show a lot of PDA like Chaggie, couples that are pretty raunchy in public like OzzFizz.

(And sometimes, couples may seems like they’re dating their “best friend” because sometimes…that’s what it is, a lot of couples had to be friends at some point, that’s how they work well with each other. This doesn’t add much to my over all argument. I just wanted to take a jab at the “they seem more like friends” argument)

So what does all of this mean? I think we should replace the “they’re out of their honeymoon phase” and replace it with “they’re just a couple that doesn’t like showing a lot of PDA and that’s okay.”

#hazbin hotel #chaggie #hazbin fandom critical #otp analysis

[thattheater-kid]

Aplatonic culture is…

Spending a lot of time in trouble as a kid because you’d tell people you didn’t want to be their friend, and apparently that isn’t very nice, even though you didn’t mean it to be mean, it’s just how you felt

Being sent to counselors because you were always alone and said you didn’t want any friends/you didn’t need friends/you didn’t like people/there were more important things

Kids thinking you were stuck up and mean because you weren’t friendly

Never making a friend on your own, and just being taken in by people who decided they wanted to be your friend/meeting people through your friends (the ones you befriended because they decided you were friends now, not because you had a desire to befriend them)

Never meeting a person and wanting to be friends with them

Being alone and being okay with that because you don’t feel the need to have friends

Having friends that you enjoy being around, but not missing them much when you’re away

“Friend is a strong word”

“I suppose we’re friends”

#actually let’s normalize kids not wanting to be friends with certain people #kids shouldn’t have to be friends with everyone they interact with #they should be allowed to say they don’t want to be friends with someone without it being considered mean #it’s not mean #not inherently at least #unless the kid is being a dick #like if the kid is being racist or classist or something like that #but if you ask why and their answer isn’t inherently mean or intolerant? leave them alone #some kids just don’t want to be friends with someone #I had no reason for not wanting to be friends with people #I just didn’t #feel free to add on #aplatonic #aplatonicism #aplspec #aplatonic spectrum #aplatonic culture is #aplatonic culture

[empyrangel]

Not the straight fans always complaining that people reach too far to justify gay ships just to turn around and ship Navia and Neuvillette or Wriothsley and Clorinde for existing on screen together

#traveler from another world ✨ #I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this but this isn’t for the people who ship and let ship and mind their own business #it’s for the people with double standards #I don’t hate Navia and Neuvillette or Wriothesley and Clorinde nor do I love ships like Wriothesley and Neuvillette #or Navia and Clorinde #I’m equally indifferent about all of them I’m just here to point out the hypocrisy #genshin #genshin impact #genshin fontaine #navia #genshin navia #wriothesley #genshin wriothesley #clorinde #genshin clorinde #neuvillette #genshin neuvillette

[fefairys]

i think that vriska homestuck and vriska pesterquest are two distinct versions of vriska and i think that a lot of people are thinking more about PQ vriska than HS vriska when they discourse about her because they remember PQ more clearly than HS and so they don’t remember like… the true, canon vriska from the comic, they mostly just remember a version of vriska that was one person’s exercise in projecting onto a character to write about her experiences, but was actually not all that in character when you compare it to HS vriska. so the discourse goes nowhere because we are now talking about two completely different characters.

#this is basically me saying i need to stop caring so much #i see people be so heinously wrong abt vriska yet talking with so much authority on the matter and i’m like #what is going on. #but then i realize they’re talking about PQ vriska #and yknow what. they’re right about pq vriska. but pq vriska is wrong about hs vriska #so like i need to just go ‘oh u mean pq vriska. not real vriska. ok moving on’ instead of getting mad that they don’t understand her #when i first played PQ i remember loving vriska a route and thinking it was in character #but then i read hs and then played pq basically back to back #and it was like. oh this is not my vriska. this is someone else #and its not like i haven’t done the same thing: written a character (vriska in fact) to just be a projection of myself #to express my feelings #but i’m not writing official stuff i’m writing fanfic for fun #like honestly almost none of the PQ routes feel in character to me off the back of reading HS proper #which isn’t a crime i still have fun playing PQ it is fun! #it is not so heinously out of character to be unenjoyable #it is just… not really accurate to canon #and shouldn’t be held up as the truth of the characters

[theprestigegirly]

controversial post from me but like,,,

when did people start bashing the romance genre again as if reading romance means you’re less intelligent and to be a proper respected reader you have to read classics like???? isn’t it just good that people are still reading at all???? read what you like?????

it’s like you wouldn’t watch a tv show that bored you because it was “technically good” (and if u do like what are you doing with your precious hours it’s a bloody tv show) so why would you bash someone for not reading some long ass sad deep thinking book they don’t wanna read???

like i promise a whole generation is not losing language skills because they want to read a cute romance and not like,,,,, depressing miserable stuff

#if you do enjoy psychological horror then slay! #i like mystery books a lot (which isn’t really the same but still) #like tldr read what you like reading #i feel like you shouldn’t be able to shame genres and say reading them will make you dumb #i basically saw a tiktok about how we as a generation have no ‘media literacy’ from reading fun books #and not deep ones #and it pissed me off #bc it’s pretentious #if you wanna hate on lack of literacy attack the school system not people who read for a hobby #but yeah controversial one from me maybe #AND I AM AN ENGLISH LITERATURE STUDENT ‼️‼️‼️ THATS A BIG ONE

[teethbomb]

alador blight fan mood board

#Im trying so hard not to engage I feel like a bomb #I know his arc was handled badly but the shortening of the owl house should be the give away #And I personally think that the boards weren’t only cut for time!! #People are really mad he was redeemed at all but I think we forget that this guy was intended to portray a victim of abuse #Abuse shouldn’t have to be physical for it mean something #No I am not excusing what he did what he did was shitty but what I am saying is I don’t think he knew that #He thought what he was doing was in the kids best interest and when amity confronted him his eyes opened #I’ve seen people call him spineless and “woobified” and that is lost on me entirely #He stood up to Odalia and broke everything when he found out about her goals #He still has his temper he’s just not lashing out on his kids #Claims of him being turned soft don’t make sense to me because he’s been chasing butterflies the whole time! He was under Odalia s thumb #Until he learned it was hurting his kids and he stood up. #His arc isn’t perfect it’s far from it but the guy was in an abusive relationship for most of his life #I Can see the disconnect some are having but I think we’re really focusing too hard on some cut scenes #I Can see people getting upset with him especially those who relate to amity but I think it’s ironically pushing blame #Not everything can be pinned on Odalia but I think we should let abuse victims grow no matter their age #I guess it just makes me sad to see a character I see so much of myself in being dragged like this lol #Alador blight

[vogelmeister]

been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

#i love them but im gonna explain #i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did #but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes #i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now #in healthcare no less #but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad #im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts #like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no #and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face #even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said: #i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too #bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall #bc i feel we don’t do this any more #i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go #i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her #bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort #my other situation is my childhood best friend #i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me. #it comes from a place of knowing me for so long #and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins #but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis #even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins #bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st #like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup #even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back #bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me #and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it #but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back #i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag #idk its a lot. thank u for listening

[boneless-mika]

When y’all act like reading comprehension on tumblr is the worst I can tell you’ve never read tiktok comments

A video can be like “of course it’s okay to collect anime figures of minors but I dislike the way this character was portrayed as sexual in the show so I no longer like this figure” and the comments are filled with people arguing with the statement “it’s not okay to make anime figures of minors” which was never even remotely said

“I like Sonico because she has a more common body type that most anime figures do not have” turns into “I personally despise skinny people and think you’re freaks”

“This video that said there are no excuses not to do x is incorrect because there are a lot of reasons to be unable to do x”, comments filled with people arguing the original post never said there were no excuses (or somehow magically imbued the sentence with “doesn’t apply to disabled people”) when the literal words they used were “there are no excuses”

#imagine if I reacted to fatphobia the way skinny people react to somebody saying they think fat people are attractive #(sonico is not fat for reference she’s just not as skinny as the majority of figures) #like it’s so absurd it’s barely a reasonable reaction to actual bigotry #sarcastically going ‘thanks I feel so great about my body after you said other bodies are also normal and okay’ #maybe we (fat ppl) should try this technique and see what happens #like I think asking for a substitution of beans in a recipe is normal behavior yet that’s the example you choose when these kinds of #comments are everywhere on tiktok #person who wants to make bean based recipe but doesn’t like beans doesn’t even have 1/100th the main character syndrome of skinny people #when a post isn’t about them or neurotypicals when somebody advices them not to purposefully terrify mentally ill people in public #or that lady who thinks malls aren’t public spaces so developmentally disabled people shouldn’t be allowed to go to them

[orthopoogle]

There are so many times I want to post my thoughts about how certain aspects of the faith come across differently to me now that I’m not Catholic anymore (especially certain Bible verses), but it’s hard to think of a way to word things that doesn’t come across like I’m trying to “start shit.”

#the most recent example is how Catholics cite St. Paul talking about receiving Communion in an ‘’unworthy manner’’ #as evidence of the teaching that you shouldn’t go up for Communion if you’re in a state of ‘’mortal sin’’ #which I used to find very convincing but actually looking at that part as a whole St. Paul isn’t really talking about ‘’mortal sin’’ at all #if anything the whole ‘’you must be CLEAN and SINLESS first’’ being the main focus almost contributes to a sense of pride? #like I see so many posts (and used to contribute to them myself) about feeling disgusted at all the people going up for Communion #‘’I bet these people haven’t gone to Confession in a long time’’ #‘’I bet they shouldn’t be going up there’’ #that’s not to say confessing and repenting of sins beforehand isn’t important because it very clearly is #but Catholicism pushes the idea that whether or not you confessed a ‘’mortal sin’’ to a priest is THE one thing #you should have on your mind when considering whether or not you can receive as a faithful Catholic #and again…St. Paul doesn’t really talk about that before throwing in his take on ‘’receiving in an unworthy manner’’ #in fact he’s mainly pissed off at how the Corinthians act during their weekly gatherings and how they’re treating each other during the meal #he doesn’t talk much about ‘’WHY HAVE YOU NOT CONFESSED YOUR SINS FIRST???’’

[nope-body]

.

#I fucking hate how my dad has essentially told me that it’s my fault I’m in so much pain #not that he’d ever acknowledge how much pain I’m actually in #but I just keep getting told that my general physical condition is my fault and I’m a burden for needing more support than others #and that I don’t know what I need or how to take care of myself and just generally that I’m bad for being disabled #not that anyone would ever say that I’m disabled #and I just hate it! I’m so tired of it #I’m tired of my dad treating exercise like a cure and my mom supporting me only when my dad isn’t around and never in any meaningful way #and I’m tired of feeling like an unlovable burden when I’m in so much pain that I can’t stand #because it’s really getting to my head! I almost texted my friend asking them if they were sure they wanted to be roommates with me because #I might be in pain sometimes and that might impact them #like. what the fuck!? they already know I’m disabled and they’re disabled too! and we support each other and we are more than aware of what #being roommates consists of. my parents are just getting into my head to the extent that I feel like I shouldn’t be around people because #I’m a burden and unlovable due to my pain and I would tell anybody else that that’s wrong #so why am I letting myself believe it? #also I keep saying that my parents are getting better but I don’t think they’ve changed. They can communicate a bit better but #their feelings are the same and that’s the problem. they don’t understand and they don’t care until they’ve had time to think about it #about it and normally I’d be fine with that but when you’re stuck on the floor crying in pain you just want someone to care #you don’t want to wait until your health comes up weeks later in a conversation #you just want compassion and someone to be there with you and tell you it’ll be okay #they have never done that

[tranquil-turbulence]

Not to start shit but can we PLEASE GIVE WARNING TAGS TO POSTS WITH GORE

Me saying this doesn’t mean I agree with the crimes against the Palestinians. Me saying this doesn’t mean I agree with Israel. I’ve been pro-Palestine ever since this war started. But for heaven’s sake people, at least a trigger warning for gore under pictures of actual human bodies would be nice.

This isn’t Liveleak. This isn’t a subreddit dedicated to candid pictures of the dead. People generally want a warning if they’re about to see real human deaths. Please TAG YOUR POSTS. I and probably most others don’t have a problem seeing pictures of the dead but people with sensitivities to gore and death don’t need to be triggered for them to understand what you’re trying to say, and being an asshole and not being empathetic is not helping your message. In fact, it’s probably hindering it.

Keep spreading the word about what’s happening in Gaza. And treat people with some fucking respect.

#she speaks #just saw someone rightfully call a blog out for not tagging for gore and the response they got was so fucking cold #like dude we know you feel passionate about Palestine. EVERYONE DOES. but show some sensitivity #this isn’t me saying people shouldn’t see it. i’m saying people who are sensitive to gore might not want to and that’s okay #there are ways to get the message across without triggering someone with a fucking photo #anyway free palestine #treat people with empathy #the notes are probably gonna be a dumpsterfire but idfc anymore #and yes i have to say i’m pro Palestine because SOME OF YOU have no reading comprehension #someone criticizing a part of a movement doesn’t make them a traitor you donuts #i’m also not revealing the blog because i don’t want their followers sending me death threats #because god forbid i criticize their favorite blog or whatever #everyone can and will be criticized. idfc if it’s ‘unsolicited’ my brother in christ MAYBE LISTEN TO THEM THEN???

[nazumichi]

they weren’t lying, that dis sure can connect.

#raii talks a lot #arghrgaghrhhghg #spanish is hard and my head feels weird part the next one of a thousand #i always feel so weird when i’m flimsy with spanish and just. idk. kinda feel disconnected #which isn’t strictly my fault i’m a slow learner and my household despite the people in it doesn’t #idk how to say this AUGH. i just feel a little disconnected sometimes and i want to get MORE connected and learning spanish #is my way of going about that but sometimes i feel. i can’t think of a better word argh imposter-like #which i shouldn’t. because i’m latino. but sometimes it’s just. feel like i’m not doing great with it. i lost an alter my dad got me #from his time in mexico i lost it over the move and it’s kind of weighing in the back of my skull because i had that for a second #and i don’t have it anymore and i loved it extremely and i don’t have it and i’m feeling just. icky. #i hate visiting my abuelos because they’re both pieces of shit but it’s nice to see the family i’ve got that actually speak spanish #and participate in that culture unlike my other grandparents who. don’t do that. I DONT KNOW I FEEL WEIRD #and i miss that little statue my dad got me and i don’t know where it is my best guess is i lost it in the move #is this a vent. i don’t vent often on here because i get nervous if no one likes the post or i feel like it’s a stupid thing to feel upset #abt. i’ll be fine in a second i’ll search when i get home just. arugh i need to get better at spanish but i don’t think my meds #are working and i want to have a better hold on. this thing. culture i guess. is that the word. i don’t know. slayyyy