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ave1dragon · 6 months

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Ok, I got the Guide to the Dragon World and I'm gonna talk about it in full now.

Spoilers if you haven't read the book.

I feel about it the guide the same way everyone else does. Either I or the advertisements and delays hyped up the book too much, and I was expecting more in depth stuff, but the guide in itself is a 10/10.

I like the prolong, as it talks about how dragons lump the tribes into stereotypes and this book is a way to stop that, with stories from all the other tribes. I do wish the annotations from the other dragonets of destiny were more frequent.

The scorching story was fine, but would have been more impactful it we didn't already know the more detailed story.

Pyrrhia:

The maps are cool, very detailed, kind of wish it labeled the old Seawing Island palace, considering it labeled the old Nightwing palace.

Mudwings:

The Mudwing chapter is the most well done, with a story of the stereotypes of the Mudwings and then a note of the true life of the Mudwings, followed by two stories about things we heard about in the books, like the Mudwing Succsession crisis and how they found out about the blood red eggs being fireproof.

The Mudwing Succession story also tells us some extra things about mudwing life: Most Mudwing villages have a school and they have a naming ceremony to name themselves after they are old enough to know about Mudwing life.

Sepia's scroll does show one thing: we actually know a fair bit about Mudwing life, about as much as the Skywings or Sandwings, the problem is we don't spend any time with the Mudwings or their kingdom. Like we didn't know how they named themselves, but we also don't know about the Sandwing full moon festival or Skywing schooling, things that probably wouldn't come up outside of a guide like this.

Seawings:

Queen Coral still sucks. We do find out that Coral allied with Blister because Blister gave the Seawings treasure and battle plans and, most importantly, read and memorized all of Queen Coral's scrolls and said she loved them. Apperently Queen Coral is trying to tell everyone that the Seawings had a big hand in ending the war and were a part of the dragonet's plan.

Moray tells Queen Coral that Starflight might want some Seawing history written by someone other then Coral. I like how in this and Talons of Power, Moray doesn't just worship the grown Coral walks on, but actually disagrees with her sometimes and tries to tell her no.

Queen Coral tells us about some of her scrolls. Some we heard of, some we haven't, they were cool.

We also get some letters between Albatross and Queen Lagoon, they don't really tell us much we didn't know about.

We then get a scroll about learning the beginnings of Aquatic. It was alright, I don't really care about the Seawings all that much, but it was cool.

Turtle was assigned to write about Seawing customs, but he turned it in too late and had to send in a letter from his brother instead. That was rather annoying to me, "oh no we can't learn the full details about Seawing culture for some reason, lets just learn about hatching day events."

Anemone tells Tamarin about how she misses her and the Seawings main weakness is not being able to communicate with other dragons as well. Also we have blind scrolls now!

I don't really care about the Seawings that much, they're probably my least favorite Pyrrhian tribe.

Rainwings:

The Rainwing chapter starts with a story from Kinkajou about Silver, Glory's pet sloth, and how Silver met Glory and helped her. Silver is clearly a stand in for Kinkajou, it also has parentheses around notations of her talking to Moon about how to write a story, and isn't technically very well written. I really like the story. I'm not really someone who wants a new story with Kinkajou in the lead, but it was fun.

We then read the "Dangers of the Rainforest" scroll, with a few annotations from Glory about how the Rainforest isn't so dangerous and the Rainwings can be dangerous if they wanted to. I like how the scroll is one mentioned in the series, specifically The Hidden Kingdom, and is accurate to the description, it barely mentioned the Rainwings themselves.

Handsome tells Glory about the story of the Royal Rainwing Challenges and how they started. The Rainwings used to fight for the throne in the death matches that every other Pyrrhian tribe did, and then they went through eight queens in a month, and the ninth queen said we should stop the death fights, as if we kill all the strongest, smartest Rainwings, we won't have any smart, strong Rainwings left, so they devised different, non deadly challenges. We learn about a few more: The storytelling challenge, the cooking challenge, and the sloth taming challenge.

Jambu then tells us about different colors on Rainwings and what they mean. It also notes the usefulness of this, as if you are in trouble or if you feel bad, your friends will know and can help.

We then learn about how the Rainwings didn't know how to read and write for a while, but they did tell oral stories, either about history or just new, made up stories, and how Starflight realized how creative and deep the Rainwings could be.

However, in the past, the Rainwings could read and interacted with other dragons and got into wars, and then we read the letter about what happened to the Rainwings.

The letter is Python, the great-aunt of the current Rainwing queen, Queen Jacaranda, the granddaughter of Queen Anaconda, the Rainwing queen in Darkstalker's time. Python is upset that Jacaranda is abiding by the peace treaties and dismantling the army and saying that venom can no longer be used on other dragons. The Skywings took a lot of rainforest and killed about half the Rainwings, although Python says that they Anaconda would have fought even if she was the last Rainwing left. This does explain why the Rainwings are pacifists, but doesn't explain why they stopped reading or interacting with other tribes, I guess that was the fault of the queens Grandeur let on the throne, but everyone talks like the Rainwings fell apart a long time ago.

I do like how the Rainwings are written in this book compared to the Hidden Kingdom. The Hidden Kingdom has a problem of saying the Rainwings are bad for things that aren't bad at all, like not having a Rainwing palace, or Suntime, or not eating meat. Hidden Kingdom may have been trying to say at the end that the Rainwings are fine, they just need to still fight if nessesary, but I did not find it very clear.

The guide book tells us that the Rainwing traditions make sense actually, and even thought they can't read, they can still tell stories.

It also seems like the story of how the Rainwings changed was a bit retconned. In the third book, Grandeur said that they used to keep track of the royal eggs, but her daughters were useless, so they opened the throne to everyone, but then the only ones who signed up were bad queens. Earlier Grandeur said that in her day, the Rainwings used camoflauge to hid from tribes who wanted to take their rainforest and she wouldn't mind using her venom on the Nightwings, so I think the original plan was that the Rainwings fell apart with Grandeur, but then it was changed to show how the Rainwings aren't bad, just different.

Nightwings:

I enjoyed Tales of the Nightwings, but it is different from how the novels describe it. We didn't know much about it to be fair; it was Starflight's favorite scroll, it mentioned some stuff about Nightwing schools, and we found out it was all untrue after finding out Nightwings couldn't really read minds or see the future, at the time. This made it sound like it was a scroll about the fake life of the Nightwings, but instead it was a story about a Nightwing who didn't have any powers, got bullied, and then had a vision that saved everyone. This would be fine, but then the comment about none of it being true doesn't make sense. I get that they were talking about the powers in general, but its not written as a true story. I would have liked it more if it was a bunch of supposedly true stories about Nightwing life.

Moon tells Starflight how Nightwing powers work, we know all of it so I'm not gonna go over it.

Glory and Deathbringer talk to Mastermind about why Nightwings think the way they do.

Apparently some of the Rainwings are ready to forgive the Nightwings immediately, I hope these are the ones who weren't imprisoned because otherwise, why. At least he knows he did bad. Mastermind is kind of like Darkstalker in my eyes, a dragon who is bad and did bad things, but because he has a character outside of evil, some people don't think he's bad.

Nightwings are taught from birth that they are the best dragons genetically and because of their powers. Mastermind also seem surprised that the other tribes don't think that way about their tribes, at least not to that extent.

They didn't just ask the Rainwings for help because they knew almost nothing about them, and when they found out about Rainwing venom, they assumed the Rainwings were dangerous and were also afraid to show weakness, since they talked about how strong they were. It's interesting that in both this and Prisoners, most Nightwing take the Rainwings seriously, which makes me think that the Nightwings told everyone Rainwings were lazy to keep everyone away from the Rainwings.

The good of the Nightwings is their love of learning, and how they were the first tribe to develop a written language, and take medicine seriously, and they used to help the other tribes with their visions.

We then get a note from Fierceteeth about the new Nightwing colony, Renewal, for the purposes of starting their own tribe with their own queen instead of merging with the Rainwings.

Fierceteeth seems to try to make herself tougher then she is, talking about how hard it is to live here instead of the Rainforest, as if bragging, and how she says she doesn't care about Nightwing history, but the island was cool. The Nightwings have also become nocternal, waking up late in the day and hunting through the night and then goingg to sleep shortly after sunrise.

Fierceteeth is also interested in the theater, as no one on the island was ever taught anything artistic, just "science, superiority, and survival," which is interesting, the Nightwings are trying to put on a play, and Fierceteeth says she'll send Starflight some tickets if it works.

Also Fierceteeth has eggs, and she says Starflight is invited since he's the only family Fierceteeth has left. She seems excited about said eggs, which is not something I expected of her character. I think it cute and she seems to care about her brother more then she lets on. Also we learn the Skywings have big hatching day parties, probably courtecy of Queen Scarlet.

We then get a scroll from Renewal about Queen Vigilance's glass jubilee. Vigilance brought back the Full moon festival and has musicians play during it. The festival celebrates the gifts of the tribe. Each seer offers a future vision, and the mind readers share the thoughts of adoration to the queen. Queen Vigilance also made an island temple to the first nightwing librarians, and hopes to have the glass jubilee continue.

We can see that in the past, the Nightwings still though of themselves as the superior tribe, both in arts and science. I also like the inclusion of the island temple, no one seems to talk about the Nightwing temple in the discussion of religion. Also I like how this is clearly propaganda, I bet Vigilance's children are bad at playing and no one was thinking of her.

Sandwings:

Yeah, I'm with everyone else on the Sandwing chapter, it's the worst out of the book. It doesn't tell us anything about Sandwing life and culture.

We get a flyer asking if anyone knows about the missing treasure, the Desert Tiara, the Twilight necklace, the Sandwing Septer, and some assorted gold coins with Queen Oasis's face on them.

Then we see a letter from Sunny about Burn's creepy hall, the hall contained the white dragon with no wings that was said to be a Icewing Sandwing hybrid, but Sunny doesn't think so. She doesn't think their a Silkwing, because they only have two wingbuds, so either they're from a non heard of tribe, or an animus enchanted dragon. This is interesting, because I thought the white dragon was a Silkwing until graphic novel 5, when they just looked like a Icewing with no wings.

She also has a dragon bite viper skin, a fish tank full of odd looking fish, a blood red Mudwing egg she planed on destroying on the brightest night, but it never hatched, a Silkwing wing, and the Stuffed Nightwing, who bragged about having an animus object, the dreamvisitor, and wouldn't give it to Burn, so she had him killed, but she could never find the dreamvisitor because they swallowed it.

We did learn about some new treasure and more about the "hybrid" and the wing and how the Nightwing got here and about some more stuff in Burns collection, so there's that.

We then get Smolder's diary, from the first week after the death of Queen Oasis and how he raised Flower. This is my main problem with the chapter, the big story doesn't tell us anything new about the Sandwings. The Mudwing sucession scroll told us about Mudwing schools and how they get their names and royal life. The Skywing scroll of Queen Scarlet's husband told use about Skywing families and Queen Firestorm, but we don't get anything in Smolder's story we didn't already know. If we did, I would be more lenient to this chapter, but it doesn't

Tell us about the Full Moon festival, or the Sandwing animus gifts, or how Jerboa III met Queen Glacier or something. Burn's weirdling tower was a cool idea, but it's not enough.

#wof #wings of fire #i'll be updating this until it's finished #I can't finish it at the moment #mudwings #seawings #rainwings #nightwings #sandwings

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meirimerens · 7 months

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pathologic fest day 19

"In the Darkness"

where nobody dwells but the earth herself

#pathologic #pathologic 2 #herb brides #pathologic_fest #моросентябрь #pathologic fest #мор утопия #nonsexual nudity /#my art #i STAY herbbridesposting......... having a blast #fun fact this one's been in my WIPs for months now #and getting to finish it because it fit the theme so well.... blissful #herb brides can have a little Pythia moment... as a treat #can't believe i have to do this /!\ THIS IS NOT DIONYSOS-RELATED. THOSE ARE NOT MAENADS. THOSE ARE FICTIONAL MEMBERS #OF A FICTIONAL CENTRAL ASIAN-INSPIRED PEOPLE PARTAKING IN MOTHER-EARTH WORSHIP WITHIN A FICTIONAL #CENTRAL-ASIAN INSPIRED SPIRITUALITY. /!\#/!\ THEY WORSHIP AN ALL-MOTHER EARTH-GODDESS WHOSE PROGENY IS THE ENTIRE WORLD AND NOT A MALE GOD OF WINE PASSION THEATRE [...] /!\#/!\ THE OP HAS PERSONAL AND INTIMATE SPIRITUAL/RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND WOULD NEVER MAKE DEVOTIONAL ART TO A MALE GOD /!\#this would be my portfolio tag if i had a portfolio [portfolio tag]

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 days

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Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment.#I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again).#Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him.#This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse.#It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship-#-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care.#And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you.#You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged.#I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated.#People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away.#I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'.#And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media.#We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May.#Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.

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yasmeensh · 11 months

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I finished Skyward Sword and I LOVE IT! VERY MUCH!

beautiful beautiful game. I played it slowly and enjoyed every little bit of it ❤

The credits were beautiful, and the after-credits scene! 🥺 Oh my heart. I really love the Triforce wish scene. I hadn't realized that all this time, the goal was to avoid fighting. Going so far to find the full Triforce and wish for no war...

Zelda, Impa, Link, and Fi were all going out of their way fighting so that everyone else would not have to face the consequences of war, and that the innocents avoid suffering. It's so noble. Really makes me appreciate the whole story line of Skyward Sword.

The softness of the artstyle also reinforces this message. And how Link easily slips into a dream-like state, like when he listens to music. He wants to live in a happy, dreamy world. Another detail, is how mindful Link is of everything going on around him, even if he looks like his head is in the clouds xP (for example, at the start of every dungeon, we see a cutscene of him taking a moment to reflect before entering. He either stops to look at the darkness ahead or closes his eyes for a minute before starting the dungeon. I looovvee those cutscenes) I just love everything about it. This game makes me so happy!

Aaaaand that's one more Zelda game completed!

#loz #skyward sword #I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUUCCCHHH #i died 5 times against demise oops...#twice against girahim #I made a promise that I won't start totk until I finish ss #aaand i did it #but i can't jump into the new game like that #i need a moment to breathe ToT #this game made me so emotionaaallll #in a few weeks maybe I'll start

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kiiseru · 2 months

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Her dream.

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ineffectualbookseller · 8 months

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The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field

It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work

and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you

your work is trivialized

and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over

or when your complaints are dismissed

and you get more of the same from upper management

it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day

It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity

The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again

(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)

Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off

#(I want to note that I am coming at this from my personal experience as a woman #but I know femme neurodivergent and disabled folks of all genders face these same issues)#along similar lines I have tons of feelings about how often Aziraphale hides his hands when talking to other angels #to hide his stimming #and look I try not to tie everything back to explaning why Aziraphale ended s2 the way he did but apparently I can't #its just the juiciest character moment to me #also thinking about how angry Crowley was at Gabriel when he was treated like this once #granted shut up and die already IS the worst thing Gabriel has said to Aziraphale but if Crowley knew how much of this was going on...#aziraphale #good omens #go2 spoilers #good omens meta #Thanks to folks who responded to my tags on that post because you really motivated me to find these screen caps #and finish this post which has been sitting in my drafts for ages #also sorry so many of gabriels faces are funny I cant help that jon hamm is comedy gold - i refuse to let it undermine my point

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seventeendeer · 1 year

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walk forward through the cold dawn!

sonic frontiers made me feel some kinda way about these friends, so here’s a lil cozy messy thing to celebrate ;w; <3

also turns out koco are way bigger than I drew them here but I didn’t realize until way too late so ehh whatevs. they’re cute in pocket size ..

#sonic frontiers #sonic fanart #sonic frontiers fanart #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #sonic koco #i love the massive extended sonic cast but also the decision to have frontiers focus just on sonic's closest friends was sooo sweet ....#added to the kind of lonely atmosphere a lot + just a lot of rly cute moments w sonic and his besties .. my lil heart #artbytheherd #also hey i've been trying out a new art style! it's made it much easier for me to finish stuff recently i really like it #turns out it's easier for me to do quick messy lineart when it's ms-paint-ish looking pixels!#can't wait to do more stuff like this it's so fun to loosen up a bit and do quick cute lil drawings like this for once #been making animated gifs in this style too .. wanna make so many more

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 6 months

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the end of 505: 2007 vs 2023

#don't even talk to me about the way the moment the song finishes alex seeks miles's gaze out #the way they're so immediately and instinctively drawn to each other #and how after over fifteen years it's just the same #the same inescapable awareness of each other #of being so caught up together #the only thing that's changed is that if anything they look even more at ease with each other now #there's a little less of the nervous over-awed quality and more of a deep sense of love and ease and belonging #i can't even think about how reluctant they are to let go of that hug in the second gif #how alex is still looking and smiling at miles even as he walks away #aghhhhhhh #i'm entirely too emotional over them and i need to go to sleep #tonight was a lot in the very best way #i'm so so happy they got to share a stage again on such a special and significant night 🤍#milex #miles kane #alex turner #tlsp #arctic monkeys #505 #milex 2023 #dublin #my gifs #lulu posts

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ask-enoch-sans · 25 days

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Is there anybody else around that might know what happened? :o

#that moment when the only people you can talk to can't talk back #I switched to computer text #handwritten was faster but less legible #finishing this at midnight like I don't have a huge exam tomorrow o7 #ask blog #oc art #oc ask blog #sans oc #utmv ask blog #utmv oc #answered asks #sans au #utmv

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bubacorn · 2 months

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hc: Vessel is bad at receiving compliments and being told that he is loved (hug inspired by this one, @ghxstly-death put it into words perfectly. thank you, Eden!🫂)

Thinking about Vessel who can't accept compliments, not because he doesn't believe them (that too), but because he'd heard them so many times in the past related to small, unimpressive things. Not 'I'm proud of you', just 'You did good', an automatic response to any and all achievements. He did good. He didn't know what 'good' meant, but apparently, he did that. He has no idea what was good about what he did, so he continues to push himself, to not be a disappointment. If he does good, then that should be enough, right?

He tries for great, for excellent, for something more, but he always gets 'good', unrelated to the effort and time he put into something. He knows he shouldn't wish for more specific compliments, or anything else, really. He should be grateful to be regarded. Everyone around him is so busy, they can't possibly have time to listen to him talk about how in reality, he has no idea what he's doing. How things sometimes just click but he can't tell if what he did is actually worth anything or it was just pure luck. How he doubts himself at every step but learned to hide it, because he has to be good. And good means coping and dealing with things by himself and quietly, because then he will be told that he did good and who wouldn't want to be good?

Vessel who hears 'I love you' for the first time (said with actual love behind it for the very first time) in a really long time from II. He wouldn't tell the other that, but it's clear from the surprise and the hopeful longing in Vessel's eyes. His friend told him he loves him and he doesn't know what to do with that, so he hesitantly steps to him and begins to lift his arms in question. II's heart squeezes at his shyness, after all, the other has spent months alone in the manor, so it's understandable that he would have grown unaccustomed to touch. But then II has to pull Vessel against him, because the man sort of hovers his arms around his frame as if he doesn't know how to approach a hug. Like he isn't sure what is expected of him and what is too much.

Vessel is surprised when II squeezes around his torso, when he brings one arm around his shoulder and the other to his neck, trying to bring Vessel down towards him, like he wants to protect and shelter him. That's strange, but Vessel finds that his arms want to stay wrapped loosely around II a bit longer and just as he starts to pull away, II again says "I love you, Vessel", and Vessel's brain freezes. II squeezes him tighter and Vessel feels so warm and strangely loose (he's afraid he will unravel if he stays too close for too long) and small even though he towers over his friend. His friend who is now holding him and who apparently loves him.

The only thing in his mind stumbles from his tongue in the form of a quiet "Why?". He didn't do anything exceptional. He was showing II an arrangement and said he wasn't sure if it was any good, letting his fingers dance over the keys, feeling like he was stumbling through music. He felt like it captured that familiar insecurity, and he liked it and hoped II would like it, too. Even if it didn't make it into a song. Then II said he did like it, that it feels like Vessel is unsure but it gives the melody a unique flavor, and that Vessel was great for translating that feeling into music.

"'Why?' ?" II's answering question is filled with such disbelief that Vessel wants to hide. He said something inappropriate, something secret that had previously only been dwelling in his mind, in a dark corner, and now he feels exposed. Why did he even open his mouth? Not good. Definitely bad.

Vessel is slumping against II a bit, like he doesn't know how to hold himself upright anymore, like he needs support. II must feel it, because he's still holding him, and it's been minutes and Vessel tries to squirm away, to save any dignity he might still possess, and II lets him slip out of the embrace, but his arms linger like he doesn't want to let go of his friend. His friend who just blurted out the worst response to a confession of gentle affection. Vessel looks so worried when he catches II's gaze and he immediately averts his eyes and takes a few small steps back, unconsciously gravitating towards his piano for protection, a sense of safety.

"You're my friend, Vessel," II tries approaching the man with soft words, "You're kind and considerate and a damn good musician," Vessel stops backing away when the back of his legs hit the edge of his piano bench, but he's still looking at the floor, "You pour your heart into writing and playing and it's amazing to see. You're committed, but patient and you help me every time I need. Even when I'm too embarrassed to ask," II tilts his head and steps a bit closer to try and catch Vessel's gaze, "I know you don't see it and I'm sorry that you can't because it's true. I would never lie to you about this, Ves. I love you, you're my best friend," Vessel presses his lips together, so II adds, "Not just because we live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. You're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm glad Sleep led me to you."

Vessel gives him a look that shows he tries really hard to believe him, and adds in such a low voice it's almost a whisper, "I love you, too," as if he's embarrassed to admit it. But it's not embarrassment, II realizes, it's disbelief, it's some sort of deep shame about needing someone else, of relying on anyone else but himself at all times. And it makes sense, considering Vessel's nature, but II could never put it all together, since large chunks of Vessel's past were unfamiliar to him. He could have guessed based on how the man acted, but he didn't want to assume anything. It felt disrespectful. Vessel would share if he wanted.

"And I'm really glad you found me," just a beat of silence, before he adds, in an even quieter tone, if that's possible, "And that you stayed," Vessel risks a bashful glance towards II, and sees him blink rapidly, shocked by the implication of the other's words, before he shakes himself and steps closer to Vessel. He searches his face for apprehension, but doesn't find any, so he gently puts his hands on Vessel's upper arms and sits him down on his bench. Before Vessel can react, II has his arms wrapped around him, one around his shoulder, and the other's hand cupping the back of his head and cradling it to his front.

"You're important to me, Ves. You're special and precious and I love you," II's fingers caress the man's shoulder and card through his hair, "I want you to know that I'm here for you any time, okay?" Vessel is still stunned and he's sure he's going catch on fire if he gets any warmer. II twists a lock of hair around his finger, "Okay?" Words form and die in Vessel's throat so he just nods, rapidly, almost hurriedly, and II lets out a small chuckle. "You're amazing, you know that?" he nuzzles into Vessel's hair for a moment to murmur, "And adorable," II sways with the man in his arms a little and Vessel is sure he will combust. His face is flaming against II's shirt and he tries to suppress the half grimace-half grin on his face and feels unreal. "C'mon. Tea break?" II smiles down at him and offers a hand. Vessel can stand on his own, but doesn't reject the offer. He likes the warmth of II's hand and he can always use the stability and the reminder of the other's presence. II soon replaces his hand with a mug of tea, but it's considerably colder to Vessel. The contrast is especially palpable when II brushes his knuckles against Vessel's as he's handing him his tea. The mug is warm, but II's skin is burning against his. But it's not bad. It's a good burn. It makes Vessel feel alive. Seen. Loved?

Vessel learns that he doesn't have to prove himself to other people to receive love. Love is not something that has to be earned in their home. Love is not a reward, not something that Vessel has to work for, then be disappointed that in the end, it isn't actually given to him. He tried being good in the past, being silent and keeping his head down and being a good kid, but the warmth and the unconditional love didn't come. He still tried, though, he always tried his best, but apparently that wasn't enough. Or there wasn't actually love at the end of that tunnel. It was just a play of light. But that would have been cruel and Vessel would like to think that people in his past weren't intentionally unkind to him (he won't admit the truth to himself for a while).

II often tells Vessel that he's proud of him. For speaking up. For telling him when he's having a bad day. For asking for distance when he needs it and closeness when he feels like he will drift away. For admitting to messing up, when he falls back into bad habits of self-destruction and isolation. For doing a grocery run by himself even though he goes home almost shaking and has to spend the next hours under a blanket on the couch, because it was simply too much. For crying when he talks about memories that he tried his hardest to forget but he just can't. For asking for help and letting II help him, even though it's hard. It's really hard, and Vessel apologizes for it, for being fucked-up and broken and damaged goods. For wasting II's time and being a burden, a needy, greedy thing. Wretched. Minus human.

But II tells him he loves him and that he could never be a burden. That he will always be worth it, he always has been, and that he's sorry that people in Vessel's past couldn't see it. Couldn't see him for all that he is. For the friend who pays attention to little details so he can show his friend how much he values him. For the guy who bakes his friend a complicated cake for his birthday because he off-handedly told him he can't even remember what it tasted like, even though it used to be his favorite. For the amazing composer who can capture emotions one doesn't realize one has. For the hard-working, curious kid who thought that being obedient and not questioning authority was the way to earn praise and affection. For the little boy who thought something was wrong with him, that he did or didn't do something and that is why he couldn't feel loved. For the child who cried and cried, silent and under the cover of the night, hoping that no one would hear (and secretly hoping that somebody would and they would come and save him from the gaping emptiness that made its home in his chest, way too big and scary for a boy that little). For the boy and then the man who couldn't cry anymore but thought that that is more than alright, at least he can finally keep it all inside. For the partner who allowed himself to be vulnerable with someone he trusted. For the partner who made sure his other knew he was always welcome, even though his brain sometimes tried to tell him otherwise. For the partner who grew comfortable with expressing casual affection so much that terms like 'darling' became second nature to him (and for the way he blushed when II told him that). For the man who learned to accept that it's okay to admit to not being okay, to need someone, to want to not feel alone, to feel cherished, to have his feelings validated. For the man who can tell his partner anything and does, because he knows he can speak his mind and that there will be someone who listens.

II wanted to see Vessel. Vessel let him. Even before he showed the uglier and less than perfect parts of himself, II loved him all the same. It was never about being 'good' and silent and compliant. Vessel is good. Vessel is not good. He's amazing. He's perfect. He's wonderful. He's cherished. He's incredible. He's valued. He's seen. He's listened to. He's heard. He's finally, finally loved. Has been for longer than he dared to think. Will soon be by more people than he thought possible.

#Vessel was a gifted kid who tried to push through burnout and mental illness #waiting for someone to tell him they see and love him and are proud of him #and you can't change my mind #making myself sad first thing in the morning #what else is new #<- it's night since then but this still applies #yes i included a Metallica reference (almost two). fight me (please don't i have shrimp-like arms and get scared easily)#also #tumblr scared the crap out of me earlier #i posted this privately after it posted instead of saving it as a draft #and apparently it was visible #and i got so freaking scared cause this wasn't finished #so i apologize for deleting and reposting #but my heart stopped for a moment and i whispered like 10 'shitshitshit's at my computer #i should be reading for a class tomorrow #sleep token headcanons #buba writes

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