#I WANT TO DO ALL THE THINGS. GAH

[puppyeared]

my ancient curse is that im a hard person to hang out with because i keep wanting to do different activities every 10 minutes to maximize the fun per minute ratio. if u even care

#JOKE POST im just frustrated because i have complicated feelings over hanging out w classmates outside of school #seriously this is why im terrified of ever having to hang out w mutuals in real life. i would literally stand in front of you for 20 minute #strying to decide what activities we can do and never committing to one for more than an hour #unless youre cass and i see you about 6 times every couple of months and id feel relaxed enough to do w/e bc we see each other so often #I WANT TO DO ALL THE THINGS. GAH #the only way youd get me to sit still was to take me to a movie. perhaps sonic the hedgehog 2 #and i dont hang out with people as much as i would like to. so automatically i want to do as many things w them as possible #ghhh cant i just talk to you on a video call while playing phantom hourglass. why this #yapping

[thresholdbb]

How it started:

How it's going:

#look at that promo pic that little grin the backlighting #star trek voyager #captain janeway #kathryn janeway #year of hell #we're off to a great start #having an internal debate about wanting to do silly fandom things and feeling guilty about being unemployed #which means I just don't do anything all day and feel bad about it #think we're in a combo of skill regression and paralysis #melts into oblivion #memeish #yeah I'm positive this is not original #needed the parallel arm placement though #gah the little peach fuzz I adore

[rabbit-exe]

I very much do want to see the betrayer gods again because they are some hilariously petty bitches who would definitely try and pull some absolute bullshit, but also I will Never be able to picture Lolth the Spider Queen or Asmodeus the Lord of the Hells, in mannerism, in voice, or in appearance, as ANYTHING other than Aabria Iyengar and Brennan Lee Mulligan. they did it too good and now it's Them Forever

#these two... iconic #aabria did such a perfect job as lolth. the playfulness. the warped affection in her voice. the cloying sweetness of rot. gah!! #brennan did asmodeus more than justice in his portrayal (made even more compelling by the fact that he as the gm also played evandrin!) #literally obsessed with the idea of lolth and asmodeus Interacting. you KNOW they're the bitchiest sister-brother duo in all the realms #collaborating over the inevitable end and squabbling the entire time... I Want To See It #critical role #lolth #lolth the spider queen #asmodeus #the lord of the hells #cr lolth #cr asmodeus #aabria iyengar #brennan lee mulligan #I just want them to come on as guests and do their nasty betrayer god thing again. it's so COMPELLING #exandria unlimited #exu calamity

[spirallingstarcases]

a random wip for a tatt design i never went through w haha

#okay now for the actual thing i wanna talk abt #i wanna open up a kofi cause i kinda need the money but at the same time i know i dont rly offer much and my art is kinda meh #and my writing is eeeeh so taking money because i’m known for that makes me feel like a terrible person #and i knoooow that it’s not up to me to tell people what to spend their money on but come on. this can’t actually be #like #what u want to put ur funds towards #gah. anyways #comms is the next option but i don’t have the time or the skills to do comms #and it’s scawy #it’s all just so scary all the time #sigh #maybe i should just sell feet pics

[babacontainsmultitudes]

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.

#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?” #but I have seen many a take that irk me... #and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride #Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔 #Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor #And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those... #And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized #But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change... #And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind #But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it #and I think it's plenty salvageable #And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad- #Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips #so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future #But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad #(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's) #(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol) #With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal- #being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil #blugh #BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT #Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil #And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk... #ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent

[skunkes]

very often ill see bears following my nsfw account and ill end up looking thru their profiles as i check for ppls ages in bio and theyre 99.9% bear4bear. That one anon lied to me.

#talkys #this is like a half joke/not that deep bc i dont actually care #and like. hm. how do i word dis. #there ARE people that have messaged me very very excessively over how much theyre into al on there #and i would NOT want that directed at me. #and i myself am‚ of course‚ an al enjoyer #and like. this is also not that deep im not saying its actually affecting me on a very personal level #especially since me and skunker are boring little guy things #but seeing everyone going into that account only being there for my guy is just reminding me of #being friends with like the prettiest girl in high school #where like at lunch she'd leave to get something and all the guys tailing her would be like #so whats the name of your hot friend lol :) #LIKE GAH. of course you're here for him but damnnnn cmonnnn #idk how to describe it bc again id also feel strange if ppl were being weird about skunker instead. idk! idk what it is #and i myself wouldnt lust after skunker adjacent beasts etc so i get it but theres Something about it i cant place #I THINK its bc skunker is an expression of identity and self #and skunker and cow al are like. copium. so some part of me feels really alienated by feeling like my audience straight up doesnt want #''me'' there...ykwim...i think thats it. bc ive been asked for more solo als or al with literally anyone else #or al with other big guys bc itd be hotter #and while im open to dis if im paid to draw it it really feels like the simpsons sheep bit LOL

[boxbug]

• THE CHAMPIONS OF MCC20 •

My piece for @winnerspovzine - done in collaboration with @revancy who knocked it out fo the park!

You can get the zine for FREE just by clicking on this link! Every piece is amazing, I can’t get enough of it. Trust me, even if you don’t know what mcc is, it’s a treat for the eyes.

A huge thank you to the mods for all their hard work, this was an amazing project to work on and I am genuinely honored to have been a part of it.

#winners pov zine #mcyt #geminitay #antfrost #5up #hbomb94 #mcc #mcc20 #i’m not even kidding when i say i can’t stop looking at the zine #every so often i just open the pdf and stare at all the art #this was the first time i worked on a zine that was collaborative #not only do i LOVE working with people #but it also made the end result so unique #the diversity of artstyles is shown in full force #and they mash so well together on a spread #definitely my favorite thing #it makes every page so unique and vibrant #gah ok i’ll stop ranting in the tags now #didn’t want to make the post too cluttered <3 #my art #zines

[flowery-king]

HEY noticed The woodcarver from Inscryption could possible have Native American elements inspired for her design so I wanted to do some research before I make a design and outfit for her and stumbled across a fact that seemed pretty cool: that wood carving are primarily done by the guys?? Is this correct?

#I'm trying to do thorough research because I like accurately portraying cultures when doing character designs n stuff #and also cause i rly like learning of different cultures in general gah #but cause I'm not familiar with any of the cultures personally it's hard to find accurate sources #idk i just think it'd be cool to use this fact as an indication that she's trans? #Basically what im saying is - #fELLOW GAYS Where can i find cool real facts and not get got by false facts #i really want to actually learn and not be dumb #please feel free to call my an idiot if this fact is infact false djdj #inscryption #maybe i completely misread her design in general and she's suppose to be from another background #could we discuss would that be okay #also forgot to add that i know all tribes are different in their own way #but this seems to be a thing in northeastern woodland tribes according to some sources #???

[criticaaaaaaaal]

me about to read a shadowpeach fanfic only to notice that its tagged with “wukong is a bad person” or “wukong traumatized macaque” or “wukong hate club” or anything akin to that

#critical watches monkie kid #OK . OK I WILL SAY: #i totally understand evil/dark wukong aus. i get it. i like them. i appreciate them. i understand #and i can see WHY ppl write them. wukong is a character you can make mean easily #and mac is a character a lot of people relate to #and a lot of people really like him (i do too!) #i can see WHY ppl dote on him in fanfics or make him very much a victim of outside things #i see you and i appreciate you #but also i just. man. i feel like people forget that wukong is actually a good person and just want to always write him as this - #one dimensional abuser or something #and again : if you DO want to just write him as that as a fic au or SOMETHING by all means go ahead #no hate here #i think im just. :( i just wanna read a fanfic i guess where wukong isnt this one dimensional monster #if youre gonna make him evil/dark but keep it in line with the original characterizations (esp the ones in monkie kid) at least ......... #idk ......... make it like . make it more then one dimensional? gah #this post is spurred on by the fact i saw a fanfic a lot of shadowpeach ppl were chatting about #and i looked into it (i havent read it. yet. i might) #and it seems to have the same premise of macaque is trying to escape wukong who is a nasty abuser! #and like. ok. im SURE its a lot more than that (i hope) #i jusssssstrttttttt #blaarghhhh

[omgchloe]

happy 1st birthday to the absolute loves of my life ❤️

#my lil chicken tenders #do i have a ziggy and molly tag?? no?? well i should #this is the MOST dog mum shit ever but idc #i am totally and completely enamoured with the both of them #getting them both at 3 months old was both the hardest and greatest most rewarding thing i've ever done #GAH #CANNOT BELIEVE THEY ARE ONE #I JUST WANT TO EAT THEM #NFODMSODMDK #anyways #gonna go spoil them with treats and squeezes all day #mine #it's meee

[insaneillusionist]

I don't know how any of you stand being so kind all the time. It's annoying.

#my random stuff #delete later #These kind messages just keep pissing me off. #UGHHHHH #They're worded so sweetly you all sound like pushovers. #When I'm doing my weird villain thing and I ask for some kind of hero #gah #ughhhhh i'd want someone who would argue back and be meanish not some wet paper bag #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #(forgive her she hates everything)

[cowboypossume]

:o

#god ptsd triggure warning but FUCK #god #god i hate having this shit so MUCH #like come on REALLY #this thing happened 11 years ago and i read one single line in a textbook and now ive felt like throwing up and crying for the past 6 hours #GAH #UGH #because i know all the right coping things and im doing the right things #its just a really really big emotion #and SO its hard because its something like hard to talk about because my mother will go into this 7 hour rant of 'im such a bad mom' #and my brother blames himself and shuts down #so like it just sits by us on the couch #and ive been to therapy and ive worked through these emotions which is why ive been able to not completely shut downr #and im able to take care of myself in these situations and be kind to my big feels #BUT FUCKING CRIST #I DONT WANT TO HAVE A BREAKDOWN BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS NINE #THATS NOT FAIR #HYGYUGH89DYHC78EDSIGDHY8WEJ9UADJ #time to watch bluey and/or a comfort streamer <3 #venting

[tillman]

gahh . im still thinking about stuff.

#and like ugh. no. the reason i havent been happy with my art recently despite liking how it looks is cus im too exhausted #from work and life and such to really put the effort and thought into it i want. its careless. its thoughtless. theres #very little in my current portfolio im satisfied with on an intellectual level. and it makes me feel very #stagnant and kind of pissy about art. gah. #<- btw. call me pretentious or whatever and ill just straight up kill you. this isnt pretentiousness. i just care deeply about my art and #it conveying what i want it to. for me to be failing on that well. it kindof sucks #i think a lot of the work im happy with now is my stupid soliloquies to myself. theyre scratchy and look bad but at least they #get it across. yknow? ahh its so hard then. #txt #this isnt all that serious just thinking to myself. #having an odd blurry moment so putting my thoughts to text helps a lot in figuring who i am LOL . <- in a system way not in a . #whatever #but i do think that ^ above not the system stuff ^ contributes to why i really feel negatively about being viewed as a fandom artist #despite drwaing fanart- i want to use these characters to explore and think about stuff. u know? and i think fandom spaces #tend to treat fanart and writing and all that as mostly disposable one time use pretty things to think on once nad never agian. #and GAH!! that bugs me!!! i do not like how the internet has PRIMED people into treating art that way! #personal pet peeve i guess. what can you do

[zanathan-aisling]

cat hacker reintroduces mspec lesbian discourse into my life my brain obliterates itself in ocd-fueled recursive self-argumentation

#‘noones identity lives in a bubble and the self-id of others DOES effect broader culture and cause potential ramifications’ #and #‘jfc i’m not the center of the god damn universe and REGARDLESS of whatever petty semantic preference i have towards ‘my’ definition that #doesn’t mean shit for other people + the idea that queer people can be ‘invalidated’ or ‘excluded’ is fucking STUPID that isn’t how queers #work we aren’t a fucking club we can kick people out of for not doing things ~correctly~’ #can seemingly coexist in my brain but they keep biting each other #oh and in addendum to the first one ‘my lesbianism is fundamentally disinterested in men as both ID and interest to the point that it has #can feel (<- FEEL) like active misgendering to imply its definitionally compatible with other conceptions of the word. #not to mention the whole ‘i can’t even fucking figure out how my sexuality treats bigender people at all. like i’m consciously fine with #them from a like… impersonal framework but LUST-WISE it feels like dividing by zero. i don’t know. fucking logic puzzle ass shit.’ #ON MY END I’M FUCKING MISGENDERING SOMEONE EITHER WAY ITS. GAH. HELP #IT MAKES ME FEEL BADLY PROGRAMMED. CAN’T EVEN HANDLE A LITTLE GENDER FUCKERY. INFANT BRAIN. #you can pry my ID from my cold dead hands and if you imply its bigoted or ~separatist~ in origin i’ll fucking gut you. but also teehee its #just MY id and you can ID however you want just don’t tell me how to identify sparkle sparkle~<3 #but also my id IS mutually exclusive of yours definitially and WILL cause problems going forward from a clerical & organizational standpoint #homonym ass queer theory relied on by a fucking spineless little shit who refuses to take a hard stance for what she believes is right OR c #correct. the spineless coward is me. by homonym i mean the same word and spelling meaning different things to different people to the point #it might as well not be same word at all #‘i think my definition of lesbian is objectively better and wish people using other definitions would please stop but ALSO if you think less #of other people for using other definitions i will beat your skull in with a rock you bitch’ is. what i boil down to. #‘i think inclus vs exclus language is stupid and not how the lgbt+ community works but going by the logic i don’t like the existence of the #ID but also literally almost all my bestest friends in the world are inclus on the subject and despite my semantic arguments i don’t disagre #disagree with them. i still pray every night that i might wake up to a world where my actual opinions are unnecessary and my consciousness k #knows pure unchallenged peace though’ #while also recognizing that dream of personal peace by way of ignorance of the identity of others is pretty fucking selfish lol #i keep writing addendums. this can go on forever.

[caricature-of-a-witch]

girl if you have the time to send me a 6 seconds voice message you have time to take the extra 4 seconds and spell that shit out just fucking TEXT me

#Ash's ramblings #this is specifically about my uni colleague who I'm supposed to do a presentation with #who sent me the wrong link last night so I can't see the powerpoint parts she's done #(she's doing the powerpoint and stuff mostly on her own to make up for the fact that I've pretty much done all the actual. content) #just send me a text I don't want to listen to you!! #Now you may say 'Ash it's just 6s it's not that bad' but it's the principle of the thing #if you give me important info then give it to me in a way that's immediately visible ffs #that I can search for by using key words if it gets lost in the chat #gah. I'm unreasonably mad but I nonetheless am mad #ignore this