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#tend to treat fanart and writing and all that as mostly disposable one time use pretty things to think on once nad never agian.
tillman
·
10 months
Text
gahh . im still thinking about stuff.
#and like ugh. no. the reason i havent been happy with my art recently despite liking how it looks is cus im too exhausted
#from work and life and such to really put the effort and thought into it i want. its careless. its thoughtless. theres
#very little in my current portfolio im satisfied with on an intellectual level. and it makes me feel very
#stagnant and kind of pissy about art. gah.
#<- btw. call me pretentious or whatever and ill just straight up kill you. this isnt pretentiousness. i just care deeply about my art and
#it conveying what i want it to. for me to be failing on that well. it kindof sucks
#i think a lot of the work im happy with now is my stupid soliloquies to myself. theyre scratchy and look bad but at least they
#get it across. yknow? ahh its so hard then.
#txt
#this isnt all that serious just thinking to myself.
#having an odd blurry moment so putting my thoughts to text helps a lot in figuring who i am LOL . <- in a system way not in a .
#whatever
#but i do think that ^ above not the system stuff ^ contributes to why i really feel negatively about being viewed as a fandom artist
#despite drwaing fanart- i want to use these characters to explore and think about stuff. u know? and i think fandom spaces
#tend to treat fanart and writing and all that as mostly disposable one time use pretty things to think on once nad never agian.
#and GAH!! that bugs me!!! i do not like how the internet has PRIMED people into treating art that way!
#personal pet peeve i guess. what can you do
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