#stagnant and kind of pissy about art. gah.

[tillman]

gahh . im still thinking about stuff.

#and like ugh. no. the reason i havent been happy with my art recently despite liking how it looks is cus im too exhausted #from work and life and such to really put the effort and thought into it i want. its careless. its thoughtless. theres #very little in my current portfolio im satisfied with on an intellectual level. and it makes me feel very #stagnant and kind of pissy about art. gah. #<- btw. call me pretentious or whatever and ill just straight up kill you. this isnt pretentiousness. i just care deeply about my art and #it conveying what i want it to. for me to be failing on that well. it kindof sucks #i think a lot of the work im happy with now is my stupid soliloquies to myself. theyre scratchy and look bad but at least they #get it across. yknow? ahh its so hard then. #txt #this isnt all that serious just thinking to myself. #having an odd blurry moment so putting my thoughts to text helps a lot in figuring who i am LOL . <- in a system way not in a . #whatever #but i do think that ^ above not the system stuff ^ contributes to why i really feel negatively about being viewed as a fandom artist #despite drwaing fanart- i want to use these characters to explore and think about stuff. u know? and i think fandom spaces #tend to treat fanart and writing and all that as mostly disposable one time use pretty things to think on once nad never agian. #and GAH!! that bugs me!!! i do not like how the internet has PRIMED people into treating art that way! #personal pet peeve i guess. what can you do