#I SAID I WOULDNT POST ART BC IM BUSY BUT

[tinyfantasminha]

what if i were insane and delusional

#twisted wonderland #jack howl #twst fanart #glorious masquerade #I SAID I WOULDNT POST ART BC IM BUSY BUT #im real stressed so I had to make my comfort character at 2am for that tiny boost of serotonin or else i die #MANIFESTING GLORIOUS MASQUERADE PT 2 NEXT YEAR W THE REST OF THE CAST.......make jack sr pls #myart

[angstics]

it's always been interesting to me that the only thing seemingly "separating" the transgender truthing from the homosexual truthing, in terms of legitimate proof that someone who only knows gerard way through interviews and stage performance could provide, is the history of open gnc-ness. which doesn't really correlate to any kind of transgender identity but obviously i know why people choose to interpret it that way. (even then, the offstage dude kissing could and usually does fill an identical role in other peoples interpretation of gerard as being secretly gay so. shrug). but this time TRUST ME his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group is ACTUALLY him being secretly trans. i try not to engage with any mass discourse events and find the she/her pronoun usage distasteful and just personally uncomfortable, so i dont directly encounter many people who even orbit this kind of discussion lol. im curious what you think about this comparison! and i apologize if anything was worded unclearly :)

this is a big can o worms! i like hearing your thoughts. there’s sooo many different readings on his identity and how the outfits factor into that.

it’s invasive but it’s not the same ethics as theorizing about a friend. understanding an artist is important to people. it’s part of being an artist which is normal but heavily contested. im always reminded of siken’s response to the student who wanted to learn more about his life to understand his poetry lol (he wasnt nice). why would it matter? authenticity, connection, need to label? there’s no universal or moral answer

anyhow back to gerard. the shift from homosexual to transgender truthing is funny! people didnt give up, they just concluded he’s unlabelled gay 😭 not from the on/off stage kissing (which were all performative) but from the tweetsss. “when people try to define your sexuality [morrissey picture]” and “why would i hide it if i was a Homosexual”. the affair conspiracies and gay music themes and general stereotypes probably aided that. whether the assumption is true or false makes no difference. the reasons behind why ppl even make the assumption are so intriguing to think about… but this is already too long.

the “trans truthing” is complicated bc it’s more personal to ppl. im not gonna create a boogeyman. ive seen all of this, some i align with some i dont. putting them in a list cuz it’s easier to read

ppl in my corner of the fandom are comfortable with calling him queer, nb, trans — from most to least common. all as umbrella terms. all to mean not-cis. justification is good ol FLAGGING. like getting an undercut to tell girls yr a dyke without needing to come out. i can expand on this thought process if wanted. ive seen this kinda labeling for YEARS

a lot of ppl i follow stop at gnc because that is the only visibly obvious option. and it’s the term The Advocate used for him in 2018 (tho we gotta note that he didnt self-id — the writer used the same principal of gnc being about presentation over id). the term is treated as if it were between cis and trans. or more accurately, not-cis not-trans.

ive noticed that old/ex fans or outsiders under my 30k cheerleader gifset see the dress as a coming out…? people of 1 and 2 chalk it under that history of gender nonconformity. it’s surprising but makes sense. i think that’s the function of said history

all the egg talk ive seen is on twitter among transfem ppl and tumblr posts in the wild. i searched “gerard way trans” and got so many tweets referencing kurt cobain. that is transfem business, not mine 😭

all this to say that i havent seen anyone in these circles insinuate he was Secretly trans. it’s the same as the gay assumption. it isnt about proving what reality is. just whatever individuals accept as their truth. lots of 1 ppl have said that if he suddenly came out as cis, their perception wouldnt change. i take that to mean bc the performance itself is the person and the performance they see is transgender.

i dont see how art and artist can be separated in performance. what other version of the artist are you getting? i dont know if anyone round here is talking about the couch sitting gerard way. like why would we 😭 even if one does, it’s under the perception of the performance we know. if we werent talking about the performance, we wouldnt even be talking about it. you wouldnt imagine your loved one watching tv. youd sit next to them. look at them. talk to them. YOU KNOW? like this whole debate on whether it’s invasive goes NOWHERE. we arent talking about someone who could be known. we are barely talking about the real person.

and he knows this because anyone with a Name becomes this. the real life person doesnt need defending. he needs respect. to me that means not harassing him, not digging into his private life, not speaking for him. the rest is what feels ok for me. if the environment is uncomfortable, all i can do is share why. which is why talking about it is important.

ill say, im fine with she/her-ing him. i know those arent his defined pronouns. i know i use them as a term of endearment and character-dedication. i know when to avoid them. i personally dont believe in rigid pronoun use. i don’t believe in there being a handbook of rules of what is or isnt rude (not to say there arent general rules). you learn person to person.

goes back to the Pursuit of Universal Morality. god i remember last year getting so mad at the trans labelling id leave tumblr to complain on twitter. but ive changed my tune to seeing the non-cis ambiguity. not because of Evidence but because i found comfort in that connection. i wasnt wrong then, am not wrong now.

it isnt really about him, it’s about what he says and does. which IMO he’s likely to accept as an artist.

so yeah. TLDR: posts that are like “how can you say he’s [cis/trans] if X?!” are really just stating their own perception. even if they uncritically believe what theyre saying is reality, it’s THEIR reality. there is no difference btwn “his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group” and “him being secretly trans”.

#there’s a tldr if it’s too long. sorry for party rockin #ask #mcr #mcr queer studies

[newts-and-sharks]

Ok, so since art fight is over, im gonna focus more on writing! i was kind of in a writing funk before it started and then i was kind of busy making art fight attacks, so now that its over, i can spend more of my productivity doubloons on writing instead of drawing! if i have any doubloons left over, i might share a drawing here or there, but i really really cant wait to share this fic with you guys. im so excited to show you an in depth look into the noodle boys and there past, it has actually been my main drive to write recently! hopefully after i get the first chapter out, i can try to make an ask the noodles side blog? but idk, i have proven terrible at answering asks via drawings, but i would like to try at least. maybe some asks wouldnt require a doodle? idk, but-

to be short: less drawings for now (as im sure you've noticed) bc im working on How to Train Your Noodles! i hope this doesnt bother you guys, and like i said, i will still post some drawings, just not as frequently

#im so excited guys you have no idea #a little fun fact that i might hint at in the story: #the noodle boys were the meteoroid that killed the dinosaurs #i might explain that more in the story or in the ask blog #whichever comes first #i just think its hilarious given the context #but i will share it #also you can thank that little idea to lee #but yeah #i might share some updates or doodle some scenes from the first chapter as i write it! #thats all folks #have a good day/night

[ilhoonftw]

i hope it's okay to send this because i kind of wanted to explain a little more about loona? (i was thinking of adding a commentary but eh, im on mobile so...), so i wouldnt say loona's case is as bad as it was for vixx, i think i can only pinpoint 2 instance where... something definitely fishy happened. so the 1st was in 2020, when lee sooman (from sm) invested money & worked with loona (loona is one of those groups with lore & storyline) and when aespa debuted a few people noticed a few similarities with loona (aesthetic, some lore, etc.) obvsly loona dont own some concepts o it was just a "eh" moment and people moved on. the 2nd instance was with nmixx and it was Weird, so nmixx debuted with some concept trailer and people were like "wait did they... did they copied loona's mvs & teasers? or did the video production company just got lazy and reused those shots?" but the video prod company ceo was CONFUSED as well and said so on instagram (before deleting the post & was later hired to film the mv?? idk it was weird.) so like i wouldn't say loona's get constantly ripped off bc that wouldn't be true & groups are allowed to have similar concepts!! but sometimes it's like "hmm. i see."

but like you said, if the competition field was levelles, i think groups from big, rich companies would be having a much harder time because they only get opportunities through their affiliations. not to say they're not talented but they're nepo babies thats all!!!!

p.s : also does anyone remember when aespa's lyricist straight up plagiarized janelle monae's django jane rap because that was WILD.

of course it's okay, you're more than welcome to elaborate! thank you for taking the time to do so because admittely, i am far from being super familiar with loona lore (beyond their first year at least)

maybe companies saw that loona's somewhat experimental concepts and maketing worked out so they decided 'hey let's use that, it's not like they can sue us'. i mean fans of some groups can be very annoying with 'they own this!' when it was already done 1468 times before But some groups manage to either refresh something already done or make something new their trademark so it does feel like ~their thing~. one thing about loona concepts etc is you can tell right away it's loona lol

the investment part reminds me of sm nerfing infinite 🥲🥲🥲

aespa got the usual 'let's change things up before 1st comeback' sm treatment, and as calculated everything was, they succeed i guess? they had their songs play on variety shows whatnot, nugus don't get that... nugus don't debut in a company that produces hit tv shows and has creative control over them... is it fair? it's hard to flop if your company is this big and many fans are primarly company stans so they buy whatever they are selling........

nmixx feels like a fever dream to me bc jyp ent never really did stuff like *gestures vaguely* that, at least gg wise... jyp as usual is heavy mediaplaying, ofc focused on just one member. the thing about jyp's marketing is they are smart with it, usually people get annoyed with constant stream of fluff pieces but they mastered making it seem less obvious. i mean if you see someone's name mentioned a lot in the media, you assume they got to be famous, right? it's kinda like that. i remember people saying jyp did this with suzy or gorioshi'ed twice to success in japan. who knows really!

every now and then i get flustrated by the ~state of things~ but then i remember it's show business, not show art or show fairness :/

ps what?????????

#ask

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

[ask-october-fox]

Well well well.. if it isnt the consequences of my own actions. More under the cut!

This is going to be very long so I apologize.   So uh...I think its about time I say something about this.. I really thought I wouldnt have to but it seems its about time I come clean about why there is a major lack of ‘actual’ updates from me this year. NGL I thought I could just ignore this and get through this month without much fuss but as the past few days have proven anything, that would be a lie. So to put this bluntly. I am in a lot of pain. And I have been for a while now but its only gotten really bad in the last month. Like everyone else in the world, I have a lot of wrist/hand problems due to my job. About 2 years ago I had gotten a real bad pain in my left elbow and went to the doctor after a couple months to see if something was wrong. The Doctor couldnt really find anything wrong, and sent me home with some meds that really didnt help. Over time the pain came and went and I worked with it, just powering through and getting over it. I have tried just about everything: meds, warm water, cold water, massages, resting, creams/lotions and anything else I could think of. Over time that pain spread to my shoulder and to my wrist and hand. Again, some days werent so bad so I just continued on as normal.  This past September was.... rough. After being hit head on by Hurricane Ida and losing power for about a week and pretty much melting in my own house, already killed a lot of my motivation for this blog, but it was when I tried to get back to work things got bad. The pain in my left arm is.... almost unbearable some days. I can usually get about 2-4 hours of work time in before it starts to hurt and anything after that becomes far too distracting and I cant focus. I went to the Doctor on the 2nd of this month and even she seemed confused on what the actual problem might be, so she is sending me to a specialist but the earliest they can see me isnt until the 20th. This has become very... very frustrating. I want to do this blog, I want to answer your questions, but I physically cant. And it pains me more to know that I cant bc this blog ONLY runs for this month, I feel like there isnt much of an excuse for me to not have content for you all. Hence why most of my stuff has been pictures or misc things. The “quick replies” arent too bad since I can usually doodle up a little reaction image in about 10-15 min or reuse past ones, but to do my longer replies it starts to be a little much. Now I also wasnt kidding when I said I was busy too, that part is very true, but this is actually the main reason why there hasnt been a lot of art this year and may not be. Im at my wits end, im not too sure what else to do, and at this point im more just mad at myself for not being better prepared. I DO have things to post and I have some great stuff im excited to share with you all but as far as replies go.. I might be able to do like...1 a week or something. You all come back here each year and I feel so awful to have so little to show you this time around. I know this cant be helped and im sure that people are much more understanding than I keep thinking they are. But its just been weighing on me more and more and just needed to be open about this. I am hoping that next year will be better and that I will be more prepared, but for now... this may be the best I can do. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for still coming here and keeping me company and enjoying my short time here. You all are the reason I keep coming back too after all! Well this ended up being a bit wordy, huh? Haha~ If you read through all of that, I appreciate it greatly! 🦊🕯

#october #the mod talks

[el-im]

;)

hello everyone and welcome to. crap from my camera roll that i dont want on my phone anymore, part one thousand

wip photos i took of one of the latest inktobers i did. those leaves were ridiculous. they took. maybe 3 or 4 or 6 hours on their own, i don’t remember but i made up all the shading and veining as i went so they came out sort of inconsistent looking but i was really happy with them because they were... so much work even if they weren't like. even remotely like any biologically accurate depictions of a(n earth) leaf. i guess that’s the joy of sci fi!! no one can make fun of you for not doing scientifically correct things even if you (studying biology) should make more of an effort to make things. like. accurate. lmao.  

i think ib art really got to be with those progress photos they required for the visual journal. i am so often like. oh this looked better when i was working on it. finished pieces r so passe ! i gotta work. more on backgrounds. i am so bad at them and i try so damn hard.  HAH 

elanor texting me during class. they asked if i knew who david lynch was and i gave the ‘loved twin peaks/wouldnt watch eraserhead again gun to my head/dont know anything abt blue velvet but i have an unruly unmitigated unchecked chrush on dean stockwell rn so’ rundown and they said the prof was showing the class a clip of eraserhead (to which i said godspeed) but then later they were getting into blue velvet so i went back on this which prompted egghead saying actually that they’d seen that clip of some like it hot which was. surprising bc elanor has seen maybe half a movie in thier whole life and it was like. twilight new moon. anyway i have lost the plot

hi jack lemmon i am in love with you

the girl im in love w posted this (its a cropped part of a larger meme abt what girls keep in their pockets) and i keep fucking thinking abt it and laughing. the image of being a fucking annoying menace in a jail cell (which in my mind is a mix between gene wilder in the cell in blazing saddles and jim sturgess after the anti-war protests in across the universe). hilarious. unparallelled. 

me after telling elanor (who sent me a tik tok abt the om*gaverse (insert ‘i still dont know what the om*gaverse is and at this point im too afraid to ask’ meme here. and that is NOT an invitation to explain it to me on anon in my inbox. i do not want to know. that is not my business. this is me making a tiny cross with my fingers and warding you all off) and said ‘me explaining my thesis to my family at christmas’) ‘giving you access to the internet was a mistake’

hi. wife city. i love this garbage outfit. fucking. pasta necklace lookin headass. god. personally i love when men have eyebrows that stick out two inches away from their face. 

may or may not have made that fad whipped coffee when i was housesitting for my mom because kyoko had some instant coffee. it was terrible and disgusting and i pretty immediately poured it out into the garden. everyone who makes social media drinks deserves financial compensation. yall really live like this???

chihiro! this was the first time she really. jumped up and came and sat next to me. 

the person who tagged un* mccormack in my art abt her book... very cool of her to have noticed that and been kind abt it but also. wish maybe that you wouldnt have tagged the author of a book in a post where i linked to a place where u can read it for free. lmao. also iconic of me later googling her other social media but confusing her with ursula le guin (idfk) and being like?? she died???? when i was looking at ulg’s instagram on my phone browser bc i dont have an account anymore (which. btw. is like freedom, canned) and then me being like. who runs that account then. a publisher? turns out i am just a fucking moron 

charlie... <3

nico visited campus recently, this was all he passed onto me. im joking. and yet. i do occasionally think that i could never run for a public office beyond like a mayorship bc my online presence is 90% me (half jokingly) talking abt how i want to bang my teachers. god i hope no one is reading this but if you are. hiii. 

joe. bitch. 

me taking a health assessment for class at 8 in the morning + going.... oh come on. 

took me a second to realize what he was talking about bc the “it’s a health thing...” and “i’m gonna...” were so separate to me but. once it clicked i was like. oh! that’s hilarious and i love you. 

this reminded me of an assignment someone had once where they were told they were on a desert island and the only thing they had for company was. idk. a radio or something and it was the only contact they had with the outside world and they had to imagine what they would do on the island and they went and sat in the computer lab for like. half an hour. and came back with a document that just said “i’m going to fuck the radio” or whatever the equivalent was and MAN occasionally high school was so kind to me. that was hilarious. 

from joe, like a week ago. i loved so much that he didn't say i wasn’t bitching or anything, just giving me the sweetest goodnight he could muster (and that-to be honest, i could ever hope for lmao) although once when i called myself a bitch he sent me that john mulaney ‘my wife is a bitch and i like her SO much’ gif and i think abt that all the time and laugh. king shit. 

elanor. this was just. funny to me. they’re right but god at what cost. 

mari’s axolotl costume at tane’s art show (her piece is the two wooden panels in the back) 

i bought nico a copy of anton chekhov’s short stories as a ‘get well soon’ gift. bc i figured. he’s been playing rust since he got out of the hospital and i’m sure that gets dull and i wanted to get him something to read and i. i dont know i came across chekhov’s short stories recently and i loved them so much and i figured he’d like them too but also. knowing nico i was like. he’s not gonna fucking read this book. so i thought maybe if i annotated it he’d be a little more eager to actually flip through it bc. yanno i always think it’s interesting to see what my friends thought was notable/funny/whatever abt a book. (which is a lie. i really just. hadn’t read all the stories in it and i wanted to read them before i gave them to him but i figured annotating it didn’t hurt and that he might (maybe) appreciate it) so i’ve been underlining/commenting/drawing in the margins and i wrote him a little dedication in the front that says ‘for nico garnero, durante tu año enfermo, adya.’ which also to me is just. a fun little dedication. when he throws this into a goodwill donation bag in three years someone there will pick it up and fall in love with me despite not knowing who i am, (my brain....) anyway. im so enraptured by the notes on the text in this edition. there aren’t a ton of them and when they do appear they actually are interesting--meaning of names that are left not translated and stuff like that that gives more breadth to the language and also in the best footnote arrangement (at the bottom of the page instead of at the back of the book--which is the devil)

AND ANOTHER THING: 

when i was in high school i used to make lists of things I was angry about and I think it used to abate my anger a little so here goes: 

1. ty’s kid has croup. ty is also sick. abe works with ty. abe has his own kid at home. apparently (as everyone in the house learned yesterday) abe does not wear a mask at work. he “doesn’t have to because he’s vaccinated”--as if it isn’t possible to get covid while vaccinated. so now it’s possible that 1. abe has been exposed to croup’s parainfluenza virus and can pass/has passed it off to mariko (who mia noticed two nights ago was breathing heavily and irregularly), 2. abe has been exposed to covid (which ty may have) or 3. abe has been exposed to the flu (which--while less serious, certainly, could have been prevented altogether had he just... worn a fucking mask while at work). now he’s “quarantining” by sleeping in the office, but is using nick/i’s bathroom (of course) and going out into the house/common areas without a mask, though nick and I are wearing two every time we leave our rooms and avoiding common areas, and mia is wearing one intermittently around abe and not wearing one in common areas. because she is an idiot. 

2. i had a bad night for another, separate reason last night and found myself watching all the episodes of what’s my line with jack lemmon in them--tears streaming down my face--before realizing. hey, maybe i should go to bed. which was funny to me. 

the rest of these r just selfies so you can all kindly avert your eyes

me in the bathroom at my moms after being awake for 48 hours, taking two benadryl, and planting ~40 flowers in the planters in the front and back yard at six in the morning 

i didnt brush my hair for the entire time my mom was out of town and i was taking care of grandma + kyoko bc i forgot a brush so. here. gratuitous mirror selfies. 

pictures i send to joe for his growing album of ‘pictures of adya flipping me off’

me and mari looking So Sleep Deprived. 

more pics from the disaster zone. elanor walking to the immigration office in ireland with me on the horn so she has a witness if someone tries to kill them <3

the most abhorrent socks/sandals combination yet seen on earth

mariko and i this morninggg

an actual nice picture + apple and raspberry martinelli’s blush + side part. i forgot i could actually look cute instead of like. a milkmaid. lmao. 

from mother’s day i think?

an old wheat henna mia did on me

me n mariko <3

singin king of the road

baybie <3

getting slobbered on <3

edit: added nov 9th. tried to upload these w captions but tumblr wasnt having it and im not retyping them so. die

#DUMPING GROUNDS #captain's log #I’m gonna shut up now sorry everyone. good morning !

[spearxwind]

RLY BIG ASK POST INCOMING OOPS

i keep fucking forgetting so answer stuff bc ive been busy BIG apologies to all yall sorry for the delay

he has not! none of the ocs from hollowridge have been reworked into oxy and I heavily doubt any of them will make it into oxy at all since HR is its own thing entirely. The only exception I made was for adri bc he’s my fucking fave and I didnt want to leave him on a project thats pretty much entirely dead in the water!

Sorry if its a dissappointing to anyone haha but im genuinely just fucking sick of Hollowridge and what I did to it so I’m trying to move on, at least for now. 

ASLKDL;SFDKLJFDF GOD ANON THIS FUCKING SENT ME I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR DAYS 

Icarus................. your mind is massive thank you

UYES I ACCEPT THIS GIFT THANK U SO MUCH I LOVE HER GIVE HER A LITTOL KISS FROM ME PLEASE 

OKAY THIS IS INSANE I THINK THANK U SO MUCH??? THIS WAS RLY FUN GOSH TY :WAILING: the lyrics had me going HAH out loud because. Yeah. I Understand

YOU ARE ALL GOOD i am answering all of these questions two to four days late x) 

Thank you so much still though, and thank you to everyone else who sent in bday wishes that I did not answer I promise i read all of them and they were all very sweet i keep u all in my heart 

I do NOT know what the fuck this is in reference to but i HAVE drawn adri as a train before, here

https://spearxwind.tumblr.com/post/188237029169/can-adri-disguise-himself-as-inanimate-objects

genuinely still one of the coolest, and yet more nonsensival things ive done. However I would like to point out that this art is now ridiculously accurate to what he currently looks like and idk how to feel about it

ok let me be more specific then. would it be socially acceptable to have a character with a tapeworm coming out of their mouth and going “oohh aaahh oh no I have a tapeworm you have to yank it out of meeeeee”

It has been a full 24 hours and i still do not understand what the hell this ask is. Like, what?

also tbh depends on how much they paid me but yeah id take a sponsorship from them. Ill draw a single pizza in my comic for 5000$. 

GOOD :) GIVE IN. MAKE THE VIOLENT OCS. MORALS ARE OUT THE GD WINDOW

special shoutout to that one anon I still think about from time to time that said smth like. “if your oc is so bad then would they kill.... THIS PUPPY?!?!” and I just about lost it like. You have no fucking idea what youre up against, my man

It’s not dw the page will go up today I was just hanging out with my SO and i didnt feel like spending an hour setting up the pages for upload. I know it’s irresponsible of me but i still havent missed a single week even if a page or two has been late, and I definitely wouldnt put the comic on hiatus with no warning 

#ask #anon #ask dump #long post #I KEEP FUCKING. FORGETTING TO ANSWER THINGS A LOT IM OSRRY EVERYONE I TRY MY BEST #BUT I HAVE ONE BRAINCELL

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

#journal shit

[pestopascal]

While I will absolutely agree that CB2077 isn’t the ONLY game doing all this bullshit, or that other AAA studios don’t deserve the flack CDPR is getting, I have to say that this is absolutely the perfect storm and I think people are FINALLY seeing the problems in modern AAA gaming. CB2077 might be fun to play, may have a good story, but it’s almost impossible to see because of the glaring issues. Which, honestly, is a good thing. I hope games change after this.

under here

AAA studios have been like this and this sort of release has been completely normalised on all accounts by both the businesses themselves and fans because of the inherent reliance on modders (bethesda at the forefront of this), as well as the pushback every time companies actually go ‘uh we need a lil more time’ (although... they just shouldnt announce potential release dates, im even of the camp they shouldnt even start releasing the game until like 6 months out from their official date because they fuck it up every time. borderlands 3 being the only game i know of being in “secret” development and then announcing itself in march for a september release. game itself aside, thats how companies should do it). easily i can remember a lot of 2011 release games which have had the exact same issues as cp77′s release, and then every other game in between since. very rarely do you actually have a game that isn’t a fucked up mess of a pile of pixels. and it is always the customisable character ones that are honestly, genuinely, ugly looking at release. but you can definitely say its been happening looooooong before 2011, with unrealistic expectations, word limits, 11 month time frames, offloading sequels to smaller companies so they can suffer if it fails, etc etc. the entire system has been like this for so long... they dont know any real different nowadays.

i mean look. tlou2 released under crunch conditions this year, and was rewarded. it was ALL over the social media feeds, it was quite the controversy because, surprise surprise, the company promised they wouldnt do it uwu and then. bam ! crunch conditions. literally around that time too, bioware employees came out with a statement saying ‘man we wish dai FAILED so that back in 2014 we couldve proven crunch was a wrong practice’. they say this as well after having to produce da2 in 14 months, which just suffered from fans and journalism for reusing environments, because it was produced in 14 months, and honestly? no one pointed that out back then, bioware themselves pointed it out again this year, 6 years after release, that that game was produced in 14 months. rdr2′s release was hounded by stories of crunch, and they all disappeared into the night because... it was heralded as the best game of all time. that was 2018, 2 years ago.

i think too is that some people get kind of ... morally and ethically concerned. which is understandable. can you consume something when you know it was made under conditions like crunch? and i think one of the most confronting things about it is that 9/10, not only has your favourite company engaged in crunch conditions, they almost actively choose to continue with them. and then that’s a whole other bag of issues blown up over there when it comes to what is able to be consumed what isn’t etc etc

i think also like a mix of marketing, promises and then the expectations of what the game will be like have really had cdpr earn the ire of fans which is just like... you don’t believe what these companies are saying. you never should, esp when it’s their ceo’s saying it who don’t work on the actual floor. bioware itself is the main culprit of doing this to the point they finally came around with all the da4 concept art and teasing to be like ‘ummm but actually dont get invested?’. remember all that qunari lady fanart that bioware management was like ... please dont get attached? yeah. yeah. like at what point as well is there going to be heavy level of apprehension to approach this? and i can’t really talk either, i cracked open the door for mass effect again. i know exactly what kind of shit bioware will pull, i know they are teasing it already on social media, but mass effect is my ride or die series. that’s why people keep opening the door on letting these companies get away with it. and you can’t fault fans entirely either because this is down to a science of how to get money. i mean, fuck, mass effect andromeda’s entire advertising campaign HINGED on the n7 logo. for the nostalgia value. and i see text posts in the same vein of both ‘guys, disney isnt gonna fuck you if you consume every remake for nostalgia value’ and ‘its understandable why people do it’.

so then you have to go ‘well are fans as just to blame’ and then that’s a whole other argument.

i think also like. i personally havent run into aaaannnyyyyyyy of the issues that you see posted online. which is ironic bc 1) i play on ps4 and 2) its an old dusty ps4. in fact a lot of ppl i have spoken to who have had issues have played on pc. does this mean the glitches dont exist? ofc not, the vids and screenshots are right there. but like... ive had a basically unhindered experience so far, and i get where ppl are coming from (i do, i promise) where theyve basically found the game unplayable. is there also a standard of what ppl consider unplayable because ive played most AAA games at launch when they basically rushed to slap the box label on the game and called it a day until they work on patches. when ppl consider unplayable is also just... different per person. some people have a slight blur on the screen when turning too fast even in an MMO and decide the game is horrible and unplayable. some people can have broken quests and npcs not loading and falling through maps and still be fine. there’s no agreed statement of what makes a game unplayable either, which is why you read threads on twitter and someone goes ‘yeah this npc t-posed so i quit in the first hour’ with a dozen replies. everyone has different levels of it.

it’s a mixed bag of issues. im not excusing cdpr, but the ppl who worked on the game are honestly likely not the ones who pushed for a release. you’ve gotta look at sony and microsoft and ceo’s with bonuses coming up and the investors and shareholders and people who sit behind computers and read numbers detailing interest and demand and supply and how every single time they had to delay this game, the loudest (but smallest) bunch of assholes on like reddit and in the twitter threads complained that it was delayed AGAIN even though back in what 2015? they said it’ll come out when it’s ready. and yeah there are times when game delays result in a mismatched half assed sort of story (kh3... p5... ffxv... dai...) and then there are times when, if they need to delay the game... they probably need to delay the game. sometimes delays are bad sometimes theyre good sometimes you are sitting there like whew if you only didn’t try to be like THIS TIME this is the release date.

the ONLY WAY this will stop happening is, quite frankly, unionising. and everyone is allergic to that whole concept so like... this is “the perfect storm” as you put it. but it’s also not. people have been so disappointed over the last 2 years alone for gaming companies, the final product, the attitudes from higher ups, that i think cdpr is receiving a good few years worth of anger. i think theyre also on the receiving end of misdirection from american fans who still don’t fucking get the company isn’t american, because that’s another bag of issues as well. like we’re holding at least 8 bags of groceries out of the back of the car now, and we don’t want to take another trip, because there are so many little bits of this entire situation to look at. there’s so much back and forth.

i think the worst, but most realistic thing is: games won’t change. how they will social media wise will. maybe. assuming bioware gets their heads out their asses but... they’re going to be a lot more careful. i mean, hell, sony offered refunds. that was just a publicity stint. they dont give a fuck if the game was bad. as i said before, if they did, they would make all companies fix trophy problems, starting from like 2010 or whenever the trophy system first came out. they just don’t wanna fall in alongside cdpr being thrown on its sword. but the companies are gonna learn from this, get smarter, still do the same shit to their employees, still pay off journalists, still do media blackouts, etc etc. and we’re gonna be here in another year’s time, with another game, having these same roundabout arguments, and cp77′s issues are gonna fade into just a wikipedia article.

#replies #this got long so i threw it under a cut #i just like wrote as i was thinking too in between ovw sry lol #Anonymous

[matoitech]

i hvent even blocked this person yet bc ive been too busy having reactions. hello if ur reading this im glad u get to witness the fallout of us finding ur secret anime boy porn sideblog w killing stalking on it?? ppl assumed you ACCIDENTALLY liked teacher galo art (and to a lesser but still ?? extent, genderbends) but its looking more likely u knew and did it anyway... did u rb that art of galo in a leash to your main knowing i didnt follow ur main and assuming i wouldnt notice bc of that, or did u just RLY not listen to anything ive said for months. if youre gonna be fucking gross dont be a coward, slap that shit RIGHT to main so ppl know to avoid you. i could tolerate u just being stupid about the leash thing but jesus christ man. enjoy the post b4 u get that block

#im not even surprised. im just annoyed im gonna have to use twitter again to find merch myself #ok im feeling less like i was immature abt saying smth abt that leash art now #killing stalking tw #mine

[momiijisohma]

Hey uh...... you got any spare momiji hcs to share w/ the class?

DO I??*cracks knuckles* -my gender/sexuality hcs are all over the got damn place but one thing im certain of: the kid isnt fucking straight, no way in hell (for the purpose of this post i’ll be using he/him pronouns)-we all know he’s a very touchy person so consider this: once he and momo are able to be The Iconique Brother/Sister due, he cant stop hugging her. whenever shes around he lugs her around like a lil princess (or rather, like a fucking raggedy ann doll bc u cant convince me that he has any upper body strength) -SPEAKING OF MOMO. she will not shut UP abt how amazing her brother is, and all her lil friends have a crush on momiji (bc hey. who wouldnt.) and shes a lil brat abt it bc she wants all his attention for herself (not in that creepy ass brother sister complex kinda way, in the Oh My God I Missed Having an Older Sibling Around For MOST Of My LIFE And Im Not Abt To Lose MORE Valuable Time WithThem to some fucking lOvE iNtErEsT kinda way) -momijis mother was a violinist, and he took up the violin to get closer to her and hes a fucking prodigy and the only thing that kept him from becoming a world class violinist was that he even after the curse roke he still kinda kept some distance from his mother as to not freak her out and she still runs in the fancy classical music circles so of He were famous... HEWWO. -ALSO to expand on that last point, he and momo jam out frequently and he teaches her lots of lil tips he learned on his own. -momiji started learning martial arts with the rest of the sohma boys but gave up after a week bc it wasnt adorable at all and instead would just watch his cousins’ practice and stick around for the snacks afterward-he was a fucking mess when he realized he had a crush on tohru, hes the kinda sap who writes love sick puppy love letters and decorates them with stickers and glitter and lil drawings of him and tohru and he keeps them all in a shoebox under his bed bUT only after letting haru look over them and decide whether or not theyre Too Much (they always are. tohrus poor little easily flustered heart cant handle the amount of mush this kid can dole out) -momiji and his boyfriend haru, and his boyfriends’ girlfriend rin, who is also momijis gf- spend way too much time together, and haru loves listening to his partners rag on kyo for stealing tohru away from everyone -LISTEN, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT... HE WAS RITSU AND KAGURAS DRESS UP DOLL. AND HE LOVED IT. eventually he starts dressing more uhhhh. quirky than the girls (yes i said girls) would prefer, but when theyre younger they all essentially exchange clothes and accessories pretty frequently (those sunglasses we first see him wearing?? a hand me down from kagura.) OH MY GOD DONT FUCKING GET ME STARTED ON AYAME. -MOMIJI WORKS PART TIME AT AYAS STORE. FUCKING KILL ME. hes mine’s willing victim each and every day and loves modeling new outfits and hes one of mine’s favorite sohma boys aside from aya and yuki ofc-kyo and yuki are like big brothers to him, and that being said, momiji has made it his mission in life to annoy them as much as humanly possible before he dies. he adores them,he rly rly does, and he makes kyo teach him how to cook and how to swim and he nags at yuki to help him study and reaps the benefits of yukis secret base (bc lets be real. yuki? eat healthy? of his own accord?? i have to laugh)-OH BOY. DADTORI. momiji ADORES hatori, he thinks hes so cool and smart and amazing and hatori took momiji under his wing from a very young age and momiji clings to him bc his rEaL dAd isnt around too much anymore and hatoris the one who goes to all his parent teacher meetings and helps (read: creates completely by himself) with school projects and teaches him how to ride a bike and sticks momiji back in violin lessons after fuckass dad tells momiji to stop bc of momo and he brings momiji along on most errands bc he worries abt him and if theyre together he knows momiji wont get into any trouble (any trouble that hatori hasnt approved and/or encouraged). i think its mentioned in a side bar or smth that momiji hangs at haris house pretty frequently or?? anyway. he does. and when hatori and mayu have their baby momiji basically gets a whole nother baby sister and he and momo are over the fucking moon and dote on her like its nobodys business-hatori adopts momiji 

#fruits basket #momiji sohma #pry my ot3 out of my cold dead hands #im TIRED and SICK so this isnt all.. but its enough #Anonymous

[heyitslapis]

Ok let's see... its been about 3 weeks since i posted last, give or take a few days. And I'll just say its been an interesting and exhausting few weeks.

Still trying to completely get over my dumbf*ck feelings for Alex. I'm not really doing a super great job at that, and still get random depressive moments that last a varying amount of time, but usually i just push my pity party to the side after about 2 minutes.

On the 3rd of June, Alex went up to see part of her family and join them on a cruise to Columbia. She said wont be back until maybe the 3rd or 4th of July at the earliest. I kinda miss her, but I feel like spending a month physically apart from her will do me some good. Her and i still snap back and fourth to save our streak and to day good morning. Whenever she cant find wifi, she turns on her dad's personal hotspot so she can send me at least one snap to keep our streak rolling (we are the longest streak we have with anyone on our snapchats, and it stands currently at 261 days.) The day after she left the streak sorta died for the day, but she was able to save it cause she was in a different time zone.

Since she's been gone, we've hired several new people at work, many if which being new hosts (thank God tbh, cause this means after theyre all done training and get a couple weeks to get used to everything i can train as a server and hopefully make a little more money). One of them is Giovanni's sister (Gio is a guy that works there. Mostly does dish, sometimes hosts.) And apparently she likes me? About a week before she started they came in to eat with their mom and after they left Gio was like "Dude, i think my sister likes you."

Hey, some random girl actually has a crush on me for the first time in my life? That's cool! Right? It would be, if she weren't 17. If i were still 18 or 19, i wouldnt really care. But now that im 20, even though we only have a 2 year and almost 6 month age difference, i still feel like its weird. I feel like im in a whole new age threshold now that ive hit that 2 decade mark, and she just seems to me like a kid. Anyway, Sammy (thats her) is bi with a preference for girls. She's very forward about asking the girls at work about their sexuality (she'll be mid convo and just be like "wait; you straight?") She makes a hobby of flirting with the straight girls, because as she says it, she can easily flirt with straight girls bc she knows she wont have a chance. As soon as she knows theyre bi or gay, she cant even really talk to them. Sammy flirts with me in excess, has asked me 3 times if im straight, or if im sure that i am (homegirl has only been here like two weeks), and the reason why is because she would happily let me break her heart, and has said thats its too bad im not gay bc if i was she would let me crush her. Also has told me that i remind her of her ex girlfriend, and when i said idk if thats supposed to be a compliment or not, she said "well i really liked her, so..." Oh and btw all 3 times shes asked, I've told her im straight (yknow, bc im not out to the irl general public) and I'll just say that having to lie outloud about my sexuality does not feel that great. Thats not something ive ever had to verbally do before, and now i understand. Tbh i dont really lie, or at least i very rarely do, bc i dont like it, and i want to be seen as trustworthy. i have told my share of lies in my day, but i feel like that was in the top 3 worst lies ive ever told. Simply because i know thats not who i am, yet im saying it anyway.

Besides that, in these last couple weeks ive:

Gotten my computer hacked and almost got scamed out of the piddly $120 dollars total that is in my bank account for me to try to live off of until next Fridays paycheck, and almost got my brother's bank account hacked (looong f*ckin story. Short version, im a gotdang fool, and people are absolute bastards), so now i cant use my computer until i get it looked at, which means no art (sucks bc i wanted to draw myself a bi pride icon)

Put in 103 hours at work in the last 2 weeks

Had our only available car break down twice

Got about half of our kitchen painted. Still need to find time to finish it

Purchased tickets for a convention, and bought almost everything i need to finish my cosplay.

Have a sore in the back of my mouth thats been plaguing me for over a week (finally starting to heal. Its been hurting to do so much as talk, much less eat or drink)

Had to deal with everyone's attitudes at work (some sh*ts going on with the moon and everyones been a pissy ass lately, and im so over it)

The pain in the ass girl at work that we've been trying to get rid of for over a year called in and quit 15 minutes before her literal last shift (Father's day) and our proprietary manager told her "its bullshit that you just found out that your other job scheduled you to work today 15 minutes before you had to come here" and "dont try to come back to this store again". Im ecstatic about it tbqh and feel a small sense of victory about the whole thing.

One of my favorite gays from work had his last shift Saturday night and im still sad about it.

It may not seem like much but its just all around every other day something else small happened to add to the weird and crazy smorgasbord that is my life.

Also bless Sammy bc yesterday was Father's Day, and because of that, i was in the building of my work at 9:45am, started working to get set up at 10, opened around 10:50, and didnt stop until about 8:50pm, 10 minutes before we closed. Our proprietary manager bought us tons of pizza and snacks in the middle of our shift so that we could all take turns having a 10 minute breather, but other than that it was non-stop work and dedication to the customer. At 9:50am my brother went to the Duncan Donuts down the road from us to get the handful of morning people either coffee or bagels or whatever they asked for. I told my brother to get me the english muffin with egg and cheese, and if they had the option, to add sausage to it. Also to tell Sammy i said hi (because she works at that Duncan also, and was there yesterday morning). My brother comes back with breakfast, hands me my food and said that Sammy made it especially for me. (At that time i was also in a bad mood bc i was tired from working four open doubles in a row, and was stressed, so that really lifted my spirits a bit. The food, and the thought that someone made it especially for me.) And i'll just say she just earned my love for the next week at least.

Anyway i think thats all for now loves. I dont have a very eventful life, but i sure do have a busy one.

#my life #avatarkorvira speaks #poor sammy thinks im quote ''really cute'' and ''f*cking adorable'' and im kinda glad she thinks im straight #like her second night training with me she asked how old i was and when i said 20 she said ''damn'' #then later when i asked her age (even though i alreadu knew she was 17) she refused to tell me specifically #like shed tell anyone else (including my sister) but not me #and you see at work with certain people ill be like playfully flirty with them just as one of the many ways i show friendliness #like i do it to alex and heather and marissa and molly and several others. but theyre all adults #i know for a fact sammy is a minor. so i told her im not gonna make crude or flirty jokes with her and she doesnt like that #also i just realized that i only joke flirt with girls at work #mostly thats just because im more comfortable with the gals. that and every guy there is either annoying or nasty #and i wouldnt be able to interact with them that way without them making it really gross or thinking im actually hitting on them #and if i ever truely hitting on any of the guys at work someone smack me in the back of the head bc ew #alex #sammy

[dravencroft]

@angryowlet-blog replied to your post:

im not the anon, who pretty much said what i would had ofc, but U ARE AN ARTIST! and u have every right to be upset/bothered/etc if someone who agreed to pay u in fact, is ignoring u w/o said payment – from what im understanding w/the posts? pls correct me if im wrong? but pls never think ur art, that u put so much detail/love into and devoted ur time, is not worth anything, bc let me tell u, it is, ok o/ and if said person who is avoiding payment never pays or at least, gives a solid reason for not replying back to u, or paying, then i wouldnt ‘do business’ w/them ever again. no one should be using u for ur art, and that is was it sounds like happened. trust me, i legit cried w/what u did for me, and like… im still amazed and i plastered them everywhere possible ^^;; again, never think ur not an artist <3<3<3

I apologize in advance for contradicting you, but I can’t consider myself an artist. This is simply my own opinion, and I’m not asking anyone to agree with me, but I have always believed that calling yourself an artist is a special and personal thing: it doesn’t matter how objectively good or bad you are at it, you’re the one who chooses if you’re an artist or not. And I don’t consider myself as such. I feel like it would be an insult towards all those people who actually think of themselves as artists, and thus are artists. I guess this doesn’t make much sense, but right now I don’t feel like arguing or trying to explain myself better, I’m sorry. 

Besides, when that person asked me to draw for them I told them I would gladly do it for free. They are the one who insisted to pay me (”I don’t even know you and you’re doing this for me, paying you is the least I can do!”). I don’t really know why they disappeared without paying and I don’t mind it; what makes me upset is the fact that I don’t even know if they are satisfied with what I did or not. I want to make people happy, I don’t care about getting something in exchange, so I wanted to at least know if what I did was okay to them, simply this. I guess I exaggerated by complaining so much, but I always whine and whine and whine...

#Daken.txt #angryowlet-blog #beware: another long and boring reply

[kimmutaro]

Share 10 facts about yourself, then tag your 10 favorite followers. Tagged by @spiritguardian​, thanks!

ive been on a semi-hiatus cuz of life but it seems im on my 1000th post! time flies~ after this i’ll properly fill my queue ;  ; and post actual stuff in the near future

1) my username comes from my name, kim, and the spell Indignation from the Tales of Series. I like using pun-ish names, ie: my instagram is kimmobilized and ive had other names like kimception or kimprovise...mostly cuz i’m lazy and not cuz i liked kimpossible...well not only bc of that 2) parts of my actual name is made up of two really common korean surnames: Kim & Lee in Japan it was funny when people got confused on which part was which. I was mostly called キムさん which was also funny cuz we had a couple korean checkers and translators at our company w the same name...THINKING ON IT NOW I COULDVE ALSO BEEN CALLED リー君 like Syaoran in CCS!! missed opportunities yo

3) I’ve been dyeing my hair since college, colors i’ve had: red, orange, indigo, lime green(a bad choice), green, and turquoise/teal which i’m on now. im working on lightening it to dye it light blue atm

4) I’m helping out at my family’s business, and some customers call my smiley. look. i work from 5am to 2pm, i run on my customer service autopilot who is a super genki super polite persona i use, but im dead inside

5) i wish i liked beer or wine bc theyre social drinks, but i mostly drink hard liquor. i don’t like the taste of alcohol but getting drunk w good friends in a safe environment is fun. ie: i got shitfaced while doing a voltron drinking game at my place. friend told me i wouldnt shut up abt how keith looked handsome in 1020p, and im not wrong

6) i’m korean-american but i kinda hate kimchi. nowadays im better if it’s in jjigae or bokkum bap but by itself? no (why is it lately ive had people brag theyre more korean than i am for liking it???)

7) i’m ashamed my Japanese is better than my Korean now. I think it’s mostly cuz of my interest in Japanese media whereas i generally dont like mainstream korean media

8) I move through fandoms like lightning but Tales has probably been my longest, from about 2007 to now (asides from low-key constants like pokemon or digimon) shortest mightbe been gurren lagaan: 3 days, watched it over a weekend, talked about it for a day and left it

9) i kinda wanna put out a silly webcomic about manga and game tropes ive been thinking of, but i have a lot of ups and downs about my art. i want to get better but i really gotta put myself out there and draw more frequently first i think ;  ; gotta learn the adobe tools better for that too

10) as a lurker for most of my internet career, ive never been really active online. but i want to change that and make friends and meet cool people like ive started to a tiny bit. i’m super happy to have the wonder followers i have and hope to get to know you guys and other great people too~

thanks for reading! like i said, i don’t know many peeps online so pls feel free to this if you’d like!

#why do i ramble so much? #sorry this got long #but yay 1k posts! #personal #about me #10 facts #meme