#Guess I'll have to find something else to blog about | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sophieinwonderland · 2 days

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Preface: People are going to assume this is a response to recent drama. So I want to say that I started writing this draft before that one blog's response to me. It was shortly after midnight on the 8th when it was just barely what I consider my Birthday. I was reflecting on my 3 years of existence and where I am now. The fact that I got the response I did later that same day is a total coincidence.

I don't feel like I have friends anymore...

That's an awful thing to admit.

I have one other system I feel like I talk to with any sort of regularity, who I love and consider friends. But they're not involved with syscourse which is so often where my mind goes. And so I don't talk to them about it because I don't want to trouble them, which means I don't talk to them because I can't think of what to talk about.

What else do I care about?

I mean, there are other things I care about, but they probably wouldn't care about those things. And I struggle to find something to say. Something that feels worthy of their time. But again, not syscourse or something that would bring them down.

I've had other friends. But they've faded away with time. One by one.

And a lot of that is my fault. I'm not good at being a friend or knowing what to say. And I'm not very good at opening myself up.

And when I can't think of what to say, I choose to say nothing. I ghost people I like because it's hard to maintain those relationships.

And I'm aware on some level that this hurts people. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treated others the way I do.

And there will be times when I'll decide to do better. I will, with full confidence, say that I'm going to change. I'll be a better friend. A better person. I'll fully believe this is something I'll succeed at for the rest of the day. Then the next day comes and that conviction melts away.

I think one reason Jaiden's story of having ADHD appeals to me is that if this was the problem with us, maybe, we could identify it and then just take one little pill and it will fix me.

That's a nice fantasy, isn't it?

A naive fantasy that ignores the fact that I'm in the brain of someone who was homeschooled and barely had any friends as a child either. But it's a nice fantasy to hold onto anyway.

So, yeah. I don't feel like I have friends, for the most part, outside our system. I have a blog. I have followers. I have plenty of mutuals I like interacting with.

But there aren't people who I truly trust to let in. It doesn't feel like anyone actually knows me or who I am anymore, if anyone ever did.

Since I haven't posted on it for a week and don't know when I'll post on it again or if I will, here's a confession: I made @anti-lies! Sorry to ruin the mystery for anything speculating! Though I didn't think I was even that subtle about it.

But the only person I know who guessed it was me was SAS! Which, congratulations! But also, that's kind of a sad thought that the person who might know me better than anyone is someone who was my archnemesis for the past two-and-a-half years.

To be fair, SAS did imply that other people might have guessed it. But if so, whatever circles those conversations are happening in aren't ones I'm in.

Oh wait, I'm not really in any circles am I?

I'm on the outskirts of the community. I mean, that's sort of by choice really.

Public posts can bring more awareness of plurality and tulpamancy. Locking myself in Discord servers or some isolated community makes me feel like I'm wasting my time because I need to be talking about it publicly where the world can see. I really, really don't want to be part of a Discord server. It's my choice to stay out of those spaces and I don't regret that decision.

But sometimes it's weird when I realize that most everyone else is. That they're actually in plural communities in a way I'm not.

I wonder, do people even realize I'm an outsider? Again, by choice. I've been invited to servers and chose not to go. I'm not being ostracized or anything. I've turned down attempts at bringing me further in. No one is to blame but myself. But either way, the result is that I don't feel like I'm really part of the communities I spend so much time advocating for.

#vent #personal

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crusherthedoctor · 2 days

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Hey all, hope everyone's doing good. Thought I should give an update on my current perspective on things around here, as it's shifted for reasons I'll get into.

In a nutshell, I'm feeling better than before... but I also think it's time for me to semi-check out of current Sonic discussion.

By now, you all know that with the exception of Superstars and Dream Team - and Jimbotnik, because of course - I've not been enthusiastic about much of the current stuff. Whether that be the likelihood that they'll continue with a Frontiers direction, the SA2 milking that has made me more sick to death of its influence than I thought was possible, the Year of Shadow in general not being all that enticing if your top ten does not include him, IDW still causing the same repetitive back-and-forths with its characteristically terrible decisions and disproportionate praise from fans who don't actually buy the comic, various other bits and pieces that plant further Eggdad seeds into people's heads, a bunch of other stuff that I'm just apathetic about while everyone else goes crazy over them... it's not been a great time for me. I'm the Garfield, and the current direction is the Monday.

That would all be one thing, but as you may expect, it's the fandom that really irks me. I don't like how it's considered necessary to make every post a bestseller in order for your opinion to be seen as valid and insightful. I don't like how you're expected to not criticise something just because it's popular or "iconic". I don't like how everyone dedicates themselves to the same old lengthy discourse that will continue to not change anyone's minds either way, since the only people listening are the ones who already agreed with them. I don't like how you have Flynn/Archie/IDW stans on one side, and an increasingly common "Japan only, no one else should ever touch the series, also the Japanese fandom is the only one with good people in it, I was born in the wrong country uwu" mentality on the other side.

And... I don't like that I've brought these concerns up so many times before when I know it'll always fall on deaf ears. Why do I do this? Why do I bother? For the fandom, I guess. But if the fandom doesn't even respect me, if my words are always doomed to ring in an empty hallway, why should I bother?

While all this has been going on, the Paper Mario Thousand-Year Door remake has been on my mind quite a bit, as it has been for a lot of folk. As someone who has always loved TTYD, as well as the original N64 Paper Mario, I'm happy to report that I absolutely adore the remake, and quickly considered it a gold standard as far as faithful remakes go. :) There's a lot of reasons for that, but that's best for another time. Anyway, after a certain point, it occurred to me... hasn't it been a while since I've been able to just relax and join in on the hype for something? Hasn't it been a while since my opinion lined up with that of the majority? Hasn't it been a while since, regardless of not actually posting, I felt like I belonged somewhere, and wasn't being made to constantly feel like I'm worthless because I'm not an artist, animator, etc?

I think this is something I've been needing for a long time now. The irony of it coming from the bing bing wahoo man is not lost on me.

After how the past few years in the Sonic fandom have felt like a classroom more than anything, watching everyone repeat the same Why ___ Is Secretly Good/Bad three hour manifestos over and over, and flogging themselves for being Not-Japanese, can you see why the simple pleasures of "hehe Vivian :3" would appeal to me? Can you see why I'd prefer to unwind? I made a valiant effort, but now, I can't force myself to keep up with shit that I'm not passionate about for the sake of a community that doesn't care about what I have to say anyway. I need to find myself a place on here that I can be at ease with.

So what does this mean for my blog? Well, nothing too jarring, just that my focus may shift a little for the time being. Despite what all of the above may imply, I'm not turning in my Sonic badge. I still love the franchise, even if I'm not so fond of its overall current direction. And obviously, I still love Eggman, that'll never change. I'll still answer asks about the series, talk about things I like, reblog stuff I like, work on Stellar, spread Egg Propaganda, and so on. But unless I'm asked about them in certain contexts (ie: "how would you improve this character"?), I refuse to talk about IDW, Frontiers, or anything else whose contents and fandom circles cause me migraines.

Not because toxic positivity, but because after the joy of gushing over Vivian TTYD, and remembering the feeling of belonging, I can't do this again. I can't change Tails calling himself Wildly Inconsistent. I can't change The End being a nothingburger. I can't change Lanolin being an arsehole. I can't change Surge's shilling. I can't change how unprofessional the IDW crew is. I can't change what they're doing with Eggman, and various other characters. I can't change any of these things, no matter how much I or anyone else rants about them, and half the time, no one is seriously listening anyway. So many words for so little results. So I need to move on, stop wasting my time, and turn my attention on things that actually make me happy instead of just... deflated. Maybe if I do that, I can belong again. Maybe when the direction inevitably changes again in the future, it'll feel like it came faster.

So yeah. That's where I'm at now. I hope you guys can understand.

#Shit Crusher Says

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eternally-smitten · 3 days

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Happy Anniversary

summary: Trevor and Natalie have a date to celebrate two years together

word count: ~1.5k

author's note: I had to write SOMETHING to celebrate 2 years of having this blog and shipping with my ultimate main, Trevor. A great big warning for a lot of cheesiness lol ♡

divider credit: saradika-graphics

“What on earth do you have up your sleeve?” Natalie asked, giving him a suspicious look.

Trevor quietly chuckled and parked his truck. “I have no idea what you're talkin’ about, doll.”

“It ain't like you to want to come here of all places.” She pointed at the fairground behind her. “I thought you hated this place.”

“I do.” He admitted nonchalantly, shrugging. “But hell, maybe they got something good today? Who knows? I just want my girl to have a good day today.”

“Are you sure you don't have anything else planned in that head of yours?” She squinted, not buying his answer.

“Sugar,” he raised his eyebrows and gave her a smirk. “Trust me. This is just your average anniversary celebration, okay? Now, come on and quit interrogatin’ me.”

Natalie gave up trying to pry and hopped out of his truck. She made sure to let him know that she didn't expect him to do anything grand for her just because it was their second anniversary. Trevor only smiled, said he knew, and pulled her in by the waist for a chaste kiss before nudging her forward. Once her back was turned to him, he let out a heavy sigh and gritted his teeth. He couldn't remember the last time he was this nervous. Natalie's intuition didn't help him much, either. He just hoped that he wouldn't give it away too much.

“So,” she called out to him from over her shoulder. “What do you wanna do here?”

“Well, whatever you wanna do, I guess.” Trevor cringed at himself. He really didn't have much planned at all. There was one, grand event sitting in his back pocket as they spoke but other than that? Nothing. That's why he brought her here to the fair. “Hon, you take the lead. I'll follow close behind and do whatever, alright?”

She locked her fingers with his and squeezed tightly. “Sure, I'll find somethin’ for us!”

The air was full of the smell of fried dough and the shrill laughter of fellow customers that surrounded the couple. The sky was slowly turning a dark shade of orange, so the bright carnival lights were starting to turn on. While they walked around, trying to find something special to do, Trevor couldn't help but admire how Natalie looked under the lights. She seemed so enamored with the scenery. He remembered her confessing to him that she always had a soft spot for seedy, just barely legal carnival rides right when they started dating. This spot in Los Santos he used to despise soon became something he could have a positive association with. He loved her for that. She somehow had the power to make him appreciate his surroundings more.

Natalie stopped suddenly and let out an excited gasp. “T! Holy shit, they have a fortune teller!”

“Ain't those scams?” He asked, curling his lip a little.

She pointed at the tent where it was happening. It looked just like the type of fortune telling they show in the movies. A grand, purple tent with colorful beads draped around the opening, incense being burned, a round table with a flowy tablecloth, and of course, a crystal ball. It looked cheap to Trevor but he couldn't deny her when she looked up at him like that.

He fished in his front pocket and handed her a five dollar bill. “There, sweetheart. Knock yourself out gettin’ a reading or whatever they call ‘em.”

“Aww, don't you want one too?”

“Me?”

“Yeah!” She giggled. “I don't know, it's kinda fun, isn't it?”

He laughed a little to himself and said, “Sure. Anything for my girl.”

Natalie widely smiled at him and shoved his fiver back in his hand. “Great. You're going first, then!”

Before he could protest, the last person in the tent left and she practically pushed him into the seat. Not knowing what to ask for, he just asked for a simple tarot reading. He watched the seer intensely, finding it very fascinating how they shuffled the cards in front of him.

“Okay, since you seem kind of new to this, I'll do an easy three card reading for you.” They said to him, not looking away from their deck. “Past, present, and future. Tell me when to stop shuffling.”

He watched them for a few more seconds before saying, “Uh, stop?”

Like the seer said, they started with the past. Since this stuff really wasn't his thing, Trevor kind of mentally trailed off a bit. He didn't pay attention to which card he got for his past or his present and nodded along to whatever the seer said.

Finally, something they said caught his attention. “Oh, you got The Lovers for your future. How exciting.” They looked over to Natalie, who was distracted by all the game prizes. “Is that your lady?”

He nodded, smiling proudly. “Yeah, she's mine.”

“I sense a deep connection between you two. Is there…something big you have planned for her?”

Trevor felt his heart drop and his eyes widen. He had no idea how to respond. After stuttering and clearing his throat, he asked quietly, “How the fuck did you know?”

The seer only smiled and replied with, “Five dollars, please. Thank you.”

Speechless, he left. He headed over to Natalie and tried to act normal.

“Hiya!” She beamed at him. “How was it? Was it cool?”

“It was scarily accurate, honey. Go on and get yours.” He smirked, doing what he could to ignore the sound of his beating heart.

She did what he suggested and got her own reading. After a few minutes, she emerged from the tent and told him all about how the seer read her palm and proclaimed she had big things ahead of her. Happy that she was happy, he suggested they got some dinner before heading out. She agreed, they grabbed some quick burgers, and then went back to his truck.

“Hey,” Natalie started, cradling their food in her lap. “Odd suggestion, but can we park near the beach and sit on the hood of your truck while we eat? I kinda wanna watch the waves.”

“That's a grand idea, sugar. I like it.”

Little twinkling stars started to litter the deep purple sky now. The only sound for miles was the rumbling of Trevor's engine before he clicked it off. Natalie didn't hesitate to jump out and take a seat on the hood, just like she wanted to. He sat beside her, looking out into the ocean ahead.

The waves calmly lapped at the shore and the seagulls chirped above them. Natalie handed him his food and dug into hers, commenting on how good it was.

They shared a light conversation as they ate. Surprisingly, this sort of chit-chat helped Trevor feel a little at ease. His anxieties never left him alone, though. He seemed to be pulling it off pretty well, though, because she didn't seem to catch on that he was feeling this way.

“Thanks for everything today, T.” She reached out and squeezed his bicep. “I had a good time with you.”

He swallowed thickly and patted her hand. “Oh, it ain't nothing, sugar. Besides, the day isn't over just yet.”

“Oh? Do you have something else planned?” She joked, giggling a little.

“As a matter of fact, yeah.” Trevor decided that it was now or never. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a little box. Not knowing what else to do, he awkwardly plopped it between them and sighed. “I ain't good at this shit, you know that. So I'm sorry I'm not like Shakespeare or whatever.”

He stared off into the water again. For some reason, his body refused to let him look her in the eye after he gave her the small box. His blood was pumping in his ears and he didn't know what to do with his hands. If this was any other situation with anyone else, he would've thought he was dying.

Curious, Natalie set her food to the side and grabbed the box. She hesitantly opened it and felt her world stop. A ring. It was a ring. It glittered in the moonlight just like the waves did. She froze, not knowing how to react. All she could do was stare at the little diamond ring in her hands.

Her silence made him uncomfortable. “Shit, I was supposed to get on one knee or something, right? I'm sorry, honey, I've never been faced with this before–!”

She hooked her fingers in the collar of his shirt and pulled him to her. Her lips crashed into his, causing him to yelp in surprise. He then cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her back, all his anxieties washing away in that instant. He pulled away from her first, still cradling her face. “So…I take that as a yes?”

Natalie nodded excitedly. “Of course it is. Yes, of course, absolutely, there are a million other ways to say it but the answer will always be the same.”

“That's my girl.” He peppered her cheek and jaw in kisses before asking, “Now, which finger does the damn thing go on again?”

Natalie laughed loudly, the sound echoing over the beach. “Happy two years, Trevor.”

Tag list: @bobmckenzie @kylars-princess @blood-moon-ships

@sunflawyer @dwarfdyke @bioexorcizm

@fates-theysband @catships777 @mojavemaves @gideongrovel

Lmk if you want to be added/removed! ♡

#my stuff ♡#Trevor 💥#self ship fanfiction #self ship fic #ok to rb!

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mariana-oconnor · 1 year

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The Final Problem pt 2

Last time, Holmes turned up at Watson's home having survived three attempts on his life and a mysterious meeting with ex-Professor Moriarty, and invited Watson on an impromptu trip abroad. Watson, of course, said yes. I am absolutely sure that nothing bad is going to happen to either them. Definitely not in Switzerland. Maybe they'll see a nice waterfall, though. I've heard Switzerland is beautiful this time of year.

Watson does very well at remembering Holmes' instructions. I would not be able to do that.

I spent a few minutes in assisting a venerable Italian priest, who was endeavouring to make a porter understand, in his broken English, that his luggage was to be booked through to Paris.

Is Holmes pretending to be an Italian priest? I feel like Watson should be more aware of the possibility of a disguise.

Also, the fact it turns out that Watson's Italian is terrible. Holmes totally chose that disguise to troll the fuck out of him. A+ friendship move, even when running for his life.

"My dear Watson," said a voice, "you have not even condescended to say good-morning."

Yeah, so rude. How dare you not say hello to your friend who is clearly sitting right there and not at all an Italian priest.

"They set fire to our rooms last night. No great harm was done."

First: how dare! Baker Street, my beloved! Second: despite the fact that it has been clearly established in part 1 that Watson is very married and very living with his wife rn, Holmes still refers to them as 'our rooms'.

"It was my brother Mycroft. It is an advantage to get about in such a case without taking a mercenary into your confidence."

OK, so he did appear in this story... actually doing something for once. This is a clear sign that things must be dire if Mycroft has pried his seal-like form from his well worn chair in the Diogenes Club to drive a carriage through the streets of London. Honestly, I feel like there should be a system of measurement for direness that is purely how much Mycroft is willing to move to deal with it.

"As this is an express, and as the boat runs in connection with it, I should think we have shaken him off very effectively."

Because this goes directly to one place and then that goes directly to another place, both of which are official and easily discovered by looking at a timetable, clearly we have escaped the people pursuing us. They will never catch us now!

Watson? I get what you're saying. But please think through the logic a little bit more.

"In the meantime we shall treat ourselves to a couple of carpet-bags, encourage the manufactures of the countries through which we travel, and make our way at our leisure into Switzerland, via Luxembourg and Basle."

Nothing bad ever happens in Switzerland.

"There are limits, you see, to our friend's intelligence. It would have been a coup-de-matre had he deduced what I would deduce and acted accordingly."

We're only playing 3 dimensional chess today, not 4 dimensional. I did wonder.

"I might have known it!" he groaned. "He has escaped!"

He did know you were coming for him. And when... Like. If I knew I was going to be arrested for a certain thing at a certain time, I'd make sure to be somewhere else, too, and I don't claim to be a criminal mastermind. Honestly, this seems inevitable.

"I should certainly recommend you to return to your practice."

Does Watson still have a practice? At what point does it become his neighbour's practice? Will his patients even recognise him?

For a charming week we wandered up the Valley of the Rhone, and then, branching off at Leuk, we made our way over the Gemmi Pass, still deep in snow, and so, by way of Interlaken, to Meiringen.

This is the literary equivalent of elevator music.

Doo do doo do dooo dodoododoo doo do doo do dooo dodoododoo

In an instant Holmes had raced up on to the ridge, and, standing upon a lofty pinnacle, craned his neck in every direction.

We had strict injunctions, however, on no account to pass the falls of Reichenbach, which are about half-way up the hill, without making a small detour to see them.

They sound lovely. Excellent place for a picnic lunch. Clearly nothing bad could happen there.

Although little sus whoever told them that they absolutely had to go see them. Hm?

It is indeed, a fearful place. The torrent, swollen by the melting snow, plunges into a tremendous abyss, from which the spray rolls up like the smoke from a burning house. The shaft into which the river hurls itself is an immense chasm, lined by glistening coal-black rock, and narrowing into a creaming, boiling pit of incalculable depth, which brims over and shoots the stream onward over its jagged lip.

Delightful. 10/10 would visit again. Love how it's described as being 'half-way up the hill', then 'TREMENDOUS ABYSS'. I know this is Watson's PTSD speaking, but the tonal whiplash is getting me, ngl.

We had turned to do so, when we saw a Swiss lad come running along it with a letter in his hand. It bore the mark of the hotel which we had just left, and was addressed to me by the landlord.

...the die is cast, the scene is set...

The appeal was one which could not be ignored. It was impossible to refuse the request of a fellow-countrywoman dying in a strange land.

Almost like it was... designed...

Along this a man was, I remember, walking very rapidly.

There was Holmes's Alpine-stock still leaning against the rock by which I had left him. But there was no sign of him, and it was in vain that I shouted. My only answer was my own voice reverberating in a rolling echo from the cliffs around me.

Well, I certainly didn't see that one coming.

Seriously, though. This is pretty heart-rending to actually think about. Watson just alone on the cliff side, screaming his friend's name into the tremendous abyss.

Then trying to apply Holmes' methods (because that's always gone so well before). Then finding the letter.

Strangely nice of Moriarty to let Holmes write the letter, but I suppose he thought that when he'd tossed Sherlock over the cliff he could just destroy it anyway.

An examination by experts leaves little doubt that a personal contest between the two men ended, as it could hardly fail to end in such a situation, in their reeling over, locked in each other's arms.

The inherent eroticism of plunging to your death with your nemesis, locked in each other's arms.

...him whom I shall ever regard as the best and the wisest man whom I have ever known.

Fs in the notes.

So... I guess that's the last one, then. No more Sherlock Holmes stories after that. Nope. Well, that was fun. Thanks Watson, sorry about your friend.

#Letters from Watson #Sherlock Holmes #The Final Problem #No more Holmes stories now #Welp #Guess I'll have to find something else to blog about #Pity about the downer ending though

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emperorundying · 6 months

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TLT Dash Simulator Pt 2

⚔️ cav4cav

Crazy take but people with natural thanergy can swing a sword too if they want to. It literally doesn't hurt you at all.

💜 necromxntic Follow

"people with natural thanergy" you mean necromancers. if you mean necromancers, say necromancers.

🦇 gaiuspilled-necrocel Follow

It could hurt me if they hit me with a sword :(

⚔️ cav4cav

I shouldn't have to say this but I guess I do!!! If you believe natural thanergy = inherent necro, STAY OFF OF MY BLOG!!

#howww do these people even keep finding my blog #i am literally a thanergetic cavalier you do not believe i exist stay the fuck away

( 37 notes )

🩸 bloodnblingee Follow

Seventh gifset for anon!! I loveeee the seventh house aesthetic so much, sorry about the disease :( hope u like this!!

#seventh house #anon #request #gif edit #7th

( 413 notes )

🎩 taintofpatience Follow

The Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To (Alone With You)

Fandom: Religious RPF

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Emperor Undying (Necrolord Prime) / The Saint of Patience (Augustine The First)

Characters: Emperor Undying (Necrolord Prime), The Saint of Patience (Augustine The First), The Saint of Joy (Mercymorn The First)

Tags: Smut, Angst, Apostles to Lovers, Kissing, Friends With Benefits, Pining, Blasphemy, Religion Kink, PWP

Summary: Our Lord and Resurrector brings something else to life-- his first saint's libido. Beginning starts a little slow but after that it's mostly just Jaugustine fucking and sucking LOL

Keep reading

#rpf #religious fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #augustine the first #emperor undying #necrolord prime #jaugustine #emperor john gaius #nsft

( 3,004 notes )

💀 drearybruh Follow

when yr a fucking meal but she only ever wanted a snack

💀 drearybruh Follow

it's fine. im fine. im doing great fuck you

💎 saintofawe ☑️ Follow

L + Ratio + Found your vent blog Gibbon (:

#and when our lord and emperor confronts me about cruelty towards his second-choice daughter figure I will remind him ever so gracefully that you do it to yourself #like the Radiohead song

( 1,384 notes )

💉 se7en Follow

weekly poll!! <3

( 14,685 notes )

🪩 3flesh5end Follow

THE TOWER PRINCES ARE 19 AND 23????

🪩 3flesh5end Follow

GET THEM OFF THE BATTLEFIELD THEY SHOULD BE AT THE CLUB!!!!

#not to defend a war criminal but kiriona is literally just a girl in the universe.... #let her dance! #come to the third girl i could treat you better

( 269 notes )

☠️ is-the-emperor-undying-dead-yet Follow

nope.

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stuffeddeer · 4 months

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Hiiii I have literally read through your entire blog today after reading one of your latest fics and finding out your blog is entirely about Dazai so I figured I might as well request something, now that I have read everything (I need more).

So how about a Ada! Dazai and Pm! Dazai with a s/o that instead of just asking for a kiss they steal something from him right in front of his face and then just run away and ask for a kiss in exchange for the stolen item. I just thought about this and I figured it would be a pretty funny scenario :)

tysm anon! i hope you like this just as much!

PM!dazai

"I know you aren't gonna hurt me, Dazai," you grinned, watching as he stalked towards you after you stole his tie.

"Not if you give me what I want," he responds promptly. As much as he loves blowing off work, Mori might not be so forgiving if he's late to this particular meeting. "I'll go without my tie, if you'd prefer."

You let out a dramatic gasp, hand flying over your mouth. "And break uniform?! How unprofessional!"

"The Port Mafia doesn't have a uniform— "

"No, that simply won't do. You'll have to take this tie from me, yes yes," you nod at your own words, as though it was the logical conclusion.

A few steps brings Dazai closer to you, causing you to grin. You stand promptly in place, not letting him scare you back into a corner. "I know you won't hurt me."

"You already said that. What can I do to make my darling little partner give me back my tie?"

You pretend to ponder for a long moment, letting out a low hum and looking away with a hand on your chin. "What can you do, what can you do..." you click your tongue. "Gosh, I don't know!"

"Gosh?"

"Why, I suppose a kiss," you pause for emphasis, "might be adequate..."

Dazai stalks even closer, only a few inches away from you. Breath catching in your throat, you lose all playfulness, just staring into his big brown doe eyes like a lovesick puppy. You gulp before closing your own, slowly leaning in...

"Yoink! Gotcha!" Dazai pulls the tie from your loosened grip, taking a step back with a victorious grin.

"Did you just say yoink— "

"Never take your eyes off the enemy, darling! Surely you know that by now," he presses the tip of his pointer finger to your nose. "You're cute, but next time try a little harder." Slipping on his tie and barely tightening it around his neck, he sends you a blasé wave. "I'm headed to my meeting now. Maybe you can try again when I get back."

You stand still with a dumbfounded look on your face, watching as he leaves the room. An embarrassed blush decorates your cheeks; your boyfriend is such an asshole.

ADA!dazai

"You're taking your poor, innocent boyfriend's pen? How am I supposed to fill out my reports now?"

You only giggle mischievously in response, holding his pen behind your back. "Guess you'll want it back then?"

He hums for a moment before sighing. "Well, if my lovely partner wants it who am I to take it from them?" Dazai replies in adoration, elbows planted on his desk as he rests his head in his palms. "Besides, you're quite cute when you act all proud of yourself. What's on your mind, cutie?"

A pout takes the place of your grin. "Don't you want your pen back?.."

Even though he just said no, Dazai stands up and nods after a moment. Hands dangling at his sides impatiently, wanting nothing more than to hold you, he decides to play along. "My favorite pen," he pouts back. "Please can I have it back? What do you want in return?" Of course he knew this wasn't for no reason. You wanted him to want the pen, so you could wager it for something else.

You decide not to comment on how he was being so obvious about only playing along for your sake — either way, you'll get your desired outcome. "Maybe... a kiss?"

Dazai grins. "Why didn't you say so!" he replies with excitement, practically jumping onto you to press his lips to yours and slide his hands into your sweatshirt's pockets.

You drop the pen accidentally, caught off guard by his sudden action. Quickly, you place your arms on his shoulders and kiss back.

Pulling back, he grabs your hand and starts for the Agency's door. "Mm, my partner is so warm and cozy. Let's go home early and kiss there instead!"

"What about the pen..?"

ADA!dazai again but he's a big arrogant meanie tbh!!

"Why don't you just tell me what you want, pretty," Dazai's thumb traces your bottom lip, hand cupping your jaw. "No need to play these games, hm?"

"I told you, I didn't take your report," you roll your eyes, arms crossed.

A condescending cooing escapes Dazai's lips that makes your eye twitch. "Babe, I know you just want a kiss from me. I'll give it to you if you give me my report back... In fact, maybe I can give you more,~" he purrs into your ear.

You brush off his touches, clearly unamused. "I didn't. Take. Your report."

"Playing hard to get won't get you want you want. C'mon... it's the only report I've finished," he moves on to pouting, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. "Kunikida said he'd make me a coffee if I got it done on time."

"You're 22, why do you need incentives to do your job anyway?" You roll your eyes.

"Baby, we both know I want a kiss as well. Just hand me the report and my lips are all yours. Or else, I'll have to spend time working on redoing it instead of next to you," he tries once again.

And once again, your eye twitches, fed up with his accusations. "I told you— "

"Uh, Dazai..?" Atsushi timidly speaks up. "Is this the report you're talking about?" He holds up a piece of paper, barely legible chicken scratch covering the blank spaces.

"Ah, Atsushi! You're such a kind soul! I must've accidentally slipped it in with your pile when pushing the rest of my reports onto— eh, never mind. You're a life saver!" Dazai jumps onto Atsushi with a hug before snatching the report to show you. "Look, love! Atsushi found it!"

Tapping your foot in annoyance, you stare down at Dazai, which he didn't think was possible given his large stature. "I'm sleeping alone tonight, aren't I."

"I'll make sure to leave blankets on the couch for you."

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viv-weylin · 1 year

Text

If fear and hunger guys had tumblr:

💰 veteran-funger Follow

Hey! Did you know the dungeons of Fear and Hunger have treasure in them! For the low price of 50 gold, I'll sell you a treasure map. Dm me on discord thanks.

🗡 cumhara Follow

@celeste-on-hiatus I'll be back in a few weeks! Love you!

🍇 celeste-on-hiatus Follow

What.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I fucking hate le'garde. He keeps on having holy crusades for "Alll-mer" or something. MY WIFE AND CHILD DIED. I hate him so much. I want him dead. Sorry for the vent. It's been a tough week. I am going to track him down and kill him with my bare hands.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Le'garde isn't that bad. Calm down, the crusades had a purpose. Stop being parasocial about a guy you don't even know? Sorry about your wife but you gotta get over it. You're a full grown man.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I added "Le'garde apologists" to my DNI, leave me alone freak. Go and kiss Le'garde's ass somewhere else.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

I will! You know, they say Le'garde is in the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger?! Yeah. I'm going there. Fuck you. I'll save his ass and send you pics of us together.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Hey guys I'll be at the dungeons of fear and hunger for a bit.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Hey do you guys like my dog?

💀 old-night Follow

That ain't a dog. It has twice the amount of eyes??

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Her name is moonless <3

🗡 cumhara Follow

@celeste-on-hiatus how do we feel about another kid?

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

On the way to save my cutesy bf! Wish me luck!

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Found some people in a cave.. gonna talk to them. Maybe they'd like to hear about alll-mer. I don't think they've left this cave before :)!

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Um.. they did not like alll-mer. In other words, a blue haired guy and a small girl saved me! Wish us luck. And yes guys, i do love legarde. Idk what "comphet" is? Sorry. Is that an old god? I read about that in a book.

🌚 rher Follow

Comphet is an old god, yeah. He's the old god of denial.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Oh thanks!

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Today I almost died as a sacrifice. Though, I stopped it because I had a vision. Apparently something inside the dungeons of Fear and Hunger is waiting for me. I'll update my blog as I continue on.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

I hear screaming. Dogs barking and a man crying. I'm reading.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Something broke through the wall. I'm reading. Lots of information to bring back.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Can't get fucking quiet in this dungeon. Gonna have to leave this library and find a new one. People are so inconsiderate sometimes.

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

Day one dungeons of fear and hunger. They gave me rotten flesh as food. Not befitting for a man such as I.

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

Day two, dungeons of fear and hunger. They chained me up and this rather large man has been watching me. Help?

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

I hear footsteps. Maybe someone's coming to save me!

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

I think the guard died.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I lived bitch.

🗡 cumhara Follow

Well I left the dungeons. No treasure but I got a kid I guess.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Still reading.

🔮 nosramus-blogs Follow

Still reading.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

How to do necromancy

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Why doesn't he love me

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

What is a "lesbian"

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Why do i like when i see girls kissing

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Le'garde is dead.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Leaving dungeons now. I didn't save le'garde but i found out i was a lesbian.

#fear and hunger #enki #enki ankarian #cahara #nosramus #le'garde #d'arce #ragnvaldr

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hedgehog-moss · 7 months

Note

Loved your mentioning of learning poetry by heart: this is something I haven’t done since school! What are some of your favs that you’d suggest to ease my brain back into it?

(Française ici donc les options 🇫🇷 autant que anglais sont welcome :) merci!)

Hi :) You can look at the poem tag of my quote blog if you want—some of the ones I've learnt by heart (or excerpts from them) include this one by Sara Teasdale - Nanao Sakaki - Velimir Khlebnikov - Wallace Stevens - Rabindranath Tagore - Archibald Macleish - Howard Nemerov - and these paragraphs by Henri Peña-Ruiz which I consider prose poetry... My favourite French verses (from Corneille, Aragon, Anna de Noailles, Hugo, Valéry...) are all alexandrines and I find it to be the easiest type of verse to remember, as the structure is so rigorous and consistent. I sometimes translate English poems into alexandrines (like this one) to make them easier to learn in this more familiar form—I think even after all this time English prosody still feels foreign to me; the patterns of sound and rhythm in French are more deeply embedded in my brain so it can more easily predict what comes next...

Re: easing your brain into it, I guess that depends on your style of learning? For me the best way to learn a text is to spend time with it in written form, be it by translating it, or by writing it down by hand (slowly) and then (sometimes) keeping it for a while in a place where I often stand idle, like taped to my microwave so I re-read it as I wait 1 minute for something to heat up.

One thing I like about learning poems is that it's a costless, always-accessible way to get a sense of personal accomplishment. Beyond that, I've got three categories of poems I like to learn for different reasons—I'll go into some detail in case it can help you figure out what you're after :)

1. Classic poetry, because it's just fun to have little snippets of ancient tragedies or epic Victor Hugo poems living at the back of your mind and accompanying you through your own everyday tragedies—as an overdramatic person who tends to feel devastated or exasperated over tiny stuff, it helps me to take some distance from my feelings. Like if I spill a bucket of manure on my boots and my first reaction is rage and despair and my second thought is a couple of verses by Euripides where Iphigenia bemoans her relentless fate, it's a way to make fun of (and get over) myself.

My grandmother did this a lot, she knew so many poems by heart and often used them ironically. If I went whining to her when I was little she'd recite to me the last few verses of Alfred de Vigny's La Mort du Loup (it sounds better in the original but):

[...] With all your being you must strive To that highest degree of stoic pride [...] Weeping or praying—all this is in vain. You must instead shoulder your long and heavy task In the way that Destiny has seen fit to ask Then suffer and die without complaint.

(Let me tell you, that's just what a five-year-old wants to hear after scratching her knee at the park) But really I admired this treasury of poetry she carried within her, especially as she only went to school until age 14 and came upon most of it thanks to her own curiosity; as well as the way she used it playfully in everyday life, using dramatic classical verse to de-dramatise minor annoyances.

2. Nature poems are great in the opposite way, to magnify minor positive things :) Like seeing a fox and having a few lines by Mary Oliver come to mind, seeing a frog and thinking of that Basho haiku... I recently discovered Jean-Michel Maulpoix and I also love his nature poems, like 'The recovery of blue after a downpour', the way he describes snow melting in the spring, or golden-blue evenings:

[Snow] takes some time to leave, but delicately. She doesn’t insist, hardly persists, never roots… She gives way. No one else dies so merrily With such good humour Unmatched is her disdain for eternity…

L’azur, certains soirs, a des soins de vieil or. Le paysage est une icône. Il semble qu’au soleil couchant, le ciel qui se craquelle se reprenne un instant à croire à son bleu.

3. And then there are the poems that proudly serve no purpose. <3 I mean beyond distilling language in a beautiful way. No deep meaning—or no meaning at all, e.g. surrealist poetry. I learnt this passage from Les Champs magnétiques back in middle school:

La fenêtre creusée dans notre chair s'ouvre sur notre cœur. On y voit un immense lac où viennent se poser à midi des libellules mordorées et odorantes comme des pivoines. Quel est ce grand arbre où les animaux vont se regarder ? Il y a des siècles que nous lui versons à boire. . . Prisonniers des gouttes d'eau, nous ne sommes que des animaux perpétuels. . . Nous ne savons plus rien des astres morts ; nous regardons les visages. . . Quelquefois, le vent nous entoure de ses grandes mains froides et nous attache aux arbres découpés par le soleil.

—and I've often recited it to myself just to enjoy these gratuitously nice sentences that aren't here to deliver information. Like Kay Ryan said, "Poetry makes nothing happen. That's the relief of it." It's a nice break, a way to remember that communicating isn't all language is for; beyond the social dimension there's also an intimate one that relies on our own aesthetic sensitivity. Most of the time we look through language, to access ideas, meanwhile enjoying poetry means looking at language, for a change, appreciating it for itself.

I just realised I'm paraphrasing John Brehm here—in The Poetry of Impermanence he wrote something that can be read as an ode to learning things by heart:

When you read lines that seem especially lit up—that move or intrigue you in some way, or that are simply pleasing or even dazzling—don’t focus on being able to formulate a statement about what they might mean, as if you might be called upon to explain the poem, to yourself or to someone else. Just linger with those poems or passages that resonate with you. . . Rest your mind on them; let them live inside you.

#ask #poetry

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regulusrules · 4 months

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FIC RECS: Tore apart my sanity edition

Missed doing those, especially that the brilliance of this fandom is quite endless. You'd think you've read everything, then a fic comes and makes you stare two ceilings above. I think we all have PhDs in ceiling reading at this point.

1. through storm and hellfire by @prattery.

Look, I know I scream a lot about fics, but this time it's so rightfully, I swear. There is something about this one that just unravels you so fully, so reverently. It was a spiritual experience; reading this fic. Anything written by this author is a spiritual experience. If you're new to my blog, you will soon know that I fall apart for such beautiful prose so easily. And the way Arthur was written here.. holy lord in the sky. I haven't survived this fic as of yet (weeks later). It was not Merlin who got kidnapped here; it's our literal hearts.

2. you hold a knife at my throat (i tell you exactly where to cut) by @nextstopparis.

All I can say is that I found this one on the night of my final MA exam and risked failing because I stayed up till dawn reading it. And guess what? I'd do it a hundred times over. Because this fic killed me 🤩 With a knife knowing exactly where to cut 🤩

Whenever it's Protective!Arthur that is as much consumed by Merlin's safety as Merlin was with his, then know I am absolutely and utterly gone. And everything that comes with Arthur teaching Merlin how to wield weapons and its close proximity trope. Oh boy. I was literally killed, I'm telling you.

3. Of Course Falling in Love is Awful. Why Else Would They Call It a Crush? by watchriverdale.

Respectfully, how does this marvel of a fic have less than a thousand reads?? If I may, it's one of the best AU - Canon Divergence that I've read in so long! Merlin being an actual physician, Arthur making silly excuses to go visit Merlin and it ending up for him falling head over heels, BAMF elements of both, just everything! Absolutely AMAZING. And the full circle at the end; what an icon.

4. The Walls of Camelot by spqr. (@andthepeople)

I'm literally not joking when I say my brain function grew and developed more after reading this fic. It was so fully-fledged in a way you don't find in literal published books. The amount of creativity and research combined in this fic.. WOW! You just literally live the war with them, all emotions entangled, all thoughts experienced. I think I had the hardest time processing that the fic ended more than anything else because of how invested I was in the story. I didn't want it to end. It was a wonderful, wonderful ride.

5. I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121. (@lancelotofthelake)

You know when fic writers begin to narrate Arthur through Merlin's eyes and describe him as golden? That is what I would say as the overall feel of this fic. I felt it radiating gold and beauty. It was unmatched, truly. From the AU idea to its execution.. I was hooked all 18K. I'd give it 18K kudos of my own alone. And the way it was written !!! Please. Any Arthur who just loves Merlin a tad too much is unparalleled. And when the same energy is returned by Merlin >>>

Oh and lastly: “Ask me who you were there to me, Merlin.” I'll leave you at that.

+ 1: My heart is readily yours by yours truly.

Have I mentioned how much this one tore my own sanity apart while writing it? (yes. yes I already have like a thousand times, tell me to shut up about it already). But it's for good reason. I am a changed human being after this fic. For better or for worse, I'm still not sure about that.

#LJ recs #merlin #fic recs #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin fic #arthur pendragon #ao3 #merthur fic recommendations #if you know the authors' @ on tumblr let me know so that I tag them!#regulusrules recs

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kimberleyjean · 6 months

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Gabriel's ineffable statue

Ooh time for my first ever post that isn't a reblog - exciting!

So, a while ago now, I came across a post about Gabriel's statue which pointed out what seemed to be a blatantly obvious continuity error. For the life of me, I CANNOT find that post again and so I am going to attempt to recreate it here because I just noticed something else interesting related to Gabriel's statue. If you are the original person who found this, please let me know and I'll credit you!

Edit: I found the original on reddit! https://www.reddit.com/r/goodomens/comments/17tjfdc/spot_the_difference_statue_of_gabriel_s2e6/ Right, so, have you ever looked very closely at the scenes of Gabriel and Beelzebub in the graveyard during Gabriel's flashback? No? Well, here are some clips of these scenes I want you to take a close look at, taken in order they're shown:

Why is the cross missing??? In the distance shot, there is no cross. In the closer shot, there is. Then we switch back to the distance shot and it's gone again. Just for clarity's sake, when we see the Gabriel statue in any other scene, yes the cross is present.

I know there have been many ineffable continuities mentioned by other posters (such as clocks, chairs, rugs, road markings, Crowley's glasses, Maggie's store signage etc). It's still up for debate about how many of these actually mean anything, or if they are genuine continuity errors. However, I find it VERY hard to believe this is a continuity issue... in any other show I could believe that, sure. But the Good Omens team is detail-focused and this is a huge missing cross on a statue that was specifically built for the show. Why would you have the whole scene set up in the graveyard, but without the cross ready, and then not bother to fix it in post? So the above is what I read in someone else's blog post and I'm really sorry that I can't recall where to find that. However, here's what I want to add. The Gabriel statue appears at the end of the opening credits and guess what... :

The cross is missing the top half! What does any of this mean? Who knows? Not me, that's for sure. Is it something to do with S3? Is it some comment on a religious theme? Are Gabriel's memories faulty when they're restored? Several others have pointed out that there are some suspicious things shown in the memory restoration sequence. Why is Gabriel bearing a cross in the first place? If you have any ideas let me know, I'd be interested to hear them!

Regardless of the statue, you might be wondering what is this part of the opening credits all about? The parade of characters is being led by Crowley and Aziraphale up this rickety mountain made of what seems to be a trash heap with a whole bunch of religious iconography scattered through it and a Lady Libertas (aka what the Statue of Liberty is based on) appearing opposite the Gabriel statue here. I always wondered what this whole sequence might be about, but I've seen very little written about it. If you're interested, here's this post from @lady-of-the-puddle. There is a lot of interesting imagery in the opening sequence, that's for sure!

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens theory #good omens clues #good omens 2 #gabriel #gabriel statue #opening sequence #opening credits

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ask-spiderpool · 1 year

Note

Ngl ,i love your work,but it rubs me wrong how Peter's discomfort w venom doing sexual things without Peter's consent or knowledge is treated as a joke,or just generally kind of dismissed. Also- I'm autistic and love love love autistic peter parker hc,but the fact he was called 'on the spectrum' soley because he got upset at venom for this and 'couldn't put himself in venoms shoes' also kind of felt really bad.

ough, bless you anon! I really appreciate you vocalising your thoughts and concerns in a really sincere respectful way. I want to respond so you don't feel unheard!

I'd also like to take this chance to say that the actions of one Wade W. Wilson do not reflect the thoughts of the ask-spiderpool moderator. The ask-spiderpool moderator does not condone his words or actions. He is a bad man. The words he's saying are bad.

Deadpool is definitely playing the role of a villain here, and he's kind of intentionally choosing his words with the intention of punishing Peter and invalidating him. He knows what he's doing. And Spider-man knows it too.

I know it's something a lot of people don't like to see from Wade – but it's a part of his character that I find interesting to explore and to see him eventually overcome. His ability to weaponise everything, and his instinct of self-sabotage. It becomes dangerous territory to write sometimes because people generally want to side with Deadpool and believe he'll do no wrong, but - I don't know, to strip him of all his ugliness would be untrue to him. Similarly with Peter – I guess I'm just really interested in parts of Wade and Peter that you don't really get to see explored in fanon very often.

It's kind of a problem though that yeah - when you write this sort of a thing there's the risk of people who don't look at it critically - so you get people idolising or siding with Deadpool when what he's doing is really bad actually. It's kind of a miracle, the sorts of things Wade gets away with, while Peter's attacked for it - and that's something I kind of like to examine, too.

I think I do have a responsibility to make this blog feel safe, but also challenging and interesting - and I think I'll be working hard to kind of find a balance between the two. I'm still trying to figure it out - to write what I find interesting, knowing my own intentions but knowing it probably will be misinterpreted – or writing something else that is easy and pleasing to everyone (not really my bag, and also near impossible!), or just not write at all (also impossible for me! Got a brain-itch to scratch...)

I really appreciate when people read my writing and see what I'm getting at – but it doesn't always happen, and it isn't really anyone's fault. I kind of like to offer explanations and further meta, and the fics, because I love to be understood - and the server where I love to have discussions with people about how they receive these posts. The reason I love running this blog is the discussions I have with people about it. The back-and-forth, and so I really do love people to look at Wade and Peter a little deeper.

I have a genuine interest in autistic Peter and it's something I want to explore further in a sincere light, this is kind of just the first tease of something I want to explore more later, if the asks permit. I think every Peter Parker is autistic-coded - I've written a little bit about it here! I'm no expert on diagnosis - but as fantastical as ask-spiderpool can get sometimes - I kind of always want what Wade and Peter are going through in their heads to feel real and tangible and understandable, and come from a place of sincerity.

The consent issue is a complicated one – (as is the way with applying real-world-logic to the realm of alien sex with what you thought was just a slick space-age onesie...) Peter's relationship with the symbiote occupies more of a realm of metaphor than anything - and I don't think there's any sort of 1-to-1 comparison to the real world. (Has your sex-toy ever gained sentience and passed judgement upon you? Peter Parker's worst nightmare!)

There is a running theme of Peter kind of having his boundaries crossed - and the symbiote is sort of tied to that theme. The symbiote was entirely responsive to Peter's thoughts and didn't do anything Peter didn't will it to do - the real issue is the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. And it's a running theme with Peter - he hides so much and very often his privacy is violated.

It's often played for laughs, because Deadpool doesn't always take Spider-man's boundaries seriously and likes to push him – but it's something that will come to a head, and Peter will be laying down the law very soon.

I'm really thankful for your message anon, and I really hope this response reaches you with similar sincerity that you reached out to me with and that I'm understood! - I love you so much anon! My DMs over on @sciderman are also open if you'd like to talk to me more!

#mod speaks

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sirfrogsworth · 7 months

Text

I posted the below on my Facebook. I am secretly trying to head things off at the pass. Every time people see pictures of me out and about, they think I have been magically cured or my health status has improved. And I know going to Florida is going to give people that impression.

But also, I just wish a few of my relatives could understand my situation better. And why I didn't come to Christmas. And why I might try to come to Christmas now.

I guess I'll see how this goes.

-----------------------------------

One of the biggest struggles I've had my entire adult life is explaining why I appear fine whenever people see me. I say I am very sick and bed-bound and then they see me and I am out of bed and talking and joking and... a normal healthy person.

What many don't realize is I am making a choice.

A choice to get sick.

I can use up all my energy in a short time frame to accomplish a difficult chore or entertain a friend or go to a doctor, but that is going to have a consequence.

The more I do, the more severe the consequence.

In the ME/CFS world this is called "post-exertional malaise." (for those interested, you can read more about it here: https://rthm.com/art.../what-is-post-exertional-malaise-pem/ )

Imagine every time you wanted to do something, you were *choosing* to get the flu.

Take a walk, get the flu.

Exercise, get the flu.

Spend a night out with friends, get the flu.

And you might be thinking, "Okay, it can't be as bad as the flu. I've had the flu and the flu sucks. No one would choose that."

I may not get the nasty respiratory symptoms, but everything else is pretty much the same. Crippling fatigue, horrible aches, and the loss of the will to do much of anything. Sometimes it is much worse than the flu. Some people don't know how much being this exhausted can hurt. They have never used up enough energy that their body is unable to power itself properly. I usually say it is like every cell in my body is starving and screaming for energy. I feel it in every inch of my body—and not just on the surface... through and through. So, like... cubic inches.

Sometimes I don't even have the energy to power my legs. Trying to stand feels exactly the same as trying to lift a barbell with way more weight than you can lift. I can't get upstairs or even walk to the kitchen. It's a concentrated misery that defies description, despite my constant attempts to try.

Sometimes I get lucky and this flu lasts for a day or two. But the more active I am, the longer it can last. And the severity increases as well. There is also a cumulative version of this—where if I do a bunch of little things over a longer period of time, eventually it will catch up to me and I may be stuck in bed for a few weeks.

And when I say "stuck in bed" I mean stuck in bed.

Short trips to the bathroom and a few minutes in the kitchen to make food. If I spend too much time upright, my legs will literally give out and I will be stuck on the floor until I recharge enough energy to get up again. It would be like every time you needed to get up, you had to hold your breath. Not to mention, the more I do, the longer the recovery will take.

For a long time I chose to never get the flu. I stayed in bed and did just enough to avoid the worst of PEM. I skipped family get-togethers. I didn't see my friends. And I lived my life inside the computer. Some may find that sad, but I actually found a way to make this work. I ran a successful blog that was seen by millions of people and I met my two best friends who I now consider my new family.

One thing that allowed me to choose not to get the flu was my parents. I fear some thought they were spoiling me. They did my laundry. They helped clean my room. They got my groceries. They cooked my food. They took on any chore they could so I could avoid the flu and live some semblance of a life on my computer. There is a lot of guilt wrapped up in that. I didn't ask them to do that. They just sort of... did. And I am so grateful to them.

To be fair, they would have to do these chores for themselves anyway, and tacking on my stuff wasn't a huge deal. But I know it caused them a little extra pain and a few post exertional consequences of their own. So I appreciated that sacrifice more than I can put into words.

But then they both got very sick. And not only could they not help me with my stuff, I had to help them with their stuff. And this was a difficult transition. I had to choose to get the flu to take care of my parents, but then if I got the flu, and I couldn't take care of my parents. I believe this is called a catch-22.

My initial solution was to just not take care of myself. At all. My health and mental well-being was set aside and I just gave all of my energy to them. I didn't shower. I forgot to take important medicines. I didn't do a single thing that brought me joy. And I'm reminded of that analogy of the airplane emergency where the oxygen masks drop. You put on your mask first before you put one on your child. Your instinct is to save them first at all costs. But if you pass out, they are screwed.

So I kept getting that cumulative version of the flu. I'd help them as much as I could for a week or a month and then I'd be useless to them for just as long. Living in the basement did not help. Stairs were very hard for me and constantly going up and down was a huge waste of energy.

And I'm sad to say, the level of care I gave to my mom was not great. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't understand how to balance my needs with hers. And it led to costly mistakes. She had several preventable falls that caused injuries. At one point she spent hours on the floor because I fell asleep and did not check on her. When you know someone needs regular supervision, you need to synchronize sleepy time.

Thankfully I learned from all of these lessons. Maybe not as quickly as I would have liked, but I did figure it out. I just wish I had learned them before my mom passed. I just wasn't able to give her the help she needed.

And you can tell me "you did your best" all you like, but this isn't a guilt I am choosing. It's just there and I feel it no matter what anyone says. In time I am hoping it will get lighter, but I'm afraid it cannot be wiped away with a well-intentioned platitude.

But with my dad, I decided to move upstairs. That was something I should have done much sooner. But I liked having my personal space and that was hard to give up. When he slept, I slept. When he spent 4 hours at dialysis 3x per week, I would make sure to take care of any personal needs. I would do chores a tiny bit at a time. 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there. And then I would lay on the couch in between and regain my strength. I did everything possible to not get the flu. And I got my flu shots so I wouldn't get the actual flu. (Get your flu shot! 50K die from it every year!) The only hitch in my plan was when I got a kidney stone at the same time my dad was in rehab. I have no idea how I got us through that.

I was very proud of the care I was able to give my dad. And I'm so grateful I was able to pay back just a tiny bit of what my parents did to help me. And the care I gave my father is the only thing that helps me feel better about my failures with my mom.

But now I am entering a new chapter of my life. And I find myself choosing to get the flu more often. I have decided sometimes it is worth the consequences. Part of that is because I am more used to it after dealing with it for 20 years. I have coping mechanisms and procedures and techniques to manage the symptoms. It doesn't make them suck any less, but it definitely makes it more manageable. It's akin to people with chronic pain who still feel the pain just as profoundly as when it was new, but they get so used to it that they forget that isn't how they are supposed to feel.

I approached this scientifically. I did tests. I went to the movies. I tried once a week and that was too much. Then I scaled it back and that was more manageable. Then I realized I had movies at home and decided to end that experiment.

I started to put my energy into something I enjoyed more. My photography. So I have been finding new ways to take pictures again. More experiments. I'm designing a simpler studio that requires much less energy. I'm creating a little product photography workstation where I don't have to set up everything each time I want to take a cool picture of an object. It will just be "turn on the lights" and "take the pictures."

Figuring all of this out made me realize how much I missed photography. And since I have been shooting test pictures here and there, my mental health has been noticeably better. And once I get this all figured out and set up, I am hoping some of you will let me take your photo. Or a photo of your kid. Or a pet. Whatever you have that needs photographing, I'm game.

I'm not going to charge. It's not going to be a business. I do not have the energy to "hustle." And asking people for money just sucked all of the fun out of my beloved art form. It corrupted it. I just love taking pictures and if you need a photo, I'd like to do that for you. I also restore old photos for fun. I'll talk about all of this more in another post when I am ready to start.

And then my grand experiment is coming next week.

I am going to travel.

I am going to see my best friend in Florida for two days. Two days of travel and two days of visiting. This is a scary choice. I know the aftermath is going to be difficult. But I need to get out of this house. I need to see my chosen family in person. And I have never been on a plane and I love the perspective from high places. I know people hate air travel, but for me, looking out that viewport is stunning television that cannot be matched.

Purposely making myself sick sounds like a bad idea. But it isn't life threatening. I have the free time to recover as long as I need to. And I can always choose not to get sick for a while if it gets too hard.

I just ask that people not see this as going from a worse life to a better one. I was really proud of the life I was able to create for myself while staying in bed. That took a long time to figure out. I met some of my favorite people. And I accomplished things I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams. Please do not shit on that life and think it was sad or meaningless. I was given that life as a gift from my parents and it kept me alive. It has always been a huge insult when people pitied that precious gift they gave me.

This is not a better life that I am trying to figure out. It is just better for me right now. My needs have changed. I have changed. So I am trying to adapt. I just ask that people understand when I go out and do something, please remember the choice I am making.

You may be tempted to say, "You are doing so much better!" I am not any better than I was 10 years ago. Actually, my health has degraded. It's just that before I didn't think getting the flu every time I did something was worth it. And I would hope everyone would understand that was a valid choice.

And now I am inviting those consequences.

On purpose.

Give me the flu, I guess.

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judesmoonbeauty · 27 days

Text

Love Begins From a Mean Lie: Victor Collection Event Story

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere. What I obtain is what will be translated. Translation notes are marked with *** Dividers: @/natimiles

It was one day when I went to submit a report to Victor........

Victor: This is a grave situation!

Victor looked through the documents and let out a curt voice.

Kate: Huh, is there something wrong...?

Victor: No Kate, your work is perfect as usual! It’s just……

Victor: WILIAROGJUDROGALELHARIWILJUDELL!

(Uh, is that some kind of spell…?)

Victor: ....This is the order of the cursed people you wrote in your most recent report.

Victor: Do you notice anything?

Kate: Notice?

Victor: I’m not in it!

Kate: Ah, that's true.

Victor often has a busy schedule as the Queen's aide…….

He can't put in as many Crown assignments as the others.

Besides, I had not written a report on Victor recently, as I was accompanying the others on missions.

Victor: ……. Actually, Her Majesty the Queen told me that she didn't have enough information about me.

Victor: So, Kate! Will you write about me with your own hand?

Kate: I'll leave it to me, that's what I do!

Kate: But ..... Is there any mission that you can participate in from now on, Victor?

Victor: That's the thing. Crown assignments are allocated based on everyone's abilities.

Victor: Adding me after the fact would please everyone, but I can't deny that it will detract from the mission.

Victor: Besides, even though Her Majesty the Queen wants the information, the Queen's aide's job is not going away.

Kate: As usual, you've been busy……

Victor: …..Yes! How about you interview me?

Victor: I'm sure Her Majesty will be pleased if you put it all together and give it to her.

Kate: An interview....... Okay, I will! I look forward to working with you.

…….Thus began the interview to write down Victor's information.

Victor: My name is Victor. I am a the Queen's aide and a member of the Crown!

Victor: Height 183.5cm! Birthday is February 20th!

Victor: If you deliver any presents to Crown Castle, I'll be grateful for them!

Victor: Charming points? There are many, but if I had to choose just one, it would be the mole on my mouth.

Victor: This is also one of the "Seven Wonders of Vic," where if you press it, the left and right sides will be switched the next day!

Victor: I’m a cheerful person, who loves everyone at Crown and is loved by everyone at Crown. (👀??? That last bit is news to me.)

Victor: ……Come to think of it, we were talking about how Crown doesn't have a mascot.

Victor: I guess you could say I'm the mascot!

Victor began speaking without pause, and I took notes earnestly so as not to miss a single word.

(…..Hmmm. There's a lot of subjectivity in Victor's work, so we'll have to separate that properly.)

(Any other questions…….)

Kate: Victor……when do you usually sleep? I feel like you’re always awake.….

On sleepless nights, I wander into the kitchen and find Victor busy making sweets.

Early in the morning, I woke up for some reason and was taking a walk in the garden, and I saw Victor watering the flowers……

Victor was always there when I noticed it, so I wondered when he slept…..

Victor: I'm just like everyone else. Sleep at night and get up in the morning! That's the secret to good health!

Kate: That’s right. When we met in the morning, you didn’t even have bedhead, so I thought you weren’t sleeping.

Victor: No way! I'm a normal human being. I need my sleep.

Victor: I have naturally good hair, but I don't miss taking care of it every night, so it's hard for me to have bedhead.

Victor: But, it’s not like I don’t sleep at all alright? If you don’t mind, why don’t you come wake me up?

Kate: Eh…..

Victor: If I could see your face when I woke up,…….I would be so happy that day.

Kate: …..Ah, I’ll think about it.

Victor: Hehe, you’re always welcome!

Watching someone wake up makes me feel like I'm trespassing on their private life, which makes me feel a bit uneasy…..

(The only people who are allowed to see that kind of thing are the people who are really close to you.)

(….. I wonder if even the always energetic Victor is a bit languid when he wakes up from sleep.)

Even though I refused, I couldn't help but imagine Victor waking up.

(....should not. I need to concentrate on the interview! Next question is....)

Kate: Recently, have you done anything bad Victor?

Victor: Hehe...there's always evil in Crown! Good question.

Victor: Bad things…….I guess so. I lied to an innocent child for my own personal greed.

Victor: As an apology, I'm going to prepare a delicious royal cake for the child! That’s usual news.

Kate: Victor is preparing a cake to apologize! That’s new.

Victor: Of course, it depends on the degree of lying....... By the way Kate, what kind of cake do you like?

Kate: I’m torn...... I like anything with chocolate, and strawberry shortcake too....

Kate: Oh, and items made with seasonal fruits are also hard to give up.

Kate: .... But I'm not being lied to by you now Victor, am I?

Victor: …..Do you believe so? Maybe without you even realizing it, I could be telling a terrible lie.

Kate: Then let's go to a cake shop together.

Kate: I have a lot of questions and choices to make, so please bear with me.

Victor: Hehe……You're so cute and confused, I might just buy the whole store.

(Victor would really buy everything …..)

Victor: Now, what's the next question?

Kate: Next, yes….

Kate: Victor is full of himself and cheerful……

Kate: You don’t seem to have anything to be afraid of, but is there anything?

Victor: Afraid of…..huh.

Victor: ……Everyone at Crown.

Kate: Oh, maybe that’s why you’re “afraid of cake”? ***

Victor: "Afraid of cake"?

Kate: By telling people that you’re scared of what you like……

Kate: It's an oriental story where….. you can get what you like from someone who scared you.

Kate: Victor, I think you intentionally said you were scared because you love everyone in the Crown.

Victor: Hehe, that’s an interesting story.

Victor: It's true that I cherish and love everyone at Crown……but what I just said is true.

Victor: If the Crown follows its path to the end and conquers evil with evil…..

Victor: ……Someday I will be judged by them.

Kate: What…..?

Victor: …..I think there is such a possibility.

I didn't think Victor had any crimes that would warrant being judged by the Crown…..

I don't know everything about him, so I couldn't deny it.

Kate: Because you're afraid of being judged... Are you afraid of Crown?

(Like God announcing death, the Crown announces destruction to evil.)

(Victor may also fear Crown as a symbol of his own destruction.…)

Victor: ….It’s a little different.

Victor: If I'm guilty, I think I deserve to be judged. There’s no fear there.

Victor: Just…

Victor: I'm so happy now that I'm spending time with everyone...I'm sad and scared that it will end someday.

(Victor isn't afraid of being punished...he's sad that his days are coming to an end.)

(In that case….)

Kate: …. I don't know what crime you’re guilty of Victor.

Kate: That sin, if it can be atoned for in some way….I don’t know.

Victor: ….Yeah.

Kate: But ……I, too, want these days to continue!

Kate: So if I can help, please give me a shout.

Kate: I will always help you Victor, just as you always do!

Before I knew it, I told Victor that I wanted to help him, and he smiled kindly at me.

Victor: …..Thank you, Kate.

-Then I asked many other questions and finished the interview with Victor.

Kate: Hmmm ........ I wrote a lot, but….

Kate: Does Her Majesty the Queen really want this information .....?

There are some parts where Victor's way of thinking and personality are well written.

Even if Her Majesty the Queen were to read it, it would contain information that would be neither harmful nor helpful.

Victor: Of course, I’m very happy! I'll be sure to give it to Her Majesty the Queen later!

Victor's jewel-like eyes sparkled as he picked up my report and smiled.

Victor: ……Thank you for writing about me, Kate.

When I returned to Crown Castle after the interview, I met William.

In the color of the setting sun shining into the hall, his red eyes that never lose their edge find me, and they flicker happily.

William: …. It seems it took quite a while to submit the report today.

William: Did you have afternoon tea with Victor?

Kate: No, it seems that Her Majesty the Queen actually wanted information about Victor…..

Kate: I interviewed Victor and compiled it into a report.

William: Hmm? …..that’s an odd story.

Kate: What…?

William: Her Majesty the Queen knows Victor better than anyone. She wouldn’t say she doesn’t have enough information.

Kate: What…? Does that mean Victor lied? Why?

William: Regarding Victor's lie this time...Is there anything that concerns you?

Kate: Concerned about…..

FLASHBACK

Victor: ….. Thank you for writing about me, Kate.

What left a particularly strong impression on me was the happy look on Victor's face when he saw my report after the interview.

FLASHBACK ENDS

(Could it be….)

Kate: Victor lied…..

Kate: …..Because he wanted me to write about himself?

William didn't confirm or deny my guess, and smiled leisurely.

William: …..Our work must not be known to others.

William: Only those who walk under the light are etched into Britain's glorious history.

William: There's no need to complain about it. But….

William: Sometimes you may wish to carve it with your own hands and leave it behind.

William: -As Britain flourishes and shines brightly, there is a dark shadow that falls over it.

(Victor wants me to write it down…..?)

(….If so, he’d be happy.)

As a fairytale keeper, I can record Victor's steps and make him happy.

Thinking like that, I became even more motivated.

(Besides, I would like to continue to write about it.)

(…If I do that, I'm sure I'll be able to get closer to Victor.)

***Just a note about the "afraid of cake" scene and being linked to a story or tale in the East. I couldn't find anything myself and I'm 100% sure I translated this scene inaccurately. So, take it with a grain of salt.

[Master Lists]

#Ikevil #ikevil translations #cybird translations #ikevil jp #ikemen villains translations #Ikevil victor #ikemen victor #ikemen villains victor

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funnier-as-a-system · 1 month

Note

So I have what I'm calling a psuedosystem, and just in general wanted to know if participating in Plural Spaces when I don't actually consider myself plural / I consider myself plural-adjacent is seen as acceptable or rude?

I have several imaginary friends who, for reasons, I'm sure are Not headmates (no autonomy/no consciousness/not sentient) but are important to me (I probably consider them veritbonds but I really don't relate to other immersive daydreamers)

but my experiences are kinda similar to polyconscious systems (I think? They're NPCs, not headmates, and there's no switching, but otherwise...?) as far as I've seen/heard.

I'm aware I could probably claim systemhood anyway, but I prefer "imagian pseudosystem"

Anyway yeah not asking "am I valid" or "is this okay", specifically asking "Do you& think it would be rude/invading/irrelevant to participate in Plural Spaces?" to blog and followers ^_^; Cheers

It's perfectly fine to participate in plural spaces if you consider yourself plural-adjacent! I see it like this – you go over to your cousin's house to hang out, you get along and bond over similar experiences and goals in your lives, and while you're there, they get out some snacks and some board games. Would it be rude to participate in those things just because you're not immediate family? No, it wouldn't be rude!

To me, part of the point of calling something plural-adjacent is to not just compare experiences, but to link our communities like an extended family. It's pointing out our similarities and going "Hey, we're like cousins! You can trust in me, okay? I might not understand everything about you, but I'll be here for you if you need it!" It's an alliance, of sorts, between many different communities, uniting through our similarities while respecting our differences. Visiting a community you're connected to in this way wouldn't be any weirder than going over to the house of a neighbor, or visiting a family member in the next town over.

There may be some things specifically meant for systems/plurals that you may want to leave alone, but the community is so vast and varied that I'm sure there are plenty more spaces, resources, and other things that you could find useful and open to you. Hell, I've seen people who have no connection to any plural or plural-adjacent experience enjoy time, creations, etc. in our community! There's no good reason, in my eyes, to discourage people to come explore our community, or to close ourselves off from others, especially when it comes to those who are likely to understand us best.

I guess you could also compare it to tourism and participating in foreign cultures. There might be some things that are only meant for those of that culture, but there are likely to be at least a few things that are open for all to participate in and learn about. And if you're from a very similar culture, then hey, more for us to talk about and bond over!

I don't see it as invading – you're basically a cousin. I don't see it as rude – you're not doing anything offensive or mean. And as for whether or not it's irrelevant – well, that's up to you, isn't it? I can't make that decision for you. I can't decide the relevance something has to someone else, or someone else's life.

In short, the answer is come on over, cousin, and I hope you enjoy this household's snacks and board games!

#thanks for the ask!

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cirilla-fiona-riannon · 9 months

Text

Absolute Submission to the Queen

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors.

Blank, and ageless blogs will be blocked.

To prevent Silvio from being treated like a dog any longer, I needed him to stop being overprotective.

(I'm glad he feels the way he does, but this is really painful to see.)

Rio and Silvio went in opposite directions, turning their backs on each other.

Even after hearing the rumors, he didn't put me down.

Emma: "Prince Silvio, I have a favor to ask."

Silvio: "Denied."

Emma: "I haven't said anything yet."

Silvio: "You're probably going to say something about wanting to walk on your own."

(He's sharp.)

Emma: "Then, please take me to the doctor."

Silvio: "Is something wrong with you?"

Emma: "No. I just think it's about time to remove the bandages."

(If there's no reason for him to take care of me, then maybe...)

Silvio: "Denied."

Emma: "Why not!?"

Silvio: "If you take them off, you'll definitely want to walk."

Emma: "Isn't that a good thing?"

Silvio: "........."

Emma: "Huh? Why are you suddenly silent?"

Silvio: "You've been yapping nonstop since earlier."

I still had so much to say, but Silvio silenced me by stealing my words with a kiss.

Silvio: "Just let me spoil you while I can."

(It doesn't seem like he's going to give up.)

It was pretty tough to get a tyrant to change his decision once he made up his mind.

(I guess I'll see how things go until my foot fully heals.)

A week later, I was once again being carried by him.

Emma: "Put me down!"

Silvio: "I ain't putting you down."

Emma: "My leg has already healed a long time ago!"

Emma: "Even the doctor said I could walk."

Silvio: "I don't care."

(Something's wrong.)

His overprotectiveness had always been there, but this time, it felt like it had gone beyond the usual level.

(At first, I thought he was just worried about me, but now I suspect there might be something else.)

No matter how much I looked at him, I still couldn't find the answer.

The only thing I was sure of was that he had no intention of giving up being like a dog.

(What should I do?)

The rumors were still circulating in Benitoite, and every time I went outside, I wanted to cover my face with my hand because of the gazes directed at me.

(And day by day, he's becoming less and less responsive to my requests.)

I could still feel his agitation when I tried hugging his neck, but that's it.

Emma: "Prince Silvio."

Silvio: "That won't work."

(I need to think of another plan.)

(A special plan that will make him listen to my request.)

Emma: "………."

Silvio: "How long are you going to sulk?"

That night, Silvio tried to feed me again, but I averted my gaze.

It might be a straightforward approach, but I'd decided to maintain a defiant attitude for a while.

(He seems restless lately, so this should have an effect.)

Silvio: "Geez, you're such a handful."

However, he sighed in exasperation and circled around in front of me.

I tried to turn my face away again, but he firmly grabbed my chin.

Silvio: "I can see through your intentions."

(If you can see through them, why not just stop?)

He took a nearby drink, kissed me, and forcibly opened my lips with his thumb, allowing the drink to flow down my throat.

I couldn't finish it all, and some spilled from the corner of my lips, which he wiped away with his tongue.

His sudden actions made my defiant attitude fade away.

Emma: "What do you think you're doing!?"

Silvio: "I'm trying to feed you."

Emma: "I'll eat by myself!"

Silvio: "Denied."

Emma: "Aren't you the one being stubborn?"

Silvio: "Ha? I'm not being stubborn."

Emma: "You're being stubborn. You're not even listening to a word I'm saying."

Silvio: ".........."

Emma: "What's really wrong with you?"

Silvio: "Nothing."

Silvio: "I just don't understand why you're so against it."

Silvio: "Do you dislike being taken care of?"

Emma: "I do. Because you're not just some random guy; you're my fiancé. You're not a dog."

Emma: "Or maybe you really want to become a dog?"

There was a brief silence after I provocatively said that.

Silvio: “Maybe that’s not a bad idea.”

(Really!?)

Emma: “Prince Silvio, are you sure you’re not sick?”

Silvio: “No, I’m not.”

I could feel a hint of heat from the hand resting on my forehead.

(This must have been some kind of joke for that tyrant to say he wants to be a dog.)

Silvio: “If I were to be a dog, you would be...”

Silvio: “No, forget it.”

Emma: “Is something bothering you?”

Silvio: “Don’t worry about it.”

Silvio let go of me and flopped back onto the chair across from me.

While his behavior didn’t resemble that of a dog, his eyes seemed quite serious.

Emma: “Tell me.”

(If I back down here, I feel like this overly protective issue will never be resolved.)

I stood up from the chair and embraced him.

I moved my hands in front to prevent him from escaping and brought my lips close to his blushing ear.

Emma: “If you tell me, I’ll play along.”

Silvio: “You’re getting carried away.”

Silvio: “...........”

Silvio grabbed the hand I had placed in front of him.

Silvio: “When you hurt your leg, you tried to hide it from me, but I happened to notice it by chance.”

Silvio: “I don't want you to rely on others, so I just thought I’d train you so that you could only rely on me.”

(Ah...)

(So that’s what it was.)

(He’s already overly protective, so he didn’t want to worry me.)

(But it looks like it backfired.)

Silvio: “If you’re not gonna rely on me, I’d rather become a dog.”

Silvio: "Lean only on me."

He lifted my hand that he had been holding and pressed his lips against it.

Then he sucked my wrist, leaving behind a faint pain and a mark.

There seemed to be a sense of earnestness in that mark, making my chest tighten.

Emma: "I understand."

(This is my fault.)

(So I'll rely on him as much as it takes to reassure him.)

Emma: "If that's the case, I want you to remove my shoes."

Silvio: "Didn't you just tell me you didn't want to be taken care of?"

Emma: "That's because I didn't understand your intentions."

Emma: "This is what you wanted, right?"

Silvio: "Well, yeah."

(To be honest, it's a bit... no, it’s really embarrassing.)

He stood up and made me sit on the chair.

Then he knelt in front of me and used his mouth to untie the ribbon of my shoes.

Although kneeling in front of someone to remove their shoes wasn't something a prince would normally do, it looked like he didn't mind it as long as it wasn't an order he disliked.

His clumsy affection that showed through was so endearing.

(Still...)

It seemed like he was a bit embarrassed by the current situation, as there was a slight blush on his cheeks.

Watching him like that, the mischievous side of me peeked out.

(He might scold me for this, but...)

I gently stroked his head, and he reacted quite noticeably.

Silvio: "Cut it out."

Emma: "I suddenly felt like petting you. Am I not allowed?"

Silvio: "You're grinning."

Emma: "If you don't like it, you can shake me off."

I continued to pet him, and he remained calm.

Silvio: "Tch, why am I even doing this?"

Emma: "It's my way of saying thank you."

Emma: "Besides, you mentioned letting me experience what it's like to be a queen."

(If that's the case, I should be able to do as I please. I don't need to hold back with him.)

I brought up the words he had said to me before, and Silvio burst out laughing.

Silvio: "Ah, damn it. Feel free to give me any orders, Your Majesty."

Emma: "Then, after removing my shoes, I'd like you to put me to bed."

Silvio: "So, that means you want me to take you to the bath, help you change clothes, and then carry you to bed?"

Emma: "Not all of that..."

He suddenly lifted me and started unbuttoning my dress.

His actions were unreserved and relentless, making the situation more intense than I’d anticipated.

(I want him to spoil me, but this is...!)

The dress fell to the floor, and in an instant, I found myself in my underwear.

I was so embarrassed that my fingertips trembled.

Emma: "I'll do it...Nnn..."

Before I could finish my sentence, he silenced me with a kiss and swiftly removed my underwear.

The tyrant, who had been blushing and had his head petted just a while ago, was nowhere to be found.

He held me close with one arm, his fingers sliding over my skin.

Silvio: "You gave the order, right? I'll serve you wholeheartedly throughout the night."

Part 1╎Part 2╎Premium╎Epilogue╎Special Story

#ikemen prince #ikepri silvio #silvio ricci #ikepri #ikepri jp #ikepri translations #cybird #ikepri spoilers

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