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writingmeraki · 2 months

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unsaid, unkept, ugly emotions.

a seventeen vocal unit imagines !

IN WHICH, the uglier side of feeling too much getting more messier than it already is for both parties involved.

(or in which for different reasons, it just seems you aren't meant to be.)

pairing : svt!vocal!unit! x gn!reader, bestfriend!jeonghan, popular!joshua, ???jihoon, fwb(?)seokmin, enemy!seungkwan.

genre : angst, no comfort, everything is messy.

warnings : cussing, messy, heartbreak, contemplation, arguements, miserable people, miscommunication, everyone gets hurt, a lot of unspoken feelings, like emphasis on that you may get annoyed.

author's note : here's my attempt at angsty feelings ( i hope it was done well enough, really i tried but it might not be for me )<3 the potential to turn each into a fic is there but for me it'll be zero ( for now!!!!) kinda nervous to post this haha it's my first svt work but also a first of this kind of work, let me know if you want more of the units! and what you thought of this :) also peep the cute colours contrasting the fic lmao

HIP HOP UNIT VER. | PERFORMANCE UNIT VER.

word count : 2.9k

˖° ✰ ┆JEONGHAN.

The signs that something was wrong were there. For a while now. But you being the problem runner you were, you chose to ignore it.

You also knew one day they’ll catch up to you, and it seemed today was it.

“Jeonghan?”

He raised an eyebrow at you. Though it was his name, it sounded so foreign coming from you.

You who never called him by his full name. It left a sour taste on his tongue as he answered,

“Yes?”

“Do-do you think we’re good?”

Did he think you were good? He was feeling good, great even. But you asked in plural and in the plural it included you. Your relationship.

What was your relationship?

“Uhh…I’m…I think?”

You smiled at his answer. It didn’t reach your eyes, nor did it hide away the bitterness in them. “You know what I think? I don’t think we’re good. I think- I think it’s all a mess. It’s me, isn’t it? I should have never told you how I felt right?”

There. You ripped the band-aid off right from the wound. You had to, otherwise you knew your heart would be the one shattered, sooner or later, so why wait?

You knew there’d be consequences on confessing to your best friend. You knew there was always a risk to confess but the risk felt higher if it was someone you considered your best friend. A few sentences and it’s either having a stranger who you shared a past with or someone to create more memories for the rest of your time together.

The issue gets more complicated when you don’t know where you stand.

He couldn’t answer you, he didn’t know how to answer you. On one side, he wanted to yell at you. Yell at you for regretting confessing when it may have been the one thing he wanted to hear since the day thirteen year old him saw you beat up a guy who was bullying your brother.

On the other hand, he felt the fear consume him of the future, what if you broke up? You would never be the same, no matter what. He didn’t want to lose what he had, so he rather left it unanswered, thinking with time, it’ll fade away. Like everything does.

His feelings for you never did. A wonder how he could think yours would.

Taking a deep breath with your eyes shut,you nodded knowing your answer,

“Alright then I see.”

“Let’s take a break from each other.”

Break of what? You didn’t date, you were in a one-sided love scenario with your best friend.

Before he could reply, he watched you walk away. Your heart felt heavier when you didn’t hear a single word or even footsteps follow you.

His mind was the loudest and one thing he was for sure, as you walked away with each step, he could feel his heart slowly crack.

And just like that. It is over.

・₊ ‹𝟥 ┆JOSHUA.

Perhaps your biggest mistake was wanting someone who everyone wanted. But was it really your mistake because technically you were also part of everyone.

You could feel his stare burn into your side as you ate the horrible cafeteria food in your college. You could somehow hear his voice, somehow know he was likely calling you to talk.

What went wrong?

Everything you’d answer if he ever asked. It began going downhill when you felt those feelings you knew you didn’t feel around anyone. Certainly when you hung out with Yeonjun or with Jimin, you didn’t feel them.

You only felt them around him. The weird butterflies, the warm cheeks, the sweaty hands. At first you thought maybe you were actually scared of him, the intimidated type of scared. Who knew it ended up being scared of how you felt for him, how probably no one made you feel the way he did.

Finally looking up at him, you hid all your emotions as best as you could. You certainly hoped he wouldn’t be able to know.

But as your gaze fell to the girl beside him, you couldn’t hide them.

Choi Seora, the younger sister of Choi Seungcheol who was Joshua’s best friend since you could know. Well since that time he told you himself he knew the Choi siblings since they were kids. Childhood best friends. Knew them before you.

And she was also the girl who loved him. Anyone could see it from the way her eyes would look at him like the way one would at a treasure they’d been searching for. What she’d do for him, from what you’ve heard, what you’ve seen. There never was a chance.

It seemed as though the sign was already there. How could you compete with someone who knew him longer than you ever would? It’s not a competition if you already know you're losing.

Your unused hand clenched under the table, nails digging into your palms, leaving crescent marks that would bruise. Perhaps it would be in a similar state to the bruise inside your chest.

It fucking sucked when you could still feel his gaze on you as you turned back to stare at your half eaten bowl of pasta. Well, excuse of a pasta.

Suddenly you felt your phone ring from beside your bowl and you knew who it was before you even looked.Without looking at the name, you moved your hand to the switch off button and shut it off.

You wished there was such a button for emotions.

“Shua? Who are you calling?” It was empty in the cafeteria and you thought you might just puke out the pasta when you heard her sweetly call out to him as she looked at him with concern.

But for now, you’d do what seemed right.

Leaving your bowl of uneaten pasta, you grabbed your bag and phone. With one glance at Joshua whose attention was on you but now turned back to Seungcheol and Seora as they said something, you walked away.

The last thing Joshua heard was the sound of the cafe doors closing and when he turned his attention back to what or specifically the one who had been in his mind since the first time he met, he found you were gone.

At that moment, Hong Joshua felt more miserable than he ever did before.

₊✧ ┆JIHOON.

The lump in your throat got bigger as your vision got blurrier. You knew you should have listened to your friends.

Jihoon isn’t the type of person to be in a relationship with, babes, he doesn’t want that commitment stuff.

It’s what Karina had told you when you told her you were in love with him. Head over heels type.

But when it came to you, the determined type, the one who stood their place no matter what. The unwavering pebble in the ever-so drifting waves of the ocean. You believed that perhaps if you tried hard enough, surely the boy would see your efforts.

It wasn’t just a one-sided thing you knew. Otherwise another thing he was known for was being honest. If he didn’t like it, you were sure you’d have stopped. You didn’t think you were insane for thinking he may just like when you saw him smile at you for bringing him coffee. You didn’t think you were insane for thinking he may just reciprocate your feelings when you saw him hiding his face from complementing his work ethics. Perhaps, it was all in your lovesickness you drew these conclusions and many others.

So where did you mess up?

“Fucking hell! Just leave me alone and stop acting like a clingy partner!”

That’s what it got you. It was as though the words slapped you in the face. You surely did feel like it when you flinched taking a step back and your cheeks warmed in a mix of embarrassment as well as hurt. It wasn’t the kind of warmth that pleased you, it was the kind that burned you. Harshly so you felt it in your entire body.

Maybe it was your fault after all, you noticed he was having a bad day and you made the effort to go and comfort him. As you did.

Maybe maybe maybe, always maybe your fault and always yours.

Maybe you should listen to him then.

Inhaling with what dignity you had left, picking up the pieces of your heart that seemed shattered the minute he finished the sentence, you glared at him and spat out words laced with an equally venomous tone.

“Fine then! You’re saying it's my fault but you know what, maybe everyone is bloody right about you! You’re nothing but a coward scared of commitment!”

“The day you’ll realize you’re nothing but a coward who gets scared at the mere thought of being in a relationship and pushes someone away because maybe there is a chance you like them, it’ll be too fucking late because guess what? I’m tired of this stupid push and pull game with you,Jihoon.”

“Goodbye.”

You hated how your voice cracked when you finished speaking. You hated how you could not stop the tears. You especially hated the look on his face as he saw what he did, what his words did.

With what energy you had left in you, you turned around and walked away.

Enough was enough, you couldn’t win over someone’s heart who wasn’t even sure whose hands it should lay in.

Yet one thing was sure, yours laid in his hands and right then, you sure felt like he crashed it into pieces.

♡₊˚ ┆ SEOKMIN.

Seokmin glowed like the moon solely rose up to soak in his light, like the stars twinkled off his radiance. Maybe,you just got too close to the sun, enchanted with its brightness, to not realize just how much it could burn you. He was your sun. No actually the sun,stars, moon whatever celestial body existed perhaps dimmed down compared to him.

You think it messed you up completely when you kissed him in that truth or dare game surrounded by your mutual friends. You think about the stolen kisses, never more, just kisses in between the times you’d pass by in the hallways, pulling him in a cramped space and leaving with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Again, just kissing.

Simply put, you were addicted to him. To the way he made you feel. To the way he made you tingle when he kissed you so gently.

You didn’t want to address the elephant in the room. Or in this case,

What were you two?

Mingyu asked when you were sitting down in the same circle, just like the first time you’d kissed each other, with the same people.

You hesitated and then said, uncharacteristically enthusiasm lacing your voice,

“Friends of course! Don't be ridiculous Gyu.”

You didn’t like that word, and it seemed he didn’t either as he looked away,gulping in distaste and a scoff on his face that was usually unnatural for the sunshine like a boy. Seemingly going unnoticed by you but said boy who asked the question noticed and glanced back at you to see if you noticed. He sighed when he saw you not looking at Seokmin but raised an eyebrow as he saw you in a dilemma.

Right. Friends. Friends who kiss. But still friends…friends?

You tried convincing yourself the rest of that day that adding a label would ruin things. It always does. You should enjoy it while you can, right? It was all in fun?

So why did you feel terribly down when Seokmin refused to talk to you for the rest of the day?

“Seok?” You asked gently and he sighed exhaustingly as he looked at you,

“Please, please don’t…don’t call me that.”

The look of hurt on your face made him hate himself more because why would anyone like to hurt someone they loved?

Before you opened your mouth to speak, he continued,

“I don't think I can do this anymore, this…whatever this is. I am…sorry.”

And without a chance to ask more questions or give any answers, he turned around and walked away.

This was your fault. You hurt him because you couldn’t admit it to yourself that you…that you loved him.

You loved him more than the universe, you loved him since the day you saw him. You were just scared you'll lose him like the way you lose all your loved ones. You were scared of risks. You were…a coward.

And now it seemed, it was too late to do anything about it.

⠂୨୧ ˚.┆SEUNGKWAN.

Seungkwan and you were fire and water. Milk and lemons. Politicians and caring for the country’s people- Okay too far perhaps and enough of these metaphors of incompatibility to get a point.

You were sworn enemies. Despised each other in the true forms of hate. You hated him so much for the emotions he rose in you that you couldn’t stand him ruining another poor innocent soul with his devious eyes and cunning smile.

Which was exactly what he was doing with the girl wrapped around his left arm, additionally whispering probably lame jokes that made her giggle as though they were the funniest thing on earth. Lee Yuna was her name, you knew her as a cheerleader due to seeing her during your basketball games and also being somewhat acquainted because as a captain, it was apparently in your duty to know everyone especially those involved in the sports sector of your university.

You wish you could cross off knowing Seungkwan but alas, being the midfielder of the boys’ soccer team and the apparent star as well didn’t help in your case.

“I smell something burning and oh! Would you look at that! It’s an ugly green color too!” Sakura said as she smirked at you, pretending to take a sip of her drink when you directed your glare at her.

“Fuck. You.”

“You wish-”

“Oh! hey cap!” A voice said before you could retort to Sakura and you turned to see Vernon smiling at you in greeting. You knew him, of course you knew all of Seungkwan’s little friend group. You frowned at him eyeing him in suspicion. He was Seungkwan’s friend after all.

“Why the frown?” Sakura snorted as he asked you,his attention going to your best friend before she pointed at him and it was as if he understood and nodded.

“Ohhh, I see what’s the matter now.”

“Someone’s” Coughing very fakely, he added, “Jealous.”

Shutting your eyes, you looked at him with a glare enough to make him shut up on his own but still you added,

“Say that again and I’ll-”

“Already giving death threats huh? Maybe you should really go check up on that stick up your ass.” Of fucking course, now is when he decided to show up.

As though his eyes had not been searching for you the moment he stepped in the party. As though he hadn’t noticed you the moment you did. As though it wasn’t just an elaborate plan to rile you up.

You looked at him and fuck. Fuck he made you so angry with how fucking good he looked despite the conditions of the party. His blonde hair shining in the colorful lights and the darn smirk on his face.

“Kwan. How nice of you to show up! Just the person I was waiting for!” Your sarcasm could be sensed by those around, Sakura’s attempt at hiding her snort and Vernon’s brows raised not going unnoticed. They looked at each other briefly and a knowing look was exchanged.

Here we go again.

“Aw you were waiting for me darling?Hope I wasn’t too late, just got a little busy you see?”

“Clearly.” You said before thinking, the scowl on your face visible and the smugness on his face only grew larger.

“Not fond of me with someone else?” You didn’t even notice how both Vernon and Sakura had left, seemingly only Seungkwan and you, in the midst of drunk teenagers and perhaps lovesick ones, perhaps loners.

He got closer, closer that made you clench your hands that hung on your sides, leaning down.

“Not fond of me with anyone but you?”

It was as though his voice put you in a trance, or maybe it was how his warm breath tickled your neck. And for the first time in a while you thought of what he said, deeper than you would have ever.

You weren’t sure if you liked the answer. Or what it exactly implied too.

“Stay in your limits Kwan. Don’t fucking- don’t play this shit with me.” You pushed him away as harshly as you could, even if it felt like your hands burned when you thought of what you did. Purposefully ignoring the look in his eyes. Visible hurt and a frown on his face, you turned around, having enough.

“Don’t come after me. Stay with Yuna or whoever, I don’t fucking care.” You don’t know why you said the last sentence. You also don’t want to know why it felt bitter saying it.

With that, you began to walk out, gulping the fresh air that was much needed after being in that suffocating place, suffocating feelings.

As you shut your eyes, you gulped thinking of what you were doing. Why were you so pissed off?

And maybe you realized, you needed to check on the line that was drawn between Seungkwan and you. Perhaps it’s become too blurry to distinguish it from hatred and love.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

feedback is always appreciated 💌

links : main navi ! | svt masterlist !

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gffa · 1 month

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I adore your batman stuff very much. I recently read the Wayne Family Adventures, and now I really want to read some more. Do you have recommendations on comic lines to follow?

Hi! I'm glad you're having fun with getting into comics and enjoying the posts around here, it's always nice to have new blood (or returning blood, in my case)! <3 I would give a gentle caution in that Wayne Family Adventures is sort of in a class of its own in a lot of ways, the characterization is much softer and fluffier, while the mainline comics are darker and messier, the characters are definitely not always as nice as they are as in WFA. That's no shade on either of them, just that I want to give a quick warning that if you're stepping from one to the other, the culture shock can sometimes be more than you're expecting. (And also keep in mind that comics are a shifting landscape, there's no one "true" version of many of the landmark moments of characters' lives, you'll see events often retold, you'll see comics that later get retconned, you'll see comics that are in different continuities/set before or after a universe-wide reboot, etc. Don't worry about it, just recognize that you're reading a story to enjoy that story, not as Hard Continuity!) That said, some of the lighter comics that I think would be fun if you're looking to come over from WFA are:

Li'l Gotham is a cute parody series that's super adorable, has some lovely art, and is nice little self-contained stories that are humorous. It's not in mainline continuity and it's even softer than WFA, but it's deeply charming and it's a fun, quick read.

Super Sons (2017) by Peter Tomasi is in mainline continuity and it's focused on Damian Wayne and Jonathan Kent becoming friends, bickering all the while, and getting into hijinks. It tends to lean more humorous and cute, so it's a nice stepping stone up to regular comics.

Robin and Batman (2022) by Jeff Lemire and Dustin Nguyen is a good litmus test for whether you might like regular comics--it's a short 3-issue mini-series focused on Dick's early days as Robin and the complicated, thorny relationship he has with Bruce about it. It's one of my favorite, it balances what a terrible gremlin he was with what a little angel he was and the emotional beats are painful in the best way.

Robin: Year One (2000) and Batgirl: Year One (2003) by Scott Beatty/Chuck Dixon and Marcos Martín/Javier Pulido are good places to start for both characters, and hold up okay considering their age. The art is a bit stylized in a way I really like, it lends it a charming old-fashioned vibe while still being pretty to look at, and there's some solid character moments in both.

Nightwing (2016) by various (starts with Tim Seeley, but it's been several authors by now) is one of my go-to recs, I think it's a great jumping on point, has a lot of really nice art, and often tells fun stories, as Dick has some of the best connections to various other characters in the universe.

Nightwing (2016) by Tom Taylor starts with issue #78 and is a great jumping-on point and Taylor's writing is just very light-hearted, action-packed, quippy, and fun. Starting here saves you from having to slog through some of the worse arcs of Dick's series, you get Bruno Redondo's fantastic art, and you can feel the affection for the character, the author and artist love this character and want to make him very cool, as well as they love his relationships with other characters, so you get good Bruce guest appearances, Babs appearances, Damian appearances, Wally appearances, Jon appearances, etc.

Robins: Being Robin by Tim Seeley and Baldemar Rivas was a fun self-contained mini-series that had all the Robins working together and I don't think it should be taken super seriously as a case story, but it had some quality banter, some hilarious moments, and a great look at these chaotic gremlins all shoved into a mini-van together to go solve a case.

Batgirls (2022) by Conrad Michael W./Becky Cloonan and Jorge Corona is focused on Babs, Cass, and Steph as a trio and being adorable together, with some humorous moments, cool art, and fun Batfam moments. It's nice that they get the spotlight and the chance to shine (it's their book, so they get the majority of the cool moments) and it's not super-long and you can jump right in.

Batman: The Knight by Chip Zdarsky and Carmine Di Giandomenico is a "Bruce travels the world to learn the skills he needs to become Batman" and I'm really in love with the way Zdarsky writes a Bruce who is deeply complicated, messy, coming from a place of loving deeply, but also this man has twenty seven different flavors of fucked up trauma going on in that hell brain of his. Zdarsky's current run on the main Batman title has been my jam, but that's a bit of a darker leap than this one, and I think this one is a great way to get to know Bruce Wayne as a character.

Batman: Urban Legends volume 5 has a story called "The Murder Club" that is basically "Thomas and Martha Wayne are time traveled into the future and see what's become of their son, they're not thrilled about it, but come around when they see the people that love him so deeply--primarily Dick, Damian, and Alfred." and was an absolute BANGER for me for feelings, gorgeous art, and some great character moments.

Batman/Superman: World's Finest (2022) by Mark Waid and Dan Mora is an absolute knock-out, it's Bruce and Clark in their early days of their friendship, where Waid is one of the best writers in the industry for how fun his stories are but also how well he knows the characters, Mora's art is often THE portrayal I think of when I think of the characters, and there's a ton of bonus guest appearances from various characters across DC's universe. Also, I am biased, Dick tags along a lot, as he's still Robin at this point in time, and it's a great dynamic between the three of them.

Batman: One Bad Day: Mr. Freeze by Gerry Duggan and Matteo Scalera was easily the standout of the "One Bad Day" stories for me, it's set in the early days of Bruce & Dick as Batman & Robin and it has ADORABLE sunshine gremlin baby Dick Grayson, a genuinely touching story about Mr. Freeze and his wife, and some beautiful art.

Year One: Batman/Scarecrow (2005) by Bruce Jones and Sean Murphy is a fun look at the early days of Scarecrow, but also has absolutely banger baby Dick Grayson content, there's a scene where Bruce literally just grabs him by the scruff of the neck to haul him out of the way of a crowd about to stampede and it's the funniest thing because that 12 year old could destroy your face with his fists but also Bruce can literally pick him up one-handed. There's some great banter in there and it's just a super fun dynamic.

As you make your way through this list, keep the author/artist and year listings in mind, as often times there are multiple series under the same title and some are more relevant to what you're looking for right now than others. Like, there have been three different volumes of "World's Finest", but I want to direct you specifically to the 2022 version because I think that'll work better for you. Similarly, Nightwing 1996 is one of my faves, but I think the 2016 version will work better at drawing you in right now. This is definitely biased in favor of my faves, but I honestly think they work for good jumping on points for someone new to comics and who's coming from WFA and might not want to get into the messier stuff of the mainline comics right away. Hopefully, you'll enjoy these and anyone else who wants to transition from WFA to reading mainline continuity comics, feel free to join us! Yeah, comics fandom can be a bit of a pill sometimes, but genuinely there's a lot of really fun moments to love and the characters are so much more fun when you're reading their stories with all the history and depth behind them!

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #comics recs

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wardenparker · 1 year

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Down the Rabbit Hole - ch 1

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

When Jack accidentally shoots a civilian on a mission he takes on not only the guilt of the man’s death, but inherits his soulmate as well. To you, it’s a dream job with more perks than you can imagine - but for Jack it’s a nightmarish complication. Even more so when he starts to develop feelings.

Rating: Mature Word Count: 6.6k Warnings: *Blanket warnings - mentions of deceased spouse, a lot of food and alcohol consumption, family recipes, age gap, cursing.* Canon typical violence, death, gun use, angst. Jack has a temper and Tequila has a dumb first name. Summary: A mission gone wrong ends with disastrous consequences for Jack, but Champ has a plan. A plan to change your life forever. Notes: Welcome to soulmate story number six, everyone! I’m so, so excited to dive in here because I adore Jack. Keri and I are moving ahead with full steam on this story and we can’t wait to see what you all think of it!

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13 ~ Ch 14 ~ Ch 15 ~ Epilogue

Statesman, the independent intelligence agency, probably has some of the most up-to-date intel that anyone could ever want. Most times. Right now, that isn't the case. Ducking down behind a flipped over table, Jack – Agent Whiskey – rips off the broken frames of the glasses that not only fed him information but also scanned anyone for weapons and allowed his oversight team to see what he was seeing. A little bit of 'through the looking glass' magic.

"Now, damnit Ginger, I'm not trying to be difficult, but I need to know how the fuck to get out of here." Jack growls into the minuscule microphone that is imbedded into the earpiece that allowed her to talk directly into his ear. He glances at a body that is laying nearby, limbs sprawled with his eyes open and lifeless. The target that he had been after but someone else had started shooting up the place before he could reach him.

“You’ve been made, Whiskey, you need to get out of there.” It might be a little bit of stating the obvious, but Ginger’s even tone comes through his ear piece loud and clear. “What’s your clearest exit?”

"Does it look like I know?" Jack huffs, rolling his eyes even though the Statesman tech couldn't see him as he takes a chance and sticks his head up to scan the area for the nearest exit. The rapid burst of gunfire makes him duck back down, wood from the table splintering above his Stetson. "Southeast corner."

“Get out through the kitchen.” Ginger orders, clicking through floor plans and security cameras at her desk at lightning speed. “Through the kitchen, out the delivery bay doors, and left when you hit the alley. That will put you in the parking lot. Grab a car and get to the hell back to the Silver Pony.” The end of this mission has gotten messier than Champ will like, and extraction is their best option until a new strategy can be decided on. It’s ugly, but it happens sometimes. That’s one of the hazards of their line of work.

"Copy." Jack hunches down a little more when another barge of gunfire erupts, this time he feels the tug of a bullet as it tears through the wood and punches a hole through his hat. "Didn't think y'all'd give me a second." He grumbles, reaching for the pair of pearl handled .44 revolvers that are tucked into his holsters. Flipping them easily by the trigger guards as more of a habit than anything else, the weight of them is familiar and steady in his hands.

"Gonna hit the sprinklers and fire alarms in five seconds, Jack." The warning is the best Ginger can do for him, knowing that the ensuing chaos will confuse and disorient the enemies shooting at Jack and give him just a few seconds to get across the room while they adjust to something new happening around them. "Five...four...three...two...one!"

The distraction is just the window that he needs. Springing out from behind the compromised cover to start shooting. Jack's aim is true, taking down two of the people shooting at him with quick pulls of the triggers under his fingers. Three pounds of pressure to pull the hammer back and fire, custom designed for him for better rate of fire in a pinch. Those targets down, Jack starts to dash through the spraying water, the alarms starting to blare out to warn of a fire that isn't there but the system thinks it is.

The double doors into the hotel kitchen slam open, expelling Jack into the crowded, overheated room full of clamoring cooks getting ready for dinner service. A radio blaring in one corner and more than a dozen people shouting to each other had covered most of the noise of gunshots, but there's no mistaking their surprise when the mustachioed cowboy falls through the doors into their domain.

Jack’s eyes are darting around the room, seeking out a potential threat and when he doesn’t find one, he starts running for the door on the opposite side of the long galley.

Most people jump out of the way, some brandishing the knives in their hands as defensive weapons and others hide behind prep tables. The blaring alarm has now made its way to the kitchen, and everyone not cowering or weakly defending themselves is now trying to cover the food they have been cooking from being destroyed by the water splashing down from the ceiling. There is shouting and chaos, but no one dares to stop the cowboy running at full speed down the length of the kitchen.

“Ginger!” Jack shouts, even though he doesn’t have to as he pushes out of the doors that lead to the dock and loading bay. “Where to—” His words break off as he sees the glint of a gun out of the corner of his eye, reacting without even hesitating. Twirling around and his weapons fire on instinct.

"Jack?" Ginger's voice echoes in his ear as the man whirls around to see two bodies drop to the pavement behind him. One had a gun outstretched, the crisp lines of his suit wrinkled under the force of the shot that sent him falling backward. The other pitched into the wall before he fell – chef's jacket stained crimson with his own blood. "Jack! Are you hit?" She asks, voice more determined and edging on nervous.

Jack’s blood rushes to his ears, making Ginger sound like she is underwater. Or maybe it’s him that is drowning. It’s suddenly hard to breath, the seeming sucked from his lungs as he sways on his feet for a heart stopping moment. The impact of what he has just done crashing over him.

“Jack? Jack!” Ginger’s voice in his ear makes his vision sharpen from where it had gone fuzzy, bringing him back to the moment.

“Ginger Ale.” Jack chokes out. “I—shit, I just shot a civilian.”

"Shit." For a woman who rarely ever curses, the impact of it doubles coming from Ginger. "Get out of there, Jack. I'll send in Gamma Team to clean up. But I don't want you being part of the cleanup. You hear me?"

A civilian. Shit. Champ is going to be furious.

******

“Jason Howe, 36, born in Northwood, New Hampshire on April 4th.”

Jack winces and curls his hand into a fist as he stands in front of the conference room table. Not having been invited to sit, nor to have the glass of ‘67 Statesman Reserve that Champ has sitting in a glass at his elbow. A drink that Jack desperately needs. “Champ, there was a gun.” Jack defends, although he knows it’s a weak excuse. Statesmen take out the bad guys, not hurt the innocent. And Jack’s killed a bystander who had nothing to do with anything.

"You've been off since Cambodia, Jack." And although Champ knows exactly why, it can't be considered an excuse. He looks back down at the file on the conference table and frowns, then keeps reading. "Two siblings. Parents both living. Soulmate so far unknown." The older man looks up, locking his eyes on Jack. "We're tracking her down."

“Why?” Jack demands, frowning at the mere idea. Statesman had never tracked down a soulmate of anyone before, why start now? “We don’t know who it is, or if they care.” He scoffs. “Better to let sleepin’ dogs lie.”

“I don’t blame you for not noticing.” Champ sighs and shakes his head before finally motioning for Jack to sit. The man is his best senior agent, his quickest set of reflexes, and his closest friend. Frankly, Champ is worried about the upheaval in Jack’s life lately. It’s affecting his perception on a base level, not to mention his work. “You didn’t come out of that fire fight unscathed, and your adrenaline was too damn high for the pain to get through to you.” Running one hand down his face, Champ huffs slightly as he sips from his own whiskey glass but still doesn’t offer Jack any. “The back of your right arm. Just above your elbow. You have a new mark, Jack.”

“Bullshit.” Jack spits, furious at the implication of what Champ is saying. “My soulmate is dead.” He reminds the older man, as if he wasn’t well aware. Hell, Champ was the one who had recruited Jack to Statesman, so he was well aquatinted with his backstory. Until this moment, he would have called the man a friend. Maybe his best friend, even though Tequila likes to claim that’s his title. “Been dead and gone for years. So there ain’t no marks on my body.”

“I don’t mean to say anything against her memory.” Champ holds up one hand in a defensive posture. With the other, he gestures to the large mirror on the conference room wall. “Roll up your sleeve and take a look for yourself. Ginger noted the appearance of scars from minor cuts and bruises and a small tattoo on your arm. None of these marks were found on the civilian that was killed or any of the other dead men that Gamma Team cleaned from the scene. Following protocols, we’re now tracking down any and all soulmates and searching databases for your exact set of new marks.” He knows it isn’t good news. It isn’t good for the agency, and it isn’t good for Jack. But, despite it being a long shot, it is now more likely than not that someone out there shares these marks with him. And that makes her both a liability and a potential target. Whoever she is.

Fuck.” Jack hisses bitterly, his shoulders jerking as he shuffles out of his sports coat and tosses it down so he can start rolling up his sleeve. “Can’t Ginger remove it?” He demands, not wanting marks on his body. He hasn’t had any since the day Abigail died and he doesn’t want some other woman’s scars or tattoos on his skin either. He doesn’t have a soulmate and he doesn’t want one.

“Soulmate scars don’t work like that.” He knows Jack knows it, but he also understands the younger man’s distress as he tears his sleeve back to inspect his skin. “As far as Ginger’s nanites are concerned, that’s just your skin. No imperfections about it.”

“Who gets a goddamn tattoo on the back of their elbow?” Jack growls, twisting his arm around before he catches sight of the ink. “I don’t want another soulmate. This needs to be broken.” Tattoos and scars were things that could get an agent killed. Identifying marks, things that nanites fixed to conceal their real identities. Even agent’s soulmates had their scars removed if they were together.

“How exactly do you propose to do that?” Champ asks, raising one incredulous eyebrow at his friend. “Soulmate bonds are only broken by death, Jack. You know that as well as anyone. So unless you’re intendin’ on killing this girl just for existing, I’m afraid you’re shit out of luck.”

For one horrifying split second, Jack considers it. In his grief and rage at having his original soulmate, his wife, he thinks about killing another innocent person. “Jesus Christ.” He manages, body sagging and slumping in disgust at himself and overwhelming sadness. “I— I can’t—” Looking helplessly up at Champ, his eyes are filled with pain. “I can’t be someone else’s soulmate.”

“No one’s askin’ you to drop everything and bring whoever this woman is back to the ranch and start your life over.” At this, and Jack’s defeated shoulders, Champ finally pours two fingers of ‘67 Reserve into a clean glass and slides it across the table to Jack. “We’re gonna find her, and she’s gonna be under Statesman protection. That’s how we’re gonna handle this to start out with. Until we know more about her, the best thing we can do for your safety and hers is keep her close.”

“Why the fuck was this Jason Howe outside?” Jack snatched up the glass, pissed that because of one cook’s inability to be in the damn kitchen where he belonged, he’s burdened with a soulmate he doesn’t want. Is he victim blaming and deflecting? Yes, he is. But he doesn’t care right now. The whiskey burns on the way down and Jack sighs in appreciation of that fact.

“Smoke break.” Champ shrugs, knowing that why doesn’t really matter. “Gamma found his DNA on two cigarette butts nearby.”

There’s a sarcastic comment about how smoking kills somewhere rattling around in his brain, but Jack can’t bring himself to voice it. Not when he knows he is to blame, he had reacted and didn’t take a split second to make sure it wasn’t someone innocent nearby. He had done this and it weighs heavily. Nearly as heavy as his wife’s death and he hadn’t been directly responsible for that - though he felt guilty.

Shifting back in his chair, Champ surveys the agent in front of him as an agent rather than his friend, and he drains the rest of his glass in one go. “You have to come out of the field for a while,” he tells Jack firmly. There’s no room for debate here. “Psych eval, incident investigation, and that mark on your arm all have to be addressed before we can get you back out.”

Jack’s jaw rocks, immediately wanting to argue but he knows Champ. There’s no getting around this. He’ll be out of the field until the man gives his stamp of approval and not a moment before. “Had no problem throwing out the Golden Circle but now this is a problem?” He growls, stomping around the table to snatch a bottle of Statesman ‘72 off the bar cart. “Let me know when I gotta talk to the head doctors. Until then, I’m drinkin’.”

“I can’t get you out of this one because I threw my weight around on the Golden Circle case.” Champ huffs, not wanting to cause a fight but ready to have this conversation if need be. “I’m not worried ‘bout you passing, Jack. It’s just gotta get done.” The real concern is the black ink on the back of his arm – a hearts playing card with a teacup where the ace would be and the words ‘Curioser and curioser’ encircling it. While he carries that mark, he’s a danger in the field.

Snorting, Jack turns on his heel, grabbing his jacket off the chair and flicking a mocking two finger salute at Champ. “Sure thing, Champagne,” he huffs, knowing how much the full code name chosen for him irritates him. “I’m on desk duty.”

Champ huffs again, annoyed at Jack for being seemingly even less mature than Tequila in realizing that this isn’t a punishment, it’s caution. “And you’ll stay that way,” he grumbles as the door slams shut behind Whiskey’s retreating figure. “Goddamn stubborn donkey’s ass.”

Jack’s boots slap against the floors as he stomps down the hall. Several agents sidestep and move on the other side, warily eyeing the fierce scowl on his face.

The sound is unmistakable, and Tequila has been waiting to hear it since Jack had reported to Champ a half hour ago. He situated himself in Jack’s office almost immediately after, not really knowing what would happen but figuring that his friend might want to rant about something or go for a drink after. Civilians don’t exactly get caught in the crossfire every day – and Jack takes that kind of thing personally.

The door swings open and Jack pins Tequila with a hard stare. “Get out.” He huffs, striding over to the desk and slamming the bottle down on the hundred year old oak before he turns around to his own wet bar to get a glass.

“Guessin’ Champ ain’t too happy?” Tequila stands from the chair he had been occupying but makes no movement to leave. He’s known Whiskey too long and thinks too well of him to just up and abandon the man.

Jack doesn’t answer, grabbing the cut crystal glass and setting it down a little too forcefully before he picks up the bottle to pull the cork out and pours himself a double.

“Takin’ that as a ‘no, he ain’t’.” Stretching awkwardly, Tequila crosses his arms and watches Jack for a few seconds before he tries again. “There’s a couple of new girls leading tours who’ve been hinting at wanting dates,” he offers, knowing that that usually perks the older agent up a little. “We could blow off some steam tonight?” Mostly he’s just not sure that leaving Jack alone is going to be good in any way.

“Not interested.” Jack grunts, stomach rolling with guilt and anger. “God damnit!” He slams the glass down on the desk and his hand shoots out to sweep the neatly stacked files off the desk to scatter across the floor. Not like he wouldn’t have time to reorganize them anyway.

“Shit, Jack. What the fuck did Champ say?” Whiskey might have a temper, sure, but he usually just blows off his steam at the firing range or with a one-night stand. He’s not the type to go destroying things for fun or catharsis. Tequila steps forward warily, like he’s dealing with a spooked horse instead of his upset friend. “You know you can tell me. We can figure shit out.”

“There’s no ‘figuring it out’, Tex.” Jack snarls, well aware of the fact that Tequila hates his given name and prefers to go by his code name. “Apparently I inherited the civilian’s soulmate.”

“Fuuuck…” Tequila’s jaw drops so hard that his ass ends up back in the chair he has been sitting in only a minute ago. “How the hell does that happen?”

“Fuck if I know.” Jack blows out, reaching up to start unbuttoning his shirt. He needs to examine himself to see what other fucking marks this mystery woman has ‘gifted’ him with.

“Second soulmates are supposed to be a myth…” Anybody who knows a single thing about Jack Daniels knows about Abigail, and the fact that he lost her more than twenty years ago. A bit like anyone who knows him knows he was a rodeo man.

“Second soulmates are lies you tell the poor son of a bitch who’s burying his sweetheart.” Jack spits bitterly, remembering the bullshit people had spouted at him in the name of making him ‘feel better’. It hadn’t worked. “Not needed or wanted.”

“Looks like they ain’t lies at all.” Tequila hunches forward in his seat when Jack peels away his shirt and makes a noncommittal sound at the black-inked image on the back of his arm. “Weird place for it,” he comments, inching closer to get a better look.

“Fucking stupid is what it is.” Had Jack been admiring the tattoo on a woman, one he had in bed or aiming to get into bed, his opinion would have been different. But this was ink on his body. Even the tattoo he had gotten after Abigail and Tim died had to be removed when he joined Statesman.

Tequila squints a second before letting out a half-hearted chuckle. “It’s Alice in Wonderland,” he informs the other man once he remembered what the damn quote was all about. “Guess she likes to read.”

“Champ wants to find this woman.” Jack huffs, rolling his eyes and looking towards the mirror that is attached to the bathroom door. Looking for anything else.

“You don’t?” He probably sounds more surprised than he is, but if it were him - Tequila would sure as hell want to find the woman the universe says he’s supposed to love and cherish for the rest of his life. Even if all he had was a platonic soulmate, he would still want to know them. To have that connection and closeness. A friend that means so much they become his family. “Not sayin’ you hafta marry her, Jack, but damn. I mean…she’s got a target painted on her now if anyone ever finds out. Shouldn’t Statesman keep her safe?”

If it was anyone else, Jack would say that the protection of Statesman was necessary, but he can’t bring himself to say it. He knows that Champ and Tequila are right, this person – whoever she is – deserves to be safe because of who he is. Instead of answering, Jack pours himself another drink.

“Right.” Nodding at Jack’s silence, Tequila adjusts his Stetson and raps his knuckles once on the large oak desk. “I’ll see you in the morning, then?” It’s the end of the day and he’s presuming that Jack will be drinking his supper tonight. Which is a fair bet, all things considered.

There’s defeat in Jack’s stance, unable to gather his thoughts properly. Work was easy, it didn’t involve his heart and this was everything to do with it. When Jack still says nothing, Tequila stands and turns to move towards the door. “What does it say?” Jack asks quietly, staring down at the empty glass and wishing he was already wasted. “That I’ve got marks on my body again? What does it say about my love for my wife?”

“I don’t know what it says about her,” Tequila admits, turning again to face his friend. “But I think it says that you deserve a chance to be happy again. And from everything you’ve ever told me about Abigail?” He shrugs slightly, glancing down at the framed photograph of the two of them that he knows Jack keeps in pristine condition on his desk at all times. “Seems to me she’d be more upset at you closin’ yourself off than at the universe givin’ you an ass kicking.”

Shame fills Jack, knowing that Tequila had hit the nail on the head. Abby woulda torn into his hide for the thoughts he had about this new soulmate without ever meetin her. Or setting his beautiful, fiery wife up on a pedestal.

“You don’t have to do anything about it.” Tequila says again, knowing that most people in the world see their soulmate as their mandatory partner. Their person as ordained by the universe. Jack had already had that, and it’s not hard to see that he doesn’t find a repeat experience to be necessary. “But at least let Champ protect her. She didn’t ask for this anymore than you did.”

“It’s my fault.” Jack murmurs already pouring another three fingers of whiskey and staring at it for a moment before he takes another swallow. “I killed her soulmate, so the universe is punishing me. Punishing us both.”

“It ain’t a punishment necessarily.” Sensing the tide turning in the conversation, Tequila drops his hat on the side of Jack’s desk and grabs himself a glass before sitting down again. “Not all soulmates are romantic, and not all soulmates are perfect. Maybe you inherited her marks so you can protect her? Who knows.”

There it is. The crux of the problem. “Can’t protect her. Don’t even know her.” Jack huffs. “Couldn’t protect the woman I loved. The woman I would die for. Shoulda died for.” He would have traded places with her in an instant if it meant Abby and Sam were safe and still roaming the earth. It would have been the easiest decision he’s ever made.

“Then stay away.” The younger man suggests instead. Pouring himself a short drink and sitting back, he offers Jack a shrug. “Let Champ protect her once he finds her, and don’t tell her who you are. What you are to her. Let her live her life. I don’t pretend to have the answers, man. But I can help you piece this whole thing out.”

Staying away sounds like a solid plan. “I’ll be back out in the field anyway.” He rationalizes, imagining that it will be just a week or two before Champ needs him. Who’s to say that this woman even wants a soulmate? She hadn’t found the Jason Howe fella. “Sometimes that bean between your ears actually works.” Jack grunts with a whisper of a grin.

“Don’t worry.” That gets a hearty laugh from the younger man, and Tequila raises his glass in salute before he takes a sip. “I won’t let it go to my head.”

Jack snorts and drowns the rest of his drink and pours himself another before he slides the bottle towards Tequila. “Good.” He jokes. “Otherwise your hat won’t fit.”

******

By every Monday morning you’re always dragging. The restaurant was packed with reservations all weekend long and you probably burned off another fingerprint trying to do the sugar work for the dark chocolate salted caramel tarts that chef insisting on adding to the menu ahead of the new year. They’re beautiful, and delicious, but sugar work is tricky with an overblown wind bag shouting over your shoulder all night. The house is bustling this morning, though, and you have your niece on your hip while you sip your morning coffee and your mother in the other room is singing songs with your nephew. The dog is somewhere, the cat is on the windowsill, and your sister is finally getting her morning shower in after getting up early with the kids because they wanted to see Daddy off to work. There’s enough going on that you almost didn’t even hear your cell phone ring in your pocket. Almost.

Champ taps the file that Ginger had given to him, listening to the ringing in his ear. The soulmate had been found, surprisingly quickly to his delight. While it was assumed that no one knew about the soulmate connection between this woman in the packet and his senior field agent, but never guaranteed. Now he just needs to pitch the winning game to get her to Kentucky.

You almost don't pick up - who would be calling you from Louisville, Kentucky? - but eventually decide that you're curious enough to answer. At the worst you'll have a two-minute conversation with a telemarketer. There are worse things in the world. "Hello?" You press your phone to your ear and shift your niece a little higher on your hip with your other hand.

Clearing his throat, Champ says your name jovially. “Champ Rogers here, happy to get you on the phone, how are you doing this fine morning, darlin’?” Some might take offense to the antiquated word of endearment, but he has a feeling you won’t.

"I'm doing well, thanks." The funny face you make at the one-year-old hugging your side makes it almost sound like you're laughing, the smile coming through in your voice. "I'm not sure I know who you are, though, Mr. Rogers. What can I do for you?"

“Apologies, miss.” Champ shakes his head at himself chuckles. He knows a lot more about you than you do him, although that’ll change if he can help it. “I’m lookin’ for a pastry chef and the head hunter I’ve paid more money than God handed me your resume and said you’d be a good fit.”

"Oh!" Well, that's unexpected. Your head nearly snaps up from sticking your tongue out at your favourite little girl and a frown wrinkles your forehead a second later. "And...where did you say you were calling from?" He didn't, but you don't want to be rude. If he's looking for a personal pastry chef or a one-time catering gig, then Kentucky is a little far for you to travel.

“Kentucky, ma’am.” Champ spins around in his chair and looks out from the top of the infamous bottle that houses his office down at the distillery below. “I run a little outfit called Statesman.” Technically Jack’s CEO on paper, but Champ has final say.

"Statesman like the distillery?" Like your father's favourite whiskey that he's been drinking your entire life and there's always a bottle in the house at all times? Statesman is head hunting you? "Without meaning to seem rude, why exactly would a distillery need a pastry chef?"

Smart as a whistle. Champ grins, delighted that Jack’s new soulmate seems to have a firm head on her shoulders. “Well, we have a little tour operation here. We have around one point three million folks file through our distillery, and I’ve been wantin’ to jazz it up a bit. Offer more than just peanuts with the whiskey tasters.”

"I see." Leaning back against the counter, you lean over and press a kiss to your niece's thin hair while you chew on your bottom lip. It is a hell of an offer, but it seems like it's coming out of left field. Not that you're going to complain about being sought after - that would be the epitome of looking a gift horse in the mouth - and honestly you're pretty damn curious. "What exactly did you have in mind, Mr. Rogers?"

Champ winces at the formality and the way the use of his legal title sits wrong on him, like an ill-fitting hat. “Pastries. Cakes and creams that use our whiskey. Fruit tarts and those little sandwiches. Somethin’ that’ll make the womenfolk happy and I’ve got a space that I want to have set up to make it an experience they can’t get anywhere but Statesman.”

"You want to have...boozy tea party food?" It's so hard not to sound excited when that's right up your alley with the exact kind of baking you already love to do. "Well, I certainly appreciate the call." And since you've never been head hunted before in your entire fucking life, you really don't know what could possibly come next. "And the position you're looking to fill is...an assistant? Sous chef?" There's no way one of the biggest distilleries in the entire country is calling to offer you a brand new executive chef position making your dream food. That would be insane.

“I don’t know what a Sous chef is.” Champ huffs, his accent butchering the word. “I want someone to run the damn thing. Make up the menus to make mouths water.” He feels like your interest might not be enough to get you here. “Tell you what?” Champ grins. “How ‘bout I send the jet to pick you up and you come on over to the distillery and see what you’d be workin’ with?” He offers. “Take the tour, see the space I want to turn into a restaurant and we can see if you think it’s a good fit?”

"The j-jet?" You stutter out the word in disbelief, eyes flying up to catch your mother's as she walks into the kitchen with your nephew in tow – only to immediately give him the quiet signal a second later when she sees you on your phone. "I, uh—" Breathe, you remind yourself aggressively. "I assume you'll want to see what I can do, as well? A headhunter is all well and good, Mr. Rogers, but if you're going to show me your space, I should at least be making you a few sample recipes while I'm there." It's all so much to take in and you're nearly overwhelmed at the enormity of it. This sounds like a dream. Way, way too good to be true.

“Please, call me Champ.” He insists, almost pained at hearing the name his father had been called for years. “Tell me what you need and I’ll make it happen. I’ll send you an email, how’s that sound? When do you think you could be here? Jet can be where you are in three hours.” The mention of a private jet always impresses, and he notices it had an effect on you.

"Well...I do have some flexible time at the moment." Two days off from the restaurant in a row is what you've got, and your mind is buzzing with possibilities. "Three hours should be enough to prep a list and book a hotel in Louisville for a night." It will be the most expensive job interview you've ever taken, but really? You can't see passing this up. If nothing else, you'll get to take the distillery tour and bring a bottle back to your dad for his bar. An unexpected trip could be fun.

“Pishaw.” Champ scoffs. “No need for you to book a hotel, there’s a residence on the grounds where we can put you up. It would be yours if you accept the job.” He smirks at the idea.

"You're kidding." It escapes your lips before you can stop yourself, and you would facepalm if you had a free hand. "Out of curiosity, Champ," the informality would never fly in your restaurant kitchen, but you actually prefer it. "What exactly would this position pay?"

“Well darlin’,” Champ admires a woman who gets down to brass tacks. “Considerin’ you’d be responsible for the menu and the runnin’ of the kitchens, I was thinking that we would start you out at 90 with a guaranteed half a percent of all profits per quarter.” Champ offers off the top of his head. He’d only glanced at the baseline salary for an executive chef when he had thought of this – though it was a good idea. “How’s that sound?”

With your phone jammed between your cheek and your shoulder and reach for your mother, gripping her hand so tightly she actually flinches as your eyes nearly bug out of your head. The base line salary you were just quoted is more than twice what you're making now, and it would have profits on top of it, and it even comes with guaranteed housing. "That sounds...like a salary that comes with a lot of responsibility," you admit, when you can finally form a damn word on your own lips again. "You go ahead and send an email with the full job description and offer, and I will send you back a list of supplies to give you a fair view of what I can do. We'll see if my abilities fall in line with your vision for the next step forward at Statesman."

“That sounds like a fine plan.” Champ leans back in his chair, sure that he’s reeled you in. “I’ll be seeing you soon, ya hear?” He hangs up the phone and starts to chuckle to himself as he looks down at your picture in the file. Poor Jack is in for a rude awakening.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." The second your phone beeps and disconnects, you stare at it like a ghost has just popped out of it before looking back up at your mother in wonder. "I just...got a job offer. For the most insane job of all time." Shoving the electronic back into your pocket, you shift your niece in your arms and place a kiss on her little head before setting her down in her highchair at the kitchen table and slumping down beside her to grab your now-cold coffee. "Oh my god."

“What in the world is going on?” Moving over to the coffee maker, your mother reaches for her own cup. It’s a routine that you two have coffee while she watches the babies for your sister.

"Apparently a head hunter got a hold of my resume and passed it on to the head of the Statesman Distillery in Kentucky." It's the most unbelievable sentence you've ever said in your life, and you fall back in your chair with a dazed look on your face. "They want to expand their food offerings for tours and events, apparently? They want me to go down there and look at the facility. Mom...that phone call was offering me an executive position."

“An executive position? To do what? Run the bakery?” Your mom turns and leans against the counter so she can sip on her black coffee. “To develop recipes?”

"Develop the entire menu, run the bakery, help roll out this whole new entertaining program for the distillery." Cold coffee is still coffee, and you drink yours slowly just so you don't choke on the drink your excitement. "The job comes with on premises housing and pays more than twice what I make now." The number he quoted is enough to boggle your mind all over again. "They're sending a private jet to pick me up and bring me down there for this interview and lord I hope this is not just some weird scam."

Your mom’s eyes widen and she frowns. “I – you should call the distillery. Ask some questions to make sure. Who sends a jet for a chef?” She doesn’t mean to sound harsh, but it strikes her as extremely odd.

"It sounds too good to be true." Your shoulders drop, and your eyes track down to stare into your coffee. "He's supposed to be sending me an e-mail with flight info and the job offer. It either won't come through or it'll be fake. But at least then I'll have two days off to wallow in the amazing job I almost had."

As if to argue, your phone dings with an email notification. Your mom sighs. “Sweetie— I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so negative. I don’t know how this works in big corporations.” She feels guilty, like she’s stolen your happiness away and you deserve all the joy you can find.

"No, you're just being realistic." Neither of your parents are particularly negative people. You'd call them realistic optimists, if you had to give it a title. They always try to look at the best parts of very practical situations. You pull your phone from your pocket and tap on the e-mail, studying it carefully for any signs of fraud or imitation. "What do you think?" You ask your mother, turning your cell around to let her read what just came through. Decades in journalism have given her a pretty good eye for detective work.

She studies the email carefully and looks up at you. “This looks legitimate.” She admits after a moment, a smile cracking her face. “Keep your phone on you, check in with us, but I think you should go for it.”

"He wants me to make four samples for the interview." Taking your phone back, you can feel the excitement rising all over again. There's nerves there, and a little bit of fear of the unknown, but mostly a giddy amount of glee rising from the tips of your toes all the way up to the top of your head. Moving a thousand miles away from your family for a job wasn't exactly a possibility on your radar, but if this job is for real? You'd be foolish not to do it. "I guess...I guess I need to figure out what I'm going to make and send off a supply list and then pack."

“You go do that.” Your mom takes your coffee cup and grins at you. Would she miss you if you took the job? Absolutely. But this is too good of a chance for you to get out of your current restaurant. “Just think— your own kitchen where no one can yell at you.”

"And if that isn't the dream, I don't know what is." With hugs and kisses for your niece and nephew, you start to hustle out of the room but stop in the living room doorway and turn back around. "What do you think about doing Grandma Jane's coconut cake as cupcakes and adding bourbon to the cream cheese frosting?" If Statesman wanted booze in their desserts, you sure as hell weren't going to pass up the chance to present it with the family's coveted cake recipe.

“If they don’t give you the job based on that alone, they are fools.” Your mother huffs, giving you an encouraging smile. “You’ll knock them dead.”

______ Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3

DtRH: @haileymorelikestupid @spishsstuff @missmarmaladeth @axshadows @a-gay-cryptid @sgt-morgan @1a-ma1a-su3rt3 @flowers4copper @ghost-timelord @the0racl30fd3lphidos @all-the-way-down-here @bobafvcker @ficsbynight @dinoflower @supernaturalgirl20 @xdaddysprincessxx @bobawh0re @amiee-mitch18 @darkhairedmenrule @heyyimlaynna @strawberry-f4iry @3zm33atzbuss33 @whataghost @cyber666slut @nobody-000 @eddiemunsonsgirlfriendirl @lucciolaraven @powergirlsupremacy @secondsistershelby @dreadmars @androgynoushellscape @soytomatecherry @cheesecake-massacre @mylifeisbasedonashow @idiotickiddo @tomfeltonisbae @maratheidiot22 @im-nada @everybirdfellsilent @deepdarkdelights @brokenwhitegirl384 @ur-honey-child @caseket @copperrose15 @we-could-have-been @valkyries-ride @scarletmunson @strawberriricemilk @ghost-timelord @galactigoos @floridawaters @cutiepie6473 @pinball-vance @theslytherinwriter @scorpioswonder @stankyleg05 @fxdsketches @sad-innit @coffeyorky @1a-ma1a-su3rt3 @starlordsonlywife @aura626 @mistresskei @marv3lwhor3 @sadimusprimee @yourwonderbelle @sgt-morgan @spot116 @milybaby018 @loserk1nks @artfulthoughtswp @aavw @babyrunsforfanfic @faceache111 @midnight-huntress @asimpleraccoonqueen @marki-moo0 @pages89 @rawr-bitches @rebel-fanfare @soooosha @luna-is-out-there @im-sylien @timpletance @certifiedhunter @ellenmunn @littlethief78 @tinalbion @eddy-y @tikibabi @whyidkok @bearcoon1666 @littlebirdsbookshelf @a-gay-cryptid @disaster-ahaha @viridiesa @axshadows @purplerain04 @karmarouge @holycyclehomo @sainteredhood @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @the-wishmonger @theliferuiner @raptorclaw24 @asp1r1ngm1lf @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @st4rl1ght444 @litholithium @tusk89 @youjustneedatherapist @nekodemon73 @iceclaw101 @lightningsface @shakespeareanwannabe @jasminemunson @spideysimpossiblegirl @wannabedaphne @sammus-white @jazzieomega @88dragon06 @ishabull @raquel-rial @tuquoquebrute @hotleaf-juice @dantaku @youokhoney @thisiswhyibleedsstuff @maximumkryptonitegladiator @jediknight122 @gadsgikklesen @movievillainess721 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @the-strawberrythief @spishsstuff @choppedmugjudgeplaid @haileymorelikestupid @gooddaykate @missredherring @abyssal-zone-stares-back @supernaturalgirl @winterandstars @severewobblerlightdragon @missmarmaladeth @noisynaia @saintbedelia @algressman16 @eaks0710 @mina2000alex @emdraws02 @universallyclodlawyerpainter @rayrayvan @akaleelanie @mishasminion360 @amneris21 @roxypeanut @sabbs118 @frasmotic @emdraws02 @universallyclodlawyerpainter @rayrayvan @lovelychaos420 @1432690 @no1pornstachefan @thegrimreaperbitch @esmeensheep @izz-ayes-world @kittycatcait219 @loveyou3000tonystark @tintinn16 @igenerallytrynottogiveagoshdarn @motheroftorches @phoenixhalliwell @the-dazzling-urbanite @coffeyorky @trickstersp8 @victorian-cherub @julissadunn @clarysthing @the-girl-that-loves-many-fandoms @mastersurf @theghostofutopia @ncsls0515 @seraphinaivy @unnecesarysstuff @hiyorinatsuki @ghostofaboy @yn-hamato @elfwriter1088

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Jack Daniels #Jack Daniels x reader #Jack Daniels x you #Jack Daniels x female reader #Jack Whiskey Daniels #Agent Whiskey #Kingsman Golden Circle #soulmate au

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oodlyenough · 7 months

Text

I've been thinking a lot about how fandom attitudes towards female characters shift, and how a lot of the outright hatred that was once prevalent now is replaced by "girlboss" "mom friend" "only braincell" type discourse... and also about the Hawthorne twins and what I see of them in fandom vs canon.

It's interesting to me that I see a lot of what feels like a fandom desire to rehabilitate Dahlia as a character from a feminist perspective, sometimes taken as a given that her canon material was bad, when ...tbqh I don't really feel that she needs it. If I think of characters wronged by their canon text, Dahlia wouldn't make the list. Even a surface-level reading of Dahlia is, imo, a compelling character, with clear motivations, consistent behaviour, agency. She's funny and memorable. You can dig deeper into speculation and headcanon territory with Dahlia (and I totally get the impulse, she's great and there's lots of potential there) but I don't think you need to do that to make her a solid character, I think she already is. I don't think she's any less complex than the other trilogy villains, and if anything she's a lot more complex already than someone like Engarde, and on par with Von Karma.

On the other hand, I think Iris got some paper-thin writing as "the good twin" and, let's be honest, a feeble attempt to set up a heterosexual romance for Phoenix which gets dropped in subsequent games anyway. There are interesting possible complexities to tease out of Iris, just as with Dahlia; Iris facilitates or participates in some pretty messed-up things, but Phoenix and the story are very forgiving, which just flattens her out further into Good Twin. I don't think the canon is very interested in Iris outside of her role as plot twist doppelganger and occasional blush sprite... and mostly it seems the fanon Iris gets in response is to quadruple down on those things. She's pure and kind and sweet, besties with Phoenix, their relationship is cast as something wholesome and innocent, despite the uh objective reality of it.

What about the Iris who helps her sister plan harebrained criminal schemes only to back out at last second, the Iris who fell in love with Feenie despite herself and yet continued to lie and place him in danger for eight months, who watched Dahlia get a death sentence without ever coming clean ... Those things are the aspects that would make her a multidimensional character, imo, but they're ignored and/or glossed over in the story and (what I've seen of) fandom. And I don't say this to mean that she's evil or irredeemable or something, she isn't -- just that the basic fact of her actions is a lot messier than is usually acknowledged, by canon or fanon. For the canon I think the reasons are obvious and not flattering; for fandom, I think the intentions are generally positive, trying to correct for the opposite end of the spectrum (and 20 years ago the attitude was probably quite different), but I still wish female characters were given more space to be complicated in ways that include being kind of fucked up actually.

#tl;dr support women's wrongs i guess #oodly plays AA #aa3 spoilers #ace attorney #dahlia hawthorne #iris hawthorne #fey family business #dollie dearest

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hongthoven · 2 years

Text

Baby Came Home

Rockstar!Hongjoong x fem!reader (smut)

⁂ pairing : rockstar!hongjoong x fem! reader

⁂ warnings : strong language, explicit sex

⁂ one shot | words count : 5.7k

⁂ tags&stuff : rockstar!hongjoong, tattooed!hongjoong, pierced!hongjoong, smoker!hongjoong, oral sex (giving), cheating, rough sex, pet names, hand holding, feelings are getting caught because who the fuck wouldn't fall for rockstar!hj - not me, your honor

⁂ plot : you go to hongjoong every time your boyfriend is being a jerk - which happens a lot - so he can fuck the anger out of you, but things take an unexpected spin when you attend one of his shows and his brand new song seems to spill a little bit more than beans.

⁂ author's notes : this was requested by my one & only muse @hongjoongsmaid ♥ and directly inspired by The Neighbourood's song "Baby Came Home" (omg just like the title of this story? OUTSTANDING) so I suggest you listen to it while reading because nothing will beat the thought of rockstar!hongjoong screaming the lyrics directly at you, amiright?

Please- P L E A S E, if you like it, comment + reblog as tumblr's algorithm seems to be a lot more complicated and some fics aren't showing in the tags, which leads to writers getting less and less notes and tbh it's very sad :(

Of course, if you think it's shit, don't interact - I'll just go cry in a corner. All in all, thanks for reading ♥

“Joong— I’m— I’m close—”

You were nothing but a whimpering mess on top of him, both of your hands attached to his shoulders as he took it as a signal to increase his pace, his insatiable hips rocketing against you as your own rhythm became a lot messier, your ass bouncing mercilessly against his thighs as your race to climax came closer to the final line.

“Wait for me, doll” Hongjoong barely growled, one of his hands traveling from your tits to your throat while the other kept you still with a strong grip over your hip, taking the lead. You had no idea how long you’d been there, riding his cock through a blissful state, but anyone could tell it had been a while from both of your glistening chests and the redness of your skin from being held forcefully for too long.

“I—I c-c-can’t” Your jaw seemed to tighten from the overwhelming pleasure running through your flesh, every part of your body suddenly too sensitive under Hongjoong’s expert touch. Clenching your fingers into his skin, almost scratching his shoulders to the bones, you could feel your spine stiffening as you were about to clench around his throbbing member when Hongjoong suddenly lifted your hips with both hands, breaking contact.

“I said wait for me! Can’t you just do that?” He smirked as you almost clenched over nothing, hips jolting from losing the unbearable overstimulation of his cock while only whines and complaints seemed to escape your pouty lips.

“Look at you– so eager to be fucked” Hongjoong chuckled almost too proudly as he teasingly smacked his head against your clit, collecting a frustrated groan out of your mouth, the sound of your own wetness almost too embarrassing as you tried to push him back inside of you. You were so close to finishing you were convinced a single thrust would make you see stars, but unfortunately, Hongjoong wasn’t having it.

“You look so fucking beautiful, doll” He smiled, sincerely endeared while leaning forward to catch your lips between his, his greedy tongue finding yours immediately as he finally pushed your hips downwards to fill you up again. Moaning into his mouth, overwhelmed with the pressure of yet another first thrust, you snaked your arms behind his neck as he pushed himself up into a seating position, his cock finding a brand new angle into the dampness of your pulsating cunt.

It wasn’t long until you crashed on top of him, body convulsing and only squeals coming out of your tired lips as Hongjoong wrecked your insides with a couple more steady, powerful thrusts while painting your walls white through a long, throaty moan. Though you felt dizzy, the sight of his veiny neck abused from his desperate pleas forced you to attach your mouth to his skin, licking the mole on the right side of his throat a second before you collapsed into his arms, completely exhausted.

______________________________________________________________

“We need to stop doing this”

Hongjoong shifted into the sheets, lifting himself up to rest his back against the wall as he watched you getting dressed. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, your nervous hands buttoning up your shirt while your eyes were looking around for a sight of your panties as you heard him scoff behind your back.

“I’m serious, Joong!” You paused, sighing to yourself as you turned around to face the man whose lips were still printed all over your neck. You hated that he still looked this breathtaking right after fucking you into oblivion. Ruffled blond hair all over the place, tattooed chest coated with sweat and his thin hips barely covered by the white sheet he had creased into his fist to hide the way his exhausted cock was now resting flat between his thighs as he reached for the pack of cigarettes on his nightstand.

“Could you not?” You frowned the minute he pinched a cig between his pink lips, raising both his eyebrows at your sudden mood swing.

“What? You’re afraid the smell of smoke may give him a hint? Darling, you look so fucked out even some blind guy down the streets could tell you’ve just been railed…” Hongjoong chuckled while lighting his cigarette. You watched as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head, filling his lungs with nicotine with a content smile upon his face.

“He knows something’s going on—” You added, suddenly more nervous as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt, looking down your lap “I think he’s seen some of your texts…”

“Poor baby, do you want me to send him some care package or somethin’?”

Now he was getting a little too cocky for your liking. As much as you adored this man, you just couldn’t let him get away with that attitude.

“There’s no need to be an asshole about it, you know?” You snapped, reaching for his face to rip the cigarette off his mouth, dropping it in the glass of water you had left on the floor seconds before Hongjoong had bent you over the bed.

“I’m being an asshole about it? You’re the one always coming back to me so I can fuck the pain away everytime your boyfriend is being a jerk to you and still, I’m the one you wanna leave behind?” You couldn’t help but feel bad for a second as you caught a glimpse of sadness and anger passing through his entire face, his natural pout as the main character while his eyes seemed to look everywhere but directly at you.

“That’s all it was always supposed to be, Joong. Sex.”

“Bullshit” He snapped back, his eyes locking with yours this time.

“You know I’m right”

“Bull-shit” You could hear his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth as he moved towards you, the sheet drifting slightly to expose the thin lettering over his hip bone, your favorite tattoo of his.

“You think that’s what this is all about? Just sex? Read the fucking room, Y/N!”

Whether this was a confession or not, you felt terrible now, memories of the most precious moments spent with Hongjoong washing over you as your entire body started shivering under his touch the very second his palm pressed into your inner thigh.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you love him– Tell me you want this to stop”

His voice was softer now, composed, yet raspier than ever as all of his anger and frustration seemed to be caught in his throat, his eyes begging for the answer he was desperately waiting for.

“I love him”

Though it was merely half of a whispered confession, Hongjoong felt it like a dagger pushed right into his chest, ripping his heart apart. Still, his eyes remained locked with your, his gaze heavy with a thousand thoughts as his fingers pressed into your flesh a little harder, forcing a wince out of you.

“You’re a pitiful liar…” Hongjoong spat through the heaviest scoff, his smokey breath coating your skin with goosebumps as he pushed himself away from you, his back hitting the wall again with force while your insides seemed to twist with guilt. You hated to see him like this, hated to disappoint the only genuine support you had in a fucked-up situation and above anything, you hated the fact he was completely right.

Biting his black, painted nail out of spite, Hongjoong watched as you eventually lifted yourself up from the bed, gathering your coat and your handbag, ready to leave. Out of the many things you had in common, stubbornness was definitely the worst as it often led you both to stick to your positions, whether you were right or wrong, lacking communication in the moments you needed it the most.

“You still comin’ to the show on friday, right?” Hongjoong eventually asked, completely ignoring the elephant in the room.

“Yeah—yeah we’ll be there”

You couldn’t miss the way he rolled his eyes, his obvious disgust painted all over his face as you recalled the many times Hongjoong had told you just how much he hated to hear you speak as a “we” when referring to such a dysfunctional relationship.

Hopping on one foot to zip up your ankle boot, you gave him one last look, once again stunned at the way your heart would still skip a beat at the sight of this man. The complete opposite of the one you called your boyfriend. Hongjoong was the archetype of a rockstar, every single one of his features dripping with lust and temptation. From his nose ring to the thin silver cross dangling from his earlobe or the now slightly smudged eye-liner making his cat eyes pop out of his perfect face, you often found pride in the fact he could get any girl, boy and their cousins into his bed but still chose you at the end of the day. There wasn’t a single time where Hongjoong had failed to answer your calls and even today, when he was so impossibly busy recording a new album in his studio, there wasn’t a glimpse of hesitation as soon as he had seen your name flashing upon his phone screen.

Consumed with guilt, you crawled back into bed to kiss him goodbye, every inch of your body trying not to brush his bare skin as you knew just how a single touch was enough for you to roll back into a filthy routine with the firmly established best fuck you ever had. While he wasn’t even trying to hide his bitterness, Hongjoong still allowed you to peck the corner of his lips just once without a flinch on his side - but as you were about to hop back into your feet and call it a day, you felt the strong grip of his hand behind your neck, pulling you back against his lips as his tongue was quick to find yours through a desperate, heavy kiss.

“What a waste of a fucking perfect mouth” Hongjoong growled, your bottom lip throbbing from being abruptly pulled, his teeth nibbling at it like he was trying to suck the venom out of a bee sting until he was fully satisfied with the puzzled look on your face. You hated the way he looked at you and made you feel like the only girl left in the world, hated the fact your entire body craved him again and how he only seemed to be the only one making you clench over a simple kiss and how he had definitely ruined sex with your own boyfriend but still, as your eyes locked once again, you couldn’t deny just how much you adored him. Regardless of the conflicted, unbalanced relationship you two had, Hongjoong still remained your favorite, go-to person.

Whether it was out of pride or the heartache of pulling apart, both of you failed to say a word as you quietly straightened yourself, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you escaped Hongjoong’s apartment at dusk.

The walk back to your own place felt different this time, wrapped into your coat where Hongjoong’s strong signature scent remained all over you, the coldness of an early night hit you by surprise, but it was nothing compared to the sudden realization of your feelings for the man you had left behind.

______________________________________________________________

Even a long bath wasn’t enough to get you rid of Hongjoong’s perfume, the smell of him so intense it felt like he had crawled under your skin to nest here forever and while you hated to admit it, there was something comforting about it, like having him around all the time made you safe and above anything, loved.

Sheathed in the warm, bubbly water, you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a minute, head still buzzing with the chaos of your thoughts. Without a fail, Hongjoong’s face was the first thing to come to your mind as you slowly drifted into daydream, the intensity of his gaze over your naked body making your skin burn like an ardent fire while your hand instinctively found its way between your thighs, ghosting the way Hongjoong loved to dominantly cup your pussy into his palm to make sure you knew who it belonged to.

Your fingers were quick to find your clit, rubbing it harshly to find the thrill you only seemed to find while locked into Hongjoong’s chokehold as he made you squirt repeatedly into his greedy palm, the smirk on his face a sight for sore eyes as you could vividly contemplate the pride within himself as he made you cum over and over again, his name never leaving your lips. Curling your digits, you could feel just how sore you were from the way he had pounded into you mercilessly earlier, the pain as vivid as your insufferable need to have him inside of you still. Hongjoong was nowhere near a soft lover to you, mostly because you never allowed him to be. You had made it clear from day one : what you needed from him was pure, filthy sex, leading him to have you up against a wall or bent over the desk in his studio, most of the time still partly dressed, the rush of being filled always beyond any sort of patience.

Your free hand grasping the edge of the tub, body trembling from the rush of an umpteenth orgasm, you were left panting, dizzy, but above anything: missing Hongjoong’s touch more than ever.

When your boyfriend showed up at your door that night, you were definitely ready to call it a day, both your body and mind exhausted by the events. Still, you knew how he always came back crawling after a fight, begging for your forgiveness while you had washed away the anger by riding another’s man cock until your boyfriend was merely a dark spot in the perfect cloudless sky of your life.

Of course, he made love to you that night. The barbling mess of his pitiful excuses ending as soon as he started kissing your neck and calling you sweet pet names you used to love but now gave you the icks - and while you should have felt ashamed, as soon as he thrust himself into you, Hongjoong’s face was the only thing you could see, his perfect frame towering over you, his typical smirk sending you over the edge quicker than ever as you bit the inside of your cheek not to moan his name out loud.

______________________________________________________________

Friday came quicker than you thought, the entire week passing by without talking to Hongjoong as you tried to keep the broken pieces of your life together by being a good girlfriend to your partner, ignoring the fact you no longer felt anything whenever he kissed you, his name on your phone screen only making you roll your eyes in despair.

You were ready to flip your phone so the screen would face your desk as it started buzzing with a new text, thinking it was probably your boyfriend confirming the time and place you two should meet later that night. You knew he wasn’t too happy about your evening’s plans, his passive-aggressiveness definitely increasing as the days went by while he probably hoped you’d change your mind about going to the show at all, but you weren’t having any of it. To be completely honest, the prospect of seeing Hongjoong again after days of absolute silence was the only thing sparing you from a proper mental breakdown. You missed him more than you would ever admit and when your eyes caught a glimpse of his name on your phone screen, there was no point denying the way your heart skipped a bit, your insides doing backflips as you opened his text.

from: joong ♥ still on for tonight? got a new song, can’t wait for you to hear it.

Part of you was sad not to see his typical flirting tone, his text almost too formal when he usually loved to play with your nerves and send you the most inappropriate things at the worst possible times. You had lost count of his random sexting and obscene selfies while he knew you were stuck in a major meeting at work, surrounded by your entire hierarchy and definitely not in the best situation to enjoy the sight of his veiny hand tucked into his jeans, the obviousness of his bulge making you clench in silence. While it shouldn’t come as a surprise from an actual rockstar, Hongjoong’s unapologetic slutiness still left you baffled most of the time.

You were quick to reply, your urge to sound busy definitely gone at the mere thought of a well-needed catch up. from: youcan’t wait to hear it ! any dress code? x

While he stammered through the days as the absolute rock legend he was, arrogance of a king barely masked behind the audacity of a typical “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, Hongjoong still had a major fashion sense and would never get caught wearing the same outfit twice. On many occasions, he had even dared to flag a couple of your fits as outmoded, the disgusted look on his face speaking a thousand words - and while you couldn’t care less about people’s opinions most of the time, you inevitably seeked Hongjoong’s approval, his praises fueling your pride in a way only he knew how.

from: joong ♥ well you know how I like your bare cunt but dickface would cry about it.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way he never missed an occasion to diss your boyfriend while rubbing your thighs together instinctively. The chokehold this man had on you was ridiculous at this point.

from: youthat’s not very nice.

from: joong ♥ you don’t want me to be nice, doll.

Chuckling into your palm, you could feel your entire face burning from all the flirting, once again a mere puddle of feels cupped into this man’s hands. The pet name sent you over the edge, your leg crossing above the other as you seeked for any sort of friction now that Hongjoong had unexpectedly lit that fire inside of you. Still, you had work to do and a couple hours ahead before the show. You couldn’t just concede to the filth of your thoughts just now.

from: you see you tonight, joong.

from: joong ♥ see u, doll

As you bit your bottom lip to refrain a well-needed moan, you knew your day was ruined already but now you also dreaded the moment you would see Hongjoong again, not trusting yourself in the same room as your boyfriend while your entire body craved another man.

_____________________________________________________________

The venue was packed- not that it was a surprise. While Hongjoong was still a superstar on the rise, his popularity had reached its peak lately with the release of a couple hit songs, his impeccable visuals and incredible writing skills making him an artist whose career was definitely taking a spin in the toughness of the current music industry.

Obviously, Hongjoong had hooked you up with the nicest seats in the room, giving you the most perfect overlook at the crowd in the standing pit as you stood front row in the balcony, directly at the side of the stage making it easy for him to interact directly with you while you hoped he would behave for the sake of your mental strength.

As your boyfriend made his way through the seat rows with two pints of beer, holding his arms up in the air to make sure he wouldn’t spill any, you smiled in content, loving the buzz of a pre-show as you recognized Hongjoong’s familiar music taste in the playlist hyping the crowd before his big entrance while trying your best to ignore the fact he had fucked you to a couple of these songs before.

For a brief second, you thought to yourself that it wouldn’t be so bad to travel around the country and follow him on tour, the thrill of a sleepless night in a tour bus definitely getting you to clench over nothing while surrounded by a raging crowd who you knew was probably just as aroused by that man - the only difference was that you were lucky enough to know what his dick tasted like.

You felt your boyfriend’s arms wrapping around your waist as soon as the lights went off, the crowd screaming at the mere sound of drums and you knew from his tight grip that it was nothing but him marking his territory, probably wishing Hongjoong would catch a glimpse of you two loved up in the front row. But to your own surprise, Hongjoong wasn’t the attention seeker you expected him to be, sticking to a couple glimpses every now and then, his smile inevitably widening at the sight of you wearing the cropped oversized Givenchy t-shirt he had bought for you a week ago, not missing the opportunity to let you know how great your tits would look without a bra in that crop cut. Obviously, you had failed to let your boyfriend know about your bare breast, keeping this detail as a dirty little secret between you and Hongjoong.

It wasn’t until he came back after a quick break in the middle of the show that your evening took a dramatic spin as Hongjoong grabbed the mic to face the crowd, making an announcement.

“I’m gonna play the next song for the first time ever for you guys— I wrote it just a couple days ago so it might sound a little rough…. Then again, you know I like it rough, right?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the raunchy comment, fascinated with the way he always knew how to entertain a crowd and make it his. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, didn’t seem to find his attitude amusing as he scoffed his bitterness directly into your ear before taking a long sip of his beer, his arm tightly wrapped around your neck.

“The song’s called Baby Came Home and it’s about a girl who rides my dick like no one”

Your heart jumped off your chest as soon as Hongjoong locked eyes with you, his mischievous smile growing bigger as every color seemed to fade away from your face, blood only rushing to your brain as the dizziness took over to the beat of the song. You could feel your boyfriend’s body stiffening at the sight of Hongjoong, watching him flirt with the mic stand as he hummed the lyrics in the most sensual way, the explicit filthiness of his thoughts pretty obvious for everyone in the crowd to see.

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

She told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Walking to the side of the stage, Hongjoong looked up directly into your eyes, his smile tucked in the corner of his lips as he raised an eyebrow in a taunting way, his tongue poking in the inside of his cheek while he pretended to choke himself with his black, painted nails, grazing his skin in a very specific way that purposely reminded you of the way you loved to scratch his neck whenever he filled you up to the brim.

Thinking about her

She's gone all the time

I think if you found her

That even you would know she's mine

Jumping on top of one of the guitar amps so he would stand directly at your level, Hongjoong never paid attention to the rest of the crowd anymore, his eyes bouncing from yours to your boyfriend’s, finding pride in the way he seemed to be more and more furious with every word coming out of his mouth. Now if the lyrics weren’t enough, Hongjoong’s attitude was beyond any decency as he started to stutter the lyrics through a moan, body rolling against his own palm as he grabbed a handful of himself while keeping his gaze locked on you, knowing just how your body would react at the sight of him- and while you were definitely forced into the most awkward situation between your lover and boyfriend, you couldn’t deny just how wet his whole performance had gotten you already.

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

Told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Petrified, you watched as Hongjoong smirked at your boyfriend, flipping him off with his tongue out in the most provocative way you could think of. You didn’t know exactly when he had stopped hugging you from behind but it’s only when Hongjoong dared to come closer, leaning forward to scream the very last part of the song that you realized he was already gone. Resting backwards with his back tilted in your direction and the back of his head against the edge of the balcony, Hongjoong closed his eyes, screaming the lyrics with his entire heart and soul, the violence of his words matching the hectic beating of your own heart into your chest.

She's mine, she's mine

That girl is mine, she's MINE.

Out of breath, you felt suddenly exposed as the entire venue seemed to look at you like the main character in the story now that Hongjoong had failed to be discreet about it. Wrapping your own arms around yourself, you gave him a cold stare as he blew you a kiss, going back to the center of the stage like nothing happened. Alone and distraught, you missed the rest of the show, completely lost in your own thoughts, wrapped into a smokey haze from the stage and the awful smell of the beer your boyfriend had spilled on his way out.

______________________________________________________________

“Are you out of your FUCKING mind?” you spat as you barged into the backstage room, directly aiming at Hongjoong as he was resting on the couch with one of his feet up the coffee table, his top already off his bare, sweaty chest.

“Didn’t like my little homage, doll?” He smirked, obviously proud of his move as he waved his hand into the air, motioning for his bandmates to leave the room and give you privacy.

“Oh they can stay– you made a complete fool of me in front of an audience, I can slap the shit out of you in front of your band, can’t I?”

“Trust me, doll, you don’t want them to stay…” He was standing now, walking directly into your direction, his black, glittery eye-shadow melting with sweat from a two hours show in an overheated venue. His blonde hair was all over the place but still, he looked absolutely stunning.

“Why’s that? Don’t want them to see you getting punched in the face?”

“No, doll…” he shook his head with a smile, his hands already framing your face as he slowly walked you towards the nearest wall, “I just don’t want any of them to see you with a mouthful of my cock” his tone almost turned into a growl as he chuckled so close to your face you could feel the warmth of his breath ghosting your lips with a foggy coat filled with lust.

“Fuck you, Hongjoong– you had no fucking right to do that!” You tried to push him away, your fist stammering against his chest as he kept you close still, his lips already attacking your neck as you found yourself locked between his body and the wall behind your back.

“Had to–” He barely groaned, nibbling at your neck “you didn’t know how to drop his pathetic ass— you should be fucking thankful” traveling his lips along your throat, Hongjoong purposely ignored your constant whining, his hands pushing past your top only to be delighted with the touch of your bare, erected nipples against his palms.

“No bra, uh?” He smiled, a little too proudly for your liking, “see, you’re not just a brat after all– sometimes you do listen to me”.

“Fuck off” You inevitably moaned as soon as his mouth found your tits, his viscious tongue darting against your nipple while his thumb toyed with the other. There was no point trying to fight any longer as your body failed to match your accusations. Pushing your hips against his growing bulge, your hands brushing through his hair as his started to suck on your breast through the most obscene sounds, you couldn’t help but moan under his touch, your thighs squeezed together so tightly you could almost feel your arousal spilling out of your crushed pussy.

“You know damn well he could never fuck you like I do” Hongjoong added, his eyes finding yours again as one of his hand pulled at your hair, tilting your head just enough to confirm his statement while the other was already unbuckling his belt, the sound of his zipper sounding like a blissful reward as your mouth inevitably started to water.

“Lost your tongue, doll?” He smiled, his hand abandoning his hardened cock to slip between your thighs forcefully, his middle finger immediately collecting a fair coat of your wetness and spreading it along your slit at a painfully slow pace.

“You can say you hated every part of it but your body says otherwise— I think you’d let me fuck you in front of that crowd if you had a chance… Let everyone see how I make this pussy mine, hmm?” His lips were back on yours again, nibbling, licking, biting until you caved and started to grind against his palm, wishing his fingers would slip inside of you already. Hongjoong definitely had a way with words that tickled your imagination in the best possible ways, and for a second, you were definitely kneeling on that stage, both of his hands holding your head still as he deepthroated you in front of a crowd, the painful mix of humiliation and exhibition kink taking its toll on you as your body instinctively slipped against the wall until you were down on your knees, eye-leveled with Hongjoong’s cock.

Without a word, you looked up to meet his gaze, finding pride in the way his lips curved into an O as soon as you wrapped your hand around his shaft, teasing his balls with the flat of your tongue until you started to drag your lips along his stiff cock, taking your time to coat him with saliva as you felt him groan behind his gritted teeth, his hands fiddling with your hair while you finally pushed his head past your lips, swallowing every inches of him until the bitter taste of precum hit the back of your throat.

While you loved to give him head, his cock a perfect fit for your trained jaw, you didn’t feel like going all the way today, a simple taste more than enough to get the fuel going as you popped him out of your lips before your knees even started to bruise against the carpeted floor. Luckily, as rough as Hongjoong could be as a lover, he was never the one forcing you into doing anything and while any other man could have kept you down until your face was plastered with cum, this one man you adored never complained about the throbbing hard-on you had left behind.

“Fuck, doll- you don’t even know how much I fucking adore you…” Hongjoong almost whispered through a kiss, unbothered by his own taste over his tongue as both of his hands found their way behind your thighs, lifting you up against the wall as your legs were left dangling above his veiny arms and wide open for him.

It only took a single, powerful thrust to make you scream his name, your back slamming forcefully against the wall as Hongjoong started to hammer himself into your soaking wet cunt, his throat vibrating against your shoulder as he growled out of complete bliss, loving the way you swallowed him entirely and the obscenity of your skin slapping together mixed with the thundering sound of your body crashing against the wall everytime he pinned you back into it. He was merciless, as usual, only this time there seemed to be something different, your heart skipping a beat the moment your legs attached behind his back so he could grab both of your hands, intertwining your fingers together as he kept it firmly against the wall while pounding at a brutal pace.

Panting heavily, pins and needles all over your legs, your eyes finally locked with his, his lips slightly red from sucking on your neck for too long as his face seemed painted with a newly found type of adoration, eyes filled with love as his mouth curved into a soft smile to match his decreasing pace. The longer you stared into each other's eyes, the softer Hongjoong seemed to become, his hips rolling slowly against you as he barely pulled out anymore, finding his peak in the way you seemed to keep him inside your warmth, never letting go. Tilting his head to the side, his mouth found yours one more time, his kiss a lot softer yet deeper this time, tongues rolling over each other as you both hummed in perfect euphoria.

Lifting you up and off the wall, Hongjoong made sure you were tightly attached to his hips as he walked you towards the couch, crashing his back against it while you straddled his lap, his cock never slipping out as you started to bounce slowly, enjoying every inch of him while his hands pushed your shirt past your shoulders, lips all over your shoulders, throat and chest.

“Fuck—Joong…” You moaned as soon as his lips smacked around your tit, pulling at it slightly while rolling his tongue over your erected nub, your back arching naturally into his palm as you could feel yourself getting closer to climax.

“I’m close” There you were again, whimpering into this man’s arms, cunt full of him, both of your hands framing his perfect face as your eyes dived into his soul while he drove you to the most blissful state, just like days before.

Only this time he didn’t ask for you to wait for him.

Both of you had already waited long enough to be there.

At last, you were home.

#hongjoong x reader #ateez smut #hongjoong smut #rockstar!hongjoong

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joyflameball · 3 months

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No matter how you slice it Charllow is hilarious. Imagine for a moment you are Winona. You canonically dislike fire, due to the fact that you were dragged into a hellscape after a fire. This girl who's obsessed with fire goes up to you and tells you she's dating your little sister. Your little sister who you have barely seen the past decade. Your little sister who is currently a night monster and queen of the world. That little sister. Is dating this chaotic gremlin.

Imagine you are Maxwell. You are full of guilt due to harming this woman you may have been in love with. You were previously king of the world before being ousted by a fucking loser who was then ousted by your ex. You are currently employed as a pathetic loser who gets bullied by people you may have manipulated to drag into this hell dimension. One of these people, who is a fucking Creature who loves arson and willingly did arson for you, loves bullying you specifically. One day she comes up to you and says "By the way I'm dating your ex. The ex you got turned into a shadow creature and have had guilt about. That one. She's in love with me. We kiss." And she walks away. What do you even do with this information.

Imagine you are Charlie. You have gone through an unknown amount of trauma. You spent years with a Thing in your head trying to fucking take control of you. You eventually fused to it and became queen of the world- far more stable than you ever were, but far more dangerous as well. You have unknown plans to fix the ones who "healed" you. You have complicated feelings towards the man who hurt you, even messier feelings towards your sister who loves you. And then this little fucking Thing who loves setting fires for fun walks up to you and asks if you wanna kiss. And you wanna kiss her. A lot.

Imagine you are Willow. You love doing first, second, and third degree arson and causing first, second, and third degree burns. You are one day dragged into a hell dimension by a guy who hired you to do arson for free. You regard this as a new beginning, for now you are free to do as you wish. Every night you are haunted by a mysterious thing in the darkness who wants to kill you. Your first instinct is to start flirting with her.

Like this is the funniest ship. Move over every other ship LET HILARIOUS THEMATIC YURI REIGN SUPREME 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

#cassie rambles #don't starve #dst #charllow

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thealogie · 20 days

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I know I go against the shennant codex here but gotta say I still don't see them as, like, super close friends. And I realize there's a lot of projection here, because I have this one friend and I can't help superimposing our relationship on the shennant situation. We've known each other for a long time, from work initially, and we have super easy and fun, and even a little bit flirty relationship (we're both of the same gender and straight, but you just have to go with the flirty flow when it happens). We both sparkle when we meet, and I always feel like I'm a better, mentally healthier person when I'm with this friend. Our communication has a sort of Mozart quality, I feel. I'm always super happy to hang out with them and it's always very sweet, pleasant and fun. But I leave my actual heavy or unpleasant day-to-day stuff for my closest circle, we can be unpleasant and deep with each other, we can get bitter and fall out. But I would never bring this unhappy stuff and my unpleasant underbelly to THAT friend. They're my happy, normal, unbothered place. And I know it's a projection, but I just can't help it, I absolutely see the shennant of it all as that type of relationship as well. Like two guys who stumbled on an incredibly natural work chemistry and mutual understanding (a truly rare and precious thing in creative professions, you need to grab and never let go), whose wits are super compatible and sparkly when they're together. The added bonus of similar background and family stuff and happy coincidence of kids and partners getting along etc. I also think that I see MS at least feeling himself a better and healthier, less complicated person when he hangs out with the Tennants, like I do with that friend. The sparkly flirtiness is also born from all that. But I think they both have closer friends whom they can allow themselves to annoy and completely relax with, and be deep and unpleasant with etc. My closest friends actually get jealous about that friend, because when I talk about or with this friend, I seem more happy and pleasant than I'm with them. But it's not a sign of special closeness, it's just how our chemistry with that friend works. I wouldn't be able to survive with only that relationship, I need my "underbelly buddies" more because we can dump stuff on each other. So that's my personal rpf projection of shennant and all its charming quirks.

Dude that’s a wild view of friendship. not only are you projecting but I also think you are underselling your own friendship and have some unresolved feelings for that friend. Like not even romantically, but just…we all have very sparkly “put your best foot forward” friendships but at some point you can get messy and deep with that friend. that friend can probably handle going a bit deeper and messier if you so desire. Conversely, even if you discover you can’t be messy with that friend, that doesn’t mean they aren’t a close important friend. as you get older you realize it’s ok to have different close friendships for different purposes/topics.

If you have a friend you go out of your way to work with, and you hang out a lot and your families now hang out too? That’s a close friend regardless of whether you have other friends that are more for talking about personal stuff.

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chubbyheadquarters · 2 years

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If it’s fine by you, this is gonna be kinda of a weird request but I thought it’d be interesting! (I can send you a link to a website that lets you watch season 2!) I wanna request lmk mk,red son ,(macaque and wukong if you can-sorry-) with a S/O who’s like bee from bee and puppycat, plus if you want, their reaction to finding out their S/O is part cyborg like deckard did in the last episode in season 1 of the show, I hope that’s alright!

I'll do my best!

Genre: Romantic

Pronouns: Gender-Neutral

TW/CW: None

Character(s): MK, Red Son, Liu Er Mihou-Macaque and Sun Wukong-Monkey King

🐵MK🐵

I feel like both of your energies would bounce off of each other, Always ready to go do something together, cheery and go get em attitude. Very supportive and always willing to help one another. He appreciates that your always willing to lend an ear, and he tries to do the same for you.

When he's on break or has a day off, you're both going to the arcade, playing all the games you can before heading home and stuffing your faces with food. You essentially live in his room with him and it is messier because of that.

You're both impulsive and always ready to jump into a fight, though at times, you understand how dire a situation can be and pull him from that. He's also kinda glad that like him, you don't get a lot of the complex and complicated words and plans that his friends talk about. Pigsy definitely worries about you two.

When LBD and MK were facing off, you had used your arm to defend him, causing it to bend in an inhuman way. Of course, it scared him, and even when you tell him the truth about being a cyborg, he’s still scared. Just because you're a cyborg or whatever doesn't mean you should use your self as a shield! You'll both have a talk about it when you can.

🔥RED SON🔥

Why you're so chill about a lot of things, he doesn't get, but he's met weirder. Your cherry attitude about a lot of things also confuses him, but he let's it be since you like it. He appreciates that you get serious when the situation calls for it... But it does worry him when you rush into battle without a plan. Poor boy's gonna have a heart attack one day 😔

He definitely pushes you to do stuff, and refuses to let you procrastinate, especially if it's something that can easily be done. If it's something more serious/emotional, then he'll be more supportive and he'll do it with you if it helps ease your mind.

If he EVER finds out the state of your home, he's gonna stay with you and make sure you keep it clean. After a month of staying, he decides to go back home. You promise to take care of it better and keep your word. He does inspections everytime he visits with you always talking about how you missed him. Cue blush.

He finds out about your robotic nature after you come home, all bruised up and arm close to falling off. It freaks him out, and it doesn’t help how nonchalant you are about it. He does his best to fix it, and you’re telling him everything. He’s still a bit upset that you didn't tell him earlier, but accepts it none the less. He fell for you. All of you, and nothing’s gonna change that for him.

🌙MACAQUE🌙

He found you a bit weird at first. Your kind nature, random bursts of energy and your quick witted sassiness. It made him curious, so he decided to stick around, teasing you and picking harmless fights whenever he has free time. And then uh oh he falls in love and is in panic mode. He confesses later on don't worry-

He doesn't mind that you're not that smart, and if anything, kinda likes that you need him to explain things to you. It makes him feel needed. He also likes how you never push him about where he's been or what he's been doing. You just ask if he's okay and comfort him should he need it.

He notices that you're oddly good at calming him down. From talking him down from a panic attack, to letting him vent and scream. You'll even offer him a ride on your motorcycle, letting the cool, night air calm the both of you. It scared him at first, knowing that you could clam him to such a degree, but began to lean into it. Your presence made him feel...safe.

When he finds out, it’ll most likely be when the two of you are training. He’ll be pushing a little harder that day, and he'll swing a bit harder, denting your leg. Obviously, he's freaking out a bit, but you explain your cyborg nature. He'll ask why you never said anything, to which you expressed fear of him pushing you away. Maybe it could be the first time you see him without his glamor.👀

☀️SUN WUKONG☀️

He appreciates how you'll laze with him, especially when you let him rest on your plush thighs and run your hands through his hair. How you'll both snack on his food and watch random shows, snuggling together and enjoying each other's presence.

He's so glad that there's someone else who doesn't like water like him. Granted, he doesn't know the reason, but it's whatever to him. You have your reason, he has has. Safe to say, there are no beach dates.

The two of you train together from time to time, and he's always curious about your strength. You don't really have answer and shrug it off, saying that you've always been pretty strong. He's definitely used his gold vision when he first saw your display of strength, but he never found anything suspicious, so he let it go pretty quickly.

When he finds out about about your true nature, he’s a bit stunned. At least it explains how and why you’re so strong. He'll ask why you didn't tell him, so when you tell him that you were scared of his reaction, he'll be a bit surprised. “Sweetheart, I’m an immortal monkey. I’m not exactly normal by any means.”

Sorry for any spelling/grammar errors!

#chubby reader #lmk x chubby reader #lmk x reader #lmk x y/n #x chubby reader #lego monkie kid #lmk #red son x chubby reader #red son x reader #macaque x chubby reader #macaque x reader #sun wukong x chubby reader #sun wukong x reader #wukong x chubby reader #wukong x reader #mk x reader #mk x chubby reader

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blinkpen · 9 months

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mental heath stuff (not bad just candid)

dunno if i'll regret sharing this just yet, maybe i should have sat on it a little more until i knew exactly if i should share and how much, but parts of me really insist, and so i guess we're going for it

and i word that way because

months of exhausting processing has led me to conclude that I’m a system, so I’m still in the undertaking of cataloging an awful lot of shit into one rolodex. the kicker is i probably have been one for at least 20 years, but everyone got along so well and so cooperatively, like the most well harmonized combining mecha, that is oblivious to the fact it even is one. nobody even needed nametags in here.

…mostly. warning signs were there, it's just some of the issues that come from this sort of thing that did leak through, were hiding under other conditions that already cause similar complications. if you're familiar with the messier mental illnesses and all the ways they start to functionally melt at the edges and trade symptoms in odd places and our understanding of it all is still so half-formed, you'll probably get what i mean. hopefully people following me understand none of this crap works like it tends to get depicted in media

i'm schizophrenic and my mind is a fucking enigma anyway

anyway

then one "new" alter woke up last november in response to an acute straw breaking camel's back moment of abuse at home after enduring way too much for way too long, but the alter is not actually new, is technically one of the oldest, but she's been 'asleep' for like a decade and her point of origin is even older than that obviously this one was SO different and possessed SUCH a different headspace and set of tastes and desired behaviors, and subsequently threw equilibrium off so badly, all the components of the mecha suddenly realized they were components bc now the situation kind of required acknowledging that fact to proceed to even get starting fixing shit.

its like

"who is this weird one who broke everything" "no clue, you guys got any ideas?" "why would we have any ideas you don't, we're all us" "yeah like what do you even mean by You Guys?" "i think they're joking, like, because we're all copies of the same person, like the spongebob bit with the fine dining, they're asking themself rhetorically because it's funny…….. …….we are all the same person right. this is a metaphor. like the spongebob bit…… right….." "why are we not all immediately agreeing" "because before we could all reflexively say yes we realized we all had different definitions of The Same Person we are"

this is a gross oversimplification of course

this was a lot to process for pretty much all parts of me save one (incidentally, not the new one, the new one isn't shocked, but is a crybaby, so they didn't take Existing (Again) (2. Electric Boogaloo) very well. they do not take the prospect of 'going back to sleep' veryy either, though. so we're having to slightly redesign the mecha)

mostly through the worst of it, but among other problems we're still working to repair, this sleeper code alter caused a catastrophic system failure in the ventilation and even though everyone is mostly calmed down now, they can still smell everyone else's scented candles in their personal quarters, which is annoying when some of them have VERY different tastes in scents)

annoying, but not ruinous. fixing the AC is low priority compared to other things

like the pneumonic tube that used to let everyone hot potato information and memories from any time they were the one obliviously in the cockpit, we had a pretty damn good one, it was working so well we didn't know why we were even using it, and assumed its regular but manageable failings were just, natural, or because of some other factor affecting the tubes themselves or potato availability, and not considering most people do not have these potato tubes at all

yes i will probably make some kind of comic to conceptualize and visually externalize this i struggle to feel understood without doodles

also, while typing this post, specifically, tumblr did a fucky wucky, and when i realized i'd made an entire other post in the tags, i went to try to copy/paste them into the post but the nature of the fucky wucky prevented this. i'm really not in the mood to retype all that so it's just a screenshot now

#sporadic warbling #the good news the venn diagram between us all in terms of what we believe in and whats okay to do or not n shit mostly lines up #tho the scented candles thing is actually less trivial than it sounds / impacts QoL more than i'm willing to get into rn but we live #also the memory thing but my memory was bad before and after the fact #its taking so long to fix the potato pipes and i'm tired of manual potato delivery so i'm entering my Fuck the Potatoes era #like well kids i had a presentation prepared but the overhead's broken and i could make you do a worksheet instead #but why not let you just go play outside while the janitor and i fix the overhead. it's not fair the principle took away recess anyway.

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writertitan · 4 months

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Perennial // Part 3

a/n: i hope everyone's new year has been so lovely! 2024 has got a lil kick to it.

pairing: levi x fem!reader

overall themes: fantasy AU, strangers to lovers, traveling through realms, explicit content

part 3 themes: mental breakdown from reader, hange introduction, some hurt/comfort

read part one here

read part two here

Hange wasted no time in stepping away and kept the door wide open for the two of you to step inside, and you immediately took in your surroundings.

Hange’s house was a disaster. Papers, shoes, empty cartons, and other items were scattered all over the floor. Clothes and quilts were draped over every possible piece of furniture, and candles were everywhere. They’d been lit so many times that pools of hardened wax surrounded the candlesticks, and the wax clung to various things, whatever the candle had been set on, really.

“This place is a mess,” you muttered, and Levi seemed to have the same sentiments.

“Your pigsty is as disgusting as I’ve ever seen it, Four Eyes,” Levi quipped, his monotone voice holding an edge to it. “Don’t you ever clean?”

“I haven’t really had the time. You know I’ve had much bigger fish to fry,” Hange answered, voice bubbly despite Levi’s cutting words.

Then, Hange turned to you, glasses gleaming as they scanned you from head to toe.

“She’s Embla,” Levi said, and Hange’s eyes glittered behind their glasses.

“That’s right,” they breathed, eyes wide like saucers. Then, under their breath, asked, “And how the heck did you get your butt over here?”

“I have no idea how I got here,” you admitted, standing a little straighter under Hange’s scrutiny. “That’s why we’re here. Levi said you might be able to help get me home.”

“Hmm, did he? I don’t know how much help I’ll be. This may be something more up Erwin’s alley,” they said, though they looked completely saddened to have to admit it.

“You’re the goddamned scientist, Hange. Are you really telling me you’re willing to pass this up to Erwin?” Levi said, grey eyes hard as ice. Clearly, there was a lot of complicated history there that was going unspoken between the two of them.

At that, Hange tilted their head, considering. Outside, you could hear the first waves of families coming back to their homes. Young children were laughing, and the adults were chatting animatedly, though you couldn’t make out specifics.

“On second thought, I call dibs! Erwin’s got a brilliant mind, but you won’t have half as much fun with him as you will with me, Embla! It’ll be nice to drop everything and focus on you,” Hange declared.

Levi seemed to loosen up a little, and then he turned to you, arms folded over his chest.

“Any more questions you want to ask, direct them to Hange. Four Eyes is the only person I can think of who asks more questions than you do, and they’ll be happy to be on the receiving end for once.”

You glared at him, not appreciating the little dig, but you did light up a little bit at the thought of someone finally being excited to offer insight into this realm and quell your curiosities.

While Levi went to make some tea, Hange guided you to their study, which was even messier than the living space of their home. Hange merely shoved some stacks of papers and books off a chair for you to sit in, and they immediately grabbed a very big, very old book off a bookshelf behind you, sitting at the desk that sat in the study and opening up to flick through some pages.

“Do you really have the power to send me home? Like, a spell or something?” you asked, hands in your lap.

At that, Hange let out a wild, loud laugh, going as far as slapping their knee.

“Oh, you kill me. I don’t have the power to do anything like that – it’s a wonder you’re even here! You really are our own little Embla. I can certainly try and figure out how to get you back, though. You’ll just have to share your story. Spare me no details, please!”

You were about to, but then you stopped, giving Hange a curious look.

“How come you both refer to me as Embla?” you asked. “I’ve pretty much gotten used to being called that by Levi, but I don’t understand why you both seem to like referring to me as that name so much. I feel like I’m missing out on some inside joke.”

Hange gave a small smile, leaning back in their seat.

“Embla isn’t exactly a name…it’s more of a very old term.”

You suddenly remembered when you’d originally asked Levi, and he’d given that strange response.

It’s what you are.

“What does it mean?” you pressed.

“Despite an entire war happening between humans and Eldians, only a handful of human men ever crossed into our realm. There’s no record of a regular human woman crossing over. That’s what you are. You’re the first woman to step into our realm, the Embla. It’s significant to us, but I promise to tell you more about it some other time, if you’re interested,” Hange explained. “For now, let’s get back to you. Tell me everything. Remember, spare me no details!”

And so you did.

You let it all out, starting with the fact that you were very sad prior to the gas station, and how much your life was changing, and how you’d felt compelled to open that door, and how terrifying it was to suddenly be in a different world and not knowing, and how Levi had helped you and was constantly teetering from being so gentle to entirely made of stone.

It was therapeutic, spilling your guts like this. And Hange was a great listener, despite Levi warning you that they loved asking questions. Not once did they interrupt, and they even seemed completely enraptured in your story.

“Wow,” Hange breathed when you finished. “Quite a journey so far indeed. But I would love for you to go back a little bit. You told me about your friend who was helping you with your move. What was her name again?”

“Oh, Pieck? What about her?” you questioned.

Hange’s eyes flashed, as if recognizing the name.

“How long have you known her?” they asked.

“For a few years now. I met her when I first moved into my apartment. She’s one of my closest friends now,” you answered. “I’m confused on why you’re so curious about her.”

You were starting to feel defensive again, even a little cagey. It was one thing to spill your guts about yourself, it was another thing entirely to speak about someone else, especially a close friend.

Before Hange could even give you an answer, you spoke up again.

“Pieck doesn’t have anything to do with this. I just mentioned her because you said not to spare any details. I don’t want to involve her in this,” you said, trying to keep your voice firm.

“On the contrary, my new friend. She has more to do with this than you think,” Hange said, their tone light despite saying such a controversial thing. “Let’s go meet up with Levi again. I think he needs to hear this, if he hasn’t already. Which I don’t think he has, otherwise he would have brought you over to me a lot sooner.”

Your heart raced in your chest as you followed Hange out of the study and into the living room, where Levi had cleaned up a little bit and was sipping on some tea on a couch you could now see. He looked up from under his lashes when the two of you appeared again, though he didn’t move.

“The Marleyans are good on their word, Levi. Sounds like they made it over to the human realm. Our friend Embla here told me that Pieck Finger is apparently a very good friend,” Hange announced, slumping down into an armchair that had also been cleared of Hange’s mess.

Levi froze then, and you could see that his grip tightened on his mug as he processed the news. His eyes flashed to you, scrutinizing you for a long moment, before he eventually moved to set his mug down on the coffee table in front of the couch, also recently cleaned. Damn, he worked fast. You hadn’t realized he was something of a neat freak.

But Levi’s cleaning abilities weren’t really at the front of your brain.

You were starting to tremble as you struggled to process the possibility of Pieck being involved with Eldians somehow. From the little you managed to gather, it didn’t sound like Levi or Hange were very fond of her.

“Do you know Pieck?” you asked feebly, struggling to keep upright.

Did she really have something to do with your sudden arrival in Eldia? It seemed so impossible. Then again, nothing was impossible anymore.

Instead of Hange answering you, it was Levi.

“She belongs to a faction of Eldians that we call Marleyans,” he said, his eyes trained on you. “About a hundred years ago, some Eldians split off into their own territory, called Marley. They’re a dangerous lot with very dangerous beliefs. I can’t believe they’re actually trying to pull their mission off.”

Mission? What mission? Why were they dangerous? What was so dangerous about your sweet friend Pieck?

You wanted to ask these questions so badly, but they simply wouldn’t come out. You were frozen in place, much like yesterday, but this time without the risk of your very soul ripping itself out of your physical body.

Pieck was Eldian?

You thought back to all your memories with her. She’d never really brought up the myths at all during the time you’d known her. You had to be fair, though; there’d never been an occasion to bring stories of Eldia up. Nowadays, in the human world, Eldia was hardly talked about, save for some podcasts and college essays.

But the most frightening possibility of all was weighing heavy on your heart. Were Hange and Levi insinuating that Pieck had befriended you for a reason? Had your years of friendship been a lie, a farce?

But why? You weren’t Eldian. Why was this happening to you?

“You look a little green,” Hange noted, and you had no response.

Your bottom lip quivered and your knees finally buckled under your weight, sending you to the floor. You curled up into a ball, leaning against a wall for support. Here it was, the mental breakdown you’d been anticipating.

You hid your face in your hands, ashamed at the fact you were acting like this in front of Hange and Levi, but you couldn’t stop even if you tried. A sob escaped and you allowed yourself to let go and let your emotions take over, the sadness unbearable.

Your surroundings disappeared and it was just you in a void, no company other than your fear and misery. It felt like there was no coming back from this. You felt so untethered and couldn’t find it within yourself to cope with all these changes.

All the loss you faced back home had nearly been too much. You’d been hanging by a thread, and nobody was there for you except for Pieck. She’d been the one holding you together.

Those problems had seemed so far away when you’d crossed into the Eldian realm, like a fog had settled in your brain. It had made you focus on the here and now, with only one goal: get back home.

Now, it was like the fog had lifted. You had to deal with your problems in the human realm, as well as your problems in this realm. Maybe they were more enmeshed than you realized.

Pieck wasn’t here to hold you together. Nobody was going to be there for you now. You were alone.

You were all alone.

“Hey.”

You jumped when you heard Levi’s voice and felt a hand on your shoulder, and you were surprised at how quick his actions made the void around you disappear.

You lifted your head and opened your eyes, taking in your surroundings between your ragged breaths.

No vast emptiness or darkness.

Right. You were in Hange’s home, in the living room.

But you were far away from home.

You looked at Levi, expecting to see steely grey eyes and a set jaw, but your heart thudded when you were met with a gentle gaze underneath thin brows that were knit together in concern.

“Just take a deep breath,” he whispered, his hand still on your shoulder. He even gave it a small rub, which admittedly did help loosen you up.

You did as he said, taking a deep but incredibly shaky breath.

“Hold it for a second,” Levi instructed, and you again did as told, holding your breath until Levi eventually instructed to exhale.

The air whooshed out of you, and some of your fears did as well.

“Can you stand?” Levi asked. “Let’s get you to the couch where it’s more comfortable.”

But you were still a trembling mess. You tried to stand but to no avail, eventually dropping back to the ground as another shameful sob left you.

“I can’t,” you choked out, not daring to look at Levi.

“Can’t what? Can’t stand? That’s fine. We’ll just sit here until you can,” Levi said.

True to his word, he got himself situated next to you on the floor, his shoulder bumping against yours.

“Not just about standing,” you eventually said, trying again to express how you felt. “I just…can’t. I can’t deal. I can’t do anything. I think my mind is finally breaking.”

Levi was quiet but stayed where he was, and it meant more to you than you could express to him in your state. You still felt like you were spiraling and there was no one to catch you, but you felt a little better knowing you weren’t totally alone, even if Levi didn’t consider you a friend.

Hange, as you’d come to find out, had gone to the kitchen to make you some supper and some tea, which you ate on the floor with Levi never leaving your side.

“I’ll be in my study,” they said softly, offering a little smile. “I’m going to look through some old texts that may point us in the right direction. I think to figure out how you crossed over to Eldia, we’ll need to figure out how the Marleyans could have crossed over to the human realm. You should rest for the night. You can help me out tomorrow.”

You merely nodded in response and sighed deeply when the door to the study opened and closed, leaving you alone with Levi in the living room. He cleaned up after you were done with supper, the only time he left your side, but he was back in no time.

If you were being honest with yourself, his presence was very calming. Despite him sometimes being a complete dick, he also just felt…safe. And that was something you hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

“Hange has a guest room. It was filthy, but I did my best to clean it up. You can use it and I’ll take the couch,” Levi said. “Think you can stand now that you’ve had some food in you?”

“I think so,” you whispered through the knot in your throat, but your wobbly legs barely worked as you tried to stand on them.

Instead of making a snide remark or getting angry with you, Levi wordlessly took it upon himself to scoop you into his arms, saving you the trouble of having to walk.

The suddenness of it and his gracefulness in lifting you up and carrying you left you breathless. You watched him with wide eyes, lips slightly parted, and you clung to him for dear life.

The window in the guest room was big, silvery moonlight pouring in and illuminating the room. It was a simple room, not much in it but a bed and a wardrobe. As Levi gently set you down on the bed, panic shot through you the moment he tried to pull away.

Your hand shot out to grip his wrist as hard as you could, your eyes pleading as they met Levi’s inquisitive grey ones.

“Please don’t go,” you pleaded with him, voice just above a whisper. “Will you stay?”

“You want me to stay?” he asked, as if not fully comprehending.

“I want you to stay,” you breathed out. To further confirm it, you shifted until there was enough room on the bed for the both of you, an invitation for Levi to lie down with you. It may have been a trick of the moonlight, but you were certain that he looked a little nervous.

“Are you afraid I’m gonna compromise your purity or something?” you joked, offering a weak smile.

Levi gave you a deadpan stare but was more confident as he moved to lie down next to you on the bed.

“Seems like you’re feeling better if you’ve got jokes,” he remarked, his eyes staring pointedly at the ceiling.

But you were looking at him and you didn’t take your eyes off him.

“Thank you for staying,” you whispered. “Thank you for helping me.”

At that, Levi turned to look at you, scanning over your face.

“I’m sorry about Pieck,” he said.

Your heart sank at the thought of her, but you shook your head lightly, pushing her to the back of your mind once more.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck with me,” you sighed, tears welling in your eyes. When you felt them sting at your eyes, you turned your head away from Levi, staring at the ceiling like he had been doing before.

“Emb. Look at me.”

You turned your head again to look at him, a little embarrassed.

“It’s okay to cry and to be upset,” Levi reminded you. “Don’t try and hide it from me. Don’t hide it from anyone.”

“I’m weak,” you lamented, but Levi gave you a stern look.

“That isn’t weakness,” he said.

“I bet you never get emotional like this,” you countered, but Levi’s face remained composed.

“Stop comparing yourself. Just let yourself be who you are,” he said.

The words struck a chord in you.

It was true, you were constantly comparing yourself, looking for yourself in other people. Nobody had ever clocked that about you so fast, and what’s more, called you out on it. The urge to cry had left you, tears drying up, and you even felt a little elated.

You couldn’t help yourself. In one quick motion, you were nestled up against Levi’s side, smiling a little at how it had made him tense up. But he didn’t pull away.

That feeling of safety overwhelmed you now. The closer you were to Levi, the safer you felt.

You shifted a bit to get comfortable and some hair fell over your eyes, but you didn’t mind. Fed and exhausted from the day’s events, you felt sleep coming quick.

“Good night, Levi,” you yawned, eyes closing.

The last thing you registered was the sensation of Levi’s fingertips brushing the hair from your eyes.

----------

You awoke the next morning to the sound of people outside, pieces of your dream still flitting through your mind.

With a big yawn and an even bigger stretch of your limbs, you felt a little more awake. Turning to the window, you could see that sunrise was imminent, but only tiny rays of sunlight had begun to peak over the horizon. Crowds of villagers were hurrying along the streets, most likely to get to their temple where they’d be resting for the day.

As you stretched again, it was then that you realized Levi wasn’t around. Strange, the way your heart sank. Part of you really believed he would stay the whole night with you.

You shook those thoughts out of your head and straightened yourself out, making a mental note to ask Hange where you could clean yourself up. As you left the guestroom, the smell of eggs and toasted bread filled the air, and your stomach twisted with hunger.

“Smells good,” you complimented to no one in particular, heading over to the kitchen to see none other than Levi in the kitchen, frying up another batch of eggs.

“Levi?” you asked incredulously.

“Good morning,” he said flatly, his eyes on the pan full of eggs. “Hange’s still asleep. How many eggs do you want?”

“Two. No, three!” you said, excited at the prospect of real food. Your snack stash was getting low, and you hadn’t really been fond of the food Levi had given you in his little mountain hideout.

Levi slid some eggs onto a plate for you, and before you could thank him, you jumped at a loud screech that filled the air. Moments later, Hange was racing into the kitchen, hair a mess and glasses half off their face, like you’d seen yesterday.

“Man, oh man, do I smell eggs?!” they exclaimed.

Levi clicked his tongue in dismay as Hange barreled into him and scooped up most of the eggs to pile onto their plate, only leaving a couple left.

“You’re so disgusting,” Levi sneered, but he didn’t retaliate any further. He took the remaining eggs and some toast, sitting across from you at the table while Hange chose to sit right next to you.

“How’d you sleep?” Hange asked you between bites of their breakfast, and you gave a polite smile, sneaking a glance at Levi.

“Very well, thanks,” you answered, tearing a piece of toast to munch on. “Hange, do you not celebrate the Three Nights?”

“I see Levi’s been telling you about our customs! Very moving,” Hange cackled, fixing their glasses before turning to look at you. “Most Eldians celebrate the Three Nights, it’s true, but us Scouts have too much on our plate right now to be able to take the time to alter our schedules like that.”

Scouts.

Levi had mentioned something about Scouts before, when you’d moved through the verse mirror together.

It can be taxing to move through the verse mirror for even the most experienced Scout.

“Scouts?” you asked, but you caught the way Levi was glaring at Hange as you asked, like they’d divulged too much information.

Why did he want to keep you in the dark so badly?

Hange looked like they wanted to say more, but one look at Levi told them not to.

“We’ll talk about it another time,” they told you dismissively, then strategically changed the subject. “I may as well have been partaking in the celebration last night, though. I hardly got any sleep while I was looking through all my textbooks to figure out how you could have gotten here. My hypothesis of the Marleyan Warriors targeting you specifically in the human realm is getting stronger and stronger the more I research.”

Marleyan Warriors.

Warriors and Scouts. There had to be some correlation.

Was Levi a Scout?

You tried to sneak a glance at him, briefly watching as he took a sip of his tea, and you looked away before he could catch you watching him.

Your thoughts made their way to Pieck, and it made your heart hurt. Was she a Warrior?

And why would she be targeting you?

You were slowly losing your appetite the more you danced around these thoughts. You shook your head slightly, brows furrowed, as if the physical shaking would remove the thoughts from your head.

You could also feel Levi’s eyes on you as you did so, but this time you chose to ignore him and forced yourself to take another bite of food.

Hange didn’t wait for anyone else to speak up and continued talking.

“After breakfast let’s go back to my study, Embla. I want as much background on your history with Pieck as you can give me. I’m almost sure that there’s going to be pieces to the puzzle sprinkled in, things that you, as a human, probably didn’t think twice about.”

The thought of hashing out your past, knowing you’d be bringing up so much of your pain, made you physically ill.

“Okay,” you whispered, eyes cast down at your eggs.

You swallowed thickly, pushing those dark thoughts back, and focused on the now uncomfortable task of finishing your plate.

Again, you felt those piercing grey eyes on you, but you didn’t meet his gaze. As you finished your breakfast and brought your plate to the kitchen sink, you turned to Hange, who was doing the same.

“Do you have a bathroom I could use? I really need to take a bath and get cleaned up,” you said, tugging at your clothes. “And maybe I could get some laundry done so I can wash these clothes?”

“Let me show you to the bathroom!” Hange said, tugging you along.

You walked past the guestroom and study, all the way down the hall until you reached the door to the bathroom, which Hange swung open.

“Go ahead and get cleaned up in there. There are already some charms in place to keep the water hot and whatnot. Set your clothes outside the door and I’ll work on those for you!” they said. “They’ll be spotless by the time you’re done.”

“Oh, Hange, no, you don’t have to wash my clothes—” you started, but Hange let out a cackle, head thrown back as they laughed.

“I forget how hard things can be for humans sometimes. You guys really don’t have a speck of magic left in your realm, huh? Clean clothes are a simple charm, too. Most cleaning can be done that way,” they explained.

From behind Hange, Levi appeared, his brow raised in annoyance.

“Exactly. Which is why it boggles the mind that you choose to live like a pig,” he said to Hange, arms folded over his chest. “Maybe take a bath after Embla is done.”

Hange rolled their eyes and waved their hand in Levi’s face, clearly so used to his moods that they never once looked perturbed at his attitude.

“Have fun in there!” they told you, slamming the door in your face.

You sighed and peeled off your clothes, catching a glance of yourself in the mirror as you did so.

“Boy, I look rough,” you complained quietly, leaning in closer to inspect yourself even more.

Your hair was a mess, almost as messy as Hange’s, and your skin was dull and clearly in need of moisturizing. A whiff under your armpit made you scrunch up your nose, and you hurriedly folded up your clothes and opened the door just enough to slide the pile outside before closing it again and locking it.

The pipes were very old school, but you figured them out soon enough and watched the water fill up the tub, steam rising from the tub and soothing you.

Eventually it was filled enough to get in, and you fiddled with the pipes again until the water stopped spouting from the spigot.

An audible moan escaped you as you lowered yourself into the bath, your body relaxing with the warm water. Hange had a nice collection of soaps and bath salts and oils, and you helped yourself to them, dropping some salts and oils in while you decided which soap you were going to use. You used a small, rolled up towel as a guard between your neck and the edge of the tub so you could get comfortable, and as soon as you got situated, you closed your eyes and let yourself relax. There were no thoughts allowed – you just wanted to let yourself feel the warmth of the bathwater, feel the way the salts moved in the bath, smell the lovely scents of the bath oils, and forego everything else.

You’d put in a few drops of lavender oil, and it calmed you down heavily, nearly lulling you back to sleep. Snippets of the dream you’d had came back, and you allowed yourself to indulge in those false memories, mostly because Levi had been the center character in your dream.

You’d fallen asleep easily last night, comforted by his warmth and firm body next to yours. The scent of him had permeated your dreams, and you’d dreamed of him in a forest of fir trees as it rained down on the two of you. Such a lush, fresh scent. In your dream, he’d looked sad, and he was standing far away from you. And you remembered calling out to him, hand outstretched, unable to touch him. It all felt so familiar.

A knock on the door made you slowly open your eyes, half expecting it to be Levi. The thought made your heart skip a beat and your body heat up despite the already warm bath. Just the image of him coming in and raking his eyes over your bare body was enough to make you squirm a little.

You smiled a little when you heard Hange’s voice on the other side of the door, ignoring the disappointment that overtook your heart.

“Your clothes are clean!” they announced, and that was that.

Charms worked fast and well, it seemed. You remembered yesterday, how much cleaner the house looked after spending just a little bit of time in Hange’s study. You’d surmised that Levi was just a quick and diligent cleaner, but you had failed to remember just how different this realm was compared to yours.

There was magic and sorcery and lush landscapes and strange but delightful people. It surprised you just how wrong the myths were. Eldians looked just like humans. They had their own customs and their own stories and their own lives. Many stories said they were shifters and could shift into Titan form at will, but those same stories made it sound like Eldians were constantly in Titan form, just waiting for the opportunity to catch a lost human and eat them for supper. The entire time you’d been in this world which, granted, hadn’t been that long, you hadn’t felt the immobilizing fear that human myths often talked about. There was nothing sinister here. How ironic. The place where you should have felt cruelty and loss and fear was not at all what it seemed, and the place you should have felt safe and at peace was the place that held all that cruelty and malice. The human world had a lot of work to do.

Maybe it was a mistake to go back.

No.

You couldn’t think like that. There was still so much to do at home. There was still so much grief to process and so many situations to resolve. There was still so much life to live there.

And one thing seemed to ring true. In your world, there was no magic. In this world, magic was rampant. Eldians had surely taken it all and never given any back.

The thought soured your mood a little bit. But hell, it kept your bath warm while you sulked.

-----

By the time you got out, got dressed, and made yourself presentable, it was late morning. Levi was nowhere to be found and Hange was in their study, perusing through books.

“Where’s Levi?” you asked, sitting in the chair you’d sat in last time.

“He took off to get something is what he said,” Hange said distractedly, their eyes never leaving the page they were reading. “He’s always so vague. Getting him to reveal details about anything is like pulling teeth.”

“I thought it was just me,” you grumbled, but felt relief at the thought Levi was like this with everyone.

Hange bookmarked their page and shut their book, which closed with a heavy thud, and then their attention was on you at once.

“I’m sorry to have to ask this of you, but we need to delve into your human life in more detail, especially around Pieck. It sounds like a sore subject, but we can take breaks,” Hange said.

You thought back to yesterday, the way you were spiraling, and the thought of risking it again today was horrific. But Hange was right, it needed to be done. If you wanted to go home, it needed to be done. You couldn’t be scared of things anymore.

“I’ll guide you through it,” Hange promised. “Let’s start with how you met. You mentioned it was a few years back? At your…what did you call it?”

“Apartment,” you clarified, your gaze on the wall, but staring at nothing. In your mind’s eye, you were looking at the drawing of the flower on the top of your door. “I was just barely moving in, and she was thinking about moving into that same building. We became fast friends and she joked that meeting me that day sealed the deal for her. She moved in with…she had – she had a roommate.”

This was where it was going to get really hard.

You swallowed thickly, feeling that knot start to form in your throat.

Would you even be able to get all of this out? It was still so fresh. Even just the thought of having to say it all out loud had your heart sputtering and your mind spinning. Tears stung at your eyes as you tried to think of the best way to say everything.

“We can take a break, Embla…,” Hange offered, their eyes full of concern, but you shook your head firmly, your hands gripping the edge of your seat.

“No,” you breathed out, “I have to admit it eventually. I have to remind myself that it’s real.”

Hange waited patiently, still as a statue as you collected yourself.

“Pieck moved in with a roommate. One of her closest friends she’s known since childhood. His name was Porco, but he went by Pock. I became friends with him, too, and then we started hanging out with one of his best friends…Reiner.”

The knot in your throat was loosening up. Suddenly, it felt like you couldn’t get it out fast enough. You were so terrified that you wouldn’t physically be able to even say the words, but now it was like you had to say it all, and tell someone, anyone, about your anguish.

“Reiner and I started dating,” you revealed. “We were all inseparable. Reiner and I were actually going to move in together. I lived alone, so he was going to move in with me, I should say. We were always all hanging out at my apartment…”

You took in a shaky breath, feeling that void start to form around you again. You tried to push it back.

“He died, Hange. Reiner died.”

You didn’t know if you’d ever actually said it out loud.

Reiner was dead.

Tears were coming in full force now. Squeezing your eyes shut, you struggled to piece together the rest of the story for her.

“I lost everything when he died. I just couldn’t function anymore. I couldn’t go to work anymore, and I had to move out of that apartment because it held too much of him in there. I had to leave. I just moved out of that place, right before I got here. I was going to start fresh, somewhere new. It’s been nearly eight months and I just feel…lost,” you finished, hanging your head.

It was quiet for a few minutes. As much as it had hurt to reveal such a painful recent history, it also felt strangely good.

Finally, you opened your eyes to meet Hange’s gaze. They held a very gentle look in their eyes and gave you a small smile when you looked at them, but there was something beyond that gentleness.

Hange knew you had noticed it and spoke up before you could ask any questions.

“Emb…I know all of them. Pieck, Pock, Reiner…they’re all Marleyans,” they revealed. “They’ve all been missing for over three years now.”

At first, it was hard to process what Hange was saying. It didn’t sound real.

“All of them?” you choked out, your entire body slowly filling with dread.

“Yes. All of them. Even Reiner,” Hange whispered, though it sounded as though they really didn’t want to say it. “And we believe they all hold the Power of the Titan.”

There it was again, that strange phrase. Power of the Titan. Try as you might, you couldn’t recall ever hearing that in your human myths.

But that wasn’t what was concerning you right now.

All you could think about was Reiner.

Reiner had been Eldian. Marleyan. He wasn’t human. He had lied to you, and Pieck and Pock had lied, too. They were liars and they had picked you for whatever reason. They were all a part of something that you hadn’t been privy to. It all felt like some big joke suddenly.

“Why?” you asked, mostly to yourself, but Hange hummed and shook their head.

“I hate to say it, I really do, because I know they’re your friends. But they sought you out for a reason. And we have to get to the bottom of it,” they said.

You knew Hange was right. Logically, it was a solid point of reasoning. Still, those feelings of denial dredged up in you, and you almost wanted to get angry.

Hange was wrong. They had to be wrong. Your friends wouldn’t betray you like this.

You thought back to all your memories together. They had all been there for you in ways nobody else ever had been.

You thought back to Pieck making you spill your wine on your carpet when she hugged you too hard.

And Pock, drawing that stupid flower on your doorframe because he didn’t know how to draw mistletoe and he was hellbent on making you and Reiner finally kiss each other, before you got together.

And Reiner.

Your bottom lip trembled.

Reiner, buying your groceries for you whenever you were too tired.

Reiner, orchestrating your first ever surprise birthday party. Nobody had ever done that for you before.

Reiner, the man who died two weeks before moving in with you.

Reiner, the man who had been lying to you.

“I think I need a break,” you admitted, wiping furiously at your eyes.

“I’ll go make you some smokeroot tea,” Hange offered, but you were out of the study before they could even finish their sentence.

You stalked back to the guestroom, throwing the door open and immediately sinking into the bed. Your entire body was trembling and you feared you were on the verge of another breakdown.

“I’m so weak,” you mumbled to yourself, crossing your arms over your torso, as if hugging yourself.

You hated being like this. It often seemed like you felt all these emotions and there was nowhere to put them. You just had to feel them and juggle them all at once.

You didn’t even notice when the door opened. Only when you heard the footsteps did you tense up, thinking it was Hange with some tea.

But when someone sat at the edge of the bed, you finally lifted your head to take a peek, surprised to see Levi there.

“Hange told me,” was all he said, and you let your tears flow again.

“I don’t want it to be true,” you confessed, peering at Levi through your tear-soaked lashes.

He said nothing, but he kept his gaze on you, a mask of calm over his face.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, and you just shrugged, sitting up a bit.

You remembered how safe you’d felt with him last night, the closer you were to him.

And again, without thinking it through, you pressed yourself into his side, your arms wrapping around him.

You thought it would be strange, allowing yourself to be close to another man after Reiner’s death, even in a non-romantic sense, but that hadn’t really been the case with Levi. He had helped you so much, and you had never felt like you were in danger with him around. Plus, you were just so drawn to him. You had been since the moment you’d met him. You weren’t expecting Levi to offer any sort of comfort, other than letting you cry on him, but you were pleasantly surprised to feel his arm wrap around your shoulders, keeping you close to him.

The tears dried up a little quicker after that, but even after, you stayed like that with Levi. You listened to the steady beat of his heart, basked in his surprising warmth, and let yourself bask in the smell of him, that soothing scent of rainy pines and tea leaves.

Part of you felt it was wrong to be like this with Levi, for many reasons. He wasn’t even human, for starters, he was Eldian. You were still distraught over the death of the man you’d loved. The two of you hardly knew each other. So why did it feel so natural?

But it couldn’t be romantic feelings. That would be insanity.

Yet, the thought of it not being romantic also made you sad.

“I’m a mess,” you muttered under your breath, not really thinking Levi could hear you.

“You’re not,” he murmured back.

In a bout of courage, you reached up to grab his hand that dangled off your shoulder. He didn’t pull away.

------------

Hange hadn’t needed any more information from you after you’d spilled your guts about what had been happening to you back in the human world.

After Levi had comforted you, the two of you had left the guestroom to have some tea and let Hange do some digging.

“Where did you go off to today?” you asked Levi, outstretched on Hange’s sofa.

“Had to get something,” was his reply, which made you a little upset. Always so cagey.

“Get what?”

Levi shot you an annoyed look over his mug, and you could tell he was debating whether or not to even answer you.

“Will you ever stop asking questions?” he grumbled.

“Will you ever start answering them?” you shot back.

His mood swings were starting to give you whiplash. He was so caring and helpful, but also a complete dick sometimes.

Levi gave you a hard stare and you met it as best as you can, lifting your chin a little, and he finally grunted and put his mug down.

“I went to grab some things to work a new charm,” he revealed. “And before you ask, I’m not going to tell you what the charm is. Hange’s got their suspicions about something, and so I went and grabbed things I knew we would need.”

You pouted a little but made do with his half-answer, taking another sip of your tea.

“Is it going to take me home?” you asked. “Today?”

Levi couldn’t answer, however. Hange was bounding into the living room before you could really process their quickness, interrupting you and Levi, and you could see a glint in their eyes.

“I think I’m finally getting somewhere!” they exclaimed, hands in the air.

“Care to share?” Levi asked, an eyebrow raised.

Hange took their sweet time, though, choosing to pour themselves a mug of tea and plop down on a chair before answering.

“I believe they’re using a very old conjuring technique,” they said, the steam of their tea fogging up their glasses. “This won’t make much sense to you, Emb, but Levi, follow along. The Marleyans are practicing sigillary.”

Si-what-ary?

You honed in on Levi’s reaction, the way he tensed up, a storm cloud rolling over his eyes.

You were honestly getting frustrated. Here you were, divulging all sorts of information, and you weren’t getting any back. It was very kind of Hange and Levi to be helping you, a strange human in their realm, but you were getting a little fed up with being so in the dark.

“Damn it,” Levi sighed. “I guess we should have guessed that.”

“Can someone please fill me in?” you cut in, nearly slamming your mug down on the coffee table. “I don’t know if you guys are trying to protect me from something or what, but I need to know what this is all about. What exactly did I accidentally get involved in?”

Levi and Hange exchanged glances, but you sighed impatiently, looking between the two of them.

“Please tell me,” you begged, sitting up straight. “I need to know what’s going on.”

“Alright,” Hange conceded. “I guess that’s fair. You’ll need to know as much as you can, just in case.”

You nodded once, indicating that you were ready, all while ignoring the glare Levi shot Hange's way.

“We mentioned that some Eldians created their own sect, the Marleyans. Well, Marley was founded upon a very specific belief, that belief being that Ymir, and especially her daughters, should not have sealed the gates to the human world. This is because they believe that we not only left behind some magic in the human realm, but also that…” Hange took a breath before continuing. “Marleyans believe that Eldians can turn into mortals, and mortals can turn into Eldians. It’s very powerful magic and Eldians believe it is impossible. Really, the only human to have ever become Eldian is Ymir, and that was purely an accident. The reason all of this is important background is because that was also around the last time sigillary was practiced.”

You blinked a few times, trying to absorb what Hange had just said.

Ymir becoming an Eldian, the first Titan, was an accident?

“W-what’s sigillary?” you stammered out. It was better to push through and get as much insight as possible before beginning your real questions.

“Sigillary is what humans used to harness their magic. It’s what turned Ymir into the first Titan and Eldian,” Hange said.

Levi’s eyes were on you, and it felt like they were boring a hole into you.

“Levi mentioned that humans have been…retelling our history,” Hange spoke up after a minute, cocking their head to the side. “I would love to know just how skewed it’s gotten, but that will be for another time. Right now, we need to focus on just how the hell the Warriors were able to find the ancient sigils and master them. I’m really doubting that they have that type of power, even with all of them combined.”

“You forget how many of them stole the Power of the Titan,” Levi reminded them, and you furrowed your brows.

“What do you mean the Marleyans stole the Power of the Titan?” you asked. “And what is the Power of the Titan? You two have said it before, but I don’t understand. I thought that all Eldians were Titans.”

At that, Hange burst into laughter, grabbing their sides as they threw their head back and cackled.

“Sounds like our history is really skewed for the humans!” they snickered. “Oh, Emb. Thanks. I needed that.”

To your surprise, Levi spoke up.

“All Eldians have the…necessary genetics, I suppose, to turn into Titans,” he said. “However, not all Eldians have the Power of the Titan.

“The Power is passed down. Do you remember what I said about the Three Nights, how we celebrate Ymir’s daughters? That’s because they all inherited Ymir’s Titan power, and they inherited it in gruesome ways. You can only inherit Titan abilities in certain ways, and they’re not pretty. In total, there are nine Eldians with inherited Titans. The only way to inherit those powers is for the one possessing the Titan to die and pass it on to their successor. When the Marleyans rebelled, they took six Eldians with the Power of the Titan and they killed them and took the Power for themselves.”

“How do those powers get inherited?” you asked, though you dreaded the answer. From the dark looks in Hange and Levi’s eyes, you knew you would likely regret asking.

“That’s where your stories ring a little true,” Levi said solemnly. “Ymir’s daughters had to eat her. Their mother died right before the height of the war began between humans and Eldians, and Ymir was the only one with the Power of the Titan. They knew that the true advantage would be becoming Titans themselves. The eldest, Maria, went first. She spent the first night with her dead mother. On the second night, it was Rose who took over. Then, on the final night, it was Sina, the youngest, who finished Ymir off.”

You felt sick to your stomach.

“But why?” you choked out, afraid you might gag. “How did they know that eating their own mother was going to let them inherit the Power of the Titan?”

“Because of sigillary,” Levi answered plainly. The story didn’t faze him at all. It was just part of his history. “When Ymir was made into a Titan, it was done by humans who performed a type of magic that would etch sigils into her bones and her blood. By consuming her body, her daughters were able to have those sigils in their bodies. Once you have them in you, you can’t reverse the process. It’s a kind of magic that is so intense, it has spanned millennia.”

“And now people have to eat each other to get those powers?” you breathed out, horrified.

“Thankfully that barbaric practice started and ended with the daughters of Ymir,” Levi said. “We’ll never forget their sacrifice, of course, but we’re not going to grind up bones and drink blood and chew on ligaments.”

Now you were really feeling queasy. Why did he have to be so blunt about it?

“You look green, Embla,” Hange commented. “Not a fan of cannibalism?”

“Is anyone?” you countered, but there was no bite in your tone. You were just trying to keep yourself from throwing up.

You shut your eyes to stop the room from spinning, referencing what Levi and Hange were telling you to compare with what you thought you knew.

“I thought Ymir made a deal with the devil,” you squeaked. “That’s what we’ve always been told. And we were told there were originally 10 Titans.”

“Humans are all imbeciles,” Levi snapped.

“Levi,” Hange chided.

You took deep breaths, the nausea slowly fading, and when you felt better, you opened your eyes again.

The room wasn’t spinning anymore, and both Levi and Hange had their eyes on you. It was then that you saw how Eldian they were. So used to their history, so much older than you. Though they looked young, appearing only a little older than you, you remembered that Levi was at least a couple hundred years old. And now, you could almost see it. You saw it behind his eyes, how he’d seen so much and had been through so much. Now, even with lively Hange, you could see the years in their eyes as well. You wondered briefly if they’d been there when this story had begun.

It was strange, knowing that the myths you’d been told were really just myths, not founded on much truth at all, other than the fact that the Eldian realm existed and some of the characters were right. But Hange was correct in that you couldn’t dwell on that too much right now. It would have to wait.

“I’m guessing sigillary isn’t just used to turn people into Titans. What have you been able to figure out?” you asked.

“For one thing, I’m not sure Eldians even have the resources to master it. Well, I wasn’t sure, until we had our little chat. Sigillary was often used to transform things, or create things, like with Ymir. There is much speculation even in Eldia how the portals between the human realm and the Eldian realm came to be. Maybe it was due to sigils? And many of the texts referencing sigillary suggest that it can only be done in the human realm. Though it’s our realm that has all the magic, the sigillary performed on Ymir happened in the human realm and has lasted for two thousand years here in our world. I’m guessing the fact that these sigils exist within Eldians with inherited Titans, in the Eldian realm, give those sigils even more longevity than, say, the human realm.”

That made some sense. You nodded to show that you were following along.

“Some portals to the human realm still exist, though, right?” you asked, and Hange nodded.

“Yes. In Eldia, there’s really only one portal and it’s heavily guarded and warded. Eldians don’t really visit humans anymore and it’s extremely difficult to get approval to cross into your realm anyway. However, I have a hunch that Marleyans founded Marley where they did because there was a portal there, too,” they said.

There was so much history to wrap your brain around.

“When was Marley founded?” you asked.

“It was over two hundred years ago now,” Hange answered. “They had a rebellion and took six of our Titans, then retreated to some unused land. Marley is heavily guarded and warded as well, it may as well be a separate realm entirely. Not even the Scouts can push through. There’s been a lot of unrest ever since.”

The Scouts.

“Are you a Scout, Hange?” you asked, eyes lighting up as you turned to Levi. “Are you, Levi?”

“We are! The Scout Regiment is one of our military factions. I’m a section commander,” Hange said proudly.

Levi kept quiet, but your curiosity outweighed your slight intimidation.

“Are you a commander, Levi?” you pressed, but he glowered at you.

It would make sense. He held authority, and you felt that he could take control of any situation. Plus, he was kind of scary sometimes.

“He’s a captain,” Hange answered for him.

“Captain Levi,” you said with a grin. You expected him to double down on his glaring but, to your delight, he merely rolled his eyes and looked away.

“He must like you,” Hange continued, a sly grin on their face. “When people get on his nerves, he whacks ‘em.”

As if to show the sincerity of their words, you watched as Levi, quick as a cat, swatted Hange over the head and elicited a yelp from them. You pursed your lips together to hide your laugh, hoping to escape Hange’s fate.

But, as Levi left the room, grumbling to himself, Hange hanging off their armchair and whining, you let out a little snicker.

***

The rest of the day passed you by, with Levi working on something with whatever he’d gotten today, and Hange back in their study.

You were largely left to your own devices, unless Hange had a question for you, but you filled the day looking at some history books that Hange let you borrow.

What you uncovered was gruesome and fascinating.

There had definitely been a time when magic was rampant in the human realm, but it was hard to harness, and most humans didn’t have what it took to handle and control it. However, eventually certain humans were able to learn how to use magic and passed that knowledge down to their descendants. They found that magic had its own language, and thus sigillary was born. Entire lineages were born to be dedicated to witchcraft, mostly using magic to become healers or alchemists, but their all-encompassing term was “witches”.

Eventually, the humans who didn’t have these capabilities grew wary of those who did, and some even sought that power for themselves. One in particular, a King Fritz, eagerly and brutally captured witches, and tried to take their magic from them. Ymir was among one of those witches.

King Fritz wasn’t a name you were familiar with, so it was safe to say that he had been lost to time or that humans had purposely rewritten the stories to exclude the evildoings of a particular human being. Even in Eldian texts, there wasn’t a lot of background on him. There wasn’t much history available on Ymir’s early life anymore either, but it was heavily assumed that she was a “runt” in her family, the weakest of her lineage. Her own family passed her up to King Fritz when he attacked her village. She had been abandoned – betrayed – by everyone she’d ever loved.

That part struck you hard, and you felt a heaviness in your heart as you learned about Ymir’s cruel fate. You had to stop reading for a while, choosing instead to sit with your sympathy. It was strange, feeling bad for a character that had been humanity’s antagonist for so long. But now, knowing her story, about to uncover the whole truth, you had never related to a person more.

Images of Pieck, Pock, and Reiner filled your head, and you clenched your jaw as your heart clenched in your chest. Had they really betrayed you like this? What was it about you that made them target you? That was the biggest mystery of all. You weren’t anything special. You were just some anxiety-ridden girl who spooked too easy and couldn’t even kill a spider on her own.

There was something you were missing, some piece of the puzzle you hadn’t found yet. It felt like it was at the tip of your tongue, right in your peripheral vision, but it was escaping you, always just out of reach. If you could just get to the bottom of the reason they’d found you and latched onto you, part of you just knew that you could get the whole picture.

***

Before the sun started to set, you decided to go for a walk. It wasn’t fun being cooped up in a house all day, and you were starting to get antsy. The idea of taking a little stroll and exploring didn’t seem so scary, not when you knew the village would still be empty and that the likelihood of running into a Titan was apparently slimmer than you had originally been made to believe.

Not wanting to disturb Hange and Levi, you left the house as quietly as you could, walking down the street and making mental notes so you wouldn’t get lost. You also needed to remember to start heading back before nightfall, as to not attract unwanted attention. That seemed like a far off worry, though.

Ragako was small but peaceful and well-structured; much of the architecture reminded you of Germanic influences. The streets were desolate and it was exceedingly quiet, but it wasn’t eerie or lonely at all. Maybe there was some sort of charm over the village, but it felt full of love.

You did a lot of window shopping, peering into bakery shops and clothing boutiques, enthralled by what you saw. The style of clothing was old-fashioned, so different from what you were used to. You looked down at your outfit, noting how plain and modern it was, just jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, and you frowned a little bit. Maybe this was why Eldians were able to clock you as a human right away. Maybe Hange and Levi could score you some new clothes, if it came down to it and you’d be here for a while.

You stopped for a moment, mulling over the thought. What if you were here for a while? What if you couldn’t make it back ever? Surprisingly, the idea wasn’t as anxiety-inducing as you would have thought it’d be. It still wasn’t lost on you that you hadn’t gone fully insane upon learning where you were; really, the only time you’d lost your mind was having to think about your painful past, and the fears associated with that. Traveling across realms was apparently easier than dealing with your normal human experiences. And, before all this, you’d been on the cusp of starting fresh back home anyway. Perhaps this was the universe’s funny way of granting you that wish.

Definitely something to think about. But you’d have shove those thoughts back for later and let yourself just be right now.

Looking up to the sky, you admired the deep blue of it, only some wisps of clouds blotting it, then caught how low the sun was. It was going to dip into the horizon soon, which meant you needed to start heading back.

As you turned around, however, you jumped a little when you realized you weren’t alone. Levi was making his way towards you, his eyes hard as steel and his stride purposeful.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he called out to you.

“I just wanted to get out of the house and stretch my legs,” you said, shrinking back. Was it really so bad to do that?

“You should have at least let me know before you snuck out, you little shit. You have Hange freaked out thinking you somehow transported back to your own world. Don’t you ever use your brain?” Levi scolded.

“Nobody’s even in town! I thought it’d be the safest time to go for a walk,” you argued, walking towards him. As the two of you met in the middle, Levi’s hand shot out at you to grab your elbow. He was going to actually drag you back to Hange’s place.

You struggled in his grip, but he was exceptionally strong, and you eventually relented and let him guide you back, both of you clearly angry.

As soon as you crossed the threshold into Hange’s house, you tore away from him and took a breath as Hange rushed to you, eyes wild.

“Emb! I was so scared we’d lost you! Not to be selfish, but I didn’t want you going home without solving this crazy mystery of ours!” they exclaimed.

As angry at Levi as you were, you did feel bad for making Hange worry.

“Sorry, Hange. I just wanted to go outside for a while,” you apologized, then turned to glare at Levi over your shoulder. “I didn’t realize I would be reprimanded for it.”

“Insolent brat,” Levi grunted, his grey eyes hard as metal.

You clenched your hands into fists and turned back to Hange, giving them a nod.

“Excuse me, Hange,” you said hurredly, skirting past them to head to the guestroom.

You slammed the door shut behind you, heart pounding. Angry tears welled up in your eyes as you sat by the window, the world outside blurry as you cried.

Stupid Levi. He didn’t need to be so mean like that and make you feel like some bratty kid. You wiped your eyes, clearing your vision so you could take a look outside and calm yourself.

The sun was setting quickly, that golden glow of sunset drenching the village. The sky that had once been a deep blue was now bleeding with rich hues of orange, scarlet, and rose. It was beautiful, but you could hardly admire it.

Again, you thought of Ymir and related strongly to her, going so far as to equate your situation with being trapped and imprisoned like she had been. It wasn’t nearly the same, you knew that deep down, but you had little to no control over your situation, just like Ymir. You were powerless right now. At least Levi was no King Fritz.

To distract yourself and make yourself calm down, you thought back to the other things you’d learned, especially about King Fritz and Ymir’s transformation.

King Fritz had learned a lot about sigillary from his brutal conquest for magic and believed that he could etch some very powerful sigils into Ymir’s deepest parts, her blood and her bones, and then consume those parts of her. He hadn’t killed every witch that had crossed his path – he had actually enslaved some of them in order to help him understand and practice sigils and ordered them to be the ones to cast this powerful spell on Ymir. It surprised you and disgusted you to think of how far he would go for power, but humans were still like that to this day. The lengths a person would go for even the tiniest possibility of gaining power made you sick.

But you were snapped out of your thoughts when the door to the guestroom opened. You kept your face neutral, expecting to see Hange, but you did a double take when you saw who it really was.

Levi.

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