#Fanficish

[dross-the-fish]

We found him in the arctic. After weeks of search with supplies running low and tempers rising we finally found the giant. He was wary of us and he watched from a distance as the good Doctor approached him, hands outstretched to show he meant no harm. The Creature allowed it and spoke civilly enough, though his eyes wandered and lingered over each member of our party. I got the uncomfortable feeling that he was counting out our number and weighing how difficult a time he would have, should he feel the need to kill us- Quincey Harker, 1918

Colored version

#Fanficish #frankenstein #Adam Frankenstein #Dracula crossover #au #Frankenstein's Creature #excerpt from an rp

[loveapologist]

RAMBLY AU LORE

That I still have no way to name so it will referred as the AU for now.

The circles of Hell weren't the perfect organised counterpart of Heaven, but rather a savage jungle held together by the thinnest threads of bureaucracy and back stabbing. The eating chain was a delicate ecosystem where the strongest predator ruled and, since the Fall, that had been Lucifer. At least until the nuisance known as Crowley started working against them and Beelzebub left ship with archangel Gabriel.

So as natural as the fall of the Human Empires a new, stronger predator. Satan wasn't really younger -they were all the same age, a millennium of difference give or take- or even stronger, but Lucifer's circle had been broken and with the help of a very powerful someone, claiming the throne was easy and painless -for him.

The first most important task, after banishing Lucifer of course, was taking care of certain lost demon who wanted to spend his time smooching angels and sucking off Heaven. He had a few ideas.

He would stop that nonsense of going to Earth and mingling with humans. Demons weren't angels and it was time they stopped looking like that.

Who needs stupid feather wings anyway? Horns were much more demony and scary.

#good omens #good omens AU #how do I cal this AU #fanfic #at least a bit fanficish #I just preferred this narrative style to ground the AU rules and important bits #A candy if you guess who the someone is #loveapologistrambles #loveapologistWrites

[thottybrucewayne]

Gotham War feels so...rushed. Everybody OOC as fuck esp Selina, the art looks so bad at some points and I mean close-ups on characters' FACES. I don't think I can do two months of this shit like...

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #dc comics #batman #its very bare bones and fanficish #its giving batfam fodder #gotham war

[linksthoughtbrambles]

< Previous | Next > ~Post List~

#adventure log- #botw #zelda #zelink #gif #my gif #loz #breath of the wild #fanfic sort of #at the very least it's a panel in a fanficish thing #legend of zelda #my screenshots #using screenshots as prompts #botw link #botw gif #link gif #i'm so good at this

[totalfknloser]

reader x jealous zakk?? .. like maybe you've been hanging around brodie or one of the other guys a little too much for his liking and it starts getting on his nerves ..

could be a (smut) fic or headcanons i'm happy either way thank u !!!

OKAAAY AWESOME I LOVE THIS I WANNA DO SMUR AND NORMAL THAT LIKE TUENS INTO SMUT BECAUSE 😻😻😻😻 this will be like a headcanon type thing but fanficish tell me if u want smth different irs just with specific scenarios like this i gen don’t know how to write it any different 😭 also sorry i’ve been like taking A LOOOONG TIME to write this LMAO! also rough oral sex Zakk receiving :3

⛧ 𓃚 ⛧

⛧ while ur with brodie it’s like super fun! u guys hang out and sometimes go to stores and he’s like super sweet but platonic but Zakk thinks otherwise on platonic.

⛧ you would notice Zakk would be slightly distant and a little irritated. you’d try to ask him what’s up but he’d brush it off and say something like “it’s nothing, don’t worry.”

⛧ the more you’re with Brodie the more Zakk gets more sick of it. one day you need Zakk to come pick you up from wherever you and Brodie are and he agrees to come pick you up.

⛧ you’d notice how Zakk is going faster than he usually does, which is already pretty fast. you know something’s gotta be wrong.

⛧ once you two get home, you’re inside in front of the closed door when you touch his shoulder and ask in a soft tone “what’s wrong, Zakk?”

⛧ “Get on your knees.” he whispers. falling to your knees right in front of him, you already know what’s gonna happen. you undo his belt and pull down his pants and underwear and his already rock hard cock springs free.

⛧ you place a kiss and a few licks to the tip, feeling your own arousal pool at your lower stomach. “Don’t tease me.” he commands. you listen as you’re told, and you take him down your throat to the best you can while holding into his thighs tight for support. Zakk grabs onto your hair, sending slight pain through your body. he keeps your head up so you can look at him as he starts to move his hips roughly back and forth, fucking your throat rough.

⛧ you gag and choke. there’s tears falling from your eyes, which turns Zakk on somehow even more. he keeps a rough and quick pace, making you grip his thighs harder which might just leave bruises.

⛧ Zakk lets small whimpers and groans out of his mouth, some occasional moans that sounded a little sluttier than you’d expect from Zakk. your soft muffled whines and hums were being choked down from Zakk’s cock stuffed down your throat, he’s probably going to leave a sore spot at the back of your throat for a little bit.

⛧ “Ugh, fuck! i’m gonna cum.” Zakk basically shouted, his voice hoarse and his sentence was spaced with huffs and whines. You felt his cum pour down your throat, not a very tasty reward, but still a reward for being so good for him. Zakk pulls out of your throat. you almost passed out on his dick, but your still awake enough to swallow all of his cum.

⛧ “Did you swallow?” Zakk questions. “Y-Yeah, i did.” you say, looking up at him with lust glazed eyes. “Show me.” he demands. you open your mouth, tongue slightly sticking out and still looking up at him, after a few seconds you shut it once again. “Good job.” he praises, a small smirk on his pretty face.

⛧ after a few seconds you get up, still panting. “Now what about me?” you say, a whiny tone in your voice. “You don’t get to cum.” Zakk says, leaning against the door. “Why not?” you complain, a pout on your lips. “You’ve pissed me off for too long with you and Brodie always together. Maybe next time though.” you huff. “Meanie.” you whisper. “Slut.” he whispers back to you.

⛧ 𓃚 ⛧

i really hope that was good enough 😭 it took me so long for like no reason i’m so sorry lmao

#deathgasm #zakk deathgasm #smut #death gasm

[vergess]

this is a personal af question that you do not need to answer publicly or at all esp. bc its for fanficish writing purposes but anyway so like how DO you, personally at least, deal with episodes of psychosis? because google tells me that the go to needs to be antipsychotics but 1. the context is a character who does not have regular access to them anyway 2. every one i have looked at has GOD AWFUL PERMANENT SIDE EFFECTS that seem to be almost guaranteed to happen? and my doctor oc would not subject that to anybody. the usual psychosis symptoms i write in my current rps are post-ictal and postpartum psychosis specifically because getting information about that from people who actually HAVE THE CONDITIONS is easy, and there seem to be other methods of dealing with them without antipsychotics (plus, you know, magic dnd for one, and pokemon psychic bs for the other) but finding information on how people with other forms of psychosis (in this case, schizotypal ftr) deal with it from their own perspective is almost impossible? it's ALL ableist bullshit from doctors which is why i am hesitant to trust the idea of "antipsychotics are the only way" :/ even reddit is not helpful here lol and i want to get this right? i know it's just tumblr rp/ao3 fanfic/discord rp that nobody important will read but me and my friends are trying to NOT be ableist shitbags on purpose you know?

Boy I really just don't answer tough asks over the winter months, huh.

I started keeping a closer eye on how media that I otherwise recommend depicts psychosis since getting this ask, and I'm disappointed to announce that over the last two months only two (2) pieces of media have been Normal About Psychosis.

So, the first thing to remember when writing a Psycho is: WE ARE WHOLE ASS ADULTS WITH ADULT BRAINS OKAY, we're not small children lost in a fantasy. We're not violent monsters out for blood. We are people who sometimes see, hear, etc things that aren't really there.

Writing a psychotic character competently isn't about curing them, or even about reducing their symptoms. It's about showing how they cope with those symptoms while carrying on with their daily lives.

I'm currently on the lowest possible dose of antipsychotic right now, and I will say two things about that. 1) the meds make reality checks and other coping skills MUCH more effective. 2) Even at a low dose, abstract and creative thinking are hindered. I don't feel hindered; but I have a 24 year long writing portfolio that says I sure as shit am hindered.

Whether a character will benefit from going on meds is going to be a balancing act. But since you aren't actually looking for meds advice, lets talk about those Other Coping Skills.

Broadly, I would split my skills into three categories: stuff for hallucinations, stuff for delusions, and stuff for dissociation.

So, first off, reality checking is my #1 go to for hallucinations.

You pick this skill up pretty quickly as a kid; everyone does. The difference being that where a non-psychotic person eventually gets to stop relying on others to tell them what is real, we get to keep on asking forever.

It's actually super exhausting to be in a crowded space because most of the nonverbal cues you come to rely on (eg, no one else flinched so that noise probably wasn't real) become INSTANTLY useless. Every noise, movement etc may of may not be real, and your only option is to either gauge other people's lack of reaction, or ask someone you trust for a reality check.

Sounds like an easy way for an abusive shit to control your entire life with no effort? It is!!

THAT'S WHY PSYCHOTIC PEOPLE ARE WAY MORE LIKELY TO BE ABUSED THAN THE GENERAL POPULATION.

Once you know if something is real or not, you can decide to ignore it. Like ignoring anything obtrusive, this is easier if you are in a good mood, physically comfortable, etc. An absurd amount of "coping with psychosis" is just constantly monitoring yourself and others to make sure you are reacting to the right things at the right volume.

Ignoring something that your brain insists is real and a threat is very tiring, so there's also a lot of sleeping.

Delusions are significantly harder to manage than hallucinations, IMO. Not just because, as a multiply marginalized person there are myriad ways that an ambiguous "them" is actually trying to ruin my life for real. Being on terror watchlists due to racism REALLY makes it IMPOSSIBLE to manage my paranoid delusions because some of the more insane shit is just real.

But there are other delusions that are easier to handle. Mostly, this comes down to self monitoring again. I can take an extra second to ask myself, "hang on, statistically speaking, how likely is it that this total stranger ACTUALLY wants to kill me?" The answer, of course, is "violent crime has been trending down for years, and everyone in this area thinks I'm white as long as I don't go outside during the summer, so I'm safe."

It's all about finding the information that helps keep you calm.

Because the absolute certainty that this is a murderer and you are walking into the slaughter will not go away. You just... take it on faith that this time will turn out as safely as the last 399 times.

It's just a shitload of observation, mimicry, and forcing myself to do things that feel dangerous by reminding myself that they aren't.

That shit sounds simple, but it's a CONSTANT fight; it never really gets easier, you just get used to it.

Which brings me back around to my meds again: I think I prefer it this way. My writing sucks, and I keep crying when I read it because it's wrong, it sounds like a field amputation. But god, I went to a cafe during the morning rush a few days ago, and the overload of noise and data only left me bedridden for ONE day. ONE!!! Not a WEEK!

Maybe losing my only art is okay in light of how much less bad things are.

Anyway, I can't remember the name of the 2014 short story about the One Person With Psychosis being wrongfully shunned by her colony because she doesn't feel affective empathy, in spite of her constant and perfectly reasoned moral code ensuring she is, if anything, the least dangerous person in town. I wish I could remember it!! It's a good example!!!

I haven't read it yet, but people I love and trust seem to generally agree that the psychosis in Harrow the Ninth is well written, too, so maybe check that out IDK

#answered asks #myfriendskickass

[thesmallworldofsamizayn]

childhood best friends who betray each other (/one betrays the other) where there’s romantic subtext are of course excellent, but you can almost always explain the angst away with unresolved desire and repression, meaning imagining the happy ending where both parties confess their feelings and they move to the countryside together is almost too easy. when the childhood friends in question are siblings such explanations are not possible (or if they are then they make the situation much worse!) forcing the break down of the relationship to be reckoned with in full, unable to be ‘fixed’ in some fanficish way with passionate sex. and this is why chuck and jimmy from better call saul are the dynamic i will be forever haunted by because even without the tragedy of chuck’s ending, i do not know what could have possibly fixed them

#ideally in other cases the relationship is too nuanced to be boiled down to 'they should have just told each other they loved each other' #but there's always an element of that right. i mean chuck obviously should have told jimmy he loved him but his reasons for not doing that #are much harder to work through even as a therapist fan than generic repression of feelings

[frankiegirl]

(Emeto Anon) OMG ok where do I start with the sick Frank footage?? The fact that you can see Worm and someone else waiting offstage and they’re there the minute the song finishes to help him, and one of them hands him something that could either be a jacket or a bucket bc it’s too blurry to tell but I think it’s a jacket, and also the fact that Worm is there is in line with the commenter who said Worm basically carried him back to the dressing room because he was too faint to walk. And then there’s the way he leaves his guitar propped up onstage and doesn’t even bother to carry it with him?? I also have loads of fanficish questions about the buildup and aftermath because was he feeling sick before they went on? Or did it come on suddenly during the set? Did they have Matt ready to go as a replacement for the encore or was it a last minute thing? So many questions.

HELLO GOOD MORNING !!!!!

omg okay I had feelings about the way he left his guitar too like he knew there was no way he could carry it, but he wanted to make sure it was safe and protected somehow and didn’t want to just leave it flat on the dark stage to get stepped on like okay kill me now

And thinking about Worm being right there and giving him a jacket - I think it was a jacket too it’s really hard to tell but it looks like it moves? If that makes sense? - like he knew Frank was going to be cold despite having just come off of the hot stage oh my god. And then having to help him down the hallway is just too much. Like Frank just stumbling and tripping on his own feet and Worm completely being like no I’ve got you don’t worry.

I feel like they had to have known before they went on. Like maybe Frank was feeling just a little off before they started but the everything all at once of playing and trying to force himself to put everything out there like he does probably caught up to him pretty quickly. And then everyone noticing his absence of stage presence as he’s curling around his guitar like it’s an extension of himself - because it’s a huge absence. I can’t even imagine the thoughts in Frank’s head of trying to push through and remember all the notes and keep himself together, his microphone totally abandoned two feet above him. And Worm’s eyes are on him like lasers, ready to pounce as soon as the song ends because there’s no way he’s staying on that stage anymore. It’s maybe surprising when Frank is taking his guitar off before the lights even go down, lurching himself in the general direction of offstage.

Also I like to think about Frank in the dressing room throwing up and hearing everyone yell for him and it’s such a weird mixed emotion of a feeling that he doesn’t have the energy to deal with so now he’s fucking crying in front of Worm. Awesome.

Uhhhh idk what came over me there that was a lot of words for you. ANYWAY thank you for coming to my ask again 🖤🖤

#ask #anon #vom #emeto anon #ilyyyyy

[bibuckagenda]

Any post I create of Buddie kissing at the bachelor party is 100% not speculation because 1. No I don’t want them to cheat 2. I think it’s too fanficish even for Tim lol

#911 abc #me

[danrifics]

hi, would you be able to direct me to your hilarious text post about dan/phil on a date having to explain their insane situation? loool

the fanficish one i wrote?? i wish i could but i literally cant find it anywhere and i have no idea what to even search on my blog to find it

#bethanie answers

[dross-the-fish]

I heard the first crash while I was logging the day's findings in my journal.

The second crash was closer, coming down the hallway.

The third sent the door of my bedroom bursting into splinters.

There was the fiend, twirling his cane and advancing on me with a malevolent grin that sent a shudder down my spine.

"You've a great many pretty things, Mr. Harker," he snarled, his voice chilled me to my core. It was high and grating, with a peculiar roughness, some unholy mixture of a giddy school boy and a rabid hound.

The fourth crash sent my lamp scattering shards in all directions.

"It would be a shame-" the cane arced up above his head and swung towards my face

"-If I took to smashing every-" it tapped benignly against my cheek, "-pretty-" my other cheek, "-thing-" a hard press against my lips, "-in this room."

The gleeful malice that had painted his face moments before vanished and he turned suddenly serious, eyes narrowing into furious slits "Now what possessed you to come rifling though my bags looking for Dr. Jekyll's formula?" he demanded, his tone indicating that it would be very unwise to lie to him.

-Quincey Harker 1918

#Edward Hyde #Crossover AU #Fanficish #Dracula #the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde #I don't know if this one is getting the colorized treatment #We'll see if I like it when I wake up tomorrow #jekyll and hyde

[spookyrobbins]

hi!

can i continue the tim roll? first of, one of your hcs just rocked my world a bit tbh for it just kinda settled in my brain from the first watch that his death wasn’t very close to the wedding so thinking of it being in 2008… the sheer rawness

and a question too: thoughts on him being alive in fics(but not in the he ain’t heavy way where he’d been basically assumed to be dead)

absolutely continue the tim roll haha

honestly i change up arizonas background every fic i can and i’ve changed tim’s death just as many times at this point. i will say the one constant i have is that tim died before arizona moved to seattle which is about two years before she meets callie (for ref, arizona started her fellowship during magic’s intern year). could make an argument for only a year before but i think any closer than that and i think it would be too all consuming for arizona - based on what she said about grieving.

hm okay, so on the one hand, i love tim. but i think sort of like arizona he gets trapped in this super sunshiney, happy, ideal big brother characterization a lot of the time. and i’m sure i’m guilty of this as well. i do kinda like when it starts with tim alive but then he dies in the story like smbr. ofc my all time top au is elite ortho bros which is a tim alive one. i will also say i’m not into tim/teddy which i think is semi common? idk it feels very fanficish if you know what i mean.

related to the above point, i love a dark!tim. i’ve talked about it at length on discord, but i’m very pro making the robbinses less shiny and happy and making them more flawed

[umbreonix]

On link's first April fools day or the one that happens when the channel starts getting big, for his prank he actually puts in a bit of effort. Thing is, he's making Moza's dishes. So, it's a high quality, 4k 60 fps of link cooking the "Lavish Meat" dish, the "Ancient Meal,"(or something like that) and the "Ultimate Survival" dish. So basically, for April fools day link ruins your day. (He would of course put a warning at the start/end/middle/in the corner that says do NOT try to make these because he doesn't want people to ruin their kitchen) Bonus points if it's in Revali's house and he doesn't know.

Ooo yes XD Tbh I was thinking Moza might in herself be a minor minor character (mentioned once or twice but never interacts with main cast)

Maybe a rock hard food...

Random fic clip incoming because I am clearly in a write-y mood today for anything that isn't one of my current fics:

Revali dropped his bags dramatically at the entryway. Shopping was exhausting.

He deserved some recovery time from this ordeal. Perhaps a long hot soak with that cocoa butter bath bomb he got from one of those pop-up vendors at the mall was in order.

The thought was interrupted by the sounds of pots and pans clanging around. He rose an eyebrow at the apartment’s security panel as if it might actually understand his exasperation. “Come now, part of your job is to keep out riff-raff like that dirty little beach vagrant. You didn’t let him in again now did you?” He asked, running a hand along the nearest wall. There was a coddle-y cooing tone to his voice that often came out whenever he addressed the Medoh Suite’s smart system.

Of course there was no response, AI technology was coming a long way but it was certainly another fifty years minimum before it gained the awareness to snark back to his sarcastic remarks. Or maybe this was her response. Her silence seemed almost passive-aggressive. As if telling him ‘you were the one who registered his face in the first place.’

Well no matter, he was in now. Revali readjusted his hair in the mirror and moved to greet his interloping guest.

Any witty comment he had locked and loaded on his tongue died at the sight before him and all he could utter was “The f@%#?”

Link turned to look at him with that blank look of neutrality he was learning to hate more and more every day. All it ever did was make him look like everything he did was an overreaction, and Revali had never overreacted to a single thing in his twenty [redacted] years of life! His reactions were always EXACTLY what was necessary and proper to a given situation. If anything, the rest of the world underreacted.

“SURELY,” he said stalking towards the marble island. “Surely you did not let yourself into my suite, take over my kitchen, and ding up my cookware for this ridiculously childish attempt at an April Fools Joke?”

Link just looked at him with an utterly serious expression. “Joke?”

Revali squinted at him. This was what he meant by underreactions, figuring out sarcasm on Link was like solving the world’s most obscure puzzle.

“Do you take me for an imbecile?” Revali said. “Do you honestly think that you can bluff your way with that bland face of yours into having me both forget that it’s April 1st and that ‘this’-“ he waved a hand at the dishes already completed. “is all inedible?”

He seemed to have cooked the various dishes entirely with rocks. The presentation was surprisingly nice but that certainly didn’t trick him into thinking anything was palatable.

“It’s edible,” Link said, still not a single twitch of his lips indicated that he was being anything other than dead serious. He looked almost bored. “Minerals are important to the human diet, there is a way to cook the stones so they soften and break up and can be eaten directly. How do you think they extract minerals for vitamins?”

“You’re not convincing me of anything,” Revali scowled. “This is tiresome, I know you like to get your rocks off from taunting and tormenting me, but just give it up. I’d ask you to replace any scratched-up pots you damaged in this sad endeavour but we both know you can’t afford that- IS THAT MY IMPORTED CERAMICS YOU’RE USING?” Revali blanched. Those were worth more than Link probably spent in a year!

The aspiring chef did not even flinch at the rock pun nor the onslaught of Revali’s following verbal barrage- one which lasted a good few minutes and stretched the range of his vocabulary up into the firmament, reaching the apex of what the English language could achieve. If only they could, poets would study this rant for centuries until it became mandated material for every highschool HP English class. Yes, it could have been a classic if it weren’t for all the angry vulgarities interspersed throughout.

“-and how about you, from now on, take your extreme frugality and apply it to the way you care for my own belongings as well!” Revali finally said. He backed up a little and scuffed imaginary dirt off of his shoulder, as if just being that close to the blond sullied him in some way. He then scowled as he noticed the small rivulet of sand in his sink leading down towards the drain.

“Come now, you had to know that is bad for the pipes, you did your own plumbing for that dilapidated, former drug-den, off-the-grid, sand-filled shack you call a house did you not? Just admit this was a terrible joke that fell flat and we can clean this mess up.” He had leaned in so close to the blond he could pick up on all the grey-blue fibrous shades that rippled like ocean waves in his irises.

Link leaned forward as well, the first hint of any expression crossing his face- and it was absolute, blood-boiling, smugness. “No.”

He took a spoonful of pebble soup and popped it into his mouth.

Revali froze. Yes, he wasn’t an idiot. What he was always forgetting was that Link was.

“Wh- Show me your mouth right now! YOU DID NOT JUST SWALLOW THAT!”

He took a step towards Link and Link took a step back. He did however show his mouth and there was horrifyingly nothing in it.

“And under your tongue?” Revali asked, actually getting quite nervous.

Link didn’t comply to that one.

Soon the multimillion-dollar beauty icon was chasing the wild beach bum around his kitchen island with the frantic worry of a weary dog-owner.

When he finally did catch him, it was a no-holds-barred scuffle. Link burst out into a delighted laugh as he tried to escape Revali’s hold… then immediately paused with a shocked expression.

“You just swallowed it for real didn’t you?” Revali asked.

Link nodded, looking pale.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?” He asked.

Link was already at the door and he tossed Revali his own keys. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he muttered.

The pair rushed out the door.

Link’s livestream was forgotten.

#revalink #botw youtubers AU #botw #fanficish #writing clip #Revali lives in the top floor Medoh Suite of his tower #The 'Ruta' suite is across the hall and you'll NEVER guess which brother-sister pair lives there #Link did not need surgery in the end... but he DID unfortunately have to pass those stones #and this livestream was how the world figured out that random fancy kitchen Link has started cooking in is Revali's #hjhghj maybe #I saw this ask this morning at 5 am when I gave up on sleeping entirely #but couldn't reply #there's this GERMAN who is VERY on top oF my sleep schedule #Is this buried far enough in the tags that she won't see it? #I NEED TO SPECIFY LINK WAS WHOLEY JOKING ABOUT THE ROCK COOKING PROCESS

[notnights]

Been thinking about a funny little hurt/comfort, that is a little bit of self protection that is about aroace Benny, who loves Tommy very much but Tommy is at the age of 37 and had never had a romantic relationships before, so is craving to start dating.

He loves Benrey lots but knows Benrey doesn’t really get romantic feelings.

But Benrey loves Tommy so much, and at first he thinks he’s totally fine with Tommy getting a dating app. And then at least once a week lives their home to meet with someone. And at first Benrey thinks it’s the guard in his code that wants to follow Tommy to the dates. Wants to protect him from strangers. But Tommy ensures him and his date will meet somewhere public and safe.

And Benrey says, ok, yeah, laughs it off as his guard-duty kicking in. But while Tommy is gone he thinks and  thinks and thinks more than he usually does. About a stranger giving Tommy a kiss on the cheek. Him holding their hand.

Then he thinks about him and Tommy share a bed and how some romantic partner to Tommy won’t like that. Or worse what if they’re fine with that, and are okay with sharing a bed with Tommy and him. And Benrey doesn’t want to share his bed. He doesn’t want to share his bed with anyone but Tommy. That’s his bed, that’s his T-

He panics because Tommy isn’t his. Even if they were dating that kind of train of thought is scary. He doesn’t want to be jealous when he sees Tommy being romantic with people.

Friendly with people is fine. He gives kisses and hugs to Gordon, that’s fine. But he knows it’s platonic. And suddenly the idea of Tommy romantically kissing Gordon on the cheek strikes something in him.

But that isn’t right. Both Tommy and Gordon are his friends, if they started dating he should be happy for them right? Right?

Thoughts like these pass every week Tommy goes on a date. And every time Tommy leaves Benrey waits for him to come home like a sad puppy. Clings to him when he gets back. Maybe makes him a funny little meal that isn’t exactly great food but it’s soda poured in a wine glass and ramen soup for Tommy. And Tommy smiles and gives Benrey a pat on the head. Benrey likes that. Feels loved.

He’s made dinner for Tommy! Like a partner does right...

But Benrey doesn’t like Tommy that way. So why is it eating it up inside to imagine him with someone else in that way? Why is- Why is-

One day Tommy is talking about a particularly good date and Benrey starts clinging to him. A tight hug.

Tommy senses something is wrong, Benrey isn’t usually this tight during cuddles. Asks what’s the matter. Benrey doesn’t know Benrey can’t explain.

Some how makes it across he wants Tommy to stay with him.

“Oh you want- you want me to stay? What do you mean?”

“No more dates.”

“Huh?”

“You’re uh my Tommy? Right? Yeah?”

Tommy is confused, Benrey has never shown romantic interest in him. So he asks about it. But Benrey is confused he doesn’t know. It isn’t romantic or sexual at all. But he can’t stand seeing Tommy with someone else that way.

Tommy decides they’ll have a “romantic moment,” and if Benrey feels any different maybe they can try the dating thing? Because Tommy loves Benrey so much, it’s a mix between just platonic and romantic. Tommy is happy just being platonic with Benrey but he wouldn’t mind if Benrey felt romantically to him. Their life wouldn’t change much.

So Tommy caresses him just like he’s read in so many romance novels. Feels nice. His heart flutters. He loves it he loves Benrey. He is maybe starting to hope this works out.

He reaches to kiss him, and Benrey responds well. Kisses back. They share their first real “romantic” kiss. Tommy parts for a bit but adds to more kisses into the mix. Oh he loves it he feels so happy. The mutual affection he’s given at the end of a meeting with his dates doesn’t compare.

Benrey is teary eyed. Tommy doesn’t know how to read this. Benrey rarely cries and it’s been from everything compared to snakes not having arms to how good freshly squeezed orange juice tastes.

Benrey nods excitingly, briefly mentions he liked that before asking if Tommy liked it. Tommy says yes he loved it. But needs to make sure Benrey is okay, needs to make sure he’s okay with it. Needs to make sure Benrey is being honest because Benrey is important in this too. Benrey is always putting Tommy first.

Benrey is always putting Tommy first. Benrey sees himself as not a person. He was made in a lab to be part of a perfect line of guards to protect Black Mesa. Most of the other staff treated Benrey as less than human. He technically isn’t. But Tommy was different. Tommy talked to him like a regular person. Benrey loved listening to him ramble on about things. He loved the funny little things Tommy talked about. And it made Benrey feel nice like a person, like a human. Tommy was Benrey’s first friend.

But he can’t return these romantic feelings.

Benrey says no. He didn’t like it and he cries. He says sorry once. Tommy already knew  that’d be the answer, he knows how Benrey is, so he’s not hurt by it. But he’s sad Benrey is clearly feeling jealous and it’s hurting him.

Benrey is technically only a couple of years old. He is physically and mentally an adult. Just like Bubby they were test tube babies but Bubby has 3 years on home in terms of life experience.

So this feeling is new to Benrey. Jealousy. He’s never felt that before. And it feels awful. It feels ugly.

Tommy caresses Benrey’s cheek again. Tells him it’s okay. As Benrey’s tears stream down more at the touch. He likes it so much. But not the way Tommy craves it.

But it’s okay.

For now Tommy decides then and there that he’ll be with Benrey. As his BFF. QPP. His Tommy. He’ll put the dating on hold. His friend is so important to him.

Benrey reacts with a mix of joy and sadness. He doesn’t want Tommy to do this for him. Tommy deserves so much. He deserves the best. And Benrey isn’t the best, not for Tommy. At least that’s what Benrey thinks. But Tommy thinks Benrey is plenty great and amazing, and tells him this. And Benrey is confused but hugs Tommy tight, not wanting to let go. Burying his face into Tommy’s chest.

Tommy says if Benrey always wants to do anything for him, then Benrey should understand Tommy wants this too. Benrey keeps his face buried but nods. He’s happy but such a wreck right now he feels like hiding in this hug.

Maybe one day Tommy will try to date again, when him and Benrey are feeling both better about it. Maybe one day Benrey will want to date. But even if either of those things don’t happen Tommy is happy with the relationship he already has with Benrey.

So why does dating strangers matter? When he can already get all the kisses and cuddles he needs from his best friend.

#partly projection because I've dealt with sorta similar feelings #these doodles are from a month ago maybe but #doodled them with these thoughts in mind and #they ended up being more heavy projection than I thought pff pff #This is kinda fanficish I guess but it's mostly rambling #hlvrai musings

[alteanroyals]

im gonna penpal trope tf out of this writing assignment heheheh

#you think i wont write a super fanficish type of story for my class??? you are dead wrong

[faakeid]

Will you make an analysis or just share your thoughts after finishing the book?

I always comment on the most random things on this blog so yeah, I’m really excited to share my opinion here too~

#im currently at page 60 something #its so fanficish i wonder where the gay couple will come lool #but its cool although some stuff make me angry