#Early mother's day thing?

[heraldofcrow]

Eileen and her lil Crow 🖤

#early mother’s day thing because i gotta travel tomorrow #MY CROW BBYS #haven’t drawn them in a while #but they are still my bloodborne darlings of all time and forever and 🖤🖤🖤 #🥺 #eileen the crow #bloody crow of cainhurst #luther the bloody crow #le crows #bloodborne #mother’s day #CrowSketch

[fatehbaz]

.

#thinking of dinosaurs and troodontids were my favorite dinosaurs as a child #when younger i had a real full troodontid tooth fossil that meant a lot to me #for a time we lived within a few kilometers of hadrosaur sites and troodontid sites #while wider general area had many sites of recovery for the big celebrities like tyrannosaur and multiple dromaeosaurs #at that time troodontids were kinda infamous for i think the depiction in some childrens field guides and dino books #which depicted like a fantasy speculative humanoid troodontid based on 1980s model at Canadian Museum of Nature in ottawa #anyway would visit a small local paleo center a lot and woman in her 70s or 80s ran the counter of their center and rock shop #one day she asked me what my fave dino was and i said troodon so she pulled out the tooth and just gifted it to me #in little black case size of ring box with padding and transparent plastic viewing cover kinda like laminate for displaying a trading card #tooth got stolen from out my vehicle while giving some people a ride while at university before i got too poor for tuition #later during first year of pandemic owner of my storage unit died and new property owners threw away everything i ever owned #i was homeless anyway lost job due to early pandemic closures and had to allocate any money to insulin and other prescrip meds #but wouldve found a way to save my things if the new owners had contacted me #they threw out photoalbums y backpacking gear y books y musical instruments y clothes y artwork y camera y all family keepsakes #and all childhood treasures like souvenirs and gifts and school awards and writing portfolios and all the little memories #which i was always sentimental about as child #from earliest age my room looked like a natural history museum with plants and maps and library of field guides #and rocks and field trip keepsakes and all kinds of little animal figurines and mother had painted room in forest greens and browns #to feel like a forest and among the succulent plants and a globe sat the troodon tooth #parents passed when i was a child #never near any family and were always moving never got to settle into proper stable place then father passed after long sad illness #and mother put in so much effort but she passed few years later and i could not take care of myself or my remaining material possessions #and so im still quite hurt having nothing whatsoever remaining of my childhood or school friends or mother or life generally #and when trying to process grief my thoughts often come back to the troodontid tooth as a focal point a distillation of what was lost #even when young i knew it was advised not to become too connected to material physical possessions #but still there are some small little trinkets in our lives that seem to hold so much meaning and i tortured myself for losing that tooth #thinking about troodon reminds me of childhood

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-

#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later' #and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory #then its like... what do i even say #'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH #or especially lately #i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going #which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else #ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK! #trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn #but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying #yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm...... #can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn. #ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood #but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake #absolutely unprompted #oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away #well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car' #and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth) #GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!! #she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money #and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month #and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now??? #now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And- #i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again #me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help' #please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish #anyway. case in point #cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind #metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj #its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please

[rosykims]

like out of all the many, many traumas ive given elspeth my favorite has gotta be the deep roads lol. and specifically the way she never really got OUT of them. yeah so maybe her body did but not HER. shes still down there with ruck and helspith every time she closes her eyes. and during future expeditions when she goes down into the deep roads for real, it doesnt feel like some horrible nightmare it feels like REALITY and its the surface and love and warmth and alistair thats nothing more than a pleasant dream. one shes always going to wake up from. bc even in her happiest moments she's never not aware of the darkspawn digging up towards her just a few miles under her feet. and never not feeling the eyes of the deep roads looking at her, gleefully waiting for her, and knowing its not going anywhere

#i love shale but for elspeth's worldstate i dont recruit her bc im so obsessed w the dynamic of it being elspeth/alistair/oghren/the dog lol #oc: elspeth #tay plays dao #she got SEVERE shell shock being down there in the dead trenches after the realization that came from helspith's poem #why shes never seen any female darkspawn and why there apparently arent as many female wardens either #and like. Understanding that death is the absolute best case scenario for her. #alistair had to 100000% step up as the leader because she was completely out of commission. barely able to breathe let alone fight or lead #going from this unstoppable warrior who NEVER loses her nerve or control on a battlefield #to nearly dying to the broodmother bc she was so fucking terrified. bc all she could see was her own fate mirrored back at her #finally FINALLY understanding what it means to be a grey warden. and then trying to reject that reality with her entire body and soul #she pulls herself out of it enough to get out alive but she never had a moment of like... triumph over the deep roads where she had a burst #of courage and saved the day or whatever. thats not usually how trauma works and so alistair carried them thru that #thru the broodmother and the anvil and branka and back to orzammar just as elspeth was beginning to put herself back together #afterwards the lack of closure to what was one of her ''weakest'' lowest moments rly weighed her down with guilt and shame #and its only a year later during awakening when she finally reconciles with having NO choice but to go back into the deep roads #and being able to kill the mother. THAT helped. that restored some small part of her #gave her the strength to start going back down there when the need arose. resigned to an early death but ready to put up a fight #but ye. still such a fundamentally devastating thing she went thru which altered her entire personality to the point where she starts fully #embracing being a warden (bc how can someone who's seen what shes seen and done what shes done be anything else???) #and INSISTING alistair take the throne despite having always been supportive of his desire not to. even if it means she loses him. #bc its a last ditch effort to save him from the fate she's completely surrendered herself to #sigh. this game man. #i need dadw to Confirm that the grey wardens have found a cure and alistair and hof are safe because jesus christ. my girl NEEDS a win

[jedi-bird]

I'm back home, showered and in bed with my heating pad. I did not murder anyone at the event, which is good. We were lied to however, about what was required for us to bring, which I'm not surprised about. I don't want to have to repeat it all tomorrow, even if it's on a smaller scale. I'm tired.

But at least the ham tasted good and the crumble, while much less sweet than last time, was good and I didn't have to stay until super late. Small victories.

#vent post #look i like my in-laws but this year I'm just not feeling social #i sick of being judged because i need to sit in specific chairs and can't help with a lot of the cleanup #i get told in the same breath that a lot of my problems are probably because of my cats but then get asked if i want a new one #because someone has a problem cat they don't want to deal with anymore but they won't let it get adopted out #and also get told I'm probably pretty happy that mine are all starting to die off because i clearly have too many #no one told us there was going to be a gift exchange so we didn't bring anything #which is fine because we were planning to leave early anyway #I'm tired of dealing with people right now #I'm feeling very overwhelmed and at a breaking point #and i want to tell my partner that i don't want to spend my birthday helping my mother in law take down her tree #i don't want to have to cater to her on a day i already associated with bad things #i just want to lay in bed if I'm not allowed to go anywhere fun

[brittie-frog]

Gonna be seated tomorrow watching Bagi, Aimsey and possibly others, all resource gathering as Purgatory 2 begins while drawing q!Tina fanart since I've already drawn q!Bagi. Can't wait to see who starts panicking first.

At least Empanada's admin gets the week off.

#teaduo #the Em thing is a joke #i assume other mothers will get on #at least one day so she can be fed #even bagi might get on to be emerency bagi to relax(???) #i dont know how relaxing it can be to go from whatever purgatory is gonna be to mean violent bagi (if she can keep up the act) #im still debating which povs to watch but i know its gonna be the lesbians (debating malena) #but i dont know how much ill be watching tubbo or bbh #but i want to watch a couple of the new people i dont know #itll probably come down to team split and when different people are on #qsmp #qsmp bagi #qsmp tina #qsmp teaduo #qsmp purgatory #purgatory 2 #also the christmas event means most of the eggs will probably be on along with parents whether theyre in purgatory or not #and we can dream that bagi is eliminated early so we never see emergency bagi again #especially before she properly interacts with Tina or traumatises Em more

[thewritingowl]

Danyal al Ghul knew his family loved him.

There was no question about this. Mother would not have spent so much time comforting him if she didn't. Grandfather may be harsh, but his lessons were only so that he may become strong. Weakness would only get him killed, and Grandfather would loathe to see his second favorite grandson die before his time. And of course, Damian. His twin, his confidant, the one who scared away the nightmares and for whom Danyal would give the world. Danyal loved his family deeply.

He just wished his love was not a weakness.

#dpxdc #dpxdc fanfic #But I Want to Be Let In; Not Out #Part 15 #Happy Mother's Day! Have me processing my mommy issues lmao #Hopefully next installment will be out by early June but we'll see #I'm super sorry for the wait! Things have been hectic and Difficult but I'm pretty proud of this installment.

[julie-su]

Voni-Ca art on its' own, for you Voniheads out there! All... One of you? Let's all become Voni-Ca fans, okay?!?!

#Voni-Ca #Voni-Ca the Echidna #echidna hell #archie Sonic #Rally4Sally? Motor4Rotor?! We're Bonker4Voni-Ca...no #that's terrible. #Terrible rhyme. #We are not bonka4voni-ca. #She needs that cookie after being compared to LSC Lara all day. Poor thing #This echidna is a wife and mother btw. I'm making it out like she's a little baby. She's in her early 20's at this point in time. #BTW imagine having a baby at 20. You crazy kids!

[lynxalon]

Love; Disconnection and Connection

I am a matryoshka doll

Inverse

Within me I hold

My mother

My grandmother

My great grandmother

And her mother

And her grandmother

But I am not my mother's

Daughter

Does that line end with me

I remember

Going to my grandparents house

And taking those matryoshka dolls

Apart

It felt like love

To take someone apart

Want to see all of them

It's all the matryoshka doll knows

What comes before them and

What comes after

Do I hope for that kind of love

Or do I hope

To be held so tightly

Crushed and put together over

And over

Again

What love do I want

Need

Deserve?

What love will finally (finally!) fill me

I know love because

I hold it within me

So why

Why am I still

...

#lynx speaks #quiet poems #daughterhood #i'm not sure what else i can say for this one #i feel connected to my mother in the way i cook my food and how i dry my hair and how i laugh #but i feel disconnected from any love she might hold for me #i think it's there; she says it is but. why don't i feel it? #my last name ends with me #i've been told this since i was a child #my nana's sister and her side of the family don't have it since she was married #my brother has my stepdad's; his dad's #and there was the assumption that i was straight. i'd marry a man and take his last name. the line would end with me #i've been protective over it ever since #if i ever get married i will keep my last name #i think. it's the only thing that made me feel loved and connected to my family #i wasn't like them. i was a young neurodivergent queer child. and now that i'm an adult #i don't know how to shed that disconnected feeling #because it only seems to be me feeling it but. i wonder if that's not true. if they feel it too because i've always been isolated #because of them or myself. idk. i just don't know #it's too fucken early in the day to be thinkin of all of this lol

[crucible-memes-4-salem-teens]

putnam: i came out here to attack people and i'm honestly having such a good time right now

#the crucible #arthur miller #classic lit #classic literature #classic lit memes #wednesday incorrect quote :) #mod dio #what's poppin gamers?? how does it feel knowing i ended my three-day tumblr hiatus for y'all? i couldn’t leave you high and dry <3 #but also also also. it's my mother's birthday. y'all probably don't care but i felt that y'all should know. #i had an audition yesterday and it went eh. hopefully i don't get last chair 🤞 #but! i realized that i do my best literary analysis in the early morning and in a stream of consciousness manner. #not to jinx anything but i've been doing really well on essays in my lit class and i'm hoping i can keep up whatever the fuck i have going #for me. however. the common thread does seem to be me writing at times after 5 am but before 10 am. after 10 my writing tanks :( #i do my best bullshitting first thing in the morning methinks #anyways. putnam's a loser. that's all i wanna say about him. *mwah* kisses for u lovely people

[skrunksthatwunk]

just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|

#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates #we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home #to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily. #i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing #*petcare #and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not #we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen #i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started #but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt #idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk #but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh #i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it #wasn't even really attainable but. shit. #i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not. #but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner #in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin #what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad. #but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month #i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway. #it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not. #he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate #for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she #didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got #myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways #at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to #help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really. #god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell. #but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.

[dismalzelenka]

.

#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—” #and i kinda snapped #and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life #this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run #she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience #and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way #and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me #and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree #and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide #if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here #i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department #i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress #i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms #two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues #she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field #no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past #its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect #and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for #how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn #i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is #she meant well #the pianist i mean #and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood #no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what #maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in #dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion #i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment #its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval #of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself #so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Watching ‘The Cloud’ VOY and Harry Kim is so right about everything

#Harry was right about wanting to invite Janeway to sit down and he was right when he went '!? hey Tuvok - !! fuck you <3' #Every day I mourn us not having Harry Kim as a main focus of the show #He follows the rules he's an ideal Starfleet officer but also - ? He's not afraid to break them and question stuff and talk back #It's SO interesting to have Harry be the one to say 'Maybe we should invite the captain to sit with us!' and have Tom being the one saying #'NO are you crazy??' #livetweeting #also I love Neelix being a bit more ornery when not talking to people face to face #Neelix to the Captain: Hiiiii Janeway <3 You look great today~!!! #Neelix to Kes: Jesus fucking christ whY ...WHY did we have to be on this ship full of CRAZY IDIOTS..... #HEHEHEH he's so right too...I 1000% get why he's like you have a PERFECTLY good home/ship here and you guys fucking LOVE to find ways to #rip it up #'You don't ''care a great deal about your crew'' and introduce them to the spectre of death at every opportunity' HEHEHHEHE LOVE HIM #LOVE JANEWAY TOO...They're both right <3 everyone's right <3 #Janeway's on a gameshow and every day the surprise guest is the specter of death #literally the only bad thing about early seasons Voyager is the Kes-Neelix relationship I love EVERYTHING else #if Kes and Neelix had just been friends or had a sibling type relationship?? -chefs kiss- #Tom: hmmm should I knock on Harry's door???? in the middle of the night?? nah....I'll just let myself in :) scare him a little #Harry's so damn brave I would have SCREEEAAAMED #ACTUALLY HEHHE I FORGOT THAT /IMMEDIATELY/ AFTER HARRY SAYS HE REMEMBERS BEING IN THE WOMB #Harry: (like he's tired of talking about it) I REMEMBER being in my mother's womb... -eye roll- #'Everyone knows about your BITE Sandrine' I literally thought she was talking about an STD hHEHE #'They picked your pocket?? On EARTH???' / 'Oh they just do it for tourists' <3 #Neelix: Jonah....w ha le???? / Tuvok: -sighs- the fucking Jonah-Whale thing again.... #Voyager said episode 6? Yeah. We're doing 'the ship goes into a body' episode - but the ''body'' is a BIIIG alien #Janeway: (in the weirdest tone ever) You like /dogs/ Mr. Paris ? :) #B'Elanna calling Tom a pig <3 #EVEN TUVOK'S HERE!?!? HAHAHAHA TUVOK ACTUALLY CAME TO THIS WITHOUT BEING HELD AT GUNPOINT!!! #Janeway hustling everyone at pool <3 #Janeway immediately committing appropriation oh NO!! #Tom Paris calling Chakotay 'the indian' ... this is a BAD ep for Chakotay sorry king

[salstray]

Welcome back bestie!!! How was the vacation ????? Missed ur ass on my dash!!!! ♥️☀️🍒✨

oh please, the only person that noticed i was gone was my cat, let's be real <3

it was good though! Managed to get my dumb ass sun burned by the hands of God Himself and now laying down is hell in its purest form, but besides that i had a great time!!

#there was also some family drama because my mother #is a raging bitch and can never do anything involving my yaya without #making herself a victim and ruining things for everyone else #BUT she ended up going home 3 days early and i stayed one extra day with my sister!!! #so it was rad once she was gone #i DID get burned tho #managed to avoid it for 9 days #the on the 10th i took a risk and welp #now the backs of my arms and my shoulders are fucked #but its already fading so i'll be right as rain here p soon #thank you for sending this!! #i missed being here to see you <3 #and all my other besties on the dash! #ask #sal speaks

[idontdrinkgatorade]

what if i wrote my college application essay about the trauma of my mom treating my romanian heritage as if it's freakish

#idk smth smth about my mom comparing cultural practices to the occult and saying their cuisine is disgusting #and saying my baptism wasn't real bc it was done in an orthodox church and making me get a “good” and “correct” evangelical baptism #and also the way my mom estranges me from knowing about my biological mother #literally has to try and justify the negative things she says by saying “i don't hate her. she was just weird” #jesus fucking christ #and also the way my mom made sure i got adopted because she didn't want my ROMANIAN FAMILY TO TRY AND CONTACT ME #because she was paranoid that they would try to take me away from her. like she was forever predestined to be my mother or smth #telling me that even though she didn't give birth to me she always knew that she was my true mother. and not my actual (romanian) mother #i told her i had a SINGLE memory of romania and asked if i'd visited a second time during early childhood #and she told me for the first time (mind you that i had lived with her for THIRTEEN YEARS) that i had lived in romania for six months #FOR HALF A FUCKING YEAR #AND SHE NEVER TOLD ME #and then later she was like 'why did you want to know that. are you contacting your grandmother in romania' #GIRL WHAT THE FUCK NO #MAYBE I JUST WANT TO ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT MYSELF #and she never told me the whole fucking truth abt my bio mother either #i had to figure it out myself at a CHURCH CAMP when i was FIFTEEN #and it was confirmed not by her but by my FRIEND who knew before I DID because HER MOM mentioned it at FUCKING DINNER ONE DAY

[astridthevalkyrie]

my mom finds it very hard to believe that I would be tired after waking up at 6:45 AM to go work and coming back at 7:45 PM and believes that I am just, quote, “being lazy”

#i haven’t had a good cry in a while I think tonight’s as good a night as any #it’s so strange how quickly this spirals into other thoughts #like. my mother is not inherently wrong about me being lazy #I don’t even make time to do things that I want to do #I procrastinate on everything #sometimes I’m too lazy to even shower or eat #do I think that is definitely bc something is up with me mentally? #yes but since I graduated I have had no time nor energy to find a therapist #I’m stuck in this cycle of not getting enough sleep bc I have to wake up early but #I don’t sleep early because I relish the time of night when I’m the only one awake and no one is talking to me #I’m on marriage apps because my parents want me married but I have not found a single guy that I would work with #and a part of me feels like it’s because I act difficult on purpose #I don’t WANT to get married because I am 21 and I want to date and have my first kiss and. that stuff #but I can’t because that’s not halal or whatever tf I’m tired #I want to do skincare and get better at makeup and taking care of myself but every day my bed is just the best thing in the world #I get stomach aches like all the time and I don’t eat properly #i am in a much better place mentally than I have been in years and yet I am still stuck in this maddening phase #i have to wait until I absolutely have to get up bc nothing actually makes me want to wake up and go through the day #my lsat score came back and it was worse than my first time #and of COURSE it was I didn’t study bc between a hellish last semester and a new job #it wasn’t gonna happen #and now I’m considering not even going to law school bc do I really want to work and study at the same time #but then do I really wanna be in tech forever?? #I’m gonna go shower might follow up later idk