#Crazy insane about the concept of thinking like this

[wingsofwater]

THE TRIAL

[ID : a digital drawing of a pale blue dragon with a mane of icy spikes and dark blue antlers. it has a darker blue underbelly, with black flecks across its scales and green-tinted talons and wings. it is staring up at the sky with blank, white eyes, pressing its talons together in prayer. it is holding a spear in its mouth, the other end stabbed through its neck and dripping dark blue blood. the background is of a muted night sky with faint auroras, and behind the dragons head is a sketchy circle like a halo or eclipse. END ID]

#tw blood #tw self harm #sometimes i think about how crazy insane the trial was as a concept #icewings were so obsessed with hierarchy and rankings that they were fully willing to send their own kids to their death #in a freaky ancient ice cave with no hope of ever seeing the sun again #and if someone survived the trial the more favoured one was told to kill the other #no wonder winter was like that :\ #wings of fire #wings of fire icewing #🖌

[hella1975]

ive never felt more rural than i have in the past few weeks since hanging out with a lad who has only ever lived in cities. what do you MEAN YOU'VE NEVER DONE A MORRIS DANCE

#he didn't even know what morris dancers WERE i said some shit like 'you know it's summer when the morris dancers come out' #and he was like 'the what now' I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. HE'S FUCKING WITH ME SURELY #AND THIS HAPPENS SO OFTEN ABOUT THINGS I JUST ASSUMED WERE BASICS #'harvest festival 🤨' PARDON. YOU ARE JOKING #and also the CONCEPT of a village is baffling to him. i said there's probably about 100 people in my entire village #and we don't have a pub or a single shop the closest ones are in the NEXT village over which is a 3 mile walk #and this boy was HORRIFIED. we are both in a constant state of thinking the other is taking the piss #and now every time i think/do something abundantly rural im SO self-aware 😭 #my mum told me the farmers are gonna do a xmas tractor run through our village this year #(they usually miss our village bc even by village standards it's tiny) #and she was like 'shame you'll miss it! i'll send you a video!' and im there already picturing this boy's face when i show it him #like sigh. yeah. yeah okay maybe the rural england is ingrained deeper than i feared. never escaping the allegations etc #had a conversation with him the other day that concluded with me 100% genuinely being like 'you need to touch grass' #i literally said 'i think it would fix you. like actually go and touch some grass what the fuck' #bc at this point he's so far removed from nature that it's INSANE TO ME. i didnt realise how much i took growing up rurally for granted #THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN GET DRUNK IN FIELDS. THEY HAVE NO FIELDS. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT A CAMP OUT WAS

[guruguruguruguru]

the longer i sit with it the more it really gets me how nobody ever really mentions obito and rin before obito's reveal in shippuden. kakashi vaguely mentions his old friends and i think other characters allude to the tragedy of kakashi's past but rin and obito themselves are lost to time. something about that is so fucking haunting and so gutting. you would think it would be a pretty big deal that two kids from the same class died within a year of each other, but the nine tails attack probably wiped so much clean that nobody could really carry the grief... still, when we see their class in flashbacks, we recognise almost everyone else, so... there's something really sad and hopeless about their absence...

there's a lot a LOT to say about it from a lot of different angles and i don't really feel like going into meta posting territory i just have big feelings about it you know? and to me i guess obito encapsulates a lot of the anger. for the people who get left behind and forgotten. and that can mean a lot of things

#two of my classmates died on separate occassions in short span of time in high school and i wont claim that grief because #i didnt know either of them well but i did feel a lot of anger and overwhelming hopelessness. that life keeps relentlessly going on #even when people get left behind #it feels so unfair and so painful... there are so many more aspects to it though as well #like people who are left behind in other ways due to circumstance or class or race or etc etc- often a combination of those factors #and obito as a kid reminds me a lot of a good friend i had when i was little who was late to class every day #because of those outside circumstances #and again someone in high school who i was late WITH every day. because ya #and i feel very big about that. and about rins death as something so fucking preventable #the tragedy also of baby teacher minato who was so so not ready to be in charge of anyone. but. that's something else #anyway i guess i just really feel a connection with that anger and despair #sorru was watching niji and felt fucking insane about it #obito and rin are like two sides of one thing. maybe of one person. of one concept #part of why i'm so so crazy about obito being trans is because i see him as also using rin's memory as a conduit for #his anger and grief about his own lost younger self. hence: baby obito is also a little girl #i think they are best friends. its so important. idk none of this is wider narrative meta #its just my feelings about them in particular #haunting dead girl and the ghost who has to carry on and can't rest

[waitineedaname]

I've been relistening to the homestuck soundtrack album by album while working lately and man. it's reminding me how much I genuinely loved about homestuck, and how that made the aspects of it that sucked so much more frustrating

#I have such a love/hate relationship with this stupid comic #we're vascillati- [gets shot] #no but for real there is so much that's good #really interesting and entertaining characters #and a LOT of them. there is truly a character for everyone #genuinely funny dialogue #interesting worldbuilding #absolutely INSANE utilization of the artistic medium #like. sometimes I think about the panel expanding to fill the whole page in cascade and I go a little crazy #but then for every strength it has. it shoots itself in the foot. #it has interesting compelling characters but because there are so many of them only a few get actual narrative attention and development #and many others just get completely fucked over by the narrative #like. main characters. jade you deserve so much better baby. #and the worldbuilding is cool in THEORY but the actual execution is so messy and difficult to keep track of #even stuff like the epilogues like. had some interesting ideas about narrative and meta concepts about what it means to be a story #the meta stuff is kinda cool #but once again. the actual execution of those ideas was just miserable and left me with such a sour taste in my mouth #tbh that's all probably what made the fandom so prolific #because it was full of so many interesting ideas and characters #but the ideas were poorly executed and the characters were poorly handled #which gives the fandom a lot of room to play in the space #you can pick up the characters or worldbuilding ideas or plot points that you actually liked #and make them your own #idk. reading that comic as a baby english major did something to me #I want to analyze it like I had to analyze some of the questionable literature I read #anyway. the music is still flawless I have no notes there #does anyone wanna classpect the fma characters. i haven't classpected characters in so long im so rusty but i always found it fun

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I'm so happy to see you getting active again. Honestly, I thought this account just died 😅😅😅😅😅.

I have fallen in love with your posts, especially those meta analysis about Comte are so on-point. I can't wait to see your reviews about his drama CD.

Also, have you seen Comte’s 6th birthday story? I saw the CG but I dont have the chance to read the story. Is ok if you also give some spoilers about it? 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Glad to be back! Sorry for the scare--life just got ahead of me, and alas my spoons were limited and focused on survival. That being said, I've still been reading/translating his stories, so I have indeed seen Comte's 6th bday story.

I think you've given me a bit too much power 🤣 but I'm happy to gush about Comte anytime. Since I'm going to discuss something that hasn't been released in the English version yet, the deets will be under a cut.

A reminder that I'm not a professional, so this is by no means an infallible translation. I try to convey what I find to the best of my ability, but I'm sure there are nuances I miss.

Where to begin? Honestly this story was A Lot, and arguably among my favorites, but the title of the CG/story is allegedly "Courtship at the Nape of the Neck." Get hyped, y'all--if I understood things correctly, it's exactly as it sounds.

The story begins with MC and Comte on their way to a ball for his birthday, and MC is all like "honey. When I said I wanted this day to be for you. That did not mean. Another dress for me." To which Comte's response is "New phone, who dis."

All jokes aside, MC does feel bad about it but he insists it makes him very happy, so she concedes:

MC: You got me a dress as a gift again…despite the fact that it’s your birthday;;;

I smiled at MC, who seemed to feel bad about it.

Comte: It’s because it’s my birthday that I gave you that dress. It’s my greatest pleasure to gift them to you, and accompany you in it.

I reached out beside me to stroke her hair gently.

Comte: It’s always fun to think about what kind of dress would suit you…And besides, when I see you all dressed up like this, I can’t help but fall in love with you all over again.

MC then mentions that she's made him a gift, and downplays it--likely out of shyness--before handing it over.

It was a handkerchief with a simple yet elegant design, with a name embroidered on it.

Comte: Did you embroider this yourself? How did you prepare such a wonderful thing?

MC: Hehe, I did my best under Sebastian’s guidance.

(To do something this intricate by hand would have taken quite a bit of time…)

Comte: Thank you, MC. I’ll treasure it.

I felt a warmth fill my chest at the sweet gesture, and I dropped a kiss to the handkerchief I received.

Comte: I’d prefer to be kissing you, but I fear if I do I won’t want to get out of the carriage after I start.

So like, yes, take a moment to scream, because wow. First of all, how dare you Abel. Second of all, AAAAAAAAAAA IT'S SO SUBTLE AND SWEET BUT ALSO LOWKEY SULTRY HOW DARE!!! I will have my r e v e n g e--

But also??? Aside from my brainworms, I really do love this part of him. Even though her gift is simple, he really does cherish the effort and dedication she put into making him something. I guess I think about how someone in his position could easily downplay its significance--but he doesn’t. He’s mindful of how her feelings saturate the act, and he honors it openly. And in case you think this is a one-off instance, it really isn’t. In his Anniversary story event, there is a direct emphasis on how he still keeps MC’s wedding gift to him--the preserved flower pins--polished as if they were newly gifted to him, not a speck of dust clouding their surface, lovingly tended.

I think it’s very easy for people to minimize him as unfeeling or haughty the way only very rich people can be, but...the his character construction and the intimate personal details you see if you’re close to him reveal that he doesn’t really fit that stereotype at all. Sure he’s selective about who he shares himself with, but that doesn’t make him fundamentally shallow.

Moving right along, MC gets bashful (and honestly who could blame her idk how she even makes sustained eye contact help) and they arrive at the venue in short order. None of this is especially notable except that it says, when they exit the carriage:

Her small, lovely hand covered the one I gently held out for her to take.

Thanks! I'm devastated!!! You just broke down adoration to its bare essentials!!!! I'm a romantic for one person and one person only, and it's HIM--

Naturally, they enter the ballroom and everyone flocks over to congratulate Comte on his birthday. Gracious and measured as ever, he accepts each one in turn, but MC is silent/stiff for most of it. All of a sudden, MC says she's going to get some fresh air and slips away to the balcony to clear her head. Comte is understandably confused and tries to follow after her, until he's intercepted by another noblewoman.

(What’s the matter…? It’s not like her to leave on her own like that so suddenly.)

When I tried to follow her at once--

Well-dressed noblewoman: Wait, Comte

As soon as I’m stopped by the woman, melodious music swells to fill the hall.

Well-dressed noblewoman: I’d love to spend some time with le Comte tonight. Won’t you share a dance with me?

A woman with a charming smile from the past crossed my mind.

(In the past, when I hadn’t been in love, I would have accepted such an invitation for the sake of simply enjoying the novelty of a single moment; that ephemeral warmth was something I relied on in the endless sea of loneliness that was eternity.)

--But now, I don’t feel that way anymore.

(Because I met MC.)

Comte: I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m already accounted for. Have a pleasant rest of the night, young lady.

So after Comte picks the correct answer, he continues on his way to the balcony and finds MC staring up at the sky.

Aight so like. I love when they have a certain writer create these stories, because they literally always make MC the strong and silent (stoic/defensive) type and Comte her little meow meow. It may be specific to me and my tastes but I love it here and I'm never leaving.

Before I add the transcription, I will say that I'm not really sure the "were you crying? did someone bully you?" part was something I fully understood. It appeared to be some kind of idiom/nuance the translator struggled to pick-up on, so I apologize for that. But it is my understanding that he's alluding to MC being picked on/unhappy.

When MC turned around, she had a surprised but also somewhat anxious look on her face.

(If I try to ask her what’s wrong…she’ll say it’s nothing. In that case…)

Comte: Were you crying? Did someone bully you?

MC’s expression relaxed a little at my dramatics.

MC: What are you on about, I wasn’t crying or bullied. But if I was crying…what would you do?

Though she throws the question back at me, I smile in response.

Comte: A gentleman's handkerchief is there to wipe away a lady's tears. I would tend to you with the very handkerchief you gifted me tonight.

MC: Thank you. But, I’m not one to shed tears so easily.

Comte: That’s right, you’re very strong.

The anxiety that clouded her expression earlier has faded away now, and she’s smiling.

I hold my hand out to MC once again…

MC: Yes, with pleasure.

Y'all but the way she claps back, and then he kills with that line about the handkerchief. God damn sir, if nothing else you get full points for incredible verbal repartee. (Lowkey, I’d make out with him for his emotional intelligence alone, don’t look at me.)

Okay but because I can’t help myself. I love how he’s like. I’m No Gentleman, MC. I Am A Liar.

Also Comte: A gEnTlEmAn’S HaNdKeRcHieF iS tHeRe To--

Mfer certainly knows how to lay down the charm when he wants to cheer her up--

After that, it simply says they spend a lovely evening together and then cuts to them relaxing in a hotel near the venue. Cuddled together (GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME), MC eventually speaks up to explain what happened earlier that night.

MC: Hey, Comte…

MC is picking at the hem of her clothes absently when she calls out to me.

Comte: What’s the matter?

I caress her hair to encourage her to continue, and she slowly opens her mouth as if she were choosing her words very carefully.

MC: When I was on the balcony earlier tonight…I wasn’t crying, but I was pretty frustrated with myself. I saw so many beautiful women giving you their congratulations tonight, I can’t help but worry you’ll be snatched away from me…I’m sorry you had to see me like this on your special day…

So, in the immortal words of Beyonce, "What's worse, looking jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy?" is basically the mood of this whole scene. I'm usually not the territorial type, but I wouldn't even blame MC for getting pissed--nobody likes to see other women ogle/grab at ya mans (especially when ya mans is Comte).

Also beginning to wonder if Comte has a certain interest in MC’s hair 🤔

(I see now, so that’s why)

Comte: MC

After hearing such a cute confession, my fingers moved from her hair to stroke her cheek.

Comte: It’s all right, you have nothing to apologize for. Besides which, I know how you feel--I’ve been jealous/frustrated plenty of times too.

MC: Oh…like when?

Comte: Always/All the time.

MC suddenly looks at me, looking as if she really hadn’t been aware of it.

Okay but when he just gives that flat expression and goes "ALWAYS" without hesitation, I nearly started wheezing with laughter. Petty and glamorous, I love him your honor it's not a phase!!!!

Comte: Today, for instance, that Baron who was in love with you from the moment you stepped into the hall. A young waiter brushed his hand against yours while handing you a champagne glass. Every time I see another man taken with you, my heart is agitated.

(Of course, it’s not limited to just today. It’s been like this ever since I fell in love with you…)

Comte: Rather immature for someone like me, isn’t it?

MC: Comte…

Comte: But now…I’m not the only one who feels that way anymore.

I wrapped my arm around her delicate waist and hugged her close, a sweet scent catching my attention.

Comte: Come, MC.

Just the thought of him seething because some random waiter brushed MC's hand literally just. Sent me. Like straight up astral projection, that is so much I had to stare at the nearest wall to cope. And like I'm not sure if it's the same guy, but I have to wonder if the Baron he's talking about is the one that hit on her in Comte's rt--because if that's the case, that would be hysterically funny. At the same time if it’s literally just some random dude that thought MC was pretty at first sight, that is somehow even funnier. Le Comte de "Peace was never an option" Saint Germain. Monsieur le “Don’t even think about looking at my wife. Walk away.” Comte.

I live for it, I love it, I regret absolutely nothing!!!!

I escort her to bed and sit with MC in my arms. I kissed her soft hair and laid my forehead on hers.

Comte: You belong to me, and I belong to you.

MC: Co--Abel…

She calls my name and settles against my chest, and I’m filled with such affection for her.

Comte: You’re so cute…Telling me all about the frustration and the bullying honestly. You’re so lovely I want to bite you.

"You belong to me, and I belong to you." SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP THAT'S SO ROMANTIC AND TENDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"You're so lovely I want to bite you." Do you promise. I want it in writing. 👁✒️

Then MC, who was silent as if she were thinking about something deeply, looks up--

Comte: …what is it, MC?

She pinches the skin of my neck between her lips and nips at me.

MC: I want to bite you too…I love Abel so much…

She keeps nipping at me, her soft lips nearly ticklish against my skin.

(I can’t believe you’re doing this…) NARUTO VOICE: BELIEVE IT!!!

She bit me lightly, and our eyes met.

MC: Am I the only one…allowed to do this to you?

Comte: Yes, of course…you can…bite me harder

So like. I'm aware I've already had several episodes in the process of recounting this birthday story and I apologize for the moments where I breach containment--But.

Bite.

Me.

Harder.

Wow, thanks, none of my thoughts are holy and I am forever changed. I am not going to heaven, and I'm okay with that. I lived, and that's what matters. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK--

Also yes MC, girl get it!!! Go MC, go!!!!!! Live your best life!!!!!! Get his ass!!!!!

I leaned back to give her more room and she nodded, digging her blunt little teeth into me. The slightest pain is followed by a feverish arousal that blooms from my chest outward.

(I want to bite you even now, I want to love you forever)

MC: Abel…

She called my name again, as if she could sense the urge rising from deep inside me.

MC: I’m the only one who you will bite one day.

Comte: …Of course

(I only want you)

The reversal/mirroring???? The intimacy????? Comte being blindsided but literally out of his mind in love?????? Help??????? It’s more than I can bear??????

This is especially insane to me on the level of like. The game is pretty clear about how biting your lover (at least for vampires) is a mutually understood sign of courtship. It’s a clear sign of who your lover is. And the fact that MC uses that sign to convey her feelings despite being human????? As the signal that she’s ready to fully be his and wants no one else to be able to interfere with that??????? Long time coming but also BWAH, BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAH

The other part of the end that kills me is that. They make love. With her fully dressed. And sure not necessarily that notable out of context, HOWEVER. BECAUSE I NEED TO DIE ON THIS HILL. What he specifically says is:

I reach to undo her dress--before my hands freeze.

[Comte: It’s always fun to think about what kind of dress would suit you…And besides, when I see you all dressed up like this, I can’t help but fall in love with you all over again.] (He’s remembering what he said before.)

Comte: I’ll make love to you as you are tonight. You’re dressed up to my liking, after all.

For those of you who haven’t seen the CG. MC. Is in a black dress. With sleeves that are see-through. Low cut bust. A long and visible thigh slit. With slight gold accents.

SIR. SHE IS DRESSED. TO YOUR LIKING????????????

At this point I’m convinced Cybird wants me to be in palpitations before the game ends for good. So much for Mr. Prim and Proper, I know you nasty Comte--

The rest of the bits are fairly raunchy so I’ll forgo that (let it be known simply that he is a firm believer in foreplay) but there are a few lines that I want to focus on.

(You haven’t the slightest idea how captivated I am, do you?)

[He asks her to say what he can only hear on his bday, and naturally she says happy bday.]

The heat of where our bodies are connected, her voice crying out for more, my heart and soul are on fire with the twin calls.

Comte: MC…

I kiss her tears away before connecting our lips with a smile…

Comte: I love you, too

(MC, you are the best gift of my life.)

With a feeling that is equal to eternity, I dropped my lips to her delicate neckline and…--

A lot to unpack here, but I will try (and fail) to remain composed as we go through each one.

“MC, you are the best gift of my life.” Like. Sincerely don’t even know how to approach this one. I have no clever witticisms. No trite commentary. Literally it is just beyond touching...[insert your preferred sobbing meme here]. It’s an odd feeling because honestly it doesn’t even feel like a surprise; his actions 100% substantiate what he’s expressed. It feels more like the inevitable culmination of his devotion up to this point. But there’s just something about the way it’s crystallized into that simple but enormous sentiment. That she was something unexpected, but not only welcome--accepted with such gratitude and joy. 11/10 I was not okay when I first read it and I’m not even okay now, every minute is half-catatonic.

And now to the question many of you probably have as you wait for me to address it. Did he..........b i t e bite her? The answer is I have no freakin’ idea. That’s where the story ends, and there’s no itemized specification as to how he bites her. But the phrasing keeps bothering me. If it were just another harmless love bite--as we’ve seen him do before--it’s never prefaced with “a feeling equal to eternity.” That kind of distinction is only made when he’s talking about how he changed the men into turned vampires when he found them.

Additionally, so many of his most recent stories have featured MC as a vampire (AU settings) but also in the most recent Christmas story (in the normal mansion setting), he gets extremely close to biting her for real--the closest I’ve ever seen, up to this point.

Granted all I can really do is speculate, but I will say it feels skewed in the direction of “holy shit he bit her for real, this is not a drill, LET’S GOOOOOOO Y O O O O O O”

I hope this summary was as cathartic for you as it was for me. But yeah!!! This is the vast majority of the contents ✌🏼💛

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp translation #ikevamp meta #ikevamp comte birthday #local comteologist speaks #honestly my life was before and after this event #it wasn't the most intricate one but it gave me Everything I've Ever Wanted #satisfaction factor? Immeasurable #man bite me harder #top ten phrases to make a woman lose her mind folks #I think the only thing I've seen in his stories recently that sent me half as feral #is when he asked her to lick his fangs mid-kiss #like 1. was not expecting that #2. once again none of my thoughts are holy why is that so insanely hot-- #like its not even a groundbreaking concept but something about it just made me go crazy go stupid #how can one man be so considerate and affectionate but also just. devastatingly sexy #who gave him the right!!!!! #now if you'll excuse me im going to reread his cinderella collection event story and think about all my feelings #with regards from your favorite jester in love with comte #may you enjoy this rambling overview #and have a lovely rest of your night #not to ruffle any feathers but at this point i dont know how he's fooled so many people into thinking he's the dom/forthright type #(fooled people including me a short time ago) #i am seconds from kabedoning him myself-- #also sorry for any weird formatting i swear tumblr was not cooperating (more than usual)

[zevranunderstander]

btw this site loves "Control, Anatomy, and The Legacy Of The Haunted House", but what about "The Shape Of Infinity"??? what about the video essay that I was so obsessed with, that I talked about it for a month straight???

#myposts #jacob geller #that essay made me clinically insane #just thought abt it again bc its the reason i love The Library Of Babel so much #but as i was reading Piranesi i remembered that he also talked abt it in that essay and......... idk what it is about those two stories #but i am obsessed w them #AND also...... he talked about NaissanceE and House of leaves in another one idk which one rn #but. like idk i think generally house of leaves is a BIT boring yk #but i loved the concept of the protagonist abandoning the real world to explore the house #and i loved the idea of the world of NaissanceE not being built for humans and not accommodating you #and thats what i also love abt piranesi & the library of babel.... likeeee #something so grand and holy not meant for humans but a human taking to the task of living in a world that is not really meant for them #to undertake the task of understanding that world???? #likeee thats crazy dude

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

the thing about haunting the narrative is that it literally cannot be possible to be reading the book or watching the show or movie without thinking about the character that’s haunting the narrative for more than five minutes. that bitch needs to be IN your thoughts…. it’s quite literally impossible to read qoaad and not spend 70% of the book thinking about livvy. at least. that bitch is HAUNTING that thing. and she’s not even really a ghost until the final act… if you can consume the media without the absence of The Character eating you alive it’s not really haunting the narrative… get better interests idk what to tell you. watch slaughterhouse rulez or something you guys can’t live off twin peaks forever

#livvy is more present in book 3 than in any other book and that’s the one where she’s dead it’s insane #the very concept of her hangs over kit’s head like a guillotine it’s fantastic #jules spends that whole book (redacted) because of her….. #and ​when the au version of her shows up for that section in the middle….. GOD #thule livvy is so crazy because it’s like. she’s livvy but Not Really….. she’s not Wrong but she is Different….. #whatever. i’m normal about her i never even think about it at all #beth.txt

[tomwambsgans]

tbh the way some of yall talk about tomgreg makes it seem like yall don't have any clue what gay male attraction is

#which is to say that a lot of yall see it as like. Concepts #which isnt bad especially if ypure not personally attracted to men at all #its just like. idk its insane to me personally #the way that theres little to no content of actual SUBSTANCE #of toms attraction to greg or vice versa in almost any tomgreg content #like its just a sense of tom has an emotional attachment and therefore hes lustful #and only the totally ooc greg content seems to include him actually favoring #any given part of tom #like yall know that gay men think about each others bodies right lol #idk im just really dying to see takes about these gay guys #from other ppl who are gay guys irl lol #like is it fr just me and a bunch of lesbians who are making posts about them #which isnt to say anything bad about lesbians im just lonely #like who else actually relates here instead of spectates #idk how to say it without risking sounding bad #which is why im not putting any main tags on here also #anyway. i guess what im saying is that they go crazy over each others bodies #and faces #and yeah thats it #mine #you can rb if you want idc #actually i do in fact c bc if you wanna then it lets me know #that im not just talking to a void

[travisdermotts]

if it isn't "load management is stupid" it's "why did he play game 82"

if it isn't "willy is invisible out there" it's "where is he? why isn't he in the lineup?"

if it isn't "rick tocchet said too much about injuries to the media" it's "sheldon keefe isn't saying enough

#i'm just so tired of the manufactured outrage and drama #like i dont think it's any clearer than this year that all of this is just to drive up clicks/have something to talk about #people are acting like willy hasnt been seen since game 82 and no one has heard of him #meanwhile he's literally out on the ice #and just the entitlement of this fanbase holyyyyy #i know it's a crazy concept but we are simply not entitled to know someone's medical records #i dont care how public facing they are #someone's health is something that only they and their doctors are entitled to #just fucking blows my mind how insane this fanbase is and every single year i swear it gets worse #leafs #william nylander

[0809sysblings]

idk why I'm posting this here but it's fine because I can do whatever I want. sorry I think I'm having an enneagram type 1 moment. it's not mental illness, it's because of my enneagram type! can't help being a Gemini Enneagram Type 1

also I keep using the amulet's powers so I've been being hit with the after effects. such power deranges a man /ref

#milgran't #type 1 momence #btw as a prefacw this is not directed at anyone here. this is just. a thing. that is everywhere. #ok. anyway. #the....... Exotification of DID/OSDD-1... is always so annoying. #and like. i get it. i understand. its probably a difficult thing for many ppl to actually comprehend as a real human experience #which brings me to the main point of this Pussy-Rant (ranting in tags bc im a pussy) #i think. the main reasom its So Exotified. is. '''''''MPD'''''''' #serioisky that name has done. so much fucking damage its insane. absolute wack shit #anyway yeah. like. the concept of it being Multiple People In One Body/Brain... when like... that's.. not really whats going on.. #like if youre a system and that's how you understand your system to be. then power to you. i dont care do literally whatever #its just. i think CDDs would be a LOT easier for people to understand if-- #--it was not looked at as the Multiple People Disorder. but instead as the Fucking Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder #idk its just annoying seein ppl (who are probably very well meaning!) talk about the disorder i experience as if its bizarre and fantastical #~look wooooowwww this is something that can happen to the brain due to The Most Unreal And Most Traumatic Events!! crazy right?~ #i am going to get the Evil Alter out here so he can beat you to death. #like yeah its fucking. sad and fucked up what has to happen to develop a CDD. and that should be acknowledged. #and many systems Have had to go through experiences that a lot of ppl can only fathom as being able to happen in fiction. #but.... its just so isolating and makes me feel Capital C Crazy 🥴 #dear lord ive just been so irritable and frustrated lately... obligatory apologies. #ah. i think i suddenly figured out why this in particular triggers me so much. #god damn it it's always the fucking trauma huh! #<- spent basically all of elementary school and middle school feeling like there was a giant sign over my head that said-- #--''this poor soul went through something so tragic! how awful to think that something that serious could happen to just a little kid!'' #its the ''hey can you stop treating me as something helpless that needs to be fixed and just treat me like A Fucking Person'' feelings #but see this disorder is just so beautiful because in a week i may be wanting ppl to see me as a suffering freak who needs to be fixed #or hell even fucking tomorrow. who knows not me #.. ok im actually genuinely afraid talkimg about this is going to lead to her gettinf triggered out KDJSNKDJSNJD so im gonna. stop.

[thawthebeez]

okay guys i may have gotten the haikyuu brain blast that i've been waiting for. that's right baybee i'm talkin' post-time skip Ali Roma/ASAS pre-game, during-game, and post-game kghn moments muahaha

#yes it will just be a vessel to promote my kghn adgenda WHAT ABOUT IT #they WILL be married btw. because in my brain they got married a little after the olympics for Funsies #also Hot Take: but i don't think kagehina ever went through a dating phase #i think they both just knew and established this non-conventional romantic-ish relationship somewhere along the line #but it was never “yes we are boyfriends” #because i feel like for them it's always just been “this is my partner. in life? in crime? both.” #and then getting married was literally just shouyou spitballing ideas and tobio taking them seriously #nothing changes between them btw they are still the exact same #like i have a bit planned where they meet outside the washroom #and then another part near the end where shouyou talks about mushy feelings without being mushy #because “yeah my husband is also my soulmate and my lifelong partner” is such a normal concept for them #and i also think it would be cool to have shouyou explain how exciting it is to be playing against each other as opposed to With each other #like i truly think there is nothing more exihilerating to those two than playing an official world-level volleyball match against e/o #there is no better high than pulling off a killer serve and seeing your soulmate pick it up like it's nothing #or pulling off a crazy insane cross-court shot that blows right past your husband's attempt at a block #BUT IDK GUYS I MIGHT JUST BE INSANE #volleyball guys

[birdmenmanga]

it's so sad because you just KNOW bikke is a moto hagio (and specifically heart of thomas fan) just by reading senpai and ame nochi hare. senpai is LITERALLY just thomas no shinzou but in modern japan and also without the christian themes or the guilt or self-flagellation (so basically none of the things that made the heart of thomas the heart of thomas). hazuki LITERALLY sees touma at the top of of a staircase and when he introduces himself hazuki LITERALLY mishears it at "Thomas" like girl. we know. we know you love the heart of thomas. but also. it is painfully clear that you love a version of it that has been warped and distorted so heavily in your mind that I doubt you truly love the real thing at all. which is such a shame. bikke is literally SO close to seeing the light. to getting to that realization that would make all of their manga click. but they'll always be one step short of genuine greatness. sad, but happens to the best of us. sorry mate. try harder. I'll keep watching you.

#just thinking thoughts... #IT LITERALLY DRIVES ME SOOOO INSANE #LIKE AME NOCHI HARE WAS SOOOOO CLOSE TO OPENING BIKKE'S THIRD EYE ABOUT GENDER #the concept: 5 boys turn into girls when it rains. they learn about how to behave like girls #what it's like to be a girl in society and how it's different from being a boy #and it's like 'wow it's so different! crazy how that is! it just be like that I guess!' instead of going the literal ONE extra step of #'wait you mean it was arbitrary the whole time?' #IF I HELD A PHYSICAL COPY IN MY HANDS I'D CHUCK IT AGAINST THE WALL #YOU'RE SO CLOSE BESTIE. YOUR THIRD EYE MATE IT'S PUSHED RIGHT UP AGAINST A REVELATION BUT IT'S GLUED SHUT #senpai also LITERALLY drives me insane. she looked at the heart of thomas and went 'wow. I'm so compelled by this' #'what if I rewrote this with the aesthetics and themes typical of a 2010s BL' #'and purged all the more 'problematic' elements of the original like suicide or torture or smoking or a mother complex' #'and TOTALLY neglected the core story of finding yourself to be someone worthy of love despite your sins' #it's like uh. ok. did you even like the original. I'm going to kill you #if there's any redeeming quality about their manga well. I like the art.

[thexchime]

The other characters in ORV that read the novel forming a yu junghyeok help group is so funny. you should be therapists instead i think he needs that more

#AND DOKJA'S THE ONLY ONE THAT FUCKING FINISHED IT.... CRAZY. CRAZY. IMAGINE BEING THE ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT A STORY #like. who is the author. knowing that there's one person out there who made your novel an actual novel by reading it and experiencing it... #like novels and plays and films don't exist without an audience and what if only ONE person could actually be the reason this story exists. #orv's concept is soooo insane i love thinking about it #im reading orv #anyway im glad there are the 1000 other people that gave up reading just wandering around #mandy murmurs

[lesbicastagna]

a most fascinating thing about shojo is how it's quintessentially a genre that revolves around nostalgia. especially in the concept and identity of shojo that was shaped by the group 24: their near worship and obsession with youth creates this inherent tragedy in all their stories because, regardless of the obstacles and troubles the protagonists face, the sadness (and beauty) stems from the fact that it's a limited time in their lives. this plays into a lot of other themes dear to the mangakas, that all have to do with liminality. their protagonists are neither women nor men, they're not friends nor lovers, they're not kids but they're not adults either. this is perceived as a fleeting condition (much like in yuri of the same time period, since we're mostly talking about yaoi here) that allows them to trascend society But just for that allotted time.

#the concept of temporary things being beatiful in virtue of being contemporary is very present in japanese culture in general but they.. #really throw it out the park like. its so fascinating and clearly left a Huge mark on shojo as a genre forever. and not only shojo... #i discussed this with irene too its sometimes funny to me bc like objectively these boys go tru HELL in most of these stories #like its not a happy youth at all 😭 and yet the way its told by the mangakas is always by making them win in the end even if its just #in spirit and in ideals like their youth just cannot be sullied in any way. only by time #again. i think everyone who enjoys manga in any shape or form should read keiko takemiya's autobiography. its so eye opening #a #also absolutely crazy insane abt this topic my girl hagio. making a story about vampires.......spinning a new perspective in this ideal #love you forever and ever

[vamptastic]

danganronpa is whispering its siren song to me but alas nobody shares my big brain million iq opinions (drv3 hater) (korekiyo defender) (ishimaru understander) (celeste and hifumi apologist) (kaito hater) (protagonist love triangle poly advocate) (post sdr2 anime enjoyer) (fucking hates the writing bar the first half of sdr1 and ending of sdr2) (never even finished v3 because it was so dogshit terrible and also i genuinely can barely get through the minigames) (problematic psychological horror fan)

#the executions were not gorey enough they were not even that camp. except the celeste one. #leon baseball one was good. the korekiyo one had potential. kaedes ROCKED. taka's concept version was cool. everything else was shit. #everything about the way they wrote korekiyo drives me fucking insane ive written essay length posts on it before. i care him okay. #let me project onto the predatory fem gay man stereotype incestual serial killer. #mostly because his writing was wildly homophobic + transmisogynistic and a horrible depiction of abuse #but had so much potential for a genuinely good character if theyd pulled their heads outta their asses and deconstructed the tropes #which is what danganronpa is all about thats what makes the first game halfway secent #ughhh. its just so frustrating how all the writing js so close but so far. #like genuinely this is one place where i think fandom and fanfic is better than the original #say what you will but it's one of the only fandoms where ive felt p much all fanfic and headcanon done genuinely #has told a better and/or more complete story while keeping the original concepts and tone #unfortunately most of the fandom is insane and/or too preoccupied with shipping (understandable. i guess.) to like. engage with it fully. #and there's still such a dearth of content for my faves #kiyo is like at best a side character and at worse written as even more of a parody of himself 😭 #theres literally like four people in the world who get it max. korekiyo eating spaghetti is still my favorite fan art of all time #...anyway. idk why im thinking about this rn but im nostalgic all of a sudden #i never really got invested into any of the crazy fandom stuff i just read old fanfic and watched from the sidelines #but me and a couple friends had a lot of own interpretation and theories and fanon sequel ideas n they mean a lot to me yk? #genuinely got me to do a lot more writing and art even if it was all korekiyo themed. im like soooo good at drawing him now (lie) #he's still my litmus test for picrews if i cant make him it's shit. he literally just has long hair a mask and pretty eyes. simple elements #anyway whatever he will live on in my head forever.

[ironmanstan]

So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this

#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book #fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary. #like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before #everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like #i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated? #i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it.. #its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ??????? #u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment #but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd???? #my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up #WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID #even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL #HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY #stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult #its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes #but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college #bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done #now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling #to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk. #its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright #and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!! #crazy... #the gamer speaks uwu