#By the way I hate the “candy people are made dumb” thing because it's based on such a sucky world view

[spicedfink]

Break down of Lemongrab (or something):

Lemongrab has similarities to PB the way her made up family members (Uncle Gumbald, Aunt Lolly and Cousin Chicle) did but he struggles unlike them. I think PB was trying to make an intelligent candy person and used part of Neddy to make him and when Lemongrab didn't act the way she had hoped she assumed his needs matched up with Neddy's

PB thought Lemongrab needed space, she felt she had failed him because he didn't find comfort in things she thought should be comforting and she couldn't understand him.

PB gave up on making intelligent candy people after Lemongrab because it seemed any candy person who wasn't dumb downed was going to be miserable no matter what

Also parallels can be drawn to Goliad - where Goliad was just doing what she was taught, when she was reprimanded and told she misunderstood/was wrong Goliad decided her way is best and that she must be right (driven by the mixed messages and contradicting information she received). PB deals with her by putting her into a standstill against her new brother

PB, Uncle Gumbald and Lemongrab all have a need for control, it takes different forms and reaches different degrees but the key difference is their motivations: PB wants love, Gumbald wants power and Lemongrab wants order. Though unlike Gumblad the other two have further motivations: PB feels she wants to protect people and Lemongrab wants to understand/be understood by people (there isn't enough time with Goliad to understand her motivations/desires even though she's also shown to be controlling)

Lemongrab was hurt when PB sent him away to live in a castle away from the rest of the Candy Kingdom, she saw him as a failure so he made a point to strictly follow rules - but no matter what he did he was told he was doing it wrong. He bent himself as much as he could just to still be called inflexible and unreasonable. Others couldn't see how much effort he put forward and thus he was treated as if he wasn't trying when he put himself into physical distress just trying to play along with PB's candy ways. So he became resentful

Since Lemongrab 1 was seeking connection with someone who wasn't even there (PB) the joy he felt towards the lemon people was short lived as apposed to Lemongrab 2 who was happy with being connected to the lemon people

The reason the lemon people are different from the Lemongrabs is because they don't have access to the exact ingredients

PB does care for Lemongrab on some level but she has no idea how to express it (and perhaps even fears that if she does he'll see her as weak and try to take her out like Uncle Gumbald did)

While Lemongrab sees PB as a mother figure I don't think PB sees herself as his mother, she created him sure but she assigns roles to her creations that don't always reflect that status

PB disliked whenever Lemongrab acted like her because of her own trauma with Gumbald which leads to some of Lemongrab's confusion (such as when she criticized him for watching her people sleep despite having cameras not just in her citizens homes but also cross boundaries by spying on other kingdoms)

Lemongrab 3 being a mix of the first two felt a struggle against himself, he ignored his conflict by focusing on order because order makes sense. He makes his kingdom into somewhat of a factory as he used rules, order and logic as a distraction from the overwhelming thoughts and feelings he had - similarly to how Lemongrab 1 did before him

When Lemongrab 3 is shown himself via Mathew's vision he is able to finally understand how he is himself, not just PB's creation. It's the first time he really saw himself and that allowed him to accept it (reading him as neurodivergent this could be aligned with getting a diagnoses)

After seeing himself and finding nothing wrong with him Lemongrab 3 starts to feel comfortable exploring more aspects of life instead of just being static and self contained the way Lg1 and Lg2 were (this also reflects how he's no longer letting PB dictate his life)

That exploring new things and actually living his life is what leads to him making a dating profile and meeting LSP (I'm honestly so confused on what the Adventure Time version of dating apps/online dating is since they don't explain if it was via tech or paper or magic or what but LSP does say "on your profile")

Either way Lemongrab is more calm about exploring new things but he also needs order so he is extremally put off by something seemingly small: food on a blanket. (As someone who's cried about a cup being in the "wrong place" I can relate to this intense feeling from something not being done "correctly")

Despite the discomfort and the fact they seemingly only started the date he still tells LSP that it had been nice

LSP thinks he's running away because he can't face his own feelings because she doesn't actually know him yet, they continue going on dates and LSP finds that Lemongrab says what he means. He would have told her if he disliked her without hesitation. LSP is so used to people ignoring her, placating her or lecturing her that she didn't expect someone to communicate in a way she could understand/wasn't condescending towards her

LSP is also pretty straight forward, she isn't great at hiding intention and she clearly states what she's thinking so after she realized she doesn't have to guess what Lemongrab is thinking they actually are able to communicate better then most couples in Ooo

Though LSP and Lemongrab wouldn't have worked out if they met before, they both needed to grow as people - neither of them were actually ready for a relationship before that point. Lemongrab needed to accept and become comfortable being himself/his own person while LSP needed to find out she didn't need to choose weather she wanted to love herself or others, that those things aren't mutually exclusive (if they interacted before it would have turned into the nastiest fight in all of the history of Ooo)

To summarize the 3 versions: Lemongrab 1 longs for PB's approval, he's aggressive and overwhelmed easily and is unable to handle the world being unfair. He is unwilling to take responsibility for himself/his actions and sees himself only as Princess Bubblegum's creation Lemongrab 2 doesn't care about PB's approval, he was made to make Lemongrab happy and he is Lemongrab. After making the lemon people and later Lemongrab 1's abuse he takes on the world view of people need to sacrifice themselves for the survival/greater good of others Lemongrab 3 is able to acknowledge being wrong easier then the other Lemongrabs since he has their residual (if not fully intact) memories. When he sees himself as not just the two before him he's able to start healing. He is now living for himself while realizing the impact he has on others, allowing him to not just be the calmest Lemongrab but the happiest. Unlike the other two he doesn't feel he has to fulfil a purpose

#Lg3 also probably realized that relying on PB is what caused a lot of his past selves problems #as in he realized she doesn't know what actually is best for him #He longs for her to act like a mother figure but he accepts she can't take responsibility for him/his issues #Lemongrab is harder to pick out emotions from since he has trouble expressing himself past facts #also he has less character interactions #He's shared scenes with others but it's not like he really talked to anyone else more of talked at other people #And it's made harder by being kind of 3 people making each Lemongrab have less time to actually been shown as a character #By the way I hate the “candy people are made dumb” thing because it's based on such a sucky world view #but for the sake of explaining the in world logic there has to be a differentiation made on “intelligent” and “stupid” candy people #Side note on Lemonhope - he reflects a “what if” of if the roles were reversed for Lemongrab and PB #adventure time #lemongrab #princess bubblegum #lumpygrab

[soul-dwelling]

Also Maka trusting Medusa comes of as just being dumb, I get that she knew that she could lie and that it showed how desperate Maka was ect but still at the end it came of as Maka being more gulibile than clinging to any hope, nomater how irrational. I think it was also the point were Soul started looking as simply the much smarter out of the two with Maka acting more like just eyecandy to help him out with madness.

I’m a Maka defender, so a lot of what I would say may seem rather empty. 

But I don’t think Maka trusting Medusa was dumb. I thought it was Maka taking the best option available based on limited information. 

And I don’t see Maka as eye candy--that diminishes her role as protagonist and as Soul’s meister. 

It doesn’t mean you have to like Maka’s choice. God knows there are things in fiction I hate (“Inca is a horrible character”) despite how it serves the story (“that’s the point: she’s a very unlikable character”) because there is just something that rubs me the wrong way (“oh yeah, then why doesn’t Inca ever get a comeuppance for being just the worst?”). 

Some things can just be upsetting for valid reasons, even if you can still acknowledge how it works for the story. For me, Maka trusting Medusa is like a horror movie: “Don’t go in that door--oh, now you’re dead!” It sucks, but I get it, and it doesn’t reduce my regard for Maka. Maybe that we get a “happy”-ish ending, where Crona says the day by series end, mitigates this arc, because if Crona hadn’t been saved all because Maka made this mistake in trusting Medusa, we would all be just crestfallen about what happened. 

Like I said, it wasn’t dumb, it was the best of a bad situation. Maka’s trust in Medusa was limited: it was, “Get Medusa what she wants--stopping Arachne--because that is our best chance to retrieve Crona.” Believing that Arachne had Crona was foolish--but why shouldn’t Maka assume that is a possibility? 

If anything, this is a fault in the writing and the paneling, too. If it was me? During the Baba Yaga arc, keep cutting to a room where we see Crona in it, looking awful. That way, when we end Baba Yaga with Medusa escaping, we reveal that room with Crona in it was never at Baba Yaga, it was in the prison Medusa made for Crona--so that we are in the position Maka is in, having made an assumption on flimsy evidence. Put us into Maka’s shoes so that we get how foolish she was for believing Medusa--and how foolish we were for believing this story. 

It would also mitigate some of the unlikable qualities of this arc, such as when Maka weirdly seems to cozy up to Medusa more than Soul, the two joking about how Soul sounds like a timid old boomer, or, as Maka put it in the English translation, a “sister-in-law” who “bitches and whines.” (Progressive gender stereotypes there, Maka. //snark =_=# ) I appreciate how Soul Eater flipped the dynamic, where Soul was sometimes the more level-headed responsible one compared to Maka--but even if this is for a joke, having Maka and Medusa acting chummy while Soul is seeing Medusa’s potential treachery incoming, is hard to stomach.

In response to your other points: I despise the trope that “the character is young, so they are gullible and foolish and make these silly mistakes, because they are young.” It’s the Young Justice problem: yeah, young people typically have fewer years of experience--but there are many young people with far more experience in any one thing that exceeds the experience of an adult, just as there is a young character whose experiences make them so not gullible. 

With Maka, it’s complicated. I’m not going to defend adultery, but as we see Maka get older, we do see her willingness to be around her dad increase. She is someone who, with experiences, recognizes when it is and isn’t appropriate to break rules. The manga, however, goes far more into showing how, as Black Star said in the Kishin Revival Arc, she is in her rebellious phase. What was checking out that manuscript of the Book of Eibon with her father’s card anything but foolish, irresponsible, and rebellious? Maybe it seems like Ohkubo didn’t have a handle on Maka--or, more likely, that he was writing Maka in a way that some of us didn’t see coming, as someone who makes silly mistakes, because, based on tropes and what we knew about her, we thought she was smart and wouldn’t make these mistakes. 

But we have seen repeatedly that Maka can be book smart, do well on tests--and still screw up. 

She didn’t figure out Blair was a cat.

She took her responsibility to fulfill Lord Death’s mission so seriously that it almost got her and her teammates killed by Sid and Stein. (It was all a test, but still.) 

She rushed into the church and almost got killed by Crona and got Soul infected with Black Blood. 

She will come through in a clutch to work with others such as Soul and Black Star, but it will take a lot of effort, and she can run out of patience. 

(Sidebar: yes, Maka and Black Star both needed to learn from their initial failure to synchronize; no, Stein putting the blame all on Maka is not appropriate, that was bullshit and bad teaching; yes, Black Star should have been more flexible--and the refusal of the story to have him do so is such bullshit.) 

And she trusted Medusa when her dedicated weapon partner was correctly warning her, “Don’t trust that witch!” 

What I’m trying to say is that, you definitely can find Maka frustrating at these moments. I do, too. But her overall character progression--a desire to get better, some actual victories she secured--has me rooting for her. I don’t dismiss her with some bullshit, “She’s young, she’s gullbile,” complaint that I think some fiction writers express about their characters: I’ll give Ohkubo credit, he (probably despite himself) made Maka a complex character, somehow who is incredibly smart--and sharing one brain cell with Soul. She is the Peter Parker of our story, so much potential, so much bad luck. 

And I push back on referring to Maka as eye candy to help Soul out with madness. 

Again, I have a lot of complaints about Ohkubo’s male gaze, and it’s not absent with Maka. 

But I can’t remember a scene of Soul seeing Maka as eye candy to get out of madness. Hell, she showed up the first time in that black blood dress inside the Little Ogre’s room--and the first thing Soul did was claim this is a fake Maka. It wasn’t Maka’s appearance that got him out of madness in Baba Yaga--it was a book to the end. And when Soul fell under the sway of madness due to those black blood bubbles, it was Soul himself who got himself out of the madness--along with another Maka Chop. 

It never struck me as Maka being that kind of an “eye candy” anchor to Soul, especially when that anchoring was far more due to the soulmate angle, that Maka was someone like his brother who would accept his music as it was but unlike Wes would not overshadow him (not because Maka holds back, but because Maka’s strengths are not the same as Soul’s strengths--they complement each other). Maka’s appearance isn’t what got Soul out of madness; again, despite himself, Ohkubo somehow wrote one of the best romantic soulmates stories--while actively avoiding having the two be out-loud in that kind of a relationship.

[makerofmadness]

my hand is in pain for some reason. merry crisis. here’s some incorrect quotes I’m addicted to making these things and also kinda want to make a post to send to my friends just to see if they can guess the plot based on them iu8y7tvr.

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Thomas: I think my guardian angel drinks.

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Peter: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Andy: >:O language Felix: Yeah watch your fucking language. Claus: OKAY WHO TAUGHT FELIX THE FUCK WORD? Margret: 'The fuck word'. Melody: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Claus: Oh my god she censored it Claus: Say fuck, Melody. Margret: Do it, Melody. Say fuck.

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Felix: How dumb do they think we are? Andy: Sometimes Claus leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.

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Felix: What are you eating? Melody: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty. Felix: I like you, don't I?

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Andy: You're a loose cannon, Felix. Felix: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? Claus: I think you play by your own rules. Melody: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken. Andy: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. Felix: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Margret is a loose cannon. Margret: *Smashes a chair*

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Sam: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club. Thomas: What club? Isabella: The hating Thomas club. Thomas: …The fuck? I should be the leader of that club!

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Andy: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh... Margret, sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you? Andy, panicked: WHAT IS CLOTHES???

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Felix: *Sneaking into the kitchen at night* Andy: Who are you? Felix, panicking: Andy. Andy: Oh, okay. *Leaves* Andy: Andy: Wait, I’m Andy!

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Andy: Nothing in life is free. Margret: Love is free! Melody: Adventure is free. Claus: Knowledge is free. Felix: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

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Andy: I’m so excited! Melody: We’re gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy... Andy: And have the biggest stomach aches ever! Melody: Yeah!

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Andy: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

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Melody: What answer did you guys get for question 4? Margret: 25. Andy: What? I got 67. Felix: I got George Washington… somehow. Claus: Wh- Melody: THIS IS SCIENCE! Claus: It was also a yes/no question.

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Peter: We have fun, don’t we, Andy? Andy: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

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Felix: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

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Thomas, to The Entity: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

#sorry there's not that much! #andy's apple farm #incorrect quotes #incorrect aaf quotes

[reginaofdoctorwho]

if anyone wants to recommend musicals to me I would fucking adore that. Until then, here are some suggestions:

Love in Hate Nation-- LET’S GO LESBIANS! 1960s sapphic love story taking place in a girls’ reformatory. Also, trans girl played by trans actress!!! Some of the amazing songs are “I Hope” and “Oh Well”. Susannah Son wants to be a singer, her performative activist boyfriend is gross and also wants her to marry him so he’ll have better options politically. Sheila Nail is so fucking cool and I love everyone in this. My brain cuts out about this I’m so sorry babes. There is not a cast recording but there IS an original cast bootleg on youtube.

Holy Musical B@man!-- If you liked the goofiness of 1960s Batman and Robin, but think “man, these guys should’ve been able to swear! And also should have had a candy themed villain!” this is the musical for you. Also if you’ve heard of the very queer Harry Potter musical that JK herself tried to sue over, it’s made by the same group <3. As usual with Team Starkid, whole thing is up for free on youtube by the creators.

Firebringer-- Speaking of the same group... Cave people sapphics who I think are bi or pan. I love them and they’re all so dumb. Also, if you’ve seen the “I don’t really wanna do the work today” vine, that comes from this. I do not remember any of the second half other than one of them taking the ring the other is proposing with... to propose. And the “*blows kiss*” “fuck no, Zazz” “duly noted”. Kind of like a shitpost musical. Once again, free by creators. Actually, check out any of their musicals.

The Prom-- In Indiana, Emma just wants to take her girlfriend to the prom, and in response, the PTA cancels it. With some help from some broadway actors looking for good publicity, they manage to pull it off. So, to summarize, teen lesbian gets gay uncle who knows what she’s going through!! This musical makes me cry every goddamn time. There is a movie now, and I’m very happy about that because *high profile gay rep on netflix*, but I personally did not like the direction they took with it. They put a weird amount of emphasis on biological rather than found family in the movie, and were a little too forgiving when it came to trauma from family for being gay. Also, they took away Emma being butch. This was sadly (loosely) based on a recent true story from I think 2012. Also, was the first gay kiss in the Macy’s parade. You know those movie musicals the straight girls in theater like? The music is similar, but gayer, and for some reason that makes me so fuckng happy. I think it’s because non-queer people have had musicals for so long, and those normally have a 60s vibe, and the music in this does too and it feels more classic?? Sapphic promposal song (het at the beginning). “Unruly Heart” and the end of Act 1 will break you. Please ignore the bad wigs.

Spies Are Forever-- GAY SPIES GAY SPIES GAY SPIES!! Curt Mega (played by... Curt Mega) lost his partner Owen during a mission. Now, he’s just trying to get back into spying like Owen would want. I fucking weep every time. Also, a song about comphet (at 6:36)!! And here is a video essay on how it relates to the Lavender Scare. I want you all to know that everyone also headcanons the femme fatale spy in it as either a lesbian or aroace, which uh, makes sense. Also high quality videos put up by creators. They had Jewish people making fun of Nazis while writing this, but “Not so Bad” is... kinda bad. “Torture Tango” has so much goddamn sexual tension and becomes devastating.

Hadestown--  If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 1. Orpheus is a poor musician, Eurydice dies, just like the myth. Except, the Great Depression post-apocalyptic setting that works better than it probably should. There are actually 3 soundtracks: the concept album, off-Broadway, and Broadway. I personally don’t like the concept album purely based on vibe. Off-Broadway has an absolutely gorgeous sounding Orpheus, and if you’ve heard of the disaster that was Spiderman: Turn Out the Dark, then you’ve heard of surprisingly amazing Broadway Orpheus Reeve Carney. The Fates are gorgeous and I’ve decided they’re queer. Tony’s performance link here. Explores relationships, with Hades and Persephone’s aging relationship mirrored by Orpheus and Eurydice’s relatively new one. Anyway, unionize.

Jasper in Deadland-- If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 2. Jasper is a teen who’s best friend Agnes is pretty much the one good thing left in his life. His mom left, he got kicked off the swim team (he’s manic pixie dream boy in this, especially for swimming), and Agnes dies at the beginning trying to show Jasper that she’s brave and he should be too. So, he bravely ventures into Deadland to find her, meeting Gretchen the tour guide along the way. He also finds out that since he’s still living, he can bring memories back to the dead. Songs like “Stroke by Stroke” (he’s uh, definitely a teen, guys) and “Living Dead” (I shared a prinxiety animatic of that on here a while ago).They blend Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Christian, and whatever Dante’s Inferno counts as together to create Deadland. Story’s kinda hard to follow from the soundtrack, so if u wanna learn how it all ties together message me.

Death Note Musical-- Okay babes, here’s where it gets tough. It was written originally in English, and there is a spectacular English concept album, but the only productions have been in South Korea, Japan, and I think Taiwan. Listen to it anyways, find a bootleg of it with english subtitles. It has so much gay tension and also a truly ethereal character who seems to be a lesbian who is also either demisexual or demiromantic. If any of y’all saw the anime like me, it kind of cuts out the arc after episode 26. I personally thought it was actually a better story for it.

Alice by Heart-- Okay, this one makes me fucking cry every goddamn time. In WW2, these poor goddamn kids are all alone in the Tube System (is that what y’all call it? genuinely asking here) with none of their parents but still some grownups. Alice’s best friend Alfred is dying of tuberculosis, and to try to have one last thing together they start reading Alice in Wonderland, only for Nurse Hart to rip it apart to try to separate healthy Alice from dying-from-TB Alfred. It doesn’t work, and Alice proclaims she “knows it all by heart”, She tries to linger in the story with Alfred to have more time with him, he keeps trying to move it along because he’s dying and wants to finish it one last time. Themes are growing up and grief I guess.

Last I checked, there is a bootleg for all of these on youtube. Have fun!

#love in hate nation #holy musical b@man #firebringer #the prom #spies are forever #hadestown #jasper in deadland #death note musical #alice by heart #i know more gay ones too if u want that

[damongant]

Haruka theory and thoughts under the read more! just me going through the MV and voicing aloud some thoughts, let me know what you guys think too! 

（*´▽｀*）also this is super long i

opening scene! the necklace is obviously important to him. also it’s very cute. nothing to say abt this in particular but i just think it’s really cute

love the background choice and how the room looks in general. gives me a big liminal space vibe. i promise i’m getting to actual theorizing in a second here just

love how the scenery from the window changes when it switches back and forth between him and his younger self (?). i’ve tried searching what the symbolism is of a red sky (if there is any) and i did see that it could mean “the end” or it could be symbolic of danger and what’s to come.

ugh i love the water thing going on. first off, i’m a huge sucker for water imagery and the like and so you KNOW i go gaga for this. it has to be because haruka feels like he’s constantly drowning, like he’s suffocating on his emotions. 

i’ve watched this MV at least fifty times and this still gets me upset. pretty obvious that what’s going on here is some form of emotional abuse as well as a co-dependence on Haruka’s part. Haruka clearly has a learning disability and it’s nothing he can control but the people in his life are blaming him for it and so he blames himself, too.

evidence of emotional abuse, being told things like how he’s pitiful or not smart, etc and of course Haruka is going to believe that hence why he’s always calling himself dumb and feeling like when he’s around others he’ll only make them sad because that’s exactly how it was for him at home. 

also like how the background is all gray and gloomy and there’s his childish scribbling of a monster (?) hovering over. could be symbolic of a threat to what’s his normal life, like it could end so suddenly

the world around Haruka is changing. his parents are changing (i’m assuming they’re divorced but i don’t think that’s ever made explicitly clear), he’s growing up, but he also feels exactly the same maturity wise. he may be increasing in age but he still is exactly the same and the change is unnerving to Haruka and it’s become noticeable to his parents that he’s not “growing up” and doing “normal” things. his learning disability is holding him back from becoming what’s so normal for society, what’s accepted in society. 

so he’s viewed as “weak”, it’s his ‘weakness’. and society eats the weak. 

i feel like Haruka’s parents (perhaps namely his mom)(or maybe it was both his mom and his dad but Haruka’s thinking more about his mom because he was closer to her) were becoming fed up with Haruka’s inability to learn what is supposed to be ~oh so natural~ and ~normal~ so they quickly began to get frustrated. also, that drawing behind Haruka appears later i think....

Haruka realizes and recognizes what’s going on and this, in turn, makes him have feelings of self-loathing. why can’t he do what anyone else can? why is everything around him so different but he’s the same? why is he getting taller, having more expectation placed upon him when it’s just too hard for him? Haruka is grappling with these thoughts constantly and it’s making him feel like he’s drowning and no one cares to pull him up out of the water.

i’m gonna be honest, i have no clue what to make of the girl with him at the fireworks but i DO know that the fireworks are really important to him because i recall him answering that it was his cherished memory and he goes on to say the most expensive thing he’s bought was cotton candy and i’ll venture to say that it was at this fireworks festival. 

i got nothing to add to this but i just love that line and it is important for you all to know this

are those yellow roses or marigolds? i’m thinking maybe they’re yellow roses which can mean either “jealousy” or “thinking of you” 

i could be going off a wrong assumption here, but hey this is all just guess-work anyway... did he accidentally push the girl? and it somehow led to her death or at the very least a severe injury? i’m willing to bet it was more of an injury than death, but even so. 

and if he DID push her, now it’s coming to light? like he did that, it was his fault (even if it was an accident, he would no doubt blame himself), and he’s a bad person who is only good for causing harm to others.

as someone who also sleeps with like five stuffed bunny animals, solidarity between me and Haruka. i want that rabbit it looks so cute

YAA there it is again! i don’t know what the heck it means but there it is!

the dog gives me pause because i’m not entirely sure what to make of it but i DO think this is where it’s important to remind people that the MV’s are based upon the prisoner’s own perception (i think. if i’m wrong, please correct me) and so we’re getting a lot of this from a biased standpoint. 

again, emotional abuse that might seem “”””Harmless””””” to others but it’s anything EXCEPT. 

did the dog run away? was he given the dog and Haruka now blames himself for letting the dog run off and perhaps the dog got hit by a car? (;﹏;) i feel like something that’s important is just how much self-hatred Haruka has and his tendency to blame himself for outside factors. i don’t think he LITERALLY killed the dog, but he feels as though he did so it’s become figurative. 

also as far as his dislikes being “children” and “animals”, i think he’s jealous of them, maybe? like that could tie into the yellow roses and their symbolism signifying jealousy and envy. he’s jealous of the inherent “innocence” associated with them. he’s getting older, so that “innocence” that’s accepted with THEM is no longer being used with HIM. Haruka has what’s deemed as “childish” interests and i get the feeling he’s made to feel badly about it. no doubt his disability is tied in with this.

there’s those flowers again. and Haruka tries to drown his wants/needs in order to try and “repent” for being the way he is. it’s HIS fault, so he has to think everything is fine even though he’s NOT fine and he’s going to break at some point under the pressure of society/his parents/everything. 

Haruka makes an effort to try to understand things in the beginning, but everytime he questions something that’s really ~obvious~ to everyone else he’s met with disappointed gazes and harsh critiques. so he stops trying to understand what he’s apparently ~lacking~ and he stops asking questions because that’s it! he’s dumb! he doesn’t get it so why bother!

i feel like by this point any praise to Haruka is better than nothing. rather than indifference or being ignored, he’d even rather be called “crazy”. i think Haruka just wants ANY attention be it good or bad - what he hates the most is feeling invisible or as if he could disappear and it wouldn’t matter to anyone.

i still feel like the blood on his hands is more figurative than literal and for reasons i’ve already explained so there’s no need to rehash it like i’m trying to meet an essay word count requirement

me too Haruka （；へ：）

his feelings of sadness and being unwanted turn to anger onto HIMSELF and it is what snaps the very thin thread he’s been living on 

choking himself ties into the water motif we’ve got going on here. the drowning, the suffocation - no longer being able to breathe because everything is broken and it’s unfixable. and he’s the reason why.

i feel like his crime is somehow suicide/attempted suicide but if it IS suicide then i really don’t know how he could be with the other prisoners? unless they’re all dead and this is some form of purgatory or something but otherwise? i don’t know. i just feel like it could be suicide

now i will also say this. the puddle of blue surrounding “him” has to be blood and that kind of makes me wonder if i’ve been barking up the wrong tree here but. idk any ideas anyone else has on this would be appreciated and also please talk to me about MILGRAM because i’ve got a badddd obsession 

what Haruka wants more than anything is attention and love. he wants love and yet it’s difficult for him to accept love because he doesn’t seem to have any “experience” with love. in the questions asked to him, he doesn’t even seem to really know what “love” actually is. he considers “liking” and “loving” to be the same thing, there’s no difference to him. if he’s getting attention it might not even matter to him because at this point something is better than nothing. 

so yes! this is messy. and it’s perhaps even incoherent. if you read this thanks for coming to my TED talk i love Haruka so much. it’s probably become obvious that i’m a little biased bc i relate to him a lot. let me know your own theories too or thoughts on this, i’d like to know hehe （*´▽｀*）

#MILGRAM #haruka sakurai #milgram theories #i mention suicide in this as a heads up! #i cant believe i just spent like an hour writing this. hm. i am in deep #i relate to He.... and i love him #i wrote all of this at 3 AM bc i am off my rocker

[hurricane-utah]

I seriously don’t understand why people don’t like sword and shield.

Like okay, I was one of those people who didn’t like it initially for the whole dynamax thing. I remember watching the trailer and being like “omg this is so stupid, first it’s mega evolution, then z moves, now THIS?!” And Yanno what? I still am not too big on it, but damn, it’s such a small thing. You don’t NEED to do it to win. And the raids are OPTIONAL.

Also, the exp candy. I also complained about this when I first heard of it. It’s super overpowered. Personally, I don’t think we should’ve been allowed to earn them until AFTER the game was completed, but that’s just me. End game tho, it’s GREAT. I love not having to grind all the freaking time to raise new Pokémon. And sure, sometimes it is LESS fun, but sometimes I get really pissed off from constantly dying. And you don’t have you use them all the time anyway, so 🤷 getting your shinies to level up is so much more easy

And about that, they’ve made it more easy. So what? That’s been a thing for years. I mean, in the older games, poison types could get POISONED for gods sake. And poison hurt your Pokémon OUSIDE of battle! But they took that away and made it easier. They made the exp share actually DO something! I played Platinum and it NEVER helped me. I basically just farmed the old fashioned way cuz it was less annoying. Fly makes the game easier too. Or what about roller skates? Bikes? Imagine someone being like I don’t like the bikes in game cuz they make the game go by SO MUCH quicker. That just sounds dumb!

And besides, I’ve realized why it’s so much different from other games.

It’s more story based

It’s less about the gameplay and more about the struggles. It’s trying to humanize its characters and make them more lovable, with wants and flaws and insecurities! Hop is literally one of the best rivals in the whole franchise because he feels so HUMAN. He gets discouraged and sad, angry, WAY too serious, and hates himself for being awful. And bede? Hes an asshole, but he does change a bit for the better. He Mellows out A LOT. And he has depth, and a BACKSTORY. And even the “bad guy” wasn’t actually evil. He was just a sweet guy with good intentions, but he did bad things. Unlike in X and Y with Lysandar, who was supposed to be a twist villain or something. Rose WAS a twist, but a good one. Tbh, I thought Oleana was the villian. Lysandar was a bad twist villian cuz he looked stereotypically evil and even resembled team Flare. It’s was kind of obvs with him

Now the game isn’t perfect, but all of you Gen Oners out there are hating on it for no good reason. Y’all need to give up that 151 is where it should have stopped, mewtwo is the best legendary, and that all new games SUCK. Cuz THEY DONT. You guys suck. Y’all just need to be more accepting.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, it’s 3:45 am for me and I can’t sleep 🫠

#talk #pokemon sword and sheild #pokemon #helluva-hurricane

[dadsbongos]

Liebeskummer

Movie/Game/Show: Danganronpa: Killing Harmony Dynamic: Korekiyo Shinguji/Reader (and his sister shit but i actually take it seriously, unlike kodaka) Warnings: korekiyo’s backstory/trauma (his sister), sexual/physical/mental abuse implications (and outright said but not described in detail except the emotional and mental), anxiety in both kork and reader and mental breakdown(s?), airhead shit but it’s sad Summary: It’s all her fault. ~~~

Korekiyo suddenly turned to the girl beside him in his quiet research lab, “Have you ever heard of Jack of Fables, (Y/n)?” at her, albeit confused, nod, he continued, “Well, all those myths, fairy tales, and even nursery rhymes in reference to ‘Jack’ are actually about the same man. What this means is that Jack Be Nimble, of the candlestick, Jack the Giant Killer, who sold his cows then murdered and robbed a giant, Stingy Jack, who tricked the devil so relentlessly that he was banned from both afterlives, Jack of Jack and Jill, who cracked open his skull, Jack o’ Lantern, Spirit of Halloween and Headless Horseman, and Jack Frost, Spirit who ends autumn and begins winter are all one in the same. He made so many poor life decisions that he now serves as an immortal representation of winer with a pumpkin serving as head and flashlight. Is that not fascinating?”

“Aw,” (Y/n) grinned, nodding once again, “Like the American ‘Florida man’.”

Korekiyo sighed, disappointment palpable in his tone, “That is… actually much more accurate than I wish to admit.”

“Wait, wait,” she tilted her head, patting the man’s arm despite his attention already being on her, “So… like, was he also Jack the Ripper…?”

His eyes widened at her statement, “(Y/n), I must be grateful you were not born to the life of a woman of the night in Victorian London because I assure you, Jack the Ripper was incredibly real.”

“Oh, that’s so sad…” she pouted before clearing it back into her usual smile almost instantly, “Well, thanks for the folklore fun fact, Kiyo! I didn’t know that Jack was so dumb! God, I’d hate to be like him…”

“You do realize you’re not so bright yourself, yes?”

She shrugged, “I’m fine with that, but at least I’m not tricking the devil!”

So sweet and kind, the Ultimate Composer was. Against all expectations, she wasn’t highbrow or traditionally genius, but she was more than excellent company. And, to top it off, the idea of turning her into one of Sister’s friends was oddly… sickening.

It should’ve been perfectly fine - she was a deeply respectable young woman unlike Miu and Maki, there’s no reason he could have against her.

It just felt wrong.

“Oh! Oh!” she burst out, clapping her hands together, before turning and reaching into a bag slung around her hip. Rooting through scrapped sheet music and notes, once she found what she’d been searching for she held it up excitedly, “Boom!”

Korekiyo took the item, just barely brushing his wrapped fingertips against hers, “Cleopatra’s Pearl Cocktail… much appreciated,” he pressed the small bottle into a pocket on his uniform, “If you enjoy giving gifts, perhaps we can discuss cultural gift-giving practices?”

“Ooh, Kiyo’s gonna teach me?”

“Hmm,” Korekiyo hummed quietly to himself, “Well, perhaps… you would prefer I tell you of a composition piece in relevance to mythology, yes?”

“That’d be nice,” the girl giggled softly, rubbing the back of her neck, “To be honest, I just like when you talk… you sound so smart all the time!”

“My thanks, (Y/n),” he nodded curtly, muttering to himself before coming to speak up, “Alright, I believe that the composition for you would be The Ring of the Nibelung, of Germany.”

“Oh, I know that one!” she knew most ‘ones’, to be fair.

“I had suspected so, but have you heard of the heroic legends behind the pieces?”

“Ah, no… are those what you’re gonna explain?”

“I had planned to, yes. Alright, well, the four parts, as you know, are The Rhinegold, The Valkyrie, Siegfried, and Twilight of the Gods. Nowadays, they are most commonly played as individual, separate works despite making one complete story. They were always intended as a sequence - as The Ring cycle, cleverly. Each piece revolves on a loose basis to German heroic tales and Norse legendary sagas, with the overarching tale of the magic ring forged by the Nibelung dwarf, Alberich, which grants the power to rule the world,” he paused at the sight of (Y/n) yawning, his lips pursed and eyes shot down to his shoes before flickering back up to the girl, “Ah, my apologies for taking far longer than necessary. You must find this- “

“Ah, no!” (Y/n) shook her head, waving her hands about as though it would physically prove how far from needed his apology was, “That’s not it! I’m just kinda tired, ya know?” as if to prove her point, another yawn washed over her, “I hadn’t slept well last night after Kirumi…”

“I see,” Korekiyo nodded, closing his eyes to think over his words, “I apologize for making it about myself. If you wish, I could walk you to your dormitory. Now that you mention it, it has been quite the long day.”

“You don’t have to, Kiyo, I’d hate to bother you so much in one day let alone one sitting,” the composer puffed her cheeks out, “That’d be so obnoxious…”

“I don’t find it obnoxious whatsoever, especially if it’s to aid- “ he hesitated, “to aid a friend.”

He hadn’t had friends before. People usually found him creepy and that was the end of the story - nobody approached him and he didn’t branch out. Life went on. The world spun. His loneliness was everlasting and yet nonexistent. He has Sister. Though, deep down, he knows. She’s on another plane of reality with loneliness stronger than his, that’s why he sends her respectable young women.

Just like (Y/n).

But just… not (Y/n). For reasons he personally chooses to not disclose to even himself.

“Aww, Kiyo! You care!” the girl placed a hand over her heart as if to show that the organ itself was squeezing in delight at his offer.

“Of course, I do,” Korekiyo didn’t like how quiet she made him. How jittery and nervous. And he didn’t like how it made him question the way Sister made him feel.

She also made him nervous but it felt different. He liked to pretend it was the nervousness of a love you don’t quite have yet, but he fully knows he’d be lying. She was a mean girl, a bully in school before being hospitalized. Prone to violent and outright frightening outbursts when she had the energy to do more than force him to her side.

But he didn’t like questioning those feelings for Sister. Who he was, was based on her. His uniform. His passion and talent. His hair. His perfect complexion. His life as the universe knows it is an ode to her.

It’s too late for him to go back now… he’s already done so much in her name it’d be cruel to give up now. He might as well continue for Sister.

“If you really don’t mind, then yeah, I’d like it if we could walk together… I get a little nervous going around at night, you never know who’s gonna snap…”

“And you trust me?”

Shit. That’s what gets him in trouble. It’s as Sister always said. ‘Too naive to make his choices, and once he’s free, too inept to make the right ones.’

“Well, yeah,” (Y/n) spoke as if there was hardly any thought to the answer, “All you’ve shown me is somebody worth trusting,” then, she’s quick to remember poor Kaede, “Well, maybe I’m being silly. But hey, if I have to choose between dying trusting my friends and paranoid beyond myself, then maybe I’d- “ she paused, “Ehhh, I don’t like the way that’s coming out.”

“I understand what you’re attempting to say,” Korekiyo reassured, turning towards his research lab’s exit, “Let us start towards the dormitories, yes?”

“Right!” (Y/n) nearly found herself jogging to catch up to Korekiyo’s long-strided head start, she clutched the strap of her bag as she did so, “So… you heard about Angie’s plan, right?”

“To perform a resurrection?”

“Do you think it’ll work?” she seemed antsier than was typical for her, “I mean, you’re into anthropology, so, like, has there ever been a case where that did work? Do you know?”

“No, besides, that would be more akin to history, remember?” she probably didn’t, her memory failed her at an ungodly amalgamation of best and worst of times.

“Oh, yeah,” she murmured and nodded, pretending to recall the difference between the two.

“Who would you desire back into this game, if you could?”

“Rantaro,” her answer was quick, her fingers looping together nervously, “We didn’t really talk much, but uhm, whenever we did - he was really nice. He said I reminded him of a sister of his… so that’s a good thing, right?”

Depends on who you ask, really.

“You grew attached to him so quickly?” there was no jealousy there, he tried to convince himself.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I’d gotten to know him more. He was always running around, trying to save us, and in the end… it got him killed.”

A lot of things will get you killed.

Korekiyo shook off the thoughts racking his brain, “Your care for him even through his estrangedness and peculiarity is truly beautiful, (Y/n),” he fiddled with the locket piece hanging around his shoulders, “Even your care for myself. I’d be lying if I’d said it wasn’t endearing.”

“You’re not…” her words died out, not wanting to lie to a dear companion of hers, “You’re a little off-putting but you’re not undeserving of love, Kiyo.”

It was a complete 180 from what Sister had told him his entire life. A new lesson coming in far too late. He had to earn love. He should’ve been crawling on his knees and pleading for affection, but now he was supposed to simply receive it? It sounded so incredibly fake. A fictitious tale told alongside gumdrop fairies and candy trees.

No place for someone of realistic standard.

No place for him.

“You’re far too kind, (Y/n).”

“Maybe you just haven’t known nice people,” she suddenly stopped, slapping a palm to her mouth and muffling against it, “I’m so sorry!”

“Worry not,” Korekiyo continued walking, “I’m unphased.”

Because maybe it was true.

Maybe Sister wasn’t so nice.

There was an itch at his skin in the thought and he shook his head.

Sister was kind enough to love someone like him. Who was of rotted soul and rancid heart.

“I shouldn’t have just said that, especially since I don’t really know your life…”

“Would you like to learn it someday?”

(Y/n) was fairly shocked at how quickly he seemed to breeze by her insult to his family and friends - well, if he had any friends - but she wouldn’t refuse. It was extra time with Korekiyo! Who could turn that down?

“I’d love to.”

~~

“Tea and cookies,” (Y/n) pumped a fist in the air, “What could be better than enjoying those with a friend?”

Korekiyo felt his lips twitch up behind his mask at the rhetorical question, he reached out for his teacup, “Perhaps freedom from this killing game?”

“Oh, yeah, huh…” she deflated, “Jeez, I can’t believe I’d say that…”

Oh, great, of course, now he’s gone and made the local ball of sunshine in this school upset.

“Nevermind that, (Y/n), it was a tease…” he gripped the cup a little tighter, cheeks heating up in humiliation at his failed joke, “I apologize if it seemed like anything other than such.”

“No, don’t apologize, it’s fine! It was kind of a dumb thing to say, now that I put some brain into it,” so it made sense she’d said it, (Y/n) frowned at the bitter thought.

“Ah,” the clink of a cup against the table caught the girl’s attention, “I must change my mask in order to properly enjoy this tea and these cookies,” as the anthropologist went to turn, he was stopped by another outburst from the girl.

“No, don’t! Uh, here!” she clenched her eyes shut, papped her palms over her face, and turned her head downwards, “See? Now I can’t!”

“You don’t have to go to such lengths, I could simply turn- “

“No, no, I want you to feel comfortable and I heard once that doing things to make your friends comfortable is, like, a way to make them like you more?” she huffed at the wording, “Just, I don’t know… I want you to know that I care. Ya get it? No need to turn yourself away like that when I can just not look.”

A tuft of air passed through his nostrils at the girl.

Sister would adore a friend like her.

Korekiyo pulled down his mask, brows drawn tight towards his eyes at the new realization. It was no longer a matter of her being respectable, it was now the knowledge that someone as tender-hearted as (Y/n) would be loved beyond comprehension by Sister.

But… no. Sister couldn’t have her. She’d understand, right? Of course. She could have someone else - the other bubbly girl, what’s her name? Angie. She could have Angie.

Korekiyo just… he just needed (Y/n). Something about her was calming and sweet. He picked his mask for eating from a pocket in his uniform and carefully adjusted it over his lips so as to not smudge his lipstick. It wouldn’t anyway, he knew this, but it usually never backfired to be too sure.

The lipstick in itself was quite the hassle. Another homage to Sister that she might not even be seeing. So was the hair. It got tangled and knotted and was hell to dry after a shower.

“Not to rush you at all, but are you done? Cuz my eyes are starting to hurt… I think I’m squeezing them too hard.”

“Right, yes, I am.”

He really shouldn’t think like that… Sister deserved to be honored.

As if she’d been reading his mind, (Y/n) leaned over slightly, pointing at Korekiyo’s hair, “Hey, hey, how do you manage that? It always looks so silky and soft and well-kept.”

“Ah, well, it is quite troublesome most days, but with patience and rather expensive products, I keep it together.”

“I was wondering, too, do you ever put it up?”

“Not usually, though, that would be… nice on occasion,” he sipped at his tea, enjoying the way (Y/n) shyly glanced away to prove she didn’t want to invade his privacy. She was too delightful to be in a place such as this, even if he did enjoy the beauties of law-absence.

“Uh, I don’t want to come off pushy or like you have to let me, but if you want, I’d love to put your hair up! To be honest, I’ve been wanting to for a while,” her eyes widened at her own statement, “Oh, that sounded creepy. I’m so sorry.”

“I am hardly one to judge,” he reached over for a cookie, “But, if you’re so inclined, I won’t protest.”

“Yay!” she bounced slightly in her chair, “Oh, that’s great, Kiyo, thanks.”

“Shall we go to your dorm after finishing our refreshments?”

“I’d like that,” (Y/n) grinned.

And to think she almost didn’t approach Korekiyo on that first day in the school. How ridiculous could she have been to judge based on looks? Sure, he was a little strange and the way he spoke was unlike any teenager she’d ever met, but he was still a person. He deserved to be given companionship.

Besides, he’d only ever shown her kindness and support.

He didn’t even make fun of her when she said something stupid in front of everyone.

She cringed at the memory of every time Kokichi or Miu or Maki prodded at her. Even Ryoma and Kaito had picked on her when she misspoke during the first trial and just brought up a point the class had already proven. It made her heart wrinkle and shrink at the mere thought. Kokichi still made fun of her for questioning Tsumugi’s whereabouts during Rantaro’s murder.

“You’re staring into your tea, it will grow cold if you only look at it.”

“Oh, yeah,” shaking her head, (Y/n) silently cursed herself for spacing out. What an awful habit of hers, it was, “Sorry for taking so long.”

“You shouldn’t apologize, I’m not upset in the slightest,” he felt his heart lighten at the tiny smile that illuminated her face, “I simply enjoy spending this time together.”

“You’re too nice sometimes, Kiyo,” she giggled, but they both recognized the tingle of nervousness jumbling within it, “If you’re not careful, I might fall for you or something…”

“Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing?”

I wouldn’t mind, she wanted to say.

If you’ll have me, he wished to murmur.

Then he felt his chest tighten.

“Can I…” he tapped a finger to the table, “ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Uhm,” she bit her lip as she thought back, “No… why?”

“How do you think it feels?”

“Like, you could be free and yourself around the person? I’m not too sure, but I think if you and someone else are in love then you’ll accept each other completely, you know? Sure, there’s flaws in every person, but I think you accept those, too.”

“I see…”

“Kiyo, why do you ask?”

“I…” his brows furrowed, “A lot has been on my mind as of late.”

“Alright, I won’t pry,” standing from the dining table, (Y/n) clapped her hands together, “Now, if you’re still down, I’d love to put your hair up!”

“As it stands, I am still, as you put it, ‘down’,” Korekiyo nodded before joining the girl and starting towards her dorm room.

“Nice!” she pointed directly ahead, “Now, onward!”

A total airhead at her truest, Korekiyo thought. He didn’t usually partake in the type, but something about (Y/n) just pulled him in tighter every time he tried turning away.

So, what’s the harm in giving in? Swimming against the tide only ever led to drowning anyway, so why fight it?

Sister… Sister was dead. Is dead. Resurrection isn’t possible and hasn’t been in human history. And she had changed so much of him. (Y/n) would never force him to bend to her ideal.

The more he thought about Sister in comparison to (Y/n), the more he realized that Sister felt like a ball and chain - and (Y/n) felt like a breath of fresh air.

Just her name inside his own head sounded as sweet as the best form of heaven.

“Here we are!” (Y/n) cheered upon their arrival to her room, “There’s probably a bunch-load of unfinished works in here so just… don’t judge them too harshly, okay?”

“I could hardly judge an unfinished masterpiece.”

“I don’t know about masterpieces…”

“If you create them with heart and soul, there’s nobody who can effectively say they aren’t except for yourself,” Korekiyo enters the room after her, legs carrying him towards her desk as she roots around her bathroom for a hairbrush and hair tie, “Sadly, this is also applicable to disasters with effort put into them. However, just from skimming these, I can tell you they are not such disasters.”

“Aw, thanks, Kiyo, you know - I know I’m the Ultimate Composer and junk, but jeez it gets so nerve-wracking when people hear my stuff. I like what I write, but who’s to say other people will?”

“I understand that. Showing others your work is extremely unsettling at times,” he followed the girl to her bed and sat between her knees on the floor, “I recall feeling that way when I would dabble in artistry.”

“You can draw?”

“I would when I was much younger,” he felt her fingers run over his scalp and through his hair and the weight looming over his shoulders practically melted off, “I haven’t held onto any of them, and they’ve likely aged poorly, but I know how I felt showing them around.”

“Why’d you stop? If you don’t mind my asking,” reaching around, (Y/n) threaded her fingers through Korekiyo’s bangs and, as gently as humanly possible, pulled the hair hanging over and around his face back into a slicked style.

“My… sister, she always rathered that I participate in anthropology with her. I wasn’t all that good anyways.”

“Aw, that’s kinda sad. Even if you weren’t good, you could’ve improved over time.”

“Do you truly believe that, (Y/n)?”

“Of course, I mean, talents are just developed over time, right? Angie didn’t pop out of the womb an art genius and I didn’t start off great at writing music, you just keep at it and eventually your skill level is way better than when you started.”

Sister always said he’d be garbage at drawing. Somebody like him could never learn.

She tied off and twisted until the bun was perfect - well, not perfect. It was presentable enough, and it was just a bun anyway! Not like they had anywhere to be.

“Sorry it’s messy,” she scratched at her cheek, feeling anxious that he’d be upset with her work.

“I…” he felt another little smile peek over him, it was indeed messy with stray hairs sticking out here and there and a few tiny bumps running over his head, but even so, “I love it.”

“You do?”

“It’s a gesture from you, why wouldn’t I?”

Standing beside Korekiyo at the mirror, (Y/n) twiddled her thumbs before spewing out her question, “It’s totally cool if not, but can I hug you? Sorry if that’s weird!”

“No… it’s…” Sister never asked to touch him, and now that he thought about it, she never seemed to care when he told her to stop, “That would be wonderful.”

As her arms slowly came around him, he felt truly at ease. With Sister, there was always this fear of never being what she wanted. That she hated him deep down. With (Y/n), it felt like finally being attached to someone you were meant to. Returning to a place of deep affection.

“You truly do care about me, don’t you, (Y/n)?”

“What kind of question is that?” she back-pedals, “I mean, of course, I do. You’re very dear to me, Kiyo.”

Maybe even a little too dear, considering the current climate of the killing game.

But even so, neither of them pulls away. Neither cares enough to wrangle themselves from indulging in the other’s touch. It feels too good against their skin.

It’s then that Korekiyo’s brain strikes the flint to create the burning thought - maybe Sister wasn’t all that great. Maybe Sister didn’t love him.

She’s only ever made him miserable, now that he recalls it all.

(Y/n) doesn’t. She makes him feel human and alive and adored. He likes the way she makes him feel. And between the two, he much rather would be praised than berated.

~~

Oh God, what did this mean again?

Where do the creation myths go?

Who’s Princess Kaguya?

Her head throbs at the thoughts rumbling through her. She tried to get Korekiyo to get someone, anyone, but her to organize his notes.

Shuichi would love this stuff! You two should bond!

Gonta could learn about being gentlemanly from you! It’d be a great learning experience!

I know you don’t like Miu that much, but maybe spending more time together could make you understand each other more?

Anyone.

And yet, Korekiyo denied. He liked spending time with her. He wouldn’t mind answering every question she had - no matter how many times she asked it. He was a patient person, he could handle it.

(Y/n) looked at all the books and stray papers surrounding her alike, bottom lip tugged between her teeth in focus and face beating hot in vivid embarrassment. He wasn’t even looking at her, thank God, but still… it was so mortifying that she’d already lost track of what she was doing.

She tried so hard to pay attention, she really, really did!

She wanted to help so bad. She wanted to be useful so bad.

But she knew… she’s not a smart person, per se. It was beaten over her head repeatedly her entire life by her family, schooling, peers, and even her friends. She was an idiot who couldn’t do anything right.

It’s why she wanted Korekiyo to ask someone else.

But how could she say no to him? He was always so nice, it’d be downright mean to refuse him. Right?

She felt her eyes burn, vision growing blurry through tears. Setting down the papers in her hands - (Y/n) covered her eyes to keep any wetness from splotching the notes below. It was the least a fucking moron could do.

“(Y/n)? Are you feeling okay?”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

She nodded shakily, just wanting Korekiyo to ignore her and continue his work. Better yet, he’d kick her out and she could dodge the incoming humiliation altogether.

“Yeah,” her voice cracked, lips trembling.

Goddammit.

She heard papers rustling before she could feel the presence at her side. Fingertips just barely grazing her body before hesitating back, “You’re lying.”

Understatement of the year.

“I just… I’m so sorry, Kiyo. I’m such an idiot, I knew I couldn’t do this,” she whimpered, desperately trying to grab and suffocate down her bubbling sobs before they wracked her throat, “I’m too fucking dumb to do anything right… I’m sorry…”

“No, no, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re no idiot,” he’s immediately slammed with every memory of every time he’s called her such a thing. No matter how nice he tried to be about it, he still aided her insecurity, “I’m sorry for ever saying you were. Intellect is not measured by how well you can do a task nor should everyone’s mind be measured the same. Intelligence is fickle and is spread over a vast variety of subjects. You’re not an idiot for not being able to do something you’re not accustomed to.”

“I just… I- I wanted to help you but then I forgot everything you said about organizing them and then which regions are which and what even is a gorgon?”

He chuckled quietly at her question, “A creature in Greek mythology most commonly in reference to three sisters - Medusa, Euryale, and Sthenno - with hair made of living, venomous snakes that turned those who so much as looked upon them to stone,” he glanced around at what (Y/n) had gotten done, “I see that the filing in relation to music is nearly completed for your half.”

“That’s about all I’m good for.”

“And I would not have managed that so easily, music was never an incredible strength of mine - though I do admire it.”

“Don’t lie to me, Kiyo…”

“I would never,” he moved his notes away to sit more comfortably next to the girl, “In fact, if you’d be willing to listen…” his throat tightened and heart thumped in his chest, “I would like to tell you of something that’s been troubling me for quite some time.”

“Yeah,” she wiped away her tears, sniffling, “of course.”

“I told you of my sister, correct?” he waited for her nod of confirmation to continue, “Well, it’s my belief that…” his fists clenched.

What if she didn’t believe him? What if she blamed him? How do you tell someone your older sister raped and abused you when you’re barely even coming to terms with the fact yourself?

“(Y/n), I…” he stopped, gut bunching in knots before he suddenly ripped down his mask and turned to face her, “I think I need help…”

“What? You’re just wearing lipstick, Kiyo, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No, no, no, no,” he shook his head, hands shaking wildly as he pulled out the ponytail (Y/n) had done up earlier and yanked through his hair, “E-everything I am is because of her! She consumes me even in death! She- she- she hurt me…”

“Oh,” the girl moved to sit up on her knees, hands reaching out but not yet touching him, “What happened, Kiyo? You can tell me, I’m listening.”

“She told me I was an awful boy, nobody but her could love someone so foul and creepy… she- “ he moved to grip his sleeves, “She touched me,” he looked into the girl’s eyes, “Is it my fault? Am I so disgusting? Why would she do this?”

“Do you want me to hold you or no?” at his shaky nod, she instantly took Korekiyo into a hug, cradling his head and shoulders to her body and stroking through his hair, “You’re more than what she made you. You’re bigger and better than her manipulation. And it’s not your fault she did what she did. It’s completely and totally on her. She took advantage of you, Kiyo, that’s not your fault.”

He grabbed her arm and pressed his face into her shirt as she held him, “Am I rotten? Am I lovable?”

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met. You’re worthy of love and care.”

His lipstick smeared over her shirt and across his cheek and neither of them minded. It would wash off eventually. Her stain on his life would come out.

“When we get out,” (Y/n) began again, “do you want to seek professional help? You can get it, Kiyo.”

He was slow to nod, beginning to grow tired from dosing out tears and trauma at once, “I do… thank you, (Y/n)...”

“No need to thank me.”

“(Y/n)?” she hummed quietly in acknowledgement, “Even if it isn’t for field work… I wish to travel the country with you. I want to show you the beauty of humanity as I know it… for our sakes.”

Looking down, (Y/n) caught the gentleness in his eyes, tender and soft and awaiting her response, she smiled softly, brushing back his hair, “I would love to, Kiyo. If it’s truly something you want to do, I would be happy to go anywhere with you.”

~~

Nighttime was quickly approaching and with the atmosphere and turmoil of the class, (Y/n) didn’t feel very safe being out so late.

“You’re certain you don’t wish for me to walk you to your room?”

“No, you finish up here,” (Y/n) waved off Korekiyo’s offer, “Don’t be such a worry-wart, yeah? I’ll be fine! You better take care of yourself while I’m gone, though.”

He nodded, a small smile stretching over him, “I will, dear (Y/n), don’t worry.”

The girl’s eyes widened slightly before she returned his beam, “You have a cute smile, Kiyo.”

“Oh,” right, he didn’t have his mask on at the moment. It was refreshing to wake up and not trouble himself with makeup for a woman he wasn’t sure even cared - dare he say it, it was nice, even.

He’d only taken his mask off around (Y/n), it felt intimate. Sweet. Something passed only between them.

“Thank you.”

She nodded before turning back and pressing outward from his research lab, “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Kiyo! You better have the sweetest dreams, ya hear me?”

“You as well.”

He returned to cleaning up his lab, occasionally stumbling over a floorboard looser than the others. How troublesome.

That’s when her voice picked up from within his brain.

“You never loved me.”

He looked around despite knowing exactly where the voice was coming from.

“You let her do this to you. You let her take you from me.”

Pushing past them, he persisted in rooting through his notes and organizing his papers.

“She hates you. She’s scared of you. She’s just trying to be nice. You scare her. You scare all of them. You rotten, rotten boy. You’ve been ruined - only I could love a face so hideous and broken. A horrible, horrible boy lucky enough to be given the love I did.”

His hands shook, fingers twitching and heart thrumming heavy, “No. (Y/n) likes me. She enjoys my company.”

“Why would she enjoy the company of someone so lonely and depressing? So gross and foul? She probably hates you for partaking in your own sister’s touch.”

“No, she- she doesn’t… she knows it’s not… it’s not my fault…”

“Are you inside her head? How do you know? How are you certain? I’m the only one who ever loved you - and you’ve abandoned me. Left me all alone.”

“No, I- I haven’t abandoned you, Sister! Please, believe me, I never abandoned you.”

“So, you know what you must do to prove yourself to me.”

“(Y/n) wouldn’t like that…”

“(Y/n) wouldn’t like you anyway.”

She’s right, right? She’s right. Someone as wonderful and beautiful as (Y/n) could never adore him the way he does her. He loves her and she must find him repulsive. Staying out of fear.

Out of pity for the boy abused by his sister. And so, who better to return to than the more predictable of the two?

(Y/n) may have felt more like coming home than Sister - but Sister was home. (Y/n) was comfort. Sister was familiarity.

He found his foot planted against the loose floorboard once again. He knew how he had to make up for his misdeeds and abandonment.

~~

“I’m truly relieved to see that you got to your room safely,” Korekiyo murmured to (Y/n).

“Huh? Oh yeah,” she pointed over to their local gentle giant, “Gonta and I crossed paths on my way and he wanted to walk me to my room and I just couldn’t say no to him. It’s nice to have someone you trust in this ‘game’. Well, other than you,” the elevator jumbled slightly as it dove down into Monokuma’s makeshift courtroom, “I trust you, obviously.”

She shouldn’t. And he wants to tell her that.

But as Kokichi and Shuichi take glances at him from across the elevator, he knows that she’ll figure things out soon enough.

And, during the trial, when Shuichi’s convicting Korekiyo of the murder of Angie Yonaga and Tenko Chabashira - she does. And she cries and screams and throws a fit. Demanding Korekiyo to fight back harder. Demanding Shuichi to stop lying and get serious. Because Korekiyo would never kill somebody.

He was nice. He was a gentleman. He cared about people. He had stolen her heart - and a man who managed that wouldn’t kill anybody. So, of course, Shuichi was lying.

“Do I have to remind you of what’ll happen if you don’t vote?” Monokuma bit out.

(Y/n) clutched at her hair - she knew what she had to do. But every time she went to vote for Korekiyo, her body wouldn’t let her.

Reaching over, the boy himself took her hand in his, “Allow me,” as he guided her hand over her voting panel. No matter how she swatted at his hand or tried to wrench herself from Korekiyo’s grip, he pressed her vote into his name.

She was forced to watch as he was strung up and spun. Made dizzy and sickly. She was made to watch as he fell into the melting pot. Fires eating at his body until he was no more than spirit.

As Monokuma and the sister who had harmed him so horrifically worked as one to rid the world of his soul.

Eyes went to (Y/n) as the execution subsided. Her sobs and hiccups drawing everyone’s attention.

Gonta was the first to approach, a large hand settling on the girl’s back as she cried, silently taking her into a hug.

Her heart wrenched, fingers squeezing at Gonta’s suit and throat rubbing raw with her wild wails.

He could’ve gotten help. He could’ve gotten out with everyone. If she’d just stayed with him then she could’ve done something. Angie and Tenko would be here. Korekiyo would be here.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Kaito’s voice peeked through, “Don’t cry because he’s gone, (Y/n). Move forward - for both of you.”

“I…” she shook her head, choking on a sob, “I don’t think I can…”

Shuichi placed a hand on Kaito’s shoulder, “Just give her a little time.”

As the group moved out of the courtroom, Gonta stayed by (Y/n)’s side up until she clumsily made her way into her dorm room.

Immediately, she collapsed into her bed sheets. Dreading tomorrow. And the next day. And the one after that. And the one after that. And so on. And so forth. Maybe she should’ve known better than to go around falling for a guy in the killing game. Maybe she should’ve held herself up in her room all alone.

There was no escape from this feeling. No hiding. It may get better over time - but Korekiyo would always be gone.

A buzz at the door caught her attention. Her movements were sluggish, honestly just hoping that whoever was there had given up and left by the time she finally answered.

Shuichi stood there, classically uneven, anxious smile and all, “I think there’s something you might be interested in? If you’ll follow me.”

No verbal response was given, only (Y/n) stepping out of her room and shutting the door behind her to give him her confirmation.

He began towards the casino. With a sigh, (Y/n) was about to tell Shuichi off - she didn’t need to start gambling to get over Korekiyo’s death - until he stopped in front of the building.

“I mostly just wanted you to get some fresh air,” he says earnestly before digging in his pocket and pulling out a key with a heart-shaped handle, “I got this from here. You can get your own or keep this one, I think you need it more than I do,” at her confusion he continues to explain, “It can take you into this weird dream-like state where you can see what ‘ideal’ you play in our classmates’ minds… I think you know who I gave this to you for.”

“Kiyo…”

“Yeah. You can see him again, if you want.”

She wanted to be strong and push the key back into Shuichi’s hand - instead, she just looked between him and the key in her hold and nodded slowly, “Thank you, Shuichi…”

He placed a hand on her shoulder, “Sleep well, (Y/n). I know you can grow past this.”

Because he did.

“I’ll try.”

But he wasn’t her. And Kaede was gone far before Korekiyo. And their grief was not the same.

“Thanks again, Shuichi.”

“Just take your time, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

~~

Her knees felt like collapsing under the weight of her nerves, hand falling to the doorknob of the hotel room.

She pushed through her anxiety and found herself in a red-tinted room, a large heart-shaped bed in the center with a merry-go-round circling it. Then, she found Korekiyo standing to the side.

What would his ‘ideal’ version of her be? A friend? An out-of-touch acquaintance? A lover?

Her heart throbbed at the last possibility.

“Ah, my dear, back so soon?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I’m, uhm, not sure?”

I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.

“Then don’t,” he seemed to glide across the room, taking the girl’s cheeks in his hands, “You’ve always had a problem with that, my love.”

My love? My love.

“Ah, yeah, sorry,” she huffed at her own word selection, “Oh…”

Korekiyo chuckled quietly, pulling down his mask to kiss her forehead, “I already took my medication while you were out.”

“Your medication?”

“Yes, from the doctor. You were the one who pushed me to go, have you forgotten?”

“Right! No, no, I just blanked,” she quickly lied, giving the boy a broad grin, “I’m glad, though.”

“It’s only medication, dear.”

“Still,” (Y/n) reached up to cup Korekiyo’s cheek, “it’s good that you’re following through with your meds.”

“Your support always helps,” he pressed another kiss to the girl’s forehead, “We’ll be leaving early in the morning tomorrow, I should warn you,” at her furrowed brows he explained, “In order for us to catch the first train to Iwate prefecture. Did you forget, darling?”

“Wait, wait, let me guess…” she waited for his nod before tossing out her suggestion, “We’re traveling for field work!” she was then quick to tag on, “As a couple that’s, like, super in love?”

“You didn’t forget at all, my love,” Korekiyo pulled away slightly, and sat on the bed, removing his shoes, “You play that memory of yours down too much. You’re far more intelligent than you think.”

“You think that?”

“Of course, I do. It’s not just because I love you dearly, either. You mustn’t let the words and actions of others control your opinion on yourself - you’re better than they say.”

This is his ultimate fantasy. He’s her lover. They travel and see the beauty of humanity together, just like what he said he wanted. He loves her. He thinks she’s so great.

He’s wrong.

She should’ve stayed with him that night.

He’s wrong.

She could’ve done so much to keep him with her.

He’s dead.

Because she should’ve stayed.

“Kiyo,” her eyes burned and began to soak, “I’m sorry!” her lungs rapidly expanded and contracted with her sporadic breaths, her hands clutching at her shirt. Her knees finally buckled and she collapsed to the ground, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry for being a stupid, stupid, stupid failure! Please… forgive me…!”

Korekiyo immediately stood up and rushed to (Y/n)’s side, bringing her into a tight hug as she fell to the floor, his fingers running through her hair. He kisses at her temple and cheeks, waiting until her cries settle enough for him to be audible in the room, “It’s interesting, dear, I first realized I’d fallen in love with you in a situation similar as this. I desired to comfort and reassure you just as I do now. You’re not stupid nor a failure, and I adore you above all else.”

Shaking her head, (Y/n) only began to cry harder into Korekiyo’s chest. This could’ve been their future. This could’ve been what they had to share and hold between only each other. If she’d only stayed. If she’d been with him that night.

“Oh, my dear, I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“It wasn’t you,” she clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to keep back her cries, “I- I- it’s all my fault… it’s all my fault…”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, darling,” Korekiyo held her tighter, “I love you, my dearest (Y/n). No matter what you’ve done, I will always forgive you.”

And once again, her tears only came out harder. Her head pounding ruthlessly at the ache and consciousness fading out in her exhaustion. Korekiyo was dead. And no amount of her tears could ever bring him back.

#korekiyo shinguji x reader #korekiyo x reader #shinguji x reader #drv3 x reader #he deserved so much better :(( i wuv him #let me know if i miss anything with the warnings

[palettes-and-prompts]

prompts based off harness your hopes?

Of course!

1) "I've never smoked before." "Want me to teach you?"

2) "My car's broken down so a buddy of mine's going to take us to the club. They've got a live band I think you're gonna like."

3) "This song's not a slow one." "We can still dance like it is, can't we?"

4) "Your mouth tastes like sour candy." "Is it bad?" "I don't ever want to stop tasting it."

5) "You're not very romantic are you?" "I think maybe I can be for you."

6) "Do you like this song?" "No, but I like you."

7) "Just because you put chocolate on it doesn't make it better." "If you don't want it I'll eat it." "No way, it's mine, you made it for me."

8) "Let's go on a road trip." "We've got to be at work in like twenty minutes." "Fuck that, let's go race go-carts."

9) "I've never met someone like you before." "What, hot? Sexy? Fun?" "Someone so free."

10) "Let's go somewhere. We deserve to have fun." "Fine. Where do you wanna go, baby?"

1) Person A is a mechanic and Person B's is a famous actor/actress whose car broke down on the side of the road and is going to have to stay in town for a while. Luckily Person A's family/friends runs a hotel. After Person B decides to stay so they can practice for a mechanic role they find they like being around A and their family/friends.

2) Person A and Person B meet at music gig of a band they both enjoy. The two of them get along and after hearing one of the band's new songs they decide to make a list of the top ten things they've always wanted to do. Even though they're basically strangers the two decide to go on the journey and do them together all while living in their car and shitty motels. Despite this, it's the most fun they've ever had and they both stall and point out fun things on the way to the last item on their list just so they can spend more time together.

3) Person A tells their lover, Person B, that they miss hanging out with their friend Person C, who they haven't seen in a long time. Person B tells them they've got a feeling they'll see C soon. The next day Person A wakes up with a strange note from Person B and Person C's significant other, telling them they've contacted Person C to help them with the scavenger hunt. Person C arrives and the two of them have fun together tracking down their significant others. They're reminded why they became friends in the first place and have fun finding clues and solving puzzles together along the way.

4) Person A doesn't know what they want after they finish college and are stuck in a job they hate. When Person B begins working there the two of them end up finding out they have a lot in common. When Person B's sibling calls from miles and miles away to bail them out of jail, Person B asks A to tag along so they wont be bored. The two end up bonding and having a good time together. Person B thanks them for going with them and explains that their sibling has been in and out of jails everywhere for dumb stuff. They constantly get calls from B's sibling who is fun and cool, just a bit chaotic at times. A and B discover they might feel a bit more for each other and B's sibling, Person C, can sense this on the trip back home. Deciding to play matchmaker, C begins to point out attractions on the way home so they have to stop to see everything since they're already this far from home. Despite B pretending to be annoyed with their sibling, they're actually glad to have the extra time with Person A.

5) Person A's in a band and Person B's the bartender who's forced to hear them play all night. The two of them don't get along but tolerate each other since they work close together. A's band has a lot of adoring fans who praise A constantly. After hearing Person B ask their boss to switch the days they have to come in with the days's Person A's not playing, Person A begins annoying B with attention. A plays songs and begins openly flirting with B, much to their annoyance. When they sing them love songs, they soon realize they tease them and care about their opinion of them because they like Person B. They continue to do this when people hit on B in front of them. Person B begins to appreciate A keeping the creeps away and decides their music isn't all bad. When they see Person A wink at them after singing a love song they realize they feel something other than annoyance when they look at A. Unable to handle new feelings, Person B begins doubling down on their sarcasm and annoyed comments, which only makes A do more to get their attention.

#fuckin love this song #writing #dialogue prompts #prompts #writing prompts #writer #prompts based on songs #song prompts #write #these were definitely some of my favorite prompts to write #thank you anon

[renegadeapostle]

You have to tell us what perfumes you use!! Put us on! What’s wrong with le labo? I like the le labo rose 34 :(

A tough one to answer because I wear multiple perfumes a day and I'm almost always trying out samples, much to my family's displeasure. (I've been called a torture artist for making them smell some of the things I've worn!) But I try to mostly do sampling when I'm at home. Full bottles I own and wear when I'm out and about include but are not limited to:

Andy Tauer L'air du desert marocain - LOVE OF MY LIIIIFE! It smells like nothing else, simply one of the best dry ambers in existence. You must sample this if you like perfume at all.

Tauerville Rose Flash - my favourite rose scent (yes, even more than Portrait of a Lady!) A super jammy rose with a weird, funky citronella kind of base note. Projects like nothing else, I adore it. 

Thierry Mugler Alien - one of the best designer perfumes of all time, one of the best jasmines of all time. I love her. I wear this to the grocery store lol

Guerlain Vetiver Extreme - I didn’t care for the OG Guerlain Vetiver, though it’s considered one of the best in the genre (and I adore vetiver as a note!) but this one I love, it’s super smoky and incense-y. Hard to find in Aus but great value for money.

Comme des Garcons Incense: Avignon - you spray this and a Gregorian chant starts playing. A beautiful, airy, completely unforgiving incense. 

Prada Infusion d'Iris - A papery, dry iris. It uses the dry facets of iris, vetiver, incense, and a slug of iso e super (an aromachemical that smells like cedar/pencil shavings) to create an effect like the smell in a very clean library. One of my safe (for other people!) scents. 

Wik & Co Marveilleux - a lipstick rose/iris from an aussie indie brand. Smells like a vintage style scent that’s been given a modern twist. The closest I get to a decadent floral. 

Lalique Encre Noire/Encre Noire Extreme/Encre Noire Sport - my vetiver babieeeesssss. Encre Noire is one of the best vetivers ever made and probably the best soliflore for this note. Unfortunately, it only lasts about an hour on me so I spray it profusely. Extreme is deeper and a bit more powdery, Sport has some mineral notes in the top, both are also lovely. 

Lush I'm Home/Rentless/What Would Love Do?/Lord of Misrule/Goddess - I love my little lush bottles!. I’m Home is a cosy vanilla/benzoin, Rentless is Christmas spices with a huge slug of patchouli, WWLD is a lavender/citrus, Lord of Misrule is a patch/vanilla/pepper situation, and Goddess is what has to be described as a brutal oud, paired with rose and osmanthus. All lovely, well priced, and more inventive than about 80% of the designer/niche market. 

Serge Lutens Gris Clair - my fancy chemist lavender/hot ironing darling. Glorious.

Rania J Ambre Loup - gorgeous, cosy amber, with a lot of clove in the top notes. Not too powdery.

YSL M7 - one of the first western oud scents. Smells very medicinal, like cherry cough syrup - one of my faves. 

Prada Candy Gloss  - another cherry scent, I’m obsessed with medicinal/clinical cherry notes (I often enjoy almond/heliotrope perfumes because they smell very similar to cherry!). What perfume people call a ‘dumb reach’ - lovely, crowd pleasing, unchallenging. 

Molinard Habanita - powdery but in a good way. A vetiver-vanilla combo that is dominated by heliotrope (cherry-ish) and tobacco for me. Love the bottle.

Goldfield and Banks Wood Infusion - another aussie niche brand. A sticky oud and sandalwood, it projects like crazy. This one is addictive!

Guerlain Mitsouko - the chypre to end all chypres. 

Ariana Grande Cloud - a Baccarat Rouge 540 dupe, the best BR540 dupe, a saffron/medicinal top that blooms into a warm gourmand base. I get compliments from strangers when I wear this one. 

Escentric Molecules Escentric 01 - iso e super (aforementioned pencil shavings aromachemical) with a truly lovely pink pepper top note. 

Gucci Guilty Absolute pour Homme - smells like bandaids. Smells like a muscle rub. The affect is created by a truly dark combination of vetiver, cypress, and patchouli. I adore it. 

Agent Provocateur l’Agent - tuberose and incense, mainly myrrh. Very gothic, dramatic, seductress in silk dressing gown draped over a staircase. 

Dior Homme - A masculine (citrus top, woody base) with an iris (lipstick smelling) heart note. It is heavenly. 

Estee Lauder Youth Dew - my brother once called it, 'the sulfur of the damned'. Smells like Betty Draper mid existensial crisis. A coca coca oriental. 

Tocca Guiletta - this is a breezy light floral that has almost nothing I like listed in the notes, and yet I love it? It lasts forever, i take it on holidays. (Man, remember holidays?)

Tom Ford Black Orchid - Had it for years, love it deeply. A chocolate-cucumber top accord with a decaying floral/incense base. Smells like a dying 1920′s starlet. 

Tom Ford Grey Vetiver - a buttery vetiver accord in the style of Comme des Garcons Man 2. 

Kyse Frollino Lavanda - a huge dose of essential oil-ish lavender on top of a salted butter/sugary base. It’s just gorgeous. 

100bon Amaretto and Framboise/Carvi Jardin et Figue/Davana and Vanille Bourbon - these are all natural scents with surprisingly good longevity. The almond is a little boozy, the fig is very creamy, the davana a bit more fresh. I wear them in summer because they’re not cloying and they don’t give you a headache. 

I have decants of Frederic Malle Portrait of a Lady/Musc Ravageur and Heeley Cardinal that I wear pretty often as well. And I have a sample of Ormonde Woman that I'm hoarding because I love it and I want a bottle very badly but it is spennnssssyyy ($230 for 50ml). My wishlist is equally as embarrassing.

As for Le Labo, that’s really just a petty me thing; I don’t like brands that overcharge for their product. Fact is, unless the scent includes really difficult to source (real oud), rare (Mysore sandalwood), or expensive (real orris butter, saffron) ingredients, there’s no reason why the scent should be sold at such a markup. 

(I would probably never buy a full bottle of a Frederic Malle perfume either, though I love many of them and I like the brand a lot more than Le Labo, because they are similarly exorbitantly priced - mostly because of the ingredients.)

A lot of niche brands do markup (Byredo, Creed, ROJA DOVE) because they’re selling the aesthetic, and I don’t jive with that. I like a few Le Labo scents (Thé Noir 29, Vetiver 46, their oud is alright) and i would buy them if they were in the 100-150$ price range. I also like that they have an affordable in house sampling service. I don’t like how they name their perfumes after the most used ingredient, because I think it’s misleading (Santal 33 does not smell like sandalwood, it’s a violet leaf bomb, etc). Rose 31 I do hate though lmao. It smells like sour cumin to me.

#ask #perfumes #perfumery is my hobby #we perfume weirdos have a fragrance WARDROBE ok #we rotate things in and out! #amouage is another crazily priced house that i really rate (interlude man my GOD!!!!! such a good incense!!) but will probs never buy full #look perfumery is one of those things that if you get really into it you have to have an ethos #or all your money will go down the drain #and my ethos is $330 is too much money for a bottle lol #i mean l'air du desert marocain was $200 for 50ml #that shit hurt but it was worth every penny #idk if this list would be helpful to y'all tho #my taste in perfumes is like harsh masculines/medicinal/incense/tragedy orientals #i've smelled a lot of stuff tho so if you give me a brief i can rec you

[queenofwerewolves]

Future Hope - chapter 1.5 - Practice Makes Perfect

Our heroes didnt get their powers and knew from night to day how to manage them, especially those who had physical changes to their body. Our soon-to-be heroes were all reunited in Maria's house, they had planed to spend the afternoon practing and exploring their new limits and abilities, all helping eitch other.

They decided since Griff had the biggest change, they would focus on him first. At the moment they were out in backyard, eitch one giving suggestions on what to begin first.

"Pick us all up at once with your new muscles!" Said Muffin excitedly. "That's still too light! Pick us all up plus Maria's car" Said Spike, chewing once again on a bubblegum.

"You all leave Hellride out of this!" Maria responded angrily. "That car was expensive as fuck and I refuse to go back to a life of Ubers!" She crossed her arms, indignified.

"You named your car?" Kip answered from high up a tree branch, as cats do. "I name all my belongings, what of it?" Maria answered. "And they're all cool names, too".

"Hellride? Really?" Spiked scoffed. "Because she rides fast as Hell! Look can we get back on track and find something for Griff to test his strenght?!" Maria answered nervously with a touch of embarrassment.

"Unless we find an Indiana Jones boulder for him to spin on his finger like a damn basketball we arent gonna get any damn progress!" Spike shouted back.

Maria sighed and shook her head. "I hate it when you have a point.." Griff nervously scratched the back of his head. "There must be something we can do.." He quietly mumbled out.

"I got it!" Muffin shouted, they all turned to face her. "I forgot Im a fairy! I can just poof something up!" She said excitedly. Everyone stared at her with either a confused or shocked look.

"..How... Do you FORGET that you're a fairy?!" Spike blurted out nervously. "You have fucking wings! How does one forget they have huge pink glittery wings?!"

Muffin just shrugged.

Maria smiled wide. "OK Muffin, give us something huge and heavy for Griff to use!" Muffin nodded and grabbed her wand which had a muffin on the tip. "Wand cook, beat and bake! Give us a big large and tasty cupcake!" She waved her wand and out appeared from a bunch of pink glittery smoke, a nearly two-story house tall chocolate cupcake.

"... Why a cupcake..?" Blink asked as she peeked behind her mask, in slight awe and wanting to secretly a bite out of it. "I can only make sweets!" Muffin said with a shy tone. "Im not a fighter like you guys, I only want to make people happy and eat candy!"

"That is certainly the biggest pastry I've ever seen! So large and beautiful, I bet tasty as well!" "Not to mention DIABETIC AS HELL!!! We could die from a heart attack eating that! Or worse, we could get fat! Even fatter! And become even uglier then we already are! This is too overwealming I need a nap!"

Rooko and Rooki suddenly spoke, almost taking everyone off guard on how their friend Rook is suddenly two split personalities now based on the Youtube character ENA, one is always happy while the other is always sad, and depending on the situation they can go Manic or Miserable.

"OK Griff, show us what you can do!" Maria shouted excitedly. Without missing a second, Griff bent over and gripped the edge of the massive cupcake, after struggling a bit he slowly but surely, lifted the entire thing over his head, smiling proudly.

His friends cheered and applauded proudly. Feeling satisfied, he dropped the cupcake and dusted the chocolate crumbs off his hands and fur. "Yokusei!" He shouted, and with a naruto-like smoke poof, he turned back to his human self. Maria ran and hugged him tightly, which Griff embraced and hugged back with a slight twirl.

"Griff you were amazing!!" Maria said with a proud tone, Griff slightly blushed pink at the small punk girl and her excitement. "Oh shucks, it was nothing.." He said with a shy tone.

"Well, and seems we concluded Griffin's training." Togekiss said as they took a sip of tea. "He jump twice as high as a two-story house, his punches and kicks can knock down brick walls and possibly more if we werent limited on objects to test it with, he can hear twice as much then a dog could with his ears, and his sense of smell is impecable. Truly Griff is a strong asset to our team."

"I can only train my powers at night.." Said Spooks, holding an umbrella to protect her from the sun, now that it injures her. "Muffin's power is only sweet making. Togekiss has exceptional I.Q and can see simulations in the future like Garnet in Steven Universe, along with their strong telekenisis, and Kip simply draws whatever she desires, whether alive or not and it becomes a reality... That means it's Rook's turn to show us what she can do" She finished.

"Wonderful! It's our time to shine!" "I-I-I not ready! Everyone's gonna laugh at us! I-I might piss myself in fear!" "Oh pull yourself together dear! Our friends wont laugh at us!" "How do we know that?! They're just waiting to correct us on a dumb mistake!!!"

Rook's body shook and twitched as her eyes turned to static, suddenly her entire eyes turned black with a blue iris, she turned Miserable.

"They're gonna laugh and point at our foolish selves, we're gonna be so embarrassed that we'll wish that the Earth will swallow us whole and just fucking kill us now!! Go ahead! Laugh at us and our misfortune!!!"

"ooh shit" Maria said. "can someone calm her down?"

Rook's eyes change to regular as her Miserable side went away. "No need my good Queen! We are completly fine! Now prepare to be dazzled as we show you all what we can do!" q

Rook pulled out a harry potter-like wooden wand, waved it around. "Bloom and Blossom and protect who I love! Rise my pretties, rise high and above!" Rooki shot an orange light at the grass, which made dozens of flowers bloom and grow around Spike and Blink.

"This is only one of my tricks! It's a shield that protects them from almost anything! My main weakness is fire, because while plants are beautiful, they are also sadly very, very flammable"

"Cool." Said Spike before using his bat to aggressivly hit the flowers and the vines aside so he and Blink could leave.

"M-M-My turn I guess!" Rook took hold of the wand and waved it in circles. "Razzle Dazzle Shine and Show, make their body move it low!" Rooko shot a blue light at Spooks, which made unwillingly and uncontrolably start dancing and as the spell said, make her go low.

"O-OH GOD SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP I DONT LIKE HOW MY BUTT IS MOVING THIS MUCH!!" She shouted in desperation as she made a split and moved it even lower.

"M-My deal is with music! I-It works as a way of distraction o-or hypnosis and it lasts for 30 minutes un-le-less I say otherwise! I-I know it's a sucky power!"

"OK COOL CAN I STOP DANCING PLEASE IM GETTING A CRAMP!!!" Yelled Spooks, practically begging. Rooko flicked her wand and Spooks fell on the ground, panting. "OH MY POOR HAMSTRINGS THEY ACHE!!" She yelled in utter pain, meanwhile Maria and Spike were absolutely losing it.

"O-OH GOD MY STOMACH HURTS-" Said Spike in between laughter.

"OK you guys cool it" Said Blink. "It's our turn to practice now. We're the only ones who use regular weapons." She said drawing her sword and positioning her mask back in place.

"O-OK! OK!" Maria said getting up, she pulled out a small staff and whipped it, making it stretch out wide into a full, large red and black scythe, with a rose print on the blade. Spike spun his bat and spat his gum out.

"So. Who's ass Im kicking first?" Said Spike. "Wait on second thought this might be unfair." Said Blink. "Me and Maria had blades while Spike has a bat, maybe we should-"

Before she could finish, Spike swung his bat and hit Blink sword, knocking it out of her hand before kicking her back at the ground. Blink fell back hard before she could even process what happen, dumbfounded but angry, she snarled. "Oh it's on now Motherfucker." She extended her hand and the sword flew back to her hand, as she charged towards Spike, who moved out of the way as soon as Blink swung her sword, which if he hadnt been for Maria's scythe, would have sliced her right up.

"Dude! Chill! This is a pratice!" Maria spoke as both of their blades were against eitch other. Blink hopped and flipped over her and landed on a tree branch, croutching like a ninja. She put her hands together and in a small puff of smoke and disappeared. Spike and Maria were back to back, ready to counterattack Blink, what they didnt expect was for her to attack from underground.

Buring up from the dirt, she got both of them off their feet and charged after Spike, who barely managed to regain his balance before his using bat his block Blink's sword. A back and forth of clash-clings-and-clangs between metal begun, one attacking the other but eitch blocking every attack again and again.

Spike ducked a sword slash and roundhouse kick Blink's leg, which was effective since she's practically a ninja. She backflipped back on her feet and kept attacking swiftly. But a sudden scythe blade cut in between them, stopping the fight.

"That's enough!!!" Maria shouted. "You both are gonna end up hurting yourselves or eitch other! im ending it now!!"

"Oh what the hell dude?!" Blink shouted indignified. "I was about to beat him!!" "Oh please." Answered Spike. "Was that the best you could do? Sakura could do a better job kicking my ass" He scoffed. They began to argue loudly, genuinely angry at eitch other.

"THAT"S ENOUGH!!!!" Maria shouted, making them, and everyone else look at her.

"It doesnt matter would win that fight! This was a practice and not a competition!! The point of us being a team and getting powers in the first place was for all of us to make the world a better place, but the only way that can happen is if all of us work together!! As a team!!!"

They stood in silence, listening to her talk and set them straight.

"As cheesy as that sounds, it's true!! We shouldnt fight eitch other like this, you're not just my friends, we're all friends with eitch other! We all go along well and we know that, that's why I got you all together, because no one can bond better in a team then all of us together!!!"

"... She's right." Togekiss added, walking towards them. "We all started as simple individuals with free time on a website, but we all shared common interests, we grew closer.. And suddenly like that, we all became friends.. A family, if you will."

"We take care of eitch other and look out for one another." Said Spooks.

"Just like how you all did for me.. When I almost died. Almost died because of the shit and violent world we live in." Maria said.. With a slight crack in her voice.

"You're bringing in the same violence that almost killed me.. So please.. Please stop fighting.. We're all in this together.. Right..?"

Spike and Blink dropped their weapons and hugged Maria, and everyone else joined in as well.

"You're right, we're sorry Queen." Said Spike. "We got overwhealmed and we didnt mean it. We wont fight again, because you're right." Added Blink.

"We only have eitch other in this world, and if we want to change it we have to stick together, just like you said." Spike said one more time.

"And we wont let you down.. We promise.." Griff finished, with everyone agreeing with what he said.

And so they stayed for a moment, embraced within eitch other in a group hug. A family isnt perfect, there will be disagreements, but a good bond will always overcome those disagreements, and that's what they had, a good bond.

A bond that's practically unbreakable and untaintable. A bond that will soon be ready, and fight together to make the world a better place.

A bond that will the world's Future Hope..

#Queen's Story #consider this a side chapter #it's small but significant for the characters

[benjiwyatt]

do you have any ben/leslie headcanons! i love your posts abt them so much it's great to see someone get as emotional abt them as i am asjdkajhjd

i got this message and i was like "god, i dont really know if i have any headcanons" and then i opened my notes app and started typing and didn't stop for over an hour

i'm literally putting this under a break and organizing it into categories bc it's absurdly long

here it is

A COLLECTION OF BEN AND LESLIE HEADCANONS

PRE-RELATIONSHIP/S3

basically canon but leslie definitely had a crush on a young benji wyatt and followed the story religiously for the first couple months before she started college

ben is only slightly jealous leslie had ann go out with chris to try and get more money for the parks budget rather than leslie asking him out with the same goal. he knows it’s insane, unethical, and illogical but he’s still excited that he gets to spend the night with her on a date plus two other people even if it is to accuse her of bribery.

ann realizes early on that leslie was attracted to ben and teases her mercilessly about it. she thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that leslie wants to make out with "mean ben.” after april and andy’s wedding, she realizes it's more than just attraction and she lays off.

before ben can even think rationally about what he’s doing, he’s in line at bed, bath, and beyond with a crock pot in his arms, calling stephanie to ask her to send him their family’s chicken soup recipe

ann knew ben liked her from the beginning and was totally positive when she ran into him in the hospital asking for leslie’s room number while holding jj’s waffles and a tub of homemade soup.

ben realizes he’s falling in love with leslie when he is at city hall with her until 3am one night trying to budget for the amount of cotton candy machines she wants for the harvest festival. in his exhaustion, he naively believes her when she tells him she’ll go home in a bit so he leaves. he never gets a text from saying she made it home so he stops at jj’s the next morning and brings a takeout container of waffles and a coffee complete with an outlandish amount of whipped cream and sugar to the parks department. he finds her asleep in the conference room. he starts trying to convince sweetums to donate more cotton candy machines that afternoon.

chris had to have known ben liked leslie. he’s not an idiot. in the deleted scene from their wedding, they read out emails from their “tumultuous first week in pawnee” and chris writes to ben saying, “why are you so focused on leslie knope?” ben replies saying, “i’m not. whatever. shut up.” there’s no way chris is this oblivious. ben takes her out for a beer. ben pays out of pocket for a children’s performer to help her out. ben shows up on chris and ann’s date just because he thinks leslie might be there. chris can’t be this dumb. but when they take the city manager jobs in pawnee, he knows it can’t happen so he cuts ben off when he starts to ask about dating someone in city hall. he cracks down on the rule in front of leslie after the tom incident to hammer it in. he starts setting ben up on a bunch of dates to try and head it off. he sends them to indianapolis for the little league pitch because, realistically, he knows they’re the best bet for success but makes sure to interrupt their dinner and invites them to his apartment to continue to run interference the rest of the night. after their fights in 4.06-4.08, he hopes he won’t have to worry anymore. the next work day, they come into his office looking nervous and happy and he knows he’s about to lose the partner and best friend that’s been by his side for the past decade.

april and andy knew they were secretly dating. it went unspoken aside from a few implicit teasing remarks from april and a few suggestive attempted high fives from andy but leslie assured ben they wouldn’t tell anyone despite their ostensible behavior.

BREAK UP

ben had commissioned the li’l sebastian plush for leslie after he had died but the toy shop didn’t finish it until after they broke up. he felt bad not going to pick it up so he did despite not being able to give it to her. he kept it for all those months and sometimes thought about getting rid of it but could never bring himself to do it.

when leslie made personalized copies her books for her friends with individualized annotations and notes in the bylines, she had two copies for ben. there was one that she gave him during their breakup that was very simplified and watered down where the note basically just said “i’m really glad you decided to stay in pawnee.” then there was a second copy that she kept while they were split up that was totally covered in notes and random thoughts she couldn’t say during their time apart. she gives him that copy when they get back together and it may or may not be the best gift he’s ever received.

april was much less abrasive with them during the break up because she’s a sweetheart and wants her friends to be happy.

the first time leslie admitted she was in love with him was during a long night of drinking and crying at ann’s house

ben craved the taste of sugar during their breakup because he got used to tasting the sweetness when he kissed her

ben found himself unable to sleep at night without the sound of leslie talking in her sleep to comfort him

april texted leslie the night of the halloween party to let her know that ben and andy were at the hospital after a fight and everything was fine and she didn’t need to worry. leslie was mad at andy for a few days after and he couldn’t figure out why.

the only photo in ben’s bedroom was of himself, leslie, and li’l sebastian at the harvest festival. if he got caught staring at it and crying, he would just say he missed li’l sebastian so much.

april and andy started having star wars and star trek movie nights to try and cheer ben up

DOMESTIC

ben and leslie got in the habit of having weekly game nights with april and andy during the campaign since they were all basically living together. it became a tradition that kept going as often as they could make it happen, even after the kids were born. they try to have game night at least once a month. april pretends to hate it.

one of my absolute favorite ideas about them is that she sleeps much better when he’s around to keep her grounded. after they get together for good, she starts getting closer to 5 hours of sleep a night.

another favorite involving leslie’s sleeping: ben is typically accustomed to tuning out incoherent nonsense that she babbles in her sleep but she also has some of her best ideas when she’s not busy trying to focus on a million different things. when he hears her coming up with legitimately good ideas or making speeches or having solid debate arguments, he takes out the notebook he keeps in his nightstand to record her thoughts and quotes. he revisits and revises the notes to strengthen her statements and make them more professional and less rambling but makes sure to keep her distinct voice apparent in them.

ben prefers pancakes to waffles but he will go to the grave with that secret

this isn’t a headcanon because nbc posted it but one of ben’s holidays on leslie’s calendar is watch synchronization day which is the day they celebrate syncing their watches to, as leslie puts it, “always be in harmony, like our hearts” which is just one of the sweetest fucking things in the world

leslie makes ben read and watch all the harry potters because he didn’t get into them when he first tried. ben is much more of a success than ann. she buys him a ravenclaw scarf for christmas.

their first fight as a couple was a historical debate gone awry

since ben clearly has some affinity for custom stuffed animals, he has some made for the triplets.

they’re both dog people but they adopt a cat because sonia and stephen beg for one and it does fit their busy lifestyle much better. they love the cat. they get a dog when the kids are older and life is slightly less hectic.

they both love striped shirts and sweaters so much that they have to make a conscious effort to avoid wearing them on the same day and matching

leslie makes sweets and bakes desserts while ben typically handles cooking the actual meals

BASED ON EPISODES, QUOTES, AND THROWAWAY LINES

i always loved the ann/ben dynamic in bus tour because there’s been such an obvious shift in ann’s attitude towards him in this episode. maybe it’s because she and tom just broke up and she just turned chris down again and she’s frustrated with relationships but i think it’s her realizing ben isn’t going anywhere. since the campaign is winding down, she realizes that things aren’t gonna go back to the way they were because ben is now part of this and he’s clearly in it for the long haul. ann’s definitely jealous that ben is just as important to leslie as she is and she now knows she’s never gonna get that full attention back. ann sits ben down to have a real “don’t you dare hurt her” speech after this ep and before win, lose, or draw. this is when he tells ann he wants to marry her.

they discover they both adore the princess bride after ben says “as you wish” to her one night and after that it becomes their movie.

the wildflower mural becomes a thing between them when ben says he considered that to be their first date, prompting leslie to tell him what the mural means to her.

ben puts banjo boogie bonanza on one of the mix cds he gives leslie at the beginning of their relationship

harrison ford movie nights start after they both reveal they had a crush on him as a kid. ben was obsessed with han solo and leslie was into indiana jones’ whole history teacher vibe.

they basically hate each other’s taste in music and stop exchanging mix cds once that becomes apparent that they aren’t gonna find much common ground. they both love tom petty, al green, and etta james and music in that vein though.

ben makes leslie watch game of thrones just to try to explain why he’s called her khaleesi. she gets into it, not so much because of the show itself, but because of how passionate her boyfriend is about it.

they start learning basic french during the s4 campaign because they think it will be useful to have a basic multilingual vocabulary for their political careers and because leslie confesses she has always dreamed of seeing paris. they study spanish next.

ben makes leslie watch the star wars prequels just so he can complain to her during them. he doesn’t think she’s paying attention and then he reads about midichlorians in the paper.

ann is also in on ben’s plan to sneak vegetables into leslie’s waffles.

they will sometimes jokingly refer to themselves as the “dream team” or “dynamic duo” because, despite chris’s absurdity, it’s true

i’m open to literally any origin of this because no matter what it’s perfect but i like to think that “i love you and i like you” started at some point in season 4 when, at some point, leslie went “i like you” and ben replied “you like me?” “mhm” “hm just like me?” “yes i like you. i love you and i like you. both.” “mmm i love you and i like you too”

i barely even register some of these things as headcanons since they just live so solidly in my brain

this might be my favorite ask ever thank you for loving benslie enough to ask me this and be genuinely interested

if anyone read all of this, i love you

#most of me loves you for sending this ask but i just procrastinated so much work while writing this #ben x leslie #otp: deeply ridiculously #cherubsona #mail #this is truly absurdly long no one is gonna read this

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy. 

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You. 

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

#squad 11 #sometimes i look at Things I Have Wrought and pull a full Talking Heads style 'how did i get here?' #my squad 11 stuff is my absolutely weirdest most bonkers writing #i am glad people seem to like it #just trying to find some meaning in this hot mess #i think i blame The Toast

[spiltscribbles]

Love Is Not A Victory March

~Notes: :Hiya loves! So yes this is a repost becs I wanted to fix it up and I think it’s much more of an actual story now ty God<3 <3 This is based off the prompt that the ever lovely @goodboylupin gave me for her Candy Hearts challenge, that was literally just, “love letters,” and my dumb brain said I should do this RIP. I literally have photographic proof that I sent RJ that this was meant t be 6k at max lmfaoooo. Also huge thank you to @omgcmere for always being dat bitch to kick me in the ass, and to @mischief-marauders tedddylupin for their kind words, and of course to Angel Anon! I hope y’all don’t hate this!!!

.-

Send Me A Prompt  |  Reblogging is like giving a hug.-

.-

“Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good.”

-Zack Siler, She’s All That

~*~

The Lion’s just won their third game in a row for the season, which of course dictates that the team celebrates with an after party at the Prewett’s house while their parents are off visiting their older sister and her new born up north in Albany. There’s a Suicideboys song pulsing through the speakers, and a never ending tub of jungle juice besides a truly imposing stack of White Claws towards the back. All the necessary ingredients  for a good and proper blow out in Sirius’s humble opinion, even if he has to see Peter Pettigrew’s pasty white ass when he runs through the house screaming that he’s lost his pants before jumping into the backyard’s pool in the midst of people cackling and taking photos for their Snapchat and Instagram stories. Not an irregular occurrence, all things considered, especially when taking into account how fucking tweaky Pettigrew can get when he smokes too much.

But whatever, it’s fine.

Sirius is taking a huff out of the sloppily wrapped joint that Evan Rosier had just  handed over— which proofs that if you want anything decently done you have to do it yourself. But it’s whatever, he’s laughing along to a story James is crowing about,  the time when they had snuck into a Florida club during spring break of last year— emphatic hand motions and all— and Eleanor Hawthorne is making eyes at him from across the way— a sure lay for tonight— and he’s the one who made the final goal that won them the game against those serpents in the first place. So yeah it’s a good night all put together. It would be a great night if Fabian would stop whining about Emmeline Vance dumping him for the fourth time in as many months of dating  after she had caught him half way to fucking  a blonde from the local Catholic girl’s school. But he supposes you can’t get everything you want.

“Emmy is the love of my life,” Fabian moans in a truly pitiful way right on queue, interrupting James cackling over how Sirius had flirted so hard with the bartender that they ended up drinking free for half the night. Gideon sums up all their feelings when he just rolls his eyes at his twin before sauntering off to probably go and get busy with Benjy Fenwick  upstairs, the selfish bastard.

“Sure she was,” Kingsley says wryly before going back to the game of beer pong that he’s destroying the competition at, and Frank only pats Fabian’s head consolingly.

“I loved her I tell you!” Fabian shouts defiantly before chugging down his fifth claw of the hour, already fucking tipsy— the light weight.

“Get some dignity man, and get over it,” Sirius tells him— this side of derisive.

Fabian glares at him menacingly. “Just because you don’t have a heart Black, doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t feel things!”

“I have a heart, I’m just not a bitch bout it,” Sirius sniffs loftily, getting up to stretch and gulps down the rest of his rum and coke, winking at a junior who’s blatantly staring after him and making her flush.

“Have you ever even had a long term relationship in your life? Besides just folks you keep on the back burner for casual hook ups?” Frank asks, a bit slurred before stuffing another handful of Doritos into his mouth. He thinks that just because he and Alice Flores have been mindnumpingly in love since Freshman year Homecoming that the rest of the world is just lost until they find their “other half” like they have, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

“Sure I have Frances, your mom.” No one laughs, and he doesn’t expect  them to— that was a pathetic attempt at a joke, and Sirius blames the subpar weed. “’S whatever, I can keep up a relationship if I wanted to.”

“I bet you can’t find someone you haven’t already fucked and dumped   to take’m to the Snowflake Formal,” Kingsley goads, effortlessly bouncing another ball into a solo red cup before taking a seat on the arm rest besides frank and chugging from  an untouched Miller.

James only shakes his head, muttering a small, “Here we go,” beneath his breath.

“Oh hop off, all I gotta do is not cheat on’m with anything that breathes, learned that one from you Fabs.”

Fabian glares darkly at him, “That was a misunderstanding.”

“Your tongue was down the chick’s mouth.”

“We were on a break!”

“And Joey doesn’t share food!” Frank tacks on with a snort.

Fabian flips him the bird before swiveling his gaze back up at Sirius, “Just admit that you’re an irreverent asshole and can’t hold up a relationship if your life counted on it.”

“Pff,” Sirius tilts his head, starting to get real peeved off. “Let’s make it  a bet then. I’ll get a date to take for the formal, just to rub it in your fucking face Prewett.”

“Guys, this is a bad idea.” James interjects.

“I think it’s an amazing one,” Kingsley counters, pixelated gleam in his dark eyes.

“I think you’re all off your rockers,” Frank intones with far too much gravity.

Sirius sighs. “No more comments from the peanut gallery for the love of Christ.”

“Not only a date, a full blown relationship for the next three months! Gotta make the poor fucker believe it too.” Fabian clarifies, to which Sirius only shrugs, indifferent to the caveat. “Then you’re on Black! And if you lose, you gotta streak the entire crowd during the championship game!”

Sirius agrees easily, knowing full and well that he won’t lose to the bastard. “And if I win, you gotta hand over that motorcycle you and your dad have been fixing up over the summer.”

“deal.”

“Deal.”

They shake on it with matching smirks of condescension.

“This is going to be so, so bad.”

Acting as if James hadn’t even spoken, Fabian gets up to meet Sirius eye to eye. “Next person to walk through the door is your conquest.”

“Fine with me.”

“I don’t like this at all.”

Everyone continues to ignore James, to busy keeping up a death stare towards the entrance of the living room— Sirius’s stomach dropping six feet under and his heart clenched when not even a minute passes and it’s no other than Remus Lupin who ambles through the threshold, looking so adorably flustered until spotting Dorcas Meadowes— president of both the STEM club and  the black student union— who quickly envelopes him into a hug before they stroll towards the garden by the smokers.

ANd shit.

Keep Reading

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #THE HARRY POTTER SERIES #HP FIC #MARAUDERS #HARRY POTTER SERIES #FIC: SHE'S ALL THAT #SPILT INK

[awkwardspiritanimals]

75 Bob’s Burgers quote prompts

This was mostly done as a joke, but also I did kind of want it and also I did do all the work for it, so here are 75 fic prompts based on quotes from Bob’s Burgers, seasons 2-10. Use them as a starting point or include them in your fic itself, totally up to you.

“More subtle. Move off explosives.”

“Your mom’s not being seduced right now, and I shouldn’t have to say that to my kids.”

“I was gonna punch you, but I’m holding wine.”

“No, no, no. No curiosity in the hallways.”

“I haven’t seen her in a while, and I have to say I’ve enjoyed every minute of our time apart.”

“This is not the head I wanted them to find my bones in.”

“I like sexually charged, awkward, confusing things too.”

“Congratulations, you’ve now got stunts inside of you.”

“Hey, daytime whiskey. Wanna meet my CD collection?”

“Don’t look at me like that, turkey baster.”

“My good nipple is bleeding.”

“I happen to have some armpit hair nets with me.”

“I’m not gonna let this birthday win.”

“I thought those boulders looked traumatized.”

“You’re a high-value target in a low-value body.”

“Then we’ll climb up and see how rich squirrels live.”

“Or like that time I petted a dog and found a Cheeto.”

“You make me feel like I can jump over this parking meter.”

“Dad’s butt is very sturdy.”

“Oh god, they’re gonna sacrifice us. I hate this neighborhood!”

“Calm down. No one wants to cook, you weirdo.”

“Love is like a beautiful flower. But it can also be dangerous, like a tiger with a gun.”

“I’m not good at running around things, just stop so we can talk.”

“That’s all I’ve got. I don’t have advice, I’m nine.”

“Maybe he’s never seen a man’s back sweat as much as yours.”

“I’m gonna ride a rollercoaster with you, you disgusting beautiful garbage angel.”

“He’s like a piece of candy with hair.”

“I love you for real, not like these posers.”

“Our boyfriend is coming over any minute and he has a Bowflex.”

“But if we get murdered, don’t tell your father.”

“She loves revenge. Revenge and shrimp.”

“It’s a serious question. How does anyone poop anywhere?”

“Singles’ mixers are not illegal, but if they’re good, they are immoral.”

“I’m just gonna go take some more aspirin. How many can I take, like twenty?”

“God’s done some good work but he screwed up my birthday.”

“I didn’t lose them, I threw them to the moon. It made sense at the time.”

“You give the rest of us hope. Maybe a guy like me could win a gift certificate.”

“Most people would be turned on by a new brine.”

“Shouldn’t we call a doctor, or a tv show?”

“I’m looking at her and I literally cannot breathe.”

“Terrible name. I hate him because of his name.”

“What’s all this cocaine doing at school? Throw it away.”

“Think of it as the gift card of homemade gifts.”

“Alcohol does not solve problems, miss missy. It just makes them go away.”

“No, you signed me up, and now you’re bowing to grownup peer pressure.”

“You probably always had that soccer ball pattern on your forehead.”

“Maybe we’re too old to have fun.”

“Really? I think that jacket’s cute. I’d totally die in that jacket.”

“Look, we all just need to give me a second chance.”

“I’m getting a little weepy just being around all these bikes.”

“You see, this is why we need a net from the ceiling.”

“Work good, smell better. That’s what I say.”

“You have my word as an educator/rapper/healer.”

“No, weird like I feel like I should help you or give money to a charity that helps people like you.”

“I’ll do the sitting and waiting and driving cool.”

“You’re saying numbers, but that’s not necessarily math.”

“Did you buy five children’s coat racks?”

“You’re dumb. I mean, I-I love you too.”

“I always have athletic stuff to do.”

“I’m the good parent, everyone remember that.”

“Well, you walked into your baby shower, we all shouted surprise, and then you started crying tears of genuine emotional sadness.”

“They want to find out if they saw God or if it’s something radioactive.”

“I don’t want to hug you. That’s not ‘scared of long hugs.’”

“That’s an 8. Why would it be a boob?”

“Or what I think is a karate outfit? I don’t really get fashion.”

“When I proposed, I didn’t have a ring. I just gave her a high five. Uh, you know, a romantic one.”

“No, I put no food in my socks.”

“Wait, do you think I’m siding with the squirrel?”

“I have a lot of cousins. He’s the hot one.”

“Do you want me to set up a little bed in here so you can sleep near your friend?”

“Bring back good stuff to burn or don’t come back at all!”

“Firm but fair- unlike your body.”

“I’m sorry but I’ve got to pretend my cell phone’s not working right now.”

“Potatoes. They’re so beautiful.”

“There’s no way they make you wear a bra in heaven.”

#bob's burgers #fic writing #fic prompts #prompts #long post

[uncloseted]

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

[fmdminhee]

task. #famedrstask1.

notes: word counts are included with each individual answer! completed for +5 tracker points.

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. word count: 261.

minhee’s childhood prior to becoming a trainee is pretty much the exact same as before the restructuring. dance prodigy says fuck u crazy dance mom, i’m not gonna be maddie ziegler, and ends up becoming an idol. she started training a year earlier than before though, so she had a slightly longer training process! i think the most obvious change to everyone else is her faceclaim, which is now lee hyeri. buuuut if you take a look at her pages or app or anything else, you’ll see that she’s now a main dancer, lead vocal & rapper, rather than being a main dancer, lead rapper & vocal! this was sort of a selfish change on my part, because i wanted to open her up to some opportunities for solo work that wouldn’t have suited her before because of her position, but that would’ve fitted more along the lines of what i initially imagined for her image than the options actually available to her. she’s also been a lot happier for a lot longer, because instead of debuting with a concept she hated, minhee got to debut in ... an age appropriate group! if you look here, you can see some examples of what i thought of when thinking of minhee’s ideal group and ... yeah, lily lines up with that pretty well. not perfectly, but pretty well. she’s still dealing with her issues surrounding her family, her sexuality and her fear of aging, but for the most part, minhee’s a lot more settled, or even satisfied, in terms of her career.

what does your muse think of their company and their group? word count: 255.

let’s start with lily, minhee’s beloved. she loves her members, she loves the overwhelming majority of their songs, and she’s proud as hell of the legacy they’ve built up for themselves so far. to be honest, sometimes she it just hits her that oh shit, she’s minnie from lily! and oh shit, they’re basically the biggest girl group ever. no one tell her that candy inherited nation’s girl group or that ultraviolet are taking over the world, let her be dumb. no, but genuinely, she can’t believe the scale of what they’ve achieved sometimes. she doesn’t totally feel like she deserves all the love she gets. then there’s the company behind it all; bc entertainment. she wonders all the time if her mother would’ve went along with everything if it was any other company that minhee came home with a callback from. probably not. for that alone, she’s thankful. she sort of dislikes being portrayed as perfect and untouchable -- more silly and down to earth than a lot of her peers under the company, but still. it’s just part and parcel of bc’s status. the reason it gets to her is that she’s very much not that perfect girl next door that the company wants her to be, and she puts a lot of pressure on herself to live up to it. as such, minhee probably doesn’t take advantage of all of the resources being under bc allows her access to as much as she should, choosing instead to just grin and bear it. 

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? word count: 260.

minhee is on her second contract. she renewed with bc in 2019 for a further seven years, which doesn’t feel like that long of a time. seven years seemed like a liftetime when she signed her debut contract in 2012, but it went by pretty fast for her. finding out what the rest of her members were doing was the most important thing for minhee when choosing whether or not to renew. with lily’s status in the industry, the money she made over the previous years, and the wealth belonging to her family, she felt confident that she’d be okay no matter what happened. a safety net. but her preference was always going to be to continue with the rest of lily if possible. she wouldn’t have forced the issue if the others didn’t want to though ... at least not on purpose. knowing minhee, she probably would’ve been crying all over the place and ended up messing with everyone’s plans like that. maybe she would’ve put out an ad like, “nation’s girl group in search of new agency. must be willing to take in four fully grown women and meet all of their demands.” as for the terms in her second contract, minhee was looking for some more royalties and some reassurance that lily would continue to receive the levels of resources and investment that they were already receiving from the company, as well as more opportunities for her to grow as a soloist. she didn’t want them falling by the wayside. she’s too young to be washed up! 

what are your muse’s goals and motivations? word count: 259.

in terms of her career, minhee actually has some pretty lofty ambitions. her top two focuses are solo music and modeling, and they’re basically split an even 50/50. she wants to continue releasing upbeat solo songs, but as for the music itself, aside from some dabbling in lyrics, she’s happy to leave it to the professionals. her primary interest, aside from the obvious performance and promotion aspects, lies in developing her own choreography. for her own songs firstly, but also for lily’s songs, and maybe even others within the company. outside of bc remains to be seen. she’s been really inspired over the years by a lot of the dancers and choreographers that she’s worked with, even from before entering bc, and she’d like to inspire someone else some day too! and modeling ... i can’t lie, minhee just likes looking pretty and getting free stuff, so she’d like to do some more of that. 

as for her personal life ... messy as hell! she still really wants to find love but still only goes looking for it with fuckboys. she wants to get closer with her dad and her extended family, but is finding it difficult to pull off while also keeping her mother at arm’s length. she also can’t help antagonising her mother because she’s a dumb brat. i don’t think minhee realises it yet, but she’s slowly coming to a place of self acceptance too. when she does realise it, i think that’s something that will really motivate her to be the best she can be.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? word count: 262.

i’ve talked in depth about minhee’s conflict over her sexuality here, which all still holds true, but i want to take this opportunity to talk about something else very close to my heart concerning minhee that i’ve mentioned once or twice in passing but never explicitly. minhee is autistic. she just doesn’t know it yet. some fun mun trivia is that i’m autistic! but, as is typical for a lot of afab people, i was basically an adult by the time it was diagnosed. you might say, hey sucy, stop projecting on your muses, but i say no! write what you know and all that. it’s kind of ironic though, because not even i realised minhee could very well be autistic until i’d written her for two years, and deciding took me another. and now she has to go through the diagnostic process again in character, smh me. anyways, yeah, minhee is probably going to have it suggested to her pretty soon while seeking some help for her anxiety about aging, and after that she’s gonna have to recontextualise her whole life because it’s truly like a lightbulb moment for a lot of people, myself included. suddenly everything that was weird to you growing up makes sense. it’s kind of a lot to wrap your head around, and would be for anyone, so writing about that for minhee is going to be interesting. i mentioned above that she’s been kind of moving towards self acceptance anyways, and i think this will be a very big turning point for her on that journey.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. word count: 277.

she does! her individual activities consist of modeling jobs and a couple of variety show cast positions, because i felt that these were the avenues she would’ve been pushed down up until more recently in her career, when her interest in choreographing for herself would’ve really taken off. minhee has really enjoyed her career so far. she feels settled within the entertainment industry, and that type of security is so sexy to her. the less chance that her mother can say i told you so the better.it’s kind of a big difference for her in terms of character actually, but this incarnation of minhee likes being on variety shows! she’s actually confident appearing on them! this is because of the difference in concept between lily and lipstick. lipstick’s minnie’s confidence took a long time to build up. lily’s minnie’s didn’t. she’d like to be on more variety shows in the future, especially something competition based, like dancing with the stars ... or masterchef, for a laugh, because she’d be the first person eliminated. and then, there’s the modeling. as mentioned a couple of questions ago, it’s something she wants to focus pretty tightly on going forward. her favourite brand that she’s been the ambassador for so far is crocs. she loves her crocs. she has, like, five different colours. crocs, please sign minhee again. working with etude house and kloud was pretty cool too though. sometimes she’s still able to swing free beers when she goes out. so, going forward, she wants to continue with those types of gigs, as well as pursuing more solo music and developing her skills as a choreographer, like i mentioned earlier!

#famedrstask1 #yes i did this instead of getting dowoon's intro ready!!! but ... now i'll go do that please love my silly middle child's changelog!! #yep . minhee's now the middle child of my kids that's crazy