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gaiussleechtank · 4 months

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It was one of those nights: the peaceful ones where both King and Court Warlock could shed their titles and just exist as two friends sharing cups of wine beside a fire. Both were silent as they nursed their drinks and basked in the dim lighting the fire provided Arthur’s dark chambers.

Merlin was lying across the floor on top of countless pillows and blankets, parallel to the hearth of the fireplace. His feet were bare as he had kicked off his boots hours earlier and the cords of his tunic were pulled extremely loose. Merlin’s legs were crossed one over the other as one hand played with a lock of his own hair as the other blindly traced the engravings of his goblet.

Arthur was sat his chair above Merlin, facing the fire and looking down at the peaceful man. He was glad that Merlin’s eyes were closed because it allowed the King to openly stare. For someone who was regarded to be so aware of everything all of the time - Merlin has not once ever cottoned on to Arthur’s gaze on him. In a way, it was reassuring that Arthur didn’t have to fear being caught by the very man he was observing. But it another way it was far too frustrating: Arthur nearly wanted to be caught and then in turn be forced to admit his reasons for staring.

For the Goddess’ sake, how could Arthur not look anywhere but Merlin with the man lying so enchantingly in front of him, doused in the golden light of the flames?

How could he lay his eyes elsewhere when nothing and no one else brought him nearly as much happiness and fulfilment in his heart than Merlin?

How could he when Merlin was everything that he loved?

The nearly empty goblet rested on his lap with his hands encircling the rim, it would be stupid to say it.

“Merlin?” Arthur broke their silence.

Merlin hummed in response, he didn’t move nor open his eye, but the tone of his voice easily told Arthur that he was listening.

“I’m in love with you.” Oh, fuck.

The body in front of him stilled. Merlin’s hand retracted from his hair as he slowly sat up. Arthur couldn’t tell you when the Warlock’s eyes had opened but he could give you a thousand words at least on what it felt like to be under their unending gaze. Merlin didn’t look away from Arthur as he got to his feet and came to stand in front of his King.

Merlin might not have ever been aware of when Arthur’s eyes were on him - but Arthur was far too aware of Merlin’s piercing stare. The King averted his eyes and stared down at the lingering mouthful of wine in his cup, listening to Merlin’s few footsteps.

A hand slid underneath Arthur’s jaw and half cupped the side of his face: hesitantly, Arthur let himself be guided to look up at Merlin. Had it been anyone else, this would have been so dangerous - to willing put his heart and mind at risk by giving someone else so much control over him would have been a death wish if it were anyone else.

Yet this was Merlin, the one person in his life that he would faithfully trust the world with to the ends of time.

It was sad eyes that Arthur saw. Not angry. Not disgusted. Not hurt, or even happy. Sad, sad, eyes that Arthur would nearly say were brokenhearted.

Merlin sighed with a pained and defeated expression. “Not again.”

“What?” Arthur felt his breath catch in his throat.

Merlin smiled with a soft pain, his thumb stroked over Arthur cheek as he said, “You don’t love me, Arthur.”

“I- I do.” Arthur stammered, he hadn’t anticipated out right refusal, denial and disbelief as an outcome. “I do love you, Merlin.”

Merlin swallows and seemed to choke back tears.

“No, Arthur, you don’t.” He repeated. “This is a love enchantment, this has happened before. You aren’t in love with me.”

The words were far too rehearsed, Merlin’s expression too knowing and understanding. Arthur felt like a petulant child being gently corrected on the truth. Had this really happened before? Had Arthur been enchanted to be in love with Merlin before?

“Merlin, I know my feelings, please believe me.” Arthur begged in futile.

“I don’t think you realise how badly I want to, but I can’t.”

Arthur’s eyes widened at Merlin’s confession - even though the feelings were reciprocated, Arthur was still being rejected - but he saw it. He saw all of the held back and restrained love Merlin held in his eyes for Arthur. He finally was bearing witness to Merlin’s affection, only because the Warlock was allowing him to.

“Is it really so unbelievable that I love you that you are convinced my mind is under the control of a spell of potion?”

“I know you love me - in the way friends love one another, brothers even.” Merlin stressed, his words clearly hurting himself. “But you don’t love me the way I want you to, you never have and you never will.”

“You do want me to love you like this?” Arthur countered.

Merlin closed his eyes and shakily let out a sob, his hands ran from Arthur’s jaw and face, around the King’s neck and weakly grasped at the back of Arthur’s head. He pressed his face into Arthur’s hair, Arthur pulled Merlin in closer and strung his arms around the Warlock’s waist and back: he could feel Merlin weep.

“You won’t remember this conversation, you never have, so why not?” Merlin muttered with a bitterness that surprised the King. “I have loved you for years, Arthur, what I feel for you goes beyond the devotion of prophecy and bond of friendship. I’ve always known that you will never feel the same.”

How his heart ached on the verge of breaking: Merlin loved him. He was in love with Arthur. He felt the same as Arthur but clearly awful past experiences that Arthur cannot remember are preventing him from acting on the truth.

Arthur tried to speak but was cut off before he could even utter a syllable.

“No, Arthur, please stop.” Merlin said, slipping out of Arthur embrace. He looked so guilty.

Merlin believed Arthur not to be in control of his mind and actions, he believed Arthur to be susceptible to anything. Though Merlin was nowhere near the kind of person to take advantage of someone under the influence of something mind altering. Even though this ‘supposed potion or enchantment’ was giving him what the Warlock wanted, Merlin still held back and refused.

Even such a simple embrace, the kind of embrace that was becoming more commonly between them as the years progressed seemed to wreck so much regret through the man - Arthur wanted to shake him and scream at how wrong Merlin was: that he could and was consenting to any any hold or touch Merlin could or would give him.

Arthur stood up and met Merlin far too closely. Their faces were mere inches apart, dangerously so. The King saw how badly Merlin wanted to give in, he could see the arguments and thought process that Merlin was going through.

His hand hovered over the side of Merlin’s face as leaned in closer.

“Don’t.”

He froze.

“You’re not in the right state of mind.” Merlin breathed out, more for his own sake than Arthur’s.

Arthur hand fell to his side but he didn’t move away.

“Please tell me how I can prove my honesty.” He asked.

Merlin looked down with resignation and then turned away to the doors.

“Come, Sire, follow me.” Merlin murmured as he left.

He hadn’t called Arthur ‘Sire’ in years, not even in heated arguments did Merlin enforce that distance between them. It spoke tales to Arthur on how hurt his best friend was. He dashed after Merlin, it wasn’t hard to follow the sound of weary footsteps.

They were heading for Merlin’s laboratory. Arthur caught up with broken hearted Warlock and joined their hands together - Merlin allowed it.

Met with the smell of dodgy potions, old books, strong herbs, ash and numerous other smells that Arthur had grown familiar with associating with Merlin’s experiments, Arthur saw and felt Merlin relax slightly. They were on his ground now, they followed his rules.

Arthur let go of Merlin’s hand and took his chair that he always sat in when observing Merlin work.

“You stare a lot.” Merlin said as he leafed through shelves of bottles - no doubt searching for a cure-all potion that he had concocted in earlier years.

“I always have, you’ve just never noticed.” Arthur replied honestly.

Merlin sighed for the thousandth time that hour and stood up straight and returned to Arthur, bottle in hand. It was a small vial with opaque pink liquid filling less than a third of the bottle. He stood on the other side of the work bench and handed over the vial of anti-serum.

Wordlessly and without hesitation Arthur uncorked the bottle and drank his mouthful. Setting down the bottle, he leaned closer to Merlin, head propped up by his elbow, hand under chin, staring at Merlin patiently.

The Warlock also leaned closer, gold creeping into his eyes without a single incantation as he analysed Arthur’s reaction to the potion. The world seemed to hold its breath as it waited for the two men to get onto the same page.

“Well, am I really under an enchantment?” Arthur asked after a very long pause.

Merlin’s mouth fell open as his brow and eyes once again creased into tears.

“No… You aren’t.” Merlin managed to say, covering his face as he cried.

Arthur stood up and joined Merlin on the other side of the workbench. He pulled the shocked and relieved and sobbing Warlock into another hug. Both holding onto each other equally tight.

“I love you, Merlin.” Arthur promised his Warlock firmly.

#it’s so late #should be asleep #merthur brainrot when i should be asleep #bbc merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #angst #fanfiction #merlin fanfic #merlin thoughts #court sorcerer merlin #king arthur

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frostedtoffeee · 3 months

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Headcanon that merlin, as time goes by, starts to forget what arthur looks like. he has nothing of arthur's, not even one article of clothing, or a belonging of his. certainly not camelot, which is now widely seen as fiction. Physical proof of Arthur is lost.

he searched in books for a remedy, or memory enhancing herbs. he then remembers he has no one to assist him in such. gauis would scold him if he knew.

it's been 1500 years since he last laid eyes upon arthur. No rendition, or artist's vision of the great king comes close; his mind is tainted with these artworks.

did he really have curly hair like that? it was never that light blonde. he didn't have a beard, did he? maybe it was peach fuzz. merlin can't recall.

on the other hand merlin is a very powerful being, but even still, i wonder if not seeing someone, not talking with them for 1,000+ YEARS would affect his mind? i'd like to think he could never forget even the smallest blemish, or the way his eyes looked in candlelight, or the way his laugh sounded, because it hurts to much to think about if he did. kilgarrah said he was his other half, after all; no coin can forget what the other side is like. OR if he did forget some traits, i want to believe he would still remember everything else about him, physical things aside

#bbc merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #angst #merlin x arthur #merthur #merlin headcanons

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merrilinie · 4 months

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Merlin who was born blind and uses magic to see. His eyes are actually a light colour, closer to grey, but when using the magic that grants him sight they turn blue.

So, when he looses his magic both in existing plot lines and any other, he has to learn to navigate the world without sight, something he was able to avoid before.

This could be how he tells Arthur, maybe he gets some curse on him or someone uses a magic object to subdue his power and he goes blind once again and ha to tell the Knights that he can’t see without it.

#bbc merlin #merlin emrys #merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin x arthur #merthur #bbc merlin angst #merlin angst #knights of camelot

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mirayladraws · 5 months

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As late as usual but Merry Christmas EVERYONE!!!

#my art #digital art #art #fanart #merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin fanart #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #merthur christmas #merlin 11th anniversary #yes I am ignoring anniversary angst this once just for fluff

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roosterlasagne · 10 months

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Arthur suspected Merlin had magic from the beginning. Possibly since he confessed to being a sorcerer to save Gwen, when she was accused. He didn't have any proof of the claim, but all the instances of a lucky escape or Merlin knowing the correct path have been piling up. And by the time Arthur became King, it was hard to ignore that his manservant, his best friend and closest confidante may have magic.

But then the Disir give him an ultimatum. Both Merlin and Arthur believe bringing magic back will save Mordred, and the keeping it banned will kill him. Arthur wants his knight alive, and maybe through asking Merlin for him opinion will finally prove he is a sorcerer. Maybe Merlin will come clean and Camelot will see a new era of magic.

Yet, Merlin tells him magic has no place in Camelot. Arthur, as kind-hearted as he is, doesn't for a second think that Merlin might want Mordred dead, that's why he's tearing up, right? Because Merlin hates magic, and is so scared of it, he cannot bear to imagine it being legal, even if it means sacrificing a friend. This means Merlin can't possibly be a sorcerer.

So it comes as a surprise to Arthur when Merlin confesses to being a sorcerer. He spent the last months convincing himself that Merlin is scared of magic. How could he use magic when he is scared of it? And then it hits Arthur, as he is lying in Merlin's arms, dying. He wanted Mordred dead because he knew he would kill Arthur. His tears when condemning magic were grief over his freedom.

And as Arthur said his last words, took his last breaths, he realised that Merlin would sacrifice anything for Arthur. A human life, his freedom. The words of the Disir suddenly rang true. He has indeed lost everything by condemning magic once again.

#bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #angst #merthur angst #merlin headcanons

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bleeding-ambrosia · 27 days

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and like the cycle of the year, we begin again ~ @katherynefromphilly

AAAAA i’ve been having merlin on my timeline again we’re so back! reread this fic again sobbing crying and now you can too 💪🥲⚔️

#merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #fanart #and like the cycle of the year we begin again #sobbing #i saw you in the water #HE SAW HIM IN THE WATER #THIS SONG IS SO MERLIN ANGST #AAAAAAAAA

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that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction · 3 months

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Based on this post

Arthur when Merlin gets home from work: *runs up and hugs him without saying anything about it*

Merlin: *immediately drops everything in his hands and hugs back, not letting go and giving one of the best hugs of his life because it’s Arthur and he’s spent 1500 years loving him*

Arthur, after five or more minutes of bear hugging the man he’s in love with: (mutters) no homo.

Merlin, the immortal: *dies*

Merlin: *pulls away and pats Arthur’s shoulder in the most awkward “buddy” kind of way before walking into their flat and locking himself in his room to have an existential crisis/gay panic*

Things are awkward as hell, until Arthur asks Merlin if he can finally show him movies. Merlin goes to get his laptop and opens Google to find Netflix, seeing recent searches.

Merlin: Arthur?

Arthur: huh?

Merlin, dealing with what he can: why did you want to buy an archive?

Arthur: …is this magic? How-

Merlin: no, just technology again. You had search history on. I can um… see everything you’ve researched.

Arthur: everything..?

Merlin: everything…

Arthur: what did you say about um… oh right. Fuck.

Merlin: *smiles and pulls Arthur into a hug*

Arthur: Merlin? I- I thought…

Merlin: you are the most important thing in every universe, world, and realm to me, Arthur. 1500 years didn’t change that, and whatever comes next for us certainly won’t change it either. If there’s ever anything that you want to tell me, then I’ll be right here.

Arthur: *hugs back and hides his face, teary eyed, in Merlin’s neck*

Arthur, murmuring against Merlin’s neck: I’m bisexual.

Merlin: Thank you for telling me,

Arthur: And I’m in love with you.

Merlin, teary eyed and beaming: I love you too, Arthur. More than anything.

Arthur: Not in a no homo kind of way. In a, I’d marry you if I could kind of way…

Merlin: *laughs a little* I think you’ve got something else to research,

Arthur: what?

Merlin: *pulls the laptop to himself and types something before turning it around to Arthur*

Can I marry my best friend? (After I take him out on a date)

(He did that thing where you search one thing then type something else into the search bar without pressing go)

Arthur reads how its legal for men to get married then looks up at Merlin, he jumps on him and tackles him into a hug, laughing and crying happily. They watch heart stopper and Arthur starts playing rugby, they get a dog, date for three months before Arthur asks Merlin to marry him randomly one evening.

Merlin says yes, of course, so two days later when he gets in from work, Arthur hugs him, covers his eyes and leads him into their living room where he set up a full romance novel style proposal. He gets down on one knee with a really nice ring and gives a whole speech. (my aro ass can’t imagine what, but you know what I mean. It’s super cute and romantic)

Merlin says yes again and they get married soon after and live on a farm before both dying of old age after a long and happy life together.

Merlin spends the rest of their lives teasing Arthur about the “no homo” after their first hug thing.

Merlin also teaches Arthur about clearing search history and incognito, Arthur uses it exclusively for surprising Merlin because they’ve got no need for any secrets between them in this lifetime.

#would you look at that #I wrote something without angst #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin #merlin emrys #merthur #incorrect merlin quotes #headcanon #modern merlin #reincarnation #i’m bad at tagging #bisexual Arthur pendragon #bisexual

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bibuck-saved-me · 3 months

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it’s a selfish thought and arthur knows it because merlin has spent so much time hiding a vital part of his existence, his very being, all because of arthur. so he presses it down into the deepest recesses of himself and focuses on doing everything he can to support merlin, to give merlin the world he deserves. a world where he is free.

but sometimes, when he’s alone in his room surrounded by his endless responsibilities, he will think to himself, i am nothing.

merlin and the old religion hold him as this once and future king, but no matter what they say, he can’t understand why they think any of this is about him. it was never him. everything he’d done, every accomplishment and fight he’d won had never been his to claim. he was a fraud. he was a lonely king with nothing to his name beyond the blood on his hands, the blood staining his every crevice.

he isn’t the once and future king. he doesn’t deserve any of the praise. he is the moon, a piece of rock in the sky that shines only because of the sun. without the sun, the moon is worthless. without the sun, no one would have ever looked at the moon twice.

arthur had never been proud of his mistakes and his inaction when it came to his father’s slaughter, but he had been proud of the things he had done to keep his kingdom and his people safe and healthy and happy. he has fought and fought and fought only to discover he had never even landed a punch. every knockout, every victory he had held up to hide the ugly nothingness of his true, empty self was never his to hold. with the discovery of merlin’s magic, any worthiness he thought he’d earned had slipped through his fingers like sand through a sieve.

merlin is beautiful and powerful. merlin is a god amongst men, a gift given to this world, given to arthur, and for what?

this prophecy for arthur was always about merlin. he carried the weight, he fought and fought and fought and he won, merlin was the one who had carried this kingdom on his back until they reached the safety of the golden era of the current day.

it’s a selfish thought, to be thinking of himself in relation to merlin’s magic when merlin has suffered every single day because of arthur. and yet, in those moments, he can’t help but wonder why he was born at all, why he was named savior of a group of people who would’ve never died if only he had stayed unmade, a whisper of nothingness in his mother’s womb.

his first breath caused a massacre, a genocide, and yet he was given an angel and a title and a prophecy of greatness he could never actually fulfill.

he would never tell merlin about these thoughts he had. merlin would end up feeling guilty somehow, would carry the weight of arthur’s worthlessness even more by taking on the deserved revulsion arthur had for himself.

no, he couldn’t tell merlin about this. merlin would tell him he was wrong, would try to talk him up and fix it. would use that endless kindness to tell arthur endless stories about his own importance. merlin would shine his sunshine on arthur until arthur forgot he was just a lump of rock. he wouldn’t rest until arthur loved himself, until arthur took all the credit for merlin’s own accomplishments again.

no, he would keep this to himself. he would give merlin the attention and love he deserves. this story isn’t actually about arthur pendragon. it never was.

#idk what this is #anyway #sorry #me? projecting? never #also to clarify uh this is obviously not how i feel personally about arthur!!#i love that man i just wanted to explore how the insecurities we see him have in the show would look post magic reveal #merlin #arthur pendragon #bbc merlin #bbc arthur #merthur #it’s hinted at more than anything though #character study #character introspection #might delete later #ficlet #angst

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