#Anyway this is not me promoting unhealthy relationships irl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shima-draws · 2 months

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I’ve mentioned it before but I’m a fucking sucker for unhealthy dependent relationships. There’s just something about them that is so. Chef’s kiss 👌

Anyway I’m still thinking about how Law was so attached to Cora and was so traumatized by his death that he literally devoted thirteen YEARS of his life to revenge killing Doflamingo. Even though all Cora ever wanted was for Law to just be free and live his life happily. And Law spending all his time in a hateful revenge spiral is literally the exact OPPOSITE of what Cora wanted for him. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. If the thirteen years of endless devotion to avenging his savior wasn’t enough Law 1. Named his pirate crew the Heart Pirates in honor of Cora, 2. Covered himself in permanent heart-themed tattoos in honor of Cora, and 3. Fashioned his Jolly Roger to be a mockery of Doflamingo’s and ALSO to honor Cora. Homie is a walking memorial for a man he only really knew for six months and again crafted the most intricate plan known to mankind to murder Cora’s killer. Because losing Cora fucked him up THAT much. Because even though Cora set him free, the moment Doflamingo shot him Law was chained to the memory of a man who no longer existed. Law literally fashioned his entire life down to his own appearance after Cora and it makes me so insane. I cannot even imagine what went through his head after Dressrosa I mean how do you move on after a thirteen year grudge is put to rest. What is he supposed to do now. Avenging Cora was literally his entire existence, his entire reason for living for half of his life. He needs therapy probably. If Cora somehow ever did come back to life Law would lose his fucking mind. The dependency is SO unhealthy and I am SO here for it

#Anyway this is not me promoting unhealthy relationships irl #If you are that dependent on someone that you can’t bear to live without them. Get help! Therapy!! Actually!!!#In fiction tho it is a wonderful treat. Haha yes I love to watch my faves suffer.#One Piece #Trafalgar Law #Donquixote Rosinante #Donquixote Doflamingo #Doflamingo #Cora #One Piece Cora #One Piece spoilers #Dressrosa #Shima speaks #I AM SO. HNNGHHH. I AM UNWELL. I probably also need therapy. LMAO #Oda why did you do this why did you kill Law’s dad (again)#Law: Feel like shit just want Cora-san back #Also I didn’t even get into how much Cora influenced Law’s life VS how his actual blood family influenced his life #Flevance was traumatic as FUCK and yet all of Law’s notable trademarks are still Cora-themed…#(Bc Cora saved him. Bc Cora gave him a reason to live after he thought he’d lost everything)#Slams my head into the wall and howls

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dramionediscussion · 3 years

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I have a concern about Dramione fandom, which has been slightly troubling me lately. I am not saying that this is something that is going to happen, or is happening already. Naturally, I don’t think this is entirely unfounded either (hence why I am writing this), but I am just one Dramione shipper. If this doesn’t resonate at all, that’s totally fine! We are all aware of extremely boorish and fatuous anti-Dramione people, who troll, defame and accuse Dramione of being all sort of things. We are also probably all quite familiar with their claims about the ship and its shippers. You know, Dramione promotes racism, sexism, classism, unhealthy and abusive relationships, it’s all about bashing Ron, it’s just cuz actors are hot, we should all pay homage and tribute to canon relationships (and their shippers naturally), and offer respect and fawn over everything “canonical” for gracing us with all this HP bounty, and so on. This time I am not going to try to offer rebuttals, or deconstruct their arguments, or even psychoanalyze them more than absolutely necessarily. I am not even particularly upset about them (anymore). They are categorically wrong, their arguments are never insightful or thoughtful. Most importantly, they are disingenuous in their argumentation and especially about their own motives. I believe, the best course is ignore them totally. What I am afraid, that these endless arguments, relentless belittling, and even harassment of which they never seem to grow tired off actually might change Dramione shippers and community as well. Not in a conscious way, but constantly being on a defense can make people internalize some of these arguments. Or rather their premises and assumptions on which they are based upon. I don’t mean it, that Dramione shippers will suddenly wake up, and shout out that Dramione was actually all about abusing women all along, or anything like that. What I mean is, that people rather internalize certain assumptions, framing and logic chains, which are build into those arguments. In a defense, they start define what Dramione really means, what is ideal Dramione, what is acceptable or desirable in Dramione fics, in accordance of these attacks, by unconsciously defending their ship from slander. As an example, Romione people constantly accuse that Dramione is either all about mindless “Ron bashing”, and Dramione shippers rightly say that it’s not what Dramione is about at all. What I am afraid, that people might internalize the point, that “Ronbashing” is something truly heinous, and what should be avoided at all cost. And as a corollary to that, ideal Dramione fics are those in which there’s no conflicts between Ron, Draco and Hermione. Or the very least they are resolved in a conciliatory and harmonious manner. Or it is lazy Dramione writing, when Ron is “villainized”. Or another thing they say is, that Dramione just about glorifying and eroticizing abusive relationships. This might lead that some of us accept the framing, that describing or narrating something is totally same as promoting and celebrating it. If they accept it, then it’s quite easy to logically infer, that if Dramione is not defined by Draco abusing Hermione (it’s not), then it must be defined negatively as its opposite. Meaning that something cannot be genuine or accepted Dramione, if it contains an abusive Draco. Or as an induction from that, if a fic has an abusive Draco, it also must contain a redemption arc, and Draco has to change and make amends, and redeem himself as a person. That we start to define Dramione being really about redemption or redeeming, forgiveness, changing oneself for the better, etc (as contrary to their claim that its about abuse). Don’t get me wrong, I’d say the majority of Dramione fics contain a redemption story arc, and Draco either has changed or actively changes his views and behavior. It’s a common and wonderful theme, and almost all my favorite Dramione fics have those, and I like just for its own skae. Yet it’s not something what either makes or unmakes Dramione. There’s a minority of fics, in which Draco is never truly redeemed (usually a lust-filled obsession, with many many cognitive dissonances, which he never solves), and they are as Dramione as anything else, and some people enjoy writing them and some people reading them (or at least some of them). Also, a lot of gray areas, which can be quite delightful, thought inspiring and invigorating (and hot!). Speaking for myself, I’d say maybe 1/20 of my favorite fics have this dynamic or something close to it. Maybe 33% are more in that gray area. It doesn’t do any harm, there’s nothing ethnically wrong about it, I never idolize that behavior. If Romione stans have problem with that, they can go away, cry and tell that Rupert Grint body pillow all their troubles, because I don’t give a damn. People don’t emulate or model their behavior or preferences from YA fanfics or smut in that sense in any significant numbers. If someone does, I am sorry to say, but you probably weren’t going to make it anyway. It’s the irl version of getting a comedy death in a video game, like if a smarter-than-average mushroom hypnotizes you and makes you walk into a bottomless pit, or something like that. Your problems are deep seated and numerous, which unless dealt with, will be triggered by just about anything. Its pure happenstance whether it will be Harlequin novels, Dramione fanfiction, urban legend your cousin told you, or whatever. This could go on, but seriously, Dramione shippers have nothing to prove or even argue with those antis. It’s just bottomless pit of resentment, what they twist into moral arguments, which they think will signify us as the worst kind of people, and they themselves as the most virtuous. Their antipathies are petty and personal concerns, in which they feel like the universe and the abominable cabal of Dramione shippers have cheated them out of all that attention, writers, fans, fics, and deference they feel entitled to. It’s natural for humans to cloak often even most pettiest and nonsensical slights and resentments into whatever moral or ethical language and arguments the society they live holds sacred. If we would be living in the 1600s, they’d be scouring the Bible for anti-Dramione arguments, and denouncing Dramione as unchristian and sinful. By their stated “moral standards”, there are a lot more “vile” and “harmful” ships out there, but they aren’t functionally bothered by them at all. So, unless really prompted, they don’t even bother to denounce them, little alone wage this never-ending crusade against them. That’s because they aren’t popular enough to trigger that envy and resentment (Hermione with basically any of the worst Death Eaters). Or they feel that they don’t compete in the same niche as their ship does (Drarry as an example). I wouldn’t be writing this, if this discourse with Antis hadn’t affected me as well. There was a time, I wanted to understand what they were about, and I read a lot of their grievances and internal discussions. While reading I couldn’t help but to be on a defense all the time. Sort of refuting and counter-arguing against their points in my mind, while reading their diatribes (I tried to start a dialog couple of times, but I was always totally ignored, which I am thankful for them in retrospect). Conditioning myself with that for long enough, I did notice that I started to feel a bit hesitant about certain tropes and Dramione fics I hadn’t before. I was thinking about Dramione like a defense attorney, excepting to be attacked from all directions. It actually took me quite long to figure this out, and how the bile of HP fandom had in subtle ways affected my sense and tastes without my really noticing.

Anonymous submitted: P.S. I wrote that previous submission, and I have to add, that I am not trying to say this is happening or pointing any fingers at anybody. There’s perfectly good reasons to not like any Dramione fic, as a Dramione shipper, in which Draco is irredeemable or evil. There’s perfectly legitimate reasons to prefer fics, which Ron is portrayed as a positive influence for Dramione. People can arrive to same conclusions or tastes from countless different routes and reasons. The negativity that the HP fandom and Romione shippers especially grace us just got to me in a way, that I wasn’t even cognizant about. It might be the case for others as well, if their own self-reflection so deems (or not).

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I agree with every point you’ve made. While it’s obviously okay to discuss why you like Dramione (or any other pairing), people also need to remember that they don’t have to justify why they ship Draco and Hermione together or prove (especially to haters as they’re not worth anyone’s time) that their OTP makes sense because even if it makes no sense whatsoever, it’s still fine to ship it as long as you can differentiate between fantasy and reality. I don’t know about you, but when I started shipping Dramione, it was like love at first sight. I didn’t think if they made sense, didn’t spend hours trying to make a list of arguments for Dramione, I just suddenly loved the idea of them together, believed they belonged together, and that was and still is enough. I don’t need to justify why I ship them, and neither does anyone.

It’s true that in most Dramione fics, Draco gets redeemed. It’s also true that most shippers prefer fics in which Draco gets a redemption arc, but we have to remember that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying fics in which Draco’s irredeemable or his relationship with Hermione is toxic. I myself read such stories from time to time. I like a good Ron bashing fic every now and then as well, and there’s nothing wrong with that either because it’s all fantasy, it’s all fiction, which, I believe, most Dramione shippers are aware of and accept. Hopefully, it won’t change, and no one will ever try to tell others what should and shouldn’t be written or what is and what’s not allowed in a Dramione fic.

- AgnMag

#dramione #anonymous #HP Fandom #submission

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verytiredowl · 4 years

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A character analysation of IdV’s Bloody Queen

Bloody Queen AKA Mary is a hunter in the mobile/PC game Identity V. She is personally my favorite hunter because she is easy to learn but hard to master. Her backstory is something that has always interested me though, so i decided to compile my thoughts onto this one post.

Something i appreciate about IdV’s character roster is that some of them are based off of historical characters, and interesting ones at that. So expect a lot of history lessons and references that should be explained in order to understand a character fully (especially with Mary considering how there isn’t a lot shown about her backstory through promotional content, and im talking about stuff like the official website here).

With that in mind, let’s just get into it.

There is not a lot we know about Mary other than the fact that she is inspired from a mix of stories, those being about a French queen named Marie Antoinette and Bloody Mary. These two are used in seperate ways, Marie Antoinette’s story being used as heavy inspiration for Mary’s backstory and lore, while Bloody Mary is a visual/gameplay inspiration.

Mary’s description on her info page and on the official idv website is

This is strange because it really tells little to nothing about Mary besides her being aware that the position of a queen means a lot of vulnerability. It also strikes me as weird because every other hunter has a fleshed out backstory being written under this tab. (With the exception of Guard 26)

So overall, the ground to work on is pretty small, we dont have a lot of info revealed to us, and therefore leaves her to be a character who loses a lot of potential on a writing stance.

Intro Video

Mary does have an introduction video, though, which explains the base of what happened to her Pre-manor.

The video explains how Mary was the queen of a country that had a bad financial crisis which was so bad people couldn’t afford food (if we are sticking fully to the Marie Antoinette inspo, this was in the 1790′s) and the public felt as if Mary didn’t care enough to help her people, the citizens voted her to be beheaded under a guillotine. Truth be told, Mary was actually trying to help her citizens by giving them cake.

We have probably the most lore information about Mary from her deduction descriptions, which explain her career as a queen more in detail, about struggles she had and her situation in general.

Deductions

(Credits to u/mawile94 on Reddit for the images)

The first conclusion is clearly telling us that the king Mary married had a problematic family, and the king’s family probably only looked at Mary as someone who will keep the family’s name up, someone who will have a child with the king. (Also, dont get confused: Maria Theresia is Mary’s mother’s name, not her actual name.)

Mary used to spend a lot of time away from the palace in Petit Trianon, which is a manor located in Versailles. The secret letter tells us that Mary was egoistic, naive, and was kind of a glutton. The letter mentions how rumors are powerful, and are going to spread really fast once word comes out about the “incompetence” and lacking abilities witihin the royal family, which will eventually be Mary’s demise.

Princess Lamballe is once again a historical recreation of actual Priness Lamballe, a part of the Savoy House (Western EU country). In real life, Lamballe was actually the confidante (someone who you would discuss private matters with as a royal) of Marie Antoinette after her 1 year old marriage came to an end. IRL, Princess Lambelle dies along Marie Antoinette’s side as she gets killed in the French Revolution.

The shameful secret can really only be assumed to mean that Lamballe was actually Mary’s secret affair, especially looking at how all evidence suggests that the actual royal family Mary is connected to seems to be a mess. Mary is kind of confirmed to be wlw from this deduction which is fucking cool, but this rumor mightve been what also caused Mary to be beheaded. (But, IRL, the king Artois considered Marie to be physicially unattractive or even smart enough for him, in contrary to him, where he apparently was attractive. He did end up making up with quite a number of mistresses. But let’s not get into a conversation about how unhealthy or toxic royal relationships were in the 1700′s)

this is obviously saying Lamballe is being replaced by the Yolande (Countess of Polignac) as her confidante. IRL, this happens because the Countess of Pilognac and Lamballe start having quarrels against each other, in which they try to win over the queen’s heart, and over time Marie ends up preferring Yolande’s company. But Lamballe feels as if Yolande was a bad influence on the queen, yet she could do nothing about it. The friendship between Lamballe and Marie remained regardless, and she constantly admired Lamballe’s loyalty toward her. "She is the only woman I know who never bears a grudge; neither hatred nor jealousy is to be found in her."

Mary finally has a child, and it is a girl. Here we see the reinforcement of Lamballe’s loyalty, but with this conclusion also being titled as a rumor, it is also telling that this is one of many reasons people will start getting suspicious of Mary’s possible affairs.

This conclusion only leads me to believe that one of the several reasons why Mary was treated the way she was by the public was because of jealousy towards her life and the things she achieved at a young age. The description of the people who are spreading the rumors are bitter, sour people who take joy out of seeing the bad in successful people. Here is where it all goes downhill (as evident by the subtitle under the deduction title.)

We will once again need a little bit of a history lesson for this one:

Koblenz, first of all is a city in Germany. The reason why the French would ever think of even setting up anything in Germany was because of the French Immigrants, and the reason why the Germans were cool about this was because the archbishop-elector (one of the chiep bishop electors) was the uncle of Louis XVI-a persecuted king of France. Along with the refugees that entered the city, two of them was Louis XVI’s brothers: The Count of Provence and the Count of Artois. them, along with Louis XVI’s cousin, Prince Louis Joseph formed an army of aristocrats who would seek to fight for the Ancien Regimé (The name of the political and social system that was popular in France at the time.) In the meantime back in France, the Royal Family gave in and decided to adopt the Constitutional Monarchy, which was very modern at the time. This deduction description just basically explains that this is where Mary and the royal family fucks up, i just thought it would be interesting to know what they actually meant by what they wrote.

Yolande has left behind the Royal Family and made a run to escape the country. If you’re wondering, at the start of the revolution Princess Lamballe was actually in Switzerland, but as soon as she got notified of the situation she revisited the royal family to aid them, and reassumed her position.

This letter in particular is pretty cut-and-clear: the intention of the revolutionists was to smudge the royal family’s name in the dirt once and for all. What real-life anti-monarchist propaganda would consist of at the time was promiscuous imagery of Lamballe and the queen as lovers to further “besmirch” the queen’s reputation.

This is just obviously hinting at the aftermath of the French Revolutions and also telling us the present (at the time the letter was written). Mary gets executed by the Guillotine, and-well we all know how the rest of the story goes.

Overall, Mary’s deduction story is just a short summarization of what actually happened before and during the French Revolution: it even added the details of how actually sketchy and corrupt the royal family within was, not just the dissatisfaction of the public. As a summary of what this meant for Mary, as the Hunter, she feels pure bitterness, and anger towards the citizens for the way they treated her and the people around her. And as we can see, there was no reference towards Bloody Mary what-so-ever, and the reason why that is is because according to the Chinese version of IdV (which is what the original game’s region/language is) Her name actually would translate to “Madame Red”, not Bloody Queen. I think it was just the translators having fun with words, and since her design is very similar to that of what a person would think Bloody Mary looks like, i guess it made sense to them lol

But regardless, we’ll still take a look at Mary’s design.

Mary’s design is simple compared to other hunter designs in IdV. A simple, ball gown which was originally white, but turned red due to Mary’s beheading, pools of blood dropped all over her body. Mary also used to have long hair, but assumed by the very broken looking locks of hair, her hair probably was cut down by the guillotine. Eagle-eyed people will also take notice to her neck, which is stitched back onto the rest of her body, which the designers wanted to include really bad since its prevalent even in concept sketches as well:

Mary’s gameplay design is based solely on mythologies about Bloody Mary, however, which makes things kind of confusing, but i guess thats what idv excels at the most lol

anyway, you’ve reached the end! if you have read this far, thank you so much, i put so much effort and research into this and i hope people will make good use of it. I also hope i made you more interested in playing mary and/or the French Revolution, lol but thank you for reading this!!

references:

The Count of Artois and the Coming of the French Revolution by Vincent W. Beach

The Princesse de Lamballe; a biography by Hardy, B. C. (Blanche Christabel)

My history textbooks

And wikipedia lol

#identity v #bloody queen #mary #mary idv #idv #character analysis #maemade

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antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx · 5 years

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Hi! Sorry to be bothering you, but I just want answers. So, I’m an anti, however recently I have begun to question anti ideology (especially considering how disgusting anti’s can be to pro-shippers), so I was wondering if you would be willing to explain why dark fiction is okay to consume? It’s alright if you don’t want to ^^

I'm always willing to explain! I'll try not to make this so long that you'll want to throw your device out the window, but chances are that's what's going to happen.

First off, thinking dark fiction is gross is okay and not what I'm against. I really don't like bloodplay, for example, and if someone asked me what I thought of that kink I'd say "bleh gross nty". It's the making judgements on people for not also finding it gross that I have an issue with. So if you "switched sides", so to speak, anyone who would expect you to magically like problematic shit is misunderstanding the point.

Anyway. To the real stuff! Psychology is a relatively new field, I admit, so there haven't been hundreds of years of official studies run on the effects of dark fiction on the human brain. But so far they show a correlation in increased aggressive behaviour in some people. So, definitely some people will not do well with it. However, this discounts some important other factors. Let's get into those:

Aggressive behaviour ≠ violent behaviour in psychological terms. There isn't any proof that aggressive behaviour transfers over to violent behaviour automatically, and in most cases we can safely assume it doesn't, because other things correlated with increased aggression (sleep deprivation, high temperatures, etc) happen often without violence. This makes a very small sliver of the population vulnerable to this risk factor. Good news! Risk factors can be mitigated with protective factors. This includes education, especially programs (called primary prevention programs) designed to promote communication, problem solving, and anger management. The basics of education are really up to parents and school faculty, not fanfiction authors. But tagging and trigger warnings are a good way to bridge that gap as much as we can, as labeling behaviour specifically with a "this is abuse" sticker in bold letters teaches people to recognise what abusive behaviour looks like. You can frame it romantically, but if you read the warning labels, which you always should, you can see through the romantic framing and into the true nature of the actions. For example, a Bakudeku fic labeled "unhealthy relationship", "abusive behaviour", "Bakugou has issues to work through", etc, acknowledges the nature of Bakugou's bullying. If there's fluff, it's still in a sense overwritten by the warning labels. And real life abusive relationships can have fluffy moments, too. Mine did. That's part of what makes them insidious, because you get used to the black and white "if they do bad things they can't also be shown to do good things, so if my abuser does good things, is that really a bad relationship?" kind of mentality that's common here. It is a bad relationship. Fluff doesn't discount abuse.

Next of course is that violent people can be attracted to violent media. So when antis draw causation from the correlation of aggression and media violence, they're not viewing the whole picture, which is vital in all statistical analyses.

Okay, you say. Right. But if we encourage problematic stuff, that means all fanfic will be problematic stuff, and that will normalise these awful things. Well, no. Not really. Underage tagged works (a tag that also includes teenager/teenager relationships) on AO3 are something like 1 percent of all works. That implies it's not going to be written about too often, and also shows that it doesn't have a great reach. The most popular fic of all time has, what, 600k hits? 600k people is a lot of people, but it's still not enough to normalise something as horrific as child abuse or rape. That's a societal moral. Changing something like that is a top-down process that requires A LOT of reach. And frankly, for the average person with the average moral compass, normalising that would be very, very difficult. People can definitely experience deindividuation and a sudden disregard for morals, but it doesn't usually come from the media they consume. It's usually a sense of freedom from reprimand and encouragement by a higher authority. And take again that it's only 1 percent of the fics on AO3, and therefore has halved traffic. It's not a significant threat.

Okay, but why would you want to write it in the first place? If it could be used to hurt someone else why even bother? A lot of things can be used to hurt someone else. It's about proportions. How much hurt vs how much good. Most predators are going to be using some other tool instead, so banning those fics and art that's disgusting doesn't make a significant dent in predation, and also limits the good effects that can happen (which include freedom from censorship, which is hugely important in maintaining a democracy). Another good effect is cope shipping and catharsis. Sure, this isn't always going to work. Hell, a lot of therepuetic techniques themselves don't work on everyone. But it's a legitimate method that, using the principles of exposure therapy, doesn't automatically mean retraumatisation. Whether the technique is helpful to a particular survivor should be up to them and their therapist. A random stranger on the internet doesn't know them well enough to make that kind of judgement.

And finally, even the most repulsive of fictional content doesn't depict things that have directly happened IRL. You can make fictional characters suffer and nobody IRL suffers instead. This is good for exploring things that can't be explored IRL. It can help curb impulses. When antis compare the suffering of fictional characters to real people, they're implying real people and fictional characters have equal rights. Real people always matter more than fictional ones. Fictional characters aren't people in the first place. No real person suffers as a direct result of dark fiction being written. Implying that the suffering they cause is equal trivialises the true gravity of real abuse. Real abuse always harms someone as a direct result. Always.

Anyway. Those are the most common discourse points. Hope that helped. Sorry it was long.

#answered #anonymous #long post #pro shipping #anti anti #anti anti ship #anti anti shipping #pro ship

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honeyfreckled · 4 years

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The way u write for us big gurls has inspired me to start writing my own plu ssize!reader series!😊 it’s refreshing to see myself written in such honest ways💜I’m tired of only reading y/nwho is shy plus hates her body. Reading genuine fics for my size from u has been phenomenal for my confidence. Lol I haven’t even dated yet but even I can tell you are writing it realer than what I’ve seen. Keep it up babes and know you ARE making a difference. 💓

ahhh I’m soft tysm i try rlly hard to be truthful to my own experiences as a fat woman. I cant believe yr sayin i inspired you it makes my heart swell tbh i never thought I’d be someone who could inspire anyone. wow e wow wow. tbh i rlly appreciate u noticing my attempt at a diff approach. I got sick of stories w fat readers focused on self hatred. or where it was all ok bc “this girl is the right kinda thicc/curvy” tbh, I had to stop lookin at that stuff. i internalized it, it started affecting my sex life/relationships/triggered ptsd/promoted unhealthy thinking.

lil advice to fat readers below pls excuse the rant eeep.

tw: sex talk/porn talk

If I could give fat viewers advice (esp those who are new to dating, struggle w self love/fear of dating/sexual confidence) it'd be- stay particularly mindful what smut/p*rn/content u view. When I was a SW/SB so therefore NEEDED to have an incredibly strong sense of self worth/autonomy- I made it a point to join fat positivity and educated myself on “fat politics.” Surround myself irl/online w supportive, intelligent, talented fat artists who many times are also disabled POC lgbtq folks so we connect on multiple lvls.

I made sure not to consume nsfw stuff that fetishized my body. In general-nothing that'd demean/degrade/dehumanize ppl like me, or marginalized ppl in general. Some things im gonna see, it’s unavoidable, like fat jokes that crop up in a show im into that usually never makes comments like that. seeing my body excluded when it comes to the kinda fat models plus size stores use. The pain in seeing no one like u in mainstream media or even in the fandom. But as u continue to avoid consuming any content (nsfw AND sfw) that partakes in fat shaming/stereotypes/stigmas/body hate- u begin to notice the impact it has on u. u have an increase in yr confidence bc u got away from that other shit. u know how to spot warning signs. ESPECIALLY IN THE BEDROOM. U know how to/aren’t afraid to ask for what u want, u aren’t as easily pushed around or made into a dirty little secret w basic dudes who’re too chicken abt their pals knowin they like a fat girl. not sayin it’ll be all perfect, but u know how to take less shit from bad partners. and good sex, that u know u were bomb at, gives u a glow and radiates into other parts of yr life. u can use it to reduce stress, alleviate pain, get a boost in confidence/mood, use it to connect w someone on a deeper lvl, good sex can change all kindsa shit for u lol. not to say it’s necessary bc ik for some folks it just aint for em. but still removing that kinda content i mentioned can help regardless if yr sexually active.

if u still wanna watch porn, switch over to indie stuff (not the same as what they call amateur and not on well known porn sites) if u wanna see more relatable bodies and sex acts u could more possibly recreate. Indie scene is filled w awesome actors, the work is more artistic/aesthetics, way more realistic than shitty p*rnhub/xtube/tumblr. Still not totally close to real life. but it has its moments. what most p*rn never shows- like seeing em not cut out when a fat trans actor had to stop to readjust and get more comfortable, that kinda realness helps inform those who’re fat but haven’t been intimate that it's totally normal if they cant do all the insane stunts that go on in smut/p*rn.

srry to rant ig the point I’m making is, even if u have no experience but yr aware the fat nsfw content u view isn’t something u can relate to- still tread lightly in those waters. Our subconscious is more powerful than we know, we become inundated to unhealthy thinking patterns or beliefs. something even like the fact that it just plain isn’t sexually satisfying for most all fat bodies to approach sex the same way as shown time and time again. or when we do have sexual encounters we come away w shame or trauma bc our bodies didnt react how we were trained to believe they would/should.

anyway ik i talk a whole damn bunch, but If u ever have a question abt the logistics feel free to hmu too. i dont mind discussing it from my experience.

#Anonymous

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lexpistachio · 6 years

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hey i'm the anon who left the message about Jack's arc that you combined with another and honestly it doesn't bother me that much because it's just like "god yes I'm not the only one with issues with this story" along with things happening off screen and being to easy its like everyone has perfect reaction -arc anon

I have anxiety and it can be such a messy thing, Jack is barely shaking and while not all anxiety is alike I would expect a condition that previously required medication to actually disrupt his life, i myself at my worse will cry uncontrollably pace back and forth for ages become hyper touch adverse and snappish and even my family who has dealt with this for years isn't 100% perfect at helping me. But Bitty who has no training in mental health gets it right first time? like what -arc anon

Like heaven forbid Jack or Bitty wasn't perfect and they actually had to learn better behaviors or change or grow as people. And with everyone saying their like a great healthy couple it unintentionally feels like if your anxiety attacks can't be handled by prolonged hugging or if your partner doesn't instantly know how to help you and makes any mistakes in helping you your relationship is what unhealthy idk-arc anon

Ha, again, sorry for messing it up originally and thanks for tagging these ones so patiently haha. And thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I’d been gauging how much of the bitterness towards the comics you and I have stem from its inability to reflect our own experiences. Because in all fairness, fiction does not have to reflect reality all the time.

On the other hand, it’s hardly a case of Monica and Rachel being unable to afford their nice, roomy Manhattan apartment in FRIENDS; believing that they could stretches reality but hardly asks you to stretch your suspension of disbelief and has little to no consequence. Portraying mental illnesses inaccurately promotes damaging and unhealthy stereotypes.

You make good points in how inaccurate Hack’s panic attack was in terms of duration and length, or how “perfectly” Bitty handled that. When all is said and done, I believe that update still perpetuates the trope that love conquers mental illness by moderating the degree of Jack’s anxiety and by ignoring that having someone’s support, while important, doesn’t really make a medical condition go away.

One of my hesitations about entering a relationship is placing what I feel like are undue burdens to my SO by making them deal with my mood disorder, even though they say they understand. I believe that most of us aren’t Jack “3-minute cuddles cures my anxiety” Z, and it’s not going to be perfect like that all the time (or, at all). Like, what you said, they’re messy, and as a friend of mine shared, happen in inconvenient places and sometimes last for days on end. We’re similar in that up to this date, my parents still don’t know how to deal with me during an episode. But by resorting to such a simplistic portrayal and from removing all the messy, difficult parts, the comic sets unrealistic expectations of people who are in a relationship with a mentally-ill person and holds them responsible for it; like, what, hold someone and reassure them a little and it keeps panic attack at bay? Sounds easy peasy when it’s not on the other person to be responsible for that, anyway. It’s not possible to love someone’s anxiety away but it’s possible to love a person regardless of their anxiety. I feel like it normally happens for someone who’s in that position to be shunned and pushed away during an episode, but it doesn’t mean they failed or are not important. You hit it right in the bull’s eye when you said that the update unintentionally feels like if your anxiety attacks can't be handled by prolonged hugging or if your partner doesn't instantly know how to help you and makes any mistakes in helping you your relationship is what unhealthy

Because what happens next when Jack has one of the difficult ones? The shaking when he inevitably loses, lasting for days and he then becomes touch-averse, what happens of Bitty then? Maybe Jack’s not going to have that because, you know, this is such a happy comic, y’all, but that’s precisely my point: it erases those struggles to fit its narrative, which in turn is unhealthy and unrealistic af. The more I think about that update, the more I get upset boo, i look like this irl---> D:

#rambly rambles #omgcheckplease #omgcp_critical #jack zimmermann #eric bittle #anxiety mentions #Anonymous

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