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tomorrowillbeyou · 26 days

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Thursday 2005 demos

These are some early demos for A City by the Light Divided which were stolen from the band and leaked in September 2005. I haven't seen anyone post about them so I thought I would myself. Below are lyrics and some extra context. I have tried to transcribe the lyrics as best I can but I have pretty bad auditory processing disorder so there will inevitably be some errors. If you spot a mistake, let me know and I will edit the post. The formatting and details of the lyrics are mostly based on the CD booklet.

Blog post

After the demos were leaked, Geoff made this blog post on the Thursday website on September 21 2005:

1 - At This Velocity - Lyrics

Hey friends-

SO… we see that the early demos we did for the record have FINALLY leaked. In this day and age anything and everything that passes through a computer eventually ends up being available to everyone at the click of a button. Many of you know that Thursday is one of the few bands that actually supports file sharing!!! We love the fact that music is available to everyone whenever they need it. We have always told our friends and 'fans' that they should download any of our albums that they can't afford or can't find in stores.

These demos, however, weren't ready for anyone to hear. These songs have all changed substantially since those demos and will probably change between now and the recording. Just to help you guys understand these demos, here's a user's guide: 1. most of these songs don't have names because the lyrics are still being written… a song only really becomes a song for us when we figure out EXACTLY what it's about. 2. One of these songs is actually the reincarnated out-take of a song that we cut from war all the time. 3. Andrew had just joined the band as a full fledged member when we recorded these and his keyboard parts were still sketchy at best. 4. There is one song, however, that is much closer to finished than the other's. It's called "At This Velocity" and it's about a crash landing in an airplane on the other side of the world. This song was started when we were in Australia on tour with the Flaming Lips, the Mars Volta and Poison the Well. The first line of the song is, "We were safe, Now we're paralyzed, Suspended in flight…" We hope you enjoy it.

On a related and timely note, we are very excited to announce that we will be heading into the studio with Dave Fridmann at the beginning of October to start on our new album. His work with the Flaming Lips, Weezer, Mogwai and Sleater Kinney has produced some of the finest albums of the last ten years. Dave is one of the few modern producers really pushing the medium and he's one of the nicest guys in the business. We started preproduction on the sixteen songs we've written. In the short amount of time we've been working with Dave he's already pushing us to new musical and emotional ground.

Anyway, thank you all for the love that you have always shown us. These demos aren't really a good indication so try not to listen to them too much (we don't want you to get used to them this way!!!). We're just happy that all the really great stuff on this album is still a secret!!!

Keep checking the website for updates and tidbits.

thanks and love,

Geoff (and all the Thursday boys)

We were safe

Now we're paralyzed

Suspended in flight

At this speed it makes no difference

Where I start and where you end

Or if you sit in an emergency aisle.

We could be dead

Complete the equation:

Our names are X and N

We have no value

In these calculations:

We're placed on a plane,

Pointed straight down,

Traveling at five hundred feet per second,

Five thousand feet from the ground -- how long will it take us to hit?

How fast will we start the disintegration?

No time left - just keep moving

How fast will it take us to hit?

How long till we start the disintegration?

2 - Telegraph Avenue Kiss - Lyrics

We could be safe here, forever,

Floating in the clean blue air.

Somewhere between the sun that gives us light and the ground that puts it out.

And we'll kneel in the aisles

Press our hands together, close our eyes, speak these words so softly into the black box

And it goes:

"Mother, father, can you hear this?

I want to thank you for all the sweetness.

I'm not coming home, we're never coming home."

She's the song that you tried to sing

And the note that you couldn't hit

So you locked her up in a music box

Turned the key on all of us

She spins silver strings in the dark

With metal teeth that ring in her heart

When the cover drops

The world just fades away, away, away

From her, waiting, waiting, waiting for her to say:

It doesn't matter what you say,

Doesn't matter what you think you mean,

You know our love's not unconditional.

A book of matches and a cigarette

A love note that you never sent

You can fold it up but you won't forget

You can strike a match but it still might not light

Now I'm the one that's stuck inside the silver cage,

The bird that can't fly away, clip its wings if it sings

Of the way, the way, the way that it hurt

Waiting, waiting, waiting for her to say:

It doesn't matter what you say,

Doesn't matter what you think you mean,

You know our love's not unconditional.

Doesn't matter what you say,

Doesn't matter what you think you mean,

You know our love's not unconditional.

The music box is open

It's spinning with the room

If you're the record playing, I'm the needle in the groove.

Listen to our song:

You're in my heart,

In my hands

In my lungs.

3 - The Other Side of the Crash / Over and Out (Of Control) - Lyrics

We move like a carousel

Streak lights and mirrors in our eyes

It's time to let this go

Can't stop spinning

Around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around

You know our love's not unconditional

Unconditional

You know our love's not unconditional.

Note: This contains a section from Panic On The Streets Of Health Care City, the "reincarnated out-take" mentioned in the blog post. Panic later appeared on Kill The House Lights.

The lights go down, outside (before our cars collide)

The city silhouettes itself (in forty shades of fire)

Do you know where these lies are leading? I'll meet you there.

I'm covering up my eyes

Before they cover up your eyes

And wrap your body all in white,

And we awake in the light of all the lies

This can't be happening

These sirens are for me, yeah

We wake up

Covered in the marks of all these razors

Racing up our veins

We'll live and learn to love again

Open up your eyes and we'll be safe again

From the razor's edge.

And the hospital ward sleeps

Through the surgery

Hiding needles in the drawer

(for emergency)

While upstairs they sleep

In maternity

Fever and the pitch.

It's a brand new day,

Just to be awake,

This is how it feels

To live and learn to love again

Open up your eyes and we'll be safe away

From the razor's edge.

4 - Autumn Leaves Revisited - Lyrics

The I.V. drips, the days drag on

The anesthetic's not wearing off

Adjust the light switch in the hall

Someone has left it on,

And maybe the x-ray screen keeps it from getting dark

The bulb burns out when it gets too hot

Keep crashing this car (over and over)

I can't keep crashing this car

Still it spins out of control

So hold me close or I might disappear this time

Out of control

We fight currents in the water

When we can't let go of the shore.

We've lost control.

The leaves will fall and so will you

When you do, bury me under them too

Seconds pass, we'll make it through

Eventually we all go home

It won't be long

I live with a girl who’s been waiting

Seven months left till they bring home the baby

He swore he was paying for school

They shipped him over. Now he scatters on the front lines

He swore he would follow his conscience

But done the wrong way follows his orders instead.

When he shoots, he sings this song

But he doesn’t know that she’s been singing it, too.

It won't be long

Until they find a way home

We walk along the wire tied between horizons

You close your eyes like it's nothing at all

Throughout the rise and fall, everything, everything

Changes, I will be here when you die

Did you hear the trumpets play the day your father died?

Did the violins swell those circles under your eyes?

Did you play the part straight like a march?

Or get lost in the beat, thinking and feeling…

Did the drums in the streets make the people dance?

Or fall to their knees from the sound?

Knock the leaves from the trees,

and they fell from the branch?

They looked beautiful

As they hung in the air

Spinning around

Did you float in the air?

Spinning around?

There must be somewhere that cigarettes burn through the night

And the leaves don't abandon their trees to the light

Where the sky's always clear and the summer never ends…

Won't you take me there?

5 - Untitled - Lyrics

The leaves will fall and so will you

When you do, bury me under them too

Seconds pass, we'll make it through

Eventually we all are going home

Note - this didn't end up on ACBTLD, but did make it onto Common Existence as Last Call.

The center cannot hold, the side collapses

Full of broken words, sing the song inside the dark arcade

Color me in city greens

The streets unwinding, spitting flames

Cars around the arteries

We scream and swerve and fall apart.

Everything we love, it falls apart,

And the architect abandons us.

I'll save us from the sky until a feeling burns, you try

It plants a seed of fire that flowers in the corner of your eye

Circular breathing

We'll keep them always moving

Heart attack efficiency,

Erase the figure as it falls.

Everything we love, it falls apart,

And the architect abandons us.

Everything is falling apart.

The city shakes like tired hands

The light divides what darkness mends

Our bodies echo in our plans.

Everything is falling apart.

The wedding starts

The guests appear

The church bells ringing endlessly

The bride and groom are hand in hand

And everything goes as it's planned:

The parents smile,

The priest chokes up,

The organ plays "Amazing Grace"

And underneath the thin white veil

And the people sing:

La la la la, da da da…

Everything is falling apart.

The city shakes like tired hands

The light divides what darkness mends

Our bodies echo in our plans.

#thursday band #a city by the light divided #oh god i hope i didnt fuck anything up ive read this over like 6 times now

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vintagemulti · 1 year

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a psa for those writing for johnny “soap” mctavish

as much as a love the works you’re all writing, a lot of people really don’t know how to write a scottish character (and that’s ok !!!! we get like no rep so) so as a scottish writer, i figured i should help you guys out a little bit.

dialogue

johnny has a VERYYY strong accent as i’m sure anyone can work out

however this doesn’t mean he’s suddenly speaking a different language

yes, a lot of slang is used and for a basic definition of scottish slang and how they should be used; use this ! if you have no idea of slang i’d recommend reading through every word

although we like to use slang, i can promise you that if we’re with someone that wouldn’t understand a word of it / someone who’s first language isn’t english, we wouldn’t speak fully scot (for example if johnny was speaking to alejandro or rudy)

there’s absolutely nothing to suggest he can speak gaelic. yeah i know this is an obvious one but i have seen a few people slip gaelic into his dialogue and that’s super duper inaccurate

barely anyone in scotland speaks gaelic (unless you’re up very high north or maybe in the isles). it’s actually almost an extinct language because the english pretty much wiped it out when we got colonised.

something i love to see is when he mumbles little scottish things under his breath. accurate af.

we say shite more than shit. and never ever will a scottish person say ass. it’s arse all the way.

we don’t call people (especially if you’re sleeping with someone !!!!) lass. or lassie. we call kids that.

pet names are normally along the lines of love, hen (my personal fave), sweetheart, little lady, bonnie (sometimes)

also, shagging is sex. shag, shagged, shagger. yeah.

mum not mom. maw, more commonly.

all that being said he does use a loottttt of slang so honestly go ham i love seeing scots language get used because it’s not been used in fanfic like ever before

culture

seen a few people write soap going mad for st andrews day

yeah no we don’t to that lol i barely every remember that it’s actually st andrews day

also, we aren’t all completely versed on celtic mythology. i could barely tell you the first thing about it.

in scotland we’re all kind of touchy, like we’ll greet people with a hug and stand weirdly close to each other so if that’s something you’re writing about it’s important to note that our personal space is really small

not sure where people get this idea from but scotland isn’t all sheep and highlands and fairies and like little huts

yes we have that but we’re a really modern nation and wayyy to many people have a weird perception of scotland

my man is literally from like glasgow (his accent sounds glasgow but don’t quote me on that) he’s not a farmer or anything

we swear. a lot.

KILTS. not skirts, very common to wear in scotland to events like weddings, christenings, anything formal really.

cunt isn’t a horrible word i literally everyone a cunt, sometimes it’s used affectionately

misc.

if you’re gonna write about scottish politics i beg you research it. johnnys probably pro independence and an SNP voter. google it for context

we’re really loud. and we talk really fast. yes, other characters are gonna be confused af

irn bru !!!!!!!!! it’s a scottish drink and ive seen one person mention it and i just about cried i loved it

in scotland you can vote at 16 and join the army at 16 if that’s relevant to you

if you’re going to write about something you don’t know anything about, either do research or ask someone scottish (im more than happy to help!!)

please don’t take these as complaints or anything !! it’s just very very off putting to see people make massive misconceptions and conclusions about scotland! i love that we’re finally getting some hype. anyways ask about anything!! <3

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dolldefiler · 3 months

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[I really tried with this but incels make me laugh so I struggled to make it sound serious HELP. I was so close to adding a line about joining that one Andrew Tate course. I'll come back to this when I develop my writing more (and hopefully let him fuck someone)!! Hope you enjoy it, @figmentedbitch, @rottenmami-bae]

C/W: Misogyny

Those rich fucking assholes just have to smile to get her attention. If I had that money, I’d look hot as well. If I had that money, I’d be burying my dick in pussy every night. Those stupid sluts can’t appreciate a good, kind man when they see one.

It’s not my fault I was born this height or that I smell this way. If I had money, I could change myself but I don’t so society thinks I’m a loser. If some cuntish meathead were to open the door for them, they’d be on their knees, thanking him by sucking on his micro-cock. But not me. No, they’ll look at me with disgust. Whores. Why do the hottest girls have to be so bitchy? I want someone that understands traditional values. Someone that’ll cook and clean for me. Someone that’ll serve me drinks and blow me while I play video games. I’m owed it.

Let me just have a fucking woman for once. I deserve one, don’t I? I’m a fucking man after all, aren’t I? Let me spank her fucking tits and drown my dick in her worthless fucking cunt. Just like my ancestors would have done. Just like I should be doing. Feminism’s corrupted women today. It’s a poison that makes them think they deserve freedom and independence. Women were made to be under the control of men. Real men. Men like me. Their cunts are used to give birth to my children. Their tits are used to nurse my kids. Why can’t they just accept their fucking place in the world and ACCEPT A NICE GUY?

I’m so tired of this shit. I just want someone to love. Won’t somebody just love me for once?

#misogyny kink

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exy-shmexy · 1 year

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Aaron letting himself collapse on the floor after an intense footwork practice session where Kevin breathed down everyone’s necks so they would be perfect for finals.

His lungs are on fire, his legs have the consistency of jelly left in the sun for too long, and he is exhausted from all the assignments and tests he has had to work on and study for. As soon as Wymack whistles the end of practice, he tosses his helmet away, falls to his knees first, then willingly lets gravity pull him down until he’s sprawling on his back. He doesn’t care one bit. He’s just tired. He hears footsteps coming his way.

Matt appears from above him, looming high, and looking just as rough as he is. “You good buddy?” he asks. They’ve gotten closer ever since Aaron switched dorms with Neil. Aaron nods silently.

Matt stretches his hand outfor Aaron to take but he shakes his head. “The floor is great right now,” Aaron wheezes.

Matt snorts. Then he does something Aaron didn’t see coming. He crouches and lets himself lay down next to him. “Huh,” Matt says after a beat. “The floor is great right now indeed.”

Aaron stares at him, wondering what’s going on.

Before he can figure it out, Nicky sprawls on Matt’s other side. “Goddammit, I’m fucking parched,” his cousin says through ragged breaths. “Are we having a floor party? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“You just invited yourself,” Aaron answers. There is no heat in his voice.

“Oh Maaatt,” Dan’s voice comes from somewhere on Aaron’s left. She flops down on top of her boyfriend. “I can’t stand up anymore. Day is gonna be the end of me.”

“He’s gonna be the end of us,” Nicky cries dramatically.

“You should thank him. Erik is gonna love those thick thighs,” Matt smiles.

“Got anything you want to admit to the general public, Boyd?” Nicky fires back, playful grin on his lips.

“Keep your flirting away from here,” Aaron groans.

And then the bane of his existence appears in his field of vision, Andrew silent by his side. “You flirt with Katelyn all day long, that’s rich of you to say.”

“Fuck off, Josten.”

“Can’t face the truth?”

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Aaron cannot add anything else as a full water bottle lands on his chest.

“Drink,” Andrew commands quietly Aaron grumbles. He opens the bottle. But he freezes. Because Andrew sits down next to him and tugs Neil down on the floor with him. The redhead willingly lets him and soon enough, half the team is on the floor surrounding Aaron.

Renee, who until then had been helping Allison clean up the court, calls Kevin to join them. It takes a lot of convincing before he joins them too, but eventually all the Foxes are there in a circle. Aaron ignores the feeling in his chest. He ignores the fact that despite thinking he would always be alone, he now has a family, no matter how dysfunctional. He won’t admit it out loud—not yet at least—but he is grateful for every single one of them.

Even Neil, no matter how hard he denies it.

#I'm having very strong Aaron Minyard feels right now can you tell?#He deserves a family that loves him and cares for him #also I hc that he and Neil become besties years down the line like come on they have the same sarcasm and sense of humor #((also they have Andrew in common))#anyway I love the Foxes being friends and you can pry them from my cold dead hands #aftg #all for the game #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #neil josten #kevin day #matt boyd #dan wilds #renee walker #allison reynolds #nicky hemmick

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socallmedaisy · 7 months

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Laudna has been quiet since they were shown to guest rooms in the Castle for the night. Imogen recognises the silence; it usually means Laudna is lost in her own thoughts, or maybe today it's memories of this place, only now she has no way of knowing exactly what Laudna is thinking about.

She's glad of that, truly, but there are times like this when she misses it, just a little.

They're sharing a bed like they always do, Imogen curled into Laudna, Laudna bent towards her like a flower reaching for the light, their hands joined loosely between them, the tips of Laudna's fingers caught up in Imogen's. Fearne is breathing deep and steady in the other bed—none of them had said anything, but when the guards had shown them to two guest rooms, the three of them had walked purposefully into one of them and shut the door behind them before anyone else could follow—and Imogen inches her head forward, squeezes Laudna's fingers until Laudna's eyes flicker open to look at her.

(It's the biggest tell she's not really asleep; when she is, her eyes are open.)

Imogen glances towards Fearne's bed, then taps a finger against her own temple and arches an eyebrow in a question, and waits for Laudna to nod her consent before she joins their minds together.

Are you alright? Imogen tries to keep her thoughts gentle, like maybe Laudna will startle. She bites her lip and then asks the second part of her question, the one that's been rolling around in the pit of her stomach since they were getting ready for bed in silence. Since she was mean to a man who had done nothing other than share his name with a boy Laudna used to know. Did I do something?

What? Laudna's thought comes back at once, not quite as gentle. No, I—

Imogen forces herself to wait, watches Laudna shake her head imperceptibly against the pillow.

Laudna frowns. It's just this place. And—

And what? Imogen asks, anxiety twisting in her chest, when no more words come.

I don't like being here. But I don't think I hate it. And I certainly don't hate the de Rolos. But she does. And sometimes I'm not sure how much of what I'm feeling about this place is me and how much of it is… not me. Laudna meets her eyes again, unblinking and then looks away quickly, like she's ashamed. Imogen hates it, instantly.

It must be hard to come back to the place where— Imogen swallows, To come back here, after everything that happened. I don't think you have to have your feelings all neatly sorted out. I'm not sure anyone could given the circumstances.

She swallows the urge to say she's not sure how she feels about this place either, how last time she was here and Laudna wasn't and it was one of the worst times of her life.

Laudna doesn't say anything, but she does tighten her grip on Imogen's fingers, and after a second she dips her head forward so she can press her mouth against the tips of them. It makes Imogen shiver.

I thought that's what we could do later, Laudna says eventually, and for a second Imogen is so focused on Laudna kissing her fingers she thinks Laudna means something else entirely. Go to try to find the good parts of Whitestone, if I can remember any. I thought it might help. She shifts on the bed, her knees bumping up against Imogen's.

Finally, Laudna glances up at her, through her lashes. Imogen releases a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

But then after what happened with Andrew I'm not sure I should let you loose on anyone else I remember or who might remember me. There's a spark in Laudna's eye when she says it, her sing song lilt back in Imogen's head, and Imogen huffs out a breath, embarrassed.

Can you blame me for defending you? If I ever meet that kid—

Darling, Laudna cuts in, leaning forward quickly, you realise you don't have to make up for every bad thing that ever happened to me? I already have you. That's enough.

Imogen swallows, hard, and tangles her fingers more tightly with Laudna's. I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that when we're sharing a room. She wonders if her thought might have sounded breathless in Laudna's head. She hopes it did, hopes Laudna knows exactly how it makes Imogen feel when she says things like that.

Laudna's eyes flick over towards the other bed again. Fearne can't hear us—

I know, but it makes me want to kiss you so bad.

For half a second, she can't believe she said it, but then Imogen watches Laudna's pale cheeks grow a shade darker and she's glad she did.

Oh, Laudna thinks. She shifts again, and it brings her even closer, her lips inches from Imogen's. Imogen watches Laudna's eyes flick down then back up to meet Imogen's gaze. Maybe just once couldn't hurt.

Imogen silences the voice that says it's a bad idea and darts forward to close the space between them at once, her fingers nudging Laudna's chin up to meet her. She presses her lips to Laudna's softly, almost afraid to move, but not wanting it to end, her forehead coming to rest against Laudna's before she breaks the contact.

They stay there, savouring the closeness.

I'm glad you're here, Laudna says in her head, and the thought is soft like a secret. Always, but especially today.

Imogen presses her forehead a little closer and nods against Laudna's cold skin. I'm glad you're here too.

#imodna #critical role #cr spoilers #fic #ship: together either way #i just needed them to talk about their feelings okay #the thought of them in whitestone just makes me crazy #ficlet

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jtl-fics · 1 month

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In honor of April Fools day I will talk a bit about an AU with my favorite fool - (Redacted) Smith that I will probably never write fully but have thought about a bunch of scenes for.

I call it 2 Fluent Freshmen.

Due to a clerical error at both the school and during the local government's push to digitize their documents Smith is noted down as being 2 years older than he actually is and (perhaps a clerical error or maybe no teacher can say if they've had him in class or not) Smith also has enough credits to graduate. Gran has passed away early and there's nothing for him in Washington other than more anxiety.

Wymack & Dan come to Smith when he is 16 and Smith takes the chance to escape from his family IMMEDIATELY. Sure the Foxes are the worst team and sure there's some drama going on with Kevin Day having joined them after his injury but a full ride scholarship is a full ride scholarship!

Smith is rooming with 2 upperclassmen and his only other fellow freshman - Neil Josten. He is not hiding the fact that he can speak Russian, he is hiding the fact that he is 16. Smith ends up pretty close to Seth and Allison due to sharing a dorm / position respectively and just doing his best not to get to close to crazy Andrew Minyard. He does get a bit close with Neil but it's not something he's trying to do.

He's trying to keep his head down and get through the year.

It's a little hard when he is sat on the couch with the Kathy Ferdinand show. It's a lot harder when Riko Moriyama shows up and doesn't realize he's there and just...sits in Smith's lap?? Smith remains as blank faced as ever and what the fuck is Riko supposed to do? ADMIT HE FUCKED UP?

Do you know how hard it is to intimidate someone when you're sitting in the lap of some dude? The answer is VERY. Kevin can't take him seriously at all, especially after Smith made a comment that Riko's ass was bony.

Riko goes after them the same but Smith doesn't really get that his anger is at Kevin. "Hey, I'm sorry I called your butt bony on national television. That was rude of me. You should try some squats though." and like what the fuck is Riko supposed to say in the face of some dude genuinely apologizing to him.

It buys enough time that no one is grabbed or slammed.

Seth and Allison drag him out to the bar that night and after a few minutes sitting with Allison Smith realizes that he actually does have to pee and oh god someone's trying to assault Seth! Smith calls upon the powers of Gracie Hart and Seth has a black eye and a concussion but he graduates.

Neil wants Smith to come with him to the Thanksgiving because Neil has latched on a bit. Smith ends up going and also ends up going upstairs to go to the bathroom because oh god he cannot handle Nicky's parents hearing him take an anxiety shit. He's making his way to the end of the hall and sees a penny on the ground so he bends over to grab it.

And Drake Spears is unbalanced from missing his swing and falls right out the open window to the ground below where he breaks his neck. Naturally, Andrew is watching this scene unfold from the stairs and just starts to laugh his ass off. Smith turns around after flipping the penny over (it was tails side up and therefore not lucky) unaware of what has happened.

Smith asks if Andrew wants to use the bathroom. Andrew insists that Smith goes on ahead. The Hemmicks keep asking if they saw anyone upstairs and Smith has no idea what they're talking about, Andrew does but plays dumb out of spite. A day later it's wild that Nicky's parents got arrested. Like they seemed so normal, how did they kill someone and dump him in the side garden??

The Winter Banquet happens and well...it's dark. It's dark and Neil has brown hair and brown eyes and Smith has brown hair and brown eyes. Riko is not the best at judging heights so he calls Smith to threaten him and tell him that he's joining the Ravens for a Winter Break training camp. Jean is doing the most anyone has ever done not to laugh right now.

Riko only realizes his mistake when he's finished threatening Smith with his father and Smith ruins it. Smith is elated to have somewhere to stay over winter break. He can't mention he has nowhere to go so he'd thought he'd spend the break homeless. Now here comes Riko Moriyama inviting him to a camp where room and board will be provided?

What a nice guy. To thank him Smith compliments the gains he's noticed on Riko's ass. "The squats are really helping you, or are you doing something else?" he asks.

What the fuck is Riko supposed to do? ADMIT THAT HE FUCKED UP? Tell Smith that he's been doing squats and leg lifts before asking that he hand the tickets back and go get Neil???

Fuck that.

He'll just turn Smith against the Foxes and-

Well Riko kept talking about Smith's dead dad and so Smith may have a slight misunderstanding about the full scope of this training camp. He may think that there is some sort of seance element to it at this point and he's kind of excited at the idea of talking to his dad. "I've never spoken to a dead man before, this will be fun." and it's delivered flatly with no expression.

Riko starts to wonder if maybe Smith is the Butcher's son? Did the Butcher have two sons? He's sweating all the sudden.

It does not help that Smith brings a Ouija board to camp or that his dad was a legit Butcher before he died so Riko's tentative questioning only sends him further into an anxious mess about if Nathan had twins and Riko, due to being kept away from the family business, might just not be aware of it?

Smith has a nice Christmas break.

The last scene I've got dinging around in the noggin is in Binghamton. Smith has been left behind at many a stadium at this point. There's a solid and fast rule.

Neil cannot get on the bus without Smith. They are buddies. This is the buddy system. So when the riot starts and Neil seems to be getting pulled away in the crowd?

Well Smith grabs his hand and pulls him towards the bus, "Buddy system."

The bus starts and they're on their way shortly after. Neil's an anxious wreck but that next morning he wakes up to the news that the Butcher of Baltimore died in an FBI raid the night before as well as his men.

Smith watches the news with Neil, "Wow, that's scary." as he sips some orange juice.

#2 Fluent Freshmen AU #AFTG AU #AFTG Fic #Fluent Freshman AU #Neil Josten #(Redacted) Smith #Andrew Minyard

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walkingintheheartbreaksatellite · 7 months

Text

Sky High(1)

(Harry Styles x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You take Harry to do something he never would have thought he’d do.

A/N: In honor of Balloon Fiesta season(aka my fav time of year) ITS TIME FOR BALLOONRRY! This has literally been spinning around in my brain since last December so yeah… enjoy.

Warnings: Judgmental family member, mentions of body shaming(only once), fear of heights, mentions of traumatic childhood and abusive parent (not in detail), Mentioned aged gap but not specified.

>>>————————————->

London, Wednesday

Harry smiles as he shuffles around the house, throwing things in his suitcase.

“Hey Harry, don’t pack your puffer-.”

“Y/N, you said it was gonna be cold and that I should expect snow!”

“Yes but- your puffer is cotton. Which can catch on fire. And we’ll be operating a propane burner. And don’t pack your wool gloves either-. You know what, finish packing your clothes and then we’ll go get you everything else. I need new gloves anyways.”

He rolls his eyes and kisses my forehead before turning back to our dresser.

This year, Harry is joining me for a hot air balloon rally that I crew for with some of my family every year. I have never seen him more excited for something so boring.

After he finishes, he drags me out the door immediately and we head down to the shops.

“We need to go to Workwear. They should have everything.”

He nods and grips my hand as we walk down the chilly streets. Harry grabs the door and we head inside. Harry bites his lip, a bit reluctant at his unfamiliar atmosphere.

“Come on, dork. Let’s go find you a jacket.”

I manage to find a nylon and polyester jacket that he’s satisfied with, though he complains that he’d rather his puffer.

“I know- you can pack it but you can’t wear it when we’re crewing or Bob will never let us hear the end of it.”

I grab a few pairs of nylon gloves before dragging him over to the shoes.

“Boots, love? Really?”

I snort and nod my head.

“We’re carrying heavy equipment. Your Vans won’t work. You could drop something and seriously hurt your foot. Hence the steel-toed boots. And they’ll keep you warm. Trust me.”

He nods and we head to the checkout, excitement rushing through us at our week ahead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday

As soon as we land in Albuquerque, we quickly pick up our bags and our rental car before getting on the road. We get settled on the highway and Harry turns on cruise control, taking my hand in his while driving with the other. My hands start to shake more and I sigh.

“You’re shaking Y/N. Why are you shaking?”

I let out another sigh and I look at him.

“My father might be there… And my brother and sister. You haven’t met them… And honestly I don’t really talk to them. So I guess I’m just nervous. And you’ve never met my granny or her husband- And since you’re helping crew for Andrew… I don’t know… Just a lot going on.”

He lifts my hand up and kisses the back of it before he squeezes it. His eyes remain on the road but his words make me tear up.

“I know you’re not particularly looking forward to all of that- But I’m here. I’m always here. And your mum. You know she won’t let him do anything to you. I will be the perfect Angel that I always am-.”

I snort and he gives me a playful side eye.

“As I was saying- everything will be just fine. Okay? So let’s have fun. I’m definitely excited. And happy to see your mum again.”

He smiles and squeezes my hand again before turning his attention back to the road. After about 2 hours, Harry gets off at the exit and it only takes us a minute to get to our hotel. He parks next to my mom’s car and we get out. She gets out of her car and rushes over to Harry, pulling him into a hug as he laughs and smiles.

“Oh my god, Harry! I’ve missed you! Look at you! You look great!”

He laughs and hugs my mom back for a minute before they pull away.

“I’m great, Kelly. How are you?”

She nods and gives him a smile before she pulls me into a hug as well.

“Hi my babies.”

I smile and hug her, rolling my eyes at Harry as he laughs.

“Hi mama.”

She pulls away and shoves her hands in her pockets.

“You both doing okay? Taking care of each other? You look good but you know I worry.”

I smile and nod.

“We’re fine. Harry is very excited.”

Harry nods and wraps an arm around my waist, his smile clear as day. We stand by the car, talking to my mom for a few minutes when my grandmother pulls up. Her husband gets out of the truck and gets her walker out, setting it up as she gets out. Not ready to face her, I drag Harry inside to check in and get our room keys.

We collect our keys and walk up the stairs to our room.

“Love, I really don’t think you need to avoid her-.”

“You know how frustrating she is! The woman flat out told me when I was 16 that it was my fault that my mother was depressed! Because somehow I could control who she slept with to create me!”

He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.

“I know love, I know. But you know your mum won’t let her do anything. Did you pack your meds?”

I huff and just shrug. He holds me for a minute, rubbing my back before he decides we need to go downstairs and get our bags. He drags me down the stairs and out to the car where, surprise surprise, my grandmother is. I elect to ignore her, opening the back to start grabbing bags. My mom pulls us over to them as I huff in frustration.

“Mom, this is Harry, Y/N’s boyfriend. Harry, this is my mom, May and her husband Andrew. You’ll meet Bob later. He’ll be crewing with us.”

Harry shakes my granny’s hand as well as Andrew’s when my grandmother adverts her gaze to me.

“Sweetie, what did I say about all that eating you do? It’s not good for your figure. I mean look at you-. And did you get that job I sent you the link to?”

I sigh and shake my head, squeezing Harry’s hand to calm me down before answering her.

“Granny, that job was in Arizona. I live in London, remember? And I have a job. I work at a publishing firm, remember? And I like it.”

Before she can say respond, Andrew interrupts her.

“How about we all get settled in our rooms? We’ll meet back here in the parking lot at 6:30 to go check in?”

We all nod and head inside. Before we enter our room, my mom puts her hand on my shoulder, and I turn to face her.

“You two go ahead and have to time with each other for the night. We don’t all need to go to check in and I know you’re not exactly ready to see him. I’ll text you what time we need to meet in the morning.”

Harry smiles and hugs my mom and I let out a heavy sigh.

“Thank you, Kelly. I’ll take care of our girl. She’ll be fine.”

My mom kisses my forehead and squeezes my shoulder before she heads into her room and disappears behind the door. Harry pulls me into our room and pulls me into a tight hug as soon as the door closes. He rubs my back and I let out a sigh.

“How about we go on a walk after we get settled in love? Think that would help? Or are you in the stuff your face with sweets until you pass out kind of mood?”

I shake my head as I hang up my jacket.

“I’m actually in the take a hot shower and then cuddle with my hot boyfriend until I fall asleep kind of mood.”

Harry flashes me a bright smile and hugs me as he hangs up his jacket.

“You take your shower. I’ll run to the vending machines and get some sweets. When you’re done, we can head to bed.”

He kisses my forehead and leaves the room. I grab some sweats and a soft top before heading into the shower.

By the time I’m done, my hair in a wet braid and teeth brushed as I walk out in my soft clothes, Harry is already in bed, scrolling on his phone. He looks up and smiles, pecking my lips softly when I get into bed.

“Your sweets are in the fridge, let me brush my teeth and I’ll turn the light out.”

I nod and curl up into bed as I wait for him. Not 5 minutes, he’s back in bed, pulling me close before he turns out the light.

“Are you gonna be okay, love? You’ve been tense since we got here.”

I sigh and bury my head in his chest.

“I’m nervous… And honestly I haven’t been feeling that well lately so maybe that’s just not helping. And with the stress of seeing him, and of course my granny, I guess I’ve just been a little off. But I’m really glad you’re here… I’m excited for you to meet my sister. She’s a-.”

“A pain in the ass, you’ve mentioned.”

“But you’ll like her! We fought a lot when we were kids of course but we got closer in high school. You’ll love her!”

He laughs and squeezes me tight.

“I could never love anyone as much as I love you. But I’m sure she’s great. Just keep thinking of all the positives, remember? You love this town, you love this time of year, don’t let them take that excitement from you. And I am very excited to experience this with you. Now let’s get some sleep, okay?”

I smile and curl up into his arms before slowly falling asleep.

Friday 05:30

So put your best face on everybody

Pretend you know this song everybody

Come hang (Come hang)

Let's go out with a bang!

Bang! Bang! Bang!-

I wake up to my alarm going off as I feel butterfly kisses on my cheeks. I wake up to see Harry, planting soft kisses all over my face before he smiles when he sees I’m awake.

“Time to get up, love. We have to be downstairs in 30 minutes.”

I groan and wrap my arms around his neck as I sigh.

“Can you just tell them I died or something? Or better yet we both did? I don’t want to go into the cold… I wanna stay here and cuddle.”

He laughs and shakes his head, pecking my lips before he pulls me up.

“Well, your mum is bringing coffee in like 10 minutes so you have to be alive if you want some of that. Because I do.”

I laugh and shake my head as I get up from the bed, pulling clothes out of my bag before I start to change. Harry and I are quickly dressed by the time my mom knocks on the door and Harry happily accepts the coffee.

The second I smell it, I get nauseous and I run to the toilet, throwing up. I hear Harry sigh and he comes into the bathroom, throwing my hair up in a clip before he starts to rub my back. I throw up a few minutes before I flush, slowly standing up so I can rinse and brush my teeth.

From the corner of my eye, I see my mom with a worried expression on her face.

“How long has that been going on, Y/N/N?”

I shrug and wipe my mouth, turning out the bathroom light before fixing my hair quickly.

“A couple weeks I guess. I’m never running a temp so I figured they were just random waves of nausea.”

She sighs and shakes her head.

“I think you should take a test.”

My eyes widen and I look at her.

“You think I could be-.”

Harry and I share a look, one filled with anxiety.

My mom only nods and rubs my back in comfort.

“When we come back after breakfast, I’ll go get you a few tests and you can take them and we’ll go from there, okay? Just try not to stress about it.”

We only nod and she leaves only a minute after. Harry lays back down and holds his arms open to me and I immediately lay in his arms, holding back tears.

“What are we-.”

“Shhh. Everything will be just fine, love. No matter what. If you’re pregnant, we’ll handle it. And if not… maybe it’s just not the right time. Either way, I’m not going anywhere. We will figure this out. Together.”

He kisses my head and rubs my back as we lay there for a few more minutes before we finally head out to the parking lot. We all hop into the van, the vehicle filled with silence as we make the small journey to the lift off field. After about 10 minutes, Andrew parks the van and gets out, meeting Bob outside so the can attend the pilot’s meeting. Harry squeezes my hand and gives me an anxious look.

“So… we just wait? I thought we would all be getting out and that’s when the hard work starts.”

My mom and I laugh and I shake my head before I peck his cheek.

“No, there’s always. Just a little waiting. They have about a 30 minute pilot meeting to determine whether or not we can fly. Based on the wind, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Right now, if we flew, we’d flop around and lose control.”

He laughs and nods. As expected, when they come back from the meeting, we aren’t able to fly. Andrew makes the decision to head to breakfast rather than still inflating like most were doing, even though we couldn’t fly. We pull into the parking lot of an almost empty diner and finally get out of the van. We eat breakfast, Harry and I sharing a plate since I really wasn’t in the mood to eat much.

The minute we get back to the hotel, my mom runs to her car and takes off, no doubt to go buy me tests. After about 20 minutes, she comes back with a knock on our door. She hands me the bag and I let out a shaky sigh.

“I’m sure you know how to use these… I’ll give you two some space. Call me if you need me sweet girl.”

She kisses my forehead and squeezes Harry’s shoulder before leaving the room. We’re quiet for a few minutes before Harry sits next to me on the bed, taking my hand in his, squeezing it before he raises our joint hands to his lips, softly kissing the back of my hand.

“I meant what I said, Y/N. No matter what the results are… we’re gonna be okay.”

I sigh and start to tear up.

“Are we even ready for this-.”

He sighs and puts a finger on my lips, silencing me.

“We’ll figure it out love. Just like we have with everything else. Alright? Now go take those tests. We can cuddle when you finish and we’ll wait for the results.”

I sigh and stand up, taking the tests into the bathroom. I take all 4 and place them on the counter, letting out a shaky sigh. I wash my hands and take a quiet minute to myself before opening the door and flinging myself on the bed and into Harry’s arms, causing him to laugh. Harry sets a timer on his phone before he puts it back on the nightstand and cuddles close to me, kissing my head.

“Are you hoping for certain results…?”

Harry is quiet for a minute before he turns to me with a small smile.

“Well… If you are pregnant… I would be extremely happy. I mean we’ve been together for 3 years and we live together. And besides… I want a little you… I’ve thought about it on and off… And maybe that can happen now. If you’re not… I don’t know… Maybe it’s something we could talk about? I mean… obviously I’m not getting younger despite how hot and young the girl next to me is…”

I laugh and nudge him playfully as he laughs and hugs me. He pecks little kisses all over my face before he starts to tickle me. He towers over me, determined to tickle more, but is interrupted by the timer on his phone going off. My face pales and we both sit up. He turns off the timer and we sit quietly for a minute before Harry speaks up.

“We’ll do it together…”

He takes my hand and pulls me up before he walks to the bathroom. We share a look and nod in agreement before looking at the tests. Positive. All positive. I turn to him, tears in my eyes, as are his as he quickly pulls me into his arms and hold me tight. After a minute, he pulls away and kisses me passionately as he holds me close. When we pull away for air, we share a small laugh and he hugs me once again.

“God I just- We’re having a baby! I love you! We need to call mum! And Gem! We need-!”

I laugh and shake my head.

“Let’s try to find some onesies here… Maybe we can surprise them. But we should go tell my mom since- of course she knows and she’s probably dying to know.”

He laughs and nods. We leave our hotel room and head over to my mom’s room, softly knocking on the door. She opens it and immediately lets us in.

“We’ll…?!”

We laugh and she glares at me.

“Okay okay… I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

She tears up and hugs the both of us tightly.

“I’m gonna be a grandma again!!!”

I shush her and put my finger on her lips to shut her up.

“Hush! There’s people here we don’t want knowing!”

She nods and I remove my finger. Her phone pings and she picks it up, reading it before she looks up at us.

“Your grandmother wants to go shopping and Andrew wants to know if you guys are going to dinner tonight.”

Harry and I share a look and I sigh, falling back into his arms with a groan.

“Tell them we’re still jet lagged. I don’t want to deal with her tonight.”

She laughs and nods, hugging the both of us before she leaves our room. For the rest of the night, we cuddle and talk a little about the baby until I finally fall asleep, drifting into my dreams of hoping for a bright beginning.

And in the back of my head, I knew that this weekend was going to be a whirlwind.

>>>—————————————->

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justagalwhowrites · 1 year

Text

Lavender - Ch. 18

A night out at the speakeasy leads to an unexpected connection. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-17 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (broken up), Tommy Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT :D unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up!) and Tommy being an absolute flirt. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only!

Length: 4.8 k

Saturday, May 15, 2010 - Six Months Later

“I need more than a drink,” Lucy put her head on the front desk of the clinic with a groan. “I need at least 2. Probably five.”

“I think they have that,” Andrew said, smiling a little. “Pretty much the whole draw.”

“That one guy was such a dick,” she propped her chin on her fist. “Why did I decide to become a nurse again? Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“Because you made career choices before the world ended and then stuck it out?” You said, sitting on top of the desk behind the counter.

“Yeah being a nurse wasn’t exactly a walk in the park then, either,” she grumbled. “This is my problem, I’m basically an addict, I get one REALLY GOOD patient and then I act like that fixes alllllll the assholes…”

“Sounds like dating men,” Marta joined your little group from the exam area. “Lee is finishing up with the final patient and then we’re free. We’re so close, guys. So close I can taste it.” Marta glanced over at you and groaned. “Aw, Doc, you got changed? You look all cute and shit? That’s not fair!”

“Hey,” you replied. “I have nowhere else to wear the cute dress. You have dates. I have speakeasy night with my coworkers, just give me this.”

“You could have dates too, if you wanted,” Jess was perched on the other side of the horseshoe shaped desk, Andrew squarely between you in his office chair. Her feet were in his lap. “All you’d have to do is just say yes to one of the guys who talks to you or actually ask someone out.”

“Yes but why should I when I have you lovely people, all our patients and Petri dishes in the lab to keep me company?” You smiled. Andrew and Jess shared a brief look. You tried to not roll your eyes. Mostly because they’d given you a lot of leeway in the past almost year since you and Joel had split up. Especially when you got back from your trip outside the QZ.

You hadn’t even bothered to go home that night. You walked straight to Andrew and Jess’ place, knocking on the door and trying to not cry until you were inside. Andrew was the one to answer and you fell into him, burying your face in his chest as it felt like you were cracking open with the pain of it.

“You were right,” you choked out as he pulled you inside. “About what he did out there, you were right…”

“Oh, honey,” he wrapped his arms around you the best he could with the backpack in the way, kissing the top of your head before tucking you below his chin. “I’m so sorry. I wish I was wrong. I really do.”

You slept there that night, Andrew sandwiched between you and Jess, other people and the safety that came with them the only thing that let you rest.

You’d managed to avoid Joel since you’d returned. It had been half a year since you last saw him that night at the QZ fence. There were signs of him, though. He was usually on your mind somehow, not that you were happy about it.

A few weeks after the trip, you passed Tess on your way to look for a few more books and CDs at the underground sellers’ shops. She didn’t notice you but you noticed her. It looked like she’d gotten into a fight, she had a black eye and gash at her throat. You frowned.

“Tess?” You changed direction to follow her. “Tess!”

She turned and looked surprised that you’d talk to her for a moment before meeting you in the middle.

“Doc,” she looked you up and down. She had a tendency to do that, you noticed. She liked to evaluate things. Like she thought you might have changed since she last saw you. “Good to see you.”

“You too,” you smiled. “Look, I’m happy I ran into you, I’ve been thinking…” You glanced around and tugged her off to the side of the road. “You and Tommy and… everyone, you’re still making runs, right?”

“Not taking you out there again,” she shook her head. “Joel was pretty firm on that…”

“No, that’s fine,” you waved her off. “I just… You know that saying ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?’”

“Sure,” she shrugged.

“Well there’s only so much I can do for you if you guys come back already hurt, down a lot of blood, all that jazz,” you said. “But if I gave you some basic trauma supplies, showed you how to use them…”

“You’d do that,” she said it more than asked it.

“Of course,” you frowned. “Why wouldn’t I?” She didn’t say anything else, so you just pressed on. “Could you plan to come by my apartment sometime this week, late? I can put together some kits, show you what to do for common injuries…”

“Wednesday?” She asked.

“After 10:30,” you said. “Should give me time to get home from the clinic.” You were surprised to learn that you actually kind of liked Tess. She showed up to your apartment not long after you did. Wednesday had been a rough one and your shirt was still bloody, deciding to prioritize getting the blood out of your hairline instead of changing your clothes.

“Doc,” she said by way of greeting, her eyes drifting to the blood on your shirt and back up to your face, strand of bloody hair still in your fingers.

“Sorry,” you said, giving an apologetic smile. “Had to do a field amputation today without anesthesia, it was a mess… I’m making tea, want a cup?”

“I’ll take tea,” she said, coming in and sitting at the table. You got your still bloody hair out of the way and quickly pulled the shirt off before grabbing a t-shirt out of the drawer and pulling it on.

“Sorry,” you smiled apologetically again. “I just really needed to get at least some of that blood off me…”

You put the tea on the table and grabbed the kit you put together, giving Tess a crash course in trauma stabilization 101.

“So were you a military doctor when this shit started?” She asked after you packed the supplies back up.

“Oh God no,” you laughed. “No, I was a biology teacher. I was finishing up a pre-med degree though, and I’d always wanted to be a doctor so I was just reading everything I could find to get a jump on med school. I got here, they were setting up medical facilities with all of one doctor so he trained me.”

“And how’d you meet Joel?” She was sitting back in he chair, watching you. His name made your stomach clench.

“You could ask him,” you said, looking at the almost empty tea cup.

She scoffed.

“You are an off limits topic,” she said. “For both Miller men, as it happens. Joel doesn’t answer, Tommy says it’s not his shit to say. Joel got back from the trip with you, said nothing for three days and then pretended that nothing happened.”

You nodded slowly.

“And you don’t like not knowing,” you said. She smiled.

“Exactly.”

You signed, fidgeting with the mug.

“I met Joel in 1999,” you said. Her eyes went wide. “It’s why they called me Kid, I was just 20 back then, still in college.”

“Jesus, you were a kid. He still a grumpy asshole then?” She laughed. You laughed back.

“Very rarely,” you said. “Punched Tommy in the face at a bar once because Joel was being an asshole and Tommy called him on it. Though I made him watch ‘When Harry Met Sally’ and he actually liked it. Tried so hard not to laugh at the fake orgasm scene he choked on his beer.”

She laughed at that. She told you about some of her life before, too. Spending summer on a lake with her husband and son, a mishap when renovating their basement that left a giant splotch of paint over the new linoleum that they’d never been able to properly clean up. You got both of you beer.

“I was never sure who the outbreak was worse for,” she said. “People like me who had a life going that got ripped away or people like you who never really had a fucking chance at one.”

“We all got screwed,” you said. “Sometimes I think we all died back then, everyone who’s left is just a ghost of what they would have been otherwise.”

“And you still wear ribbons on your braids,” she nodded to your hair. You glanced down, the blue ribbon splotched purple where the blood had splattered it. You smiled a little.

“There are very few things that make life worth it anymore,” you said after a moment. “And life is too short to not wear the damn ribbons.”

You knew they were using the trauma kit supplies. Tess would show up every six weeks or so, asking for a resupply. She’d even asked for a new euthanasia kit once. You almost had a panic attack before she had the chance to tell you that it wasn’t Joel or Tommy, just a traveler they’d run into who couldn’t bring themselves to turn their gun on themselves. But you hadn’t needed to come pull a bullet out of any of them again, so you were counting their trips as a success.

“Alright kids,” Lee came out from the exam area, lab coat still on. “We are all set, they’re getting dressed and then we are out of here!”

“I’m going for the jukebox as soon as we get there,” Marta said. “No one try to stop me!”

“Oh God,” Andrew groaned. “You’re going to make us listen to the Backstreet Boys all night aren’t you?”

“Think they’re still alive out there?” She asked. “Just performing for some QZ on the west coast?”

“Imagine if they’re infected,” Jess said. “You’re just walking down the street and then bam, attacked by a Backstreet Boy…”

“This,” Andrew looked up at her. “This is why I love you.”

Walking to the Speakeasy with everyone reminded you a little of college. It helped that you were wearing a sundress like you’d worn so much in Texas. It helped that the weather was warm and the sky was clear. Mostly, it helped that there were people laughing. You weren’t sure if your memory was just selective but it seemed like people just didn’t laugh anymore.

There were some tables in the corner of the speakeasy that were open and you pushed them together, sitting down with your back against one of the walls. It just felt better that way.

“Beer?” Andrew looked to Jess. She nodded and he turned to you. “Beer?”

“I’m thinking a 1996 left bank Bordeaux, something with some good body to it,” you said, thinking.

“Yeah, so beer?” He smiled.

“Yes please,” you smiled back.

“I only put on two songs,” Marta sat beside you. “So, Andrew, Mr. ‘If it’s not rock and roll it’s not music,’ will only have to suffer for so long.”

“And if only we could get him to suffer in silence,” Jess mused.

You laughed and Andrew brought beer and you sat drinking with your friends, forgetting for a minute that it was the end of the world.

“Doc?”

You turned to see a slightly familiar face. You frowned for a moment, trying to place him when it clicked.

“Oh my gosh, Tim?” You asked. He smiled, nodding. “Holy cow, you’re so… adult!”

He laughed. He was a student from your first year as a teacher in the QZ, finishing high school in 2007. You hadn’t seen him since.

“Yeah, I’m 21 now,” he smiled proudly. “Doesn’t really matter much now but still, cool to say.”

Bitter Sweet Symphony started playing and he held out his hand.

“Wanna dance?” He asked. “I think the statute of limitations of you as my teacher are up.”

“Fuck it,” you shook your head. “Why not?”

“Yeah!” Marta whooped. “Getting Doc on the dance floor!”

You flipped her off and she laughed as you followed behind him.

Tim, you were happy to know, was doing alright for himself. He had a girlfriend he was crazy about. He was stuck working for FEDRA, of course, but he was doing some engineering work.

“All because you made me interested in science,” he said, one hand at your waist, the other in yours. “So, thanks for that.”

“You’d have gotten there eventually without me,” you smiled. “But I’ll take some credit for your success.”

The song changed to something you didn’t recognize, something fun and upbeat. His face brightened.

“Mind if I spin you?” He asked. “Always wanted to try that.”

“I am in the dress for it,” you smiled a little. “Go for it, kid.”

He clumsily twirled you under his arm until his fingers slipped out of yours and sent you spinning across the dance floor. You were laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe and he took your hand again just as you saw Joel, watching you from across the bar.

Your laughter died and your breath caught in your throat. Seeing him was like seeing a ghost. It took you a moment to understand why but then you realized it. Since November, you’d thought of the Joel you knew as though he were dead. He’d died with Sarah, back in September, 2003. He’d never made it to Boston.

You’d mourned him in a way. You’d put the few clothes he’d left at your place into the floorboards with your stash - those weren’t his, after all - but left the picture of him, Sarah and you on your nightstand. That Joel wasn’t a killer. That Joel hadn’t blamed you for it. You’d taken to charging your old cell phone, reading back through texts with him and with Sarah that were still stored there every night before you fell asleep. There was a voicemail, too, one from a week before you visited the last time.

“Hey Baby,” he’d said. “Think I fucked up the time difference again, must still be out with Louisa… Anyway, missin’ ya. Call me when you’re home safe. Love you.”

That Joel was dead and the man he’d become was staring daggers at you.

“Doc?” Tim said.

“Mind if I cut in?” Andrew said.

“Good to see you, Tim,” you managed to turn and smile at him. “Glad to know you’re doing well.”

“Take care, Doc,” he smiled, leaving you with Andrew. He pulled you into his arms and put his mouth near your ear.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” he said quietly, holding you tightly to him so you had no choice but to sway with him. “We’re going to stay out here for this song and we’re going to have a great time. And then we’re going to go back to the table and drink the beers that Jess is getting us right now.”

“I just…”

“Nope,” he cut you off. “We’re not doing that, we’re not going to run away because that fucker showed up. We’re going to stay here and we’re going to have fun in spite of his ass. Got it?”

You just nodded.

“Good.”

You weren’t paying attention to the music, the feeling of Joel’s eyes on you drowning out almost everything else, Andrew’s hands on you seeming like the only thing tethering you to the earth. You let him guide you back to the table, a fresh beer sitting in front of your seat.

“Hey Doc!” Jess said brightly. “So an amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says ‘so… do I come here often?’”

It took you a second and then you laughed, the spell of Joel’s eyes on you snapping. And life continued on. Until a Texas drawl appeared over your shoulder.

“Scuse me.” Andrew’s eyes narrowed as you looked behind you, Tommy standing there. “I was really hoping I could get you onto the dance floor.”

“Me,” you said, incredulous.

“Well I try to make a habit of getting the prettiest girl at the bar to give me the time of day,” he smiled. “So I’m just hopin’ you’ll cut me a break for old time’s sake.”

“Look,” Andrew said, but you cut him off.

“Why not,” you said. He smiled - that fucking Miller man smile - and offered you his hand. You took it and he pulled you to your feet and toward the dance floor. Linger was playing. He put his hands at your waist and your arms went around his neck, swaying in time.

“So Kid,” he smiled. “How’ve you been?”

“Good,” you said cautiously. You could feel Joel’s eyes on you.

“I feel like you’re doubtin’ my good intentions,” he said.

“If Joel sent you to talk to me, you can tell him to fuck off,” you said.

“That asshole?” He scoffed. “He about ripped my arm off when I said I was going to ask you to dance, he doesn’t want me doin’ this. You think that’s the only reason I’d come talk to you?”

“Maybe not the only reason,” you smiled a little.

“Wasn’t joking about gettin’ the prettiest girl at the bar to give me the time of day,” he smiled back. “Got news for you, any bar you’re in? That’s you. I just have to talk you into it now.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head a little, smiling anyway.

“You’re still such a player, aren’t you?” You teased.

“Nah, just a charmer,” he said.

“How’ve you been?” You asked.

“Well as can be expected,” he shrugged. “Roommate’s a dick but…”

You snorted and he smiled broader.

“I told him he was a fuckin’ asshole for what he did to you, you know,” he said after a moment, face turning serious. “He was also a fuckin’ dumbass but he’s always been a dumbass. It’s the asshole shit I can’t stand.”

“Let me know if the message ever sinks in,” you said wryly.

“That’ll be the day,” he scoffed.

The song shifted, something soft and slow. He tugged you closer and your cheek leaned into his chest. You danced quietly for a bit.

“I wanted to ask you out, back in the day,” he said eventually, his lips close to your ear.

“Really?” You glanced up at him, not wanting to move your head.

“Joel told me you were ‘off limits,’” he laughed a little. “Course I didn’t know that was because he wanted ya but…”

“Damn,” you joked. “Dibs really put you off, huh?”

“If I’d known it was just dibs it wouldn’t have,” he replied.

The song changed to Black Magic Woman and he stepped back from you a bit.

“Now, see, I might have had some ulterior motives,” he smiled sheepishly. “May have put this on the jukebox in hopes I could get you to dance to it with me…”

“I don’t know how to dance to this,” you laughed, moving to head back to your seat, hand still in his. He caught you and pulled you back against him.

“I do,” his hand went to the small of your back, pressing your hips against his. You swallowed. “Just gotta follow my lead, pretty girl.”

He took the lead, his hips pushing against yours, moving in sharp rhythm. You could feel him through his jeans. His legs nudged yours in the right steps, your breasts flush against him. His eyes traced your face, lingering on your lips.

The song felt too short, the two of you coming to a stop in the middle of the dance floor, bodies still close together.

“How ‘bout a drink?” He smiled.

“Sure,” you smiled back. He laced his fingers with yours and led you to the bar, just catching a glimpse of Joel standing up and storming off as you did.

Tommy joined the table with your coworkers, pulling up a chair close to yours, one hand on the small of your back. Marta asked how you knew each other and immediately latched on to the “we’ve been friends for 11 years” thing to get stories out of him like the time he tried to teach you to grill and you accidentally set the thing on fire and seriously considered pushing it into the pool to put it out.

“We’re gonna head out,” Andrew said before he leaned in to kiss your cheek goodbye, whispering in your ear as he did. “You OK?”

You just nodded and he left with Jess. You realized then that they were the last of the party to leave.

“One more drink,” Tommy smiled. “Just you and me.”

“Well if you’re going to twist my arm about it,” you smiled back.

The bar was emptying out, just a few stragglers left on the dance floor. Tommy got you both a whiskey on the rocks, sitting next to you in a booth, putting his arm around your shoulders. You propped your feet on the chair across the table from you and leaned your head on his chest, swirling the whiskey in your chipped glass. The ice clinked.

“Missed seein’ you,” he said after a minute, taking a drink. “You always just… Made shit better. It’s all brighter with you.”

“You’re sweet,” you smiled a little, taking a drink. “And I’ve missed seeing you, too.”

Closing Time came on and Tommy laughed.

“We can take a hint!” He yelled over your head before finishing his drink. “We’re goin, we’re goin.”

You laughed, polishing yours off, too, before getting up. You could just barely feel the alcohol in your head, far from drunk and just on the edge of tipsy.

“C’mon,” he said. “I’ll walk you home.”

“You know, I walk home on my own late at night most days,” you said, following him out of the bar, anyway. “Always ends up fine.”

“Humor me,” he smiled, holding out his hand. You smiled back, taking it. He tugged you close to him, setting an easy pace.

You talked about random things you missed about Austin, laughing when you mentioned your favorite second hand clothing shop downtown near campus.

“Isn’t that just shopping now?” He teased.

“Oh you know it’s not the same,” you laughed. “I got this great dress there once from the 70s. I think I only wore it once, to a wedding, but damn did it make my boobs look fantastic. One of life’s great regrets is the fact that it’s rotting away in my closet in New York.”

“Damn,” he shook his head. “Now one of my great regrets is not seeing that dress…”

You laughed, stopping at the door to your building.

“This is me,” you half smiled.

“How about I walk you up?” He asked. You raised your eyebrows. “I know I know, but how often do you walk home from the clinic with a few drinks in you?”

“I’ve treated you, do you want to know the answer to that question?” You teased. He laughed.

“Well those times, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty if somethin’ happened to ya,” he said. “Let me walk you up.”

“If that’s what will help you live the dream, Miller, far be it from me to stop you.”

You opened the communal door and led the way upstairs, stopping by your apartment.

“See?” You teased, after unlocking your door but leaving it closed and turning to face him. “So eventful.”

He leaned his arm against the door frame, caging you in on one side. His eyes dropped to your lips before going back to your eyes.

“Still think you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” he said quietly, his free hand delicately lifting your chin toward him.

“Tommy,” you breathed. His hand slipped from your chin to the back of your head, his thumb still along your cheek.

“Want me to stop?” He asked, moving closer.

You swallowed.

“No,” you said.

“Good,” he said. “Neither do I.”

He kissed you then. Soft, gentle, his lips parting just enough that you could taste the whiskey on his breath. He leaned his body into yours, the hips that had been moving with yours on the dance floor pressing into you a different way now. A familiar ache sparked low in your stomach as you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck.

You weren’t sure how long he kissed you, but after a moment, he pulled back, a little breathless.

“Why don’t we go inside?” He said softly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, opening the door behind you.

Things moved a lot faster then. His hands slid the straps of your dress down your arms before your door was fully closed. He reached to lock it while you fumbled with the buckle of his belt. His lips were on yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth, his hands ranging over every inch of skin they could reach before sliding your dress down to pool on the floor. You pulled at the buttons of his shirt until you were able to shove it off and he quickly unclipped your bra. He looked down at your bare chest, panting for breath a little.

“Damn,” he said. “Don’t regret not seein’ the dress anymore. This is so much fuckin’ better.”

He stepped out of his boots quickly and you unbutton and unzipped his pants. You kicked off your sandals and he tugged your panties down, leaving them on the floor as you pulled him against you toward your bed. He paused, your legs against the bed, his hands holding you gently.

“You sure you’re good with this?” He asked.

“Just kiss me, Miller,” you said. He wasted no time obliging.

You pulled him onto your bed with you, his weight settling easily between your thighs. He slid a hand down your body to your pussy, softly tracing your clit for a moment before pressing his fingers against you, working you in slow, longing circles. You moaned against his mouth, rocking your hips against his hand. You felt him smile against your lips.

Tommy slipped a thick finger inside you, exploring you, the tip brushing your inner walls until he found the spot that made your toes curl. He added another finger, working both of them against the place inside you, adding his thumb to your clit until your back arched and you came with a loud moan around him.

“Fuck, gorgeous,” he pressed his lips to your collar bone. “Gonna need you to do that again while I’m inside you… you’ve got me fuckin’ desperate for it…”

“Then get inside me,” you panted, reaching between your bodies to take his cock in your hand. He was thick, hard, not so long that you were worried about whether or not he would fit but long enough that you knew he would fill you. You worked him up and down, spreading the wetness from his tip over him.

“Tryin’ to kill me, I swear,” he said, slipping his fingers from inside you to himself, brushing your hand away. He lined himself up with your entrance, pressed his lips to yours and thrust into you.

The stretch was immediate, a sharp but pleasant burn as he sank into you. He moaned against your lips and you rocked your hips against him, making his movements stutter.

“You trying to make me cum before I’m even inside you?” He gasped. “Fucking hell, girl.”

He thrust the rest of the way inside you in one quick, hard motion, making your back arch, pulling a delicious moan from your lips. His arm slipped below you, pulling your torso flush with his as he began to fuck into you, his thick cock sliding out to just the tip before thrusting back against your back wall with every stroke. You clung to him as his lips found your throat, your breasts, his hard length moving faster, more forcefully every time. The tip of him was hitting the spot inside you with every movement, your second orgasm building fast.

“Fuck, I’m going to…” you managed. He thrust harder, your sentence ending in a strangled cry.

“Won’t last when you do,” he gasped. “Where can I…”

“I’m on the pill,” you said quickly.

“Thank fuck.”

He picked up the pace, holding himself deep inside you every few strokes, your body tightening and coiling around him until you felt the taught band of pleasure snap, your core pulsing around him.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck…” he groaned, thrusting two more times before collapsing on top of you, both of you limp and gasping for breath.

He pressed his lips to your throat, still deep inside you, and you saw the picture frame with Joel and Sarah on your nightstand out of the corner of your eye. While he was distracted, you reached up and silently set it face down before wrapping your arms around the man in your bed.

A/N: THAT'S RIGHT GUYS SHE'S GETTING WITH BOTH BROTHERS AND JOEL FUCKING HATES IT. This has been building since literally day one of this story lol. Tommy has had a crush on her FOREVER and now it's finally paying off - for him and for us (because we get the drama of it)

I have a taglist, so if you'd like to be included, just comment below! Thank you so so much for reading and following along. I hope you enjoy the drama and the angst! Love you all!

Taglist: @paleidiot @ayamenimthiriel @ginger-swag-rapunzel @drewharrisonwriter @flugazi @pedropascalsbbg @taoyuji @starstruckmusiciansartghost @splendsay @bigboiseason123 @jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic #tommy miller

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ofstoriesandstardust · 4 months

Text

miss americana & the heartbreak prince (b.r.b.)

note: if this fic looks familiar to you... well, that's because it's been here before. and the response was less than kind but i've cleaned a house a bit since then so it's coming back. remember that this fic is told with intertwining timelines and if you have something mean to say you'll get blocked. enjoy the read (or re-read!) :)

summary: The year Bradley left and the year he returned.

same mistakes

warnings: swearing, alcohol mentions, my general same mistakes warnings

word count: 4.9k

“It’s been a long time coming/it’s me and you”

You slip out into the warm September air from Sarah’s car.

“Bye! Have a good-”

The door shuts as you tug your bag higher on to your shoulder. You take a deep breath, beginning the walk down the stairs to the courtyard.

Almost immediately, the whispers begin.

“Did you hear-”

“Bradshaw won’t speak to her anymore-”

“Feel kind of bad-”

“How could she-”

“I hear her Dad put her into therapy-”

“Heard she kinda lost it-”

“Bradshaw is better off-”

You squeeze your eyes shut, willing to block the words out.

They didn’t know a single thing about you nor your family. They just knew what Bradley had reveled in telling them, with no care to the fact that you had to come back to this place.

You feel someone watching you, causing your eyes to fly open. Across the hall is Sienna and Ben, Matt and Madison, Andrew joining them from around the corner. And there, at the head of the group, is Paige.

Just a year younger than her older brother Lucas, Paige was someone who had spent so much time in your house. Where Bradley went, Lucas followed, and where Lucas went, so did Paige.

While Lucas graduated the year before with Bradley, you and Paige were in the same class together, had been since their family, also Navy, relocated to the Miramar base in the 4th grade.

Paige, who’d sworn she'd be caught dead before hanging out with the likes of Sienna and Ben, after you’d caught Ben cheating on you with the girl who was supposed to be your best friend just less than six months prior.

The bell ringing, signaling the need to head for your homeroom, does nothing to alleviate the weight of the year that you know is in front of you.

Bradley squeezes your hand as you walk up the steps of the house (read: mansion) April had rented for her birthday.

“You excited?”

You shrug, stepping closer to Bradley as an ocean breeze blows through.

“Are you?”

He nods. “It’ll be fucking amazing to see everyone. It’s been a few years since the whole group has been together. I mean I’ve seen Lucas and Paige any time we’re all in town, and Morgan has finally re-located back here, but I haven’t seen Andrew in like six or seven years.”

You swallow, feeling your nerves grow as you walk up the stone steps.

It felt like you were walking towards the death sentence of your relationship, uncertain about what (or rather, who) you would face on the other side of that heavy oak door.

Bradley rings the doorbell as he says, “Actually, Andrew texted me to ask if I was bringing you.”

Your stomach drops as you hear movement on the other side of the door. “Why?”

He shrugs. “The dude’s always been nosy. I think-”

You never know what Bradley is going to say as the front door opens, revealing a grinning April.

“Bradshaw!” She shouts, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Happy to be here.” He says, words muffled into the girl’s shoulder. She lets him go, her smile equally as blinding when she sees you.

“You actually brought your girlfriend. Was starting to think you were hiding mini Mitchell away from us.”

She pulls you into a hug of her own, but it’s not fast enough, you catching Jameson Hall over her shoulder as he pokes his head around the wall to see who’s arrived.

You don’t miss the way his eyes widen and the way he chokes on his drink.

“Maybe you should join the cross-country team, I know tryouts are this Tuesday.” Ice says nonchalantly over dinner.

You raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

He shrugs. “It’ll be good for you to get out of the house, focusing on other… things.”

He says things in such a way that you know really means Bradley but no one was really willing to discuss his absence, not since that last night at Ice and Sarah’s.

“Plus, didn’t you get into running after seeing that grief counselor?”

Your Dad had put you and Bradley both into grief counseling when Carole passed in the spring, but you’d only gone for three sessions before seeing the old dude with an office that smelled like fish and a receding hairline had gotten to be too irritating as he tried to tell you how you were supposed to feel.

The only thing that had come out of the sessions was the suggestion of picking up an activity that allowed you to decompress and focus on other things. And you leaned into running, something that Slider teased you for doing willingly.

They didn’t need to know that every time you went a run, you went running to see if this would be the time you’d run so far you never came back.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Thanks for inviting us, April.” Bradley says, the girl shutting the door behind you as the two of you step into the foyer.

“Of course, I’m happy you guys came. You guys are earlier than the rest, you know how it is. Angelina and Jameson are in the living room-” She pauses as you both see the ill-hidden twitch of Bradley's lips. She holds up a hand, cutting off whatever he’s going to say. “Save it, Bradshaw. I already know.”

He shrugs. “Good.”

“Anyways, they’re in the living room and Alex is in the kitchen. Morgan and Paige are out by the pool, and Lucas and Andrew are on their way. I invited Ben and Sienna as well-”

Now, it’s your turn to raise any eyebrow. “April, that’s not funny.”

She gives you a weird look. “I wasn’t kidding, I-”

You sigh, letting Bradley’s hand fall. “I need alcohol if I’m gonna deal with the two of them.”

“Oh, c’mon, it was like two decades ago-”

“April.” Bradley says sternly as you turn, walking through the door next to you, avoiding the living room.

It takes you a few minutes to find the kitchen in the house, Alex perking up when you do.

“Hey mini Mitchell-”

“Why the hell did April invite Ben and Sienna?”

The question is rhetorical as you wrench the fridge door open, but Alex sighs. “Because my little sister has always cared more about being liked than being a decent friend. Hey, I hear you and Bradshaw are finally together. Congrats, that’s a long time coming.”

“Shut up Alex.” You mumble, popping the can open.

Your skin is sticky with sweat, but even that can’t stop the little skip in your step as you fish through your bag for your car keys.

You weren’t sure why you’d ended up trying out for the cross-country team like Ice had suggested, but it had felt so good to hear that you’d made the team.

Sure, they kind of accepted everyone who could run a decent mile pace but you aren’t sure that really mattered to you.

You finally had something that was yours.

Someone calls your name and you turn, catching sight of Morgan, the captain of the cross-country team for the last three years.

She offers you a beaming smile, tossing her bag into the back of the truck. “Congrats on making the team.”

You run her smile, feeling your cheeks go a little warm. “Thanks.”

She nods. “I’m glad you tried out. We don’t get a lot of upper-classmen trying out and I bet it can be kind of intimidating trying out for the team as a senior.”

You shrug. “Well, my godfather kind of suggested it. He thinks I need an activity, so…”

Her eyes are filled with mirth as she lets out a little laugh. “Makes sense. Say, uh, the other seniors and I are going to get ice cream. Would you want to join us?”

You begin to rock back and forth on your heels. “I don’t know…” You trail off, unsure if the invitation was genuine or a nicety.

Morgan was a leader as much as she was kind, why she had earned the role of Captain as a sophomore. She’d never let anyone feel unwelcome or excluded.

She shrugs. “It’s up to you, but we’d love to have you. If not, you should at least join us at the team barbeque at my house this weekend.”

You swallow. Dad was all about you making new friends and Sarah was always encouraging you to give people a shot so- what did you have to lose?

“Yeah, why not? My homework can wait a few more hours.”

You can hear people filling up the house as you stand in the kitchen, avoiding leaving and seeing people you’d rather not.

“Hey.” Alex whispers, glancing back out towards the source of the sound. “Now, you didn’t hear this from me, but Jameson filed for divorce last weekend. They haven’t told anyone yet.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Wait, why?”

Alex drops his voice even lower. “Apparently, Angelina slept with one of the Chippendales dancers on a trip to Vegas a few months ago. Jameson just found out.” Your eyes widen at the information and Alex nods. “Yeah, sometimes how we get them is how we lose them. C’mon, let’s go join the group.”

You follow Alex, despite the fact that you’re still reeling. “How am I supposed to pretend to be normal?”

He shrugs. “Just play along.”

The two of you don’t get very far before you’re intercepted by someone who looks oddly familiar to you, Bradley at her shoulder.

You blink.

“Senior night is tonight?” Your Dad asks as you step off the last step. You wince, turning to face him, the letterman jacket you’d be instructed to wear suddenly feeling too heavy.

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? This is so exciting-”

“I didn’t think you’d have time to go.”

He deflates at the flat tone in your voice, the paper crinkling in his fingers. “Well, I’d- I’d like to go if you want me there.”

“If you want.”

“Are- are you leaving right now?”

You nod, feeling the keys grow sweaty in your hand as you stare at your Dad, who seems to be growing smaller.

“Yeah. The meet is at 4, senior celebration at 6.”

“Well, I- uh, why don’t I meet you down at the school?”

“Sure Dad.”

“Hey!” The girl says brightly.

“Hi?”

A soft smile plays on her face. “You don’t remember me, do you?”

Bradley sighs, taking your hand. He intertwines your fingers, the rough calluses of his palm comforting you as he does. “You remember Janie, yeah?”

Alex lets out a laugh and an “Oh shit.” from his place next to you, lifting his hand to try and hide it.

“Have you ever thought about minding your own business Alex?” Janie asks, a smile still on her face.

“Have you ever known me to?” He shoots back. “But, alas,” he sighs, “I have enough respect for these two to start now.”

Alex disappears into the crowd, as Bradley’s grip on your hand tightens.

“I was just telling Bradley how happy it made me to hear that the two of you were finally together.”

Janie and Bradley had started dating just weeks before Carole had shared her diagnosis with the two of you. She’d tried to see him through it, coming to the hospital and cooking and getting his missing homework assignments, but after months of things getting worse with no end in sight, she’d broken up with him.

In hindsight, Bradley hadn’t even been all that sad, saying it was a mutual decision, that he needed to focus on his Mom before he could focus on a girlfriend.

“I always kind of hoped, you know, that after Brad and I broke up, that the two of you would figure things out. I always knew you liked him.”

You swallow. “Janie-”

“No, no, it’s okay!” She exclaims, waving a hand. “Really. Even then, I knew, and honestly, I was okay with it. The two of you were meant for each other. It wouldn’t have been right if it had been me and Bradley who’d ended up together. It was always meant to be the two of you. ‘Bout broke my heart when I heard the two of you weren’t speaking to each other.”

“Thank you, Janie.” You tell her honestly. “That’s- that’s incredibly kind of you to say.”

“Well, I mean every word of it.”

“Yo, Bradshaw!” Someone shouts and all three of you turn to the sound of voices entering the crowded living room.

Bradley’s face lights up, his hand leaving yours as he goes to hug the man. “Andrew!”

“God, you’d think they were dating.” You mutter into your drink, earning a chuckle from Janie.

You and your Dad walk in silence out to your separate vehicles. Any conversation he’d tried to start after the meet had been ignored, you desperate just to get home after seeing who’d be in the crowd tonight.

Why couldn’t they all just fucking leave you alone? You hadn’t done anything, not to them, not to Bradley. They didn’t even like cross-country-

“Hey.” Morgan calls, followed by the sound of a car door opening. “Mitchell.”

You swallow as you turn, gripping your track bag.

“Hi Morgan.”

She watches you with guarded eyes, leaning up against the side of her truck. “You know, when you tried out for the team, I wasn’t sure what to expect. You know, Bradshaw didn’t have a whole lot of nice things to say about you, so I’m pleasantly surprised by how you’ve done this season.”

Your eyebrows furrow as you take a step closer. “You know Bradley? I didn’t know that.”

She nods. “Friends since freshman year.”

Horror dawns on you as your stomach drops. “And you ran to him the minute I joined the team. Everything that I’ve told you this season, everything I’ve confided in you this season as my friend, you turned around and told him?”

As Morgan more or less confirms your words, it feels like the bottom is falling out on your life. You swallow down the nausea rising in your throat, the burning feeling making it all worse.

“Why would you do that? Why would you do that to me?”

“Oh, mini Mitchell.” Andrew sighs, from behind you. “Always with that victim complex of yours.”

“So is it true?” Andrew says with a grin as he pulls away, leaving his hands on Bradley’s shoulders.

“Is what true?”

“You and mini Mitchell, man! Did the two of you finally make it happen?”

Bradley chuckles as he nods. “Yeah, yeah, she came with me tonight.” He takes a few steps back, nodding to you as he does. Andrew’s face lights up, hand outstretched as he does.

“Mini Mitchell! How’ve you been?” Your eyes flicker down to his hand and back up to his face.

“You really expect me to shake your hand, Andrew? Really, after everything?”

His face falls, confusion taking over. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I remember the last thing you had to say to me not being very kind.”

“Damn, it’s been like twenty years, can you not let that shit go? You hold a grudge as bad as Bradshaw. Then again, he’s fucking you, so I can kinda see why he let that go.”

Your eyes narrow as they shoot over to Jameson.

Why in the world was he choosing to get involved?

“Jameson, isn’t your wife cheating on you?” You ask, tilting your head. He falls silent, shrinking back into the couch. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.”

You turn, spotting Andrew leaned up against his car. His trunk is open, where Ben and Sienna are sat, Paige next to them. Lucas is leaned up against the opposite side of the car.

You shake your head, tears pricking at your eyes. “I’m being ambushed in the parking lot of my own senior night.” You say miserably, throwing your hands up in the air.

“Bradley has had one hell of a lot to say about you.” Lucas comments, folding his arms.

“You guys used to be my friends.”

“Kind of hard to be friends with someone as awful as you.” Paige responds. You can do nothing but look at them, tears already trickling down your face.

This felt like betrayal in the worst way.

And it was all Bradley’s fault.

“Look, the bottom line here, mini Mitchell, is that you’re just a bitch. You’ve done the worst things you could do to someone and you’ve never once taken accountability or responsibility for what you’ve done to him. You’ve never once apologized and you just expect us to let that all go?” Andrew heaves a dramatic sigh, pushing himself off his car. “Then again, everyone has always liked him more than we liked you. You’re like a leech we can’t get rid of. Life-sucking.”

Your feet move before you give them permission, turning as your Dad calls out. Your tears are burning, same as your chest, as you slam your car door shut, throwing your bag into the back with little care as a sob bubbles out.

“Whoa, the tension is high in here.” Ben jokes.

Your throat grows tight at the sandy-haired boy, the shiny ring on Sienna’s finger. Bradley steps back, pressing a hand to your shoulder.

April huffs. “This is what I get for having friends who can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.”

Sienna laughs lightly, moving to give the girl a hug. The tightness in your throat blossoms into your chest as Sienna’s vision pivots to you.

She says your name softly, offering you a smile. “Would it be wrong to give you a hug?”

“Twenty years no apology from you and you want a hug.”

Your voice crackles somewhere along the way as you cross your arms, hoping to protect yourself from her.

“Don’t tell me you're still mad about that.” Ben says.

“How could I not be? My best friend fucked my boyfriend while one of the people who raised me was lying in a hospital bed dying of cancer.”

“Well, if you aren’t gonna put out sweetheart, you shouldn’t be surprised I found it somewhere else.”

Your body fully recoils at Ben’s words, disgust ripping through you.

“Fuck you. You have no idea what I’ve been through, how badly what you did fucked me up. I did not deserve that.” You say emphatically, tears tracking down your face. You wipe at them to little avail, before straightening up. “Fuck this, I’m a fucking one percent Navy pilot, I don’t deserve this-”

“I mean, don’t you?”

It all goes silent in the room as everyone looks at Paige.

“I mean, it’s not exactly like the Navy’s fond of you. There’s a reason why your old team hated you so.” She says, a coy smile playing on her lips. “There’s a reason why that all played out the way it did. You’re no victim in all this, sweetheart.”

“Paige, shut up.” Bradley’s words are sharp. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. You know nothing.”

She smirks. “I’d bargain I know a hell of a lot more than you do. And I’m sure that we’ll be able to talk about all of that, when you realize what the rest of us do that this won’t last-”

“Okay, wait, that’s enough-” April intervenes, but it’s too late, you already shouldering past the people in the house.

You’re trying to gulp for air when you finally make it outside, fighting off the sobs.

Bradley’s only a few steps behind you, offering hurried apologies. You shake your head, desperately swallowing around the lump in your throat.

“Please just take me home Bradley.”

You’re unable to stop the flow of tears as you dial the number scrawled out in Ice’s handwriting on the scrap piece of paper.

Ice had tracked down a number for “emergency purposes” though you aren't sure how. Still, now though, it didn’t matter as you sink to the floor of Ice’s study, unable to take it anymore.

You hear the line come alive and a muffled, groggy “Hello?”, a voice you never thought you’d hear again.

“Bradley.” You whimper. “I want you to come home. Please come home. I don’t want to fight any more. No one is gonna win here. Please, please, please God, please just come home.”

You hiccup as your sobs catch up to you and you think you can hear him let out a breath from the other side.

“Please B, I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did, please you have to believe me. Plea-”

The line goes dead.

“Why are you people always in my house?”

Fanboy turns, grinning at you as he clutches the spatula. Bob is next to him, stirring something on the stove. Your eyes flash over to Javy, who’s sitting at the kitchen table.

“You know when I gave you a key, this is not what I intended.”

“We’re making you breakfast, at least try to be grateful.”

You roll your eyes, giving him a look before joining him at the kitchen table.

“So how was the party last night?” Bob asks, wiping his hands on a dish towel.

You make a displeased sound in your throat, shaking your head. “Awful.”

“What happened?”

“Just… stupid shit. A bunch of kids from my high school were there, including these two Navy brats I grew up with and one of them said something kind of fucked.”

“What’d they say?” Bob asks curiously.

“Just something to the extent that I deserved what I got from my old team.”

Bob shakes his head while Fanboy pulls a face.

“Where do you keep finding these people?” Javy asks incredulously.

“They’re Bradley’s friends.” You say with a shrug, watching Bob and Fanboy turning back to the stove.

You realize belatedly they’re making eggs benedict, a favorite of yours.

“What did they say?” Javy asks, his voice a little lower.

You shake your head, signaling to him that you don’t want to talk about it. You chew your lip for a few minutes before you lower your voice, watching Bob and Fanboy carefully.

“I did some digging last night on the girl who said that, where she’d been stationed where she might have heard about that.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Javy nod, showing you that he’s listening. “Her brother has always worked as an engineer, followed in their Dad’s footsteps, but she went a different route and worked in communications.” You swallow, looking at Javy. “She was there, on that aircraft carrier when we went down. She knew what they did.” You all but whisper as the pieces fall into place on his face. “It’s all still following me.”

The dinky little cell he’d gotten when moved out to UVA buzzed against his cheek. He blinks a few times, barely lifting his head up from the pillow to glance at the screen.

He didn’t recognize the number, but he knew the 619 area code meant it was a San Diego number.

He felt a tug in his gut against his better judgment and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Bradley.” She whimpers. “I want you to come home. Please come home. I don’t want to fight any more. No one is gonna win here. Please, please, please God, please just come home.”

Please don’t cry, he thinks. Please don’t cry, because if you cry, I’ll cry-

She hiccups from the other line and his chest begins to ache.

He lets out a breath, mind whirring as he searches for something to say to her to make it all better.

“Please B, I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did, please you have to believe me. Plea-”

And then he remembers.

His fingers move before his heart realizes it, ending the call.

The screen goes dark as he slumps back against his pillows.

You hear the Bronco before you see it and you hear Bradley before you see him.

You’re standing in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, the boys long gone.

You pause in your movements, as you wait for Bradley to say something, but he doesn’t.

“B?” You toss out cautiously, setting the soapy sponge down. “Is that you?”

He appears in the kitchen a moment later, looking haggard, though you can’t say that you probably fare much better at the moment.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers hoarsely. “So sorry.”

Your eyebrows furrow as you wipe your hands off on a dishtowel, walking over to him.

“What? What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry that I hung up on you that night. You were in so much pain and I- I had no idea how awful they were to you. I had no idea what they had been saying and- and- and- here you were asking for help and I just ignored you. I was being selfish and I-”

“Bradley.” You whisper, reaching out for him. “What- Where is any of this even coming from? I’m not angry at you for that any more, you know that.”

“But I’m angry at me. And you should be too. What I did was fucked up and you just forgave me-”

“I did not forgive you overnight, you know that.” Your eyes search his, finally deciding to take his hand and intertwine your fingers. “B, I’m- I’m kind of lost. Where is any of this coming from?”

He heaves, his chest shuddering. “April called me this morning. Apologized profusely for how last night went, that she knew better than to stick you in that room with those people, that she should’ve known how badly they hurt you. But I didn’t- I didn’t know about them-” His breath keeps catching on his words and your concern grows. “I didn’t know about them showing up at your senior night.” He finally lets out in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t know.”

Your face falls as you squeeze his hand. “Let’s- let’s go sit on the couch.”

Bradley nods and you follow him out to the living room. He wipes at his eyes before sitting on the couch, you following behind him.

“I didn’t know what Andrew said. I had no idea they’d shown up there to taunt you. I- I- I- never would have let them get away with saying it.”

“They weren’t the only ones saying it.” You whisper. “Bradley, they just repeated what the whole school was.”

“And it was all my fault-”

“Bradley.” You say sternly. “I’m not going to sit here and say you don’t carry some responsibility in how it all played out. But I forgave you for all that. Neither of us were kind to each other in those years, you have to know that. I carry just as much responsibility as you do. And you’ve apologized, recognized that you hurt me. I’m not mad anymore.”

“So you can forgive me, but not them?”

“For the record, none of them except Morgan has ever offered me an apology. So I don’t know why I'd forgive them for things they aren't sorry for. Second of all, they have done and said things to me that you would never dream of doing and that’s what sets you apart. And yeah, maybe they’re right that I do know how to hold a grudge. I know that I hold what Ben and Sienna did to me a little too close to my heart, that them turning their backs on me cut deep. But I don’t hold that against you.”

Your fingers rest in Bradley’s curls as he sniffs. “I should’ve been there-”

“You’re here now. That’s what matters to me.” You take his hand again with your free one, gently kissing his knuckles as you do so. “I love you.”

His eyes water before he swallows, his adam's apple bobbing. “I love you too.”

You smile softly at him, pressing another kiss to his hand. “I know.”

The two of you sit there for a few minutes before you sigh. “Fanboy and Bob broke into my house to make eggs benedict this morning and there’s some leftovers I just put in the fridge. I can warm you up some if you haven’t eaten yet-”

“I don’t want you to think that we aren’t going to last.”

You pause, halfway up from the couch. “What?”

“What Paige said last night. That they think we aren’t going to last. I don’t think that and I don’t want you to think that either.”

You falter, sitting back down on the couch. “I-”

“It was bullshit and it’s not what I believe. I want us to last, more than anything else in this whole world. I know it’s only been just over a year but-” Bradley takes a shuddering breath. You’re my best friend in the whole world. I want you as long as you want me here and I know we’ve had our shit over the last year, we’ve had our fights and our people from the past but I don’t care about any of that as long as it’s you and me.”

“It’s always gonna be you and me.” You pause before sighing dramatically. “Well, maybe you, me, and a dog. If that’s okay.”

The corners of his lips twitch upwards, giving you a ghost of a smile. “Perhaps.”

#bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw fic #top gun: maverick #top gun: maverick fic #same mistakes

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toomanywatchers · 5 days

Text

How Steven Lim Impacted Me Growing Up:

I may have joined the Watcher fandom about a year ago, but I have known Steven since the early days of BuzzFeed. That's right, I have always been a Worth It guy since Season 2 if my memory is correct. I have been a fan of food content as some of the many reality TV shows I would watch with my family growing up were competitive food shows a la Gordon Rasmey shows. The thing that differed me from the rest of my family is that I would indulge in YouTube content more than traditional media.

That is why I believe middle-school-me was inclined to click on my first Worth It video; “$17 Fried Chicken Vs. $500 Fried Chicken”. Though I clicked for the visually satisfying display of fried chicken-based dishes, I stayed for a completely different reason. Steven not only crafted a well-organized show while displaying a fun dynamic with his coworkers, and might I add his close friends- Andrew Ilnyckyj and Adam Bianchi- Steven also made a show beyond food and getting to share those experiences with friends;

He made a show to exhibit a wide range of cultures and traditions among various backgrounds masked by the concept of food/cooking for others. Covering a wide range of foods while also traveling to different countries to experience the culture face-to-face, and sharing these experiences with the world via YouTube. For me, a kid mainly watching people goof off while playing video games with each other, a show with so much substance should have not captured my attention at that age, but it did.

Now that I am an adult (of sorts), my appreciation for what Steven has made with Worth It has just blossomed into something real with meaning, and understanding. That same love and appreciation for Steven has tied over into Watcher when I realized he was one of the 3 CEOs of the company. Where, might I add, I see him coming out of his shell even more with Shane and Ryan and ultimately having the creative freedom to make what he wants to make, and make it how he wants to make it.

With the fact that he can create whatever now, Steven still bases his shows on a deeper meaning in understanding all the sides of various people.

Family. Passion. Love. Appreciation. Learning. -and- Experiencing.

Not only are his shows based on this deeper meaning, but he has also shown his selflessness by helping raise money for many charities and speaking out for the Asian and LGBTQ+ community. Let’s never forget too that he put the burden of dealing with the business side of Watcher and putting aside his creative wishes to make sure the company stays afloat. He has done so much for us, the fans, and the one thing this man deserves is our respect.

Steven Lim is truly an amazing guy from what I can see/what others close to him say on his behalf. Along with the few conversations I've been granted to have with him in the obeaver chat on the Wiscord. Steven cares about Watcher so much, and it shows. He has truly inspired me, along with the rest of team Watcher, to push and create. To push myself outside of my comfort zone to better myself as a creative individual, and all in all inspired me to take the leap and actually pursue my dreams in video production.

I hope Steven knows how much the fans love and appreciate everything he does for us, and I hope that one day I can say all of this and more to him in person.

We love you Steven Lim, and we are excited for what you continue to make for us all! <3

#steven lim #watcher #watcher entertainment #buzzfeed worth it #homemade #dish granted #travel season #we love steven lim #steven lim appreciation week #slaw

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libraryofloveletters · 7 months

Text

Perfect Match

Andy Robertson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: ted lasso inspired - yes I used the dating app from it and what ???, reader works for liverpool, lots of friendly teasing, it's so obvious but not to them, andy's got a crush and the boys try to help him, a few sweet comments from andy, reader thinks he's hopeless, a funny but sweet moment at the end, alcohol and the consumption of, one illusion to nsfw stuff at the end.

Word Count: 3.4k

Author's Note: it's missing robbo hours :( so I dug this out of my vault of unwritten fics

---

You had been editing the pictures from the last training session, trying to see what you can send out to the players and post on the LFC account before your office door swings open. "Where are my photos?" The man shouts, his thick accent jumbling his words a bit.

The chair spins, you're face to face with your favourite left back, Andy. You smiled at him. "Hello to you too, Andrew."

You and Andy had always been close, even though you had only joined Liverpool 2 years ago. He was the first to welcome you, make you feel at home; to this day, he still does that.

"Hello to you too, lady." He smiles back at you, leaning on the edge of your desk. "How's the editing going? My fans are waiting to see my handsome face."

You rolled your eyes, "it's going.. slow. I'm doing the people of the world a great service by not letting them see your face."

Andy scoffs, "as if, you just wanna hoard pictures of me.. for you know.. dirty purposes." He bites his lower lip, a shit eating grin on his face as he raises his eyebrows.

You laughed so hard that you snorted. "Shut your face, you're so full of it."

The left back laughs, watching as you turn your attention back to the computer in front of you, clicking away. Your phone sat on your desk, face up as always - it buzzed, a chime sound came from it that Andy's never heard before nor does he seem to recognize.

"What's that?" He reaches for your phone, you attempt to grab it before he does but Andy's reflexes are faster than yours. He unlocks your phone - that's on you for leaving your password as 0000.

"Andy, give it back." You stretched your hand out for him to give it back. He scrolls through the notifications, landing on the one he assumed the noise came from; Bantr.

"There's no pictures," he huffs, trying to refresh the page. You roll your eyes, "it's anonymous, Andrew. It's not supposed to have photos."

"You're a photographer, why would you pick a stupid app like that?"

You find yourself rolling your eyes yet again. "It's that way so you can build a connection; you get to know the person based on personality and not looks."

Andy tilts his head to the side still confused as to why you'd pick such an app. "But.. you're beautiful, any man would be stupid not to see that, y/n."

Your cheeks flushed red and suddenly, the room felt as if it was closing in on you and it was 100 degrees hotter in there. "Shut up, you're such a sweet talker," you rolled your eyes.

He laughs at your statement, shrugging as he sets your phone down. Andy gets off your desk, his arms resting over your shoulders and his chin poking into the top of your head. He watches as you click through the various pictures, storing through the good and the bad, fixing minor blemishes as you went.

"You should try it, you know." You tell him quietly and Andy hums, waiting for you to keep talking. "Bantr, you should try it. You're a funny guy, you might have luck."

"Maybe," he shrugs it off, his hand lifting to squish your face. You swat his hand away.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the gym or something?"

"Yeah," he huffs, "but Mo and Trent are trying to do some sort of crunches competition and you know-" "You hate crunches, I know, Andy."

He laughs, "why would I go on Bantr when I have you, y/n?"

Your heart skips a beat, but you figured he's just joking - he's always just joking.

"Whatever, Andy. Unlike you, some of us actually have work to do."

He gets the hint; you were politely shooing him out of your office. "Yeah, okay," he nods, kissing the top of your head before squeezing your face once more. "Send me my pictures please."

"I'll edit them last."

"Saving the best for last?" He asks, turning towards the door.

"Trying to spare myself from seeing your face, I've had my fill for now." You joke, earning a laugh from the left back as he walks out of the office.

The day rolls by and you did in fact send Andy his pictures. His phone buzzes in the cup holder as he heads home, glancing at it as he pulls up to a stoplight.

To Andy: *12 Image Attachments* Stop bothering me now, Andrew.

He smiles to himself, making a mental note to text you back when he arrive home. In typical Andy fashion, he becomes distracted by the million little tasks he does when he gets home.

It wasn't until he got into bed that he remembered your message, shooting you a thank you with a little kissy face emoji and saving the photos.

Your words from earlier ring in his head as well; bantr, you should try it. You're a funny guy, you might have luck.

Andy searches it up, his finger hovering over the button for a moment before pressing it, watching as the little circle spins and it begins downloading. He follows the steps; putting in his birthday, picking his location, adding a user name.

That took him a moment - he couldn't exactly put his name, could he?

There couldn't be that many Andy Robertsons in Liverpool.

He'd feel wrong for lying and putting a fake name so instead, after a few minutes of thinking, he comes up with a user that is still him without being him.

Andy sits up, contemplating if he should delete the profile. He's a footballer, is this even okay that he's doing this? Would he get in trouble for this?

He ignores the thoughts and his thumb presses the matches tab. He swipes through a few, reading their cheesy bios before he comes across a profile that catches his eye.

The user sounded familiar but he couldn't place it, unsure where he saw it. He decides to message them while he still has the courage.

lfc26: Hey! How are you?

The reply came but a few seconds later.

photographer_10: Hi! I’m good, how are you?

lfc26: Good as well, exhausted from work.

photographer_10: I hope you get some rest.

lfc26: I just hopped into bed.

photographer_10: Me too, it’s been a long day.

lfc26: Tell me about it, and the weather’s been shit.

lfc26: That’s if you’re local. You in Liverpool?

photographer_10: Yeah, have been for a few years :)

photographer_10: Are you a fan of Liverpool?

The message stares at Andy, he feels like he’s been caught.

lfc26: I am, why do you ask ?

photographer_10: Your user lol - must be a Robertson fan, he wears 26.

lfc26: Yeah lol, a proper lad.

photographer_10: I think so too, quite funny as well.

lfc26: So I’ve heard.

He finds himself smiling, he would have never guessed he’d meet someone who was a fan of him. It warmed his heart in a weird way; not self centred but content.

lfc26: I think I’m going to head to bed, I have to be up early for work.

photographer_10: No worries at all, you take care of yourself.

lfc26: You too :)

It goes like that on and off for a week, the two of them exchanging little details about their days, flirting playfully back and forth. Andy glances at his phone every few minutes, expecting a text from the mystery woman.

It's starting to become an issue.

Everyone notices that the man who is usually on their asses about being on their phones is glued to his.

He's cycling, rather lazily to be fair - awaiting a response to his scandalous question about her workplace attire.

Mo glances over at his teammate, his brows furrow as he wonders what's on his friend's mind. "Robbo," he calls for the Scotsman. "You okay?"

Andy glances up from the phone that was now in his hand. He nods, "fine, why?"

"Because you've been glued to your phone, that's why." Virgil butts in, snatching the phone from Andy's hand which caused a protest from him. "Give it back!" He groans, hand stretched out to the captain.

Virgil shakes his head, his back to Andy as he looks down to see what's been keeping Andy so busy. "What's Bantr?" He asks, turning to Andy and Mo again.

Mo shrugs, clueless before looking to Andy for an answer. "A dating app," Andy mumbles.

Virgil and Mo exchange a glance, so many things said between the two players without actually saying it. "So that's why you've been smiling at your phone, checking it all day?" Mo asks.

Trent was passing by, per usual, butting himself into the conversation between the three players. He grabs Virgil's arms swinging himself in between the defender and the cycle Andy was on. "What's that? Andy's got a crush?"

Andy rolls his eyes, his cheeks give away his stance; curse his pale Scottish skin for giving him away. "I don't."

"You're blushing!" Trent laughs, pointing a finger at Andy's flushed face.

Virgil chuckles to himself, reading the messages between his friend and his supposed crush. "Didn't think you had it in you, man; some spicy stuff." He raises his eyebrows at him.

Andy's face only flushes further red. Trent tries to get the phone from Virgil but the man lifts his arm, even with Trent's jumping, he can't get the phone from Virgil's hand.

"Shut up," he groans, wanting the world to swallow him whole right about now.

"If you like her, why don't you just ask her out?" Trent asks, scowling at Virg as he hands the phone back to Andy and not to him. Virgil flicks Trent's ear in response.

Andy makes a face, "I can't! That's.. are you insane, man?"

Trent goes to speak but stops himself when he sees you walking over. The camera hung over your neck by its strap. "What's going on over here? Any hot gossip?"

"Who says we're gossiping?" Andy asks, smiling at you sweetly.

You shrug, glancing between the four of them. "Players all huddled together, it goes silent as I walk over; I'd say that's gossip."

"We don't gossip, we're grown men." Virgil points out, causing you to laugh. You lift the camera, taking a picture of him and Trent.

"Yeah, of course not, so does that make Macca and Darwin.. little boys?" You point behind you with your thumb, the two Spanish speaking players giggling about something as they stretch.

Virgil presses his lips together, making a dopey looking face. You laughed at him, walking off to take a few more photos of the boys on the other side of the room.

It's Saturday, match day.

Liverpool played Wolves, 4-1 and the boys were going into the next week on a good note.

Andy, per usual, finds you and offers up his company and dinner. You take him up on it, you were finished with your editing and could use the friend time.

You sat across from the man, the two of you tucked away in the back of a little Italian restaurant Jordan used to rave about. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," you tell him, taking a sip of your cocktail.

Andy hums, glancing at his phone that was face up on the table. Your brows furrow, studying his face as his finger swipes over the screen.

"Waiting for something?" You asked, raised brows when he finally looked up.

"Oh, just a message from someone."

"Someone as in.. a woman friend? Like, a hot date?" You pried, you and Andy didn't have boundaries when it came to conversation; you poked around in each others' business all the time. You both liked things messy and loud and complicated - it's who you were.

Andy shook his head, his face flushed red like when Trent accused him of having a crush. "No," he huffs, washing the butterflies down with a sip of beer.

Your face lit up, grinning at your friend. "No way! You like her!" The words come out in a sing-song tone and Andy rolls his eyes playfully annoyed with you.

"Shut up," he chuckles, taking a bite of his chicken.

You mirrored his actions, chewing your food quietly. You look at him for a moment, smiling at him. "So tell me about her."

"She's kind, and funny. She likes Liverpool so it's a perfect match."

"The bar is so low, Andy." You teased and he shrugged, smiling. "But I'm glad you found someone, I hope things work out between you two."

"Me too," he nods. "What about you? Any luck?"

"Yeah," you took another sip of your drink, "he's a nice guy, but we're taking it slow. We'll see where it goes."

"Good, let me know if he gives you a hard time and you need me to beat him up." Andy says flatly, 100% serious.

You laughed, "as if you could beat up someone."

"I'll pay Virgil to rough him up."

You two chat for a bit more, finishing up dinner and Andy talked you into splitting a massive piece of cake with him - can't have dinner without dessert, just ain't right.

Finally, after what felt like forever, you made it home. You sent Andy a quick text, thanking him for dinner and telling him you got home. You received a thumbs up in response, which meant he was about to fall asleep and was too tired to answer properly - at least he knew you were fine.

You sat on your bed, opening the app you had been ignoring for the last few hours. Clicking on the profile, you send a message.

photographer_10: Hey you.

Andy, who was about to fall asleep, feels the phone buzz in his hand. He opens his eyes, blinking to get himself to focus when he sees who has messaged him.

Suddenly, he was wide awake.

lfc26: Hi, how are you?

photographer_10: I'm good, sorry I disappeared. Had some work stuff to take care of.

lfc26: I thought you forgot about me lol.

photographer_10: Never, you’re hard to forget.

Andy smiled at the message, the butterflies fluttering around his stomach like a 16 year old boy with a crush.

lfc26: That’s sweet, you’ve got me blushing.

photographer_10: I'm sure you look very handsome.

lfc26: Hush you, I'm as red as a tomato right now.

The next message catches him off guard.

photographer_10: Now are you ever gonna ask me on a date or shall I ask you?

lfc26: Oh you beat me to it.

photographer_10: By all means, please.

lfc26: Would you like to go on a date with me?

Andy stares at the message, he isn’t even sure how long his thumb hovered over the send button. He finally worked up enough courage to hit it, but automatically locked his phone, tossing it on the bed as he rushed off to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

It was a few minutes later that he came back and saw the response.

photographer_10: I’d love to. Let me know when you’re free.

lfc26: Next week? I’m free on Tuesday.

photographer_10: Perfect, shall we meet somewhere?

lfc26: Let me be a gentleman and pick you up?

photographer_10: Sure, I’d love that :)

The arms around you cause you to jump in your seat, heart stopping momentarily. It wasn't until you saw the pale skin that you connected the dots.

"Scared me half to death, Andrew." You huffed, your attention back on the emails you were answering.

He laughs, his chin poking into the top of your head again, watching as you typed nine knots an hour on your keyboard. "Soooo," he starts and your type comes to a halt. Anytime he says that, something either extremely important or stupid follows.

"So?"

"So I sorta have a date soon, like this week. I.. it's been a while." He admits and you spin in your chair, Andy now leaning on the desk as he looks at you. "You nervous?" You asked.

He nods, "a little, yeah."

"You want my advice?"

"Is there something I should do? What's proper date etiquette ?"

"I don't think there's such a thing," you smiled. "But, if it were me, I'd like flowers. It's not a must but it's a nice touch - shows that you thought about more than just meeting the person, you wanted to make a good first impression."

"Okay," he nods, as if he's making a mental note. "Anything else?"

"Smell good, don't go straight from training. Go home and shower, do your hair, wear some cologne but not too much, you don't wanna make the poor girl sneeze." You laughed, Andy smiled.

"I always smell good."

"Do you?" You raised an eyebrow, looking at him.

Andy pulls you by your chair, sitting himself on your lap so you could smell him. "Ew!" You groaned, "Andy, get off!" He had just come up from training, and it was safe to say he did not smell good right now.

"What?" He asks, making a face at you. "Not good?" He tries not to laugh at your face, nose wrinkled in disgust.

"So gross," you huffed. "Go away before you stink up my office."

"You smell like me now," he cackled, pressing his sweaty self against you. You groaned, pushing him off of you. "I hate you."

"Love you too, y/n!"

Your music played quietly, you hummed along as you finished up your makeup. Your wine glass sat on the vanity and as you were about to reach for it, your phone buzzed.

lfc26: on my way :)

photographer_10: okay!

You sped up a bit, pulling the rollers out of your hair and shaking it out. Just a last second check in the mirror before you head down. Perfectly on time, the doorbell rings when you get to the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!" You shouted, walking over to open the door.

Imagine your surprise when you see Andy at your front door, all dressed up, smelling good while holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Andy?" You looked at him, confused.

He blinks, looking just as confused as you. "Y/n?"

You take a moment to connect the dots and it seems Andy's doing the same. "26," you point at him and he nods. "Photographer," he mirrors your action, the two of you bust out laughing at the front door.

"I cannot believe this," you shook your head, laughing as you stepped aside for him to come in.

"I swear I didn't know it was you. I've never come to your house!" He chuckles and to be fair, it was true. You had gone to his place and you've gone out quite a few times but he's never been over to yours.

"I brought flowers, like you suggested." He passes the bouquet over to you; 26 roses all perfectly arranged and wrapped up in Liverpool red paper with a bow.

"My favourite," you smiled, smelling them. "Thank you, Andy."

He smiles, nodding. "Do you still.. you know, wanna go out?"

"Yeah," you smiled, setting the flowers on the counter. "If you want to."

Andy nods, waiting for you to put your flowers into a vase before he opens the front door.

You two ended up going to your usual spot, the Italian place on Water Street. The conversation was flowing, the two of you laughing about how you ended up there and chatted about the upcoming games. It felt normal, it felt meant to be.

You couldn't help but wonder how you missed all the signs.

It seemed that you two were meant to be.

Andy drives you home, walking up to the front door like a gentleman.

"Thank you for tonight," you smiled at him, your hand in his. Andy smiles, nodding. "No need to thank me, my pleasure."

He watches as you unlock the front door and step in. Your hand is still in his, as you look back at him. The look on your face says it before you do. "You know.. the night doesn't have to end here."

Andy hums, smiling at you. He seems to have gotten the hint.

"Yeah?" He raises his eyebrows as you pull him into the house.

The door slams shut, your lips on his as you answer him. "Yeah."

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royallyprincesslilly · 1 year

Text

Title: If This Is Love, You Need To Mean It {3}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Heavy Angst, Plot Heavy, LOTS OF WORDS, Heartbreak, Cursing,

Words: 6.3k

Summary: The fallout of Lewis’ actions is real, as is the freeze-out. You’re fuming but brokenhearted. Not only do you feel like a fool, but you also feel used. Was any of it real? Making sense of this mess is the first thing you have to do.

Note: Part 3 is here! The plot thickens, as does the tension and angst. LOL. Part 4 is coming because it was too long.

Note II: Italicized text is a flashback/memory or someone’s words all from some time in the past.

As always, thank you all so much for reading. I truly appreciate it!

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

Previous: If This Is Love, I Don’t Want It {1} | If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It {2} |

~~~~~~~~

-Lewis-

“Y/N.”

You didn’t respond. Hell for the last fifteen minutes, you’d been unresponsive and the longer you remained this way the more he panicked.

“Y/N?”

He gently shook you not wanting to be too rough. He was already in such deep shit that he didn’t want to make things worse. He always felt like he was one step away from just catastrophic failure. He had failed, he thought.

“Y/N.”

“Should we call 911?”

“No. The paps will be here in seconds. I don’t think she’d want even more stories about her out there,” Daniel replied ending Miles’ panic.

“Fam, just—let me—shit.”

He gripped his head and tried to think. Daniel was right. After the last week and change the stories running wild about your hospitalization had only increased and the longer you went without making a statement it only made them more brazen to make things up. He cringed feeling renewed guilt over the situation. It was his fault. It was all his fault. To think he’d only wanted to defuse a situation and keep you safe this entire time, but he hadn’t kept you safe.

“Lew,” Anthony began placing his hand on his shoulder.

“What do we do?”

He began to dig in his pocket ready to call your father. He’d have a lot to explain as to why you were there let alone passed out, but he didn’t see any other way. In the back of his mind he himself thought about the reason why you were there.

“Why was she here? How?”

“She was hiding behind the bar when you told us to hide,” Miles said.

“Hiding?”

“Yeah, with bags. Maybe she came to clear her stuff out.”

His chest tightened at the thought of that. Had you been there to get your stuff making this breakup final? He didn’t like that one bit. He didn’t want this break up; he never did. Renewed hatred for Aleeza sparked within him but part of him felt like he too held blame.

“She’s not waking up. What if she needs a hospital?”

Andrew sounded panicked now. Normally he and Daniel were the calmer ones. Their panic made him panic more. Maybe you were still suffering from whatever had landed you in the hospital. He pulled his phone then to dial your father, but a soft moan filled the room. All four of them hovered closer watching you closely. Again you moaned, then groaned as you shifted on the leather couch.

“Oh thank god,” Miles said dropping into one of the other couches.

“Angel Eyes?”

Your eyes opened and slowly focused. He couldn’t read you at all but after several moments your brows knitted together and you sprang up.

“Oh my god,” you groaned gripping your head.

“Are you all right, Y/N?”

“Should we call 911?”

Daniel and Andrew’s questions blended together.

“No,” you croaked out as your hands framed your face.

“Are you sure? You passed out just now. You were out for almost 30 minutes,” Miles inquired.

“And you were just in the hospital,” he said.

You looked at him then and if looks could kill, he would have been ten times over. Flinching, he looked away from you.

“I’m fine,” you snapped, swinging your legs over to rest on the floor.

“Can you guys give me some space—please?”

Getting the hint, they backed up. Daniel and Andrew joined Miles on the couch while he took a few steps back never taking his eyes off of you. He watched as you rubbed your temples with circular motions. It was an action you did often usually when you were trying to stave off a headache or trying to relieve stress or when you were trying to make sense of something.

“What the fuck is going on?”

It was an expected question at an unexpected time. Glancing at his boys, they exchanged looks of various levels of panic and confusion. When no one spoke you looked at them expectantly. You didn’t look at him, he noted.

“Hello?”

“We don’t fucking know. She shows up here and he tells us to hide then we see you hiding already and then we hear the biggest villain masterplan I’ve ever heard,” Miles recounted.

“What are you doing here?”

It shouldn’t have been his question but he wanted to hear the words from your mouth. You glanced at him but dropped your eyes after a few short seconds. You bit your bottom lip and then shook your head.

“That’s not important. I’m asking the questions. Why was Aleeza here waltzing in here like it’s not her first time and what the fuck were you talking about because—what the fuck!?”

“Fellas,” he began, ready to ask them to leave. “Maybe y’all can give us--.”

“No. They’re staying. Now explain.”

Your eyes were cold, and it broke his heart. You’d never looked at him like this before until that day in Monaco. The day he’d set all this in motion. Taking a deep breath, he rubbed the back of his neck and then began pacing. If you’d been behind the bar from the beginning then you’d heard everything. There was no point in trying to keep the details from you now. still, he hesitated not wanting to put you in any more danger or hurt you more.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, angel eyes.”

“Don’t call me that! And you don’t want me to get hurt!? That’s fucking rich, you’ve already fucking hurt me!”

You bolted to your feet, and he felt the heat of the flames of your anger. As if something inside him snapped he darted up seconds after you shouted.

“Do you think you’re the only fucking person hurting right now, Y/N?!”

He knew he probably shouldn’t have said it because you had every right to be furious with him right now, but he couldn’t stop the words. He was hurt too. You had no idea what it took of him and from him to put on that fiasco and live with the fallout. You had no idea what he’d been through, you had no idea how he felt during all this. Was it fair for him to be this angry at you, no, but in truth, he wasn’t angry at you at all. He was angry with himself, angry with the entire situation.

You stepped closer to him and threw up your middle finger at him, “Oh fuck you, Lewis! Don’t you fucking dare throw that at me. This was you! This was your doing!”

“Ehm,” Daniel cautiously began stepping forward and wedging himself between the both of you.

“Let’s all calm down.”

You spun around sharply then paced back and forth. He was very familiar with your anger, but this was different. He hadn’t ever seen you this angry before.

Daniel sighed, “Man, I think you should just tell her everything.”

“I second that,” Andrew added.

“Me too, cause I’m lost as fuck,” Miles finished.

He sighed then gripped his head. The slight force of his squeeze helped alleviate some of the pounding in his head but not much. Now that it had come to this, he had no choice so he conceded. Dropping down to the couch, he rested his elbows on his knees and then took a deep breath.

“Aleeza’s been blackmailing me for weeks.”

“Why?”

He dropped his head backward then steepled his fingers under his chin. “She found out we were together and has been using that to--.”

“From the beginning Lewis,” you hissed.

If he were a weaker man he would have flinched from the pure rage and venom in your tone.

“About a month ago Aleeza came over here with an envelope filled with pictures of you and me.”

“What pictures?”

He walked across the floor then into his office and unlocked the safe to pull out the dark yellow envelope then walked back out to you. He placed it on the table and waited for you to take it. You stared at it like it was an untrustworthy foe that could strike at any moment. He could guess what you were thinking. Rather than talking more, he waited for you to take up the envelope. A full minute passed before you did. Once you’d dipped your hand inside and came away with the stack of pictures, he watched your face closely.

He knew the photos well. They were of you coming over, leaving days later, you guys making out in the car, jogging together, a few of you having sex that he still didn’t know how she’d gotten. It still made his skin crawl from the level of the breach to his privacy he’d been victim to. However it wasn’t only his privacy, it was yours too.

“Shit,” you whispered.

He knew it was the picture of you on your knees in front of him with his dick in your mouth.

“How did she get these?”

“I don’t know,” he replied somberly. He knew what you felt. Violated.

After a few moments of silence, you slipped the pictures back into the envelope and then looked at him.

“Then?”

Your eyes were cold once again, he couldn’t decipher anything inside them, and it hurt more than knowing he’d fucked up. You were so, so far from him. He couldn’t reach out to you, but you were right across the room, close enough to touch. Only he didn’t dare try to.

“She said she’d show them to your father, so he knew that I breached my contract in a way that warranted immediate dismissal. She knew the specific details of my contract, she knew shit she wasn’t supposed to, shit only Toto and your dad should know. She said she would blow up my entire life and move on to Wednesday like Tuesday was nothing. I asked her why and what she wanted, and she said she wanted me to end things with you.”

“And you agreed,” you spat at him as if the words tasted like chewing tobacco.

“What! No! I told her no that there was no chance in hell. I told her I’d take my chances with your father and my contract. I told her I wouldn’t. I even went as far as to call your father then and there, but she snatched my phone away. I must have pissed her off with that because she saw she couldn’t control me, and I was ready to drop napalm on my life and career for you.”

He chanced a glance at you hoping his words were making it through the hard shell of your anger, but you gave nothing away. You still looked at him like he was a stranger you didn’t trust. Again he sighed, then shook his head.

“So her threat turned lethal. She said she would see to it that you had another accident that was worse than the one outside the gala that night. It didn’t make any sense to me how she worded it, but I didn’t put it together then. I didn’t think it was possible, that someone would be able to do something like that, especially to her husband's daughter. I just—I didn’t think. I did see that she was serious though and I didn’t want to risk you.”

“Why didn’t you tell my dad?”

“With what proof, angel eyes?”

“Stop!”

Clenching his jaw, he took a few calming breaths, “I had no proof. It was my word against hers. What reason would your father have to believe me? I couldn’t take the chance of that setting her off and her actually doing something.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to protect you. I wanted to keep this as far from you as possible. I thought fine I’ll just end things in a way that I knew we’d find our way back to each other, a way that I knew wouldn’t mean anything because of what we felt for each other.”

Your eyes softened then but within seconds they hardened again. Had he really lost you?

“I thought I could handle it,” he said, his voice low.

You scoffed. “And handle it you did. Con-fucking-gratulations!”

“Y/N,” Miles cautiously said as if he was trying to cut through the aggression you were charging the air with.

You sat, crossed your legs and arms then glared at him.

“And then?”

He hated this part. “She said she wanted it done in a way that—that--.”

“Spit it the fuck out you’ve already done the deed, own it.”

“That’s not really fair,” Andrew piped up.

Your glare slid to him. “You can get the fuck out if you want Andrew.”

He lowered his eyes but didn’t speak again. You then brought your razor blade glare back to him.

“She wanted it done in a way that what?”

“That broke your heart, a way that you wouldn’t recover from.”

“Wow. I guess all those actors in Hollywood don’t have shit on you. Lewis Hamilton for best actor, best screenplay, and best heartbreaker,” you said in a condescending voice as you clapped loudly.

“Y/N, I’m sorry.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whose idea was it?”

Shifting his eyes to the ceiling, he tried to buy himself some time, however, your disgusted laugh filled the room. It went from disgusted to hysterical, almost like the Joker’s unhinged one. When he looked at you he could see your eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“Tell me? Who came up with the plan?”

This was harder than actually following through with the plan. Sitting across from you seeing the pain in your eyes, hearing the betrayal in your voice he wanted to do anything to take it away.

“Y/N,” he began on a whisper.

“Tell me!”

“Mine. I knew there was no way you’d believe anything less, no way you’d accept it, no way it would feel real unless it was this.”

“And how did you know that?”

Your eyes remained on his and you waited.

“Because of how you felt for me.”

It was then your tears fell and those droplets felt like ice shards embedding themselves in his chest. Daniel held out a box of tissues for you, but you ignored them and opted for the backs of your hands.

“Eh-em, so you planned that day in Monaco, planned it to perfection and had her there watching?”

“It was her idea. She wanted to see it to be sure it happened.”

You nodded.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. It was hands down the second hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I could barely get through it, could barely breathe saying the words to you. I—I didn’t fuck them though. I couldn’t do that to you—I wouldn’t.”

You looked dazed now and everything in him screamed to go to you. He stood and took a step to you.

“Don’t you fucking dare come near me!”

Just like that, he stopped in his tracks. It wasn’t your words, but the hatred in your eyes.

“And tonight she came to collect the rest.”

You snorted then wiped your cheeks again. “All of this for your overly used dick. All of this to be one of the many in a long, long line.”

“Okay look that’s not fair,” Andrew said standing.

“It’s all right,” he said trying to stave Andrew off.

“No, it’s not. Look, Y/N, I get this is a lot and fucked up on so many levels and you’re hurt—a lot--.”

“Hurt.”

You giggled. “Hurt?” More giggles came until they turned unhinged again. “Hurt? Stubbing your bare toe is hurt. Hearing someone you trusted telling the secrets you trusted them with hurts. Hearing the person you’d been spending the last 18 months with didn’t feel inclined to share something important with you hurts. Hearing that the man you’ve spent the last 18 months with may not be who you thought hurts. This? What he did, doesn’t hurt. It destroys. I am fucking destroyed. I’m gutted! You gutted me, Lewis!”

“He didn’t have a--,” Andrew began but he cut him off.

“No, she’s right Andrew. I fucked up. I’m to blame, no matter why I did what I did or my intentions, I fucked up. My actions—I’m sorry angel eyes.”

~~~~~~~~~

-Y/N-

You sprang up again and began pacing. It was then you flipped your switch. It was one of the many skills you’d developed being the daughter of Jordan Y-L-N. One of the skills you’d been trained in to prep you for living life in the public eye and being a constant target for any and everything. It was a skill you’d perfected when your mother passed. Each and every time you did it, you found it easier to separate yourself from your current reality to focus and dull every useless emotion.

All the pain, hurt, sadness, anger, and feelings regarding what Lewis had done were blocked off as you sequestered yourself far away from them. You knew you couldn’t handle them now, there was no scenario you made it through this without sealing yourself off. There was a bigger problem. Aleeza.

“She knew my mother and had a rivalry with her. A rivalry she lost. She made a plan to ruin my life using you to do it, the only person who probably had to power to do it. She watched me crumble, laughed at me in the hospital, then tried to convince my father I was at fault the whole time it was her doing. She was behind the accident at the gala. She wanted to kill me so she could be the sole inheritor of daddy’s estate when he died. Now she wants to fuck Lewis as a married woman and she’s sure he’ll give in because he’d lose his career if he didn’t, making him have lost me and his career—everything.”

Wow, you thought to yourself. This truly was insane. She was insane. You turned to the four faces on the other side of the room but blocked Lewis out completely.

“She tried to kill me.”

“That’s fucked up,” Miles said standing again.

“She almost succeeded,” you muttered.

“Well, we all heard her. She won’t get away with it,” Daniel said.

“Damn right she won’t,” Andrew said holding up his phone.

He pressed a few buttons and then placed his phone on the table. After a few seconds, Aleeza’s voice came on. Your eyes widened.

“Andrew, you--.”

“Recorded everything from when Lewis said hide. It was weird she was here. Something felt off.”

He took his phone up and stopped the recording. “I can text it to you.”

A wicked plan unfurled in your head, a plan that she deserved. She thought your mother was her rival. Your mother had never mentioned her, never dwelled on her a day in her happy life with you and your father. She was a speck of nothing in our lives. If only you’d been such a speck for hers.

“She wanted to destroy me. This bitch is going to finally understand the definition of destroy,” you said.

“What’s the plan?”

You looked over Miles, Andrew, and Daniel. They looked ready and eager to be a part of this like they planned on being involved no matter what.

“Look, y’all don’t have to be part of this any longer,” you began.

“Fuck that,” Daniel said.

“She came after the fam, and she tried to kill you,” Miles declared.

“She’s the one at fault for all of this. The way she hurt you—you didn’t deserve that. We’re in,” Andrew finished.

You clenched your jaw trying to fight off the barrier that was trying to drop so you were overwhelmed with everything again. You couldn’t afford that right now. If it did you’d be crippled with the pain, you’d be down for the count and right now you had a bitch to pay back.

“Andrew text me and email me that recording.”

“Got it.”

“What do you need from us?”

“I need the footage from the gala and the accident, I need to get the plates and anything I can so I can trace it. I can’t use my family’s investigator because there’s a chance it could get back to her.”

“I’m on that,” Miles said. “I know a cop who knows a detective.”

“Thank you, Miles.”

He nodded and took a few steps away pulling out his phone.

“I can use my company to dig into her some more,” Daniel offered.

His tech, cyber security, protection, and information agency would be good to handle that.

“Thank you Daniel.”

He reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze. Again the barrier threatened to drop. You yanked your hand away and gave him a tight smile. Nodding, he quietly told you he understood. He stepped away and you watched as these three guys who didn’t owe you anything went above and beyond to help you. Three guys who owed all their loyalties to someone else were showing they were also loyal to you.

Emotion bubbled within you making you turn your back.

“Y/N,” Lewis began softly.

You froze, back tensing and heart pounding. You were not strong enough to do this right now. The only thing fueling you right now was the need for vengeance.

“What can I do? I want to—I need to help.”

You fought the sneer, but you couldn’t fight the words. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough? Just bask in the glory of my virginity.”

He sucked in a sharp breath and without needing to look at him you knew you wounded him. The part of you behind that barrier cared, the you with that switch flipped couldn’t. You stepped away and grabbed the bags you’d packed earlier then walked out the door without giving him a backward glance.

On the drive home, you took the long way passing it a few times driving clear to the countryside. Movement helped you think, movement helped you suppress the thing inside of you that was simmering. Every moment of inactivity made it reach a bubbling boil and you did not want to find out what would happen when it bubbled over. You knew yourself well enough that you knew it would be catastrophic.

So that was how you’d driven your tank empty three times and didn’t arrive back home until one in the morning. You couldn’t even stop to eat though you felt the hunger pains. Instead, you used the pains to fuel a workout. What was supposed to be maybe a thirty- or forty-minute run on the treadmill turned into a marathon sport event. Forty minutes at the punching bag, Thirty on the cycle machine, thirty on the rowing machine, twenty pumping weights, then an hour and a half on the treadmill.

By the time you made it to the shower, you were dead on your feet. Matter of fact so dead you dropped into your bed still wet and instantly fell asleep. The thing with the switch was, when you were awake it was easy to maintain, however, when asleep it was a bitch and a half. The nightmares were the worst because they never ended. They turned into terrors where you jumped up time after time after time only to realize that you’d done so in a dream and were still asleep and unable to actually wake yourself. Sleep paralysis. It was something you hadn’t experienced in years, and it was something you wouldn’t wish on anyone, except Aleeza.

So as you were paralyzed in this dream and unable to wake, you remained trapped in the nightmare of the day you’d walked in on Lewis. It played over and over and over. You would think the more times it played the more desensitized you were to it but no, it only intensified the pain you felt. No matter how you tried to run away from the scene or hide, it never worked. You were forced to live it again and again.

“Come out of it, angel eyes. Come on.”

You gasped loudly then sprang up panting for oxygen against the awful cotton mouth you were experiencing.

“It’s okay, I got you,” Lewis said.

You looked around the room, realizing you were awake. The sky was black, and the city lights twinkled around your condo.

“Y/N.”

You snapped your head to him, and everything flooded you again. Before you could stop yourself you wailed out as your body shook uncontrollably.

“I know you don’t want me to touch you, but I have to.”

Lewis wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you tightly to his body. He’d seen you like this before. You’d gone through this after the accident and during those long weeks he didn’t let you out of his sight, you slept beside him, so he was near when you had an episode. He even got trained in how to take care of you during one.

The soothing circles he rubbed into your back barely registered, but the effect was nearly instantaneous. So very slowly the shaking lessened, and your breathing evened but the tears continued.

“Tighter,” you whimpered hating that you needed his help.

How twisted was it that the person you triggered this sleep paralysis was the person you needed to help soothe them? Lewis’ arms tightened around you feeling more like being Shibari bound than hugged.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you angel eyes.”

You wept louder though you were biting your tongue trying to hold it back.

“I’m sorry, I swear I am. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you in any way. It breaks me, straight kills me to know this is my fault.”

With every word, his hold on you remained tight. With every word, his warmth seeped into your pores and rushed off the cold chill that had taken over your body. Slowly your body relaxed, releasing you for the after-terror. Your body wanted to stay wrapped in his arms so badly. It wanted to forget everything that had transpired but your brain didn’t know how, your heart refused to.

“Get off of me,” you said on a shaky breath.

Lewis sighed before he complied. When he had you realized then you were naked. Snatching the comforter away, you wrapped yourself in it and dashed to the other side of your bedroom.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Daniel, Miles, and Andrew have tried to get in contact with you for almost two days, but you haven’t been answering.”

You spun around to face him. “Two days? I’ve been here for--.”

You turned back around and tried not to panic. You’d been in a sleep paralysis episode for nearly two days. Fuck you said to yourself.

“When did your sleep paralysis come back?”

“None of your business.”

“Y/N. Come on I just want to help. Please let me.”

Spinning around to glance at him you lashed out, “I don’t want your help Lewis! I can barely fucking look at you!”

To prove your point, you turned away from him again, your mouth turned up in disgust. A few tense moments passed in silence where you fought the dizziness overtaking you until you lost your balance and went tumbling to the floor. Before you hit the hard marble surface, Lewis’ arms cocooned you in safety lowering you gently to the floor.

Three of his heads danced around the air making it confusing for you to figure out which was the real him and which were the illusions. Lewis sighed then spoke again.

“You may not want it, but you need it. When was the last time you took your medication?”

You tried to figure that out for yourself but after several long seconds with no answer Lewis sighed again, this one disappointed. “How about eaten? When did you last eat?”

You knew this answer, “Two days ago.”

The three heads drifted into one and you saw the look of horror on Lewis’ face. “Please tell me you haven’t been in sleep paralysis for two days.”

You didn’t bother lying, you felt too weak.

“Fuck, Y/N.”

With that, Lewis hoisted you into his arms and stood bringing you back to your bed. He tucked a few pillows behind your head.

“I don’t need you Lewis. Just go.”

“I’m not leaving you like this. I’ll get your meds and make you some food then after you eat and take your meds only then will I leave.”

You kissed your teeth annoyed with this chivalrous show he was putting on. At this point, you didn’t know what was the real him and what was a fabricated illusion made up by you or forced onto you him. Without waiting for you to object, Lewis walked over to the mini fridge you kept in the bedroom and took out a bottle of water.

“Here, hydrate. Two days of no water, your body needs it.”

You glared at him but snatched the bottle from him and took a few gulps. He remained there clearly unsatisfied with the small gulps you’d taken. You took a few more and only stopped when you drank half the bottle.

“Wait here,” Lewis instructed before he walked out of your bedroom.

You were so annoyed right now it was crazy. He had no right to be here, no right to want to take care of you, no right to even try to pretend like nothing had happened and he hadn’t completely gutted you in two flawless moves. That barrier you’d forced up was slowly cracking and you were more than terrified of when it crumbled altogether. Taking some calming breaths, you tried to focus on what needed to be done and the fact that you needed to be in the right state of mind to pull it off.

Before you realized it, Lewis walked back into your bedroom with a trey. The scent of tomato soup filled the room and your stomach rumbled.

“Garlic and basil tomato soup with a grilled cheese, a cup of chamomile tea, a little cantaloupe, honeydew, and strawberry salad. I was going to add a salad but maybe keeping it lite is best.”

He placed the trey at the foot of the bed and then bent to grab the portable table you kept under your bed. After unfolding it he put it over your lap then the tray on the table. It boiled your blood knowing that he still knew where everything was and was moving around like he owned the place like he was still welcomed.

When he came back and put your medicine beside the bowl of tomato soup you snapped again.

“You can go now. Don’t you have a deadline looming in a matter of hours? You should go prepare for your pussy appointment.”

Lewis sucked in a sharp breath, but he didn’t move. “You really think I’d sleep with her? You really think that’s who I am?”

You snorted, “I don’t know who you are,” you spat.

“Bullshit. You know exactly who I am. You’ve seen who I am over the last 18 months. You know everything about me. You know you are the most important person to me next to my family. You know you mean everything to me.”

Lewis reached for your hand, but you yanked it back before he could touch you. A defeated look crossed his face and a small part of you felt guilty for it. A very small part, but no matter how small, that part was wreaking havoc and prompting the fall of your barrier at a breakneck speed.

He pulled over a chair and then sat. “What can I do? Tell me what I need to do to make this right.”

“Nothing. There is nothing you can do. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if I can ever believe anything out of your mouth again. I don’t know if I can ever trust you or rely on you. I just--.”

Shaking your head you took a deep breath and began eating.

“Please, angel eyes.”

You sighed. closed your eyes and squeezed the spoon. “Please stop calling me that.”

“No. You think I don’t know what you’re trying to do? You think I don’t know that you’re trying to push me away and compartmentalize the shit out of this situation so you can numb yourself toward me? I’m not stupid, Y/N.”

“You should have told me!”

You loud shout went everywhere. Lewis didn’t speak for a while but when he did his voice was low.

“I see that now. I swear Y/N, I was trying to protect you. I was trying to--.”

“Do what you always do, try to control everything and handle it all by yourself.”

He sighed then dropped his head. “I’m sorry.”

“What does sorry do now? The damage is done. Like I have never allowed any man in and here I let you in and you shattered me, ruined me, broke me. You did to me what I didn’t think any man had to power to do because I never allowed it, but I see now though it’s too late. I’d given you something no one had ever gotten.”

He looked guilty now. “Your virginity. I didn’t know before; I didn’t know fully until you said the words. I suspected but—.”

“You took more than that Lewis. You took all of me—everything.”

“Please, Y/N, let’s start over, let’s try again.”

“I don’t have anything else to give.”

“Then let me do the giving. Let me give everything to you. Let me love you because I do. I love you.”

You stared at him with your head cocked to the side. They were words you wanted to hear a month or two ago. They were words you were so sure he wanted to say one of the last times you’d had sex. They were words you swore he’d said in so many different ways but now he was saying the actual words.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you more than anything, I love you so fucking much I can’t breathe, so much I can’t do anything without thinking of you, thinking of keeping you safe, happy, and carefree. I love you so much that I can’t do anything without you in my life. I love you. Y/N. I love you.”

He clasped your hand between his large ones, and you sat there searching his eyes. Could you believe these words? Were they also lies to get you to forgive him? Could this be real? Uncertainty swarmed within you making it impossible to decipher what was real or fake.

“I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake,” you whispered.

He held your hand tighter. “This is real, I’m real, how I feel about you is real. The last 18 months were real, the depth of how sorry I am is real. Me being willing to end my career for you is real. Loving you more than my love of the sport—that’s real. Believe me.”

You pulled your hands free from his then averted your eyes to the food before you. After you focused for a few moments you went back to eating as if he’d said nothing. Your mother taught you that love was an action, not a word, and if the action was authentic the words wouldn’t be needed and if the love was genuine then it would be forever something you could bet on without hesitation. You didn’t know if you could bet on his “love.”

After about thirty minutes, you’d finished most of the food and taken the medication. You then looked at Lewis ready to tell him to leave. He held his hand up.

“You don’t have to say it. I’ll go.”

He stood, dug in his pocket, and held out a zip drive. “Daniel and Miles came through. They said if you need anything else call them.”

You took the zip drive and nodded. “Thank you.”

He nodded then somberly walked to the door. You watched him move. Before, he always had a pep in his step no matter what he was going through, now he looked just as broken as you felt. Fighting the urge to feel sympathy for him, you closed your eyes.

“Angel eyes.”

Your belly quivered at the sound of his nickname for you. It always quivered no matter if you were alone or in the middle of a crowd. You heard the name and your body reacted. He knew it very well and it was knowledge he capitalized on. It was a nickname he refused to give up on. You met his eyes cautiously.

“I could never and would never sleep with anyone but you. No matter what, from this day on there will be no one else. Just you. Even if you decide that you want nothing else to do with me, I will love you from afar, but it will still forever and always till my last breath, just be you.”

That was a bold ass declaration you thought. It came with a shit ton of implications and a shit ton of silent promises. The look on his face said he knew each and every single one of those implications and promises. Your body began to shake all over again only this wasn’t the aftereffects of the paralysis. This was the weight of his words seeping into your very being and attacking the barrier. You opened your mouth to speak but in a matter of seconds he was gone, and you were left with too much to think about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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