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sophierequests · 2 years

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Can I request a Hurt/Comfort & Angst fic featuring Nikolai x f!Reader? Maybe f!Reader is some sort of duke's daughter and promised to the second prince of Ravka who is serving in the first Army infantry at the time. However, when news of his devastating injuries arrive to the palace, she rushes off to see him in the medic tent at the Fjerdan front as the doctors are unsure whether he will live or not - only to be joined by a person she'd least suspected by her side: Vasily Lantsov. His royal idiotness himself. How will they react to seeing Nikolai dying? Maybe f! Reader has some previously hidden abilities that will be able to save the little Lantsov...

my blood is tainted // in the bright lilac light part one

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Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x f!Reader

A/N: This request was so good oml! I loved writing it, even though I was very sleep-deprived whilst reading it for the first time, because I thought you wanted me to write a love triangle kind of thing with Nikolai and Vasily dslgsakg (don't ask). But I really like how this turned out, so thank you for the request! <333 Also, I love the term royal idiotness, so thank you for that.

You can find part two here!

Summary: After Nikolai gets badly injured, the reader throws all caution to the wind to go and see him. Is there still a chance for him to survive?

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, slight Fluff

Word Count: 4.0K

Warnings: mention of death, injuries, blood, infections and Vasily Lantsov (this is a teeny tiny bit gorey, but not too much)

You felt sick. Violently sick. At this point, you would have preferred hunching over the toilet to empty the contents of your stomach than obsessively rereading the slightly crumpled-up letter you held on so firmly. It didn't matter how many times your eyes skimmed over the neatly written lines, the words didn't magically distort and somehow create a different sentence. They stayed the exact same.

Lady Y/N Y/L/N,

I deeply regret to inform you that your fiancé Nikolai Lantsov, Major of the Twenty-Second Regiment, has been majorly wounded in action in the performance of duty and service of his country. The nature of his wounds has not been fully assessed as of now, but I would advise you to calm your worries. Our mediks are highly trained and will do everything in their power to restore his health. You will be promptly furnished with any additional information received.

Your obedient Servant,

Sergeant Pechkin

Sergeant in Charge of Records

No matter how many soothing words littered the text, you were well aware that his actual state was far from decent. After years and years of political training from your father, you knew that the First Army only bothered to send out notifications once the soldier was on the brink of death.

Nikolai was dying.

Your soon-to-be husband was dying, and they didn't even have the guts to tell you the truth. The man you had been friends with since childhood - the man you had been promised to for even longer - was dying and there was nothing you could do about it.

Well, nothing official, at least.

"Ma? Da? I'm going out for a ride!" You called into the drawing room of the visitor quarters of the Grand Palace. You didn't push your luck by going in to say goodbye to your parents properly. They would never approve of your plan, so any sort of confrontation would be ill-advised.

"Of course, my dear!" Your father's baritone voice called from behind the door. The sound of his voice was rather joyous, indicating that he already had one too many glasses of wine today. Maybe this would help with concealing your absence.

"Be back before supper! We're not waiting for you this time." Your mother added in her usual scolding tone. Maybe staying away unnoticed wasn’t that easy after all.

"I promise!" As soon as you finished that sentence, you began hurrying off in the direction of the stables. The bag on your shoulder wasn't filled with your usual riding equipment, but with a few rations of food and other things you would need for a three-day ride to the Fjerdan border.

On your way down the stairs the devil himself - Vasily Lantsov - passed you. He paused, letting his eyes dart over your dishevelled appearance. By now, they should have also received the notice about Nikolai’s injuries. However, the King and Queen were notorious for keeping their letters stashed away until they had time to open them in the evening. You imagined how they would react. Would they be devastated? Would they want to seek revenge? Or would they continue to act stone-faced, even though their son could already be dead?

“Well, you look…lovely.” He chuckled, giving you a quizzical look. Even though it was still early in the afternoon, he looked like he was already terribly drunk. And judging by the sour smell coming from his mouth, that shouldn’t be too far from the truth. “Where are you headed?” Saints, you really couldn’t stand him.

“I’m off to go on a ride. The weather seems pleasant today, so I just have to seize the chance.” The honeyed pitch of your voice would have been blatantly obvious to any sober person, but thankfully, Vasily didn’t belong to that group of people.

“Sadly, my dearest brother isn’t here. I’m sure he wouldn’t have allowed his future wife to go on a ride all by herself.”

“What a shame he isn’t here then. But if you’ll excuse me, I intend on leaving while it’s still light outside.” You didn’t wait for him to say anything in return before speeding down the few remaining flights of stairs.

The military encampment wasn’t too far from the Fjerdan border, so with a bit of pep in your horse’s step, you completed the journey in three days. You only took breaks to eat and rest, but the adrenaline of needing to see Nikolai before he died kept you awake.

“Lady Y/L/N! What are you doing here?” Pechkin appeared from one of the tents as you handed your horse to one of the soldiers, who was assigned to take care of it. The sergeant looked as if he hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in forever, and you couldn’t help but flinch at the thought of what might’ve caused his distress.

“I’m here to see my fiancé.” You answered sternly, putting all the years of training your facial expression to use. The man shifted on his feet, not wanting to deny you, whilst also not wanting you to see whatever husk was left of Nikolai.

“His Royal Highness is currently not in a state to allow visitors I’m afraid. It really would be best to.-”

“I’m here to see my fiancé. I won’t leave until I know what happened to him, and how his chances of survival are. This is not up for discussion, Sergeant.”

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his already greying hair. He knew that you were stubborn - you were supposed to wed Nikolai Lantsov, of course, you were stubborn - but he had hoped that you would at least be a bit less persistent.

“Fine. But you might not enjoy seeing him like this.” He motioned for you to follow him in the direction of a small grey tent. The medik tent. Your heart sank when you reached the entrance. What would you see? Would you be able to stomach it?

Pechkin halted briefly, sparing you another thoughtful glance before lifting the flap and allowing you to enter the cluttered room. It seemed to have been his personal tent before it was repurposed as his infirmary. You peered around. A tiny desk stood in the corner of the room, a stack of opened letters - probably yours - was sprawled out on top of it, right next to a collection of various maps and plans.

Your heart dropped when your gaze met the reason for your distress. An unnaturally pale-looking Nikolai Lantsov laid in a makeshift sickbed. His face was completely devoid of any emotion or life, as a medik stood next to him, presumably checking his vitals and medicine intake.

"Saints…" You whispered under your breath. You had seen him injured countless times before, but never had he looked this empty.

The man behind you rested his hand on your shoulder in a futile attempt to comfort you, but you didn’t even acknowledge his presence. The medik turned to face you with a glum expression on his face. In that moment, you assumed the worst.

“How did he get injured?” It took you a few seconds to register that the words were your own. It felt surreal.

“His group got ambushed, and he tried to defend the others. They got overpowered and he was stabbed. We were lucky to find them while it was still daytime. Had the night already started to set in, we would probably not have been able to retrieve them.” Pechkin explained. You didn’t have to face him to know that a tight scowl was adorning his face. He and Nikolai had gotten along great - it was a fact that always seemed to matter greatly, when he brought it up in his letters - so you could assume that he was quite affected by the whole situation.

You walked over to the bed, sitting down on the free space right next to him. If he hadn’t looked so pale, one could have mistaken his critical condition with a very relaxing good night’s sleep. His breathing was unnaturally shallow, but it still could’ve just meant that he was asleep. However, you knew better.

“His heartbeat is drastically too slow.” The medik spoke up, taking the elongated silence as his turn to address you. “There were minor scratches we managed to heal fine, but the stab wound seems to have a much larger effect on his body than we had expected, even though it appeared to be quite minor on first glance. By being exposed to dirt and other outside influences, it looked quite infected once he came into our care. We tried to treat it as best as we could, however, the infection still remains. It pains me deeply to say this, but it is unsure whether he’ll manage to survive his injuries.”

“Has he been awake at some point or has he been unconscious the whole time?” You asked suspiciously. The mediks assigned to treat the sons of the Royal family were highly skilled, and you had your doubts that the effects of a supposedly minor stab wound would cause him to be in such a terrible state.

“Yes, there have been a few times he has been semi-conscious, but it appeared to be more of a feverish daze than actual consciousness. We have not found a feasible explanation for this sort of behaviour, though.”

“What does the wound look like?”

“I don’t think that this information is suited for-”

“Sergeant Pechkin, I have seen people’s tongues get cut out after betraying their country. I have seen people get beheaded for way less than that. I have seen the marks of war, and I wish to live long enough to survive its wake, so I should begin to get used to it.”

“If that is what you wish for.” The medik said slowly, coming up to stand right next to you. He removed the heavy blanket, revealing a previously white bandage that had been soaked with blood by now. You could see the man frown, as he worked on removing the fabric that covered his injuries.

Nothing could have prepared you for what hid underneath.

The gash truly didn’t seem to be that deep, what really startled you were the purple and black veiny bruise patterns that originated from the wound, spreading over the expanse of his chest. The smell emitting from the wound smelled foul, sickly-sweet, whilst also carrying the stench of mould with it. This wasn’t a normal stab wound.

“How long have the bruises been there?”

“Uhm, they started showing one day after he was retrieved. They started off as blue and purple bruises, but have changed over the last few days to look like…this. We have never seen an injury similar to this.”

This told you everything you needed to know. The sadness you had felt prior to this was replaced by anger.

“That’s because it isn’t-”

The flap to the tent was thrown open again, revealing a person you would have never expected. Vasily took wide strides as he walked inside. He looked surprisingly calm, but as much as you wanted to discredit his feelings, you knew that he would still be devastated if he had to watch his younger brother die.

“Your Royal Highness!” Pechkin called out, visibly startled by another royal showing up without notice. You imagined that another unannounced appearance would cause him to go into cardiac arrest. The sergeant wanted to speak again, but Vasily silenced him with a simple wave of his hand.

“I’m here to see my brother, that is my right.” You moved to stand up in order to allow him access to Nikolai, however, this offer was quickly dismissed by a disapproving glance. “Stay there, it’s fine. You,” He turned to the two other men inside the room with a grimace on his face. “I’d suggest you leave for the time being. I’m sure Lady Y/L/N would like some time with her betrothed without the presence of military officials.” After giving each other a reserved look, they both left the three of you alone.

“I see that you have diverted quite a bit from your original plan.” Vasily stared you down. It was the same stare he used to give Nikolai and you after finding out about your newest shenanigans back when you were young kids. “Do you have any idea how worried the duke and the duchess were, when you didn’t return in the evening? Having their only daughter suddenly disappear without any trace or note about her whereabouts? You should be glad that my parents didn’t send out the Royal Guard to look for you.”

“I know, but I had no other choice, Vasily! My parents would have never allowed me to go, and I couldn’t have lived with the fact that he might die without me seeing him one last time.” You felt the heat rise up in your cheeks. His chiding was the last thing you needed right now.

“You have no idea how long it took me to convince them to allow me to look for you.” He sighed, throwing the bag he carried on the ground next to him. His tone had also grown a bit softer, even though he still sounded as boastful as ever.

“Why?”

“I saw the letter, and I opened it. All hell would have broke loose if my mother had found out about her little precious boy being on the brink of death.” His gaze wandered to his brother, but it flinched away as soon as he saw the extent of his injuries. “I knew immediately where you went. It was the perfect opportunity for me to get here unnoticed, even though I’m sure that spell won’t last too long. I assume that they’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“So you lied to your parents, because you didn’t want them to know what actually happened?”

“When you put it like that it sounds a lot less honourable than I had imagined it. But yes. That’s precisely what I did.”

“I- I’m not quite sure what to say. That’s probably one of the most honourable things you’ve done.” He waved your comment off, allowing himself a more concrete glance at Nikolai, his eyes never meeting the wound, however.

“Saints, that smells terrible.” The crown prince had to cover his mouth in order to resist the urge to vomit. And for once, you couldn’t even blame him. “What happened?”

“Stab wound.” You didn’t feel like voicing your suspicion, but Vasily wasn’t satisfied with that answer.

“A stab wound? That does not look like a simple stab wound, Y/N.” That’s because it wasn’t. You knew exactly what it was, and how you could still give him a chance to survive this. The only thing keeping you from it, was the measures you had to take to make it happen. “You know more than you’re letting on. What is it?” It was for the best to give in. Maybe he could help you.

“Have you ever heard of Vaizite?” He shook his head as a response. “Some also call it the Violet Rot. It’s a very strong, chemically created poison, that you’d usually only find in Shu Han. I have no idea how the Fjerdans managed to get their hands on it, but I’m sure there had to be some crooked scheme going on.”

“Is it fatal?”

“That’s difficult to say.” He gave you a frown, but you weren’t keen on seeking his approval. “It was not specifically created to kill. The Shu usually tend to put it in their prisoner’s drinks to torture them. If ingested it poisons you from the inside out, but it doesn’t kill you. It does, however, make sure that every waking moment is spent in excruciating pain. It slowly eats away at your muscles, until you’re unable to do anything but lay there and endure the pain. When they think you have suffered enough, they dispose of them through killing them as a supposed act of mercy.”

“But he hasn’t digested it, has he? What happens if the blade was laced with it?”

“It is to assume that it could be fatal. Not immediately, but eventually. By indirectly injecting the poison in his blood stream, it could have a way worse effect on his health than if he had consumed it. I have never seen the bruises develop that fast.” You fiddled with the straps of your coat, avoiding his penetrative gaze.

“How do you know all of this?”

“Do you still recall what I studied at Ketterdam University?”

“Something that had to do with plants?”

“Herbology. That’s what I studied. There was a very long and drawn out unit on recognizing and working with poisonous plants. One unit included a plant called Oshrovov, also called Assassin’s Polkweed. It’s deadly when touched, but once you dilute it with some other chemicals, it can be the perfect weapon for torture. We talked about that quite a few times, so I do know a few things about it.”

“So you know what to do to save him?” Hope was evident in his voice, and you knew that you had no other option than to reveal something you had hoped to keep hidden for just a bit longer.

“I can try, but you might not like what I’m doing. And you have to promise me that you won’t allow anyone to enter while I work.” Vasily raised a brow in confusion. What exactly were you planning to do.

“A promise coming from me isn’t worth a dime, but if that’s all it takes for you to help him, I can’t say no.” That was good enough for you.

“Good. Get that bowl over there.” You pointed at a brass bowl that stood on one of the sidetables close to the entrance. He obliged, carefully watching you as you began to lean over Nikolai’s torso.

“Where am I supposed to put it?”

“You’re supposed to keep it in your hands, until I tell you to do otherwise.” Vasily had to bite back an offended remark as he listened to you bossing him around, but you just didn’t care about his royal feelings at that point. “I’ll need you to act quickly and catch the poison once I extracted it.”

“Extract it? How are you planning on-”

“See for yourself.” With that, you let your fingertips hover over his body, whilst shutting your eyes tightly. You had imagined that you might be a bit rusty in using your Small Science, but after you felt a familiar hum hit your palms, it was as if you had never stopped training it in the first place.

Since you had never been officially trained at the Little Palace, you had only a few minor lessons with your mother to fall back upon. They had kept your abilities hidden away from anyone that wasn’t close family, so it was a pretty dangerous for you to be so callous with using them, especially around someone like Vasily Lantsov. All of these worries faded away when you realized who exactly was lying in front of you. You needed to save him.

Your hands twitched ever so slightly when you located the poison. Quickly, you focussed your Small Science on directing the substance towards the open wound. You felt how it tried to latch onto his arteries, but your determination was stronger.

“Vasily, keep the bowl ready.” Not wanting to be asked twice, he stretched it out towards you, keeping it as far away from him as possible.

Slowly but surely, a thick mass of purple crawled out of his wound, taking the dark black tendrils with it. When you finally removed all of it from Nikolai’s torso, you didn’t hesitate to quickly drop it into the bowl. The substance splashed as it met the cold metal, but it didn’t manage to get even close to touching either of you. Even though you had been quite careful, Vasily still recoiled after watching the liquid fall. Before he could dump it on his shirt, you grabbed it from his hands, hastily making sure to keep it out of reach.

When your gaze shifted back towards your partner, you felt your heart do a flip as you noticed his normal breathing pattern return. The wound was still there - you weren’t a Healer, so what did you expect - but the dark bruises that littered his chest were finally gone almost completely, just like the rotten smell.

“You’re Gri-”

“If you finish that sentence, I’ll make sure to dump the whole bowl of poison on you.” You threatened, pointing an accusing finger at the slightly frightened Vasily. “And if anyone else should ever get wind of this, I’ll make sure to provide you with an even more painful death than anything you could imagine.” It was a completely empty threat, but it still did its job.

“Alright, I will take this secret to my grave!” He exclaimed, raising his hands with a scared expression on his face.

"You better do."

Vasily quickly called for a medik, giving him some half-arsed explanation for the sudden disappearance of the bruises. The medik quickly got to work, cleaning and disinfecting the gash again before bandaging the wound again.

You didn’t even have to wait a full day before Nikolai’s cheeks reclaimed their previous colour, and his eyes eventually pried open. He let out a low groan as he attempted to sit up, but you reacted faster. With one hand on his chest, you pressed him back down into the mattress. It was only then, that he noticed where he was.

“Y/N?” His voice sounded hoarse, but as long as he was alive, that didn’t matter. “Y/N! What are you doing here? Why are you-”

“You almost managed to get yourself killed, Nikolai. Of course, your fiancé is going to be here.” Vasily cut him off, a self-satisfied grin on his face as his brother’s head whipped around to face him.

“Vasily? What are you doing here?”

“Your situation was critical. No matter how many differences we might have, I’d still not let you die alone. You’re my brother, after all. Or do you really think that lowly of me?” If he heard your muttered ‘yes’, he chose to tactfully ignore it, rather taking joy in Nikolai’s utterly befuddled expression.

Whilst their brotherly bickering was continuing, his hand snaked its way into yours, gently squeezing it in an act of reassurance. You couldn’t even begin to describe how grateful you were, that he was still alive, giving you the warmest smile he could muster.

“I was poisoned?!” He exclaimed as his brother had finished the basics of what happened before you arrived.

“You were stabbed and poisoned.” You added with a sly smile, watching as his concerned gaze shot towards you.

“What happened to the poison? How did they get it out?” His eyes filled with realization, as he glanced between you and Vasily. “Y/N, please don’t tell me-”

“Vasily is the only one who knows. Don’t worry. The information will be safe with him, won’t it?”

“She threatened to kill me if I tell anyone, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.” Vasily grumbled, causing Nikolai to let his head fall back in relief. He had expected the worst, but he knew that you were smarter than that. “Wait, hold on a second, you knew about her…disposition?”

“Of course, I knew. She'll soon be my wife, in case you have forgotten.” You pressed a quick kiss to Nikolai’s hand, soaking up the feeling of finally being near him again. From now on, everything would be okay.

Well, after you explained to your parents why you had disappeared for other a week. You sadly couldn’t use your Small Science for that.

Taglist:

Grishaverse in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Nikolai Lantsov: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @kaye-here @maximoffgxrl

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lanstov x reader #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #netflix shadow and bone #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse #grishaverse fanfic

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discordiansamba · 4 months

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anyways I don't know if it's due to falling asleep to the backdrop of people setting off way too many fireworks or not, but I had a weird dream last night and now I am here to tell you guys all about it because I've been idly rotating it all day. you've heard of body swap not get ready for... personality swap, I guess? But not completely?

anyways it seemed to take place at the tail end of season one, where instead of getting shot out into random locations by the corrupted wormhole, all the lions stayed on the Castle, but something about the combination of the corrupted wormhole and the paladin bond resulted in something... weird happening. Some kind of quintessence rearrangement that resulted in Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and Keith all swapping aspects of their personalities around that Shiro was apparently spared from because of some kind of defense mechanism that Pidge installed in the control chip for his arm that's in his brain that protected him but the backlash forced him to require some time in the cyropod.

(I guess my brain said. you know what would be funny. Shiro just waking up to this nonsense. and honestly? valid.)

(also allura and coran are fine and somehow escaped the wormhole don't worry about it. apparently the mice did also have their personalities swapped around but like. they're mice. they don't care.)

Pidge was probably the least effected bc she got traits from Hunk, who she already has a decent amount in common with, except now she's prone to nervous tirades, is now a morning person, and is calmed by the act of cooking. except she can't cook. Hunk at least kept very clear notes on all of his cooking experiments so she has something to work with. She suddenly finds herself more drawn to tinkering with things as opposed to coding, but she can still do the latter super easily. Also she has a solid sleep schedule now? She also stops wearing her brother's glasses bc she winds up fixated on the idea that she'll break them so she just keeps them safe in her room instead. Which she has now cleaned. She still kind of feels like she dodged a bullet. Sorry guys.

Lance is... having an experience, because he picked up traits from Pidge. He likes studying now? Except apparently he still has ADHD, but also Coran gave him this clicker thing that seems to be working wonders. He's suddenly a lot less interested in flirting and his detailed skin care routine kind of doesn't seem so important anymore. He has to actively set alarms on his phone otherwise he'll pull all nighters. He's starting to learn how to code? Which is weird but it's oddly calming. He's also pretty sure he picked up Pidge's sense of humor, because Pidge definitely picked up Hunk's sense of humor.

Hunk, to his great misfortune, has picked up traits from Keith. Which also includes his temper and his general introversion, the former of which he is working very hard on managing. He's also spending way more time on the training deck than ever before, but it suddenly doesn't feel like exercise so much as it feels... relaxing? Also he is like. always tense. What the hell, Keith, how did you live like this. How is HE going to live like this. Although it is kind of nice to not feel the urge to puke from nerves, which he... doesn't really seem to have anymore? That's kind of nice.

Keith is probably the oddest case of the bunch. He picked up personality traits from Lance, which he can't even get angry about because he doesn't have a temper anymore? apparently? He's suddenly a lot more extroverted, and also he feels the weird compulsion to... flirt? He's also become way more interested in self care and is suddenly not a morning person anymore. But for all that in some ways he has the most traits leftover from his core personality, because those traits turned out not to be parts of his personality so much as they were due to him being Galra- so he still likes training and fighting as much as he did before. Which is great, because if he let Lance's personality take him by the nose, he'd definitely just start to coast on his talent.

But they also each still have core aspects of themselves that apparently their lions preserved so it's not a full personality swap. Pidge will still wax poetic about the tech around them. Lance might not be huge into self care anymore, but he's still interested in trying to keep himself looking good. Hunk is still very kind, which makes having Keith's temper hard on him. Keith still is a nature boy and a jock, and somehow still doesn't understand how the cheer goes.

POV: You're Shiro. You wake up to this mess. It's been like this for a week apparently, and Coran and Allura don't know how to fix it.

...can you just go back to the cryopod maybe?

#apparently lance bought himself a pair of fake glasses that looked like Veronica's #he needed it to sell his new brainy personality. which is a very Lance thing to think #apparently my subconscious decided keith was better at flirting than lance. which is funny so I'm saying it's right #also apparently part of taking better care of himself involved no longer shaving down his nails so they just ended up sharp and pointy #keith reached his maximum hotness potential through self care incident. 340457 dead 4858582 injured #lance voice: what do you MEAN I kept my *insecurity*. that's the one personality trait I didn't want!#honestly. could be a vehicle for both incredible shenanigans AND character study #what makes a person who they are etc #identity crisis au

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lilyevanstan1325 · 4 months

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❤️ Built For This World ❤️

Chapter 4

I've been here at the farm for almost 5 days so that means that sweet, defenseless little girl has been out there for a week.

Sophia has not yet been found.

I really hope with all my heart that she is still alive.

We all hope so.

Last night before going to sleep Carol updated me a little on the situation.

Daryl and the others are still busy searching and it seems that the archer has found a good lead to follow.

And damn, despite everyone's efforts, Daryl really seems like the only one who really cares about this whole thing.

He spends entire days searching every millimeter of these woods, following every possible path.

Spending all his strength.

Carol tries not to show it but even an idiot would notice that her mental state is in full decline.

And the night, poor woman, she spends every night crying.

How do I know?

As accommodation they let me sleep on the floor of Dale's RV since neither I nor they have an extra tent for me.

And just when the woman thinks everyone is sleeping she gives vent to all her pain.

And honestly I don't know what to do.

I have often thought about getting up to console her but I have always stopped, not because I am insensitive to her pain but because I don't know what to say to her.

And I'm sure that my words don't even help her.

She just needs her little girl and not my stupid words of circumstance.

I even thought about offering myself for the research but there is a small detail that stops me.

Daryl.

He hates having me around and I don't think he would ever accept my help or even my company.

So I avoid being around him.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm settling with the others quite well.

Everyone is very kind to me, except for two obvious exceptions.

Daryl, precisely, and Shane.

I try to stay away from the latter.

Really away.

Apparently the man can only tolerate me if I remain at a safe distance from him.

And who am I to disappoint him?

For the rest I get along with everyone.

A good relationship is being established with the women, they are all very polite to me and try to include me in the group.

To reciprocate their kindness I continually try to get busy.

I help with the fire, with the preparation of meals, with the perimeter guard shifts and with everything I can.

Like now.

Me, Lori, Amy, Carol and Andrea are making breakfast for everyone this morning.

Maggie and Beth, the farmer's daughters, kindly gave us some eggs and even offered to help us out.

So all together we are trying to set up something decent, at least for the men who will soon leave to resume the search for Sophia and for those who will leave for a quick reconnaissance down in the city in search of further supplies for the winter that will soon arrive.

A gust of wind makes me shiver.

Even if during the day the temperatures are still quite high, in the morning the air begins to feel increasingly cooler.

I shrug, rubbing my hands along my arms to try to get some warmth.

“Summer?Summer, dear can you hear me?”

I snap out of my thoughts at Carol's voice.

I look up from the bowl full of freshly picked peaches.

“Sorry Carol, tell me”

Carol raises an eyebrow as she takes a few steps closer.

"Everything is fine?This is the third time I've called you.What's going on inside that little head of yours?” she asks me kindly, keeping her voice low so as not to be heard by the other women.

I shake my head, smiling weakly.

Just like my mother, she always seems to know when I overthink about something.

Maybe this is a super mom power?

"Nothing.I was wandering”

I shrug indifferently at the end of the sentence.

I don't want to give her any more worries.

She's already had enough of it.

“Mmh mmh” she murmurs, unconvinced, grabbing a knife and taking the peach that I turn over and over in my hands.

I also take a knife, grab another peach and follow her, imitating her gestures.

In silence we begin to peel the fruit and cut it into small pieces.

The sweet smell of peaches makes my mouth watering.

Behind us we hear Amy and Beth giggling.

For just a moment it's as if everything were normal, as if we were just a group of friends intent on preparing breakfast.

There is no death, there is no pain, there are no dead people brought back to life.

There is peace, calm.

But the reality is very different.

We're just a bunch of strangers trying to get ahead.

Not to give up.

We're just trying to survive.

We're just trying to make sense of this fucking world.

“Did you talk to Daryl?” Carol asks me, feigning indifference.

I sigh, closing my eyes and trying to stay calm.

That evening after having...I don't even know how to define it...argued?

After having that brief confrontation with Daryl I was very nervous and I couldn't keep it from her.

I told her what had happened and how I felt.

Nowadays I still don't understand Carol's reaction.

“Don't mind what he told you.Daryl isn't that good with words” she replied smiling.

Her look seemed amused but I decided not to investigate further.

But from that moment on I had the impression that she was pushing me to resolve the issue with the man.

Which obviously I've always avoided.

He stays away from me and I have nothing to say.

He looks down every time our paths cross and I don't complain.

I do not want to create problems.

I'm new and I just want to earn my place in the group without bothering the others.

“Daryl and I have nothing to clarify”

Saying his name makes my stomach clench.

“It's okay Carol, we avoid each other and we're all happy” I whisper.

At least he is.

Carol shakes her head but she doesn't say anything else.

More giggles catch our attention, making us turn around.

Amy and Beth seem to be talking to each other, constantly glancing to their left.

So I decide to follow their gazes to understand what it is.

And a little further on there is him.

Daryl.

He seems busy checking something inside his backpack.

He is wearing a pair of black jeans and his ever-present sleeveless shirt.

This man appears to be insensitive to the cold.

The muscles in his arms bend sinuously, swelling with every movement.

Muscles that have nothing to do with exhausting sessions in the gym.

Oh no...

His body is built only by his struggle for survival.

Apparently the archer's past life was not very different from the one he leads now.

Hunting and rural life have always been part of his life.

Or at least that's what Carol and Glenn told me.

After a few minutes he crouches on his knees to check some arrows, the powerful muscles of his thighs seem barely contained in the constriction of his jeans.

He cocks his head to the side and grabs an arrow, studying it carefully.

He checks the tip with his fingers.

For a moment I remember the strength of those fingers closed around my wrist as he dragged me with him into that woods.

My heart does a somersault remembering the warmth of that hand, the strong grip of his calloused fingers.

“Do you stop, please?”

Andrea has an amused frown on her face as she scolds the two girls who don't stop giggling and continue to throw mischievous glances at the unaware Daryl.

"What?" laughs Amy, Andrea's sister, as she approaches me to hand me some dishes.

Her young blue eyes shine like lapis lazuli.

Amy throws her head back laughing heartily.

“Don't tell me I'm the only one here?” she replies, turning to all of us, indicating the man with a nod of her head.

I look back at Daryl and a shiver runs through me.

Carol giggles.

Andrea's eyebrows raise dangerously upwards.

"What?" Amy repeats again crossing her arms over her chest.

“He's sexy as hell” the girl admits candidly, triggering more giggles.

“He's rude” her sister immediately replies.

“That doesn't mean he doesn't have a perfect ass, look there.Right Beth?” she asks, turning to her friend.

Beth giggles again.

“You know Amy, your sister prefers guys like Shane” her friend supports her.

Wow.

What the fuck?

Really.

Just one word.

Eew.

Lori from her spot shifts her weight from one foot to the other as if she is uncomfortable.

Her and Andrea exchange a fleeting glance, full of tension.

Which I can't fully understand.

“Well, he may be rude but Amy's right.If I had been a little younger I wouldn't have wasted my time”

I turn my head sharply towards Carol shocked by her spicy revelation.

Seriously Carol?

With her words she attracts everyone's attention.

Her dreamy expression is focused on the ass of the archer, bent forward intent on raising the crossbow lying near his feet.

I drew my bottom lip between my teeth and bit it nervously.

The response from the other women doesn't take long to arrive and in fact another chorus of giggles rises in the air.

For my part, I'm paralyzed with the dishes still in my hands.

I don't like the direction this little girl talk session is going.

Why?

Because it's obvious that my thoughts are common to theirs but I don't even want to think about it.

I can't afford to think of him like that...nothing good would come of it.

Not for me at least.

I feel my face go up in flames.

"I'm right, you heard her?" Amy replies, satisfied, challenging her sister to reply.

Andrea huffs in exasperation, turning her back on her sister.

Maggie approaches me, gently taking the dishes from my hands and starting to fill them with scrambled eggs.

“Ok, he's not that bad.But he's not my type”

With these words the oldest Green gives us her opinion on the subject.

“And who would be your type, Glenn?” Lori teases her, her words make the girl blush.

Then Maggie's dark eyes stop for a moment in mine.

A small look that I can't decipher until an alarm rings in my head.

Wait.

Wait…oh god.

Oh God no!

I turn away from the discussion among the others to focus on Maggie.

I approach her, taking a dish and starting to help her.

Maggie was very nice to me, she gave me clean clothes, she takes care of my sore wrists and I don't want her to even think that I'm somehow trying to come between her and Glenn.

I would never do that.

It's true that the boy and I have become very close in these few days but there is nothing sentimental between us.

I don't feel attracted to him in that way.

I have to tell her something to prevent the seed of doubt from sprouting in her head but in the distance I actually see Glenn advancing towards us so I decide to postpone our discussion.

As the man approaches, his eyes are all for Maggie.

I shake my head with a smile.

How could she ever doubt it?

“Good morning, my beautiful ladies” he exclaims with a big smile after reaching us but without ever taking his dreamy gaze away from the farmer's beautiful daughter.

In response he receives kind good mornings in return.

Maggie hands him a plate accompanied by a smile and then he walks away to sit on one of the improvised chair blocks.

Slowly all the other men join us.

First Rick, then Dale, T-dog.

Even Shane.

I hand him a plate trying to be as kind as possible and I even receive a half-thank you in return.

Wow!

This is an event worth noting in the yearbooks.

That prick knows the word thank you.

Lori approaches us taking two plates.

“One is for Carl” she justifies herself, afraid that someone might object.

“Hersel hasn't given him permission to get up yet so I'll go eat in the room with him” she continues.

I smile at her and she walks away, entering the big white house.

Carl.

One lucky little guy.

Not everyone can survive a bullet.

This is how this group came to the farm.

Due to a horrible accident.

Apparently Otis, one of the inhabitants of the farm, accidentally shoots the boy while hunting a deer.

Offering his help immediately, he would later die by sacrificing himself and allowing Shane to bring back to Hersel everything needed to save the boy's life.

I haven't had the chance to meet Carl yet but from what Lori and Rick told me about him he really seems to be a special little boy.

“Go eat with the others Summer”

Maggie's voice wakes me up from my thoughts and I immediately realize that they are all sitting enjoying their breakfast.

Everyone except me and her.

And Daryl of course.

No trace of him.

Why the hell am I always so aware of his presence or absence?

I nod as she turns her back on me but before she can disappear inside her house I whisper her name.

At first I thought that she didn't hear me but then her pace slows until she stops, then turning towards me.

“Tell me” she replies with a smile.

I approach unsure of what to say.

Where do I start?

I feel embarrassed.

“I…emh I wanted to tell you… yeah I mean...”

The words die in my mouth.

Is it really the right thing?

Even though she has always been friendly to me, can I really intrude into her private life like this?

"What happens?"

Her large eyes observe me carefully.

With one hand she tucks a lock of hair behind her ears.

She is really very beautiful and I really don't understand how she can feel threatened by someone like me.

No one has ever looked at me the way Glenn looks at her, why would she ever doubt his feelings?

With a big breath I take courage.

Now or never.

I quickly peek over my shoulder noticing that the others are far enough away that they can't hear so I decide to speak.

“It's about Glenn” I whisper, returning my gaze to her face, torturing the fingers of my hands.

“Oh” the girl whispers in a broken voice, looking at me with the same look she had given me shortly before, when Lori had brought up her crush on the boy.

Her long fingers nervously crease the hem of her cotton shirt.

Around us the silence is interrupted only by the echo of the chatter of the rest of the group.

We both remain silent unable to continue this embarrassing conversation.

Her gaze remains low on her feet as she kicks at the blades of grass around her.

“Do you…do you like him”

And hers isn't a question.

"What?"

My slightly too shrill tone of voice makes several heads turn towards us.

“No, no Maggie” I reply whispering.

I immediately approach her, gently grabbing her hand.

She slowly raises her face almost in fear.

I continue to shake my head as she looks at me curiously.

"No.This is what I wanted to talk to you about" I reassure her.

Her face seems to relax a little.

“Glenn was the first to show me some humanity, he helped me and I can never thank him enough but Glenn and I are just friends”

“Really?”

“Really.I don't see him the way you see him” I tease her making her blush.

“Oh Summer, sorry!”

Her words are followed by a suffocating hug.

She holds me tightly, in her grip I can feel the relief but also a lot of anxiety.

I hug her back, trying to convey to her all the truthfulness of my words.

Glenn is amazing and maybe in another life I would have even considered going on a date with him.

He is sweet, nice, smart.

We have many interests in common such as comics, video games, films.

We are two classic guys in our early twenties, both raised in a city too big for our simple spirits.

But despite all that I don't feel attracted to him in that way.

My gaze slides behind Maggie.

Towards Daryl's tent.

No, Summer.No!

Damn it.

It's not possible.

It's absurd, irrational.

Sure Daryl is attractive, strong, brave...

But mine is just a stupid physical attraction.

After all, apparently I'm not the only one who finds him beautiful.

Maggie is the first to break the hug but our hands remain intertwined so together we approach the porch steps to sit on them.

We both keep our gaze fixed straight ahead, watching the sun slowly take its place in the sky.

“I'm sorry for thinking that you and Glenn…”

Maggie begins but I immediately stop her with a wave of my hand.

“Don't think about it” I reassure her.

“It's my fault.Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so close to him and disrespected you” I admitted rather embarrassed.

Maybe I couldn't have known it at first but I should have pulled back a little when I realized the looks that the two lovebirds usually throw at each other every time they have the chance.

I feel Maggie's hand rest on my knee, squeezing it slightly.

On her face there is a beautiful smile that will take your breath away.

“You don't even have to say it.I know Glenn cares about me but I also know he cares about you.I was just a little scared.That's all”

We laugh together at her confession and I watch her as she stands up.

“I'm going to see if dad needs me.See you later Summer” she greets me.

I greet her with a smile.

“Oh Maggie?”

“Yeah?”

“When you see Glenn could you tell him to come find me?I have a favor to ask him”

“Okay” she replies and then closes the door behind her.

I sit on the porch steps until Carol joins me with a plate of food.

“Thanks mommy” I thank her rolling my eyes and making her laugh.

“If you remembered to eat I wouldn't have to chase you like you were a five year old girl, right?So shut up and eat” she scolds me gently, forcing the plate into my hands.

“Yes ma’am”

As I finish my meal one bite after another, I am hungrier than I thought, I see Daryl coming out of his tent ready for the new research session.

He quickly places his backpack on his shoulders, tightening his grip on his crossbow and quickly walks away heading towards the stable.

I follow him with my gaze.

Carol's elbow digs painfully into my ribs.

“Damn Carol” I cough.

For her part, she feigns an innocent expression but her sly smile tells me something completely different.

I roll my eyes so much I could see the back of my head.

I get up huffing.

“I'm not going to talk to him, Carol”

“No one asked you”

“No?”

“Nope”

She looks at me from below with her immense blue eyes with a toothy smile.

I don't know her well enough but I'm more than certain that that look on hers doesn't bode well.

Only then I realize that she is turning a canteen between her fingers.

She stands up and forcefully shoves it into my hand like she had done earlier with my plate of food.

“What exactly should I do with it?”

I feel panic crawling in my stomach.

In my hands that stupid canteen weighs like a boulder because I know who it belongs to.

I often saw Carol fill it and then give it back to his owner.

“Why are you doing this to me?" I ask her almost desperately, whimpering as if I were really a five-year-old.

Why is this woman so keen to have the archer humiliate me?

“I thought we were friends” I hiss through gritted teeth.

My eyes get wet.

Fuck!

I hate the close correlation between my feelings and my eyes.

I'm sad?I cry.

Am I frustrated?I cry.

I am happy?I cry.

I listen to a good song?I cry.

And I swear it's never been a problem for me but in this place, surrounded by people I barely know, well let's say it embarrasses me a little.

“You'll thank me one day” Carol coos, leaving me alone.

What the answer is this?

Jeez.

Shit.

I might not go.

I might turn around and go to Dale's RV to see if he needs a change of guard.

I might go and see if there's laundry to do.

Or I could count the blades of grass.

Anything to avoid facing the archer's cold indifference.

Because despite everything the fact that he can only see trouble for his people in me hurts me.

I am really grateful to him for saving me and I would just like to have a civil relationship with him like I have with the others.

I turn the canteen over and over in my hands and with a big sigh I steel myself by forcing my legs to move in the same direction Daryl disappeared from.

Even though I'm not dying to interact with him I can't let him go out there without water.

My feet move unsurely on the grass and with each step that brings me closer and closer to the source of my discomfort my heart beats more and more irregularly.

And not only because of who I will have to see but also because of that place.

I haven't set foot in the stable since that damned night.

Only bad memories are connected to that place.

My hands are sweating and for a moment I fear I'll lose my grip on the cold metal of the canteen.

Once I reach the stable I hear Daryl's voice coming from inside.

“I know ya're a good girl.Ya're a good girl, aren't ya?”

His voice is hoarse, persuasive.

The softly shuffled letters mess up my thoughts.

I feel my knees shaking.

When I reach the stable Daryl has his back to me while he strokes the head of a beautiful horse.

The calloused hand moves between the animal's ears and then descends to the muzzle where he leaves two light gentle pats.

Once I reach my destination I knock twice with my knuckles on the boards of the door even if it is already open.

His head snaps towards me.

His blue eyes linger on me for only a few moments after which he turns his full attention back to the animal in front of him.

“Wha' do ya want?”

His abrupt tone makes me jump.

When I waste time finding the right words he turns away, his body turned completely in my direction.

A severe frown seems to reside permanently on his face especially when it comes to me.

“So?” he asks, spitting out the words as if they were poison.

And just like poison they burn a small portion of my heart.

“I…” I stutter unable to maintain eye contact.

My gaze shifts mortified to my hands.

I can feel his eyes boring two deep holes straight into my soul.

“Carol asked me to give you this” I whisper in a small voice showing him my hands.

A deafening silence wreaks havoc on my brain and when I decide it's too much for me I look up again but Daryl is turning his back on me again.

He started petting the horse again as if I wasn't here.

As if I hadn't spoken.

As if I didn't exist.

I could stamp my feet, shout at him how rude he is but I'm sure that would only make the situation worse so gathering up every ounce of courage I move closer until I get to his side.

Daryl glances at me sideways but says nothing.

I ignore him, putting my hand close to the horse's muzzle.

The animal, initially wary, moves away, but after a few seconds it brings its muzzle closer to my hand and lets me touch it.

I rub my fingers between his large dark eyes and receive a loud whinny in return.

I laugh.

“He's beautiful” I whisper to myself.

I have always dreamed of having a horse.

I remember as a child begging my parents for more than a year to have one.

My father almost lost his mind explaining to me how impossible it was for such an animal to live in a small garden in the city.

“’S a girl” Daryl murmurs, still without turning towards me.

My hand freezes immersed in the shiny mane.

"What?" I ask unable to stop myself.

Is he really speaking to me after treating me as if I were invisible?

“The horse.She's a girl” he repeats finally turning his head towards me.

And for the first time, in days, I no longer see all that anger in his eyes.

For the first time in days I found a little piece of that man I met in the woods.

Trying to hide my smile I turn and dig both hands into her soft mane.

“Oh I'm so sorry baby” I coo, scratching the docile beauty near her ears.

His soft chuckle makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“Are ya apologizing to a horse?” the amused archer asks, his voice seems more relaxed but I don't dare turn around to make sure.

I'm afraid that even just looking at him this moment of tranquility could vanish.

“Well if I were in her place I would have been offended if someone had mistaken me for a boy” I reply letting a genuine smile blossom on my face.

Maybe the first since I've been here.

“Nah… no shit.I don't think is possible.Yer too pretty, sunshine”

That nickname again.

But this time no mockery to accompany his words.

Too shocked to keep my promise to ignore him, I slowly turn to him and find his gaze fixed on my face.

A mix of emotions swirl in my brain even as I try to keep a neutral gaze on the outside as I try to understand what is going through the mind of the man in front of me.

A slight frown of frustration crosses his forehead.

It's as if he wanted to tell me something but his mouth was unable to do so.

“Daryl Dixon makes me a compliment.Wow”

“'M a asshole, sorry”

“It's ok”

“No, that's not ok” he replies immediately.

His right hand grips the crossbow so tightly that the object seems to creak in protest.

His vaguely agitated gaze flits from one side of the stable to the other as if he were looking for a way out of this uncomfortable situation.

I'm really sorry to see him like this so I decide to give him a hand to get out of this situation.

“Listen to me Daryl.You didn't do anything wrong.I understand you.You feel obligated to protect these people but I assure you that I will do everything to make you understand that I am not a threat"

Almost I want to add it but I avoid it.

If only they knew what trouble, just taking me in, could mean for them.

He could kill everyone just for the fun of it.

I shook my head vigorously.

No.

He's not here.

He is miles away.

Nobody has to know.

More silence.

“I should have been there instead of Glenn that night.Or Carol.I should have dragged ya away from this stable and instead I was stuck listening to that prick's lecture”

“Shane?” I ask looking at his eyes again.

Daryl nods, gnawing on the side of his thumb.

I can read a lot of anger in his gestures.

And regret.

“Nah…I already gave you so much trouble.Don't blame yourself for things you couldn't foresee” I try to reassure him.

“You already have so much to think about”

Carol, I think.

I know he feels haunted by Sophia's disappearance and he is doing everything for her.

And for Carol.

“I need to find tha' little girl, ya understand?Carol…”

His agitated words only confirm my thoughts.

Daryl is a man with a big heart.

Now we are facing each other, eye to eye.

Our bodies are so close that I could just reach out my hand and caress his face.

I would really like to smooth out the worry lines on his forehead with my fingers.

All around us there is a tense silence.

The air seems to become unbreathable.

The rays of the sun that penetrate between the cracks of this stable are reflected in his blue eyes, making them shine like the clear summer sky.

“You know, I like this” I smile, pointing first at me and then at him with my hand.

His right eyebrow lifts upwards curiously.

“It's nice talking to you.Without arguing, I mean”

Daryl smiles slightly, one corner of his lips lifting slightly.

I blush and squirm in embarrassment.

He's really beautiful, I think.

To ease my embarrassment I reach out a hand towards him.

Daryl looks at it without understanding my intentions.

“We can start again from here.What do you say?"

His eyes linger on my hand for a few more seconds then return to my face, straight into mine.

His arm slowly lifts and his hand, strong and calloused, wraps around mine.

It's not a real handshake but more like his hand engulfing mine, making it almost disappear.

An innocent gesture and yet I feel a fire burning inside me.

“I have to go now” the archer mutters under his breath.

I nod.

But despite this, neither of us moves.

A weird energy crackles in the air.

I can't hear any sound other than the desperate beating of my heart.

His eyes look like an immense ocean where I fear I will drown.

Or maybe it's just too late.

I'm already drowning.

His gaze, imperceptible for a moment, touches my lips.

His lips barely open, remaining ajar just enough to be able to see the tip of his tongue which comes out in a flicker to moisten his lips.

A deafening whinny snaps us out of our thoughts and Daryl's hand suddenly lets go of mine as if he too had just woken up from a daydream.

I watch as he takes a step back and lowers his head as if he's embarrassed.

As if this was too much for him.

“I have to go” he repeats.

“Okay” I squeak and then clear my throat.

His eyes are still focused on the old floorboards and some strands of hair fall in front of his eyes, hiding those wonderful blue pools from me.

I feel a tingling in my hand and without realizing it I am already raising it towards the man's face.

I observe my hand as if it had a life of its own, unable to stop me, while the tips of my fingers push aside some locks, finding those eyes to which I feel attracted for no real reason.

What do I know about this mysterious man after all?

What do I really know about him?

Why do I feel so damn attracted to him?

In my few past relationships I have always taken things very calmly.

Never love at first sight, any irresistible attraction.

Why now with him does it seem like I have no control over my thoughts?

And apparently not even that of my body because after having pushed aside his hair my fingers touch his forehead until they reach his cheekbone where my timid exploration is interrupted when the man grabs my wrist.

I think he's going to shove me away but he doesn't.

His fingers gently tighten around my wrist, his thumb caressing the abrasions on it.

I could even swear I felt his face tilt slightly towards my hand, pressing his cheek against my palm.

His stubble tickles my hand, awakening a flight of butterflies in my stomach.

His stormy gaze knots my thoughts, leaving me pleasantly confused.

Who knows what fantastic sensations his hands could unleash on me.

Oh my God...

I feel suffocated under his gaze.

“Be careful out there.Come back in one piece, okay?” I murmur in a strangled voice.

“Yes ma’am”

Daryl gives my wrist one last gentle squeeze and lets it go, turning his back on me and disappearing through the door.

I bring my hand to my chest, clasping my wrist with the other hand.

What the hell just happened?

I turn my head, a sweet fear grips my insides making my breathing irregular and without being able to help it a broad smile spreads across my face.

Carol was right.

I'll have to thank her.

I shake my head in disbelief.

I was so scared to face Daryl that now I can't believe how it turned out.

I leave the stable determined to find Glenn, I have to find him before he leaves.

With a light head still full of thoughts about the archer I return to the farm where not far from it I see Glenn coming towards me.

“Hey, Maggie told me you need a favor”

When I reach him I grab his arm and drag him with me.

“I need your help.I want to go to town with you”

Glenn nods.

“Ok but I don't think Rick is against it.Why do you need my help?” the boy asks me curiously.

I look around looking for the officer and find him almost immediately.

He and Shane are standing in front of the hood of an old Cherokee studying what appears to be a map.

"Come with me.You'll understand" I reply, focused on my goal, dragging Glenn with me.

I know Rick would have nothing to say about my wanting to go on a run with Glenn but I want something back.

Something that belongs to me.

And I want to do it right.

I want them to trust me.

When we arrived near the car, the first to notice us was Shane.

His features are serious and impassive, his necklace with the number 22 shines around his neck, hit by a ray of sunshine.

I maintain eye contact as I take my final steps to reach the two men.

The man nudges Rick and nods at me.

The officer's eyes lift from the map to rest on my face.

He smiles kindly at me unlike his friend who continues to look at me with a smug look.

Sumbitch.

“Hey Rick.I'm going to town with Glenn.I need some things and then the two of us will do it faster”

The man's blue eyes observe me carefully, then he nods.

“If you feel like it I can't stop you” he replies.

All right.

Now the hard part.

Seeing that I make no sign of moving, Shane intervenes.

“Do you need anything else, kid?”

His stupid question makes my hands itch.

God I want to punch this dickhead so bad.

Rick swings his worried gaze between me and his friend.

Maybe my thoughts are well painted on my face, after all, why hide how I feel towards that idiot?

He doesn't seem to make a secret of it so...

"I want my weapon back, Rick" I state turning my attention towards the only one who has the power to decide while completely ignoring Shane.

“No way”

“I didn't ask you” I reply without even sparing him a glance.

Shane takes a threatening step towards me but I'm not intimidated.

I'm not moving.

I don't even look at him.

My eyes stay on Rick the entire time.

“I know Hersel's rules and I'm not going around the camp armed, I just want my knife for walking around town.Once I get back I'll give it back”

Glenn moves closer to Rick.

“We can trust her, Rick”

Thanks Glenn, you did just what I needed.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Shane glaring at him.

Rick seems to think about it but then he nods, thus agreeing to my request.

Shane seems irritated by Rick's choice but he doesn't say a word.

He just looks at me like I was a walker.

I grab Glenn's hand and turn on my heel, dragging him with me.

After not even a couple of steps Rick calls me.

“Hey Summer!Don't you ask me where your weapon is?” he asks me raising an eyebrow.

“No need.I know where it is.I saw it a few days ago”

Shane's gaze narrows curiously while Rick smiles amused by my answer.

“So why didn't you just take it, kid?” the latter asks me.

I shrug with a nonchalance worthy of an actress.

“Because I want you to understand that I'm not just a mouth to feed or another stupid worry.I want to be an integral part of this group and I want to do things according to the rules”

Shane shakes his head almost amused.

“We'll see, girl” he mutters, returning to focus all his attention on the map spread out on the hood of the car.

Rick follows close behind.

So without letting go of Glenn's hand I start walking again towards Dale's RV where my weapon is hidden in a locker.

“But didn't you say you needed my help?” my friend points out laughing, giving me a slight push with his shoulder.

His playful gaze lingers on mine.

“Oh but you did” I reply, getting into the RV and going to open the cabinet above the bed.

I grab my knife and put it in the waistband of my jeans and then I turn towards Glenn who in the meantime has also gotten into the vehicle.

“Rick trusts you.Your support was decisive for him to accept my proposal”

“Make sense.You know, you're lucky that your friend here is a big shot” boasts Glenn, puffing his chest out and placing his hands on his hips.

I roll my eyes.

We both smile.

“Come on big shot, let's go.I want to get back before dark" I tell him pushing him out of the RV.

“Listen, I'll see you at the car in a few minutes.I want to let Carol know that I'm coming with you, okay?”

“See you at the car” he nods, leaving me alone.

Wow!

Who would have thought that today would go so well?

My mood has definitely improved compared to this morning.

I got my weapon back.

I clarified with Maggie.

I'll go to town to find what I need.

And…

Oh c'mon!

The main reason for my good mood has blue eyes and smells like the summer woods.

As I leave the farm behind I go looking for Carol, my head dreaming and my heart full of Daryl.

On my way I am stopped by a voice calling me.

It's Lori.

I observe her curiously as she approaches, looking around with fear.

As if she didn't want to be seen.

“Everything is fine?Is Carl okay?” I ask her as soon as she reaches me.

Her son is the first thing that came to my mind when I saw that scared look on her face.

“Yeah, yeah.He's fine.Glenn told me you were going with him to look for supplies and I was wondering if you could do me a favor”

I look at her confused but nod.

Lori and I haven't talked much since my arrival and I haven't had the chance to get to know her well yet but that doesn't mean I could deny her a favor.

Her tired and drawn face worries me.

“Is everything okay Lori?” I ask her again seeing her get agitated.

Her gaze wanders from one side of the field to the other.

“Everything is fine.I just need you to get me some things” she replies handing me a small paper note.

What is all this secrecy?

Having really reached the end of the world, do some women still have shame to talk about periods and tampons?

Why did she have to write it?

Amused by her excessive shyness, I grab the piece of paper, giving a slight peek at its contents.

I remain motionless staring at the paper.

Incredulous.

The smile on my lips quickly fades.

“I would like to be able to count on your confidentiality.Do you think you can do it?” Lori adds in a whisper.

I nod unable to answer.

“I…I don't want to burden you with this but you're the only one who can do it.I can't ask Glenn.And I don't want anyone else to know.Nobody” she adds, agitated, pressing on the last word.

Copy that.

Rick doesn't have to know.

I shake my head from side to side trying to get rid of my amazement.

It's none of my business if Lori doesn't want to tell Rick and I will certainly keep my mouth shut.

“You have my total discretion, Lori" I reassure her by squeezing her upper arm.

She chews on her lower lip nervously as she looks around.

A light gasp from her makes me jump and following her gaze I notice Shane.

Standing on the porch, with his back resting against the white wooden planks, he is observing us.

He has his arms crossed over his chest and the sole of his right foot resting on the railing in front of him.

His haunted eyes follow every movement of the woman in my company.

Lori squirms under Shane's gaze and shivers.

“I have to go” she says quickly.

Without another word she walks towards the house, slowing down as she approaches it.

Lori and Shane exchange another long look until Rick comes to their right and catches their attention.

Lori jumps again and feigning indifference, badly I dare say, she corrects her trajectory by heading towards her husband.

Rick, unaware of that small exchange of glances between his wife and his best friend, passes his arm around her shoulder and kisses her temple and then heads together towards their tent.

I turn my attention back to Shane, studying his every move.

His large dark eyes are agitated, haunted as he chews on the inside of his cheeks.

His nostrils are flaring with anger.

I look down again at the note Lori handed me and at that moment something clicks in my brain.

The look between her and Andrea this morning when Beth mentioned Shane now takes on a whole new meaning.

Lori and Shane had an affair, probably when everyone thought Rick was dead.

Oh shit.

Oh man…I mean I'm nobody to judge but I honestly wouldn't want to be in Lori's shoes right now.

And I thought that my life was messed up.

The sound of footsteps violently trampling the ground sends a shiver down my spine.

I already know who it is before he says a word.

Putting on a relaxed expression, I lift my face to meet Shane's crazy gaze.

Without being noticed I put the note in the back pocket of my jeans.

The man gets dangerously close, invading my personal space.

He is so close that his smell stings my nostrils and makes me sick.

His eyes pierce mine, leaving me paralyzed.

I am aware that I am alone, at this moment of the morning everyone is already busy with their chores so there is no one who can help me.

I have to deal with him myself.

“Do you need something?”

I try to use a cheeky tone, as if I'm bored of him right now and not totally paralyzed by fear.

But Shane is smart.

Too smart.

He knows I might know something.

I tried to hide the tremor of my hands by digging them into the pockets of my jeans.

“I'm in a bit of a hurry Shane, if you don't mind?”

I try to dodge him but he steps in front of me with a threatening expression.

“Not a word, kid” he whispers to me, bringing his lips too close to my ear.

I can't help myself and a shiver runs through me.

Feeling satisfied with my reaction, the man walks away without saying a word.

I feel the sweat dripping down my back, soaking my shirt.

From now on I will have to sleep with one eye open.

Without wasting time I reach Glenn who, seeing my shocked face, gets out of the car and comes towards me.

I'm sure that my already naturally pale complexion is currently cadaverous.

“Are you okay, Summer?”

His agitated voice is an octave higher than usual.

I am fine?

No, absolutely no.

Shane is dangerous and I don't know if anyone else has noticed and they pretending nothing happened or if this son of a bitch is so good that he knows how to play his cards well and let everyone buy it.

Not receiving an answer, Glenn opens the passenger door and helps me get into the car, then gets on the other side and starts the engine driving away from the farm.

During the journey he does nothing but give me worried looks.

He knows that it would be useless to ask questions and that when I'm ready I'll talk.

I observe the landscape passing quickly outside the window, the sun high in the sky indicates that the first part of the morning has already flown by.

A couple of walkers wander undisturbed in the tall grass on the sides of the road.

I rest my forehead against the cold glass of the window and close my eyes.

I think of Daryl who could be anywhere right now and in my heart I really hope that he is okay and that he comes back safe and sound.

I feel the car slow down and when I open my eyes I can already see the outlines of the city buildings.

I dig my fingers into the flesh of my thighs.

The doubt consumes me but I can't do otherwise...

I promised Lori that I would keep her secret, this is true, but this was before Shane threatened me.

I can't ignore it and I have to tell someone, so that if something happens to me he doesn't go unpunished and above all he can no longer be a danger to the others.

Once we reach our destination, Glenn parks a little further away from the main road and turns off the engine.

When his hand is on the door handle I grab his knee forcefully, forcing him to turn towards me.

I feel my eyes fill with tears, a few drops escape my control and crash onto my thighs wrapped in the jeans.

I cannot believe it.

I thought I was done with this shit the moment I ran away from him but here I am.

Dealing with a fucking psychopath again.

Once again submissive to the will of another man.

But if I succeed the first time I can do it again, right?

This time there is a difference.

This time I'm not alone.

I have Glenn.

I have Carol.

I have Daryl.

And a lot of people I can call friends now.

The fingers of the man at my side wrap gently around mine, which still grip his knee.

“Summer, whatever it is, you know that you can trust me.Let me help you”

His plea tightens my heart.

Glenn, just like Daryl, is offering to help a complete stranger even if it means going against his own family.

I hate this idea but I need help now.

“Can you keep a secret, Glenn?”

Please comment, share and rate ❤️

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nanistar · 6 months

Note

What are the origins for Saltburn's clan? Did you generate the clans from a Clan-generator thing or did you think of everything your own, or some other thing?

everything on my own! i've always liked the desert, and after getting back from a particularly rough and disappointing trip to the mojave (i caught covid and then developed a tooth abscess 0/10 dont recommend) i wanted to set a MAP there. i had had a vaguely desert-themed sol map in mind for a few years but hadn't done anything with it, do i decided to work on it. i created a decent amount of concept art and lore for it before deciding that I don't really like hosting maps and wasn't really interested in following thru and putting in the effort. then i thought about creating some fanclans there, and before going to sleep i dm'd myself "mojave clans sunclan briskwater vulturepaw saltsomething" few days later made concept art for those three characters and decided to fully trash my sol map and repurpose it to these new clans. i had intended for vulturepaw to be the main focus but friends loved saltburn so much she won the popularity contest and i started focusing on her, made her a GF and the rest was history. and tbqh i don't know why i didn't think of mojave clans sooner. did a lot of research about the various mojave biomes n such. considered having the clans in Death Valley but decided against it, because that would lend itself to too hostile of an environment and i wanted to showcase the beauty of the desert (that being said, at this point in time im only sharing this with my friends and have no plans on making a comic) i wanted joshua trees, native only to the mojave, but i also wanted saguaro cactuses, and those are native to the sonoran desert n surrounding areas, which luckily touches the mojave, so they live in an imaginary valley where both those biomes meet.

the moonclan plotline came a bit later because i had the plains, the saguaro bloom, and the salt marshes, but wanted a fourth biome for a fourth weird adaption. ended up deciding that they lived in mineshafts, since in the OG sol map script, the tunnels under wind and thunderclan was going to be old mineshafts. then i decided they were nocturnal and would come out around the mountain at night, then i started thinking about how animals evolve in deep remote caves, and i thought that would be fucked up and cool, so i decided that they lived deep in the mines and never came out except for the healer. the lore wrote itself after that.

thennnnn a few weeks after a rewatch of the Fellowship of the ring with my roommate, i couldn't stop thinking about how badass that opening was, and i started imagining the opening prose to my mojave clans, and that became the pre-prologue, which i sketched out for funsies and ppl liked. and . well. genuinely had no plans other than the scraps of lore, only a handful of characters, and had never successfully kept up on a comic before but knew how i wanted to begin, and knew my major plot points and everything else has come to me as i work in the last year.

#nyask #all this to say i just randomly decided to start a comic and now it owns my life #i enjoy it though

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wayfayrr · 10 months

Note

I can picture wind being a pain in the butt to the school staff while gather kids to cause chaos because of getting bored from sitting in a chair for hours listening to the teacher rant about something and him of course not liking being talked down because of his age and so when he is taken detention he gets in a fight with the teacher which he wins of course and so reader is called to deal with him. Well yeah wind gets to see reader earlier now but reader is looking at him disappointed and tired. Reader gives him a trade offer that if he does good he gets more cuddles and attention from reader everyday and so wind quiets down and behaves more better altho does sleep in some classes because he is bored and so he is dreaming of him and reader having fun in his world with his grandma and sister like a family. In parent conferences I feel like there is a mini fight over who gets to go there help wind with pranks to get wind's side. When it comes to saving money legend sews up the clothes that owns that get ripped tho says it's for saving money but it's really to get close to reader and take some clothes that reader doesn't notice gone but it gets him butting heads with sage as the chain sees his lies but the chains knows he has dirt on them and that they are close. Wars gets thirsty comments from time to time but he always says their is already someone special to him as he talks about them in his videos at times which causes his fans to get the idea he's dating and so they call them lucky but he calls himself lucky. Twilight gets some of the old people from the farmers market to like him as he seems like those good old fellas and which when they see how he has a hand around reader's waist and seem so cuddly towards reader and so they think reader is his partner and when they notice there not married because of the lack of wedding rings, they ask when wedding is coming closing reader's chance to get away altho this does happen with the other open affectionate and possessive links (I'm talking about courage) they don't get as much praise and help to get their point as across other than sky and sage altho sage gets because he is the first and sky is sky. Reader notices how a lot of her stuff that has her scent goes missing but gives the ides its just them trying to find something familiar in this new world but later on reader fully realizes that they have a bunch of yanderes in their house and they want them but maybe they don't fight back because they aren't as strong as the chain even when they don't have magic altho they do have the high ground when running since this world is still new to them but that's the thing they can run but they can't hide and especially when they realize dink is after them too as running is just going to get more people hurt and hiding won't be good for long as the chain was able to get to them from another world, how is another county going to challenge them too harder pluse things are too personal and deep between reader and the links and we aren't going to get started with fierce.

Known as 👾 anon or numberonehere2008

It's great to see you 👾!!! and now I know why you're so good at coming up with ideas, I've seen some of the other blogs you've popped up on and everything is just sooooo good!!!! also the amount of stuff in this ask that's kinda similar to stuff irl is insane

fun fact the way you've described wind going to school is almost a match with my actual younger brother 🙃 (arguably he's even worse than you've described wind) so I am very used to dealing with someone who would rather rip a door off of its hinges than go to school ANSBXKSK but I'd like to think he at least tries for reader as to not upset them or exhaust them. also just promising wind a trip to the sea if it's possible if he gets a decent grade at school you know he'd be at the top of the class in an instant. The chain would most likely all take turns with reader to go for parents evening, but there's also the chance reader simply goes alone making things much more simple.

legend would be stitching up everyone's old clothes, and possibly even taking up embroidery. I can see him getting very upset if he saw that reader already had clothes they'd stitched up themselves however, and there'd be some mixed feelings there for him. what with wanting reader to have better things for themselves and loving the chance to show them how good he is at it. And definitely not getting the chance to mess up sage's clothes. Wars if he ended up live streaming would be pressured to bring reader in front of the camera by his fans but ultimately I think he'd be too selfish to want anyone who doesn't need to see them see them; making his fans ship them even more with how much he "respects their privacy".

also bold of you to assume Sage hasn't already gotten them rings!!! if he got the chance reader wouldn't be able to walk with the amount of jewelry he gives them, and that's not the only way he'd mark his territory, but if reader hadn't gotten a ring it would be a full blown arms race for the chain to get them one. Reader would also be very reluctant to push sage away since I reckon they've already been together for about a year before the chain show up, and are in a very good relationship at that!! so it'd be more likely that the chain push themselves away before driving a wedge in-between reader and sage. If the cursed links were there they'd be the worst for this!!! and they'd be pushing readers limits real quick, not that anything reader sees as bad happens but to them it's like their worlds are ending.

AKSNDN Sky is very much one of my favourites as well, he and sage could have my whole heart within an instant if they asked 💖💖

as for going abroad? the chain could get to reader with magic. if they didn't have that it'd be a lot harder to get them, what with passports and airport security on top of border controls so unless they didn't lose all of their magic then they've got as much of a chance as anyone else. But unless the chain did something very concerning as a yandere or got caught at least I think reader could excuse it as stress or a different culture, I mean they're already writing off a lot of sage's attraction due to that. although it's not impossible for them to realise how deep it goes, it might just take a while for them to see how bad it is.

#fun fact I got this ask on the way to the airport!#I might be a bit slow with answering things the next week cause im going away though 😭#linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe x reader #househusband sage #moss✦answers #👾 anon #numberonehere2008

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one-coming-is-enough · 5 months

Note

I wanna hear about your beef with Mr. Claus, if you don't mind.

I've been sleeping on this ask for a minute, and it's time, honestly. I've had such a busy holiday season already, it's crazy! I mean, this year in addition to all the zombies, I'm trying to get through the training videos for taking over Hell, and they're meandering, awkward, and full of incoherent jargon. It's just a lot!

But the 6th was St. Nicholas's Day, and tonight it's Hanukkah, so I should definitely answer this one.

St. Nicholas is a decent guy, if a little stiff-necked. His thing is giving dowries to poor women so they don't have to go into sex work. And also bringing poor children back to life after they're sold for stew meat.

(Also, he was the one who proposed at the Council of Nicea that Easter be celebrated on the first full moon after the spring equinox, which tied it to the solar calendar instead of the lunar calendar. Granted, this was to reduce the Jewish influence on the religion, but it also made it easier for Me to celebrate Passover, and I really like Passover.)

So St. Nicholas Day ends up being a day where, instead of finding the nearest whore and offering to fund her marriage (sex work is work), you give money and presents to children. You can see the connection, yeah? Make sure kids have what they need growing up and they won't go hoing to make ends meet. Or have to be made into stew.

Meanwhile, we have this spirit over in the East called Ded Moroz, or Grandpa Frost. He's just, like, an old guy who freezes stuff. He'll take your kids if they wander out in the cold like you told the little bastards not to do.

And because of cultural drift, the duties of Ded Moroz get shifted over to Odin, another dude from the East. Originated somewhere between the steppes of Mongolia and Turkey, as far as anyone knows, finally made his way to Sweden and even the British Isles. Odin is now the Yulefather, the freezer of water and collector of the dead in the dying part of the year. Makes sense, because He's a wind god, since air is the element connected with Spirit at this time. (This is true for Hebrew and Latin, too! Pneuma and ru'ach.)

Well, the church doesn't like that Ded Moroz is a spooky guy who takes souls, decides he's a demon. But people like their Ded Moroz a lot. So now, instead of being a demon who takes souls, he's... Well, who do we have that's also from the East, Turkey specifically, and who is associated with giving or taking something, especially regarding children?

We have St. Nicholas! Who gives children presents instead of taking their souls, and coincidentally can calm the storm (of wind) that so often takes the souls of those lost outside in the cold. And his holiday is just under 20 days before Yule Xmas it's Christmas now. (Or, Yuletide. You know, whatever. Sheol is Hades now, who gives a shit.)

So it all gets kinda muddled up. Odin, St. Nick, Ded Moroz. Father Frost, Father Solstice, Father Christmas.

Well, I'm hanging out in the Holy Roman Empire, and I hear about this guy known as Sinterklaas. I think it's my old buddy and trusted employee Nicholas of Myra, who as far as I know has been buying, freeing, and funding the education and/or startups of slaves for as long as that's been possible. (He has six to eight African guys he ended up hiring on as assistants.) And I hear he's giving out not just coins and oranges, which prevent scurvy, but also toys and candy. And Nicholas of Myra is a good man, but he had zero sense of humor or fun and would never give a kid candy ("it rots your teeth, at least have an orange").

So I track down this Klaus, whom the kids also call Kris Kringle. I hear the kids have been doing all sorts of weird rituals to him, like the Spanish Yule log that shits candy, or the little pooping guy they hide in the Nativity scene (also Spanish, now that I think about it. What the fuck did the Inquisition do to people's brains over there?). And that he has a creepy BDSM goat called the Krampus for an assistant, who's in charge of dealing out the punishment to bad kids (that one's German and I thought it was just, like, the nation's id or something).

And he's smol. I mean, this guy is fucking Thumbelina sized. Roughly round, jolly as fuck, red fur trimmed in white, pointy toque beanie to match, and a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer. Telltale pointed ears. Sparkling all over like they do.

Eight transmuted beings. Sleipnir (Dasher), Shiva and Baal Marquad (Dancer, Prancer), a kitsune (Vixen), a fallen star (Comet), Eros Himself (Cupid), and Thunder and Lightning -- Thor and Loki. Donner and Blitzen.

It's an entire Neil Gaiman novella of folks who've, I dunno, lost some kind of bet to him.

Okay. So he's one of The Neighbors. Gotta be careful.

I greet him like he's my old buddy Nicholas. I ask him how the soul collection is going and ask to see his inventory. He demurs, but I remind him that I'm his boss and they'll all come to Me eventually anyway. I just want to see if I think he ought to put any back. Oh, and can I just scan your company badge so I can establish that you made your check-in?

Well, I'm bluffing really hard, but he doesn't know that. He says he lost it. I tell him I'll wait with the souls until he gets back -- actually, whoa, looks like he's got a full load there. I'll take them in Myself.

That's when he laughs and says, "Well, Jesus, looks like You caught Me fair and square tonight. But how's about you and I make a deal? I'll spread Your Word and tell children to be good. And I will tell them to give to others all year round, because that's the spirit of Christmas. If they are good all year round, doing what their parents say, I will give them presents. If they are not good all year round -- which is to say, they don't do what their parents tell them to earn Christmas presents -- I will not give them presents. Fair?"

Note the wording carefully. Note where there's an and, and where there's not an and.

This works for a while. And then this song comes out.

Something seems wrong if kids are getting Santa presents according to the wealth of their parents, not their goodness over the year.

Then I find out that the primary metric by which Santa distributes presents is no longer behavior, but belief.

Not in Me.

In SANTA CLAUS.

I storm into his North Pole office yelling idolatry and he's got a fucking elven lawyer underlining shit. He didn't convert. He only promised to encourage charity. He didn't promise presents for charity, it's just for kids doing what their parents say they need to in order to get gifts, and right now that's belief in him.

I'm fucking steamed and he points out that I do exactly the same thing. Instead of doing good works or seeing the Divine in others regardless of social status or even fighting for equality here on Earth, Heaven has gotten twisted around to the point where believing in Me alone -- not what I stand for, which at this point can be nearly anything, but just the idea that I existed and did the Thing -- is considered sufficient acceptance criteria.

And I can't argue with that but I hate it. I hate that it's come to that. I hate what My section of Heaven looks like these days. I personally have been pleading for them to enact stringent, clearer, and above all objective metrics of entry, but I'm outnumbered in My own 5D connected consciousness in that opinion!!!

So. Fuck that guy. I'd literally rather you just worship Odin for Yule flat-out than fuck with Santa Claus, because at least He has solid advice for living and a comprehensive afterlife system.

I don't know what Santa Claus is doing with all that belief except get bigger, and it really scares Me.

#good omens rp #santa claus #christmas

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angel-eyes05 · 1 year

Text

i remember his hands - preview

PAIRING: kang the conqueror x fem!reader

SUMMARY: after a scientific experiment goes horribly wrong, you've been transported to the quantum realm and have been stuck there for the past decade. with no company, aside from janet van dyne, your life changes forever when a mysterious man in a golden ship crash lands next to your settlement. startled with his initial presence, you two have a rocky start. but as time goes on, you two find each other slowly drawn to one another. you have secrets though, and he has a past he refuses to bring up. can you two make it through navigating an unknown world together, discovering any ulterior motives, and stand the test of time in a place where time has no meaning at all?

INFO: slow romantic burn, pretty fast sexual burn, kinda enemies to lovers????, takes place during that little flashback janet has during quantumania, idk how accurate this is gonna be to canon stuff cause i get very confused about the quantum realm lol, reader is in mid to late 20s while kang is in his “early 30s” (ik he like technically doesn't age or whatever idk the lore but i just made it accurate to jonathan majors age and wanted to give an accurate age range/gap/count), y/k is very fleshed out like i give her everything lol

WARNING: implied su!c!dal thoughts

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 570

NOTES: hi there!!!! did i make an account just so i could post this? yes, yes i did, and what about it. I was looking for quantumania!kang fics and turns out, theres like 3-4!! so i was like, hey why not. please don't judge my writing cause this is the first fic i’ve written…like ever lol. also, please suspend your disbelief for this, like don’t question why they have working appliances or whatever or that i made up names for the monsters or something, cause 1) idk how to explain that stuff and 2) that's not the main focus sooooo yeah. but, nonetheless, i hope you guys enjoy, if anyone even reads this at all even though this is mainly for my sake lol.

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It’s been ten years. Ten years since it all went wrong and you landed in this wretched place. Ten years since you’ve had a decent meal and been able to sleep soundly without having to worry about the creatures of the quantum realm getting you in the night. It got slightly better around seven years ago when you found Janet Van Dyne, someone who had experience in navigating this strange world. About 30 years of experience in fact. The thought of you being down here for that long made you nauseous.

Every day was the same. Wake up, check the settlement perimeter, help Janet with breakfast, hunt surrounding mites, occasionally go into town to trade for parts, eat dinner, then go to bed. Thank god Janet was there or else you might’ve gone insane by now. All this repetition was not your style at all.

You missed life up above. You missed going out with your friends. You missed running into people at the grocery store you haven’t seen since elementary school. You missed your yearly trip to New York during Christmas and seeing everything so festive. It sounds pretentious but it was the truth.

But what you missed most of all was San Francisco. It sounds stupid but you loved it there more than anything. You loved how the flowers would bloom during the springtime. You missed feeling the wind through your hair, as aggressive as it would be at times. You missed going to the beaches. Being in the cool water, feeling the sand in between your fingers and toes, being kissed by the sun. God, you missed the sun. Everything was so dark down here. So…hopeless. Thank god Janet was there or you might’ve…

There wasn’t any point in thinking like that anymore. You had accepted life the way it was. It wasn’t like you had a solid plan for making it back home anyways. As much as you did miss it, it wasn’t like the power of hope, love, and friendship would make a quantum tunnel appear out of thin air. Even if you could find someone selling the necessary pieces to power the tunnel, they would probably be listing it at way too high of a price for you to apprehend it. So for now, and probably for the rest of your life (however long of that left you had, time was strange down here), all the good you can do is try to protect yourself, keep Janet company, and stare at the stars, or whatever you wanted to call them.

That's exactly what you decided to do before heading off to bed. After checking the surroundings of the settlement for mites, you sat next to the closest thing you could call a creek and just stared up at the engulfing darkness. The tranquility this activity brought you allowed you to sleep soundlessly, without an unknown creature coming out of the shadows to attack you. While staring up at the twinkling lights, you see one of them in the distance that appears to be moving closer to you. As it gets closer, you can make it out as a circular, golden ship. It crash lands about 300 feet away, causing the earth around you to shake. Curiosity takes over you as you decide to start heading over to the crash sight, unaware about how much the repetition of your life you always complained about was about to dissolve.

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NEXT PART

A/N: hiiiiii, so that was the quick little preview, i hope you liked it. i’m gonna be honest im very nervous about posting this lol 😭. but i hope you enjoyed it. chapter 1 should come out shortly after i post this so i hope you’ll stick around for the rest of the series!!!

#i remember his hands #kang the conqueror #kang x reader #kang the conqueror x reader #marvel mcu #mcu fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #mcu phase 5 #quantumania #ant man #fem!reader

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foibles-fables · 1 year

Note

hehe hehe. 14. cara/kahlan, please

hello please have this it is very unpolished, i made myself write it in one sitting PLEASE EVERYONE CLAP. Post-"Perdition."

14. “I don’t think I should leave you alone right now.”

It's a hard world. Leo Dane's body burns on its pyre.

Cara takes a triple watch that night. The wizard didn't argue, but--of course--Richard had. Fought slumber as valiantly and stubbornly as he should be fighting the Keeper. But the exhaustion of perdition's magic won--he's sleeping like an infant, curled in on himself and breathing deep as a man saved from drowning.

She doesn't try to argue with Kahlan. Not anymore. To do so feels like a risk--of words, of intent. A risk of not meaning what she says. Or, worse: of meaning it too much. Last watch will be hers. Cara pretends it doesn't bother her. Inside, she boils.

They keep the night-fire to a pile of seething embers. Cara lets them sear her vision and then blinks up towards the star-swirled sky, concentrating on the coruscating afterimage. Tries (and fails) not to think about the day's loss. Of who she chose to shield (Nicci's dacra, halted in midair, the sound of Cara's own blood rushing in her ears), and who she did not (Leo, set alight, also for Kahlan).

Behind her shout of his name, there was a sick wash of relief. She'll never utter that aloud. (None of them will ever ask.)

Because Cara meant what she had said over his body moments before Kahlan let the torch fall. I do care about you. But she is learning that care is a complicated thing, one with knotted twists and sharp teeth.

Leo was a good man, a brave man. Aggravating, at times, but not enough to earn a punch to the throat. Witty enough to make her laugh and keen enough to pay attention. A decent enough fuck to distract her from what she really craves.

Maybe, if he had lived--maybe he would have stayed with them. Maybe there would've been more flowers, more sheltering from the rain. Something for Cara to bury herself in until she would stop dreaming of Kahlan touching her in the night. Something she could have when she can't have what she wants. Something that could somehow want her in return.

Smoke and ashes. A good man is dead, taken by the wind. Another reason for them (for Kahlan) to try to peer under her armor, to not like what they find there. The world is hard and care is relative. And Cara is just glad that Kahlan was the one who lit the pyre, not the one who burned.

Clenching her jaw, Cara prods at the embers. The stir of hungry light casts itself over Kahlan: awake, approaching. The blue of her eyes flares crystal in the low glow--those eyes that were made to pry into the truth of all things, trained steadily on Cara. Kahlan's gaze makes her want to hide. Kahlan's gaze makes her want to be devoured.

"It's not your watch yet," Cara points out when Kahlan sits beside her, close but not close enough. Her voice comes out on an edge, sharp but thick and husked.

Go back to Richard, she doesn't say.

Kahlan doesn't take the hint. "It's alright. I'm awake."

"Don't tell me to get some rest."

Kahlan smiles at her, all soft shadows. Cara finds her heart in her throat.

"Don't worry. I know better than that," Kahlan says. The smile changes into something else, then--not in shape, but in weight. "I just--I don't think I should leave you alone right now."

Cara doesn't try to argue with Kahlan. Not anymore.

The space between them is alight. Kahlan breathes, Cara sears. The world becomes a little bit harder still.

#i didn't edit this have fun lmao YEET #i miss them #i'm sorry about leo and his eyebrows #legend of the seeker #cara x kahlan #cara mason #kahlan amnell #foibles_fables

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sebastianwallows · 1 year

Text

A Strange Christmas

NOTE: This is a gift for @cainbutnotabel as a part of @startrekkingaroundasgard Marvel Gift Exchange!

Dr. Stephen Strange x Male/Masc reader featuring the prompt "There's only one bed here."

I hope you enjoy this! If you want me to add on to it as well I totally can, I just felt like it was so long already that I didn't want it to be boring. T_T I chose Stephen Strange because imo there's never enough Dr. Strange fanfiction out there. <3 "Stephen. I really don't think we can finish this hike right now." I was panting and hugging myself with frozen fingers at the same time. We were trying to reach a secret location at the top of this mountain, but he seemed to forget not everybody can wield magic to keep them from becoming a popsicle.

He stopped abruptly and turned around to really take in the sight of me. There he was with soft snowflakes landing on his dark hair for just a few seconds before they melted and there I was; shivering, sweating, and completely flushed from the wind on my cheeks.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Fine, we'll stop at the safehouse we talked about. It's only going to be worse up here tomorrow though.

My face lit up as much as it could with stiffened cheeks before I scurried past him, now motivated to get to the warmth of the cabin. I knew Stephen needed to find the artifact up here as quick as possible. I also knew that he would have much rather had Natasha or Clint toughing this out, but I was the only non-super, non-magical person available at the compound. Apparently only run-of-the mill humans could touch this thing and even though I could kick some ass when I needed to, I pretty much fit that bill.

The safe house was close by, even if it wasn't immediately visible with all the snow. Part of me felt bad about stopping, but the other part, the part that knew nobody else was actually after this thing right now; that part was just excited to spend the night with Stephen. At that thought I felt heat come to my cheeks for a different reason.

After a bit longer of stumbling around and squinting, trying to remember the landmarks we were told about, I finally saw it. I rushed to the door and tried to open it, my face falling when it didn't.

I could feel Stephen come up behind me as his tall frame shielded me from the wind. He place one hand on me shoulder and the other he waved around, uttering some words before the door to unlock it.

I practically ran through the door as the tension from his touch came rushing out of me. I had admired him from a reasonable distance for a while, but his aura was intimidating. Of course he was a beautiful man. I knew he was insanely smart. His dedication and mastery of magic was really something that left me in awe and left me all the more interested in him.

I was shocked he even initiated that much close contact with me. He was always distant with most people, but it seemed a lot less so with me.

I could feel his gaze burning into the back of my head as I started to shed some of my layers. I knew my reaction probably threw him off a bit.

When I turned to face him he cocked an eyebrow at me. He was gracefully uncuffing his sleeves, hanging up his faithful cloak, his eyes drifting between me and the space in front of me.

"There's only one bed in here."

I blinked a few times, turning back around. I looked about the cabin and walked over to the 2 other doors in the place. All I found was a dusty closet and surprisingly decent washroom for a cabin in the middle of the mountains.

"Oh." My hand faltered as I went to close the bathroom door. "I, uh," looking around the cabin it was a pretty small space, but there was a sofa I laid my eyes on," I have no problem sleeping on that thing. I'm pretty beat anyways. As soon as I get warm I'll probably pass out."

Stephen chuckled a little bit and shook his head, "Nonsense. You need the rest more than I do, Cain. The bed is plenty big; since it's you that's here I don't mind sharing."

That statement really took me off guard and made me curious as to what he really thought of me. I took a seat on the bed, kicking my shoes off. He had continued to remove his shoes as well from where he stood near the door and coat rack, just carrying on as if he hadn't just said that.

I cleared my throat before choking out the word thanks. How do I even let my guard down enough to sleep in the same bed as him? And while trying my best to play it cool?

I decided to go take a shower to calm down and heat up. I was once again impressed the water actually got warm enough to make the room all steamy, of course I had no idea how long I had been in there.

I left the room, still gently rubbing some water out of my hair before I noticed Stephen all cozied up. It made me laugh a little bit to myself; I know he is just a guy at the end of the day, but nobody ever sees him in the mode. It made me feel special that he let his guard down enough for this.

He was tucked under the blankets fairly neatly, hands folded behind his head where I could see the entirety of his biceps and forearm. I climbed into the blankets, a little dizzy from being able to check him out so up close.

I could see tiny little dots of scars up his arms from his original accident. I could see the muscle tone and veins along his arm from where he continued to work so hard to keep his body in good condition.

I had to blink a few times to clear my thoughts when I finally realized he was try to talk to me.

He laughed when I looked up at him, a knowing smile on his face, "Did you want me to wear more to bed? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I -"

I shook my head and cut him off yelling the word no a bit too loudly. Is he actually flirting with me? Suddenly it almost felt too warm in the blankets, but there was no way I was going to be getting out of them.

He propped himself up on one elbow to get a better look at me before he spoke up, pointing towards the ceiling above us, " Well, I was going to go ahead and get the lights, but I think we should probably deal with that first."

I follow his finger upwards and my mouth fell open. There was a sprig of mistletoe hanging on the ceiling. And when I say hanging, I really mean that it seemed like it had just magically sprouted from the ceiling and felt like the walls were closing in on me.

"Stephen, did you...?" At my hesitant tone I could see that he was was a little worried he had come on too strong. I couldn't stand to see his face fall and I was very interested in what he was suggesting.

I reached out instinctively, putting my hand on his shoulder, "No, I - I want to follow through. I mean I want to do what the mistletoe tells us to do. I mean I'm - "

Before I even had time to stutter my into looking any dumber he leaned into me before hovering his lips above my forehead. "Is this where you want the kiss?"

I felt like my heart was going to stop at any minute. I couldn't believe how close he was. I took a leap of faith and reached my around around his side to nestle my body closer into his.

"Lower?" I adjusted myself to where I could peer into his heavy eyes and see his parted lips. I leaned in with just enough separation to speak. "Maybe on my lips?"

The air between us was thick and when he leaned in to kiss me it felt electric. Our legs tangled together beneath the blankets as we both got excited for more than just a peck under the mistletoe.

#doctor strange #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange #stephen strange x reader #marvel fanfiction #dr strange fanfiction #doctor strange x male!reader

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 8 months

Text

I'm always the one that's called a Negative Nancy who has to imagine problems for us, but I'm also always the one who ends up being right. I'm NOT a pessimist. I am a realist with too much life experience to view the world in any other way than what it is.

I told Dave at the last motel that we cannot bring too much stuff into the room because it'll be hell to clean up after. It'll be a bitch to move all that shit once we're eventually kicked out. Well, we got told 3 days before we had to leave, that we had to go, and he conveniently couldn't manage to help me or Bethy in moving shit, and then conveniently wasn't there the day the whole drama went down with the van losing all gas, the battery dying, and then the place we paid to move to, telling us we couldn't stay cuz they claimed Dave stole pillows when we stayed there a year ago.

We get to this place by pure fortune cuz of Bethy's brother's generosity, and Bethy and I move the necessities up 3 floors by ourselves. He finally comes along and insists on bringing even more shit into the room. Bring more stuff in again and again.

After almost a month, he throws a tantrum over the water pressure in the shower and demands to be moved to a better room, only to get a much smaller room for the same price, with worse AC, worse water pressure, no hot water, a TV too far away from the only chair he has access to, and the beds even smaller than the others. And he STILL kept bringing more stuff inside the room when I told him we don't need even more stuff here. Stop bringing in plastics. Stop bringing in more clothes. He's been talking about getting the roasting pan up here(despite how we never have meat to put in it). Don't bring up the air fryer or the coffee pot. They aren't allowed anyway since there are no sprinklers or fire alarms in this place.

But NOOOOOOO, he couldn't be bothered to listen to me.

So here we are.

We get a call from the front desk. We took too long to get to it so we don't know what it was for. I was trying to sleep, and something told me I should probably get up, but I've been so sick as of late that I'm exhausted all the time for no good reason.

A few minutes later, a bunch of guys knock on the door. Dave left this room absolutely filled with shit this morning. Not only is there too much stuff, but he just tosses things wherever the hell he wants with no care as to how it impedes us(and mom, who is disabled). They say they need to check the AC cuz it's old af. I sleep in front of the AC on the floor. I have to move so much shit all over the room in record time so they can have room to do whatever. Including garbage cuz 4 ppl really make a lot of garbage in little time, and Bethy is at school now so it's just me who is of able body to do anything.

The room looks like a damn mess. It's all Dave's shit and mostly his garbage on the other side of the room. All stuff he brought in and couldn't even put in an orderly fashion. So they come in, look around and remove the front of the AC, make notes, say a bunch of stuff in a language I can't understand or even place, and then leave. IDK if they plan to come back, but I cleaned up what I could as quickly as I could anyway.

I'm winded, my throat is killing me, and I'm still fucking sick. I should not have to spend my day cleaning up after Dave's messes so suddenly.

So anyway, mom and I are preparing for bad news about not being able to stay here cuz the state of this room was not up to par. We handle our own garbage just fine. We keep our side of the room pretty decently set imo. Why can't Dave be bothered to do the same? He's always forcing Bethy to do shit as if she's the only other person here and he doesn't eat, sleep, and shit like the rest of us.

I really wish it could be as simple as kicking his ass out, but in situations like ours, it just isn't viable. And it sucks.

#stuff

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janiedean · 3 months

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hiii I hope you're doing well! I have a question for you since I'm getting into Bon Jovi: which albums would you recommend the most?

HELLO HELLO HELLO and I hope you're doing well too! I'm... trudging on let's put it like that but it could be worse T_T thank you though T_T

that saif FIRST OF ALL CONGRATS ON GETTING INTO THE BEST BAND IN THE WORLD I ACCEPT NO OTHER OPINION, for the rest I'mma just rank you everything, top three is imvho THE ONES YOU *NEED* TO HAVE DON'T PASS FROM GO DON'T COLLECT THE TWENTY DOLLARS, top five is top five from the rest on it's my personal opinion and I already warn I have an absolute hot take opinion wrt what's not in top three but anyway if you end up liking them in general no album is lost uwu, after top five I'm rating the others without doing the chart

SO WITH NO FURTHER ADO

THESE DAYS: 10000000/10 BEST ALBUM EVER IN EXISTENCE SURELY BEST BON JOVI ALBUM TOPS I ACCEPT NO OTHER OPINION no okay in existence is obviously my opinion but: imvho 90s bj were the peakest peak and these days is a masterpiece - best lyrics they ever put out, best music, best everything, these days the song is my single favorite song in existence, I haven't ever played a record as much in my entire life, there isn't ONE single song that doesn't work and jbj was at his peak vocally too and the fact that most ppl never heard my guitar lies bleeding in my arms and think bj is basic cheap stuff haunts me at night

keep the faith: 10/10 second best, as stated 90s bon jovi were the peak and this one would be my fave if these days didn't exist but like this one also has no song I don't know at molecular level, has a bunch of bangers, has bed of roses aka best ballad ever bye I'm a bed of roses truther and most of all it has dry county which is the other song I am haunted at night by not being general knowledge by the general public and it's a complete masterpiece 10 minutes of perfection but like it's all bangers and half of them are so fun also i want you most underrated ballad ever

new jersey: 10/10 best record bon jovi put out in the 80s and I'll die on this hill (yes my hot take is that slippery when wet has nothing on new jersey come at me idc) it shows that they have the best range, homebound train/wild is the wind are underrated gems, living in sin has the best vocals, bad medicine is the banger to end all bangers, born to be my baby is <333 and I'm also a stick to your guns truther even if no one remembers it exists but like new jersey is just so FUN I love it okay (so like THESE are the three bj records I think everyone should have but I'm also a crossroads advocate in the sense that it was a very decent best of until 1994 and it has someday I'll be saturday night which is one of my top five bj songs overall and I mean... I'm a 'demo always is better than released always' truther but I mean IT'S ALWAYS but it's not an ALBUM so we're gonna move over to...)

crush: 9.5/10 YES I PUT CRUSH ABOVE SLIPPERY WHEN WET THAT'S MY HOT TAKE BUT: it was my first bon jovi record ever, I think it's tbf the best they put out in the 2000s, it's my life is what hooked me for life and it's also like a very good album in the first place, it has the ballads, it has the bangers, it has the quality, there's no fillers and I'mma still say save the world is the best ballad they put out since 2000 onwards but like next 100 years has great guitar, I <3 two story town too not counting the beginning three which HELLO ALL BANGERS so yeah I'mma go with crush

slippery when wet: 9/10 okay tldr slippery is a GREAT record it has basically ALL bangers and there's absolutely nothing bad I can say about it and it's the best of their hair metal phase but like I've heard the hits so many times I can sing you livin on a prayer in my sleep and the ones I like best are the three that weren't singles also i prefer the lyrics in the post slippery records in general but yeah it's top five

for the rest, in order:

self-titled debut from 1984: I mean I'd give it a fair 6/10, runaway is a banger and I love shot through the heart but it's hair metal to the core and it's basically all around (1) hit so not what I'd start from if you're listening to them in 2024

7800 degrees fahrenheit: 6/10 too, it's an okay record but again if you're into hair metal you'll prob enjoy it if you're not it's fun but tbf slippery when wet was a complete jump of quality

bounce: I think ppl sorta evaluated it negatively since it came out for idk what reason and idk I think it was when people started being like EH THEY'RE CHEESY THEY SUCK but it had some very strong pieces when it came to slamming you with good solos, the ballads had admittedly cheesy lyrics but I'm a sap and love me back to life/open all night never fail to hit with me, the distance and right side of wrong were splendid and admittedly postcards from the wasteland which was imvho the best one was a bonus track so IDEK WHAT THEY WERE THINKING but for me it was a solid 7.5/10

have a nice day: absolute banger of a record 8/10 idc, who says you can't go home best banger, i am best ballad I've cried over that song an embarrassingly amount of times, the title track was GREAT, last man standing same and tbf the only thing I don't like about this record is that they never did the who says you can't go home duet song with keith urban because man I'd have paid to hear that

lost highway: I have no idea how ppl feel about this record but as a person who loves country music to a ridiculous degree bon jovi doing a country record was a total joy for me and I'mma 8/10 it because it's great it's fun the title track is honestly a joy to listen to and fine cheesy lyrics but who gaf it's part of the fun

the circle: honestly a solid record, 7/10 because I liked bounce better back in the day but it holds on, has bangers, the cheese is on point (idc superman tonight is how you do cheesy songs), not 90s level but pretty good

what about now: this one is 50/50 like the good (because we can, the fighter and amen at least) is excellent and the meh is not their best and as usual the best stuff is in the bonus songs but like tbf you could feel the sambora split was incoming, I'mma rate it 6.5 because I'd casually listen to it more than the first two but of all the post 80 ones where sambora was in it's arguably the worst

burning bridges: I mean it's not a full on album because it's all previously unpublished tracks they did to finish the contract with the previous label so it's like not exactly coherent but admittedly the tracks are all pretty good, we don't run was a banger but all of the others were p okay and admittedly burning bridges-the-song is a level of spite that should be rated 10/10 just for that, but like overall it's a 7, nice but not fundamental

this house is not for sale: listen if ppl thought they were done without sambora they were wrong and I'mma 7.5/10 this because it's solid, has very nice songs, tbf it's a breath of fresh air wrt sound and I think the latter half like songs 8-12 is like REALLY really good no filler no mood going down def very nice

bon jovi 2020: idk why people didn't go OMG WHAT on this record but like....... 8/10 absolutely great FINALLY they went back to the more socially aware these-days-time lyrics except even more, FINALLY they went back to 5+ minutes songs and it only suffers that limitless was like the first single and it's the only meh song imvho but american reckoning is TRULY something, blood in the water and unbroken are wow, do what you can was the song I needed in covid times, lower the flag was like REALLY good anyone who's like THESE PPL ARE SO GUNG HO AMERICA hasn't heard that probably and like I thought it was really good def the best lyrically since these days and in general since have a nice day

that's for regular albums now for the extra that you get just when you're graduated to I AM A BON JOVI AFICIONADO AND I WANT EVERYTHING:

100.000.000 bon jovi fasn can't be wrong is like... 4 records of b-sides and each of them is on new jersey level singularly for me so take it as you will but if you're a thorough person it's 10000/10 XD

this left feels right is alternative arrangements, some are very good some are whatever but the slow blues version of you give love a bad name was a win

one wild night live is a p decent live record tho if you want the best just get the live from london 1995 dvd with ALL the songs not just the first one they put out because that one is like mindblowingly good

also sorry i'm really being verbose but when I discuss bon jovi I'm what I am so.. SOLO RECORDS SMALL SIDES:

blaze of glory aka jbj's first solo record: listen the movie it was made for (young guns ii?) was forgettable and a soundtrack for a movie that bad had no right being this good but honestly it's a goddamned masterpiece, the songs are all amazing and every time i listen to santa fe/justice in the barrel one after the other I'm just like WHY DID YOU STICK THESE SONGS IN A SOLO RECORD FOR THAT MOVIE MAN anyway 9/10 I love blaze of glory

destination anywhere aka jbj's second solo record: my friends my romans my countrymen my nickname has been janiesomething since I was 12 because of a song on that record so like... you know XD but it's just really really good, it has VERY nice lyrics, no cheese anywhere, the sound itself is really refined imvho and I'mma 9.5/10 it idc I absolutely wholly recommend jbj's solo records they're both great

stranger in this town aka richie sambora's first solo record: excellent if you're into blues music also has some really great songs (ballad of youth in my heart) and a great wind cries mary cover song but like it's admittedly really good 8/10

undiscovered soul aka richie sambora's second solo: less hard than the previous but still has quite the bangers, I really enjoyed it, has some p. nice ballads (some ARE cheesy but it's good cheese so) and idk I got it when I was 13 and I listened to it an entire summer I have very nice memories tied to it I'd 8/10 it too

I can't say shit abt to the third because I pre-ordered it before he quit bon jovi, I received it A YEAR AND A HALF LATER after he quit bj so I was pissed at him and listened to it once so sorry can't recommend or not XD

... tldr: these days/keep the faith/new jersey/crush/slippery + crossroads for basics and if you want to have just the best and what I'd personally recommend getting if you want to just start, the rest is rated if you want more XD

#bon jovi #eh tagging it why not #moi-ennepe #ask post #sorry for how long this is i'm ranting #god hello i'm still around i'll manage to answer things promptly these days

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kagrena · 1 year

Text

(CW: direct references to in-universe slavery)

-------

From the diary of Knocks-on-Wood, Caravan Drover to Vyra Demnevanni: Midnight. 20th, First Seed. 1E 655. Trade Job: Seventy-Two. Route: Tel Enora -> Kemel-Ze. Progress: 34km. Wind: North-West, 309°. Weather: light ash. Lunch: Jellied nix-eels and mushroom assortment (Kemel-Ze style), with shalk egg. Progress Report: Conditions calm. No sickness. Decent spirits amongst the crew – all gotten paid on time. Caravan made good progress despite ash. Cargo all accounted for. Vyra did not yell at Drels, or any of the crew today. Ahead of schedule for once. [Scrawled in the margin: She's not as green as she was once. Almost competent now.] Miscellaneous Notes: Breakthrough. Finally, Vyra's talking again.

Had thought I'd fucked it thoroughly. Vyra, being Vyra, the former pride of Kemel-Ze, hadn’t even given me a sideways glance for weeks since she found out.

[Scrawled in the margin: Can't blame her much. What kind of fucked excuse for a father does she have, employing some schmuck to spy on his favourite bastard?]

Had expected I’d have to talk sense into her, but she approached me first. Sat with me at the start of the night watch. I'd told her to get some shut-eye. It would be her turn in four hours, she needed all the sleep she could get.

“You’re on Sydras Demnevanni’s payroll,” she had said in response. First words to me in weeks.

Told her then, bluntly, that she wouldn’t like what she was going to hear.

“This isn’t about what I’d like, Knox—” [Scrawled up in the corner of the page: But she’d end up getting her way in the end, wouldn’t she?] “—You've been on Sydras' payroll. Since the beginning.”

“Vyra,” I’d told her. “Don’t.”

“Don’t you fucking ‘don’t’ me, Knox. You owe me some fucking answers.”

[Scrawled in the margin: Don’t owe her anything asides from what’s on the dotted line.]

“Demnevanni,” she continued. "Does he know about the Tel Mora shitshow from last year?”

Put my head in my hands. [She's like a battering ram when she gets riled up.]

“Answer the question, Knox. Does he know what really happened up en route from Tel Mora? What really happened with that job? Does he or doesn’t he?”

“Vyra, I'm his damned spy, you know the answer—”

“Don’t fuck with me. Does he know about that job? Does he know about Trade Job Fifty-Nine?”

[Should have lied. Should have just fucking lied.]

“No.” It came out so quiet. You could barely hear. “No, Vyra, he doesn’t.”

And she hadn’t expected that. She’d stepped backwards. She looked at me like I was something new.

“You didn't... so does he also know, then, that I now know—?”

“No, Vyra. He also doesn’t know that you now know about…”

“The fact you’re spying on me. That I know you have been spying on me for years. He truly doesn't know? I-- Why?”

Couldn’t bring myself to squeeze out a lie to that one. Couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Vyra might be a half-dwarf heretic who hadn't tried to even like the chimer she now lived among, having left her brass castle, and still, couldn't think of anyone except her damn self – [Scrawled in the margin: Who are you trying to kid, Knox?] – but she'd been wronged, well enough. And when you travel with someone for years, you also learn their tells. And Vyra – she saw straight through mine.

“So… what, Knox, you don't care? You don't fucking care?”

That, I just shrugged. What was left to say?

"I don't. I don't actually give a damn about Sydras Demnevanni."

And that was when she laughed – threw back her head and cackled. Laughed like the whole world had gone mad except her, echoed through the crags.

[Scrawled in the margin: Girl's fucked in the head.]

[Scrawled in the margin, directly underneath: No more than you, Knox.]

“Fuck me, Knox,” she’d told me. “I'd spent the past hundred days wondering if you were somehow loyal to him.”

“Loyal to Demnevanni?”

What had he ever done to deserve loyalty? That old wizard-lord wouldn't dare stand within five feet of a guar, not for his life.

[A note scrawled in the margin: He pays damn well. It’s the easiest damn coin you've made since you left the Marsh. You send a packet of coins home every month, don't you forget it.]

“Don't say it like it's fucking implausible," said Vyra. “I know he's a cunt, but—” Hist be damned, should have seen the grin on her then – Vyra was beaming. “Knox, you should have said. Would have made trusting you a damn sight easier.”

“Didn't know you trusted me one bit, Vee.”

Vyra huffed and crossed her arms.

“Knox, has it ever occurred to you that I have to trust you? The rest of the crew can go back singing up with the tones for all I care but this – this right here? Doesn't work without you. Besides—”

[Scrawled in the margin, somewhere: Think that was a compliment.]

[Scrawled in the margin, somewhere: She's called everyone but you incompetent. Keep your guar steady.]

"Besides what? Where's this going?"

"I want to do more jobs like Fifty-Nine again."

[Scrawled in the margin: Trade Job Fifty Fucking Nine]

“Vyra.”

“Which means I really have to trust you.”

“Vee.”

[Scrawled all along the margin, in rough strokes: Why, in the name of all the damned gods and beasts and things unholy, does Vyra, a bastard merchant who's never given a shit about tearing anyone else down to get what she wants, give a damn about what happens to Telvanni slaves? Is it guilt? Is it something personal? It couldn't be out of a sense of justice – she knows how this world works, she's too damn smart for that. Can't figure it out.]

“Knox, I've thought things through. I think we can minimise the risks—”

“There's no playing safe with that kind of cargo. Telvanni—”

“You think I don't know what the Telvanni do to them?”

[Scrawled, in larger and larger letters: Why does she care? Why does she care so much? What does this mean to you, Vyra?]

“Not so loud,” I snapped.

She dropped her voice to a fierce whisper.

“By all the fucking tones on this fucking plane of existence – Knox – Knox, please—”

“Please what?”

[Scrawled in the margin, somewhere: First or second time Vyra had ever said please in her life, I reckon.]

“Think about it. Just think about it. I – I can't just do the same-in same-out for another five years, pretending like nothing is wrong with this damn world. I'll actually kill someone.”

“Vyra, you can't—”

“Shut up. This will be more fucking important than anything we've ever fucking done in our sorry lives.”

I’d given her a hard look.

[Scrawled up in the corner of the page: What the in the four corners happened, Vyra? What happened in that little clan of yours, that raised you and fed you, where you never wanted for much, that you'd toss yourself out with the nix-hounds?]

[Scrawled up in the corner, directly underneath: Hate it when she's right]

Then I’d sighed.

“Shit, Vyra. You've really thought about the risks of taking on wanted folk as travellers?”

“I know the risks.”

“And when we get caught?”

“I know the risks.”

“And you’ve thought about the rest of us? What getting caught might mean for the likes of us? A Marsh exile, two Ashlander vagabonds, and a half-deaf sewer rat you've made out to be a stableboy—"

“Lyr isn't—”

“—I know she isn't – Let me finish.”

She halted.

“Jade's already got a price on his head out in Hammerfell. I can’t step foot in half the kingdoms of Argonia else they’ll have my head. You know what will happen to us?”

“I’ll take the fall—”

“But they’ll blame us. We're the leftover scraps, the dregs, the scum they've raked off the bottom—”

“You're not scum—”

“—But we're scum to them. And they're the ones that matter. They're the ones with the noose, Vee. Think about that.”

Vyra looked at me like she wanted to tear me apart. But didn't say anything.

Things got real quiet, after that. Didn't have much else to say. Vyra, reckon by the way her hands twitched, she started counting the stars. New moons, plenty of them out.

[Scrawled up in the corner: Know it's her favourite sky. Know she's sentimental for it, despite the fact that she pretends she couldn't give a damn. My theory's that she likes to count to keep it all in check. Always stock-keeping.]

It got comfortable after a while.

[Scrawled all along the margin: If I close my eyes, it’s not too far from the cornerclub days again. Trading stories about old jobs gone wrong and things gone sour like we could have been friends. Back when Demnevanni was still bank-rolling his favourite bastard daughter’s scheme to fleece all the other wizard-lords to Oblivion and back when we spent every coin of his dirty money after pay day on Flin and Wildgrass. We’d pour our hearts and guts out, then head out of town, gaze up at the stars, and smoke in a ditch somewhere. She’d count them, tell me shit about magnetic fields and constellations. Always surprised me that. On the worst days, I forget she’s anything other than a Caravan Master. The damn thing she refuses to call herself. Vyra, call me Vyra, she says— gets short with you otherwise. Like a Caravan Master might.]

She stood up suddenly. Held my gaze.

“I won't go ahead with it unless you’re on board, Knox."

"That's bullshit, Vee."

"No. No it's not." She looked me dead in the eye. “And you're not scum to me, Knox.”

Didn't say anything to that. [Scrawled at the bottom of the page: Hate it when she's right.]. Simply watched her walk off, shrinking from big to small as she moved up towards the horizon, up towards the smoke still billowing from the campfire. Still smouldering. Tried to look away. Looked up instead.

[Scrawled in the margin: Burnt silver, that colour – she'd say the tone, wouldn't she? – where she'd been looking, her patch of stars up in the sky. Pretty. But not much else to note.]

The rest of the watch was uneventful.

#vyra demnevanni #knocks-on-wood #morrowind #1st era #dwemereth

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