#Also everyone else has talked about it

[revenantghost]

There’s something to be said about how this illustrates the core of who Wolfwood really is, about how much he cares despite everything, in how he pegs Vash just as fast as Milly--if not even faster.

#Trigun #TrigunBookclub #Who's gonna make the first pegging joke come on now #I didn't realize unti I was tagging this but I left myself wide open #Anyway I want to ramble about this in a spoilery way SO BADLY #But something something shared trauma something something #Essentially #Also everyone else has talked about it #BUT VASH IS SO PRETTY HERE

[inquisitor-apologist]

Thinking about how, at the end of the day, at the fatal moment, the sunset of the Republic, it wasn’t Yoda, or Obi-Wan, or even the Chosen One himself standing in the way of Palpatine. It was Mace Windu.

Mace Windu, the inventor of Vaapad and Master of Form VII, the Jedi's strongest duelist, the only person to ever defeat Palpatine in combat. Mace Windu, Master of the Jedi Council and the youngest Master ever appointed to it, the revered leader of the Order. Mace Windu, who forgave even those who tried to kill him, who risked his life over and over again for his troops, who, after 3 years of desperate war, tried to negotiate with battle droids. Mace Windu, who knew the clones were created by the Sith and chose to trust them, who saw every Shatterpoint in the Republic, and loved it still, and fought for it until his last breath, until he was betrayed by Anakin, who he believed in and trusted despite everything.

Mace Windu, High General and hero of the Republic, the embodiment of the Light, the last and greatest champion of the Order, the best Jedi to ever live.

#I’ve said my piece goodnight #don’t play with me Mace Antis I have receipts for every last one of these #pretty much everyone agrees that he was the best duelist there was and he obviously won the fight #Anakin's choice wouldn't make thematic sense otherwise #also vader did not defeat palpatine in combat sorry he just grabbed him while he was distracted #it literally had to be a fair fight and Anakin had to be the one to choose to create the empire that's what the prequels are about #Star Wars databank calls him ‘revered’ shatterpoint tells us he was the youngest (real) member of the council #Boba Fett (tcw) and Prosset Dibs (comics) tried to kill him and he asked for amnesty and forgave them #literally just watch the Ryloth arc he spends most of his screentime saving his men #in tcw season seven he pleads with the battle droids to surrender hoping that no one else has to die #there's the part near the end of tcw where the council realizes that the clones were created by Dooku but Mace and the rest of the council #trust the clones so much they're willing to ignore it #the scene from Mace's POV in the rots novelization talks about how much he loves the republic and how he was blindsided by Anakin's betraya #because he trusted him!! we see in aotc that he has more faith in Anakin's abilities than Obi-wan #and he defeated the most powerful sith of all time single-handedly #BEST JEDI EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! #sw prequels #star wars prequels #prequel trilogy #sw prequel trilogy #star wars prequel trilogy #sw rots #star wars rots #revenge of the sith #star wars revenge of the sith #galactic republic #pro mace windu #mace windu #pro jedi order #pro jedi

[pbnmj]

tfw the man you love against your better judgement gets a kid to help him with his photojournalism and dies trying to expose the criminal he's been blackmailing and then the kid puts on a uniform that's way too big for him and calls himself spider-man after ben urich and you know he's going to get killed trying to serve justice to all the criminals in new york. and now there's a sixteen year old kid bleeding out on felicia's doorstep and again despite her better judgement, she cares. how much of that is a misplaced sense of responsibility for her dead lover, and how much of that is the deep feeling of injustice over how this child is the one fighting, and how felicia knows that she could never turn him away. what then </3

#we need more jaded old man who hates everyone and is overly harsh to the young girl theyre protecting but they end up like family #except the its a jaded old woman and a young boy. and i think noir peter felicia could be set up like this :) #especially bc i rly dont think felicia has a parental bone in her body. the dynamics get better/worse due to this #i really really need that feeling of guilt and helplessness and the 'YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER' fight with them #i also think they need to have an awkward touching talk about ben and the mess he leaves behind and EVERYTHING #first thing that is coming out of the drafts in so long and its deranged noir takes what else did anyone expect tbh #spider-man noir #spiderman noir #peter parker #felicia hardy #my art #noir #felicia

[arctic-bookclub]

something about how phil has missa’s volume turned up because of the time missa was playing on a laptop at a hotel with a low volume mic, something about how despite his mic being normal now phil hasn’t turned his volume down not even one bit despite always changing everyone else’s volumes when needed, something about how regardless of how many people are in the room missa is always the loudest in phil’s pov, always the easiest to hear, something about how you can always hear missa over everyone else from phil’s pov, something about how that doesn’t bother phil in the slightest, something about this never being aknowledged by phil and something about it not needing to be, for it’s how it’s supposed to be

#qsmp #death duo #deathduo #qsmp philza #qsmp missa #pissa #every time phil and missa are in the same room with others #you can always hear missa over everyone else phil’s pov #in phil’s pov* #and i find it so fascinating #like it’s so obvious and i’m always surprised phil does nothing about it #he’s adjusted volumes while missa is talking and yet he never even touches missa’s volume slider #doesn’t even glance at it #like it feels purposeful almost and that drives me insane /positive #also the potential implications in character drive me insane even further #it’s like qphil sees qmissa as the persob in the room he never wants to miss a single word from #person* #he always wants to hear what he has to say over everyone else #goddd #anyway #this post was prompted by me seeing clip of the deathduo hug before they got yeeted into purgatory #and it feeling so off that missa’s ’hug me’ wasn’t loud and clear #because the clip was from missa’s pov and not phil’s #anyway ignore the typos it’s such an ungodly hour that i refuse to say it and i’m on mobile

[essektheylyss]

personally I hope that Mentopolis ends with the Fix and Pasha spending all of their time at the library together where they annoy the other patrons by ignoring the books in favor of reciting fun facts in incongruously sensual tones while holding intense eye contact and then eventually adopting Conrad, who spends library outings reminding people not to talk too loudly or damage the books, as their beloved son

#justin is a table over fervently dictating manifestos for dan fucks. obviously. #he has also come up with some reason it's fine for the fix and pasha to talk while conrad shushes everyone else #it's not important. this is a show about irony and puns. #dimension 20 #d20 spoilers #mentopolis #the fix #conrad schintz #honestly this is an insane post but it is SO funny to me

[hammity-hammer]

steve harrington realizing that he’s got no purpose if he’s not protecting the people he loves from outer-dimensional beings, and has a minor (read: major) spiral about it post-vecna & the party fixing everything. he’s just a regular ole 20 something with no purpose— his friends are all in school, except eddie, who managed to pick up an apprenticeship as an electrician; putting all of that wire knowledge to use (just not in cars, he hasn’t hotwired one since 1986 and he’d like to keep it that way si vous plais) and making the rich houses have even cooler guts than they deserve.

the kids end up graduating (their first tries) and heading as one little pack to the same school (don’t ask me which, i’m a college drop out) and steve, eddie, and rob end up staying just outside of indy. rob finished school early, because of course she did, and she found that she may have a knack for hanging around high schoolers, so why not teach them how to become polyglots like she is?

steve still doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing— he bartends at a little club in the gayborhood, because they went there so often that the bartenders just kind of pushed him into it, and don’t get him wrong— mixing drinks and flirting all night is super fun, but it also… is kind of depressing? even if he gets to be around people like him and see them happy— he knows that a lot of alcohol and drugs causes that happiness and he wants so badly for his people to be out and proud and not murdered for it. but he can’t do that,, so he does the next best thing.

he talks with one of the regulars, andy, who owns a little tattoo shop on the corner, and andy invites him to come check it out. so he does the next day he’s free, and holy fucking christ. tattoos aren’t his thing— at least not on himself, but on other people they’re gorgeous. and they’re painful, but you’re turning the pain into art and you get to live with it in your skin and look at it and think about the fact that you’re here and you made it and you fucking survived. and people purposefully put scars into their bodies? and not in the i-battled-literal-other-dimensional-beings-and-won kind of way, or the i-battled-my-personal-demons-and-won kind of way, which both are things he’s dealt with so fucking intimately— but in the i-will-decorate-this-flesh-prison-and-make-it-a-castle kind of way, and that’s fucking beautiful. queer people taking their bodies and making them into art with ink and hot metal and needles and the love that they have for each other and the passion and the fucking spite at the world that keeps them going and making their presences KNOWN.

and maybe he gets some piercings while he’s there— it’s fascinating and feels so weird and freeing when the needle punctures his flesh and the jewelry goes in— and now he’s got a shiny little ring hanging through his earlobe; his nostril; his lip.

he learns that piercings take time and effort and care and that he has to treat himself with love to be able to heal— and that he is deserving of that love and care and dedication, especially from himself.

he keeps going back, maybe not always to get stabbed, but to watch others have it done. to see how different people’s anatomy takes different piercings, how he can’t have a piercing through his cheeks because he bites them too much when he’s anxious, but the girl that just left got both of hers done and they looked good. they fit her face, like little shiny dimples.

eventually, the piercer, killie, asks steve when he’s going to help them with their needles and their piercings— and he doesn’t know how to react because he hadn’t even thought about it and yet… maybe he could help other people fall in love with themselves and their bodies and help turn them into art one day

maybe he could be a pretty boy with his scars and his metal and his missing chunks and his polos and his jeans and his sneakers.

#steve harrington #i just love him your honor #steve as a piercer would be so cute #piercer!steve #im obsessed with this and sent ro a 5 minute long voice memo today talking about him #because he is near and dear to myheart #as someone that got into piercing to help other people feel beautiful #i think that he would love this #and i absolutely think that he wouldnt know what the fuck to do post vecna #and get jealous that everyone else has a thing #and he doesnt have one #because all of his things were always things he shared #and this is one thing that he shares— but not with his friends #just with the people that own the lives that he’s changing #one stabbing at a time #also queer people in the 80s are the reason we even have the modern day piercing industry and i owe them my life #and the piercer’s name is inspired by the person that pierced my lobes when i was five #and my mom indeed has dimple piercings #so those are my little art inspired by life or whatever moments

[mxtxfanatic]

So @fireandgrimstone and I once had a discussion about how mxtx handles Xie Lian’s crossdressing in tgcf, the gist of which was whether or not it was falling into a gender essentialist trope ("you can always tell when a man is pretending to be a woman!") despite how much of the story tackles a kind of gender fluidity amongst other characters. I said I’d return to it once I reread it again to see how I felt reading those bits in context, so here I am!

The first instance of Xie Lian cross-dressing in the story is during the very first mission: the ghost bride. In order to find out who is kidnapping brides in the area, Xie Lian dresses like a bride to act as bait. When he first gets dressed, this is how he is described:

If you asked anyone to come and see, they would be able to tell with a glance that this was a young boy with a gentle and handsome looking face.

—Chapt. 6: The Ghost Holds a Wedding, The Crown Prince Climbs Onto the Marriage Sedan (Part 1)

You can "tell" that he is still a man, even as he wears the wedding outfit, we are told. However, later on, Little Ying comes and helps fix up Xie Lian so that he looks more like a bride. When next the others see his face, this is how he is described:

How could Xie Lian have known that a girl’s skill in make-up created legendary and mystifying results? Little Ying had only taught him how to fix his eyebrows by drawing them elegantly, how to powder his face with some white powder and how to dot his lips with deep, red rouge. However, if he didn’t speak, Xie Lian looked exactly like a gentle, soft and beautiful young lady.

—Chapt. 9: The Mountain’s Locked Ancient Temple, The Forest of Hanging Corpses (Part One)

A little bit of makeup and reshaping his outfit has transformed Xie Lian from someone you could tell was a man "from a glance" to someone who "looked exactly like a gentle, soft, and beautiful young lady." Even the crowd of men acting as "guards" could not tell Xie Lian was a man, and at no stage in this entire arc is Xie Lian uncomfortable with the act of cross-dressing, at being honestly mistake for being a woman, or Mu Qing and Feng Xin's negative reactions. He is indifferent to it all.

The next major moment we see him cross-dressing is when he is running away from the group of cultivators hunting Hua Cheng:

Behind the curtains sat a woman, her long raven hair hung a loose bun, her neck slender and white with a black choker and a thin silver chain circled around. Her robe was half stripped, revealing her snow white shoulder and a small bit of her back, looking to drape and fall, making one’s face burn and heart race.

When the curtains were pulled, the figure of that woman trembled, covering her face with her sleeves, and whimpered softly, as if she was shocked and terrified by such a sudden and brutish act. Heaven’s Eye instantly dropped the curtains, “I-I-I-I-I-I’M SORRY!!!”

The band of monks and cultivators who followed after Heaven’s Eye all screamed too, “WHAT A SIN, WHAT A SIN!” And they all covered their own eyes. Using this chance, that ‘woman’ whipped around -- who else could it be but Xie Lian? Hua Cheng was sitting in his arms and was only blocked from view by Xie Lian’s body. Although Xie Lian was a man and his shoulders were wider than the average woman, but he only pulled down half of his robe to expose the best angle, creating the perfect effect.

—Chapt. 137: Upon Barren Hills; Rioting the Black Hearted Inn (Part One)

Just as with the makeup and reshaping of the bride outfit, wearing a woman's robe, stripping to show off some skin at an angle, and whimpering a little was enough to trick this group of men into thinking he was a woman. The cultivators are so embarrassed, they run away, but even the passerbies who catch a glimpse of Xie Lian fleeing later in that same outfit have the vague idea that it is a "woman" they're seeing running with a child. Then, in the same outfit, Xie Lian enters an inn and we get this hilarious interaction:

A moment later, the door opened, and several attendants came forward to greet, their faces full of smiles, “Good si...”

They had wanted to say ;good sir’, but seeing the person before them was wearing women’s robes, they changed, “Mis...”

Before the word left their lips, Xie Lian emerged fully from the darkness with Hua Cheng in hand. If there’s a child, then it wasn’t an unmarried lady, so they changed again, “Mada...”

‘Madam’ was still half on their lips and Xie Lian’s face was fully illuminated by the light within the inn. Although this person was dressed in women’s robes and had a gentle countenance, if they must be honest, no matter how they looked it was the face of a man. The attendants all became mute, and it was a good moment before they went back to their original greeting, “Good sir, please come inside.”

—Chapt. 137: Upon Barren Hills; Rioting the Black Hearted Inn (Part One)

None of the attendants are able to tell Xie Lian's gender just from a glance. They rely on context clues (his clothes, the fact that he's with a child, then finally, his bare face) to finally decide that he is a man. Xie Lian is not discomforted by this either, not even to correct them. In fact, the narrative says that he feels no mental or physical discomfort as he is. Mind you, in this world, it is established that gods can and do change their physical forms to match a certain gender, but despite having the power to do so, not only does Xie Lian not take this route but he is still able to successfully appear as a cis woman to both strangers and his closest friends with only the minimalist of effort. Neither he nor the narrative place any expectations on how he "should" feel being man mistaken for a woman, nor do they waste time trying to explain to other characters why he is dressed as one like what one would usually see with this trope. Xie Lian simply exists in the form most comfortable to him and changes minor appearances to produce the aesthetic that he needs when he needs it. No more explanation is needed.

The thing about Xie Lian, too, is that while he is assured in his own gender, this does not translate into him being adverse to either weaponizing gender to reach a certain goal (such as being bait in a mission or hiding from enemies or just finding a dangerous object) or others doing as they please. Shi Qingxuan repeatedly attempts to wheedle Xie Lian into transforming into a female form with him, but though Xie Lian refuses for himself, he never shows disgust that Shi Qingxuan prefers his female form, unlike other gods.

Due to all of this, I don't see the repeated mentions of Xie Lian's maleness within these cross-dressing scenes as meant to reinscribe the gender binary but, instead, to impress upon readers how simple it is to throw gender into question. Gender is just that malleable and its perception so easily manipulated that even one of the most manliest men in the story can be viewed without a shadow of a doubt as a woman. Xie Lian is proof.

#tgcf #human metas mxtx #there's also something to be said about the weaponizing of gender in the story #but that will likely be another meta #i was also gonna talk about how other characters view these gender performances #but every character who has a negative reaction to xie lian cross-dressing or sqx changing forms #is shown to be small-minded and obsessed with reputation above all else #while everyone who's alright with it is just normal #anyways hope this makes sense #i felt like there were more moments i'm missing #but whatevs it's going out now

[teeth-draws]

He’s trying to be cool about it but he shouldn’t have opened that and you should probably get out of there…

#shepherds of haven #red antiqua #like everyone else I’ve been playing bg3 and every time I talk to Gale I want to talk to red instead #also Anders but like out of all of them red is the standout favourite #less… explosive……. yanno #I just threw shoujo flowers and a bunch of textures on this I’m rly happy with his hair and skin #I’m not sure on the composition but I guess it’s a learning curve #this was originally part of a bunch of sketches I did of red and I took it and made it it’s own picture #I just love him ok #the writing in the book says something about how these demons can only be banished with a filthy pash so he has his work cut out for him #and he doesn’t want you to see #impulsivity got the best of him again #mc…… uh. I’m so happy to see you but uh. don’t watch this I’m begging you #guess he’s wearing normal people clothes and I don’t have a reason for why except that I think red wears big jumpers when he’s not in #slutty mage gear #fanart #fantasy #if games #shoh

[japeneselunchtimerush]

Me about Akashi: 🤏🤏🤏

#HE SO TINY #I say as I am 10 cm shorter than him #but to be fair Im taller than teiko akashi so it checks out #can we talk about how he has to look UP at Midorima #Also he looks itty bitty in the third picture #Like really small compared to the others #you know what Im going to assume that this is when everyone else hit their growth spurt while hes still 158cm #its the only explanation #thinking about he was eye level with nijimura's chest #thats how short he was compared to nijimura #it was 21 cm btw #akashi seijuro

[quaranmine]

the whole jellie poll incident is such a mess like. nobody on this site knows how to act normal. mcytblr especially included. i don't like the op at all either, i thought the "joke" was cruel and the original apology backhanded but like...yall are dogpiling and harassing people too now. if you don't want people to tell you to kill yourself for liking mcyt, you ALSO cannot be telling people to kill themselves. it is not justified or cute when you do it. like can we ALL just step back and act normal. it really annoys me that our fandom has such a bad reputation but anytime there's an incident like this, all we do is prove we're a mob. i'm not saying everyone should just be fine with being insulted all the time but i think at this point (with the poll) it's a whole conglomeration that should probably just be put to rest. every time that post crosses my dash it has like 2k more notes and it makes me worried that it's containment breaching so badly. just feels like a ticking time bomb to me idk

#if you dont know what im talking about just close ur eyes and let the bliss of not knowing overtake you #i also dont like that scar and jellie are at the center of it cause it feels like....i dunno #feels like the more we loudly defend them the more everyone else is going to push back and hate them #and the worse that they look when people are harassing other people in their name? #idk i think i'm being very sensitive about it i just kinda wish the poll didnt happen at all #it feels like it's all off the rails now if that makes sense #i think mcytblr has a justified reason to be pissed off i just think that now it's like looped around into a weird out of control thing #that is now harassing other people and just deepening the divide between everyone #tldr cant we all be nice

[meownotgood]

what are all the characters that you’re simping for ?

thank you for asking anon.... have a moodboard of the characters that have been rotating in the microwave of my brain recently. feel free to judge as you see fit. ignore the topknot guy he lives here

#can't think of anyone else so just add aki a bunch of times 😭😭😭 #he is the MAIN brain worm after all #I'm super into baldurs gate / sakamoto days / arcane right now..... huuuu.... #ever since I heard arcane was coming back I'm thinking so much of my lol oc again #and playing a lot of league #don't. do that btw #save urself while you still can #don't fall into the devils temptation #also sakamoto days is really good right now everyone should read it #it'll get an anime soon guys I swear #I can't tell if I have a type or not this assortment seems so random LMAO #but thank you for asking '!!!! #for some reason I'm shy to share what other characters I'm into when it isn't aki.... ha........ #I want to talk about more characters too #ask mags

[carefulfears]

top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

#i got really really tired by the end but it is what it is #i want y'all to know #that i almost put 'trust no 1' on here #the way that she yells at doggett that she wants to see mulder 'SO BAD' #but in the end: writes to him that she just wants him to be okay even if she can't see him or hear from him #or even if he can't read what she sends him #and the way that she looks over at william in the stroller and puts her hand on his face #just like...that one semblance of mulder that she still has in her life and that she holds onto- in this baby #and he's growing up without his dad and she NEVER wanted that. #and mulder is writing to her that he just wants to come home to her and to will. #and how her voice shakes and she screams when she talks about how badly she just needs to see him. she feels so alone. #and there are only so many solar system onesies and star mobiles and lullabies from the florida woods that she can give #but ultimately she just wants him to be safe and alive and that's what she tells him and that's what she fights for with everyone else #but it's just so fucking unbearably sad and i couldnt do it after the first few i put on here ksjdfk #i would also say!! that her leaving him post-iwtb and their break-up was in a way taking care of him #getting the fuck out of that house. trying to save herself from that trap of grief. #then coming back when it was less haunted and he was healthier and it was able to be their home again #refusing to suffocate there just because he was. salvaging SOMETHING for him to come back to- and ALWAYS being available for that. #asks #sein und zeit #demons #the end #paper hearts #redux ii #herrenvolk #anasazi #fire #deadalive #ftf

[butchmeryls]

Ocelot choosing to kill Kaz in one of the most impersonal ways possible will always drive me insane. Adam's entire gimmick is that he is always making things obsessively personal. He doesn't allow the other Ocelots to kill Big Boss because he has to be the one to do the job. He actively aids John in fighting Volgin because of his obsession with being the one to kill him. He is in charge of and enjoys torture due to how personal it is. Yet he actively chooses to let Kaz slowly choke to death on poison gas instead of actually going and finishing the job himself. It is such a good representation of how far their relationship has fallen post- mgsv and the entire Venom Snake affair.

#revolver ocelot #metal gear solid #kazuhira miller #resisting urge to tag this as ocelhira because I view this very specifically through an ocelhira lens #i could talk about this exact topic for hours #i could honestly talk about just adam and his relationships with everyone in the franchise for hours on end #also yes i know that adam being the one to kill kaz is just implied but everyone else has essentially accepted it as canon so I will too #it is my metal gear solid and I get to choose who killed kazuhira miller #my posts

[demadogs]

i always say i dont want a book to have a screen adaptation out of fear of them doing it dirty and then i think of the most perfect casting ever for the main character and im like FUCK now i wont sleep until i see this happen

#yes im still thinking about walker scobell as simon snow and i will not stop thinking about it for years #look at the last gifset i rbd TELL ME THATS NOT JUST FIFTH YEAR SIMON SNOW #i read carry on when i was SIXTEEN and i am not exaggerating i have been trying to cast simon for the last 8 years #ive had some pretty solid options for baz but for some reason simon has been so hard to find #but this kid oh my god he fits him so perfectly hes such a great actor but also he just looks exactly like how simons described #just give him a little more freckles and moles and that is simon snow #and percy and simon are very similar characters so i COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT i lost it when he fought the chimera with a sword #im so attached to carry on ​i would be absolutely DEVASTATED if it was adapted terribly so ive always said i didnt want any adaptation #BUT FUCK WALKER SCOBELL LITERALLY IS SIMON SNOW AND NOW I WANT IT AAAAH #SOMEONE PLZ TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS SOMEONE ELSE HAS GOT TO BE INSANE ABOUT IT TOO #now im gathering pics of every kid actor i want for each character and im putting them next to each other like theyre action figures #might make a post about who id cast for everyone i have so far #DEFINITELY will if someone asks me to #walker scobell #simon snow #carry on #snowbaz #books #books and reading #booklr

[essektheylyss]

I don't understand how some folks, both people who like and don't like shadowgast, seem to still want me to believe that Liam "caved" to Caleb and Essek being in a relationship because of fandom pressure and continues to go along with it halfheartedly only because of that even though he secretly hates it.

And meanwhile we have entirely unprompted asides like "Imagine two wizards—" "I do. Often."

#I've seen both of these takes REPEATEDLY. RECENTLY. #like you do not have to like it nor do you have to even like how it is established in canon but ??? #just like..... admit THAT instead? #tbh people put a lot of words into cast members' mouths #but frankly especially weird to say about a player who has pointedly discussed not taking fandom opinion into account #like. it's all 'well they play their characters how they want!' when someone's talking story analysis until it's a ship someone's mad at. #also 'matt doesn't really like essek either' is even wilder cuz like #did everyone else watch a different version of the show in which they were fighting over that one essek shirt lmfao. #ANYWAY pls know that every time liam is funny about sg or essek I do think about the fact that this opinion STILL exists. #and those thoughts are spiteful and vindictive. #cr discourse #ig

[thatswhatsushesaid]

Okay, but what do ✨YOU✨ think JGY would think about LXC’s flute solo trait? 🤣

I'm experiencing deja vu, anon, because I feel like I have for sure answered an ask about this once before!! but I can't find it, woe etc.

anyway, jgy will patiently sit through as many flute solos as his er-ge feels compelled to perform, both because it is always a joy and a delight for him to listen to lxc play, and also because it's not like anyone else in lxc's life is granting him the space to express his feelings in whatever way makes him feel the most at ease!

like in all seriousness, lxc spends so much of his time and energy across all adaptations of the canon taking care of everyone else around him, and there is exactly one person in his life who makes space to provide him with support (emotional and material), both before and after he actually has the power to do so.

jgy's love language in the text consistently manifests through gift-giving (e.g., fairy for jin ling, all the presents he gives to huaisang which are tailored specifically to his interests) and acts of service (e.g., protecting and sheltering lan xichen during the war, using his newly acquired influence to secure the funds to rebuild the cloud recesses, as well as [iirc] preventing lwj from facing too much political blowback after wwx's death; literally dropping everything in the middle of hosting a banquet to help huaisang with yet another problem, etc).

so basically, imo, if what lxc needs every so often is to exorcise his own emotional demons through impromptu flute solos, there is no one in his life better equipped to understand why than jgy.

#with the obvious caveat that probably a lot of those solos in cql are just there for censorship reasons. but #since fandom has taken this and run with it #here are my thoughts #tho they are probably a little disorganized since it is late and i'm about to go to bed #asks answered #xiyao #mdzs meta #editing this to add that obviously jgy and lxc also talk!! a lot!! and obviously those conversations are central to their intimacy #I don't mean to say that he doens't also grant lxc words of affirmation too lol #but he knows that talk is cheap #he's good at talking a big game when he does not intend to follow through #(gestures @ the whole thing about xy's head) #I think it is very important to jgy to distinguish his relationship with lxc #from the relationships he has with everyone else in his life where his sincerity is uh #let us say 'forced' #he wants to be someone lxc knows he can rely on