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ieattaperecorders · 3 years

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Notes on Causality - Chapter 2: Georgie and Elias

An addendum to Something's Different About You Lately. Small scenes of Jon attempting to change the future that I didn't want to put in the larger fanfic.

The events of this chapter take place around the end of Chapter 8, Stranger.

(Incidentally, the main fic will be updated very soon. I'm mainly just holding off till the finale drops, in case whatever happens makes me want to tweak anything mood-wise in what I have planned.)

Read on Ao3

- - -

One ring. Another. Then another. Maybe she wouldn't pick up, Jon thought, drumming his fingers on the desk. Maybe it would go to voicemail . . . he could hang up, try again later. Take a little time to mentally rehearse what he would say.

A click, and her voice asked, "hello?"

"Georgie . . . it's Jon Sims, from Oxford?"

"Jon? Hey, been a while! How've you been?"

"Ah – good? I've been good," he lied. "Yourself?"

"Oh, not bad. Got a new roommate since you last saw me . . . he lays around the apartment all day and won't share the rent, but he's cute so I let it slide."

"Good to hear that your landlord is cat-friendly."

"You should hear him, he has the loudest little meow. Hang on, I'll if he'll say hello . . . ."

For a moment and he heard some vague coaxing noises, distant as if she was holding her phone away from herself. They were followed by a close-up, disinterested sniff, then Georgie's voice returned.

"Ah, never mind. Not in the mood, I guess."

"I've heard the Admiral's color commentary before," he smiled. "He's in all your mailbag episodes."

"Didn't know you were a listener."

"Well, I need something for the commute . . . it might as well be the UK's most onomatopoeic source of paranormal research."

"Ha. Knew you'd hate the sound effects."

"I don't hate them. Anyway, they're . . . distinctive," he leaned back in his office chair, the nerves he'd built up slowly dissipating as they fell into the rhythm of conversation. "They're very you."

"Classic Barker." There was movement in the background, and a few soft thuds. Likely the Admiral jumping to the floor. "Well from what I hear, we're in the same field. Aren't you working for the Magnus Institute now? You must hear plenty of ghost stories there."

"That's actually sort of why I called. I think we might have a mutual colleague . . . Melanie King?"

"Yeah, she's the one who told me you were there," she said knowingly. "Sounded like you left a hell of an impression on her."

". . . Not a good one, I imagine."

Georgie made a non-committal sound, being decent enough not to rub it in by overtly agreeing with him.

"I was trying to be helpful, but I think I just came off as dismissive. Ended up arguing with her over nothing," he sighed. ". . . Classic Sims."

"Accept no substitutes," Georgie said fondly. "So, what's the call about? If you want me to try smoothing things over with her –"

"It isn't that. Did she tell you about her experience?"

"Not really. Asked a lot about Sarah – she's a sound tech I recommended to her? Got the impression she'd been unreliable. She was nice about it, Melanie that is, but really evasive. I just assumed she's caught onto something interesting and wants to be the first to report on it. The risks of being friends with competition, I suppose."

"Ah. . . ."

"Not that she has anything to worry about. Climbing fences and squatting in abandoned churches is her thing. I'm all about doing research from my computer desk with a cup of tea, personally," she paused, and he heard a distant clink of ceramic. "Hey, are we even allowed to talk about this? Isn't there some sort of confidentially thing?"

"As it turns out, privacy isn't really something this place values," he muttered, "I don't suppose she's talked to you recently?"

"No . . . not for a couple of months."

"I'm concerned. Her experience left a powerful impact on her. Now she's chasing after anything that might bring her closer to what she encountered, and I'm afraid she doesn't care about the cost. She's going into some dangerous territory. And, well . . . it's not my place to judge her emotional state. But I am worried."

"Yeah . . . I saw the memes," he heard a frown enter Georgie's voice.

"I've tried to talk to her about it, a bit. But she and I always seem to push each other's buttons somehow. I'd be grateful if you looked in on her. I think that she could use a friend right now, and –" he smirked. "I happen to know you're good with obsessive types too stubborn for their own well-being."

"Ha. You trying to set me up or something?"

"Wh–" he started, taken aback. "I mean, well, that's really your business, not mine."

". . . Wait. I was joking, but are you really?" There was utter incredulity in her voice. "Jonathan Sims, did you call me out of the blue to set me up with someone I knew before you did?"

"Of – Georgie I don't even know if you're single, don't be ridiculous," he sputtered, feeling blood rise to his face. She laughed, and the uncomfortable heat spread.

"Okay, okay," she said. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

"I just . . . " he spoke slowly, trying to be precise. "I think that Melanie needs someone else around her right now. Someone grounding. If you're not looking to take that on, I understand, of course. But for whatever it might be worth, I would be grateful if you checked in."

"I'll give her a ring," something in Georgie's voice was familiar, and profoundly comforting. "See if she wants to get coffee and talk spooky-shop."

"I think that might do her a world of good," he said with relief

"Also? We should get coffee sometime too, catch up! I want to hear all the creepy stories you're apparently so free to talk about."

"Really, it's mostly drug experiences and conspiracy theories . . . ."

"Even better, I'll get to hear you complain. Then I'll be entitled gripe to you about all the weird emails I get. It'll be perfect."

Jon wanted to say yes. He really, really did. The thought of sitting down for a few hours with Georgie and talking about nothing particularly dire was a nice one. But he could only bring trouble to her door.

"I'd . . . like that," he said, "But I don't have much time to myself right now . . . maybe after everything calms down."

". . . Sure," she sounded a little disappointed. Georgie could always tell when he was brushing her off. "Some other time. Hope you can get some rest, then."

"I'll do my best."

"And thanks for the heads-up about Melanie. Really," the smile in her voice was back. "Don't be a stranger, huh?"

"Right," he smiled back, hoping she could hear it. "Ah. Goodbye, then."

"Bye."

He stared at the screen of his phone, not sure what to name the feeling in his chest. In his mind's eye, he saw her form vanishing down a long white corridor, and he knew she would have made this choice herself, eventually. He was just respecting that. Speeding things along.

"Trying to set her up . . . honestly," he muttered.

What he'd said about Melanie needing someone to talk to had been true. He was hoping Georgie's influence could nudge her away from the path she was on, one that had its natural end in blood and pain and the drumming of war. It was hardly his fault if he knew that particular matchmaking arrangement had already worked out once.

The call had barely ended for a minute before his phone vibrated with an email notification. He opened it, frowning when he saw who it was from.

Jon,

See me in my office at your earliest convenience.

Also, in the future please remember not to make personal calls during work hours.

- Elias

It was the most direct contact he'd had with Elias in months. Aside from a few institute-wide emails, there had been nothing since their conversation about the recordings. Jon hadn't even run into him in the hall. At least on the surface, he'd stuck to his promise to involve himself less directly. Not that Jon imagined Elias was truly keeping his distance, but he had begun to get comfortable with not having to see or talk to him. He dreaded the idea of going up there and actually breaking the silence.

That comment about personal calls irked him, too. He was taunting him. Going right up to the edge of admitting he'd been watching while giving himself just a little deniability.

He could ignore it, of course. Why should he do anything Elias asked him to, however small? Why should he make any part of his life easier? But that wasn't a smart attitude, he knew. Elias was keeping his distance for now, but if he saw Jon as too troublesome things would escalate. It would be foolish to bring that moment any closer by antagonizing him over nothing.

Jon still remembered the comment he'd made when they last spoke – I'm sure one of your assistants would be up to the task. If it came down to it, Elias knew exactly whose throats to hold the knife against.

With a distinct lack of pleasure, he climbed the stairs out of the archive.

Despite his mood he smiled at Rosie, tried to seem friendly as he greeted her. The words insecure and aggressive had a tendency to turn over in his mind when he saw her lately. He was earnestly hoping to be easier to talk to, but fairly sure he just came off as awkward. At least she was friendly with him. But then, she'd always been.

She said he was expected and should go right inside.

Elias was at his desk, writing on something hidden inside a folder. He glanced up and nodded as he entered.

"Ah, Jon. Sit down, I'll just be a moment."

As he took a seat and waited, Jon couldn't quite banish the idea that the folder was just a prop. A way to make whoever he'd called in wait, to make it absolutely clear how much more valuable his time was than theirs. Or perhaps to give them time to stew, to sit in anxiety and worry. Then again, maybe Elias really did have paperwork that needed doing, and the fact that it was absolutely, positively maddening to sit there in silence and watch him was only a bonus to it all. Eventually, he finished.

"It's been a while since we've checked in, hasn't it?" he paused just long enough for Jon to wonder if he was supposed to respond, then continued. "I'd like to hear your version of how the last few months have gone. What sort of progress you feel you've made, etcetera."

Oh, God. Was he actually expecting Jon to keep up the pretense of doing actual archival work? He hadn't been prepared for that at all, and felt preemptively exhausted at the thought of coming up with some nonsense progress report.

"Well. . . as you know, Gertrude left the archives in a state of serious disorganization, so progress has been hindered by that," he tried to remember what projects he'd put the others on to keep them all going with a token show of work. "I've set aside a section for discredited statements, which has been steadily growing. I imagine . . . it will make things more efficient for researchers in the future? And, uh . . . ."

"Let me stop you there," Elias said, holding up a hand.

Please do, Jon thought, relieved he wouldn't be subjecting them both to several minutes of this. Elias leaned forward and looked at him seriously.

"Have I done something to offend you, Jon?"

The question took him by surprise, to the point where he had to bite back a sarcastic laugh. What hadn't he done? "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Really. Because it seems to me that I've be extremely generous to you," that familiar tone of disapproval, of bland impatience. "I've given you a unique opportunity, allowed you free reign in setting your own priorities, and you still seem determined to resent me."

Fleetingly, Jon wondered if the elaborately decorated letter opener on the desk between them was sturdy enough to sink into Elias's chest without snapping. Not worth it, either way. Not with what it would cost.

"I . . . apologize if I've created that impression," he said evenly. "I've been told that I can be standoffish in my manner."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Elias smirked. "Though ‘standoffish' is a great deal more polite than the words people actually favor. Isn't it?"

Jon tried not to look away, tried and failed to meet Elias's eyes. Perhaps his inability to maintain eye contact with a conduit of the Beholding spoke well for his remaining humanity, but it still twisted in him. Made him feel weak.

"Are we done here?" he asked, voice tight.

Elias sighed, as if all of this was such a burden to him, as if he wasn't basking in the anxiety that Jon knew must be radiating off of him like heat.

"What was it you said to Martin . . . about discarding the facade once it stopped being useful?" That startled Jon enough to look back, to see the condescending smile on Elias's face as he continued. "Maybe you ought to do the same."

He stared, suddenly voiceless, heart pounding. This was it . . . should he be relieved or terrified?

"I've been where you are now, Jon." Elias continued. His voice was stern, with only the barest concession to false sympathy. "Trapped in a world that no longer makes sense, surrounded by malevolent forces, seeing enemies everywhere. And I can tell you that the only way to survive in this world is to recognize what resources you have."

". . . Resources."

"Yes, if you could just get past this irrational distrust you seem to have of me. I can't hold your hand through everything. But if you have questions . . . I might be able to give you some answers."

Answers? That would make a change from before, Jon thought bitterly. The Elias he remembered used misdirection, contempt and sometimes flat refusal to avoid giving Jon any information he could hope to use. Unfortunately there was only one question Jon really had for him anymore, and it was one he couldn't ask: how much do you know?

. . . Did Elias have that same question for him? It would explain why he was directly inviting him to ask about his situation.

Jon paused. He had to be smart about this. If Elias had sat him down like this before, he'd have wanted to know everything. If he didn't seem curious, it might point to how much he already knew, and that would be disastrous. But he also couldn't look too naive . . . he'd made his suspicion clear, already warned the others, he couldn't pretend to know nothing about the Institute's nature.

He tried to think back to when he was only just getting a sense of the way things truly were. What would he have most wanted to understand then?

". . . What happens to me," he asked quietly. "When I read statements? The real ones. You know what I mean. I can feel something happening, I know it's not just reading."

"The answer to that is rather complicated . . . ."

"Are you going to give it to me?"

"It would help if I understood what you already knew. How much did Gertrude tell you about the nature of this place? The Institute?"

"Enough to know I can't trust it," he glared across the desk. "And maybe the reason I don't trust you is because you're constantly peering over my shoulder."

"You must have some sense by now of the dangers the Institute attracts," Elias raised his eyebrows. "Can you really blame me for wanting to keep tabs on everything?"

"Because you ‘keeping tabs' was so helpful when I was pulled into those hallways for weeks."

"You opened the door of your own free will. I do what I can but I can hardly be expected to protect you from yourself."

"You're the reason I'm here in the first place! You've been--"

Jon cut himself off, he could feel himself beginning to shout, losing control of himself and it was stupid, so stupid. What was the point in arguing with him? Jonah Magnus knew exactly what he was doing, he wasn't going to be shamed about it.

"It doesn't matter," he said, trying to gather himself back to a neutral tone. "Can't change the past."

". . . For what it's worth, Jon, I do sympathize," Elias said, folding his hands. "Someone has to be the Archivist. You were just the best option available."

Why had he thought he could play along with this? As if he'd really be able to sit there, feign ignorance and draw information out of a man who'd been doing that exact thing to others for centuries. He wasn't going to beat him at his own game . . . far more likely he'd let something slip out of anger that would get somebody killed.

He pushed his chair back and stood, turning towards the door.

"I'll find my own answers," he said.

* * *

The door slammed shut, loud enough to echo. Jonah supposed he was going to have to get used to outbursts like these.

"I expect that you will," he muttered to the closed door.

Blind spots. He didn't like blind spots. Sometimes they were unavoidable, but having one so near to him was profoundly irritating. It was like knowing he'd forgotten something important, but being unable to dredge up any details.

He could watch Jon as easily as anyone else. Though there were moments his gaze would unfocus, and he suspected Gertrude might have taught him a few of her tricks, overall it wasn't hard to keep an eye on him. But lately, that was all he could do. No matter how he tried, he couldn't Know anything deeper than what appeared on the surface. He might as well have been following the Archivist around with a camera crew rather than channeling the overwhelming power of an Eternal and Unblinking Gaze From Which No Secrets Can Be Kept, for all the good it was doing him.

It was as if the knowledge was all there, but had been shifted somehow. Nudged just outside his field of vision.

A part of him was tempted to start over with another Archivist, one he could See more clearly. But the Web mark was hard to find, and he couldn't even be sure this anomaly was unique to Jon – that it would go away with his death instead of attaching itself to his successor. Despite its frustrating obscurity, something about it that felt like an aspect of the Beholding, though he couldn't say why.

So he'd tolerate the blind spot for now. At least Jon was easy enough to read without the Eye's assistance – the man wore his heart on his sleeve, was helpless in that way. Jonah liked that about him.

What he needed was encouragement. Something to get him out of his comfort zone – four marks was progress, but not fast enough, not with the Unknowing looming closer every day. Jonah wrote a quick note on a post-it and stuck it to the folder in front of him, then pressed a button on his intercom.

"Rosie?" he said, "I need you to run something down to the archive for me. Just drop it on Tim's desk, he'll know what it's for."

#tma fanfic #tma time travel au #sdayl

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whatcouldgowrong-ohthat · 4 years

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Good Luck, Sir (Tony x Tall!Reader One shot)

Alright, this is for @hopingforbarnes’s challenge! Make sure to congratulate them on their awesome follower accomplishment!! I really do like writing for Tony - whether he just makes a small appearance in one of my fics or it’s for something like this. And we all know that RDJ is only 5′8, so…I had to take advantage of that detail to.

Pairing: Tony x Tall!Reader

Dialogue Prompt: “I love you.” “Really? That’s a horrible decision.”

Summary: It seems Tony enjoys surrounding himself with people that are honest and blunt. And Y/N is no exception.

Anthony Edward Stark did not make mistakes as a child. He wasn’t allowed to. No, it was his responsibility to be perfect. To prove how brilliant he was. And even when he “acted out”, it was never deemed a mistake. Those were poor choices. They had to be. The idea of a Stark making a mistake was worse than a Stark ruining the family name. For some reason, in the eyes of his dear, dead father, the two were not the same.

But now, Tony was living by his own rules. He rewrote Stark Industries’ purpose. He changed what it meant to be a Stark. And when he became Ironman, he learned that making mistakes was just as important as learning from them. There was no shame in it. However, it didn’t make those mistakes any less frustrating when they did occur.

“You’re not going to figure it out on ten cups of coffee and a half hour of sleep.”

Tony paused only briefly when he heard that voice. Oh, she would be the death of him. He was sure of it. He peeked out from around the Iron-suit, eyes landing on one of his favorite people.

Y/N Y/L/N.

She stood in the doorway, commanding attention with barely any work on her part. Judging by her outfit, she had just gotten back from some press conference Pepper probably dragged her to. With her skirt, matching blazer, and maroon button up, she screamed professional. And judging by the pinched-up brow, irritated frown, and the four-inch heels she was wearing – she had gotten some unnecessary comments from imbecilic press.

“I’m going to revoke your privileges to J.A.R.V.I.S if you keep using it for my caffeine intake.”

“I dare you to try. You know Rhodey and Pepper would be hounding your ass if you even thought to try it again.”

She has a point, Sir.

“Shut it, J.A.R.V.I.S,” Tony ordered, glaring up at the ceiling as Y/N strode across the room. He didn’t like knowing that even the A.I. was on Y/N’s side. Didn’t he create the thing?

“So what’s up with it?”

Tony jumped. He looked over his shoulder to see that Y/N had managed to come around and join him in the few moments he’d been lost in his thoughts. Running a hand over his face, he looked back at the suit that seemed to be taunting him. He had no idea what was up with it.

“The unibeam keeps short circuiting. Twenty five percent of it never makes it out of the suit. It just –“

“Please, tell me you haven’t been frying yourself with this thing, Tony.”

He smiled innocently. Or was that really his guilty conscious just trying to hide how guilty he truly was?

“Tony!”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” She straightened, easily towering over his height. Her y/e/c eyes pierced through his and he knew he wasn’t getting out of this. “Sit your ass down and let me see the damage.”

“Are you trying to get me to strip? Hey!” Tony yelped when she caught him by his arm, hauling him to the nearest chair. Really, while anybody else would be fired for this, Y/N was the only one who could get away with it. Pepper hauled out Tony’s “trash” and Y/N hauled Tony. It was the way the world worked. Sitting him in his chair, he slid back a couple feet and huffed as she placed her hands on her hips.

“Shirt. Off. Now.”

Tony didn’t even bother to hide the grin that curled his lips. He loved that Y/N never felt the need to withhold herself around him. That lack of a filter was a necessity for Tony’s life. Anyone who knew him was well aware of that. After all, having brutally honest, sarcastic people in his life was the best way to keep his ego in check.

But Tony would never actually admit that to them. Not even Y/N.

“Yes, ma’am.” Tony stripped off the shirt. The blue hue of the arc reactor made the burns on his skin look almost purple. “Oops?”

Y/N’s gaze had been fixated on the burns. Her worry was evident but hearing that lighthearted tone in his voice earned a sharp glare. She crouched in front of him, hands brushing against the burns.

He flinched. “Your hand’s cold.”

“Your chest is warm. What’s your point?” She stood and walked over to his desk, shuffling through drawers until she found some cream for the burns. Clearly this hadn’t been the first time Tony had burned himself. But hey, mistakes happen. Returning to his side, she started applying the cream to his chest. She could tell by the way he flinched that he hadn’t gotten around to tending to these yet. “You’re so sensitive,” she muttered.

“But you love me anyway.” He smirked as she raised an eyebrow.

“You really do come up with some of the craziest ideas, don’t you?” She shook her head, focusing on the burns once again.

He watched her. The way the light haloed around her hair. How fixated she was on tending to his wounds. The way her lashes framed her eyes. He never really got the chance to look at her up close like this.

“You tend to miss the basics when it comes to the suit.” She looked at him. Her own smirk appeared when she noticed that he had been staring. “Check the wiring around the unibeam. I’d bet money you just need to fix a couple of those.” Tossing the burn cream on the nearby table, she handed him back his shirt. “Anything else you need, Mr. Stark?”

“Can you stay while I see if you’re right?”

Y/N was quiet, simply nodding as they traded. She took a seat in the chair he had once preoccupied, watching as he stepped back to the suit. Watching the man at work was interesting, she had to admit it. She could watch him tinker away for hours.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., check Y/N’s theory, would ya?” Tony asked as the suit started to separate into so many different pieces.

I already had, Sir. I simply hadn’t said anything because – like Miss Y/L/N said – you tend to miss the basics.

Tony grimaced, running a hand along his jaw. “So I’m guessing that means – “

That Miss Y/L/N was right. Yes, Mr. Stark.

Tony laughed. Whether it was at himself or because of the situation, Y/N couldn’t tell, but she certainly enjoyed being the person that reminded Tony of how easy it was to mess up. “Am I free to go now?”

“You have to be the cockiest assistant I’ve ever had,” Tony said, huffing as he finally found the wires that needed fixing.

“But you love me,” Y/N mocked.

“Got that right.”

Fuck.

Silence fell between the two of them. Tony could practically feel the side of his head begin to smoke with the way Y/N was watching him. He probably shouldn’t have admitted that out loud. And certainly not in that exact moment. “What did you say?”

“Uh…”

“Tony.” The chair scraped against the floor, squeaking as she stood.

Bracing himself for whatever commentary she could possibly have prepared, he was surprised when he still heard nothing. He turned around. Because of the platform he was currently standing on, he was eye level with her for once. Well…maybe just under. But that wasn’t important.

No, the look she was giving him was what was important.

“I love you.”

“Really?”

Tony wasn’t sure what to say. How could he make it any more clear? He couldn’t. “Yes. I love you. And that might be utterly ridiculous and – “

“Shut up.”

“Can I remind you that I am your boss?”

“You can.” She stepped closer, toes barely against the platform.

Tony watched, unable to stop himself from walking to the edge of the platform. “Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in here somewhere?”

She laughed, raising a hand and smoothing out the mess of hair that he called “styled”. “That’s a horrible decision.”

“It’s a…horrible decision to remind you of our roles?” He pondered the thought before asking, “Is that the same as a mistake?”

“Depends on who you ask.” That glint in her eyes, the way she smiled, it was clear she reciprocated what he had confessed.

“But don’t I get to make the rules for something like that?”

She laughed. “Not if you want to date me.”

Oh, he loved that laugh. More so than he had realized. It wasn’t until he saw how much she genuinely cared that he realized he had been hung up on her this whole time. She was fascinating and kind. “Then let me fix that? I can start with buying you a coffee.”

“Yeah…that’s where we can start.”

“Lock up, would you, J.A.R.V.I.S.?”

Yes, Sir. And might I just say – this does mean that Happy won the pool as to when you and Miss Y/L/N would be ‘hooking up’ as the term goes.

“Unbelievable,” Tony muttered.

“Is it really? They’re your friends.”

“Yeah, remind me to get new ones.”

“A joke, I’m sure.”

“We’ll see.”

The two left the lab. As the door clicked closed, the lights shut off one by one until there was only the single light above the Iron-suit.

Then, it too turned off.

Good luck, Sir. I’m sure you’ll need it.

—-

@hopingforbarnes

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #tony stark x tall!reader #tony stark x y/n #hopingforbarnes250writingchallenge

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commentaryvorg · 4 years

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Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Bonus 1 - Back Routes

My usual spoiler warning for the main commentary doesn’t really apply here since the back routes are content that most people would usually only see after finishing the main game. But on the extremely unlikely off-chance that someone was going for all the back routes in their first-time playthrough and for some reason wanted to read commentary on them as they went along, this commentary is still not recommended, as I do sometimes mention things from later on in some of the trials.

So, the back routes. For those who don’t know, because the game is pretty vague about them so I imagine a lot of people might not: these are alternative routes you can take in trials by using specific lies in certain debates where you’re canonically supposed to just use the truth. There’s two in almost every trial, except for only one in trial 1, and none at all in trial 6, making nine in total for me to go over here. The alternative events always re-converge with the canon stream of events pretty quickly, so they don’t affect that much, and most of them are pretty silly and pointless, as we’ll see.

I personally first saw the back routes just by finding a Youtube video with all of them in, so I never had to go through the no-doubt frustrating process of trying to figure out where they are. The one indication there is, which is ridiculously subtle unless someone tells you about it, is that the music for the debates in which you can lie is a different piece called “Discussion – PERJURY”, a title you wouldn’t know about on your own without checking the soundtrack. This piece happens to be exactly the same as the usual “Discussion – BREAK” piece, except it also has the vocal bits that go something like “break down the door o’clock” (that’s always what it sounded like to me, anyway), whereas the regular one doesn’t have that. Since those vocals were always in the debate BGM from the first two DR games, it’s quite easy to not even notice there’s anything significant about them being there in this game. And, of course, even if you are listening out for that and have pinpointed which debates you need to lie in, there’s still no hint as to what the possible lie is. I do not envy anyone who’s attempted to find these back routes entirely on their own.

Trial 1, Back Route 1

This first back route is in the second half of the trial, after Shuichi has become the protagonist, in the debate in which everyone’s trying to figure out how the shot put ball could have got all the way from the opening of the vent onto Rantaro’s head. You’re supposed to point out that it could have rolled along the books that Kaede stacked up, but also…

Kaede: “Hey, Shuichi… Don’t lose sight of the truth.”

…Kaede says this, right at the end of the debate, and there’s a weak spot on it. If you turn the “Library Vent” bullet into a lie, it becomes “Blocked Vent”, and you can fire it at this.

Shuichi: (Kaede… I’m sorry. I’m not strong enough for this! I can’t make you the culprit!)

It’s almost strange to see this, having recently been in chapters 5 and 6 with a strong heroic Shuichi who could bravely face any kind of painful truth. But here we are back at the beginning, and it is quite believable that the Shuichi in chapter 1 might just have lost his nerve and not been able to do this.

Shuichi: “W-Well, actually… Maybe the shot didn’t pass through the vent…”

Kiyo: “Did you not just tell us that the shot traveled through the vent?”

Shuichi: “That’s true, but… I just remembered, the library’s vent was closed.”

Ryoma: “The vent… was closed?”

Shuichi: “… So I think… my deduction might be wrong.”

Shuichi’s voice sounds awkward and nervous as he tells his lie here, but it’s fairly plausible that that nervousness comes from his realisation that his deduction was wrong (because of his lack of confidence in his abilities), rather than from the knowledge that he’s running away from the truth.

Kaede: “Shuichi?”

Shuichi: “…”

Kaede: “I see…”

Kaede immediately sees through him and realises what he’s doing, of course, and she’s not going to let him do that.

Kaede: “Shuichi, we both investigated the vent. But you misunderstood something.”

Shuichi: “…What?”

Kaede: “I closed the vent grate while we were investigating, but it was open before.”

But, adorably, the way Kaede clears this up is not by informing the whole class that Shuichi just lied to protect her because he can’t face the truth. Instead, she tells her own lie that makes it seem like Shuichi was simply misinformed, so she can get things back on track without discrediting Shuichi or hurting him any more than necessary.

Shuichi: “No… That’s a lie!”

Kaede: “It’s not a lie. But depending on your deduction… it could become a lie.”

Shuichi: “…Ah!”

What Kaede says is a bit odd, since any statement is either a lie or it isn’t and it’s not going to suddenly change. But I suppose what she’s really saying is that the class’s perception of whether or not she’s lying will change depending on whether Shuichi admits that he just lied. She’s making it clear to Shuichi that she knows he just lied and he knows she just lied, without the rest of the class ever having to be aware that either of them did.

Kaede: “Shuichi, please, answer the question. How did the shot reach Rantaro? You know the answer. You just heard it during the debate.”

And then, like all back routes do, things start to reconverge with how the trial should have gone. It’s lovely though that in this instance it comes from Kaede’s continued efforts to encourage Shuichi to face the truth and use his detective skills that she believes in.

Shuichi: (Why am I hesitating…? Am I really going to turn back now? At a time like this? I’m sure Kaede wants to run away… But she’s still here… she trusts me to do this! I need to answer. I need to grant her wish. I need to solve this mystery!)

And Shuichi manages to find his strength again, thanks to Kaede’s encouragement and seeing how brave she’s being. After these lines, he explains exactly what he should have done after the debate and things reconverge completely.

I also enjoy that here’s another little moment of Shuichi being perfectly aware that Kaede’s scared but then using that to inspire him to be strong in the face of his own fear. Heroes that are struggling can be more inspiring than otherwise!

This is my favourite of all of the back routes! It makes a lot of in-character sense at this point that Shuichi might do this, because it’s all about his issues of wanting to run away from the truth causing him to momentarily falter even after having decided to accuse Kaede. This is the one back route that I can actually see potentially having canonically happened.

I say this about this one because, uh, most of the rest of them aren’t going to be nearly this good at all. Oh boy.

Trial 2, Back Route 1

This one’s right at the very beginning, in the first debate. They’re talking about Himiko’s magic trick, but this debate isn’t even supposed to be about figuring out the trick, it’s supposed to be about telling Kokichi he’s wrong when he pretends to believe Ryoma was eaten alive. However…

Himiko: “The Underwater Escape was no trick! It was magic!”

…there is also an agree spot here, and if you turn “Water Tank Trick” into a lie, it becomes “Magic Water Tank”, and you can agree with Himiko that it totally was magic.

Shuichi: “Maybe Himiko is right… The Underwater Escape might be real magic. Because from what I’ve seen, there is no trick or gimmick in that tank!”

Why, Shuichi. Why on earth do you think this is a worthwhile thing to lie about. Nothing in this entire back route gives any indication as to why Shuichi would think this is necessary.

Himiko: “Nyeh!?”

The best part of this one, in a very silly way, has to be how utterly fucking surprised Himiko is to hear him say this. If nothing else does, this proves that she’s not actually deluded and knows full well her magic isn’t really magic.

Himiko: “Y-Yeah, see? Shuichi agrees… There’s no trick. It’s magic…”

Yes, definitely, if the Ultimate Detective agrees then that’s even more proof that she’s a real mage!!! (she is so confused why is he doing this)

Tenko: “Wait up, Shuichi! Why are you trying to white-knight your way into Himiko’s heart!?”

Like that’s not what you’re doing all the time, Tenko.

Shuichi: (That… certainly was not my intention…)

Then what the fuck was, Shuichi!?

A couple of people suggest that if Himiko’s trick really was magic then doesn’t that make it more likely that she did kill Ryoma?

Himiko: “N-No, wait… Ryoma couldn’t have been killed by the piranhas… Cuz the piranhas I used in my show were special. They only eat dead flesh.”

This reads every bit like a desperate lie she’s trying to tell to get the suspicion off her. Apparently she didn’t even bother reading the Monokuma File to find a much simpler way to prove Ryoma wasn’t killed by the piranhas.

Tenko: “Are you just pretending to be nice to Himiko so she’ll tell us the truth!?”

Shuichi: “Ah, no, that’s not it…” (But… Himiko’s information was useful. Ryoma was not killed by the piranhas.)

Something you already knew, Shuichi, because you read the Monokuma File and are not an idiot, so Himiko’s “information”, if it was even true, wasn’t actually useful at all. If Shuichi really did tell this lie in an attempt to get some kind of information out of Himiko, then it was the most ridiculously pointless endeavour ever. Maybe he was actually trying to surprise her into admitting it wasn’t magic and explaining the trick? I don’t know.

Things shortly reconverge back to Shuichi explaining why Ryoma wasn’t eaten alive… and funnily enough, when we get to the next debate in which we actually discuss Himiko’s trick, everybody’s going to have conveniently forgotten the fact that Shuichi previously claimed the tank had no gimmick to it at all.

Trial 2, Back Route 2

This next one’s in the second half of the trial, just after Shuichi has accused Kirumi of being the culprit and needs to explain why. You’re supposed to point out that she had the chance to set things up in the gym in the five minutes she spent in there alone. And you’d think that Shuichi would already be aware of this, since this should be why he chose to accuse her in the first place.

Kirumi: “An alibi for nighttime? I believe most of us do not have one.”

But if you turn “Alibis for Yesterday” into a lie, it becomes, for some reason, “My Alibi For Nighttime”. Upon firing it at this statement, Shuichi is about to tell a ridiculously elaborate lie. Hold tight.

He claims that after the training he totally did with Kaito that night (remember his other, canonical lie), he went back to his dorm but couldn’t sleep and was awake for the whole night. And during the night, he heard the sound of someone leaving their dorm, and then later returning.

Shuichi: “But… I didn’t hear the sound of someone going down the stairs. Which must mean that whoever left has a room on the 1st floor.”

…

Shuichi: “Because preparing the ropeway required time to be spent in the gym… it’s extremely likely that the culprit helped set up the magic show. In short… Himiko, Angie, Kaito, or Kirumi.”

Maki: “I see… So among those four, the only one with a room on the 1st floor of the dorms is…”

Shuichi: “Yes. Only Kirumi.”

What the actual fuck. This is admittedly very clever, but it’s a huge stretch to think that Shuichi was able to come up with this on the spot. For one thing, I’m amazed he’s actually managed to memorise everyone’s dorm room placements (and apparently so has Maki) when they’ve only been there a few days. I’d certainly only pay attention to my own room and probably my immediate neighbours. Ultimate Detective super-memory, maybe, I guess. But then there’s the part where, while trying to think of a way to incriminate Kirumi, it somehow comes to Shuichi’s mind that she’s the only one of the possible suspects with a dorm room on the first floor, and therefore that he can use that in a lie? Why on earth would he think of that, of all things?

And if the actual reason to accuse Kirumi isn’t something he’s realised, then Shuichi should not even be sure she did it at this point, in which case telling a huge elaborate lie to incriminate her is incredibly risky, because what if she really didn’t do it?

Shuichi’s also missing a few potential suspects. Keebo also helped set up the magic show; Maki did not but has no alibi between 9 and 10 and could have done it then; and Miu also has a weak enough alibi that she could potentially have snuck into the gym for the five minutes necessary to set it up between 9 and 10. Keebo and Maki are on the second floor of the dorms. Miu is not. It still could technically be Miu, if we’re believing Shuichi’s lie here!

It is quite something to realise that the placement of all the characters’ rooms in the dorms were apparently decided almost entirely for the sake of this one non-canon alternative route. (I should also point out that despite more than a year of obsessing over this game, I still had to check these dorm placements that I just mentioned. It’s ridiculous that Shuichi knew these off the top of his head after only a few days.)

And I’ve no idea how a player is supposed to be able to figure out this back route through anything but wild trial-and-error. You can check what Lie Bullet is made from each Truth Bullet, although to do so you then have to fire it, which you lose health for doing (unless you have Kokichi’s skill equipped). I suppose firing “My Alibi For Nighttime” at the claim that most people don’t have an alibi for nighttime kind of makes sense, but Shuichi supposedly proving his own alibi is not necessary and not even what actually happens here. Players must be very confused when he suddenly goes off on this tangent which is nothing like what they would have been expecting from this.

Kokichi: “Hmm, you heard a sound, huh? Well, I hear a load of BS.”

Kokichi’s not wrong to call out Shuichi’s bullshit… but honestly, this was quite a plausible lie, simply because it’s so implausible to think that Shuichi could have come up with this as a lie. If he actually heard Kirumi leave and re-enter her room, then it makes sense he’d have then been able to narrow down that it could only be her based on her room being on the first floor. But the idea that he somehow managed to figure this concept out backwards without having actually heard anything is far harder to believe.

Kokichi: “But unfortunately for you, Kirumi… Your time’s up. We already know you’re the only one capable of setting all this up. Riiiight, Shuichi?”

Shuichi: (…Well, that was an unexpected assist.)

And this is how we reconverge. So apparently Shuichi did already know to point out that Kirumi is the only one who had the five minutes alone in the gym to make the preparations (so much for his claim that it could have been anyone who was in the gym even though the rest of them were never alone in there). In which case, whyyyyy on earth do this ridiculously elaborate detour instead???

Plus, here’s Kokichi making it clear that he knew that just as well himself, but of course he didn’t point it out any earlier than this because lol what is being helpful, that’s boring.

Trial 3, Back Route 1

This one’s in the first half, in the debate where it’s being argued that Keebo could have snuck in under the seance room’s floor using his flashlight function to see. You’re supposed to refute Kiyo’s claim that the culprit used a light at all because any light would have been seen through the hole in the floor. But doing that is honestly a little bit confusing and unintuitive, because the rest of the debate is more about specifically Keebo's flashlight and it seems more like you should be focusing on that in particular. Because of this, I’ve actually seen one blind LPer trigger this back route by accident because they were so confused about what to do here.

Miu: “Keebo could’ve used that function to get under the floor…”

Turning the “Keebo’s Flashlight Function” bullet into a lie gets you “Flashlight Drawbacks”. The LPer I mentioned thought this simply meant the fact that it’s really bright and would have been seen through the gaps, so they fired it here and were very confused by the notion that this was even supposed to be a lie in the first place. But oh boy, it is. Here we go.

Shuichi: (It’s hard to believe that Keebo is the culprit in this case. It’s even harder to believe that this trial isn’t being manipulated by someone… So even if I have to lie… I need to defend Keebo!)

It’s pretty ridiculous that Shuichi hasn’t figured out the obvious way to prove Keebo’s innocence without lying. And then it’s also odd that despite having no proof, he still believes Keebo isn’t the culprit. It comes across like the kind of belief he has in Kaito, but he’s not particularly close friends with Keebo in that same way, so it’s just very out of nowhere. This is the flimsiest justification for this silly detour.

Shuichi: “It’s so bright, even Keebo can’t see when it’s turned on!”

And so this is his lie, because apparently “it’s so bright that people would have seen it through the goddamn hole in the floor” did not occur to him first.

Miu: “…Wait, what!? There’s no way a genius like me would make that kinda rookie mistake!”

It’s honestly pretty remarkable that Keebo’s flashlight doesn’t have that drawback, since it’s in his eyes, which are indeed what he sees out of as trial 6 confirms for us. One would expect that to just massively overload the light sensors that they’d be right next to.

Gonta: “But… you make mistakes a lot… A whole lot…”

Oh, Gonta. You and your straightforward honesty.

(And then Miu is terrible and the less said about that the better.)

Shuichi: (Come on, Keebo… Please, play along!)

Keebo: “Um…”

Shuichi: (Keebo!)

Keebo: “Uh, um… Well, uh…”

It is pretty cute how Keebo doesn’t want to call out Shuichi’s lie but is also super uncomfortable about going along with it. Keebo is one of very few characters in this game who never lies about anything.

Keebo: “I’m so sorry! I just don’t remember! Really, I’m sorry!” [he shines his flashlight]

…I say that, but this here has to be a lie, because he was standing with his flashlight on for the whole second half of the investigation and would definitely have remembered not being able to see for all that time. Still, he’d rather tell an inconsequential lie about not remembering than either call out Shuichi for lying to protect him or go along with Shuichi’s much bigger lie that it really does blind him.

Kaito: “Aagh! We get it already! Just turn it off! We’re gonna go blind!”

Remember me noting during the trial itself that it’s Kaito in particular who complains about Keebo’s flashlight, suggesting he’s extra light-sensitive right now due to his illness? Still a thing here.

And a few lines later…

Keebo: “Shuichi, I’m so sorry!” [he shines his flashlight again]

Kaito: “Damn! That is seriously bright!”

It is still Kaito who reacts. He does this all four times Keebo shines his flashlight in this trial, if you count this back route along with the canon parts. Yep, I’m certain that’s a thing.

Maki: “Wouldn’t the light have shined through the gaps of the floorboard if it had been that bright?”

And then Maki is the one to save us from this dumbness that we’ve ended up on. Thank you, Maki.

Trial 3, Back Route 2

This one’s just after the intermission, when they’ve figured out that the seesaw trick required cutting the crosspiece beforehand, and so Kiyo is arguing that Himiko did it because she’s the one who picked the room. You’re supposed to prove that the other rooms were trapped too, but instead…

Tsumugi: “What if someone steered her into picking that room?”

…you can turn “The Caged Child” into “Caged Dog Village” and fire it at the agree spot in this statement. This is an odd one; “Caged Dog Village” is simply the name of the book that describes the Caged Child seance and therefore basically refers to the same information. This is not actually a lie.

Shuichi: (If implicating Himiko was the plan, then disrupting that plan might teach us something. For that reason… I have to lie!)

Do you, Shuichi? The game is trying to insist that this totally counts as a regular back route which arbitrarily must involve lying, but he’s not about to lie here.

Shuichi: “I believe Himiko was being set up. Himiko only picked that room because Kiyo wanted it as dark as possible.”

This a perfectly valid point which doesn’t get made in the canon trial. Before picking specifically the middle room, Himiko was also the one to suggest using one of the empty rooms in the first place – but she did so after Kiyo said it needed to be dark. Obviously Kiyo knew that those rooms were the only rooms available that fit the criteria for the seance and deliberately let her suggest it instead of himself.

None of this is a lie, and it didn’t even really need the “lie” bullet of “Caged Dog Village” for this, when The Caged Child truth bullet also mentions how it needs to be dark. Alternative routes to debates shouldn’t necessarily need to involve lying! (This is also another one which must have required some frustrating trial-and-error for players to find on their own.)

Keebo: “The culprit gambled on the middle room being picked through coincidence? That seems highly improbable.”

Shuichi: (Ah, that is true… The culprit wouldn’t have left that to chance.)

And now we’re back right where we started this debate, because even if it can be explained why Himiko picked one of the three empty rooms, this doesn’t prove that the culprit steered her into picking specifically the middle one (because he didn’t).

Himiko: “… No more… I told you… it’s too much of a pain. Just do the voting or whatever.”

There’s also a little more of Himiko having given up here, since Shuichi is not doing a good enough job of defending her with this to inspire her out of this mindset.

Kokichi: “I’m pretty sure it didn’t matter which room Himiko chose…”

Shuichi: “What do you mean?”

Kokichi: “It’s getting kinda boring, so I’ll explain. She didn’t choose the middle by coincidence. Each room was the same to begin with.”

It makes sense that Kokichi’s the one to get us back on track, because he’s the one who discovered the other rooms were trapped. Of course, he could have told everyone that in the first place, but nope, he’s only pointing it out here because Shuichi’s being slow on the uptake and it’s looking possible that they might actually vote for Himiko and get everyone killed if he doesn’t step in. It is quite amusing how frustrated he sounds by this. Ugh, what do you mean he’s got no choice but to be helpful for once. The least helpful person even when he is actually being helpful, as always.

Trial 4, Back Route 1

This one’s in the very first debate, in which Kokichi’s arguing that Kaito poisoned Miu.

Kokichi: “That’s when you poisoned her, right, Kaito?”

You’re supposed to fire the “Small Bottle of Poison” at this statement to prove that Miu couldn’t have been killed with that poison. But you can also lie with that bullet to turn it into “Small Antidote Bottle” and fire it here.

Shuichi: “And it’s much too early to decide that Kaito is the culprit.”

Kokichi: “But whyyyyyyy? I think it’s already too late. You guys are taking so long to realise that people can kill others in a snap…”

Oh my god, Kokichi, you are the most broken record ever even in non-canon alternative scenarios.

Shuichi: (I know Kokichi hasn’t forgotten about that. He’s just pretending. Alright, Kokichi, I’ll play your game. If you’re going to lie, I will too.)

At least for this back route, Shuichi isn’t being inexplicably stupid and failing to realise the correct way forward. He knows it, but he’s just trying to give Kokichi a taste of his own medicine.

Shuichi: “Have you forgotten? The bottle we found at the scene was an antidote, not a poison. It’s not like Miu could have been killed by an antidote.”

This is a pretty pathetically obvious lie, but the point isn’t to have anyone believe it, it’s to (attempt to) push Kokichi into admitting the truth about the poison and that he already knows the culprit isn’t Kaito. Which can sometimes be the point behind some of Kokichi’s pathetically obvious lies. The ones that aren’t just for the hell of it, at least.

Shuichi: “…Is this *fun* for you, messing with the trial?”

Kokichi: “Hm? Well, I mean, this is where it gets fun for both me and the culprit.”

Of course he’s doing it just for fun, Shuichi, you barely need to ask that.

Also, please recall that Kokichi believes right now that Gonta remembers being the culprit, and yet he has the gall to imply in earshot of Gonta that he’d ever be having fun with this. What a dick.

Kokichi: “…So, what’s this talk about an antidote? We’ll just say you misunderstood the whole thing, Shuichi. We all know you wouldn’t lie.”

Shuichi: “O-Of course. I’m sorry, I was just misremembering.”

It’s pretty disappointing and anticlimactic that Shuichi just backs down on this. Him telling this lie in the first place was supposed to be to show Kokichi how frustrating his own obvious lies are and try to get him to reveal his hand. Kokichi would never suddenly back down with an “oops sorry I was just mistaken” (Kokichi is never wrong about anything, after all), so if Shuichi really wants to commit to this bit, he shouldn’t either!

I suppose the fact that he does just goes to show that Shuichi doesn’t have it in him to be as much of an asshole liar as Kokichi, funnily enough. Which is why I’m still not super fond of this back route, even though it’s less stupid than the ones in trials 2 and 3 – while it’s neat that Shuichi tries to use Kokichi’s tactics against him, it’s not really in his character to do that when it’s not necessary. That’s too underhanded for Shuichi.

Shuichi: (I can’t let Kokichi continue this line of questioning. It will implicate Kaito.)

Kokichi already has implicated Kaito. Wasn’t the point of this whole lie supposed to be to get him to reveal the truth of the poison and unimplicate Kaito? But even then, it’s very unclear how Shuichi thought lying that the poison bottle was an antidote bottle would do that – Kokichi’s just going to retort “no, it was poison, duh” and never need to explain the part where it was a type of poison that couldn’t have killed Miu. This whole escapade of Shuichi’s was a pretty silly idea on many levels.

Shuichi: “But Kokichi, you’re misremembering as well. You were the one who told us about the warnings on the label. If you remember what was on that label, you’ll see that your argument is flawed.”

Kokichi: “What warnings? Was there something like that on the label?”

Shuichi: (Is he still pretending not to know…?)

And ultimately, he never gets Kokichi to admit he was lying about it. He even actively claimed that Kokichi just misremembered, despite knowing that’s not the case! If revealing that Kokichi was lying was your goal, Shuichi, why would you not at least try to point that out to everyone, even if he’d inevitably deny it.

Trial 4, Back Route 2

This one’s just after the intermission, in the debate where they’re discussing what was used to slide Miu’s body off the roof, featuring what would normally be Kaito Refutation #3.

Kaito: “There was nothing like that around, though!”

But instead of refuting Kaito with the actual truth, you can also turn “Signboard Used as a Bridge” into “Signboard Used as a Sign” and fire it here.

Shuichi: “There was something the culprit could have used to slide the body! The signboard!”

Kaito: “The signboard!?”

While the purpose of this lie is, again, about Kokichi, it makes me uncomfortable that this one involves Shuichi lying to Kaito. Kaito’s having enough inferiority issues at this point in this trial already without Shuichi just using him as a springboard to play some pointless game of liar chess with Kokichi.

Maki points out that the signboard was already being used as a bridge and therefore couldn’t have been a sled.

Shuichi: (Maki is right, it couldn’t have been that exact signboard. However… He knows exactly how it was done. That’s why I need to bait him out with this lie!)

Again, Shuichi is attempting to get Kokichi to reveal that he already knows all the answers to this case by pushing him into it with his own lie. So he goes on to claim that there was actually a second signboard lying next to where he found the first one to use as a bridge. (During the Virtual World trip, the game made a point of how Shuichi went alone to fetch that signboard in the first place, which it turns out was entirely for the purpose of this back route, so that nobody else would be able to prove this is a lie.)

Himiko: “But then why did Miu say there was only one signboard?”

Shuichi: “Uh… To mislead us; she was planning a crime, after all.”

This is rather flimsy and indicative that he’s lying. She would still need a reason related to her planned crime to want to lie about this. In fact, there being a second signboard there would have ruined Miu’s plan of throwing away the bridge, so really she should have deleted any extra potential bridges beforehand and that proves Shuichi’s lying about this.

Kokichi: “Puhu… Puhuhuhuhu…!”

This, of all things, is Kokichi’s initial reaction. I guess since we’re in the second half of trial 4, it’s approaching the point where he’s going to be pretending he’s super evil for the purpose of convincing them all he’s the mastermind, and that’s why he’s acting like Monokuma here?

Kokichi: “Ah-hahahaha! Oh my god! That lie was sooo cringy! Stop, my stomach hurts! Wooow! Shuichi is lying on purpose! Are you trying to spice up the class trial, too?”

And this time, Kokichi explicitly calls Shuichi out on the lie. This is the first time he’s done that for any of Shuichi’s lies, back route or canon, since this is just a little before Shuichi’s actual canon lie in this trial which Kokichi will also call him out on.

It’s a little strange that he reacts to this lie of Shuichi’s so differently than how he reacts to the upcoming one, just finding it hilariously pathetic rather than being furious about it. Perhaps that’s just because the upcoming one gets used much more directly against him, to prove that he went to the crime scene, whereas this one doesn’t “ruin his fun” and in fact makes things more entertaining for him.

Shuichi: “Kokichi… I was the only one who went and got the signboard. Only I saw them. So why do you think I’m lying?”

Kokichi: “Because I know. I know the culprit… and the whole trick.”

And, I guess props to Shuichi, because this time he actually succeeded in getting Kokichi to admit this. This is possibly because Kokichi is so close to the point where he’s planning to reveal the culprit anyway that he doesn’t see the harm in giving everyone a little teaser of that. (I should also point out that, were Kokichi really going for the mercy kill, it would be better for him to not admit to knowing anything at all here.)

Kaito: “Wh-What!?”

I like how Kaito is the first one to react to that. At this point in the trial it’s pretty clear that he’s noticed Kokichi already knows a bunch of stuff he’s infuriatingly not telling anyone, so this is probably less him being surprised at that and more just being bewildered that Kokichi is suddenly admitting it.

Kokichi: “Nee-heehee… I couuuld tell you, but I think we should save the best for last.”

He still wants to draw it out, just like he’s been doing this entire trial, to make it as ~fun~ as possible, because he is still twistedly desperately trying to have fun with his murderous assholery. And he’s trying to make it as cruel as possible too, so that they’ll all believe he’s totally evil and therefore totally the mastermind.

Kokichi: “Even if I told you, would you guys really believe a liar like me?”

Yeah, he knows that people are going to put up resistance to the idea once he does accuse Gonta, just because it’s him saying it. But he also knows that Shuichi will face things objectively and prove it for him anyway once he gets to that point.

Kokichi: “That doesn’t mean *all* of Shuichi’s deductions are lies, y’know.”

Oh, really, Kokichi? But I thought that if one person lies about one thing then they’re instantly a horrible backstabber and you can’t trust them about anything, and so everything they say might as well be considered a lie? Yeah, too bad for Kokichi that narrative doesn’t work here where he still needs Shuichi to be credible in order for him to prove to everyone that Gonta did it.

So admittedly, these two back routes for trial 4 are much less ridiculous and more pointed than the ones from trials 2 and 3, and while the first one awkwardly doesn’t go anywhere, this one actually does. But I’m still not hugely fond of them and don’t like to think they’d be canon, simply because it’s not like Shuichi to use underhanded tactics like this unless he really feels it’s necessary.

These lies are also more underhanded than the canon lie later in this trial, because that one straightforwardly “proves” that Kokichi went to the roof, whereas these two are all about trying to manipulate Kokichi into admitting something that Shuichi’s lie itself doesn’t actually prove (which might also be why Kokichi is so amused by this lie when that’s not at all how he reacts to the upcoming one). That’s worse than anything Shuichi does canonically. This is Shuichi stooping to Kokichi’s level even more than he does in canon, not because he has to but just because he can. He’s better than that.

Trial 5, Back Route 1

This back route is almost my favourite one. Almost. And then it isn’t.

This is the first debate after Exisal Kokichi appears and shows everyone the video, in which you’re supposed to argue that Kaito’s cause of death couldn’t have been the hydraulic press because of the safety function.

Himiko: “Kaito got crushed to death.”

But instead of firing the safety function at this, you can turn the “Murder Video” bullet into “Survival Video” and fire it here.

Shuichi: “I still… don’t believe it. Is that video real?”

Because Shuichi doesn’t want to accept Kaito’s death, even when it’s staring him in the face, of course!

Shuichi: “It could have been edited to make it *look* like Kaito was killed by the press.”

Exisal Kaito: “Damn right!”

[the Exisal leaps over into Kaito’s spot]

Exisal Kaito: “There’s no way this Luminary of the Stars would die that easily!”

I love that this makes Kaito be himself again for a moment. Of course he’s too invincible and too luminary and too Kaito to die that easily! That’s exactly what Shuichi’s believing right now!

(And it’s exactly what Kaito hasn’t truly believed about himself in a while. But since he’s playing an overexaggerated version of himself that Kokichi might act out, and since he’s talking about how he totally wouldn’t ever die, that’s a reason to pretend like he’s the Luminary of the Stars, even though he doesn’t truly feel he deserves that title any more.)

Tsumugi: “K-Kaito again!?”

[the Exisal leaps back to Kokichi’s spot]

Exisal Kokichi: “Would you have liked it better if it turned out like that? Ah-haha, you wish!”

But Kaito can’t actually stick with that for more than a brief second, no matter how much he must have liked the excuse to pretend he really is invincible, because he’s here to convince Shuichi that he’s dead. I don’t think this brief switch to his own voice was actually scripted, for the same reasons I argued back in the main commentary that Kaito starting out as himself at first wasn’t scripted. Kokichi would have preferred it if they never heard both voices and therefore never even considered the possibility that the Kokichi voice could be faked.

Nonetheless, Kaito’s doing a good job of ad-libbing Kokichi’s behaviour after he switches back, because of course Kokichi would enjoy rubbing Shuichi’s denial and irrational belief in Kaito’s invincibility in his face. The delivery of the “you wish” is especially dickish, and I am forever impressed at Kaito being able to do this kind of thing.

Shuichi: (Ah!)

Shuichi is not happy at being toyed with like this.

Exisal Kokichi: “Like I said, that footage isn’t edited at all. It recorded the event completely as is. Kaito was crushed! His bones went crunch, and his organs went squish!”

Yikes. This part at least is very definitely scripted, and, again, it is incredible that Kaito can act this out and make himself say these words. He manages to sound genuinely gleeful about the gruesome part, even though that is actually what he did to Kokichi while he was still alive. Aaaaaa, Kaito. I bet he was very, very glad in the canon version of events that he never had to recite this bit of the script.

Himiko: *huuurp*… “I remembered the video… And all my bittersweet memories of him…”

Himiko still seems to be reasonably upset about Kaito’s death!

Tsumugi: “Hold those memories within you… or they’ll just escape as sour vomit.”

Meanwhile Tsumugi sure seems to give absolutely no fucks that Kaito was horribly killed, does she.

Shuichi: “But we all know Kokichi loves to lie. And that he’s a Remnant of Despair. That leads me to believe there’s something he’s not telling us about that video. I don’t think that video showed the murder at all! All we saw was a living body!”

Questioning the validity of the video is quite a reasonable thing to do at this point, even despite all of Exisal Kokichi’s insistence that it couldn’t have been edited. But it’s still very unlikely that this’d ever actually cut the trial short, because without knowing why Kokichi would fake the video, which we don’t figure out until we learn that Monokuma doesn’t know what happened, there’s no reason to be certain that it even was faked at all. Trying to figure out how it could have been faked at that point is just trying to solve a puzzle that might not even have a solution.

Exisal Kokichi: “Nee-heehee… I don’t blame you for not believing it. It’s hard to believe a smug idiot like Kaito got squished like a bug, right?”

Says Kaito. Still very scripted, still delightful that Kaito is forcing himself to say all these things designed to taunt and hurt Shuichi and make himself sound pathetic and worthless. He is doing whatever it takes to get Shuichi to drop this.

Exisal Kokichi: “But your lie won’t work here, Shuichi. No, what you said isn’t even a lie! It’s just wishful thinking!”

And of course Kokichi in the script, having predicted the possibility of Shuichi desperately trying to deny Kaito’s death even after seeing the video, would still want to make it seem all about lies despite knowing full well that Shuichi reacting like this wouldn’t (shouldn’t) have anything to do with lying at all. Kaito can’t enjoy dismissing Shuichi’s wishful thinking like it’s meaningless to hope for something better, especially when he knows that Shuichi’s right to. Wishful thinking is believing that the impossible is possible!

Shuichi: “…” (You’re wrong, Kokichi. My emotional reaction is the lie. I put on this act to get what I want from you. I know that these class trials demand that someone dies. I’m prepared for that.)

And then, this back route, which was being really delightful, just goes and shoots itself in the foot and completely invalidates itself. What the fuck do you mean Shuichi was only pretending to desperately want Kaito to be alive?

If Shuichi has accepted the fact that someone’s dead, and is also sure that he’s talking to Kokichi, that means he’s already accepted that Kaito is dead. This is straight-up contradicted by canon, in which Shuichi only properly accepts that Kaito is dead just before the Debate Scrum, which is still a while from now. Acting like he’s totally already accepted it here completely compromises Shuichi’s emotional progression for the first part of this trial, which is one of the most fun parts!

(There was even that one bit right here where Shuichi went (Ah!) in his inner monologue, which is an internal reaction that wouldn’t be part of this hypothetical lie and sure implies that his emotional reaction really was genuine, but nah, that was never a thing, right.)

And the only reason they did this, probably? Because back routes must totally always involve lies of some kind. As if you couldn’t possibly have an interesting alternate route in a debate that doesn’t require lying (even though the second back route in trial 3 actually did not contain a lie at all). I bet the writers came up with this fun idea of Shuichi trying to deny the video, and then went “wait, shit, that’s not actually a lie; we need to make it a lie somehow otherwise it can’t be a back route”. No, you don’t!!! This is, again, making Shuichi far too underhanded and manipulative for his character, especially given the desperate state of mind he is canonically supposed to be in at this point in the trial. Gah. This is so disappointing.

Honestly, I’d have been tempted to actually include this back route in my main coverage of trial 5 if it hadn’t been for this. If they’d actually made this about more of Shuichi’s desperate denial like it should have been, with bonus Kaito briefly being his totally-invincible self and then reciting some painfully cruel scripted lines that he must have hated to say, it’d have been a delightful addition and there’d have been very little reason for me not to include it!

Also, if they’d made this back route be actually about Shuichi’s denial, it would also have been amusingly similar to the hypothetical alternate route I proposed in the main commentary, in which Shuichi could have picked up on Exisal Kokichi’s comment about his singular wound to desperately try and tell himself it was Kaito in there after all. That one wouldn’t have involved lying either, and wouldn’t have needed to to still be interesting! (That part came later on, just after the Debate Scrum in which he accepted Kaito’s death, but then it’d have been a brief lapse in Shuichi’s resolve to accept the truth, kind of like trial 1’s back route.)

Shuichi: (My intuition is telling me there’s something wrong with that video. It was shot for a reason.)

Shuichi should be perfectly allowed to have his detective’s intuition tell him this while also having his Shuichi Saihara side desperately want to deny the video just because he can’t bear the thought of losing Kaito. They shouldn’t have to randomly erase Shuichi’s emotional side here to justify this alternative route.

Shuichi: (Is there a hint in what Kokichi has said? Some key to the mystery?)

There is not, because nearly everything Exisal Kokichi said in response to this was very clearly scripted, and Kokichi would have carefully made sure that none of it would give any hints as to what’s really going on in the video or why he shot it. All he did was reiterate that the footage wasn’t edited, and then distract from the topic with lots of taunting about Kaito’s death and Shuichi’s denial.

Maki: “Isn’t this enough? Kokichi is the culprit. He brought the evidence and even confessed to the murder.”

But Shuichi doesn’t get more time to think about this, because Maki is very quick to insist that Kokichi did it, so that she can get him killed.

Shuichi: “That doesn’t make sense! Not even Kokichi would do something that stupid!”

I am amused by how Shuichi’s wording implies that he thinks Kokichi is usually rather stupid, even if not this much so. That’s not quite what he really means… but Kokichi was rather stupid about this plan in multiple ways.

Tsumugi: “Is common sense going to work here? On the Remnants of Despair, I mean.”

Tsumugi is still trying to remind everyone that this is definitely all about Remnants of Despair, even though them writing off Kokichi’s strange actions because of that would likely lead to them not finding the real truth and getting her game into trouble. (Kaito must be already getting very confused about what these Remnants of Despair are in this turn of events.)

Then Keebo is the one to get us back on track, because apparently when Shuichi mentioned earlier that the video could have just showed a living body, Keebo ran a mental search on the word “living” and got a “hit” of the press’s safety function. Which is an odd way to recall a relevant fact like that. This is Keebo being less human-seeming than usual, if he had to consciously run a search instead of just remembering it like a regular person would. Especially since he himself had such a personal beef with the safety function earlier.

Trial 5, Back Route 2

This is a little later on but still before the intermission, after Shuichi has figured out that a third party entered the hangar using an Exisal and is trying to prove how that was possible. You’re supposed to point out that someone used an Electrohammer to hijack one, but instead…

Maki: “…so getting inside one would’ve been impossible.”

…you can turn “Hatch’s Electronic Lock” (which refers to the locks on the Exisals’ cockpits) into “Unlocked Hatch” and fire it here.

Shuichi: “While investigating the Exisals, I noticed that they have no locks on their cockpit hatches.”

But Shuichi, if you really did notice that while investigating them, then why didn’t you try opening the red one that was there in the hangar? In fact, why doesn’t Maki just leap over there right now to open the cockpit and murder Kokichi to death like she’s been wanting to this whole time?

Shuichi: “It should have been possible to get into the cockpit, providing they could reach it.”

Maki: “But that’s reckless, absurd, and useless… Jump inside a moving Exisal? That’s not really possible.”

Shuichi: “No, I think it is. You would need to be quick, agile, athletic and stealthy… I can think of at least one person who fits that description.”

Shuichi is presumably making a point of how only Maki could be capable of jumping into a moving Exisal to try and make her defend herself by saying they were locked, which would be admitting she knew about the locks and therefore incriminating herself.

Maki: “…What? Are you implying that it’s m—”

Exisal Kokichi: “Oooh, I see! And since he’s a robot, he could have some robo-communication function!”

Aaa, Kaito! We’re entirely in ad-lib territory here, so this is him defending Maki by changing the subject to Kokichi’s usual robophobic dickery! The real Kokichi would be much happier using this opportunity to be more of a dick to Maki, not Keebo, and rub in how much of an evil stealthy murderous assassin she is.

…Of course, Kaito knows Maki did this and wants Shuichi to figure it out. So perhaps this is because he’s not particularly thrilled at the underhanded way Shuichi is going about this, because of course he knows Shuichi’s lying about the lock on the Exisal.

Keebo: “As I’ve said, my speed, agility, and strength are equal to that of a human, if not weaker!” […]

Tsumugi: “The selling point of being a robot is being good in combat, but… poor Keebo…”

Insert some of my usual grumbling about Keebo never using his goddamn weapons until chapter 6 for no adequately-justified reason here.

Maki: “Stop this pointless conversation, Shuichi. If you want to say something, say it already.”

Maki can clearly tell Shuichi is up to something and is quite understandably annoyed at him beating around the bush like this.

Shuichi: “As the Ultimate Assassin, you would be able to jump into that Exisal, correct?”

Maki: “…Impossible. If I could do that, I would’ve turned the Exisal into scrap on the first day.”

Shuichi: “Maybe. Unless you were hiding your true potential, in which case…”

Heh, the image of Maki using her badass assassin powers to even assassinate the Exisals and singlehandedly save everyone at once is a fun image. And she may well have been deliberately hiding her true potential to begin with since she didn’t want anyone to know she was an assassin at first – but she’d have had no reason not to come chapter 3.

Maki: “…Do you really suspect me that much?”

Shuichi: “No, actually. I’m trying to find a way to prove that you *couldn’t* be the intruder.”

What Shuichi is saying sounds like something that could be true because he doesn’t want to suspect his friend… but he’s lying. He’s saying this to try and make Maki admit that she knew about the lock and prove she’s the intruder, because he does suspect her the most. This is very uncomfortably underhanded and manipulative of him

And this works – Maki goes on to explain that there’s a lock on the cockpits, meaning she couldn’t have got inside.

Shuichi: (…You just made something very clear to me, Maki. You do know something after all, and you’re hiding it from me!)

And you’re hiding your intentions for this conversation and lying to her, so really right now you’re both being as bad as each other, Shuichi! This back route is in a similar vein to the ones in trial 4, in which Shuichi lies to try and coax information out of someone whom he knows is hiding something from him. It was one thing when that person was Kokichi and Shuichi was essentially just turning his own tactics against him. But this is Shuichi being deceptive and manipulative towards his friend, even if it is a friend who’s hiding something from him, and that makes me even more uncomfortable.

Shuichi: “How do you know there’s an electronic lock on the Exisal’s hatch?”

Maki: “… …Because I checked it during the investigation.”

Shuichi: “That can’t be true. I’m the only person Monokuma told about those locks.”

Maki: “…Just you? I see. If that’s the case… Then you lied just to confirm if I knew about the electronic lock.”

I’m glad that Maki realises he did that and calls him out on that.

Shuichi: “…Yes, I did, and I’m sorry.”

If you’re sorry then you should have just not done it in the first place, Shuichi! It’s perfectly possible to force her to admit the truth just by proving she had to have done it by talking about her used Electrohammer – which gets her to pretty quickly concede that she’s the third party – so why would you bother using this underhanded manipulative method on your friend when you don’t have to!?

Maki: “When Monokuma explained it to you, I just happened to overhear it. That’s all.”

Shuichi: “You’re lying, Maki. You know about the locks because you’ve been inside one of the cockpits.”

Maki: “So annoying… Do you want to die? You’re the one who’s lying!”

Both of you have been lying and being dicks to each other right now! But only one of you is doing it because you’re broken and manipulated into feeling like it’s necessary, and that one is not Shuichi!

I’m also quite sad that Kaito does not try and step in at any point to break this up, like he did that one time in canon for a similar argument between Shuichi and Maki. Kaito must hate seeing the two of them lashing out at each other like this, Shuichi using unnecessarily dickish tactics and Maki hiding the fact that she thinks she killed him for reasons he still doesn’t understand. Exisal Kokichi only gets that one earlier line about Keebo in this whole back route, and it’s another thing that’s disappointing to me about this one.

Shuichi: (It looks like… she’s never going to admit it on her own. There’s something important that she’s protecting by keeping her mouth shut.)

At least Shuichi believes that if Maki is being so stubborn about this, it must be because she’s protecting something. The actual truth is a lot more painful than that.

Shuichi: (In that case, I have to keep pushing.)

You could try doing that by using the truth and actually proving she did it instead of this manipulative bullshit, Shuichi. If she’s stubborn enough that she’s never going to admit it without proof, then just prove it already.

Himiko is the one to save us and get us back on track this time, with a brief surprising interlude in which she seems like she’s not going to say her magic could have unlocked an Exisal… but then she says her magic would have been an option alongside an Electrohammer after all.

Once it reconverges, Shuichi is suddenly talking again about a mysterious “third party”, like he wasn’t just making a huge point about how Maki in particular knew more about the Exisals than she should and is already very clearly the third party in question. These back routes don’t always reconverge very smoothly.

So, yes. It’s interesting to see some alternative possibilities, but almost all of these back routes do not deserve to be considered canon or even ambiguously canon. Either they involve Shuichi being way dumber than normal and overlooking the correct option for no particular reason, or they involve Shuichi being far more dickishly underhanded and manipulative than he should be. The only potentially worthwhile ones are the ones about Shuichi running away from the truth, which is only one and a half of them. That first one in trial five frustrates me so much – it was this close to being absolutely delightful, and then they ruined it! Aaargh.

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #bonus content #back routes #commentary

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srprincess · 5 years

Text

Fictober (day - who even knows? 8, 9 & 10? this one took a little bit)

Prompt 25 - “I could really eat something”

fandom - check please

The SpookydooAU continues, Chapter 5 now!

Will opened the door, leading his trespasser-turned-guest through to the mudroom.

“Mind you stick to the mats, don’t drip all over my floors,” Ugh. When had he turned into his Ma, God rest her? He wasn't some shade of a house proud homebody, really. It was only, well, the one thing worse than cleaning was all the messes that only got worse if you didn't keep up with it. He shook his head, who was he even trying to justify this to? Himself? He liked things just so, and it was his home. “Actually, leave the shoes here and follow me. I’ll find you something dry to wear.”

”You don't have to-”

Will looked pointedly down towards the, already growing, puddle at the guy’s feet. ”I really do.”

He took off his sopping wet sneakers and started to leave them beside the door on the wood before seeing Will’s look of near horror and moving them to the carpet runner with a nervous smile. ”Dry would be warmer, thanks. Lead the way.”

Will dug through his drawer chest looking for pair of sweats and a not too beat up t-shirt, grateful he had actually remembered to wash, dry and put away his clothes last week. For once. That was another one of those chores that always seemed to pile up. Pausing another moment to be grateful for Past Will, he pulled a pair of boxer briefs from a new package tucked away in the top drawer.

”Appreciate this. I’m Derek by the way, but you can call me Nursey. Everyone else does.”

”Nursey?” What was it with these guys and nicknames? He added a pair of socks to the clothing pile and handed it over.

”Yeah. Figured you should know my name since you're letting me into your pants and all.” Nursey said with a ridiculous wink.

”Oh. My. God.” He did not just day that. And that wink? Really?? ”That was awful! Is that what passes for a line these days?” Will heckled.

”’These days?’ Between that and the ’keep off my lawn’ act - What are you, geriatric?”

”Only on the inside.” If Nursey only knew the running commentary that had been going through Will’s head the last little while...maybe he aged a little earlier than scheduled. ”Still that line was bad, and you should feel bad.”

”Okay, so maybe not quite geriatric. Middle-aged?” Nurse shot back.

”I can and will take those back,” Will nodded down at the clothes, ”and put you back out on the porch.”

”Truce! Truce! Thanks for the clothes. And the shelter. Most of all for not running me off. So...Should I change here, or....” Nursey trailed off looking for a bathroom or somewhere else private to change in.

Oh yeah, privacy was a thing, Will thought to himself belatedly. Just as well he didn't really have guests, he’d clearly forgotten how to be a normal host ages ago.

”Here’s fine, or there's a bathroom straight across the hall if you want to try and dry off or whatever first? I'm just going to go, and, you know, grab some shit.”

Nurse gave him questioning look.

”The pie? It's still up on the walk. Not much left, but I'll be damned before I let those birds get it in the morning.”

”You know, I could really eat something too...” Nurse hinted.

”Don’t push it, I’ll share my home and my clothes but I will not be sharing that pie.”

”But I could be in shock! I think you're supposed to feed a shocked person.”

”Other than your obvious confusion, thinking I would share even one bite, you don't have any of the symptoms. And treatment involves no food or water, so even if you were...”

”You got me. I'm not in shock, but I am kind of hungry. I skipped out on dinner to be here.”

”And that's my fault how exactly?” Will wasn't sure if he was impressed or annoyed at the absolute gall of this guy.

Of course, Nursey chose that very moment to use his dripping pathetic condition to full advantage, even adding puppy dog eyes.

Damn those eyes.

”Fine. I'm not sharing the pie, but I might be able to dig a hot pocket or something out of the deep freeze for you.”

About 15 minutes later Nursey emerged from the bathroom, looking much more put together and, most importantly, dry.

Will had already hidden away the slice of pie for safe keeping and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter eating what remained in the tin. He handed Nursey a plastic sack to hold the wet clothes, and pointed to the microwave as it beeped, ”food.”

”Not pie, but much better than a hot pocket,” Nursey allowed as he smelled the plate of leftovers appreciatively. “I called and, as soon as he picks up Chowder and Farmer from the bar, Bitty will be here to pick me up. Hope I can leave before the ransom exchange? Doubt even he could get a pie made whole driving all over.”

“Sure, let him know I accept IOUs paid in the form of food quietly left on my doorstep. Now, tell the truth, is it just you lurking or should I expect some else to pop out from under my bed later tonight?” Will asked, only half joking.

”None of us is going to, but word is this place is haunted as hell, so I can't speak for any ghosts.”

”Oh yeah, ooooh spooky ghosts, ” Will waved his hands around mockingly. ”I am so afraid.”

”Legends can't all be lies,” Nursey said with a shrug as he sat on the other stool and dug into the food with a moan. “Okay, keep the pie. I need so much more of this.”

Blushing at the praise, Will mumbled “It’s just a roast. Dump it all together and leave it cook.” In an attempt to take a little attention off him, he changed the subject by nudging the duffel he had run out to bring in with his toe. ”So, do you actually believe in all this or...”

”I guess you could say that I don't not believe in it?”

”Oh, well with those convictions I can see why you take time and travel all over to do it every year. And why you paid who knows how much for all the shit in there.”

”We didn't start for me, I'm just...along for the ride? Mostly?” Nurses looked down with a frown as the fork scraped his empty plate.

”So it’s for who exactly?” Will asked, as he went and warmed up the remainder of the potatoes from the fridge. See? He could host. He had manners. Sort of.

”Jack, mostly.”

”Jack? Really? The quiet guy with the notebook? He's the gung-ho ghost hunter?” Will was surprised, he seemed the mostly normal of the whole group. Not really a ringleader sort, at least that was what he’d thought anyway.

”Not exactly,” Nursey replied after thanking him for the refill of his plate. ”I’m not even sure he believes in ghosts actually.”

”Well, now you have to explain.”

”You’re going to think it’s weird-”

”You guys? Weird? Oh yeah. That ship has sailed. Hours ago. Can barely see it from here. Lost over the horizon. No lighthouse guiding it back-”

”Okay, okay I get it. Haha we’re weird. Do you want to mock me oooor,”

”I have to choose?”

Nurse glared, but explained anyway. ”So I say it's for Jack, because he's the reason we started. First couple years out of school we had regular meetups and whatnot, it was like we were still all together just with a little longer breaks in between, right? Then one year, there was this, uh, really big deal? That Jack wanted to close at work, yeah? And no matter how hard he worked toward it, he couldn't. Really sucked. Went to this big rival of his-”

”Rival?”

”Yeah, like, umm, they used to work together? But now they're kind of in opposite sides of the business. It's a thing. Anyway, ” Nursey hurried on with the story, cutting off the chance for further interruptions, ”Bitty could tell he was torn up about it - all of us could really - and so we wanted to distract him. Except, and I'll deny this if you tell him I said it, but his interests can be a little...boring. Gross nasty fishing. Country club shit I’d rather not do, like golf. And most of all history. So much history. Boy could tour a fort for daaaaays.”

”History isn't so bad! S’long as I'm not the touree,”

”Is that even a word?”

”Shut up and finish your story, ” Will said with a light shove.

”If you're done interrupting,” Nursey paused, eyebrow raised, before continuing. ”So we were all brainstorming ideas of what would be fun for our history nerd friend but not mind-numbingly dull for everyone else and it came to us - ghost hunting. All the history and research his heart could possibly desire about each haunted place along with the possibility of some excitement for the rest of us. And even when we don't find anything, we all have a little trip away together out of it. It’s always good to meet back up after a while apart. Everyone wins.”

”Except the locals-”

”Most are happy! Some people actually like tourism, you know. Besides, you got a pie out of it, so-“

“Fair enough. I guess. So - if you're all such good friends, why did they ditch you out there when they left earlier?”

“Umm...That’s not really their fault. You see, I was supposed to wait in the car until Bitty and Jack got the go ahead. I just decided to sneak out and get a jump start before we lost the light.”

“Confident much? Did you really think I’d cave that easy? Not that anyone listened, but I had already said no earlier.”

”Honestly? It never even occurred to me that the pie bribe would fail. It hasn't yet. Literally never.”

”It is good, but...never? Really?”

”Seriously. Bitty has been getting into and out of things with his baking skills ever since I've known him. If you ask him, ever since he was tall enough to reach the oven controls.”

Will was grudgingly impressed on Bitty’s behalf. And, he admitted to himself, if he had tasted the pie before sending them away, it probably would have worked on him too. ”But when it did fail?”

”When they saw I wasn't in the back anymore, Bitty texted and asked if I wanted him and Jack to wait at the turn for me to walk out. Figured this might be my only chance and told them to go ahead -”

A horn sounded from outside at the same time Nursey’s phone skittered across the counter with a vibrated alert.

”That’s me. He's trying to keep the others contained, so I better hurry. Thanks again.” Nursey made his way to the door.

”I’d say you're welcome, but I’d hate to encourage future deviance so I guess I'll just say- that wasn't as bad as I expected.” Will walked him out to the porch.

“Careful, Poindexter, you’ll give me a big head with all that praise.” Nursey called back on his way to the car.

”It’s Will!” he yelled, but the only reply was a wave out the window as they pulled away.

#fictober19 #omgcp #nurseydex #derek nurse #william poindexter #spookydoo au #fic #because apparently I just really like finishing these things after my half of the world has gone to sleep

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battlestar-royco · 5 years

Note

Just so you know, there’s a SJM account that’s saying you guys worship grrm and like the way he wrote about dany’s rape scene. To elaborate, this user wrote that you guys unfairly critique SJM for including sex scenes in her novels because she’s a woman but then worship grrm anyways because he’s a man. I don’t know if you guys get a lot of anon hate but I thought I would warn you in case because she made it seem as if you guys are abuse apologists instead of just people who don’t like sjm

Okay so I sat down to answer this ask and it kind of unintentionally became an anti SJ/M manifesto. So before I begin, thanks anon for sending me this and giving me an excuse to write it. Here is an obnoxiously long answer about the nature of the anti community. TL;DR, critiquing Mess is valid for many reasons, and there are many further reasons why the “antis should critique GRRM more”/painting SJ/M antis as GRRM apologists/stans arguments don’t really hold water.

I think we’ve run into that essay and maybe actually butted heads with the author. From what I remember, the account in question took us out of context by implying that because we critique SJ/M more and for the most part believe Martin is technically a better writer than Mess, we inherently excuse his horrific depiction of rape and women. I try not to read stan tags or specific accounts except for the rare occasion that someone directs me to a blog, so the only time I see their posts is when an anti quotes or screenshots an SJ/M blog post. I also try not to take stan critics too seriously because every time they critique us they just further clarify that they have no idea what the anti community is about–specifically, our reasons for critiquing SJ/M (rather than Martin), how diverse our approaches to critique are, the kind of action we intend to inspire with our posts, and what we actually post about. The main argument against anti blogs is that we’re too hard on SJ/M in favor of GRRM, which is a strawman argument for many reasons. So even though I shouldn’t have to explain the reasons for our community existing, and specifically not focusing on Martin, this seems a better opportunity than any to do so:

Just because we have more critique of SJ/M on our blogs than we do of Martin doesn’t mean that the critiques of SJ/M are invalid. In fact, we critique SJ/M because her books are written such that people (specifically teen girls and young women, more often white and cishet) are able to reject Martin’s books due to their problematic nature. They can then turn to the hollow feminism of SJ/M’s work and say that she is better–at worldbuilding, at craft, whatever may have you, but specifically at writing women and progressive/feminist narratives. Though I disagree with all of these things, the former aspects don’t bother me as much as the last one. I take great issue with this last takeaway and I think it’s very privileged and even further problematic to maintain it in the grand context of fantasy literature, so that’s why I focus my blog on SJ/M. Additionally, for as long as I’ve been in the community–a little over a year now! :D–I have never witnessed an anti praise GRRM’s diversity and representation of women in a positive light compared to SJ/M. This is in large part because aside from my and Marta’s accounts, GRRM rarely comes up, and if he does it is not in the context of critiquing SJ/M. Additionally, he does not have the Martin equivalent of “Messisms”–AKA repeated and inaccurate claims of progressive sentiments in his books, as SJ/M does. As someone who has read copious feminist/activist and radical gender/postcolonial etc theory, it is very important to me to unpack the implications of Mess’s frequent and frankly careless ascriptions of “feminist” to her books which are being marketed to girls and women. (To be fair, I don’t pay as much attention to Martin’s interviews as I do Mess; his books, writing style, and persona fail to inspire me to research his writing advice and meta commentary.)

Another main reason why GRRM is not discussed as much in the anti corner is that most of our blogs are YA lit-oriented, which necessarily means that many of us mostly or only read and critique women writing fantasy for other women. As Martin is a male adult fantasy author, bringing him up in respect to SJ/M is often inorganic–in fact, probably as inorganic as critique would be on an SJ/M-oriented blog, which is maybe part of the reason why they don’t critique him themselves. For me, there is incredible power in doing the work I see in the anti community–marginalized people coming at the same text with completely different perspectives, using our different knowledge and reactions to the books to spread awareness for other upcoming marginalized readers and writers in the hopes that the YA community at large (again, a community created/maintained by and for mostly women, non-binary people, and girls) will improve. This simply could not be done if our community was GRRM-focused or equally critiquing GRRM as we do SJ/M and other YA authors.

I also find it odd that though SJ/M blogs have expressed interest in seeing more critique of GRRM, they 1). hold anti SJ/M blogs responsible for doing that work (which some of us in fact do) instead of doing it within in their own community and 2). do not seem to seek out the plentiful and diverse ASOIAF/GOT blogs that also critique Martin. I regularly read plenty of ASOIAF/GOT meta blogs that both extensively praise and theorize about his books and offer intricate and harsh critique of his books. Almost all of these are run by women. The existence of such blogs evidences another main reason why GRRM doesn’t come up in anti SJ/M circles as much: the ASOIAF fandom doesn’t need antis because they know how to critique Martin. There is nuance in their conversations that I did not see in SJ/M’s fandom in the years that I was present. That being said, there definitely are Martin stans out there, and in my experience they come in two forms: white edgelord men who love grimdark and violence against marginalized characters, and white women who claim against all contrary evidence that Martin is a wonderful writer who knows exactly what he’s doing and deserves the benefit of the doubt because his books are ultimately progressive and feminist. Neither of these types of stans are anywhere to be found in the anti SJ/M community. This may be because I don’t check SJ/M stan blogs, but I’ve seen way more critique of anti SJ/M bloggers–who were hurt by both Mess’s and GRRM’s books–from stans than I have ever seen of Martin or Mess themselves, and it is often justified with the specific panem-et-circenses argument you mention, anon (ie, ridiculing antis for discussing Mess more than Martin instead of calling out who actually needs to be called out: MESS AND MARTIN). The situation is a lot more complex than “antis have double standards against Mess because Martin is a man.” At this point in my anti tenure, ASOIAF/GOT is the second most-discussed topic on my blog, closely followed by the likes of Casserole Eclair, JKR, YA drama, and random TV shows I’m watching. Seeing as I have been affected (often negatively) by many of these authors, I want to talk about it. I like talking about it. It’s how I engage with most literature, and I don’t see why that’s something stans look down upon.

#anti sjm #anti tog #anti acotar #stans being stans

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sambart93 · 5 years

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2019.03.12 NakamaruKun no Tanoshii Jikan 3 [Report]

So of course I went to this, and of course it was great! Let’s get right to it!

If you don’t know what this is, this is basically a one man show with Nakamaru who produces and performances basically all of it. The first one was back in 2008, and then he did another in 2017 and finally this one in 2019. The main ‘plot’ is basically just Nakamaru showing us things that he thinks about or that he finds interesting. It’s really random, really funny, and a lot of fun!

☆ The show opens with him, of course, doing a beatbox performance to get us all in the mood. But shortly after that we get into the first part/corner of the show.

☆ The first part of the show is him waking up at home (in bed, IN pajamas!) and the theme is: Relatable things that happen at home. So we had things like ‘hitting the snooze button but getting up anyway... forgetting you’d hit the snooze button and getting angry when it goes off..... getting angry when it goes off for the third time.... splashing your face with water three times.... talking to your pet plant... watching the news and making a commentary as you watch.... negatively ridiculing the experts on tv....’ and then there were some Nakamaru only ones such as ‘washing your hands after you touch your phone every time,’ and ‘being able to change quickly because you’re an idol’. Also during this segment, his ringtone AND his alarm tone was him beatboxing which I think is hilarious xD

The main theme is that Nakamaru’s manager has gotten sick so Maru has to do his schedule alone for the day, so we go through his day.

☆ So his first plan of the day is to do a TV news recording called YuIchi (a parody of his actual show Shuichi). He is pre-warned that the host and the guest (which are both projection mappings of him in different outfits xD) can be a little odd so he goes in prepared. But what he gets is more ridiculous than he expected. They talk about nonsensical topics, such as the new auto-parking cars (but the VTR shows the car banging into the nearby cars), and a straw to suck up curry. The other two think these are amazing ideas, while Maru is sat there in disgust and tsukkomi-ing (negatively commenting and scolding) throughout the entire thing.

☆ Then the scene changes completely and it turns into a boxing arena-type setting and Maru walks through the audience area in his boxing shorts and dressing gown. And this is where his infamous bra hook undoing challenge comes in (in an interview for Tanoshii Jikan 3, he said that the staff actually suggested he do this segment because it had become so popular with the fans xD) so he had to unhook as many bras as he could in 60 seconds. His goal is 60, but unfortunately he only got 55 this show.

☆ So after that, his next schedule is to check on the new album and songs. The new album has 8 songs and they’re all remixs of KAT-TUN songs. They were absolutely hilarious! And you could tell a lot of it was influenced by West/Shige (who’s worked with Ueda on Setsuyaku Rock), because we had things like: Real Face West Japan Ver. which was Real Face sung in Kansai-ben/dialect. We had LIPS Eating Edition, which had the sound of someone eating crisps just after Kame’s opening line but before the guitar kicks in. We had Keep the Faith Fan Edition. which was Male Ouendan Chants (it was absolutely hilarious! Maru said ‘the fans would never cheer like this,’ but to be honest, if you asked us to, we would!). We also had (either) White X’Mas or One Drop that was sung in an old Enka/Opera style. The remixs were absolutely hilarious! And so much fun to listen to! Also the new album ‘covers’ were the old grey silhouette style when JE wouldn’t allow previews on the internet. And then the LE edition had the actual member photos but it was Maru as all three of them. Maru turned to his producer and said ‘there’s no way in hell Kame and Ueda would do this (dress up as each member). Ueda would punch you if you told him to,’ which was hilarious because it’s so true! Only Maru would be up for doing this!

☆ Then we had a Metal Gear Solid inspired segment (calling back to UNION and CAST when they did impersonations of this game’s voices) where Maru used the ‘!’ sound and image, and he was dressed up in a MGS-like outfit. Here he did the questioning segment. So here are the question he got that day:

Question One: Is there a role from the other two’s dramas/movies that you want to do? -- Yokai Ningen Bemu. Even though Bem wants to be human, it’d be fun for me to become a yokai every week. Also... OreOre, but that would be very tiring to film. Kame did 23- *audience member yells 33* -- ah sorry, he did 33 different characters. It would be interesting to film though.

Question Two: Do you have an idea about your next solo song? -- I haven’t decided anything yet. I always think of doing a ballad or something because of my age, but then when it comes to the concerts, I really want to dance! So I always do a dance song with a high tempo.

Question Three: What’s your favourite underwear for women? -- I’m an idol so I can’t answer that! If I answer, everything’ll get blown out of proportion. Next question please ^_^

Question Four: What’s your favourite Dialect (in Japan)? -- I love all dialects. I’m from Tokyo so hearing them just sounds so cute. I guess, Kyuushuu’s dialect is nice. Around Kumamoto and Fukuoka is good. They say stuff like ‘~to! ~to!’ (at the end so) it’s really cute.

I did have a question prepared just in case but luckily my seat number wasn’t pulled out! PHEW!

☆ The next section, Maru goes to a voice recording and he has 4 different clips to voice (all the voices in the clip) for. Me explaining it isn’t going to do any justice at all. But the first clip was of a man being pulled over by an officer, and Maru voiced it so that the two characters were talking about Point Cards xD then next clip was two men meeting and Maru made it into a ‘oh this is my first time meeting you. It’s great to see you again even though this is our first time hehe’ type of thing. The third clip had a couple in a bath and he made it into a ‘so you only like guys with brains? But I have no brains! Are you gunna leave me?! So you’re saying you should have brains too?!’ and unfortunately I don’t remember the fourth clip.

During the curtain call, he told us that he and the staff had actually spent a week going through about 130 or so videos, and buying copyrights to a bunch of them so they could use them for this segment. He said he was going crazy after that week xD

☆ Then we get to the climax corner where he goes back to his room after the day’s schedules are done. And he checks up on his manager who says ‘turns out it wasn’t the flu! I just feel like I have the flu! So I went out and bought hot lemon tea and the limited edition KaniBread! You should go back out and get the KaniBread before it sells out!’ to which Maru is like... ‘you’re too sick to come to work but you’re feeling well enough to go out and get limited edition stuff?’ and the manager was like ‘....yes’ which my fangirl feels totally understand. I will go out dogsick to get an LE of KAT-TUN’s stuff or to go to a limited time cafe or something, but am I f*ck going to work if I feel sick.

☆ So Maru goes to the bathroom but ends up slipping on a banana. When he wakes up, his shadow had detached himself from Maru so now the shadow is running rampant all over Maru’s house. So Maru attempts to catch him and this leads into THE climax of the show which is a long 10 - 20 minute long performance where he used special effects, projection mapping, smells (of biscuits and hot lemon tea), special flying and maneuvering devices, sparkly outfits, suspended dancing glowing balls/crystals etc. It’s just so visually pleasing and it visually enjoyable during this last segment! All of KT’s and Maru’s performance habits came out in this one! We had the classic green light beam performance, we had Maru beatboxing, the very JE sparkly, shiny outfits. I also really loved the space segment of this performance too. He was on a blacked out rodeo horse thing and it made him look like he was floating in space which was so cool! Also at one point, the entire room went black except for some ‘falling’ colourful balls that came down from the sky and then in the center Maru popped up! The entire audience freaked back it was in the center of the first floor audience area! The fans were SO close to him!!

Such an amazing finale!

☆ During the Curtain Call Maru mentioned that there’s still some stuff he can’t talk about and he mentioned ‘KAT-TUN Events’ to which I freaked out because usually he would say ‘Con/Live’ if it was going to be a concert but because he specifically said ‘EVENTS’ my brain was going ten to the dozen! What events?! Debut event?! New album?! New Drama?! New Concert?! Another Line Live?! All of them?! What is in store for us?! So excited!!

#kat-tun #Nakamaru Yuichi #中丸雄一 #中丸君の楽しい時間 #中丸君の楽しい時間3 #report #review #stage #stage play #舞台

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praphit · 6 years

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Slender Man: They hate him cuz they ain't him

It was a big weekend in movies! We were torn between two films. There was of course "BlackkKlansman" - this movie has strong acting, the amazing and quite possibly the angriest director out there Spike Lee, and even that Adam Driver guy I feel has been on the come up. Tons of social commentary: important thangs to talk about concerning race, this nations history with slavery, and the current state of our government... good stuff! Hittin all of the issues! - BUT, that's not the movie we chose to see.

We naturally went with "Slender Man" instead.

You might say "But, John Praphit, BlackkKlansman has Denzel Washington's son, important issues, and powerful directing... what were you thinking?"

Hey, don't sell The Slender Man short - he has with him... um... Joey King! And... Julia Goldani Telles.

You say "Who the hell are they?"

Yeah, idk. I've also never heard of the production companies or the director, BUT that might only mean they haven't had their fair shot; this could be it! And maybe Slender Man is also filled with the social issues of the day; you don't know! - but I'm here to tell you:)

Let's take a look at SM here -

He's really rockin that no face thing isn't he?? See, many might try hair with the lack of a face. I think no hair is a good call. Imagine Slender Man with an afro;

he'd look ridiculous. And that suit - are you kiddin me??! YES! I mean, idk why he needs a nice suit when he only hangs out in the woods, but... he's prepared. We all have that friend who's always overdressed; though we may make fun of them, part of us kinda wants to be them. Idk what's going on with those tentacles/ tree limbs growing out from behind him... he must be self-sonscious of them though, because whenever they start to show in this film, they cut away. He's got too much style to be a horror movie monster. Perhaps this well dressed creature is simply misunderstood.

Despite his dreaminess, this movie stars more than SM, but these fine what's-their-name actresses. The movie starts off with four girls, who have been close friends for a while, who have a hangout featuring vodka, porn, and occult stuff. One thing I appreciate about this movie is that they get into the horror quickly. There's a lil build up to show how close they all are, and some family atmosphere, but then we're right into the scary.

I have to mention the family dinner :) It must be an art form to capture genuine dinner scenes, cuz this one didn't have it. One of the daughters in the dinner scene only drank water... I mean no eating of anything... she had food, why just the drinking of water... curious. And there's a dad in the beginning dinner scene who's buttering his bread for like 5 mins. I was thinking at the moment "Is anyone going to bring up daddy's butter problem?" He was just buttering and buttering and asking the kids about their days, and right back to buttering.

(the war ain't over for this family)

Sooooo, back to the vodka, porn, and occult.

THAT, my friends is a hell of a weekday (school night) hangout. The gathering around the Tv for pornography and summoning of demonic beings are to be expected - their kids, let them have fun! BUT, the drinking! - Parents, be better! Their ruined teenage livers are on you.

It's straight forward. They watch some weird vid (kinda like "The Ring") and the craziness begins. Apparently, after watching this vid, you may start to see The Slender Man; if you do he's got you. You will either end up missing or go crazy... or both, I guess. One of their friends goes missing, and they begin their search for answers. They end up asking some stranger that they met on the internet for advice, and this stranger tells them to offer Slender Man something of value to them in exchange for their friend.

Ok, so let's rewind. They follow a STRANGER'S advice to go into the woods and sacrifice things of value to some supernatural being. They do this dumb thing, but they kinda half-ass it. Their "things of value" end up being a photograph, something one of them made in arts & crafts... and like a lucky T-shirt or something. Your friend has just been kidnapped! You may want to dig a lil deeper. "Here Slender Man, let me offer you my last chicken nugget. I'm full anyway. Can I have my friend back?"

The Slender Man must have thought to himself "Arts & Crafts? Really? These girls must be trying to punk me." He then spends the rest of the movie making them regret their poor sacrificial decisions.

When the cool and creepy gets going, it doesn't stop, and it's very effective. I love how they mess with the audiences heads with the imagery. You'll start seeing Slender Man everywhere. They don't rely on cheap gore scenes and jump scares, which I also appreciated about this movie. They even use scenes that lead you to believe something horrific is about to happen, but then it won't... not in a disappointing way, but it's intense. Well done!

The two actresses that I mentioned earlier are also good in this movie.

One of them has that glassy-I-could-cry-at-any-moment-eyes. She'll make you feel her pain.

There's another actress in here who does a good job at making us believe she's scared. It's like they gave her hallucinogens and filmed her having a bad reaction.

This is another one of those supernatural monster movies when everyone just kinda has to guess what to do. Sometimes, in these types of movies there's an expert of sorts, but the only "experts" here are strangers online.

I enjoyed this movie:)

Though, when I say they had to figure things out (and I understand that), there are things they should have known to do and to not do. There are plenty of things that the writers either didn't think about or didn't care about.

The kids for example, run out into the middle of the woods AT NIGHT to sacrifice their items, which no one told them to do. Literally, the middle of the woods! Forget Slender Man, there are all kinds of things that could happen out there. Which again, parents, you're bleeping up!

And about these parents, where the hell were they?! Some of these parents are barely around (buttering bread), while others are never around. One of your kids was just abducted! More of them are losing their minds! WHERE ARE YOU?!

There is one slight spoiler I'll throw in - one of their friends (who happens to be black)... something happens to her, and when her friends find out the state that she's in, they simply say "I knew something was up with her", and keep going! They could have helped her, but NOPE.

What about the teachers? These kids are in highschool. One of the kids actually gets lost on a school trip. No help from the school. No accountability, apparently and no concern. Some of these kids are losing their minds on school property. Those teachers just kept on with the lessons. Not even the other students help out these main girls or are even concerned. We're all just going to pretend like students are going crazy and missing?

Lastly, the police! Almost no police in this movie. No one questioned, no protection, no investigation. It's kinda like kids get screwed over so much in this town that the police have given up.

This all sounds like a lot bad writing ( and it is), but it also kinda adds to the fun. There will be those who will heavily downgrade this movie, because they are Slender Man lore purists, and apparently on that level this movie doesn't begin to measure up. Idk nothing about that, soooo I went in fresh, and enjoyed my new friend Slender Man. That's right, he's my buddy. I still say he's misunderstood. I mean, he IS out in the woods, and we DO see him coming after the kids, but what does that prove?. Maybe SM is a nicely dressed homeless man just trying to get by in the woods. Maybe these kids are just out in the woods doing shrooms (way to go, parents) and falling into holes never to be seen again. Live the Slender Man alone! The man doesn't have a face! - I'm sure his life is hard enough as it is.

Or maybe he's murdering kids out there, idk. You be the judge. Though I admit that certain pics you'll find on the internet aren't helping me prove his case.

Grade: B

Everyone who factored into this movie's 15% rating on RT are just haters. They're just jealous of my main man SM and his fly suits. They hatem cuz they ain't him.

Some of you might be saying, "But, Praphit, I'm sure this movie is aiight, but BlackkKlansman had those important social topics!"

I could argue that "Slender Man" does as well.

#1 - The black girl that her friends just kinda leave behind. I mean, seriously, what the hell? #blacklivesmatter

#2 - Lesbians - two of the friends in the group sure were close... like real close. Some may think I'm reading into things that aren't there, but I say these characters were forced to remain in the closet. But, maybe their parents found out... maybe that's why none of them are ever around. They couldn't bear that forbidden love. Apparently, The Slender Man does his thing around the bible belt.

#3 - Missing Kids! Not something I used to think about, but now whenever I go into a new town, I check to see how many kids go missing there and how often. If it's an alarming rate, I'm out! When SM is done with the kids he might start on the adults. Besides, if the cops are letting this many lost kids slide without an investigation, what else would they turn a blind eye to?

#4 Mental Illness - perhaps people we label as mentally ill are the ones in the know. Maybe we should all start listening a little more.

Y'all can come to me. I'm here for you. I'll listen. The next time you're out in the middle of the woods (because a stranger online told you to) and you notice a man with no face, wearing awesome suits, with trees growing out of his ass you can tell me. I'll listen and get you the help you need:)

#slender man #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #horror monsters #Horror Movies #Movie Reviews #praphit #butter

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adotblog · 6 years

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Onesies

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: Slightly NSFW (boobs!), Alcohol.

Notes: A dear friend told me onesies were sexy. I disputed this fact and then tried to write about it and dammit she was right and I was wrong. If you like it, please leave a note or reblog, it means so much.

Words: Oh, far too many.

***************************************************************

Jasmine: Tomorrow night, my place, movie night. Bring your onesie and sleep over.

Daveed: Onesies? Sleepover? Jazzy we’re grownups you know

Jasmine: SO THE HOT CHOCOLATE WILL HAVE BRANDY IN IT.

You think for all of three seconds.

Y/N: IN

Lin: And I!

Pippa: I have spare onesies if anyone needs one?

Y/N: Can I just wear my pjs? Onesies are always about a foot too long for me lol

Jasmine: Of course. All you regular-sized people have to wear one though.

Y/N: Rude. I’ll bring brownies.

Oak: I heard brownies. In.

Daveed: I’ll bring the brandy.

******************************

“Jazzy, It’s Y/N...I gotta tell you about last night...”

“Last one here?”, Lin asked as you pulled your coat around you at the back door. “Oh, yeah I had argument with one of the pulleys”, you grumble. Lin laughs “Did you win?”, he asks as he opens the door and holds it for you. “Yeah but it made for a damn long day with no breaks”, you say as you emerge into the crisp night air. He stops on the top step “Oh no! You didn’t get any dinner?”, he asks, looking genuinely concerned. You shrug in response. “Alright I’m going to get you some kind of food, right now. Pizza!”, he decides. “Lin, you don’t need to buy me dinner.”, you smile. “What if I already wanted to and this is just a convenient turn of events?” he says, face suddenly serious and soft.

Shocked, it takes you a second to respond. “Well, then I’m glad I argued with the pulley”, you respond. He grins and holds out a hand to help you down the steps. You take it, and he doesn’t let go once you’re on the sidewalk. He pulls you to the crosswalk “Come on, I know a place”.

****************************************

An hour later you leave the pizza place, having long outstayed your welcome. Lin takes your hand again as you giggle about the staff all staring you down til you left. He insists on walking you to your subway.

“Here I am”, you say, indicating your station. Lin stops just short of the entrance and says “This was fun, do you think I could take you out properly, maybe Monday? Maybe at a more reasonable hour for the serving staff involved?”, he grins. This whole thing has been so surreal-was Lin Miranda really asking you out?

“You‘re asking me on a date?”, you can’t keep a grin from your face. “Yeah...I like you”, Lin says. Oh my god. Oh my GOD. Be. Cool. “I think I like you too.”, you say and move a little closer to him, one hand on his coat. He reaches for you, his hands coming to rest on your hips. You feel your stomach do some kind of somersault when his gaze flits to your lips.

You raise up on your toes to press your lips to his. It’s quick, chaste, full of uncertainty. You look at him, wonder if that was a huge mistake. He gives the tiniest smile before he dips his head to kiss you. Really kiss you. Your hand goes to his neck as his tongue runs against your bottom lip and you open your mouth to him. My god he’s an excellent kisser. Why is it so late, why are you stuck at a subway entrance? Why aren’t you somewhere warm and cosy that you can just do this for...oh, hours.

But, you’re not. And someone jostles you and tuts as they push past to get to the stairs. It’s a rude end to a beautiful kiss but it makes you both laugh. “Text me when you’re home?”, Lin says with a smile, arms still around you. You nod and he kisses your forehead. “G’night, Lin”.

*****************************************

A sleepover. What a ridiculous idea. What a brilliant idea. You’ve planned getting to Jasmine’s early so you can properly catch her up on yesterday and so you can change into your pjs before anybody else gets there. You place the last of the brownies into boxes and pack them into your bag. You check the time and head off for the subway.

You’re the first to arrive and Jas is already looking glorious in a unicorn onesie. “Jas, how the hell do you make that look sexy?”, you ask. She shrugs as she dances around the kitchen. “Brownies?”, she asks over her shoulder. You pull out the boxes and open them up. “These are plain, these are peanut butter cup”, you gesture. “Peanut butter cup? What the fuck. That sounds delicious!”, she says as she starts to arrange them on plates.

You follow Jasmine’s instructions for making the base batch of hot chocolate and then help her set up the fixings on the counter- marshmallows, sprinkles, whipped cream, fudge and caramel sauces-all while you get her up to date on Lin.

Just as you finish Pippa buzzes at the door. When she comes in she’s laden down with bags. “I brought a lot of onesies!”, she laughs as she hugs Jasmine. “Y/N I think I have one that will fit you...”, she says playfully. “Is it a child’s?”, you deadpan, causing both girls to laugh. She hands you one and you head off to Jasmine’s bedroom to try it on.

When you pull it out it’s a cat, kind of. It has pointy ears and a face on the hood but no tail. You roll your eyes but strip off your outfit to try it anyway. It is a little long in the leg but it has cuffs so you’re not going to trip over it. It’s a little close fitting but still comfortable. You fasten the last popper and head out to show the girls.

“Hey,” you call as you come through the door, looking down at your new feline outfit “are you supposed to just wear your underwear under one of these things or what? Cos I feel kinda nake...”. You stop dead in your tracks, verbally and physically as the first face you see is Lin’s. He must have arrived while you were in there.

You blush a ridiculous shade of pink and mutter “Oh god.” as Jas and Pippa double over with laughter. Lin comes to your rescue “All I know is”, he looks you up and down “you’re wearing it right.”. He offers you a grin and a wink and you feel slightly less mortified.

“You’re...a ninja turtle, ha!”, you observe. “I mean technically they’re pjs but I have the matching hat so...”, he says as he strikes a pose.

It’s at that moment that everyone else seems to arrive in one noisy bundle of nightwear. Oak, Daveed and Anthony all have their onesies on already and strut their stuff through Jasmine’s living room like it’s a catwalk. “Daveed, is that a llama?”, you ask, head cocked to one side to try and figure it out. Daveed sighs and you sense this isn’t the first time he’s had to explain: “It is a SHEEP.”. His tone is so indignant that you all have to stifle laughs. “And you are wearing... a cat?”, he questions. You pull up your hood and answer, “I think so-hood suggests yes, but”, you turn around and point to your butt “no tail!”. Daveed smirks a little and says quietly “Looks just fine to me”, as he brushes past you to place a bottle of brandy next to the hot chocolate. You blush and busy yourself with sorting out some cups.

Jasmine appears at your side and whispers “Lin’s face when Daveed said that...”. You whip your head around but by now he’s talking to Pippa. Jasmine offers round mugs and tells everyone to come and get their fixings. Daveed places himself in charge of brandy and Pippa grabs the whipped cream as Anthony and Jasmine fight over sprinkles. Daveed approaches and offers you the brandy so you hold out your mug Lin walks up as Daveed begins to pour a generous measure and says “Woah! You trying to get our girl drunk, Diggs?” as he places an arm around your shoulder. Daveed looks from you, to Lin and the arm on your shoulder and does the requisite maths. “Nah man, nah. You want some?” he asks. Lin declines and you thank Daveed as he moves on. When he’s out of earshot you turn to Lin and whisper “Were you jealous?!”, amused and disbelieving. Lin scrunches his face as he removes his hat. “Eh, maybe?”, he groans. You shake your head with a smile and squeeze his hand.

Jasmine hollers for everyone to pick the first movie and you move to join everyone in front of the tv. Except there’s only one chair left. “We can squish.”, says Lin and leads you over to the group by your hand. You notice Oak notice the handholding, and everyone notices when lin sits in the chair and motions for you to sit on his lap or squish in beside him. You perch on the arm of the chair, feet in his lap and curled against the wall and the back of the chair. You sip your boozy hot chocolate while everyone else argues about which movie to pick.

They settle on a horror movie. Normally you’d not be especially keen but you’re far too distracted to even pay much attention. Firstly, you’re having to watch the position of your feet carefully since they’re dangerously close to Lin’s crotch. You’re also aware that Pippa is trying to subtly check you two out, looking for signs of romance presumably. You’re careful to stay perched in your corner but as the movie starts and Jasmine turns out the lights, Lin’s hand moves up to rest on your thigh.

When the big jump scares come, you grab his hand and he squeezes it, looking up at you to make sure you’re ok. Daveed and Oak keep a commentary going, calling out the unrealistic effects and corny dialogue. Jasmine shushes them each time. Pippa just quietly watches, eyes flitting around the room each time it gets scary, checking everyone is ok.

When the movie ends there are mixed reviews-Oak thinks it was passable, the girls liked it, Anthony and Lin thought it was only ok. Jasmine offers round drinks and brings out your brownies (“Damn, I’ve been looking forward to these all day!”, declares Oak). The peanut butter cup ones are demolished even before the next movie is picked-Daveed has two, one after the other and declares you a “goddamn culinary ARTIST”. Lin concurs and Pippa can’t talk because her mouth is full.

It’s decided that the next movie needs to be a little lighter since it’s getting closer to bedtime and Jasmine says she doesn’t want everyone having nightmares. A mild comedy is chosen and everyone settles in-Daveed is stretched out on his side across Jasmine’s rug, Anthony and Jasmine are cuddled on one sofa and Oak and Pippa are at opposite ends of the other small sofa, Pippa’s feet tucked under her.

It’s literally only about ten minutes before Oak’s head has lolled back and he’s gently snoring. You giggle quietly as Pippa mimes poking him and you wave at her to leave him alone. Daveed is next, you notice his head slowly descend into his arm and you signal to Jasmine, who leans over and confirms with a grin and a nod that he’s gone. It’s at this point Lin wraps his arms around you and gently pulls you down from the chair arm to sit on his lap. You’re a tiny bit embarrassed at the public affection but Jasmine is already aware of your kiss and that means Anthony is too, and Pippa has been assessing the situation all night, so you relax into Lin’s body. He’s warm and comforting and you wonder if you might be next to succumb to sleep. Then you hear Pippa snoring softly. Jasmine rolls her eyes and gets up to get a throw from the back of your chair. She unfolds it over Pippa and tenderly moves her hair away from her face. Then she returns to you and whispers “Watch to the end if you like, we’re turning in. You guys can take the guest room at the end of the hall-there are extra blankets in the closet”. She kisses your cheek and whispers goodnight to Lin, then leads Anthony to her room. You honestly hadn’t thought about sleeping arrangements being anything other than everybody camping out on the floor-and now you’re presented with the option of trying to sleep in an armchair or sharing a bed with Lin. It’s a little weird.

You turn around slightly to face Lin. “You wanna watch the end of this?”, you ask-kind of hoping he says no. He shakes his head so you stand and, picking your way around Daveed, find the remote and turn the tv off. Then you beckon to Lin to follow you, since you’ve stayed at Jasmine’s place before and you’re guessing he hasn’t.

You walk out of the living room and to the far end of the hallway. You feel your way to the lamp at the side of the bed and switch it on-it’s dim but at least neither of you will trip over. Lin closes the door and stands beside you kind of awkwardly, looking at the bed. “Uhh, I didn’t know what the sleeping arrangements were...”, you clarify. “No, no-me neither”, he says.

He turns towards you. “I could go back to the chair”, he offers, gesturing back towards the door. You shake your head no. Then you sit on the bed and hold a hand out for him to join you. As soon as he’s beside you his lips are on yours. It’s worth having had to wait all day for it. His mouth moves softly against yours and as you bring your hand up to tangle in his hair you open your mouth and press your tongue against his. He’s honestly an incredible kisser, he seems to know just what you need, just when to change the pace. The butterflies in your tummy leap and you know you need more from him this time.

You lean back, pulling him with you so that you’re lying side by side on the bed. He pulls your body slightly closer, his eyes searching yours for a second. “You’ll tell me if something’s not ok?”, he asks. “Lin, I’m a grown woman-believe me, I’ll tell you what I want”, you say as you grab his shirt to pull him back to you.

Lin groans in surprise as you kiss him again, harder now, more demanding. His hands roam down your back and you raise one of your legs to hook over his. He takes the invitation to run a hand over your ass and down your thigh and in return your hands find his waist and slip under the tank top he’s wearing to brush the smooth skin underneath.

He moans into your mouth a little as your hands move over him and that just makes you want to touch and taste more of him. You break the kiss to move your mouth down to his neck, which earns you a gasp, Lin’s grip on your thigh tightening. He instinctively grabs your ass to pull your groin into his, which makes you pull back from his neck-he mistakenly reads this as reluctance and releases his hold on you. “I’m sorry, I just-you’ve had me worked up since I got here and you were talking about whether you were wearing anything under that onesie...”, he half-laughs. “I wasn’t gonna ask you to stop”, you say as you take his hand and bring it up to the front of the onesie. “Find out what’s underneath.”, you say. “Fuck”, he says breathily and stares at you a second before he gently pushes your shoulder so you roll onto your back on the mattress. He leans over you slightly and pops the first two snaps. He kisses the skin at the top of your chest that is now exposed, then kissing your neck, he moves to the next snap. Pop. Pop.

Now two more are undone and when he pushes the fabric aside, you are exposed right down to your waist. He leans back to look at you, he takes in the teal lace of your bra and places a hand across your stomach. He kisses you hungrily now, his desire for you evident. He moves his hand slowly up your body to cup your breast. He strokes his thumb across the lace over your nipple and it hardens in response as you arch your back with pleasure. He moves over you, slipping both hands under the onesie and around your naked waist. His lips follow where his hands have been as he kisses his way across your breasts. He laves his tongue over your lace-covered nipple then

CRASH.

Just outside the door there’s a thud. You both jump away from each other and hear Jasmine emerging from her room. “Oak, are you Ok?”. Oak curses, presumably having tripped, and apologises for waking her. As you and Lin remain completely still and quiet, they laugh and chat for a minute then say goodnight again.

By the time the scene has played out, your moment with Lin has gone. You look at each other and laugh as he rolls to his side of the bed and you pop your onesie back together again. You turn towards him and he holds out his arm for you to cuddle into him. You press a kiss to his lips and say goodnight before you tuck your head against his chest, smiling to yourself. Lin waits until you are asleep before he lets himself start to drift off. He kisses the top of your head and sleepily whispers”Sweet Dreams”.

*****************************************

#lin manuel x reader #lin manuel imagine #lmm x reader #rpf #hamilcast rpf #hamilcast x reader #hamilcast imagine #hamilton fanfic

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choisgirls · 7 years

Note

okay so, how about the RFA + V and Saeran (and Vanderwood if you want) reacting to MC who never celebrated Halloween? like, never dressed up for Halloween or went to houses or Halloween parties. I'm a sad case T~T

A/n: Aw love, im sorryyou never got to celebrate! But, hey! Fun fact! (i think?) In South Korea, fromwhat I’ve learned, people don’t celebrate it too much as well. It’s forforeigners and children. Mostly, from what I understand so don’t take my wordas law for this, they can be offended by the half-naked costumes some adultstend to wear?? ^^;;

(I did a littleresearch on that but I’m not Korean in any way so my word obviously is not lawso if I’m wrong then I am very sorry;;) bUT ANYWAY ENOUGH RAMBLING FROM 4 IMMAPRETEND THEY CELEBRATE IT FOR THE SAKE OF SPOOK MONTH™

*YOOSUNG:

What!!! Oh no!!!You’ve never gotten to trick or treat?? No candy??!! He literally trains youfor this night. He has you come up to the front door, knock, ring the bell, trainsyou to use your cuteness to your advantage to still get candy at your age, evenhas you practice until you can do it all as fast as possible without soundingrushed! Goes over the game plan he’s created to get THE MOST candy as possible-makes you memorize it because!! It’s a team effort MC! He’s finally the masterof a craft and /you/ were the newbie, he’s excited to show off his expertise!(what expertise yoosung- getting free candy??)

*ZEN:

He isn’t too intothe scene since he dresses up as an actor all the time, but it’s sad that youhaven’t gotten to celebrate! He decided to accept an invitation to a Halloweenparty with some previous co-workers just so he could give you the experience! GentlyTalks you into a couples costume and tells you to leave it to him. Once you’reat the party he’s on high alert for anything that may be frightful, or ofanyone checking you out in your adorable costume. He’s a complete gentleman thewhole night, getting you drinks, stepping into conversations if you getawkward- nothing he wouldn’t do for you normally. But you were left to defendhim from the black cat decorations. That’s always fun.

*JAEHEE:

She doesn’t even/decorate/. She’s always super busy! Then she doesn’t wanna spend all the timeafterwards putting it away… she just normally doesn’t do it. But you haven’tdone anything Halloween-like? At all? She’s breaking out any decoration shecan- that isn’t much, by the way. The two of you go pick out a few differentdecorations, all completely adorable, and set them up around the house. Shedoesn’t mind the set up so long as there’s someone with her willing to takethem down. Pumpkin shaped candle holders around the house, lights in the shapesof ghosts and bats hang around the house, little ghost figurines onbookshelves! No one told them usually you’re supposed to decorate the outsideof the house instead.

*JUMIN:

Could probably careless about the holiday in general because he can have all of the candy he couldever want? Even as a child? Also really into being healthy so if hisnutritionist and dentist say no, even little Jumin is turning his cheek. But,he loves to make you happy, so he comes up with something for the two of you todo for this Halloween. You come home to find an entire living room full of anycostume you can imagine. You’re to pick one, knock on the bedroom door,“trick or treat”, receive your candy, and repeat the process- in thatorder, according to Jumin. It goes smoothly, he’s handing you king size candybars, until he decides to be a little shit. You receive a shoe. A couple timeslater, a tie. One time, he simply handed you Elizabeth and shut the door. Hethought those would work as the “trick” portions of, what heconsidered, the game.

*SAEYOUNG:

The /MASTER/ ofdress up. You haven’t gotten to dress up for Halloween? He’s dramaticallythrowing himself to the floor, crying out about the cruel, cruel world. Then hesprung right back up to remind you that dressing up is a year round thing, MC,so long as you take it seriously. He takes you to the costume store and runsaround like a child at the playground. He’s putting on masks and jumping outfrom behind things, trying on the most ridiculous costumes for you, even messeswith the fog machine. No one kicks him out of the store- they just don’t care,they’re so used to him. Any and all costumes you even /remotely/ consider, he’sbuying them for you. Demands a costume fashion show later that night- sexiestcostume wins. He won, what the fuck.

*JIHYUN:

Have you at leastgotten to dress up and pass out candy to the children?? No?? Well then he’s gota job for /you/ my friend. After finding the most adorable costume, the two ofyou pick out mountains of candy to pass out to kids. You questioned if you werereally going to pass out this much, but all he did was chuckle and tell you towait for it. The moment you opened the door for the first trick or treater, sawthe most adorable lil kid (probably no older than say, 3-4? Adorable age), andalmost started to sob. Their cute little outfit, the bright smile and shinyeyes, you wanted to give them all the candy you had on hand. You settled forgiving them a handful instead of just a few pieces. When you closed the doorand turned, he stood there with his arms crossed and an “I told youso” smirk on his face. You shoved the bowl at him and stuck your tongueout at him playfully.

*SAERAN:

You’ve never beento a haunted house and you wanted your “strong, scary boyfriend” tohelp you get through it. He sighed but hearing you call him your“boyfriend” gets him every time. So he reluctantly goes. Every littlejump scare leaves you screaming, holding onto him tightly. He was in the middleof a lecture of how this was stupid, all of it was fake, and that you wereridiculous for bringing him here, until this guy broke through the fake wall toscare the two of you. He screeched, punched the guy, and practically scoopedyou into his arms to run to the exit as quick as possible. There’s a picture ofhim mid screech and mid punch. You buy it. He denies it ever happened. Alsotells you that the two of you are never going to one of those again. Bonus: thenext day, Saeyoung popped out of the fridge in a mask and punched him in theface.

*VANDERWOOD:

Doesn’t want to doany of the Halloween activities that involve dressing up or going out. Justisn’t his style. Now, binging cheesy horror movies all night and laughing atthem with the one he loves and /NOT/ dealing with Saeyoung, /THAT’S/ his style.So you’ve never done anything Halloween related? Say hello to his horror moviecollection. He’s lined them up from the more ridiculous ones to the ones thatcan even scare him a little. Gotta start off slow, get the really creepy oneslater into the night. He’s laughing at them all while you’re cuddled next tohim, hiding your face against him, screeching most of the time. If it trulyscares you, he’ll turn them off of he’ll make ridiculous commentary on it toshow you it isn’t scary. Lowkey loves that you hide against him when you’rescared. Does not like the fact that he has to walk you to the bathroom in themiddle of the night because he freaked you out.

Masterlist~

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isolavirtuosa · 7 years

Text

Unlikely Office Romances 7-8

[fanfiction] Gundam Wing, 1x2x1, probably PG-13ish though there are some mildly sexy times and the usual trashmouth

Basically Duo is a jerk and Heero is an awkward nerd.

Previous Parts

7-8 under the cut

- 7 -

I snapped awake, sitting up in the unfamiliar bed. I had probably slept for about two hours, enough to recharge my battery. I could have kept on sleeping, but something wasn’t right.

Heero’s blue eyes stared into mine blearily.

“Have you not slept?” I asked, pushing my bangs out of my eyes.

“Can’t,” he said.

I sighed, rolling my feet over the side of the bed. “I gotta piss.”

Heero shrugged.

I went and did my business, splashing some water on my face and peeling off my sweaty uniform shirt. The hotel staff had kindly moved our bags to the new room, so I dug through mine for some nice lounge clothes. I changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants, noting how Heero averted his eyes as I did so.

“So what’s up, Heero?” I asked, leaning against the headboard of my bed. “You kinda lost it after shooting that guy.”

Heero looked down at the bed, running the comforter through his fingers anxiously.

“I know conversation isn’t exactly your forte, but I wanna go back to sleep, and I feel like in order to do that I need you to go to sleep first.”

“I can leave…”

“Oh my god, Heero, I’m not kicking you out,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “I’m… worried, okay?”

Heero smiled a little, still not looking at me.

It was such an awkward expression on his face, and it made me feel weird.

“You don’t have to worry,” he said quietly. “I just… I didn’t expect all that to happen. I didn’t expect that I’d have to confront… that part of me. I’m fine now.”

“Then go the fuck to sleep.”

“Yeah,” he said, sliding down into the bed and closing his eyes.

“You’re not sleeping,” I announced after five minutes of waiting.

He cracked an eye open at me.

“I have to say, I don’t have a clue what’s going on in your head,” I said. “But I know you’re upset.”

“Why do you care?” Heero asked, and it was a genuine question.

“Because I can’t sleep with you staring at me.”

Heero huffed out a puff of air and turned his back to me.

“Also, we’re… I don’t know… it’s not like I hate you or anything. I… you know, care and stuff.”

Heero snorted.

“What?” I protested. “I’m being sincere.”

Heero finally turned back to me, sitting up. “Are we supposed to have some kind of heart-to-heart that makes you feel better?”

“Er, I thought you were the one who was supposed to feel better.”

“I’m fine.”

“Christ, you are as annoying as ever,” I said, getting up. “I’m going to take a shower. Go buy us some beer.”

“You want to drink? It’s not even noon. And you’re on the job.”

“I can’t fucking stand you!” I groaned. “Buy us some damn hot chocolate then. And get snacks. Good snacks. Not carrot sticks or whatever healthy shit you think are snacks, but are clearly not.”

“Is that all?” Heero asked, arching his eyebrow at me.

“Yes, Heero, that will be all. Now chop, chop.”

Heero shrugged, getting out of his own bed.

I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. It felt nice to be clean. I braided my hair again and pulled back on my sweatpants.

I returned to the room and grabbed my pillow, tossing it on Heero’s bed. I shifted the TV so that it was pointing in that direction, then sat down and made sure the angle was right.

“What are you doing?” Heero asked when he came in, looking uncomfortable.

“We’re gonna rent a movie,” I said.

“Don’t pick something awful,” Heero cautioned, sitting on the end of the bed. He started carefully removing the items he’d purchased from a reusable shopping bag.

“I have great taste,” I said, frowning at him. I really wanted to ask if he had brought that shopping bag with him. It just seemed too ridiculous to bring a reusable shopping bag from L1 to earth on the off chance that he might go grocery shopping.

Heero’s eyes followed mine to the bag. “I’m always prepared.”

I snorted. “What did you get?” I asked, eyeing the growing pile. “Oh, my, double chocolate cookies? Greasy potato chips? Cream-filled mystery pastry?”

“All junk food, guaranteed to ruin your health,” Heero said, handing me a package of fried ice cream. “Eat this before it melts.”

“Heero, I didn’t know you had it in you,” I said, tearing open the package and taking a bite.

Heero smiled that creepy little shy smile of his.

I turned my attention to the TV, flipping through the movie rentals. “Oh, god…” I groaned.

“I’ve already seen it,” Heero said, frowning at me.

“Excellent,” I said, skipping past the Gundam 00 movie.

Heero glared at me.

I grinned. “Oh, I gotta call Une,” I said, pulling out my phone. “You pick a movie,” I added, tossing him the remote.

Heero looked very confused.

“Maxwell,” Une greeted me brusquely from behind her desk.

“Hey, just checking in,” I said.

“I thought you’d be sleeping.”

“Heero couldn’t sleep.”

Heero glared at me.

“Put Yuy on,” Une said sharply.

“Sorry, buddy,” I said, passing him the phone.

Heero looked like a sullen teenager. It was pretty funny, to be honest.

“Yuy, do you know how much damn paperwork I have to fill out because you decided to become an agent for a night?”

“The situation-” Heero started.

“Do I look like I care?” Une interrupted him. “What did you get from the body?”

Heero started doing all his geek babbling, so I took the remote back and on a very strange whim chose the movie.

“Maxwell!”

I turned to find the phone aimed in my direction, the screen filled-up with Une’s stern face. “Yes?”

“You’re back on at six, wrapping up the loose ends, so get some sleep soon,” she ordered. “And take care of Yuy!” she snapped, hanging up the phone.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, saluting the blank screen.

Heero frowned at me.

“Let’s just watch your stupid movie.”

A confused little wrinkle formed between Heero’s eyebrows.

I started the movie.

“I thought…”

“I’m just gonna sleep through it anyway,” I said, fluffing my pillow and finishing off the fried ice cream.

Heero looked at me uncertainly, then faced forward where he was still sitting at the edge of the bed.

“Get comfortable, dork,” I said.

Heero could not have looked any more uncomfortable.

“Why do you always have to be so damn awkward around me?” I complained, kicking him lightly in the arm.

“Don’t touch me with your nasty socks,” Heero said, giving me a withering look.

“That’s better,” I said with a grin.

Heero finally came to sit against the headboard with me, holding a warm can of hot cocoa in his hands. He opened it and took a sip.

“Now let’s watch a terrible movie about how not to pilot a gundam,” I said, opening the potato chips.

“Why are you so judgmental?” Heero retorted. “The whole series is a historically accurate depiction of the lives of the first gundam pilots.”

“Our great predecessors,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Why they all so damn pretty? Gundam pilots aren’t that pretty. Except for me, obviously.”

Heero shifted.

I eyed him for a moment, then decided to be nice. “Thanks for buying such great snacks.”

Heero shrugged, sipping his cocoa.

We watched the movie.

The main character was basically Heero, which made me laugh almost the whole time. While Heero was clearly annoyed at first, he slowly started to smile. I kept up my ongoing commentary, and he seemed to relax.

I somehow got him under the covers towards the end of the movie, eyes blinking slower and slower.

When I was sure he was asleep, I gathered up the leftover snacks from the bed and put them on the nightstand. I transferred my pillow to my bed and crawled back in. I found myself watching the movie to the end, despite how incredibly stupid I found it, then turned off the TV and easily fell asleep.

Heero was typing away on his computer when I woke up again.

I stumbled off to the bathroom, then stumbled back.

“Whacha doin’?” I asked, tiredly leaning over his shoulder.

Heero tensed up.

“Wow, that’s a dead body,” I said, slightly more awake.

“I’m working,” Heero said, shooing me away.

I snorted, going over to my bag for a change of clothes.

Hilde came over with bagels, and we sprawled out on my bed, watching the news and stuffing our faces.

“Heero, stop with your weird fetishist hobbies and eat with us,” I said.

Heero turned and glared at me.

I grinned at him.

Hilde smacked me in the head.

“Hey, what was that for?” I complained.

“Be nice to the nerd,” she reprimanded me.

“You just called him a nerd.”

“Oh,” Hilde said, flushing. “Well, uh…”

Heero took a bagel from the bag, then went to sit back at his computer.

“Don’t be like that, Heero,” I complained.

“I have work to do,” Heero replied.

Hilde caught my eye and rolled hers.

I shook my head, adding more cream cheese to my bagel. “The time-honored Heero Yuy tradition of work before work.”

We all got into a car after that and set off in our separate directions. While we’d been sleeping, Une had run a raid on the Black Freedom base on L2. It looked like everything was tying up neatly.

Fucking amateurs.

Hilde and I finished up around midnight again, and headed down to the lab to collect Heero.

“What are you even investigating?” I asked, leaning over his shoulder. “The case is pretty much over.”

“I think it’s far from over,” Heero replied, continuing to poke at the bullet fragment with his tweezers.

“Why do you always have to be so overdramatic?”

Heero shooed me away from him.

“Come on, time to call it quits,” I urged, resting my hand on his shoulder.

Heero tensed.

“We’re tired…” I said.

“Then you go,” Heero said.

“Yeah, but you’ll be all noisy when you come back.”

Heero shifted uncomfortably. “W-when am I noisy?”

I think it was supposed to be a jab, but now he was looking all nervous. I moved my hand, and he visibly relaxed. “Well, my finely trained reflexes would wake me up the moment someone came in the room,” I said.

“I could murder you in your sleep and you wouldn’t notice,” Heero countered, looking at his bullet fragment very intently.

Hilde burst out laughing.

“That is a really weird thing to say,” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. Then I rethought it and put my hand on his shoulder instead.

Heero tensed.

“So can we go back to the hotel already?” I requested, leaning in close as I spoke.

Heero was completely red.

Oh my god, this was hilarious.

Hilde smacked me in the head.

“Woman, why are you so violent?!” I demanded, letting go of Heero to rub the back of my head.

“Because you’re an asshole,” Hilde responded easily.

“Trowa is definitely being promoted to Best Friend Number One…”

“Good, who would want to be best friends with a loser like you? Anyway, Yuy, come on. The Commander said you’re not allowed to work overtime.”

“I’m not-” Heero tried to protest, but Hilde took his bullet fragment away.

“Let’s go.”

Heero clearly wanted to protest, but Hilde wasn’t having any of it.

We ended up back at the hotel.

“Good night, boys,” Hilde chirped, disappearing into her room across the hall.

“I’m not tired at all,” I complained, flopping on my bed.

Heero shrugged and booted up his laptop.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to keep on working…”

“I’m going to keep on working.”

“Christ, Heero, are you married to the job?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Nope,” I said. “Thinking about quitting, anyway.”

“Oh,” Heero said in a very quiet voice.

“What, are you sad about it?” I needled him, sitting up and poking his chair with my foot.

“It wouldn’t affect me,” Heero said blandly.

“But you would miss me,” I said, grinning. I didn’t really have a good reason to be teasing Heero, other than the fact that the case was basically closed and I was bored. But it was so damn fun to watch him turn red and stuttery.

“I-I…”

“You-you what?”

“I have w-work to do.”

“You’re off the clock,” I said. “Let’s get a drink.”

“I’m working on a theory and-”

“It can wait until tomorrow.”

“It’s pretty urgent-”

“I’ll go get us some drinks and we can drink here then.”

“I don’t-”

“Be right back,” I said, disappearing out the door.

Seeing Heero completely wasted was suddenly my new life goal.

- 8 -

I couldn’t concentrate on the computer screen in front of me. Why did Duo have to be so damn infuriating? He was supposed to make a few snide comments, and then ignore me like he usually did. He certainly wasn’t supposed to be out buying alcoholic beverages for us to consume together. That just didn’t seem like it could possibly end well.

I imagined myself drunkenly confessing to Duo that I had kept a creepy stalker scrapbook about him since the war.

I called Quatre. “Help me.”

“Heero, it’s the middle of the night…” Quatre complained, looking at me with bleary blue eyes.

L1 and the Americas were in the same time zone, so of course I already knew that. Like I would ever not be aware of what time it was in every time zone on earth and in space.

“Duo’s out buying alcohol,” I hissed at him.

Quatre immediately got interested. “Oh?”

“What should I do?” I asked. “I should escape. Yeah, that’s it, if I go out over the balcony-”

“Relax,” Quatre said, giving me a soothing smile.

It made me tenser. “No, but if I climb to the next balcony, there’s a fire escape-”

“Heero,” Quatre said, giving me a stern look. “It’s time to be a man.”

“I am a man, always have been,” I said, staring back at him. It was true, I had both an X and a Y chromosome.

“Well you’re acting like a pansy.”

“I’m not a flower.”

“Then shut up and have a damn drink with the man you’ve been crushing on since you hit puberty.”

“I have work to do,” I said, hanging up. “And no one says ‘crushing’ after the age of twelve,” I muttered to myself.

“I have returned!” Duo declared, kicking the door open as he walked in laden with booze.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at him.

“Quit being a creep,” Duo said, dumping everything on the desk.

“Careful!” I said, pulling my laptop away from his mess. “And where did you buy all this in the middle of the night?”

“Twenty-four hour convenience store next door,” Duo said, opening a can and taking a long drink.

“Oh,” I said, turning to face my laptop.

“No, enough with the damn laptop,” Duo said, slamming it shut.

“What the hell, Maxwell?!” I snapped, yanking my fingers away before they got crushed.

“Oh, did I make you mad?” Duo asked, grinning at me in a way that made me very uncomfortable.

“Yes,” I ground out. “Yes, you did.”

“Good, now shut up and have a damn drink,” he said, shoving a can into my hand.

I didn’t know how to react.

That was Duo Maxwell, always confusing me and keeping me on my toes. It was probably what attracted me to him, but it also infuriated me.

“This is an expens-”

“Drink,” Duo said, fingers wrapping around mine as he pressed the can more firmly into my hand.

I froze.

Duo smirked.

I yanked my hand away, the unopened can clattering to the floor.

“You need to learn to relax,” Duo said, picking it up and setting it on the desk.

“Why are you doing this?” I said, turning my back to him.

“Doing what?” Duo asked with a laugh. “Making you have fun?”

“This isn’t fun,” I said quietly.

“You haven’t even had anything to drink yet.”

“I have work to do.”

“Oh my god, you are such a nerd, I can’t even take it,” Duo said, going to sit on his bed. “Fine, do your work.”

I was so uncomfortable. I was also annoyed. I didn’t want to give into Duo. I turned around to face him, ready to be angry again.

He had the saddest look on his face as he sat on the bed, staring into his drink.

I chewed on my bottom lip. I reached over, grabbing an unopened can and cracking it open. “Cheers,” I grumbled, holding it up towards him.

Duo turned his grin back on, holding his own can towards me. “Cheers.”

We drank and ate the leftover snacks from the morning. Duo put some music on and sang along.

“You don’t look drunk at all,” Duo complained.

“I have a high metabolism.”

“Yeah, but the whole point of this was to see you drunk.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, but I could feel my cheeks flushing.

“You never relax around me,” Duo said. “I just want you to relax.”

“We have work tomorrow…”

“Can you give the goody two-shoes bit a rest already?”

“One of us has to be responsible.”

“Fine, then I’ll be the responsible one.”

I snorted.

“I can be responsible,” Duo said, waving his beer at me.

“Sure you can.”

“You used to trust me with your life.”

My breath caught in my throat.

Duo was suddenly much closer, staring into my eyes from only a foot away. “Quatre was right, ya know?” he finally said.

“A-about what?” I stammered.

“Shit, you’re really cute when you’re nervous,” Duo said. “Anyway, I wish the five of us were closer.”

I was going to die of embarrassment. What grown man wanted to be called ‘cute’? I ripped myself from his gaze and downed the rest of my drink.

“That’s the spirit!” Duo said cheerfully, bouncing up to get me another one.

I took it, not meeting his eyes.

“Hey, Heero?” Duo said, still looming over me.

“What?” I mumbled.

Duo flicked me in the forehead, and I looked up at him in annoyance. “I know my overwhelming sexiness is distracting, but you should try actually making eye contact every once and a while.”

“I don’t have to look at you,” I said, looking away again.

“Oh?” Duo said, catching my cheek in his hand and tilting my face up.

I caught his wrist, ready to break it.

Duo let his arm go slack, and I realized what I’d been about to do.

“Shit,” I muttered, letting go. Coming on this assignment had been a horrible idea, and I just wanted to go home.

“Looks like you’ve still got some reflexes,” Duo said, sitting on the desk and staring down at me.

“I think I’ll go to bed,” I said, standing up.

“Do you actually like me, or is that some kind of delusion of Quatre’s?”

I froze.

Duo grinned victoriously, like that had been his plan all along.

I tried to speak, but nothing came out.

“It’s so weird to watch you go from machine to human,” Duo said, tipping his can back to finish it off. “If you told me all those years ago that Heero Yuy was a shy boy with a stuttering problem…”

“Stop being cruel,” I finally said, stalking off to the bathroom.

“How am I being cruel?” Duo asked with a snort, hopping down from the desk. He was suddenly standing between me and the bathroom door. “I was thinking about being quite the opposite, actually.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, even though I knew I shouldn’t.

Duo was backing me into the wall. “I thought I’d throw you a bone.”

I did not like this at all.

“You ever been kissed, Heero?”

Oh, no, no, no, I did not like this. I was being played with, and it twisted in my gut like a knife.

“Well?”

“Yes,” I said, longing to push Duo away. He was so close now, his arm draped lazily over my head as he leaned in.

“Shit, really?” he asked, his grin widening.

“Y-yeah…” I stuttered, looking away from those blue eyes.

“Too bad,” he murmured, his breath ghosting against my mouth.

“Stop,” I said, glad that my voice came out steady. I knew he was just teasing me, but it made me feel anxious and uncomfortable.

“Stop what?”

“You’re being cruel,” I reasserted.

“Come on, Heero, everyone knows I’m a nice guy,” he said, leaning into my line of vision.

I took a deep breath and pushed him aside. “No, actually, you’re not.”

“Oh ho, there’s the old Heero.”

“There’s not an ‘old Heero’ and a ‘new Heero’, there’s just me,” I informed him.

“You’ve tried so hard to run away from the past,” Duo said, suddenly yanking me close. One arm settled around my waist, while his free hand caught my chin. “Guess what, Heero? You’re just as shitty as the rest of us.”

“You’re drunk,” I said, squirming around but not making a significant effort to escape. It felt good to be touched by Duo, and I was a complete idiot.

“I probably am,” Duo agreed. “That doesn’t change anything. Your hands are just as dirty as mine, so stop prancing around all high and mighty, getting the shakes when someone puts a damn gun in your hand. You’re not better than me, Heero. You’ll drop a man to save lives, just the same as me.”

Now I was starting to feel annoyed. “I never said I was better than anyone. It’s not my fault if you take the way I live my life as a censure on the way you live yours.”

“Who talks like that?” Duo complained, suddenly letting me go and going over to flop on his bed. “God, and I was thinking of giving you a pity fuck.”

I was mortified.

“Ugh, what is wrong with me?” Duo groaned into his pillow. “I’m so desperate, I’d do anyone.”

“I’m standing right here,” I said quietly.

“Perfectly aware.”

I didn’t know what I was feeling, but my stomach hurt and I just wanted to not be there anymore.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Duo said, his eyes suddenly staring into mine. “I didn’t mean… Just forget everything I’ve said and done in the last hour, okay?”

I turned my head to the side.

“Heeeeero, come on,” Duo protested. “I know I was being a dick, okay? Duo Maxwell, the ESUN’s biggest dick. Well… yeah, okay, well yes, it’s big, but…”

“Please just leave me alone.”

“I don’t want you to be mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“You clearly are.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re something.”

“I’m f-fine.”

“You look like a wounded baby animal or something, you are clearly not fine.”

I paused at that, giving Duo the look that statement deserved.

He grinned.

“I’ll forget everything you said.”

Duo looked pleased, then frowned. “No, you won’t. You never let me live anything down.”

“Is there anything I can possibly say right now to make you leave me alone?”

“You could forgive me for being an asshole.”

“I forgive you for being an asshole.”

“You’re just saying that, you don’t actually mean it.”

I wanted to scream. I turned, pulled up the covers of my bed, and hid under them instead.

Duo was quiet, and I thought maybe it was finally over. He shuffled around the room for a bit before turning off the lights. Then he sat on my bed, the mattress dipping down towards him.

I did not emerge from my cocoon.

“I’m sorry for saying shitty things,” Duo said quietly. “You just… you’re so different now and I don’t know how to deal with you. You’re so goddamn weird, and then this morning you were kinda vulnerable, and I find it all very confusing.”

I pushed the covers out of my face, staring at Duo in the dark. He was a blur, because I wasn’t wearing my glasses and my night vision was terrible. “What exactly do you find confusing?”

“You in general.”

“Oh, I see.”

“No, no, but it’s like… you used to be quiet before, but it was… You were quiet because you didn’t need to say anything. But now I feel like you’re quiet around me because you don’t know what to say? And you’re nervous? And that’s weird, Heero, it’s fucking weird.”

“I’m so sorry for being weird.”

“Apology accepted,” Duo said. “So start acting normal.”

“Good night,” I said, pulling the blankets back over my head.

“No, hey, wait,” Duo protested, grabbing the blankets and peeling them back.

“Duo, it’s been a long day and I want to go to sleep.”

“Yes, but...”

He was staring at me with big, puppy dog eyes that even my blind self could read clearly in the dark.

I didn’t know what he wanted from me. “What?” I finally asked.

“I… I don’t know. Good night, Heero.”

“Good night, Duo.”

His weight disappeared from the mattress.

I fell into an uneasy sleep.

In the morning, Duo just prattled on like usual.

It was a relief to get back to the lab and continue my line of investigation from the previous day.

It was, however, not a relief to realize that my line of reasoning had been correct.

#gundam wing #fanfiction #1x2x1 #1x2 #unlikely office romances isola

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johnnymundano · 4 years

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Shut In (2016)

Directed by Farren Blackburn

Screenplay by Christina Hodson

Music by Nathaniel Méchaly

Country: France, Canada

Running time: 91 minutes

CAST

Naomi Watts as Mary Portman

Oliver Platt as Dr. Bennett Wilson

Charlie Heaton as Stephen Portman

David Cubitt as Doug Hart

Jacob Tremblay as Tom Patterson

Clémentine Poidatz as Lucy

Crystal Balint as Grace Mitchell

Alex Braunstein as Aaron Hart

Peter Outerbridge as Richard Portman

Shut In is the kind of glossy, well-acted mainstream thriller I sometimes feel polite society would rather I waste my eyes on, rather than ancient, less than salubrious Italian chillers no one normal cares about. Of course when I do watch a glossy, well-acted mainstream thriller like Shut In I often find they are crap, and thus feel a lot better about watching a paraplegic Donald Pleasance solving crimes with a straight razor wielding chimp. Or whatever the hell was going on in Phenomena (1985). Fun Fact: When I first typed the title of this post it came out of my fingers as Shit In. Subconscious much?

If it was my cheeky little subconscious at work it would be quite apt as that’s what they call “psychology” and Shut In concerns Mary (Naomi Watts), a female child psychologist. Mary works from her isolated home since she also has to care for her step-son Stephen (Charlie Heaton), who is in a vegetative state following a car accident in which his father died. That’s a hard row to hoe, so Mary is herself receiving counselling from Dr. Wilson (Oliver Platt). Things may be starting to look up for poor Mary, as she is contemplatively flicking through care home brochures for Stephen while cautiously reciprocating amorous advances from burly Doug (David Cubitt). When Tom (Jacob Tremblay), a patient Mary has become attached to, goes missing Sarah begins hearing strange noises and dreaming strange dreams. As the days pass Mary starts to fear she is losing her mind, and as a snow storm closes the stage is set for a confrontation as predictable as it is silly.

If you want to enjoy the terribleness of Shut In for yourself you should stop reading there (or here, I guess) as I am going to SPOIL it by talking about how awful it is. Unfortunately it is impossible to get across quite how offensively dumb Shut In is without SPOILING it. Or at least, I’m not going to bother finding a way because, hey, life’s too short. And, let’s face it Shut In SPOILS itself by being awful. The set-up is good but, c’mon, who can’t see what’s coming? In the interests of fairness I tried to hide it in the synopsis, but if you watch the movie it’s as predictable as the fact this sentence will end with a full stop. The whole movie is a kind of exercise in flop sweated desperation as it frogmarches its plot into the ridiculous convolutions required to make this insipid bullshittery “work”. And for all its huffing and puffing Shut in still doesn’t work. It’s not even that you can see what’s coming, a Gay Pride float in a Gay Pride Parade has more subtlety, it’s that it all makes no sense whatsoever. In comparison Body Double (1984) looks like a documentary. Shut In doesn’t just require you to suspend your disbelief, it requires you to hang it by the neck until dead.

Shut In is set in a world of idiots, where someone can be diagnosed as being in a vegetative state following a car smash, with the only check being that they haven’t moved much since they were admitted. Apparently nobody has done any tests on Stephen during the 6 months since the crash other than looking at him and deciding he hasn’t moved. Cunningly though, Stephen only moves when nobody is around. He just, you know, “knows” when nobody is around, and so has never been caught once in 6 months. He must be the only teenager in existence who has never been surprised by his parent when doing something he shouldn’t be doing. During those 6 months Mary has been taking care of Stephen’s every need; feeding, bathing and whatevering him. At no point during the 6 months of Mary pushing baby food into his mouth or sponging his Gentleman Jim in the bath has he once broken cover. As Stephen Charlie Heaton (from TV’s ‘80s nostalgia bath and merchandise generator Stranger Things) is okay, but he plays an impossible character. “Evil man-child with preternatural levels of self-control” would task anyone to imbue it with believability. He tries, bless him but ends up as just a common or garden movie nutter.

Naomi Watts is fantastic, but Naomi Watts is always fantastic. Unfortunately for Naomi Watts being fantastic isn’t enough here. She’s like a solid core of believability around which a load of noisy, ridiculous bullshit revolves, constantly reminding you that Naomi Watts should be doing something better with her time. Maybe she took the role as some kind of audition tape, she does get to do a whole load of acting after all; doting mother, crazy lady, fierce protector and drug addled goofball. Because for Shut In’s plot to work (it doesn’t) Stephen has to slip her his pills which cause her to get way spacy. Okay, I’m not a medical professional so maybe they do medicate shut-ins with the kind of drugs Stephen uses to put a crimp in Mary’s reality. Sure, it’s possible that shut-ins are basically doped up and tripping balls all the time in there, but I doubt it. if any medical professionals would like to take the time out of their busy schedule to defend the use of medication in Shut In, you know where to find me. Oh, and poor old lovable Oliver Platt plays a psychiatrist who provides face-time therapy before the script forces him to emulate the Scatman Crothers role in Kubrick’s The Shining (1980). At times, in fact, you can almost hear Shut In grunt with the effort to emulate The Shining, but all it does is make you want to watch The Shining rather than Shut In.

What’s worse is how nasty the (barely sub-) subtext of Shut In is; it seems, intentionally or not, to be that as soon as they reach adolescence you should maybe give some serious thought to killing your kids before they kill you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie as fearful of children growing up. And I’ve seen Christine (1983) more than once. And, yeah, Stephen is Mary’s step-son not her birth son, but that’s obviously just pathetic cowardice on the scriptwriter’s part. It all gets a bit Oedipal in there towards the end, which would be supremely creepy if he was her natural son, and Shut In just isn’t that low class, thanks. It would have been better if Shut In had grasped the nettle and gone low, because supremely creepy is at least interesting. And the movie ends up being supremely creepy accidentally anyway, with its emphasis on kids being monsters once they won’t let you chuch their chubby cheeks anymore. The “feel good” ending is truly horrible. Mary ends up adopting the tiny, cute moppet Tom after killing her own son, Stephen. A smarter movie would have gone in hard on this nastiness and left you uncertain about whether she’ll be violently trading in Tom too once his balls drop. Basically, Shut In needed to be a lot nastier and far smarter, it needed someone like Brian de Palma to work. But there is no one else like Brian De Palma, and so Shut In doesn’t have Brian De Palma, and so it doesn’t work.

Seriously, Shut In is so bad it’s baffling. It looks like the kind of movie mums and dads like, it’s got a great cast, it’s civilly filmed and there’s an onus on suspense rather than gore. I’m not averse to that myself on occasion, but then I am a dad. But, Christ, the plot to this thing is so ridiculous it should star George Hilton and Edwige Fenech and come in a banana yellow blu-ray case, with a commentary track by Troy Howarth consisting of him just laughing for 91 minutes.

#Shut In #Movies #Thriller #Horror #Farren Blackburn #Christina Hodson #Naomi Watts #Oliver Platt #Charlie Heaton #The 2010s #2016 #France #Canada

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sheilacwall · 5 years

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hip hop isn’t dead.: Ice Cube

Somehow War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) is only the sixth solo album from rapper-slash-actor-slash-professional basketball league founder O’Shea “Ice Cube” Jackson. It feels like we’ve been discussing this motherfucker forever, or at least since 2007, right? Obviously the man has been doing a lot since his entrance into our chosen genre via N.W.A.: aside from his whole actor/writer/director side gig, he’s released compilations, been a part of multiple soundtrack releases, and even found time to create an entirely separate group, Westside Connection (alongside his protégée Mack 10 and his friend WC). But the man hasn’t ever truly stepped away from his solo career, which is part of the reason we’re talking about today’s subject.

War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Album) is the second half of a project that Cube conceived way back in the previous century (read: 1998). War & Peace, curiously named after the soft drink and not the Tolstoy doorstop, served as our host’s excuse to deliver the gangsta rap and social commentary he was best known for post-Jerry Heller, along with some attempts to construct a much broader audience through radio airplay, club bangers, cautionary tales, and skinny-dipping in the waters of different musical genres. Although for some reason I’m remembering this being announced as a double-disc effort, Ice Cube released the first volume, subtitled The War Disc, close to the Thanksgiving holiday in 1998, with The Peace Disc scheduled to follow soon after, as they were recorded and compiled at the same time.

The War Disc was met with mixed reviews, as Cube rested on his laurels a bit too much: there’s one song that is a direct sequel to one of his classic tracks, “Once Upon a Time In The Projects 2”; he leaned heavily on a younger artist signed to his label, Mr. Short Khop (who, interestingly enough, doesn’t appear on The Peace Disc at all); there’s a collaboration with motherfucking Korn called “Fuck Dying”. (Cube also appeared on Korn’s 1998 album Follow the Leader: both songs helped cue up the inaugural Family Values tour, which they were both headliners on.) But aside from a couple of tracks that played into his storytelling skills, The War Disc quietly vanished from rotation, leaving our host to retool the planned follow-up in an effort to course-correct.

War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc), the final album released under Cube’s deal with Priority Records, is definitely not what was already completed when The War Disc was released. For one, the very first track, “Hello”, is a collaboration with former N.W.A. bandmates MC Ren and Dr. Dre, a move which wouldn’t have happened in 1998, but made more sense in 2000 after N.W.A. officially reunited for a song off of the soundtrack for Cube’s Next Friday (and also after Dre released 2001, a blockbuster project that put him back on the map). In addition, the first single, “You Can Do It”, came from that same soundtrack and was Cube’s most popular radio hit since 1997’s “We Be Clubbin’”. So I get why he’d want to retool the project to capitalize on those strengths.

The Peace Disc vanished seemingly quicker than its predecessor, possibly due to the chart dominance of his friend Dr. Dre and Dre’s artist Eminem at the time. It did manage to sell over five hundred thousand units in the United States, but find me somebody who proudly has this one displayed in their collection. I dare you. I double dog dare you, motherfucker. Nobody gives a fuck about War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc), and I include Ice Cube in that description. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the album is entirely bad, so let’s peek under the hood and review this sucker.

1. HELLO (FEAT. DR. DRE & MC REN)

O’Shea hits the ground running, commissioning an N.W.A. reunion that is much more successful than their official comeback on the Next Friday soundtrack (“Chin Check”, for those of you keeping score). A simplistic Dr. Dre. prescription, which bangs, lays the groundwork for Dre, MC Ren, and our host Ice Cube to… complain about the current (as of 2000, anyway) state of hip hop like the elder statesmen they are: they have a specific grievance regarding not being credited for “start[ing] this gangsta shit” (which absolutely isn’t true, but regardless of who you think kicked off the sub-genre, the various members of N.W.A. are cited as influences all. The. Goddamn. Time. Maybe not Yella). As far as old dudes talking shit as though evolution in language and culture hadn’t ever occurred, Ren comes across as alright (his comment about lesbians not exactly homophobic but still iffy nevertheless), while Andre sticks with his “I’m rich, I don’t have to do shit” mentality. Thankfully, O’Shea tears through his verse with a ferocity he hasn’t displayed since Westside Connection’s Bow Down, and I say that even though the phase of his career where he insisted on nicknaming himself the “Don Dada” is still represented on here. So yeah, this was a success overall. Thank God, right? I mean, can you imagine two subpar late-period N.W.A. reunion tracks in a row?

2. PIMP HOMEO (SKIT)

I know Cube’s trying to be funny here, but this was bad. At least it wasn’t homophobic, though, as the title may have implied. Absolutely misogynistic, though.

3. YOU AIN’T GOTTA LIE (TA KICK IT) (FEAT. CHRIS ROCK)

Fairly confusing, as “You Ain’t Gotta Lie (Ta Kick It”) isn’t really the love rap sort-of promised by the preceding skit. O’Shea spits his boasts-n-bullshit, which, interestingly enough, include proclamations of being a great father, while guest Chris Rock threatens to undermine the entire operation with his contributions to the hook. The concept isn’t set up well enough for this three-man production (this was credited to former Bad Boy Hitman Chucky Thompson along with Rich Nice and Loren Hill) to make any fucking sense, as Cube isn’t really hitting on anyone as much as he’s offering up facts about himself as though he recorded his bars while standing behind a podium, while Rock tries to come up with the most ridiculous lies during the hook. Dude is kind of amusing toward the end, but overall this shit was a misfire. It was good while it lasted, though.

4. THE GUTTER SHIT (FEAT. JAYO FELONY, GANGSTA, & SQUEAK RU)

LOL there’s a rapper named Gangsta? Have we officially used up all of the words? Anywhoozle, our host envisioned “The Gutter Shit” as a collaboration with like-minded West Coast artists, but could only convince Jayo Felony and two other no-names to commit, and my Lord does this Cube- and T-Bone-produced aural interpretation of a sad face emoji suuuuuuuuuck. The two artists on here that you’ve never heard of before or since seem excited enough for the opportunity but flounder when called upon, while Jayo is terrible as always. But the true loser here is our host, who somehow found the time to contribute two awful verses that wouldn’t even be stocked in the same type of store as the gutter shit he was once capable of. And what the fuck is with that reference to the previous track?

5. SUPREME HUSTLE

There is no planet within our galaxy where Ice Cube could have honestly believed that “Supreme Hustle” was a song good enough to make War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc). My guess is that the production trio from “You Ain’t Gotta Lie (Ta Kick It)” had called in a collective Make-A-Wish, as this elementary excursion into simplistic rap boasting is embarrassing as shit to listen to. At least our host sticks with his theme: each of the three verses places emphasis on “I”, “you”, and “we”, respectively. But there is no hustle to be found on here, and O’Shea’s hand-waving about what he considers to be the cause of domestic violence was puzzling as hell. I cannot stress enough how fucking godawful this shit was.

6. MENTAL WARFARE (SKIT)

…

7. 24 MO’ HOURS

When critics mention older rappers struggling to sound relevant with their newer songs, “24 Mo’ Hours” is what they’re referring to. If War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) were released today, the Battlecat instrumental, which both sucks and doesn’t fit our host’s general aesthetic, which is a strange critique given Battlecat’s history of producing Cali-based bangers, would almost certainly be swapped out for something from the likes of Metro Boomin’ or Zaytoven, and it would still sound terrible. Ugh.

8. UNTIL WE RICH (FEAT. KRAYZIE BONE)

I heard “Until We Rich” on the radio once probably in 2000 or so, and then have apparently never thought of it again until right now, which I believe is an accurate representation of how forgettable this Chucky & the Thompsons production was. Guest star Krayzie Bone, still riding a Bone Thugs-N-Harmony career wave at the time, circles and underlines Slick Rick’s “Hey Young World” with his performance, which is dull, while O’Shea tries his darnedest to give listeners an optimistic, motivational speech, even going so far as to censor his own cursing, so as to reach as wide an audience as possible. Sure, “Until We Rich” fits the ‘peace’ requirement of this project, but at what cost?

9. YOU CAN DO IT (FEAT. MACK 10 & MS. TOI)

You two already know this song, which first appeared on the soundtrack for Next Friday in 1999 but was popular enough to justify Priority Records placing it on as many projects as possible, I suppose. For the handful of readers who somehow missed this footnote in popular culture, “You Can Do It”, a spiritual follow-up to “We Be Clubbin’”, the hit single from our host’s directorial debut The Players Club, finds Cube, Ms. Toi, and his boy Mack 10 putting their asses into a One Eye-produced club effort that is slight on lyrics, but is rather catchy otherwise. It sounds so fucking absurd today that it somehow shifts from “corny” to “entertainingly corny” during Cube’s opening verse and never once budges again. At least our host sounded engaged on here, unlike most everything else on War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) thus far, and having Mack 1-0 perform over a fast-paced beat forces him to match that energy or die trying. Inessential, but it brings the pretty girls at the club out onto the floor, in case that helps you in any way.

10. MACKIN’ & DRIVING (SKIT)

Playing War & Peace Vol. 1 (The War Disc)’s first single, “Pushin’ Weight”, in the background of this interlude only reminded me of rapper Mr. Short Khop, whose career was abruptly halted after Cube stopped giving a shit about his young charge. I mean, why else would he not have been a good enough performer to make it to the second volume? Good call by the way, O’Shea.

11. GOTTA BE INSANITY

Curious, but not entirely out of left field when you remember “You Can Do It” was a hit, so why wouldn’t O’Shea go back to that well? The funky-ish guitar loop on this Mario Winans (!) production reminded me of Jermaine Dupri’s “Going Home With Me”, except I like that song and found this one to be middling at best, as Cube panders to the lowest common denominator while trying to get back inside the club. I can’t be sure who our host thought his audience was when he recorded “Gotta Be Insanity”, but he’s done enough good work and has earned the ability to record and release whatever he wants. Still doesn’t mean we’re all required to listen to any of it, however.

12. ROLL ALL DAY

As we all know and agree with every third Wednesday at our meetings, the best storytelling raps are the ones where you don’t realize the artist is even telling a story until the third verse. That’s what happens on “Roll All Day”, anyway. Over a One Eye beat that doesn’t entirely gel but has its moments, Ice Cube boasts about having purchased a full tank of gas (a fact repeated throughout, with a humorous callback toward the end) and offering to cruise around with a woman he just met in exchange for sexual intercourse. You know, standard-issue rap-type shit, but it begs the question: why is she so interested in the car? Has the woman in question never been inside an automobile before? Cube could have probably rolled up on a pedal bike and worked out a similar proposition just because he’s Ice Cube, but I suppose there’s no vehicle for a story there (pun intended). Regardless, he never gets that far, as by the third verse she’s [SPOILER ALERT FOR A NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD SONG] broken the car’s windows and, later, stolen it outright. His flow is strictly boasts-n-bullshit until the ending, where he reveals some of that sense of humor he tapped into while writing Friday. “Roll All Day” is meh, but the effort was appreciated, at least.

13. CAN YOU BOUNCE?

This was fucking terrible, and that’s without O’Shea making a Pokemon reference, which he absolutely does on here. So that happened. (Also, Younglord apparently produced the beat. Was War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) designed as Ice Cube’s covert demo reel to hopefully snag a label deal with Bad Boy Records? Because the gambit hasn’t paid off yet.)

14. DINNER WITH THE CEO (SKIT)

…

15. RECORD COMPANY PIMPIN’

The flip side of EPMD’s “Please Listen To My Demo”, down to the same Faze-O “Riding High” sample being used, as Ice Cube and producer Bud’da urge the youth not to get involved in the rap game without learning the business side of the industry first. Advice such as this can only come from someone who was famously jerked around by their label in the past, as Cube was during his short stint with Ruthless Records, but while the man clearly knows of what he speaks, that doesn’t mean “Record Company Pimpin’” (a topic many artists have tackled before and since O’Shea put pen to paper) is an entertaining song to actually listen to. Our host should have taken these ideas and given a TED Talk instead. That’s not a joke: imagine how many people he could help in the process. But you can skip this track outright.

16. WAITIN’ TA HATE

So it turns out that War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) is a stealth EPMD tribute album filtered through a Puff Daddy lens. That’s a lie, obviously, but “Waitin’ Ta Hate” is the second song in a row to pay homage to Erick and Parish specifically, although this time around producers One Eye and DJ Joe Rodriguez (that name gets to the point, can’t be mad at that) get lazy by choosing to just sample “So Wat Cha Sayin’” directly. For his part, O’Shea sounds downright angry on here, which informs an entertaining performance that isn’t reminiscent of his finest work, but let’s be real, it’s the best we’ll get at this point. The production doesn’t do much to differentiate itself from the EPMD standard, but maybe, this time around, it isn’t such a bad thing. (Side note to E-Double: you should give Cube a shout for a future collaboration, as the man is clearly a fan.)

17. N—A OF THE CENTURY

Accompanied by someone that could be that Pain In Da Ass dude whose entire shtick was aping flicks such as Scarface and Goodfellas to open up early Roc-A-Fella Records projects but likely isn’t, which means there were two of these guys in our chosen genre at some point, which seems wasteful somehow, our host caps off the evening lobbying for an award that doesn’t exist. Charley Chap’s production is too dull to properly reward Ice Cube as a winner of any competition, and O’Shea’s own bars aren’t worth wasting a paragraph on. At least we’re done here.

FINAL THOUGHTS: War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) approaches self-parody at points, as Ice Cube genuinely seems to not understand just what it was about his work that listeners connected with back in the early 1990s. It certainly wasn’t this shit: nobody ever wanted to hear what it would have sounded like had Cube signed with Bad Boy Records twelve years after his prime. The O’Shea Jackson found on this project is a man who is content with his station in life: the only time he ever really comes across as passionate about anything is when he’s schooling younger artists on the inner workings of the music industry, a topic that obviously resonates with him. Even his generic threats on “Hello”, a song I fucking liked his performance on, sound more like amiable suggestions than anything. When Cube gets in his storytelling bag, he seems to at least be having some fun with this shit (not that it always translates for the listener), but when he’s simply talking shit, the momentum on War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc), or whatever little momentum exists, halts immediately. Twenty years removed from his debut solo project, this album proved that Ice Cube was no longer vital to the ongoing health of the local hip hop concern. He has all of his other ventures to fall back on, and of course he’ll always be welcomed at the barbecues, but unless he’s laser-focused on targets (we’ll always have the first Westside Connection effort), he loses the plot very quickly, and one can only coast on charm and the acclaim derived from your prior work for so long. I won’t go so far as to say that War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) is a “peace” of shit, because that pun is beneath me, but it’s plenty awful.

BUY OR BURN? Neither. If you absolutely must, stream the tracks listed below, but, you know, life is short.

BEST TRACKS: “Hello”; “Waitin’ Ta Hate”

-Max

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sheilacwall · 5 years

Text

hip hop isn’t dead.: Ice Cube

1. HELLO (FEAT. DR. DRE & MC REN)

2. PIMP HOMEO (SKIT)

I know Cube’s trying to be funny here, but this was bad. At least it wasn’t homophobic, though, as the title may have implied. Absolutely misogynistic, though.

3. YOU AIN’T GOTTA LIE (TA KICK IT) (FEAT. CHRIS ROCK)

4. THE GUTTER SHIT (FEAT. JAYO FELONY, GANGSTA, & SQUEAK RU)

5. SUPREME HUSTLE

6. MENTAL WARFARE (SKIT)

…

7. 24 MO’ HOURS

8. UNTIL WE RICH (FEAT. KRAYZIE BONE)

9. YOU CAN DO IT (FEAT. MACK 10 & MS. TOI)

10. MACKIN’ & DRIVING (SKIT)

11. GOTTA BE INSANITY

12. ROLL ALL DAY

13. CAN YOU BOUNCE?

14. DINNER WITH THE CEO (SKIT)

…

15. RECORD COMPANY PIMPIN’

16. WAITIN’ TA HATE

17. N—A OF THE CENTURY

BUY OR BURN? Neither. If you absolutely must, stream the tracks listed below, but, you know, life is short.

BEST TRACKS: “Hello”; “Waitin’ Ta Hate”

-Max

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