#AND my grandma will probably give me a lot of stuff to bring back because she is unstoppable
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hello! i read you miss having asks and i don't know if you maybe miss having some requests (in case you aren't taking any you can ignore this and i hope you'll have a good day <3)
but what about some domestic Miguel and spending your first Christmas together? just imagine sitting on the couch in front of the TV, with a blanket covering both of you, watching some way too romantic soap opera, while drinking some hot chocolate and just enjoy the moment <3
(i know this is so early and we are still in November, but I swear, I can already feel the nostalgic feeling of Christmas </3)
xmas with miggy? say no more baby!!
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it is absolutely one of your favorite holiday, ever. the music, the decorations, the presents for your loved ones, the cooking and baking. everything about christmas just screams fairytale,
miguel has never been the one who’s fond of this specific holiday, or any holiday for that matter. he would drown himself in work to avoid any invitations from friends. sad but anything to get away from interacting with strangers.
now ever since you stepped into his life, he can’t help but see how this year’s christmas would be different. having you with him to celebrate together just changes his perspectives. now he has someone to hold and love, this christmas would bring joy into his life.
you and him had been pretty busy with the decorations and stuff. buying a Christmas tree, getting pretty ornaments, looking for presents etc.
“need a hand, baby?” miguel steps into the kitchen, seeing you take out fresh cookies from the oven. you look so… comfy. dressed in his old t-shirt with your hair tied up in a bun—his clothing is basically a dress so there’s no need to be putting on some pants other than underwear—
you nod, looking up at him before setting the cookies on the counter. “can you put those hot chocolates on the table, my love?” you ask with a smile,
his heart soars at the nickname before grabbing the two cups of hot cocoa with tiny pink marshmallows in them. “you pick or i pick the movie?”
you’re quick to raise your hand in a child-like manner, causing him to laugh. “me, duh!” you answer as if it’s the most obvious thing. “we’re tuning in The Mafia Dolls and La Reina Del Sur”
miguel groans at the choice, shaking his head as he put the tray down on the table before grabbing a blanket. “you just want to watch Kate Del Castillo because you have a crush on her” he points out,
shrugging you showcase an expression of no shame. “she’s hot. you know i would leave your ass for her”
miguel jaw drops open, hand over his heart as he watches you stifle a giggle. “i’ve had enough time dealing with men trying to hit on you on a daily basis and now i have to compete with Kate Del Castillo too?!”
“her and Eva Mendes” you nod, arms crossed, smiling to yourself as he rolls his eyes before throwing you a playful glare and sit on the couch. “you’re going to pay for that comment”
you give him a cheeky smile. grabbing two cookies as you stride towards him, his large arm coming to wrap itself around your waist. he gently pulls you down on the couch, letting your head rest against his chest as you feed him a cookie.
“mhmm” he hums in approval. “new recipe?”
“yeah. you like? grandma sent the recipe to me. said that i have to treat my man something nice every once in a while” you giggle to yourself as he put his arm behind you. his lips plants a kiss on top of your head.
“tell her i said thank you” he mumbles as he turns on the tv. “i like this you know?”
a hum rumbles from you as you lay your back comfortably against him, taking another bite of the cookie. “what is?”
then he smiles, eyes landing on you. his fingers move to stroke your soft hair gently, catching that sweet scent of your strawberry mint shampoo that he finds obsessed over.
miguel can’t exactly remember when he had something like this. probably in his childhood? not quite sure. even if it was true, he doubts that it’s actually memorable. he remembers there were a lot of screaming match and broken plates though. maybe that’s why he avoids christmas like a plague. it was never magical.
but you… oh god, you.
you changed it for the better. the decorating christmas tree, wrapping up presents for each other, counting fails at an attempt to create gingerbread house, cooking up delicious traditional food instead of unseasoned dish that he sees people are making. and it might not be a big christmas party like in movies or how his co-workers do it, but that’s okay really. that’s just how he prefers it.
you, him and christmas.
“being with you” he responds, not minding the chatters coming from the tv. “estoy agradecido por ti, princesa”
“so, so grateful” he mumbles, pressing another quick kiss on your temple.
his words cause your gaze to soften. you slowly turn your head to look up to him from the tv, who’s eyes glued into the screen. your heart warms at the sight of miguel being comfortable with you, a small smile attached to his face.
leaning forward, you give him a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. he sighs out of contentment at the gesture, hand around your waist tighten.
“i’m grateful for you too.”
-
aaa this feels like it’s rushed but i hope u like it anon! I’m sorry it took too long:(
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Nights Like This.
Carmen Berzatto x Black Reader
Summary : A fluffy little look into Carmy helping his fiancee after a girls night out.
Warnings: 18 + as always, no actual smut just slightly sexy moments-loads of fluff though.
unedited. sorry, i know i'm still rusty lol, i hope you like it still.
(watch The Bear , it's so good and Jeremy Allen White / Ebon Moss-Bachrach always eat up all their roles.)
“I want you to have fun tonight. Call me when you’re ready for me to pick you up baby. You got your pepper spray? Did you charge your phone? ” Carmy anxiously asks against your lips with a final kiss.
“Baby, My phone is fully charged. I’ve got the pepper spray and the lipstick knife that you got me last weekend. It’s okay, I’m okay. What are you gonna do tonight?” You ask, nuzzling his nose and he shrugs.
He then leans his head for a moment like he's weighing his options.
Ever the old man. If you knew your man well enough, you knew that he'd probably be at home with a wine older than both of his parents and he'll be yelling at Beat Bobby Flay. Or something along those lines.
“Probably watch Iron Chef or some shit until I nod off. Richie wanted me to come over for some football game, but he knows I don’t watch sports like that. I only ever really watched it with Mike- Go go go, they’re waiting for you. Say hey for me and call me when you’re ready. No Ubers or Lyft or whatever the fuck it’s called. I’ll come scoop you up.” He insists again and with that you’re giving him one final kiss before you’re being pulled away by your girls.
He didn’t trust Ubers or any of that stuff late at night and always insisted on taking you to and from your night outs with your girls. No matter how tired he was from being at work all day.
The night was beyond fun because you hadn't seen your girls in forever and of course you were going to celebrate Davena's birthday on Throwback Night at your favourite place. The lot of you settled on going as Destiny's Child.
Hours later when your feet were aching and the room felt like it was moving like a Tilt-A-Whirl and all the uncles had came out two stepping towards you and your friends. You knew that it was time for Kelly Rowland to head out and home to her man.
You pulled out your phone to call your fiance. And the press of a button he was outside waiting for you and your friends within the next 15 minutes.
“Heeeyyy Carmy. I'm gonna get Luke to come around tomorrow to take a look at that stove. It might be time to do a replacement.” Davena says entering the car
"Hey, okay, yeah. It hadn't been changed since like '03 anyways so it's time. It's the one that Michael loved, and it was like the only stove he cooked on 'cause when the place first opened he was broke as fuck and couldn't afford more. But I'm tired of that shit nearly catching on fire every time Syd turns it on." he answers and earns a chuckle from her.
“How you doing Carmy? You still trying to learn how to make gumbo? I told you that an Italian boy from the Chi don't know nothing about that. You need to get my grandma up in your kitchen, but she's never giving that family recipe up." Naomi teases as she sits back in her seat.
"No doubt, No doubt. I wouldn't even dare ask Ms. Monroe about that. I learned my lesson from the peach cobbler." he says and they both laugh for a moment thinking about her grandma asked Carmy to buy a peach cobbler from the store to bring to the cookout instead of making one because she didn't believe that he was actually a chef.
They always joked and chatted like this back and forth like brother and sisters and you were grateful that they got along like family because they hated your long term boyfriend before Carmy with a passion.
In all fairness , his family and friends watched you like a hawk as well until they realized that you were damn near perfect for him. You were Carmy's first serious relationship so you understand their caution and concern.
It took one time for them to sse the way that you and Carmen interacted and they just knew that you two were meant to be.
“Boy, you should’ve seen how she busted her ass coming outside to you. Talking about my mans outside.” Naomi jokes as she pretends to fall over in her seat.
They all talk at once slightly slurring their words as they enter the car with you .
You, took the passenger seat while they piled into the back still laughing at you holding onto Robin so that you didn’t completely fall down.
“See, I wasn’t going to say nothing about you throwing ass on Mr. Leprechaun but- sis next time I’m going to need you to turn around and see that it’s not us.” you reply to Naomi before she shakes her head in disgust.
“His , ‘where’s me gold’ looking ass almost gave me a damn heart attack. Y’all wrong for that one.” she says throwing a peanut from her bra at the back of your head.
"We got him out of there when we realized , didn't we?" Robin says still laughing and wiping at her smeared corner of her eyeliner.
Carmy smiles sleepily at you while stopped at the red light and lean over for a kiss. He sucked on your bottom lip for a moment tasting the remnants of the sugary drinks and peanuts from the bar when you leaned back to hiccup.
“The girls wanted to stay over tonight and go home in the morning?” you question and he nods, tapping his tattooed fingers on the steering wheel to the music with the other resting on your inner thigh.
“That’s fine. We’ve got the pull out and then someone can take the air mattress that’s still up from the last time Tiff put Richie out. So it all works out.” he answers and you turn up the radio as Davena starts singing along to the song.
You know that it’s a successful girls night out when you, Davena, Robin , and Naomi are in the car singing along loudly and off tune to Keyshia Cole after countless fruity colorful drinks that snuck up on you way too quickly.
“LOOOOOVEEE. NEVER KNEW WHAT I WAS MISSING, BUT I KNEW ONCE WE START KISSING-” all 3 of you sing as you point at Carmy and he just laughs sleepily while shaking his head at y’all putting on a full concert in his small car.
“Love you though.” You whisper to him as he nods and gives your thigh a small squeeze.
The car ride ended quicker than expected as the 5 of you made it to your shared apartment with Carmy and he immediately began to set things out for them.
You not only loved how he has been a gentleman to you for the past 4 years of you two being together but also the way he treated the women in your life. He was always polite, loving, and kind to your mother sister and friends.
He found multiple blankets in the storage closet with pillows and laid them out before sluggishly turning towards the group with your purse and heels in his hands.
“There’s blankets on the couch. I made lasagna earlier. You are more than welcome to it. Just please keep it down for me. I have an early morning, thank you. Goodnight crew." Carmy says quietly to the group before heading off to the bedroom.
“OKAY, LASAGNA.”
“They really could not cook at that place because everything they offered was either cold or cooked too hard.”
“ We love you Carmiiiinnnee” they call out to him.
“Right back at you.” he responds quickly before finally making it to the bedroom and sliding off his shirt. He sits on the bed and watch as you wobble and scurry around the room.
You grab clothes for your girls to change into before making your way into the bedroom after Carmy.
He smiles at you for a moment getting wrapped up in watching you before stretching and moving to the bathroom to find your cleanser.
Your heart melts when you notice Carmen was prepared for you to return home. He had a cold bottle of water set out for you, meds, a night gown, peppermints, and your makeup remover wipes. This man is truly one in a billion let alone one in a million.
“Come to the bathroom so that I can help you.” he calls out to you while looking through the cabinet to find your cleanser.
“I also have your robe right here if you don’t feel like wearing anything tonight. I mean- I’m not complaining if you don’t want to.” he states half jokingly as he stoops down once you reach the bathroom to rub your aching foot a little before switching to the other one.
He moves back up to slowly making his way up your legs as his hands find the button to your mini skirt and you shimmy it down your legs along with your panties.
You notice how his eyes are following the curves of your body as if he’s seeing it for the first time.
You don’t miss the way that his fingertips ghost up from the bottom of your stomach and up your sides to slide off your top and then to unstick your boob tape.
You hiss for a second and he gives you a small chuckle and faint pout.
“Aww baby, I’m sorry. I had no other way to get it off. Let me kiss it better?” he asks in faux concern.
He just wanted to take the moment to get his lips on you.
The mix of the way he’s eyeing your breasts and putting his pouty pink lips all over your glistening bronze skin has got you on go.
His tongue briefly swirling over the now hardened little dark brown bud while your hand makes their way to the back of his head, flushed against the soft waves to steady yourself.
You moan softly and wobble over slightly, leaning over and putting all of your weight onto him tiredly.
Carmy laughs for a moment before remembering what he was initially supposed to be doing in the first place.
You let him sit you on the bathroom counter and watch him leave and re-enter with the water and meds.
“I know you're sleepy but you’re going to have to let me get this off of you because if I don’t get this makeup off of you and put your bonnet on for tonight. A very happy drunk you will turn into a very upset hungover you in the morning. I’ve got to be at the restaurant early tomorrow. I don’t want you crying into my chest telling me about how much your head hurts. Then they’re gonna be on my ass for missing the meeting ‘cause you know I can’t leave you like that. You know Syd is the only one I trust with the place but they don't listen to her. Drink your water and then close your eyes so I can take your lashes off." Carmy says finally while putting the cold bottle of water to your lips.
“Wish Syd would've gone out with us tonight... Hmm, Yes, Chef. Love it when you take care of me. Always take good care of me". You purr teasingly while running your fingertips up and down his bare belly and then down to the inside of his boxers and sweats, sending slight shivers up his spine.
“Stop that shit. Ferma quella merda (stop that shit). ” He repeats half heartedly, swatting your hands away and stepping back slightly to keep you from palming him.
You could tell that your antics were getting to him while he tried to focus on washing your makeup away because his breathing quickened and his heart began to beat a mile a minute.
“You don’t want it?” You ask slightly, separating your legs for a moment and he looks down, contemplating while licking over his bottom lip.
He brings one hand over your thighs giving the thick soft skin a squeeze before dragging his hand between your legs letting his fingertips dip into you slightly.
You instantly scoot up against his hand, thighs locking around it like a vice.
Carmen lets out a long drawn out sigh at how wet you are while shaking his head.
You place your hand over his before working your hips against it and yours finds its way inside of his boxers to palm him again.
"What's got you dripping like this already, pretty?" he asks quietly taking his time his fingers exploring and moving without haste inside of you.
Carmy removes his hand and licks his fingers clean before taking your hand out of his boxers with a soft groan.
“I know. I know.” he coos to soothe your protesting . You look at him with a frowned expression and it takes everything in him not to laugh at you sitting on the bathroom counter stark naked, mostly drunk, and pouting at him like he had just offended you.
He ignored you staring daggers into him as he put the minty toothpaste onto your toothbrush.
“If you start some shit- you know that i’m not going to be able to finish it. Not with you like this. Come on, I have to be up at 4 tomorrow. Stop pouting and gimme kiss.” He asks with his lips puckered out and you take the opportunity to lean up and kiss him until he’s moaning softly against your lips, then kiss all over his face.
“Thank you baby. Open- ahh.” He instructs and helps you brush your teeth gently before that post-alcohol breath starts to hit different.
"I promise. Tomorrow after work, I won't even make dinner because I already know what i'll be eating all night. Deal?" he offers feeling bad that you're now trying to give him the puppy dog eyes.
Carmen couldn’t help but to laugh at your antics because if sober you knew that you were being all sappy and affectionate she would go through the floor.
"Deal. Wanna taste you too though." you finally respond.
You were eyeing him and taking in his mousy brown hair and his slightly tired eyes and puffy kissed bitten lips. He looked so beautiful like this.
A moment where he isn't stressing about 9,000 other things.
“Gonna marry you and have all your babies. You know that? If we have a boy. We have to name him Michael. ” you say to him , half awake at this point.
He knows that you’re tired and drunkenly saying what’s on your mind but the fact that you wanted to name your son after his brother made his heart feel like it was going to leap through his chest.
He knows that Michael would’ve loved you. Carmen's sister and his entire family adored you already as if you were their own.
You were the reason why he began to rebuild and repair the relationship between them that was strained long before the grief.
He knew the moment that you walked into the restaurant with all of your color samples and designs for the remodel that you were going to be it for him.
Call it fate, divine timing, luck, or whatever else. You two got on from the moment he sat down across from you in the booth.
By the end you two had long forgotten that the purpose of the meeting was to talk about interior design and renovations. You were too busy telling him that he hadn’t lived until he tried Ethiopian spaghetti.
You two didn’t stop talking until well after the restaurant had closed and everyone had gone home. But, not before Richie yelled “wrap it before you tap it, cousin” from outside of the restaurant window and you both turned to flip him off.
You two were friends for a long while and it took everything to convince each other that it wouldn’t end in disaster before you both just gave in to the inevitable of falling in love.
Even as the restaurant's changes came to an end. The bond you two had forged so quickly within those months was just getting started.
“Gonna make me a husband and a daddy? How did I get so lucky, hmm ?” he asks, leaning down to nuzzle your nose and your neck.
After brushing your teeth and completely taking off your makeup Carmy places a final kiss to your forehead and lips.
“Let me see you, my pretty baby.” he coos , holding your face in his hands.
“You always take good care of me baby. Love you so much.” you mumble half asleep as he slides the silk gown from the counter onto you.
You place your head against his chest to hear his heartbeat.
“‘That’s what I’m supposed to do because I love you too. Always gonna take care of you. Come on, let’s get you to bed, pretty.” he responds, sliding the bonnet onto your head and tucking it up so that it doesn’t irritate your ears.
He had finally got you into bed and spooned comfortably in his arms.
It took him all of 10 minutes of humming and letting you trace his tattoos for you to fall asleep, snoring softly.
He didn't bother even bother to turn on the t.v. because he already knew that he'd be following shortly.
Both of you grateful that you get to be husband and wife officially in 4 months time.
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Okay, I finally listened to it and it is really good.
I mean technically from a perspective of someone who is in fandom a lot it's not much new to learn. I think it describes the general fandom experience very good to people who might not be familiar with that side. I think most of us have people in their lives, who don't understand that part of us. Like most of my family doesn't really. In fact my grandma is probably the only one who can relate (she's been in fanclubs back in the early 60s, even travelling around for concerts and stuff). This is also where the sports fan parallel comes in (with my dad being a huge soccer fan, so technically he should relate from that side of things).
But also for me it was just nice to listen to, because so many if not all the things this podcast episode talks about are things I've seen or experienced in my time in fandom.
The immense joy it brings to talk about your fan passions with people who feel the same obviously being the biggest one. It's my fave thing about fandom. I have made friends through fandom, I've changed fandoms with people who I met in a different fandom, I've drawn in irl friends into some of my fandoms (kinda). Of course I've seen the ugly side of fandom (who hasn't honestly). I've met and connected to (online and in person) so many people, which is crazy to me as someone who has always been a really shy and introverted person (and honestly I can see/feel that I've gotten a lot of personal growth from it).
I honestly kinda forgot where I was going with this, but yeah I really quite enjoyed listening to it. Great rec and give it a listen.
#personal#storytime#podcast#misha collins#sorry for putting this ramble in the misha tag#but since he was the one talking about it on twitter#the happiness lab podcast#Spotify
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Episode 3, Finding some footing!
youtube
So this is where I started to find where I stood in the series.
The last couple of posts was just me going scene by scene describing things, this one I want to focus in on two things. Starting a Lore Bible, and Action Scenes.
So between ep 2 and 3 I took a trip to my grandmas which is always good to get the creative juices flowing.
And I knew the Mantis Lords were coming up, and I thought "Mantises are kinda tied in to a lot of places, what with the Trator Lord, the breakup between the tribes, and the pale mourner quest. It seems like there's a lot of fertile ground for lore expansion there!"
So I started expanding The Mantis stuff. Then I kept going. I'd established that Fighting History, was going to be a simplified version off Film History I'd already name dropped Zells and Hilltop, during the hornet fight. How much farther can I go with that? And maybe I should give the exposition to Sly.
The Concept I had for Quirrel was based on a Blade Runner 2049 reference I used him to make in the old series... but what if I Kept Expanding Outward.
And eventually, it was time to make this episode. Here is where I had an idea of where to go after this. I'd been playing it by ear up until this point, with a few exceptions. I knew how I was going to do some story beats, like Myla and The Ending.
But now I knew what direction I was taking everything else.
Hollow Knights lore is veeery open to interpretation.
And If I was going to make a narrative series out of it. I needed to interpret.
So I decided to go hard on that. I'd say I threw off my shackles and made my own cannon, but Hollow Knight's cannon is a tapestry filled with bits torn out on purpose.
So I just filled them in.
And while filling them in I realized how wide the canvas was.
So I just kept going.
And I'm still going!
And ultimately, going that direction I think is the best way to go. Everyone watching the series probably know how the story goes. And it's going to go mostly the same way. But it sure feels a lot different when you've got a lot more going on. And I still got a lot of surprises up my sleeve!
Now let's talk about the fight scenes.
So something I didn't talk about during the Episode 2 behind the scenes is that I stopped rendering these videos in 60fps.
The reason I did that is because, with the dynamic cutting, the Hornet Fight Scene just looked *way worse* in 60FPS. That framerate is really good when you have to watch out for Hornet's attacks, and therefor are focusing on a mostly static screen where the movement is done by the character and not the camera.
But when every action gets it's own cut, And the camera AND the characters are moving 60FPS can get visually overwhelming. You don't need to actively interact with A Youtube Video. The editing and camera movement does that for you! And if you just have a static screen of the characters moving it looses a majority of the 'oomph' quick cuts, zooms, and framing can give you. It's incredibly boring!
So I render these in 30FPS exclusively now.
But the reason I bring that up is that I noticed something else in the Hornet Fight
It's very vertical, and Academy Ratio Widescreen looks much better than 16:9.
So i played around in the hornet fight a little, and eventually decided against going with that. Because hornet did do a lot of jumping in the air and having the full 16:9 rectangle gave me a lot more vertical room.
But I didn't need that with the Moss guards.
So the day before it needed to be released, I looked at it, and it felt like half an episode. There wasn't really a conclusion to it. 'cus at that point it just had the moss guard fight on the bridge and "Still Counts!" was all the training out lil guy did the whole episode.
So I thought "Why don't I just put, like, another fight scene in there where he learns something?"
So I did that.
Then I went back to my Widescreen idea.
And I thought to myself "Okay, pretentious much? You're just gonna change the aspect ratio purely for the fight scene on your Hollow Knight Youtube Video?" Everything Everywhere All At Once hadn't come out yet, you see.
So I thought "Well okay, If I'm gonna do that. I think I need another reason for it to be there other than It Looks Better This Way" Which was wrong, of course, that's always a good enough reason.
but I thought "If he's training, maybe those are the margins the character writes his notes in. He can put boss attack strategies in there!"
And, while it's been a pain in the ass and a helova lot of work. It's honestly one of the best ideas I had for the series! And I made it 3 hours before my final render lol.
Sometimes you give yourself needless barriers, but sometimes a clever solution to something that isn't a problem, turns it into a new cool thing. Not always. Probably not usually. But sometimes!
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Okay so akdha, I wanted to ramble about this. I tend to think about the past a lot but not particularly the bad memories, I often linger and think about so many things that happened around me when I was younger and how much has changed now.
I really really REALLY miss some emotions that I felt or some things that I can't really do anymore but did back then. Even thinking about it for a while makes me somewhat tear up SJDBSH
But God.. I really really wanna show Saeyoung everything that I remember or even narrate to him about so many things from my childhood. I would end up a crying mess but honestly? I really want to show him how I used to live or even feel back then when everything seemed to be at least brighter.
I have even kept some old stuff/dragon/dinosaur toys/other stuff I used to have during my childhood that I would carry around and have them near me all the time.
I have kept memories of games or even old TV shows that I used to watch whenever they appeared in a kids channel on TV. I could show him so many videos or we could even look it up together and I would ramble about memories I had with them.
I could even watch a video from like 6+ years ago and still feel so nostalgic seeing how the quality of videos where back then. Brings me back to those days and it makes me feel nice, because I know it was posted from when I felt like everything was brighter back then. I feel like I'm a little kid once again. It can be even songs that have a special childhood vibe for me as well or any old song.
One thing I would love to show him is how to make this chocolate milk that I still make to this day and have for breakfast. It's so sweet and just the perfect amount of warmth to make you feel relaxed. It doesn't even take long to make as well. I really wanna see the look of his face as he gives it a try.
I'd even get him to try snacks that we have here in Greece and especially show him around the many places I used to go when I was younger or whenever we had a school trip and I had nice memories. I'd hold his hand and gently drag him to them all, I'd tell him so many stories and my thoughts back then when I used to go there.
I'm very fond of this particular park, actually. It used to have these swings that I would ALWAYS go to but sadly they removed them recently and the park has been pretty much empty now. It used to be full of people back then and it would be so much fun. I'd watch my old classmates and even new kids play with their toys or kick around a soccer ball while I just played with the swing. The little competitive matches they had would always make me watch while I flew up high in the air, holding onto the chains from the swing tightly.
I would probably linger to that park the most, I'd like to walk with him through the whole place. I went there with my ex for our first date so getting to do this with Saeyoung instead would help me heal from those bad memories. Saeyoung has actually been helping me heal a lot from my previous relationship, he makes me feel so safe and happy.
This park and so many other places or even the places I used to go to school.. I wanna show and tell him everything. Tell him how I felt and how nostalgic I feel whenever I think about everything. I'd tell him even the tiniest things, anything I can remember.
And don't even get me started on my grandma's place, especially the beaches we went!! I'm happy to say that I will probably be going there this summer and since I'm into Mystic Messenger now, I can't wait to see what memories I will make this year there. I have years to go there, actually.
I can't wait to show Saeyoung how I used to live there when I went during the many summers when I was a kid. The other kids in the neighborhood don't really come there anymore so I'm basically the only one left but I loved this memory where we all used to play together or even go around the area with our bikes. I will always remember this one moment where EVERYONE was out with their bikes and it was such a beautiful night. I remember being so so happy back then.
And how I can't wait to show him our chickens and especially cats!! We have like.. 10-13 cats there!! And like more than 50 chickens!! We used to have goats and dogs but we don't have them anymore. I'd love to see Saeyoung holding food for the chickens and just walk across the whole field while the chickens chase after him to eat, he'd be the king of them, haha!
For my old memories, I always feel like.. this feeling of warmness, it could be because it was summer and it was sunny and beautiful outside but i think it applies to most of my old memories. I'm not sure how to explain this but it seemed more.. brighter? If that makes sense?
And I wanted to save this for last. I will always remember the first time I saw the Mystic Messenger teaser/trailer back then when it came out and I was at my grandma's. I always thought about how I might see what it was later and years later, I'm obsessed with it and especially a certain redhead. So he is even more special to me and even the whole RFA and everyone else as well. They will always be in my good old memories.
I love how it's an old game and it came out when my life was brighter so getting to experience all the content makes me feel that warmth I felt back then since I'm aware it's an old game. I don't know if this makes sense.^^
I never thought seeing Saeyoung back then for the first time would make me feel so nice whenever I think about it now. The outfit he wears to the trailer will always be a really special one for me. Just him wearing his headphones as he looks surprised at the camera always makes me feel weak.
I definitely have more to say but I think I definitely have said enough. I will also stop here because I feel the tears slowly building up, haha, but I'm just very happy about a lot of my old memories, even if I can't experience them anymore.
If you have read this far, thank you so much and I'm sorry for the so much rambling, I don't know what got over me. I cant stop thinking about my old memories these days, it's way, way more intense now.
Have a nice day, thank you again. <3
The way your smile curves the corners of your face isn't lost on him. You list all the ways your past meant something to you, small and big stories encapsulating your very experience as a human. These things humble him, and show him that you've lived the life he wanted for a person like you. You've had so many good things in your life, and he knows he wants more for you. That's why he doesn't hesitate to take your hand and pull you into his embrace from the blanket you placed on the grass.
"S—Saeyoung!"
His voice caressed your cheek as you met his golden eyes. "Listen, I know you hesitate to tell me about your childhood because you don't want me to feel bad. But, Anna... I want to know. I want to know your life. I want to be a part of it. Forever. So, your sharing these moments with me... helps me. I don't feel envy. I feel a yearning to have special moments with you and to have a place with the rest of your fondest times alive. After all, I can't leave evidence of my existence until I'm right there in your thoughts."
"...Oh, Saeyoung. You've got a memory box of your own," you rest your hand against his shoulder and chuckle. "I have to put you in your own box because my memories with you... even this moment... are always growing."
His bemused smile taunted you, "I can't help myself... I always want to spill over into your heart. You know I'm greedy these days... I want to be everywhere with you."
"You always will, lover boy. Now, are you going to push me on these new swings you installed for the neighborhood kids or am I testing them alone?"
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Getting the Band Together director's cut please
Yeahhhhhh! Band AU! Band AU!
This was an exchange fic where I combined two prompts, both a song ("No Other Heart") and the concept of a band meet-cute. I haven't done much in the way of writing Band-centric stories, so I wasn't 100% sure what a meet-cute scenario would mean, but I gave it my best shot.
While I don't know a lot about bands or how they work behind the scenes, I took a stab at it, basing most of that stuff off of television an movie tropes, as well as what I observed in my wizard rock days, when I very occasionally helped volunteer to help with shows (because what else are you supposed to do if you own a moon bounce in a college town). It was a sweet taste of nostalgia for me, getting to revisit some of those memories.
I *also* got to give a little nod to one of my favorite art forms, the zine/band poster. I have a deep love of the texture of photocopies, so I had a lot of fun designing the (totally unnecessary) banner for the story, and playing around with the image until it had that indie rock show poster look. It might actually be my favorite part of fic. XD
Even though this story takes place during the gang's college years, it also let me brush up against their high school experiences, with Foggy talking a lot about how he perceived things back then, and how much things felt like they had changed for the others while he had remained largely the same. Maybe that's why he's so determined to seek out his own path in the end, it was his opportunity for a metamorphosis.
I really enjoyed getting to bring Marci and Brett into things, especially as more meaty side characters who are help driving the events of the story rather than just being convenient exes etc, Marci especially. While I think she's probably a very capable attorney, I think she's also got a streak of perfectionism, she's someone who would seek excellence in any whatever field she chose, and if she was artistically inclined, she wouldn't settle for anything less than "making it". But I think her self assurance also comes with a price- in this case, being oblivious to the feelings of her bandmates, and never really talking things out with them.
And of COURSE it's a Christmas story- or at least Christmas makes an appearance. Is it even a thelonebamf joint if people aren't drinking hot chocolate and running around in the cold? But I needed to get Foggy into a church and if the Nelsons ever make a go at observing any kind of religion, I imagine they're Easter-Christmas Catholics, or at least some of them are- but they are more importantly family oriented, so if Grandma wants to go to mass, they're going to mass.
AND PIANO MATT. Defenders was mediocre but it gave us Matt playing the piano and I just think that's neat. More people should find a way to include this in their story. As whatever as Defenders was, I think it was a cool way to give us some information about Matt's character besides exposition, and a unique way of uncovering a clue. LET MATT PLAY THE PIANO.
Anyways- those are some of my feelings on that fic. I ended up liking it quite a bit, I don't think there's much I'd change about it, or anything I wasn't able to fit in. It's probably not a story I would have written for myself, which is why I enjoy participating in exchanges- they force you to get creative!
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The Mandalorian Season 3, Episode 1 - The Apostate.
I never do these ‘My thoughts on’ posts coz I figured no one cares, but Don't knock it til you try it, I guess. Here are some thoughts I had watching it -
An Alligator ruined that kids little party so I will be calling the covenants new planet ‘Space Florida’ until told otherwise.
Did Din see they were in trouble and rush in to save them, or did he sit back and watch for a while as he tried to remember if this was part of the ceremony.
When The Armorer first said the whole ‘bathe in the living waters’ thing and Din was like ‘but there’s no water?’ I thought it was Mandalorian Idiom like ‘when pigs fly’
I low key hope there are no waters and Din has to realise the only think that makes him Mandalorian are the friends he made along the way or something like that.
I love the Purrgil (I could do without everyone who recognises them from Rebels acting like they’re the only person who’s seen Rebels however) I just love Star Wars, so anything remotely related to the world of Star Wars and I'll lose my shit. If I see a Loth-cat, I hear the word caf, if they reuse a planet, I love it.
They gentrified the pirate cove. The bastards.
Of all the side quests Din has been offered ‘become a Thane of Nevarro, you can even purchase a house’ is my favourite.
The episode paused to give us a truly batshit ‘let me drink in the school’ Monty Python sketch and I request they do this once an episode.
I saw a lot of articles demanding to know what happened to Cara Dune but honestly, they all had the same energy as my Grandma asking ‘are you still friends with Susan from your year 9 English class?’ Like, we worked on a group project years ago and last I saw she was posting shitty all lives matter takes on Facebook.
Considering the First Order is kind of supposed to be a look at this right wing resurgence. (The enemies where once nazis and now they're angsty little white boys who wanna be nazis) it could have been interesting to have Greef be like ‘hey you still friends with Cara?’ and Din go ‘she started saying stuff like ‘I don't always agree with the First Order but every now and then they say what we’re all thinking’ and now we don’t talk anymore”. But, I understand the importance of separating a character from an actor so it’s probably better they don't do that.
I’m glad they didn’t bring back IG-11. I kind of don’t want them to cheapen his heart wrenching death scene, but this is Star Wars, when has death ever meant anything? Can't wait to have him back.
90% sure Grogu was trying to eat the Anzellans
If this season doesn't win an Emmy it’s because they cut out a scene where Din crawled on his hands and knees to get into that droidsmiths.
I hope Din teaching Grogu how to fly becomes a Chekov's driving lesson and Grogu has to fly the ship to save the day.
That dogfight with the pirates was pure Saturday morning cartoon and camp and it’s why I love Star Wars.
I have never been sure if Mandalore was a planet or a planetary system so this episode did kinda clear some of that up. (And it’s always fun to see more Mandalorian places)
Bo-Katan's hair is giving me Halloween Store Ginger Spice Wig realness and I’m sort of into it. I also love how all the other Star Wars ladies are infamous for constantly changing hairstyles and she just went ‘nah, this is the one’
Bo-Katan sitting/slouching/laying on her chair is me every day, sprawled on out the sofa trying to figure out why have back problems. Finally, the representation we need.
Overall, solid first episode. It kind of felt like when you start up Skyrim again after not playing for a while and just spend the first hour or so just remembering where you got up to.
I enjoyed the different in tone to this episode. The first episode of Season 1 showed a lone ranger type, mowing down enemies and having no time for people like Greef. In this episode he is much less bloodthirsty and we see him catching up with multiple friends throughout the episode. I understand the need to up the drama and stakes with every season, but it's also nice to see your character get to enjoy the benefits of their success and character development.
I know some people are mad that the show had no planned ending and will keep going for as long as they want. People have been saying this will make the show ‘aimless’ but the Mandalorian has kind of always been an aimless wander through the galaxy, picking up friends and questing and I think this episode show cased that.
Finally, I saw a review saying that the Mandalorian premiere fails to match the high bar set by Andor and it pales by comparison. That's like saying winter isn't as warm as summer. They’re different things, that do different jobs in the franchise. (Also, I remember when Andor premiered and there were plenty of revies saying it was no The Mandalorian)
It’s too cakes! Two amazingly good cakes! Andor has a prison break episode and it's a gut punch of a saga that makes you feel the need to go for walk and appreciate your freedom after you watch it. The Mandalorian had a prison break episode and it was a fun romp of double crossing and cartoon violence. And we get to have both, and it’s great and I just love Star Wars in all shapes and sizes.
I have more to say but I'm gonna leave it there, I might do one of these for the next episode, but we’ll see. All in all, it was a good solid The Mandalorian episode and I am a fan.
#I have thoughts regarding gatekeeping and that but I got save something for the thesis 😚#Might do this again might not might call it horatio finks#the mandalorion spoilers#the mandalorian s3
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Ya know i was about to do a whole bit on you about how your banner (the thing at the top of the blog is a banner right with the one person with an eyepatch? Im pretty sure thats a banner) i was gonna do a whole bit about how it reminded me of bobs burgers and if you liked burgers so much maybe you should marry them, but then youre literally out her putting that youre a big fan of bobs burgers on the damn description section like ok alright ive been beaten to my own punch, if this was a school function id be left with no choice but to become the spiker, im bringing in the hard liquor to get these irresponsible fucks drunker than a really drunk person i dont know whose the guy from mtv you know the guy, you probably dont actually i mean what are the odds like zero probably. Anyway bobs bazinga burger? Thoughts? I mean i hate burgers ok ive eaten more burgers than youve learned bug facts which if you dont know a lot of bug facts you should because bugs are cool and also terrifying and knowledge is power but long story short ive eaten more burgers than should be legal, like if you ever watch the movie supersize me i did that for two years straight except usually id only eat once a day because i was too poor to eat real food, this is the deep shoe fuck lore ok you might think im going at this from the pity party direction here but i assure you i am not i am merely validating my street cred when it comes to burgers ok i know burgers inside outside and possibly even inside-out. Anyway listen right he makes the bazinga burger, spicy pickles, mustard, smash burger, special ingredient? A healthy topping of pickled red onions and cabbage. Bam. Thats good eatin. If youre a believer in bobs bazinga burger gimme a bazinga back ya know its free youre not misleading nobody, nothing bad is gonna happen thats a shoe fuck guarantee, cmon you gotta say bazinga i dropped the hot and heavy lore on ya the loyal fans they gotta be appeased this is like a weekly thing now ok im like one of those guys the weekly comedy segment guys i get on i do my lines the crowd laughs we probably have a very charismatic instrumentalist who rarely speaks and when he does its about the trombone and everyone is like ah im so fascinated about the history of trombone. Ive got a good friend like that love that man holy shit though i dont care about the trombone but i just love him so much that im gonna listen with a smile anyway. Maybe you got a trombone enthusiast in your life i dont know but if you do ya know listen to them cause ya learn a lotta life lessons from trombone players. Probably cello players too. I mean chances are that theyre multi talented, people who are good at music stuff normally are, ya know its a passion thing, like youre out here doing art i bet youre real passionate about the art i bet you got lots of multi disciplinary shit going on behind the scenes like a regular pablo picasso or something ya know clay sculptures, get yourself a kiln man, id love to do pottery, make some pots, mugs, bowls, lil rabbits and the fucking special moments porcelain figures that everyones grandma owns, like do they just like them are they the pokemon of old people? Or are those beanie babies? My grandma does bells, weirdest shit ive ever seen woman just loves her bells i love you grandma but you dont even ring them ya know, theyre just little bells she doesnt want you to ring them. I dont know man. Anyway right, bazinga burger, from bob, bobs bazinga burger you know that shit would sell like hot cakes give it a consider in your mind space mull it over, hit me with a bazinga you wont regret it or your money back, its free though also. Just for the record.
Jasper.
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This isn't a happy/positive post, but I wanted to give a health/tmi update. So please don't read if topics of tumours makes you uncomfortable.
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A couple weeks back, I went to the medical imaging place because I found another big lump in my breast. (This has actually been going on for a long time, and i've struggled to find gp.) I've talked about this on my main, but I know not everyone follows me there, and I just wanted to share/update.
I've had a previous tumour before removed, and I noticed this new 'lump' is in the same area my previous one was. (which was removed by particle mastectomy). Which is worrying because the one I had removed prior was growing fast. (borderline)
So I went in for breast imaging, ultrasound and a mammogram. The scans found a large mass, and yesterday I got a call, telling me I will be going in sometime next week. (I know the day I just don't feel safe sharing online) I will be going in for a biospy, I was told the needle will be in a couple places to get enough samples, and i'll be frozen. (yay!) and after this I already have an appointment booked with the breast cancer clinic in my current city. To put it bluntly I'm scared/worried. This current mass feels bigger then the last one was removed, and I'm worried/nervous they are going to do a full mastectomy of my breast tissues for the one breast. I'm also worried it could be cancer, because I have cancer in my family. My grandma had cancer, and my mum had cancer - along with another family member who's privacy I wanna respect and not share about. I have/had phyolldoes tumours (the one prior that was removed was phyollodes tumours which are "rare" and can be classed as either: Begin = not worrying. These don't grow. They are small. Borderline = slightly worrying due to growth, and could have characterises of cancer, etc and these are removed. And lastly: Malignant = cancer.)
obviously if I get more info I'll probably post about it on pumpkinsae and I most likely will just reblog to here. Rather then doing another long write-up. But I suppose I wanted to mention it so that if people also see it later they don't get scared.
I do want to keep this space happy/positive but I also am going through something scary & I also want to share because I think too a lot of people find mammograms and stuff are scary. (they aren't scary. uncomfortable, yes. But they aren't scary. mine hurt due to how big my mass is. But I didn't find it scary. Biopsy needles scare me more.... as there painful. But I'm being frozen so yay! small things. ) & so I want to share. I'm also struggling with other health issues right now. (GI/stomach/bowel issues which are slowly getting sorted) But yeah. I'm anxious/worried & I feel like I just needed to share so people are aware/and don't get frightened or confused if I bring up stuff later/reblog stuff from my main.
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List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥
(you know i had to send this right back to you, love reading your musings on your characters 💕)
ahhh thank you for sending me this 😭❤️ and thank you for all the love for my characters! i really do appreciate it (and appreciate you, too, of course!!) 💕
i think i'm going to go a different route and take the opportunity to give some information about grandma aoife! she and grandpa joseph are both fully developed characters with entire backstories (most of which i played out in game heavily inspired by the historical legacy challenge) but sometimes idk how much i should post about them since i don't know how much people care about them 😭
bringing back this pic don't mind me
i think it comes across in the story but she's extremely caring and sweet and her biggest love language is probably acts of service tbh! she very much grew up in a household where she was constantly responsible for someone or something (either because she was the second oldest child and oldest daughter out of twelve kids or because she was tasked with helping around the house or with the grueling dairy farm work) and she has a lot of difficulty letting that part of herself go. she always feels like she should be doing stuff for people! making them food, taking care of their errands, throwing family parties, etc. trust me, she LOVES to take care of other people! she has no qualms about doing it! but she does not know how to relax
on a related note, she's always been considered by practically everyone to be the perfect daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, etc. and tbh she is probably as close to perfect as you can get, but in reality, i think she has a lot of doubts about her capabilities and does struggle with putting too much pressure on herself. related to her upbringing, clearly she was parentified but she was also raised just to be a tough, strong, unshakable woman and to not let things bother her. but she's very sensitive and emotional and things DO upset her easily. so it's difficult for her to forgive herself when she feels like she's made a mistake and she often blames herself when her loved ones suffer. a good example of this pretty much just comes from the fact that her first and oldest child (mary) grew up to be such a monster. even though that's not aoife's fault, she has blamed herself every single day for decades and she's constantly trying to figure out what she did wrong and how to make up for it. and as you might imagine, she's also eaten up with guilt about how grant and his sisters grew up, and she 100% blames herself for that as well.
light fun fact but she never changed her name when she got married and joseph was completely supportive of that! but for her, it was more of a cultural thing than caring all that much about the name itself or family ties. she just didn't want to give up her beautiful fully irish name and exchange it for an americanized one. she refers to herself often as being a callahan but she will be aoife ní shúilleabháin until the day she dies
she's very musical! she has no idea how to play an instrument but she does know how to sing and she's always been good at it. given her very traditional upbringing, of course her music/singing style of choice is sean-nós (which is absolutely gorgeous music and i 100% recommend giving it a listen 🎵)
a more ✨ fun ✨ fact is that i think she would love watching stupid reality TV shows like 90 day fiance 😭 like many cool iconic grandmothers, she does like her gossip and what is better for gossip than reality TV?! she absolutely would chat up her grandkids asking them if they saw the last episodes and what they thought about x, y, and z scenes and it would be a serious and very lively conversation
#asks#hlcn: oc info#hlcn: story extras#hlcn: aoife#aoife my beloved <3#btw the grandparents are never dying#sorry they're immortal i don't make the rules
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I don't know what is up with the dads in this game, they simply scream "human cases" from every corner and at this point I'm seriously asking why they are stalking minors instead of seeing a good therapist or better, being locked in Azkaban.
Relatives are a problem here? They have communication issues?
I partially joke but the major events of the last years happened for a good 30% because Jacob is very elusive, I talked about the daddies cause we may see Ethan and Peregrine competing over the golden medal for worse parent of the year 2022, Verruca & friends methodologies on relating with nieces ecc are also pretty arguable. Counting that the package has inside also Jacob, Tulip parents, Barnaby parents ecc.
Different situations but it's sad to see that everyone is actually growing on their own almost all alone. You can't really tell if it's normal or if HPHM lacks of someone wise and grow-up.
It depends on the person? It's another reality? We don't know the entire scenario so it's too soon to judge? MC grew up too fast? It will impact they way they'll presumably treat their child if they'll ever ending up having it?
Who knows 😶.
I just wanted to ask your opinion about it, because I personally find really depressing the fact that exactly Peregrine is involved, bringing life to a theory that is old as time (they mentioned him in y.5 chapter 11 in a lesson about crups the chapter may be wrong, but I remember MC saying a thing like "this crups reminds me of my dad") and it was 2018, the perfect incentive for theories. I remember reading a lot of stuff related to MC father's back then talking about his potential involment in the fake mafia that is "R".
Merula's family was a good point to start and the game dosen't lacks of tragic & sad backgrounds but oh well, we have MC and their disaster of a brother. Not counting Peregrine.
Areas we have Cecil Lee & Tulip grandmas, all heroes of the motheand.
Btw I love your comments & reviews, your knowledge over the matter is truly impressive & I adore your humor. Never had the opportunity to ask something and doing an appretiation post but here we are, sending much much love! You deserve it!
Have a fantastic day!💞
First of all, thank you for your nice words! 💖 I’m glad to hear that you enjoy my content!
Now, as for the rest of your message, I’ll start by addressing the Crup lesson. Because you see, I’m fairly certain that this line was supposed to be Barnaby’s. I remember very well when it was discussed in the fandom, but I also remember realising that this particular class had more “mislabelled” lines. For example, MC said this:
And again, I’m pretty sure that it’s supposed to be Barnaby’s. I recall him mentioning at some point that his grandma has a Crup, but even if not, he’s basically the only character who talks about his grandma (since, as we know, he lives with her). So, I think it’s a rather reasonable conclusion. Besides, “mislabelling” in classes happens from time to time… all the time.
Therefore, I’m actually pretty sure that MC NEVER mentioned their father as "a single unit". The closest we got is probably our conversation with Tulip from Y3.
Sure, there were theories about the father anyway, but in reality, they existed mostly because there was no information – and if they’re hiding it, they have to be planning some plot twist with him, right? Well, no. If there’s no information, there’s nothing to twist. They should’ve left him not existing at all, and it’d be more logical from the storytelling point of view than what we got.
And because of that, I’m gonna hate this “plot twist”, no matter what Peregrine’s personality would be. Because it’s just stupid and lazy. Even if Jam City added only one line in Y1 when MC was telling Rowan about Jacob’s disappearance, like: “It was even harder because just a couple of years earlier, our Dad left us, too”... I’d be less upset than I am now. They wouldn't have to talk much about him later on or even not at all – just give me some basis to twist.
As for shitty fathers in general, though… I don’t know. I mean, I can’t comment on Ethan because I don’t play Quidditch content, so I don’t even have half of a picture of his character. I also have to mention that I probably have a MUCH better opinion about Tulip’s parents than most of this fandom (more about it here and here). But other than that? Well, I think it’s a mix of factors you mentioned. For example, MC’s generation was born and raised during the First Wizarding War. I imagine that most people were affected by it somehow, Death Eaters or not. And so, it could affect family dynamics as well (in fact, I believe it’s a big deal when it comes to Tulip’s relationship with her parents).
Besides, I’d keep in mind that it’s a story about teenagers for teenagers. And in stories like that, it’s quite common that parents just don’t play a big role in general. For example, Hermione was spending almost every summer and holidays with Harry and Ron. When you think about it, her parents were barely seeing her since she started Hogwarts. Does it mean they’re terrible and neglectful parents who don’t care? Or they’re so abusive that Hermione didn’t want to be with them? Maybe. Or maybe the story simply needed Hermione to be with Harry and Ron. I suppose it kind of qualifies as “we don't know the entire scenario so it's too soon to judge”.
Admittedly, Jacob and Peregrine are a bit different. Personally, I believe that they’re both simply shitty and manipulative people, and I don’t see any excuse for that. Of course, I also believe that Jacob we see is an imposter, so… I might be wrong about him. However, I have no doubts about Peregrine. Still, even though it’s bad and unhealthy… it kind of makes sense overall? Like, HPHM was always about mysteries, and deceiving, and betrayal etc. It’s almost to be expected that Peregrine would fit that pattern.
That being said, I assume it will affect MC as a parent. In the best-case scenario, though, it’d mean that MC will try extra hard not to repeat Peregrine’s mistakes, so it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Then again, MC is an idiot, so they probably won’t learn anything… But hey, it might mean they won’t learn bad things either!
I don’t know if that’s the response you were expecting – I feel like it’s not. But I don’t really know what else I could say. And it’s partially because I feel like my opinion on parents in HPHM is quite different than most of the fandom, just like I said in the context of Tulip. In fact, I don’t even think that the Snydes were bad parents. Terrible people? Sure. But I’d say they were decent parents (again, more here, if you’re interested).
On top of that, I guess I’m too upset that Jam City decided to use such a lazy “plot twist” to be really concerned about Peregrine as a father figure. He is a bad person and a bad father, but I'm not surprised by that, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I hope you’re having a wonderful day, too! 💕
(And feel free to ask if you’d like me to elaborate on anything!)
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If I would give an advice to that anon with the friend dealing with loss is that you should and be there for her no matter what. Give her an ear so she knows you are a safe place and she can talk about her feelings as much as she wants.
You don’t need to reply in a way that you think you can make her happy again by- I don’t know- magically bring her dad back. It’s a lot of mental growth during this time of grief, and it’s good that you’re here helping her out in this unfortunate time.
If she’s there telling you she wants to end her life, and you’re not sure what to say or even do — do like a welfare check (by making sure she hasn’t done anything to harm herself) whilst saying that you’ll always be there for her. If you are able to go to her house to check on her, I’d highly recommend it since you’d have visual proof that she’s ok and if you know some body language or two, you could kinda see where’s she’s at mentally.
But don’t worry, I get what the anon meant. Not being able to relate to someone because you never had a major passing of a loved one can be quite difficult to grasp second handedly, especially if you have the role of comforting one. My most major passing of a loved one (besides jonghyun lol) is my grandma. She used to found me very cute whenever I spoke about marrying Jonghyun when I was younger and would even draw me pictures so I could visualise my “wedding” with him. I still have that picture in my stuff and I would always think of them together. She would also say that if I took him home with me, she was going to introduce herself to him and even make him some food so we could have a “mini date” together. She constantly teases me about Jonghyun every single day and I bet if she was still here she could of still done the same thing. But for now, she’s probably embarrassing me in front of Jonghyun right now telling him about the times I spoke about having babies with him at the age of 6. I miss those two everyday…
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This weekend hasn't been very eventful. I spent all day Friday and yesterday just trying to feel better. It's a little ridiculous that I get that bad but I don't know what to do about it. I am tired of resting. I think my withdrawal symptoms are finally starting to go away and I think that was part of the reason I felt worse than usual. I am feeling pretty good today surprisingly.
I finally went to see my grandma earlier this afternoon. I feel shitty because it has taken me so long to get over there to see her. The past month has just been a nightmare for me physically and emotionally. I wasn't trying to be selfish but I wasn't in a good place to be too social either. I know she was trying to get moved too. I spent 3 hours over there and I'm going to try to go there more often. It is nice to spend time with someone that wants to see me and invites me over. Her new place is pretty cute and it isn't too far away. We just sat and talked. She seems very happy and is doing better than I thought. She did tell me she fell 2 days ago so I'm worried about her. She needs to have a caregiver because she refuses to go to a nursing home and I understand that. I don't want her to feel so alone all the time. I have been trying to call her more but I know that's not the same. It was nice to see her socializing with some other people when I left.
She is definitely living in a much better place now. She was telling me about how bad my aunt treated her. My aunt lived right down the street from my grandma before she moved back here. My aunt didn't go to visit her and was very mean to her when she had to help her with anything. She was abusive. She told my grandma that she wasn't coming back to see her because looking at her face made her sick. I don't know why she would say that to her own mother when she has done nothing but be kind and giving to everyone her entire life. My grandma moved on a day that my aunt had to work so she wouldn't know that she was leaving. I don't think my aunt has even noticed. She has something wrong with her mentally and I think she might have a condition similar to what my mom has. I don't think she is quite as bad because she can still function. Her daughters are also very rude and didn't show any emotion the last time I saw them. They wouldn't talk to us. I don't really have a good relationship with any of my cousins unfortunately but they all live far away now too. Anyway, I feel really bad that my grandma had to deal with my aunt treating her that way.
I hope that my brother and sister will go see her more often too because she needs more family in her life. I know my brother helped her unpack some of her stuff so that was nice of him. She really appreciates his help and enjoys spending time with him. I don't know if she has seen my sister yet. I think it would be good for my sister to spend more time with my grandma since she has never had a mother figure in her life and my mom set a horrible example.
I haven't heard anything from my mom. I am worried about her but there's nothing I can do. I wish she was nicer to me. I wish I could stop thinking about her.
I think I need to stop thinking about bad things. Unfortunately, my grandma likes to talk about a lot of negative topics so it brings me down sometimes. I am hoping that her mental health will improve if I spend more time with her and maybe she will have more positive things to say. She is just depressed and I understand. I know it would be good for me to continue to spend time with her so that I'm not so lonely either.
I need to focus on preparing myself for the week now I suppose. I haven't been eating very well this weekend and I have eaten a lot of ramen noodles. I stopped and got cheeseburgers and fries again on my way home so I'm full now. I could use a nap but it's too late for me to take one. I will probably just go to bed early. I think I am going to try to relax the rest of the night. I don't have much else to talk about. Hopefully this week isn't too busy. I am going to do my best to be in a good mood tomorrow.
I hope everyone else has a good week too!!! 💖💖💖
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Some people would say, and when I say “some,” those are the ones who are lucky, privileged, and mentally stable, “I want to have the relationship like my parents’”. Well, hey, good for you. I see that you don’t have any childhood trauma. Or maybe you do, but that’s just that one instance when your parents were supposed to pick you up at school and they were five minutes late, or you didn’t get the color you want for a bag, or, maybe, it was just that one instance that your parents prepared you a big party for your birthday and you didn’t like the flavor of your cake. Tragic.
Not me. Definitely not me. I’m far, way far from that. In fact, I’m the complete opposite. If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering what my parents could have done for me to be writing about them in my autobiography, a requirement for a psychiatric rotation. I swear, I’m afraid I could be one of the patients.
I don’t know why I started thinking about my parents when our leader told us to make an autobiography. He said it should start to when your parents met—to by the time you were conceived and your mother push you out of her—to where you are right now. That’s a lot. My mind wander back to what my parents told me and my siblings how they met. This how it goes according to them.
It was circa 1994, at a restaurant in Malate, my father was singing on stage. He was an entertainer at that time. My mother and her cousins were sitting in front of the stage. They said they had a mutual friend so things escalated, they were introduced to each other and went on dates. My father would go to my mother’s house after every shift and bring her food, bring flowers, court her, stuff like that. My father would relentlessly visit my mother almost every night even when my grandma at that time was against it. I mean, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like a man ten years older than your daughter courting her, right? So, yeah. I get you, ‘La. And, maybe after a few months, my mother finally agreed to have a relationship with him. Kudos to my father, the moves were effective. The courting was traditional and full of effort. That’s how they met. I wonder what that feels like.
After 2 years of being in a relationship, my mother got pregnant. That event is what made them get married. A civil marriage. I remember my mother telling me that when she got pregnant, my grandma was so angry she humiliated my father shouting the teleserye calibrated lines like, “Anong ipapakain mo sa anak ko?!”, “Magpakasal kayo!”, the whole package, the works. And then they did.
After a year later, I popped out of my mother’s vagina. It was October 7th, 1997. I was born on a Tuesday. I wasn’t sure about the exact time but how cool would that be if I actually knew what time I was born? I could probably tell what my day would be based on my horoscope. Anyway, as a woman of science, I actually don’t believe about that kinds of stuff. I just thought it was cool.
I was a smart kid. I know. I know I am. All my life, I studied at public schools because we didn’t have money for the private ones. In my elementary years, I was always a top student. I’m always in higher sections, and I always say to my mother, “Ma, yayaman tayo.” which, until this day, I haven’t fulfill. Yet. YET. I’m not losing hope. My mother was always proud of me, I know she is. She wasn’t that kind of mother who attends PTA meetings every month in school but she’s always there for recognitions. She’s always there whenever I actually receive a medal. She said she wouldn’t waste time on non-sense issues inside our classroom and would just give a contribution if one of our electric fans stopped working.
I reached high school, again, in a public school. There is where I met my friends. We were ten I think? We were unstoppable, we drank, we smoked. It was fun. Three of them are still my friends until now. They’re my only friends. The group just shattered when we separated in college. After college, conflicts with relationships, work, money, just made us all realize that we actually cannot stay friends anymore. Well, one of them is a sex offender apologist, one was so problematic whenever she’s sad, you should be sad too. So, I just distanced myself. I cut off people who are toxic to me without a doubt. You know, I always think it’s so easy for me to cut off people out my life thinking that they’re toxic. But, what if, I’m actually the problem?
I passed the entrance examination at PLM and I went there as a scholar. I was proud of myself because that success is one of the first things I actually owned. I made that. My high school teachers were so shocked that me and few of my cliques passed the sought-after entrance exam of the year. I swear, the day after the results came out, I was walking down the hallway like I own the damn place. Those teacher cannot say anything about me anymore, I passed the exam. Their valedictorian didn’t even get in.
I took up Mass Communication and loved it. I took it because I am fond of writing. This material is one of the evidences. I thought this course will make me grow. I think it did, at some way. But, the growth I really noticed was when I started working. After I graduated with this degree, I realized it demands creativity. You will earn money with this course if you are creative. But I’m not creative. So, I struggled to find jobs related from what I took. I loved writing but I cannot just write boring pieces for newspapers. After a month or two, I decided to change my path and I applied for the biggest pharmaceutical chains in the country. I got in.
I worked as a pharmacy assistant for three years before I got into nursing school. This work made me grow as a person because I got to meet new people, new problems, new experiences. It’s different from my degree, obviously, I was required to study medications and customer service. I was good at my job, I always earn incentives and I have the most sales. I have the most customers—middle aged men who are craving for attention of 20 year olds. I subtlety flirt with them so they would buy thirty thousand worth of medicines under my sales. Even those they don’t actually need.
Now, I’m nursing school writing this autobiography. I wouldn’t tell much how I ended up taking up a new degree again because that’s another story, that’s another five-hundred-word essay minimum. All I know is I’m glad I made this decision, I’m struggling mentally, physically, but I love the title. I’m going to be a nurse someday, a USRN, rather. It’s all worth it. I think it’s my first time to feel that my family is genuinely proud of me. Maybe because they’re just thinking I’m about to earn dollars pretty soon.
I started this prose stating how I didn’t get the luxury of life. My parents’ story and how We all have different interpretation of luxury. For me, money is luxury, travel is luxury, I appreciate everything I have right now. I might have undiagnosed depression but
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𝐂𝐃𝐑. 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐏 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒
Note: This is a reupload, my old account being fucky so here we are again!
— Phillip is from Nashville, Tennessee (Bellevue Neighborhood). I do think he moved around a bit because I can see him coming from a family where military service was very common for the men of the family so he also lived in Texas, Kentucky, Louisiana, North Carolina and Georgia. He seems like the kid that just moved around a lot.
— His birthday is June 1st, 1985
— He gives me Gemini vibes
— His personality type is ESTP-A
— He's a bisexual.
— Grew up higher middle class
— He's either Russell Adler's son or related to him, they look pretty similar so like yeah they are probably family. If so related on his paternal side of the family
— Phillip was not an only child and had two other siblings, one older and one younger then him. All boys too who have served as well
— He wasn't a momma's boy or dad's boy, he was in fact Grandma's boy. He was really close with his grandmother and it's where he learned how to cook. He spent a lot of time with his grandparents and he was their favorite.
— In comparison to everyone else I think Graves is about 5'9 or maybe 5'10, him and Soap look to be similar height when we see them together so I lean more 5'10
— Graves definitely has a couple of tattoos, I'm not totally sure what yet but at least placement I feel like his upper arms. He's a business man so he knows having to maintain professionalism with work
— He doesn't seem like he played football growing but actually baseball and also on the swim team as well
— Graves has ridden horses before, often when he was staying at his grandparents property when he was younger but after enlisting he hasn't been back in the saddle but he knows how to ride
— He does in fact own several cowboy hats and probably had one that is themed to Shadow Company too
— Graves enlisted in the Marines when he was seventeen and I think in the process went to school and was a business major
— He's a truck guy but in a practical sense. He's got two of them, he's got his pretty one and then the one that's actually used for what a truck is used for. The pretty one is the work truck which is a 2017 black chevy Silverado. His other truck is well kept 1979 Chevy Silverado.
— He's a car guy, I think he loved working on them and that's his main hobby. He loves doing the restoration process and takes great pride in what he does. His house has a large garage solely so he can be doing that.
— He definitely is into motorcycles but I can see him being more into the sports ones. I think he grew up having a dirt bike at some point and that love for them as also stayed through out his life. He's got a black YAMAHA YZF R6 that he usually drives during the late spring, summer and into late fall.
— He's animal guy™. I feel like he if he was around more often then not he'd have plenty of them. He's the type to bring home strays or show up back with a new puppy in tow. He's got a soft spot for them and loves them. He'd probably own a thoroughbred gelding named Ace at some point in his life too.
— Graves isn't exactly a lightweight when it comes to drinking but he's also not kicking back shots getting ten down and just barely feeling a buzz. He drinks, not frequently but can handle his liquor decently well. He'd a whiskey and bourbon guy.
— Graves and Oz are close, it's why he trusted Oz to take over. I feel like Oz is probably the closest Graves has gotten to having a best friend. He's made friends but he never had a best friend but he finds that in Oz. They are practically brothers.
— He's not exactly superstitious but I do feel like he holds someone the Appalachian superstitious do to his grandmother and grandfather on both sides holding them but he's mostly a skeptic on stuff.
— He's agnostic from a family of Christians, his family aren't God fearing people and taught their boys to respect others and who they are. He stopped stepping into a church when he was about fourteen.
— There's never an explanation to the scar on his cheek and the clip in his ear but I think it was extremely close call when he was Marine Raider with a sniper. If he had just been moved over a little bit more or didn't move, he wouldn't have been there. He thinks a lot about it when he looks at it. It's a reminder of where he had been and how far he's come.
— Graves still wears his old dog tags plus the ones that get issued to Shadow Company soldiers. He takes pride in the ones from the Marines and holds them close to his heart. He always wears them or has them on his person when he's on missions. He was a marine and he's always going to be a marine.
— He's an occasionally smoker, I don't think it's frequent but he does occasionally smoke especially if he gets insanely stressed out but he probably curbs a lot of it with vaping. He's perfectly is Marlboro Blacks or American Spirits Black.
— While he hasn't lived really the country life before, I do think he does own a home out in Tennessee and a property in Wyoming that's out there in the country. He may not have been raised in it, Graves falls into the hard working lifestyle that comes from the country and one day hoped to retire to it with a family of his own too.
— Graves has had relationships here and there over the years, plenty of flings and hookups but nothing that's probably lasted then about year and half. I think he's a loyal guy, he wants something genuine and connection. I don't think he's a cheater, once he settles on someone he's a ride or die kind of guy.
#phillip graves#philip graves#graves cod#graves mw2#graves mw3#shadow company#phillip graves x reader
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a yes, packing. the ultimate challenge
#inside of you are two wolves#one wants to add more stuff 'just in case'#the other knows the torture and shame of having to take stuff out of the luggage in the airport in front of everyone else#you are me#AND my grandma will probably give me a lot of stuff to bring back because she is unstoppable
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