#1 more hour before work so. im 9 hours away from freedom

[daughterofsarenrae]

8 more hours of retail and then im OUT im DONE

#1 more hour before work so. im 9 hours away from freedom #god im gonna cry #and my last class is one of my favorite dogs + people taking my favorite class #runs in circles so much #i can TASTE IT........ #bel speaks #dear any customers who interact with me today im going to care a negative amount about you lmao #i will care about my training students and nice people who have fish questions. if ur mean with fish questions im killingnu with my brain

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 1 - Haruna Fuuka files lawsuit against internet slanderers

*with Kaoru (K), Joe (J), Tasai (T) , who is a journalist writing for the newspaper Tokyo Sports, and Kami/god.*

Kaoru: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru. Have you heard of 'The Freedom of Expression' somewhere before?

Joe, Tasai : *noding*

K: I've a feeling we've done this before...

J: Thats right, yes...Its not a feeling, we actually did.

K: We are reviving the show we did on the radio station InterFM from 2015-16, on youtube this time.

J: Awesome

*applause*

J: I was really happy when I was first told about the revival.

K: I was also surprised *laughs*

J: Its not that you were made to revive the show though, right Kaoru?

K: The suggestion just came at me.

J: Oh really, like 'How about it?'

K: Like, 'Wanna tryy?' 1*

J: Ah, in a Kansai accent?

K:Yes yes

J: Like, 'Lets tryyy'..kind of thing...it started like that *laughs*

K: Yep

J: We did quite a lot (on InterFM). We even did a special edition

K, T : Yes, we did

J: We even made stickers

K: Brazil!

J:Yes

T: Ah, the live broadcast..at the Olympics

J: It was Dobashi san...Bishbash Dobashi san.

T: It would be good if we could do another live broadcast at this year's Tokyo Olympics.

J: On this You tube channel?

T: Yes *laughs*

J: A live broadcast might be a bit difficult legally, as for the Olymipcs *T laughs*

K: Um, thats *shhh*

J: Oh, its a secret!' *K laughing*  Maybe if were are asked by Tokyo Sports..?

K: Yes yes...So, as to the freedom of expression... 

Kami/god: Wait, wait, wait..I've come down too.

J: Oh, Kami?

K: He's saying it from himself *laughs*..I thought he would come if we beckoned him though.

J: Thats what usually happened. He was the kind of god that would come down after we called him, but now a god that comes down on his own accord.

K: Wasn't he like that before too? Should we keep him in reseve a bit more?

J: He'll want to appear, we can't help it?

Kami: You were forgetting about me!

K: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: You musn't forget your god!

*laughing*

T: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: Its not good!

J: You are always in our hearts.

T: Yes, he is.

Kami: Yes, thats it..you have to think like that.

J: But, you are not in the studio today, kami?

Kami: Oh..um, im just getting off a night shift..

J: A night shift?!

K: Ah, but it was like that before..

Kami: Right.

J: You are doing night shift work again? *Tasai laughs*

Kami: yes, thats right.

K: That was a while ago wasn't it, how many years ago?

J: Oh, is this the night shift season?

Kami: No, its..

T: You worked for ￥1000 per hour right?

Kami: Yes, yes...my hourly rate has risen a bit though. They were telling me 'Take a rest, take a rest', so my income dropped.

J: Ahh, its what they called a 'reformed working style', right?

Kami: Right

J: Its tough for you too, Kami.

Kami: *laughs* Yes it is.

K: He's the same as ever...  so lets get started.

J, T: Please

K: Ah, by the way, Tasai san, as well as Bishbashi Dohashi san, wasn't there another person before (at InterFM)?

T: Yes..a beastly guy *K laughs* An old aquaintance of the listeners', a guy called Monster Hiranabe.

J: Its a strange story, but once when a certain celebrity died, Hiranabe-san called me up, and asked me if I had known the deceased guy...as soon as I said that I hadn't known him very well, he hung up on me straight away!

T: Thats awful!

J: He is awful

T: This very guy, Hiranabe, even got a promotion from the manager.

J: Eh? Promoted to what?!

T: To Director

J:Eh?! Really?

K: Is that okay??

J: No, it'll be terrible!

K: Right, lets move onto the main news...I'd like to get deeper into the concept of 'The Freedom of Expression'.

J: Right, so Haruna Fuuka has filed a lawsuit againts those who engage in 'internet slander'.

A tweet stated 'Both her parents created a failure'.

On Jan 14th, 18 year old Haruna and her mother filed a lawsuit at Yokohama district court demanding ￥2,654,000 in damages from a person engaged in spreading falsehoods which have damaged her dignity.

On the acknowledgement that these tweets went beyond what was deemed acceptable by society at large, on Nov 1st the internet provider was ordered to make public the persons name and address etc.

Haruna has been tweeting since the age of 9, giving her opinion at random about society's problems, and creating a stir. She now has over 200,000 followers and is fighting 10 years of slander. Kaoru, what do you think about this?

K: Well..I mean, naturally, you'd feel like that..

J: Hmm, but I don't know the details but..the name of the defendant has been withheld...well, its a common problem that as a person speaking in the public eye, you are going to get criticism along with praise...like a 'fame tax'.  That said, how far do you go before honour is damaged? On SNS, you are of course free to express yourself, you can write what you want, but the issue is what constitutes damage to honour. This might be a very difficult area in which to draw a legal line, but on the other hand, if you don't draw a legal line, things may escalate out of control...Kaoru, what do you think?

K: Well for example, if banter between friends is written down...controlling that...Its best not to look at whats written in the first place.

J: Ah, the person in question right? By the way Kaoru, its a strange question, but do you search for yourself online?

K: No, not really. I hear things, the office staff will tell me.

J: Oh, if anything is being said?

T: In the world of fame its quite true, that even if 98 or 99 opinions out of 100 are good, the one negative thing will stand out.

K: Well, yes, its the bad things that..

J: On the other hand, from the writers'  perspective at Tokyo Sports, how far are you willing to slander someone? You could write an article in a good or bad way..

T: Of course balance is important, but of course, if the courts want to complain to us, they can call us, and start an exchange, but in the case of slanders on the internet, its like, who do you complain to? So, if you ask celebrities, they will say Tokyo Sports slander is better than anonymous online slander because at least they can complain to our face.

J: Mm, absolutely. Just how far do we protect these tweets, these freedoms of expression? Its difficult.

K: Are these really 'expressions'?

J: Well, esentially, yes. When you say 'tweets' you think of nonsense, but really its media expressing things, or artists expressing things..

K: Yes, yes, you can get a sense of individual expression.

J: And this especially has the power to influence...

K: Yes, and people get swept up in it.

J: I think this is universal, but at the moment I think Japan is bit like a geyser, people will rush towards any incident and some will start complaining, I mean, I think its important to say what you feel, but its complaining without trying to solve anything, only satisfying yourself.

K: Thats it

J: Its sounds strange to say, but it ends like masturbation. If it turns into something towards a soloution its ok, but just creating thoughtless slander to satisfy yourself is questionable.

K: So its often said, if you continue the conversation only looking at the bad things, it can't be helped. There are also good people out there..you know, put more importance on those people. How to put it...its like we said before, if you focus too much on that one out of a hundred, its kind of rude to the other 99.

J: I see. Still this person has over 200,000 followers and its said she has been fighting slander for ten years.

T: She's always been a bit of a talking point online. I'll just search for her.

J: I also have Instagram, I do stuff to do with societal problems on The Dave Fromm show's youtube channel, and whenever I upload about it (on IG), my followers decrease!  *everyone laughs* Outrageously decrease! Im serious, despite getting so far, that channel updates every week, and with every update my followers decrease. Maybe people hate reading about societal problems..*to Tasai* What did you find?

T: So for example there was that thing recently about regulating gamers to 60mins per session, she had quite a few things to say about that, playing vs learning etc.

J: I see..Young people do complain, well you can't really tell here, but on the other hand, young people these days, i know they would hate us old guys talking about this, but young people apparently have three main taboos. The first is talking about sex, they dont follow this, the second is politics, they don't follow this either, and the other one is, they don't like being made to talk about the kind of things that they really need to be talking about...there seems to be this kind of trend. So i think in this way...theres a chance Haruna is getting right to the point of this. But certainly, applying the law in a way that recognises infringement/damage to honour by way of personal utterances has the potential to lead to restrictions on the freedom of expression. Its a difficult play off, isnt it?

T: Yes, it really is

J: Obviously, when it comes to race, or racial discrimination, there has come to be rules concerning hate speech and so on, but how far can you regulate one-to-one slandering, or..how far can you protect the person being attacked? Should the country or the judiciary decide this? Its difficult.

K: Kami, what do you think? Are you there?

Kami: Well, I hear slanders towards me all the time *everyone laughs* Like, god tells lies, god is useless, or even that there is no such thing as god!

J: Ahh, i see. They deny you!

Kami: Yes, thats it. If I care about those things, I lose!

J: Do you search for yourself online?

Kami: I do. *everyone laughs* ..and whenever I do its only ever those things that come up.

J: Ah of course...Kami, you have an exceptionally good handle on social media  dont you?

T: He's great

Kami: Ive got a good handle on it.

J: Do you use an iphone?

Kami: I have two.

J: God has two iphones! Thats brilliant.

Kami: Yep, I have two...im not allowed to use them while im working.

T: Does he have a contract? With his address and such?

J: I can't tell whether he's great, or whether he's not so great...

Kami: If i care, I lose...I prefer them to hate me, rather than to be indifferent to me.

K: Kami, what do you think about playing computer games for one hour?

Kami: If the kid is good at it, they should keep doing it.

T: I see, i see.

J: Ohh not sure about that. That seems a bit out.

Kami: No, i really think so. Skilled kids can carry on playing.

K: Should unskilled ones give up?

Kami: Yes, they shouldn't do it...When they play all day, and they just can't clear the level..that kind of kid.

K: Its a waste of time right?

Kami: Exactly, its a waste.

J: They should do something else?

Kami: Yes

K: You should quit if you have no talent for it?

Kami: Yes, yes, its talent.

J: Well, just getting off a nightshift must be tiring.

K: For us too, you know, we should try not to say 'stop it' too quickly...we have to keep it interesting.

Kami: It was interesting though, I was listening.

T: Oh thank you.

Kami: But don't tell lies about me.

T: If you thought it was interesting, you should write about it on your social media.

Kami: Yeh, everyone pretends on social media anyway, they won't know its me.

K: Well, that was the first episode of 'The Freedom of Expression' but, should I ask how it was..? *laughs*

J: But, being together again after a while was refreshing..

K,T: Yes, thats right

T: Im happy.

J: So am I.

K: Well, so we started in this vein....Tune in next time to see how it goes.  So this time, only this camera, theres nothing here *gestures behind*, but if lots of people watch, we could go different places, increase our cameras. I still don't know about your fee, Joe.

J: Eh?! What do you mean? It says here my fee will stay the same!

K: I might have to lower it *laughs*

J: *coughs* You're only lowering mine?...But everyone please subscribe.

K: Yes please. Please look forward to next time. Thank you very much.

1* They are saying 'How about this?' in a Kansai accent, how to translate that??

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #kaoru #薫 #tfoe #tfoe01

[sansbun]

INTRO | PART 1 | NEXT

Word count: 1.1k

Warning: mentions of bullying, slight mention of death, racism, depressing themes.

They say the less you know, the better. Clearly I didn’t understand what everyone meant by that. It’s not that I was against finding out, but I definitely didn’t expect I’d figure out in such a agonizing way..

Let me take you back in time where my life slowly started changing before I could even register it, shaping it into the bittersweet chaos that it’s now.

I was born here in South Korea, in a somewhat small town near Seoul. Personally I don’t recall many memories apart from being bullied as soon as I entered school. I don’t have the typical looks you see, I was a little more.. “sun kissed” then the kids here and my facial features also made me stand out from the crowd, not in a good way of course. I was always picked on and made fun of, but that didn’t really bother me at such a age. I was too clueless and young to understand any of their actions and remarks towards the color of my skin.

However things began to get worse once it wasn’t only my classmates picking on me. When the teachers joined in on the name calling and mistreating, my parents did all they could and even made me transfer schools, thinking the situation would get better. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Not the first time, not even the second time and definitely not the third time around.

It only got worse as name calling turned into taking away privileges, that the other kids had. For example, not letting me use the restroom, resulting me in peeing myself in front of the whole class. Not only did that further fuel the bullying and I became a laughing stock, but it also caused me a series of health problems when it occurred in winter, for obvious reasons.

My parents couldn’t do anything anymore as no matter how many times I switches schools, they somehow always had a problem with accepting me and respecting me, weather it be the classmates or the actual teachers.

The final straw was my beloved grandfather passing away due to an accident. I was only 9 years old when my whole family flew to America to start a brand new life. Since then I only remember happy memories as school wasn’t a constant nightmare anymore. I felt more at home and welcomed in a country I’ve never been in, then in my own country.

I couldn’t even speak english properly, yet nobody judged me for that. Nobody mocked me for being different. There were many kids like me who went through a similar process and soon enough, I started making friends and stepped out of my shell.

I was always a shy kid, but at this point I bloomed into a social butterfly. Always excited and running around somewhere. I was a really good student actually. My grades were high and I had good manners so I was never in uncomfortable situations in school. I even got my classmates to hang out with me after class! Soon enough I found out I have a huge passion for dancing, as I spent most of my days making up choreographies with my best friend. Sometimes we’d even stay up past midnight, practicing over and over and enjoying every second of it.

She was a little older than me, taller than me, and obviously more skilled compared to me. And that’s exactly why I adored her so much. I looked up to her. She was like a older sister that I never had. We would dance for hours and hours. I felt truly happy at that point in my life, my family was happy and safe, I had friends and i finally wasn’t scared to be myself.

But one day it all changed, I woke up confused with no answers. It was so sudden.. I went from getting ready for school, to packing up my bags and saying goodbye to my best friend. What exactly happened? Ah I still don’t have answers till this day, but at that time the only thing I knew was that it was my dad’s fault.. and I still can’t bring myself to forgive him from taking the freedom he once gave me.

Everything happened so quickly. I remember crying so much that I couldn’t see.. so much that I most likely knocked myself out, as I remember waking up in the middle of a very long airplane flight. It was like my whole life was shattering. The fear of being unsafe once again really got to me. I felt so helpless.

My friends.. they’re taken away from me again. Why is it that everytime im close to someone, they dissapear? Why must fate always tear me apart from the people I care about? That’s probably not what a kid should be feeling or thinking about but here we are. I had no idea what was coming, I was scared but I truly didn’t imagine it would be this bad..

It went from being happy around everyone to being afraid of people, even being in a room with a few people made me anxious. As if adjusting to a new place wasn’t already hard for a kid in their early teens, the bullying had to start once again. This time with my peers acting as if I was invisible, as if I didn’t exist. I guess it started out as a joke, making fun of my accent, to me not being able to spell in my own language due to not speaking it while I grew up in the states.

But soon it turned into pretending like they don’t see me, hear me or awknowlege my presence. Little by little it got worse, from trash talking about me while I was in the room, to denying to talk to me and partner up with me in class, all the way to throwing out my belongings in the trash.. including my school work, contents of my backpacks and even my shoes..

We weren’t exactly well off and those shoes meant a lot for me, they were from my dad who managed to find me the same pair of shoes as my favorite group at that time, BTS. I danced in those shoes, I went to school with them, actually now that I come to think of it.. they were my only shoes that looked presentable.

We worse slippers in school, and on that particular day I came home very late, humiliated and with my head full of thoughts and questions on why others dislike people like me so much. I spent a few hours looking for my shoes, even the teacher didn’t understand, but when she found them in the school trashcan she didn’t even stand up for me.

She thought I did it on purpose to make the other kids look bad.. however when the principal found out she had a talk with those girls which resulted in them being even harsher with me. Thank god elementary is over and I’m finally in high school.

A/N: After a very long wait it’s finally here! Sorry it took so long I had a writers block and couldn’t get myself to finish it, I wasn’t proud of the way it turned out at first but I hope you somewhat enjoyed reading this and that it didn’t make ur mood drop 🥺

#ateez au #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez drabbles #ateez angst #ateez fluff #sunny days au #ateez drama #ateez fic #kpop au #red velvet au

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 54

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: this is the break-up from his POV. next chapter will be the very last one and im super excited for it but stressed also. so any love, comment, question, etc, that you send me makes me so happy i cant even explain how much :)

Chapter 54 : His chapter

NIALL

I was done with work earlier than usual, perhaps because I couldn't seem to concentrate or do anything good. The words didn't want to come out and if someone had just met me, they could believe I had never touched a guitar in my life. I closed my eyes when I got out of the building and inhaled deeply. I had stopped trying to forget the words Olivia had told me. They kept hitting the sides of my brain like a fucking screensaver and it was torturing me.

"I can’t stop loving you, no matter how hurt I get. No matter how sad you make me. No matter how tough this is. Because it’s so tough dating you, Niall. I never thought it would be so hard."

I had never stopped myself to think about how hard it was to date me. In fact, I never cared before and I never stayed with someone long enough to think about it. All I really understood with her words was that I kept hurting her and making her feel like shit, and that despite that, she still loved me and would stay with me. It should be a relief, but it actually brought a constant feeling of guilt and pain inside me. What kind of monster does that? What kind of person was I if I just kept her around while hurting her? What kind of person was I becoming and how would I be able to look at myself in the mirror after that?

I felt something stir in my stomach and started walking in the city without a specific destination. I didn't want to go home and I was not sure why, I pushed my hands in my pockets, my mind still on my girlfriend and everything we had gone through in the past months. If there was one thing I knew, it was that I loved her. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone and I knew i'd never feel like that for anyone else.

"Love is not everything." I let out in a low voice, repeating her words as I tried to let them sink in. "But it should be, Olivia, shouldn't it?"

I sighed, knowing i'd never be able to tell her that face to face and stopped walking for a few seconds. I breathed in and out, focusing on the air in my lungs but despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop my heart from beating hard against my rib cage. It was ridiculous. I wanted to be with her, I wanted our story to last, but the simple thought made me feel uneasy. Heidi was right, I didn't want this to be the last experience i'd have, whether it was emotionally or sexually, and I was not ready to commit, at least not the way Olivia was. I held my breath wondering if I was lying to myself about the guilt and pain I felt knowing that I kept hurting her and that maybe it wasn't the real reason why I wanted out but I just shook my head and opened my eyes. Both reasons were real but they felt very opposite. Letting go of her because I kept hurting her and I wanted her to be happy looked like abnegation, but wanting to protect my freedom was selfish as hell.

I stopped at a cafe that was almost empty and ordered one before sitting alone at a table. I grabbed my phone to send my girlfriend a text message but quickly changed my mind. What could I tell her anyway? I was not going to break up with her in a text message and just sending her 'we need to talk' is a torture she clearly didn't deserve.

I started looking at pictures of us together and frowned a bit, swallowing hard. She had been nothing but a great best friend and a good girlfriend that did all she could to adapt to the lifestyle I was stuck in and I was about to break her heart. The sudden realization that I was really going to leave her came to me and made my whole body throb. I felt nauseous and I gripped the sides of the small table until my fingers turned white. I didn't really want to do this and at the same time, I knew I had to, and not only for her, but also for myself.

I stared at the dark color of my coffee for a while, hoping I was actually drinking something a bit stronger. I was not going to, though, if only to be sure I wouldn't be intoxicated when i'd get back home to tell her. I owed her that, didn't i? Plus, I was sort of expecting her to fight back or beg me to change my mind, and I knew it was going to be hard resisting, but changing my mind would only mean postponing the whole thing.

I sighed and brought my hands together as I played with my fingers. It was ridiculous to be nervous for that but at the same time, being totally zen about it would be even weirder. I got up quickly and threw my coffee in the bin, suddenly impatient to get rid of this discussion but after a very quick walk, when I stood in front of my house, I was not so impatient anymore.

It took me half an hour to walk in and I only knew because I actually counted the seconds in my head. My hands were sweaty, my heart was threatening to jump out of my chest by my throat, and something was permanently stirring in my stomach.

I stared at the doorknob for a while before turning it and walking in. She was sitting on the couch and when she turned to me, my eyes fluttered as well as my heart. She waved at me, a small smile playing on her lips, and I felt my heart swell with love. I sent her a small smile, trying to contain my feelings inside, and just went to get changed into more comfortable clothes. I stopped by the bathroom, staring at my reflection for a few minutes, thinking about how much of a coward I was, and when I came back in the living room, I just sat next to her without sending her a glance. She immediately cuddled me and I felt my heart twist in my chest. It felt good to be close to her and I desperately wanted to take her in my arms, but I couldn't stop telling myself that no one can have everything. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I felt her lips brush on my jaw and it felt incredible. I remained tensed and motionless but when she grabbed my hand, I couldn't handle it anymore. I quickly got up and walked quickly to the kitchen. I heard her voice calling my name twice but I ignored it until I felt her closer.  Instead, I grabbed a beer in the fridge to ease my nerves. When I turned around to lean against the counter, I noticed she remained close to the exit as if she didn't really want to have the discussion we were about to have and frankly, I didn't really want to have this discussion either. That's when the worst words ever created came out of my lips.

“Look, Liv, we need to talk.”

I looked at her facial expression change into fear and it hurt me so much that I had to look away. I bent down to take an other beer and opened it before handing it to her. It took her a few seconds but she walked closer and grabbed it from my hand, her fingers brushing against mine. Why did her touch always make me feel like that?

I took a few sips from my drink as I repeated the same sentence over and over in my head without really wanting to say it out loud. I made sure I was not looking at her but when I finally gathered enough courage, my gaze finally met hers.

“I think we should break up, Olivia.” I let out firmly even if deep inside, that was not how I felt. “At least, for now.”

A feeling of relief washed over me as these words dropped but it immediately left me completely when I saw her face. Her beer slipped out of her hand and ended on the floor but I just kept staring at her like I didn't notice.

"No..." her voice was low and I could swear I heard it crack slightly. "Why?"

I pushed myself off the counter and passed my hand in my hair nervously. I didn't want to explain everything to her and telling her I was doing that to stop hurting her felt stupid even if it was one of the reasons why I was breaking up with her, just not the only reason. I also didn't want her to blame herself, what good would it bring? I'd rather be the bad selfish guy, perhaps it was going to help her get over me quicker.

“I’m just not ready for a relationship.” I just pointed out, raising my shoulders. “I don’t want to commit, be official, and everything.”

“I’m.. i’m not the first girl you date. You dated Maya before me? And a few other girls?”

I was a bit surprised by her question because to me, the difference between her and all these other girls was very obvious. How could she compare herself to girls I never really wanted to be with? Girls I never really loved?

“I didn’t love any of them, I knew I wouldn’t stay with them.” I explained, putting my beer on the counter and walking up to her slowly, scared she was just going to run away. As I feared, she took a step back. “But what we have is real.. it’s deep, I mean, it could last forever.”

It was scary how I meant every word I had just said. I knew I was going to end up with her but I also knew it wasn't going to start now. Our love story couldn't continue for now but it would, at some point. I had never been more sure of anything else in my life.

“That makes no sense.” she whispered to me. “What are you talking about?”

I was a bit hurt that she didn't understand and somehow, I realized that she didn't see things the way I saw them. She didn't believe we'd end up together in a few years. She didn't understand why I was breaking up with her now and why I had stayed with the other girls I dated, even if I hadn't dated any of them for as long as I dated her. How was I going to explain that to her?

I walked closer and felt a small relief when she didn't back away. My eyes roamed on her face as I brought my hand to her cheek, brushing my fingertips on her soft skin. I looked at her fondly, and held my breath. She was beautiful, and It was unbelievable that I hadn't noticed just how much before we started dating. I was so blind before but now, I could see her. I could really see her. Perhaps it was simply because I was in love with her but who was I trying to fool? There's nothing 'simple' in 'being in love"... and I was. I was madly in love with that girl. My eyes dropped to her lips and the only thing I wanted to do was to kiss her. I wanted to feel her mouth against mine for the last time in a very long time. Her lips parted and my heart jumped in my chest. It took so much strength not to bend down and kiss her when every fucking fiber of my body told me to do it.

“I’ve never been in love before and I knew whatever I had with them wouldn’t last. But you and me? It’s different. We could spend our lives together.”

“And we were supposed to.” she argued as tears fell slid on her cheeks. “But you’re ruining it.”

I felt my heart jump up in my throat at the sight of her tears and had to twist the bottom of my shirt to make sure I wouldn't take her in my arms. She looked so sad and I felt like shit knowing I was the one making her feel like that but at the same time, I knew it was one big deception that would lead to her being happy again. Happy without me.

“I’m sorry, Olivia.” I apologized again, shaking his head a bit as I stared at her. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. It wouldn't fair of me. “I know it’s selfish but i’m just not ready… i’m not ready to accept this as what i’ll go through every day. We fight and we make up and then cuddle on the couch… this is not what I want for me, this is not what I want for us.”

“Don’t fucking lie, Niall. You’re just not ready to accept that you’ll only wake up to me every morning, that you won’t get to see an other naked girl dress up and leave your room at dawn and that you’d have to call me to tell me you’ll stay late at the bar with your friends. It’s your freedom you’re saving over our love. It’s your fucking freedom that you don’t want to lose. And clearly you love it more than you love me.”

The truth behind her words hit me deeply and it opened a wound inside me, making me realize that my fears were real. I was a selfish person and there was no reason for me to deny it or argue with her about it. She was right and it hurt like hell to know I was not the only one thinking that.

“I love you so much. So fucking much.”

I didn't feel like I had the right to say it but I did it anyway. I was already seen as the selfish guy I was, and I was going to say everything I want to tell her no matter what. I pressed my hand on her warm cheek and her lips parted. I wanted to run my thumb on her bottom one before kissing her. I wanted to show her how much I loved her.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, don’t you fucking dare tell me you love me!” she said angrily, breaking my heart even more. “You don’t love me! I love you!”

“But I do! Olivia I do love you!”

It seemed like she was too mad to hear in the tone of my voice that I was begging her to believe me. I was not sure why I needed her to believe my words, though. Perhaps, an other silly whim of a selfish man.

“D'you want to know where you can put that love, Niall?”

My face twisted in pain again as I tried to keep my tears in.

“Don’t say that Liv, please…”

This time, she was crying so hard I had to turn around to hide the grimace I made as I teared up.

“Oh fuck off, Niall!”

She stormed out of the kitchen and I started sobbing low to make sure she wouldn't hear. Holding my tears and my sobs made my throat hurt and I wiped the tears quickly, just in time to hear her push the door of our bedroom roughly. I breathed in, trying not to show that I cried, and walked back to the living room. Her eyes met mine again and I had to swallow to make sure I wouldn't beg her to stay. Once again, we stared at each other for a while like we were both waiting for something but after a while, she just shook her head.

“I’ll pick the rest of my stuff later.”

She walked past me and my eyes fluttered at her scent. She still smelled of honey and vanilla and it made me want to grab her arm and pull her close to be able to smell it a bit longer. I didn't though, I just let her walk to the door and when her hand reached for the knob, I tensed. If it was the right thing to do, why did it feel like the worst mistake I ever made?

“I love you, Olivia. I always will. You’re the love of my life.”

I meant every word and more, I just didn't know how to express them. Not yet and not in words, but a bunch of lyrics came to my mind as she opened the door even if making something out of them would take time. She walked out and left the door open but it took me a few seconds to walk up to it. I saw her walk up to the street slowly, her bag on her shoulder. She disappeared in the rainy night and I lost her, maybe forever.

                                                      ------

I could barely hear the music around me or the people talking, laughing and sometimes screaming. I just focused on the pen in my hand and the way it moved on my napkin as I scribbled my thoughts and feelings. I didn't even get changed or anything. After Olivia left, I remained standing under the door frame for a long time just watching the rain pour hard on the cement until I realized that my tears were blurring the sight. Then I sent a text message and grabbed my coat to drive to the pub. It smelled like beer, cigarettes and cheap perfume but somehow, it comforted me and I sat on a stool to start writing. It's crazy how pain can inspire the human kind, and very sad at the same time.

I grabbed my beer and took a long sip of it before putting it back roughly on the counter and quickly write more words. They had to come out now or I knew they'd keep hurting the same way the tears that I kept it when I broke up with Olivia had hurt me.

"I knew you'd call me, didn't think it would be so soon, though."

I breathed in and my eyes finally moved up only to see Heidi smiling at me. My eyes roamed on her dress and normally, it would do something to me. Not tonight. My eyes moved back to my napkin and I felt her sit next to me and order a drink but didn't give her more attention. I should feel bad since i'm the one who called her but I think I just didn't want to feel alone. I thought about calling Louis instead but I had the feeling he was with Liv.

"So, your place or mine?" Heidi asked, putting her hand on my arm.

Her fingers brushed on my skin and instead to make me shiver like it should have, it made me frown.

"I didn't call you to fuck, H." I pointed out, my eyes meeting hers again. "I just needed a friend."

She kept running one of her fingertips on my skin and I licked my lips, glancing down at her hand.

"Come on, Niall, you're finally free." she insisted with a small shrug. "There's gotta be some perks."

Her words made me think of Olivia and as much as I wanted to take my arm back, it felt like I was frozen with pain. I felt half-dead without her but the part of me that was still alive was never going to give up. It was a small part but it really wanted to survive the pain I purposely put it in.

"Not tonight." I let out after a while, shaking my head.

"You think she's not shagging someone right now? Which friend of yours is she close to again? Louis yea?"

This time, I shook my head harder with a small smile. It was a ridiculous to even consider that option.

"No, no way." I chuckled. "He wouldn't do that, he still loves El. Olivia wouldn't that either I mean, we just broke up."

Heidi rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink as she shook her head too.

"No, you broke up with her, which means she doesn't owe you anything anymore, and you don't owe her anything either."

I looked down with a frown and stared at the paper I had in hands, re-reading the words I had written. Olivia and I were going to end up together at some point, I could feel it, but it wasn't now. I felt my whole body throb suddenly and I felt a bit dizzy at the thought of losing her forever but quickly cleared my throat and looked up at Heidi.

"I'm sorry I called you, I'm not ready for that."

Her facial expression changed but she sighed a bit too loud and nodded.

"Alright then, can I have a ride home?"

I took my beer and swallowed what was left before searching through my pockets for money to pay for both our drinks. Heidi got up too and grabbed the napkin with my song on it as I finally put a bill on the table. I saw her reading it and frowned, snatching it from her hand quickly.

"That's personal." I just let out, pushing it deep in my pocket and walking past her to get out of the bar.

I heard her follow me quickly outside and noticed that she wasn't wearing heels on that day, which was quite surprising. We both got in my car in silence and she waited until we were almost at her place to turn her head my way with a frown.

"You really believe the words you wrote or do you simply think it'll make a good song?"

I sighed, not giving her a glance, and kept my eyes on the road.

"I believe every single word." I explained after parking in her driveway and turning to her.

She sent me a weird look and a sorry smile as brought her hand to my cheek.

"Niall, don't be delusional." she let out in a whisper. "We're not in a fairy tale, this is real life. In a few weeks you'll feel differently anyway, I promise you'll be over her."

I moved back slowly, feeling her fingers slip off my face and it was her turn to sigh.

"I'll be waiting for your call." she just pointed out before moving closer to kiss my lips.

It took me by surprise and I held my breath as my heart jumped against my rib cage. Why did that feel like cheating?

"Goodnight, Niall."

"'Night."

The ride home was short but I couldn't seem to slow down the beatings of my heart. I brought my hand to my mouth a few times, trying to wipe Heidi's kiss from my lips and felt myself tear up when I realized she was now the last person who kissed me. It was not Olivia anymore, and it really hurt like hell.

I rushed inside and grabbed my guitar, putting the napkin on my coffee table before sitting on the floor. I started singing a bit, trying to find a melody to this song as my fingers slid gently on the strings of my guitar. I was also trying to to let tears out and to just concentrate on the song I was creating but had to stop after a while. My eyes kept moving on some of the words I had written. I had passed with my pen on the words over and over again and the sight of it made me swallow. By re-writing them over and over, it made the ink darker and ripped the paper a bit. I was wondering if I did it because I really believed my words or because I wanted to make them real.

"I can promise it I can guarantee At the end of the road I see you with me"

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #amc #my fanfics #im nervous for last chapter! #feedbacks are super welcome!

[janetbrown711]

"Ah yes, i remember it so well! Uncle Yves was from Moscow, and Aunt Odessa too, and every spring-"

"-every spring, we would take picnics by the shore on sundays. Haven't you anything better to do?" The Dowager Empress Bentina Beakly waved off another phony girl pretending to be her beloved granddaughter.

"Oh my- alrighty dear. It's time to go now," Daisy gave an apologetic smile to the Empress and escorted the girl out of the room before closing the doors.

"No more," the empress whispered to herself.

"I must say, i am so incredibly sorry! I thought for sure she was real," Daisy apologized. "But rest assured, next time I will think of some really hard questions-"

"No." Beakly protested. Daisy sat down as Beakly stood up.

"My heart cannot take it anymore. I will not see any more girls pretending to be my Webbigail," she looked at a framed photo of the young girl and turned it down. Daisy went up to her.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Of course. She is probably long lost by now. No need to keep hopes up."

.o0o.

"What if Daisy doesn't recognize me?" Webby asked while riding in a car with Donald, Lena, and Louie.

"Of course she will- you're Webbigail," Louie blew it off.

"It's just that-"

"What?"

"Three days ago, i didn't have any past at all and now im trying to remember an entire lifetime," Webby groaned.

"That's why you got me," he winked as the car came to a stop. He got out and helped her on her way out too.

"Now stand up straight and remember your training," Louie reminded. Donald gave him a glance before knocking on the door of Daisy's house. A maid answered but a woman in a large pink dress moved her and hugged him tightly.

"Daisy!" Donald laughed and embraced her.

"My donnie! This is most unexpected," she smiled as she stepped back and gave him her hand to kiss. "Oh but do come in!" She led them all inside.

"May I present, her royal highness, the Grand Duchess Webbigail Nicolia Vanderquack," Donald presented her. Daisy examined her.

"She certainly does look like Webbigail..." she circled. "But so did many of the others."

"Where were you born?" She interrogated.

"At the Canard Palace," Webby answered without hesitation.

"How does Webbigail like her tea?"

"Oh, i don't like tea. Just hot water and lemon."

It went on like this for hours. Daisy asking an endless list of questions. Some were easier than others but Webby did get them all correct.

"Now... i know this question will like be impertinent but indulge me," Daisy said. Webby scooted to the very edge of her seat.

"How did you escape during the seige on the palace?"

Louie felt like his heart stopped. It was over. He resigned himself to the mantle of Daisy's fireplace. He never tested Webby on-

"There... there was a boy. A boy that worked in the palace. He opened a wall..."

Louie slowly lifted his head.

"Oh but that sounds silly. Walls opening," she laughed.

Louie looked at her. At Webby. At Webbigail.

"So... is she a Vanderquack?" Donald asked.

"Well, she answered every question," Daisy smiled.

"Haha! You hear that child?! You did it!!!" Donald hugged Webby, Daisy laughing and Lena barking in the corner as Louie slow excused himself from the room.

"So... when do we go and see the Empress?" Donald asked.

"Oh... i am afraid you can't," Daisy's smile fell.

"Come again?" Donald blinked.

"The Empress simply won't allow it," Daisy explained.

"Now Daisy, mi amore, surely you can think of something," Donald gave a smile. Daisy huffed.

"Please?" Donald begged.

"Do you like the Russian Ballet?" Daisy asked Webby. She nodded, feeling like a Grand Duchess would. "I believe they are performing in Paris tonight. The Dowager Empress and I love the Russian Ballet. We never miss it," she winked at Donald.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you Daisy," Donald kissed her.

"Anything for you my Donnie," she winked.

"I'll go tell Louie the fabulous news," Donald nodded and left, going outside and finding Louie looking troubled in Daisy's garden.

"Louie!! We did it!!" He cheered, "We are going to see the Imperial Highness tonight!!" He hugged his nephew and spun him around. Louie pushed his way free.

"We are going to get the 10 million dollars!!"

"Uncle Don-"

"We are going to be off!"

"Uncle Donald-"

"We are going to be rid of all of it!!" He exploaded into laughter which faded into a sense of freedom and relief.

"Uncle Donald... she is the princess," Louie half whispered.

"Webby was so extraordinary! I almost believed her! And Daisy!" Donald wasn't listening. Just then, Webby came out.

"Daisy wants to take us shopping for the ballet!! Shopping in Paris!!" she was excited.

"Ah... yes. Wonderful," Louie nodded.

"C'mon it'll be so fun!!" Webby grabbed his arms and dragged him off.

They spent the whole day in and out of shops, seeing the sights of Paris, and even going to see the dancers at the Moulin Rouge. The whole time Webby clung to Louie's arm like an excited puppy. But all Louie could do was look at her fondly yet sadly.

He knew she was the princess because he was the boy with the wall. He saved her life and was now returning her to her grandmother. Forever.

He would probably never see her again after that.

And dammit.

He was just starting to fall deeply in love.

"I'm telling you, we have nothing to worry about," Louie said to his anxious uncle as he paced outside the theater house. "She's the princess."

"I know, i know-"

"No. You don't." Louie snapped, standing up from his place on the steps. Donald looked at him.

"I was the boy. From the palace. Who opened the wall," Louie explained. Donald gasped.

"That's why you were the only one who..."

Survived

But Donald didn't have the heart to finish his sentence.

"And that's also why I know it's her," Louie grimaced.

"That means our Webby... has found her family," Donald smiled softly. "We have found the heir to the Russian throne." He placed a hand on his nephew's back.

"And... you..." his smile saddened.

"Will walk away, cut out of her life forever," Louie walked away, stone cold.

"But-"

"Princesses don't marry kitchen boys," Louie stopped his uncle from trying.

"I know but-"

"We are going to go through this like nothing has changed. Got it?" his voice was dark. Donald sighed.

"You have to tell her," Donald said.

"Tell me what?" Webby suddenly appeared behind them, wrapped up in a large and expensive coat, her eyes sparkling as much as the jewels on her neck. Louie removed his hat.

"How- uh- h-how... how beautiful you look," Louie couldn't hold back.

"Well... thank you," she smiled and held her arm out. Louie nodded and took it, escorting her in. Daisy followed not long after Webby and Donald escorted her in.

Once inside, Webby went up the stairs after giving a gentleman her coat when Louie finally caught a glimpse of her without the big coat.

The dress was dark blue, and shimmered like the night sky. Her gloves were long and silky, framing her arms in a near perfect way. Her choker necklace shone more than the dress, and the pearl earrings she wore made her look heavenly, and her long hair was wrapped perfectly in a bun. Boy, if he wasn't in love already...

"Louie?" She asked. Just then he realized his jaw was wide open and he shook himself out of it, running up the stairs to accompany her to her seat.

And soon, the ballet began.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

#webbistasia #ducktales #webby vanderquack #louie duck #donald duck #daisy duck #dondaisy #loubby #loving that loubby #mrs. beakley #my fics

[artificialenvy]

CALLOUT POST

@currynahh / @currynya is a shitty person.

I am making this post because I refuse to let them throw around accusations that I'm a predator.

Reasons I believe they are shitty:

I have ADHD, but I'll try not to derail any points.

After not seeing my spouse since Highschool, they invited them to a discord server. I was brought along and given a "+1" role, as in "This person isn't one of us, just @twiranux 's +1. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if it didn't create and "In group" and "out group" where the people in the ingroup treated the +1 role as "not a friend, just a +1."

They have a room for venting in that server, as a lot of people do. I have seen people typing in there on three occasions and decided not to interrupt them for my own needs, however the time I got to start typing in there and posted a couple of messages to indicate I would be typing, someone else came in and made it about them. I doubt they meant harm by that, but I went to @currynahh and explained it hurt to be silenced like that. I wasn't looking for an apology, I was looking for a solution so other people don't get hurt. My proposed suggestion was a second vent room for if there were 2 people needing it at once on that large a server, it would be helpful, or atleast a rule about interrupting vulnerable people. They dismissed this saying "two rooms wouldn't help because what if there were THREE people" which, if there were three people at the same time one would still have to wait, but the line would be split in half and people would be able to use it if it was an emergency and the first space was already taken without interrupting.

When they dismissed this idea, I said (and I dont have the exact quote as I left the channel, something @currynahh is very particular about is exact phrasing.) "If there's no rule against interrupting I guess next time I'm in need to type and someone is already using the safe space, I'll just be That Dickhead[TM] and interrupt? Can't wait." to which they threatened me with a ban, assuming I meant I was going to actively hurt people instead of just pointing out that there being no rule meant ANYONE could be That Dickhead[TM]

I also pointed out the inconsistency of threatening me with a ban for saying I'd do what the other user actually did and cut someone off. (they never spoke to the person who interrupted me about the event, to my knowledge, and I never spoke to them or saw their name) so I referred to them as "the fucker who interrupted me." Not in a mean way, just.. Here people can be called fuckers, like calling kids brats. I apologized once they said they found that rude, but they kept bringing it up saying I was name calling.

This is Hearsay, but apparently they said the person probably interrupted me because of ADHD, they seem a bit too comfortable deciding what is a factor of someone's else disabilities without consulting them.

Them dismissing my problems and threatening me with a ban instead of trying to fix their server made me actually go to name calling, and I still feel it's fair to call them a heartless cunt. Heartless for pretending to care when really they just wanted to defend someone in the in-group, Cunt cause it's a great word and it fits. I know the word Cunt is seen more harshly in some places, again, so much here. They really take offense to regional and class based dialects. They went to a private school and were calling me mean for just calling a dude I had no name for as "a fucker" when to me, someone who's poor and went to public school in a shitty town in Ontario, it's the norm here.

Since they showed they really didn't care I told them they were fake and left their channel, my spouse chose to follow me which I didnt know about at the time.

They DMed my spouse with another person who hasn't spoken to my spouse or I in 6 years to call me toxic, abusive and a predator. My spouse said they wouldn't have that conversation without me, as its childish and unproductive to just talk behind peoples backs. When @currynahh kicked me out of the group chat, refusing to talk like adults, my spouse asked me to log into their account to participate since they didn't want to be cornered by these two people to talk shit about someone they care about.

They call me toxic and abusive because I vaguely know the passwords to @twiranux 's accounts, despite never logging in unless asked to (for example a daily event in a videogame that they won't be able to make in time but wants the rewards.) and because on one occasion while I was napping, my spouse forgot an agreement we made about watching a specific movie together and I was upset about that, as I'm sure most people would be if their partner agreed to not watch something without them. I tried to keep my cool and just stay out of the way of their enjoyment, but my spouse wanted me to join in atleast for the end so I did, still grumpy but trying to make the best of it. If they had waited an hour or chose a different movie, things would've been different but @currynahh doesn't want "excuses."

They call me a predator because the person I'm married to is 2 years younger than me. @twiranux and I have been together almost 9 years now, we started Long Distance Online Dating just playing minecraft, listening to owl city (our song's Honey and The Bee 🐝,) and making Garry's Mod youtube videos. We would've been about 13 and 15 at the time, though it is worth noting that our birthdays were less than a month away from when we started dating so 14 and 16 if you want to make that distinction, I was in class with people the same age as my spouse. They think the age is gross, but we were two neurodivergent kids who were extremely sheltered at the time (helicopter parents/physical disabilities) who could only have freedom online. We had met through liking the same movies and youtubers and knew eachother a year before, while I was asking for advice on asking someone else out, my now spouse confessed attraction to me and I suggested we try "dating" for a bit, which consisted of nothing new except drawing cute pictures and giving eachother nicknames. I dont know if I knew their age at the time, but I did think they were a boy which didn't change anything, just hopefully shows I wasn't some 30 year old neckbeard hunting for kids on the net, I was just a disabled kid who was caught off guard by a confession of attraction and rolled with it.

@currynahh says they have proof that we weren't innocent in highschool, as (they claim) we asked them to write nsfw fanfic about us, which.. we didn't? My spouse has no idea where thats coming from and neither do I so just a blatant lie. Not that it's anyone's business but my spouse and I didnt meet in person for about 4 years and anything physical took place after we were both legal adults, im not comfortable going into more detail.

After my spouse had me log onto their account to show they weren't going to be cornered by those two, I was allowed back into the group chat to try and figure out why they think im problematic, but @currynahh insists im just making excuses when I've just been saying exactly what im saying here. They say I'm sugarcoating it, I disagree. I dont have the exact words I said about everything, but admitting to calling her a Heartless Cunt isn't something I'd do if i were sugarcoating it as she suggests. This is how it played out they keep trying to shove me into this "abuser" box they framed me in without knowing me.

They would repeatedly spew paragraphs of "points" then block me and leave the group chat while I was typing up a response. They don't want excuses (read: explanations) and they don't care about facts (that they misunderstood certain things and was willing to clear up what I meant if they weren't so caught up on semantics.)

I will not go into my partners mental illnesses on this platform, but they have a psychiatrist who I've met and I have to (sometimes in a way that looks controlling to someone who doesn't know the problems) keep my spouse grounded. The Psychiatrist thought I was doing a great job at managing it, but @currynahh disagrees, saying I'm enabling (without even letting us tell them what the problem is or how im helping.)

Which brings us to the next point; they say I can't talk about the mental health of myself or my spouse because it will trigger them, meaning they block any attempt we make at explaining how it works. They treat us as a neurotypical couple and call it abusive when I'm literally just doing what's deemed best by a psychiatrist for my spouse.

For DARING to tell her to stop calling me a predator, she calls me a narcissist, which is just.. Very cool. Love me some armchair diagnosis. They also diagnosed me with anger issues (from one call in which I was grumpy and then me trying to defend myself from these accusations.) So really, I think docs are being paid too much 'cause @currynahh is doing their job for free.

Because they weren't listening to my spouse, my spouse decided to stop typing, especially since she was just going on long rants then leaving the server before we could reply. Whenever @twiranux gets a chance to speak, @currynahh would leave the server claiming it triggers their anxiety to face the consequences of what they said. Then they would tell me to quit speaking over @twiranux when I was just speaking on our behalf, while in a call with @twiranux due to these reasons.

Instead of keeping their nose out of our relationship like we were asking, they kept trying to tell my spouse (who chose to marry me and lives in another country) that im abusive because they think trusting eachother is a sign of abuse.

Instead of listening that we're fine, they throw a tantrum and tell us to go to marriage counseling (which, although I wouldn't be opposed to going, is very telling that they think people can just do things that require money on a whim.)

They say that "instead of saving up to move in together and have kids you should put money towards marriage counseling" which again, what savings do they think I have? My bank account has -$4.00 in it and my spouse can't work right now. We have nothing.

They keep bringing up kids and how would we raise them? Would they not have privacy? Its a stupid point they threw out there as currently there aren't plans to have kids and there's huuuge difference between a married couple knowing eachothers passwords and not letting your kids have privacy.

They keep bringing up the fact that we've lost friends before without knowing why. So if they want to private message me I'd be happy to tell her about how we left our last friend group after a dispute where the other people were claiming the N word was inoffensive. Or the group that actually was trying to get into my spouses pants and we weren't comfortable there. You keep making accusations then refusing to listen to facts.

Idk if I'm missing anything, if they unblock me and see this they will probably say I'm staw-manning again without actually telling me how and while having no counter arguments. They also don't accept my adhd for accidentally derailing, while using theirs to deflect any criticism.

Karina, you don't know us and you say even talking about our mental health will trigger you, so you need to accept that you're unwilling or unable to understand the dynamics of our relationship but just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's toxic. I wouldn't have made this post if you didn't keep calling me a predator, but I need to clear that accusation publicly before you keep throwing around dangerous labels.

Grow up. Get some help. Learn that your POV isn't the only one.

#they seemed to have changed their blog to currynya now #If you stop calling me a predator and stopped treating me like an abuser without listening and instead had a proper adult conversation on #discord id be willing to take down this post #but as it sits i have no choice since you keep attacking my character #currynya #currynahh

[mydearsaddiary]

Little curiosity notes: Hey guys! We’re on chapter 9 now! If everything goes according to plan the story will end in the next chapter! I might do an additional short epilogue after, but the plan is only to continue until chapter 10! Thank you so much for reading until here and as always: Feel free to reach out!

Thank you!

Candy (08/20/2020)

Neil Chapter 9 part 1- First, do no harm

1933

-Cliff- I said as I walked from the back room of the diner I helped to manage now- you’re running low on soda, you know!

-Geez- He said, finishing up cleaning a table and running towards me- I’m awful with this inventory stuff ya know, MC. Mind seeing everything we’re missing?

I smiled, gently hitting him on the head with the papers I was holding- Glad to help.

-Neil coming in today? Just got his new bourbon stash this morning!

-Im sure he’ll pop by later when the nanny is home. How’s everything going with you?

-It’s fine, me and Jane just moved in together- He crossed his arms , blushing a little and giving me that big smile of his.

-So you finally settled down. Next thing you know you’ll have little Conways running around the place

-Maybe in a few years- He turned around when somebody called his name- Alright, duty calls. Have fun in there!

-I always have- I waved at him and returned the back room to count our stock, manage prices, and do basically everything I did at the Ice Box. I enjoyed doing the same job alongside the same people without having the risk. Our past evolved into a better future than most of what the other mob bosses had.

Suddenly, I heard the lock click. My initial shock soon turned into dark memories I wanted to forget. Impulsively I tried open the door only to find out I was actually locked in

-Hey...! Hey!- I knocked on the door- Hey, let me out! Somebody locked me in- I wasn’t scared of enclosed places. It was the sound of the lock clicking and the inability to open it from the inside that haunted me.

I hated being locked in.

-MC- The door opened after a few knocks. Vince was there- Sorry, just came in and thought somebody left it open

-It’s alright-My cheeks were colored red, but besides that I kept my posture- I’ll just do the inventory outside

1926

I opened my eyes, waking up from my sleep. I could feel no sign of light besides the faint, artificial one. I sighed heavily realizing nothing had changed. In my new found experience, not being in the sun for three weeks messes with you head. It makes you tired and empty. A crippling force tells you to accept your fate to remain there.

I sat up, only to find Vera already awake on the mattress besides mine- Did you check the day today?- I asked

-Yeah. The holidays are approaching fast. How are you?

I rubbed my stomach which now had started to show more. Vera had asked the mayor, in one of the times he came in, for new clothes. She had some in the bedroom they used to share. It was refreshing to say the least and her clothes, that were slightly bigger on me, helped me hide my condition from him. It was a light and loose salmon colored shirt that went down until my hip, and a beige skirt that went to my calf, along with white stockings. It was nothing I’d normally wear, but I wasn’t in the position to be picky.

-I feel fine- I said- I don’t feel too sick anymore. I haven’t gotten any movements yet

-How far along are you?

-Hm... I went to the doctor last month... Must be around 13 or 14 weeks.

-It’s still early. Mine didn’t move until about 17 weeks

I looked at her, genuinely surprised- You have kids?

-Oh yes, Frank and I have our children. They’re all grown and moved on to different parts of the country. My oldest one is a little older than you.

-What’s her name?

-His, actually. His name is Robert. He’s 21 now, he got a job out west and comes back to visit when he can.

-Who are the others?

-Oh, May is 18. She’s with her aunt in Florida. I sent her when things got too complicated here. She wouldn’t listen to us.

I chuckled- I know how she feels.

-Then there’s Matt. He’s 16.

-What’s going on with Matt?

-He’s in New York as an apprentice to his grandfather. My ex-husband’s dad. He wants to teach him how to run the business he owns

-Seems like they’ve got it all figured out

-Yes. Well, I know the feeling of having your first kid. I was but a bit older than you are right now. Although- She pointed to her surroundings- I had a more adequate stay

I laughed, but there was no humor in my voice- Adler’s gonna bring our city down under his total power if we don’t do something

-You don’t think your men are trying to save you or figure it out?

-Trying is the key word. Vince...-I sighed, with a heavy heart- Well, Adler shot him... He must be dead right now. That means Cliff and Uncle Charlie must be a mess. On top of it, for my uncle, there’s the fact that I disappeared. That also messes with Neil who, I can’t even imagine what he must be feeling but it’s nothing good. Then Donovan isn’t close enough with them to put everybody’s head together. Julius, Cleo, Sofia and Andrew... Im sure they’re trying to help but...- I sighed- I’m the head of the Ice Box. Im the queen on the chess board. They need me- I said as I realized it myself- I can’t spend any more time waiting for something to happen or counting days.

-You already tried everything, remember?

-Not everything- I got up, exercising my need to move my legs- You know Adler’s schedule better than anyone. When is he out for a long time?

-He’s always at the office from noon to six on weekdays.

-Then thats our time to escape. We’ll wait an hour just to be sure, then leave.

-Yes, but you’re leaving out the important part— How are we gonna leave?

-Last night, before I went to bed, I was looking around your things to see if I could find something useful

-You went through my stuff?!-She said visibly irritated

-If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have found this- I opened my hand to show her the few bobby pins I had in my possession

-How is pinning your hair up helping us?

-Oh Vera, dig a little deeper. It’s for opening the door. I can pick it!

-With those? I think you might be a little too optimistic

-Thankfully- I said cheering up- I had plenty of training sneaking back in my house, and hiding from Momma and Poppa. I have yet to meet a lock that could stop me.

She looked at me for a few seconds and sighed- Alright, I’ll bite. One in the afternoon then.

-Thats right!-I hid it once I heard the door open. They were bringing breakfast down.

____

We heard Adler leave. We heard everything until there was nothing else to hear. The anticipation was so overwhelming that when Vera’s little clock hit twelve-thirty, we were on out way up the stairs.

I got two bobby pins and started to work on unlocking the door. In a few minutes, it clicked and it opened right up to the now dark living room

-You know- She whispered- For the three weeks you were here, you could’ve tried that sooner.

-I didn’t know you had these!- I whispered too, but in an angrier tone- And you’re welcome!

I pushed the door out slowly, as if someone would head. The dark immensity of the house spread before my eyes. Without a single soul there it seemed peaceful, but in a way that unsettled you, like something was waiting to jump out from the dark. The negativity soon disappeared as I got lost in my thoughts for a second and walked over to the big window, letting the sun hit my face. The warmth of the natural light, warmed up my heart along with it. The joy of finally breaking free made me forget for an instant I had to walk out the front door.

-Miss Granger, let’s go!-Vera hurried me up

-Yeah, right- I walked up to the front of the house. By the door there was a table. I noticed keys on top of it- This is for his Ford, isn’t it?- I grabbed them-Nifty! We just got out escape vehicle

-I can’t drive- She looked at me uncertain

-Well, I’ve been learning- I replied opening the door- Now, let’s scram

___

I had to go through two Fords to find the one the keys belonged too, within myself we could taste the flavor of freedom.

Opening the door, I made my way in. It was then everything was ruined by a single shot that went right through the window on my side. When I looked back, Adler stood a few yards away with a gun aimed in my direction, along with his two goons.

-Go, Vera! Inside!-I yelled at the top of my lungs closing my door and turning on the car. I stepped on the gas and went as fast as the car would allow me to.

Soon, down the streets of Chicago we went. The bright sun and the streets filled with people would normally be cause for celebration, but my currently situation prevented me from enjoying it. I heard more shots coming our way and noticed that Adler was following us in his own car

To make everything better, Vera was freaking out in the passenger seat

-Woaaaaaaaaah, be careeeful! Waaaait, you’re going tooooo faaaaast!

-Vera!- I yelled back, driving and swerving as much as my experience would allow- If I don’t drive fast he’s gonna catch up to us—Ah!- I yelped when another shot came right in between us, making a hole in the windshield

-You’re gonna kills uuuus!-Her voice got louder and more annoying- I’m not ready to die!- She continued, letting out her “Oh!”s And “Oh my god!”s And her loud screams that were worse than the shots for me. At this point, I tried my best to ignore them since our lives depended on it

She yelled even louder when his car bumped into our rear and sent our bodies forward. I heard continuous shots that shattered our windows and I couldn’t go any faster. I had to think of something quickly, but all the stimulation from the outside made the task harder.

That’s when I saw it and hope ushered back into me. The little red convertible from the corner of my eyes, driving right ahead of us. Vince drove with ease on the wheel, while, surprisingly, our most experienced shooter, Donovan, fired back in the mayor’s direction from the passenger seat.

Seeing them, I let out a relieved little laugh. Fear was substituted with the urge to go faster, so I gained some distance on them. On the other side the trusty green Studebaker had Cliff, Uncle Charlie and Julius in it. Cliff drove, Uncle tried to steal glances my way, and Julius had a pistol, and helped Donovan by firing back. Sometimes Vince would keep one hand on the wheel and use pearl to fire as well. What I thought was going to be hell quickly turned into an exhilarating thrill.

And then, time slowed down as a third car showed up. The darker colored vehicle that belong not just to any man, but to the man I had longed to see all this time— Neil Dresner. I recognized the car but I couldn’t see him since he drove ahead of me. It might seem silly, but the importance of that moment couldn’t be just understood, it had to be felt. The whole world brightened up again just to know he was near. I knew then I wasn’t alone, and I never would be again.

And then everything came back to me in a second, when Vera’s shouting became deafening and another shot came right by us

-We’re going to die! Jesus!- She kept having her panic attacks

-MC!-I heard a voice from Vince in his car- To the docks! Go to the docks!

I nodded, better now that I had a direction in mind,so I sped up towards my new destination.

The city passed by us in a blur, I didn’t allow myself to focus on anything else but getting there. I’m sure everyone else had a plan and in my mind I started formulating the beginning of my own.

I turned into the road that led to the docks and swerving the car faster than it could handle, I stopped abruptly, hitting a few of the many giant boxes piled around, ready to be transported. The side of the car caved in, but we came out unscathed in the front

-What are you thinking?! We could have died! We could hav-

-Vera!- I yelled, looking at her, panting. The adrenaline hadn’t left my body and I knew it wouldn’t for a long time- you’re a chatter-mag bitch- I said in an unusual calm tone, still trying to catch my breath

-Excuse me?-She gave me that look she usually did when she disapproved of something

I was going to reply, but then I heard a car and shots again- Go Vera! Out of the car!- I pushed her out her way and pulled her to hide behind the boxes laid out nearby.

I heard more tires and assumed my gang had arrived to rescue us. I smiled realizing I was right when I saw Vince throwing me my trusty revolver- Let’s take car of em, boss.

-Don’t call me that- I grabbed it, feeling an immense power I hadn’t felt in a long time. I pointed it to my target, my enemies, those who sided with Adler...

...And fired.

Part 2: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/627009903803990016/speakeasy-tonight-fanfic-neil-season-3-chapter-10

#voltage usa #speakeasy tonight #voltage amemix #voltage inc #voltage #voltage games #lovestruck #lovestruck voltage #neil dresner #vince moretti

[shirtlesssammy]

8x22: Clip Show

Then:

Cas almost gets hit on by Dean 

Now:

Lost Creek, Colorado

A couple are at a cabin in the woods, and the woman is so happy that her boyfriend finally joined her. He acts like it’s no big deal but we flash back to a memory —specifically of Supernatural season 1, episode 2: Wendigo. He’s Tommy and has some serious PTSD from the terror he experienced that night in the woods.

He thinks he hears a growl and pulls his girlfriend away from the window. He knows that a Wendigo is outside and pulls out a flare to take the unseen monster out. He crumples to the floor and then just explodes right in front of his girlfriend. Eeerp.

At the bunker, the brothers continue to find records that the Men of Letters have kept over the years. Sam’s not doing so well due to all the Trials. He’ll feel better once they finish them.

Cas shows up in the war room, and it appears that Dean and Cas didn’t follow the golden rule of not going to bed angry. Dean doesn’t even acknowledge the angel. Cas is still convalescing. He sits down to talk with Sam a bit about the trials. Dean comes back with food for Sam—well, jerky, beer, and peanut butter cups. 

Cas offers to go with Dean for more food, but still gets the cold shoulder. “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “For everything.” Classic DeanCas, lol. (Brb, off to throw myself off a cliff.) Oh wait there’s more, Dean calls out Cas with the whole bolting with the angel tablet and adds, “You didn’t trust me?” 

THESE BOYS ARE NOT IN LOVE:

Cas is contrite but Dean is not accepting his apology. Sam stays out of it all for a bit but interrupts eventually to pull Dean aside to make it clear that Cas is one of the good guys. What’s that saying? Dean’s harder on Cas because he loves him the most? Well, meh, I do like their later seasons of grumpy banter more than the divisiveness of right now.

In any event, the brothers head to a storage room. 

Sam wants to find a case that their records mentioned. He finds the box, and Dean finds a dungeon! Sam’s box contained a movie film.

They set up the movie (They even made popcorn, guys!)

It’s an old black and white film of the Men of Letters. Josie, the woman that Abaddon possessed, is filming the experiment. They have a demon captured in the very dungeon the Winchesters just discovered. They throw holy water on the demon, recite an incantation at it, and then one priest cuts his hand and presses it on the demon. It flares out, apparently gone. The film stops. It was weird (!!!) One of the priests is still alive and Sam thinks it’s a good idea to get the lowdown on what they just watched on the film. Cas wants to go too but Dean won’t hear of it. (Brb, flinging myself off another cliff. DO NOT LIKE.)

Cut to the brothers meeting with the priest. He tells them that the other priest believed that demons could be saved. He thought that they could cure the demon and they could be a normal human soul again. There were other experiments after that one attempt, and then the priest ended up dead a couple months later. Something had torn him apart. Sam tries asking about records but goes into a coughing fit, complete with blood. He heads to the bathroom while Dean continues to talk with the priest. The priest agrees to give them the other priest’s papers.

Meanwhile, Cas is on a mission to make up with Dean. He’s at a Gas ’n Sip and pulling all the essentials to make Dean like him again.

Ways to woo Dean Winchester:

Beef Jerky

Porn

TP

Beer

Protein

AND Smiting the sap who can’t provide the pie

Cas almost smites the poor attendant. Metatron interrupts. They need to talk.

He wants to talk about Heaven. It’s apparently a mess up there without the archangels. Naomi isn’t in charge as much as she’s led Cas believe. Cas blames himself for everything that’s happened in heaven. (URGH, no! —I mean, yeah, but NO). Metatron thinks they can buddy up and save the day! They can sort everything out. First, they need to shut down Heaven. Then he mentioned crepes and flies away.

At the bunker, Sam can’t find Cas. Dean doesn’t care (URGH, no!) They decide to watch the last audio recording before the priest died.

Once again, there’s a demon in chains. This time, the priest injects the demon with purified blood. He continues to do this 8 times. And the demon seems to be cured. 

They decide to try the experiment out on their own decapitated Abaddon.

Meanwhile, Cas flaps over to Metatron’s brunch location, a cute restaurant with an outdoor patio overlooking the water. It’s a perfect place to relax!

Iconic dialogue alert: 

Waitress: Cool coat.

Cas: No, it's actually quite warm.

Waitress: Cute and funny. Okay…

Metatron: I should have picked a better looking vessel.

You’re not here to accidentally flirt with the waitstaff, Castiel! Cas asks for clarification on Metatron’s quest to close the gates of Heaven. Metatron waves it away as just another godly safety switch - you’ve got one for leviathans, demons, and Heaven, of course. Metatron tells Cas that it’s time for a heavenly lock-in to work out all their feelings. And he needs Cas, the warrior, to do it. Cas owns to feeling responsibility for the current state of Heaven but recoils when he hears the first trial. He’ll need to cut out the heart of the cute waitress, the sole nephilim on earth. (Pronounced in this episode as neph-IL-im.) “What’s more important?” Metatron asks. “Her life? Or your family?”

With season 9 under my belt, I watch Dean and Sam sewing Abaddon’s head on with particular horror. Like, you took on the Mark of Cain to defeat her, Dean Bean. Which led to a whole bucket of depression and sad men. Nobody likes buckets of sad men. (JK obviously I love it or what am I even doing here?) What a spectacularly bad idea! Still, it wouldn’t be my beloved show if characters were making smart choices. Abaddon wakes up, cracks her stitched neck, and greets them with “Morning, sunshines.” 

“I can’t wait to tear out those pretty green eyes,” she says, lovingly. The Winchesters smirk, drawing her attention to her handless state. (They chopped off her hands - or maybe just left them detached.)  “I’ll stump you to death,” she says and...that’s the spirit, Abaddon! She knows about the priest and his work curing demons. In fact, she was a special dispatch straight from Hell to make an example of him. The priest led her to Josie and possessing Josie helped her dismantle the entire Men of Letters network. Yeesh. 

The phone rings. It’s Crowley! Abaddon is appalled to learn that Crowley is the King of Hell. Dean and Sam leave the room to talk to Crowley and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BOYS they leave Abaddon alone. 

Outside, the Winchesters chat with Crowley. He directs them to some news stories, “sexts” them an address, and bids them farewell. They discover that Crowley’s been putting out hits on people the Winchesters have saved. 

While Crowley’s giving them the news, Abaddon makes like Thing from the Addams family and puppets her hands out of the loosely closed box on the table.

Her hand crawls into her mouth and pries out the demon trap bullet. It’s freedom time, mofos. 

The Winchesters return to find Abaddon gone. You FOOLS! Sam keeps his eyes on the prize, though. Crowley’s latest address is from their “witches and baked goods” case and is clearly a trap. Time to make a play to catch themselves a different demon. 

Prosperity, Indiana

The power’s out in the target’s apartment (and so are the cupcakes! yum!) Unfortunately, Jennie’s body is also out - sticking out of the oven, that is. “You were a great gal, Jennie Klein,” Dean says and...okay? Great mourning, everyone. 

Crowley calls them up again. He’s killing off everyone they’ve saved (and using the books as a reference guide) until they deliver the demon tablet to him. 

Metatron and Castiel stalk the waitress outside her place of work, Metatron goading Cas to make a choice. Urg. It’s just the bad decisions gang all around. She whirls around to confront them and saves them the trouble of introductions. “I could see your halos.” (I start to hum Beyoncé to avoid thinking about this next part.) Metatron calls her an abomination and she begs to be allowed to just live her life. (She apparently works twelve hours shifts as a waitress, for heaven’s sake. It’s not like she’s exploiting her power.) Cas looks disturbed, apologizing even as he advances on her. She throws him across the grounds like he’s nothing and then advances on Metatron. Castiel kills her from behind. Oof. 

The Winchesters race to the next location, only to discover Sarah - the art dealer Sam flirted heavily with several seasons ago. She’s staying in a seriously adorable hotel room, with actual art on display. Dean greets her like he’s just dropped by for a casual visit. OMG Dean. Sam briefs her on the plan. Devil’s traps at all the exits, shotguns, and an exorcism ready to play on loop. We learn that Sarah’s married with a kid. (Sam gets a peek at what-could-have-been.) Sarah tells him that he’s changed - he’s more confident and grown up. She misses the old haircut. Awww… 

Crowley calls and starts counting down and when he reaches zero, Sarah starts to choke. She collapses. “You son of a bitch!” Dean shouts. “Son of a witch,” Crowley clarifies - his mother taught him a few useful spells. The Winchesters start tearing apart the room to try and find a hex bag. Crowley continues his villain monologue: he’s keeping all things hell-related far away from the Winchesters - no more demons getting close enough for them to kill. 

“I think the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused – the ONE thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes!”

I mean, when Crowley’s right, he’s right. 

Sarah dies. Ugh. UGH. Crowley gives an ultimatum: they stop their quest to close Hell or people keep dying. In rage, Dean hurls the phone across the room. When it breaks, they finally find the hex bag. (Me: But okay she only stopped breathing a minute ago? Start CCR and call 911!)

Back at the bunker, Sam is Not Okay™ and does not respond well to Dean’s attempts to cheer him up. Sam, who continues to look awful and exhausted, suggests giving in to Crowley. “We’ll kick it in the ass like we always do,” Dean insists. Rousing speech, babe. 

We fade to black, with everyone we love on dark paths of one kind or another.

______________________________

I NEED Quotes:

Well, that was weird with three exclamation points.

I NEED pie.

I can't wait to tear out those pretty green eyes.

First things first – what are you wearing?

You’d better find him toot-bloody-sweet. 

I know this is insane, but insane is kind of what we do.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 8x22 #clip show #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #metatron #crowley #sarah blake #abaddon #supernatural season 8

[harelan]

Can we have the fluff and angst asks with Matilda and Solas 😔...

oh FUCK yeah babey!! thank u griff 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

1. What are things they both find funny?

they’re often dry and snarky with other people, which amuse each other. alone together they usually do stupid deadpan humor. solas seems very serious but really his sense of humor is just niche and very subtle unless you know exactly how to get at it, which matilda does. 

2. If they could each describe each other in one sentence, what would it be?

answered here

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

answered here

4. What would be their ship name?

listen there’s just not a good combination of matilda/tannen and solas. solen? tanas? TAN ASS? “ma ghilana vhenan” fits them well as a descriptive/poetic phrase. 

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

i cannot stress enough that they’re basically inseparable from the attack on haven until the temple of mythal, however long that is. they do everything together. solas is an absolutely horrendous cook but he helps as best he can, they eat all their meals together. they spend hours in bed reading separate books together. they go on walks or rides together. when he’s painting, she’ll sit on the sofa and crochet to keep him company. they explore the fade together literally every night. 

6. What is/are their love language(s)?

they have quality time. unique to solas is words of affirmation, unique to matilda is acts of service. 

7. Write a ~300 word love scene for them. 

how great his responsibilities, how short his time, and how he could not help himself.

it was early, early morning, mist curling off distant fields as the rising grey sun burned it away, in a silent, secluded garden off a little stone manor house, all but drowning in ambling wisteria vines, such that the rough bricks beneath them were hardly visible.

a lack of courage in facing the front door had brought him there. the garden, half in shade and all in bloom, was almost enough, so steeped was it in her. he could almost breathe in the smell of every herb she ever cooked with as it grew here, and know that matilda’s tender hands planted them, and he could love her and go without ever troubling her.

almost enough. he fingered one of the petals as if he'd never touched a flower before.

he had been content to receive occasional news of her, content to linger, mostly unnoticed, in her dreams. content to shoulder the burden of longing heartache and imagine that it granted her freedom.

as his hand dropped from the flower, as though he had summoned her with the motion, the white-painted door that led into the house from the garden opened. were this the fade, this was the moment he would have vanished. but it was not. he was stuck, stiff, in this solid, sluggish earth, bare feet sinking into the soil. he could not flee, and so he gaped.

matilda was half-way to putting up her hair, red waves gathered but not secure, and she was every bit as beautiful as he remembered. more beautiful than he remembered: how could simple, fallible memory ever do her jusice?

she froze, too, and gaped, one foot on the neat clay tiles just inside the threshold and one on the rain-wet dirt, and she searched his face with a sequence of silent whats and whys and hows that came in shadows across her face. and then her face crumpled, and he only had time to see her eyes water before she threw her arms around his shoulders, and buried her face in the crook of his neck, and they were pulled by their collective weakness to their knees in the dirt.

8. What were their first impressions of each other?

ok so. matilda is waylayed on her way to the conclave with her retinue, she and a handful of other mages get cornered in a keep in the hinterlands and lysas asks the inquisition to go find her bc fiona might listen to her. that’s the setup. 

anyway solas already knows who she is before they officially meet and he respects her marginally as an influential player in the mage rebellion. he also immediately respects her magical ability because when they fight their way through the templars to reach her, she springs a trap on them and could definitely have killed them if she wanted to. 

matilda doesnt kill them mostly because of solas. he’s the mage in the party and she’s willing to believe him if he says they’re not with the templars. so she immediately trusts him more than she’d trust most people. 

9. Have they made each other cry?

OH BOY HAVE THEY. 

she cries during crestwood like straight up in front of him. he waits to cry until later. uhhh they’re both prone to bouts of Angst about one another between the breakup and trespasser, which sometimes end in crying. matilda cries during trespasser mostly because she’s afraid of him, and that just tears him up inside. listen they cry a Lot that’s what solavellan is FOR

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them. 

im so sorry i literally cant write arguments i’m not argumentative enough to relate

11. What causes them to fight?

not a lot? they both have very few things that they care strongly enough about to fight about, especially solas, and the things they DO feel strongly about, they agree on. 

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

a little. obviously matilda is more attached to this world and more eager to identify herself with it. but like lmao in general “stop enslaving/imprisoning people, stop treating people like second class citizens” they agree on. the underlying philosophy of the inherent freedom owed to all sentient beings, they agree on. 

though theres the big difference where he wants to end the world and she doesn’t but, yknow. 

13. Name something they would never do for the other person. 

there’s not a lot, man. i mean, with sufficient reason they’d do literally anything for each other, except i think kill one another, which, in case da4 doesnt happen or is bad, matilda fucking GAMBLES on during the Final Confrontation. 

like i’d say matilda wouldn’t kill for him, but she would, if he persuaded her it needed to happen for some necessary reason. yknow? this is a cop out answer. 

matilda wouldn’t kill an innocent for him. solas... listen i don’t know what he wouldn’t do. 

14. What would be a dealbreaker?

again, no dice. home boy straight up came out and said he’s a godlike being hellbent on ending the world and she’s still like heart eyes at him. i don’t know that there’s anything matilda would do that would make solas stop loving her. like there are things she could do, but nothing realistic. she’s not gonna start torturing and enslaving people.

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

now this is a good question. 

solas is too secretive. he refuses to take moral stances on things and will turn around and lecture her about seeing things in black and white when she does. he’s too often unsympathetic, unemotional. and he’s hypocritical. 

matilda is modest to an at-times modest degree. he always expected that -- that she would insist on playing second fiddle to everyone in her life. she lets anger cloud her judgement on too many things, damn the consequences. 

16. If they broke up, what would be their opinions of each other?

for the purposes of this question, since they’re still in love and want to be together, i’m not considering them really broken up. mutual “this isn’t working, we should end this” though -- they’d probably still be friends, honestly. they’re in love because they respect and trust one another and just because they decide to break things off doesn’t mean they stop clicking. 

although, given the other real life dudes like solas i know, he’d probably be the kind of guy to cut all contact with exes. matilda definitely tries to be friends with her exes. 

#dont @ me im proud of that love scene #im MUSH good BYE #carly tells tales #carly's ocs #oc: matilda #x: ma ghilana vhenan #nathanielhowes

[astorsa]

wip prep tag

tagged by: @montevena ilu

rules: answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

ok so this will be for ungodly hours!

FIRST LOOK

1. describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch).

a criminal, the prime minister’s daughter, and a demi-god race against time (wink wink) to piece together the scattered soul of a powerful magician

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

unlike my other wips it’s planned to be a standalone (unless i miss the characters and think of a new adventure for them to go on).

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

vibrant colors, different art movements (esp impressionism, abstract, and social realism) old clockwork, empty alleys, glass houses

4. What other stories inspire your novel

the first one that comes to mind is the kdrama tomorrow with you which made me a lil interested in time travel again and about the consequences of it. also the shades of magic series with the idea of different worlds, however ungodly hours is more of timelines that began at a singular point and diverged at different periods of time to create the world that it is 

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel.

im going to just plug in the ungodly hours pinterest board

MAIN CHARACTER

6. Who is your protagonist?

bishop aka our criminal

7. Who is their closest ally?

it was ivan his childhood friend (who he also had to betray early on in the novel sad face), but jane soon fills that void and become almost like extensions of each other

8. Who is their enemy?

the main enemy would be stoker, the head of the pseudo orphanage/crime organization that forced bishop into being her hound and living this lifestyle that goes against everything he believes him. even when he visits the other timelines, he can still feel the hold she has on him.

9. What do they want more than anything?

he really just wants freedom to live the way he wants, to get away from stoker and from the town that fears him. during the time where bishop florence was his guardian, he was really encouraged to pursue his gift for painting so he created this idea of living away from the big city, taking each day one at a time, and painting as much as his heart desires, but as the years goes on that dream seems further out of reach

10. Why can’t they have it?

stoker pretty much owns him and his life. he tries to work off his debt to her but it’s just never enough and if he were to run away he would be hunted down and killed

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

he views himself as the villain of his story and that he’s undeserving of good things. but even though he forced to do these awful things he cares so deeply about everyone and everything

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

he’s v v tall, black hair, v dark brown eyes. he has a long scar on his cheek from a run in with one of the magistrate’s goons. he wears this realllly old worn coat with sewn in patches and a cross necklace both given to him by bishop florence before he died. 

PLOT POINTS

13. What is the internal conflict?

there’s actually three stages of the novel that correspond with the three characters of the novels. the first is jane and her need to belong, the second is werner fulfilling expectations, and the third goes back to how bishop sees himself as the villain and treating himself as one, and consequently the lack of self worth that comes with it. 

14. What is the external conflict?

stoker, the magistrate aka our powerful magician, and werner’s dad aka father time all chasing after them lmao

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?  

that he’d be condemned to continue to live as stoker’s hound or to be the cause of his friends’ (esp jane) death/accidental obliteration from the three timelines

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

there’s two actually. 1. they see very very familiar faces in these timelines, and 2. the magistrate had more power originally than he let on

17. Do you know how it ends?

yes and it’s v bittersweet

BITS AND BOBS

18. What is the theme?  

um acceptance is huge. also despite the time travelling, time isn’t going to stop and wait for you. and with that is the concept of personal destinies and the paths that you have to take ???

19. What is a recurring symbol?  

not to be like obvious, but clocks.

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

the first is drona, the capital city and the home of stoker’s crime syndicate and the prime minister. it’s a pretty grey town, lots of brick and the empty lot that was formerly the beautiful cathedral that burned down. the other 3 are wyn (one of the timelines that embodies like abstract paintings with the colors and the avant garde fashion), yune (a timeline in black and white where a cult is in power), and su (the land of the gods, and werner’s home)

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

there’s two that come to mind, 1 is jane’s run in with the cult and her accidentally taking part of one of their rituals and another is this mirror maze in a fortune teller’s tent

22. What excited you about this story? 

originally the protagonist was werner and he was created after reading all these like stories of gods that were super powerful and i just wanted to make one that was v clumsy and dorky and just not what you would expect of him. also thinking about these worlds and how different they are, idk it’s really cool to me

23. Tell us about your usual writing method?

um lots of outlining and character/world profiles that are longer than the actual draft itself. opening the doc and staring at it for a long time and only writing a sentence lmao. but for u know actually writing, it’s writing a v shitty rough draft written at like 4am where i’m too tired to criticize it and then looking over it again when i wake up to make changes.

TAGGING: @hajaara @stegladent @furybloods @girlnovels @wartificial @briannaswriter @the-ichor-of-ruination @melissaswriting @dandagostino @sarmarble

#i never know who to tag in these omg but hi! #also btw my url used to be marscults if u were wondering #tag games! #wip: ungodly hours

[jjkfire]

Escape; pt.10 (epilogue)

Reader x Jungkook // (???)!AU // 14k words

Summary: Everyone has a number over their heads that says how useful they are to society from 0-100. You have a number ‘4’. You leave the city for some peace but you meet your cocky neighbor who seems to get on your nerves.

Genre: Fluff

Y/LN refers to your last name/family name

A/N:  Hi wow hello. Look here! It’s the epilogue to Escape! This is for all of you who have been extremely encouraging throughout the series and have shown me love and support throughout it all. I love you all so much because truly this series is my baby! It was my first attempt at a long chaptered fic! So basically anyway this is for my ogs who’ve sent me such sweet things about escape @thekookiecrush @hxsungwoon @katthecaptain @wide-awaker @revolutionbreez @orixiro @parkheehi @misxing-you @megjin @antaedepressant @marrauderr @minsuxga (the pregnancy ask… im suing you!) AND OF COURSE NOT FORGETTING MY BB @wicdrop and also all you anons out there! i remember all of you!!!!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5  // Part 6 // Part 6.5 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9

Previously…

Here’s a recap because it’s been too long!  Jimin’s in jail after being caught trying to steal floor plans from Y/L/N Logistics (He was blackmailed by Jeon Logistics). Hoseok played a part in that and he was the one who falsified the audio clip that made you think Jungkook was in a relationship with you to decipher DIADEM. Jungkook didn’t tell you it was Hoseok because it’ll break you. You hear the original clip that Jimin had recorded of that night, proving Jungkook’s innocence and after hours of searching, Jungkook finds you in the local park, holds you close as you cry, begging for his forgiveness and he forgives you, of course he does because none of this is your fault. –> or skim through part 9 bc I feel like this was a horrible recap

Jungkook hates Hoseok with a passion and every time he sees his face, he just wants to put in a solid punch for your sake but you’ve warned him against doing so many times before and he wonders how you do it, how you always take the high road so easily. You seem to forgive people left and right, no matter what it is they’ve done to you and he truly finds it unfathomable that you don’t hate his family with a burning passion because he does. Blood is thicker than water you murmur to him, telling him to reconcile with his family but he simply shakes his head, unable to find it in him to do so, to forgive both his and even your own family like you’ve done.

Jungkook dislikes your family, he’s made it very clear but you convince him that despite their flaws, you still love them very much, so he holds back the insults, clenching his jaw to stop the words from spilling out whenever he sees them. He never wants to be associated with either Hoseok or your family because they both only bring you pain and yet here he is, sitting in your father’s cozy office, sandwiched between your father and brother while Hoseok sits on the sofa chair on the opposite side, a smug look on his face.

This is Jungkook’s last resort. He’d never be caught dead with these people but for your sake, he pushes away the anger, putting on a calm expression because hell if this doesn’t work out, he’s completely run out of options.

The meeting you had with Jimin’s lawyer had not gone the way you had expected. You had barged into her office with a million-watt smile on your face, the pen drive with the recordings in hand, the key to Jimin’s release, but she destroys all your hope with a single sentence.

“Were these recordings obtained legally?” She asks and the look on your face is enough to give her the answer she seeks.

“Then I’m afraid this would be inadmissible in court.”

“B-but you need to listen to them! They blackmailed him into doing it!”

“It doesn’t matter what’s on there because we can’t use it in court.”

Just like that, you leave her office feeling dejected, broken even because you were at a total loss of what to do. There wasn’t a single thing you could think of that could help the man that was quite possibly the only person that kept you going, that cheered you on in your adolescent years. He was the closest thing you had to family and you felt utterly useless because he was there for you all the time, every damn time but now, when he finally requests a favour, you can’t seem to step up and provide.

“Y/N, you win some and you lose some,” Jimin shrugs and you can’t help the tears that start to roll down your cheeks. All you can think about is how the world is so unfair. That in a perfect world, a man with so much love, so much kindness would never be sitting across from you in an orange jumpsuit, a 5 year sentence hanging above his head.

“Don’t cry,” He frowns placing his hand on the thick glass screen that separates the two of you.

“I’ll get you out of here somehow, I promise,” You mumble into the handset. “I’m not giving up.”

“Y/N, it’s honestly fine. They’ll probably let me out earlier for good behaviour and all that jazz,” He smiles.

“That’s still years, Jimin,” You sob. “You were coerced, blackmailed, and that’s a crime too.”

He let’s out a low hum, completely at a loss of what to say because you were right.

“I begged them you know? Dad and my brother…” You sigh. “I told them to drop the charges, showed them recordings, everything! But they said it’ll only put the company in a weaker position and the Jeons would’ve gotten what they wanted all along.”

“That’s true,” Jimin exhales. “It’s a smart decision on their part.”

“Smart decision? Jimin, they chose the company over you!” You shout. “You’ve worked for us for years now, you’re like family to us and they still chose the goddamn company over you.”

Jimin can only offer you a sad lopsided smile because such is the way of the world. Not everyone had a heart like yours, not everyone was willing to put a billion-dollar company on the line for the sake of their secretary.

“Don’t worry,” You murmur. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Y/N, it’s okay,” He sighs. “There’s nothing more you can do now.”

“There has to be something.”

He shakes his head at you because you’ve always been mightily stubborn.

“Don’t waste anymore of your time,” He mumbles. “Just move on, be happy and I’ll be out before you know it.”

“How can you expect me to just do that?” You frown. “If the roles were reversed, I know you wouldn’t stop too.”

A light laugh escapes Jimin because it’s true, he wouldn’t. He’d do everything, work himself down to the core until he could find a way to guarantee your freedom.

Wrap it up! You hear the guard shout at you and just like the numerous times you’ve visited him before, a sudden pang of sadness runs through your body.

“Not again,” Jimin groans playfully. “You cry every time.”

“Shut up,” You manage to say between sobs and Jimin wishes more than ever that the barrier between the both of you could just dissolve so he could pull you into a tight hug.

“I’ll see you soon okay?”

“Well, you know where to find me,” He laughs, eyes twinkling and you scowl at him.

He waves you a quick goodbye and though you try to stop them, the tears just continue to stream down your face.

Jimin’s okay, he really is but you never seem to acknowledge that concept, your puppy dog pity eyes always staring at him as the guard leads him out of the room and he always looks back just in time to see the guard on the other side giving you a consoling pat on the back.

Did Jimin want to be in jail? Of course not. Did he in some way deserve jail time? Sure… and it’s his mistake, he admits, that he found himself in this position anyway and yet his biggest regret of all was causing the people that cared for him to hurt the way you do. He absolutely feels like breaking down whenever his parents come in to talk to him but he puts up a front, smiling, hoping that they would spend less time worrying about him. But god, you. Nothing hurts more than seeing you cry, nothing hurts more than seeing you beat yourself up every time your plan doesn’t work out. He hated that he put you in this position because he was supposed to be a brother to you, he was supposed to take care of you but here he is, with the roles reversed in the worst way possible. He never tells you but every time he returns to his cell, he lets his measly thin mattress, if he could call it that, soak up all his tears.

“Pleasure to see you again, Jungkook,” Hoseok smirks. “What? Not going to grab me by my collar this time?”

It takes every ounce of willpower within Jungkook to stop himself from cussing the life out of Hoseok and he manages to calm himself down but Hoseok doesn’t miss the way Jungkook has his fists clenched by his side.

“Let’s just try to keep the conversation civil, shall we?” Your father grumbles.

“I understand you have a favour to ask?” Hoseok purrs and his sickly tone makes Jungkook feel like gagging.

“A favour is a nice way to put it but I’d rather classify it as a threat,” Your brother grins.

Hoseok straightens up in his chair, suddenly unsure of what exactly he had walked into.

“Jung Hoseok,” Your brother begins. “Let’s just get straight to the point. We need you to testify.”

“Testify?”

“In court, against the Jeons.”

“Are you crazy? They’ll kill me if I ever did that,” He scoffs, shaking his head.

“Right, that’s what we thought you would say,” Your brother sighs. “You know, we heard you’ve been talking to Y/N again,” Your brother begins, smirking.

“Yeah, exes can be friends,” He shrugs. “What does this have to do—"

“But I’m not so sure if she’d consider you a friend once she finds out you’ve been on a 5 year long mission to figure out diadem. That you had a hand in putting someone she cares for in jail. That everything between the both of you is a lie.”

“What are you trying to say?” Hoseok taps his foot nervously, hands fidgeting in his lap.

“Well for starters, I’m trying to say that in one phone call, I can have her here and you can watch as I show her this,” Your brother throws out a bunch of papers back from 4 years ago when Hoseok was still dating you, transcripts of him talking to Mr. Jeon on what he’s found out about the company. “And this, or this, or this,” He continues, throwing out paper after paper of all of Hoseok’s misdeeds, even the shoplifting record that Jimin had previously threatened him with. “But most importantly, this,” He smiles, playing the play button on his phone.

“Did you get all of that?” Mr. Jeon asks.

“Yes, sir. I heard it all loud and clear. I have the code written down too.” Hoseok responds.

“Alright then, let’s call Jimin and end all of this tonight.”

Hoseok sits in his chair stunned. He had been caught off guard because he thought he was called here for an offer, perhaps some money for some information but it looks like he had read the situation all wrong because how did they get the original voice clip for that night?

Hoseok wants to scream out aloud in the room, his heart pounding, his head beginning to ache because everything between you and him isn’t a lie. Maybe parts of it are but what he felt for you then and what he feels for you even now isn’t a lie. You are the one that got away, you are who he has always pictured growing old together with… and maybe everyone else thinks it’s ridiculous but truly he just knows, that it’s you… that you’re the one and you always will be.

He sounds crazy, he knows but if only the two of you had met in a different lifetime, maybe things would be different because nobody sees the years of history the two of you have together. They don’t see the hushed words that were shared between the both of you on an overcast day, you with your head on his stomach, him sprawled out on the grass as both of you talked about how unfair the world was, about your hopes and dreams that may never come true. They don’t see how the two of you had planned it all, the perfect getaway once both of you had collected enough money to get out of this city, to perhaps settle down in a modest house by the beach with no one to judge either of you for the less than magnificent numbers glowing above both of your heads. It’s the fact that he knows you’d be happy as long as you had your carving tools and him happy as long as he had you.

Everyone in this room only sees him as a villain but couldn’t they see that he was a victim in all of this too? That if only you and him were blessed with numbers as high as any of theirs, none of this would be happening. He loves you, more than you can ever know or anyone for that matter. He knows, he’s ‘deluded’ or whatever but you’re the only person he’s ever met that didn’t look at him like he’s just a 65 that was born to help the high nineties to achieve their dreams and neither did you look at him like he was just someone who should be angry and bitter, forever cursing the system. You looked at him like he had dreams to pursue, like he could have the world in the palm of his hand if he just did what his heart desires. He remembers your words ringing clearly in his head, no matter how many years have passed, clinging onto it like it’s his lifeline because it’s the only time he’s ever felt anyone believe in him.

“Well, what do you think?” He asks, turning to you, chest heaving from the hip hop number he had just performed.

“That was amazing, Hoseok!” Your eyes still wide as you try to process the fact that it was really him that had danced so fluidly as if the bones in his body didn’t exist. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner that you could dance like that?

“It’s just… I’m not that good,” He mumbles. “I’m still working on—”

“Are you kidding? You’re straight up the best dancer I’ve ever seen.”

“Well I don’t think you’ve really seen a good dancer because… I’m just not on par, you know?”

“You are,” You answer, your eyebrows furrowed. “You should do something with that talent. Don’t let it go to waste.”

“Nah… It’ll be a waste of time. I’m a 65, Y/N. People like me don’t get anywhere.”

“You can deny it all you want but you’re a great dancer and nothing you say can convince me otherwise. I’d kill to be able to dance like you,” You smile at him. “You’re gonna be so good they can’t ignore you. It won’t matter what your number is, you hear me?”

Loud and clear. He had heard you loud and clear.

Ah, he sighs. How he wishes you were right but you’ve always had your head up in the clouds, always over optimistic. But, it was always nice to hear words like that every once in a while… It almost had him believing in it himself.

“So, are you willing to testify? Or do you want to break Y/N’s heart all over again and perhaps face some jail time too?”

“W-what—,” A deep breath, one filled with defeat. “What do you need me to do?”

And for the first time since he’s entered this office, Jungkook smiles.

As promised, Hoseok takes the stand, revealing intricacies of the entire plan, from private emails to recordings, the court sees it all from start to end. The Jeons are trapped in a corner, having no way to refute the edited evidence provided, one that Hoseok had altered to leave himself out from being implicated. How were they supposed to know the man they entrusted with destroying all the evidence would turn on them like this? What could the Y/L/N’s probably have on him that would make him switch his allegiance?

The slam of the hammer comes soon after the jury’s verdict, Jimin nearly in tears as they unlock the handcuffs around his wrists, finally a free man. Hoseok sees the undeniable smile on your face, one he takes credit for and you turn to him from the floor, mouthing out the words thank you with tears in your eyes. There’s so much he wants to say, so much he wishes he could tell you but he’s dug a grave far too deep for himself and he admits that he’s lost his chance with you.

If he was being truthful, he had lost you all those years ago but that doesn’t mean he still wishes that somehow the circumstances were different, that there weren’t so many secrets between the both of you. He wishes more than anything to turn back the clock a few years, both you and him carefree, being delinquents and loving life despite the crappy hand life had dealt the both of you. Alas, wishes are only that, just wishes and he knows now that he’s somehow made up for breaking your heart all those years ago and maybe with this, you would forgive him for the horrible mistakes he’s made, ones you’re not aware of. His heart breaks when he sees you in Jungkook’s arms but at least he knows you’re happy and that’s the best gift you could give someone you love. Happiness.

Your texts to Hoseok goes unread and your subsequent calls go unanswered. You think maybe he’s just nervous, afraid that you were going to lash out at him now that you found out that he had previously worked for Jeon Logistics. You wonder when exactly he got that job and why he had never mentioned the fact to you over your recent conversations with him. You’re left confused and in the dark because he had been eager to reconcile over the lost years just days ago but somehow it was like he had vanished into thin air. Perhaps he had decided to take off like he had the last time around when he broke your heart and it makes you frown because for whatever it was worth, he had brought joy to your life when you were just about at your lowest and for that you would always be grateful, even if he had left a deep emotional scar, one you had just recently been able to rid yourself off with Jungkook’s help.

You wanted him to know that you had forgiven him years ago, something Jungkook says he doesn’t understand but you try to explain to him that it wasn’t worth it, holding onto so much hate within yourself. Wherever he is, you hope he’s happy because even when you were with him and even through the recent texts he had been sending you, you could still sense the same old Hoseok, the one that was bitter and skeptical about life. You had tried many times over the course of your relationship with him to get him to see life in a better light, to show him that despite the circumstances, both you and him deserved to be happy and so wherever he is, that’s all you wish for him, that he’s finally happy.

And that he is. He’s happy because you are and though he may have given up his identity and taken on a new one, a deal he struck up with your father to protect him from the wrath of the Jeons when they’ve done their time, he’s trying his best to live his life the way he knows you wanted him to. Do what you love, you would always say and here, halfway around the world, he is. He joins a dance studio, a small one, teaching kids hip-hop during the day and choreographing intricate pieces when the sun has set and you were right, you always were, he laughs. Hoseok’s the happiest he’s been in years and you’ll never know but it’s all because of you. Maybe in a year or two, you’ll forget about him but he knows he’ll never forget you, not in this lifetime, not ever and he doesn’t believe in reincarnation but for the sake of you, he sometimes wishes he does because oh, what a love the both of you would’ve shared.

It’s been perhaps three months since you were bawling out of happiness in the living room of the Park household now that Jimin was finally reunited with his parents and his mother insisted that both you and Jungkook stay for dinner, a true family dinner she announced, and you had cried even harder upon hearing her say those words.

It’s a lot calmer now than it was months ago, the press finally leaving both you and Jungkook alone, off to pursue more pressing issues, or rather not-so pressing issues but either way, you’re glad you’re able to finally take Buster on a walk without being bombarded by flashing lights and mics shoved into your face. The small town you live in, hidden in the hills returns to normalcy, serene and quiet like it should be. Your days go on like normal, Buster barking at squirrels outside as you head to your old cabin to get some wood carving done. While Jungkook is busy at work, you busy yourself with your trade, packing your wood pieces up to be sold at the bazaar you often go to sell your works at. There are a lot more people than you remember, many customers coming around your store trying to drop hints to get you to talk about what really happened in the aftermath of the arrest of the Jeons but you send them away with a tight-lipped smile. Why doesn’t everyone understand that it’s something you just want to put behind you?

After months of job searching, Jimin finds himself empty handed, his criminal record the first thing employers see when they search up his name and Jimin sighs, returning home empty-handed again after yet another interview. It’s after much pestering from both you and Jungkook that Jimin accepts the position of being Jungkook’s private secretary and though he’s apprehensive at first, Jimin takes the job anyway because as far as he knew, he probably never wanted to touch the logistics industry ever again. 

The learning curve is steep and he struggles with all the complicated terms Jungkook throws his way but he remains determined, trying his best to keep up as Jungkook leads him through the tech industry. As always, Jimin proves himself to be highly adaptable, surprising even Jungkook with how much he has learnt in the span of just a few months. In no time, Jimin sheds the secretary title, becoming almost some sort of a partner in crime to Jungkook. Together, they comb through the start-up industry, pouring money into apps they believe in, the money they get in return when the apps hit the market is beyond Jimin’s wildest dreams. It’s an arrangement Jungkook loves wholly because it means he gets to spend more time with you now that he didn’t have so much on his plate.

From the first I love you to the 100th, Jungkook thinks it’s a 3 letter sentence he’ll never get tired of hearing or saying. The first few times you say it to him, your voice is barely a whisper, almost like you don’t want him to hear it but whether you shout it out or mumble it to him, it still fills his chest with an unbelievable warmth, a feeling only you can invoke out of him.

Love.

It’s a strong word but it’s the only emotion that can describe how he feels about you. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you.

He loves you when he wakes up just minutes before you, dried up drool on your face and your hair a mess but your features are so calm, so serene that he can’t help but feel like he’s the luckiest man on the entire earth for having the privilege of waking up next to you.

He loves you when you’re chasing Buster around the house as he refuses to get toweled down after his shower and you collapse onto the couch, your shirt slightly drenched in soap water, telling him that Buster is only this stubborn because he had spoiled the dog rotten, which was true to some extent but he couldn’t help it, Buster is simply too adorable.

He loves you when you notice that he’s been having a hard week at work and you do everything in your power to make his day better and that could be watching his favourite movie for the umpteenth time or baking those goddamn fudge brownies that he could never seem to have enough of but most of the time, all he needs is to snuggle up next to you, your comforting touch almost healing to him.

Sometimes he feels he’s only half as good of a partner as you are to him and he feels horrible because he wishes he could make you feel even a quarter of what you make him feel. Funnily enough, you feel the exact same way because you feel like nothing you do could ever live up to what he’s done for you. It was as if he was looking into one of those too good to be true romantic comedies that he watches too much, Jimin often says about the pair of you. Both you and Jungkook seemed to live in perpetual confusion, always thinking that one didn’t deserve the other and you both even had a cute dog to boot, the final piece to a happy family. He couldn’t think of a better pair who deserved to live out an actual romantic comedy other than the two of you.

The ladies in town often question you when you think Jungkook would pop the question and you dread it, especially when they ask you when he’s sitting right next to you. The two of you always blush beet red before you retort, maybe I’ll be the one to get down on one knee! Which always seems to shut them up.

You were happy with the relationship you had with Jungkook and so was he. You didn’t see the rush in getting engaged because what you and he have for now, is perfect and if anything, you didn’t want him to feel pressured, like he had to give you some stupid, expensive ring, as if without it, what the two of you have was anything less special.

Perhaps all the pestering makes Jungkook reach his breaking point because he comes home later and later sometimes, so late that you fall asleep with your phone in hand, waiting for his text to tell you that he was on his way. As usual, the ladies in town plant seeds of doubt in your mind, asking you if you smell perfume on his shirt when he comes home, a clear sign of infidelity, they murmur. You don’t want to doubt Jungkook because you trust him with your heart, with your life but you do admit that you catch a whiff of a sweet-smelling perfume, one that isn’t yours. It’s probably one of his client’s perfume you reason but he’s been working late almost every day of the week for close to a month now and you hate what you’ve become, you hate how you’re sniffing the shirts he throws into the laundry basket to see if you could smell that now familiar scent. Curse the ladies in town for making you feel this way.

Maybe he’s finally gotten tired of you, you sigh. Maybe the glaring number 4 he sees above your head everyday makes him resent you because perhaps he’s thinking, he can definitely do better. You shrink into your older self, the one that’s unconfident and scared. Jungkook can sense that something is off, you know he can because he takes a day off work just to spend time with you but you can’t help but feel this niggling sensation that he’s doing this as a parting gift, one last week before he says he thinks he’s done with you for good.

“Babe, i-is something wrong?”

“Hmm?” You hum in question, trying your best to hide your emotions.

“Did I do something wrong? You’ve been… distant lately.”

“I-I don’t really know what you mean.”

“Maybe it’s just me,” He sighs. “Work’s been killing me and I know I haven’t been home much… but I hope you know I’d spend every single second with you if I could,” He murmurs, stepping up to you, pulling you in close. He giggles lightly when he sees you blush. It’s amazing how you still shy away whenever he says anything remotely cheesy.

It’s hard for you to decipher what exactly is going on but you can tell he’s being sincere and everything doesn’t seem to add up. You hate that you’re doubting him like this when there hasn’t actually been solid evidence to say that he’s cheating on you.

“I know,” You smile meekly and he takes the chance to kiss you on the lips, his thumb caressing the apple of your cheek.

“What do you want to do today? I’m all yours today, I promise,” He smiles, switching off his phone just to prove that nothing was going to come in between the both of you for the day.

“Honestly… Can we just have a lazy day?” You mumble, laughing and he shakes his head as he laughs in return. He would’ve been surprised if you had suggested anything else.

Jungkook manages to convince you to spend the day lounging by the lake that the house looked out to, Buster lighting up at the words swim! Already speeding out of the house when you open the door. Both you and Jungkook spend hours simply laying side by side, laughing at each other as Buster enjoys his swim. You’re maybe into your second bottle of beer, soaking up the warm rays of the sun when he suddenly rises to pick you up, running down the length of the dock and jumping in with you in hand. You wrestle with him in the water, Jungkook laughing wildly at how furious you were but your grumbling soon turns to laughter too and you cling onto Jungkook like a koala, too lazy to swim yourself. It’s when he shrugs you off his back, turning around so he can hold you to his chest that you feel warmth bloom in your own because his smile lights up your world and you love him so much, you really do.

“I love you,” You smile, pulling him in closer for a kiss and he mumbles the same words back to you over and over again in between the kisses he plants on your lips. Screw those nosy ladies that make you doubt the man before you, screw the perfume you smell on his shirt because in this very moment, all you know is, a love like this cannot be fabricated and maybe it’s because you want to believe it but the way he says those 3 words to you, you don’t think he’s off spending his nights saying them to someone else.

As Jungkook waits for you at the shore of the lake, he can’t help but laugh at how similar this looked to when he had first spotted you here, Buster beside you, yourself in that adorable bathing suit of yours and good god, how much has changed since then and now. You skip down the length of the dock, linking arms with him when you finally reach him, and he thinks that he has to move the timeline up because he can’t wait any longer. But no, he has everything planned out, every single detail and it’s going to be absolutely perfect.

Jungkook hates, hates, hates it when he’s having a lovely Sunday brunch with you at the diner, completely lost in your eyes, loving the fact that he gets to spend every second of the day with you, only to be rudely interrupted by the extremely loving and yet, overbearing old ladies that would pop in for a meal at just about the same time.

“So, when are you going to buy her a big diamond ring? You wait long enough, someone else might swoop her up, you know?”

Jungkook blushes every damn time because of course he knows, you’re a gem, one in a million and he’s so lucky to be able to call you his girlfriend but it’s been two years now since he’s met you (again) and everyone and their mother knows that the both of you are so in love, that sometimes they forget that the both of you aren’t married, not even engaged.

Truth is, Jungkook has had the ring for close to 6 months now. It’s buried deep at the back of his sock drawer, a sizeable 15-karat diamond, surrounded by many fewer, smaller diamonds. It’s beautiful, grand and very, very expensive but it’s the only ring he believes can show you just how much he cares. He had spent hours in the store talking to the jeweler, viewing ring after ring just to make sure he could get you the perfect one. He’s been waiting and waiting, wondering when exactly would be the right moment to ask you or if he should put it off for another year because he didn’t want to scare you. He knows giving you the ring has a finality to it, that it means commitment, which is something you fear deeply.

“Diamond rings are overrated, and the diamond industry is horrible,” You groan at the ladies who’ve made themselves at home in the booth you and Jungkook were sitting at. “Child labour, slave labour and all for what? A shiny rock?” You scoff, shaking your head. “I don’t need a diamond ring, I don’t want one,” You huff, crossing your arms.

Jungkook feels a pang of fear strike him in his chest, worrying at the thought of you screaming in horror if you had found the ring or worse! If he had dropped down on one knee, the ring in hand… he can only imagine the look of disgust on your face. For the first time ever, Jungkook is grateful that the women had stopped by to pester the two of you today because he knows he’s getting rid of that ring first thing tomorrow morning.

Months later…

It’s the anniversary of the day he had first met you, yes, that would be the day he saw you at the gala when you were 8. You probably don’t remember the date, but Jungkook does, his diary entry from years ago telling him about the fateful day he met a girl that made the stinkin’ dinner that much bearable.

He’s been planning this for months now and as he stares down at the weather app on his phone, he frowns for there is a 50% chance of rain. Luck never really was on his side, the universe forever conspiring against him, he believes. The thumping sound in his chest and the way his palms seem to sweat no matter how many times he’s wiped them on his pants tells him that the day is finally here, that after months’ worth of hard work, he’s finally ready.

Jungkook had given both himself and Jimin the day off and begged him to take you to town, or anywhere really, just far from the home you shared with him. The moment you leave the house, waving him goodbye as you jumped into Jimin’s car, he goes into overdrive mode, pulling up his phone to dial the florist as he headed to the basement to pull out everything he needed to make tonight perfect.

It’s a little past 8 when Jungkook gets a text, one that informs him that both you and Jimin were going to be back soon and he lets out a deep breath, looking into the mirror one last time before standing in front of the door to wait for you, bouquet in hand.

“I’m ho— Oh?” You stumble backwards when you’re met with Jungkook standing right in front of you, shoving the flowers in your face.

“I uhh, picked these up on the way home from work,” He lies, a nervous smile on his lips. “Thought of you when I passed by them… so yeah.”

“Thank you, babe,” You grin, pecking him on the cheek before you take the bouquet from him.

“You’re dressed fancy,” You murmur, placing the bouquet on the counter. “Are you… going somewhere?” You question, unsure if he had told you he had some dinner to attend. Was that this week or next week?

“N-no, I just wanted to look nice for you,” He smiles and you laugh, quirking your eyebrow at him.

“Do you know what day today is?” He questions, grabbing your hand, leading you up the stairs.

“A Tuesday?” You answer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you shuffle behind him. “Kook, what’s going on?”

“It’s the anniversary of the day we first met… when we were 8,” He grins, hand still intertwined with yours as he walks you all the way up to the final floor of the house, the rooftop patio.

“How do you remember that?” You question, laughing. “You should’ve told me over the weekend! I would’ve gotten you someth—“

Your sentence is cut short as you take in the way the patio has been so beautifully lit up, fairy lights hanging over a make shift blanket fort that Jungkook has created. It looked like something off Pinterest and maybe that’s why you had caught him on the website weeks ago, looking through some pictures that looked very similar to what was in front of you.

“Kook, what is all of this?”

“I know I haven’t been home lately,” He frowns, shuffling in his spot. “And, we’ve missed so many movie nights so, I thought I could make it up to you with this,” He beams, tugging you along to take a seat with him amongst the numerous amount of pillows laid out atop the mattress.

“H-how did you get this mattress up here? And where did you find all these pillows? And that projector thing— Did we always have one?” You question referring to the huge screen that was set up in front of you.

The pure shock on your face is enough to send Jungkook into a laughing fit and he can’t help but place a kiss on your lips. God, you’re adorable.

“We’ll talk about that later,” He laughs, busying himself with the movie system he had set up for the night. He puts on the movie the both of you had meant to watch in the cinema 2 weeks ago but a last-minute meeting meant that the two of you had to miss it. Jungkook had pulled every single string he could just to get this movie for his own personal viewing before it’s available to the masses ala pay per view or DVD and he now owes a few too many people a favour or two but it’s all worth it if it’s for you.

“Are you… some kind of miracle worker?” You gasp. “Jungkook seriously… how did you get this movie? Isn’t it still showing in the theatres? How did you do all of this?”

“Through the power of my love for you,” He beams and 3, 2, 1, there it is, the signature scrunch of your nose. He laughs as you scowl at him, mumbling under your breath and he snuggles up closer to you even as you attempt to shove him away. It’s a hobby of Jungkook’s to throw cheesy lines your way because he knows you hate them and by hate them he means he knows you secretly love them.

It’s maybe 15 minutes into the movie when he feels a light drop of water on his cheek. No, no, no. Please no. He thinks maybe if he ignores it, the rain will simply go away. You look up to the sky, putting your palm out to check if that had been rain or you were just imagining it. You don’t stand there thinking for long because the drizzle soon becomes light rain and the two of you are quickly getting up to set away the snacks that Jungkook had laid out. Within seconds, the rain comes pouring down and you’re laughing as you try to wrap everything up into a blanket, quickly rushing into the house as he unplugs the wires, trying to lug both the speakers and the projector indoors.

By the time the two of you are able to get mostly everything into the house, the both of you are absolutely drenched. Though you’ve taken the situation very lightly, laughing as you tried to dry your hair with a towel, Jungkook has decided to sulk in a corner instead.

“Babe, aw come on, lighten up! The night’s not over yet. The movie just started,” You smile as you bring the towel up to wipe away the rainwater on his face.

You set up the movie in the living room as Jungkook dug his hand into the bowl of soggy popcorn, still frowning as he takes his seat next to you, watching the movie with you silently, only daring to speak when the credits begin to roll.

“I had everything planned out,” He sighs. “This has been months in the making,” He sulks.

“And I appreciate it,” You smile. “It was perfect,” You kiss him on the cheek, bringing your thumb up to stroke the apple of his cheek.

“No… I just… this all went down a little differently in my head.”

“Jungkook, I loved every second of tonight. Stop beating yourself up over something you couldn’t control. It was just a little rain.”

“I know but—”

“It was perfect, really. Tonight has been one of the best nights of the year. I had so much fun,” You smile cupping his face with both hands and he still has a small pout on his lips. “I love you so much, you know that? I know I don’t say it as often as most usually do but I really, really love you.”

“But it’s just… Y/N,” He breathes in deeply, his hands removing yours from his face as he sinks to one knee. “I had a whole speech planned out, one that would coincide with the ending of the movie but I’m so nervous, I’ve forgotten everything.”

You see Jungkook on a singular knee his hand holding onto yours softly and your chest tightens.

“You’re everything to me, you really are, and I can’t imagine a day without you. I always look forward to the end of the day because it means I get to come home to you and that’s all I ever want,” He smiles. “Forever.”

You’re staring at him, your eyes almost popping out of your sockets and Jungkook allows himself a few seconds before he asks the question that’s been on his mind for close to a year now.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… Will you marry me?”

“Jungkook…” Your voice barely audible as you look at the man before you, all teary eyed. “Yes, I— Yes!”

There’s an audible sigh of relief just before you pull him up for a kiss. The smile he has on is unbeatable and he kisses you again and again, almost like he doesn’t believe that you said yes. With shaky hands, he slides the ring onto your finger, letting out a deep breath when he finds that it fits just right.

“Don’t worry, it’s white sapphire, not diamond!” He exclaims as he watches you examine the ring. “Y-you said you hated diamonds so I, uhh got rid of the diamond one I originally bought.”

“What?”

“You told the ladies… you hated diamonds because… you know, slave labour and child labour and—”

“Jungkook, that was… that was just to get them to shut up, I didn’t really mean it… I mean I did but— You bought two rings?”

“Well I bought one, the diamond one… but I made this one,” He murmurs, blushing. “Yeah you can tell can’t you… I know, I should’ve just got it professionally made but I uhh thought it’d make it more special… if I made it but if it’s a little wonky and doesn’t fit well then you know why.”

Jungkook shrinks away, a little embarrassed because he hadn’t really thought about what your reaction would be when he tells you that he had made the ring. In his mind, it was the perfect gift, considering that you were an artist yourself… He thought what way to tell you better that he loves you and appreciates you by giving you something that couldn’t be bought with money, that was one of a kind, not 100% perfect but is filled with love and hard work, something like you.

“You made it? Like physically?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve been home late… One of my clients owns a jewelry workshop on the side and when I told her my plan, she offered to help me out.”

You’re crying and Jungkook’s scared because oh god, now you think he’s some cheap asshole who didn’t get you a diamond ring but then he hears you laugh as you wipe away your tears, your hands pulling him in for a hug.

“Y-you don’t like it do you? I’m sorry I—” Jungkook’s stammering, trying hard to salvage the situation and you pull away from him to plant a lingering kiss on his lips just to shut him up, just to tell him you absolutely love it.

There’s a moment of comfortable silence as he watches you examine the ring and he’s biting his lip nervously, hoping you can’t see the flaws as clearly as he does. He doesn’t know but you can’t see the flaws, not even a single one because you’re too busy admiring the fact that Jungkook had (with minimal help) crafted a ring! He had modeled it after the diamond ring he originally bought but… you didn’t need to know that. You murmur words of wonder and amazement beneath your breath and in that second Jungkook thinks it’s worth it. All those late nights, all the moments of pure frustration as he tries to twist the metal in just the right way or moments of pure nervousness as he tries to hide the tiny pricks and cuts on the pads of his fingers from you, it’s all worth it just to see the delight on your face.

“It’s funny,” You smile, as if embarrassed. “The ladies tried to convince me that you were cheating on me and I… I kind of well, was semi-convinced because of the late nights and perfume on your—"

“Cheat? God, Y/N, no, never.”

“I know, I know but it was just…” You murmur looking down at the ring nervously, and he waits for you to continue your sentence or say anything really but Jungkook can see how the main piece of white sapphire seemed to be slightly crooked.

“Listen, i-if you don’t like the ring I can always get you a diamond one again.”

“Jungkook, no,” You laugh, cupping his cheeks. “This is perfect. I love it,” You smile.

The shy smile he gives you makes your heart feel like leaping out of your chest and also melting into a puddle at the same time. For the longest time he only gazes at you, his eyes looking at you as if you are the entire Universe and to him, you are.

“I love you,” He sighs sweetly, turning his head so he could leave a soft kiss on the inside of your palm.

You don’t have to say it back to him, he already knows you do too, but he loves hearing it anyway and when you finally say I love you too between the kisses you pepper him with, he thinks he can’t possibly have a day better than this one in his entire life.

Fortunately, that’s a lie. With you, there came many more days he considers the best day of his life but really with you he couldn’t pick. Okay, no, that’s also a lie. There’s a handful of days he can pick out and he’s really trying to keep himself to a limit here so, he settles on 5 special days, of course, not including the day he got engaged to you.

one

It’s the day or really days right after the two of you get your marriage registered, having called Jimin and his family down to the office with only a few hours’ notice to be witnesses to your marriage. It’s spontaneous, ridiculous, much like your relationship with Jungkook but when he proposed the idea of it the other day, it didn’t take more than a second for you to shrug and say, why not? You should’ve known Jungkook and his spontaneous ideas were never really that spontaneous because he’s standing in front of you, presenting you with an itinerary of just what the two of you were going to do at Ko Lipe, a post-marriage gift, he says. You had on the most adorable expression, one mixed between shock and pure joy before it all fades and you furrow your eyebrows.

“What about work? Don’t you have a lot going on right now?”

“Ahh, I closed all my open-ended deals in the last month just for this… Just for you.”

Ugh, even he cringes at how goddamn cheesy he is when he’s talking to you but it’s almost as if his mouth had a mind of its own sometimes. You hum at that, pursing your lips so your smile wouldn’t show. He must’ve planned this months in advance. Spur of the moment thing my ass, you scoff mentally, but it’s more of a you’re-such-a-thoughtful-dork-and-I-love-you kind of scoff rather than a mean-spirited one. How does he always seem to know that your answer to any of his ‘spontaneous’ decisions will always be yes?

“So, you’re saying we’re going to have a week’s worth of privacy? No phone calls to interrupt us? Just you and me?”

“Just you and me,” He nods. “I’m leaving my work phone at home, see!” He pulls the drawer of the side table to show you the handphone that’s usually glued to his ear.

“No! I mean don’t do that… What if something goes wrong at work?”

“Then Jimin can deal with it,” He smiles.

You stand there thinking if it really is a good idea to just up and leave the country when you had found both you and him plastered across the gossip section of every major news outlet and magazine this morning, the mere mention of the two of you getting married enough to cause an online frenzy. It’s the story everyone’s ever wanted, the Jeon and Y/L/N rivalry finally put to an end by love. Except, both you and Jungkook know the truth, both your fathers and perhaps even brothers will forever be at loggerheads, even more so now that the Jeons were behind bars.

“Come on babe,” He whines. “It’ll be our very own island adventure!” He exclaims, placing a pair of sunglasses on for you and a straw sun hat on himself. 

“You’ll get me to go even if I do say no, won’t you?” You laugh and he winks at you because it’s the truth. He already had your bags packed… which would explain why you couldn’t find your favourite pair of shorts this morning.

Just like that, you’re whisked off to Ko Lipe, in a private jet he had borrowed from one of his clients. The press back home is having a field day, everyone wondering just where the two people the public want to see the most have disappeared to. You look down to your phone to see multiple missed calls from your parents and your siblings as reporter after reporter show up at your family’s residence, badgering them for comments. They didn’t know what to tell the press because well, they weren’t informed of the whole marriage registration debacle themselves!

All of that is the last thing that’s on your mind as you bury your toes in the sand, gazing out into the vast ocean blue. You aren’t given much thinking time anyway as Jungkook drags you out to do any form of extreme water sports that the private resort offers. Be it parasailing or going for one of those jet ski tours to the remote neighbouring islands and caves, it’s like you don’t even have time to catch your breath before he’s pulling you to the sign-up booth, looking for something else to do.

I, Island, Ko Lipe. The answer to the I of DIADEM, the family code that comes to you naturally no matter how long it’s been since you’ve been forced to recite it. It’s a thought that comes to you in passing as you’re laid out on a deck chair, finally being able to rest after Jungkook’s daily dose of adrenaline inducing adventures. This place, this island means so much to you and it means so much to Jungkook too. It’s been years since you’ve been back here, perhaps even longer for Jungkook and every single day spent here has been like a dream. You remember this island to be a place where you finally felt like you belonged in your family and you’re glad that now that you’re here again you don’t just ‘feel’ like you belong to a family, you know you’re part of a family, because right next to you is the man you’re going to marry, technically you already have. He smiles at you when he catches you staring at him, blowing you an obnoxious kiss just so he can see you scowl at him. 

You hope he feels the same way you do, hope that he knows you can’t ever replace the love his mother has for him, can’t replace the memories he has of this island when he was much younger, exploring the island as his mother chased after him but you hope he allows this trip, the numerous moments you’ve had with him to add on to the fact that this island will always be special to him. If only you knew you didn’t have to hope. Jungkook’s already committed to documenting every single moment of this trip, having had taken an unreal number of photos along with hours upon hours of footage just so he could look back on it all whenever he wanted to because he feels this whole week has been the best damn week of his life.

two

The two of you return home after a rather exhausting yet refreshing week at Ko Lipe. The press has seemingly forgotten about the two of you or have simply given up on trying to locate either of you. Jungkook spends most of the week working from home and you decide against leaving the mountains at all, neither of you wanting to deal with a publicity shitstorm. It’s perhaps months after, when the two of you know that you’re definitely in the clear that you decide to send out invitations to your wedding, a relatively small one with no less than 50 people that’s slated to happen in the backyard, next to the lake. To be fair, most of the attendees were going to be the people from town, the only outsiders would be your family and Jimin and his family. Jungkook adamant as he is, refuses to extend an invitation to his step-mother, unwilling to forgive the fact that she had allowed his father and brother to go to the lengths they did in order to try and be level with Y/L/N Logistics. You don’t argue with him, respecting that it was his decision to make and honestly, regarding your own family, you aren’t quite sure if they are actually going to show up considering the fact that you hadn’t personally called them back after the whole out of the blue marriage registration fiasco, only sending them a text to confirm that yes, you had indeed decided to marry Jungkook.

The wedding day comes faster than Jungkook could have imagined and suddenly he’s sweating nervously as he stands at the end of the aisle, the guests rising from their seats as the wedding march begins to play. The ceremony is simple yet elegant, only a small flower arch at the end of the aisle and 50 white chairs at either side of the white carpet. Every single seat is occupied, all except one because it’s Jimin who stands beside you, arm linked with yours as you walk down the aisle. Your breath almost gets caught in your throat when you spot your family amidst the crowd. The blank faces on you father, mother and brother tells you that it must’ve been your sister that had dragged all 3 of them here. You send her an appreciative smile because though growing up in that house with your family hadn’t been great, you still do in fact share the same blood and you still do love them, despite their flaws. 

You look forward when you hear Jimin let out a light laugh, and this time it’s like your breath is taken away when you finally lay eyes on your soon to be husband. He stands tall in a classic suit, looking dapper and handsome as always. You can see the way Jungkook has already started to tear up and you guess that’s why Jimin had been laughing but truth be told, you were on the verge of tears yourself. Jungkook feels almost light headed when he sees you standing next to him because you look unreal, absolutely gorgeous in all white. Your dress isn’t the princess type with a long train but it’s a rather modest one, a simple number that seemed to drape over your body perfectly, hugging you in just the right places but more than that, it’s your face, like you’re almost glowing and Jungkook’s heart picks up it’s pace because the day he has been dreaming of is finally here and he keeps thinking that he must be the luckiest man alive to finally (almost) officially be able to spend the rest of his life with you.

The crowd coos as Buster makes his way down the aisle, the small box containing the rings attached to his collar. He’s clearly enjoying the attention because he stops to pose for photos, almost stealing the show! But, he makes it to the end in timely fashion, stopping next to Jimin so he could detach the box from the collar. Nervously, both you and Jungkook take the rings from the box.

Jungkook starts with his vows first and his voice cracks when he starts, almost unable to hold back the impending tears. He clears his throat with a laugh before he looks up to gaze at you, telling you that he hopes you know that by marrying him you’re going to have to live with the fact that he always seems to fart up a storm every morning and that although he apologizes for it, it’s something he can’t control, and he hopes it’s something you won’t leave him for once he’s old and gray, and out of money.

Jungkook doesn’t even have to look at the paper he has in his hand because he already knows what he wants to tell you by heart. Aside from his mother, you are the only person that sees him for who he is, for who he can be and who he wanted to be. You bring out the best in him and with you by his side, he truly thinks he’d be able to do anything. He promises you a life full of adventure, happiness and genuine love because you deserved the world and he was going to give you everything he could. 

You regret choosing to go second because now you’re forced to wipe away your tears while you read out your vows, because really, how could you listen to Jungkook speak like that and not cry. When you begin, you’re stammering and Jungkook offers you a soft smile before reaching out to gently wipe away a stray tear or two. You let out a deep exhale, abandoning the piece of paper that you had worked day and night on because the words on there just weren’t good enough to explain how grateful you are for the man before you. All you really want to say is that you’re so glad that Jungkook loves you wholeheartedly for who you are, and you promise to love him the same. The world has always told the both of you that the pair of you just aren’t destined to be but to hell with that. You believed in creating your own fate, your own destiny and you’ll be damned if Jungkook wasn’t a part of that. If soulmates exist, you are quite sure that he is yours. He knows you inside and out, perhaps even better than yourself and you know you’d never want to spend your life in the arms of another for he truly is your escape. You tell him that you only hope to be his too and he laughs shaking his head and utters 7 words that has your heart flip-flopping in your chest.

“You’re not my escape,” He smiles. “You’re my home.”

When the two of you finally slide on the ring on each other’s finger, there’s cheers that ring around the backyard, Buster barking excitedly as the two of you share the first kiss of your official ceremonially confirmed marriage. There isn’t a person in attendance that feels bitter about the marriage, not even your family despite the unreadable expression on their faces. Truth be told, they’re happy for you. You deserved better, more than they’ve ever given you, they were human enough to admit that and they’re glad that you finally have someone that can give you everything they never did.

When the ceremony is all over and done with, it’s just an hour before sun down, enough time for the two of you to change out of your respective outfits for something more comfortable. A short drive later, you find yourself with your hand intertwined with Jungkook’s as the two of you sat by the grave of his mother, listening as he tells her about the day, tells her he wishes she was here. You let your other hand rest on top of his and you tell her thank you, thank you for giving birth to the man that you love so much and that you intend to care for him, like she had, until the end of time.

three

The story of special day number three starts perhaps almost two years into the marriage, almost 6 months before said day. You’re sat at the table with Jungkook, friendly conversation going around between the other people seated at the table. It’s the anniversary of the founding of the town and every single resident has found themselves at the local square to celebrate, eat and drink the day away. You’re looking further off in the distance, having zoned out of the lovely little discussion that was going on around you to look at the children running circles around each other, giggling and talking amongst each other, your gaze ever so warm and fond.

“Do you think you’ll ever want any of your own?” The lady beside you asks and Jungkook perks up to listen to your reply, knowing the answer to this question full well because he’s asked you once or twice before when you’re cuddled up next to him in bed.

“No, they’re too much work,” You laugh and the lady laughs along with you agreeing to your statement. Everyone thinks it’s true, that you don’t want children of your own because they’re messy and loud but Jungkook knows better, knows the look in your eyes whenever you look at them from afar, it’s one that people have when they’re looking at something they can’t have. Jungkook thinks that it has to do with your childhood, that your parents, no matter how much you refuse to admit it have scarred you so deeply that you can’t possibly fathom having a child on the off chance that in a moment of anger, you would say something to your child that was remotely similar to what your parents had said to you over and over again over the course of your childhood. People often say that children will take after their parents when they’re older and if anything, that is your worst nightmare, to become the people who had caused you so much hurt.

Jungkook joins in the conversation, nodding that the two of you simply wouldn’t have time for a child, which is a lie because Jungkook would do anything to make sure he has time for his child, if he had one that is. But he lies, lies for you because he knows what will follow after if he doesn’t say anything. They’ll badger you with questions like: But who will look after you when you’re old if you have no children? Do you hate children? Are you sure you’ll never want them? He prefers to take the brunt of it, letting them know that he wouldn’t know the first thing about being a father but of course that’s a lie too. Jungkook knows just what kind of father he would be. He would be everything his father wasn’t.

It’s exactly 5 months and 3 weeks since that dinner, since you had that conversation that made your stomach churn, which actually is quite funny since your stomach has been doing a lot of that lately even without having been asked the classic question of why you haven’t thought about having children yet.

You refuse to think about it, refuse to admit that certain smells, one that are completely normal, like the fudge brownies that you usually bake suddenly makes you feel like throwing up or the fact that you had literally forced Jungkook to drive you to the city in the middle of the night because your fried chicken craving was driving you insane.

Something at the back of your mind tells you that these are classic signs of… of… you don’t even want to say it because maybe if you didn’t, it wouldn’t be true. You think back to the past two weeks or so, acknowledging that yes, maybe you had allowed Jungkook to forgo the condom but that’s because you had been on the pill, right?! Not like you had missed a day or two in the past week, right?! Not like your period isn’t on time this month, right?! You wondered how many more lies you could tell yourself until you would have to drive down to the pharmacy in the city to pick up, you know, that special stick? The answer is not many because in just a few hours you’re in your bathroom with the stick in hand, wondering if you were supposed to pee on it sitting down? Standing up? Did it matter? You let out an annoyed groan before reaching into the box to pull out the instructions.

Two blue lines stare back at you and you let out a small scream. You pee on another stick… or maybe 5… just to be sure, you know? And now you’re looking down at 6 sticks that tell you the same thing… that you’re, that you’re… you can’t even bring yourself to say it.

You stuff everything into the plastic bag from the pharmacy, keeping at least one stick because… you had to tell Jungkook right? You keep the test somewhere in the back of your closet, beneath a pile of clothes, trying to form sentences in your head, wondering how the news would sit with him but first, you needed to accept reality and somehow you just refuse to.

You’re skittish around Jungkook for the next few days and though he notices it, he doesn’t bring it up because usually when he gives you time, you’ll let him know whatever it is that’s on your mind. He thinks you’re upset with him, waiting for him to figure out whatever it is without telling him and he’s trying so hard, running through every single thing he had done over the past week just to see if he could find whatever it is that he had done wrong. Was it because he forgot to flush the toilet that one day? It is isn’t it?

It’s the day, D-day, you proclaim. It has been a full week since you’ve taken the test and you’ve had exactly 7 days to think of what to say. You think a short speech would suffice… butter him up first and then apologize for missing the pill or something… but it’s not that part you’re really worried about, you sigh. It’s the fact that you’re going to have to raise a human being and you know Jungkook won’t say no to the idea, in fact you know he’ll be ecstatic, but he hasn’t thought it over like you. You’re not worried about the finances, or the fact that you’ll be incapable of loving the child, because you’ll do nothing but love your child, cherish them, but you’re worried your child won’t love you back or that Jungkook wouldn’t either because… you’re you and you’re flawed in the worst possible way, in a way that you couldn’t change even if you tried.

You’re so busy thinking that you hadn’t heard Jungkook come through the front door and you quickly stuff the pregnancy test behind you, between the pillows on the couch you were sitting on.

“Y/N, babe, listen,” Jungkook smiles nervously as he takes a seat beside you on the couch, loosening the tie around his neck. “I know you’re upset with me but I swear I thought I flushed the toilet—”

“I’m pregnant,” You blurt out and you immediately shut your eyes because fuck you were supposed to shower him with compliments first! Tell him that it had been an honest mistake, that you had forgotten that you had missed a pill that week when you told him he didn’t need the condom.

“You’re pregnant,” He murmurs, and you let out a sigh, an apology on the tip of your tongue when you look at him, his eyebrows furrowed together as if he had never heard the word before. “You’re pregnant!” He repeats, his face somewhere between shock and joy as it finally dawns on him why you’ve been acting so weird lately. A large smile finds it way onto Jungkook’s face and he’s about to engulf you in a hug, pick you up and swing you around in his arms but then he sees the way your bottom lip wobbles and suddenly there’s a stream of tears rolling down your cheeks. He’s stunned for a second because wait, was that not the reaction you had wanted from him?

“Babe… Hey, Y/N… What’s wrong?” He quickly asks, scooting closer towards you so he can hold you close, wipe away your tears. You’re only shaking your head, sobbing so hard that it makes Jungkook’s heart break into two. He lets you take your time, simply gripping your hand when you produce the pregnancy test from behind the pillows, the two lines showing that you are indeed, pregnant.

“What if… what if,” You hiccup, sobs chopping up your sentence. “What if our baby’s a 4?”

Oh, ohhh, Jungkook understands now, realizes just why you’re crying.

“You’re going to end up hating me and our baby will too,” You mumble, picturing just what it’ll be like, complete silence in your house, absolute distaste burning behind Jungkook’s eyes when the number begins to glow above your child’s head.

“I…,” Jungkook’s at a complete loss of words, unable to comprehend just why you’d think that. “I’d never hate you,” He says rather sternly, as if he’s upset that you’d ever think that.

He catches it, the look on your face, one that says you didn’t believe him at all. It’s because he doesn’t know, you sigh, doesn’t understand what it’s like and you’ve experienced it one too many times, how people accept you at first despite your number but one by one, they all seem to leave you in the dust.

“Nothing will ever stop me from loving you… nothing,” He breathes, bringing up his hand to stroke your cheek, imploring for you to look at him. “Do you understand that?”

You neither nod or shake your head, your eyes simply downcast as you fiddle nervously with the pregnancy test in your hand.

“Whatever our baby’s number is, even if it’s a damn zero, I’m gonna love our baby all the same,” He smiles, prying the pregnancy test out of your hand so he can hold yours. “And I will always, always love you. That will never change.”

This time, you give him a little nod which makes him smile and he uses his thumb to rub comforting circles to the back of your palm.

“What if.. what if our baby hates me?” You frown. “I don’t want our baby to go through what I did, Kook,” You sigh, your shoulders drooping down as you refer to your painful childhood, the fact that you were viewed as if you were like scum simply because you had a single digit number. You don’t want to bring another human being into the world just for them to feel nothing but pain.

“Our baby won’t,” He reassures you, his tone strong and sure as if he was promising you that, but you know he can’t change what others would think of your child. “You and I are going to love our child so much that the sun is going to shine out of their ass because all they’ll ever know is love,” He smiles. “And, I’ll fight everyone and anyone who tries to hurt them or you, you hear me?”

You let out a light laugh, appreciating how Jungkook could make you feel better no matter the pain you feel in your chest and you smile at him affectionately. He takes the chance to press a light kiss to your cheek as if to let you know that he understands how hard this must be for you, that you must’ve been going over these thoughts again and again for some time now. The smile you have fades as quickly as it came though and he sees you lick the corner of your lips, tears threatening to reappear again.

“I… I won’t force you to… you know have a child,” He whispers, his hand giving yours a short squeeze. “It’s up to you love.”

“No, I want to keep it,” You answer almost instantaneously.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook tries to hide his excitement but he does a horrible job of it because he’s quite literally bouncing in his seat.

“I’m so happy, I really am,” He smiles before he calms down considerably, letting out a deep exhale as he placed his hand on your cheek to get your attention. “Listen I… I want this but only if you do. Don’t just say yes because you think that’s what I want you to say.”

“No, no,” You laugh. “I want this, I do.”

You really did, and maybe you just needed to hear that Jungkook was going to be with you every step of the way, that your child, no matter what, won’t have a childhood that’s anywhere close to yours.

“We’re having a baby,” He murmurs, almost as if he was talking to himself, then he turns to you. “You and me, our own little human!”

He’s so endearing it makes your heart hurt. He presses a kiss to your lips, something he had been wanting to do since you had uttered the two words that has made this day one of the best days in his life. He tells you again and again that he loves you and you tell him the same, thinking you’ll never grow tired of him, of his love. It’s a thought that begins to falter later on during the pregnancy because it’s as if your child is having a fucking karate lesson in your belly, kicking non-stop, especially when you wanted to sleep. Sometimes you almost feel like strangling Jungkook, wanting to scream at him because it’s his fault! He did this to you! He was the reason there’s a baby in your stomach but he pacifies you with fried chicken, even if it’s 3 am in the morning so, you let him live to fight another day. To be honest, this whole pregnancy thing scares Jungkook a little because sometimes you were moody, downright scary but he can only try his best to make the whole carrying a child in your belly thing less stressful by massaging your feet. For the most part, watching your stomach grow with size has been entertaining and he makes sure to take a picture each week just because and usually it’s a relatively ordinary process but one time you beckon him over, making him lie next to you.

“Watch this,” You smile as you lay on the bed.

He’s staring at your belly curiously, unsure what he’s supposed to be looking for because he sees it every day, leaves a light kiss on it all the time. Then he sees it, your belly moving as if there’s something growing inside and he lets out a light yelp. You laugh uncontrollably as Jungkook stares with his mouth agape. Of course, he knew you were pregnant, that you had a baby growing inside of you but yet he hadn’t really comprehended that until now. He whips out his phone just to record it because do people know babies do that? He didn’t. He wonders what Jimin would think of it.

“Okay, now go get me some fried chicken,” You command after having had enough of Jungkook rubbing his palm over your belly, just to be sure that it was your belly that was moving and not just him imagining it.

“Yes ma’am,” He answers with a salute.

four

Jungkook wishes he has more to say about this day but to be fair, he felt like he wasn’t even fully present on the day himself because he was genuinely about to shit himself when you told him your water had broke. He rushed you to the hospital, not forgetting to grab the bag that the two of you had already packed in advance, knowing that this day was approaching.

As you go through labour pains, you grip his hand, hard and Jungkook swears he might have a hairline fracture on a finger or two because boy did you have a grip but he understands and it’s a small price he’s willing to pay considering it isn’t him that is pushing out a human out of his damn body.

When he hears the first cry, his heart almost stops beating and then starts beating at twice it’s normal speed when the doctor turns to him to speak.

“Would you like to carry her?”

Her! A baby girl! Which he already knows from the ultrasounds early on in the pregnancy but still! Anyway, back to the question, would he like to carry her? Yes. No. Yes. No. What if he drops her?

“I’m uhh, not sure how to carry—”

The doctor laughs softly before he gives instructions to Jungkook like he has to many new fathers. Jungkook sways his crying child in his arms cooing at her as you look up at him with tired eyes. Even in your exhaustion, you manage a few tears, a lot less compared to Jungkook who’s kind of almost sobbing in the operation theatre.

_________, He murmurs the name the two of you had decided weeks ago. It fit her perfectly, he thinks, even if at this point, all babies look the same to him.

It’s the best day of his life… or at least one of, he smiles. He cradles his little baby in his arms for a few more seconds before he steps closer to you, letting you hold your child for the first time. A family, he sighs. A real one. And he was going to make it the best damn one.

five

Jungkook is cautious with his daughter at first because she’s tiny, fragile and he’s afraid he might break her by just touching her but his heart becomes goo in his chest whenever he sees her fidget in the crib, kick out her tiny little feet or you know just… breathe in general. He’s absolutely whipped for his child and why shouldn’t he be? He loves her and thinks she’s the cutest baby to ever exist and he doesn’t care if the lady in town says all parents think that their child is the cutest because she’s wrong, his child is the cutest, ever, no question about it… even if she’s the reason he gets exactly 0.2 hours of sleep every night. He won’t lie, parenting is extremely exhausting and he’s fought with you over these past months more than ever but in the end it’s all worth it when she’s asleep in the crib and he drags himself back to bed to cuddle with you.

Watching _________ grow up is magical to him. From the day she manages to sit up, to the day she manages to murmur things, to the day she takes her first steps with absolutely no help at all (which he managed to record!), every single milestone makes Jungkook smile until his cheeks begin to ache. He simply can’t believe that he has a child, often pointing down to her in the crib before looking at you to say, we made that! To which your reply is often, yeah, and I did most of the work, which he admits is true but still, the child is half him, he often reminds you.

He loves his daughter with everything he has and would completely spoil her if it wasn’t for you who was there to keep him in check and he thinks he’s done absolutely everything he could to make sure she knows that he loves her and yet, she still hasn’t said the thing he wishes to hear the most. She’s a 98, just like him which honestly, came as a surprise to both you and him but despite the matching number, she doesn’t do what he expects of her, doesn’t say what he’s been hoping to hear for a while now.

It’s frustrating for Jungkook but in all of her 7-ish months of life, she’s said a grand total of 3 words, that being,

Doggy, because Buster, he’s just a charmer. From babies to old ladies, he had ‘em all in the palm of his… paws.

Yum, often repeated twice, was codeword for I’m hungry and you better feed me before I start screaming.

And the one he was the least happy about,

Mama

You could see the pure disappointment on his face when his daughter uttered it not once, not twice but three times in a row as she stretched her hands outwards, wanting to be carried.

“I’ll carry you!” Jungkook exclaims. “You just have to say it! Say dad!” He instructs her but she simply turns away, looking at you as you swoop her up into your hands.

He repeats the word ‘Dad’ to her like a goddamn parrot, day in, day out, hoping that one day she would repeat after him, but she doesn’t. Jungkook’s given up hope, stops trying after weeks of saying the same word over and over, silently waiting for the day his daughter acknowledges him.

Luckily for him, the day comes not too long after when it’s a summer day where Jungkook is lazing around on the carpet, his daughter laying atop his chest, taking a nap. He has his hands beneath his head, eyes slowly fluttering as he feels himself drifting off to sleep but he’s startled awake when he feels his daughter move groggily on his chest letting out a few whines.

“_______, are ya awake?”

More whines before she’s rubbing at her eyes sleepily.

He places his hands on her, gently stroking her back as her eyes finally flutter open and a light smile finds it’s way onto Jungkook’s lips. It’s a miracle she isn’t crying like she usually does when she wakes up from her nap. She stares curiously at him as if there were a thousand thoughts going through her adorably tiny head.

“Dada.”

Jungkook stops breathing for a second and his mouth hangs open, in shock.

“Dada,” She repeats.

“Y/N!!!!” He screams, picking off _______ from his chest. “Get your phone!”

“What?” You call from the kitchen, your tone almost nonchalant as if Jungkook wasn’t witnessing the most important moment of his life right now.

“Your phone! Now!” He shouts as he scrambles to his feet, cradling _______ against him.

He makes his way to the kitchen to find you still busy, looking through the fridge, having absolutely no urgency to comply to Jungkook’s request. He stops right in front of you and you look up at him confused.

“Say it,” He coos, looking at _______.

She only gazes at him curiously, not understanding what he’s saying because of course, she’s a toddler.

“Doggy,” She replies, pointing to Buster who had just walked into the kitchen and you laugh boisterously when Jungkook’s face crumples in hurt.

“Jungkook,” You snort. “Leave her alone, won’t you? She’ll say dad someday… Just be patient.”

“She said it! I swear she did!” He exclaims. “Twice!”

“Yeah, sure she did,” You scoff.

“Did too!” He grumbles before turning to _______ . “Dad. Say it, say dad,” He coos, and you bring a palm to your face because here he goes agai—

“Dada.”

“Ha! Won’t you look at that!!!” He’s practically jumping and if he wasn’t carrying her, he would’ve probably done a summersault, a cartwheel, maybe even a damn split.

“Who’s your favourite parent? It’s me isn’t it?” He smiles down at _______.

“Please,” You laugh. “She’s only said it onc—”

“Dada!”

“Yeah, you’re right! That’s me! I’m dada! And you love me more than mama don’t you?”

“Dada,” Is her reply and Jungkook’s screaming internally because wow, what a day today is. The best day of his life. It’s the best damn day.

You want to be mad at Jungkook for being so annoying but again, it’s like he’s a huge man child and he’s so stupidly endearing that you can’t do anything but laugh.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t be upset,” He smiles. “You’ve held the title of favourite parent for far too long okay? It’s time I had my chance.”

You only nod at him, giving him his moment of glory, pecking him on the cheek because how can you resist a man who argues with you about whether your daughter loves you or him more when your parents barely acknowledged your existence.

It’s been a simple day, a relatively normal day, at least for you… Jungkook would have something else to say about today but just like him, you concur that it’s one of the best days of your life because life isn’t really about the grand, great things to you, it’s about the simple things. It’s about how right now, you have a husband that loves you unconditionally and a daughter that you love unconditionally and really, that’s more than you could ever ask for. You no longer live each day, wishing the misery would end rather you live each day, embracing the love and happiness that you find around you. That isn’t to say every single day is just sunshine and rainbows, of course there are bad ones, many in fact, because life isn’t perfect but the good outweighs the bad and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

Maybe life hasn’t played out the way you’ve always wanted it to, the family residence you called your home for so many years was still cold and unloving but life is about growing, about changing and if you had done neither maybe you wouldn’t have felt a world of hurt when everything seemed to have crumbled around you years ago but neither would you be feeling an unrivaled amount of happiness today, having Jungkook tease you over the fact that your daughter had switched allegiances, that he is in fact, the favourite parent to her. He’s insufferable, he truly is but maybe Jungkook was right when he gazed upon you as you finished saying your vows to him, the 7 word sentence he uttered at the altar still one of your favourite things he has ever said to you because it’s true, he isn’t your escape, he is your home.

p.s: wew it’s the end! this time for real! thank you all for reading!!! it’s been such a journey (’:

p.p.s: the explanation for why the daughter has a 98 is that technically the oc’s number is really high too because she’s a twin remember? (like flashback to chapter 7). Twins are special and it’s kinda known that they in general have really high numbers… just that in the mc’s case, it was unfortunate that the sister did not survive and hence the number couldn’t be re-balanced. also, about oc finding out about her twin… well, maybe in the distant future when one of her parents passes away…

I hope this epilogue answers all your questions but if you have any other questions, I’d be happy to answer!!! (like honestly really happy so ask away!) Thank you all so much for reading escape (‘:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5  // Part 6 // Part 6.5 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9

#bangtan bookclub #kwriterskollection #kpopwritingnet #bts fanfic #bts scenarios

[alippy711]

Falling Away With You-Ch.12

Chapter Twelve: Twins Night Out

“I can’t remember the last time we went to dinner just us”

I peered over my menu at Matt as he stared off, presumably trying to remember how long it had actually been.

 “Honestly, I think it was before the season started. We are way over due for this” He smiled and nodded as the waitress came over dropping off our drinks.

It was a rare Friday night where both Matt and I were free and we jumped on the opportunity to head into the city for dinner and see what trouble we could get into. The two of us are as much a force on our own as we are with a group of friends.

 “I feel like we haven’t talked all week, how are things with Evan?” I placed my menu on the table taking a long sip from my drink preparing to catch Matt up.

 “Things are really great. Last weekend I hung out with him and Jared then we went to dinner the other night. I don’t know everything is just so...” I paused trying to think of the right word, “Easy with Evan”

  “And they aren’t easy with pasta?”

 “Some aspects are, we get along so easily and our personalities mesh really well, but what I worry about with David I don’t have to deal with when it comes to Evan” I shrugged hoping I was making some sense with my rambling.

 “What do you worry about?”

 “For starters Evan isn’t in the NHL which means our schedules are easier to work around and I can see him whenever. He also doesn’t leave the country for 3-4 months out of the year and I don’t have to worry about other girls.”

 “Yeah but you sort of put yourself in that situation” His bluntness took me by surprise.

 “I realize that. Its more the fact that Evan isn’t seeing any other girls because he wants a relationship.”I couldn’t be mad at his comment, it was true and Matt’s probably the only person who can get away with it.

“Do you want a relationship with Evan?” Matt’s eyes searched mine as he asked the million-dollar question.

 “That’s what I need to figure out. We both know Evan is an amazing guy and I really like him. I love spending time with him, he’s everything im looking for…” My voice trailed off and I had to turn away from Matt’s piercing glance.

“But…”

“But no matter what David is always on my mind. I can’t shake him despite how hard I try. I haven’t seen him in a week and I feel like a part of me is missing.”

I picked up my drink, downing the contents in the glass as I pushed out a frustrated sigh annoyed at how much of an effect David had on me even when I wasn’t with him.

“Have you really been trying though?” He asked tilting his head to the side with a glare. I opened my mouth to speak but thought twice, knowing Matt would see through my lie.

“If you feel that way doesn’t it change things with Evan?”

“Nope. My feelings toward David don’t change his no relationship stance.”

 “Basically you’re saying if David wanted a relationship there would be no question who you would pick.” It wasn’t a question but a statement and knew there was no reason to argue it.

“Unfortunately that isn’t the situation. I like Evan and want to see where it could go, but I can’t quit David, I need him to do something fucked up forcing me to cut him off” I pushed out an ironic laugh, knowing how messed up that sounded.

“You realize you’re essentially admitting to not having the ability to tell David no, right?”

“Completely aware. Im too far gone to pull away from him on my own. He’s my Achilles heel” He let out a low whistle understanding the gravity of my feelings for David.

Matt knew I was admitting to loving him without saying the words, he knew me. He looked between our empty glasses then flagged down our waitress as she walked away from another table.

“Could we get another round, please? Oh and two kamikaze shots”

“Of course, I’ll be right back with those, and your food should be up in a minute” My eyes were wide when he turned back to me and I noticed the glint in his eyes which could only mean trouble.

“Don’t give me that look, you need this”

##

I stumbled into the bone chilling winter air thankful for the reprieve from the stifling bar as my body buzzed from the alcohol. I was mid step when Matt’s hand came down hard on my shoulder yanking me back onto the sidewalk.

“Jesus Ash, pay attention you’re gonna get run over!” He yelled as a car zoomed by us.

“They should know to stop for me” I could hear my drunk voice and winced, it was definitely time to leave.

“Here, you need this slice more than me” I thanked him graciously taking the slice of Regina’s Pizza from him and downing it faster than my first slice. I watched him type furiously away on his phone and I looked down at my phone with a sudden urge to text David, another sign I was drunk.

“Ok the uber has been ordered” Matt smiled swaying slightly and I was thankful that he was as drunk as me, though he was probably a 7 to my current 9 on a 10 scale.

“Actually, can you order me a separate one?” The words came off my tongue before the thought was fully formed in my mind. His brow went up in question as his eyes narrowed to slits trying to figure me out.

“I wanna go crash with our little sis. She’s out at some BU party and I told her I would come by if we didn’t leave too late.” He continued to eye me suspiciously and I knew I needed to sell this.

“I haven’t seen Addie all week and if im going to be successful at distancing myself from David then there’s no one better to help with that than you two” I mentally patted myself on the back, I may have been drunk but that seemed pretty legit to me.

He huffed out a breath and pulled up his uber app. “Fine, but only because I know you haven’t been texting him tonight, because I’ve watched you like a hawk.” I flashed my best angelic smile and pushed down the voice in my head telling me this was a horrible idea. It had been a good three hours since Matt and I decided my best plan of action would be to limit my time alone with David, yet here I was…

##

I couldn’t help but think how inevitable this scenario was as I fumbled with his key. Anytime I made logical plans while drinking the opposite was more likely to occur. I also had a feeling Matt knew what I was up to, I mean he knew me better than anyone else, but I was currently too drunk to care. It had been eight days since I last saw David which meant logic was out the door. I walked into the mostly dark and quiet house, granted it was almost 1 in the morning with the only light on the first floor coming from the living room where I began my search.

“Pasta, where are you?”

My words rang out loud against the stillness as I walked past the stairway down the hall that led to the kitchen and living room. No answer. I walked further into the kitchen turning towards the living room when my eyes fell on the empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table. My heart began to race and I shook my head trying to rid my mind of every horrible thought currently flooding my brain. Jakub was still in town im sure the two of them had some wine, no need to go crazy. Unfortunately, the closer I came to the table the more I realized the over reaction was warranted because unless Jakub started wearing red lipstick I had just walked into my worst nightmare.

My eyes scanned the room and I spotted a woman’s winter coat hanging across one of the kitchen chairs. I immediately felt dizzy and grabbed hold of the couch as a wave of nausea washed over me. I took a few deep breaths trying to calm the sickness in my stomach, butI was failing. I turned, and as quietly and quickly as possible hustled back towards the front door but that’s when I heard it. My eyes drifted up the staircase as soft moans trickled down from above and there was nothing that could hold back the sickness now.

The tears were spilling over my cheeks in seconds while the nausea grew stronger forcing me to bolt towards the bathroom. I made it to the toilet just in time to release everything I had consumed that day as the pit in my stomach continued to grow while my heart broke. I had a million thoughts bouncing around in my head but the overwhelming need to get the fuck out of his house was the most prominent. I cleaned myself up, splashing water on my face and in my mouth before heading out of the bathroom.

I reached in my purse for my phone but found my keys first and stared at David’s key hanging off one of the rings. In my current drunken emotional state, I made the split-second decision to unhook the key from its place, walk back into the kitchen and toss it onto the counter before booking it towards the front door. I was steps away from freedom when a flood of light entered from the hallway where the guest room was.

“David?”

I heard Jakub’s voice call out as I swung open the door hoping it would block his view and hustled down the hallway of the building, not wanting him to see me. I went past the elevator and straight for the stairs in case Jakub followed me out. I leaned against the cement wall needing a minute to compose myself. My entire body was shaking, my heart racing and the tears were still falling, I was certain I looked like an absolute train wreck. It felt like my heart was shattering into a million little pieces as what just happened played on a loop in my mind. I pulled out my phone and dialed Addie’s number, knowing I couldn’t go home since I was technicallyat her place anyway.

“Hey Ash, what’s up?” Addie spoke

“Ad I need you to come get me” My voice broke between fits of crying.

“What’s wrong? Are you ok? Where are you? Aren’t you with Matt?” I could hear the panic in her voice as a million questions spilled from her mouth.

“Im at David’s. Pleasedon’t ask, just come get me.” I pleaded trying to contain my crying. She let out a heavy sigh and I heard her rummaging around before she spoke.

“Leaving now be there in 10.”

“Th-thank you” I stuttered hanging up the phone. I slowly made my way down to the lobby of the building needing the time to compose myself knowing I would have to face the concierge when I left the building. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and answered it without looking at the ID.

“Im here”

“Walking out in two seconds” I hung up the phone and pushed open the stairwell door revealing the brightly lit lobby, the noise gaining the attention of the man behind the desk. He smiled but it quickly faded as he caught a glimpse of my clearly rough state and opened his mouth to speak but I beat him to it.

“Have a good night” I said hustling past him towards the front doors fixated on Addie’s car. I could feel her eyes on me the second I sat down but I couldn’t look at her yet.

“Just give me a minute”

I begged trying to will the tears in my eyes to stop falling as I already had a massive headache from my previous crying bouts. I saw her nod her as she put the car in drive and headed back towards the other side of the city.

##

I picked at my manicure while she watched me from her desk chair while I explained the disaster once I left Matt.

“Do you think Jakub saw you?”

I shrugged, “Dunno, he definitely saw someone, but I don’t think he knew it was me, ya know?” She nodded giving me that look that told me she was trying to think of a nice way to say something.

“Just spit it out Ad’s”

She sighed, opened her mouth to speak but closed it and got up from her spot to come join me on the bed. She slapped lightly at my hands making me stop picking at my nails before finally speaking.

“I just don’t get why you went over there, things are going so well with Evan and you’ve cut back on spending time with David. So why?” She pleaded with me trying to figure out what I had been questioning ever since I told the uber driver to go to his place instead of hers.

“I don’t know, I was drunk and the first person to pop in my head was him, not Evan.” I sighed knowing that was the simple truth. My heart wanted David but my head wanted Evan. I wasn’t about to get into the same conversation with her that I had with Matt only hours before.

“I feel like-” She was cut off as my phone began to vibrate on the bedside table I reached over only to see David’s name flash across the screen.

“Fuck, the key” Realization flashing across my face. I looked back down at the phone hitting the side button muting the call and refocused my attention to Addie who was looking at me confused.

“I fucking took his key and left it on the kitchen counter before I left. He clearly just saw it.” I groanedlayingmy head in my hands.

“That was a dumb fucking decision, he’s not going to stop calling”

Her words were barely off her tongue when my phone started going off again. I held it up for her and she shot me a told-ya-so look as I released a frustrated groan. I muted the ringer again and tossed it on the floor.

“Ash..” She dragged out my name and I broke eye contact with her looking down at the blanket I was wrapped in.

“I know; I need to figure my shit out. Everything’s a fucking mess. But im done dealing with it tonight, im going to sleep.” She dropped it after that, knowing I had hit my limit for the day.

#david pastrnak #david pastrnak fic #david pastrnak imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #falling away with you fic #nhl rpf

[swampgallows]

therapy today went okay but i feel like i talked too much lmfao. i passed out around like 10pm and now im awake again and uhh hmmm ngngngghghhhmhm

also she asked me like “find out what you wanna get out of therapy and then we can set some goals” lmao i wanna GET FIXED 

i dunno if i am actually mentally ill or if it’s just my mom/environment or if i’m neurodivergent somehow or if i need medication or whatever the fuck it is, i just know that it’s not normal to feel okay one day and then have some minor thing happen that catapults me into feeling suicidal. im doing better lately but that’s why i signed up for therapy NOW because i know when im feeling good i get this delusion of like “haha see i never needed it at all :)” and then some little fucking thing happens (or nothing happens) and suddenly i cant get out of bed for three days. i told her that i think it’s more than my environment because even when i was busy at work and even when i was busy and away from home in college i had extremely persistent and severe depression, got into several different overlapping abusive relationships, nearly failed my classes one semester, and then i got hit by a car, was in a wheelchair for 6 months, then had our car hit by a semi immediately afterward. it’s time for new glasses btw lmao as i am still wearing the same pair that got scratched to shit and annihilated in the accident. lmfao The Accident™

this is a pic of them from the night of the accident and the scratches have only gotten worse. id take a new pic but im in bed in the dark and whatever

the therapist seemed impressed with my psychology knowledge which was kind of discomforting, in a way. i guess im just so used to my own situation and people utilizing the internet to learn about their own head cases that i dont consider it novel to have actually done research. also because with my other experiences i felt like doctors would be dismissive of me as if i was trying to one-up them or something, like “well -I- have the degree and YOU dont” like, well yeah, im not sitting here trying to correct you but i am gonna use the terminology im familiar with even if theyre super special SAT words or w/e (like i’m gonna say shit like “comorbid” and “hypnagogic” because that’s the terminology i use all the time to describe these situations... i throw out “5 dollar words” all the time :\) but i think maybe by also having a video/verbal conversation w me that she knows i’m not sitting there meticulously typing up the most fancy schmancy shit i can find, flippin through a thesaurus like a blood elf nobleman vampire’s purple prose or somethin.

i guess what i wanna get out of therapy is uh

1. i dont want to be suicidal, which means 2. i have to build confidence, which means 3. i have to become self-reliant, or more self-reliant than i am.

she suggested, on the grounds of my mom giving me interrogation any time i try to go out on my own (hence me only feeling comfortable to go out when i fucking sneak out of the house or on the VERY rare occasions that she isn’t home) that i have a written list that i either give to her personally or write out and leave for her to read at her leisure of all the answers to her questions: where ive gone, when i’ll be back, what i’m doing, etc. the problem is coming home, though, because then she reads me the riot act of guilt on anything i did. if i go out and get food, it becomes about her. if i go out and do an errand, it becomes about her. everything i do somehow falls back on her. 

i explained to the therapist that even when i was still working—a perfect chance to learn to drive and drive regularly—i took the bus the entire time. but i’d have to be driven TO the bus stop and then take the bus to work, which meant my mom drove me to the bus every day. and my dad would talk about how good it was for MY MOM to have a reason to get up in the morning, and that it’s good for her because it gives her a kind of schedule or obligation to follow. so then like... my schedule now becomes HER schedule. and i martyr my potential independence of driving to work on my own in order to give my mom a sense of purpose. 

so...every day, mom picked me up from the bus stop, just like she had been for all the years i was in school. of course i never went out and did anything after (or before!) work; i never had the freedom. sure i could tell my mom partway through the day if i was staying late or going somewhere else, but my work was also in the middle of a canyon, five miles of nothing in either direction. if i missed the bus home, i wouldnt have another chance to go home for another hour. so having buses come only once an hour and then also having my mom waiting for me at the stop... it was just too much trouble to say like “hm i think i’ll go grab a smoothie before work” or “maybe i’ll hang with my coworkers a bit and go grab dinner with them” or “maybe i’ll start going to the gym after work”. i couldnt make any executive decisions about my own life. i think that restriction of freedom happens for lower income people too, since youre relying on a (notoriously shitty) bus service to get anywhere and you also cant just throw money around that often. i had a little slush fund to treat myself every so often but i didnt have the access to it. 

EVERY day that i was 20 minutes away from the stop i would have to text my mom the name of the stop (imagine, if it were “maple street” or something, my entire text message history with my mom just being “maple” “k” “maple” “k” back and forth for months) in case she had fallen asleep or was doing something, as the bus would sometimes be late or early or whatever. and sometimes i would delay that text on purpose to have the extra time to buy something from one of the fast food places located at my bus stop, then hide it in the bottom of my bag and hope it wasn’t too aromatic that my mom would notice and ask me about it. 

BECAUSE if i bought food on a day she made dinner, she would flagellate herself about it, and if i bought food on a day that she DIDNT make dinner she would flagellate herself about it. it’s HER FAULT because she doesn’t make food enough that i have to go buy my own :((((, so the one time she does cook i’m already getting food because she’s unreliable :((((, and shit like that, instead of like, just because there IS food doesn’t...mean anything!!!!! maybe i just wanted a certain kind of food that day!! But it becomes about her!!!! everything i do hurts her. everything i do. so i just got adjusted to just... not eating, or eating the same things over and over. eventually, when i was still working, i would eat nothing but a muffin until i came home. and if there was food, i would eat it, and if there wasn’t, then i wouldn’t eat. many nights i went to bed without eating even if there WAS food because i was just so fucking tired.

i dunno i kinda lost my train of thought but basically it’s hard to assert myself because i’m not confident because a lot of the time i dont know if im doing something right. it reminds me a lot of the scene in tangled where rapunzel fucks up and something bad happens to her and her mom catches her in the act, and she uses that to reinforce rapunzel’s dependence on her. like obviously my mom isn’t abusive like that but it makes me afraid to fail and even MORE afraid to even try, because i know that if i DO fail--whatever it is--it will just be more evidence for why i should have just asked her or had her do it. and more evidence, to me, of why im worthless and shitty and incapable of doing anything.

like the other day my mom wanted me to follow her in a separate car to a car place to drop off the car she was driving, and then we’d go home together in one car. but she wanted me to do it at 9 in the fucking morning and let me know two days beforehand. i had been going to BED at like 7am at the time so i was already like ‘man this is gonna suck’. but i was still up in the morning and was getting ready to take a shower, iw as on time, but my mom said “i can tell how tired you are and how nervous you are about doing this so you know what dont worry about it. go back to bed.” and it was really shitty for me because YEAH i was super tired and YEAH i didnt feel like i was capable of driving by myself at that moment, like i probably COULD HAVE if it were an emergency, but my mom talked about doing all this shit afterward like going on a shopping trip and stuff and BASICALLY it’s less that i was afraid of the driving but more that i knew the errand wouldn’t end there. and i had gotten zero sleep and just didnt wanna fucking do it, i didnt wanna have a “girl time :)” outing with my mom, and i knew i’d basically get trapped into hanging out with my mom if i went. so i stayed home. but then that’s also a blow to me because stupid fucking worthless idiot that i am cant even drive ten miles in a fucking car, or whatever, useless leech living with my parents contributing nothing, unemployed for a year, blah blah blah. stupid fucking neet should have never been born etc etc etc

she took an uber home and had glowing reviews about the experience and that’s great for her but the guilt made me throw up because i couldnt even do this minuscule thing. so like, if i DO hand her a note and say “here’s all the shit im going to do, BUH BYE” and some shit happens, or i dont get what i need done, or i dont have a fully developed plan of what i’m doing, then it’s gonna be more ammunition toward what a useless piece of shit i am. like, i dont have good food to eat at the house, but i also have NO APPETITE so nothing sounds good, so i cant even think of what foods i would get if i could. it’s such a jarring opportunity that i would just like...not get anything at all and go home. even when i -did- have the opportunity i just went “Uhh umm uhhh fuck uhhh milk” and got that (AND THEN MY MOM CAME HOME W 2 GALLONS OF MILK FROM COSTCO, SO OF COURSE I -DID SOMETHING WRONG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I JUST LEFT IT UP TO HER INSTEAD OF DARING TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF I WOULDNT HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND ENDED UP WITH 3 GALLONS OF MILK AT THE HOUSE) of course i drank the milk i bought, it’s not like it went to waste, but i was CAUGHT because there were now THREE instead of the one gallon covertly getting replaced. instead of me doing something helpful i did something that became an inconvenience.

it’s just little shit but it all adds up. it’s been all of these little fucking things forever and ever and ever, just like my mom’s hoarded garbage. “i bought just a couple of things”, innumerable times throughout the duration of my entire life, forever and ever, “just a few small things” over and over until it’s suffocating.  it’s just all this little shit all the fucking time and it’s suffocating.

naturally, the therapist sent me an article on “daughters of narcissistic mothers”. this will be a delight to read, i’m sure.

#blathering

[awfdawef]

The bleeding freerider was carried

Readers are encouraged to consult their personal financial advisor before making any decisions to buy, sell or hold any securities mentioned herein.NO WARRANTY OR LIABILITY ASSUMED Analysts Review is not responsible for any error which may be occasioned at the time of printing of this document or any error, mistake or shortcoming. Aspirin, ibuprofen, and other nonsteroidal anti inflammatory medications (both prescription and over the counter) and beta blockers (used to control high blood pressure) can aggravate asthma, says Dr. Out in the yard, night was settling over the Dreadfort and a full cizme din denim moon was rising over the castle’s eastern walls. Civil Air Patrol is responsible for more than 90 percent of inland search and rescue missions. He sobbed like a child, like a woman. We invite all those having negroes for sale to call on us at our mart, opposite the lower steamboat landing. We have to make sure the young kids understand. ABOUT three weeks ago, under suspicious circumstances, a negro woman, who calls herself PHEBE, or PHILLIS. The sea was grey and cold and far away, though, and he knew that he would never live to see it. It already has a backlog of 2,191 737s that have been ordered by airlines around the world but not yet built.. However, in a benchmark like Kraken the Nexus 9 easily pulls ahead to take the top spot. The bleeding freerider was carried across the bridge and up the steps, still protesting. But I saw him as a cat who was particularly adept at putting his paw on whatever was irrelevant to his lifestyle. Until then we will let the benchmarks speak for themselves. Why should they have to? They're adults. One of my favorite players of all time was Nate. "Today's decision may nike black tn 001 have been unanimous and there is also likely to be a majority in favour of cutting the bank rate further in the autumn an unusually strong example of forward guidance. So I emailed them saying so and asking to still take advantage of the discount offer no reply.. The Brake Controller Electric trailer brakes require a brake controller. This was very necessary to enable him the more conveniently to get control of Katya’s money. I was overcome by horror, too. Good for those running for office to talk to real small business owners! Networking, full buffet breakfast and interesting and informative speaker. The finish is quite "rough" looking, but it should be just fine. A helicopter carrying Williams and his crew never came under fire, but a Chinook copter that was more than an hour ahead of that aircraft did. The stepped point de croix chaletpyramids of the mighty had been

cazadora vaquera tommy hilfiger

spared the worst of the ravages, but the humbler parts of the city had been given over to an orgy of looting and killing as the city’s slaves rose up and the starving hordes who had followed her from Yunkai and Astapor poured through the broken gates. With the amount of digital data that we create today in the form of photos, videos, movies and other personal data, you can be damn sure that some day you are going to wish for more hard drive space. But what can we do? You’re right; if only her parents will forgive us! And how I love them — if you only knew! They’ve been like a father and mother to me, and this is how I repay them! Ach, these quarrels, these lawsuits! You can’t imagine how unpleasant all that is now. Smith currently injured, the Eastern Conference leading Cavs are in need of some reinforcements as they try to hold off Boston and Toronto for the top seed.. Den I sold up here—now hab ‘noder husband—hab four children up here. On the contrary, you showed a positive neglect of us, and were perhaps waiting for the moment when I should come to beg you to do us the honour to give my son your hand. If you are thinking about purchasing a Dyson vacuum, or a vacuum cleaner in general, then you have a lot of items to decipher. It was almost noon before she saw the man she wanted, a prosperous shipowner she had seen doing business with the old man three times before. “Shadows and whispers.” What else had Quaithe said? The pale mare and the sun’s son. Im by far not lazy at all. Their summits glimmered pale and jagged as a row of sharpened teeth. "Plant Spartanburg was built to enhance and expand the BMW line up, underscoring the BMW Group commitment to the United States," Reithofer said. Is not the doctrine that men may lawfully sell the members of Christ, his body, his flesh and bones, for purposes of gain, as really a heresy as the denial of the divinity of

brassiere garcon

Christ; and is it not a dishonor to Him who is over all, God blessed forever, to tolerate this dreadful opinion, with its more dreadful consequences, while the smallest heresies concerning the imputation of Adam’s sin are pursued with eager vehemence? If the history of the action of all the bodies thus united can be traced downwards, we shall find that, by reason of this tolerance of an admitted sin, the anti-slavery testimony has every year grown weaker and weaker. When he puts the bottle on the table, the label is facing away from the audience, in the next few scenes the biciclete pret label is towards the audience and then in the next shot, away from the zapatillas guess mujer corte inglesaudience again.. Perhaps . There are various different shoe types that can be used to help alleviate the pressure on the plantar aspect of the foot.. Third flight: 1, Jack Lutz (64); 2, Don Freeman (66); 3, Gene Rideout (68 card off). Free to dress as you choose, but it is my strong belief that racist, crude and culturally insensitive costumes say a lot about the person wearing that costume. They've grown up in

catalog cercei aur turcia

front of our eyes.. I must find the girl again, the grey girl on the dying horse. One went before him, one behind, and one to either side. Battle at Bristol NASCAR More Local Sports College Sports Pro Sports Titans NCAA Basketball Tournament Super Bowl World Cup Features Recipes Worth Sharing Volunteer Heart GorillaCam Magnify Money Pay It Forward More. “Those who die heroic deaths are long remembered, thieves and drunks and cravens soon forgotten.”. You've got to have the necessary clothes that work together to allow for freedom of movement, without appearing too bulky. To keep the furniture from staining the floor or carpet while it dries, use aluminum foil or wooden blocks to separate them.. The argument on one side was, that the time was now come to take decided measures to cut free wholly from all pro-slavery complicity, and avow their principles with decision, even though it should repel all such churches from their communion as were not prepared for immediate

pantaloni elisabetta franchi saldi

emancipation.. Stowe has drawn of slavery as an institution is anything but favorable. When Jaime handed him the map, he took one look and chuckled. CHINA IS DOING A MANIPULATION I NEVER THOUGHT THEY WOULD HAVE THE GUSTS TO DO IT. Varamyr could feel the snowflakes melting on his brow. 7, 1958, for recon satellites there was no special project or SAP for it, only the existing CIA and AF orgs. Southern men often go to the extent of their means, and beyond their means, to arrest the cruel operations 138of trade, and relieve cases of individual distress. And NOT just for the excitement and sports history, and the END of "The Curse" for the Cubs. However, did fehér női bőr csizma you know that gluten free recipes are for things like fudge, pancakes, pies and piecrusts and many more, delicious things and treats? You can have cakes and lasagna and pasta dishes the only difference is these things contain substitutes for the flour.

[waitinginthedarke]

Existing

A BTS/ Kim Seokjin Fanfiction

Summary: He looked like an angel, and spoke like a singer. Next to you, a university student surviving on 5 hours sleep a night, and holes in your shoes, he seemed to have it all. But at the end of the day, you were both just Existing. You just cant help but think, it might be more fun to Exist together…

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25  Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28

Chapter 28

3 minutes, 3 minutes, 3 minutes….

You were freaking out as you scribbled down your final paragraph as fast as you could, your hand screaming in pain from the last 3 hours of writing, and writing, and writing. You’d wiped your brow numerous times where you were sweating nervously in the warm exam room, but for most of the time you’d been too consumed with trying to remember everything; trying to analyse, and formulate perfect sentences that wouldn’t make you sound like an idiot and end with you failing the exam.

1 minute. Shit, shit, shit-

‘Times up, everyone. Can you please shut your exam booklets and leave all other resources on the table as you make your way out in an orderly fashion. Make sure all of your details are on the front of the papers and-‘

The minute your pen hits the desk your whole body is taken over by a numbness, your mind not computing that that was it, that all the work you’d done had finally been completed and that all you could do now was wait to see if it was enough.

All the endless hours of studying, headaches, and hand cramps…were over.

‘Hey, Y/N! Come on, the exams over, we’re free!’ your friend says as she nudges you on her way past, grinning excitedly as she heads for the door, and its only her cheesy grin and her excited skip as she leaves the room that has you realizing you were free to do what you wanted now, you wouldn’t get your results back for a month, so from now on …you could do whatever you wanted!

You scrape your chair back over-zealously then, grabbing your pens and pencils from the desk and heading for the door through all the empty seats that had already been vacated, trying not to let the worry over a few of the answers you suddenly remember writing and wavering over get you down as you exit the room and go to collect your bag.

‘How do you feel it went?’ your friend asks, slinging her own bag over her shoulder as you begin to pack yours up, pulling it down from the peg it was on and beginning to walk alongside her as the two of you head for the exit to the building.

‘I’m too scared to say,’ you admit, ‘but at this stage, whatever happens, happens. All I could do was try my best, how about you?’ you ask, feeling the truth in your words and the lightness in your heart as it continues to sink in that you were free of exams and studying.

‘I struggled with one or two of the questions…but over-all im feeling pretty good.’ She explains, the two of you grinning giddily at each other as you walk out the doors, and you cant help but stop and close your eyes as you draw in a deep breath of the fresh air, taking in your new found freedom.

‘You act like you’re escaping prison.’ Your friend chuckles, hitting you playfully, ‘Almost like you’re sleeping beauty; you’ve been locked up in your tower for centuries and now you’re free. I’m half expecting your handsome prince to turn the corner at any-‘

When she cuts off into silence you open your eyes to see whats caught her attention, seeing her looking ahead of you both at the parking bays in front of the building and following her gaze to see the object of her attention.

‘Wow. I should go into fortune telling.’ She mutters, and even though you chuckle absentmindedly at her comment, you’re too busy staring in disbelief at the man sat on the hood of his car, a smirk lingering on his lips as he pretends to not see that you’ve noticed, tilting his head down to look at the sign in his hands that read ‘Congratulations on finishing your exams!’, before he finally looks up at you with a bashful grin.

Your handsome prince really had come to take you away.

‘I’ll see you later?’ you ask your friend, turning to look at her and seeing her shaking her head in amusement before she nods, the look of happiness for you making you hug her quickly, before you scamper down the steps and sprint headlong toward Jin, jumping on him as soon as you get close enough and knocking the sign out of his hands as you fasten your arms tightly around his neck and your legs go around his waist, his arms catching you securely as he chuckles at you.

‘Hey, beautiful! Congratulations on-‘

‘What are you doing here you crazy man?!’ you ask out of breath, the grin plastered on your face not seeming to be moving too soon as you try to smother it in his neck, ending up pressing a kiss to his throat before deciding to pull back to look at him so that you could kiss him instead, not allowing him time to answer. Its only him chuckling that finally has the two of you breaking apart, your legs slowly loosening from around him so that you could drop back to the ground as you grin stupidly up at him.

‘Its only been 3 days…how did you get more beautiful?-‘

‘What are you doing here, you pabo?’ you interrupt him, staring bemusedly up at him and tiptoeing to quickly steal another kiss from him before you let him answer, sporting his own huge grin.

‘I got an early train back. …I was going to tell you, but I thought I’d surprise so that we could celebrate finishing your exams.’ He explains, his hands rubbing happily over your back as he continues to hold you close, leaning down to steal another kiss from you, and before he can pull away you pull on the front of his shirt to keep him close, prolonging the kiss and smiling happily against his mouth, not thinking you could get any happier in that moment.

‘How did you resist making a handsome prince reference?’ you ask playfully, chuckling against his lips as you glance up at him to see him sigh in regret, hanging his head back as he groans at the obviousness of the pun, and his over-reaction only has you giggling more as you bury your face in his chest, breathing in the smell of him and physically feeling the blank spot in your heart which had become absent when he’d left, fill to the brim with happiness.

‘I need to up my pun game if it makes you laugh that much. I could watch you smile all day and never get bored.’ He murmurs as he curls himself around you, the sudden realization that you two were both still stood on the sidewalk as people bustled by you making you look up at him with heated cheeks to see him smiling down at you, before he surprises you by settling a soft kiss to your lips and you feel his smile imprint itself on your mouth.

‘Are you ready for me to whisk you away, Princess?’ he mutters, his lips brushing yours as he speaks and making you shiver as you nod happily, squealing when he suddenly bends down to sweep your legs out from under you to complete the Prince façade, the movement only making you laugh more, before he silences you with a kiss, and proceeds to take you away.

(T.B.C)

#bts #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts smut #bts angst #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan boys #jin #bts jin #bts jin fanfiction #bts jin fluff #bts jin smut #jin fanfiction #jin fluff #jin smut #bts kim seokjin #kim seokjin #kim seokjin fanfiction #bts kim seokjin fanfiction #namjoon #yoongi #jhope #taehyung #jimin #jungkook #kpop #kpop fanfiction

[philipshay]

all of the writing questions 1-54

1. Favorite place to write.

my bed lmao 

2. Favorite part of writing.

that moment when you just frantically have to get something out??? and the words just spill out like crazy and idk its amazing

3. Least favorite part of writing.

having to write the boring chunky stuff thats essential for plot

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

not really tbh

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

maggie stiefvater and lauren oliver definitely

6. Favorite character you ever created.

so shes my current mc for my trilogy and her name is isla and i just really fucking love her

7. Favorite author.

lauren oliver

8. Favorite trope to write.

i love angst idk if thats a trope??

9. Least favorite trope to write.

probably like.....idk tbh i dont have anything that i dont like when it comes to tropes

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

i would die to write a book with lauren oliver like i would write anything she wanted to write

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

step one: frantically write a paragraph or scene

step two: frantically try and fill in around that first thing

step three: leave it alone for a while

step four: finish when the motivation returns

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

the only way to deal with them for me is to just. let them be. i know im gonna have them, and that i cant get rid of them, so i just work around them. i write regardless of them. 

13. How do you deal with writers block?

take a break for a little while. read something. watch something. wait for it to become easy to write again.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

for my first book i did hours of research on amputations and prosthetics and stuff because my mc was an amputee

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

everywhere. songs or quotes or shows or books. 

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

readers and just myself. i enjoy the writing and it makes me feel good to do it. 

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

i try and write a little each day. but some days it doesnt work and i have to just set it down. 

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

look...i fucking hate revision and i grumble through it and hate it

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

its for an evak fic btw: 

Something that Isak Valtersen has tried to accept over the last year is that sometimes love isn’t enough.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

from my book: 

One of her hands came up to cup my head, and she held me tighter than she ever had before. It reminded me of when I was small, on the nights I was afraid and young and didn’t understand why I had to stay downstairs. 

The small basement had seemed so big when I was a child. Monsters lurked in all of its corners. Demons waited in the shadows. 

I myself was a monster, but I didn’t know it yet. I was a different type of monster; I was the type that couldn’t be killed. I was too human for that. I was the dredge of humanity. 

But the thing is, when half of the population is as well, it’s much harder to hunt us. It’s much harder to hunt us when we share the faces of those that are good. 

Before I knew what I was, my mother would come downstairs and tell me that one day I wouldn’t be scared, that one day I wouldn’t have to spend every day downstairs. She’d hold me and whisper empty promises. 

Even then, as she held me, there was another empty promise on her lips. She didn’t say it, as I was far too old to believe it, but I knew what she was thinking.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

from my current book too:

Because it was a lie. My freedom was a beautiful, beautiful lie. 

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

okay so honestly im a 1 draft kinda girl and then i go in and edit. 

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

it really depends but currently i prefer single.

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

prose. it has more freedom.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

i havent written non linear but i really love it because its so complex and theres so many ways to slowly reveal things and idk its amazing

26. Standalone or series, and why?

ive noticed that most books that are in a series are never as good as book 1. but, that said, there are some worlds that i love to live in and will totally take multiple books. 

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 

usually wait until its polished

28. And who do you share them with?

i have a writing friend amy who i used to share everything with and other than her i guess tumblr? idk

29. Who do you write for?

myself. 

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

this sounds conceited but there’s so many that i like. i guess one of my favs is: 

Sometimes people leave, and sometimes they’re lost. And sometimes we don’t ever find out why. That’s a darkness that just doesn’t go away.

31. Hardest character to write.

writing my mc marley from my first book was difficult because she had so much anger towards what happened to her and it blinded her to quite a bit. and as the author i knew she was going to get over that but the character herself didnt, and it was hard. 

32. Easiest character to write.

so this is fic but tbh percy jackson because it was on him and the other pjo characters that i learned to write and i spent so much time in that world that i know the characters

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

yep usually

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

typed

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

probably “The promblem isn’t your thighs. The problem is your head.” because it reminds me that my eating disorder is the real enemy, not food. 

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

definitely on real people. there are pieces of people i know in all of my characters. like the nurse that helped marley in my first book is based off my friend amy. 

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

both. they both have their perks and their cons. 

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

so many. so so so many. 

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

it comes in pieces. like, i just figured out a few days ago that my mc wasnt a redhead after all. it just happens naturally. it occurs to me randomly tbh. 

43. Are you an avid reader?

i used to be. i do love reading but i dont do it as much anymore. 

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

it depends. 

48. Favorite genre to write in.

i love dystopian and contemporary.

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

the beginning. 

52. How did writing change you?

it showed me who i was. it gave me purpose and showed me what i wanted to do and idk it made me into the person i am. 

53. What does writing mean to you?

everything. writing is so important to me like....its everything. 

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” it truly is. comparison is the enemy. try not to take part in that shit.