It's all "links meet aus" and "zeldas meet aus", but where's my "companions meet aus"?
I wanna see midna bash fi and navis heads together for annoying her
I mean can you imagine the sheer chaos of all the Zelda companions meeting and going on a journey together? They're all companions/guides! One of thems a talking hat for hylias sake how are they supposed to take initiative?
I think it'd be like Lu where they all just meet up, but can you imagine the chain just somehow finds out this happened (and twilight is just like guys I am so sorry about midna) (but they're also really oddly touched that all their friends met each other too)
Pretty sure midna would be the sort of leader, since the last time she was in a foreign world she just found the nearest dude and started ordering him around. By like halfway through twilight princess she was literally asking LINK to accompany her to get what she needed.
But like. 90% of the group would be fairies. Which can't heal. One is a talking hat who just needs a head? He can't go on midnas cause she throws him off with her magic hair, poor ezlo is just trying to keep up.
They also have these weird green shadows who come around? They don't talk, but there's a rock, a fish, a bird, and a lady who just appear and stab things and shoot wind water fire and lightning.
Also midnas really confused why wolf link just shows up and kills things every now and then (from botw amibo)
Fi is the one who can talk to Hylia and awaken memories and get guidance and information or whatever, but she only does this by ballerina dancing and the others are always pissed at her anyways "WE DONT KNOW WHAT BATTERIES ARE OR A WII REMOTE WILL YOU PLEASE GO BACK IN SWORD FORM ALREADY" "I detect there is a 90% chance you need a key to open this door" "wow. Your perception is unparalleled fi."
Also there's a boat. A boat. Who is also good at taking charging since he's a king, which causes some friction between him and midna, since she has to grab him by her hair to move him half the time.
And with the fairies. Again. They all offer advice mainly. And with the fairies a lot of their main role is speaking and getting attention and pitching in? They come on an intersection and there's a chorus of bells all shouting the same directions. Ezlo is trying to cover the kings ears from his place on the boats head
Also there's this ghost/spirit of Zelda that everyone just feels REALLY strong loyalty to. But she's just like this kid who wants her body back?! They try to protect her but she can turn into a purple knight and stab things so there's that. I think there's also some animal companions from ooa/oos so.
Side quests are nonexistent they don't care about a village or gathering frogs for a kid they are there to save the world on a mission linear plot it is
And it's interesting because you have so many of them who just vanish and then appear to give loud advice. All at once. And the fighting skills basically fall to those weird green shadows that shoot various elements and fight and randomly disappear. Midna and spirit Zelda can fight, and Fi can too (kind of like how she fights as a sword in hyrule warriors). Also up to you if midna is drop dead gorgeous or devilish imp.
By the end they find whatever enemy so they can go back and midna is so pissed by this point that she hears the word "batteries" from Fi and goes full on fused shadow and just obliterates the jerk
***I have not played all the games so do not know or understand all of the companions and probably got some stuff wrong
Bonus: there is a child in a village named Link who does not have the spirit of the hero. He is stalked for three days until Fi decides his vibes are off and they all stop telling him he's the chosen one
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Some Kitakami Sibling Headcanons
These are things I wanna expand on more in fanfic (some of these ideas are gonna get thrown into Festival for False Heroes eventually), but wanted to post in the meantime. TW for discussion of domestic violence/child neglect and abuse.
He and Carmine were born in Mitsralton City, two and a half years apart from each other, and lived there till Carmine was 7 and Kieran almost 5.
Their parents didn’t exactly have the most stable marriage to begin with. They were both very good trainers, and had a chemistry built on that, but also tended to fight, sometimes violently. They weren’t bad people, but they brought out the worst in each other, and disagreed over how to raise the children, both of whom had substantial issues:
Baby Carmine had a temper, and learned to get attention from watching her parents fight. She broke plenty of porcelain plates even in infancy, and the property damage only got worse from there, as she physically couldn’t control herself when she was distressed.
Baby Kieran was withdrawn, worryingly so, and didn’t speak or respond to his name. For a few months, the family thought he was deaf – then he heard his first thunderstorm, and the cacophony made him cry.
The siblings’ mother, Michie, was determined that both kids needed some kind of intervention. Their father, who later became notorious under the pseudonym Colress, was certain that they would be fine in their own time, without external help. Michie won enough that both kids got an autism diagnosis and recommendations for behavioural therapy. Colress won enough that neither kid got to attend said behavioural therapy before he left.
As the kids got older, Carmine got rowdier, and Kieran stayed quiet. Colress knew his son could read and understand language, and parented him by giving him books and encyclopaedias to read that were well beyond any small child’s reading level. Colress liked Kieran, but never had the gumption to really be a father to him. Michie tried to calm Carmine down, but to no avail. She loved her daughter, but didn’t know how to deal with her, so, horribly, forced her to ride out her increasingly frequent meltdowns on her own. Both Carmine and Kieran were much worse off for the way their parents utterly failed to connect with them, and in different ways, they’ve both become terrified of being left alone for it. But Kieran learned to cope by withdrawing into fantasy and mythology, as Colress taught him to, while Carmine learned to drive others away before they could abandon her. They grew equally good at isolating themselves, in different ways, for fear of being isolated.
Michie would often call her parents to express her frustration. When Yukito and Hideko caught wind of the fact she and Colress had been fighting physically as well as verbally over this, and realised how horrendously the kids were being treated, they were furious. They were mortified that their grandchildren would be growing up somewhere so precipitously lonely. A year later, when Colress walked out on the family, Hideko and Yukito flew to Unova to collect the kids, wanting to give them a better home life than Michie, in her stranded and desperate state, could provide.
Kieran was extremely late to talk – he said his first words maybe a week before Colress walked out. While he understood Galarian, he didn’t get much opportunity to practise speaking it before he and Carmine moved to Kitakami. As such, he, unlike Carmine, had to effectively relearn his mother tongue for his first semester at Blueberry, and it’s left him with a light accent, which he later worked to rid himself of during his breakdown. He never quite managed to eradicate it, and it frustrates him to be proficient, rather than fluent, in his mother tongue.
Carmine and Kieran did tend to fight physically when they were younger – they learned to do so by copying their parents. Yukito and Hideko eventually managed to teach them not to, but while the siblings love each other, by god, their fights are acrimonious. Carmine and Kieran haven’t hit each other in at least 3 years, but that’s barely a starting point.
Kieran has a special interest in mythology generally, and knows every different variation on Kitakamian folklore possible. Moreover, he’s scarily aware of the complexities of broader Johtohnian legends, and can pull a twenty-minute infodump on Celebi out of thin air on cue. Asking him about anything relating to old Hisuian creation myths, or the Pearl and Diamond clans’ different deities, will produce a similar deluge of information. Even Unovan mythology fascinates him immensely, and he’s terrifyingly knowledgeable where Kyurem’s concerned. Ogerpon’s tale was always his favourite, though as it’s the one he’d escape into when he felt unseen.
Part of why Amarys and Carmine get on is that Amarys, despite her need to economise time, is incredibly patient with Carmine. The result is that when Carmine had one of her sporadic meltdowns and lost control of her actions, when Amarys witnessed it, she didn’t question it or scold her, but took her somewhere quiet, and waited it out with her. Carmine feels incredibly grateful to Amarys for that, and as such, she doesn’t feel she needs to be defensive around her so much as she does around others.
Carmine always has a huge supply of snacks hidden in her room, and she insists on sharing them with Amarys. She tried to share them with Kieran during his breakdown, but he refused to touch them, which was a sign of something being very, very wrong.
Carmine gets surprisingly homesick when she’s at Blueberry, and has been known to call her grandparents at 3am Unova time because she needs company, and doesn’t know where else to reach out. Occasionally, if she still feels awful, or if she feels she can’t call them for whatever reason, she’ll go to Amarys’ room and just sit with her, maybe making conversation, maybe just being there, proving she isn’t alone.
During his breakdown, Kieran tended to train in the Canyon Biome when he couldn’t sleep. Juliana once found him there at 1 in the morning, as she gets horrid insomnia, and tends to explore her surroundings so she can escape the dread of watching the ceiling. While Kieran ostensibly hated her at this point, as this was prior to the championship match, he reluctantly let her roll out a picnic table and make him a sandwich. He scarcely ate any of it, but he appreciated her company, not that he’d be caught dead admitting as much. (He insisted on cleaning up and walking her back to the dorms. Ostensibly, he still hated her, but…)
Carmine and Kieran use their grandfather’s surname in most things, but legally, their surname is Achroma.
Their mother is still in their life here and there – she meets up with the two of them, and is proud of them both for making it this far, but Carmine remembers how poorly her mother understood her, and tends to get oddly quiet around her nowadays, hoping she’ll approve slightly more now. Kieran gets on horribly with his mother, in that she clearly neither likes him nor understands him, and he feels downright betrayed by her.
Their father is mostly absent, but has, on a couple of occasions, randomly sent books and gadgets to BB Academy, with these books and gadgets all dedicated To Carmine/Kieran – keep working hard!. He knows they’re enrolled there, which means he’s gone out of the way to find that out. The siblings know, vaguely, that he’s out there. Carmine is outwardly resentful of his absence, but secretly wishes she could meet him. Kieran’s bitter, but curious about his father.
Carmine got the mobile phone in the family in part because Kieran tends to hog the home desktop back in Mossui. As of second year, Kieran’s grandparents have yielded and given him a phone, too, so that if he starts to break down again (God forbid), they can contact him directly, instead of having to go through Carmine/the school. He does have an Instagram, and he refuses to accept Carmine’s follow request.
When Kieran went back to Blueberry after his breakdown, he noticed that the notorious Colress of Team Plasma had a bit of an internet paper trail. Late at night, Kieran would follow this paper trail, working out over the course of weeks that Colress may well be one Mr. Achroma. This prompted mixed feelings, for while Kieran was terrified of his potential to go mad in the pursuit of power again, he couldn’t help but think that his dad, deadbeat and thrice-convicted criminal that he was, was at least a little bit cool.
On a forum where Colress was still periodically active, Kieran managed to reach out and politely ask about his research on strength. He did this half out of genuine curiosity about how to get better as a trainer, half as a way of screaming into the void – are you out there, Dad, and can you hear me?
Unbelievably, Colress responded. Since he’d been able to tell that the message was sent by a kid or teen, but a smart kid or teen who’d clearly actually read his work and gone to the trouble of finding him, he felt impressed enough not to be worried. (To be fair, Colress is incredibly laissez-faire about most things except his research.) As a result, they now correspond periodically. So far, Kieran’s let slip that he’s at Blueberry Academy, and that he’s a second-year, as well as mentioning once that he’s from Kitakami. He does not know whether Colress has connected the dots, but every day, he hopes he will, somehow, and that if/when he does, he’ll show that he still cares (if he ever did at all. And how Kieran hopes Colress did, indeed, care).
Carmine knows about this correspondence. She’s scolded Kieran for it, but she also insists on staying updated on what’s going on.
Someday, Kieran wants to battle in the PWT. When he gets to that point, he’ll register himself as Kieran Colress, and won’t tell a soul (except Juliana or Amarys) why he’d dare draw his stage name from a notorious amoral scientist.
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As some of you already know, I am disheartened- though certainly not surprised- by the recent backlash against one Sparrow Oak Garcia for his recent transgression of *checks notes* having a mixed-to-negative opinion on zoos.
Part of me honestly feels a bit silly responding to any of this, but what are any of us here to do if not have opinions on fictional podcast characters. Anyways, I will get to the more important stuff, as obviously (if you've seen any of the criticisms I'm talking about) this ties back to Hero at the end of the day, but seeing as the first wave of hate I saw after the episode was largely to the effect of: "what the fuck does Sparrow have against zoos?", I would like to start by addressing that point briefly (and only briefly, as it's really not the sort of topic I care to discuss online), by saying that zoos and animal captivity more generally have a long history of being contested and criticized by animal rights activists, and that instances of animal abuse and neglect within zoos and other animal-based theme parks are anything but obscure. Furthermore, it feels worth noting that as of present less than 10% of zoos in the US are AZA-accredited. I say absolutely none of this with the intention of making any definitive statements on the nature of zoos, nor to judge people who do enjoy zoos, nor even to provide my own feelings on the matter. Rather, I offer this information only to explain that someone like Sparrow taking issue with something like zoos really isn't strange at all? And whether you agree with such a stance or not, it undoubtedly comes from a place of empathy. Moreover, I don't think we can honestly divorce Sparrow's take and compulsion to voice it from the metacontext that Sparrow is a character being played by Anthony Burch, you know, a vegan, who probably has his own views on the matter that may or may not differ from yours and mine.
Okay, on to more important matters. At the forefront of things I suppose is the assertion that Sparrow's behavior regarding Normal and the zoo and all that is hypocritical and perhaps even nonsensical in light of what Hero was going through at the time with her training. "He wouldn't take Normal to the zoo but he forced Hero to kill a deer with her bare hands?" Certainly the sort of statement that will elicit a strong emotive reaction from the fandom, but one that ultimately relies on a pretty major assumption, namely, that Sparrow acted as the primary organizer and perpetrator of Hero's training, one who supposedly felt no internal conflict towards the situation whatsoever, rather than instead serving as an enabler of it, who ultimately intervened but only after far too much damage was already done. Neither is a great thing to be, but there is absolutely a difference between both of these roles, and I think that Lark and Sparrow's respective behaviors over the course of the season point almost unanimously towards Sparrow being the latter and Lark the former.
(The above being a non-exhaustive list, of course)
The funny part about the whole zoo thing is that it only further corroborates the notion that Sparrow is someone who is sensitive to the suffering of others, and by extension only serves as more evidence that he most likely was not the one actively making Hero undergo the worst of what she had to do. Does this make him guiltless in the matter? Absolutely not, but it does point to Sparrow having issues that are fundamentally different from Lark's, and means that the instance with the zoo is not only consistent with Sparrow's characterization, but frankly not actually all that hypocritical if you look at it for more than a second. That is, there is a very important but simple difference between the situation with Normal and the zoo and that of Hero and the deer that accounts for the variances in Sparrow's behavior between both cases: Lark. Sparrow isn't okay with either situation, based on all the evidence we have so far of who he is as a person there is absolutely no reason to think that Hero's training is not something that deeply upset him- I mean for fuck's sake everything about how Sparrow raised Normal down to his name stems from not wanting his kids to have to live that kind of life. So why doesn't he put a stop to things sooner? Why does he let any of Hero's training happen at all? Again, very simply, because Sparrow cannot say no to his brother. I mean, he does eventually, given Hero's current status, and that change is an important and still ongoing facet of Sparrow's growth and his arc, but at the start of things it is something he struggles with even more than he does now, to his own suffering and detriment and of course even more so to Hero's. But did Sparrow himself "force Hero to kill a deer with her bare hands"? Almost certainly not, and I have to admit that I find it quite frustrating how quickly Lark vanishes from the collective conscious of the fandom when the time comes to assign accountability for matters concerning Hero. But then, who is Sparrow if not someone who takes the fall for his brother, apparently even in the fandom-space.
[Not that there isn't any nuance to Lark's utilitarianism, either. In general I feel as though discussion of the twins' biggest mistakes too often omits the acknowledgement of the fact that all of it has been to stop an eldritch horror responsible for the death and torture of millions of people, but anyways. Not what this post is about.]
I think that's mostly it lol. Got some thoughts on the family's policy on pets (and how it relates to the Hero thing but also to Beanie actually), as well as some remarks on Rebecca and how we really shouldn't be leaving her out of this discussion (I say, leaving her out of this discussion) but eeehhhhhhh y'all I'm especially low energy as of late eheh and mostly just wanted to speak my peace on a couple major things so let's cut it here for now I think :b
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I keep thinking about that Schismist Soldier (because he's a meow meow) and in the possible event that we may never see him again I decided to add a PART THREE to his saga to eventually marry i mean defeat the Young Wizard once and for all. So buckle up for this messed up love/hate story.
We start off on his relaxing vacation that he promised everyone he would take after his second defeat at the hands of his One True Nemesis. He needed a break from his obsession i mean his career and all those thoughts about us isn't really good for him now is it??? So he's going to go to whatever the Wizard version is for Peru to take his mind off things! What fun!
But it doesn't work :((( because everything, EVERYTHING reminds him of The Young Wizard. The sheer AUDACITY to haunt his every waking moment, his thoughts and dreams when he was trying to FORGET you!!! He can't even relax when he's thinking about YOU all the time!!! Ugh!!!
So he just says "Alright fuck it I guess" and he decides (for the 80th time) that he's going to get rid of you PERMANENTLY this time, so that he could finally triumph over you and then be free! So he hatches up a plan, see? A genius plan, a plan that will SURELY cause you the most humiliation and agony possible!!!
He is going to enroll. In the very school that you started out as a fledgling. He will apply to study in your primary Magic School and he will quickly climb the ranks, proving to be a BETTER wizard than you ever were!! He'll RUIN your reputation amongst your peers using his dazzling intellect and unmatched skills, and then when the time is right he'll BEAT you at your own game, making you weep and cry in shame and fright before he FINALLY finishes you off!!! IT'S THE PERFECT CRIME!!!!
Que the Schismist Soldier learning the third rank spell of your primary magic school (Storm Shark in my case) and then he just cackles maniacally with crazed eyes before he fucks off into his dorm to bask in his future glory. The people that know him think he's funny and weird. He mutters our name over and over again at lunch and people just think he's a fan. He draws multiple pictures of us and furiously crosses them out with red ink and nobody gives a shit. Let him have his fun I guess
(I like to imagine that he doesn't even unmask himself when he goes undercover as a student of Ravenwood, he just straight up shows in his Schism armor and people think he's cosplaying as someone they've never heard of before. He truly is pathetic and I love him dearly for it)
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