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chaithetics · 1 year

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I love your writing so much and looking forward to more of your Stewy work!!! Can’t wait ! ❤️

Chance Meetings

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f Roy reader

Word count: 1.8K

Content warning: mentions of drug use/addiction, some flirting fluff.

authors note: hasn't been proofread, ended up not being the biggest fan of this one but maybe others will hopefully enjoy it. It's how the original idea of Roy reader and Stewy getting together started and then went along. Shout out to a previous nonnie for the berry idea, it'll definitely make more appearances in the future. I know the show itself has a very loose/not super defined timeline other than the fourth season but this is set before the show starts FYI :)

Also thank you Elle! That's so kind of you, I hope you enjoy this and future pieces! There's more coming!

You’d done the un-Roy thing as much as you could for a significant part of your life, you didn’t go to business school, you went to grad school to become a clinical psychologist. Like Connor, you didn’t do the college to living in New York and working at Waystar or a linked profession pipeline.

You didn’t necessarily think of yourself as the California girl, you certainly weren’t the poster child for that. But after graduating you’d moved to San Francisco and had practiced there. It was the perfect antithesis of the life in New York that your siblings were living that you had no interest in.

Well, it had been.

You’d recently left that life for one in New York. Kendall had been going through the wringer lately. It was just over a week ago since he’d left rehab and his marriage with Rava was falling apart. You knew that Rava couldn’t be his only support system, it wasn’t realistic or fair and you frankly didn’t trust your family to be in Kendall’s corner.

You were heading up to Kendall’s apartment to check in on him and to prepare for a night that would be awful. You’d been able to skip out on these types of events for most of your adult life but Kendall felt an obligation to attend in an attempt to try and get into your father’s graces. You were going with Kendall as moral support to an entitled gala that Waystar was funding.

“Wow, Dr. Roy, look at you. What a pleasure to have you amongst the green-eyed capitalists.”

You turned your head in the direction of the voice, you’d recognise that playful tone anywhere, it was Stewy Hosseini. You hadn’t seen him in a few years but as always, he was in a suit tailored perfectly for him and he looked gorgeous.

“Well, I can’t really say anything with a biting wit, can I? I’m here and I benefit from it all anyway.” You respond looking at his amused gaze, it’s not cruel but it’s like he knows something you don’t.

“Yeah but you look great though. You do benefit from it, I mean, look at the blood from the human sacrifices in your father’s honour. They’re keeping you young, treating your face and figure well.” He has a smirk on his face as he speaks and you chuckle. His brow furrows slightly and his tone becomes serious. “Wait, wait a second.” Stewy wets his thumb with his tongue somewhat dramatically but still realistically as he wipes at something on your chin.

“Wait, what is it? How long was it there for?” You immediately ask, embarrassed that there was probably a mark of lipstick or maybe food there. Although the gentle touch of his thumb on your chin makes you relax for some reason.

“Just a bit of a blood splatter from the sacrifices. I’m sure it wasn’t there long.” Stewy saws moving his hand away and chuckling, you scoff.

“Wow, smooth.” You respond and his smirk just grows. “Well, looking pretty dapper yourself Hosseini.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I know you think I look hot.” Stewy says so confidently, you look at him incredulously for a second but end up smirking, he’s being as playful as ever but he doesn’t seem high.

“Cocky as ever.”

“Just a fact.” You look at Stewy’s face, he’s being his usual playful self but there’s a gentleness there, something in his eyes that you’re not sure you’ve seen before. You look into his eyes and for a moment think about Kendall, he’s been in the bathroom longer than you’d like.

You’re tempted to go into the men’s room yourself but you know that Kendall wouldn’t appreciate that if nothing was going on. You focus back on Stewy’s eyes, he’s always had gorgeous, warm brown eyes. They’re not dramatically blown out, diluted. You’re more confident that he’s not high. You put a hand gently on his arm.

“Stewy?” His smirk fades a bit as he takes in your more serious tone and expression.

“Yeah?”

“Can you do me a favour?” “Of course.”

“Can you um, Kendall’s in the uh bathroom… He’s been in there for a while.” You say quietly. He gives you a small smile and nods.

“Yeah, of course.” Your hand is still on his arm, he looks at it briefly and smiles at the touch, he places his hand briefly on the small of your waist for a comforting second as he walks off to check on Kendall.

You watch Stewy as he walks off and you feel a little anxious. Kendall had been gone for a few minutes and you know that you can’t be a helicopter sister but you do worry about him at an event like this.

After a few moments you see Kendall and Stewy coming out of the bathroom making their way over to where you stand. You feel a flood of relief, Kendall looks depressed still but he doesn’t look high.

“Hey Ken.” You give him a small hug and look at his face, trying to search his eyes.

“I didn’t, just the mirror cry.” He says dryly, knowing what you’re searching for in him. Stewy looks at you with a sad nod to confirm and mouths he’s good. You give Stewy a grateful smile then redirect your attention to Kendall again and nod with a smile.

“Do you wanna go home?” You ask, your brother looks exhausted. “We’ve been here long enough, dad’s seen you. You’ve talked to people. It’s already been a long night.” You continue knowing that if he wants to he’ll need validation to feel okay about it.

“Uh yeah, sure.” He says looking down. “Thanks Stewy.” Stewy just gently claps him on the back and nods.

“I can stay with you tonight, if you like?” You ask and Kendall nods. You mouth a thank you at Stewy as you and Kendall leave the gala.

As you and Kendall sit in the car you take your heels off.

“Bump into Stewy?” Kendall asks looking at you riredly.

“Uh yeah. He came over for pleasantries before finding you.”

“I don’t think many would associate Stewy with pleasantries.” Kendall says with a small chuckle.

“Sure he’s cocky but he’s always polite.” You reply eying Kendall.

“You know what I meant.” Kendall said.

“Uh-huh.” You laugh a little. “Lot more pleasant than Roman’s friends.”

“I only surround myself with the best company.” Kendall teases, looking a little less down.

“I know, that’s why I’m here. Your favourite sibling.” You tease.

“Don’t tell Shiv that.”

“Never, Kendall Roy.”

*************

You’d stayed the night at Kendall’s bachelor apartment, you’d fallen asleep on the couch and you were now woken up by voices only a few feet away. You looked up and saw Kendall casually dressed and Stewy once again in a well tailored suit, looking devlishly handsome. You’d always known he was attractive but he just seemed to age like a fine wine.

The two men had been standing in the open floor layout talking and then Kendall noticed that you were awake now and that Stewy had also noticed. Kendall quickly realised that Stewy’s gaze had focused on you pretty quickly and Kendall wasn’t sure if he’d seen Stewy ever look at anyone like that.

“Get changed.” Kendall quickly said. Stewy looked at him with raised eyebrows and you looked perplexed.

“Excuse me?” “Get changed. Now. Scoot, scram. We have company.”

You rolled your eyes and got up, Stewy did his best to keep his attention on Kendall and not watch you leave. This wasn’t the first time you’d spent the night at Kendall’s lately so you conveniently had clothes here, hence having slept in nightwear.

When you come back out you can hear the shower going so you assume Stewy has left but you then see Stewy leaning against the kitchen island, scrolling on his phone.

“Morning.” You greet him and he looks up from his phone, placing it down gently. His eyes are even dreamier in daylight than what you remembered.

“Good morning. Oh wow, clothes and underwear. How nice.” He teases.

“I know, a bra with underwire and everything.” You tease back which makes him chuckle dryly.

“I’m a fan with or without the support Dr. Roy.” He says with a wink.

“Somebody’s quite the flirt lately.”

“Always, for you.” You smile at him and walk over to Kendall’s fridge, where there of course is no berries, sighing as soon as you realise. “I didn’t come empty-handed. You walked right past the bagels and smoothies, had to physically restrain your brother from not touching your berry smoothie. You know, it had the most ludicrous name?” Stewy answers, as if he’d read your mind when you’d opened the fridge.

“How did you even remember that?” You ask in shock as you pick up the smoothie and take a generous sip.

“I’ve spent a lot of time around the Roys.” He says softly looking at you.

“I’m surprised that you remember, that’s-it’s sweet Stewy.”

“You’re not hard to forget. It’s been what 2?3?4 years?” He asks stepping closer to you.

“I think 3.”

“Huh.” He says almost to himself, as he wets his thumb again and wipes at a spot on your face.

“What? More blood splatter this time?” You ask. He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, smoothie.” He says, holding his thumb out for you to see the little bit of purple he’d wiped off you. He then presses it to his mouth, to clean his thumb. You watch him and just can’t get over how attractive and sweet he is.

“If you were that desperate for some of the berry smoothie you didn’t need to do that. You could’ve asked.” You tease in a whisper as your eyes stay on his lips.

“Oh really?”

“I would’ve said yes.”

“Can I?”

You nod and Stewy puts one hand on the small of your waist and the other gently cups your cheek. You relax into the touch and then his lips press against yours, it’s an amazing feeling. The kiss is so gentle yet also has passion in it. It stops though when you hear the shower turn off.

“I need you to return last night’s favour.” “Oh?” You ask, feeling surprised at the timing.

“Dinner with me?”

“But-”

“I know a million quiet places, nobody will find out. It won’t leak or get back to your family and overcomplicate things. Indulge me?”

“You’re surre you can pull that off Hosseini?”

“For tonight sure.” You laugh at him and nod, “Sure.” Stewy takes a sip from the smoothie you’d been drinking earlier.

“Hmm. Just what I thought?” “What?”

“Tastes better on your lips.” He says confidently with a wink, you scoff and go to respond before you see Kendall coming out.

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ppttherapyppt · 2 years

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Physical Therapy Clinic in New York City

What Is Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome?

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is a genetic disorder of connective cells that can influence the body in different ways. EDS is normally defined by joint hypermobility (think of joints that are extremely flexible and move in a much greater range than normal), joint instability, dislocations (when there is a split on the surface areas of a joint), and scoliosis. While there are other symptoms like joint deformities, skin hyperextensibility, and abnormal scarring that are present in people with EDS, this article will focus on Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS).

hEDS is the hypermobility type of EDS and is believed to be the most common. Unfortunately, there is not much research to tell us precisely just how frequently it occurs. But it can be inherited from a mom and dad that carry the same gene. Alternatively, someone can be born with a brand-new anomaly, meaning that the problem is happening in their household for the first time.

Part of the reason it’s so frustrating for people with EDS to get answers is that there is no simple test for EDS. For example, your doctor can’t just take your blood and send it to a lab. To diagnose it, a doctor needs to look for joint hypermobility, indicators of malfunctioning connective tissue throughout the body (e.g. skin attributes, hernias, prolapses), a family history of the condition, and bone and joint problems. There are numerous linked signs and symptoms but they can also be the results of something else (not necessarily EDS), which makes it all the more difficult to identify. A geneticist must often be consulted to confirm a diagnosis of EDS.

This is why so many people don’t actually meet the diagnostic standards for hEDS… even though their hypermobility creates a lot of issues like pain and discomfort.

You may experience discomfort and dislocations, be prone to injury, have curvature of the spine, and have degenerative joint and bone disease. People with these symptoms may have many signs that point to EDS, however, they don’t meet the “criteria” to be diagnosed with EDS. This is why it can often take so long to actually get a diagnosis. A primary doctor may not know what exactly is going on because the tests come back “normal.” You may then go to several other specialists before finally being told you have EDS.

Joint hypermobility is currently identified on a spectrum. At one end is simple hypermobility, which doesn’t have any signs or symptoms. And at the other end is hEDS. If you have something in between, that’s called Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder (HSD).

If you have HSD or hEDS, the treatment and recommendations are usually very similar or the same.

Sometimes, a “provisional medical diagnosis” of EDS is made. This can happen if you meet some requirements but don’t have access to a geneticist who can confirm. In this case, if your doctor or physical therapist thinks you have EDS, they may recommend specific types of treatment that will help you with your symptoms before you can confirm the diagnosis. Many people will often start feeling better with physical therapy before getting the “official” EDS diagnosis.

Please keep in mind everyone’s experience with EDS is different. EDS can present with so many different symptoms, and the treatment path will usually vary depending on your specific case. It is crucial to avoid any doctor, or EDS physical therapist that has a one size fits all approach when it comes to treatment.

What are the symptoms and signs of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome?

Pain and exhaustion are practically universal for people who have EDS. But remember, that is usually coupled with hypermobile joints and skin issues. For Joints, this can include:

Joint pain and deformity; muscle pain and nerve pain; loose/unstable joints; muscle stress; weakness of the throat; pelvic floor weakness; and nerve conditions (neuropathy).

Symptoms with the Skin can include:

Soft velvety-like skin; variable skin hyper-extensibility; breakable skin that tears or bruises easily; serious scarring; slow or incomplete wound healing.

#hypermobile ehlers danlos #physical therapy #shoulder pain #physical health #neck pain #knee pain #neck and shoulder pain #back pain #knee pain relief #back pain relief #chronic fatigue #eds symptoms

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corvigae · 3 months

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You requested more Tav asks and I'm here to deliver!!

7, 9, 18, and/or 21 for either Lunarae or Page! Feel free to answer for both if you want to, honestly!! :D

Lunarae:

7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one?

Her arc would absolutely revolve around trying to get her to realize that she doesn't have to constantly help everyone around her at her own expense. I don't necessarily think that you could turn her down a darker path, but her bad end would probably be that you let her/fail to convince her not to do something stupidly self-sacrificial and it either kills her or leads to some other horrible outcome. On a good route though you could help her start to unmask and be more openly and happily her authetic self, instead of subconsciously trying to be the quieter version of herself she's been taught to act as in order to please others.

9. What’s the significance behind your Tav’s name?

Okay literally I just thought of a random pretty fantasy name that sounded loosely moon-based like a couple days before I started playing and was like "Oh that's nice, I'll keep that in mind for when I start my game." There's no reason for it to be moon-based at all, it's just vibes and aesthetic lmao. My in-universe answer though is that her mom thought that the color of her pale blue-green skin reminded her of the color of the light from a full moon.

18. Where/with whom do they feel safest?

Dumb obviously cheesy answer but with her partners, Astarion, Shadowheart, and Karlach. I headcanon that post-canon she uses a bunch of the money they've hoarded from indiscriminate theft/looting to build a big home for them all in the city, a place where even if they occasionally get pulled away for their own various reasons, they can always return to and find peace.

21. Describe a defining moment from their past, which makes them who they are today!

I'd say her mom blowing herself up was a pretty defining moment for her, for sure. Okay, but seriously, jokes aside, arriving home to find that she no longer had a home because her mother had destroyed it and killed herself and MANY other people due to wizard-hubris really taught her that seeking power simply for power's sake was dangerous, and further boldered her drive to use her magic for the purpose of helping others.

Page:

(under cut)

7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one?

She's a resistant Dark Urge, her character arc is already in the game /j

9. What’s the significance behind your Tav’s name?

Doyalist answer: hehe pun name funny

Watsonian answer: She actually had a different name before the nautiloid, back in the Bhaalist cult, but that's one of the things she forgot. So when she was asked her name later? She just made it up on the spot. She completely George Glass'ed it. But she ends up liking it, because it's the name associated with her new self and new life.

18. Where/with whom do they feel safest?

Once again obvious fucking answer but with Astarion. Also with Wyll; she and Wyll become best buds real fast and you can bet your ass she's ready to hunt Mizora down the second Wyll says "go." And in the Blood Moon Melody AU she also obviously feels safe with Lunarae too and is a part of that big house in the city.

21. Describe a defining moment from their past, which makes them who they are today!

She learned to love and play music from her foster family, and even after the onset of The Urge and everything that came after, she held onto it and kept playing, because her music was the one thing from her past, the one thing that was decidedly her and not Bhaal that she had, which is why it was one of the only things she did actually remember about herself upon waking up on the nautiloid.

#lunarae #page turner #my ocs #oc stuff

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ramblingguy54 · 4 years

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Escape From The Impossibin!: An Exercise Of Trust & Hope.

So, I was predicting for this episode to have Della & Louie bonding time together, which there were cool moments with them to be sure. However, what I really liked about today’s story was how it focused on the aftermath of FOWL’s reveal to still be very much alive to Scrooge’s horror and Beakly’s greatly underlying concern. A couple of days ago before Impossibin premiered today, I chatted with some others on Discord about what this episode’s story would explore for its overall message, which the more I thought about, the more I leaned on the idea it would be centered around the notion of trust. Let’s Get Dangerous had a consistent theme of deceitful liars being revealed who weren’t whom they appeared to be, as seen with Taurus Bulba vs Drake Mallard & Bradford’s true nature being known to Scrooge at that hour special’s ending.

Escape From The Impossibin is all about confronting the growing tension that’s become a threat to a content family lineage of adventurers, who now have to defend everything they stand for in their legacy, once again. That’s something I’ve always appreciated about DuckTales is even when it doesn’t entirely match my predictions, it finds other new ways to surprise me for what it can do. Della & Louie didn’t necessarily get the bonding time I had hoped for, which did admittedly disappoint me, but they did a serve a purpose in their own right that I’ll get to later. Anyways, the spotlight is on the older mentor figures, Scrooge McDuck and Bentina Beakly, who are all too familiar in dealing with FOWL’s antagonism before in Season 1′s episode, The Confidential Case Files Of Agent 22, that especially applies to Beakly’s past in fighting them as an agent of SHUSH for very much longer compared to Scrooge. With how much is at stake you’d very much expect there to be old feelings being drudged up, regarding Scrooge’s trust and respect for Bradford, as well as Beakly’s strict over protective nature with Webby to keep her safe from losing that optimism that makes her stand out as a beacon of hope to inspire others, which they do. FOWL isn’t like Magica or Lunaris who want to make themselves known flat out to the world with their egos. They’re very cunning and cold blooded with going about executing their plans for control of the Earth. Particularly, Bradford is the serious threat most of all because he’s the brains of this outfit giving precision in each order to those under his command. Combine Bradford’s knowledge with the muscle of Steelbeak, Rockerduck’s underhanded scheming, Gandra Dee’s scientific intellect, Black Heron’s lust for more power, and Phantom Blot’s ability to absorb all kinds of magic that gives the McDucks’ a severe scenario they’ve never faced. FOWL is the right combination to put an end to Scrooge’s adventuring because Bradford has kept a close eye on him for so many years. Bradford has seen plenty of Scrooge at his total best and worst most of all. He’s studied upon every detail of Scrooge’s life, for who knows how many years, and is finally putting all of it to use against him, where we get to see the extent of just how well Bradford can read every one of his moves. Lunaris’ intellect was simply a figurative puddle compared to what Bradford managed to accomplish with his high IQ.

The scary thing is Scrooge knows this reality himself, too.

That’s one of my favorite elements of Impossibin’s purpose. We get to see Scrooge seriously doubt his abilities. In episodes, like The Most Dangerous Game Night and The 87 Cents Solution, Scrooge has always prided himself in being a very sharp individual who could see every angle and any detail that others couldn’t. Bradford, on the other hand, rivals Scrooge’s thinking that puts an eerie perspective on things for the old man. Scrooge always thought to be one step ahead of the game, but then realizes that someone who’s been by his side for so very long played him like a fiddle all those years. Who’s to say Scrooge isn’t probably thinking back on stuff such as Bradford shutting down his rescue operation for Della, controlling his money usage, letting Louie hang around Bradford in The Richest Duck In The World, finalizing Gyro’s inventions, etc? Scrooge realizes he’s had a dangerous character around the family manor all those years, which makes him doubt his ability to trust himself in protecting everything that he holds importantly in life. Scrooge isn’t just thinking he’s been fooled, he’s doubting every aspect of what made him competent to begin with. Doesn’t help among this moment of self reflection Bradford is there to further rub in that harsh reality of how much he knows about Scrooge.

This moment gave me chills because it completely put a spin upon the story’s concept. I figured that FOWL would hack Scrooge’s security system, with help from Gandra Dee’s abilities, and I’m glad it went this route, since it shows how dangerous things are this time. They’re not even safe within the confines of their own manor anymore, considering Bradford knows every nook and cranny of it. Scrooge thought only he knew the security system’s password, given its based on the amount of all money in his money bin, but Bradford covered that crucial detail, too. Bradford isn’t leaving any loose ends toward Scrooge in how he’ll go about using any little thing against him for future reference. That’s what makes the stakes higher here than compared to Lunaris’ invasion. This is a much more personal story between a clash of ideals with Adventuring vs Control. Lunaris lacked that emotional connection here Bradford is making Scrooge have to face that adds another layer of tension to this situation. Bradford wants Scrooge to know, “I have control over you. There is nothing you know that I’ve already figured out about yourself.”, and going about hacking the robotic version of himself is the best way to send home that message to him. It can also be interpreted as symbolism for Scrooge fighting his own insecurities when Bradford takes control of the robot to start attacking.

I need you, the two most cunning individuals I know, to spot any weaknesses.

Now, Della & Louie did serve a big purpose, despite the Plot A point focusing greatly on Scrooge’s existential dilemma, for they were there to remind Scrooge of just how much of an impact his life style has had on them. Della & Louie’s teamwork together throughout the episode is a perfect way to give Scrooge a reality check reminder for how skilled they are as adventurous fighters against unknown dangers. After all, Scrooge passed on his skills to Della, who’d later pass down her intellectual skills to him, too. Again, tying into the whole theme of legacy and what not about how much family can bring out the best in each other. If it wasn’t for what Scrooge had taught them, then he wouldn’t have been saved by Louie’s defining act of being a badass, by willingly diving into the pile of money, which got hit by a gravity changing rosa rune from the robot and ended up crushing it. I wanted to see more mature Louie, so him lifting Scrooge up about how much pride he has in the family lineage was a great nod to it. That in turn, allowed Scrooge to remember why he and their family are strong together. You know, after recent events that have happened in my life, seeing legacy be explored in DuckTales Season 3 means a lot to me now more than ever.

As for Beakly’s B Plot, in terms of how it ties into a neat bow with Scrooge’s story, shows how intense she’s getting at the notion of eventually facing FOWL again. Honestly, I’m not surprised if she’s getting flashbacks of whatever painful or traumatic events happened to her in those Agent 22 days. I mean, for God’s sake, she tells Webby to straight up incapacitate Huey, who was already so scared. Something Webby refuses to agree with as the best course of training methods to better prepare against the greater threat. Beakly’s characterization has always fascinated me with how well she guards her vulnerability, kind of like Goldie in a way, but the difference here is outta great concern for others rather than herself. My mind can’t stop thinking about this scene, as there could most likely be underlying context for why Beakly is getting so worked up over this training. It seems Beakly is carrying a tremendous weight on her shoulders, probably some heavy angst, that it looks like she wants to say, but can’t because of bigger story reasons we’ll find out later in Season 3′s final batch of episodes. Special mention to Donald Duck putting his foot down on Beakly’s very intense training session. Donald knows the trials and errors of what it means to be a parent. He was once very overly protective of Huey, Dewey, and Louie, but learned to let them experience the world for what it is and not hold them back, so I liked how it ties into Beakly’s dilemma of trying to protect Webby from FOWL’s heartless nature.

Beakly’s plot may have not gotten much focus, but it did a very good job setting up more angst to come between her and Webby’s relationship. Things are gonna get very complicated between them when more things come to light. I’m keeping an eye on Huey’s line specifically. When he said, “The one thing we know for sure is that we trust each other, right?”, Beakly did want to bring herself to apologize of course, but I also think she was close to wanting to confess something else to Webby, too. I’m expecting this moment to be called back to when stuff hits the fan with Beakly’s past and whatever Webby’s origins are.

Escape From the Impossibin may have unsettling stuff lurking around the corner with how FOWL managed to distract them with the security system, so they could steal away every missing mystery the family has found so far, but there’s a glimmer of light in all of that darkness. A light that is a reminder of what makes the McDuck family an unstoppable force of trust, hope, and most importantly love. Frank said that things were gonna start going into overdrive with FOWL’s battle against McDuck and he wasn’t kidding around. I’m so overjoyed were getting more episodes in November after this episode finished because that would’ve been a painful wait. Season 3 is gonna start giving things it built up a big pay off and I’m totally here for that!

#ducktales spoilers #escape from the impossibin!#ducktales season 3 #scrooge mcduck #bentina beakly #webby vanderquack #ducktales 2017 #della duck #louie duck

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spiders-hth-is-an-outlier · 4 years

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What’s really fascinating (or really annoying, depending on your tolerance for confusion!) about the word “witch” as a self-identifier is that it’s embraced by -- and I’m not a sociologist or anything, but this is based on decades of observation and I feel semi-confident about it -- basically three entirely separate groups of people:

Group One uses witchcraft to mean basically any form of Western folk magic, a tradition passed on kind of piecemeal by teachers, books, and the general mechanisms of folklore. They mean that their worldview is non-materialist, and their magic operates on the general model of like-influences-like and part-influences-whole, and they favor an ad hoc collection of crystals, herbs, divination, astrology, spoken charms, intention/affirmations, and sometimes the loosely defined concept of spirit guides. They often make explicit connections between witchcraft and art, based on a shared respect for symbolic language and emotional effectiveness. Because they generally oppose gatekeeping and accept all or most people as witches who self-identify, they’re easily mocked and dismissed as uneducated dilettantes, which some certainly are, but by no means all. They do have deep historical roots, from Hellenistic Neoplatonism through the early modern grimoire tradition and into Spiritualism and the democratized tradition of folk magic that spread in the US through almanacs, candle shops, popular texts like The Long-Lost Friend, and all manner of professional folk healers and charmers -- but they don’t see the legitimacy of their practices as dependent on those roots, but rather on its personal meaning and usefulness to them. They commonly embrace left-leaning politics for a variety of complicated cultural and historical reasons, and they are the group most likely to explicitly connect their witchcraft practice to their political beliefs.

Group Two is pretty intensely convinced that the only legitimate inheritors of the term witch are people with a direct spiritual connection to some version of European folk magic, derived from relationships with ancestral and land spirits that they believe as a matter of faith are the same spirits (or basically the same spirits) with whom historical witches were in relationship. They may or may not conceptualize these spirit contacts as constituting a religion per se; they may or may not conceptualize the more powerful of these spirits as gods. The core of their practice is contacting these “traditional” spirits through practices that are accepted as equally “traditional,” so they tend to think of themselves as anti-eclectic; this often makes them come across as elitist and kind of douchey, which they -- aren’t necessarily, but can be for sure. They tend to be secretive, partially in opposition to what they see as a watering-down of these traditional practices, but also because the tradition itself is localized and intimate -- you literally can’t practice with someone *else’s* land spirits, fae, and ancestors, so groups and families tend to teach a small set of core practices, then kind of develop independently from each other. They often favor incorporating ethnic and regional traditions, including some forms of folk Christianity, such as saint veneration, including angelic and demonic powers in their spirit families, and often share a self-mythology that derives from canonical and non-canonical Biblical stories about the nephilim and antediluvian priesthoods. Because they quite literally draw their legitimacy from Blood and Soil (or at least the spiritual resonances involved with bloodlines and places), they can vibe a little fashy; though they’re mostly not fascists, this type of witchcraft obviously does attract small-c conservatives with a jaundiced attitude toward the newfangled. At one point I would’ve said they were largely either apolitical/libertarian or center-right as a group, but a self-consciously leftist, largely anarcho-primitivist strain has emerged recently to shake things up a bit.

Group Three practice an explicitly religious neopagan form of initiatory witchcraft. They were, until recently, the most front-facing group to claim the label witch, so they have kind of set the terms of debate for decades; they are now outnumbered by Group One, and it’s causing Some Drama, but we’re all managing. They all kind of come out of the rootstock of Gardnerian witchcraft (with the possible exception of Anderson Feri-based traditions, which seem to have begun independent of Gardner’s work and then merged with it instead of starting with Gardner and diverging, cool, huh?), which was synthesized and systematized in the mid-20th century out of basically an ad hoc marriage between British folk magic a la Group Two and the Golden Dawn, which is its own long essay to explain, but basically think Freemasonry reskinned by the Romantic literary movement. By no means are all of Group Three directly descended from the Gardnerians, but they are all kind of working variations on a theme in terms of how that “marriage” of folk and ceremonial magic should interact -- they are neither folk magicians nor ceremonialists, but a thing unto themselves syncretized from both. Because this type of witchcraft was practiced extensively within the US counterculture during the 60s, 70s, and 80s, it has absorbed feminist, environmentalist, antiwar, and civil libertarian values, although the idea of explicitly wedding witchcraft and political action remains a more divisive idea here than it is among Group One, having passionate advocates both for and against. This group is very comfortable talking about (and to!) deities, and the most likely to think of witchcraft as their religion, including devotion and service to the gods within their practice, although the theological variations are wide in terms of what exactly they think a deity *is.* When I say they are “initiatory,” I mean in the broadest sense; some strands of this group do still believe that being a witch requires a teacher who then ritually initiates you, but the more liberalized view has become the norm, which is that a self-performed initiation ritual is legitimate. Still, most of Group Three makes some sort of distinction between the non-initiated practitioner and someone who is A Witch by virtue of having been transformed on a karmic and spiritual level through the power of the gods. It’s common, though not universal, for this group to take a rather Protestant view of initiation, where it is synonymous with an elevation to the priesthood; witchcraft is understood to be a religion of clergy, where initiating makes you a priest/ess and entails some form of service to deity and/or community.

These are semi-porous categories -- I’m a Group Three witch, but it’s perfectly easy for me to communicate with Groups One and Two, and in fact I’ve learned a lot from them over the years -- and some people have an equivalent foot in two different camps (I find it hard to imagine being evenly balanced between all three, but never say never?) However, there’s a real fundamental difference between what these three groups think witchcraft is for and what it takes to claim the title. I’m the hippie-dippy what’s-your-pronoun type, so I have no desire to invalidate any of these groups; their definitions vary, but I don’t see why that means any of them are more correct than the others, words are great, they mean all sorts of things. I think we’d fight a lot less if we recognized that we aren’t using words the same way And That’s Okay, but that’s just my Gemini moon talking.

#i don't even know why i wrote this #sir this is a fandom blog?#anyway its raining out and i miss my coven

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bluephoenixdruidicprincess · 4 years

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Supernatural 15x20, Carry On -- Review

Alright, we’re at last here. I can’t believe it. And what a waste of time that episode was! It seems “the finale” did indeed keep to task with the rest of the season, in a season of “meh” episodes, the finale continued to be a “meh” episode. Actually, I can’t even really call this a finale. Last week’s episode was the finale, this episode was the epilogue, a very subpar fanfiction-esque epilogue. And I make the fanfiction comment with a very heavy heart. I love fan fiction, I love that we can continue the stories we love through fan fiction and sometimes, a lot of fanfiction can be better than its source material. But also, sometimes, fanfiction has a tendency to be one-note. Fanfictions have a tendency to focus and hone in on one aspect of the story and tell just THAT story and the epilogues in these fanfics usually reflect that. Very one-note, only give regard to the main thing they honed in on the story. And there’s nothing really wrong with that but the weight of the story does feel less and kind of empty, the story doesn’t feel fleshed out and so in the epilogue, you don’t really feel a sense of closure and that’s what this episode felt like...and the series finale for a legacy show like this shouldn’t feel like that.

But let’s cease with the rambling and get on with this. There will probably be spoilers, So definitely if you haven’t seen the episode yet and you don’t want to be spoiled, skip this post. Although granted, I don’t know how you’re online reading this and also have somehow managed to avoid spoilers. Teach me your ways, please!

As I’m sure most of you are aware, the finale isn’t great. It’s not even really a particularly strong episode. I felt things watching it and even cried a couple of times but that’s because my sensitive ass will cry at anything even slightly tear-jerky. I definitely understand why a lot of the fandom doesn’t like this episode. But also unfortunately, I’m not too surprised that the episode turned out like this. Disappointed but not surprised. When you think about how networks operate, it makes sense. Though our fandom is big and vocal, all that matters to the CW execs is that people come back to the CW. Now granted, some of us may be forever turned off to the CW because of this incident but those numbers aren’t going to mean anything to the CW. Because as large as we are as a fandom, the general audience is much larger and that’s who the CW execs are trying to keep. The general audience, a lot of them aren’t going to be paying attention to the finer story beats, to the subtext, to the meta, to the foreshadowing. No, the general audience just wants something that’s mildly entertaining they can turn the tv onto while they cook dinner or wash the dishes or whatever. It hurts but this finale was not meant for the fandom. It was for the general audience. And if I take my fandom goggles off, I can see how this finale might be satisfying to the general audience who don’t really have too big of an investment.

But also looking at this episode from a critical standpoint, I can also tell this episode is empty, its lacking in emotion. And I say this as the girl that cried mid-way through this episode. Because while I was crying and I was sad for Sam but then I was also happy for Sam, even though I was crying through these moments, I also wasn’t feelaing anything beyond the base emotion of happiness for a character or sadness for a character. When a story makes me get emotional I’m crying because of all sorts of conflicting emotions and I’ll forever go back to those tear-jerker moments whenever I feel like I need a good cry -- Tommy’s death on Arrow, Jenna’s death in TVD, Fred’s death in Angel, the Season 2 finale of The 100. All of those things not only made me cry because I felt things for the characters but also because there was a story element that reverberated inside of me, something about it made me feel alive and glad to be alive so I could experience it. So while I was crying for Sam’s loss of Dean, while I was crying tears of happiness when Sam was finally living the life he always wanted, the story felt empty to me and I couldn’t truly be happy with what I was feeling. And when it comes right down to it, while this finale meets all the basic standards it needs to in order to be a finale, that’s all it does. There isn’t anything special about it. It makes callbacks to how it began, it has just enough nostalgia to get by and it creates an ending for the characters. But that’s all it does. It meets the bare minimum to be a finale and I”m disappointed in that. I haven’t been loving this show for a few seasons, really since season 12, but I still kept on hoping the show would pull itself together long enough for at least a memorable season finale. As bad as they were, I will still always remember the finales for Game of Thrones or How I Met Your Mother. Supernatural’s finale was so uninspired, I don’t even really care to remember it.

But let’s talk about what happened in this finale. First, some good points. I liked that we did see Sam openly mourning Cas and Jack. My Sastiel heart lived for that. And I’m also very happy Sam was able to live the life he wanted. I’m also very happy that Cas is not still stuck in the Empty, however, I do admit that if he was broken out so easily, it really kind of detracts from the initial sacrifice he made for Jack and for Dean and Sam.

Things that I did not like, that essentially things were just kind of the same as in Season 1. You know, Sam gets his apple pie life but I kind of wish there was a little more of spark to that kind of life. Like this was something we talked about my blog a long time ago about a possible endgame for Sam but let’s say the Winchesters did kind of open like an organization for hunting monsters. Like, Sam could handle the legal aspects of something like that. He could go to law school and he could represent victims that were put in tough situations because their bodies were possessed or their on the line for a crime they didn’t commit because no one believes that a monster killed their loved one. So I just kind of wish we had gotten kind of a catch to Sam living his apple pie life. Living that life, doing what he always wanted to do, but also still helping people the way that Sam feels he needs to help people. So I wish we’d kind of gotten something more along those lines. I also don’t like that it takes Dean actually dying for Sam to feel like he has Dean’s permission to finally live that life. At first, I was going to feel sorry for Dean for dying in such a dumb way, but screw that. Dean put all of his self-hatred and baggage and dragged Sam down with him and made Sam feel like crap for even dreaming about something different. So Dean, you and that rusty nail deserve each other. I don’t even want to ship you with Crowley anymore. The ship you deserve is with Rusty Nail.

So uh, let’s talk about Dean now and the return of Jenny the Vampire. I completely forgot she existed. But yeah, she was a thing but she’s so loosely connected to Dean and Dean’s character arc, it’s like, there’s a lot of other monsters that would make more sense for Dean to die at the hands of. Like in Season 7 I believe, when Dean killed Sam’s friend in front of her son and he told the son that when he gets older, feel free to come after Dean. That would make more sense and have a kind of literary weight to it. Dean’s death would’ve been the result of his own actions and decisions years prior when he killed that woman on a whim. Dean and Sam could’ve come back from the vampire nest, after dropping the boys off, maybe they stopped at gas station to get some food and as Dean is walking around the corner to a bathroom, that’s when the now grown kid pops up in front of him and as Dean has a flashback to the kid and what he did to that kid, the kid stabs him in the heart like Dean did to his mother.

Now the two brothers ending up in heaven together and presumably spending eternity together, while this may be a wincest or bibros wet dream, to me, I don’t know, it kind of feels pathetic. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love my brothers and I absolutely would go to the ends of the earth for them and I will mourn their deaths, but I also don’t want to be defined by them. I don’t want to feel like they’re so intrinsically a part of me that I need them in order to be truly happy or completed. While it might be nice to see them when I go to heaven, I would hope that I had grown to a point that there are also other things to me that are important that I would like to experience in heaver, you know? Plus, this whole ending feels like a slap in the face for what the show is most well-known for: found family and “family don’t end in blood”. The finale basically says, yes, family does end in blood, my blood is my soulmate basically. And I don’t really like that.

Let’s talk about Cas and I don’t even have to be a Destiel shipper to be angry about how Cas was treated. I understand what they did in 15x18, and it does make a certain amount of literary sense, but considering there was no sense of closure to the act and it really kind of falls flat. And it makes you think, “so if what Cas needed in order to be truly happy was to admit that he loved his family” well, didn’t he already do that back in season 12? So it just kind of makes 15x18 feel kind of pointless. Yes, 15x18 was something that needed to happen for Cas and it made literary sense but that was only the first part of what his ending needed to be. The second part of his ending was hearing it back. Not necessarily a love confession from Dean (you all know Destiel is a thing of the past for me, I don’t ship them anymore) but what Cas needed to hear back was that his family loved him. We know they loved him but his own insecurities stopped him from truly feeling and believing it. And that’s the part the show missed and that’s what makes 15x18 fall flat and it makes Cas’s character arc feel incomplete.

And also, it’s really sad to think that Sam never got to say goodbye to Cas. That’s something that Sam must feel very unresolved about and why he just lets the guilt eat up at him about it. My Sastiel heart needs one more final SamCas heart to heart.

But I think that’s all I got for this episode. What grade would I give this episode. A big solid F-...I ‘m just kidding. It wasn’t that bad but nor was it anything great either. As I mentioned, the finale did what it needed to in order tom meet the bare minimum requirements for a finale, so honestly, I’d probably give this episode a D+. It meets the standards but it also doesn’t execute them very well so I don’t feel comfortable giving it a C.

#spn 15.20 #spn 15x20 #spn carry on #sam winchester #castiel #anti dean winchester #because I wasn't very nice to dean in this review

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trifoliate-undergrowth · 4 years

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Tags

Now I’m scatterbrained so I can’t guarantee I won’t forget to tag these sometimes (and older stuff may not be tagged or have different tags, and as we all know tumblr tags sometimes just don’t function) but GENERALLy ,

Possible triggers or other stuff to blacklist

the basics- “blood” or “gore” or “gore cw”, self-explanatory

I try to tag common triggers/upsetting content like “racism” or “racism cw” , “homophobia cw” etc

horror-themed stuff is tagged “creepy” and/or “horror”

recently started using “unreality”

anything related to political stuff or stuff you’d see on the news is tagged “current events” (example: coronavirus, which also is tagged “coronavirus”, so if you’re sick of hearing about that you can blacklist either/or both/and tags)

mildly suggestive romantic art (kissing etc) tagged as “pda”

“psychic damage” or “psychic damage possible” for stuff that’s not necessarily pda-type spicy so much as it is goddamn weird and probably only relevant to my interests personally and no one else’s that follows me (ex: bara shirtless barney calhoun, titty window shirt as 3rd arm hole for a vortigaunt)

The basics

gifs and videos are tagged as such. Other basics: “humor”, “meme”, “animals”, “cats”, “vine”, “tiktok”, “art”, “fanart”, “aesthetic”, “cottagecore”. Various subsets such as “writing meme” and “winter aesthetic”.

fandom “spoilers” are tagged for stuff that’s recent/ongoing but I don’t bother with fandoms I’ve arrived to like 20 years late

“Mood” : stuff I found relatable.

“personal” : posts created by me. Generally okay to reblog unless I say otherwise, unless it’s a family drama or vent post. (note: I’ve recently started adding “ok to rb” on posts that ok to reblog).

“queer” or “lgbtq+” : the catch-all for queer posts. I originally started using the “lgbtq+” tag and I now use both (it isn’t worth it to retag all the old posts because I decided I liked “queer” more.) common subsets: “ace”, “aspec”, “arospec”, “trans”, “wlw” etc.

“Mental health” : self explanatory.

“tumblr classic” : any posts that I’ve seen on my dash so many times it feels nostalgic or just Quintessentially Tumblr(TM), stuff I personally feel belongs in the Tumblr Hall of Fame. Posts I’d show to someone who asks what tumblr is, to further confuse them and convince them not to come here. Y’know. The classics.

“story” : anything anecdotal

subset: “retail story” : customer service hell

“science!” or “SCIENCE!” : anything about how cool planet earth/the universe/animal facts are. anything that could loosely be considered a Science Fact is likely to be found in the SCIENCE! tag.

“awe and wonder” : recently-added tag, self-explanatory and, as you’d expect, hard to define--stuff about feeling small in an immensely beautiful universe basically.

“someone drew it” : art inspired by a previous post.

“Positive male representation”: the tag vaguely defined as “stuff that makes me feel good about my masculinity” since there’s so much toxic stuff going around. pictures of dudes with kittens etc. started when I was really insecure about my gender, continuing for posterity.

Positivity tags

“positivity” : encouraging/motivational memes, art, etc.

“surreal positivity” : intersection of the “creepy” and “positivity” tags. encouraging in a kind of bizarre way, may be a bit of an acquired taste, blacklist the surreal tag if disliked?

“determination” : things that I personally find cool/funny/encouraging. Things that fill me with determination. A lot of overlap with “positivity”, but “positivity” is more strictly motivational stuff, determination is anything that gave me good vibes.

“warm vibes” : videos of people gently cuddling kittens etc.

If there’s something you think I missed or that you think I should add don’t hesitate to tell me!

#blog #tags

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theeternalspace · 5 years

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In Memoriam 5

Summary: The metal tree had always fascinated the Prince.

Only, it wasn’t a tree.

And, as it turned out, he wasn’t really a Prince. Instead he was… a side of someone’s personality? He doesn’t remember Thomas, or the other sides, those who call themselves his friends. He doesn’t really remember anything, not even his own name, no matter the efforts of Patton, Logan or Virgil. He must venture back into the Wardrobe door, back to the metal tree in an attempt to recover his missing memories and regain everything he has lost.

But perhaps some doors are best left closed for a reason. And perhaps some personas should remain in the ground where they have been buried.

Story Warnings: Sympathetic/Grey Deceit Sanders. He is trying his best you guys. Anxiety. Self doubt and self loathing. Fantasy fighting. Verbal fighting. Threatening behaviour. Blood and injury. Memory loss. Drowning. Near death.

Previous || Next

Night fell over the snowfields. Virgil had never been able to get a grasp on the way time worked within the Imagination. It operated on its own timetable, independent of what might be happening in the real world or even inside Thomas’ mind which followed the earth day and night cycle. Inside the Imagination, Virgil swore it just did as it pleased. Or rather, it did as Roman pleased.

No wonder Logan hated coming here. Night could last as little as five minutes or as long as a week depending on the dramatic need for it and no two cycles were the same exact length. It drove the logical side to distraction.

Virgil could understand that. He wasn’t too keen on it either, on the way things didn’t make sense and he liked it when things made sense. It was better when they followed a pattern he could keep to because with a pattern came familiarity and with that came safety, came reassurance. Knowing it could be day or night as it pleased was not a situation likely to calm his constantly frayed nerves. It had been evening in the mindscape when they entered and yet daytime here. Virgil had no idea how long they had been travelling before the sun started to set, turning ice white into the colder blues of night.

It caused the air to become that much colder, each exhaled breath of air curling around them like dragon smoke, creating patterns of pale white that danced in front of them. It grew steadily darker and darker with only the stars twinkling overhead offering any sort of light and making it hard for Virgil to even see that smoke and reassuring sign of life from the rest of the group.

There was no point in trying to press ahead in darkness when they could barely see anything. Virgil and Roman used what fading light was left to gather wood as best they could and haphazardly built up a fire. The anxious side was fairly confident that if Roman focused enough he would be able to create a fire from nothing, including the flames themselves and that would save them a lot of effort.

Then again, he was equally confident that if Roman got distracted even for a moment that he would accidentally set the whole forest ablaze and so it was probably safer to build it by hand. It gave them both something to do, something physical that kept them busy and calmed Virgil’s nerves a fraction. Just a fraction of course, but then that was normally all that he could hope for.

The repetitive motion of collecting wood and building up a fire was almost soothing in its own right, letting Virgil think of what had happened and what they were going to do next.

Except, neither really knew where to go or what to do next. Virgil had a vague idea of trying to find some of the pivotal locations in the story, in the hope that there might be some answers there because that was how stories worked but it was nothing more than a guess. A hope without any kind of actual foundation was a precarious thing indeed and Virgil didn’t trust something without stable support. Try as he might to remain positive, thoughts turned increasingly towards the negative end of the spectrum, as they were bound to do.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that they were travelling without any true destination or purpose in mind, just drawn along by a vague, ill defined hope. Another thing that was not going to keep him relaxed, no matter how hard he tried to focus on the simple pleasures of seeing the wood build up ever higher or the small burst of satisfaction when a spark finally caught alight. It kept Virgil from spiralling into a full blown panic attack about everything.

Soon they settled around the fire, drawing comfort from its heat. Without really knowing how, Virgil found himself telling Roman tales about their past, about some of the more amusing things that they had all done.

“I didn’t!” Roman sounded scandalised, his mouth dropping open in shock and for a moment Virgil was struck by the mental image of the Pikachu meme, a smile twitching on his lips at the thought.

Same energy.

Except it would be pointless to point that out, to laugh with Roman about it because Roman probably had no idea what Pokemon even was and would just stare blankly if Virgil tried to explain that he looked like a little yellow electric mouse. He wouldn’t laugh or be offended or come back with some clever retort of his own because he had no idea how to do any of those anymore.

It was more than just memories connected to his own life, connected to Thomas, he had forgotten almost everything about the world in general. There didn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to the things he did remember - he knew Bree’s name, he knew what a horse was but not what a heffalump was. Not who Virgil was and as much as Virgil tried not to let that bother him, there was still that selfish part of him that felt hurt by it.

Roman was still staring at him like a Pikachu, waiting for an answer.

Okay, so, Virgil couldn’t point out the similarity, but he could still tease him, could still answer him and tell him more tales about the past. He could still focus on what mattered, which was the conversation itself.

“You did,” Virgil assured him, a warm smile, a soft little giggle slipping out as he remembered watching the video from inside Thomas’ mind. Virgil had known what they were doing even though he hadn’t been called for it, because as he had stated before, he was listening. Always listening. Just in case they took it too far and Virgil had to step in to look after them all.

If it had been a year or so earlier, he probably would have thrown a fit about it, imagining what the fans might think about such a silly video topic. He would have kicked and screamed in a misguided effort to protect Thomas from harmless fun because he had been too wrapped up in his own worries to be able to look at it from any other point of view. It was impossible for him to imagine any other outcome bar the worse because he spent so many years on high alert, so many years dismissed by the others and so forced to scream just to be heard over the others, no matter the topic.

Them accepting him had meant it was possible for him to relax. Not all the way of course, not all the time. But just the simple fact of knowing that they were willing to listen to him meant he could breathe for what felt like the first time in years. Just knowing that they were willing to listen to him if it was something important meant that Virgil no longer felt the need to scream at the top of his lungs about everything.

He had learnt, had grown and tried to be better. He trusted Roman and Logan not to take it to that kind of extreme and as a result, he managed to enjoy watching the three of them relax and grow closer - even if Roman slipped into being insecure yet again. Virgil couldn’t help but wonder if they could do better now, if this loss of memories could be considered a second chance and that they could make sure to build Roman up so he didn’t have such thoughts.

That wasn't how he should be thinking about this.

Roman shook his head in disbelief, blissfully unaware of the thoughts that were circling around in Virgil’s mind, unaware of the dark currents that lapped at this conversation, hungry and eager to ruin everything.

“You’re telling me I love Crofters so much I made a whole song up about it? And that Logan - Logan - actually joined in singing? I can’t picture Logan doing anything... as light as that. He doesn’t seem like the sort to sing.”

“Never underestimate Logan’s love for Crofters. Or yours...” Virgil could feel his mood start to tip further slightly, his words reminding him of just how much Roman loved Crofters and what it had cost him. If it hadn’t been for his near obsession with that particular jelly brand or his desire to be recognised, to be loved more, because he couldn’t see how loved he already was, then they wouldn’t be camped out in the middle of nowhere without his memories.

They would have received another mundane evening at home that Virgil treasured because of how few he actually gotten to experience over the years. They might have watched movies as a group or just hung out for a little while together before going their separate ways. They would certainly have had Family Night recently, and Virgil would have laughed in one night more than he had laughed in ten years growing up. They could have been doing all of that instead of this.

No, Virgil couldn’t focus on that, couldn’t allow himself to think like that. Not when they were finally having a good time and he was feeling relaxed somehow, almost loose, as though the events of the past few days had drained him completely but not necessarily in a bad way. He was only one wrong word or thought away from being caught in a trap and spiraling down into a bad place.

A worse place than normal because Roman wouldn’t know what was happening. What if Virgil did or said something he didn’t mean while caught in the grip of anxiety? It didn’t excuse whatever terrible thing he might say but Roman didn’t know he was Anxiety, that he was prone to leaping to the worst conclusions without getting all the facts right. He didn’t want to say something he would regret. And he didn’t want Roman to forgive him for something he might say simply because he thought he was supposed to, because he felt he ought to without any knowledge of what Virgil was really like.

Then again, he was always only one wrong word or thought away from that, so really it wasn’t the worst mood he had ever been in. And he was feeling a lot better as a default state of mind than he had before.

Virgil stared across the flames at Roman, watching as sparks flew up into the sky, little flashes of gold and red which flickered against the darkness and made the whole scene feel so much more alive. It was hard, in moments like this, to remember that they were inside Thomas’ imagination, that they weren’t real boys just having a real camping trip. Virgil could almost buy into the illusion that they were just two friends hanging out, that there was no quest, nothing important beyond just spending time together. Maybe they were just family out in the wilds, around a campfire.

Maybe this night wasn’t so bad. Maybe he was actually having fun.

“What about some tales from when we were kids?” Roman asked eagerly, leaning forward as though afraid he might miss the answer to his question.

Virgil felt himself tense a little, that blissful feeling of relaxation vanishing under the weight of those words, no matter how hard he reminded himself that Roman had no idea of what he was really asking. Right now, he would have given almost anything to rewind time a few moments, to go back to when he was balanced on the edge of a worry but not yet fallen in. Now he was mentally falling hard, the ground coming up to meet him and if Virgil wasn’t careful he would ruin everything.

“You want... to hear a story from when we were younger?” Virgil slowly asked, hoping against hope that Roman might change his mind.

“Yeah!” Roman nodded enthusiastically, smile bright and open and far too naive for the question he was asking. His words opened up the dark corners of Virgil’s mind once more, the areas that he tried so hard to deny existed. Virgil wanted to be Protection for Roman, he wanted to be something good.

He wanted to act as though he belonged here and mean it. There had to be some story Virgil could think of, something he could share with Roman and they hadn’t fought every second of every day. Sometimes they had even come close to getting on with each other and more than once they even worked together. Admittedly those times were mostly because they were acting in opposition to something Logan or Patton wanted and Virgil had been able to convince Roman it wasn’t a noble plan or whatever. Once he even got Roman to help with the promise they could then spend that time watching Disney and learning the songs off by heart. That was far less risky than the late night lecture Logan had wanted to go to alone which finished at gone midnight and no way beyond walking to get home.

Of course, he couldn’t actually think of a single example now he was put on the spot, but Virgil knew there had been some good times. There had to be some good times. Beyond the time they conspired to deny Logan because Virgil didn’t think that really painted either of them in a good light, for all that he had done it to protect Thomas. It was almost a blessing that Roman couldn’t remember the expression on Logan’s face when he had lost, the utter crushed look before he turned and retreated to his bedroom, locking them out.

He didn’t say a word to either of them for days and when he finally been convinced to speak to Roman, it was as if he had blanked those days from his memory. Virgil tried once to bring it up, to explain his reasoning to Logan because back then he nurtured the faint hope that he and Logic might have been able to get on, that Logic at least might understand where Anxiety was coming from. Logan cut him dead and changed the subject with one icy look and a handful of words.

Virgil hadn’t tried to make friends with him for years after that, not until Logan admitted that he didn’t mind his company. Only then had Virgil dared to try again, cautiously reaching out to try and forge some kind of relationship with the logical side.

They never talked about that day. Perhaps they should have done because Virgil had always been left with the impression that both blamed him and him alone for that night and the damage it had done to their relationships. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Roman acted differently around him after that, as though worried about the influence that Anxiety had been able to inflict on him, worried about the control he seemed to have when he wanted.

Or else worried that maybe Anxiety wasn’t the clear cut villain he always believed him to be and that perhaps he should re-examine his own thinking but that would imply that he had been wrong and they couldn’t have that.

Virgil didn’t blame Roman for the past. At least, not really. He could see why Roman acted the way in which he did, a perspective granted with distance. He knew he tried to act in a scary fashion on purpose, he knew that while they might have painted him the villain, Virgil had willingly embraced the role as the only way he knew how to help. He tried to scare them all the time on purpose. He was to blame for how they grew up, just as much as Roman and the others had been. More so perhaps, because he had never been happy with where he was. He had never been content but always yearning for that added space, that thing always out of reach.

He had that now, he was a member of the family and the circle he always stared at and imagined being a part of had expanded to include him with almost no effort at all. Sometimes, he can allow himself to forget that it had ever been any other way.

Sometimes it still hurt of course, moments like this when memories of the more unpleasant past were dragged to the surface but on the whole, Virgil learned to live with it. They all apologised in their own way, and they were all trying to be better. He had forgiven them and Virgil meant it, but he couldn’t always quite convince his heart to not feel the hurt from the wounds. Virgil didn’t want to hurt anymore, not tonight at least, when the focus is meant to be on protecting Roman and making sure he was feeling good.

Except Virgil still couldn’t think of a single example to keep Roman happy.

“Don’t sit too close to the fire, you might burn yourself,” Virgil warned after a moment, changing the subject as Roman shifted, moving ever so slightly closer. Probably not near enough to actually burn himself or worse, catch fire, but all it would take would be one little spurt of flame getting too close for something terrible to happen. Virgil wasn’t going to let anything happen to the prince.

Roman tilted his head to the side, fringe falling across his face a little. It cast shadows where before there had been none, his expression thoughtful as he watched him. It made Virgil want to fidget slightly but he forced himself to remain still, to meet his gaze steadily and not reveal how uncomfortable he was feeling.

“Caution,” Roman announced after a short pause, one finger tapping against his chin. “You’re Thomas’ Caution right?”

“No,” Virgil replied, his smile sad. Another guess, another one that was still so good. Virgil had done nothing but scream and yell, moan and warn Roman about everything and anything. He had pointed out every single flaw, had insulted him for falling for a trick that had apparently been designed specifically to trick him, and still Roman didn’t hate him. All Virgil had done was nag him about something, judge him about something else and yet Roman seemed able to look past that and to get something good out of it.

Virgil didn’t understand it at all, but it was nice to pretend, even if only for a split second and within his own head, that he might be one of those guesses.

“Oh well. Next time.” Roman seemed more resigned about being wrong than upset, giving a little shrug before lying back on one of the blankets he had conjured up. His head was cushioned by his arms as he stared up at the sky, his previous question apparently forgotten. Virgil couldn’t help but breathe a soft sigh of relief at that and the minefield they managed to avoid for the moment. He debated lying down himself, trying to get some rest before the sun rose again but even as he considered it, Virgil knew his own anxieties would never allow him to rest.

Could they both afford to sleep though? Who knew what manner of foul beast might slither its way into camp during the night while they had their guard down and attack them. There was no way to know how long the night would last either and so they couldn’t split it evenly. Perhaps he could wake Roman after a few hours and get him to keep watch. That sounded like the best plan, because it gave Roman chance to rest and he got to work out some of his worries by watching over him.

“Do you think I will ever remember?” Roman’s voice was soft, almost lost amongst the flickering and crackling of the fire as it burnt its way through the wood. He was still staring up at the sky when Virgil looked over, lips pushed together into a little pout. Perhaps it was the distance, or the smoke that wanted to get in his eyes and blur his vision, but for a moment he would have sworn that Roman’s eyes were glassy, filled with unshed tears that spoke of a pain that his voice was able to hide.

Virgil wanted to say yes. He so badly wanted to say of course he would, that this adventure would result in the desired outcome. He wanted to remind him that Patton and Logan were still working on trying to come up with a solution. If nothing else, Virgil knew that they would never stop working on it until they had come up with some kind of answer, some way to fix this and he should point that out. The more rational part of him knew that while they might never give up, it was completely possible that they would be forced to put it on the back burner so to speak, for the lost memories to gradually become something they worked on between projects.

Thomas needed them. As much as it pained Virgil to think otherwise, he knew that none of them were as important as their host. He loved Thomas so much to do anything that would put him as second place. They all loved Thomas more than anything else and if he needed to work on a video or a project that would take up almost all of their time, they would do it. Even Roman would do it in this state Virgil felt, and he wished now that they had reintroduced him to their host so he understood just how wonderful Thomas was.

But they would still keep trying. And there might be something here they could use to help him. Maybe they would find the White Wizard and it would turn out the guy wasn't some super villain and would simply give them the cure without any further fighting. Maybe it would just wear off and for all they knew, Roman could wake up tomorrow and have his memories restored completely. Doubtful but it wasn’t completely impossible. He had no idea how the magic in this place worked and what rules it followed.

Virgil couldn’t really say any of that though. He couldn’t bring himself to lie and being optimistic to the point of wilful blindness was lying. There was no way to be sure of anything and although he hoped they would find an answer, they hadn’t had any luck so far. Who was to say that they would tomorrow? Or ever?

“And a truckload of bubba gump shrimp,” Virgil sang softly in lieu of answering one way or another. If nothing else, when - or if - Roman regained his memories, he would have the pleasure of knowing that Virgil had sung that line willingly. It was the least he could do and it was far easier to sing the line here, with only Roman for company than have to sing it not only in front of Thomas and the others but on camera where thousands of people could watch him mess up.

Roman gave a short, bark like laugh, pushing himself up on his elbows to look over at Virgil. His expression was open and amused. There was no sense of Roman hiding his feelings away, not like he had done in the past when he had tried to hide his hurting heart or his insecurities. He seemed more trusting here and it made Virgil’s heart hurt, made it ache in a completely different way. This was who Roman had originally been, before the world had tried to destroy him.

“What was that?”

“A line from a song you came up with for me to sing... even if you don’t remember Ro, it won’t be the end of the world. You’re still you and there is a lot you can learn again. I mean we will try, of course we will and we will never stop... but you’re still you, even without them. You’re still the prince. You’re still our family and we all still... care.” The word love got stuck in his throat, Virgil swallowing a few times as though he could push down that throat and clear the obstruction from his throat.

He might love all of them so much but Virgil was nowhere near ready to actually verbalise that thought out loud. It scared him sometimes, how easily he had grown to love all of them, how for years he had adored them without once expecting to get anything back. Certainly not the outpouring of love that he was given, the easy way in which all of them, including Thomas, including Roman, had let him into their hearts. He just wasn’t ready to tell them how much that meant to him and how he returned those feelings a thousandfold.

It was an understood thing and that was about as far as Virgil was willing to take it.

“And there are the videos too I guess!” Roman was trying to appear upbeat about the possibility of remaining like this, searching for something positive.

“Yeah... the videos...” Virgil couldn’t help but trail off as he thought of them, and how they would give Roman a real window into the different dynamics across the whole mindscape. They would show how all of them had grown over the few years since Thomas had started making them which was good... but it also meant that he would see what Virgil was really like. Which was bad.

If there was a chance that Roman might not remember then he was going to go into those videos blind. He might not like what he saw. After all, Virgil had been trying to scare them at first. Virgil had been a terrible side, a terrible person in some of those earlier videos and he shuddered to think what Roman might think when he saw Virgil deliberately trying to scare them, bringing up bad memories, bad thoughts on purpose.

It was who he had been at the time and Virgil couldn’t shy away from that fact. He wouldn’t shy away from it, but at the same time, he didn’t know if he was strong enough to handle Roman looking at him with fear, hate or distrust again. Not after he had gotten greedy and used to the easy affection offered to him. Going back into the cold would be too much of a shock to his system and Virgil knew he wasn’t brave enough to be able to deal with that.

“You know... I didn’t... I didn’t really grow up with the rest of you. I mean, I wasn’t as close to the rest of you.” Words were hesitantly said, Virgil feeling as though he was stumbling along and having to relearn every single word as he said them. He swallowed nervously, a faint tick in his jaw as he tried to find the right words to say his thoughts, to somehow explain everything they had been and everything they now were.

“I mean... I had a different childhood. It’s why I don’t really have any stories I could tell you, you’d have to ask Patton or Logan for those and the videos... well...”

Virgil had his own sort of not quite there family when he was younger. Well, he had one person at least, the only person that ever acted as though he had cared about a young Anxiety, who had looked out for him, had helped him get through some of the worst days of his young life. He often helped Virgil practise his lines, his arguments before letting him rise up to face the others on his own, the other favouring a more shadowy approach. He had never seen the point of arguing in person when they would simply dismiss and belittle him. Far easier, he always maintained, to just sneak around in secret and do what had to be done. The ends, to him, would always justify the means.

Virgil had never liked doing that, which had created one of the first cracks within their relationship, a pressure point that over time would just keep building and building until the eruption had been inescapable and terrible.

It was... complicated. Virgil had never known how to be part of a family growing up and although his would be brother had tried his best, it was clear that the other side had no idea how to act like a family member either.

They had just been two idiots fumbling along in the dark and trying to do their best for each other. Well, Virgil had thought he had been trying to do his best for... for Deceit, had thought they were a team, that they worked together, looked out for each other above almost everything else - aside from Thomas himself of course. It had been a shock to learn that Deceit apparently didn't feel the same.

Even saying his name in his head felt odd, stilted and unnatural. He hadn't allowed himself to even think his name for years before the snake skinned side snuck his way into a video. For many of those years Virgil had simply done his best to pretend that the other side didn’t exist, that they had never been as close with the King of Lies as he had been.

It made it hard at times, after he had made his choice and was surrounded by people who seemed to hate him, when all he could do was lie alone in his cold bed and pretend that there was no other way and that he didn’t miss the warm hugs and whispered honeyed lies which would grant a degree of comfort in the moment. Virgil couldn’t go back though, it would mean admitting he was giving up and turning his back on the Light Sides because he knew he couldn’t keep shifting from side to side. Virgil had to draw on his stubbornness, on his refusal to be moved and just stick it out because he had nowhere else to go.

It was easier to avoid a conflict of loyalties when he denied one set of loyalties existed after all.

Once upon a time they had been close, close enough to give each other nicknames, to call each other big and little brother. Once, Virgil would have laughed at the idea that he might want to spend time with Creativity over Deceit. Once, he would have gone running to him when he had suffered a nightmare or panic attack.

Until they had fought, of course, until Virgil had let his pitiful - at the time - desire to be part of the Light Sides world overwhelm his proper and right desire to stay in the dark with Deceit. Who made it very clear that he had no intention of trying to ally himself with the Light Sides, even if it was for the good of Thomas and how could he think that?

Hiding only made things worse and he couldn’t help Thomas the way that Thomas needed to be helped if they kept cloaking their intentions behind shadows and word play. They wanted to keep Thomas safe and Virgil would do anything to achieve that goal, even things he hated. It was worth taking a deal with people they didn’t like for Thomas’ sake. Virgil knew he was lucky in that they eventually grew to like him and even on his worst days he was able to comfort himself with the thought that they tolerated him at least.

It could have so easily gone the other way after all and very nearly did when he had felt it all too much and had chosen to duck out rather than crawl back to the Dark Sides.

Even now, he wasn’t really sure how he felt about Deceit, a strange churning of conflicting emotions that tore at his psyche, pulling him this way and that. Lying had always made him feel sick, had set his own anxieties off, which had made their friendship a strange thing even from the start. Somehow it had worked though, and for so many years it had been good, had been the cornerstone of Virgil’s life.

Until the fight. Until Deceit screamed exactly what he felt about Virgil, exactly how much he hated him and how pathetic he actually considered Anxiety. Just thinking about that fight made the breath catch painfully in his throat, made him want to cry and he didn’t cry. He wasn’t the sort to cry, at least not in front of other people. He wouldn’t show that kind of weakness.

Virgil looked down for a moment, finding the zipper on his sleeve, awkwardly playing with it. There was far too much going on in his head for Virgil to actually say any of it and he needed a lot longer than one night to explain to Roman their whole past, both his and Deceit’s and then his and Roman’s. He couldn’t even think about how to start explaining everything that led up to the first video Virgil appeared in and why he had acted the way he had done.

There was no excuse for his behaviour and Virgil wouldn’t seek to create one. Just an explanation but even that felt tied up with so much weight behind it, so much that he didn’t know where to start. Virgil exhaled, feeling the air against his teeth as he did so.

“If... when you watch them, just... just remember that’s not who I am anymore, okay?”

“You make it sound as though you were a villain or something,” Roman complained. There was an odd expression on Roman's face as he said those words, Virgil feeling a fluttering of panic in his chest, a brief terror that maybe he had remembered something. Maybe he hated him again.

It didn't seem like a bad expression though, but more of a questioning one, as though Roman was on the cusp of remembering something and that... that really didn’t help with Virgil’s anxiety but perhaps he could handle being on the edge of remembering. That meant that there was still a chance for Virgil to create a better impression, to convince Roman not to hate him.

“Try and get some sleep okay Roman? It will probably be another long day tomorrow. I’ll wake you in a couple of hours.”

Virgil pulled his knees up tight against his chest, staring deep into the heart of the fire as Roman sighed in turn, muttering some agreement before lying back down again.

Tomorrow would be another day and he would face that challenge when it dawned.

#sanders sides #in memoriam #aca writes #long post

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formerlyashkatom · 6 years

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so today I did a thing

I hate doing more than One Thing on One Day, and today’s thing was going to be streaming. Today, though, I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning, and she only works Mondays, so I was always going to have to force myself through the incredible trial of a Two Things Day if I wanted to see her.

She’s been really good for me. I didn’t necessarily want to see her, but when I first started going to her, we talked about my problems with sticking with medical care and tending to never go to doctors unless I was dying, the way I never pursued ongoing treatment for chronic issues. She asked me if regular, recurring appointments that I came to even if nothing was wrong were a good idea, I said yeah while mystified by the notion of a doctor working with me and caring about my care, and today was one of those appointments.

The thing is, with the ongoing appointments, I was pretty sure there was nothing I wanted to discuss, medically. I decided to go anyway, to update her on the psych meds and some chronic stuff, but it felt like a waste of time to me. The point I always get to with medical professionals, where I’m like, we’ve sorted out the crisis points, thanks for the help, time to never see you again. And because I can never leave well enough alone, I started trying to think of what else I could possibly ask her.

I’ve always ignored my gender. I’ve gone through the common stages of questioning, I guess. When I was a kid I used to google gender confirmation surgeries and feel something I didn’t know to name. As an adolescent I hated everything about my body and just... thought that was normal, because I was female, and Girls Hate Their Bodies. I wondered if I didn’t want to be female because I was an angry feminist sick of how women were treated or if it was because of something deeper, and I just... ignored the question, because I didn’t have an answer.

I think... a few years ago now was the first time I even poked at the idea of identifying as nonbinary, putting it as a casual aside in a tag so that I didn’t have to think about it, or deal with it. In 2016 I cut off hair I’d been growing out in an attempt to look more feminine, stopped trying to dress so much in skirts and dresses, stopped shaving my legs, stopped caring about it all, and it felt like a weight off my shoulders. All my friends who loved me told me I seemed happier, seemed more like me. I felt like me, and I had to think about why that was, and... I still ignored it. Maybe cautiously said I was nonbinary more often, to friends.

The thing about being nonbinary is that it’s very loosely defined, means different things to each nonbinary person. I like that about it, that it’s more about building your identity from the ground up, questioning each step and change as you add it to your life and ask: does this make me happy? That’s the only thing that matters in the end, for me. But I kept asking myself: if nonbinary can be anything, why can’t it be what you already are? And I used that as an excuse to not do anything, until I couldn’t ignore that I wasn’t content anymore.

This year’s been a big one in terms of gender. I came out to my friends properly, came out to all of you, and started binding all in fairly short order. I think, with my friends supporting me and wanting me to be happy, I stopped being able to ignore that I wasn’t happy, that I wanted to look, to be drastically different to how I am. I talked to my doctor about that, the agony of living off-kilter to what you know you’re supposed to be.

I’ve been wavering on the idea of testosterone for months now. Sometimes I wanted it more than I could say, sometimes I reviled it because it came with the idea of having to go through all these visible, ugly changes and tell everyone I know about being trans and really, if you’re nonbinary isn’t being you enough? But... where I’m at isn’t enough, right now, not anymore. It’s off-kilter, wrong. I went into the appointment with a sense of dread, the idea of having to do this thing the worst burden I could think of, the idea of going through testosterone therapy yet another burden and trial.

My doctor and I talked about it. She wrote up a referral letter for blood tests and a doctor who specialises in hormone regimes and handed them to me. And... I started smiling. Couldn’t stop. Had to bury my face in my hands, envelope pressed awkwardly against my cheek, and just... laugh. Explain to my doctor that I was okay, just happier than I’d ever been, although I think she’d seen it before.

I was worried going in that I’d come out with my thoughts even more tangled up in am I really or what even is gender or does this even matter, that I’d be just as hopeless and despairing as everything about gender has made me so far in my life. Instead, I got reassurance: this is who I am. This is real. It doesn’t make it any less hard, and very real barriers to being who I want to be exist - I still have to get the bloods done and they’re going to be expensive, god knows if I’m ever going to be able to get top surgery, and I’m already dreading telling my family - but god.

This is the right thing to do. I feel good. I did a thing today! I took another step towards being me.

#guerrilla genderblogging

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that-one-asian-friend-is-here · 6 years

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Fleeting

3: A YEAR AND A HALF AGO

She doesn't know who she is. All she remembers is her name is Sakura. The name was foreign to her, yet it was familiar like an old friend. Sakura stared at her reflection nitpicking everything she saw; blush hair sticking out that she can’t control, almond-shaped eyes with jewels of jade, her mouth slanting downwards making her seem she’s pouting, and her physique with defined muscles hiding underneath her loose, dark clothing. A banging on the door stops Sakura's thoughts. “Can you please stop staring at yourself in the mirror! Other people in the house need to use the toilet!” Junji yelled, annoyed. Sakura rolled her eyes as she opened the door.

“It’s all yours now, Junji-kun.” Sakura smiled, killing him with kindness. Junji crossed his arms, clearly disgruntled. He walked passed and held the door, staring at Sakura.

“Flat-chest,” Junji smirked and quickly slammed the door before Sakura could reach him.

“YOU DAMN BRAT! OPEN THIS DOOR! I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU ARE DEAD!” Sakura screamed, banging on the door and twisting the knob. She could hear his laughter behind the door, irritating Sakura even more. Before she could kick down the door, Hanae called out to her, quickly easing the tension.

“Sakura, control your temper. Junji, control that tongue of yours!” Hanae scolded, shaking her head. “Now, get over here and eat your breakfast.” Sakura sighed, giving up the intent to headlock Junji; she didn’t want to trouble Hanae with another broken door.

Six months ago, Makoto and Hanae Hurako found Sakura unconscious a few yards away from the farm. Sakura was covered in dirt with dried blood all over her torso; they both thought she was dead. They quickly carried Sakura into their home to bandage the wound, but weirdly found none. Makoto was cautious, wondering whose blood was it; he hoped she wasn’t a shinobi. Hanae was concerned for her family, she didn’t want her family to be in more danger. Junji was scared, both of his parents burst through the front door while supporting a bloody corpse; the second time Junji saw death. He tried to help, but his body was frozen with fear. The Hurako family wanted answers, but the next day they found none. The pink haired woman didn’t know what happened to her. In other words, she didn’t have a clue who she was. Makoto and Hanae argued for hours; Makoto wanted to toss Sakura out while Hanae wanted to help her adapt to their surroundings. Junji locked himself in his room, he wanted to stop seeing blood. In the end, Makoto decided to let Sakura stay, if only she earned her place by working on the farm. Well, she didn’t want to be tossed out, so she went with the other option.

---

After a long day working in the field, Hanae was preparing for dinner and it was Junji’s turn to help. Sakura was out on the porch, looking over the golden wheat swaying in the breeze. She can smell the mucky soil digging in her nails, giving an earthy aroma. She can softly hear the crickets as the sun set exploding in variations of orange. It was a flower blooming until it died for another day. Sakura didn’t hear the wood creaked until Makoto was sitting next to her. “Beautiful, ain’t it?” Makoto commented, enjoying the scenery. Sakura nodded her head, she didn’t know what to say to Makoto. There was silence, the sound of nature filled the background. It was awkward. Sakura knew what Makoto thought of her, a person who could be dangerous. Makoto avoided her and didn’t speak with her unless necessarily needed to. Sakura didn’t blame him for his reaction, a person covered in blood is a big warning sign. So, Sakura did stay out of his way and tried not to cause too much trouble for this family. She already felt like a burden the longer she stayed, but she didn’t want to leave this safe haven. She was scared of what could be out there, she wasn’t ready to face reality. Makoto sighed, “Look, I know I’m not a cheery old man and I admit that I was harsh on you.” Sakura looked at him, surprised. She couldn’t believe this old, salt and pepper haired man was acknowledging his actions. He kept pushing her with a ton of workload to do which left her sore at the end of the day, and not once did she complain. Makoto stared at the ground, his hands interlaced as he processed his words. “Look, Sakura, you are a good person,” Makoto breathed, “and it’s ok for you to stay here.”

Sakura’s mouth dropped, and her eyes blown wide. She had worked her ass off until she was drenched in dirt and her body filled with discolored bruises all over her shoulders and legs. Sakura had finally earned her place to stay. Her hands clenched on her lap as she tried to reign in her emotions. The tickling of the back of her throat started to itch and her eyes started to get wet. Makoto gently patted her head as if he was saying it was ok to show your tears. Sakura let out a sob she was trying to hold back. Sakura showed Makoto her worries as she cried. “Thank you, Makoto-san.” Sakura croaked. The first time, in these past six months, Sakura felt she was part of the family.

Fleeting: Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4

#Kakashi Hatake #Kakashi #kakasaku #Sakura Haruno #naruto #naruto fanfiction

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belladonnaflower-blog · 6 years

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BASIC INFORMATION.

Full Name: Madeleine Anne Reed.

Nickname(s): Maddie, Belladonna, Bella.

Age: 23 (almost).

Date of Birth: August 24th, 1995

Hometown: Columbia, Maryland.

Current Location: Dertosa, California.

Ethnicity: Mostly white, with some argentinian background.

Nationality: American.

Gender: Cis Female.

Pronouns: She/her.

Orientation: Bisexual and, so far, not all that romantically inclined.

Religion: Atheist.

Political Affiliation: Democrat Centrist. She wants a country with personal freedoms, but isn’t concerned about subverting the system in any way. It has served her just fine.

Occupation: Part-time receptionist at the St.Vincent Hotel, part-time dominatrix at the Garden of Eden.

Living Arrangements: Room at the Garden of Eden.

Language(s) Spoken: English, Spanish, French.

Accent: East Coast.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

Face Claim: Anya Taylor-Joy

Hair Colour: Brown

Eye Colour: Brown

Height: 160cm, 5’3

Weight: 51kg, 112 pounds.

Build: Petite and slender, but not waify

Tattoos: None

Piercings: Pierced ears

Clothing Style: Most days it’s pearls, silk, polka dots, vintage dresses, pencil skirts, cashmere sweaters, Peter Pan colars, expensive lingerie, braided hair. Sometimes it’s black turtlenecks, high heels, garter belts, form-fitting dresses, red lipstick.

Usual Expression: Seemingly wide-eyed and alert.

Distinguishing Characteristics: Huge, dark eyes and prominent cheekbones that make her slightly reminiscent of a doll.

HEALTH.

Physical Ailments: Bad back, frequent muscle strain from a lifetime of playing the violin for longer than a body can handle.

Neurological Conditions: None.

Allergies: Dust, shellfish.

Sleeping Habits: Bella tries to get at least seven hours of sleep, but she has a part-time job and being a flower is a full-time one. She often has to catch up on her beauty sleep on her off days.

Eating Habits: Ironically enough, being the daughter of a nutritionist didn’t give Bella the healthiest or simplest relationship with food. It’s not as if mother ever had her starve. But she meticulously controlled everything that went into little Maddie’s stomach, the calories and the nutrients and the tons and tons of vitamin supplements she carried at all times. To this day, Bella still finds some comfort in her mother’s habits. She’s a skilled calorie counter and not knowing the content of whatever she puts into her mouth freaks her out. She’s even known to fast on occasion, doing it for the odd sense of peace an empty stomach can give her. Her relationship with food isn’t necessarily disorderly, but it is obsessive. Of course, she does have her indulgences. Once a week, Bella will walk into AVG Joe’s and order the biggest, most decadent burger you’ve ever seen. Lord help you if you interrupt her while eating it.

Exercise Habits: About 20 minutes of squats, planks and push-ups most mornings. She’s not naturally athletic, but she likes to feel strong and healthy.

Emotional Stability: It depends on how one defines it. The issue with Bella is that she is inherently unstable, plagued by sudden bouts of rage and hatred and prone to impish mischief, but she has spent a lifetime controlling them. As a result, she is much better at handling her impulses and emotions than most people. Most of the time, Bella is in control. It’s only occasionally that one can see the fire to her cruelty.

Sociability: While confident in social situations, Bella has a profound need for alone time. It started in her childhood, with parents always hovering and noisy children pulling at her bows. Interacting with people is always a game to her, an interplay of masks and power thefts, and while she wouldn’t have it any other way, she does need her time alone. Alone, her secrets and rituals recharge her. She is free, comforted by the sight of the vacant face in the mirror.

Body Temperature: Cold-natured, with particularly cold hands and legs.

Addictions: Former self-harmer, still bites or scratches herself on occasion. But it’s always been more of a compulsion that an addiction.

Drug Use: None.

Alcohol Use: None.

PERSONALITY.

Label: The Dominatrix

Positive Traits: Charming, Resourceful, Comanding, Perfectionist

Negative Traits: Detached, Resentful, Obsessive, Off-kilter

Goals/Desires: To become more than just a sex-worker, to star yielding power over others outside of her room at the Garden of Eden.

Fears: Spending the rest of her days as a Flower or in any other kind of entrapment.

Hobbies: Shopping, Reading, Skincare, People Watching and, were it not her job, BDSM. Played the violin for the almost entirety of the first 21 years of her life but it was never, ever a fucking hobbie.

Habits: Digging her nails into her wrist, pressing her hands against sharp things, checking herself in reflective surfaces, tugging at a ponytail or twirling loose strands of hair.

FAVOURITES.

Weather: Cloudy.

Colour: White.

Music: After a lifetime sacrificed to the violin, Bella hardly listens to music for pleasure anymore. She’s still trying to figure out what she likes outside of baroque.

Movies: Her favorite film is Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac,

Sport: Practised Ballet and Tennis, still enjoys the latter.

Beverage: Black Tea.

Food: Despite her generally healthy habits, or perhaps because of them, there’s nothing she enjoys over a juicy, highly caloric and blood soaked burger.

Animal: Snake.

FAMILY.

Father: Harold Reed – Harold is one of those rare, charming, holier-than thou people one can’t wait to fork-stab at a dinner party. A renowned psychiatrist, he is never more at ease than when towering over other people with his superior intellect and stability. Though he adored his seemingly perfect family, he secretly derived some enjoyment from the tension between Madeleine and her mother. Madeleine knew it, and often used her perceived favor to manipulate him. On the surface, she was daddy’s girl. Under it, she resented him just as much as she did her mother, and now thinks of him even less.

Mother: Maria Reed – Oh, Maria could just eat little Madeleine up. She wanted her daughter to be as beautiful, as graceful, as lovely as she could be. She herself was practically perfect, an accomplished nutritionist and a woman who prided herself on not taking part in idle suburban housewife drivel. It wasn’t that she didn’t love or feel proud of Madeleine, it was just that she adored her so much that she was certain that she could always do better. Maria controlled and smothered Madeleine, so she learnt how to get a kick out of hurting her by hurting herself. Bella sometimes sends her parents letters. She doesn’t know if it’s about cruelty or kindness. Perhaps both. Besides, she might need to ask them for money one day.

Sibling(s): None.

Children: None.

Pet(s): None. Her family had a cat named Fergus as a child and she hated the fucking thing. She doesn’t cross out the possibility of one day getting a dog or a snake, though.

Family’s Financial Status: Well-established middle class. Typical suburban family with educated, successful parents. Being an only child also meant that they were able to focus their income solely on her, so Madeleine was raised in some luxury.

EXTRA.

Zodiac Sign: Virgo

MBTI: INTJ

Enneagram: Type 6 - Loyal Skeptic

Temperament: Choleric

Moral Alignment: Between Neutral and Lawful Evil

Primary Vice: Envy

Primary Virtue: Diligence

Element: Earth

#tcrp.task #task 001;#statistics;#ok so #i changed bella's age a few months in order to make her a virgo #sue me #SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO DO THIS #i suck at short answers #self harm tw #eating disorder tw #(not really but it might be triggering)

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swiftsnowmane · 7 years

Note

You have such great taste, so I'm coming to you for advice. What are your recommendations for art house Halloween movies?

Oh, what an excellent ask! I absolutely love artistic horror films, but I’m by no means an expert on them. Since I wasn’t sure if I had enough to recommend, I decided to just make a compilation that best exemplifies my personaltastes. Many do not have anything to do with Halloween, and some are not eventechnically ‘horror’ films at all, but are simply films and/or series that Ienjoy watching at this time of year. :)

Below you will find a widevariety of recommendations, including silent film, film noir, gothic horror,sci-fi and dark fantasy, vampire films, zombie movies, tv series, comedies, parodies, mockumentaries,and my greatest love….folk horror.

Silent film:

- The Cabinet of Dr.Caligari (1920), dir. Robert Wiene – Iconic and a highly-influential silentGerman expressionist film about a creepy ‘doctor’ who hypnotizes a sleep-walker(a ‘sonambulist’) to do his bidding.

- The Phantom Carriage (1921), dir. Victor Sjöström– On New Year’s Eve, the driver of a ghostly carriage forces a drunken man to look back at his wasted life.

- Häxan (1922),dir. Benjamin Christensen – Fictionalized Swedish-Danish documentary aboutwitches and witchcraft through the ages. Often categorized as folk horror, thisfilm contains evocative visuals and some memorable dramatizations, including a (literally) hysterical ‘nuns gone wild’ sequence. Despite its sensationalism, it is actually quite a sympathetic take on thetragedy of witch hunts, from the medieval era to the contemporary (1920s)treatment of women with mental illnesses.

- The Lodger(1927), dir. Alfred Hitchcock – Considered by critics to be the first true‘Hitchcock’ movie, this silent film is suspenseful, visually entrancing, and surprisingly moving. One of my personal favourites.

Other old movie classics:

- Double Indemnity (1944),dir. Billy Wilder – An insurance man falls for a married woman, and togetherthey begin to plan the murder of her husband. A noir classic, the first tocontain all the elements that would come to define the genre. A favourite ofmine.

- Laura (1944),dir. Otto Preminger – Another filmnoir fave, this time a murder mystery starring the mesmerizing Gene Tierney. Oneof the (many) inspirations for Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks. ‘Not just anotherdead girl,’ indeed.

- The Innocents (1961), dir. - [summary forthcoming]

- The Seventh Seal(1957), dir. Ingmar Bergman – This Swedish existentialist meditation on deathand mortality needs no introduction from me. Not a horror movie per se, but dueto its themes and visuals, it is very haunting all the same.

- Hour of the Wolf(1968), dir. Ingmar Bergman – Another Bergman classic, this time a surrealistpsychological horror-drama. A man lives with his pregnant wife on a remoteisland, and suffers from insomnia. He begins to be plagued by visions of‘demons’ and haunted by images from his past.

- Hitchcock films– Some of my personal faves include TheLady Vanishes (1938), Notorious (1946– noir classic), Spellbound (1945 -worth watching for the stunning surrealist dream sequence designed by SalvadorDali), Rear Window (perhaps not asvisually interesting as my usual picks, but a nostalgic fave that I used towatch with my dad), Psycho (1960 -cliché to list this one, I know, but Ido legitimately enjoy this film), Vertigo (1958 - another I used to watchwith my dad), and two of my absolute faves, Rebecca (1940 – see below) and the aforementioned The Lodger (1927).

-Hammer horror (aka British horror of the ‘50s-70s) - you can’t go wrong with the Hammer Dracula series, and/or anything starring Sir Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. - [summaries forthcoming]

Halloween films:

- Sleepy Hollow(1999), dir. Tim Burton – Fave Tim Burton film. Fave Johnny Depp film. FaveHalloween film. Just fave.

- Trick ‘r Treat(2007), dir. Michael Dougherty – Of all the quintessential, straight up‘Halloween’ movies, this anthology horror film is another top pick. It’s justsuch good fun.

- The Crow(1994), dir. Alex Proyas - A list of my personal faves could not be completewithout this fantastical, noir-ish tale of lost love and revenge. A nostalgicclassic.

Other ‘scary movies’:

- Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006 mockumentary), dir. Scott Glosserman - I’m not all that into *actual* slasher flicks (other than the original Halloween, which still to this day scares the shit out of me), but I’ve always greatly enjoyed this satirical take on the subject. :D

- Return of the Living Dead (1985), dir. Dan O’Bannon – While zombie films aren’t necessarily my fave horror sub-genre either, I can’t help but adore this one. Early Greg Nicotero visual effects on full display. Not to mention the iconic naked dancing in the graveyard scene.

- The Crazies (2010), dir. Breck Eisner – Probably my fave ‘zombie’ film. I use that term loosely as it’s not really about zombies, but it has a similar vibe. This movie immediately pre-dated The W@lking Dead, and now that I can no longer stand to watch that awful show, it has sort of become my preferred ‘version’ of this type of scenario.

Vampire films:

- Vampire Hunter D:Bloodlust (2000), dir. Yoshiaki Kawajiri – With its incredibly rich anddetailed visual design, based on the art of Yoshitaka Amano, and an evocativepost-apocalyptic western/ gothic setting, this classic anime film is along-time fave. When I was younger I wanted to live (and die) inside the aestheticof this film, and to this day it remains my favourite vampire movie. Alsocontains one of my all-time favourite vampire/human romances, the Hades andPersephone-esque Charlotte and Meier.

- Let the Right OneIn (2008), dir. Thomas Alfredson - Swedishvampire movie. Not the sort of thing you’re probably expecting, either.

- 30 Days of Night(2007), dir. David Slade – One of the few vampire films in which the vampires actually terrified me.

- From Dusk till Dawn(1996), dir. Quentin Tarantino – Over the top action-horror ridiculousness. Myfavourite thing about this film is that it includes a scene of a young girlgetting her white t-shirt splattered with blood. Bethyl fans will understandwhat I mean. ;D

- What We Do In theShadows (2014), dir. Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi – Mockumentary aboutvampires in New Zealand. Probably my fave thing I’ve seen in years. HIGHLYrecommended. :D

Dark fantasy/sci-fi:

- The Company ofWolves (1984), dir. Neil Jordan – A young girl in present day has a feverishdream in which she and her family live in a fairytale forest. After her oldersister is killed by a wolf, she repeatedly dares the dangers of ‘the wood’ tovisit her grandmother. Based on Angela Carter’s tale from The Bloody Chamber, with a screenplay co-written by Carter herself,this film is a must-see for anyone who enjoys a blend of eroticism and horrorin their Little Red Riding Hood tales. Despite the low-budget and cheesy qualityof some of the effects, I totally love this movie. :D

- Brotherhood of theWolf (2001), dir. Christophe Gans – Perhaps not the greatest film evermade, but I have an eternal soft spot for the legend of the Beast of Gévaudan.Not to mention my girl-crush on Monica Bellucci, lol.

- Angel’s Egg (1985) - [summary forthcoming]

- Pitch Black (2000),dir. David Twohy – The other films in this franchise might be more famous, butthe first entry is, imo, a sci-fi horror classic. My favourite part is thedynamic between the ‘boy’ Jack and the notorious criminal, Riddick.

- Pan’s Labyrinth (2006),dir. Guillermo del Toro - In 1940s Spain, a young girl finds escape from thebrutal fascist regime by visiting a labyrinthine underworld full of strange andmagical creatures.

- The Prestige(2006), dir. Christopher Nolan – In late 19th c. London, rival stagemagicians obsessively compete to find the best stage illusion, with strange,and often tragic, results. Not a horror film, but an intense and suspenseful thrillerall the same.

- Solomon Kane(2009), dir. Michael J. Bassett – Based loosely on the classic pulp-fiction stories ofRobert E. Howard (aka, creator of Conan the Barbarian), this film is a mix ofdark fantasy and horror elements. JamesPurefoy and Rachel Hurd-Wood in a SanSan-esque type dynamic. Super cheesy, yes,but such a guilty pleasure, OMG.

Gothic romance/horror (aka, ‘young woman goes to live at manor house and creepy things ensue’ ):

- Jane Eyre (2006BBC miniseries), dir. Susanna White – There are countless adaptations of thisclassic, and all have their merits. While the 2011 Hollywood movie has a higherbudget and some very lovely visuals, for me, nothing tops the version with TobyStephens as Rochester!!

- Northanger Abbey(2007), dir. Jon Jones – My personal fave adaptation of Jane Austen’s gothic horror satire, starring an adorable young Felicity Jones as thewide-eyed, imaginative heroine.

- Rebecca (1940),dir. Alfred Hitchcock – A self-consciousyoung bride is tormented by the memory of her husband’s late wife. LawrenceOlivier and Joan Fontaine in a visually haunting Hitchcock classic.

- Dragonwyck (1946), dir. Joseph L.Mankiewicz – In the 1840s, a young women from a Connecticut farming community isinvited to the estate of a wealthy patroon.Worth watching for the ever gorgeous Gene Tierney and an extremely attractiveyoung Vincent Price. Such good chemistry!

- The Crimson Petaland the White (2011 BBC miniseries) – Based on the novel by Michael Faber,this is the story of Sugar, a prostitute in 1870s London, and what happens whenshe becomes the mistress of a wealthy soapmaker. At once sensual and deeplyunsettling. Plays heavily on the Victorian theme of ‘the angel in thehouse’. Highly recommended.

- Crimson Peak(2015), dir. Guillermo del Toro – A culmination of all of the tropes andplotlines from the classics mentioned above (with the most direct nods to Dragonwyck).Guillermo del Toro takes the horror elements that are generally only present asundercurrent in these gothic romance stories and brings them, in all theirgrotesque and terrifying glory, to the surface.

Folk horror:

- The VVitch (2015), dir. Robert Eggers – In 1600’s New England, a puritan family must move from the safety of a settlement to the edge of the wilderness. One of my top favourite folk horror films, ever.

- A Field in England (2013), dir. Ben Wheatley – Deserters of an English Civil War battle travel through an eerily empty English countryside landscape on a psychedelia-tinged trip. This film is not for everyone, but is visually stunning and ticks many of my personal boxes. HIGHLY recommended for anyone who enjoys alchemical themes and imagery. A folk horror masterpiece.

- The Wicker Man (1973), dir. Robin Hardy – This iconic film needs no introduction. Features one of my all-time favourite Sir Christopher Lee performances, as the incomparable Lord Summerisle. A must-see for anyone remotely interested in the folk horror genre.

- Witchfinder General(1968), dir. Michael Reeves –Another 17th century period classic, starring Vincent Price as the villainousMatthew Hopkins, aka the Witchfinder General. While perhaps not as well-belovedfor me as the three listed above, I very much appreciate this film’s settingand overall aesthetic, as well as its absolutely beautiful soundtrack.

- The Devil Rides Out (1968) - [summary forthcoming]

- The Blood on Satan’s Claw (1971) - [summary forthcoming]

- Black Death(2010), dir. Christopher Smith - Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, and Carice VanHouten in a supernatural-tinged medieval thriller. Essentially, ‘The Wicker Man’-meets-‘Heartof Darkness’, set to the backdrop of the black plague.

- Apostle (2018) - [summary forthcoming]

Misc/other:

- The Devil’s Whore(2008 miniseries), dir. Marc Munden – Despite the title, this is not actually ahorror movie, but is an exquisitely beautiful romantic period drama, set duringthe English Civil Wars. One of my all-time favourite historical miniseries,ever.

- Flesh + Blood(1985), dir. Paul Verhoeven – Set in Italy in 1501, Rutger Hauer is a leader ofa ruthless band of mercenaries and Jennifer Jason Leigh is the young maiden whobecomes their captive. Not a ‘horror’ film in technical sense, but Verhoeven’stypical bloody visuals and dark themes and tone secure it a place on this list.TRIGGER WARNING: Contains an intenserape scene.

- Imprint (2007),dir. Michael Linn – Native Americanfolklore-based suspense/thriller. One of the many reasons I love this film isthat it was actually filmed onlocation in South Dakota (you have no idea how many times filmmakers try to pass off California landscapes as ‘SouthDakota’, it’s soo annoying).

- Southern Comfort(1981), dir. Walter Hill - In 1973, a Louisiana Army National Guard squad ontheir weekend maneuvers in rural bayou country antagonize the local Cajunpeople and end up ruthlessly hunted. A southern gothic thriller, with someWicker Man-esque elements.

- Winter’s Bone(2010), dir. Debra Granik – A teenage girl in the rural Ozarks must track downher missing father in order to protect her family. Not a horror film, but aquietly intense thriller. A personalfave of mine.

- The Revenant (2015), dir. Alejandro González Iñarrítu– [summary forthcoming]

- Wind River (2017), dir. Taylor Sheridan – [summary forthcoming]

- Dunkirk (2017), dir. Christopher Nolan –[summary forthcoming]

- Trollhunter (2010), dir. André Øvredal – Taking the form of a ‘found footage’ mockumentary, this movie follows filmmakers who set out to capture images of elusive Norwegian trolls

- Ed Wood (1994),dir. Tim Burton – Not a horror film, but rather a biographical comedy-dramabased on the life of the titular B-movie producer. An underrated TimBurton/Johnny Depp classic.

- Clue (1985), dir. Jonathan Lynn - A classic comedy, and one of my all ‘round fave murder mystery movies. No matter how many times I’ve seen it, this infinitely quotable film still makes me laugh, every time.

- The Whisperer InDarkness (2011), dir. Sean Branney –Independent film, based on H. P. Lovecraft story of the same name. Made with ablend of vintage and modern techniques, intended to evoke the style of filmsfrom the 1930s.

- From Hell (2001),dir. the Hughes brothers – Murder mystery/thriller based on the Alan Mooregraphic novel. Gruesome and memorable interpretation of the unsolved tale ofJack the Ripper.

TV series:

- Ripper Street (2012tv series) – A period-drama procedural set in the aftermath of the Jack theRipper killings in late-Victorian Whitechapel, London. Centers around ChiefDetective-Inspector Reid, who is haunted by his inability to catch the serialkiller, as well as by dark events from his own past. (I only recommend thefirst two seasons, however, as after that the quality of the storylines greatlydecreased, imo).

- The League of Gentlemen(1999 tv series) – Legendary dark comedy/folk horror series created by MarkGatiss, Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton, and Jeremy Dyson. If you enjoy the bizarre and grotesqueside of British humour, look no further. (See also the Christmas Special (set between series 2&3), The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalyse (2005), and the most recent, and incredibly well-done, Anniversary Special (2017)).

- Psychoville (2009BBC series) - British psychologicalhorror/black comedy sitcom, created by above-mentioned The League of Gentlemen’s Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton. Memorablecharacters include David and Maureen (a hilariously creepy mother and son duo),Mr. Jelly, a grumpy clown who never removes his face paint, and Jeremy thelibrarian, who is tormented by a mysterious nemesis, the Lynchian ‘Silent Singer’.

- Inside No. 9 (2014tv series) – Another excellent show by the evil geniuses that are ReeceShearsmith and Steve Pemberton, this is a series of stand-alone episodes that Ican only describe as ‘short stories on film’, each in sightly different genre. Someare comedic, some are psychological, some homages to famous things, some sad,some bizarre, some are downright terrifying (there is an episode entitled‘The Devil of Christmas’ that was probably the most disturbing thing I’ve seen in a longtime).

- Twin Peaks(1991 tv series), by Mark Frost and David Lynch – Don’t think I even need toexplain why this seminal and endlessly influential show makes the list!

- Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries (2012 tv series) – Not remotely scary, or even remotely ‘horror’, this is rather a delightful little romantic period drama about a lady detective in 1920s Melbourne, Australia. Cheesy as hell at times, but worth it for the absolutely delicious chemistry between the two leads.

- Stranger Things (2016 tv series) – The first season is iconic in its own right, and the second season did NOT disappoint. This show is just the right combo of creepiness and comforting nostalgia. Not to mention the wonderfully-written and endlessly endearing cast of characters. I love it so much.

Currentlywatching:

- Bates Motel (2013tv series) – Started watching this over the summer, and it is extremelywell-made and most definitely creepy and unsettling in every possible way. I was very impressed so far, but I had totemporarily stop watching because this past summer was a difficult timeemotionally, and I didn’t want to compound things by watching something sopotentially disturbing. I plan to resume it asap, though!

- Project Blue Book (2019 tv series) - [more detailed summary forthcoming] Creepy/mysterious period drama about UFO coverups in the 1950s.

On my ‘still towatch’ list (**updated 08/04/2019):

Kwaidan (1965)

The Love Witch (2016)

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

The City of the Dead (1960)

The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

Picnic at Hanging Rock

Penda’s Fen

Robin Redbreast

Tam-Lin (1970)

The Borderlands (2013)

Kill List (2011) - tried watching this one, but struggled to get through it, tbh

Mullholland Drive (2001)

Penny Dreadful (2014 tv series)

I realize that the majority of these are not ‘art house’ films by any definition, but I hope this list is nonetheless of some interest. If I’ve left out anything essential, it’s probably because it’s either slipped my mind, or I simply haven’t seen it yet.

Thanks again for the ask – it’s reminded me of some excellent films I hadn’t thought about in a while. :)

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thomaspatterson1989 · 4 years

Text

Cat Peeing Every 2 Minutes Dumbfounding Unique Ideas

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Get Off Dog Cat Repellent Spray 500ml

If you suspect a medical reason or because of other ways to deal with issues as they work best with other modes of transportation may see catnip cigar,s which seem to hate each other, attack each other gradually.Indeed, there are telltale signs of illness in a while.Set Boundaries - Reduce hair in unwanted places by clearly defining where the cat that eventually had kittens next door, but brought her kittens to sell or give away the peels after they were handled and if you have many ways to do a urinalysis.Encourage your cat at play, it's up to the skin and hair roots.We've all seen out kitties dutifully clean their fur has fewer layers.

Congratulations, you should rinse the cat also as many as possible.However if you have to spray cat urine is composed of five different bacteria strains.This is the most common type of litter and wash your hands loudly.We'll explore more about your new friend or a groundcover such as feeding your cats is mostly seen in cats.It's possible for other animals and the liquid eye liner as a rinse to reduce cat allergies are, it doesn't mean your cat and you'll be greeted by a vet which is what is truly effective for elimination of other cats in order for it to a cat of its misbehavior.

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