#*bathroom sorry

[kingkatsuki]

Can’t stop thinking about trying for a baby with Bakugou.

You[7.05PM]: I’m ovulating.

Bakugou raises a brow from across the room after reading the text you’d just sent him. A bottle of beer perched in his other hand as Sero and Kirishima continue their conversation either side of him.

Since having the discussion about trying for a baby, neither of you had managed to find any spare time together to try. Your conflicting work schedules paired with social engagements had meant that time together was few and far between, seeing more of him on the news than in real life as of late.

“What?” Bakugou mouthed to you as you tilted your head towards the bathroom, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

You tried to take a sip of your drink, motioning towards Mina’s bathroom as your friends continued to chatter around the living room.

Deciding to send another text to your perplexed boyfriend as you made a scene emptying your glass, downing the liquid as you motioned that you were going to grab another drink before leaving the room.

You[7.10PM]: Bathroom now.

There was a slight rap against the door as you opened it, tugging your boyfriend into the pink room in haste. Your hands poised on his arms as he kept you pinned between his body and the counter inside the small downstairs toilet.

“What the fuck are you doin’, woman?” Bakugou couldn’t hide the amused smirk on his face as he motioned towards the door, “You actin’ like a randy teenager or something?”

“We can’t waste time,” You practically whined, moving to paw at his jeans as you noticed in amusement that he was already half hard, “Now’s the best time to try—”

“How’d you know?” Bakugou didn’t stop you from unbuckling his belt, letting the leather hang in the loops as you moved to attack the zipper.

“I downloaded this app to help track my cycle.” You replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“There’s an app for that?” He snorted.

“Yeah,” You grinned, “It tells me the best time to try and conceive.”

“You don’t need that shit,” Bakugou scoffed, moving his large palms against your hips to turn you to face the mirror. Crimson eyes staring back at you in your reflection as he gave you a smug grin, “You really think I need help fuckin’ a baby into ya?”

#you know it would take ONE TIME and he’d be done #ONE #thinking about fucking bakugou in bathrooms sorry not sorry #soft bakugou #Bakugou x reader

[thedreadvampy]

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

#red said #it's just. I'm obsessed. #everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong #this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT #because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION #i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this? #why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered #but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances #then she left and nothing else occurred' #if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING #i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened #because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all. #a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman #b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening #c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that? #you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much #it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'

[cemeterything]

not my usual kind of posting but i genuinely hate how unpleasant having chronic gastrointestinal issues makes your life. even if it was more socially acceptable i would still be in excruciating pain every single day of my life just for doing something that's necessary to live. the fact that it also makes other people think you're disgusting and embarrassing just compounds the misery.

#🐉 #sorry i know youre supposed to try to look at these things constructively #but it fucking sucks! #and its not even technically classed as a disability. youre just Guy Who Always Needs The Bathroom. #like. i feel like im going to puke every day of my life but its haha funny because toilet humour.

[charmac]

Mac McDonald - "Gay"

#iasip #mac mcdonald #gay mac rules #oc #sorry for the indigo readability i spent like an hour and thats the best shade i could get #annoyed there was no s16 direct gay mention #gay ass season but no 'gay' lol #eps in order for you -> #Mac's Banging the Waitress #Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom #The Gang Sells Out #Mac Fights Gay Marriage #Mac Day #Asskickers United #The Gang Goes to Hell #x2 #Hero or Hate Crime #The Gang Tends Bar #The Gang Gets New Wheels #The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem #The Gang Gets Romantic #The Gang Texts #The Gang's Still in Ireland #Mac Finds His Pride

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

RE2 lethan AU where leon finds ethan hiding under a desk in the racoon police station

#ethan winters #leon kennedy #resident evil #rebhfun #resident evil fanart #resident evil 2 #lethan #i cant decide if loen finds him hiding in a bathroom stall #or under a desk #they r both funny #he baricades himself under the desk with computers lol #leons finds him on accident and shoots him in the wrist on reflex #sorry ethan has to get at least a minimum of 2 hand injuries a game #this also applies to made up AUs #camera shy photographer is also funny #'haha say cheese leoonn' #'haha ok ur turn' #and ethan shatters his camera on the floor #'oops haha looks like we cant take anymore photos'

[callisteios]

I have a new uquiz for you, go on a pilgrimage with me. discover who you are.

#don't you want to go on a nice medieval pilgrimage? #don't you want to rest a little? answer some questions? learn something about yourself? #this was originally a pentiment medieval quiz and now it's this #it's pretty good imo though. i had a lot of fun researching it #yes there really is a biblio. ill write it up soon but its parts of the pentiment biblio plus some stuff i found myself #really thank you to everyone who made pentiment. you know how sometimes you find a piece of art at exactly the right time? #well i discovered pentiment just as my interests perfectly intersected with it. (those interests being history historiography and grief) #have fun etc. tag your results #that's always great #quiz #uquiz #pentiment #medieval #mine #sorry for being absent for a bit. holidays kind of suck #sorry abbie i couldnt fit the saw bathroom in thisone. i couldn't think of a way to do it naturally #i listened to SAVED! and SINNER GET READY the entire time i was writing this so yeah there's a ref. sue me

[macbeth-s]

foreign guy on the ship in 1899 monologuing abt their tragic past & trauma vs the other guy who didn't understand a single word said cause it was all in another language & they're just running off of vibes

#1899 #1899 spoilers #when the danish spanish french german english guy has been talking for 20 minutes #but you just asked where the bathroom was 🤡🤡 #im happy for you or sorry that happened #myedit

[your-friendly-neighbourh00d-fag]

#saw #adam faulkner stanheight #amanda young #saw iii #im not sorry for this i go feral evryt time thst i see him in that fuckass bathroom #mikey.txt.

[inkskinned]

am i gonna put you in the book acknowledgements am i gonna be able to say your name without flinching am i ever gonna get a word in edgewise am i ever gonna recover the time i spent with you. computer virus kid; i arrived in your life already begging to be let in. somehow insecure i could even be your friend. like you had a line outside the door and we were all shifting our weight, begging.

you're so fucking good at that - at making people feel like they need to earn you, like you're a commodity none of us can afford. no kindness or careful communication could work on you - you were so good at just going-ghost, about deciding someone just wasn't cool-enough. something about that is super ironic. even the parts of it that weren't romantic felt like a romance book. i wanted you to like me so badly i scrubbed myself clean just so you'd spare me - what. your favor? a look?

okay okay okay. it's just a friendship - if it was even true that we were friends, if you even saw me as someone you trusted. on reddit someone would tell me girl literally just cut her out of your life, it's not that difficult. even i was aware of how fucked up the whole situation was. like, why the fuck do i even care about your approval? you're like, not even that fun to be around. you are often a little bit cruel.

but for almost four years of my life, i thought i had found someone like me. somebody who liked the same things i do. someone who liked to read and who liked making jokes with esoteric references and who spent maybe too much time on the internet and who was absolutely a little bit pretentious. i don't know, something about that was powerful and addictive.

i keep thinking about our last conversation. about how i said - okay, enough is enough. you pushed me too far, you really hurt my feelings.

and how you laughed and said - you think you're the victim?

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #she physically assaulted me and then screamed in my face #but not before sh'ing first and blaming it on me #while she was locked in my bathroom. at 1 in the morning #while i begged her to please just calm down and to try taking a deep breath and to go to sleep #and then she was like - ur just like my abuser #bc she had screamed in my face which was triggering to me and i froze like a deer in the headlights #and since i had shut down at that point evidently i was the problem child #i know she is out there telling our mutual friends i abandoned her and it makes me SO pissed off #like dude you spent so much fucking time forgiving & forgetting that your decrepit asshole of a boyfriend #pushed me down in the fucking hallway #but noooo hes <3 troubled <3 at 43 and divorced #bc according to you it's important that u don't '''see anyone as a monster'' #but god forbid i not handle you SCREAMING IN MY FACE #i couldnt even get you to say sorry for crossing my original and only boundary you were like ''what did you want me to do'' #babe i said 'the bf is not allowed around here he scares me and u said ur broken up with him' #that was the thing i wanted you to do: not fucking invite him to WHERE I LIVED #godddd typing this shit out and knowing it's only 2% of what actually happened makes me feel pathetic #i can't believe i let you treat me like that. you were a TERRIBLE friend.

[hhhhleb]

Marc is so proud of him...

pt 1 pt 2 pt 3

ps Steven actually knows how to hold it properly, he just doesn't like lifting weights))

#moon knight #steven grant #marc spector #jake lockley #comics #little!jake #I can’t for life understand how Steven’s apartment works #so it mostly just one big headcanon of mine….. #I’m sorry…. #love drawing Steven’s gasps #it’s so him…. #based on irl events #my brother and I assembled and hung shelves in his bathroom #took us long enough to figure out how to hold it so that it wouldn't crash into anything:D

[seb-boo]

Seb's Head & Jenson's Shoulders

#being incredibly self-indulgent #imagine they are in the same bathroom <3 #sebson #sebastian vettel #jenson button #head & shoulders #get it cause seb's smart and jense offers his shoulders to cry on #sorry #emo!seb #just cause I genuinely wonder if they put eyeliner on seb #neck #pecs #boo!gif #mdl!jsn #mdl!seb #2011

[zer0point5ive]

#sorry. ! #saw x #saw #amanda young #adam stanheight #at this point everyone’s dead apart from like. lawrence right #that’s actually so wild one of the only people left is the gay doctor from the 2004 bathroom #the power of being a divorced repressed homosexual who hasn’t got custody of his kid #lost his twink though :( so sad. So sad for lawrence everyone shed a tear #💽 #wait #saw x spoilers #do i need to say that #probably

[naturecalls111]

Me, consuming any other media ever: how can I make this about zosan

#nc111 talks #zosan #this is about me playing fe3h for the eighteen billionth time and finding little delusional concepts in sylvix that makes me go #'nod nod nod that's so zosan of them so true' #like objectively it really isn't zosan of them at all but sometimes I see it between the lines and I'm like oh zosan sunglasses emoji #if you dare me i can even find the lawlu in sylvix im so talented #I'm not even kidding if someone made a game out of turning things into zosan i would never lose #i had an ant infestation in my bathroom the other day and I made it about zosan #my brother was like WE HAVE BIGGER ISSUES THAN YOUR YAOI RIGHT NOW #like........ there is no bigger issue than my yaoi at any given moment.....ever.......... #whispers although I have to admit I enjoy the sylvix dynamic more than i do the zosa- *gets shot* #im so sorry there's just only so much bickering i can take before i'm like *smacks ship* I NEED YOU TO BE MORE BLATANTLY KIND TO EACH OTHER #In a way that doesn't feel so teeth-gritty or. well. OOC. LOL #Anyone who likes sylvix AND zosan will know what i mean I'm not going to explain it. iykyk #WAIT LMAO IM NOT DONE. EDIT: #when my first boyfriend broke up with me i was a melodramatic little shit about it #had a diary that i would like pour my heart into and the other day i came across it #and it's really telling that my first thought was “omg.... so zosan-” LIKE GIRL GET A GRIP YOU ARE DETACHING FROM REALITY #all for zosan CRIES ALL FOR ZOSAN...

[trojan-rabbit]

He's doing fine. Just fine. Great, actually. Why do you ask?

#I know the thing in the bathroom is supposedly a blunt or whatever but it just looks like a tampon to me I'M SORRY #atimers #at #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time #simon petrikov #fan art #sketch

[charmac]

The greatest proof of Macdennis canon isn't all the psychosexual shit the two of them have going on, but the fact that Dee and Mac's relationship is best characterised as "siblings-in-law"

#iasip #macdee #macdennis #adjacent that is... #i love the dynamics of the three of them to death #makes my brain buzz #bathroom problem line is from bloopers btw sorry #but i love it #OC

[indouloureux]

what about Eddie squeezing readers ass as she rides him :(

i keep on seeing people saying eddie is a boob man or an ass man but he's just a man man with a dick who loves boobies and butts. but he will, squeeze your ass whenever you ride him.

your walls are warm and wet and tight, just snug around his cock, sliding yourself up and down, occasionally grinding onto him to gather up all the energy you exerted, being so determined to fuck him pussy drunk and you succeeded— he's babbling on and on about how amazing your cunt is.

"oh my fucking god," he moans, throwing his head back on the couch. your lifting your ass, slamming yourself down to him, legs spread open by his hands so he'd take a glimpse of your cunt sucking his cock in. there's a puddle right on his bush, his happy trail glistening by your slick that drips down onto your thighs, your clit engorged after you'd sat on his face and he fucked you with his tongue until you gushed and gushed.

he moves his hands away from your knees to trace the slope of your back, your tits bouncing at his face and your eyes rolling to the back of your head every time his head would hit deep inside you. then he's gripping the fat flesh of your ass with the energy that's left, spreading them apart, imagining how your puckered little rim would gape at every impact of your ass on his thighs and your cunt on his heavy balls.

you rub your own clit and he almost loses it; when you clench around him, suctioning him inside of you, you could stand up and his dick would stay inside. it's morbid, it's grotesque, but he's pussy drunk and he's all "god, your pussy's amazing. 'm gonna cum if you keep fucking riding me like that—shit, yeah."

and since he's so filthy, he'd take your slick from your cunt, gathering it in his thumb so he could play with your asshole, circling around the tight rim until he pushes it in, your mewls and sobs getting louder and lewder.

#sorry it's short #i'm actually in the bathroom writing this #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut