An entry for @cooldoodl ‘s dtiys on Instagram!
I’m real jazzed with how this came out. I actually took time to do the light and shadows and shapes. Which I usually hate to do, it stresses me out. But I think this came out pretty good!
Wip below
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you asked for inspo so here:
"loneliness, habitually looking at your side and finding an empty space, late nights, missed calls, nostalgia"
(don't ask who hurt me lol)
i dream of him every day, you know? it’s been a year and two months since the last time we talked properly. more than 10 months since i saw his face. it’s summer of 2024 and i don’t know who i am to you. hell, i don’t know what i am to me, either. but when i close my eyes, i am in highschool and our shoulders are touching and i laugh at every stupid thing he says because of course i do. and his eyes always lit up when i did. in my dreams, he says that he loves me and that he’s sorry. but here’s the catch: i always know i’m dreaming.
to dream and know you’re dreaming is the greatest curse of them all. because it’s there, it’s right there, happiness that’s cotton candy sweet melting on your tongue it’s there it’s there but you know it’s not true. because you’ve never had cotton candy before and your mom has always told you girls with rotten teeth don’t deserve sweets. because he says he loves you. because he’s smiling and it’s not crooked and he says he loves you. because you’re thinking of him with a feather-light chest and not weeping into your best friend’s arms. because he says he loves you and your teeth is not rotten.
but i wake up and don’t cry. i miss him, but i don’t cry. i don’t even remember his face right but i miss him. but i don’t cry. when i do, it's always the stupidest things that set it off.
it's 11:30pm and i should be sleeping but here i am, staring at the tears staining my pillow and telling myself, "stop. stop crying. stop. why are you crying?"
it's all so incredibly stupid.
i can't play fight with my friends anymore because i'm afraid they'll just leave. i can't be mean for shits and giggles. because what if that's the breaking point? what if someone gets bored of my clown fuckery there and decides to give up on me. what will i do with my red nose and jester's hat and bleeding smile? what will i do?
i don't know if I miss you or miss who i was before you anymore. i don't remember what it felt like, to be so sure that i am loved. because i am, i know i am! but now with that knowledge comes a creeping whisper, "what's the price you have to pay to make them stay?"
i don't know. it terrifies me.
calls pile up on my phone and i hate that sometimes i can’t even care enough to be guilty about it. my friends text me often, “are you even alive? please call me back.” and i don’t know what to tell them. i don’t know who i am. can you come over? i’m afraid i’ll forget your face. can you come over? i’m afraid you’ll forget my face. can you come over? i am so lonely. can you come over? i can’t stop dreaming and nostalgia feels like a knife to my throat and i keep twisting it in deeper and deeper and deeper and-
can you come over? i don’t know why i can’t forget your laugh. i don’t know if i can ever stop screaming.
i look at my side and find it’s empty. i look for your photos in my gallery and come up empty because i deleted the last one a week ago. but it doesn’t matter, because they all look wrong, anyway. none of them know how you smile. none of them are real. none of them know you like i do. i can’t stop dreaming. i am a liar who knows he’s a liar and the knife twists deeper and why didn’t you look back? why can’t i stop dreaming?
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AUTISTIC RIZZ:
hey girl are you social cues because i can’t understand you but i wish i could ;3
hey girl are you a niche interest because im hyper fixated on you ;3
hey girl are you my headphones in public spaces because i need you ;3
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I obviously don't know anything about what goes on behind the scenes of the Fable Cast, but im willing to bet that they have these rules:
1) If you are to join Fable SMP cast, you must be LGBT and/or have pretty privilege
2) If you create a villain - no matter how evil or morally grey - they must follow the "if evil why hot/pretty?" line
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Christen Press & Simone Charley | Angel City FC vs. NJ/NY Gotham FC - May 29, 2022
📸: acfconfilm via IG Stories
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