#(mariana is not here but I care her too!! she will be here more often in the future I swear I fuckign swear......)

[yerrmar]

𝐀 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬

!Fem! reader child of Persephone x Luke Castellan

Summary: you’re just like your mother a loyal sweetheart who’s feared by her enemies; he’s just like Hades completely mesmerised.

warnings: The reader can get quite dark when she’s angry, and Luke is his lovely self, swearing, mentions of: war, violence, killing, and blood.

notes: this is my first time writing on here and writing like this so sorry if it’s shitty im not that good at writing, I just loved this idea and wanted to write it so bad because like i don’t know how to ask someone else to write it if you get what i mean😫

You have a heart made of roses and thorns, beautiful to look at, but if you get too close be careful not to get pricked.

That’s what people at camp liked to do anyway, just look at you. They didn’t want to hear you speak. You are just a pretty face that would never get old. Endlessly, boys and girls plucked petals from your beautiful rose garden, gently placing them into their hands before tearing them apart; right in front of your face. All anyone thought of you for was your beauty, not your fighting skills, or your love for flowers, and not how wicked your mind could be.

It wasn’t something you made people aware of. Why would you? Why would you ever want people to know about your deep loathing for this stupid camp and the Gods that ruled over the earth? They’re pathetic-you hate them, the way they feed off of their children’s desperate cries to be loved, and how they would start wars just because they can.

You hate their children too, for wanting to be like them. For desiring history to continuously be repeated. Watching them never take the fucking hint that their parent has no interest in them. That’s pathetic. Every single thing in this world is pathetic; at least it makes you laugh.

Your mother, on the other hand, isn't like them. She could never be like them. She gives a fuck about you, you didn’t even need to beg her for a reply. There was no wonder Chiron tells you that you are the exact double of her, you are a seed that dispersed from her golden rose.

You always dreamed of a love like Persephone’s and Hades-their love runs deeper than the Mariana Trench. Their loyalty put all the gods to shame. I mean, yes it was bad that he kidnapped her you wouldn’t dismiss that, it was just how they found so much love for each other. But a hard truth that you needed to realise was that the only thing you could ever be loved for is your pretty face.

But you didn’t mind, it's easier to manipulate people when they can’t tear their stare away from your enchanting face. Though it makes you feel miserable most of the time; you just wish that someone would see you for everything you are.

That someone being Luke Castellan- unknowingly to you, he adores everything about you. He often observes how gentle you are when you’re tending to wounds, or taking care of your plants, he can’t help but smile at the motions. Your heart is a mystery to him, how can a person have that much love in their body and not even a pinch of darkness?

Everyone at Camp loves Luke, he's admired by all. He's also talented at hiding his true intentions and feelings.

You knew who the boy was. If you didn't you had probably only just joined camp half-blood. Luke Castellan, the best swordsman and a total heart-throb, you found the boy to be very attractive. You didn’t mean to stare at him during training, but you couldn't help it, everything about him made your stomach do flips. The only downside is that you two had never held an actual conversation before, always just quick hellos as you passed each other, even from that you were longing for him to just give you something more. Something better.

That was till one night, his mind had been racing with dark thoughts that he couldn’t shake. Then he saw you sitting on the dock, your feet dangling over the edge. Your feet are submerged in the freezing, pitch-black water. He wondered what you were doing up so late. As he got closer; the image of you became clearer. His eyes wandered over you. Usually, you had a flower sitting in your hair, but tonight you didn’t. Dried blood covered your knuckles; he could’ve sworn he saw a smirk on your face before he made himself known.

“Are you cold?”

You don't need to look at the person to know who it is. You've dreamed of his voice too often for it not to become familiar.

“No.” You replied, your voice as cold as the chilly air. Winter was arriving, and that's when you unconsciously became more closed off.

Luke frowned watching as your body trembled due to the freezing temperature, “Are you sure? You can borrow my jacket.”

His eyes still never left your swollen knuckles, curiosity almost getting the better of him. You groan, wanting to be left alone without being interrupted at least for just a minute, but everything around you seemed to be getting louder, and now here Luke was trying to start small talk.

If it was any other night you would've been happy to engage in conversation with him; tonight was not that night.

“I'm fine.” You snapped. Luke, strangely not taken aback by this action, placed his jacket around your shoulders anyway. And you didn't stop him.

Luke took a seat beside you, he wanted to ask about your bruised knuckles, and now he could see more clearly, he wanted to ask who caused that cut under your eye.

You knew exactly what he was thinking, it’s not like he was being discreet- you saw his eyes tracing over your hand, and how his jaw clenched from seeing your injury.

First, you tried to think of an excuse; you fell. But you couldn't help but want to tell him the truth, it was strange. “Just ask.”

Luke snapped his eyes to look at yours as you finally faced him. He tried to loom confused as if he didn't understand what you're talking about. “Ask what?”

“You know what, don't play dumb with me Castellan.” You scoffed. He loved how you read him like he was a book, if it was anyone else he would've attempted to kill them for reading him so well (it would be harder to hide), but you're different.

“Fine, you got me, princess. What happened to you're hand?” He chuckled.

You'll always stand up for yourself, no matter what. Nobody could ever make you doubt your worth.

So, when a boy from Apollo tried to make you look stupid in front of his friends, you snapped. Whilst you were practising archery, he came up behind you and placed his hand on your waist making you miss the target. He commented on how naive you are, and how you should accept his offer with private “lessons”.

Your fist collided with his nose, making a satisfying crack. You smirked at how he stumbled backwards, his face contorted into an unattractive expression. You would've laughed if it weren't for the judgemental looks you would have received.

People around you gasped, and some even cheered. The boy looked up at you in shock, his nose creating a pool of blood in his hands. “You bitch!” He hissed before lunging at you.

You didn’t have time to react when he slapped you, the sound echoed across the field. His ring got caught under your eye, causing a gash to appear. You held your burning face and snickered.

Finally, something interesting was happening in this shitty camp. You probably looked insane, but you didn’t care; you felt alive.

Your fist met with his face again, rekindling the connection that was once there. This time his whole body dropped to the ground, and you didn't stop there. You wondered how people felt about your pretty face when it was covered in blood.

People came to his rescue after seeing that you had no sign of stopping, even after he passed out. You ignored the disappointment on Chiron's face as he assessed the situation, with a smug expression and your head held high, you walked away.

Luke cursed himself for not being there, how he would kill to see you get angry like that, to watch you make people pay for being ignorant. Just imagining it made him grin. “How did it feel?” Luke spoke softly to you like if he spoke even just a bit louder, you'd shatter like glass.

You’re surprised by this question. His eyes stare deep into your soul-searching for his answer. He looked at you so deeply and intently that it made your cheeks burn. You didn't answer him, you just turned away and focused your attention on the ripples your legs made in the lake. He already knew how you felt, the way you explained the story to him, how you even laughed at one point. He knew that both of you shared the same anger; the same thirst for blood that came from the gods.

He reached out for your face. Gently, he placed his hand on your jaw turning you to face, his finger softly brushing your cheek. “You can trust me.”

His voice made you shudder, you'd never seen him treat someone so delicately. “Good.” She muttered.

“What?” He asked, even though he heard her perfectly fine, he wanted you to be proud. You’re ashamed that it made you feel so good to hurt someone who deserved it, you loved wiping the smirk off the bo's face. It made you feel… powerful.

But you'd never admit that to anyone. Luke understood that, but he wanted you to know you could talk to him about things like that; about anything. “I love duelling, not because it helps me with training, or because I win every time.” Luke smirked watching how you rolled your eyes at his cocky tone, “I love it because it feels so good to get all that anger off your chest. I love how it sounds when my fist meets someone's face. I love how it makes me feel powerful.”

After every sentence, his face got closer to yours, your noses just inches apart. Your breath hitched as he raised his hand to brush your hair behind your ear. He thought you were breathtaking like this, but you're always breathtaking to him.

You could be covered in blood and he'd still want to hold your face in his hands. He'd still kiss you so softly, but he knew he'd be too hungry for your lips to be gentle.

To Luke, his whole world was grey. Recently he hated everything and wanted to destroy it all. But you, you're the only colourful thing in his world. He'd do anything and everything to keep you safe, if anyone touched you he'd kill them. He so badly wanted to show you how perfect you are-he so badly wanted to close the small space that was between the both of you.

“So, how did it feel?” Luke asked again, seeing you give into trusting him.

Finally, you smirked. “It made me feel good. So. Fucking. Good.”

#percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #persephone #oneshot #Spotify #luke castellan fluff #luke castellan fanfic

[all-the-things-2020]

Further Along the Way - Chapter Two

Summary: Things are not going well in the Djarin household until Din gets a lead on a job.

Rating: PG

Notes - Mando’a words:

dar’manda = a state of not being Mandalorian

buir = parent, mother, father

ad = child, son, daughter

briikase = happy

It had been a month since they’d sold the Razor Crest. They had enough credits to cover rent and food for a good eight or nine months, but Din would still feel better if he could just find a steady job. Most of the leads he’d had were for short term jobs, and many were just too dangerous to take Mariana and Ad’ika on, and the rest barely paid enough to cover the cost of transport to the planet they were on. It was frustrating. And it didn’t help that Mariana was getting a bit cranky as her pregnancy progressed.

“I don’t know why I shouldn’t take the job,” she said one evening. “It’s temporary, and you’re not working, so you can watch Ad’ika.”

Din took a deep breath and counted to ten. Mariana had been offered a position filling in for a teacher at the local grammar school who was taking a two month sabbatical. It was with very small children, really glorified babysitting with very little actual teaching, but it would bring in a decent amount of credits. Still, Din was not thrilled with the idea.

“I’d rather you didn’t make a commitment like that right now,” he said carefully. “Two months is a long time.”

Mariana humphed. “Two months is nothing. It’s not like you’ve got anything lined up, anyway.”

“Mar’ika, I’m trying,” he said, rubbing his hand over his face. He was trying very hard not to snap at her but his patience was wearing thin.

“I know you are,” she said, squeezing his shoulder. “But who knows how long it will take to find the right offer? Why not take advantage of this opportunity while we have it?”

He reached up and placed his hand over hers. “I just don’t want you to take any risks, cyar’ika.”

She pulled her hand away. “I don’t think a school is such a dangerous place. I’d be working with little kids, Din, not a bunch of criminals.” She paced the small, one room apartment they’d been renting like a caged wild loth-cat. “I know you want to protect me, but I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I did it for years before you came along.”

“You’d still be a slave if I hadn’t rescued you,” he snapped back.

She glared at him. He didn’t make her angry often, but he’d learned that it was not a smart thing to do. “Oh, forgive me, great savior. I forgot I’m supposed to thank you profusely every day of my life.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, but she was already storming away and into the ‘fresher, the only place to be alone in the tiny apartment. “Cyar’ika,” he called. “Don’t be like this.” How am I going to get through five more months of this?

Ad’ika was wisely playing by himself in the corner. The kid had quickly learned that when Mommy was in a bad mood, it was best to steer clear of her. He cocked his head and gave Din a sad look, shaking his little head. Smart kiddo.

Din sat quietly, waiting for Mariana to come out of the ‘fresher. When she did reappear, she didn’t look much calmer. “I’m going out for a walk,” she said. “I need to get out of here.”

“Mar’ika …” he began but she cut him off.

“Don’t Mar’ika me,” she snapped. “I might be your wife, but I don’t belong to you. So stop acting like I’m a helpless idiot who needs to be protected at all times. I may have been a slave but at least made it through reasonably well-adjusted.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He knew he shouldn’t engage her when she was like this, but he couldn’t help it.

“I’m not the one who hid behind a helmet for twenty-odd years,” she shot back.

Din had no response. He stood, scooped up Ad’ika and walked out the door.

****************

Mariana collapsed on the couch. Shit, shit, shit, she thought. She’d gone too far this time. She knew she’d been being a bitch lately, but she couldn’t help it. The apartment was so small, and her hormones were all over the place. One second she felt like crying because she saw a baby bird out the window; the next she wanted to stab someone because her bootlace had come untied. She was gaining weight and felt dumpy and unattractive, which was ridiculous, because Din was just as amorous as ever, although with Ad’ika sleeping in the same room, they didn’t often get the chance to do more than kiss and cuddle.

She just wished he’d find a job so they could settle down properly. This apartment was cheap and convenient, but not really big enough for the three of them, and it definitely wouldn’t be big enough for four. And now she’d snapped at him and driven him away. Din was quite patient with her most of the time, but she knew she’d really hurt him if he’d taken Ad’ika with him.

It was well over an hour before she heard the door open and Din and Ad’ika stepped into the room. “I brought food,” he said evenly, setting a paper bag down on the table. There were several inexpensive food vendors in their neighborhood and it was often just as cheap to buy meals from them as it was to cook, especially since the kitchen in the apartment wasn’t much bigger than the one in the Razor Crest.

He placed Ad’ika on his high chair and took some plates out of the cupboard. He divvied up the food and set the plates around the table. Mariana took her seat and pulled her plate closer. It was her favorite: grilled vegetables and meat from the stand on the corner next to the park.

Ad’ika and Din began eating silently, but she had no appetite right now. She reached out and placed her hand on Din’s. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know why I do half the things I’ve been doing lately.”

Din stopped eating and twined his fingers through hers. “I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry, too. I pushed you too far.”

“No, no, you didn’t,” she insisted. “I overreacted. Again.” She sighed and lifted his hand to her lips. “I’ll try to do better.”

“It’s not your fault, cyar’ika,” he said. “We’re all still adjusting to everything. I’m adjusting to being dar’manda; you’re adjusting to being pregnant; all three of us are adjusting to living in this tiny apartment … to be honest, Ad’ika is handling things the best. You and I … we’re just muddling through.”

Ad’ika nodded solemnly, although the effect was spoiled by the food that was sticking out of his mouth. Little man really needed to work on taking small bites instead of swallowing things whole.

“Eat,” Din said. “Before Ad’ika steals your dinner.” He made a face at the child, who giggled and grabbed the last bite of food off his own plate.

Mariana picked up her fork and began to eat. She was afraid to ask exactly what kind of meat the cook used, but it was delicious, as always. Din took another bite, then leaned back in his chair.

“Ad’ika and I had a little talk while we were out,” he said. “Remember the time you told me I was broken?”

Mariana put down her fork. “Yes. But I admitted I was broken, too, if you recall.”

Din nodded. “I know. Eat.” He waited until she’d picked her fork back up and taken another bite. “Anyway, I was thinking about being broken and I realized that yes, I’m still broken, and probably always will be, but I'm a lot less broken than I used to be, and it’s all because of the two of you. All three of us are orphans, cast aside, battered by the winds of fate … whatever you want to call it, we’re messed up. But we found each other and together we’ll get through anything the galaxy can throw at us. Even unemployment and a crappy apartment —“

“Crazy hormonal mood swings,” she interrupted with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Especially those,” Din went on, smiling. “Hell, I’d rather face a squad of Deathtroopers than you sometimes.” He winked and she made a face.

“It’s all your fault,” she said. “I didn’t make this baby by myself.”

Din’s face turned serious. “That’s another thing,” he said. “You keep talking about how I’m the only one making any sacrifices, but I just got to do the fun part in this case. You’re the one who has to go through all the shitty parts of pregnancy. I’ve been reading the same stuff you have, and believe me, cyar’ika, if I could do any of it for you, I would. But biology is biology and … I just want to make things easier for you.”

Ad’ika nodded sagely again, and once again the effect was spoiled when he burped loudly. Mariana was grateful, though, because it made her laugh instead of succumb to the tears she’d felt rising during Din’s little speech. Stars, I love these boys, she thought.

“Excuse you,” she said to Ad’ika, tweaking his nose. He laughed and climbed up on the table to approach her.

“Ma,” he said, holding out his arms for a hug. She snuggled him to her chest. As she sometimes did when holding him, she felt … something tickling at the back of her mind. She knew he’d communicated mentally with Luke Skywalker back on Florian, and she thought he was trying to do the same with her. She wasn’t Force-sensitive, though, and never quite made the connection. Still, she felt calmer and braver … and hungrier. Cradling her son in one arm, she attacked her dinner with the other.

Din cleared the table as soon as she was done, and she took Ad’ika over to the couch. Din joined them and they snuggled together.

“Buir,” Ad’ika said, patting Din on the chest.

“Yes, ad?” Din replied lazily. If Ad’ika was just talking to them, he used their names (or his best approximation of them), but if he wanted something, he called them parent in Mando’a.

“Briikase?”

Happy.

“Yes,” Mariana answered. “Yes, ad, we are.”

*********************************

She slept late the next morning and was startled awake by something crashing to the floor.

“Sorry, sorry,” Din said hurriedly. She sat up to see him packing a duffel bag.

“What’s going on?” She asked, still a bit sleep-muddled.

“I’m leaving,” he said, and instantly she was fully awake.

“What? No! I thought … I thought everything was good between us.” She nearly fell out of bed, her feet tangled in the blankets in her haste to get to him. Her heart was pounding out of her chest.

“It is, it is,” he said, taking her in his arms and kissing her gently. “Sorry, I should have explained.” He was clearly excited about something; she could see a sparkle in his eyes that quite frankly she’d missed lately. “I have an interview for a job on Thantos Prime. The comm came through early this morning, and if I catch the next transport to Davos — which leaves about an hour — I can make the connection in time for the interview.”

“A job? What is it?”

“Combat instructor at a military academy,” he said, releasing her and going back to throwing things into his bag. “Karga put in a word for me with an old friend in case anything ever came up, and the instructor at this academy just quit to go home and fight in some civil war on his home planet. They need a replacement, and Karga’s friend contacted me.”

“It sounds perfect for you,” she said. “You’ve certainly got the skills for it. And bajur is one of the pillars of the Mandalorian creed, right?”

He smiled at her. “Your Mando’a is getting better. And yes, teaching children is very important to the Mando’ade. Even former ones like me.” He zipped up the duffel. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, cyar’ika.”

“Good luck,” she said. “I have a good feeling about this.”

“So do I,” he admitted. Then he kissed her, swung the duffel over his shoulder and walked out the door.

Mariana crawled back into bed. Ad’ika was still sound asleep and she didn’t want to waste the precious quiet time. She curled up under the blankets and rested her hand on her belly. “I think things are finally looking up for us, little one,” she whispered. She gasped as the child fluttered inside her as if in agreement. “Oh, stars, not you too,” she muttered. “One Force-sensitive child is more than enough in this family, thank you very much.” Chuckling to herself, she drifted back to sleep.

#the mandalorian #star wars #grogu #baby yoda #din djarin #pedro pascal character fanfiction #din djarin x original female character #din djarin fanfiction

[genjishimemeda]

@liberifatalis

oh god I have a lot of feelings about it, too much for a simple reply, so let's go. I'm gonna start with the bad and then rise to the good, along with some mixed feelings stuff in the middle, so we end on a high note.

on an objectively bad level, my sweet Jesus this game's combat is a mess. when it's good it's great. the jumps and fluidity bring the advent children stuff to life. but it is painfully hampered by the ATB system being complete molasses. I have to waste time doing jack shit to get it to charge, and often waste my charges because an enemy stunlocked me, dodged, or changed forms before I could get the hit off. I have died mid limit break (you should be invincible IMHO), I have died seconds after a rez, and the canyon between easy and normal difficulty is the mariana trench. I am not a great gamer by any means, and I'm especially not great at ARPGs, but my boyfriend has been watching me play and even he noticed the blatant unfairness.

on a subjective level i'm one of the people who felt misled by the promise of a remake and then it was like haha yeah we REMADE the story! like bruh don't call it a remake then, sheesh. the plot ghosts are really fucking stupid, but to the games credit I can at least ignore them enough to not let it ruin the experience. and then deepground's inclusion in intergrade – let it die please, dirge was a mistake, the designs are ugly, the characters are worse, and the hammer it took to the game's lore is a death knell. if galian and chaos are their ugly redesigns in rebirth imma be mad. finally haha uhh i didn't care for Jessie's further character dev. I wanted to like her and be excited for it but her clinginess and inability to take cloud's clear discomfort seriously made me genuinely uncomfortable.

BUT. the game has some fantastic elements I can't get enough of. it feels alive. it breathes and flows, these are real people with real lives I see wandering the streets, both plateside and beneath it. the extended cast of npcs you interact with, and how you become close to them, makes the awful fallout of the reactor explosions and the plate drop so visceral. I cried when Marlene broke down in front of aerith. I felt that pain so keenly. the characters are so expressive and fully realized, and even though some of the voices suck shit (Zack's and Sephiroth's are awful), I actually have come to quite like Cody Christian's performance as cloud, and I don't know her name but the girl who replaced Tifa does a much better job than Rachel Leigh Cook (which don't get me wrong, I like her, but she phoned in her advent children role so hard). 

I spent wayyy too much time wandering the streets, soaking in the sights and sounds, taking in all the little details. I added so much to my writing lore as a result. this is what I came to the game for, and it solidly delivered. my hype for rebirth is almost entirely to see more character interaction and worldbuilding. I'm gonna eat it like fuckin cake. 

as long as Nomura doesn't Nomura super hard all over the plot and shove characters and things into places they don't belong, I'll be more content. from what I heard he actually wanted to do a more accurate 1:1 remake but got overruled (maybe my ire should be directed at nojima?) so I guess we'll see. there are many opportunities to do things right, and they've at least shown that character depth is one of their strong suits. 

8/10 experience overall so far, but I've been here so long I'm capable of shoving my fingers in my ears and ignoring the stuff I don't like. after all, that's what fandom is for! 

[witch-hazels-musings]

🌸 Ask box open WOOOOO, could I ask for Beidou, Diluc and others of your choice, with someone who is exceptionally gifted with animals, and loves nerding out about them🌸

zoology 

Warning -> SFW (Beidou - long hair mentioned) 

Character X GN Reader | anthology 

Includes: Beidou, Diluc, Ganyu

Beidou

She’s already so impressed with you - how could she not be considering how the two of you met

When she saw you fighting a group of smugglers on the docks of Liyue, your hands gripping onto the cages of the animals they were trying to take with them - not caring for your safety in the slightest and taking hit after hit in a desperate attempt to shield the animals inside 

At that moment, she became your shield - your barrier between the harsh reality of the world and promised to keep you safe 

That bright smile behind bruises and cuts as you watched the small creatures find their freedom once again was enough information for her to know what kind of person you were 

Now, every time she returned to Liyue, she was excited to see your face or the sanctuary you had built from the ground up -- you were a human she wished to see more of 

“Y/N? You in here?” She called out to you, her hand pushing past the beads which separated the outside from the in. Animals ran around her feet and, as carefully as she could, she stepped through them. 

“A!H! Beidou??” Your voice called out to her, a crash sounding somewhere in the distance and a small curse following right after. When she found you, the state of your hair - frazzled and half-hazardly placed on top of your head - the long coat you liked to wear pooling beneath your feet as you worked to pick up the items that had fallen, and the reassuring expression you gave to the startled animals around you made her head swim and mouth stretch. 

“Little friends, hold on. That was rather frightful, wasn’t it?” The tone you used was sweet and kind and she watched as a small fox stepped toward you before pressing its nose carefully against yours. “That’s right, see nothing to be worried about.” 

When you caught sight of her, the grin that plastered across your face reached all the way into your eyes. “Need some assistance?” Beidou asked, extending her hand out toward you. 

“I’ll always take some help from my favorite captain.” 

Beidou would often bring you lost or injured animals - it was like you had a knack for helping them recuperate and on the days when she was around to see you release them back into the wild, well the energy that radiated off of you was stronger than a swing of her claymore 

The knowledge that you had about them shocked her, enlightened her, and made her understood why they were so calm when near you -- to have that level of love and compassion for the creatures of the world meant your heart must be as pure as gold 

Ganyu 

Just like you, Ganyu has a high affinity to care for the creatures of this world. She has vowed to protect them just as much as you have, and her spirit feels kindred to your own -- like two wandering souls who found each other in a chaotic world 

It was after a ‘not so eventful’ sparring match with the adeptis Xiao that she found you - quickly, she made her way to offer you assistance and when she found you holding onto an injured animal with tears in your eyes … she wanted to know more, so much more about you 

The two of you raced off to get some aid, the small creatures shook the whole time in your arms, it scratched and bit at you - she could easily see the marks on your skin - but you continued to reassure it of its safety, never once did you react violently or alarmed at its behavior, and after some time it calmed down … it found a home with you and from that point on never left your side 

The apartment which you decorated in the themes of the animals which you took in, or who visited you on a regular day, felt more like home than anything she’d ever seen -- the open windows, the coming and going of beings whose freedom was all their own, and the space you created for them was everything to her kind heart

The items in her hands were getting heavy, but she continued her way over the bridge knowing that the strain would soon be alleviated. The walk to your home was long, but not challenging and soon she found herself strutting down the path only to find you standing outside in the sunlight. 

You were sitting on a small bench, one that you’d find tossed out by some store owner and had worked hard to bring home. Birds flocked to you, some resting on your head, others bouncing around your feet or over your thighs. They were eagerly eating up the crumbs of food that fell to the ground in even intervals. 

“You must have flown so far to reach me.” The way your voice sounded brought comfort to all who heard it. A kind finger brushed against the chest of a bird who had settled onto your shoulder and when you pulled away it preened its feathers and made a soft chirping sound. 

The birds took flight as Ganyu approached, their upset screams sounding as they settled onto the roof of your home. “Pleasant greetings.” Ganyu bowed, her head dipping slightly before returning to its normal place. 

“Hiya!” You leaped from your spot and made your way toward her with unbound energy. “I didn’t expect you.” 

“I uh - I brought you some things from the market.” 

“Oh wow! How generous, thank you.” You reached for the extended back and let the straps rest over your arm. “Are you busy?” 

“N-no, I have the day ---!” With gusto, you grabbed her hand and lead her toward the house. When you looked back at her it was like looking into the brightest star and Ganyu wondered how she got so lucky to have met you on that fateful day. 

She learned much from you - like an endless wealth of knowledge you shared with her fact after fact and no matter how unique the animal, you still knew so much about it 

There were many days where the two of you would just sit out on your porch and chat about the world outside 

Nature and all its creations were so fascinating to you that it seemed you had lived much longer than one lifetime 

Diluc 

It's not that he … hated animals it was more that they never seemed to get along well with him. He couldn’t understand how someone could be so well-liked by the creatures that seemed to despise his very existence 

“Just … If you’d only just leave, then we both wouldn’t be in this situation.” He called to the stray cat that had lodged itself in the corner of his bar. How it managed to get onto the upper shelves he would never understand, all that he knew was it wasn’t proper to have a cat as a patron. 

He reached up to grab it but pulled his hands away when it hissed violently at him. “I can handle abyss mages, drunkards, and all manner of situations … yet it seems I am bested by a simple cat.” He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he contemplated his next steps. 

There was a ringing at the front entrance and he turned toward the sound only to catch sight of you illuminated by the sunlight. “Hey there.” You smiled at him but he was much too irritated to return the gesture. “Your face is .. worse than normal.” 

“I have a problem I cannot solve.” 

“What is it?” You settled into the barstool, your arms crossing about your chest as you eyed him curiously. 

“There is an unwanted guest here today, I and cannot get them to leave.” Your expression turned to confusion until you tracked the pointed finger to the corner of the bar. 

“OH! A kitty!” Exclaiming, you immediately ran around to his side, not caring in the slightest of the sign that said ‘employee’s only.’ Grabbing the stool under the counter, you carefully stepped your way onto it and extended your hand to the trembling little one. 

“Be careful, it’s quite viole --” In a matter of seconds, the cat had leaped into your arms and was softly purring away. Its face was in utter bliss as you gave it scratches under its chin. Diluc was stunned, nearly gobsmacked at the quickness of its trust toward you. 

“Animals just like me.” 

“So it would seem …” 

There are people in this world that have an unnatural ability to create trust in seconds and you were one of them -- something about the aura you gave off, the energy that spilled from every fiber of your being told those around you there was no need to be distrustful of you -- and Diluc learned that early on 

Not only were you able to tame the animals around you, but you tamed his unsteady heart --- he felt … comfortable, more like himself when you were around and was often drawn to your side when he didn’t expect it 

The only problem was that you also drew animals to you - and most of them were quite protective of the space at your side, if he wanted to stay there, he was going to have to learn to relax a bit 

Though it’s quite fun so see how tense he gets when they land on him … at least he always had you and his trust hawk to keep him company (if he could manage those relationships, he could manage a few more) 

--

tag list: 

@star-gods @mercurysmaiden @dourpeep @clemmywrites @pepperoncinipizza @handswritteeen @lucifucker @beelsdessert @odafashioned @coolcats09 @ninqat @musekala @sufzku @mooshymello  @heavenlyang @plenilunegazes @glazelilyy @justyoureverydayqueer @idunkar @solowmomo @twokissesforamelia @the-mermaid-of-mondstadt @fuwon @goat-mama-breezie @angelmelt @lucacandy @shesleire @mariana @zentoruu @smol-knife @nightlywallows @aoirohi @nitorious-ghost @mguerra11 @maiiikoo @actstfbla @youaskedfurret @nonniechan @evolcahra @tempehlust @zenith-impact @plumpkie @jaggedsi @salty-salty @onlyhereforinteractivestories @gultonluvv @shy-specter @liebestraumss @jaemjenjam @softlybeloved @anatthesavage

#genshin impact #genshin impact X reader #genshin impact headcanons #beidou #genshin beidou #beidou x reader #genshin impact ganyu #ganyu #ganyu x reader #diluc #diluc X reader #genshin diluc

[histoireettralala]

Hi there ! What do you know about the relationship between Jean Bernadotte and Désirée Clary? Thanks.

Hi! First of all I'm sorry for being so late to answer your question.

I don't know much about Bernadotte himself and his relationship with Désirée, so I have looked it up :)

I haven't looked very deep, I'm sorry, but here's what I have gathered.

Désirée, born in 1777 in Marseille, was first courted, when she wasn't yet of age, by Joseph Bonaparte, who promised her marriage. When Napoleon appeared, he chose Désirée for himself, and threw Joseph at her sister, Julie, whom he would marry. Napoleon told his brother that in a marriage, one of the spouses had to yield to the other, but both Joseph and Désirée were not decisive characters, while he, Napoleon, and Julie, knew what they wanted.

And Napoleon and Désirée were engaged in April 1795, although Mme Clary reacted with a "One Bonaparte in my family" -Joseph-" is enough."

But in 1796 Napoléon met Joséphine, and broke off the engagement with Désirée- she would always keep a grudge against Joséphine for this, and although she would assure Napoleon of her continued good will, she would not be happy to have been ditched.

If General Duphot hadn't been killed in Rome, he might have been her husband. Another "what if" in her turbulent life.

Désirée came back to Paris, and she was attractive, a pretty brunette with lovely eyes, and some say, coquettish, a bit frivolous. Junot was one of her suitors. In July 1798, she met Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte, and two weeks later they were engaged, the next month, on August 17, they were married in Sceaux. Their only son, Oscar, was born the following year. Bernadotte had a good reputation, he was alluring, with piercing eyes, looked full of energy; and, very interestingly, he was a military and political opponent to Bonaparte, which might have sealed the deal for Désirée.

She seemed to have had genuine feelings for him, at least in the beginning. Laure Junot maliciously wrote about Désirée always crying about him - if he was away, because he was away, and if he was here, because he would go away again, maybe in eight days, but he would go away.

They were, like in most if not all of the Marshals' marriages, often separated. Maybe we can cut Désirée some slack given her youth.

Bernadotte was fourteen years older. He seems to have been very constant with her, forgiving and indulgent, too. He would have wanted her to be educated further, wishing her to shine in society. Apparently his constant instructions hurt Désirée, and Bernadotte backed off. It was alright if his wife wasn't a second Juliette Récamier (whom he admired). "My love for you will last as long as I live", he told Désirée.

When Bernadotte became the crown prince of Sweden, Désirée couldn't get used to the climate as well as to the atmosphere of the court, which she found severe and dull. Living in France, she used to give her husband information straight from the source, and he called her "his little spy". Napoleon also used Désirée to send messages to Bernadotte.

In Sweden, Bernadotte might have had mistresses, but only one was open about an affair, Mariana Koskull, already reputed to be the mistress of the previous king. What is sure is that Désirée, during the Restauration, fell for Armand-Emmanuel du Plessis de Richelieu, and pursued him, to everyone's knowledge, even though her feelings for her lover were unrequited. When the Duke died, she wore a mourning attire fit for a widow, which scandalized the contemporaries.

She came back to Sweden and stayed for good from 1823, a few days before her son Oscar married Joséphine of Leuchtenberg, Eugène's daughter...and thus Joséphine's granddaughter, in an ironic twist of history. She would finally get used to her new country.

Bernadotte forgave her infidelities and built for her the Palace of Rosendal, where she could live as she wished, far from the Court.

Bernadotte died on March 8, 1844; Oscar on July 8, 1859; and Désirée last, on December 17, 1860, at the age of 83.

When her husband died, Désirée said: "He only considered the good in me, and ignored the bad".

Both of them were commoners from Southern France (Bernadotte from Béarn, and Désirée from Marseille) who ended up ruling a northern, protestant kingdom; in spite of separations and infidelities, they don't seem to have been too unhappy together, as Bernadotte seemed to have always at least a soft spot for her, and Désirée was able to acknowledge her husband's steadfastness about her.

Not being a specialist, that's all I can say about their relationship. A few years ago, Princess Victoria of Sweden was in Sceaux, where she was presented a copy of her ancestors' marriage certificate, during a trip in France where she also visited the museum in Pau dedicated to Bernadotte, and a house they had acquired in Savigny in 1800. So the family seems to care about their origins; I don't know if we have Swedish people in this little Tumblr community, or historians who might know a little more. In any case, I hope I was able to answer your question, if only a little bit.

Thanks for asking :) and have a nice day!

#asks #napoleonic #xix #jean baptiste bernadotte #désirée clary #relationships #if anyone knows more please don't hesitate #once again i'm sorry for being so late #thank you!

[transmasc-wizard]

the kitkat sounds wonderful I hope you enjoyed it

ok SO

You already heard about Amaretta, fire magic, made her way here to the city from a tiny fishing village way up north and took a ship and went through mountains and altogether traveled very far but won't talk about most of it, baby of the family, all that. Here's kind of what she looks like except less picture-posed and glammed-up, just imagine like Merida from Brave if she was a real person instead of animated

Then there's Jaena, the only one of the four with a happy childhood. she has earth magic, which her grandfather also had (it skipped a generation), and taught it to her when she was a little girl before he died. she lived in a rural area not too far south of the city where they all end up and her family ran a successful farm/herb garden kind of situation. Unfortunately when drought hit and Jaena's family was the only family whose crops were still doing well, the villagers became suspicious. Magic was regarded with wariness so Jaena's magic was.. kind of a semi-open secret. She tried to sneak out in the night to help the neighbor's crops, too, but was found and there was enormous uproar and all sorts of accusations. To protect her mother and sister, she left quietly and headed north to the city. She's quiet, responsible, has quite the dry sense of humour, is fiercely protective of those she cares about. She's not a doormat but she is sometimes hesitant about confrontation or rocking the boat. At 18 she's the oldest. I couldn't find a good photo for her but she looks kind of like this except her hair's a tiny bit longer, just like tight coils/4c hair about a half inch/inch in all directions, her skin is darker, and she doesn't have like manicured eyebrows and makeup and all that haha

Mariana! Mariana grew up in the city as the daughter of rich merchants from far away across the sea. She was often hidden away in the house because of her water magic, which would ruin her father's credibility if his daughter was found to be a "witch." She tried to just sort of will her magic away and suppress it which... does not work and just makes it more volatile, not as bad as Amaretta, but not exactly controlled. Eventually she ran away/got kicked out (haven't yet decided) and we first see her sobbing while doing funky water magic with her tears. She starts out seeming passive, naive, and sheltered, but soon we get to see a bit more of her personality, she's a bit of a romantic, her moods can change quite quickly, her temper is kind of passive-aggressive, she finds joy and beauty in little things. She was also allowed out into the courtyard to practice archery with a delicate not-really-a-weapon bow as an acceptable outdoor pastime, and it turns out those skills translate quite well to actually-a-weapon bows once you can manage the draw weight. Here she is. I sadly can't find a higher-resolution version of this (stolen stock) image:

And Azha! If there's a main character of the cast, Azha's the main character. She's 16 years old. As a baby she was orphaned/abandoned (circumstances unknown to her), so she was raised about a half a day's ride from the main city in a Namas'kia (House of the Goddess), basically a convent sort of situation where the Namas'kor (Daughters of the Goddess), who are kind of like nuns, run an orphanage. Azha is the only character born without magic. However, when Azha is 8 years old, some of the king's men turned up at the door of the orphanage requesting to be allowed to visit with a child aged 6-10 who was especially resilient. The Namas'kor cared for the children in their house and did NOT care for this delegation, but there wasn't much they could do in the face of an order from the king, so the king's delegation was allowed to see Azha. The delegation had brought along four mages in captivity: one earth, one air, one water, one fire— the four possible magical gifts. Their goal, unbeknownst to Azha or the Namas'kor? Artificially imbue a child with all four gifts, then raise them at the palace as a formidable weapon. Their result? A tired, vomiting child who absolutely cannot manipulate flame, or water, or air, or earth. Considering the mission a failure, they leave Azha behind to recover, and they don't look back. If they had, they might have noticed the small child standing in the shade of the eaves, shadows pooling at her feet, sliding over her shoulders, and dancing at her fingertips.

At 14, Azha leaves the Namas'kia for fear of her magic being discovered. It would be even worse for her than most mages, because not only does she have magic, it's an artificial, corrupted gift that has never been seen before. So she runs to the city and lives on the streets for 2 years, her shadow magic helping her to go unnoticed as she goes about surviving. By the time we meet her, she's used to looking out for herself and only herself, she's wary of others, and she's constantly on the alert and ready to fight. Her resourcefulness, cleverness, and independence make her the leader of the group— she's the most world-wise and wary because even though she's the second-youngest, she's been the longest on her own. She first bonds with Jaena and they're most often on the same page, both of them keep their cool in crazy situations better than Amaretta, who grows furious, or Mariana, who grows panicked.

She looks kind of like this except she's younger and her hair is half this length and none of the makeup earrings fancy clothes etc. Even though those are a lot of differences, I liked this picture because Azha has that same neutral alert always-watching expression as her default facial expression

Bonus: The first book's antagonist, a girl on whom the king's little magic experiment actually succeeded. (I don't have her name or what she looks like yet.) She has all four magical gifts. She's been told that Azha's "corrupted" magic is a threat to the world and the only way to get rid of this threat is to find Azha and kill her. Having been raised in the palace, she believes this. Unfortunately, Azha has no idea that any of this has been happening.

Excited to hear how they would interact with your characters!

it has been an illegally long time since you sent me this ask and i am very very very sorry BUT i have finally!! gotten up the energy!! to answer it!! so yeah

onwards

first of all, this SLAPS. these characters are all so wonderful and interesting, and I'd love to hear more about them! and your worldbuilding is awesome /gen.

so, I think Amaretta would.... not get along with Vanya, per say, but rather be forcibly adopted by him. He's only 17, but he would definitely feel very protective over a chaotic person like her. She and Angel would also immediately team up and see what chaotic fuckery they could cause with combined fire and necromancy powers i think. Corey would find her insufferable, but he finds everyone insufferable, so it would not be personal.

Jaena..... im going to jump over to RoseLibrariansVerse and say that Jaena and Eleanor would get along perfectly. they both seem to be the quiet, slightly anxious type who just wants to help the people they love. Popping back into GFSverse, Jaena and Oliver would either get along really well bc they seem to have similar motives, or have that whole "you are Too like me and i don't like that" thing. Also, to take a peek at the val saintly gang, Jaena and Val would definitely be good friends.

Mariana..... first, i want to give her a hug. Second, she and Charlie Roselibrarians would get along very well i think! They're both people who seem very kind if not passive, who suppress their natural instincts at some point in their lives. Mariana and Hope Gfsverse would also work really well together, for gfsverse-y spoiler reasons. I think Rowan would, and i mean this nicely, Hate Her, though. Rowan is the type of person who's very quick to judge, and would probably slot Mariana in the "useless" pile due to not bothering to look beyond the surface.

Azha! My gut instinct is "Angel would relate very strongly to her", because Angel also has weird shadow powers that aren't smiled upon very strongly. Val Valsaintly would also see Azha as a kindred spirit i think, or maybe a little sibling to protect, due to how Val was also sorta... forced into things she had no choice in. Azha also seems like one of the rare people that Corey Gfsverse would actually really like.

the antagonist...... rowan would be fascinated by her, because that's really similar to her own situation. That basically sums up what I have to say there.

Overall I think the main characters of my various ideas would actually interact really well with yours! I could see them causing chaos and/or world-saving with them.

Again, this is just generally really really cool, and sorry for taking so long!!

#asks #E! #other people's wips #other people's ocs #my ocs

[maggiec70]

A Little Light Sunday Afternoon Reading

[and I really miss JoachimNapoleon's daily November installments]... Monsieur le duc de Montebello Returns to His Childhood Home “Before you think up another plan for our entertainment,” Jacques told Mariana as they were finishing breakfast, “I’m visiting my brother and his family today. They complained I’d been here for days without coming by, so I’m remedying my neglect.”

Joseph folded his napkin and laid it beside his empty plate. “We met some lovely young ladies at the market yesterday, and they’ve invited Charles, Marcellin, and me to tea.”

“Where do these ladies live?” Jean asked, one eyebrow raised in the expression Mariana was still annoyed she couldn’t master.

“In Marsolan, just west of here.”

“I know where it is. You’d better take the carriage. I’d hate to think of you covered in dust, spoiling your cavalier images.”

“Thank you, Excellency. We’ll be home in time for a fashionably late supper.” Joseph paused at the door. “It feels odd that we should be going somewhere on our own, leaving you behind.”

“Nom de Dieu, how old do you think I am? I can manage without you.”

Jacques ate the last brioche in the breadbasket and licked the jam from his fingers. “You won’t be alone, Excellency. Mariana isn’t going anywhere, and she’ll look after you. I’ve never known anyone with so many talents.”

“They’re becoming very familiar,” Jean said after Jacques had gone. “My fellow marshals don’t allow their staff to behave like that.”

“Your fellow marshals don’t take their aides with them on holiday either, or treat them like favorite first cousins,” Mariana replied, filling her cup. “They’re familiar because that’s how you behave with them.”

“I suppose I treat them like family because, in a sense, they are. Except for my brother-in-law, who’s the classic example that blood isn’t always thicker than water. I’m not sure Louis has blood in his veins. Vinegar, maybe. Speaking of familiarity, I’ll take you to see my boyhood haunts, so you don’t need to dress up. Well, maybe something more than that dressing gown.”

She popped him with her napkin and tossed it aside. “Then come with me and make sure I dress properly for this excursion.”

“You know what usually happens whenever either of us is changing clothes,” Jean said as he followed her up the staircase.

“Not so soon after breakfast. Braid my hair instead. You owe me for all those times I braided yours because you swore Henri and Michel were all thumbs.” Mariana opened the door to the large, airy corner room they shared. “I expect you left them behind at Maisons for the same reason I sent Sofia home. Often it’s better when we take care of each other.”

She sat at the plain but sturdy oak table she used as a dressing table, took out the few pins in her hair, and handed Jean her silver brush. “If you pull my hair, I’ll slap you.”

He was as gentle as Sofia had ever been, but her maid had never wielded a hairbrush accompanied by so much muttered profanity. When he’d finished, Jean leaned over and kissed her neck, just below her ear, and attempted a surreptitious foray down the front of her gown.

She twitched away from him and stood. “I’ll never see the sights you promised if you do that.” She pulled out a freshly ironed shirt and a pair of black breeches from the armoire. “We’ll be twins. Now turn around and admire that lovely view of the Pyrenees while I change.”

“You can’t see the mountains in the summer. The air’s too warm and heavy.”

“Then pretend you can for a moment or two.” Mariana removed her gown, tossed it across the foot of the bed, and began dressing. “I remember Rafaello when he visited you in my palazzo,” she said, her voice muffled as she pulled the shirt over her head. “I remember how the thought of his elegant hands on me after we married made my skin crawl. The thought of yourhands on me caused an entirely different feeling, one that nearly left me faint and short of breath.” She paused to yank up the tight breeches and stuff her shirt into the waistband. “It still does, and the reality is more exquisite than the idea. You aren’t the only one who wants to fall into bed at every opportunity. Now, what did I do with my shoes?”

Jean said nothing until he held the door for her. “I don’t deserve you, ma chère, I really don’t. Whatever reasons your saints had for persuading you to love me, I can’t begin to understand, but I’m thankful to them all.” He took her hand as they walked down the steps and out into the courtyard. “Roll your sleeves up—here, hold out your arm. That’s better. Now we both look like street urchins.”

They strolled down the busy street, no longer holding hands. Mariana was sure the townsfolk ignored them because they looked so ordinary, not worth a second glance. As they passed one of the market stalls, Jean tossed a few copper coins to the vendor and picked out two large, plump tomatoes.

“What are these for?” Mariana asked when he handed her one.

“You’ll see. Over there’s the town hall, and in front, on those steps, is where I volunteered in the spring of 1792, with Jacques and our friends Pierre Banel and Joseph Lagrange. I was elected a second lieutenant then, so you could say that’s where everything began for me.”

Mariana didn’t think the town hall, some provincial official’s idea of classical Roman architecture, was particularly imposing. Yet she had no trouble imagining the scores of young men, most barely out of their teens, with no money and no future, volunteering to risk their lives, which was all they had, to protect a belief they hoped in, and a reality that declared they were important and worth something.

“You should stand on those steps now, monsieur le duc.”

“I looked more impressive then, with a short blue jacket, a wide silk sash, and a big tricolor cockade. I was the complete Jacobin. Come on, and I’ll show you where I grew up.”

They turned to walk down a side street notable only for its steep downward slant. “This is a dangerous place to be if you’re drunk. I remember one time when we’d had too much Armagnac, and Pierre Banel stopped right there”—he pointed to an unassuming doorway flanked by terracotta pots filled with geraniums—“and pissed on Madame Guibert’s flowers. It was so funny at the time that I fell over laughing. Jacques grabbed me before I rolled down the street and into the wall at the bottom.”

“How old were you?”

“Seventeen or so. Those aren’t the same flowers, and I think Madame Guibert moved away or maybe died.”

“What happened to your friend Pierre?”

“He was killed in Italy a year before I met you. I never understood why he died—Pierre was more cautious than I was.” Jean stopped at the bottom of the street. “That’s it, the house where I was born and where I lived until I joined the army. Nothing like your ancestral home, is it?” He laughed, accompanied by a slight shrug. “Not much like Maisons, either.”

She looked at the honey-colored stone two-story house, solid, square, plain, adorned only by cream-painted wooden shutters and barrel tile roof. “How did all of you manage to fit inside without tripping over each other?”

“We were a close family. Sit on the wall with me.”

Mariana perched on the stone wall at the end of the street, the top warm from the morning sun, and looked down. The steep drop to the houses and path below made her dizzy. “I hope you didn’t sit here after drinking with your friends.”

“Well, there was the time—never mind.” Jean swung his leg over, straddling the wall. “See that garden below with the rickety fence around it and those nice fat vegetables? I used to have a lot of fun with them from the time I was ten until—never mind that, either. They made great targets.”

Mariana stared at him as she began to understand what he meant to do. “You’re no longer a boy, Jean. A duke shouldn’t think of doing what you’re thinking of doing.”

“Watch.” He took careful aim and, with a solid overhand pitch, lobbed the tomato he’d been carrying. It landed with a satisfying explosion of juicy pulp dead center on a pale green cabbage.

“In the old days, I used stones, which naturally took care of all the cabbages. Now let’s see if a countess can throw as well as a duke.”

“I ought to throw it at you.” Mariana aimed as carefully as she could and let the soft tomato loose in a wobbling, downward arc. It struck the tin roof of the chicken coop, provoking a cacophony of outraged squawks.

“We’d better go before somebody sees us.” Jean slid off the wall. “We’ll take the back way home.”

They hurried along the narrow lane following the curve of the ancient bastide, past the backs of houses with their tiny garden plots, dovecotes, chickens scratching in the dirt, and wash fluttering in the gentle breezes, until the lane turned again onto the rue Nationale opposite the cathedral.

“See those plane trees over there in the park?” he asked, pointing to the expanse of green broken by gravel paths behind the cathedral. “Jacques and I planted every damn one of them the summer I was fifteen, and he was barely twelve. The town paid us the princely sum of six sous a day. We thought we were rich and probably would have enjoyed it more if we hadn’t been so tired from all that digging. The ground was like iron.”

She could not imagine boys of that age doing such hard, dirty work and happy to have it for such meager wages. Many things Jean had shared about his boyhood seemed as incredible as the tales in her father’s old books. She wondered how he could have been content with so little or notice that he lacked what she’d always taken for granted.

As they paused before crossing the street, Jean said, “My new life as an aristocrat and my polished manners, when I choose to use them, are nothing but a veneer that easily peels away. I’m still an unruly boy from a small town, and I wanted you to understand that.”

“I always have, my dear ruffian, although I never imagined cabbages.” She linked her arm through his and then pulled away, remembering where they were. Maintaining the proper distance from each other, they crossed the street to the cathedral.

“Come with me now. No arguments.”

In the familiar cool dimness, she dipped her fingers into the stoup, crossed herself, and then flicked droplets at Jean.

“I expect that’s as close as you plan to get. However, you have a few saints to thank, as I recall you mentioning this morning, so now’s as good a time as any. If you don’t remember how I’ll be happy to show you.” #more from the manuscript #Jean-Boy on holiday

[tundrainafrica]

So I see your a LeviHan shipper!! I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite?? Maybe you could explain that a little through a list? But anyways I hope your week has been good so far, Sav. Have a good day/night!!!! - Signed by Your Secret Santa 🎄

Hello! Thank you for asking about my week (and my ship). 

I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite? 

To answer that first question...

You’re in for a long rollercoaster ride of a rant because I don’t think I’m the type of person to ship anything to the point of writing domestic fluff fics unless the I felt really really drawn to the ship. 

Anyway, (slight) spoilers abound! Will keep manga spoilers subtle, mostly Levihan scenes.

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

1. The ship did not move the plot. The plot moved the ship.

Attack on Titan is not a romance or a shojo, if it’s not fairly obvious from any chapter you would randomly read. As a reader, I would have expected it to fall short with pairings. Most shows which are not romance based tend to have a few pairings which just suddenly end up together towards the end of the manga because “What’s a happy ending without marriage and kids?” There is usually a trend of just pairing of the extras and sometimes, or maybe even more often than not, it just seems to come out of nowhere (ehem... Naruto.). Maybe the relationship worked off screen but I dunno. Like no shipping war here but the only pairing I had full support for was Shikatema. 

In stories classified as romances, there is enough of a spotlight on the sexual tension and mutual pining of specific characters for the romance to be considered reasonable. In my opinion, some authors tend to sacrifice really good world building for a good romance. Objectively twilight for example had some crazy good world building but it just kinda focused a little too much on emo Bella and emo Edward for the world building to actually be appreciated by the casual reader. Tbh though, this is not necessarily bad because people get into stuff for reasons, sometimes, I just wanna read a good fantasy, sometimes I just wanna read a good romance.

Romances though as a main driving point for narratives, require some convenient serendipity moments and sexual tension which can be written well but as a reader, I prefer to see more natural relationships born out of necessity (Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata is a good example of what I’m talking about in a romance novel.)

Attack on Titan through its narrative actually made Levihan seem VERY VERY possible. If I had to compare the presentation of this ship in canon to at least one relationship in other anime, I would compare it to Royai from FMA. 

Like, if Attack on Titan didn’t give us random subtle hints about romantic or just platonic relationships between the two or even about anyone, even if Levi and Hange did get together in the end, it would have been one of the pairings, I probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow at. 

But they could be just friends? Which brings me to my next point.

2. Their current situation makes it so it’s only natural that at the least, they considered it. 

Yes. Friends is a valid interpretation for anything. I mean, given our hook up culture, people can fuck as friends too. People probably have made out drunk as friends too. Like I have seen my fair share of this type of bullshit in high school and college and I would say, we do not need a kiss or a fucking session to recognize that something can be a good relationship or to recognize that they have probably thought about it. 

A relationship requires a commitment (conscious or unconscious) to caring for the other, keeping the other safe, recognizing their flaws and thinking about them regularly (Call me scott peck or marriage counselor but like I honestly think the world would be a better place once people recognize that quality romantic relationships are worked for).

Mind you, Levi and Hange lost everything.They literally lost everything from their old life, all their friends, all their loved ones and all they have is each other and they’re forced to take care of a bunch of kids.

There are people who have said before, no one gets very close with someone without ever considering a romantic relationship with them. Or even if they never considered it romantic, they could consider at least “living with them their whole life,” or “supporting them through thick and thin.” The things is, towards the end, they were constantly together and what drove them to that situation is that both of them are aware of what the other had lost. They understood each other more than anyone else and they recognized that they were the only ones left in their own circle and I personally think that is more than enough for a relationship to naturally bloom between them.

3. The relationship and the signs are subtle and it works.

I personally probably would not have enjoyed it if canon showed a romantic relationship of the two after Erwin died. It’s a valid interpretation to consider that it could have happened, based on my explanation for number 2 but Hange is commander, Levi is captain. They have a professional relationship and they have goals and obligations which take precedence over personal desires. They are in the middle of a war and the most which probably could have happened was a secret mutual pining between the two and I think Isayama has injected the most subtle hints which are the most that could have been appropriately put into canon without seeming too OOC. Hange and Levi are not selfish people. They have promises, dreams and obligations which they respect and have committed themselves to already. It has also been shown at earlier points of the manga that they do put their survey corps duties on top of everything so acting on a romantic attraction at that point in time would have definitely been inappropriate. 

I personally think, the scenes of Hange going out of her way to save Levi as commander, killing her other soldiers to save both their asses, suggesting in the forest that they live together instead of go back to the war and not leaving an injured Levi until she had no choice were more powerful than a lot of romantic scenes where people actually fuck and kiss. Kissing and fucking are easy. Leaving the duties and responsibilities they have worked for for five years to keep the person they love alive hits way harder. 

Call it platonic. Call it romantic. But no one like Hange would have deserted her post as commander for a few chapters to take care of a sick comrade and kill her subordinates to save their asses if there wasn’t anything between them. 

4. It gives a great example what healthy relationships can come from. 

I grew up reading sweet valley and chick lits cause I was a basic bitch and I kinda grew up with a somehow unrealistic idea of where relationships come from. Call me a late bloomer but I only actually figured out where the romance and the happiness of a relationship was when I got into one with my best friend for five years. 

It’s the sexual tension and the “will they wont they?” push and pull which can lead to satisfying sex or a happy ending in romance novels. I think in a way, media kinda overglorifies it which kinda gives a lot of young people the wrong idea about why they getting into a relationship is fun in the first place.  Because after the satisfying sex and the kids, what’s next for the relationship?

Years of utility bills, diapers, chores, schedules, parent teacher conferences and compromises until someone gives up or dies. And what kind of relationships can actually thrive through all these? 

Those that have mastered the underrated parts of relationships. These include conflict resolutions, compromises and open communication. I think we have seen enough of those two, even before season 3 that have shown that they know each other very well and they have shown to at least have a relatively equal power dynamic which is a foundation for open communication and mutual trust in relationships even beyond the fucking and marriage stage 

5. They have a great foundation of character development for both parties.

As I mentioned above, they have a relatively equal power dynamic. I love Royai from FMA and I have compared Royai to this multiple times. I would say though I prefer Levihan over Royai because I felt that Royai had more unequal power dynamics? (Though I still think Royai is a top tier ship ). Also, they have shown to tell off the other when they don’t like what the other is doing. They are complete opposites but here is the magical thing. They talk everything out. They’re generally open people to each other and they know each other way too well as hinted in scenes before and opposites work as long as the others are willing to compromise. I think (especially in season 3 and season 4) that they have done enough for each other and have compromised enough for each other in the survey corps that these skills could easily be brought with them even after the war.

That open communication is just what makes them maintaining a relationship while being complete opposites very OC and realistic. Eventually, they did probably did make compromises, which most likely softened or moderated the crazy parts of their personalities which is just a really fun part of their relationship to explore. 

6. It could realistically last so maybe ...

7. A good foundation for happy children?

Maybe it’s how it is written because of the actual story and why would Yams write a romantic drama in a story about genocide and war. Tbh, I would attribute it more to Levi and Hange’s personalities though because Mikasa and Eren have their fair share of drama, mostly one sided though coz Mikasa. This relationship has no drama, no misunderstandings which just further supports my point that they have a relationship that thrives on open communication and mutual trust. Drama is fun like when we’re the ones on the sidelines eating the popcorn but I have third wheeled enough people in my life to realize that I will not support a relationship where both parties are just not ready to be mature about it, in real life and in fiction. 

My favorite couples, in real life and in fiction, are definitely those who keep conflict among themselves and maybe among trusted people. I think one sign of a healthy relationship is one where problems don’t become public through social media or through like 20 people. One important yet underrated part of relationships is the atmosphere of comfort and freedom which encourages both parties to be able to directly approach one another before tensions and uncertainties get out of hand.  

And a life free of dramas at least in the early stages of life just kinda shows at least that both parties are ready to bring a new life to the world? Because like immature parents with shitty conflict resolution skills really fuck kids up man and I passionately believe the world would really be a better place if babies were born out of trust, mutual understanding and open communication instead of sex but yeah, make sex fun to keep our race alive.

So anyway, I guess, I just finished explaining why I love this ship so much while also disclosing my preferences for relationships. 

As mentioned above...

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

Other pairings which I support for those curious: Shikatema, Royai, Victuuri, Percabeth etc.

Also... To answer your second question... 

My week has been great, some pretty solid life developments but US elections wise, not so great... (WHY IS THE ELECTION RACE SO CLOSE?)

#levihan #levi x hange #levi x hanji #levi ackerman #hange zoe #ship #analysis

[youwontlikethisblog]

Locura Mia <3

Remember when Betty clarified everything to Mario and Armando about Nicolas role in Terra Moda and general manager?

She let them know that though Nicolas did manage Terra Moda that he didn't do anything without her say and that she was still the legal representative of Terra Moda.

One: that sets aside the fear of Betty giving too much responsibilities to Nicolas for the sake of him noticing her as she clears the air that she is the one with the last say.

Two: that Nicolas has Betty blinded.

This is both Mario's and Armando's worry, they talked about it at the cocktail the night before and Betty goes to clear the air so they aren't worried or distrusting of them.

However they still decide to enact the sinister plan.

When Armando realizes that Betty potentially cares for him as more than her boss its when the guilt of hurting sets in but when he hears Betty speaking on the phone with Nicolas he decides that he will make Betty fall in love with him.

Now, I want to make it clear that Armando is not in love with Betty. He's confused about his feelings. As well that Armando is worried about Eco Moda, the future of it, and his. That's why he agrees to do that.

Later that night when Betty returns to the meeting room after having spoken to Nicolas she tells them that because she's staying to work that he{Nic] will be going to talk and deal with the lawyer and Armando gets mad at her but she explains why it's important that they do that and Mario agrees.

Then Armando tells Betty to bring him the entire bottle of whisky and she asks if he's well and that he's drinking too much which he tells her to bring it to him.

When she leaves the room Armando tells Mario that she's no longer listening to him or obeying him.

This again proves again that Armando isn't solely worried about the company as now his subconscious is the one leading as he now worries that Nicolas is taking Betty from him.

I do believe that Armando would have fallen in love with Betty regardless of Eco Moda and Terra Moda.

What we have seen so far(before Nicolas was introduced as the love interest of Betty) was Armando slowly building a friendship with Betty as he was also developing feelings for her but all of a sudden these small moments of him just simply liking to spend time with Betty at the office and letting his guard down and letting her into his personal life come crashing into a wall of realization that he isn't ready to face and when he is being forced to face it he decides to deny it. Had it not happened like that I do think he would have ended up falling in love with her in the long run.

As a writer you have to think of all the possibilities that can happen. A scene you write has different alternative endings and you always go with the best one that pushes the story and the intensity forward.

So when watching the romance begin I often wonder what could have been of that scene and where that could have lead the story. When his original secretary quit because she fell in love with him the girls told Betty that Armando was never even aware of it and that he didn't even pay attention to her, it is a fact that Armando doesn't like getting involved with the employee's of Eco Moda so we can assume that it was true. After all when Bertha mentioned that Mariana had foretold that she'd quite her job Armando didn't even look fazed by it. He had no micro expressions or reaction to that. It was as if it wasn't important to him that she quit or why.

She wasn't important to him and she didn't really matter at all as he tells Betty that if she were to leave Eco Moda he would miss her.

Armando is hella drunk here. His eyes are droopy, he can't stand straight at times and he looks like he wants to run out of there.

Betty despite her feelings is trying to keep everything professional. When Armando tells her that they should cheer for something Betty cheer's for Eco Moda, now here Armando is acting. He isn't really talking with the heart.

I often talk about Armando but I am honestly so excited to finally start talking about Betty and her complexities because this romance isn't just from Armando's perspective but Betty's too and she deserves to be talked about more.

From previous episodes we know Betty had a relationship with a guy named Miguel. We know this because when Roman asked her to go out with them for the night as a joke Betty mentioned it after her Don Hermes didn't let her go and later that night after she got stood up she wrote in her diary something that personally moved me a lot.

"When will someone give me the opportunity to give them my love?"

Most times when we're watching a romantic drama or reading one we get this trope of the main character wanting to be loved themselves. They're searching for someone to love them because they've got this idea that love is meant on what others can give you. Armando is like that. He bases love on what others can give you, just like his parents and Marcela is the exact same way however real love isn't like that at all. That's being selfish.

Real love is wanting to give yourself without expecting anything in return and that's how we see Betty show her love towards Armando but the reason why it moved me so much to hear Betty say that is because she wasn't looking for someone to love her but instead she wanted to give her love, she wanted someone to give her the chance to give all the love she knew she could give to them. Betty, our sweet and kind Betty wasn't looking to be selfish in love.

However because of the fact that she did once love someone, she gave her love to someone who didn't appreciate it and just used her Betty is traumatized. It wasn't just heartbreak that she dealt with but she dealt with a humiliation that broke down her self-esteem more, ruined her self worth and killed her.

Though Betty knows she's "ugly" to people and that because of that no man will ever notice her, she believed that her love, the love she could give, would make someone love her. She believes that real love isn't based on physical attraction but rather a deep rooted spiritual connection with someone. Betty has a very beautiful understanding of love.

So it isn't just because her parents raised her to be a decent human with morals that she is keeping things professional but as a defense mechanism.

She is keeping herself away so she won't suffer again but her emotions start to win over after Armando asks her to dance.

She leans her head closer to him, not resting it on his shoulder, and we hear her inner monologue of "I can't believe it." in a hopeful and shocked tone while Armando's inner monologue is the same words his tone is disgusted.

He is disgusted to be so close to Betty, that he is dancing with an "ugly"(I always put quotation marks when I refer to Betty as ugly because she is very gorgeous to me!) woman.

When they return to the table Betty, as a concerned employee but also someone who is secretly in love with her boss respectfully tells Armando to forgive her for not minding her business but that he's drinking too much and he has to drive.

Notice the shift in tone from Armando's voice. Before he asked Betty to dance and they were talking Armando's tone was superficial. It was manipulative but this time it's careless and he's annoyed.

Again here you can notice in the same scene that shift as he lies to Betty and tells her "I'm enjoying my drinking" he shifts to look at her so they can talk better and his emotions give way here as he says "or what is it? What's your problem, Betty?" his facial expression switches to anger as he asks her in an accusing tone "or what am I so boring?"

Betty quickly tells him no "It's not that."

"Then explain it to me. Since Calderon left all you've wanted is for us to not drink, to not dance, to not do this or that. Beatriz, tell me, am I boring guy?"

I recalled Armando talking to Marcela once(when they were going to decide whether they got married though the church or court) and he told her "It's not about me. Are you sure you want to be married to me for life? I'm a really boring guy and you know that."

Here we can tell the difference in how Armando views these two women. While with Marcela he doesn't care that he's a boring guy, he does care that Betty doesn't think of him that way.

You can argue that Armando is drunk therefore he doesn't know what he's saying but he's manipulative by nature. He can do that sober or drunk and we saw that already in the scene before he asked Betty to dance. Besides have you ever heard the saying that toddlers and drunks have one thing in common and it's that they both can piss their pants but speak the truth.

Armando is a lot more drunk than he was at the start of the night with just him and Betty.

Once again Betty reassures Armando and in a loving voice tells him No , but that she understand he is worried for the company, marcela and that he is in a place unusual for him and with company he's not used to.

Really pay attention to Armando's tone. It constantly shifts from being natural to being forced. You can pick up when he is lying and being manipulative to it being honest.

Before I continue this I want to bring a detail I've noticed that came full circle the night of the museum.

Betty often tells Armando not to explain things, that she understands him. Armando however, unlike with Marcela who he just gaslights and manipulates, with Betty he constantly wants to explain things and talk them through, but Betty telling him that he understand him holds a lot of weight in their conversations because she truly does.

Armando takes in a deep breath, squints his eyes at her, before he speaks. He's thinking of what to say to her and trying to figure her out because unlike all the other women who Armando has been with(it's not because of what he said that he didn't know how to seduce an ugly woman) Betty isn't responding to any of his advances. She continues to keep things professional and behaves like a concerned employee so naturally Armando is confused and trying to figure a way to make things work.

He agrees with her about the first thing she said but disagrees about him not being in a place he'd enjoy that he's having a good time and all of that was said in a natural tone but when he leans closer and whispers drunklike "and as for the company." He widens his eyes and tells her "I love it."

Betty's eyes grow wide and she looks at him and then around. She looks surprised but also scared.

She tells him that she thinks he should drink slower or mix his drink with water and he chuckles at that.

"You're not coordinating with what you're saying."

"What? How am I not coordinating with what I'm saying?" He has a smirk on his face and turns to look at her, making eye contact he tells her "'cause I tell you Beatriz" he switches from openly speaking to now whispering as he finishes off by saying "I enjoying being with you." he says looking around the room. This represents the actual dilema he is facing. We know he does like spending time with Betty, especially in the previous days so we know that's true but notice how he was able to talk so openly before until he had to admit that he likes spending time with her. He whispered it to her and looked around the room. He knows he's somewhere that none of his friends or people in his social circle would be in so he isn't paranoid that they'll catch him. It symbolizes his inner battle. He's embarrassed to be seen with a woman like Betty, so he denies to care for her, however he admits he enjoys her company.

Now Armando lets his guard down, you can tell that he isn't as tense however still feeling nervous, he touches his upper lip and leans forward on the table "I'mma tell you something you know." he chuckles and points to Betty's drink "there with you blackberry juice" he chuckles, he finds it endearing, he touches his lips for a micro second often seen as a sign of nervousness. He's nervous to confess this to Betty or even to say it outloud.

Betty is starting at him freaked out and girl I WOULD TOO.

"See when you started working for me, if they would've fired you then I wouldn't have cared or been affected by it but now if you left I wouldn't be able to bare being without you."the haws theme song starts to play and he crazily looks around him. He really doesn't want anyone to hear him say these things because he is embarrassed to feel this way!

Betty's expression doesn't change. She's like a deer hit with headlights.

"But it's just a matter of custom. I'm sure if I left Eco Moda and I left everything organized for the new assistant they'll accomplish-" she's interrupted by an angry Armando.

As Betty was telling him this he took a drink and then started to rub his eyebrow; self soothing.

"Nonononono! I'm not talking about another assistant. " he hisses at her. "I'm saying that you," He chuckles nervously and swiftly covers his face, smiles and says "this is incredible." he fidgets with rubbing his forehead and his tone of voice is what lets us know he is being truthful to Betty. Here Armando is nervous to confess this, not only because he is confessing it to Betty but because now he has to accept it and no longer deny that he does care about Betty. He is being vulnerable.

Do you remember when you'd talk to your crush in middle school how you'd get, especially when the conversation shifted to talking about who you liked?

Armando's behavior reminds me of that.

The literal translation of what he tells her butchers the meaning as Armando tells her "Yo estoy diciendo, es increible esto, pero usted me haria falta, me haria falta como mujer."

"What I'm saying is that you, i can't believe this, is incredible, but I would feel the absence of you, the absence of you as a woman." his tone is very truthful. It isn't like before where it shifted from lying, manipulation and being somewhat truthful. Now it's coming form the heart and we later get more examples of this.

"Um sir please don't continue drinking anymore."

"Why? Why not? I need to drink, see." He drinks from his whisky. "You know why?" he shivers, slightly coughs because of it and shakes his head. "You know why I need to drink? Because I need to, I need to get out what, get out what I have inside of me about what I feel for you." Betty again is looking at him like a deer with headlights. "This is serious don't look at me like me shocked eyes. I'm going to tell you." He slurs. "Since I found out that you have a boyfriend right-"

"But I don't have a boyfriend."

"well, well, whatever, whatever he is, I don't care." He starts to angirly point his finger on the table and with a tone that matches continues "since I found out that guy Nicolas Mora exists I began to feel like bad." He's hunched forward, leaning towards the table and then turning to Betty, his face is very expressive as he shows that what is saying is hard for him to say because it pains him "like this wimper inside of me, I felt like a discomfort that I didn't like and I reflected, I started to think." He begins to act out him reflecting. "Reflecting. Armando, what's going on with you? and I discovered that I'm jealous, I'm jealous of Nicolas Mora." his eyes are wide and lips pursed, showing that he is stressed or holding back emotion.

"Sir don't joke."Betty's voice is shaky, she looks like she's got her heart in her throat as she is leaning far from him. She is afraid of what he is telling her and on guard.

"Do I look like a clown to you?" Betty shakes her head "No right? I don't play with that, Betty. I don't play with that."

Notice the shift in his tone again. It went from being his natural voice, albit drunk and slurred but still his natural tone, to now again being raspy, it's the best way I can discribe his tone which he has whenever he is being manipulative towards anyone. Armando grabs his glass to drink from it which shows us that now he no longer is being honest.

The next sequence is Armando trying to seduce Betty. She explained that she's got nothing going on with Nicolas and tries to excuse herself but Armando tells her to stay and that she isn't going anywhere.

This is him using his power of position to keep Betty in a situation she wants to run from. It is wrong. We know this and so does the writer as we get the Jaws theme song and a creepy smile from Armando. This is intended to be this way and not to be mistaken as something romantic.

He leans in closer and tells her "You fascinate me." Betty reacts to him being so close and leans forward and puckers her lips and they kiss. Armando's reaction is him being grossed out by it.

For the comedic effect Betty opens her eyes and then faints.

What do we get from this?

Armando is a piece of ish!

Now that that's out of the way.

We see Betty struggle with what's going on. She really is scared of what Armando is doing and saying because she doesn't want to have her hopes up and she's afraid of what it entitles. She doesn't want to get hurt.

Armando as always is all over the place. One moment he is angry, the next annoyed, then grossed out, and then he is being vulnerable, honest and baring his bones and then he is being manipulative. I am personally exhausted, imagine him?

Betty wakes up and apologizes, tells him she doesn't know what what's going on and that she crossed the line. She gets up and leaves and Armando goes after her.

See unlike the women of the past, the models or whatever, Betty isn't reacting like he expects her to. She isn't flirting, fawning, getting closer to him. She is in her seat silent while he speaks, telling him to stop drinking, that he doesn't know what he's saying.

Betty runs out of that place and once outside she touches her lips and thinks to herself "He kissed me, he kissed me."

I already mentioned how someone else wrote a post about Armando and the reason he doesn't date women outside of his social circle and here, now, in this scene he is going against that. He is doing the very thing that he lectured Mario about.

He used his position of power to keep Betty there. We get a scene of Armando sitting at the table with his head down and his fist clasped together, unlike with Mario who did that to show power, Armando's body language allows us to see that he is doing it to self-sooth.

I imagine that he is processing everything but mostly feeling guilty for what he is doing. Guilty for taking advantage of Betty and following through with the plan to seduce her and then it hits him that he kissed her. He touches his lips over and over again, it doesn't seem like he's wiping his lips as he gently rubs them and repeats that he kissed her. His brows furrow and instead of having a face of disgust he shows to have a face of confusion because now he is left with the feelings that that kiss produced and left in him. As well as him realizing what he is capable of doing.

Again, Armando is aware that Betty isn't society's standard of Beauty and aware that she isn't want he imagined in his perfect woman body wise, so he is grossed out by the idea of having something physical with her because of his obsession with perfection. This doesn't mean he is grossed out by her, just the idea of her, if that makes sense.

Which I know it's hard to understand, muchless explain right now but I am tired and hungry so I will leave y'all off here.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

'Til next time :)

Ps again ignore my typos.

#analysis of ysblf #armando mendoza #don armando #armando ysblf #beatriz pinzon solano #beatriz pinzón solano #betty ysblf #betty la fea #betty #yo soy betty la fea #betty pinzón solano

[leigh-kelly]

The Sound of Her Laughter Will Sing In Your Dreams

More Fire Island AU.

Once the girls settle into life on the island, things go fairly smoothly. Even Carlotta, who aches often for your mother, finds her place and you don’t find her trying not to cry like she did in the first days. Each morning, you wake to kiss Brittany goodbye and then sleep a bit more before Mariana rouses you and you begin to make breakfast. While Brittany is gone, you keep them out of the water, but they help tend to your small garden, they visit with Mercy and gush over baby Ana and they gather more shells than you can count.

When Brittany comes home, they have their afternoon swim most days and then they settle around the dinner table, so exhausted from the sunshine and salt air. One afternoon, Brittany comes home and suggests that you all borrow David’s dinghy and go fishing in the bay. You know she does that all day and could have brought home any amount of fresh fish you wanted, but she tells you she’s in the mood for fluke and she can’t get that out in the ocean.

So the girls dress in the play dresses you’ve patched, you put on your oldest dress and you walk down to the dock behind the Karofsky house to board David’s boat. It’s been quite a while since you’ve seen him, but Brittany has told you that Kurt has yet to go ahead and decide to marry a girl to appease his father and it brings you great joy to know that. Brittany helps each of the girls settle in on the boat and then holds out her hand for you, helping you get seated before she starts the small motor.

“Brittany, are you going to catch the biggest fish?” Concetta asks, wriggling in her seat.

“I guess we’ll have to see, won’t we?”

“How are we going to catch the fish from the bucket to put on the hook?” Mariana wonders, staring down into the bait bucket.

“It’s real easy, I promise I’ll show ya once we get out there.”

You watch Brittany as she steers the boat and still manages to talk to the little girls. It’s been weeks and it still never fails to take your breath away. You think again about what she said the night your mother left, about a baby. It gives you butterflies in your stomach thinking about raising a child with her, but you know that it’s not a likely possibility. But still, you can’t help but picture her lifting a small child onto her shoulder, holding their hands on a fishing pole the way she does with Mariana once she stops the boat, kissing their little foreheads before bed. Of all the dreams you’ve had in your life, this one seems the most impossible, but still, you can’t help but hope.

Much to your surprise, Carlotta catches the biggest fish. She backs up in surprise when Brittany helps her haul the fluke aboard, but all the girls cheer. They each had their chance to catch, Brittany carefully going between them to help, but you think it means the most to Carlotta, so homesick for your mother. She beams as Brittany takes out the hook, she beams the whole way back to shore and you smile so brightly at her, hoping the joy of her day means that she won’t cry at night.

When you get back to the house, you send the girls up to bathe and you stand beside Brittany, helping her clean the fish for dinner. She gives you her crooked grin and you kiss her lips, knowing you have a few moments alone with her. There’s something about those stolen moments, so few and far between with the girls present, that make you love her even more. She’s special, your beautiful girl, and you want her to know every day that you think you’re so lucky to have found her.

“Santana, can we call Mama?” Carlotta asks after dinner, bouncing on her toes. “I want to tell her about my fish.”

“I think we can do that tonight, she ought to be home by now.” Santana smiles, sitting at the desk to dial the phone.

Carlotta is anxious to be first while you wait for the operator to connect your call and you quiet her anxiety by pulling her close to you, letting her listen into the receiver until your mother picks up. All three girls are in their nightgowns and you think of how big they’ve grown, how when you still lived at home they were so small. Now though, they’re growing into their own, even little Mariana and you feel a pang in your chest, thinking how it will sadden you to send them back when the summer is through.

“Hi Mama, it’s Carlotta.” She says very seriously. “I wanted to tell you that I caught a very big fish today.”

“Don’t tell her about my two fishes!” Mariana exclaims, tapping Carlotta’s ankle with her foot.

“I miss you very much.” Carlotta says, after talking briefly about the week she’s had and knowing she must share the time with the other girls. “I wish you could come visit us.”

You wish it too, oh so much. You wish your mother could have a respite, just a few days in the warm sun and the good sea air. But you know it can’t be. She has your father to care for, her job to go to. You’re lucky, you know, that you have the summer to bask in pleasure, and you wish you could give her that kind of luxury. But that’s why your parents came to this country when your mother was heavily pregnant with you, they wanted a good life for their children, if not for them, and they’ve given it to each of you.

The little girls go up to bed after their phone call and you read to them as you do each night. You tuck them all into their beds and you kiss Carlotta’s forehead twice, reminding her that you’re nearby if she needs you. Because Brittany had bathed earlier, you leave her in the bedroom and have your bath. When you come out, she’s lying down and you crawl into bed beside her, resting your head in the crook of her shoulder.

“Hello, sweetheart.” Brittany kisses your forehead. “Ya look real tired tonight.”

“I’m just fine, I’d like to stay up with you for a bit.”

“I’d like that a lot. What are ya thinkin’ about?”

“I was just thinking today how lucky I am to have met you. I can’t imagine my life being this wonderful any other way.”

“I think ya were always meant to have a wonderful life. Ya do so good by everyone, I can’t imagine if ya didn’t.”

“I think staying here was the first choice I ever made where I only thought about myself. I knew it would help my mother if I went home, but I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

“For a bit, I didn’t think ya were gonna stay. Now I can’t imagine I ever thought that.”

“It was the easiest decision of my life. Staying meant being with you and that’s the only thing I ever truly wanted.”

“Ya really are the first thing that ever felt like mine.”

“I’m going to grow old with you, Brittany, right here in this little house. The girls will have children and they’ll bring them here to see us, we’ll show them the magic of the sea, let them breathe the fresh air. It’s been such a wonderful thing for my sisters.”

“I’m so happy to have them here. They make me so happy.”

“You make them so happy. You’re so kind and patient with them, it means everything to me.”

“They’re really good children, you and your mama did a real great job.”

“I can’t take any credit.” You shake your head.

“But ya should, I know ya had a hand in carin’ for ‘em before ya left and now ya care for ‘em again.”

“It’s the least that I can do, my mother let me go when she could have begged me to stay.”

“She’s real good ya know, not expecting’ ya to marry a man and move back now that she knows.” Brittany smiles a little, likely thinking of the joy that knowledge brings you

“I feel terrible that she needs to keep the secret from my father, but if he knew...”

“Would he make ya come back?”

“No. But he’d keep my sisters from me. He’d be fearful that I’d taint them with my sin.”

“Do ya really believe that, that you’re sinning?”

“I don’t, not anymore. I believe God made each of us in his perfect image and if he created me to love you, then it can’t be wrong.”

“I’m glad.” She touches the cross on your neck and for the first time, you don’t feel like she fears it. “So glad.”

You fall asleep in her arms and when you wake the next morning, the bed is empty. Normally, you wake when she does, you feel her leave, but today, you overslept. The house is still quiet when you emerge from the bed and you wash up and dress for the day before you go down the hall to check on the girls. They’re still asleep, so you go downstairs and percolate coffee. It’s just finishing when the door opens and Brittany steps inside.

“Brittany. You’re home.”

“It’s real rough out there, Coast Guard said we shouldn’t go out. From the looks of it, a storm is brewin’.”

“It’s early for hurricane season, isn’t it?”

“Already August.” She shrugs. “We ought to get things ready just in case.”

“We still have most of what I canned before the girls came. We should get some blocks of ice to keep milk cold for them. I’m worried this will unsettle Carlotta.”

“We’ll promise we’ll keep her real safe. The Alcott’s already been pulled out of water, I’ll get the ice and then get the house boarded up. Sam may need help too.”

“We should see if they want to bring Ana and stay here, our house is farther back from the waterline.” You take a deep breath. “I’m still not used to these storms.”

“Ya know I’ll take care of ya, right?”

“I do, thank you.”

While Brittany goes off to get started, you rouse the girls from their slumber. Once they’re dressed, you cook breakfast and you sit down at the table with them. It scares you, having them in the line of danger and though you know Brittany will do everything in her power to keep you safe, nature is beyond the capacity of any human.

“Girls, I need to talk to you about something important.” You tell them and as expected, Carlotta blanches. “We’re expecting a very big storm to come. We’re going to do everything we can to prepare, but we’ll need your help.”

“What kind of storm?” Concetta asks, reaching across the table to take Carlotta’s hand.

“It’s called a hurricane, we’ll have very strong winds and quite a bit of rain.”

“Is the house going to blow away.” Tears form in Carlotta’s eyes. “Can Mama come get us?”

“Brittany built such a strong house, it’s going to be quite alright. We’ll carry all the mattresses downstairs and have a big slumber party in the sitting room. Mercy and Sam may come with baby Ana as well.”

“A slumber party?” Mariana grins. “Can I sleep with you, Santana.”

“You may.” You nod. “You all may.”

The tears don’t leave Carlotta’s eyes as you clean up the breakfast dishes and you try to distract all three of them with the tasks at hand. Ordinarily, you’d help Brittany board the windows, but Sam is outside with her, so you take the girls to begin filling the sacks Brittany brought home with sand. You only stop for a brief lunch and by the time everything outside is through, it’s late in the evening. The sky already looks ominous and Sam comes inside to help bring the mattresses downstairs before he goes home to walk Mercy and Ana over.

You serve cold chicken to Brittany, your sisters and your visitors and you feel anxiety swirl in your chest when you hear the angry roar of the ocean. The girls bathe, you and Brittany bathe, and then you fill the tub with fresh water before going downstairs again. When you get to the bottom of the stairs, you pull your dressing robe tight, embarrassed to be seen by a man in your nightgown, but

Sam respectfully avoids looking at you.

“Santana?” Mariana asks as rain begins to pelt the boards on the windows. “Can we still read our book?”

“I think so. Perhaps Ana would like to listen while she eats.”

“She certainly would.” Mercy nods. “Go right ahead.”

You sit down on Mariana’s mattress and she snuggles into your side. Carlotta and Concetta are quick to join you and you feel safe with all three girls cuddled close to you. You read slowly, knowing that Concetta likes it better when she can savor every word and you feel Brittany’s eyes on you. She always looks at you with so much love that you feel your heart might burst and as you turn the page, you look up and give her a small, knowing smile.

It takes a long while to settle the girls, especially Carlotta, but once you do, you sit for a moment, just watching them tucked beneath their blankets on mattresses across the floor. You’ll stay up for a bit with Sam and Mercy, you know, but before you go to the kitchen with them, you just want to make sure each of the little girls so dear to your heart is safe.

“They’re alright, Santana.” Brittany murmurs, placing her hand on your shoulder. “We’re all going to be just fine.”

When you go into the kitchen, you make a pot of tea and the four of you sit down at the table, Mercy having laid Ana to sleep on the mattress you brought down for them. The wind shakes the boards of the house and Brittany takes your hand beneath the table, squeezing it tightly.

“Hurricanes aren’t much fun.” Brittany tells them, knowing that they’re probably more uneasy than you, having never experienced one before. “But this house is built snug.”

“I sure hope ours is.” Sam muses. “I’d hate to see it in pieces when this passes.”

“You have a community of people now, we all help each other rebuild.”

“During my first hurricane here, I was living above the cafe and Brittany brought me to her house to make sure I’d be alright. She fixed the roof of the restaurant herself the next day, wouldn’t have me going back until it was done.”

“There’s nothing you can’t do, is there, Brittany?” Mercy smiles, laying Ana down on the mattress.

“There’s plenty ‘a things I can’t. But I’ve been helpin’ out with storms since I was a little thing.”

“Well now you’ve got me to help you as well.” Sam promises. “I’ll learn all you have to teach.”

“Right now, we ought to just stay here and be as safe as we can.” You say softly. “We’re glad you decided to weather it with us.”

“I would have been terribly afraid if we were alone.” Mercy shakes her head. “It’s nice to be with neighbors.”

“We were fearful when you moved in.” You admit. “Worried you’d see us together.”

“I understand that fear.” Sam nods. “We weren’t so sure what the neighbors would think of us either.”

“Love cannot be helped.” You smile. “Despite what anyone has to say about it. We don’t even know how you met.”

“He was the milkman.” Mercy laughs. “I used to wake up so early just to see him. It shocked me when he asked if I’d like to see a film with him. My mother was probably more shocked, but she never thought it was wrong. It was never illegal in New York.”

“Ya both are real brave.” Brittany tells them. “And I sure am glad ya came to live here.”

“We certainly are too.”

Exhaustion from the work you’d done throughout the day gets the best of you soon, and you lay your head on your pillow. The three girls are close by on their mattresses and Brittany takes her place beside you. You don’t sleep well. The storm rages outside and you hear the crack of trees. All you can think of is how big they are, how they can fall on your house, and Brittany gets out of bed several times, opening the door and looking out.

The storm still carries on in the morning and you dress before anyone else awakens. It’s Carlotta who finds you at the kitchen table first and she sits down beside you as you sip your coffee. She doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, but you watch her eyes fart at every sound. Gently, you rest your hand atop hers and she looks up to you with watery eyes.

“It’s alright to feel afraid, love.” You promise her.

“I couldn’t sleep very much.” She admits, rubbing her eyes. “I was so scared we were going to blow away like Dorothy.”

“That’s how I felt the first time I experienced a storm like this too. But it will pass soon.”

“I hope so, Santana. I don’t want to never go home to Mama.”

“My love.” You pull her into your arms. “Brittany and I will keep you very safe. And you’re going to see Mama in just a few short weeks.”

“Do you think she misses me?”

“I know she misses you, you make up part of her heart.”

“I’m not going to move away like you when I’m grown, I’m going to stay close so I can still see her every day.”

“And that’s okay.” You smile, not telling her you once thought the same thing. “We each make our way in the world differently. How about we start making breakfast, take you mind off of the storm and missing Mama?”

“Okay.” She nods, standing up. “We’ll make a really good one.

You spend the day shuttered inside, until you hear the storm pass. Sam helps with the boarded windows and to bring the mattresses back upstairs and Mercy gathers their things, ready to go back to her own home. You say goodbye at the door and with dinner long eaten, you help the girls to bathe in the darkness from the lost power and read from their book before bedtime. When it’s just you and Brittany alone in your bedroom, you feel like you can just let your hair down for the first time in two days.

“Would ya like me to rub your head? Ya look awful tense.”

“That would actually be really nice.” You finish buttoning your nightgown and sit down on the bed between her legs. “I’m glad it’s passed.”

“I was more worried than usual with the little girls here.” She confesses. “I couldn’t imagine having to tell your mama something happened to her girls.”

“I knew we were safe in this house, you’ve done such a wonderful job building it.”

“Just wanted it to be nice enough for us to live in. I sure hope Sam and Mercy’s house is okay inside.”

“I’m sure they would have come back, had it not been okay. It was nice to have them stay with us though.”

“It’s good havin’ neighbors. Makes me feel real good that someone’s just a short walk away if ya need anything and I’m not around. This okay?” She asks, rubbing your temples.

“It is, it feels wonderful.”

“Eventually ya won’t feel so anxious when they come, then ya won’t get the headaches.”

“I’m grateful to have you help ease them. Last night I couldn’t be near as close to you as I wanted.”

“I understand that. It’s strange to share your bed with anyone when there’s company.”

“It is. But now it’s just you and I in this room and the winds are gone.”

“Ya think any of the girls’ll come in?”

“I think we’re okay to sleep for awhile.” You shift your body so your head is on her chest and she continues to rub it. “Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodnight, my pretty lady.”

#brittana #starlight!verse #1940s fire island

[javier-djarin]

Como Me Duele: Epilogue

Ship: Javi x Reader

Rating: M

Word Count: 2,057 words

Warnings: Language, Soft!Javi

Masterlist

(Gif by @pascvl)

Summary: Just a glimpse into the life of the Peñas. 

A/N: As they say, all good things must come to an end. This is the last part to this fic. I have toyed with the idea of doing one shots to fill the time between Chapter 12 and now, since there is a significant time jump. But those are a ways out. Thank you again for all the love and support! I love you all so much and absolutely love the comments you send me! Please let me know if you want to be on my tag list for any future fics! I have a few lined up. As always, the translations are at the bottom.

15 Years Later

Mariana was stretched out on the pool deck soaking up sun, with Olivia next to her. Marcela was helping Y/N in the garden, pulling weeds and picking vegetables while Jaime was playing catch with his little brother, Javier. It was the middle of June in Laredo, which meant that it was hot, but it was nothing compared to the heat of Colombia. A heat their children never had to experience, but heard stories about. Only the twins had ever been to the country where their parents’ story started, but they were too young to remember any of it.

Javi walked out of the barn, having just finished watering the horses, and wiped the sweat from his brow. He looked around their massive backyard with a large smile. Seeing his children made his heart swell with such happiness, that sometimes he was afraid he’d wake up and it’d all be a dream. But then, his gaze found her. She was covered in sweat and specks of dirt in her swimsuit top and sports shorts as she weeded the garden, but he’d never seen anything more beautiful. Every time he saw her, he found his footing. This was all real; she was real. Seventeen years together, fifteen years of marriage, and four kids later and he was still as in love with her as the day he saw her in that red dress. He smirked at her when she stood up and he saw the sweat glistening off her skin, dripping down between her breasts. “You checking me out, Mister?” She laughed, approaching him as she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

Javi smiled at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close. “Siempre, mi hermosa,” he said.

She grinned at him. “I look gross right now.”

He shook his head. “No, Hermosa, you look as perfect as the day I first saw you in your apartment.”

He smiled wide at her, a few more wrinkles appeared around his eyes over the years, just like her, but he was still her Javi. She blushed at his comment and replied, “After all these years, you still make me blush.”

Javi leaned down and met his lips with hers, kissing her delicately. She reached up and lightly tugged at the hair near the nape of his neck and smiled into his kiss. “Careful,” he growled, “you know what that does to me.”

She laughed and kissed him again.

“Get a room!” Mariana shouted from the deck.

Javi looked up and smiled at his daughter before dipping Y/N and giving her a very passionate kiss. They both grinned against each other’s lips as they heard the rest of their children groan in disgust together. Marcela came over and dropped the vegetable basket on the ground in front of them. “Can’t you just wait until tomorrow? Do this when you aren’t here?” She laughed.

He looked at his eldest daughter. She was a spitting image of his wife. Honestly, both of his beautiful daughters were; his hermositas. “When you find the love of your life, you’ll understand one day. And I hope your kids are just as disturbed,” Javi laughed.

Marcela wrapped her hand around him, and he held her close. “Does that mean I can go out with Ryan when you get back?” She asked.

He looked at Y/N slightly horrified. “Ryan?”

She looked over to Marcela. “Your father and I will talk about it tonight,” she said, giving her daughter a wink. 

Marcela smiled and grabbed the basket again, heading into the house. Javi turned to his wife. “Ryan?”

She rested her hand on her hip and glared at him through her sunglasses. “I told you about him, mi amor. He plays on the baseball team and they do debate together.”

Javi’s eyes grew wide. “Is he that boy that drove here two weeks ago?” He asked, suddenly concerned, “he has a car.”

“Javi, she’s going to be sixteen in a few weeks. It’s time we start to let her grow up.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Ryan is a very sweet boy. Besides, you should count your blessings. Everyone is afraid to date the daughters of the famed DEA Agent who brought down both Pablo Escobar and the Cali Godfathers. I’m surprised Ryan worked up the nerve,” she laughed.

“He. Has. A. Car, Hermosa.”

“Good,” she said, “then we don’t have to drive them around.” She gave him her doe-eyed look he couldn’t resist.

Javi let out a long nervous breath. “Nothing was ever going to prepare me for this day. They’re growing up way too fast.”

“It seemed like just yesterday the four of us packed up and moved back to Cali.” 

He kissed her before bringing her to his side as they walked towards the house. “Speaking of packed…”

“I’m going inside to shower…” she began.

He gave her his trademarked devilish grin. “Oh?”

“You’ll get plenty of that this week, mi amor.” He laughed at her. “Anyway,” she continued, “I was going to finish laundry and finish packing.”

“Well, don’t pack too many clothes,” he whispered into her neck. 

She gasped and slapped his shoulder. “Go practice with your sons. Jaime has a game tonight.”

“What time are your parents getting here?”

“They’ll be here before Jaime’s game. Dad is driving us to the airport. Steve and Connie said they’d meet us at the ballpark, since Olivia is here. They’re staying the night so we don’t have to make extra stops tomorrow. We can go straight to the airport. And then, this time tomorrow the four of us will be sitting on a cruise ship sipping cocktails.”

Javi smiled. They made a point to do trips with The Murphys as often as they could, especially since the girls were so close. But then, every summer, the four of them would escape for a week sans kids. This year, they decided on a cruise to celebrate The Peñas’ fifteenth wedding anniversary. Steve actually suggested it, and the girls were sold. Javi was obviously eager to get away, and wherever his hermosa wanted to go, he would follow.  

***

It was late after Jaime’s game, and the adults were sitting on the deck. Y/N’s parents turned in early, so that left Javi, Y/N, Steve, and Connie. Javi had her pulled into his lap, hand wrapped around her waist as they sat laughing about old times. Both Javi and Steve’s beers ran out, and so she and Connie offered to run inside and fetch them some. Steve waited until they were gone before he said, “Do you ever feel like you’re living in a dream?”

Javi nodded. “Every damn day.” They sat in silence for a minute. “You know, I never thanked you,” he said.

“For what?” Steve asked.

Javi took a deep breath and sighed. “For everything you did that day,” he added. They never talked about that day. Despite the fact she survived, he never wanted to relive it.

“It’s no big deal, man. You would have done the same thing.”

“Steve, if you weren’t there keeping a level head and doing what I should have, she might not have made it. I owe you everything.”

Steve smiled at him. “I’d do anything for you two. Besides,” he laughed, “It’s in the handbook. It says your partner has your back when you get shot, your wife gets kidnapped, when you’re getting married, but tells you when you’re being a dumbass.”

Javi laughed at Steve. “It all worked out, didn’t it? Even after you threatened me to leave her alone.”

Connie and Y/N rejoined them. “I knew you wouldn’t listen,” Steve said.

“Does he ever?” She said, handing Javi his beer before returning to his lap. 

Connie grinned. “Not as long as I’ve known him.”

“He called her ‘forbidden fruit’ the first time I said to back off.”

She turned to look at him. Her eyes rolled as she looked down at his big grin on his face. “Forbidden fruit?”

“Damn right,” he said, his grin going into that same devilish look he always had. 

She lightly kissed his lips. “Who knew I’d marry someone so cheesy?”

“Solo para ti, Hermosa.”

Steve laughed. “So, Javi, Connie tells me Marcela has a date?”

“Thanks for the reminder, dick.”

Giggling, Connie said, “When Olivia invited her first date over, Steve wore his badge.”

“I sure did,” he said, tipping his bottle at Javi, “he had her home fifteen minutes before curfew.”

Javi smiled. “You wanna have a barbecue that night. Two DEA Agents might have him back here fifteen minutes after they leave.”

“Shooting some clay birds while we wait.”

Y/N looked at Connie, shaking her head. “You two are insufferable. Ryan is a good boy.”

“No,” Javi said, “Dusty, is a good boy.” Motioning to the dog at their feet. “Ryan is a boy.”

They laughed. “And she’s our daughter,” Y/N said, “I do believe the first time we went out, your persistence in the backseat got you nowhere.”

Steve chuckled and nodded. “I believe she called you harmless at one point.”

Javi glared at him. “Fuck you, Murphy.”

Y/N smiled and ran her hand up and down his back. “He was! Connie and I were dying over him practically tripping over himself. He could hardly form sentences during that car ride.”

“In my defense,” Javi said, “it worked.” He motioned to her in his lap.

“Three weeks later,” Steve added.

“Again, fuck you, Murphy.”

Steve finished his beer and stood up. “Well, now that Javi has told me to fuck off twice, I’m heading to bed. See you bright and early tomorrow.” Connie got up to follow him, but he stopped at the door. “Happy Anniversary, you guys.”

Javi held his beer up to Steve and Y/N smiled as they retired for the night. “It’s hard to believe it’s been fifteen years,” Javi said, finishing his beer.

She turned in his lap, so she was straddling him as she ran her hands over his chest and shoulders. “You know,” she grinned, “that night at the club, I only danced with Rodriguez to piss you off.”

“Oh, it was obvious, Hermosa. Which is why I danced with that nurse.”

“I won that game,” she added, kissing him.

“You always win.” He returned her kiss. “I did always wonder about something. What did you tell Kate about me before we got together?” His hermosa blushed and looked away. “Now you’re embarrassed? I would think what we did last week in the shower would have been more embarrassing?”

She laughed and pushed on him. “After the night of the club, I told her that I had this neighbor who was hands down the most attractive man I have ever seen. I told her while we danced, I’d never felt so alive before and that I would look for any excuse just to have your hands on me. I also told her that it was so obvious you looked for similar excuses to touch me. So, when you picked me up and tossed me in that Jeep, she made a comment about it. When we got back to my apartment, she told me that she’d never seen someone look at anyone the way you did at me. As angry as you were about Lara, she watched you sneak glimpses of me, and vice versa. She was so annoyed it took you as long as it did to do anything about it.”

He laughed, and ran his hands down her back, cupping her bottom to pull her closer to him. Javi looked up into her eyes with so much love and adoration as she returned his gaze. Her hands rested in his hair, holding him steady - tethering him to his reality. He had a few tears in his eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, Hermosa.”

“Me neither. It scared me at first, because my heart ached to have you. And I can’t imagine it any other way.”

“El mejor tipo de dolor,” he smiled.

She leaned down and rubbed her nose on his. “Sí, y como me duele,” she said, smiling before she kissed him just as passionately and deeply as they did the first time all those years ago.

Translations

Siempre - Always.

Solo para ti. - Only for you.

El mejor tipo de dolor - The best type of pain.

Sí, y como me duele - Yes, and oh how it hurts.

Tag list

@magneticbucky​ @larakasser​ @pedropascalownsmyheart​ @wander-lustbabe​ @frietiemeloen​ @wickedfrsgrl

#Javier Pena #Javier Peña #Javier Pena x Reader #Narcos #Como Me Duele

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Tues. 5

7

11

In the stable etc. 1/2 hour – Read from page 71 to 83 on “the letters and life of Ninon de l’Enclos” volume 8 (No. [numero] 15) Retrospective Review – I agree with the reviewer – some fastidious readers may possibly object to the publication of such an article thro’ such a medium –

Dissatisfied with several passages of the letter I wrote last night to M– [Mariana]. Wrote it over again in 3/4 hour in a hand so much less close, that in spite of the great deal left out, made it fill 3 pages and a few lines of crossing on the 2nd page – There seemed some appearance of annoyance and displeasure in my 1st letter which I entirely avoided in my 2nd –

Went down to breakfast at 9 40/60 – At 11 took George in the gig and set off to Haugh – Put a letter into the post for my uncle, and got to Haughend in 50 minutes – All the party at home with the addition of “Captain” Butler, a very grood sort of, vulgar, quondam Captain of an Indiaman – The young people did not appear till luncheon –

Sir John A– [Astley] franked my letters to Mrs. N[orcliffe] (Langton hall, Malton) to Miss Marsh (Micklegate York) and to M– [Mariana] (Lawton hall, Lawton, Cheshire) and they went in the Haughend letter bag in time for yesterday’s post – Nothing particular in the conversation way –

Sir John somehow or other inquired if I believed all Homer’s stories, or that there ever was such a place as Troy, or such a siege – I saw he had read Bryton or some sceptic on the subject and was very gentle in what I said in support of my historical creed – At last Sir John (after some flimsy observation) tried to shew that women were as much respected in ancient days as now – Briseis as much respected by Achilles, as wives were respected by their husbands now – Woman as well treated then as now – He (Sir John) would have treated lady A– [Astley] as well at that time as he does at this – I did not say much, not wishing to appear to have too much the better of the question argument for none said a word about it but ourselves, and Sir John is evidently looked up to as an oracle by them all, tho’ his responses will never set the Thames on fire by their wisdom –

He complimented his wife exceedingly – In fact, she is pretty enough, stylish enough, sensible enough, everything enough for him – Speaking of their place of family, she observed she “always thought the Astleys were an envied family in Wiltshire” “My dear” said he “they envy me for having got you” –

It is plain enough to me from their manners etc. etc. that they not exactly comme il faut with the Wiltshire county society – They have had the house in London that Sir Jacob Astley and his family had had, and many calls were therefore made upon them by mistake – They returned some – Were admitted at one house, the manners of the ladies shewed they were not expected, and the A– [Astley]s took their leave – A party was soon afterwards given by the family, and they (the A– [Astley]s) were not asked – They do not get on in London society – Nor as yet perhaps are they likely to do – Nor will Miss A– [Astley] even after “she has been presented” (at court) –

Lady A– [Astley] has not worldly nous enough to keep all these things to herself – Thinks Mrs. William Henry Rawson very ladylike, Ditto Mr. Christopher Rawson – The manners of the Society here suit the A– [Astley]s very well – Captain Butler it seems has had 1 or 2 premiums from the Doncaster society (I know nothing of this society) for feeding horses – Kept his draft-horses throughout the winter at 3/5 a head on chopt straw and line-seed – His saddle horses only cost him about 5/. [shillings] a week having nearly the same as the cart-horse with the addition of a little hay and corn –

Boils down the linseed to the consistence of cream – Perhaps about 2 quarts water to a pint of lineseed – Mixes this with their oats or chopt straw to a proper  (a mashy?) consistence, and gives them as much as they will eat – A chopping machine at Doncaster 7 1/2 guineas – Try our horses with about 2 wine-glasses full of linseed at first – Merely pour on boiling water – and let the seed stand till it is mucilaginous –

This plan is good for feeding cattle – It is the way in which dealers fatten up horses – But it wont do for hunters, or horses from which speed is required – The linseed works away to greasy perspiration – Runs out of the anals like melted fat – They must have good hay and corn for speed – But cart-horses do uncommonly well on this food – 

They all like Caradoc – Think him “a very likely horse” – His toes turn in a little: this is best for a gig-horse – If the toes turn at all outwards, the gig horse can scarcely ever keep his feet – He cannot hold up up hill and down – 

Staid till about 3 – Called at Saville hill to ask Miss P– [Pickford] whether, when she called with me at Haughend, she meant to call on lady A– [Astley] or not – Not – Asked her to come to Shibden to see Caradoc’s long switch tail cut – She would meet me at the library in 1/2 hour –

At 4 1/4 – drove thro’ the town, past Northgate, and Crosshills, and turned up by Greenhill, stopt at Furnish’s, and got a pair of new reins 10/6 – Left George to drive the gig home from Northgate, and without going into the house, went to the library – Shewed Miss P– [Pickford] the article respecting Ninon de l’Enclos (vide the 1st line of today) and the points of Humour (vide page 79) – She agreed with the retrospective reviewers, and with me that the soldier and his chére amie was the best print –

She walked home with me to the top of our little lane, but must there return for the children who would come to meet her – We walked about on the top of the bank – My aunt joined us – She left us in about 20 minutes (at 6) – 

We then walked to H–x [Halifax] – Miss P– [Pickford] returned with me up the old bank even to xxxxxx. I walked back again with her a little way up the Cunnery lane, when we met her party of children – 3 Wilcocks, 2 Paleys, and Miss Jones the governess, and we parted –

Our chief conversation about Miss Threlfall and my entreaties to see her last letter. Nothing could prevail till at last I asked if she feared its telling me anything I did not know before. On finding this the case, I said I would soon sooner move this fear by proving that I was not as still suspected in any degree of uncertainty. 

I wondered she did not know this already, but I had wrapped up my meaning too much and she should now have it so clearly that no doubt could possibly remain in her mind. Upon this I said I considered her connection with her friend a marriage of souls and something more. That if they were on a visit and their friend provided them separate rooms it would be unnecessary and they would presently defeat this arrangement by being together. 

Under other circumstances it would have been a wonder that with beauty fortune etc. etc. Miss Threlfall did not marry but now it was no wonder at all. Asked Miss P[ickford] if she now understood me thoroughly. She said yes. I said any would censure unqualifiedly but I did not. If it had been done from books and not from nature, the thing would have been different. Or if there had been any inconsistency first on one side of the question, then the other. But as it was, nature was the guide, and I had nothing to say there was no parallel between a case like this and the sixth satire of Juvenal. The one was artificial and inconsistent the other was the effect of nature and always consistent with itself.

At all events, said I, ‘you remember an early chapter of genesis and it is infinitely better than the thing alluded to there,’ meaning onanism. ‘This is surely comparatively unpardonable. There is no mutual affection to excuse it’. Miss P[ickford] did not say much but seemed satisfied. 

‘Now,’ said I, ‘the difference between you and me is mine is theory. Yours practice. I am taught by books, you by nature. I am very warm in friendship, perhaps few or none. Moreso, my manners might mislead you, but but I do not in reality go beyond the utmost verge of friendship. Here my feelings stop. If they did not, you see from my whole manner and sentiments I should not care to own it. Now do you believe me?’ ‘Yes,’ said she, ‘I do.’ 

‘Alas,’ thought I to myself, ‘you are at last deceived completely.’ My conscience almost smote me but I thought of π [Mariana]. It is for her sake that I fisrt [first] thought of being, and that I am so deceitful to poor Pic, who trusts me so implicitly and at last turned no objection to my seeing the letter. I said perhaps there was not another in the world she could trust so safely. Perhaps not Miss Caroline Renouard, she was not read or liberal enough tto [to] think as I did. She would condemn unqualifiedly. Pick agreed. 

I owned my manners might mislead people, particularly before I knew as much as I do now, before I read Lubinus’s Juvenal, before I first knew Miss Brown of whom she has heard reports. But now I knew how to be more careful. Yet still, my manners might mislead Miss Vrelfall [Threlfall]. She said, ‘yes they would’ –

I ended by saying I was now satisfied that she thoroughly understood me and that I had had an opportunity of telling her my sentiments, for she must often have wondered and not known what to make of me. We parted mutually satisfied, I musing on what had passed. I am now let into her secret and she forever barred from mine – Are there more Miss Pickfords in the world than I have before thought of –

Came in to dinner a little before 7 – Had ordered George to have the gig ready a little before 9 in the morning to go to Huddersfield to speak to Pontey about coming over to plan our new road to the house, etc. – But finding my uncle against it contrary to my expectation – (I had always thought all he said against it in joke) – I immediately countermanded the order very quietly determining never to mention the thing again – Nor to mention planting or otherwise improving the place –

I told my uncle very quietly I certainly would not teaze him any more on the subject; and I shall indeed change my mind, if I do – The thing absolutely did not annoy me at all – I immediately thought to myself, ‘perhaps it is best as it is – I incur no responsibility – etc. etc.’ Perhaps I may save my money in future instead of laying it out on the place and leave things as they are –

Barometer 1 3/4 degrees below changeable Fahrenheit 56º at 9 p.m. – Rainy morning till between 10 & 11, afterwards a shower or 2 which I escaped and otherwise a toleraby fine day i.e. fine afternoon and evening – Came upstairs at 10 25/60. E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [three dots, signifying much discharge] Missed washing just before dinner –

Miss Pickford called this morning and sat a little while with my aunt – She brought me Samouelle’s system of Entomology to read –

[sideways in margin] Major P– [Priestley], speaking of horses that went near the ground, called daisy-croppers – i.e. going so near the ground as to crop or strike off the tops of the daisies – Drove along the new road today for the 1st time

“the soldier and his chére amire“– Points of humour; illustrated by the designs of George Cruikshank [x]

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #shibden hall 1823 #frances pickford

[paradise-creator]

Hellooo!! I love love LOVE the diamond box matchup you did!! You're amazing!! Your blog is incredible!! Now I'm here for a romantic haven box Haikyuu matchup pls🥺

Appearance: My name is Kay! She/her, black, straight, 5'1, I have a slightly athletic & curvy-ish figure (lol idk), short-ish hair(like mid-neck), dark brown eyes, shoe size 9, I like to dress comfy so I'm always in oversized hoodies, sweatpants, sneakers, sweatshirts and shorts. I like colorful clothes too, high waisted jeans and shorts and boots. I'm not very fashionable but I try lol.

Personality:

Basics: infp-t, Hufflepuff, Taurus sun, scorpio moon, sanguine, chaotic good, ambivert.

Some positive traits: I'm optimistic, friendly, energetic, organized, enthusiastic, observant, happy, open-minded, loving, encouraging and inquisitive!!

Some negative traits: I'm annoying, perfectionist, insecure, forgetful, easily distracted, kinda lazy, argumentative, too nice at times and clingy.

I love learning new things!! Currently I'm learning Korean, how to draw, how to paint and songs on the saxophone.

When I'm up for it, I love fun physical activity!! Going for a hike, going to the gym, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, going camping and etc :D

Although I love going out, nothing beats lazy days at home. I can spend hours by myself and still be happy. When alone I usually sleep or watch a movie/anime or practice my drawing or saxophone or try and learn something new!

I have a horrible memory and can never remember important dates 😭 I've forgotten my own birthday a few times (rip) so people can get mad at me for missing appointments, forgetting birthdays and other important days. I try my best to organize everything necessary on my phone calendar so I can be reminded.

I love seeing people happy! Nothing can fulfill my day more than knowing I put a smile on someone's face! I usually try my best to help out anyone who needs it and to the best of my ability! This has led to me getting taken advantage of in the past but I can't help but try and make others happy. I've developed a thicker skin and some trust issues as I've grown up because of it.

I love hyping my friends/family up!! Do you need a boost in confidence? Here I am, ready to help you remember the absolute king/queen/royalty that you are!! I'm usually very energetic and enthusiastic about many things and I love spreading positivity around!!

My love language is physical touch! So touch is very important to me in my relationships. Though I am insecure so I tend to think that I smother the people I care about with too much affection idk lol. I live for hugs and cuddles and hand holding 👉🏿👈🏿 but because of that I feel like I'm very clingy and annoying skskfksjd

I'm introverted in nature so although I mean usually full of energy and love making new friends, I can't do it for too long lol. My social battery runs out really fast and I have to hide away and recharge before I can be fully social again, otherwise I won't be my best self. I treasure personal time and understand when people need time for themselves too.

I love spontaneity!! I love living in the moment and doing stuff just for the hell of it!! Wanna go on a road trip? Dance in the rain? Build houses for charity? Go to McDonald's at 2am? Go on a long walk? SIGN ME UP!!

I can also be lazy and unmotivated to do stuff. If something doesn't interest me, I'd find myself incapable of doing it or I'd do it with great difficulty. I'm one of those 'do something when inspiration/motivation hits you otherwise it'll be absolute shit' types.

But when I do have motivation/inspiration that's when my perfectionism comes in and I have to do it in the best possible way and anything less is an insult to me, my family, my ancestors and descendants lmaoo. Unfortunately I subconsciously set a very high bar for myself which can be overwhelming and stressful but when I manage to produce work of that quality, it's very satisfying and rewarding jshkshdhsj

I have more to add but I feel like this is getting way too long 💀 lemme just move to the next section heheheh

Hobbies: I LOVE listening to music, learning new things, watching movies/anime, sleeping, reading, writing, playing saxophone (I'm still learning tho lol), swimming, drawing, journaling, making friends, and cooking!

My music taste: any type of rock (punk rock, grunge, j-rock, metal), pop, KPOP, RnB, jazz, dubstep, lofi hip hop, rap, trap, krnb, anime OP's and bangers from: Elvis, the beach boys, Queen, Khalid, Ateez, Harry styles, Kendrick Lamar, p!atd, mcr, fallout boy, Nirvana, BTS, mxmtoon, Marianas trench, twenty one pilots, stray kids, Jay Park, crush, Dreamcatcher, Skrillex, MJ, troye sivan etc

Fun facts:

I'm more of a cat person but I live dogs and think they're adorable!!

I have four piercings and I plan on getting more soon!!

I'm a night owl, and get super grumpy in the mornings especially when woken up unexpectedly >:/

Although I love making friends, I only have like 1/2 super close friends and like 20+ acquaintances lol

I want to get a tattoo soon but idk what to get :(

I'm super addicted to coffee (rip) and if I don't take some for some time (like a week) I'll get the worst migraines and I won't feel better until I drink some coffee 😭

That's it!! I hope i wrote enough stuff!! Did I leave anything out? If you need more pls tell me and I'll send another ask :D Take your time!! I'm in no rush. I'll patiently wait even though you get writers block or have a large amount of asks 😌 pls stay safe and healthy!! Drink lots of water, sleep well and have an amazing day/night!! 💙✨

↬ ──:.⃗➹ +.*༉‧ᵕ̈°`*↷. ೃ₊✎⸙͎˚- ̗̀✧: ──↫

┊         ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊       ┊         ⊹

┊  ⋆｡   ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊      ⋆｡˚. ੈ

┊         ┊ ⋆｡  ┊   ┊   ˚✩ ⋆｡˚  ✩

┊         ┊       ┊   ✫

┊         ┊       ☪︎⋆                                      ⋆✩

┊ ⊹     ┊                     ⋆｡˚. ੈ

✯ ⋆      ┊ .  ˚                                   ⊹

           ˚     ✩

Dream catcher loading...

ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

□□□□□0%

■□□□□20%

■■□□□40%

■■■□□60%

■■■■□80%

■■■■□90%

■■■■■100%

*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *. •.°

┊┊┊┊           

┊┊┊☆                 

┊┊☁️　　

┊┊┊    

┊┊                  

┊☆　

┊┊       

☁️   

┊  

☁️

Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Journal of Feelings

- 3 am shenanigans

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sugawara Koushi, Vice-captain of Karasuno

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Sun drops

- OKAY so like, as I read your description I thought of Akaashi or Yaku or Sugawara

- Me being the indecisive author I am had trouble picking

- But then I remembered that you loved to do spontaneous things.

- And that's when I realized that Sugawara is THE ONE

- You two would be deemed the "3 am couple"

- Or in the team it would be "Epitome of Chaos"

- He takes care of you

- He will alway remind you that you don't need to be perfect

- Insecurities? BE GONE

- Nagativity? BE GONE

- That's basically his motto

- He is both your mom and partner in Crime

- did I mention he will take care of you?

- CUDDLES AND KISSES FOR DAYS

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Journal of feelings

- Once this man realizes that you LOVE physical affection. He will give it to you. EVERYTIME HE SEES YOU

Kay entered the gym to watch her boyfriend play. She tried sneaking in and so far it has been great. She thought she was off the hook but then felt a familiar arms wrapped around her waist. "I found you~" Sugawara said with a smile.

- You both would often plan pranks and majority of the times, it would succeed

"Okay okay, so what are we doing today?" Kay asked the silver haired male. "Oh~ maybe we can scare Asahi or anyone for that matter with a beetle?" Sugawara suggested. "That's--no," Kay responded.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

3 am shenanigans

It’s 3 am in the morning. Almost everyone is fast asleep or in their homes, well almost. The night sky is littered with diamond in the sky. The streets were silent but it was comforting. A few people walked here and there. And a few cars passes by there and here. “What are we doing up so late?” A silver haired man said as he yawned. “We’ll be going to Mc Donald’s! What else?” The female responded as she smiled at him. “Is it even open at this time?” He asked. “Koushi, darling, it is open,” Kay, the lover of our beloved silvered male man said as she smiled. Sugawara chuckled and held her hand, the smile on his face was evident. “You know, we should be sleeping by now right?” He said as he pulled her closer. “And so what? I wasn’t planning on sleeping early! I slept the whole day yesterday and missed the chance to hang out with you,” The girl responded.

A small blush appeared on the male’s face and he giggled. “That’s very sweet bu-“ He was about to say but was silenced by the girl. “That was very sweet but we could’ve done this later on or tomorrow. Well, sorry to break it to you, Love. But, we are here,” She said as she pulled the male inside the fast food chain. And soon enough, the two got their orders and enjoyed their meal. “I don’t know why but this hits different,” Kay said as she eat a French fry. “It really does. Especially since you are here,” Sugawara stated as he patted her head. Now, she was the one blushing. As the two chatted, the other customers and staff glanced at them every now and then. None of them were annoyed at their interactions. On the contrary, they enjoyed watching them,

Some felt envious of their relationship. Some dreamt to have something like that. And others remembered the times of old. The two were so sweet, it’s almost too much. Laughter and chattering echoed through the building from both the couple and the people around them. Then they were dub the “3 am couple” as the two would often venture in that restaurant at 3 am in the morning.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Author's note

I'm so so sorry for the long wait! This week has been hectic. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this matchup~ and thanks for requesting!

#☁️matchup #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu!! #haikyuu matchup #fanfic #anime #fiction #sugawara koushi #sugawara kōshi #Sugawara #sugawara headcanon #match ups #hq matchups #hq sugawara #Anime matchups #BlackPearl

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 23 February 1834: SH:7/ML/E/16/0172

7 50

12 20

Damp small rainy morning and F51° at 9 5 at which hour breakfast and staid talking to Marian & then my father till 10 25 - the former seems quite prepared for Miss W-‘s being here, makes no objection, on the contrary, I could bring no one my father would like better - thinks Miss W- very right to keep the Lidgate land in her own hand that she may have it ready to let with the house – from 10 ½ to 11 10 skimming over last night’s papers with my aunt - wrote 1 page to M- some time with my aunt then read prayers and sermon 2 volume 1 Mr Knight - the handle of anteroom door came off - obliged to send for Charles H- before I could get in - wrote 2 more pages and ends and finished my letter to M- - Had Washington at 5 ½ for an hour – he brought 3 letters for Miss Walker, one with money from the bank – dinner at 6 ¾ and reading till 7 ¾ -

SH:7/ML/E/16/0173

cried over my letter to π- my eyes red when I went down to Washington and the thought of her filled my eyes with tears during dinner  she will of course think the concluding lines a take-leave of all love between us – ‘Shibden Hall Sunday 23 February 1834. I have now, my dearest Mary, two letters to thank you for- I congratulate you on the éclat of your ball – the newspaper paragraph was very proper, many things of [small] desert are trumpeted, and I do not see why you should not have your due’ ......... then sorry for the business of Miss Eliza Lawton and her love-concern and being sent home from school by Miss Connell - should have written immediately had I known what to advise - hope little Mariana will be the gainer - ‘Miss Connell will be doubly kind and careful, and laying sufficient stress upon air and exercise, I am sanguine in the persuasion that all will go well - I always dwell with pleasure on the hope, and belief that Mariana will be a great comfort to you’ - ......... why not take her with them in some their tours? ‘With respect to her, as with respect to those others for whom you are interested, I incessantly hope, and  pray that the happiness of the future may be assured – think not of clouds and shadowiness – I speak from experience when I say, the great step towards being happy is the determination to be so -  I see you are not quite satisfied of the truth of some of my positions - ‘to plunge headlong into we know not what, and then say ‘I will make it answer’, is but the courage of despair, for tho’ you have mind and resolution to do so, it might not be the case with number two’ ....... Take my own quaint statement, and then judge -  I merely say to myself ‘choose right, if you can, if not, let your own exertions make up the difference : and it is confidence in these exertions, not the courage of despair, that makes me brace up every nerve, and say, if I do it (whatever that it may be) I will make it answer - Mary! with mindless schooled and heart like mine, what chance were there of happiness for me? and, if the fair visions of my youth clung round me years too long, I had less time for vain regret, and greater need of vigorous effort. Perhaps (alluding to one particular instance) you dwell upon my saying, had it been yes, I should have been happy - it was no, and I was still happy. From me this was no proof of indifference - it was merely a trait of character. Let me but know my doom, and my own mind (under heaven) will manage it. How often have you heard me mention the conduct of David on the loss of his child! Yet that he loved it, none could doubt. But thank you again and again, my dearest Mary, for all your anxiety about me -  I hope we shall still live to see each other as happy as your gipsy promised you should be, and as happy as I myself or care, or wish to me - I count upon your friendship and esteem, because I feel to deserve them, and because you may find me, at least, one of the steadiest and best friends you have - I am glad you like the Camerons and think they like you - you would like Lady Vere too if you knew her.’....... promise me the address of Madame Calès who made her last Paris stays so well etc etc.  ‘It amused me to find the curiosity of good people of York on the alert about my going over can I do anything for you there? I am going on Tuesday to stay till Monday-week. Stevens gives me very good accounts of Miss W---- and I really hope he will be able to do her all the service required - I half promised a visit to go to Cromptons; but Micklegate is rather too much out of the way - besides tho’ the lodging is rather too small,  there is a room for myself and Eugenie and I shall put Thomas as near as I can. For my own sake, I only wish Steph lived anywhere but in York - but it matters not much -  I shall be glad to escape the publicity of Black Swan. Do not be very long in writing - tho’ you tell me you are but in health, I am always anxious about you. I have always considered your happiness before my own and no wish of mine has ever been put in competition with what you yourself deemed your welfare. Cheer up, my dearest Mary - if gypsy ever did tell truth, may yours have done so! As I told you I have no fault to find in one particular quarter, and no feeling which could be uncomfortable to any of us. Let the veil of charity hide whatever faults there may have been on any side, and let the memory of our bygone days be but the record of their pleasures.  God bless you my dearest Mary, ever very especially yours AL.’ I have not time just now to look for the address - you shall have it in my next letter - wrote all but the 1st 3 lines of today, and sent off at 8 50 my letter 3 pages and ends to ‘Mrs. Lawton Claremont House Leamington Warwickshire’ - an hour with my aunt -reading till 11 ½ - having read now and before during the day from 170 to 312 Fairholme’s scripture geology - damp and small rain when I got up this morning and afterwards rainy morning till between 1 and 2 - then finish afternoon and evening - F53° now at 11 ¾ pm.

[maggiec70]

The Fictional Take on Jean-Claude

As I've said before, fiction often presents the opportunity to write really nest things and in an engaging way that non-fiction, especially the historical type, rarely allows. So here is yet another scene from the Longest-Running WIP, this one about Jean-Claude, and what Jean-Boy thinks of this entire mess for which he was responsible:

Mariana sat opposite Jean in a small paneled study tucked away at the rear of the house. The two south-facing windows stood open, midmorning sunlight falling across the country pine table, a faint breeze stirring the edges of papers spread out in front of him. While she went to Mass, Jean spent his Sunday mornings with account books and other documents. She knew how little his extravagant properties in Paris and Saint-Germain-en-Laye meant to him, and he cared nothing about their management. He’d bought them both at Louise’s insistence and the emperor’s decree, as he’d often reminded her. Yet his acres, vineyards, farms, and other properties here mattered very much. She had felt his deep-rooted attachment from the first day she’d come to Lectoure and walked into this house. For a long, peaceful moment broken only by the scratching of his pen and a dove cooing on the window ledge, she pictured Louise living luxuriously in Paris. In contrast, she and Jean lived here in simple bucolic harmony. A perfect dream—she and the seigneur of this lovely hill town, the lord of a small realm who didn’t care if he got dirt on his hands and his breeches and who could—and did—pick grapes with the best of his tenant farmers.

“I waited for you before having coffee,” Jean said, and her sweet fantasy popped like champagne bubbles. “How was Mass?”

“Spiritually refreshing, as always. You should go,” Mariana replied and rose to fetch the coffee. She returned a few moments later and set a tray on one end of the table, away from the inkpot and the account books. “I saw a young boy, perhaps a year or two older than Augie, after Mass,” she said, pouring the coffee from an earthenware pot and sliding a cup over to Jean. “He must live in that house across from the cathedral, the one with the three iron balls over the gate. He was playing with an enormous fluffy white dog in the courtyard.”

Jean set his cup aside, untouched, and gazed out the window. His face was suddenly as featureless as a frozen plain scoured by a cruel winter wind. “Nothing unusual about that. There are plenty of children from one end of town to the other. Plenty of dogs, too.” He spoke to the windows, not to her, and his tone was flat.

Mariana swallowed half her coffee and leaned forward, the cup cradled in her hands. “This boy looked so much like you that I stopped where I was and stared at him. He saw me and grinned back, as you sometimes do, with a little wave more like a salute. Who is he? Do you know him?”

Jean stood in a single fluid motion and strode to the windows, his back to her. The silence spun out, no longer peaceful but heavy with something she couldn’t identify. Dread, perhaps, or anger, even fear. She could almost see a dark aura settle around him despite the bright summer sun, and leaned back in her chair, coffee forgotten, everything forgotten. He turned from the windows and crossed to the door, shutting it so hard with his fist that the wood rattled in its solid frame. Dragging a chair around, he sat opposite her, very close, almost touching. She didn’t move, waiting for whatever he chose to tell her, the chill of unease growing in her breast.

“We won’t speak of this again, ever. Do you understand?”

She gazed back at him. The blank expression and flat, unemotional tone had gone. Now his eyes were dark, as stormy as the Irish Sea when she had crossed it eight years ago. The lines on his face cut deep and stark, his voice harsh. Suddenly she wanted her coffee, but the cup was out of reach, and she dared not move.

“I understand.” Her voice was no more than a dry whisper, the best she could manage.

“I told you once that Polette, my first wife, was a flirt and liked anyone in a uniform. Do you remember?”

“I remember.”

“She married me because of my rank, the amount of gold braid on my uniform, and because I told her a good story. She told good stories too, and so did her mother, as it turned out. Afterward, all Polette wanted was money, status, and a big house, the biggest in town. Our marriage was already in ruins when I met you. I told you that, but not in any detail. It didn’t improve later that summer, when she insisted on coming to Lombardy—” Her gasp interrupted him, but only for a second or so. “She got nothing from me then, Mariana, other than some jewelry and a gown or two to wear to Bonaparte’s festivities at Mombello. Nothing—do you understand that?”

When she nodded, past the ability to speak, he continued. “It ended in Egypt, or rather because of the Egyptian campaign. We didn’t get much news in the desert, but we got enough. Some member of Bonaparte’s family cheerfully wrote him of his wife’s presumed infidelity, and my brother Bernard wrote me that Polette had given birth. Bernard was cagy about the date, but he swore it wasn’t my child, that she’d been carrying on with someone even before I’d left. Several nights later, Bonaparte drank too much wine—he rarely did, then or now—and told me women were worthless, faithless sluts, and we both would do well to cut ourselves loose the moment we returned to France.”

Jean glanced away from her to the earthenware pot beside their abandoned cups, and reached for it. He poured quickly, his hand steady, and slid her cup toward her. He did not touch his. “This isn’t Bonaparte’s story, though. It’s mine. By the time I reached Toulon in October, I was outraged, and I hated Polette, truly despised her. I’d gotten another letter from Bernard, this one telling me my mother had died. He wrote that she’d been distraught over the erroneous report that I’d been killed at Saint-Jean d’Acre, and very upset with Polette’s behavior. So I went straight to Paris with Bonaparte and left the matter of the divorce to Bernard and Dominique Montbrun, an attorney here I’d known all my life. Montbrun was a snake, utterly ruthless and doubtless unethical, but he succeeded, and that’s all I cared about. He beat Polette down at every turn, playing on her naiveté, producing witnesses who swore they’d seen her at one time or another with every male in town over the age of sixteen. No one would believe a thing she said, even when she fought back and told the truth.”

He stopped and picked up his cup, draining it in two quick gulps. Mariana was surprised he didn’t choke. When he set the empty cup down, his hand shook badly. She didn’t move and didn’t speak. It was not the time to say anything. That much was evident in his eyes, still stormy, but something else hovered there too, something she didn’t recognize. Hands clasped in her lap, tighter now, she waited for him to tell her the rest of what was already a sordid story.

“I divorced her for adultery. That was easy, and I never regretted it for a moment. I still don’t, although I often wonder if the divorce was even legal. But I never took the final, separate action that would have declared her child a bastard, deprived him of my name, and any rights to whatever I owned or would own. Montbrun hounded me about that, so did Bernard and everyone else I knew. I didn’t listen to them, and I didn’t do it. I couldn’t do it.”

She understood in a flash of painful clarity why he had not taken that final legal step. And now she recognized what had been swirling and growing stronger in his eyes—guilt, and shame. She clenched her hands tighter still and said nothing.

“Polette had traveled to Toulon before I left for Egypt, not because I wanted to see her but because she was her usual willful self. So there she was, saying she wanted to see me, be with me, before I left for what she described as the ends of the earth. I suppose the empty-headed daughter of a minor bank official from Perpignan did think Egypt was the end of the world.” He looked down, but there was nothing to see but their knees nearly touching and the tips of their shoes touching. Her nails, clipped short, dug into her palms, and every finger ached. She had no idea how she managed to breathe quietly, steadily, while at the same time, her heart lurched from side to side, and her mind raced in frantic circles.

“I slept with her, Mariana, somewhere north of Toulon, in a nondescript posthouse I don’t recall to this day. And not just once. I admit that to you now just as I admitted it to myself then. Yes, I could count. For selfish purposes, for wounded Gascon pride, for whatever pointless reasons you can imagine, I refused to acknowledge that child publicly because I hated his mother so much that I wanted to get rid of her at any cost. Because I knew the real possibility—the real probability—that the child was mine, I couldn’t sever that last legal tie. Now it’s too late.”

She forced herself to tamp down the emotions roiling up and clamoring to spill out in a loud and messy pile in her lap or his. She breathed steadily, certain that her nostrils were flaring like Odysseus’s did after a hard gallop, and struggled to keep her face calm, expressionless. Surely he could see what must be flashing in her eyes. If he did, he should run from it.

“Polette remarried a year or so later to a respectable and prosperous man who treats them both well. Jean-Claude has a step-father, two step-sisters, a step-brother, and a mother who dotes on him. He’s happy and cared for. He always has been, I believe.”

Mariana stood so quickly that her wooden chair rocked on its back legs and crashed to the floor. Stepping around it, she moved to the windows, where the warm breeze cooled the heat rising from her breast and up her neck to her cheeks. She unclenched her hands and flexed her fingers, not caring that her breath came in short, audible puffs.

“I was afraid you’d be upset—”

“Upset? Oh, yes, upset, and furious,” she replied, whirling around to face him. “Not for the reasons you think, you and your stupid male pride. I’m not angry because you had sex with your wife after you’d made all sorts of promises to me. I’m infuriated because you allowed Bonaparte to influence you—again—and poison your mind. You never stopped to think for yourself. You didn’t weigh what your brother said or what your lawyer did and come to your own conclusions. You let other people make intensely personal decisions for you. Worse, you never thought about how your dreadfully cavalier actions might affect other people, especially that little boy. That’s what makes me so furious with you. Sweet Mother of God, has Louise ever seen him?”

“She doesn’t know about Jean-Claude, and she’s never seen him.”

“That’s something to be grateful for, I suppose.” Mariana remained by the window, thumbs hooked in her sash. Even from this distance, she saw that shame was writ large on his face and was glad. She had many things she wanted to say, all of them sharp and hurtful, and none of them serving any useful purpose.

“How do you think Louise would handle a challenge to your estate from this young boy if anything happened to you?”

“I’d hate to think of what she’d do to protect Augie and the boys, even little Joséphine, from anyone challenging what she believes belongs to them and to her. She’d be lethal, like a lioness with new cubs.”

“So, Jean, because of your pride and pigheadedness, six children and two women may well find themselves in an impossible legal situation at some point. Of course, you won’t be around to see what a disaster you’ve created. Did this never occur to you? It’s not as if they would be squabbling over a ten-acre vineyard, either. People unused to wealth, status, and possessions often lose their reason when those things become part of a vast inheritance.” She picked up the chair and collapsed onto it, hands on her knees, and concentrated on catching her breath from the last outburst before beginning the next. Judging from Jean’s expression, she would have ample time to recover. Beneath the guilt and shame, a slight glint of hope swam to the surface of his eyes. She had seen this before, not often, but enough to know he wanted her to make it right and patch up—or clean up—whatever mess he’d made of something. Not this time, though, and not the way he wanted.

“I can’t help you with this. It’s a matter for lawyers, a roomful of them. It’s also up to you, and only you, to decide if you will acknowledge him as your son, perhaps not in the legal sense, but in the most elemental, personal way. But it might be too late now for even that.” She rubbed her forehead, over her right eye, where a headache had taken hold. “What would you do, Jean, if I had your child, unlikely as that may be?”

“Take care of you and of the child. You know I would, so why ask?”

She stood, her anger spiking along with the persistent throbbing in her temple. “Polette might have thought you’d do the same for her and Jean-Claude. She was wrong, as it turned out. I asked because we’ve spent the past half-hour discussing a child you didn’t take care of. You’ll do it, now, though, by all the saints, you will! Somewhere in these books and papers you care so much about is a tidy inheritance for Jean-Claude. You probably can’t touch what the emperor’s given you, and it wouldn’t be fair to Louise and Augie. But these lands and properties are yours to give. So do it, and do it now. I want to see what you’ve drawn up, ready for a lawyer’s finishing touches, when I get back. I will choose the lawyer for this task, however. No more unethical snakes.”

“Where are you going?”

“To light a candle for your son and an even bigger one for you.”

[angelicdestieldemon]

Congratulations

SHIP: Barba x Yelina

Request: “I love Karen Olivo and I wish we’d seen more of her, could you do a rare pair of her and Barba having an affair and him being the dad to her kids”

How did she get here? Her whole life she made decisions she regretted because she thought she was doing the right thing for her. She left Rafael because Alex was a more stable choice, she regretted choosing emotional safety over love, but it was too late – and yet here she is. Her husband in a hospital bed after getting almost stabbed to death in prison.

She had so many opportunities to back out but instead held out in the hope that they were wrong, that Alex wasn’t the man they were saying he was – the kind of man to not only cheat on her repeatedly but to send disgusting messages to a child.

And then he got convicted and sent to prison and she should have left him, she tried, he wouldn’t sign the papers, he didn’t want to leave his daughters, but she didn’t really try as hard as she should. She worried their daughters would be bullied at school (when they were old enough to go) for their dad being a sexual predator, but she held on because it would stop eventually, as long as they knew she loved them and wouldn’t let them come to any harm - that would be enough.

Yelina doesn’t know why she held on; Alex hurt her more than Rafael ever could have. Loyalty maybe, the shame of having chosen the wrong man and then being too prideful to leave him when he turned out to be what he was.

Her relationship with Rafael was ruined, he gave her an out and she didn’t take it – she should have but she didn’t, and they had never spoken since.

Her marriage to Alex wasn’t smooth sailing even before the revelation of corruption and everything else she doesn’t want to think about though. She wasn’t the perfect wife – far from it but it looks like they were well matched in that regard.

The truth is, the cheating would never have made her leave him because she was guilty of it too, she cheated on Alex on three occasions. That was the first sign she wasn’t meant to be with Alex, the second she should have realised sooner but she didn’t want her marriage to be a failure, so she ignored the signs.

But she can’t ignore them anymore, because when Alex wakes up his doctor will tell him the same thing she told her. Alex was infertile, had been his entire life. Up until that revelation, Alex had three daughters: not anymore.

When the doctor told her, Yelina had half a mind to beg her not to tell him, but then she realised this was her final chance. To right all the wrongs, she made in her life.

She isn’t naïve enough to think he’d immediately take her back, but he is the kind of man who wouldn’t ignore the fact he suddenly has three children he never knew was his. Because when she cheated on Alex it was with the same man every time, the man she should have chosen but was too scared to.

The father of her children is not a paedophile or sexual predator. The father of her children is Rafael Barba and if this is her final chance, she’s going to take it, she won't make the same mistake again.

--

It takes her a while to track him down. Since he left the DA’s office, he isn’t in New York often but after convincing Eddie that she desperately needs to see him, he eventually gives her Rafael’s new address, with the promises that if anything happens to Rafael, he will testify in front of a judge that she was the last one to see him.

It takes her another two days to actually go to see him, she plans to go in the afternoon, getting her mother to look after the girls overnight, whether this goes well or not, she won’t be able to answer their questions if she comes back crying. This is her last chance, and she needs to make it count.

--

When he opens the door, he looks shocked to see her, she hasn’t spoken to him since the gala where he gave Alex a choice on what he should do. They stand staring at each other, the silence between them deafening.

“What are you doing here?” He finally asks, folding his arms across his chest in a defensive gesture she remembers from their time as teenagers, whenever he felt threatened, he’d fold his arms. As he got older, he trained himself out of it, convinced himself it was a weakness others would notice and exploit. To see him doing it again, in response to her, hurts her more than she would like to admit.

“Can’t I visit an old friend?” She knows immediately that was the wrong thing to say, his face locks down, emotions checking out.

“Last time we spoke you made it very clear how you felt about me.”

“You know me, Rafael, you know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important,” she tries to reason, unable to come up with any other response to that.

“I thought I did…” he mumbles but moves to let her in.

Yelina isn’t sure what she expects his apartment to look like but it’s practically bare, the only furniture is functional although still comfortable-looking; everything is either very light or very dark, almost no colour and no decoration other than practical essentials.

She drops her bag on the coffee table, turning to face him, he’s holding his stance, arms folded, eyes locked on her, she heard the lock on the door flick, it’s clear to her he’s feeling threatened.

“I only came to talk, nothing else, if you want me to leave I will,” she tells him honestly, he must believe her as his shoulders relax but his arms remain folded.

“I thought we’d had our last conversation, you and Alex tried to ruin me for doing my job, forgive me for being surprised by you turning up at my door years later,” she turns her eyes away in shame, but forces herself to look at him, she can’t walk away this time.

“I chose Alex over you when we were teenagers because I thought that if one of you were to hurt me it would be you, and I didn’t want to have my heart broken by someone I cared so much about.”

“That worked out well for you,” she glares at him for that, but he merely raises his eyebrows in response, he wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t feel great to hear it.

“What happened with those girls wasn’t the first problem in our marriage, you know that we had our troubles,” she gives him a meaningful look and he drops his gaze for a second before meeting hers again. “That’s the real reason why I’m here, but I'm also here to apologise. I should have left him, but I was so sure it wasn’t true, I knew he cheated but I couldn’t exactly judge him for that, could I?” She asks not expecting an answer, but he opens his mouth as if to say something before closing it again, so she continues.

“But I didn’t know about the girl, I couldn’t bring myself to believe that the man I married would do the things he did. So, I stayed and then he got sent to prison and I asked him for a divorce, but he wouldn’t give me one.”

Rafael raises his eyebrows at that, Alex went to prison years ago but as far as he knew they were still married.

“You could have made him, there are laws in place that would have given you the divorce if you’d applied for help, is that why you’re here, to ask for my help?”

“No, I’ve got it sorted mostly, there’s just one thing he doesn’t know yet, that’s what I came here to tell you.” Yelina takes a deep breath. “Before everything with the investigation, we were… involved, on multiple occasions. Alex doesn’t know but he will, not who I was with, but he will know there was a man or men.”

“If you’ve come to warn me about him sending people after me it won’t be the first time I’ve received threats,” that she knew, it was on the news that he had been threatened, Alex had cheered when he had found out, telling her that Rafael deserved it for what he had done.

“He doesn’t know that we had sex… A few days ago, he got stabbed in prison, while they were operating on him, the doctor noticed something and told me, something they are going to tell Alex whether I like it or not.”

“You’re talking in circles, just tell me why you are really here, what’s wrong?”

“Alex is infertile, he always has been.”

Rafael is silent. Minutes pass and he says nothing, she can hear the city outside, but the room is deafeningly quiet. After what feels like an age, he speaks.

“Was there anyone else?” She shakes her head in the negative, he releases a breath and heads to the kitchen returning with a tumbler of scotch.

He sits down heavily on the couch, his elbows on his knees, taking a long drink, shaking his head as the scotch burns down his throat. She sits down as well, near enough to see the tension in his shoulders and arms but not touching him, it’s clear he needs a little bit of space.

After a few more minutes of silence and an empty glass, he lifts his head to look at her.

“What do you want from me, Yelina?” His voice is tired and the softest she’s heard it in years, the fight has gone from him.

“I don’t want my children to have a paedophile for a father,” he laughs dryly and without humour.

“They barely know who I am, I haven’t even met Sofia.”

Sofia was only two years old when Alex went to prison, Mariana and Isabel were three and four respectively. The older two girls knew Rafael was a family friend but barely knew him as his job kept him busy, something Alex took a slight in. Believing Rafael was embarrassed to be seen with them while he lived the high life with the ‘posh bastards’.

“They’re your daughters, you are a far better man than he is, I’m not asking you to come play happy families with me, I just,” she pauses, that’s exactly what she wants, but she doesn’t want to scare him off, she knows there was once a part of him that loved her, she hoped it was still there, but she would take what she could get if he stayed in her and her daughters’ lives. “They need a decent father figure, and I can’t think of anyone better than their biological father.”

“If Alex hadn’t done what he did, and you found out he wasn’t the father of your children, would you still have told me?”

He turns his face to look at her and she has no idea how to answer that, she doesn’t know what she would have done. She still doesn't know how Alex will react to the news.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done, but I cheated on Alex before the investigation before he ran for mayor, our relationship wasn’t as stable as the world thinks. I’d like to think I would have told you, but I just don’t know,” That’s the only answer she can give him.

He seems to appreciate her honesty. They lapse into silence; she can see his mind working furiously as he processes everything she’s told him.

“After you, I never thought I’d have children,” he turns again to face her and she knows the part of him that loved her is still alive and kicking, even if he doesn’t know it or if he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. He wouldn’t have told her that if he had completely moved on.

She decides to take a chance, placing a hand on the inside of his forearm, his rolled-up sleeves allowing her to touch his heated skin, lightly closing her fingers around part of his wrist, two fingers over the pulse point. He looks down at the touch, unaware her move allowed her to feel his heart rate rise enough to be noticeable, and the fact she still has this effect on him fills her with something she isn’t sure she should put a name to at this stage. He moves his arm, and she panics internally, thinking he is about to shrug her off but instead he takes her hand in his, fingers intertwining with her own and she relaxes, enjoying the gentle touch.

“Merry Christmas Rafael, you’re a dad,” he mumbles under his breath and she squeezes his hand.

#rafael barba #Raul Esparza #Karen Olivo #Yelina munoz #Rafael x yelina #Law & Order SVU