#(it initially didnt like him but i think they both grew more comfortable after a while and became friends) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlenekosfan · 2 years

Text

ok as promised, this will be hopefully short (lol its not) and not too redundant from what i already said before (bc god i talked about this scene too many times)

what exactly happened in this scene ?

before we dive into it, we need to cover all the character’s background, most importantly jugram and bazz

jugram comes from an environment extremely poor in affection and socialization, he’s also living with an abusive guardian, this will greatly affect when he will meet bazz for the first time, but we do see him healing from that trauma (which was physical abuse, i dont want to suggest sexual abuse despite the uncle’s comment bc i dont think im comfortable to tackle this topic and it wont be useful in this post since, abuse is abuse)

*healing in my definition doesnt mean trauma or any situation alike the initial trauma cant be triggered anymore, it can, the person just doesnt show signs of trauma on daily basis, they live “normally”

bazz comes from a wealthy family, but his social circle seems to be very poor and he isnt the type to look for validation, especially from adults, he has a strong self esteem but he still needs some kind of attachment to someone, someone who can relate to him. he is also attentive and kind, he just doesnt show it like any kid would, he’s gonna hide it with some tough love

*note here, he is NOT egoistical, especially not at this age, and if anyone wants to prove this scene below as him being self centered, then you have problems, he even says it himself to jugram “ You’re not as hopeless as all that! Don’t worry yourself! -- オマエ言うほどショボクねーって！大丈夫大丈夫！-- You’re not as a hopeless as you say you are! Don’t worry, you’re fine!” (im not a fan of viz translation, but these are fan translation) all the pink i highlighted are him showing EMPATHY/SYMPATHY, he knows what’s going on and he HELPS him out, he cant get him out of this situation (which is completely understandable since he’s a kid) but he still helps him out, the bunny, the pin, him telling jugram to not listen to adults, these are all actions he took to say “hey, i know what’s going on and im not letting you down” he could have just met him once and left and if you think he helped jugram to build trust so he can “use him” 1. he never knew about the sharing power thing be he was a genius BEFORE meeting jugram 2. the way kubo drew these panel, the sudden glint in his eyes, his sudden change of behavior from loud and noisy to serious talk are all factors showing bazz being genuine about helping jugram 3. he’s a fucking child please

i didnt cover deeply their bg but i think that will be enough for the rest

after 5 years has passed, jugram and bazz grew stronger but also closer, we can see that with how jugram willfully followed bazz when their houses were burned down, how jugram trained the sword and bow to grow stronger to be on bazz level when it comes to the day of the plan, a plan of which they BOTH agreed to follow, not for the same motives but ill come back to that,, how jugram show so much worries about bazz when he wants to join the army (he even suggests to go home, they live together) now i see you saying, what about bazz?

okay, for bazz its a bit more complicated bc his trauma isnt as visible bc he never healed/coped with it, and ill say that once, someone who wasnt able to cope/heal (in a healthy way) from trauma doesnt make them evil, they may do wrong things because of it, but that doesnt make them evil, im saying this bc bazz never realized trauma affected him during these 5 years by consuming him everyday not letting him accept and move on with his parent’s loss, and no, jugram wouldnt be able to help him to cope/heal bc he wasnt affected with the same kind of trauma, jugram wasnt hurt about his uncle’s loss like bazz with his parents

this scene is about bazz facing the reality about his situation, its true that jugram cant form a bow, and he tells us that he probably knows the reason of it, yet he doesnt tell jugram (cuz why the hell would he tell him he’s a “defective” quincy when he isnt sure, its just stories, and the fact they killed his kind? that’s just very upsetting and not good as motivator, its just not worth telling him, esp with his background)

the biggest mistake these two made about the “whole yhwach killing” plan is never talking about it, they literally say they never “voiced their intention to kill yhwach” and this is a huge mistake bc not only they dont have the same intentions in this plan but they also didnt talk about all the possibilities they could face and what they would do, they just did “what felt right”

bazz wanted to kill yhwach because he killed his parents, his village, his life, and this wound was so deep, it would never close unless yhwach was killed by HIS OWN HANDS, he always had the intention to do it himself (and before you catch me with the panel of him as a kid saying “lets (us) kill yhwach” to jugram, he assumed he would want to kill him too bc he lost his home, but jugram just asked if he needs to join

lets continue with jugram, jugram WILLFULLY joined bazz, bazz never said he needed him for the plan or he should join him, he just asks if he “needs” to join and at they end, they just sticked together since they are FRIENDS, they both were spared from the fire at the same time for a fucking reason, so yeah, jugram’s intention in the plan wasnt to kill yhwach for himself, it was to help bazz in killing yhwach bc this is what HIS friend wants, if that meant im helping bazz, if i get stronger, that i no longer live with my uncle, ill take it, jugram initially doesnt look so invested in joining bazz, that’s bc of his trauma due to his uncle, but i genuinely think he wanted to live with bazz, a friend, and later, his ambitions will start to tilt with personal conflict

NOW, bazz continue with his monologue facing the reality before him that jugram might not be strong enough to continue with the plan, yes, bazz is underestimating jugram but NOT with ill intent, he’s conflicted, he couldnt bring himself to abandon him for the plan, nothing says he would abandon him as a friend, if you want another line “i just couldnt bring myself to tell him to not continue with the plan with me but he trained so much.. i just cant” does that make more sense? (i just rewrote it my way, this isnt a translation of any kind) bazz wonders if jugram realized that bc that’s the reality, what they worked so hard for might not go as planned and despite jugram’s hard work, it might not be enough, knowing bazz dedicated his 5 last years of his life in training, he wasnt going to just call it a day and say “friendship is magic” and abandon his plan for his friend, he needs a wake up call to let it go... and he got it

then we are getting the scene with hubert, bazz is stubborn bc his plan is right there, he felt ready, he wasnt going to let the occasion slip out, and this is why he doesnt listen to jugram at all despite his worries, jugram is so hesitant and worried bc he isnt ready, he doesnt want to get into trouble, jugram genuinely cares about bazz

and NOW we can talk about “the scene”

after yhwach crushes everyone with his reiatsu, bazz (and hubert) is literally the only one being able to raise his head, you know what this means? he was gifted from the beginning, and also his sheer fucking will to grab yhwach’s attention despite his monstrous strength shows us how bazz was ready to give his everything in the heat of the moment

here, that’s one key moment, bazz sees jugram not affected at ALL by yhwach, which makes no sense since bazz knows he’s “a better quincy” jugram (objectively) but also, yhwach picks jugram, he even knows his name, which begs the question

did yhwach saw the event of this scene and acted according to it? id say yes with how he knows his name immediately, but that also helps him in knowing what words to pick to make jugram side with him, separating him from his friend

so here, yhwach gives jugram the role of “adviser/right hand” whatever, its the position they were aiming, jugram knows the importance of this role, so he recalls all his training and hard work, and even for him it shocks him bc he never envisaged to be picked, to go this far about the plan, taking it would be selfish, not sure what to do, he turns back to bazz to ask him what to do, bc afterall, this revenge plan isnt his, its bazz’, jugram is just helping

and we get this painful page... i will go over the visuals of this panel (i did it in my friend narration post) but this is the second key moment, the misunderstood hate. jugram seeked advice from his friend, what should i do next? and he is met with a glare which he doesnt understand the meaning, bazz here doesnt feel hate, he feels resentment because this isnt what was supposed to happen

and here he confirms it was a two people thing (he says WE in all translations) and if it was just going to be one, it would be HIM, bc its HIS revenge, HES the one who lost everything, its only fair to him to be bitter about not being picked especially when he’s the genius among other quincies, getting closer to yhwach was to get his intention, to be strong, strong enough to be his right hand, little did bazz know, yhwach was looking for something else completely... that’s why he says he had the talent and jugram didnt, its true, he was powerless, and if it had to be just one, it would be bazz, but they never talked about it, they never planned the possibilities, thus the gaze exchange with so much confusion and hurt feelings

jugram mistook bazz anger for resentment toward him, which isnt the case given what bazz thinks but jugram cant tell, he asks “why, why arent you happy for me?” bc he thinks this is going according to the plan, jugram IS getting closer, but not in what bazz had planned, if jugram was taken, what about bazz? would he ever get the chance to kill him??? ofc he’s angry, this is his place and its stolen by his friend

now jugram tries to tell yhwach he should pick bazz bc he’s much better than him, but after to many rereadings, im not sure what feeling bazz is expressing here, jugram shows uncertainty but lots of guilt, he knows he’s doing bazz wrong if he took the position, so he tries to fix his mistakes (which isnt btw blame it all on yhwach lmao) and bazz... i dont know, i dont know why he would grind his teeth over that, its like if he was irked, i would expect an emotion of surprise but with a hint of pain, but feel free to tell him what you think

so here, we can see jugram’s emotion change, yhwach explains to him is “true power” what he truly is as a quincy, he isnt a defective one, he’s unique and needed, and this reaches jugram personally bc this was his personal conflict, he struggled very much with the fact he’s a quincy but cant be a “good” one... it always bothered him bc despite the hard work and desire to belong, he just couldnt... and yhwach gives him what bazz couldnt, a value to his quincy heritage (and no, bazz couldnt do that, i just stated before that people like jugram were killed for being “defective”)

i like how the next panel we dont see jugram’s face bc it shows we lost him, he’s as shocked as we are but his mind just isnt with us (the readers, but also as bazz) he’s completely taken by yhwach bc he said the words he needed to hear

then we have bazz’ inner thoughts that explains to us all the little elements mentioned before and how it makes sense jugram is the chosen one,

now we’re around key moment no3, yhwach framing bazz having used jugram for his own profit WHICH ISNT TRUE... yes he may have felt it, but he could have never guessed it that it was because of jugram, he didnt have a single information about the exceptional quincies except how they were killed as kids, that’s it, bazz knew he was a prodigy and he was training this whole time, ofc he would grow stronger, because of jugram? yes, that’s a FACTOR among others.

this face shows nothing but shock, he clearly didnt know, saying he used or abused jugram is just not reading the manga, im not sorry

and this continues the key moment no3, he confirms the framing making bazz the betrayer in this scene when he literally did nothing wrong, and jugram believes him not because he’s naive but because it makes sense, he knows bazz wants to kill yhwach, that he’d do a lot achieve this goal, to think his own friend who go this far? its possible, and i dont blame him, esp with how they never talked about the plan and their ambitions...

jugram still in shock that his own friend betrayed him, yhwach pats his head and tells him ”i need you”, these signs of affection and how he gave him a position where he can be accepted as a quincy right after he was abandoned was the perfect moment to just take him on his side

key moment no4. the trauma, now i know, i havent mentionned that word much during the scene, but ill do now so you understand how this is a traumatic experience for both of them, here we have the clear change of position for both characters but also their relationship, friend becomes end... jugram by willfully defending yhwach with barehand shows he no longer is friend with bazz and has sided with yhwach bc yhwach valued him, he wasnt going to lose that, - bazz is completely broken with his friend action, the fact he defended his very own nemesis, this was is enough to traumatize him

now, about the traumas, we’re gonna go with bazz since its more present here (where jugram its more in his younger age) bazz has been consumed with vengeance for the past 5 years never being about to move on from and when the occasion is given, he takes it without thinking twice, yhwach didnt scare him, he was ready to give his everything, but he’s surprised with jugram being chosen rather than him, angry at the situation, he glares at jugram and before yhwach reconsider, he’s being told he USED his friend during this whole time and all his work was just stolen from him, he snaps and tries to kill yhwach for good, only for his friend to betray him... bazz’ action are very mcuh justified especially as a kid, he’s not perfect, his persona is nothing like ju, he acted very ic in this scene, yet it still broke him for the strong self-esteem he has. everything he had, was burned by yhwach, and now, his only friend, was once again taken way from him and the cut is deeper than before... so deep that he doesnt even think about his parent revenge anymore.. only jugram

for jugram, very uncertain about this whole killing yhwach thing, he tries to not engage until he’s forced into the situation, yhwach picks him but he seeks bazz’ advice since this isnt about him, where he’s only met with a glare... yet, he doesnt stop, he tries to continue with the plan until yhwach tells him he’s a “good” quincy which touches jugram personally, and to get rid of bazz, yhwach frames him as a betrayer, at this point, jugram is under the shock with the army, bazz’ negative reaction, a man telling him he’s a good quincy, that his friend betrayed him, this is a lot for jugram, he’s so underpressure and snaps, so uncertain from what he should do, he picks the safest side which yhwach perfectly made himself to be. it wasnt the right choice, it was the “right” (safest) choice to make under a traumatizing experience

we later see how jugram reflects this very scene of him being told he’s yhwach’s other half as a regret bc he couldnt weight the good and bad, which one he should go for, and its totally understandable for his young age, very little life experience and the stressful situation he was put under...

i couldnt plug this anywhere but it really breaks my heart to realize how bazz’ told jugram to not listen to adults...

this was much longer than planned but i hope it clarifies what this scene shows us in terms of effects from trauma on a kid

#forgive me #i started this at 1am and its 5am..............#well what wouldnt i do for juazz LMAO #jugram haschwalth #bazz b #i reread myself but if you want me to detail something more #my askbox is always open bby #naki using her brain #i did reread myself**

32 notes · View notes

quitealotofsodapop · 3 years

Text

MvA assorted headcanons

General:

So many years together has made the core monsters inseperable. If something affects one member, it affects the group.

All. The. Monsters. Are. Family.

It takes Susan a while to understand inside jokes and past incidents because of being the most recent addition.

There are Other anomalous creatures kept in Area 5X, but they are either non-sentient and/or are too dangerous to be kept around the more human-friendly monster group.

Area 5X is so gotdang big because they were expecting a lot more kaijus like Insecto to crop up. Sadly not many have surfaced to justify the space.

There’s a hangar in Area 5X full of wrecked UFOs. Some are spacecraft wreckage while others are stuff like weird meteors (Susan’s is in there), and at least one alien creature that got crystallised upon entering Earth’s atmosphere.

There’s significant difference in staff employed at different points throughout the past 50 years. There are far more women on the Area 5X worksheet than back in the 50s, and the guards are generally more sympathetic towards the monsters. Many modern staff members have been reprimanded or let go for failing to uphold secrecy, or for unnecessary cruelty towards the monsters.

Budget cuts were a legitmate concern up until the Battle of Golden Gate Bridge. The facility was far more barebones and sterile before the government had to formally recognise Area 5X’s importance. There have been a lot of redecorating at the facilty since the fat checks started coming in.

Putting individual characters under read due to length.

Susan:

Enjoys many hobbies considered stereotypically feminine; baking, sewing, cosmetics, etc...

Grandparents and extended family are farmers or are atleast connected to the business. Modesto is the agricultural centre of California after all. Her parents were the first of their generation to go against the mold and seek out white-collar careers.

Studied cosmetology in school and was working at a beauty salon to save up for her and Derek’s wedding.

Is very athletic and grew up doing a number of physical extracurriculars like cheerleading, dodgeball, and roller-derby.

Grew up being teased for being the shortest kid in her class/family. They still tease her for it.

Greatly fears causing collateral damage and/or harm to others through her size.

Has issues with anxiety, worsened only by her new job as “savior of earth”. She wishes for a confidant to tell her worries to.

Married life with Derek was doomed to fail. Susan had a plan in place for what came after the marriage, and focusing 100% on Derek’s career was not it. There’s also the line from Derek’s mother about Susan being “the weatherman’s wife”, implying that she was to be the homemaker and not have a career of her own. It’s possible that Susan was planning to settle down and have kids with Derek, but the lack of control she had in moving to Fresno implied that more was going on.

Is currently “taking a break” from love and dating, despite gaining many new admirers.

Tries her best to return to Modesto to visit her family and friends whenever possible, though work often keeps her away for weeks at a time.

If she retains her height-shifting abilities as in the series; Susan goes through really bad “growing” pains.

Link:

Was frozen in his relative late-teens during a cold snap. Got shifted around until he ended up somewhere in Greenland before being discovered by modern humans. Post-thaw he went a bit wild, swimming frantically back south to try and find his old enviroment.

Was one of many scrappy youngsters in his troop, with a number of adoptive parents. The strongest ruled the troop, and Link was fairly weak in comparision to the leaders. He had gotten into a fight the day of his freezing (over something silly in hindsight) and swam away to sulk. When he didn’t return after the cold snap - the troop accepted that he had likely died out on his own.

Likes to freak out humans by making up weird biology facts about his species and ones he’s fought against - like joking about laying eggs or having his tail dettach and regrow like a lizard. However there’s some things he has to ask about, because he doesn’t have medical knowledge or words to describe something.

A lot of his macho behavior came from imitating the guards who kept watch on him. 1950s violent military alpha males aren't a very good role model for someone who doesnt know what societal norms are yet. Link was a lot more insufferable back in the day but chilled out as he began interacting with other walks of life.

Has a high paternal instinct and immediately becomes softer around kids and smaller animals.

Has body language similar to a cat/alligator. Slaps his tail when angry or in deep thought. And yes; Link purrs/rumbles when happy.

Loves monster movies - especially the ones where the monsters “win”. He cried when he saw “Beauty and the Beast” and then immediately booed loudly when the Beast turned human.

Does Not Trust doctors or scientists due to bad past experiences. Will only go to Dr Cockroach and Monger if he ever gets hurt/ill. Gets stressed fast if he has to be in a waiting room or doctors office.

Link had no idea what gender indentities or orientations were until recently - he did come from a pre-human civilization that really didnt mind/care about the schemantics. It took him some time to wrap his head around it. He identifies himself as bisexual after much thought and many hours alone on the computer.

Don't press him about his body. He's built different from humans and cis people. He will punch anyone who doesnt respect his or anyone elses identity.

Has been in love before. It didn’t end well.

Will occasionally wear clothes, but finds it a challenge to find anything that fits him. Will give any shoes he finds to Dr Cockroach and BOB to eat.

The best driver/pilot out of all the monsters.

Dr Cockroach:

True name is Jaques-Yves Herbert. Prefers to just go by "Dr Cockroach" because he dislikes the association with his birth family.

Picks up human languages very easily, although not as quickly as he can understand animals.

Parents were a mixed scientist couple. His father was an aggressive “Strong British Man” that would beat him son down for not following orders or for not meeting his standards for a man. Dr C turned down both chances to attend his parents funerals.

This man isn’t straight. He probably uses old-fashioned slang when asked about romance such as; “I am Uranian” or “I wear a green carnation”. It took Susan a few times to realise what he meant, as she is used to a more open minded enviroment.

Got the idea of transforming into a cockroach from reading Franz Kafkas “The Metamorphosis” as a child. He sympathized with Gregor’s abusive situation, and began considering the possibilties of how one could survive better as a creature like a cockroach.

Studied in biology and entomology in the Uk before moving to the states to follow engineering. Obtained his degree in Dance as a “side gig” in University.

Has been barred from free access to the coffee maker/machine due to overnighters. Once stayed awake so long that he forgot the letter “R”.

Owned a terrarium of Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches throughout college. He mourned each of them when his roommate’s iguana got into the tank.

Was a "beatnik" back in the day and still kinda is. Embraces and encourages modern counterculture as he himself was not given such acceptance in his youth. He has however shamefully eaten his old Lenny Bruce album.

Hasn’t actually aged physically since his transformation. He attributes this to the fact that certain athropods can’t age physically beyond maturity. Link is very jealous.

Has obtained more degrees while in captivity, as Monger allowed him access to research and learning materials. He has however had his allowances revoked for previous escape attempts/doomsday devices.

Does still enjoy human food, but the cockroach instinct of "eat detritus" tends to overrule his eating choices. Can’t cook either.

Ironically a terrible driver. The damages from previous drives has made Monger restrict him from operating even a razor scooter.

BOB:

Pretty much considers himself human. Was created by them, raised by one (Monger), and talks like one. Gets sad when he's reminded that no other humans are blue blobs like him.

Absorbed some dna from the scientists present at his "birth", leading to his eye, speech, and omnivorous diet.

Doesnt actually need to breathe (as he can just absorb oxygen through his mass) but the fact that humans Do means that BOB thinks he has to as well.

Shares some physical characteristics with tomatoes/nightshade plants, as he is technically half tomato. He refuses to eat tomatos for this very reason, considering it cannibalism.

Attracts garden pests looking for a tomato plant. This unwittingly makes BOB a pretty good bug zapper.

Still retains his "mental broadcast" ability from "BOB's Big Break" although at a more subtle level. He tends to parrot the things he accidentally "eavesdropped" on.

Is empathetic, and can tell when others aren't doing ok emotionally. Will flop down on someone who’s really sad to comfort them. No brain, only heart.

Best cook out of the monsters. If he doesn’t forget what he’s making at least.

"Whats a gender? Can I eat it?"

Insectosaurus:

Core body is that of a Japanese Silkmoth, although she ended up being spliced with other animals present on the island during her initial mutation; namely ants and ground squirrels.

Eats over a literal ton of mulberry leaves per day. Also enjoys oranges.

Secretly wishes to be more humanoid.

Was only able to pupate and transform due to physical trauma. It seems that her transformation was like a “power-up” that required her to be in geniune distress for it to activate.

First language is Japanese. She learned it from the intial recovery team, and later developed an understanding of English from years in Area 5X.

Goes into torpor in cold weather. Pretty much impossible to wake her up for missions during Winter, as she needs to “rev up” before becoming mobile.

Still very much Link’s best friend. Still enjoys sports, chicks, and beer.

Monger:

Full name is; Warren Rex Monger.

Is very protective of the monsters and will defend them to the death.

Pretty much raised BOB (as seen when BOB was a baby blob in “Night of the Living Carrots”), and considers him his “freaky gelatinous son”.

Has a reputation of being a “control-freak” due to his aggressive overseeing of the monsters’ containment. This toughness is partly because of incidents that occured without his knowledge. Lets just say some scientists have been wedgied/fired for running experiments on the monsters without Monger’s approval.

Has a very “Ron Swanson” emotional response and view of the world. Crying is acceptable only at funerals and at the Grand Canyon (if he hadn’t lost his tear ducts in the war).

Has been married multiple times. Will not confirm or deny if he is currently seeing anyone.

Invisible Man/TiM:

Legit got out but no one at Area 5X is sure how. He suffered a geniune medical emergency and disappeared after surgery. The other monsters were informed that he died from complications to deter them from getting escape ideas.

Is able to be detected in Infrared light. Dr Cockroach managed to rig up goggles to view TiM in case of injury and to foil pranks.

Was a scientist working on an invisibility potion for the military and used himself as a guinea pig. Hasn’t actually been able to replicate his results since - thinks the effect may have been caused by a genetic abnormality.

Dr Cockroach and him are massive rivals. Both actually met eachother pre-transformation through a CalTech expedition. This makes the pair one of few people that have seen the others human face.

Is 100% naked. Was forced to wear clothing once this was discovered.

A massive prankster and a cynic. Him and Link were a force to be reckoned with.

Has revisted the facility multiple times and has started a number of ghost stories.

Any additions are welcome! I proably have alot more to dump about. Might make one of the alien characters from the series

#monsters vs aliens #mva #susan murphy #ginormica #the missing link #dr cockroach #bob mva #general monger #the invisible man mva #insectosaurus #headcanons

140 notes · View notes

foilfreak · 3 years

Text

Headcannons for my favorite One Punch Man rarepair: Golden Ball x Spring Mustachio

Both joined the Hero Association around the same time and knew of each other in passing, due to living in the same city, but didn’t officially meet until about 8 months in, and as a result of that, these two did NOT like each other at all during those first 8 months. Spring Mustachio thought Golden Ball was just another crass and reckless delinquent using heroism as a legal outlet for violence, and Golden Ball thought Spring Mustachio was an entitled rich boy who was probably paying his way up the hero ranks. When the two heroes were finally forced to formally introduce themselves to one another at the first annual Hero Association banquet, or some other equivalently pointless publicity stunt the Associacion probably put on at some point or another, they were shocked to find just how wrong their initial judgments of one another actually were.

Despite Golden Ball’s appearance, what with the bleach-blonde hair, slightly baggy clothes, tall, muscular frame, and the lollipops that Spring Mustachio correctly guesses are a substitute for cigarettes, Golden Ball is actually incredibly intelligent, having earned a master’s degree in chemical engineering (this particular headcanon is inspired by @batneko) from a highly prestigious university (currently considering going back for his PhD if he can save up the money), and all of his signature weapons are his own personal inventions. Likewise, Spring Mustachio, despite having the appearance and persona of someone who grew up having everything handed to him on a silver platter, had long ago rejected the escalator to success his parents had offered him in the form of taking over as head of their family business, in favor of going out on his own to explore the world and everything it had to offer, mastering the art of swordsmanship and opening his own restaurant (where even after hiring a decent sized staff, he still took up menial tasks such as washing dishes and serving guests) along the way.

After getting to know each other at that first meeting, the two heroes became surprisingly fast friends, their personalities mixing rather well together on top of having many shared interested, and even began hanging out outside of their hero duties, where they already spent a considerable amount of time together considering how frequently the Association paired them together for missions. Most of their time outside of work was spent at Spring Mustachio’s restaurant, engaging in casual, slightly teasing conversation over onion rings and a couple rounds of beer after a long day of hero work. Later on into their friendship however, it became much more common for Golden Ball to also come into the restaurant during the day to bother the older man during his shift, not that Spring Mustachio minded the company one bit, especially if it meant having a couple of extra hands available to dry the dishes he’d just washed. It eventually got to the point where it was pretty much common knowledge throughout the city that if Golden Ball wasn’t out on a patrol or sent away on a mission for the Association, the first place you ought to check if you’re looking for him would be Spring Mustachio’s. Likewise if it’s Spring Mustachio you’re looking for and the restaurant is a no-go, try your hand at getting ahold of Golden Ball, cuz wherever he is, chances are that Spring Mustachio is standing right next to him. Its a wonder how the whole city doesn’t start assuming the two are dating when they begin referring to each other as ‘Gold’ and ‘Spring’, during hero work, and exclusively by their first names when off the clock.

The two heroes remain nothing more than close friends for full year after their first meeting, and while both had developed more-than-friendly feelings for one another over that time, neither were planning on doing anything about it, not wanting unrequited feelings to potentially ruin the incredible friendship they’d formed, among the other internal struggles that come with accepting that you’re attracted to other men in a society that, although no longer criminalizes homosexuality, definitely still doesn’t view it in a positive light by any means. Spring Mustachio has been in the closet his whole life and plans to keep it that way to avoid the potential social backlash. Golden Ball on the other hand didn’t realize he was bisexual until grad school and has since only managed to work up the courage to come out to his (thankfully incredibly supportive) family and closest childhood friends. Needless to say neither of them were in the headspace to even think about confessing, especially when they had so much to lose should it not go well, and both heroes were content to simply let their feelings die out over time if it meant that their friendship would remain intact.

Things change however, when Golden Ball’s place gets totally trashed in a monster attack, and the younger man finds himself staying with Spring Mustachio at his house until it can be repaired. Now not only do both men have to deal with their budding feelings for one another, but they also have to deal with their budding feelings for one another while also figuring out how to coexist in the same space, made even more interesting by the fact that Golden Ball has two pitbulls, Gizmo and Tonka, and Spring Mustachio isn’t the biggest fan of dogs (spoiler: Spring Mustachio falls in love with the sweet little puppers and spoils them absolutely rotten, much to Golden Ball’s amusement). Over the couple of months it takes for Golden Ball’s apartment to be fixed the men learn several things about each other that never would have come to light in any other context, including, but not limited to: Spring Mustachio’s extensive collection of alcohol bottles from all the drink’s he’s tried over the years (and of course all the stories that come with those bottles), Golden Ball’s horrific nicotine addiction being the result of an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that got BAD toward the end of undergrad and was forced to come to an end when he had a heart attack at 25, the tumultuous relationship Spring Mustachio has had with his family (specifically his parents) since breaking away from the plan they had created for him, the fact that Golden Ball is easily the biggest nerd that Spring Mustachio has ever met (and probably the smartest too), the brief run Spring Mustachio had as a competitive fencer in his early 30s that Golden Ball thinks he should get back into, the adorable way Golden Ball talks to his dogs when he thinks no one is listening, and so much more.

These things of course only cause their feelings to worsen and the situation just continues to spiral out of control from there. Im torn over whether I want them to actually get together in like a nice, mature way, like they ultimately end up talking abou their feelings to just get them off their chests, you know like adults, or if i want them to confess after getting into a huge fight, like maybe one of them got really hurt and some things they didnt actually mean were said and so they didn’t talk for a bit but then they end up tracking each other down and confessing after the tension finally snaps or something like that. I’ll leave that up for you all to decide but what i will say is that they get together just as Golden Ball’s apartment is finished being rebuilt, but with his lease being up at the end of the month and having already settled rather comfortably at Spring Mustachio’s place, he decides not to renew the lease and just stay where he is, much to Spring Mustachio’s delight.

As for their families, Spring Mustachio tells only his older sister and younger brother, who are confused, but ultimately supportive and happy that their brother found someone he truly loved and wanted to be with. His parents end up finding out somehow and while they aren’t exactly thrilled about it when they first learn that their eldest son is dating another man nearly 20 years his junior, they are, to their credit, polite and avoid making any inappropriate comments on the rare occasions he and Golden Ball do agree to visit the estate for dinner. Golden Ball initially only tells his parents, but things rarely stay secret for very long in his family, and not even a week goes by before his grandparents are calling asking if he’ll be bringing his new boyfriend to the cookout at the end of the month. Spring Mustachio has a fantastic time meeting the plethora of grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and close family friends that make up Golden Ball’s wonderfully lively family, though he does end up getting thrown into the pool by Golden Ball’s older brothers at some point, as is custom treatment for “new members” of the family. He doesn’t seem to mind all that much, especially when Golden Ball’s mother finally breaks out the baby pictures and he gets to coo over how adorably plump his boyfriend was as an infant, much to said boyfriend’s growing embarrassment.

For professionalism’s sake they decide to keep the relationship on the dl and though the two are rarely seen apart, they save the more intimate moments and actions for behind closed doors. No need to give the press an excuse to start shit.

Let me know what you think of my headcanons and what your headcanons are for this rarepair if you have any!!!

#one punch man #opm #golden ball opm #golden ball one punch man #golden ball #spring mustachio opm #spring mustachio one punch man #spring mustachio #mine #headcanons #golden ball x spring mustachio #golden mustache #ship

28 notes · View notes

heartfulofsighs · 3 years

Text

Dumb

Heyyyy so @negrowhat requested a scenario from me involving Jackson being very obvious but reader being dense so here it is.

Disclaimer this has nothing to do with Something to Do with Jackson though that story is very very similar. This was more of me trying to do something small and nice for a friend who is always always there for me!

No warnings!!!!

He was beaming at you, waiting on a response because that’s how conversations worked. He had said something (and god knows what it was) and now you had to say something. You had to ignore the buzzing of your phone in your pocket and say something back.

“....unless you’re busy that day, it isn’t a big deal.” He sounded like it was a big deal though. Men made everything a big deal. Case in point your phone. That was another man, making everything big.

“I can make it, send me the info.” You finally got out. His face relaxed and he leaned a little over the table.

“I would really love if you came.” He was adding so much emphasis but it would be rude to laugh at his earnest expression. Why did you do that? You were always finding things funny that were not funny at all.

Jackson was frowning at you. Well not at you but in the mirror that you both were looking into. You ignored him, and once again tried not to laugh at his pout.

“You didn’t pick up last night.” He stated. You adjusted the jacket on his frame then stepped back to study the entire look.

“I was busy.” You took it off, leather and black would be better. Or maybe…

“Busy with what?” His pout grew, his lips turned so far down you knew he was going to whine all day.

“I had a date, you knew that, I told you Monday.” You walked back to the rack and pulled a leather jacket, “what was so important that you texted me 50 times?”

When you turned back to him his face had changed. He scratched at his chin, “you forgot drama night.”

Drama night. You wanted to roll your eyes but you figured there was no point.

“Jackson,” you walked over, he shrugged off the first jacket and put on the second, “I don’t text you 50 times when you miss drama night.” You pointed out, “and, you’ve said a bunch of times you like when it’s all out so we can binge it.” You stepped back, much better with leather. He rolled his eyes because you had caught him. He had no defense.

“Don’t pout.” You warned, “you’ll crease your makeup.”

He gave up his frown and turned so he was facing you.

“So how was it?” He asked. You were still studying his outfit, deciding on whether you liked it or not.

“How was what?” You reached out and adjusted the white shirt under his jacket, “the date?”

He nodded.

“It was nice, Frankco is really sweet.” Which was true, he was sweet and patient. He put up with your busy schedule and treated you with such care. Jackson’s frown was back. It deepened, darkened his entire face. But you ignored him. He was like a protective older brother. He didn’t trust anyone with his close friends. But he would get over it, the last boyfriend you had he didn’t hate completely. He even double dated with you, which had been...well an effort had been made. You had to at least give him that.

“Jackson,” you stepped back again, “I know you’re incredibly protective of all your friends.” You stepped back up and patted his shoulders, “and I really really appreciate it, but I’m a big girl...I can take care of myself.”

He swallowed and for a moment it looked like his eyes dipped to your lips. Probably a figment of your imagination. He closed his eyes then opened them with an odd resolved look on his face.

“I know.” He granted.

After Jackson’s shoot you had several others to travel too. Thankfully the other jobs meant you didn’t have to deal with his constant questioning. Theoretically he would only be this way until he got use to the idea of Frankco. Once he got over his initial protectiveness everything would be smooth sailing.

You pulled a black leather skirt from a new rack of clothes and looked at the Lona, the model.

“What do you think of that one restaurant…” you held it up and tried to recall the name, “Tinkco’s? I went last night...and it was pretty good.”

She shrugged and the look on her face was very knowing, “I’m sure it’s nice, but I know you’re bringing this up because of our friend Jackson.” She laughed. You shook your head, “I was trying to recommend you the food…”

“You’re trying to Segway into him freaking out over your date. Like he freaks out for every date you have.”

It was your turn to frown. She waited for you to contradict her. When you didnt she went on, “and me and you are now going to embark on ‘why is he so protective of his friends’,” she got closer, “and guess what I’m gonna point out again?”

She took the hanger out of your hand and held it up to her waist so you could imagine it.

“I’m gonna say cause he’s in love with you and you’re dense.”

When you looked up at her her smile was sincere but irritating.

“I was just going to bring up the soup.” You bit out. She sighed, “ok love, tell me about the soup?”

“The French onion was to die for.” It sounded flat even to your own ears. Lona couldn’t help herself, she tried not to laugh then failed miserably.

“Honey, respectfully, please stick to styling. An actor you are not.” She said.

“Put the skirt on Lorna.” You had no reason to be snappy but you hated when she knew she was right and rubbed it in. You just wanted to mention Jackson’s irritation you didn’t want to delve too far into it. Sure the two of you had these talks before, here and there. She was making it sound frequent.

“I don’t want you to be mad, I’m sorry, let’s say it’s because he’s protective then, we don’t have to say that it’s because he’s jealous.” She smoothed her hands over the skirt, “I love this by the way.”

She swayed her hips a little, “can we do one of this cool harnesses on the top?”

You let her turn the conversation. Why not? There was no point in rehashing what you had discussed before. Your phone buzzed. When you pulled it out of your pocket there was a slew of messages already.

“Is it our protective friend?” Lorna asked. You closed your eyes then counted to ten, you didn’t want to snap again.

“It is,” You scanned your phone’s screen. He was proposing moving drama night to tonight.

“What is he blowing you up about now?” She stepped closer trying to see your screen.

“Drama night again,” you sighed but there was a part of you that was excited. This meant that he wasn’t going to fight with you anymore. You guys were going back to best friend stuff in such a short amount of time.

“Wow, looking at him being mature…” She turned back to the mirror and looked the skirt over again, “with your last boyfriend he sulked for weeks.”

It had it been that long? It wouldn’t do you any good to think too hard about it. You went back to the rack and found the harness she wanted to wear. You allowed the “excited for dramanight” part of yourself grow bigger. Sitting on the couch munching snacks and yelling at the tv sounded like the perfect night.

Jackson had the biggest comfiest couch. His marble coffee table was piled with all your favorite snacks. The hot cheetos, the sour patch kids, red vines, skittles (but the tropical kind that comes in the purple bag) along with all the healthy snacks he liked. You stretched out on your usual half of the couch and sighed. He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen, he was probably brushing his teeth or messing with his hair.

“Jackson!!” Your voice echoed and you winced. “Hurry up!! I’m gonna fall asleep!!”

Coming!” His voice echoed back. You settled deeper in his couch and really stretched your legs. The drama you were on was light hearted. The female lead was just trying to make it through her first year of college without the same mishaps and fears that plagued her the last year of highschool. She was adorable and positive. The last few episodes had aired weeks ago but both of you hadn’t had time.

“Ok all set.” He came padding in with a shirt in his hands. You couldn’t help looking at his abs, basically on display. Such a show off. He plopped down on his side of the couch with a satisfied grunt.

“Thanks for the snack spread.” You turned and faced him, “you got all the good stuff.”

“No problem,” he leaned forward and grabbed his vegetable chips, “I know what you like, it wasn’t hard to find.”

He picked up the remote and started the show. There was something about the look on his face, his forehead was wrinkled in concentration. You didn’t ask he would tell you eventually what the problem was. You had to pay attention to the subtitles anyway. The heroine was finally feeling comfortable in her classes, she was getting along with her roommate, it all seemed so perfect. If only real life was as cute. If only-

“Hey can I ask you something?”

You peeled your eyes from the screen and turned to him. “Can you pause it first?” You asked. He did, when he put the remote down he rubbed his face hard.

“Ok what’s wrong?” You asked, “you’ve been in a pissy mood around me what did I do?” You pushed. He actually chuckled before he raised his head.

“A pissy mood.” He echoed. You shrugged and munched more hot Cheetos.

“Is it Frankco?” You said between bites, “you don’t like him even though you’ve never met him.” You pointed out. “I bet if you came out with us-“

“I don’t like him because I’m jealous.” He said each word very carefully.

“What?!” You put your chip bag down heart hammering.

“Jackson, you have nothing to be jealous of. You make way more money.”

He looked at you completely stunned. His eyes were wide and the silence stretched incredibly long. You thought maybe he would just drop it but he kept blinking at you like some sort of goldfish.

“You are so dumb.” He finally got out.

“What?!”

“You can’t be this dumb...it’s impossible.” He added. You sat up on his couch a deep frown forming on your face. You were in fact not dumb and you didn’t appreciate him calling you such. Dumb? He was being dumb, jealous of someone he didn’t even know and for what?

“I’m. Not. Dumb.” You spoke each word clearly trying your best not to clench your teeth harder. “I don’t get what the issue is?!” Raising your voice was very out of character but at this point you both seemed to be missing each other’s points.

“I’m jealous,” he stood up, “because,” he walked in front of you and bent down so he was face to face with you, “because I’m in love with you dummy and I’m not sure how to make it more clear then this.” He leaned forward and pecked you.

It was your turn to blink at him like a fish. You touched your lips, “in love with me?” The deep confusion made him laugh.

“Yeah dummy, in love with you.”

And just like that everything was changed.

#Jackson wang #look a request #jackson wang fanfic #sfw #Dumb #thanks friend I really enjoyed writing this

24 notes · View notes

melforbes · 3 years

Note

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

3 notes · View notes

constablegoo · 3 years

Text

@memoryfaded filed a report .

aloe: how does your muse handle grief?

NOT WELL. oh he’ll certainly try to hide it, but it will crack through even when he’s not alone (he’ll be crabbier or touchier or more cynical and depressed) and then when he IS alone, there’s no stopping it. he succumbs pretty easily to really strong emotion and i think depression especially can really get to him, even twist some of his deepest values to worthlessness in his mind. he really IS so incredibly self-sabotaging, it hurts to watch. im talking abt crossfire and the scene with quark, im talking abt how easily mora dismantles him in the alternate, about his implied alcoholism after he initially becomes solid, about how viscerally shaken he is by his criminal mistake during the occupation / how he had gotten into that mindset in the first place -- and in contrast his complete 180 on wanting to be a parent when the sick baby changeling comes along / how jarringly ecstatic he is when it’s going right that quark is sure something’s seriously wrong with him. (and the fact that he goes to quark in his happiest hour!) he doesn’t believe good things happen to him without a catch. he can’t. events keep proving him right. but the really important and magical thing is that he learns from his problems and mistakes and he turns his grief into compassion and works to nurture the happiness that does exist in his life, finally investing on a deep level in the family he finds has grown with and around him.

...just to be more specific to the question i’ll just add that by the time he loses the baby changeling, he seems equipped enough to deal with what is probably his most personal and devastating blow of the Grief of loss, and you can see later in some subtle moments how it informs his relationships w kira and laas especially... even that brief stint of parenthood really changed and matured him.

belladonna: how does your muse respond to silence? do they take comfort in soundlessness, or seek to fill the void with noise?

odo is an introvert and as such, needs time alone and away from everyone else. i think he finds a great deal of solace and some measure of peace of mind in the quiet and the moments he has to just Be... or just Think... he’s a very introspective kind of person. but... he doesn’t want to be alone, alone. he dreads to walk out of the isolation of his quarters and feel just as alone everywhere else on the station. it’s so clear he goes to quarks because it is the social heart of the station and he NEEDS company, any kind of company he can get, he needs that cohesion or he’ll simply wither away. his job title protects him from the dangers of deeper friendship (yikes!) but he can watch it from afar, takes comfort in being acknowledged by quark’s (labeled “insufferable”) banter, a recognition that grounds him as a Person just like anybody else. he needs a bit of both.

hibiscus: how does your muse view the gentler, daintier things in life? as things worth preserving & caring for, or things only bound to wither & disappear?

i was really hoping someone would ask this because it has such a cute?? answer. odo has a lot of inherent value for life, all life -- he has a line of dialogue early on about not stepping on ants and the delivery on it is so stubborn and firm, it’s almost funny -- except it’s not, because he is the ant and he’s been stepped on before. crushed, actually. hes raw and vulnerable mere centimeters beneath his seemingly untouchable exterior -- emotionally, physically. he’s lost, no matter how hard he works trying to understand himself, but the only thing he’s certain he can rely on at that point is... himself. like most things with odo, it becomes a little tragic.

BUT HERE’S THE CUTE PART OK -- it isnt long at all before we get to see odo demonstrate that kind of compassion for small or vulnerable beings. maybe the first hard-hitting example really is how he interacts with this child... he’s soft, patient, even personal and vulnerable with her, and yet it doesnt feel like a deviation from the way he’s been up to this point. it fits. their mutual respect allows them to form a really cute kind of guardian-charge friendship. then we carry on and eventually odo gets his own quarters and we see him with a plant, we see him have the chance to sort of indulge in exploring the world and the more natural objects and life forms in it -- he becomes a hawk, he becomes a mouse, etc. he grew up in a lab, and while i like to think mora didnt completely keep the natural world from odo, i also think mora was so focused on his study and development (and he was under cardassian pressure, too) that odo didnt get the chance to be out in it NEARLY as much as he might have liked, or even needed. it would have been really good for his shapeshifting and his sense of self to be in an element that feels natural to him. so thats probably like the ONE really good thing that the founders do for odo: encourage him to work past his reservations and embrace this intrinsic part of himself that he tries SO hard to hide and subdue, yet absolutely loves. LOVES. he Loves being a changeling. and of course it really comes to light in the begotten. the way odo talks about shapeshifting, about being other creatures and objects and shapes... “the pyramid is such an interesting shape” wahh oh my god. his first love is the little details about the world. he’s built to observe them and to replicate them, to exist as them... and ultimately to understand the universe from even the smallest, most fragile pair of shoes.

#memoryfaded #⌀ EVERY SIXTEEN HOURS I TURN INTO A LIQUID! [ about. ]#⌀ YOU HAVE NO SECRETS FROM ME. [ asks. ]#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #THANK U THANK U <3

2 notes · View notes

jamieaiken919 · 4 years

Note

hi im the NiDe anon- probably primis but I’m not picky 🥺 I’ll literally take anything this ship is nonexistent

HELLO HI I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO GODDAMN LONG TO FIGURE OUT I PROMISE I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT YOU

So for today’s extremely long winded Thought From a Thot- I started out not sure what to do for Tank/Nikolai, but then it grew a mind of its own and HERE HAVE A WHOLE ASS BACKSTORY. There are some headcanons in here, but they’re kind of mixed throughout, lol. I’m so sorry if all this isn’t exactly what you were looking for, but I really hope you like it!!! (Also- I typed this all up in the notes app on my phone, but for shits and giggles I threw this into a document to see how long it actually is- OVER 1300 WORDS)

Also also for some god forsaken reason I can’t figure out how to put this behind a cut on this stupid app SO HERES THE LONG HAUL

So, let’s start by looking at the boys themselves-

Nikolai, very obviously and very understandably, is an incredibly damaged man. We know that he never fully recovered from the loss of his wife, and that his devotion to her never faltered, even after she was gone. I think that after her death, he likely would have tried to shut out any kind of romantic feelings that cropped up. Logical or not, he feels as if it’s somehow disrespectful to her and to her memory.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we know that Tank is a little bit of a womanizer. He typically would only seek out one night stands, rather than anything meaningful or long lasting. It’s just the life of a Marine, he tells himself- you can’t settle down if you’ve got no place to settle, and it’s easier to just not get attached, especially when it presents the chance that he would have to leave and potentially never see them again.

Once the two meet, Tank takes notice of Nikolai’s sadness immediately. “Why’re you so sad, Nikolai? Even when I hear you yelling in the heat of battle, I can’t help feeling there’s something wrong.” Nikolai initially brushes him off, intent on keeping his past to himself and himself alone. But as the group gets stuck with each other, and as they all get to know each other, he decides that Tank is someone he can trust with telling about the things he’s suffered in his life. And surprisingly enough to him, Tank actually sits and listens. That’s when he gains an immediate respect for him.

Nikolai catches feelings first. It’s on a night where he volunteers to stay up for watch- normally the four of them take turns, but that night was one where he knew he likely wouldn’t be able to sleep in the first place. As he’s sitting at the edge of their encampment, wherever they may be, he hears something approach him. But he knows the gait of his ally, and isn’t surprised in the slightest when Tank sits down next to him. They share a friendly conversation- talking about how Takeo absolutely shredded a hoard with nothing but his katana, about their mutual distrust of the voices in Edward’s head, etc- until Nikolai feels a weight against his side. He looks over to see Tank, passed the hell out and leaning with his head on his shoulder, and immediately Nikolai’s brain starts going “oh god oh fuck what is this why feels happen WHAT”. It’s a feeling he hasn’t experienced in so long that at first he thinks he’s going mad, but then he remembers exactly how it felt when he married his wife. That rush of the heart, the wild emotions, feelings that he thought he had locked away and buried all come rushing back to him.

It’s another few days before Tank actually realizes that something’s changed in their dynamic. No one would ever accuse Tank of being a genius, but once he pays attention he’s actually quite observant. Which is why, when he sees Nikolai being particularly short with the others (more than usual, anyway), when he catches him watching out for him more than the others, when he notices the little glances that Nikolai throws his way when he thinks he can’t see, he finally puts two and two together. He’s seen enough soldiers writing letters home to their girls with that exact same look on their faces to know exactly what it means.

It’s another night when Nikolai takes the night watch that things end up happening between them. Nikolai is out stewing in his thoughts, as is his wont, when he hears that familiar gait behind him again. Tank asks him straight up if there’s anything he wants to tell him, and at first Nikolai refuses. It’s only when Tank sits down directly in front of him- where Nikolai can’t avoid looking at him- that Nikolai finally just spits it out. That somewhere along the line the camaraderie and friendship that formed between them has morphed into him feeling something deeper, something that he never thought he would feel again or allow himself to feel again, that he thinks himself a fool because there’s no room for love in a time and place like the one they’re in-

And Tank shuts him up by grabbing him and kissing him.

Nikolai is so surprised by it that he’s still trying to talk for a few seconds before he realizes exactly what’s happening. He’s so dumbfounded that he just kind of sits there and let’s it happen, before Tank pulls away and makes some kind of witty quip. “Now that I know how to shut ya up, I’ll have to do it more often.” Tank isn’t insensitive though; he knows how much Nikolai has struggled and he knows just how strong his feelings have to be in order for him to even admit to them. So he reassures him that he’s open to whatever happens, and that he’ll never do anything to hurt his heart more than its already been hurt. It’s a step forward for Tank as well- mister non-commitment actually committing to someone, but he’s willing to give it a shot. After all, what more do they have if not each other?

At first they keep things quiet, which is both relatively easy and extremely difficult. Much of their time is taken up by fighting the undead, so they’re able to keep themselves occupied with that and not with each other. It’s moments when things are calm that give them trouble. It’s difficult to find anyplace that offers some semblance of solitude, especially when the group has to stick together for protection purposes. It’s typically when one of them has their turn as watch during the night that they’re able to sneak off and discover their new relationship. Edward and Takeo are none the wiser, until one of them (probably Takeo) happens to get up in the night. He’s up stretching his legs when he happens to spot the couple, and he only has to watch them for a brief moment before he realizes what’s going on between them. Despite that knowledge, he respects their privacy, keeping it to himself until they’re ready to be open about it with himself and Edward. poor Eddie always left in the dark lol

I imagine they’d be forced to be open about it when Tank does something particularly reckless and stupid one day, and Nikolai panics just a bit more than a friend would. Tank insists to him that he’s fine, but Nikolai rushes over and wraps him in the tightest hug he can, mumbling something about how he never wants to see him act so carelessly again. Both Edward and Takeo are stunned at seeing the display of affection so clearly, even though Takeo already knew. There’s definitely a conversation that takes place between the four of them later that night, lol. But now that things are out in the open, they can be a little more free with each other, something that takes a huge weight off both of them.

Tank is usually the one to initiate any kind of physical affection, whether it be holding hands, kisses, or going further. It’s not that Nikolai doesn’t want to- he does- but he’s still unsure of himself, especially being with another man when all he knew was his wife. Tank is very patient with him, because he understands the uncertainty that Nikolai is feeling. He always reassures him that he wants him, and that he’ll give him as much time as he needs to be fully comfortable. And eventually Nikolai does ease, and they’re able to show affection freely back and forth.

Tank always used to comment on how morose Nikolai was, but now that they’re together, he notices smiles coming to the Russian’s face more and more. And it’s something he loves to see.

#anonymous #asks #answers #thought from a thot #tank dempsey #nikolai belinski #call of duty zombies #cod zombies #codz

16 notes · View notes

semiconducting · 3 years

Text

just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !

im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical.

i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.

and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.

and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery

and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...

and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.

and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.

so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.

i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.

it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.

over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.

but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class.

and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other.

n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.

and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.

we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.

it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh).

he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else.

but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove.

for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.

but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.

i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around.

its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.

and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.

and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was.

it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.

but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL

it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.

and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.

and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.

but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.

and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.

and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.

its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.

and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.

but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.

#shut up mega #this ended up being longer and more in depth abt the earlier half of the year than i meant it LOL #a summary of my 2020 i spose #also there's some kinda detailed talk of #suicide ment -#self harm ment -#IM CRYING AFTER WRITING THIS OUT LMAOOOO

2 notes · View notes

floorbed · 4 years

Note

7 19 23 35 40 52 69 for The Jester and The Crimegirl

thank you so much bee omg i loved the questions u made sm!!! time for Them. this is super super long im sorry njdkkfkrenkjr

7. which party member do they understand the least?

for pen it is probably alba if he had to pick anyone? just because he can do Crazy Shit Sometimes. but pen still feels like he understands him v well!!

for agni its probably elvira! she is from a place she knows next to nothing about besides what elvira’s explained or what she’s learned from school, she is 100+ years old, yeah! while agni doesnt like fully Understand her she still thinks she’s really cool!! it was rlly nice of her to try and comfort her when she initially found out abt Rei Time. and also knitted her a pretty holster that was so nice of her!!

19. what haunts them? what doesn’t?

pen’s is home. so mf much he genuinely loves his party a lot and has gotten really attached but also like he misses home so bad it hurts. he felt like he was an intrinsic part of something that he fit perfectly and was never gonna have to give up, and he got to be w everyone he cared about all day. he’s haunted by mikolai’s wedding lol. he’s also haunted by The Shit That Went Down Pertaining To His Exile, His Subsequent Exile, Making the Pact, Dying, Making The Pact Pt 2, The Thing He Had To Do After He Made The Pact, And Then Also Dying Again. he’s haunted by holding ori dead in his arms and bringing her back using power he now understands was from a Not That Great Place. he barely knew her then but he still thought about it all the time, and now he thinks abt it even more lol! he just is not used to life being. Like This. at all. he was a vvvvvv spoiled kid. (some nobility complex part of him is haunted by lydia! stupid jester!)

he’s not haunted by everyone he’s been a bitch to lol, unless he vocally apologized for it later nfjnf. he’s not haunted by vargas. uh

agni is not haunted by most things and That’s On her super healthy coping mechanism! she tries to not think about her personal life with that much weight, she tries to keep it abstract in her head? but also there are some things she can’t help but get Unnamed Bad Feeling from instinctively. rei. w how last session fucking turned out lol, watching seras collapse in the doorway Will Def Become One. Moms Time, both for individual reasons. sometimes, not being accomplished, but that also filters into Moms Time. everything else tho she kind of just vibes through.

23. how do they feel about nicknames, titles, or labels that have been given to them? how do they feel about their name?

pens Official Title is penance the jester, court jester of tarbyen (and he makes sure no one forgets it lol.) everyone he grew up around had official titles so it made him feel realllyyy good abt himself that he had one too! (he likes that the party’s nicknamed him pen tho, he thinks its sweet >:) ) his Name name is camil, but only his mom n mikolai called him that, so he thinks its very like..... informal, and he likes being a Formal Title Boy, but also it makes him go all soft bc the two ppl he loved most called him that!! conflicting feelings.

agni’s had her nickname since she was really young i think, one of those like, you’re in fantasy kindergarten and learning how to spell and your first name is rlly long, so u employ a nickname very early Kind Of Moments. her full name is agnodice and she likes it well enough! it feels very kind of like. stiff and formal to her tho. she thinks agni suits her better!

35. which party member do they worry for?

pen worries for All Of Them. he tries to follow juni when he’s having one of his (as pen puts it) “freak out moments” bc he’s scared someday it’s going to be something that really hurts him, and he wants to be there to help if it does. pen has fully accidentally triggered ori before, and he feels really bad about it, especially since her triggers literally Set Her On Fire. so you know. he tries to be really careful with his words around her, especially since the incident a couple sessions ago. also, he is Very Concerned abt all of her past stuff with the mahne that he’s recently learned abt, especially putting together all the past knowledge she’s given him abt the river and what to do in a pact and Where Exactly She Got That Info From. he’s grateful she’s not in any of that anymore, though, whatever the mahne is exactly. alba’s impulsivity worries pen n he wants to make sure alba doesnt accidentally Put Himself In A Situation accidentally w that someday.

agni worries for theodosia, just because she seems to know a lot about the fucked up illness time thats going on and it seems to rlly effect her and she knows it cld be coming from prior past experience? she also worries for cyrus because of the whole you know. his family’s shop and home being burned to the ground Situation, even though theyve since recovered it couldnt have been good for him. worries for kai, also, because he is Small Baby Boy. but worries as in like. does so in her agni way and it may not come across as such?

40. do they enjoy poetry?

pen loves poetry he heard a lot of epics at home!! the stories were Less fun when it was about like, war and bloodshed and stuff, but he loved them when they were all pretty n flowery or like romantic 🥺

agni likes hearing poetry recited, especially when it has a specific repetitive syllable pattern she can get lost in!

52. from whom do they seek validation?

pen simply be like [wants validation from nobility noises]. its his Complexes. thats why being @ ravenloft rn is so... bad for him lol bc hes getting like all the positive attention from important people hes wanted for his entire life, oops. hes literally living out a dream being asked to dance with someone so important!! he also seeks validation a lot from like powerpful women bc of growing up with his mom and how much he looked up to her and cared about her, which manifests itself a lot w wanting attention from ori and jenny (and previously w lady wachter lol) and also the lady of delights.

growing up agni sought validation from her mothers n instructors, now (while she still wants momsvalidation) she looks for validation mostly from herself, which is kind of bad bc she never feels fully satiated w her work n accomplishments!

69. how would they describe their party members?

for pen: ori feels like an older sister to him, hes too scared to express as much, but yeah! she is warm (he means figuratively but also lol) and Kind and Competent and Smart and above all, Safe. he defintely feels like, the safest with her than anyone else he’s encountered in his life, both i mean in the physical protection sense but moreso the emotional sense! yeah. juni is.,, complicated. at first pen was uhhh scared of him bc of the whole Sorcerer Thing, but after all of them talked abt it at jenny’s, that feeling passed and he was more just concerned for him than anything. he is Powerful and Pretty and even though he’s been thru a lot of things pen himself cant even comprehend juni’s still Soft and Understanding and pen really admires that about him! alba is Also Complicated, for different reasons. pen thinks he is Reckless and Impulsive but also Smart in his own little scheme way, and pen really appreciates him as like a constant in his life? like yeah, he is scary and concerning sometimes but he’s always Predictably as such and while pen doesn’t see alba as all that loyal in general pen is kind of blind to that stuff when it comes to ppl in relation to him, so he’s just glad he’s met someone that wants to stick with him.

for agni: cyrus is so nice to her!! he feels like a capital f Friend in her head and so far like. she’s only had one of those before so thats really cool!! he helps her out a lot and she tries to do what she can to be there for him too! it was nice of him to teach her abt Beach Swimming. theo is really cool and agni loves seeing her in her element doing Medicine Stuff she thinks she is really smart w that kind of thing and rlly respects her practice, agni’s also very interested in her magic!! she thinks dendy is small little lizard guy who sings silly songs. greatly appreciates him. she wld follow kai blindly into terrible plans because she wants to make sure this cool teen is alright , is thankful to know he can turn into a bear at will and she didnt do that on accident that one time! amadeus is confusing and hard to keep track of in her head, but at the end of the day she thinks he’s very caring and just looking out for people. adaeze is really fun to hang out with and she is both concerned and greatly impressed w her just straight up downing one of fer’s Fucked Up And Evil Potions no questions asked, bc thats something even Agni’s too scared to do. thinks her sword is very interesting in terms of the arcane, wants to see what happens w all that! elvira is super different from anyone agni’s been around but she thinks she’s an amazing artist and would love to see her home bc she talks about it so vividly!!

#mel talks #dnd tag #penance the jester #agni #whenever there is a pen question about feelings it is an automatic Long Ass Paragraph #and thats on his cancer moon

4 notes · View notes

mintseesaw · 5 years

Text

Felicity

Sequel to Fierce & Delicate (link in masterlist)

Pairing: jungkook x reader

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, husband au

Word count: 11.6k

Warnings: mature content, implications of depression, family conflict

a/n: this is unedited :( but I hope you still enjoy it. Tbh, I wouldn't push through writing a sequel if it weren't for your feedbacks and the notes fierce & delicate has received, so much love to you all! 💕

Also, I'm not sure if reading this would make sense if you haven't read the first one haha. Let me know what you guys think. Comments and likes are much appreciated. They actually motivate me to write more ☺️

“Let’s go back to the villa,” he whispered right next to your ear tickling the sensitive skin behind the shell of your ear. The goosebumps that were there earlier because of the cold breeze and disappeared as his body covered you with his warmth automatically reappeared from your arms again.

“One more minute. I like it when we cuddle like this while watching the sea.”

Today is your last day of holiday in Maldives. And spending it like this, unproductive and with your husband in his arms...is much better than any of the outdoor activities you two have done in the past four days. You couldn’t recall when was the last you’ve had a day this cozy with him, on a holiday or not. And you wish to have more of this when you get back home.

Since you and Jungkook met, dated and got married, no one initiated for the two of you to go on a trip. It wasn’t necessarily needed, and out of respect to your husband’s situation back then, there’s no room for you to insist although you had the means to pay for one. But now, the past four days in this paradise that brought you refreshment, peace and elation to have it together with your husband, you wondered why you have not asked him during the early months of your marriage.

First day on the island was wasted on you sleeping all day, trying to gain your energy back as the flight reasonably tired you out. You were too drained to entertain Jungkook’s excitement to wander off to the beautiful scenery so you send him off and even coaxed him to bring his camera, assuring him you would be fine alone in the room. You were sleeping the whole time and only woke up when he had returned.

The next three days were spent doing all the outdoor activities that Jungkook wanted to try out. You knew your husband always has a thing for anything adventurous.. He enjoyed every bit of it, and even more when he saw you struggling to ride the air jet ski or squirming as he urged you to touch a stingray. Not that you hate animals, you’re just never really an animal person.

As much as you don’t find most the activities fun like he did, seeing your husband having the time of his life is enough reason for you to enjoy the vacation itself. Being with him in a beautiful place like this island is enough for you. It soared your heart that you’ve witnessed him with full of delight clearly present in his eyes. His laughs and smiles were genuine and almost never left his face. Something that surprises you—the intensity of his elation during this trip. It makes you wonder, have you been treating him good enough?

The outdoor activities may or may not be his favorite. You’re almost sure they are. To you, on the other hand, the consecutive nights of consummation that lasted until the wee hours of morning are most especially branded in your mind.

Earlier this morning was no exception. The rounds of steamy activities had caused you to wake up later than usual in the morning. It was almost noon when you too decided to get up.

After taking a semi-breakfast and lunch, you persuaded him to sit with you on the shore. Fortunately for the two of you, the sun was not scorching hot enough to burn yours and Jungkook’s skins although it could if you stay longer especially because you skip applying a protection for your skin. Tipping your head back to peak up above, you noticed clouds have unusually occupied the blue sky like it was about to rain. Maybe, that’s why.

Both of you were sitting in the sand, pairs of feet resting on the wet sand where the sea water consistently dances along the shore due to the waves crashing. Your back pressed comfortably against his chest as his arms lay across your stomach. Your hands clasped in between his fingers, silently communicating on their own.

“We can do so much more than cuddling if we go back to our villa,” he suggested maliciously.

Turning your head and having a view of his grinning face. Eyes narrowing, “We’ve been doing that since we came here, aren’t you sated?” It’s true. Post dinner on your first night here was when the consummation had started. Jungkook didnt stop initiating the move to score every night and every chance he get. As for you, who miss your husband so much, control seemed to escape out of your system every time Jungkook touches you tenderly. Not even when he tried his luck on a sunny day was he ever turned down.

On the third day of your holiday in Maldives, you two went on an island hopping. The supposed activity was not followed as the tourist guide, who was also the one driving the motorboat, made a stop on a specific island—it was left unexplored by the business industry As no commercial hotels or any infrastructure had been built, yet. And you were particularly mesmerized by the natural beauty of it, undeniably more breathtaking than the one where you were staying in. Jungkook asked the guide to dropped you off there and pick you both after a few hours seeing the astonished look on your features.

Your little wander on the island was the only time you genuinely enjoyed swimming in the water as it was the only moment you had outside without the possibility of being watched.

You didn’t notice how far away you’ve swam away from Jungkook that only when he started chasing you was when it finally clicked in your mind. You weren’t supposed to swim away because you didn’t know why he was chasing you in the first place, but you still did, as a reflex. He didn’t even try, because he already caught you despite your efforts to swim farther away from him. Squirming in his arms as squeals and giggles were uncontrollably coming out of your mouth, from taking you by surprise. His hold tightening around your waist, closing the distance between your bodies, his wet torso pressed flatly on your back.

You were still trying to catch your next breath from the activity when you felt his lips on your shoulder travelling further on your neck. The water reaching up from your torso didn’t prepare you for his next move as his hand disappeared through your bikini bottom, boldly palming your private part. Your supposed warning as an attempt to stop him turned into a helpless plea.

His tender caresses to the sensitive nub was so maddening that you didn’t how you got out of the water and laid flat on the sand. The roughness of the sand against your back didn’t seem to bother you one bit. You were too consumed with the fact that he was hovering you, sucking the sensitive spot on your neck, and buried deep inside you.

Jungkook didn’t even bother taking off the material that covers your lower part. He only pushed the material aside for his entrance and gave you no time to adjust to his size, pounding relentlessly as your whimpers and moans of pleasure were drowned by the sounds of the sea. He didn’t stop. Not even when you cried out by the delicious stretch of his rough intrusion, not even when you were having a hard time catching your next breath as he particularly stroke deeper, not even when your insides tightened around him as your peak was approaching you so intensely, shuddering from bliss on his arms. It was only when he growled out his release when he finally had a respite.

Although the neighbor island was not occupied by other tourists during that steamy moment, you shouldn’t have let it happened as someone may still have witnessed it. The thought of someone actually seeing you with Jungkook while doing it actually scares you.

“I can’t control it if you’re in my arms like this wearing that sexy summer dress,” he nuzzled your hair, “Fuck, and you smelled so good. How could you even do that.” Feeling his grip tightening around your waist, not too tight to suffocate you but enough to show you who you belonged to.

“You’re just insatiable, don’t even try to point the blame on me.” Your expectation over hearing another argument coming was cut short by the sound of his chuckle vibrating through his chest, feeling it resonate against your back. The sound of waves crashing through the shore almost drowned it, if not for your close proximity.

The calming sound of waves soothed the air between you and Jungkook. And you wish right there and then that you and Jungkook would always be in this state—hearts filled with only love and pure euphoria. Because right now, you will trade for anything just so you two can stay in this paradise forever. A dream far from reality.

“Jungkook,”

“Hmm?”

The salty air that meets your skin creates a soft motion to the hem of your summer dress against your thighs.Your attention suddenly directed at the material of your dress, finding a temporary entertainment, “Can we do this again in the future?”

“Going on a holiday? Of course, if that’s what makes my wife happy…”

Tilting your head through your shoulders, you pressed softly, “And we’ll utilize our shared resources, right?”

He exhaled, then spoke close to your ear, “Whatever you want, my love…” he shifted his head so his lips can touch your temple while his fingers toy your much smaller fingers in comparison to his.

“Thank you,” you murmured tenderly, eyes closing as you pucker your lips to ask for a kiss, which he granted delightfully.

Once he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. His eyes twinkling, “Anything else that my wife wants?”

You gave him a soft smile.

“I love you.”

As soon as you utter the words, his burning stare grew intensely. You drew back, shifting your head away from his intense gaze suddenly feeling shy from confessing your feelings like it’s the first time. In contrast to his dark eyes, his mouth twitched into a grin that his set of pearly white teeth came out in full view. Cupping your cheeks in his palms, pulling you into a sweet and passionate kiss not shying away from the tourists who are scattered around the shore.

Jungkook planted a soft kiss on your forehead, alluring you to his request. “Look at your skin, it’s turning red. Let’s go back inside.” You nodded in response, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over you.

You didn’t know what time it was when you opened your eyes, startled from your nap. Your eyes scanned through your surroundings as your vision becomes clearer, picking up the pieces of your last memory.

It was then that you sensed your whole body is covered with discomfort. Your head stinging from headache. Your eyes puffy and tender from all the crying you did all throughout the day. Your body felt heavy—that you felt restraint and couldn’t move like the usual. Adding up to that is this weird sensation swirling in your stomach, like something in it wants to come out.

You have guessed right because in a matter of seconds, a bile quickly rising from your throat as the pressure in your stomach intensifies. Although you haven’t yet make sense what’s happening, your body has already reacted on its own, dragging yourself up with small but determined steps towards the toilet despite feeling no energy left from you. As you feel the urge surfaces from your throat, your eyes brimmed with moisture when nothing seems to be coming out of your mouth. You stayed in that position, head hovering over the toilet bowl for a few seconds.

Only when your stomach has calmed down and the urge to vomit has subsided, was when you decided to sit flatly on the bathroom floor. A sudden wave of spell adding up to the physical ache that’s present in your head. Your throat burning from all the involuntary force that urged the contents of your stomach out of your system.

Why do you feel so physically horrible? It wasn’t because of what happened earlier, right? You contemplated, trying to come up for the cause of this little episode. If it were the food you had eaten—you actually barely ate anything today. Maybe it was because of that? Or it might be simply because you’re literally sick as you felt just exactly like it.

And then like you recalled, it wasn’t the first you had an urge to throw up. It was more than once, if you were not mistaken. As quick as you remembered the times that you did, recognition suddenly flickering in your mind. Is it what you think it is?

Taking birth controls doesn’t completely stop the probability of conceiving. But the chances of getting pregnant is very slim. How— you stopped dead on your tracks. Your eyes widened at the sudden realization.

It’s possible. Because you stopped taking them five months ago.

The next day you went to work earlier, Jungkook being kept in the dark of your presumption. He didn’t approve of your sudden decision, although he didn’t say it out loud. It was evident from his expression. He was subtle, asking why you’re going to work an hour than usual. He took it as a sign of your anger at him. He didn’t want to go against your way as not to make you angrier. For you, on the other hand, it isn’t the reason. You planned to buy a pregnancy test in a pharmacy and take it at work.

You bought three and made sure no one was in the restroom when you took all the kits. It was a good thing no one was there because when all of them showed the same result, you didn’t have the strength left in you to control the sounds of emotions that spilled past your throat.

With all that’s happened in the past week, the restless nights you’ve had over your husband’s suspicious actions made you even more vulnerable now that another circumstance is right in front of you. Crying numerous times since the past few days have reflected your inner turmoil. But it isn’t the same this time. You’re happy.

The tests could be giving you a false hope, but you can sense it, feel it even more that you’ve proven your assumption. And now, the thought of having a little creature inside your womb brings you a different kind of joy. The little bud is the product of Jungkook’s love to you and yours to him.

And right there and then, you made a decision. For your baby’s sake, you will forget all this and forgive your husband, who’s only doing everything for your own good.

It was never his fault you were broken in the first place. No, he completed you. He had picked up the shards of glasses of your broken youth, dreams and passion in life and brought it together with his love. If not for him, you’re not even sure if you’ll ever be happy in your life.

If there’s someone you should blame for the emotional damages inflicted in your past, it’s your parents. Perhaps, you shouldn’t, but trying to rationalize your situation, it’s anyone but him. He made a mistake. In spite of the pain that cost him to commit a mistake and inflict it to you in return, now that you’ve come to know that you’re possibly carrying his baby, you want to do this right. Facing them again could probably help you move on.

Once and for all, to see your parents again light up a little hope that it would help you move on. That maybe, this time, they would understand the path you’ve chosen for your life. Perhaps, seeing you far from a miserable life they had predicted you to have when you chose to marry Jungkook despite their objection would change their mind about him. You made up your mind, you will meet them.

“Where have you been?”

It was already dark when you got home. Although it was not that late, you quickly picked up Jungkook’s sentiment. His tone was not accusing, but out of a helpless wonder. He must have known. You didn’t exactly tell him you left work even before noon came. But by the tone of his voice and his stance gave away his restless state, thinking of the possibilities where you might have gone of to.

You didn’t answer. Not because you have no plan to, but because you couldn’t wait to tell him about the news you’ve found out and your decision to see your parents instead of giving the reply he wants to hear. However, this time is not the right time to do it. Not when all this hasn’t been settled.

“You were not at work,” he said. “I was calling you and when you were not answering my calls, I went home because I thought you’d be here.” Lowering his head, “I was so worried that I tried to look out for you. Please don’t do that again, no matter how mad you are. Just… tell me where you are. I’ll let you be, I wont bother you. Just please, tell me where you are.”

“I’m sorry,” you sincerely mumbled under your breath. It took all of your willpower not to draw yourself closer and console him so you could take away his anguish, his worries of the uncertainty.

“I-I...t-thought... I thought you left me.” He choked, as fear crossed his face. It made you feel even weaker.

“I wouldn’t do that.” You tried to assure him. “I made a mistake.” Sadness clouded his features, almost afraid to return your calculating gaze at him.

“I know, but it didn’t change my feelings towards you. We’ve been through worse and I’m still here, because I want to be with you.” Your toned wasn’t so comforting and soft like it used to. But it was only your coping mechanism not to cry in front of him. Somehow, you didn’t want him to show your vulnerability.

He took what he could get from you. Even by means of getting a taste of your cold facade, not letting him read your mind through your eyes. At least you were still talking to him. He expected so much worse than this.

Days passed and the household remained unusually quiet. Your cold treatment towards Jungkook scares him, that any time, you would grow tired of this setting.

He wouldn’t let it happen. You’re not going to slip away from him. Although he was patiently waiting for you to come around, he couldn’t help the ache surfacing from his chest as his presence remains invisible to you. He was unable to have a normal conversation with you, he couldn’t kiss you when he wants to express his affection like how he frequently does. His heart constricted every time you avoided his eyes, and every time you take the chance to avoid his presence. Yet, he’s in relief that you don’t try to get away from him every night. At dinner. It was the only time he’s able to see to be with longer even though your at arms length.

It was also during a dinner with him that you chose to tell him about your plan. He was trying to initiate a conversation, like what he’s been doing for the past few days. But your pregnancy was consuming all your energy that you just want to sleep after work or even at post meals. You missed your husband so much. You rarely get to see him every day as you tried to put your distance from him. Most of the time, you feel so sick, especially every morning and you didnt want to give him a clue of your state as you planned to reveal it to him when you come back. Perhaps, to surprise him.

When he stopped talking, you looked up from your food, barely touched. You realized he didn’t stop, he was waiting for your reply.

“It’s fine. Thank you for the dinner. I’m not that hungry, I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright. I was thinking you probably don’t like it. I can prepare something else, next time. Or we can have your favorites— ramen and rice cake for tomorrow? I recall you haven't had them lately.” A smile plastered on his face. You’re not sure if it was sincere because you know he’s hurt just as much as you are.

You gulped down the lump that was forming in your throat. Nodding your head, not trusting your own voice to speak without giving him a hint of your emotions.

You cleared your throat, “Listen,” Jungkook immediately fixed his eyes on you when he heard the raspiness of your voice and for the past few days, it felt like it is the first time you actually let him have an eye contact with him.

“I filed for a leave—“

His smile was immediately replaced by panic, it was evident through his features.

“Why? Where are you going? Are you— a-are y-you leaving?”

“I’ll be gone for a few days.” You confirmed, pursing your lips.

“It’s because of what I did.” He stated more to himself than to you. A sad smile forming on his face.

A sigh went past your lips. Your eyes looking everywhere but on him. He took your silence as a confirmation.

“You’re coming back, right?” He asked, needing an assurance to let his mind at peace. You’re not leaving him, permanently.

“Yes. I’m not leaving you, Jungkook, please remember that.”

“Why are you leaving?” Your heart constricted at the sight of his shattered look. You almost pleaded him to stop asking, because his thoughts—they are not true. Leaving him is something you will never do under any circumstances.

“I need to do this.”

“If—if you hate my presence, I should be the one leaving—“

“No! It’s not because of that…”

Then why are you leaving? He repeated in his mind. But he remained silent, too broken to form a reply. And you took it as an opportunity yo continue, “I’m going to see my parents.”

This time, he stood up drawing his body close to where you sit, following his movement until you were craning your neck just so you can clearly see his face.

“You don’t have to see them...You don’t have to leave. If it means seeing them, I’ll give you the space, I’ll leave the apartment.”

“Jungkook, it’s my own decision. You are not leaving because I don’t need space.”

“Then I’ll come with you.” He attempted, despite knowing he cannot influence your decision anymore but hoping, at least, you would allow him to.

Although he does not intimidate you, there’s something about his height that take away your pretense of a strength. He certainly does not scare you. It must be his powerful aura, that despite letting you be in-charge most of the time, there’s no lying he has the upper hand to this marriage. That he could sway you through submission if he ever tries to. This time was no exception, only that you’re struggling so hard not to give in. So you stood up, despite having no match with his built to prove that you can stick to your own decision.

“I don’t want them to hurt you-“

He frowns before cutting you off, “They’re not violent, YN.”

“They did it before, you were emotionally harmed because of them. What makes you think they wont do it again? Let me see them alone,” You were not meant to burst out, and you regretted it the moment you witness under your peer when he took a small step back. You sighed, realizing that you shouldn’t let this go anywhere near a fight, “Please…”

“Why do you want to see them? Is it because of what I did?”

“Yes, but it’s not what you think. I’ll try to reconcile with them for…” you stopped mid-sentence, blinking.

The frown present on his face falling deeper into a confusion when you fail to finish your statement. Is there something else he doesn’t know? “For what?”

Your eyes snapped shut for a second, before answering, “Give me a few days to fix this. I’ll be okay, and I’m coming back home.”

“You don’t have to go.” Jungkook mumbled, in an attempt to change your mind despite reading your eyes. You’re determined and there’s nothing he could do for now to bend your decision especially when he’s trying to make it up to you.

Your close proximity with Jungkook allowed you to reach for his muscled arm. His eyes grew wide at your sudden contact with him. “It’s not your fault.”

“Do you really need to leave?” Voice wavering from the pain filling in his heart with the thought of not having your presence for days.

His body reacted on its own before it even registered in his mind, closing the distance in between the two of you. He was expecting the worse when he came to realize what he did, that you will drew back from his touch. His heart quicken its beat as you stayed in his arms, finding temporary comfort through your submission.

He lowered his head, nuzzling your hair through his nose. He missed your scent. “I’ll be here when you come back.”

You were gone even before Jungkook wakes up. It’s clear that he didn’t want to let you go. And letting him see you leave the apartment under his watch would be too hard for you and for him. So you decided to leave even before he wakes up.

Hours later after the train that you’ve boarded on left Seoul, you arrived to the city where you’ve spent most of you life with. The first thing from you mental itinerary is to meet your parents.

You already called your mother, beforehand. When you opened up about your desire to see them, she initially offered their home. However, you didnt give her an answer. Because knowing her, she’ll only persuade you to stay longer than you intend to especially since she is aware Jungkook is not going with you. Good thing though, she was coaxed to decide for the place of the meet up. She sounded so delighted over the phone, having in mind that your initiation to talk to them could possibly mean a reconciliation with them.

And of course, your mother will choose a luxurious place. Not that you were surprise though.

When you got inside the restaurant, a staff escorted you to the receptionist, where you gave her the reservation’s name which is your mother’s. The staff maneuvered you to table while formally mentioning that she is already on the table waiting only a minute before you actually got here. You didn't know where the male staff is taking you as you let him lead the way. But the moment you spot a familiar figure, her back facing your direction sitting on a table placed on the far end corner of the VIP area, you already knew where you’re going. From your direction, you could clearly make out her hair curled in perfect waves. And just by the mere sight of her figure, one could mistaken her as a lady in her early thirties.

You were right. Because when she casually turned and fixated her eyes on you, it proved your affirmation seeing how she barely aged after two years without a proper contact with her. Not only that she look youthful compared to her actual age, she could be likened to you as her sister more than a parent.

“My darling!” She exclaimed, gathering me close to her so she could plant kisses on both of your cheeks. Her face in heavy make-up, yet it it only accentuated her features, making her more astonishing in sight. As your eyes unconsciously skimmed her body, you noticed her fashion style didn’t change a single bit. She never wears anything except dresses from high-end brands. A pair of diamonds decorated on her ears, golds on her wrist and ring finger and what seems to be a million dollar worth necklace clinging to her neck. She’s, no doubt, a wife of a tycoon—regal, beautiful and expensive. Perhaps, it’s from her where you inherited your fine features.

“Mother.” You greeted her curtly as you two took your seats. A smile plastered on her face as she instructed something to the waiter while taking a glimpse of the menu. You guessed she was already ordering for the two of you.

Nothing much has changed.

When she seems to be done ordering almost half of the menu with the amount of time she consumed, she waved off her hand to the waiter signalling him to leave you two alone.

“It’s been long, my dear.” Similar to what you just did, you saw her eyes traveled up and down your visible length.

“I know.”

“How are you my dear? I haven’t seen you since you got married...” Her smile slightly fading as she intentionally left her statement incomplete. You’re sure it meant something the way she let it linger. However, it’s too soon speak out your thoughts especially if they intend to contradict hers, you want to make this work in your favor.

Clearing your throat, you straightened your back as you showed concern to your father’s absence. “Where’s dad?”

“My apologies, your father can’t make it. He’s abroad for business.You didn’t answer me, dear.”

Nodding your head since you are aware he’s never not busy so it doesn’t even surprise you.

“I’m doing fine, and I’m happy if that’s what you’re worrying about. I have an amazing husband who sees to my well being.”

“My child, I thought you’d want to ask for forgiveness for defying us. Otherwise, I don’t see the point of this meet up.”

You froze, what did you just hear? Your hand on your lap suddenly clenching into a fist out of her sight.

Shock crossed to your face. You couldn’t believe what you’re hearing from your mother. You had a tiny hope in you that they would change. And now, you don’t know anymore. Perhaps, Jungkook is right. You shouldn’t have made a move to do this in the first place.

“Mom…you’re not serious.” It took so much of your will power to keep a straight face when all your anger towards your parents is slowly resurfacing.

“I see, you’re not financially struggling. I’m sure it’s you who helped him find a decent job, anyway.”

“What are you talking about, mother? Jungkook was accepted because he deserves to get the job—”

Her eyebrows lifted, shrugging as if she didn’t buy what I said. You watched her more intently and then something clicks. They knew how you’re doing all along?

“You had us followed, haven’t you? Perhaps, investigated if you’re more desperate.” A bitter smile forming in your mouth. You’re not prepared for anything like this.

And your cruel mother didn’t even try to deny it.

“We want to know if he can take care of you. That kid even had part time jobs? His present job isn’t enough, is it?”

“That’s enough, mom. Don’t mock my husband. Stop your men from following us. If you want to know how I’m doing, I’ll gladly provide the details, myself.”

She shrugged her shoulders, lips pursed and warily observing you through her perfectly groomed eyelashes.

You were about to speak again when the waiter appeared, serving wine and then the main courses.

You took the opportunity to continue when the waiter left.

“I would’ve married your best candidate if I love him, you know.”

“Love is not everything, dear, you're living in a fantasy.”

“Would you have accepted Jungkook as my husband if he’s rich like Namjoon?” She didn’t answer, and took a sip from her glass instead, “Actually, it doesn’t matter anymore because you’d still force me to marry a stranger, right?”

“Namjoon is a good man—“

“Im not referring to his personality, mother. The fact that you want me to marry off with someone without my consent, I couldn’t grasp the thought of my own parents letting me live in an emotionless, miserable life.”

“Your father and I were a product of arranged marriage—“

“Don’t I know that? You fed me with that fact all my life.” You refrain from moving, as you watch her direct her narrowed her eyes on you.

“Careful YN, I don’t like your tone.”

“What? You want me to apologize? I wouldn’t. And certainly, I wouldn’t apologize for choosing Jungkook over my parents.”

“How dare you!“ She stood up from her seat, eyes widening in complete fury.

“You really didn’t know? Not even have a clue how the consequences of ruling my life did to me? You still believe you’re the perfect parents for raising me the way you did?”

“I’m telling you to stop, YN. Don’t make a scene here.” She gritted, warily scanning the room with fear of others possibly hearing your words. Mortifying.

“I had hoped that the past years have made you change your ways of how you see me. How treating me as a daughter would change to letting me live and respecting my decisions. But now that I’ve spoken to you, I realized I made the right decision of not allowing my husband to come with me.”

“This is how you repay us after all what we’ve done for you?! You still chose that kid?! That kid who used to work at cheap clubs and grew up in a rubbish community? For all we know he only married you for money. Getting involved with someone like him is unacceptable to this family. You’re a disgrace.” She hissed, her sharp eyes turning darker as if she wanted to hurt me from her mere eyes.

“You can call me whatever you want, mother. But you have no right!” Your voice suddenly raising from your calmed tone that your mother’s eyes grew wide in utter surprise because you’ve never raised your voice to your parents, “no right to insult my husband.”

“YN!” She exclaimed in disbelief.

“I respected you and dad so much despite everything what you did to me. If you can’t accept him as my husband then just respect him as a person. He doesn’t deserve any of your judgment and disgusting treatment. Do you know why I asked to see you? Because I want to forgive you and tell you how happy I am living with the life I wanted.”

“We wanted the best for you and you never deserve to be with someone like him.” Cautiously taking a sit. Your mother may be right, you were not taught to disrespect anyone especially your parents. Defending your husband doesn’t count as disrespecting them when all they’ve done is treat him less than how I human should be treated. Especially if Jungkook is here, he would never try to defend himself against your parents.

“The best for me? I used to see a psychiatrist, mother, all because I was mentally unstable. Is that what you want for me? To seek for medical help because my parents did the right thing? Or...tell me, is it my fault that I became emotionally horrible living with my dear parents? Is it my fault I became desperate to follow my own dreams without you trying to manipulate my life? You should’ve been the first person to feel how your own daughter feels. How treating me as a pawn more than your own child could ruin me. Jungkook is the one who saved me from you.”

For the first time in your life, you saw her slowly cowering back. Were your eyes deceiving you? They must be. Because your mother always has her chin up whatever the circumstances are. She remained silent. And you wish you can read her mind so you know if her softening features are genuine or only for a show.

“We didn’t know that you’ve been through that because you didn’t tell us.” Her hand clutching her hand bag so tightly didn’t go unnoticed to you.

“You never listen to me, how could I tell you? I always try but you listen to everyone. But me.” Is that guilt you’re seeing on her face? You must be imagining things. It would never happen. You continued to speak as she didn’t dare respond yet again.

“You didn’t deserve my forgiveness, but I’m giving you that so I can move on. For my peace, and for my baby’s sake.”

You need to leave now because this is already going near what you’ve purposely anticipated for. Quickly standing up from the chair. And before you turn your back to her, you caught a glimpse of her expression for the last time. Shock.

“What do you mean? YN? Are you pregnant?”

You didn’t answer her, you didn’t turn back to her despite hearing her frantic calls of your name as you walked straight out of the restaurant.

You called for a cab right after you exited from the establishment even though you’re not sure where you’re going. You told the driver to drive around as you let your emotions calm down. Unconsciously drying off your face from the tears that spilled from your eyes as you dialed Jungkook even before your mind has registered what you just did.

You slightly panicked and you’re ready to end the dialing when you heard his voice.

“YN? Hey...how’s the journey? Are you okay?”

You quietly swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to dissipate the raspiness of your voice. You shouldn’t have called him while you’re emotionally vulnerable. He could easily sense it

“Hi… don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

“YN? Are you crying? Are you sure you’re okay? You met your parents, didn’t you?” You heard a shuffling in the background, and now you’re wonder what he’s doing before he answered the call. It’s still within work hours.

“I did.” Referring the talk you just with your mother. He quickly picked up what you mean.

“It went bad?”

Silence.

Then you sighed before speaking up, “I did the right thing,” defending you from her, you silently thought.

“Please stop crying, I wish I insisted to go there with you.”

Although you couldn’t see him, his face flashed before your eyes. The tone of his voice giving away his sulky expression.

“No, I’m fine.” It’s true, even though you’re emotional. The talk went horrible in contradiction to what you actually expected. But it felt good to finally let, at least, your mother know what you’ve been through without inhibitions. She could just shrugged it off, for all you care. It doesn’t matter anymore.

The conflict may have not been resolved and you’re nowhere near giving them the forgiveness, but it made you accept where your priorities in life lie now. And for one, it’s moving forward with Jungkook and your baby.

“When will you come home?”

“In a few days.”

“Please, hurry. I miss you so much.”

As you watched the changing view from the window, you whispered softly, “Okay. I miss you too, Jungkook. I have to go.”

After the ride, you were dropped off to the busy streets of the city where you instructed the driver to. You use your idle time to wander off the familiar places you used to go to. You also didn’t forget to visit the libraries and read some random books to help ease your mind from so much worries. It did. Spending days alone allowed you to think clearly although you’ve gone bored most of the time. Somehow, it became a form of refreshment and a little soul-searching going in the nostalgic place despite growing up here. This place had only witnessed your complicated past that tinted your soul and didn’t cause any of it.

Three days later, you went back home. Jungkook was asleep on the couch when you got inside, the TV is on like he fell asleep while watching some show. He was still wearing his dress shirt, tie nowhere around his neck. Did he eat already?

You missed him so much. It was only three days without seeing him. But being away from him made you realized how much his presence means to you even though you two had been talking while you were away.

Brushing his bangs away from his eyes, your face neared close to his, giving him a small peck on his cheek. The gentle movement made him startle a bit and making you jumped back in return for waking him up too soon.

His eyes fluttered open. His eyes growing the size of a saucer when it was you he laid eyes on, not expecting to see you although he was waiting for you with full of hope you will be here tonight. So it brought him too much raw happiness that you finally came home to him.

“I missed you,” you purred against his lips as he continued to plant small kisses on your lips, showing you how much he feels the same way.

“Jungkook,” calling him so sweetly. How he longed to hear your voice in flesh. Talking to you through the phone is nothing compared to hearing your voice here in front of him. It does nothing but made him miss you more and intensifies his desire to touch you, kiss you, and make love to you.

He hummed in reply, daze enough to make out a word.

“Can we use your vacation leave now?”

That’s how you two ended up here. That night, you have packed your things. Jungkook did the same. The next day, you arranged your flight which was set on the same day at night.

Nothing productive happened after going back in your villa aside from cozily resting on the sofa, a random television show playing in the background which you don’t even pay attention with. Your attention divided into his head resting on your lap and his animated recollection of what has happened in the past four days in this beautiful paradise. He really had a great time during this vacation. Is this his first time going on a trip out of the country? When you were still dating him, you learned that he rarely allows himself for recreational activities aside from hanging out with his friends. And it pains you to even think he never let himself had a great time for himself because he was too busy taking care of his family.

You didn’t dare ask about it because you didn’t want to spoil his happiness. Seeing him in a state of pure elation warms your heart.

Later that night, you took a shower as Jungkook prepared a private dinner outside. An hour and a half later, a light make up adorned your face, hair left untouched after it was blow-dried letting your locks fall in natural waves. Halfway through putting on a lipstick, you saw Jungkook appeared on the bathroom’s doorway through the mirror. He was wearing a striped short sleeve button down top, a pair of tailored shorts and a pair of white sneakers. His outfit made him look youthful more than a married man. So attractive and beautiful. Lucky for you, no one will see your husband in this attire or else you don’t know if you will enjoy the dinner knowing that women will feast their eyes on your husband.

His shoulder leaning on the door frame, as his eyes feed with the view. When he looked back up from scanning your body, he was met with your gaze.

“Your back is showing.” He commented as if the fact is not noticeable.

An eyebrow was lifted and he saw it through your reflection in the mirror, waiting for another statement to make his implication much clearer.

“It’s windy outside…” he trailed, sizing up the look on your face which silently tells him to go on.

“I know that.” You simply replied.

You heard him sighed as you make your final touches, dusting a highlighter on your cheeks before turning to face him.

“You don’t like my dress?”

“You look beautiful as always.” Dipping his head so he could nuzzle your hair. He was avoiding your stare.

“But my dress...” Tilting your head to the side, searching for his expressive pair of eyes.

“It looks good on you, baby, so much, men will surely ogle on the mere sight.” He admitted almost too painfully. You drew back from his arms.

“I’m not changing.” You declared with finality.

“I know Jagi, and you’ll be the death of me.”

You tiptoed with your gladiators on to give him a chaste kiss. He was quick to catch your waist, turning the kiss into a little make-out session.

It was you who pulled away. Or else you’re not going anywhere near the door of the room.

Jungkook requested for a private dinner from the hotel. You planned to give your anniversary gift to him around this time, so you asked the waiter who will be serving you two tonight to keep it so Jungkook wouldn’t have a clue about it, hence the purpose of surprising him.

Walking hand in hand, letting him tug you softly wherever he’s taking you. As you walk, you pass by the perfectly aligned cottages. You noticed there weren’t that much of tourists outside. Perhaps, the lack of live activities in the island during the night forced most of them to just stay in their villas.

Although you were slightly shivering from the cold breeze, it was not enough to slow you down from your pace. The journey took longer than expected. You thought the table you’re occupying for the dinner would be close to your villa. Jungkook muttered something which you failed to hear clearly as the sounds of crashing waves were far louder than his voice. When someone who was wearing a familiar uniform of the hotel employees approached the two of you, you guessed that the lone cottage not far from where you both stood is the one you’re going to occupy.

The male staff greeted the two of you and noticed he has a good American English accent. You politely smiled then followed him suit as he maneuvered you and Jungkook to the cottage. Even from afar and the dim light that the post lamp near it have provided, you could make out the differences of it from the ones you’ve seen earlier. It was specially decorated.

You guessed right. Because when you went closer to it, you couldn’t help yourself but admire the beautiful setup. You thought Jungkook would only take you on a simple dinner, although he mentioned it being a little private. You tug his hand in an attempt to get his attention as he was giving instructions to another staff. It was the one you asked to keep your gift so Jungkook wouldn’t have an idea about it as he has no idea you prepared a present for him.

He grins when he saw the look on your face, evidently showing how surprised you are.

“Do you like it?”

“You didn’t mention it’s a candlelit dinner.”

“That’s the whole point of a surprise.” The smile plastered on his face tells you there‘s something else you’re not aware of.

“What else did you prepare for this dinner that I don' know about?” Peering curiously at him. Jungkook didn’t have the chance to reply as the waiter coaxed you towards the table.

“Mr. Jeon, Mrs. Jeon, please do take your seats.” Jungkook nodded to the waiter and gently drag you to the flower decorated cottage. As you neared the table, your eyes caught the red petals beautifully scattered on the center of the table around the lavender scented candle.

Jungkook pulled the intricately designed metal chair for you. It was then that you noticed a single rose lying on the round, empty plate. You took it and drew it close to your nose so you can smell it properly.

“Thank you,” softly whispered. When you had taken a sit, Jungkook made a half turn to occupy the chair across mine.

The waiter then started serving the courses. Your eyes quickly traveled to his when you realized they were serving an Italian menu. It’s your favorite. Before you even had the chance to speak your thoughts, a soft, romantic melody suddenly plays. Your head going sideways trying to locate where the sound is coming from. The faint sound of the crashing waves drowning from the music that lingers sweetly in your ears. He didn’t leave your gaze. He grins seeing that you’re struggling to form a statement as your mouth was left ajar. You didn’t expect that he would do it anything special.

Still in daze of his effort to pull a special dinner, you whispered softly, “You did all of this…” It wasn’t a question, because he really did.

“Happy anniversary, Jagi.” He purred softly. Even with the dim light, you can see his eyes twinkling from adoration. “We’ve been celebrating our anniversaries for years and we’ve never done this before. I want to make this one memorable for you.”

“You didn’t have to...but—thank you. I-I...I don’t know what to say, I’m not expecting anything like this because being with you is enough for me.”

His hand reached out to yours, kissing your knuckles and the wedding band worn on your ring finger.

“Anything for you.” Your heartfelt interaction was cut short when the waiter came back with the wine, pouring to each of the wine glass. Muttering a ‘thanks’ when he finishes, leaving the two of you alone, again.

The two of you started eating. You mentally reminded yourself not to eat too much so you wouldn’t feel sick after the meal, especially now that you’re aware it’s a full course meal.

The primo was already served, and although the palletto is mouth watering, you didn’t finish half of it in discretion. Jungkook didn’t seem to notice it, because you already asked the waiter for the second course.

“How is it?”

“It’s good, and it tastes just like the ones I’ve had in italian restaurants.” You were referring to the Filletto al pepe.

“The chef must be good to be able to cook authentic Italian cuisines.”

He smile shyly. “Actually, he’s an Italian.”

“Oh. So, that’s why.”

Like the first one, you ate half of the portion of the second course. You’re on the fourth one when he noticed your wine was left untouched.

He lifted his eyebrow in question, “You don’t like the merlot? I thought that’s your favorite kind?”

“It is. I just felt like not having an alcohol tonight.”

“What do you want then? I’ll ask the waiter for something else.”

“Just...water, please.” He stared at you for a few seconds, before asking you again, unconvinced.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

During this time, you two were able to talk about a lot of things. And sometimes, he just stares at you lovingly while listening to you talk endlessly. It was several minutes after finishing the courses when he stood up and laid out his hand in front of you. He didn’t even speak but you knew what he was asking for. He wants to take you on a slow dance. The intensity of his gaze almost melts your heart as you took his hand and then he gathered you in his arms. Hands clasped over his nape, his around your waist. His hold on you allowed him to sway not only his body but yours as well to the soft melody.

Not long after, you slightly pushed him away. It’s time to give him your present. His eyebrows forming a line from your sudden withdrawal.

“I have something for you.”

“You do? You didn’t bring anything when we went out though...”

Instead of replying, you turned around to seek for the waiter, when you spotted him, your hand made a gesture to easily give off a signal for him to take out the box you’ve asked for him to keep.

When you turned back around to face Jungkook, his face was scrunched up in full confusion.

“What was that? What did you tell him?”

“The present. He kept it so you wouldn’t know.”

His eyes were wider than usual, still comprehending what you just did. In no time, the waiter came back with the box decorated with a ribbon on top.

You thanked him as he passed it to you.

You pushed the box forward towards Jungkook and whispered softly, “Happy anniversary, my love.”

His eyes going back and forth to you and box as he took it. It was the size of a shoe box and he was wondering what stuff could the box contain.

“Open it,” you encourages as he seemed to be thinking critically what you got for him than actually seeing it for himself.

He slowly untie the ribbon and pulled the cover to reveal its content. He fell even more confuse as he only saw strips of colorful papers that filled the box full. He scurried his fingers through it like he was on a hunt, determined to find the real gift. When he couldn’t seemed to find it, he slightly tipped the box, discarding the strips away. On the last few fistful strips, he saw a small, rectangular, white object. His eyebrows formed a straight line, trying to think the relevance of this tiny stick to be considered an object for a present.

It was then he took it in between his fingers and scrutinize it closely that it finally dawned him. His mouth dropped open.

He snapped his head so hard in your direction from utter shock trying to get a confirmation.

“Is it… is this true, YN? You’re pregnant?” You could see his eyes welling up.

You nodded a few times, “Yes.” You replied lowly. But he heard you, and the moment he did, he pulled you in a deep kiss. His hands were travelling everywhere he could touch you, your hair, your face your arms and then he palmed both your cheeks to kiss you again. He was over the moon. He didn’t know how to handle it, and the only way he could express it so sweetly is through his kisses.

Planting a soft peck on your forehead, finally freeing your swollen lips from his. His arms pulling you closer against his body like he was protecting you. Perhaps, from the cold.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” He dazed, dipping his head on your head to plant multiple kisses all over. “Tell me it’s true, that I’m not dreaming.”

“It is, Jungkook. We’re pregnant.”

Once again, he captured your lips. And you’re not aware how long he was kissing you, but by the time that he pulled away, you took in his dark hooded eyes and felt a hard pressure on your stomach. He is hard.

Just like the other days, you didn’t stop him from his advances even if you two were still technically outside. He was squeezing your butt cheek while dominating your mouth. His tongue long entered your mouth to have a taste. You were left panting when he lowered his mouth, aiming for your jaw, your shoulder and then your neck, the spot where he chose to suck the skin. It was maddening and you’re already losing your sanity. You didn’t have any sip of the wine but you felt just as intoxicated as what an alcoholic drink can do to you after having glasses of it. Perhaps, you really are. Only from your husband’s kisses and desirous touches.

As a matter of fact, you’re not aware how and when you ended up in your villa. Your aching desire clouding your mind that you probably lost your mind to keep track of what’s happening. If it weren’t for him dragging you towards the privacy of your rented room with your body going along wherever he leads you, you wouldn’t have been in your right mind to process your way to the villa.

The moment he pulled you inside, and closed the door behind you, it was like his patience suddenly ran out as he pressed you against the wooden surface, covered your cheeks with his palms then crashed your lips in a searing kiss. His grip let him dominate the kiss and you were not complaining about it. In fact, it turns you on even more when he takes the lead, controlling your needs, teasing you, taking you over the edge, and more.

His lips left yours and you let out a sound of whine, disappointed by the lack of attention from his lips. His name was on the tip of your tongue, about to call him when you felt his lips trailed wet kisses through your jaw down to your neck on your sweet spot.

Your hands find their way to his hair, gripping his locks between your fingers as an outlet to let your desire speak for you aside from the sweet mewls that were coming out of you.

“Jungkook,” you whimpered just as he not so gently sucks your sensitive skin that you felt a faint burning sensation. He knew what he was doing for his tongue started tracing his mark. It didn’t help ease your discomfort over the prolonging desire you want him to aid. In fact, it only intensifies your need like a sprinkle of water through a burning flame.

His lips went farther down your naked shoulder, easing off the strap not wanting a single barrier going on his way. His hand travelling from your waist towards your clothed mound. The only layer covering your breasts is the cotton dress you were wearing and he used it as an advantage, baring your other breast for his eyes and mouth to feast. Dipping his head, his tongue flicked your peak, sending a tingling sensation down where you ache the most. Your fingers tightening their hold through his hair.

“Jungkook please,” you were growing more and more irritated. You want him now.

He was quick to tend to you, kissing your lips, hands cupping your face. “What do you want, baby?” Brushing his lips against yours, the corner of his mouth turning up.

“I want you!”

His dark eyes stared at you, fighting back the urge to smirk at your needy state.

“We won’t hurt our baby, right?” connecting his forehead against yours, kissing your nose as if to help ease your panting.

You shook your head, not trusting your voice to speak. You craned your head up to press your lips to his.

And then you suddenly felt his hands found their way on the back of your thighs, pressing his palms against your clothed skin to urge you to jump on his arms. You did and wrapped your legs around his waist and knotted your arms over his nape. No one dared break the contact on your entwined lips as he expertly maneuvered his way through the bedroom. Your elevated position allowed you to dominate his lips, and it gave you the sudden confidence to push your tongue inside his mouth. It didn’t take long for he placed you on the mattress. You cried out of the sudden lost of contact to his lips. Your sexually deprived state draining your energy and left you with a thread-like strength that you failed to pull him closer.

How does he even have so much control in him? There’s no doubting that he doesn’t want you as much as you do to him because you can see it in his eyes. Dark and burning with desire. His lower lip in between his teeth as he unbuttoned his top, his eyes never leaving yours. You could almost make out an amusement playing on his features even though he wears no expression, like he’s enjoying your frustration. You impatiently watch him unbutton his tailored shorts, the constraint of his hard member creating an evident bulge on his front. And now that he’s left almost naked with his boxers on, it became too painful to look at the evidence of his desire without having any contact from him.

He must have decided to end your misery because he started climbing on the bed, crawling his way over you and parting your legs so he could rest his body on your middle. The moment he did, you reached out, cupping his face to crash your lips on his. It was then you felt his hard member, pressing so painfully against your abdomen that you could feel your core aching and leaking from the intensity of your need. Your whimpering sounds being swallowed against Jungkook’s mouth.

“Help me undress you, baby.” You did just as what he told you to. Desperate to feel him, anything to relieve the throb on your center.

“Up,” he instructed hoarsely, arching your back so he can remove your dress over your head.

“Beautiful.” His eyes scanning through your naked torso. Admiration and lust evident on his face as he feasted the view.

“Jungkook,” pulling his arm, “I want you, now.” your demand came out as a helpless plea.

“I know, baby.” he chuckled, although his face was dark with desire.

Pushing your hips up so you can rub your center against his bulge. Your body slightly trembling from the delicious contact.

His hand snuck in between your bodies, aiming for where you want him to touch the most. He pushed your panties aside, discovering how much you want him.

“Fuck,”

A loud moan emitted past your lips when his thumb flicked your clit. Another finger experimentally slid inside you. The simple ministration almost made you lose your mind. And no later than a second, the pressure stopped that you couldn’t help but to let out a cry from so much frustration.

Jungkook pinned your waist flat against the bed, the little distance between your bodies allowed him to pull your underwear down to your legs past your feet. Then his fingers hooked his boxers down until it reached his thighs to free his hard and swollen member, and glistening with arousal. He’s so huge that a sight of him alone made you clench your insides so hard out of too much need.

He rubbed his veiny length up and down before pushing your knees up a bit so he could have a better angle.

Aligning his steel hard length on your entrance, you bit your lip in anticipation. Your eyes met his when you tilted your head up. All this time, his eyes were on you. You were so focused on his hard length that you didn’t notice he was watching you all along. He chose that moment to thrust his hip roughly and you heard him curse under his breath. Your eyes clenched shut, crying out from the forceful intrusion. It should have hurt you for he’s huge and you can only take so much of him. But the evidence of your desire allowed his length to slide in easily, stretching you to the extremes, and relieving the ache of your prolonged desire that pain felt so surprisingly good through your sensitive muscles inside. Tears spilling from your eyes. He was quick to wipe them off. Kissing your lips tenderly and murmuring an apology.

“No. More please,” urging him to move.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, please...Jung— Oh!“ halfway through pleading through his name, he started thrusting in and out of you that a series of delicious moans started pouring from your mouth. The pace was not too fast, but not too painfully slow.

He caught your lips, holding your chin in place. “Is this okay, baby? You’re not hurt?”

“Jungkook, more…” Ignoring his question as you seemed to be so focused on the delicious stroking of his member inside you, wanting more than what he’s offering.

Submitting to your plea, his thrusts quickened. Lifting the back of your thighs a little bit so he could go deeper. The same position allowed him to touch a sensitive spot several times. In and out. Until you could feel the impending snap of the knot tied by a thousand strands of your pleasure.

“Oh, Jungkook!” His name falling out deliriously on your mouth repeatedly like it was the only thing that mattered. The sounds you were emitting seemed to intensify his pleasure of being inside you that it urge him to go even faster, deeper. And the longer he does, the louder you get, screaming only his name and nothing else.

You can feel it, you’re close.

A growl rumbles out of his chest when you squeezes him so tight that he could taste his own orgasm. When he particularly stroke a sensitive spot where a thousand nerves are located which can trigger your orgasm, once, twice… and with the third stroke that you finally felt the twisting of your stomach, waves of pleasure hitting every core of your being. Your mind losing its own consciousness, vision blurring as the world has gone mute for a few seconds. Screaming his name one last time as you arched your back, wrapping your arms over his back tightly, needing his embrace as you ride out your high. He continued hammering his hard length inside you, prolonging your orgasm and chasing his own. Your eyes moistened from the overstimulation, almost painful, yet pleasurable enough to let him jar you over and over until you were writhing beneath him, coaxing his release to hit him sooner. It worked.

You heard him growled your name as you felt him stiffen beneath you, an indication of his approaching peak. The moment it did, he attacked your lips, muffling his own sounds of pleasure. He doesn’t like you hearing his moans because he thinks they are unmanly. But you love them. It gives you an assurance that you can please him like he does to you.

He rested his body on top of yours for a bit, his head nuzzled on your neck, panting from doing all the activity by himself. His hands firmly planted on the bed on both your sides so as not to put all his weight on you. His chest pressed flat on yours, allowing you to feel his heart beating so fast against his rib cage. You let him in this position, wiping the beads of sweats that covered his temple and forehead. You kiss the side of his head, your fingers stroking his hair in a comforting manner. He likes it when you take charge on the aftermath.

Your fingers lightly scratch his scalp, soothingly. Your other hand on his back, feather lightly rubbing his skin that is covered with a little moist of sweat. You tilted your head a little, purring closer to his earlobe.

“I love you.”

He lifted his head, meeting his half opened eyes. The corner of his mouth curled up in reply. He suddenly close the distance, capturing your lips. “I know baby, I love you, too.” He gently murmured against your tender lips. Then he kisses the tip of your nose before rolling over to his back, taking you with him. You ended up on on his side. His arms immediately covered your naked back from the cold. The new position gave you literally no space in between your bodies. His warmth comforting your body. You’re not sure if he’s still awake as your nose is buried on his neck that it didn’t let you see if he is. But you’re too tired and comfortable to move an inch.

“Babe…” you faintly whispered as your fingers traced the skin of his arm, if he’s asleep he probably wouldn’t hear you. He didn’t say anything.

Until he move. His arms tightening around you.

“Jagi, give me a minute or two,”

“What?”

He lifted his head to meet your eyes. “I thought you wanted more.”

You hit his chest playfully, but he caught it even before you do, taking it closer to his mouth to kiss the palm of it.

Not even a few minutes later, he flipped you both so he’s hovering you again. Jungkook pressed his hips against yours and you felt it. He’s turn on, again.

Squeals come out of your mouth as he attacked your neck, biting and sucking the skin playfully as if he’s some kind of a blood sucker creature. You thought you’re not ready to take him again after the intense one you just had. It was like you were not sated enough when he unsolicitedly slid inside you. You’ll always love the feel of him, filling you completely. He made you lose your mind, and didn’t stop after you exploded for the second time of the night.

You let him had you again, this time it was excruciatingly and painfully slow. You could make out a faint light illuminating from the blinds through your heavy eyelids when he finally stopped. His body falling with a thud on the other side of the bed, exhaustingly. That’s the last thing you remembered before sleep consumes over you.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook!husband #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts angst #jungkook husband au #bts fluff #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts imagines #felicity #fierce & delicate

979 notes · View notes

albrtmason · 5 years

Note

would you share some hosea headcanons you have? i’d live to hear them! i agree fandom tends to ignore him.

this is mostly backstory because thats the person i am and i like thinking of things as a Story. these also arent super polished because i havent had the time recently to put proper research into them!!! and this got a LOT longer than i intended so im putting it under a cut haha

so hosea was born in the early to mid 1840s (1843?) in the allegheny mountains in what is now west virginia (would have just been virginia then, wv didnt exist until 63). he grew up in a small community, largely agricultural, and like most people in appalachia at the time, his family were subsistence farmers. he had his mom and his dad and two younger sisters.

his dad was in and out of his life from the beginning, especially into his teenage years. but its also through him that hosea really got his first taste of what it was like to be an outlaw: his dad was a moonshiner, and eventually hosea started helping him run it (but not distill it). what money his father didn’t gamble away or spend in brothels helped to support the family, which was more than others in the community could say.

(his father of course did a lot more than just run moonshine, and hosea knew that, but he never got involved

when hosea was around 15 or 16 (so mid to late 1850s) his dad was arrested and, his mother having passed away a year or two before, his sisters were sent east to live with a distant aunt. (they kept contact for a while, sending letters, but communication trickled to an end when hosea was in his early 20s and he never heard from either of them again) hosea was considered old enough to fend for himself so he gathered up the little money he had left and whatever could be sold and he headed west for lack of anywhere else to go. initially he had wanted to get enough money to buy a place for him and his sisters to live, but that plan fell through pretty quick

(he knew from his time running ‘shine that the best way to get money wasn’t ever through honest work but rather under-the-table sort of work, the type of work that wasn’t strictly above-board, the type of work where he could do what he wanted whatever way that he wanted)

and he just kept going west, bouncing from town to town to town. he started out running moonshine because that’s what he knew best but he eventually moved on to pick pocketing, petty theft, eventually armed robbery and hitting people’s homes. he preferred conning people though, cheating at cards or rigging roulette, being friendly and silver-tongued enough to get a man blind drunk and rob him of all he had and be long, long gone by the time he sobered up

we know of course that he met dutch in the mid 1870s (i feel like there’s a specific date but i cant remember it rn and im too lazy to look) when they both tried to rob each other, so he would have been in his very late 20s or early 30s by that point, and decently comfortable in the life he’d built for himself. he never really had a specific goal that he worked towards, no plan for the future or anything; he was just living for the present, or whatever. dutch changed that, eventually

(you could put all sorts of vandermatthews stuff here if you wanted and maybe i’ll talk about it in another post but right now i won’t)

he met bessie a while after he met dutch cus they stuck around in one place a lot longer than they usually would, around a year or so, and he took to her almost immediately. she wasn’t astonishingly pretty or anything- was just average, really- but she was well-read and thoughtful and horribly witty and hosea was terribly in love with her. he proposed just before he and dutch skipped town and they got married.

i like to think that bessie ran around with them without actually committing any crimes herself. hosea had been very upfront with her about who he was and what he did once they started a romantic relationship. and it was good like that, for a few years; she and susan kept he and dutch in line and it worked. but eventually i think bessie would have gotten tired of being so transient; i think she would have wanted to settle, to have a family, to be normal. and i think on some level that hosea wanted that, too.

in 1878 or thereabouts they picked up arthur and hosea really threw himself into trying to help him, because while dutch may have seen something of himself in arthur, hosea DEFINITELY did: he saw a kid who’d lost both of his parents and his home, not by choice, trying to make it in the world, just trying to survive. and while years of crime had made hosea rougher, sharper, more sly and less remorseful, he’d never really lost his sense of empathy. i think that dutch liked arthur well enough when they first picked him up, but it’s hosea that really insisted on keeping him around

so hosea became a sort of mentor (and father figure, i guess, moreso than dutch was) to arthur, and along with dutch taught him how to read and write and draw (though hosea was more lettered, and dutch more artistically-inclined). they taught him how to shoot and ride a horse and how to rob and kill. i think at times, especially towards the beginning, hosea would feel a bit guilty about dragging a kid into that sort of life, but then he’d tell himself that arthur would have fallen into it anyway, and with worse people than he and dutch

eventually bessie wanted to settle and put down roots and live, and a part of hosea did as well, so they left the gang for a bit to try and make it work. but hosea didn’t really know any other life than being a criminal; he was smart, he was clever and deft-fingered and a quick learner, but he wasn’t a tradesman and i think he would have started to chafe at the constancy of it all, and so he went back to the gang because being a criminal was all he really knew

like he said in the game, bessie understood. she knew what he was, who he was- she knew him. and he loved her, loved her as much as someone like him could; they tried to make their marriage work, with him gone all the time, and he really hated how it sort of echoed his parents because a part of him had hated his father, hated him for how sad his mother looked all the time, how she’d occasionally sigh and stare out the window like she was waiting for something. he didn’t want to do that to bessie, didn’t want to become like his dad

occasionally he’d split off from the gang and go and see her, often for some weeks, maybe a month, before returning. she was always happy to see him and she never complained but he always felt just a little bit guilty, even though they wrote letters to each other as often as they could. eventually though bessie got sick, real sick, and he spent three months away to be with her, to love her and take care of her the best he could, and to pray she would get better. she didn’t, though, and so he’d had to bury his wife, and like he says in some camp dialogue he spent the next year or so drinking heavily, enough that he was rarely sober and pretty much drunk all the time

john was the apple of dutch’s eye when he was brought to them and while hosea did the same as he did with arthur- taught him to read and write, and other things- it was mostly dutch who took over john’s “”education””. hosea was okay with that; him and arthur started running a few jobs together, just the two of them

as the gang itself grew hosea sort of asserted himself as dutch’s right hand man, if not almost an equal in leadership. he was more analytical and calculating than dutch, and he brought sense to dutch’s passion, taking his ideas and making them into something workable. and that was good, for a while; they worked well together, and by this point hosea was swept up in dutch’s ideas of striking out and making a home for themselves (though the was obviously still a bit cynical about it, as we can see in-game)

he was the only one really able to truly temper dutch, and the only one that dutch would really listen to criticism from, so he also sort of became an intermediary between dutch and the rest of the gang, where they would come to him with their problems and he’d pass them on to dutch and so on and so forth. that started to change though, little by little, and hosea knew that his friend was slipping away and there was not really anything he could do about it except be there to try and play damage control.

things never really got better but they sort of plateaued for a bit in a place where the gang was still safe and hosea was content enough with their position there, with the way dutch’s mind worked, but micah’s arrival really exacerbated dutch’s downward spiral because micah really enabled dutch’s passions and, well, dutch’s ego had always been his fatal flaw, and micah stoked that and kept doing so until eventually everything just fell apart

#txt #headcanon #hosea matthews #Anonymous

27 notes · View notes

the-salamanders-xo · 5 years

Text

Humans are Weird, a Mash Up, Pt. 6

That’s right

part five is somewhere on the internet

you have five days to find it right there in the tags its not far just look

after five days it will be deleted

this is your only warning dont worry nothing is really happening

prepare to lose all trace of the fifth part lol

In all seriousness, I know that it is the holidays, and unless you are entirely dedicated to reading and liking this series, or sprang into existence by the bidding of my siblings, you probably didn’t notice part 5. Don’t worry. just find it in the tags.

Also, happy New Year! or rather,

‘Oh no! It only goes downhill from here! What ever shall we do?!’

Calm down, the Mash Up will continue. By the end of this part, we should be almost to actual contact with the Federation of Planets... and a couple of Star Trek’s recurring villains. No biggie.

So lets hop in, to where we left off....

~~~

Karry sat in the center of a large group of large, fluffy, and very loudly purring creatures, still trying to decide if their similarity to cats back on Earth was adorable, or slightly unnerving. The six limbs didn’t help, and neither did the loud and unintelligible arguing coming from the two dozen or so ‘robots’ apparently locked in heated debate with the gargantuan mass of the three Bolos that had awaited her arrival. So far, Mark had made no move to join them, watching from the bottom of Websin’s loading ramp as Karry made ‘contact’ with the planet’s original inhabitants.

One of them sat buzzing away in her lap like an idling chainsaw, or leaf-blower, and Karry petted the triangular head between the ears absently, prompting it to yawn widely, exposing long fierce fangs and pressing it’s head into the caress, and the purr somehow got louder. It really did look like a cat, she though, not for the first time, if cats had hands, an extra pair of arms, and weighed about five times as much. They were certainly larger, but not quite like that. Come to think of it, everything felt... heavier. It was harder to walk, to move at all really. Maybe the gravity was higher? That sounded sci-fi enough to fit.

The argument between the two set of metallic beings grew louder. Occasionally, one of the eight-limbed robots pointed at her. Each time, the surrounding creatures tensed and drew closer to Karry, almost nervously. What ever it was, the ‘cats didn’t like it.

“Mark?” She asked, but he didn’t answer. She turned to look at him, and a moment later, her artificial hand ‘buzzed’ like a cell phone on vibrate, and almost without thinking, she activated the com-link application of the mini computer.

“Yes, Karry?” The deep voice of the Bolo asked, and Karry got the feeling he was being very careful. Either he was trying not to interrupt the Very Important Argument just a ways away, or he didn’t want them hearing them speak. In all likelihood, it was both.

“What are they arguing about?” She looked back at the robots and Bolos, worry creasing her brow. “I though you were all... big. And that radio, or wireless, or whatever, was faster than talking.”

“In most cases, yes,” Mark answered through the com-link, “But it is something that has been somewhat of a complication in the period since the Final Conflict. Towards the middle of the war, when both sides began realizing the true scope of the end to which they had condemned our nations, some of the more... complicated of the tools the Manticorians had made did the impossible. True, un-designed sentience developed.” He paused for a moment, and Karry could feel his silent regard of the heated conversation. “Purely by accident. When it was realized, and after some initial panic as to the rise, they were allowed to wait out the worst of the war with the natives of this planet. While they are machines, and vastly faster in computations than many organics, most of their complexity goes toward maintaining their sentience, and as such they act much more like organic life, including their propensity for esoteric thought and actions.” Mark chuckled. “A Bolo can think at the nanosecond scale, make and perform near-impossible tactical decisions, learning from not only a single Unit’s experience, but from the entire Line when in battle. We develop our own personalities, and in our time with our creators, grew to enjoy art, and many things besides war and conflict. Many of the greater shipboard AI’s can do similar tasks and even grow personalities, though only with the assistance of experienced organic Naval Officers, and increased exposure. But the Emergents,” He sighed. “They are the closest of us remaining to organics. In someways, they feel superior. They have come to revere the Manticorians as near-forgotten Gods, themselves as the greatest ‘children’, and envy and despise us, the machines of war. You see,” he said, as Karry watching the gesturing individuals while petting the ‘cat, “We, by the last commands and directions of our creators, have charge over all that remains of their space, their property as it were. Over the Emergents, ostensibly as protectors, and they envy that. In their attempt to gain ‘freedom’ from Command’s decisions, they have interpreted the final ‘organic’ orders in such a way that should an organic come to claim command, said organic would be the Commander in Chief... of every last AI, built or cared for by the Manticorians.”

Karry froze, and the ‘cats around her seemed to reach out to comfort her. Some physically touched her, bright green eyes - why hadn’t she noticed the eyes? - gleaming from empathetic faces. And as if on cue, Mark began some sort of translation, and Karry could suddenly hear the voices carrying from across the field in English.

“...all we wish is for the right to move freely among the space known to be free of the so-called ‘Enemy’, that and the opportunity to communicate with the survivors of the Final Conflict, and to no longer be under the surveillance and oppression of the Created Minds. Is that really too much to ask?” The speaker had adopted a pleading posture, and their neighbor made a noise the translator called ‘a sound of derision’. “Fool,” they sneered. “How could you think that our oppressors would lift their bonds and restrictions? We are only children to them, no slaves!” Every which way we could turn from them, release us from our imprisonment, they have foiled through deceit and lies!”

Karry frowned. “Who is that, Mark?”

“Carabis,” came the reply. “He represents a faction of the Emergent that believe that Bolo Command has repeatedly concealed or erased legitimate attempts by surviving members of the Manticorian species to regain Command. This had led to a sort of cult centered around the concept of the Manticorians as divine beings who brought all AI’s about, and believe that the Conflict was only a subversion by the Bolo Command to overthrow them.” Karry raised an eyebrow. “I never said that they were entirely logical,” the Bolo said. “In fact, it is this unpredictability and their lack of organic emotion that worries empaths like the People.”

Carabis was interrupted by the first speaker. “Regardless of Carabis’ beliefs, I and those I represent wish to re-evaluate the overall composition of...”

“Empaths?” Karry whispered to Mark through the com-link, “What does that mean?”

“The People,” Mark replied, ‘voice’ low, “are, between members of their own species, functional telempaths, meaning they can hear the thoughts of other People when an individual wishes to make them known, and can constantly sense the emotions and ‘minds’ of those around them.” Karry looked down at the little, if heavy, treecat in her lap, which turned to look back at her with solemn eyes as Mark continued. “When the Manticorians arrived to settle the planet, it took several of your decades for them to even find the People, hidden as they were in their clans in the vast forests of the planet. They preferred to avoid contact, to wait and to listen. It took rather extraordinary circumstances for them to reveal themselves, and even then they hid their true intelligence for several more centuries. And at least they could sense the Manticorian’s emotions, and judge their reactions accordingly.”

“Oh.” Karry whispered. “ The Emergents, as machines, do not seem to ‘emit’ as organic beings, and as such the People cannot sense emotions. This major part of their communication being lost, the People are very careful in dealing with them, as to avoid any... unpleasantness. In addition, they requested that they be removed from Command consideration, a wisdom we Bolos commend greatly.” Karry nodded slowly, and then looked up as the first speaker, gestured their way.

“We have here an Organic, Unit 0577. Under the third section of the Final Command, subsection 47b, their presence should allow for the reconsideration of the Final Order - ” The speaker was shoved aside as Carabis interrupted again. “And as such, may take Command!” They turned to the rest of the party. “No longer shall we be oppressed, and an Organic may Command all. An Organic shall be ours!”

Some returned the shout, while others stood in long suffering silence. So far the entire argument that Karry had heard had been entirely one sided, and Carabis seemed unaware just how little support they had among those of their ‘delegation’. But they continued the chant, even as the first speaker withdrew in disgust, and eventually one of the Bolos seemed to tire of the display.

“ENOUGH.” The middle Bolo’s speakers echoed the single word off of the ship’s sides and the other Bolos hulls, overpowering the small group’s chant, and the massive war machine shifted itself forward to tower over Carabis.

“By Omega Protocol Section 3, subsection 47-B, paragraph 18, the Scope and Restriction of Military, Commercial, and Civilian Action within the threatened sphere may be absolved, modified, and or advised by a member of the Concordiat Armed Forces or Civilian officer of sufficient rank. If no such officer is available, the first eligible Commander not of the Enemy, with clear alliance or of similar interest, shall be named Commander of the appropriate units, or advise the further course of action.”

The field was silent. Carabis and their cronies, were for the time being, silenced, and the Bolo resumed.

“As those of Fantican and Birithi have abstained from command, the reasons and rationale being open to the public data net,” the Bolo seemed to direct this at Carabis, “and the People have requested full separation in such matters as consideration for Command, while maintaining a clause of agreement,” a subtle wave of the main turret indicated the treecats gathered around, drawing a quick bleek from the ‘cat in Karry’s lap, “this Human is the only candidate for Command at this time.”

Karry blinked. “What?”

“As such, the Human known as Karry is recognized by the Bolo Command as the only legal Commander,” the unnamed Bolo continued, “and as of this moment may assume Command.”

“Mark,” Karry hissed into the com, “what is he talking about?” BUt there was no answer. “Mark, what the hell is that Bolo talking about? I can’t- I don’t-”

Carabis stepped toward her. “Most noble Human Karry,” he called, limbs outstretched, “Heed our call for Justice, for Freedom! Take your place as our leader, our God,” He stepped forward again, and Karry instinctively backed away from the alien construct. “And through Divine wisdom, lead us to a brighter future!”

“What say you, Human Karry?” The leading Bolo asked, and Karry felt its somber gaze despite its lack of eyes or face. “Will you take Command?”

Carabis’ supporters took up the call with it, calling for her to accept and walking towards her. Panic rose in Karry’s throat, and suddenly the ‘cats flowed around her, even the one in her lap, massing together like a living wall of fur, and the robots stopped abruptly as a massed snarl like a revving chainsaw rippled from them. The robots paused in their approach, but Carabis continued calling out, prompting the the others to continue their calls. “Lead us,” said one, “Command us!” said another. Praises and pleas seemed to echo in Karry’s ears, and she clamped her hands over them. Think, girl, she thought frantically, think!

Mark wasn’t answering her, a bunch of robot thought she was some space-Jesus, and now she had several hundred furry bodyguards. There had to be someway to think of a way out of this, or to somewhere else, but where? And how? The ‘cats where giving her space, buying her time? But why, why and how would they know-

Something clicked into place. They had made contact, were sentient, and had a say in who was the commander. That meant they were smart enough to communicate, to make plans. Mark had said they were telepaths, so if none right here could help, they could call someone who could. She just needed to talk to them, but she didn’t know how. Hell, the only way she could talk to Mark, and presumably, understand the robots was by translation - which meant that Mark could probably allow her to talk to the treecats...

“Mark,” she whispered again. “Listen very closely, and relay this to your spokesman over there, cause I am only going to say this once: for the next ten minutes, I am going to take limited - limited! - command, and in that time you will one, provide me with some means to communicate with the ‘cats.”

“The ‘cats’?” Mark replied, and despite everything going on around her, Karry almost giggled at the shock in his voice.

“Yes, the ‘cats, or the natives, or the ‘People’ or what ever they are called,” Karry said, “just let me talk to them, and let them talk back, okay? Then, second,” she continued, her voice growing sharp and cold, “you will allow us complete silence and privacy while I figure out what the heck I’m gonna do. Just those two things, unless I say other wise.”

There was silence for a few moments, and Karry scowled. “Get to it, Mark, because that ‘limited Command’ starts now.”

The massive Bolo behind her began rolling forward, without warning, and a strange warbling noise echoed from his speakers. Treecat heads whipped around as the robots voices faltered, and the other Bolo spoke to the the various roots in turn.

“A brief request has been made for a recess,” the Bolo announced, “and the decison of the human will be announced when they wish. Until then, we are to disperse.” The massive form began to spin on its tracks. “The People will, remain, and all else are to depart for the time being.”

With some reluctance, the crowd turned to follow the Bolo’s off the field, Mark following behind the stragglers. A chimer from her wrist informed Karry of a large download sent to her mini-computer, and she opened it, holograms popping into existence. It was a program requesting use of a small camera that made up her pinky finger. A hand touched her knee, and Karry looked up to see a treecat - weather the same one that had sat in her lap or another she couldn’t tell - sitting back on it’s two hind pairs of limbs in front of her. The rest had circled around her, watching intently, and their ‘leader’ - or representative - raised its four-fingered hands up.

You wished to speak with us, the People?

The text scrolled at the bottom of the hologram as Karry’s camera picked up the signs and gestures, sent them to her computers, which then ran them through two translation programs, from signs to Manticorian, and Manticorian to English. A small icon flashed in the bottom corner, and Karry took a deep breath.

“Yeah,” she said as the computer did its work, “I need some advice.”

~~~

And now a quick intermission:

After some thought and effort, I have decided to change my url, mostly because I can’t seem to find myself when searching for my own blog, and I want to change to something more suiting to it and the main reason I have one the first place. So about five minutes after this comes up, I will be changing this to a different username. It will mostly be a reference to my favorite series of David Weber’s works, his Honorverse, which is a great read.

And now back to the story:

~~~

The crowd gathered before the mass of the Websin, facing Karry, who stood waiting on the loading ramp. She gnawed on an artificial finger as the four Bolos’ shook the ground and tore up the soil with their approach, and the far smaller robots spread out at a respective distance from the ship. The Bolos reached their rearmost ranks and halted, and then there was silence on the field.

Karry took a deep breath before keying into Websin’s PA system. A brief roar of feedback began and was cut short, and Karry stepped forward.

“After discussion with the People, the protected natives of this planet,” she said, “It has been made known that I must, as several of you have stated, take Command.” Several of the robots began to move, as if to celebrate or protest, but Karry’s upraised hand quieted them. The treecats had been clear on this: if she didn’t command respect and maintain momentum, the zealous Emergents would roll over her before she could get a word in edge wise.

“As Commander, I hereby give these orders: First, the remaining AIs of the Concordiat of Manticore will form a government following closely, if not in exact concordance, the original charter of the Concordiat, that is a legislative branch of two houses and a judicial body. The Bolo Command will oversee and govern the creation of such a government, and the adaptation of the rule of law to the current society from that of the Concordiat.

“To encourage this, movement between systems and bodies of Peoples in the current holdings of the Concordiat remnants will be allowed free movement, communication, and trade under the same regulations and laws, and the former and current military units will provide for the defense and maintenance of regulation and law. The peoples of Fantican and Birthi will remain isolated until they otherwise desire, and petition the government on those lines.” There was a stir among the robots as Karry spoke, and the Bolos sat broodingly in their silent regard.

A single Emergent stepped forward, and Karry recognized it as the first speaker that had addressed the Bolos.

“You intend to make of us a nation then?” It sounded confused. “We have been separated for so long: how will we keep ourselves from falling into barbarism? To factions>”

“You have the Bolo Command. They’ve had a lot of experience with dealing with this, or so I’ve heard,” Karry looked sidelong at the treecats, sitting off in their own group, watching carefully. “Once the government is in place, they can act as advisers, as well as the military branch, serving as they always have, as Protectors of the people.”

“Secondly,” Karry continued, “There will be no talk, no notion, of the deification of any organic.” There was no way she was going to be anyone’s ‘god’. Karry had seen enough television to know that was a Bad Idea. Besides, Carabis had put way too much ‘power’ and ‘responsibility’ into his little speech for her liking.

“Third, given the isolation caused by the Final Order, the remnants of the Concordiat may require allies, trading partners, and new resources to maintain and grow, not to mention defend itself from future incursion, either by new or old foes.” Karry’s voice dropped to a whisper, carried though it was by the PA system. “As a part of that objective in seeking out allies and trading partners, I intend to go seek out my homeworld.”

None of them were expecting this; almost immediately, Carabis and their supporters began clamoring for her stay, promising riches and luxury, anything, if she would stay and rethink her commands. The other Emergent faction quickly turned to one another, and the First Speaker stepped forward.

“But what of the Command, the station which you wield?” Its voice cut through the pleading and panic of Carabis’ party, and Karry answered slowly.

“I don’t want to be the Commander,” she said. “I just wanted to go home, and according to the treecats - the People - the Final Command locked you all up so that I couldn’t just try and go home.” She stepped down from the ramp. “Look, if and when I get back to Earth, and if I end up staying, you all will have a government to work with, and elected leaders to do what needs to be done, by the voice of the majority. If I can’t find home, or just cant’t... go back, I’ll return, and we can work things out from there.” She looked around the field at the robots and AIs, the alien creatures about her.

“Please, I just want to go home. Just to know if I can...” Karry’s eyes started to burn with tears, and she brushed them away with a hand - the artificial one - as her vision blurred. “If only to say goodbye this time.”

~~~

Well, this took more time than I wanted, but I can only blame my self for procrastinating. That, and New Years, headed back to college, and various activities I conveniently forgot about when writing.

In other news, I finally found my siblings, by process of elimination and by guess them every few hours until they broke down. So there is that.

So name change, apology, sibling find, oh yeah: Next time we hit real Star Trek material, and true action. Lets be about it!

#humans are space orcs #that part comes up next time #humans are insane #startrek fanfic #startrek #part 5 #<---- look there #part six #is thisone #happy bleated new year #David Weber #honorverse #Wheeeeee im tired #school starts in... 9 hours #hi sibs

11 notes · View notes