#(brain damage doesn't work like that!)

[factorialsotherfandoms]

OPD spoilers up to the end of episode 7, because episode 7 was fun but brain insisted on a couple of thoughts before I can move on (or, apparently, work on thing I was supposed to upload today). Injury warnings, spoiler warnings, and talk about potential death, and also er I've had these characters for one episode running on auto-translated-auto-subtitles. You will pry them from my cold-dead hands, but it's not exactly the best way to study things like speech patterns, especially when my Portuguese is... I can now catch the gist of things and follow the rpg mechanics mostly, but very very far from me being able to use any words? I just kinda can sort of follow via context and stuff I /recognise/ but don't /remember/. Enough rambling, have two guys in a car.

"Where to now?" Johnny asks, as they drive away. "You're the one with the maps."

A groan.

Johnny glances up, checks his partner in the rear-view mirror. Some of his muscles still shift in ways Johnny is pretty sure aren't entirely voluntary, and Rubens holds his entire body like it is in pain. Still, he gives half of a shrug, and keeps looking out of the window.

Johnny is also sore, yes, especially from having been immobilised - but he's /not/ the one whose breathing sounds kind of janky, and hissed when the seatbelt touched his ribs.

"That bad?" He adjusts his question to, glancing up from the road every few seconds.

"Just head home," Rubens answers the first question instead of the second. "We can pick in the morning."

"What morning? It's already gone seven," Johnny takes the turning towards their flat regardless. A pause and then. "You sure you're good just to go home?"

Yes, they need to continue the investigation, but even Johnny can see that Rubens can barely stand; no matter what help they wanted to give those two other agents, it wasn't going to happen.

"What-" Rubens is cut off, hissing, as they go over a bump.

"Yeah, you know what, driver's rules - we're going to the hospital."

Rubens' lack of reply, not even a grimace, is pretty damning. It is also a little worrying, especially with the flinches and extremely deliberate breathing.

It is not that Johnny is paranoid, it's that he knows what that attack did to Johnny himself, and he's gained a decent feel for Rubens' tolerance over the last few months.

He takes the turn towards the hospital, and already starts constructing a lie. Rubens can probably pass for an electrician, and Johnny could have just been helping, and maybe someone turned the mains back on before they were finished? That's got to happen all of the time, right?

"Do you think we'll see them again?" Johnny asks, searching for a conversation topic. He's got to keep driving, but he is more than starting to get worried. "No clue what's up with the boy, but they seemed decent. Good to know the Order's always got people."

Rubens' laugh isn't very happy, "no."

"I thought you were an optimist?"

"Your job," Rubens shifts, seemingly trying to alleviate some discomfort, and only making it worse. "I'd like to, but… you saw them. Injured, electrocuted, and going to where their team went dark? They won't survive. We might not."

It's true, but that doesn't mean he has to say it. There's been a lot of deaths, recently, if what Sam has been telling them is true. Johnny isn't sure, but can't see any reason for Sam to lie about that; Johnny and Rubens have been undercover for months, but have managed to keep themselves above water so far.

A lot of people haven't, though. A great many people haven't.

"You left them your knife," Rubens follows up with.

"Shut up and sort through that notebook instead."

"No." At least he's perked up a little, actually sounding a bit more awake, thinking and shifting a little and worrying his lip before he speaks again. "Maybe they'll surprise me and you'll get it back? Can't read the notebook. The bag is in the boot."

Neither of them comment on how, usually, Rubens would still just lean over and grab it.

"Maps, then?"

He makes a left turn, and they find themselves nearly there.

"They're maps," Rubens replies. "We need the notes to work on a target... Gameshow, orphanage, orphanage, gameshow, Menefreda, puzzles, Energy... I can't see the link; do you think there's any crossover in the cases? Should we ask Samuel for their notes? Something's missing here."

"Can't be sure," Johnny has to focus on this bit of road, busier than the further out streets. "We can ask, though."

"And the girl? Erin? She said the woman's voice was-" Rubens cuts off with a gasp.

Immediately Johnny looks up, checking over his shoulder. Rubens' back is arched and he struggles for air; he shoves on his hazard lights and pulls over before unplugging his seatbelt, and inelegently scrambling across.

By the time he has done so, Rubens' body has relaxed. He has leant back, breathing heavily and clutching at his chest. Johnny places a hand on his back, rubbing a thumb into the twisted muscles there.

"Rubens?" Johnny asks, voice lower. "You good?"

The shudder looks just as involuntary, but a little more normal; Rubens leans slowly forwards, resting only one elbow on his knee, and folding his chin onto it.

One moment, two.

Rubens starts gesturing a reply, only to cut himself off with a wince.

"An answer, please," Johnny keeps his voice low, doing his best to be reassuring.

"I'm good," he answers, blinking fast as he shifts to looking at his hands. "I'm... Good, yes, good. Just, fuck, the speed bump."

Johnny had barely even noticed it; Rubens has got to be much more injured than he looks to react that badly to just a speed bump.

"I'll be more careful," he promises, though he isn't quite sure how. "Good to keep going? We're another ten minutes out, looking at this traffic."

"All good."

It is not quite believable, given everything going on, but Johnny chooses to let it pass. He knows shit all about these things, only that his partner is suffering. He's also suffering, but he's Johnny - he can take it.

Rubens... Not so much. Not really his skill-set; Johnny doesn't jump in the way of fists because he enjoys getting punched, after all.

Choosing to climb back over instead of getting out, Johnny only slightly catches his ankle on the gear-stick. Still, he gets back to the driver's seat safely, turns off the hazard lights, and pulls back into the road.

"Any thoughts so far?" he asks instead.

Johnny can put pressure on a gunshot wound just fine, but electricity is weird. Magic electricity? Even weirder. He does, however, know that so long as everyone is managing coherent conversation he /probably/ can just drive to the hospital instead of faffing with an ambulance.

(Don't they have their own doctor now? Johnny isn't quite sure, but he does know that contacting the Order, outside of secure and prearranged chats with Samuel, is likely to break their cover.)

Rubens shifts his face from side to side, mouthing words to himself and gesturing his hand around in a much more typically Rubens fashion. After a little while he shrugs - only with one shoulder and that's something to make the doctor check - and answers, "hopefully the paperwork is more useful to us; I don't think the Director was actually anyone important. Show, Director, he only does this one bit most likely? And only had, what, five staff members?"

"Barely a crew," Johnny replies. "I don't like the thing with Erin's grandmother - she's definitely not any of the corpses. None were old enough. So why was her voice there?"

"The man too," Rubens replies. "You shouldn't have told them we were Order agents; the cameras were running. Whoever runs it might have heard."

"Shit," Johnny can immediately see the problem but, to be fair, in the moment that had been far from his highest priority. Getting the grenade out already blew more of his cover than either of them liked - he should have just stolen the gun and tried shooting the glass. "We can adapt, but..."

"Danger," Rubens replies. "We'll need to be more careful, right?"

"Right," and, fuck, Johnny has been here before. "We might need to be subtler to get in."

"Games," Rubens replies.

"Hm?"

"He likes games. If we-" another speedbump, and Rubens gasps again, entire body twisting at the pain, but he settles himself quickly, moving on. "Fuck. But, if we do get in... it might be to play with us specifically. If the recording got through. Champion's match. New difficulty."

"Maybe the information we have will be enough?"

The look Rubens gives him is absolutely scathing.

"Yeah, okay, they weren't important enough to have anything actually good. I can wish, though; don't really want to be watching over my shoulder forever."

"It could work in our favour," Rubens settles on. "We need to get into deeper areas anyway. Toying, playing - if we interested whatever's in charge, perhaps it will bring us deeper to try again."

"They're deathtraps."

"But somebody always has to win. It's a bad game, otherwise."

Two people could have won the game they were playing, if they stuck to the rules, or perhaps there would have been more to it. Johnny doesn't expect them to be that generous again, though.

Ah, well, they'll work it out.

They always do.

---

It is not that much further to the hospital, and 7:30am is a blissfully quiet time. Most people from the night before have already left, but it's too early for most sorts of accidents.

Parking is easy, but getting out is more difficult. Well, no, Johnny can get out fine - stiff and weirdly cramping, but fine. It's Rubens he worries about, Rubens who scoots rather than steps out of the car, and still almost immediately collapses to the floor.

The concern - the /worry/ - is back nearly instantly.

"Ow, fuck, shit," Rubens mutters, in between the curse words as he uses the side of the car to leverage himself up.

Yeah, no, that is not going to stand. Johnny comes back over, taking the one of Rubens' arms that he isn't holding strangely, and pulling it over his shoulders. His own arm he wraps around his partner's back, protecting him from any potential falls.

When he squeezes his fingers, Rubens hisses; Johnny shifts them further down with an apology on his tongue.

"It's fine."

It's not fine.

The angle is awkward, so Johnny much crouch a bit as he helps Rubens to the emergency room. Even with the help and the rest he still keeps staggering and stumbling, his legs barely able to hold his weight.

The reception desk is even worse. By the time they get there, Johnny is supporting all of Rubens' admittedly meager weight.

"Hey," he says, reminding himself she may be the gatekeeper but if he isn't polite then they are both in trouble. "Sorry, we were doing some repair work, and some asshole turned the mains back on while we were working. I'm just kinda sore, but my buddy's having trouble breathing."

Always mention the breathing. They hate it when you cannot breathe properly.

Her eyes flicker momentarily wider, looking at the now disturbingly grey Rubens.

"Names, please?"

"I'm Johnny Tabasco, this is Rubens Naluti."

Rubens seems to try to smile and wave, only to grimace and flinch instead.

A few more questions follow - dates of birth, occupations, next of kin, particularly concerning symptoms... Rubens says unusually quiet, getting slowly heavier against Johnny's side.

Eventually, the questioning comes to an end.

"Please go sit down, and fill in these forms," two clipboards are handed to Johnny. Right. Insurance paperwork and medical history - at least he knows enough of Rubens' to fill it in, after so long doing this work together. "Someone will likely be with Mr Naluti shortly, though you yourself will likely have to wait longer. We're not overly busy, but there are still a few incidents already."

"Thank you," and oh, Christ, he's just glad to be able to get Rubens off his feet.

They end up on the plastic chairs, Rubens flinching at it.

"You alright?" Johnny asks him.

There are a good number of fast blinks before Rubens nods, "let's not repeat this, though."

"Sure thing."

Rubens' hand (and only one hand, the other stays at his side) shakes badly as he starts filling in his form - the simple bits like address he leaves just in case, and starts with his medical insurance details. Allergies, pre-existing conditions... Rubens is doubling back to fill in his basic details when a doctor appears.

"Mr Naluti?"

"Here," he raises his clearly good hand.

"If you would come with me, please?" she asks.

He glances to her, to the gap between them, and then to Johnny. Johnny goes to get up to help, and she says "wait here, please, triage for adult patients is done alone."

And, sure, but didn't they get the notes?

Rubens looks at Johnny, only slowly nodding after they have made eye contact. Johnny is not entirely sure what it means, but he prepares himself for trouble anyway.

And then Rubens /tries/ to stand.

This time when he falls, he catches his weight on his bad arm. Johnny just about manages to stop his head or chest crashing into the floor, snapping at the doctor with a "didn't you /read/ he can't walk right now?!" as he helps him back onto the chair.

It leaves Rubens even more off-colour, and shaking, and Johnny not a great deal impressed with what is going on.

"I'll be right back," the doctor vanishes back the way she came.

"Will you be okay alone?" Johnny asks.

"Eh," Rubens manages a small laugh - his breathing is not settling this time, remaining too fast and too shallow. "I'll manage."

"Of course you will."

Johnny wishes there was an easier way to solve this specific bullshit at least.

Quickly, Johnny finished Rubens papers, and lets him sign them. They are ready when a different doctor appears - this one accompanied by some lower ranked staff member pushing a wheelchair.

"Mr Naluti, I'll be taking over from my colleague," the new doctor says. "We need to speak to you alone - privacy and protocol, you understand - but he can help you transfer if that is better for you?"

It is better for Johnny, at least.

"It's up to you," he still manages to say, standing and offering his arms, just like getting out of the car.

Rubens nods, and takes them, struggling the few short steps from the chair to the wheelchair. Johnny helps him get... not comfortable, but less uncomfortable, before placing Rubens' clipboard on his lap.

"See you shortly," Johnny promises.

"Yeah," Rubens replies between tight breaths. "See you soon."

---

Johnny does not see Rubens shortly, not even close thereto. They did bring the evidence with them, split between their bags - it's been stolen from their car before, and that was it's own form of nightmare - but he cannot exactly work on it here. Neither can he work on it without Rubens, who...

"Mr Tabasco," one of the nurses had told him. "Your friend - Mr Naluti? He asked us to tell you... He needs to be admitted due to internal damage? Primarily to his lung. There is surgery involved, though the tear is small and so it is a relatively simple procedure. It is not common with electrical injuries, especially with mains supplies, but it can happen. The doctor wished to work on it immediately, and he consented. There were some other internal injuries too - all consistent with severe muscle spasming or electrical burns. You'll be able to see him once the doctors have finished, but he'll be here a few nights most likely; until the chest tube comes out, at least, perhaps longer depending on his ribs. Given the nature of his injuries, and that you were injured together, the doctor wishes to see you immediately."

And Johnny liked none of that, not at all. He complied with the doctors simply to get through everything, and given an injection to force his muscles to stop cramping. He hates how it helps him feel less like shit, and concedes to their desire for at least 24 hours of wires and monitoring only once he realises it will place him and Rubens on the same ward.

The ward is louder, and busier, and Johnny hasn't slept since this time yesterday, if nobody counts getting knocked out and kidnapped. Still, he cannot rest yet, not until he knows Rubens is fine. There are, at least, some non-work related books in his bag; he'll text Sam with an update once he's sure what's going on, and until then at least try to relax.

Thankfully, he does not get more than two chapters in before Rubens is brought through. Something he said must have stuck with the doctors, as he is given the next bed along. Propped to half-sitting, with some wires and tubes and thick bandaging around one shoulder, but awake and unhappy about it. Johnny waits for the medical staff to finish adjusting him to take a better look; Rubens' eyes trail after them somewhat nervously, and hospital blue does not suit him but he is looking a distinctly better colour.

"You alright?" he asks, drawing attention from the room to himself.

Rubens visibly relaxes when his eyes catch on him, bored and reading. He gestures to himself with his unbandaged arm, clearly moving carefully so as not to disturb anything.

"You?" he returns with.

"Painkillers help," Johnny offers, and receives a firm nod of agreement. "I'm sore, but fine. Might have torn something, but swelling needs to go down to check. The burns are too deep, but my nerves are a bit sensitive and they want to be absolutely sure the ones around my heart are fine before they let me leave."

"Heart?" Rubens asks, his attention focusing in for a second, before someone dropping a tray of medicines with a loud 'fuck!' draws a flinch and his attention.

"Doctor said if there was going to be a problem there probably would be by now, but he wanted it monitoring just in case," Johnny does his best to reassure. "You... look a bit more alive?"

"Not alive enough to read."

Johnny laughs, "I wasn't going to ask you for that already. Did they say how long you're here for...?"

Rubens shakes his head a little, "no 'heavy exercise' for at least 4 weeks. Maybe more. Depends on my ribs."

"I'll let Sam know. We can sort through the paperwork and update reports in the meantime."

"Ugh," he flops harder into the pillows, seemingly trying to lay down - something the nurses made impossible for the both of them - but gestures consent. "Tell him 'just hack the hospital records'."

"Alright. Get some sleep, or I do have our bags? I think your wallet is in there if you want to buy access to the TVs. Not sure what else you packed."

There is just the problem of getting Rubens' bag to him.

Rubens seems to choose sleep, though, or at least closing his eyes to think about something - it's been a long night, and Johnny will probably follow once he's reported in.

Just a short text message; Sam can work out a more secure connection if he wants information immediately, otherwise he can wait until at least Johnny can head home and ring. Scanning he can also do, but accessing the digital documents will have wait for Rubens. Not that the Order is ever running to time anyway.

'Hey Sam' he types, keeping things on their personal phones as civilian sounding as possible. 'So first off, don't panic, nobody's dead or dying, but Rubens and I are in hospital. He said to tell you to just hack the hospital records, so now I've said it. Not really in the mood to explain

.., but the short is some asshole got us electrocuted...'

#op fanfic #opd #ordem paranormal #fanfic #rubens naluti #johnny tabasco #fuck i have no idea what the character tags are here #maybe now this'll finally leave me alone and I can go work on what I *wanted* to be working on atm #episode 7 currently lives rent free in my brain #have yet to start 8 #doesn't seem like the thing to do in a bad mood #hospital tw #injury tw #no way did they just go continue like normal with rubens on 2HP #they were absolutely showing off #johnny probably sewed up the grenade hole in the car given it was non-statistical damage #something about being undercover and so not having all the resources and maybe having blown their cover but theyve got to keep trying anywa #needed them to have a contact so picked the tech guy whose name i could remember #its a tech investigation sooo made sense to me

[sophieswundergarten]

Can I talk about the whole Reynie is a villain thing for a second because your Reynie in the snow story has been living in my brain RENT FREE since I read it and it WILL NOT LEAVE and can you just imagine building off of that to make him into a villain? (idk if you saw my comments or not on @nobodysdaydreams post but yeah)

Oh, absolutely. Go for it, friend!

I have a couple of ideas running around too (Several of them thanks to you!), but I'm super excited to hear your thoughts :D

#My brain has just decided to be goo at the moment #But I promise I'm working on a post about that stuff #Also #AFHJKHFSSAB #YOU LIKED MY STORY?????? #THANK YOU?????? #You're so amazing Kaslyn #And I can definitely see Reynie as a more 'well meaning' villain #He isn't TRYING to hurt people or scare them #But he's so single-minded in his goal to 'help' his family and prove himself #That he doesn't care about collateral damage #As I said #Working on a post about such things #But please by all means go nuts you have amazing ideas Kas <3 #And I believe I did see most of your comments on Bods' post and they were fantastic #the mysterious benedict society #mbs #reynie muldoon #Asks

[fictionadventurer]

Prompt: fairy-tale heroine of your choice wakes up with amnesia. (Maybe her husband has to explain how they got married?)

Purity of Mind

Dora looked so innocent, asleep on her bed. The fresh white bandages binding her crown looked more like a mark of holiness than disaster. The doctor claimed she'd fallen from a balcony and hit her head upon a stair rail. Adam thought it seemed too suspicious an accident. A disaster on the one day he'd left the house? His sure-footed little wife wouldn't have stumbled like that--not unless she were nearly out of her wits. Perhaps fleeing from some great terror.

"She'll wake soon," the doctor assured him. "Her body's healed enough, but with a head injury like that, there's no telling what state her brain will be in."

The state itself, Adam thought, would be telling enough.

As if roused by the doctor's words, Dora's eyelids fluttered. She sat up, pale and trembling. Her gaze landed upon Adam, and she started to scream.

"Who are you?" she shrieked, gathering the bedclothes to cover herself. "What are you doing in my room?"

Adam had steeled himself for the usual accusations, but this left him off-balance.

Finally, he managed to say, "Dora, it's just me. Adam. Your husband."

"I have no husband!"

"We wed six months ago."

"Liar!" she shrieked. "I'd never marry a man with such an awful beard!"

Adam stroked his blue-black whiskers, neatly trimmed for his homecoming. A deep chuckle rumbled in his throat; after months of her tiptoeing around him, her frankness was amusing. "I paid your parents richly for the privilege."

Dora paused at that. The mercenary child of mercenary parents--the tale would ring true, no matter her objections to his facial hair. Yet the bewilderment didn't fade from her face. "I've never seen this house before."

"You've been mistress here six months."

"I don't believe you."

"Whether you believe me or not, it's true. You fell from a staircase and hit your head."

Her eyes were fire. "I'll bet you pushed me!"

"I was away from home. I only just returned." He would never have opted for such an impersonal death. It was much more satisfying to feel the life draining away beneath his fingers.

The thought brought him back to reality. No need to wrestle with her delusions; only one truth mattered.

"Dora," Adam asked. "Where are the keys?"

"What keys?"

"I left the keys of the house in your keeping. I'll need them returned."

"I never had any keys!"

Adam looked to the doctor, who said, "We've found no keys on her person."

Missing? Impossible. Adam stormed from the room and set the servants searching for the keys. Nothing in her wardrobe. Nothing in the rooms. Nothing in the gardens.

The door on the third floor was locked, with no signs of entry.

Adam returned to the sickroom as the sun was setting. Dora sat quietly on her bed, having been calmly convinced of her new reality, completely unaware of the turmoil she'd thrown his life into.

He could have torn her limb from limb right there, but he had no proof yet she was deserving of it. For the moment, his strategy was gentleness.

He sat on the bed beside her. "Dora, my dove, think. Can you remember where the keys might be?"

"I can't even remember you."

Adam examined her in every detail--the tips of her fingers, the whites of her eyes, the curl of her lips. No signs of deception.

"You truly can't remember anything?"

Tears glittered in her eyes as she shook her head.

She looked as innocent as a newborn babe. The timid little fool he'd married couldn't fake such total ignorance. If she'd peered behind the door, she'd lost the memory of what she'd seen. If she'd disobeyed, he had no way of knowing.

A new twist to the game--a second chance.

Adam left the room in a state of contentment. He could get new keys made. His secret was safe--locked away either behind the door or in his wife's blank mind.

And if her memory returned? If she had memories of that bloody chamber?

He could always kill her later.

#answered asks #adventures in writing #fairy tale retellings #bluebeard #incomingalbatross #i could have taken this in much more pleasant directions #but when i tried to match fairy tales to the scenario most of them just became summaries of the original tale #picking one where the couple gets married before the end held more promise #i did consider 'east of the sun west of the moon' #but when this one came to mind and suggested a very different type of story i couldn't resist #i considered hinting that she's faking her amnesia #giving her a better chance to gather evidence and alert her family #but there's no great way to show that from his pov #just know that there's still a happy ending to this version of the tale #(i had wanted to pick a fairy tale where the amnesia could be magically induced) #(because i usually hate the 'bump on the head erases memory' trope) #(brain damage doesn't work like that!) #(but the drama potential outweighed medical accuracy) #(and it does further suggest she could be faking it)

[linterteatime]

Its ok to a zadr shipper reblog your art? (I see them as kids)

You gave me a jumpscare, but yeah, it's fine I thinkkkk?

#ask #im fine with it i like it but not from anyone else but me lmao #i didn't draw so much of it for no reason idk #kind of a hard question? #if you're normal about them then yeah sure #but if you're insane shoo #the fandom of that ship scares me #gives me brain damage #Main reason why I had to take that break from the fandom and deleted all of the drawings of that ship #only in here tho #all of it is still on my instagram #I don't regret that btw I'm glad I don't have those drawings in tumblr I could hate to see notifications of them in here tbh #praying this doesn't show up in that tag idk how tumblr works

[mantisgodsdomain]

We're going to talk about our cool vampire guy headcanons again. We like to set Monsieur Scarlet as a member of Solenopsis invicta, albeit a very unconventional example of the species. As a fire ant, technically, he is venomous - however, he's not actually had venom production online for decades, and at this point the cost for Making That Bite Work Again far outweighs the perceived benefit.

Would it be directly useful for his survival to be capable of injecting people with venom that causes intense burning sensations? Yes, probably, especially since he's at a scale where the swelling induced would probably take out an arm for hours at a time. He's just not going to fix it, because that takes life force that he could be using for other purposes, like breathing, or keeping his heart running, or having an emergency teleportation stock so that he can fling himself a metre or two in any direction when need be.

#we speak #bug fables #he's brazilian #if you are familiar with this species then it may be because they are INCREDIBLY invasive in like. everywhere theyve been ported #it is partially a joke on how incredibly broadly our version of scarlet travels #hes probably run into a good few other colonies of his species but with how our hc awakening Works he might not have recognized them #and he doesnt precisely hang around long enough to learn about these things #generally members of the species would be a lot more pigmented but wizard biology is weird and scarlet is weirder #which is to say that he's spent a very very long time healing back damage with investments in life force #and cutting down the body running fund enough that he can try to exist in areas that dip below 20 degrees celsius #and these things in combination as it turns out kind of fuck up pigment production in a major way #magic changes your colors much in the same way that mutations usually work #which is to say “it doesn't necessarily change That Specifically but color is one of the least lethal things that can be altered here” #it takes relatively little to change pigment production and Being A Different Color is relatively unlikely to kill you #not that it doesnt affect your life at all but it will not kill you outright and thats really all that needs to be done #he started out a sort of red-brown color and then his carapace just sort of didnt darken like it should normally #and then he wound up on the run and he slowly color shifted to pink over the course of several decades #depending on which canon we're operating in he may have also just totally lost all pigment on one occasion #when he took an unplanned nap and then wound up horror movie-ing some random researchers after losing his higher brain functions #and also a lot of other general functions. like bodily ones. like producing pigment at all. #dont need that underground but he walked out into the light and got flashbanged and immediately decided to not do that again #as it turns out. pigment production is important for some things. like sun protection. you want to be capable of being in the sun.

[agoddamn]

It's popular to headcanon Uchiha with burn scars because of their fire release but I always figured...wouldn't they have the best burn care because of their fire release? Most practice with it, yeah? They should therefore be really good at dealing with burns.

It would be someone without a tradition of specialized burn care that would end up with bad scarring.

What I'm saying is

Nonzero chance that Tobirama's chest looks like melted plastic

#i know the real reason he's the only one with his shirt on is that he's a minor bg char who's not supposed to stick out #but. my brain. #nart opinions #like I've seen burn scar hcs for Madara's gloves but no way he'd still be able to do rapid handsigns with full thickness burns #there's no spare flesh on hands; any major damage is most likely to damage function #when i worked with autoclaves i built up a few layers of skin by working w the hot racks but smth like that doesn't look visually different

[beldaroot]

sometimes i think about the cf ending and i want to bite my own face off but. we move!

#i know i would accept the ending if i just reread the whole manga but i simply do not want to do that i'm sorry #the spinoff chap saying chihaya actually doesn't talk to her kohais of the team she worked so hard to build anymore. what's going on? lol #i just feel like i've been missing something important here but i've dealt w enough emotional damages so i'm just gonna keep it pushing! #wish i could be normal about this series but alas..... brain has been rewired in the best and worst ways bc of it OTL #cf #dl

[atnaturesmercy]

my brain is actually broken and irreparable. im never going to escape the broken record bathtub drain. i despise it. i almost convinced myself i was a person. no, fuck, i did. i actually want to be taken out back and shot like a lame horse. i'm about to snap and have a nervous paranoid-psychotic breakdown. everything is hilarious, nothing has consequences. plaything. doll. pet. mommy's little helper. hm. tired of keeping it all together. not tired because i want to spiral (i don't), but tired because of the effort it's taking. when the fuck will it pay off. things like that. im like five coffees in trying not to day drink

#i'm not even suicidal and i would have no right to be because nothing happened so like ... why do i feel so numb #you know when you have a brain injury and you're like wow. i'm not supposed to think/process information like this? but you can't stop? #like you feel the brain damage? #she says my hands are the gentlest things and i'm very deliberate and slow and it's like ... yeah... #i can't hurt people. i'm not a sadist. i'm always so afraid i'll get people sick if i get close to them #like whatever fucked me up indefinitely will rub off on them #i can't be a person anymore but i don't ... i hate having abnormal behaviors #i dissected my burger in front of my parents yesterday and my dad asked if he cooked it wrong #and like ... ive never ever shown him how i eat i always feign normalcy #and it was just too hard and then i had to cover up and say no its fine because i almost hurt his feelings #and i just picked at it and he asked me if im getting enough calories in and im like fuck dude if i know #but nothing happened like because if something DID happen there would be no damage control #i would want to die. i promised myself that. i would kill myself. when i got my period for the first time in two years #i cried for ten hours it was like... great. like losing childhood all over #but i'm happy and well adjusted my brain just doesn't work it keeps forgetting things... randomly crying ... images wont leave #i cant even focus on numbers because i don't know the date #all of my dates and timeline in my head they're fucked up. and i know the dates for everything #i know the dates for everything that has ever happened in my life #i'm about to have a nervous breakdown but i'm also so chillax about everything

[creature-once-removed]

.

#I am so tired of people not being able to wrap their head around how dramaturgy works #I am so tired of people jumping to extreme conclusions #as someone who is becoming more and more involved in actually learning how writing in tv and movies works #I am so fucking tired of people mixing fanfic style structure and dramaturgy with original narratives #also I would give a kidney for people to stop judging media through the shipping lense #shipping centric fanfic has done so much damage to the way y'all interact with stories it's unsettling #there's reasons why fanfic is fanfic and original media is not. both are valid both have their niche to exist in #but they do not play by the same rules. that's why they're different from one another #(yeah this is about stranger things but it's not the only instance. this is something that happens more and more and it sucks) #(it makes me furious how many important aspects of storytelling are completely disregarded in fandom discussions) #(a lot of it might be because people don't know? #because it's kinda hard to see the mechanisms when you've never had a look behind the curtain?) #(but that doesn't make it any less frustrating) #(you guys are so hell bent on hating on creators it's terrifying. like do you not realize 'don't put people on pedestals' applies here) #(do content creators make stupid decisions? hell yes! is there some truly awful media out there? definitely!) #(is some of it really harmful? of fucking course!) #(but still these are people writing that and you need to consider not everyone has your brain) #(not everyone comes from the same mental map as you) #(also nothing will ever hold up to the flawless interpretation you have in your head. that's just not how it works) #(and it never will be) #(learn how to critically engage with media you like. that also means considering other nuances you didn't see) #(or didn't want to see) #(you have absolutely every right to be upset and angry and disappointed and all that) #(and of course you should point out dubious choices or tendencies) #(but if media is going to hold any kind of enjoyment for you) #(ESPECIALLY sequels) #(you need to also give benefit of the doubt. suspension of disbelief. 'not what I imagined but Imma read a fix it' mindset) #(especially if the thing you're criticizing /is not finished/) #(almost all of those 'plot hole / everything wrong with' posts about st vol 2 are so so easily rebuffed) #(shit I've run out of tags. whatever I guess you get my point. hopefully)

[kirbyddd]

see see this is a big part of what's gone. whatever tf that process of active memory retrieval is. so recalling and holding onto information at will, but also like for example when i have to look for something these days, i can't actively seek the visual object, i have to like just scan my eyes around and hope if it's there it triggers my pattern recognition. i can't "keep an eye out for it" as they say

#also my uhhh.... short- no long term memory is broken? or maybe both of them? #like in addition to the inability to access stuff the memories aren't being encoded correctly in the first place? #they stay in short term format and only bits gradually crystallize to long term. so when i remember it feels like it just happened #like the me in that moment just woke up like where tf am i last thing i remember i was dying after work in 2021. #obviously it's not like a split personality thing it's still just a memory not active perception or something. but. still very disorientin #funny hearing people musing on like “how much of who we really are is actually our memories and interpretations??” and whatever #and it's like brotha you dont have to wonder memory loss and damage exists you know. dementia and brain damage exist. just ask someone man #the early 21st century personal identity craze is gonna be remembered as this century's freudianism #identity or memories or opinions aren't integral to being human or an individual. sure they're common but not integral #try getting to know someone who doesn't have them and you'll understand better where the humanity really is....

[somethingaboutvampires]

My coworkers on a nationwide scale say "I'll be out of pocket" for when they'll be unavailable and

.....yea.....that's not what that means

#de work #out of pocket #the first time i heard it i was like you'll be out of pocket at 2? girl what happened? you need backup? and the severe brain damage i got #when she was like uh I'm not available during that time #it doesn't even make sense how they say it

[possessed-nia]

in school i was always told that no one will baby me at uni

yeah,that's true, but no one warned i will HAVE to baby my fucking thesis supervisor to do his job...

#like i got no help from him whatsoever #our uni didn't provide us with literature library or any literature suggestions #my supervisor disappeared mid exam season with no warning so i didn't get any response for months #when i put my work in uni storage on their web he gets emails #and he still #didn't look at my final ver of the thesis #like you can't tell me he doesn't know i have my final version #it's been A WEEK since my oponent put her evaluation of my work into the storage #not to mention #how my teacher literally called me and asked me how to give me a mark on the uni website #bruh #and yet #he gets payed and all i get is brain damage

[dykekakashi]

all of these guides for dealing w dog separation anxiety are so incredibly frustrating lol. "hire a dog walker/doggy daycare" ie shell out $400-800 per month for sb else to take care of ur dog. "ask family/friends to help" no family + no one wants to take care of a puppy even for money. "very gradually increase time away" ok. so i'm supposed to practice leaving for 3-10mins for a whole month straight however i start work in literally two days.

#it's not like i started reading up on this yesterday i've been working on this for like 2 weeks but it's just not enough #i've called so many trainers and all of them charge exorbitant prices for classes #but no guarantees that the behavior will change. and if it doesn't then u have to pay for MORE classes #like sorry i can't afford to just drop $400 in ur pocket for nothing #all of these supplements and things take like 30days to have an effect #and then every other guide is like IT IS CRUEL TO LEAVE UR DOG ALONE TO CRY U WILL DAMAGE HIS BRAIN CHEMISTRY #ok so what do i do. kms or rehome him? both? #i love him SO much but every guide seems to assume u have 5 family members in ur home and/or just can dedicate ur life to take care of dog

[no-one-hears-me]

it's so insane to live in a first world country and willingly starve myself

#ed #imagine being able to eat and simply not doing it #gotta be skinny tho #hate talking about this on here bc it's cringe and embarrassing but idk #where else do I take my thoughts? I'm not writing in a journal #anyways. I've damaged my body from not eating and malnutrition and whatnot which is so crazy #btw don't hate on me for saying I do this willingly bc it's a mental illness I have no control over #bc I know that. but mentally I tell myself not to eat so it's a conscious decision I make #but like that's bc my brain doesn't work or whatever!!! idc idc #listening to bet on it from high school musical this goes so hard #Sera

[possthrowaway4q]

I've learned/realized a lot about my health issues recently, and I... really need some opinions. Particularly from people with traumatic brain injuries. So I'm gonna share my story.

Major Trigger Warning: birth complications, asphyxiation, seizures, child endangerment, medical neglect

(Sorry this isn't under a readmore I have literally never been able to use them on mobile without breaking the post)

I was lied to about my birth story. I was told by my mother that I came into the world a beautiful and perfectly healthy baby (and in her defense she very well could've convinced herself of this). This is, according to what my dad told me now that I'm an adult, completely false. My mother and I both almost died. The doctors didn't believe she was in labor yet. Called it Braxton Hicks for multiple days. Wasn't until one of them actually checked and saw my head that they believed her. Came out completely blue with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and was totally silent when they unwrapped me. Had to spend multiple days in the NICU in one of those oxygen tents. Don't know a lot of the details because apparently it wasn't discussed much. No idea if the doctors said anything about potential long-term issues and even if they did, there's no guarantee my parents kept an eye out properly. Didn't find out until a few years ago that I had hallucinations and frequent vivid nightmares as a young kid and the person mentioning it clearly didn't think much of it, despite me vaguely remembering seeing two separate child therapists around that age. Like, early elementary, I think.

That's not the only event though. Summer between 5th and 6th grade I had a drug-induced seizure. I was being watched by a family member who was kind of notorious for hoarding all sorts of medications. Including ones she was no longer prescribed. She didn't keep everything in their proper bottles either, moving pills between and re-labeling them. Including putting prescriptions in OTC containers. I asked for something for a headache. She gave me a pill saying it was Tylenol - didn't even see the bottle it came out of - and left me be again. Wasn't long before I knew something was wrong. Thankfully, I had my phone in my hand and was able to text her before I lost complete control of my muscles. Dunno how long exactly the seizure lasted, but it must've been at least ten minutes because that's how far away my parents lived and they were there with me when it ended. Remember my dad picking me up and holding me until I could talk and move again. We never did go to the hospital. Idk if it's because we all assumed I was fine once it was over or if it was because no one wanted to get the family member in trouble. Would explain why she called my parents instead of an ambulance, I suppose.

Been thinking about that tonight. Realized I was never really the same after that. I went from all As in school to completely unable to keep up with most subjects. I couldn't think or focus, I was in a fog most of the time, was losing large gaps of time and couldn't remember both short and long term things, and shortly after that was the beginning of my three year long psychotic break. Everyone remembers how the start of middle school is when all my mental health symptoms went into overdrive and I was just. Notably worse. And to top it all off, I always have said that my memory of my past seems to only go back to a few substantial memories in 5th grade and everything prior basically doesn't exist most of the time.

So I guess my question is just... could I have brain damage? Birth asphyxia is bad enough, but a 10+ minute long seizure as a child? I'm pretty sure that's way past the threshold of a medical emergency/when permanent brain damage can start. But every time I mention the idea to anyone, it gets brushed off. Either because I "don't need another thing wrong with me" or "does it really matter?" or because neither thing are your typical ideas of a TBI.

Sure, I've got a bunch of other reasons I could have these symptoms. Even just on the mental health side, ADHD, autism, psychosis, dissociative disorder stuff, and it's been too long for any doctor to say definitively one way or the other if they even take me seriously. But... I don't know, could those have contributed? Hell, could that be the root source of some of it that no one connected to because we never talked about it after the fact? (I even completely forgot for a long time. Didn't think it was a big deal. Didn't really understand seizures at the time.) I can't emphasize enough how drastically my health changed after that seizure. But maybe it was just puberty or the increase in difficulty/stress from going from elementary to middle school.

Surely it's possible though that those things at least exacerbated underlying issues or something? I guess the root of my question is whether the traumatic brain injury community would have me. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully, publicly identify that way, but I still desperately want to know if I'd be welcomed if I tried. Could I really have brain damage or am I just being dramatic or a hypochondriac or something? I just wanna know why I'm so fucked up in the head.

#traumatic brain injury #tbi #seizures #brain damage #childhood traumatic brain injury #childhood tbi #idk what all to tag this as #long post #especially without wanting to clog people's dashes/the tags or make people see this who don't want to #this blog really is just turning into my place to ask sensitive questions that i don't know where to go with #and don't want people who know me to see #idk the thought just keeps floating around in my head #i know that mental health issues and chronic illness stuff can really mess with your mind but it's always felt... more? #but maybe that's just me wanting to be ~special~ or get those ~disability brownie points~ everyone likes to accuse people #with 'too much going on' of #fuckin pokémon catch em all nonsense but for reasons my body doesn't work

[kafus]

how i caught entei in leafgreen in the most ridiculous way possible

SO last week i started a pokemon leafgreen file on my childhood cart i've had since my 5th birthday, and one my goals ended up being getting every owned dex entry possible in JUST the one copy of leafgreen without connecting to any other game… and i did. except i forgot one. ENTEI!!

like probably a lot of you reading this i COMPLETELY forgot that one of the johto roaming beasts is in every copy of FRLG. i never even caught any of them as a kid. which roamer you get is based on your starter (squirtle = raikou, bulbasaur = entei, charmander = suicune) and i happened to pick bulbasaur so my roamer was entei. it does actually ROAM in kanto, aka whenever you change locations, the pokemon moves to a new route. obviously this is a pain in the ass, but it gets even more painful because roamers can flee from the battle and they will the instant you encounter them. you get the chance to throw one ball or use one move and that's it… so like in most pokemon games, you would use a trapping move like mean look to keep the roamer in the battle and turn it into a normal legendary encounter, right? HAHA WRONG

raikou and entei are affected by the ROAMER ROAR BUG in FRLG, which means if they use roar to escape the battle (yes, even in mean look, it doesn't stop roar from working) they just disappear from the game. permanently. forever. you can never capture it. suicune is not affected by this because it doesn't have roar, but my roamer was entei, so uh. the odds were stacked against me. did i want to repetitively encounter the roamer over and over, never trapping it, just throwing one ball each time? or did i want to set up a mean look pokemon only to have to soft reset every time entei used roar? neither option sounded fun and i was going to just give up and master ball it despite REALLY wanting it in a luxury ball like all the other kanto legendaries i had already caught… UNTIL!

i am a moderator of the ribbon master discord (a different pokemon challenge) and i was just sorta liveposting my thought process about this annoying roamer when gen 3 rng manipulation extraordinaire ddeeffgg crashes into the chat and suggests this fucking bonkers idea. and his bonkers idea is galaxy brain LET ME EXPLAIN

ariados is available in leafgreen's post game by catching spinarak in pattern bush, and of course electrode is a fairly common kanto pokemon. ariados gets access to spider web, which is basically just mean look with a different name (and i completely forgot it existed), it traps the opponent in the battle. but IMPORTANTLY, it ALSO gets access to BATON PASS… which, in gen 3, passes the trapping effect! usually if you were to use spider web and swap out ariados, the opponent would no longer be trapped, but baton pass solves that! and then electrode has the ability soundproof which prevents roar from working, and it even gets thunder wave (paralysis) and sonicboom (consistent 20 damage with no chance of accidental crits) to assist in easier capture of entei! nice!! awesome!! but getting this setup in order is the most ridiculous shit i've ever done in leafgreen

PROBLEM #1: ariados gets baton pass through egg move. in gen 3, egg moves are only passed down by the father and not the mother, so i had to grab a male ledyba, grind it to a high enough level to learn baton pass, then grab a female spinarak and breed them together. unfortunately this means my ariados would be level 1 and i'd have to train it up quite a bit, which leads into my next problem…

PROBLEM #2: ariados is SLOWWW. its base speed is a measly 40 compared to entei's whopping 100! ariados needs to outspeed entei to use spider web first turn so entei can't just run away! i would have to get ariados to a very high level to outspeed entei, grinding all the way from level 1. the one plus side is that the roamers in FRLG are bugged to always have a 0 IV in defense, special attack, special defense, and speed, which means unless entei has a +speed nature, its speed would always be a predictable and relatively low 105 at level 50, which is what it's encountered at. so i had to get an ariados with a speed of 106 or higher.

to get around both these problems as efficiently as possible, while breeding spinarak, i bred quite a few to get one with a +speed nature, and ended up with a jolly spinarak. everstone doesn't work in FRLG unfortunately, so the nature was completely random each time. soon my DAUGHTER WAS BORN after like 2-3 hours of breeding because FRLG eggs are SLOOOW and i was being stubborn about the nature, which i was getting unlucky on LOL

then i maxed out her speed EVs real quick by fighting picnicker susie on route 13 over and over, who gives 12 speed EVs per battle, 24 with the macho brace, which i was using. this was just to make sure i would reach 106+ speed as fast as possible. then i grinded her levels by repetitively fighting the two trainers right outside the weird chansey dance guy's house in sevault canyon on seven island, right above tanoby ruins. using the vs seeker on them is the best grinding spot in the game since they give 20k experience per fighting both of them and there's a healing spot Right There. i was using exp share and leading with my level 100 jolteon named Egg who i adore with all my heart. ariados, now named koolaid, ended up crossing the speed threshold at level 62! yes this took a while lmao

as for electrode, i wanted one at as high of a level as possible so i hopefully wouldn't have to grind levels. i lucked out as electrode is found at a whopping level 64 in cerulean cave's bottom floor. a 5% encounter rate but as i had already caught numerous 5%s for the pokedex, i didn't really care. however it DOES have explosion and i'd rather not have the electrode explode on me before i could catch it which would then send me on a wild goose chase for ANOTHER 5% electrode… so i grabbed the random level 24 poliwhirl with the damp ability, which prevents explosion from working, out of my PC, and gave it a smoke ball from the celadon game corner so i could lead with her and easily run from each encounter that Wasn't Electrode.

now you may be wondering how i was going to handle capturing electrode once i was actually in the battle because SURELY it would just use thunderbolt or something and instantly murder my poliwhirl. however funnily enough electrode only has two attacking moves at level 64, swift and explosion. explosion obviously doesn't work, and swift is a physical attack in gen 3 due to all normal type moves being physical, this was before the physical/special split in gen 4. electrode's physical attack stat is a garbage 50 and swift only has a base power of 60 so i honestly wasn't concerned. and best of all, poliwhirl gets the move hypnosis, so i could easily put electrode to sleep and start chucking ultra balls… and the smoke ball ended up being useless because i somehow ran into electrode first try what the fuck LOL

anyways i named them gatorade to match with koolaid. truly the dream entei capturing team. i didn't even feel the need to grind any levels on gatorade, level 64 was more than enough, so i just slapped the two moves i wanted on them - thunder wave through the one-use tutor in silph co, and sonicboom through the move reminder on two island, costing me two tinymushrooms which i thankfully already had and did not have to go out of my way to grind.

however the hours worth of prep ISN'T DONE YET! because uhh…

PROBLEM #3: ariados has to be above entei's level to outspeed it (yes, even if it had a 31 IV in speed AND a speed boosting nature AND maximum speed EVs, it still wouldn't be enough at level 50), which means the repel trick can't be used to encounter it. tracking down the roamer is practically impossible without using repels to cancel out all other wild pokemon, and in gen 3, unlike later gens, you can't put a fainted pokemon in the front of the party for the repel trick instead. and if i DON'T lead with ariados, entei will run away when i try to swap into it. SO i decided i would have to run into entei once first through the repel trick method, which marks it as "seen" in the pokedex, and then i would track its location through the pokedex to encounter it while leading with ariados.

to accomplish this, i simply ran in and out of the building on route 16, going in and out of the grass in the process, which would constantly be randomizing entei's location until it happened to randomize onto route 16. i caught a staryu with illuminate as an ability to raise the chance of entei appearing, which does work while staryu is fainted (wouldn't want to go in and out of the grass while entei was on route 16 without encountering it!) and otherwise led with my level 50 magmar that was on my elite four team named Torch for the repel trick.

i bought a whopping 100 max repels for this task but i ended up getting entei within just a few lol. torch was holding the smoke ball just to be able to run away safely without any shenanigans!

and now entei was in the pokedex and able to be tracked that way!

however, there was still ONE more problem...

PROBLEM #4: luxury balls are a pain in the ASS to get in this game! they can't be bought from any shop. the only way to repeatedly get luxury balls in FRLG is to show a pokemon to selphy, a rich girl who lives in resort gorgeous on five island.

i will mostly skim over this because it's boring, but TLDR i had to continuously talk to her, fly back to the pokemon center, get the pokemon she wanted to see out of the PC because the step limit is 250 before she gets sick of waiting which is like nothing (i already had a living dex of every mon obtainable in leafgreen otherwise so this wasn't hard), surf to her, then spam A through dialogue with her butler in which i had a 70% chance of receiving a luxury ball. i did this over 40 times until i had 30 luxury balls, and sold off all the nuggets and other items she gave me. good lord this took a while

and now with ALL of that setup i was FINALLY ready to capture entei in a luxury ball. this took me literally all day and i was really excited. to consistently encounter entei, i saved in cerulean city and tracked it in the pokedex from there, opening it over and over after changing to any of the four routes connected to the city, and moving to an adjacent route from entei's location when it was close in the hopes of walking onto the same route it moved to when i did. i was following a map made by hangarofroam, he has a video tutorial on how to shiny hunt the FRLG roamers and encounter them as quickly as possible, and i highly recommend looking it up if you want to capture these roamers yourself, but tldr this is the map i was using:

and once i encountered entei i was finally able to use the strategy i had prepped so long to do... and it worked without a hitch!! entei can't try to use roar first turn because it wastes a turn trying to flee, which is prevented by ariados outspeeding and using spider web... then if it tries to use roar the next turn, i've already switched into electrode to block it with soundproof. so from there it's just a matter of whittling down entei's HP to the red with swift/sonicboom and paralyzing it with thunder wave, then tossing luxury balls until success!

and i GOT IT after 3 encounter attempts and 73 luxury balls thrown. and FINALLY i have all 171 national dex entries possible in a single copy of leafgreen with no connection to other games, and all the legendaries are in fancy ass luxury balls. i am winning.

this was ridiculous. please be proud of my accomplishments. i've had this file for less than 2 weeks and i already have over 70 hours of gameplay in it after doing all this AAAAA

also barely related but look at Egg my jolteon he had like no purpose in this story but i took a pic of him in front of entei before going on to capture entei because i love him so much pleas

thanks for coming to my fucking ted talk i am SOOO normal about pokemonsdfjkfds (joke)

#pokemon #pokemon frlg #frlg #pokemon leafgreen #pokemon leaf green #long post #kiki plays games #kiki.txt #kiki was here #lg playthrough #entei