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yandrness · 1 year

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Yandere Xiao’s love is Extreme.jpg

Beneath the harsh and rigid exterior of the Guardian Yaksha is a soft, gentle creature who likes eating almond tofu, who holds duty and responsibility close to his heart, who will pick crystalflies for you and go a little pink when you accept them. Here I’m going by the JP and CN Xiao; from his voice alone it’s less moody teenager and you can truly feel like an immortal Adepti is speaking. He is noble and regal, a pure being that you thought existed only in myths. Rational, harsh, cold, distant – this is the same Yaksha who falls in the sinkhole that is you and love.

He blushes from little affection. He almost loses control of his speech. He finds himself yearning for your presence. He wishes to see your smile. He wishes to protect you from harm and make sure you live a life free of malignancy. The Guardian Yaksha who falls in love is a smitten, flustered, lovesick mess who is more dangerous and trigger-happy than he has ever been.

In a romantic setting where Xiao loves you, loves you, loves you. He’s so in love it drives him quietly insane. He has to know where you are, he has to know if you’re safe and okay, he has to know if you’re happy or sad or lonely and when are you going to look for him again? It used to drive him crazy how pathetic he was to yearn for your visits, but now he’s crazy for you. The insanity is something he isn’t even aware of sometimes, and it’s something that’s not easily seen by everyone. His fellow Adepti do not find it weird to be so “protective”. Humans only see the image of a fearsome Yaksha. You only see a quiet, distant, maybe even shy Adepti offering you crystalflies and Qingxi flowers.

Depending on whether his love interest is a fighter or non-fighter his fear and paranoia can either escalate or straight out consume him. He wants to respect your decisions, but if you’re a fighter, he will quietly worry himself sick and he is high key distressed from any wounds you get. Any life-threatening wounds can set him off into mass murder of anything that harmed you – or collateral of nearby monsters. If you’re a civilian, well, he will make sure to make an extra round on the areas you work in to sweep out the danger. He will worry himself just as much, but his anger can be easier to trigger because you as a civilian are much more fragile.

The thought of never seeing you again terrifies him. It terrifies him more so to be the cause of your death. He wants you to forever smile at him and greet him happily whenever you see him.

Maybe it isn’t karmic debt that will drive him mad. Maybe it will be you.

(Maybe you already did.)

Xiao will still uphold his duty as a Guardian Yaksha, but as a yandere Xiao will go to extreme measures to do so.

I imagine him to be the kind of Yandere that you consider to be a sweet, loving, if tsundefeish lover, but unknown to you the love that he has for you has reached a terrifying level and there’s not much he wouldn’t do for you. He’s quiet, and that makes it easier to protect you wouldn’t it?

#genshin impact #yandere xiao #yandere #honestly xiao is so cool but at the same time he can be so cute #he tries hard to not be a yandere but fails #I love the stance that adepti had to learn human empathy and morals but they're still quite different from people #xiao is precious #he cares a LOT for his S/O #i love yanderes ok #anyways yeah xiao upheld his duties as the guardian yaksha for millenias and is eternally grateful to Rex Lapis #although he can be bullheaded #so as a yandere Xiao's duty is a part of him already #who would care if a few despicable monsters died?#Xiao might not kill humans though but it's easy to lead them to accidental deaths #the least he can do if his karmic debt affects nearby monsters too much is avenge them if they die right?#anyways he's obsessed #love to the extreme as a yandere but still kinda timid and #feels he doesn't deserve you #sometimes treat you like glass #will freak out over a scratch what if you get infected and die??#after reservations are over and done with this guy is clingy aff

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drewsaturday · 4 months

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i've had such a weird relationship with making fanon things lately for a few diff reasons i think.

i haven't rly been inspired enough to take things beyond my thoughts and make an actual thing out of them. part of this is probs bc of my medication. the other part is that...

i don't have the time to dig too deeply into my favorite things rn. this means i don't dig up new parts to feel excited about, i don't feel Qualified to carry those ideas out bc my understanding of the source material is so limited and people expect waaaay too much quality from fanworks these days, and i feel like i'll never be able to finish what i start anyway.

lastly, i've been doing fandom so repetitively i'm just... tired? of the same thing over and over again. i work on a thing, i polish the thing, i post the thing, i wait for feedback that is either nice/mean/empty, rinse and repeat. the solution would be to just not post these things, but why go through all that effort to carry something up out of an idea stage then since that's what makes me most excited? and if i spend the time drafting, it feels like a waste of time since it's not going to go anywhere.

i do think a lot of this is medication, because it dulls Just how insane i am capable of getting about a thing. in the past i would have sooo much drive because i felt like if i didn't make a thing, i'd explode. i don't rly get that anymore, at least not in a big enough burst to keep me working on things very long.

i've instead been thinking a lot about diving into original content because... although i make everything for fun, i think original stuff has way less of the above issues attached.

there's no time limit. i'm not... "competing" for being able to get an idea done first, or trying to get a fanfic out while there's still hype over a show, or worrying about my work being ooc compared to someone else's, or worrying the fandom landscape i vibe with is going to change when people move on.

it's theoretically not as repetitive. i'm sure the things i'm interested in shows are similar to what i come up with from my brain, and i could just try to make different things for fandom than i'm used to. but i am kind of tired of my inability to do anything besides hurt/comfort oneshots for the same kind of pairing over and over again. this would force me to actually develop other shit too lmfao.

it's Technically something i could profit off of if i really wanted to, making it less of a waste of time. for fandom, it feels like a waste of time if i'm not putting a fanon thing out for other fans to see. it also feels like i put a ton of work into my own little understanding of a show--fleshing out backstories and worldbuilding etc. so if i move onto another fandom... it feels like it was all for nothing, esp if i don't make something from it all. ideally i would be doing it just for the fun but there needs to be some balance with what i consider pay-off. and since i usually don't stay motivated long enough to do these big huge projects, or people move on, or other people do the idea first because i work so slow, it's just gotten rly un-motivating.

there's like, layers of motivation imo. i like a thing and i get excitement about making stuff for it and exploring certain parts of it. and i can do that for myself, but to make it stand on its own enough to post for other people to see isn't something i currently get enough motivation for. and because of that, it makes the fun part feel like a waste of time i guess.

i usually stay away from my own original stuff bc i honestly just don't feel the level of excitement with it as i have felt with fandom in the past, and... it's just harder lmao? but i think it would be good for me to at least fuck around with it.

fandom started as a vessel for creativity for me. i wanted to make videos, it gave me footage. i wanted to draw, it gave me designs for characters. i wanted to write, it gave me a sandbox to play in. and i still find those things fun, but i guess it just feels like i'm limiting myself by only playing with other people's dolls in a public park for all to see. like i'm just not as connected to the Making part as a hobby or to the parts of myself i would put into it.

idk, i am just rambling and i think honestly if i Did have more time it would help take a lot of the above pressures and risks away and balance me out so that making silly little fanfics sometimes would feel more worth it because i'd feel free to do other things as well.

i also do sort of get glued to the screen when i'm in mode of making and posting things and i'd like to uhhh. do other things with my life too sometimes lmfao. part of this boredom does probably stem from being chronically ill and therefore barely leaving my house. i haven't been able to do other things beyond fanon creations in years. so no wonder i'd feel less inspired and more bored.

i also think i've gotten tired of watching things feeling like a chore. oh shit i need to write down this scene so i can use it on a fanvid, or make sure i take note of this piece of dialogue for this character's backstory, etc. i know i bitch about how i don't hate the word "content creator" bc it is just an easier catch-all for me as someone who makes lots of diff things, and i still agree with that, but i do think because of my own levels of perfectionism, mixed with honestly how weirdly expectant of quality fandom has become, it's become a chore to engage with source material.

another thing is i've always felt like i've needed a purpose in what i've made and that purpose tends to be justified by the community interactions. it makes me feel less lonely and it helps me feel inspired and like... it doesn't hurt to know you'll get feedback on something because you've found so many supportive friends in it. i rly just haven't landed in any new communities i vibe with a ton for the things ive gotten into lately, so there's less motivation there. that's not to say anyone's Bad, just... discord servers are too big, tags are too dead or all over the place, i don't message people to become friends, and the communities and friends i do have from fandom are all kinda doing different things rn, etc.

the other form of purpose would be challenges--exchanges, bingos, etc. this fanwork isn't just a random thing for fun, it has a reason for me to work on it enough to let it see the light of day. and i think i've kinda broken my brain a bit using those for motivation so much, but the alternative would be to never get anything into a publishable state, but without it being a publishable state and interacting with communities through it there's no reason for me to really spend all that much time on it in the first place, which means i'm really not getting to Create.

i think the biggest issue these days if every part of the creative process now feels like it's "for show" and original stuff that has literally no audience is the only way to kinda undo the amount of rules that's put on me and my creativity.

tl;dr i'm just not feeling the same fulfillment from making fanon stuff as i used to so i guess i need to experiment with making other things so i can still do the Making part and see where that lands me, and see if it can help undo some of the toxic mentalities being an exclusively fandom girlie for so long has kinda instilled in me.

i'm sure i'll still make fanon shit every so often--i honestly have been so busy that output won't be noticeably different from my usual once every five months contributions. i just need to get back into the right blend of circumstances for it to feel worth it, and until then i guess i need to dig out the dolls from my own attic instead of someone else's so i can have a less complicated vessel for creative hobbies because i'm fairly certain i'd still like to create.

#txt #this is just a v long ramble that im not sure makes much sense honestly or will be readable to anyone but myself at this point but eh #just needed to word it all out #...also just remembered another reason that causes that imbalance of fun #is chronic pain making certain art forms like drawing quite painful so although i've been wanting to learn art techniques #and practice generally in non-fandomy ways #i'm stopped by how it's more worth it to sketch a blorbo every so often #but idk i want to try figuring out better ways of going about that for myself and #since i can't have both fandom and original without pushing myself too far i kinda have to Choose art advancement #over stupid blorbo drawings #same with if i spend too much time typing etc #and that plus time constraints are why im making it out to be such a one or the other thing #but it also... is...#because i rly don't think i can keep doing fanon stuff without at least mixing things up somehow #if not moving to original stuff altogether #i do think that once im out of school and i have a more stable schedule #i'll be able to set aside specific free time each day as opposed to being all over the place #and that will help as well so i don't feel Guilty over creating things #when i should/could be doing something more productive bc i also do want to move my life forward rather than being SO escapist #and the guilt aspect gets in the way a lot more than it when i had more passion to beat it back with #that rly is my own fault tho for being in charge of my own schedule and being so bad at it lol #one last little note for myself is i think a lot abt non-fandomy hobbies i have like music #where yeah ive made some filks but for the most part idk what im doing #im just there to have fun and enjoy myself bc it's just... the entire reason i do it #and i dont rly get that from the things i also can use for fanon creations these days more readily

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