I'm yours (loki x female reader) (angst, fluff)
Summary : When you catch you boyfriend loki flirting with a supermodel at Tony's birthday bash,You snap. The good ol jealousy trope.
Note : my blog @lokisprettygirl is apparently shadowbanned so I'll post here for now.
"Nobody can know about this okay?" Loki said to you as he got up to dress himself. He spent the last few hours with you, your bodies tangled up with each other, pleasuring each other.
"Umm yeah okay"
"I'm serious y/n , nobody can know" he said sternly. "I don't want to make a big deal out of this and I would appreciate it if you don't either okay?" What an arse.
"Yeah whatever, it was not that great anyways" you replied. That's not what you expected from him after the first time you both had sex, but then what did you really expect ? It's loki.
"That's not what you said when I made you scream and curl your toes few moments ago" he smirks. A giant arse.
"Whatever loki" you rolled your eyes.
"Don't get me wrong y/n , you were amazing, atleast from your usual mortal standards. But I don't want you out there, talking about how you're frolicking with the God of mischief himself " wow! He was really starting to piss you off now.
"You know what, we are never ever doing this again. Get out" you get up to drag him out of your room.
"I know you're trying to be intimidating but you're butt naked right now so it's not really working" he laughs and you wanted to slap that grin out of his face. "And We'll see darling. We'll see" he winks and leaves her room.
That's how it started for the two of you. You should have known that's how it will always be. You should have resisted his devilish charm, his sly little touches, And specially his shallow promises, promises that lasted as long as you were both alone with each other. You'll always be his dirty little secret, someone he comes to at night to quench his lust and leaves before you see the light of the day. You should have been careful. At first it felt exhilarating, it was sexy and thrilling when he sneaked you out and he fucked you mindlessly in every secluded corner of the tower. But then you started to really care about him and it hurt you when he dismissed you in front of everyone, like you meant nothing to him. You fell in love with him , and he wouldn't even look at you in public and it hurt, it really hurt.
"How come two brothers be so different from each other, it baffles me" you heard Jane's voice and it snapped you out of your thoughts. Tony was celebrating his 40th birthday and he had a grand celebratory party, you know to celebrate himself. This party had every big name in the field of everything you can imagine. Industrialists, scientists, actors, supermodels. "What are you talking about janey?" You ask her as you turned around to face her "look at him, being a manwhore" jane points towards loki , he sat on the other side of the hall with a beautiful, tall, gorgeous blonde woman. Your heart instantly felt heavy at the sight, it should have been you, you should have been the one making him smile and laugh. You wore this stupid green dress, hoping he would atleast look at you, maybe pull you to the side and whisper how beautiful you looked but none of that happened "They are just talking I guess and don't call him that" only two people who knew about your rendezvous with loki was jane and wanda, and they weren't fans of him, considering how he mistreated you.
"Yeah just talking, totally not flirting" jane says and you see the blond batting her eyelashes at him, then she leaned in closer to whisper something in his ear and it made you furious with jealousy. You can't even blame that woman, she have no idea that he is taken or is he? Do you really believe him when he says you're the only woman for him, does he really reject all that temptation? Do you really think he is loyal when he have so many willing subjects? You order two neat vodka shots and gulp it down in one go. "Woah woah that's my girl, you know what forget him ,let's get drunk, I'll go find wanda and be right back"
When she leaves, you walk up to were loki was and you could see how she was so attracted to him. She kept running her fingers on his shoulders and they sat too close for your liking. He wore an all back gucchi suit and he looked gorgeous, if you were one of those ladies you would want someone like him to flirt with you too. Loki turns his head to the side as you approach him and his eyes didn't even met yours properly before he turned his attention towards the pretty blonde again. She was even prettier up-close. "loki can I talk to you ?" Normally you would keep your distance and act like he doesn't exist but you were extremely jealous and got the liquor courage you needed. He looks up and gives you the eyes, the look that he reserved for moments like this "I'm a little occupied, if it's about the mission, I'll discuss it later" he shrugged and now you felt her looking at you too "it's not about the mission, let's go dance or something, I haven't done that in a while" your voice cracks a little as you say that, you were really putting yourself out there, you were hurt but you loved him and you just wanted him to acknowledge you once.
"I don't dance darling, don't know what gave you the impression that I would dance with you and look like those fools" Couldn't he see he was hurting you ? How could he be so cogent? Did he really not care about your feelings at all? The blond woman had one of those judgemental smile on her face "by the way, this beautiful lady here is Christine, she is a model-i learn something new about midgard everyday" he looks right into your eyes as he introduced her "uhh a supermodel" you hear her correcting him and she leaned into him as she giggles. "And you are?" She asks you but you kept your eyes on loki and turned around to walk away. You couldn't be there anymore, you couldn't do this anymore. Not only did he disregard you in front of her but also rubbed how gorgeous she was in your face "wow some people really can't deal with rejection huh? Pathetic"
You heard the venomous insult she threw your way and you just wanted to disappear. You walked and you walked untill you were far away from them.
"Don't you dare talk about her like that you foolish mortal" he spat at her when you were out of sight. You looked beautiful today , you always did but he knew you wore this dress today for him and he wished he could just grab a hold of you and tell you how beautiful you looked but he couldn't, so many people here today. He couldn't risk it, he couldn't risk them having a suspicion, he couldn't risk you.
You went to your room and slammed the door shut as you got inside. That's when you allowed yourself to breakdown. You were remarkably hurt and you have felt yourself breaking slowly overtime. Was he ashamed of you ? He must be, why would he want to be seen with you when he had the likes of Christines to show off. You were done being discarded and you were done feeling sorry for yourself. You wiped your tears, fixed your make up and went back to the party again. If loki doesn't care about this relationship as much you do then you can't be his dirty fling anymore. You deserved someone who would be proud to show you affection in public, and you may not find him today but atleast you can distract yourself at the party. Your eyes looked around for wanda and jane but unfortunately your gaze fell upon loki. There he was dancing with Christine and looked exactly like the fool he said he would. Not really though, you couldn't deny that he looked sexy, the way he moved his hips slightly, as he moved with her and the way he held her hips as she rocked against him. You were so done with him.
"You're too sexy, beautiful everybody wants a taste that's why I still get jealous" you heard the song that was playing currently. What are the odds. Why everything had to suck today? You went to the bar and ordered one more shot, if you're going to get over him, you're getting over him in traditional ways. Getting shitfaced was one of them. You gulped your drink down when you heard a voice "you okay y/n?"
You turned your head to look at James , well everyone called him Bucky but you two were not close. When cap brought Bucky, he was out of control and his mind needed a lot of therapeutic healing . His therapist quit after a day because she said something that triggered him and he attacked her. So loki took him under his wings, he helped james clear his head, used his powers to train him to differentiate between what's in his head and what's reality. Loki has been in his shoes, he understood how it felt to lose your mind, to be tortured, to be used. You didn't just fall for him because he was exceptionally good looking or because you had the best ever sex of your life with him. He had a heart, as much as he tried to act like he didn't give shit about anything or anyone. He loved thor, and he cared about James, and you thought he cared about you but you're just someone to warm his bed every now n then nothing more.
"I'm completely awesome, just having fun ..I mean you agree right ? I am awesome, you know what do not answer that" you say to him and he gives you a small smile "As much as I have heard about you, you're more than just awesome " your drunk head didn't even register weather who he heard it from about you. He was good looking and had this whole broody and mysterious vibe about him. And only if you were not hopelessly in love with loki, something might have happened. "Do you wanna dance?" You ask him and his eyes widen "I don't think that would be appropriate" he says politely. What's with men not wanting to dance with you today ? You're an amazing dancer "why it wouldn't be appropriate?" You chuckle and grabbed his arm, to walk towards the dance floor. You were totally not trying to make loki jealous but it happens organically you wouldn't be opposed to it.
"Just relax James, it's just a dance" you smile and put your arms around his neck to bring him closer. "You can call me Bucky" you heard him saying something but music was too loud "what did you say?" You yell so he leaned down to say it again. "oh okay Bucky" you giggle and he started to relax around you. Then they started to play some slow romantic music you have never even heard of and you shook your head. You so didn't want to see if loki was still dancing with her, he must be. "You know I learned to do waltz, but it has been like 80 years since I did it last" he says to you and you chuckle as you thought he was doing that _it's been 80 years_ meme thing from Titanic. But then you realised he meant it genuinely.
"I know how to waltz, the thing is once you start doing it,no matter how long it's been everything comes back, muscle memory and all you know" you tell him "you wanna try?" You giggle and he nods but you needed more space. "Let's move there" you point towards the centre of the hall and drag him there. The music was perfect and you both put your arms out and got in the stance. Then you both started moving elegantly and you put your head towards the side, for a second you felt loki's eyes over you both but you ignored it . Honestly to hell with him. You both were doing so good that most of the attention was drawn towards you two, but you didn't care, you were having fun. After few moments Bucky twirled you around and then you finished with a dip, You see him smiling as you stretch up "I have always wanted to do that" you say to him "I'm glad I could make that happen" he smiles and then you both you hear clapping and it's wanda and jane with a huge grin on their faces.
"You should go join your friends, besides I wouldn't want any trouble for you" he says as he leaves and it confuses you. He was fun to be around and you had a feeling you two could be good friends if nothing more. All the drinking and dancing did make you forget loki for few moments but once the adrenaline went down, you felt that heart ache again. How could he be so callous, how could he flirt so shamelessly with other women around you. You say goodnight to wanda and jane, they wanted you to stay but you felt drained and you just wanted to cry in peace. On the top of that loki wasn't even at the party anymore, is he fucking Christine? Your heart shattered at the realisation and you felt nauseated so you said your goodbyes and left.
When you went inside to your room, loki was there staring out the window, he was the last person you wanted to see right now but atleast he wasn't with her "What are you doing here?" He turns his head around as he heard your voice and glared at you "the question should be what the hell you were doing out there, with barnes" he asks you and God the nerves and audacity he had right now. "It's called dancing loki and the hypocrisy is commendable really" you yell at him. He had no right to judge you when he wasn't any better. "The hypocrisy? What's gotten into you y/n ? Didn't we agree to keep our relationship private? Then why would you approach me and ask me to dance out there? Don't act like I tricked you into this, you knew what you were getting into" he raised his voice and it made you flinch.
He was right you knew what you were getting into but you couldn't do it anymore " I know I agreed for us to be low-key , no pun intended, let me make that clear" you clear your throat, "but there is a difference between a private relationship and a secret relationship loki. Is this even a relationship for you? Or I'm just someone you're fooling around with untill you're bored?" You raised your voice too and that's When he realised how hurt you actually are about all this "is that what you really think of me ? Of us? Is that what you think I'm doing? Evil loki with his evil plan right?" He walks towards you and he looked sad? Why would he be sad? He can have anyone he desires. You take few steps back as he gets closer to you , no you wont let him turn this around on you.
"That's how you have made me feel today loki, you made me feel used, you made me feel so small today in front of her like she was important to you and like I meant nothing, you can't flirt with the most gorgeous woman in the room ,throw it in my face and then expect me to not care" your lips trembled and your voice quivered as you lash out. All those pent up emotions you had , all of them were going to come out today. He wasn't trying to hurt you but you approached him out of nowhere and he wasn't ready for that.
"She means nothing to me y/n, and you're wrong about her, she wasn't the most gorgeous woman in the room and besides I just met her and I found her very infuriating to say the least"
"Yeah that's probably how you felt when you were grinding on each other"
"Don't use that tone with me y/n "
"Fuck off loki, you want to act like I'm unimportant then fine have it your way, go fuck Christine and her supermodel friends"
As soon as the words left your mouth he closed the distance between you two as he kissed you roughly and deeply. He have heard enough and he can't lose you like this, he won't let it happen. You want to fight back, and you want to get away from him but you don't, you give in and you kiss him back. All that anger, the jealousy, the hurt you feel right now makes you want to Pull his hair out but also fuck him at the same time. He lifts you up by your waist and you wrap your legs around him. He walks untill you're stuck between his strong arms and the wall, he pulls on your hair to stretch your neck and you feel his lips sucking onto your neck, he's leaving his mark, you were not the only one jealous, when he watched you dancing and giggling like that, he wanted to be there with you instead of barnes, he wanted to carry you around in his arms and he wanted to be the man who made you happy today.
His hands moved under the dress and he squeezed your ass. He rolled his hips forward and you felt his erection rubbing against your pussy, and that elicited a moan from you. You wrapped your leg around him more tightly as you bucked your hips into him, you were so frustrated, so upset and so horny at the same time. A tear rolled down from your eyes and loki looks at you he heard a soft sob from you, his heart clenching at the broken noise you made. He never wanted to hurt you this much and he definitely didn't want you to feel like you meant nothing to him, how could he when he felt the exact opposite. He kisses you softly on the cheeks and puts you down on the floor. "Are we not going to hatefuck ?" He hears you and he's perplexed. Now you think he hates you? "I do not hate you y/n , have I treated you so horribly that you think that? "
"Then why wouldn't you accept me in front of everyone? Huh? Are you ashamed of me? Am I not enough? I mean I'm not the supermodel I know..is that it? What is it loki? Tell me" You yell again and he have had enough of you self doubting your worth. He can't let the woman he loves feel this way.
"Because I'm trying to protect you, you silly stubborn woman" he yelled and took a step back from you. "Do you even realise what kind of man you are with y/n? I'm loki, the god of mischief and lies, the war criminal, the murderer, I have been alive for thousands of years, do you have any idea how many enemies I have made during my existence, they're out there looking, hunting , sniffing for my blood, they're looking for a weakness. When Thanos's henchmen tortured me, they used illusions to mess with my mind, showed me things they would do to me and those I cared about, gruesome fatal ending of my mother frigga, my brother thor. So I did what I had to do but I failed y/n and someday they'll come for me, and unfortunately it's not just them. Remember when I was fired at last month?"
He asks you and you nod your head "I do..he lost his brother during NY attack and he blamed you" you tell him and he smiles "now imagine if you were there with me, I made it out without a scratch but what would have happened to you y/n? You would have died on my watch and there is nothing I could have done to protect you, you mortals are so fragile, one bullet would have taken away the woman I love, once they find about you they'll use you to get to me and I can't let that happen" You were not expecting to hear that, you were not expecting any of that, you were pretty sure he was just bored and using you to get by but it made sense, everything made sense. How could you be so blind, how could you never see that after everything he has been through he was scared, scared of losing more, scared of losing you, for the first time he was being vulnerable with you "You love me?" You say softly and he looks at you "is that the only thing you heard?" He chuckles "no I heard all of it loki but you have never been so open with me about any of this before, last time I checked only one of us could read minds and it's not me so can you just open up and talk to me? So I would know what bothers you and what scares you and why you do what you do?"
He nods and he closes the distance between you two. He wraps his arms around you tightly "you're my weakness y/n , I never wanted to have one but then you came along. But I can't do this the way you want me to, I can't give you what you need right now, I can't tell everyone that we are together, not untill I make sure nothing will ever harm you again or take you away from me" he says to you as he continues to hug you
"Okay" you answer him and he pull away to look at you.
"Okay?"
"Yeah okay, i love you loki and I would rather be with you even if it's just both of us who knows about it then not be with you at all. So okay I'm okay with it, that's only if you still want to be with me"
"There's nothing I want more than that. You think it's easy for me to let you walk around as if you're not claimed? As if you're not mine? It's not, it's torturous, no pun intended, let me make that very clear" he imitates you and it makes you giggle "But I'm yours okay? I would never betray you and I never want you to feel like you're not enough or that I'm ashamed of accepting you, because you mean more to me then you'll ever know, I just need you to be safe, I just want you to be okay" his voice cracks , he was pouring his soul out to you and it makes you tear up and you lean in to kiss him. He kisses you back with same intensity and he runs his hand over your back.
"So beautiful you are, the prettiest. I love the dress princess" he kisses your forehead
"Thank you love, I got it in your colour" you smile.
"I know but It would look better on the floor"
"Did you read it online?" You raise your eyebrows
"Yes I'm not proud of that"
"Shouldn't be, by the way jane knows about us, not my fault, thor told her and wanda does too, just cause she's my best friend but nobody else will"
"Well that explains the deathly stares I receive from them on daily basis and barnes does too, and that's exactly why I need to talk to him about the dance, I only sent him to make sure you were okay"
"Awn you were looking out for me?"
"did you not hear anything I said?"
"I did, and that explains his hesitation, it was not his fault though, so go easy on him, also no more grinding with supermodels, or models or any human except me "
"I feel awful about that y/n, I don't know what I was thinking, please forgive me?" He does feel guilty about everything that happened today, You look at him and smile and get on your tip toes to kiss him. Not even an hour ago you were assured you won't have him in your life anymore.
But Life have a weird way of working itself out, when two people are meant to be together there's nothing that can keep them apart. Someday loki will figure out what he can do to make you less fragile,less mortal, someday he'll finally finish that protection charm he has been working on for you. And someday he'll tell the whole world what you mean to him but for now this was enough. He picks you up bridal style and walk towards the bed. He lays you down and kisses you until you are gasping for a breath. Then gets up and looks intently at you as he loosens his tie.
"Y/n"
"Hmm?"
"I can waltz too"
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