#🦝 elwyn posting 🦝 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

secretlyofthefeywild · 2 months

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some days i remember that i went to dan and phils live tour and i have to sit w that knowledge for a little bit

#interactive introverts #still upset w myself for not getting merch but yknow #i cant believe that was a real thing that happened #even though i was literally there #wack #dan and phil #danisnotonfire #daniel howell #amazingphil #phil lester #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 1 month

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rly fucking hate being chronically ill !! why am i abt to pass out this time ? who knows !

#i have to fucking call out from work AGAIN #im so fucking over this shit #but no one belives that theres anything wrong w me #bc im “too young” to be in this much pain #we should be allowed to punch drs that dont believe us frfr #chronically ill #undiagnosed chronic pain #chronic pain #chronic illness #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 5 months

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well, at least the little gay ppl in my phone like me

#every irl friend keeps canceling on me and i am trying to not be uoset abt it #but then i get a notif from this horrendous app and i get a lil bit of serotonin #sure hope that doesnt alter my sense of self worth in any way #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 3 months

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love being an anthro student bc my homework is just shit like "what does religion truly mean" and i get to answer with shit like "can we truly provide a simple and concise definition for such a large, personal, and ever expanding concept?"

#truly the most alive i have felt in years #i love these types of debates and questions #glad to see i picked the right career path lmao #cultural anthropology #religious studies #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 3 months

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chewing on my chronic illness to threaten it into submission

#idk im so fucking tired and it so much pain #why cant i have a normal fucki mg body #everyone else my age is happy and healthy and me entire life revolves around my pain #its just not fair #and ik that complaining doesn't do anything #and i dont like to complain #bit im so tired of bei g in pain #chronic pain #chronic illness #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 1 month

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ayoooo got my midterm back and ya boi got a 96% !!! B)

#only missed 4 points bc i didnt add the color names of the five worlds from the navajo creation myth #gahhhhh !!!!!#this was on my mythology midterm lol #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 6 months

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not to be autistic on main (/lh) but omg changing my sheets to soft fluffy blankets has made a WORLD of difference at bedtime, instead of laying and tossing and turning all night, i am pass out in like 20 minutes, it truly is witchcraft (it's just sensory issues lol)

#anyways #autistic things #actually autistic #sensory issues #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 4 months

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gods im SO TIRED of living in an allistic allo-normative world

#signed the person that had to spend nye w a VERY allo couple #im trying watch this super crazy mini golf tournament (and keep the dogs calm) and all i hear is kissing sounds from two feet away #like pls ! i am literally right next to you ! pls dont do that !#aromantic #aro #arospec #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 1 month

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ayoo ?? got 100% on the essay that i don't remember writing ??

#slayyy #it was on the inuit ppl and their relationship w gods #apparently it was a good paper ???#🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 3 months

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genuinely think i need to see a professional bc my level of paranoia cannot be healthy

#also have just been spiraling all day #i had been having such a good week and i think the crash is hitting #the higher the highs the lower the lows #and ohh fucking boy here we go #i cried in an ihop tn so yknow #im so tired #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 2 months

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so tired of toxic positivity,, everything is NOT going to be alright and im allowed to be upset abt it

#hate having to make extremely stressful decisions bc everyone one else is like “omg do the thing its so good and cool”#but im sitting here and ik full fucking well that it would be the best thing in my life but that realistically it simply is not feasible #and im so upset that everyone (and myself) got my hopes up abt this #i specifically asked to be talked out of it bc i knew it wouldnt work but everyone talked me into it instead #and now i have to face the realization that it cant happen #and it fucking hurts #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 14 days

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tw: suicide

look i know that its not helpful or healthy or whatever else, but i just can't stop thinking that, i won't have to deal with the fight that will almost certainly come in the morning, if im not alive for it to happen. all of the fighting would end. all of the trauma and abuse would stop. i would be free. finally.

i know all of the rebuttals and all of the logic and how wrong that line if thinking is but,, i can't stop thinking it.

this is the closest that ive been since my first (aborted) attempt. sure i think abt it and fantasize abt the ways i could, but it never goes past longing looks at overpasses and taking the razor to my thigh instead. but tonight. tonight i sat with the razor dancing around the vein, willing myself to work up the courage.

and i know, i know that "wanting to avoid a fight" sounds like the most pathetic reason for wanting to kill myself. but it's not rly abt this particular fight is it? it's abt every single fight from the moment i was born. it's abt ever single standard and expectation that was placed on me the moment i was conceived. it's abt the burning hatred in my parents eyes when i came out as trans. it's abt never being allowed to grieve my own fucking brother after i had to call 911 the morning we found his body. it's abt 21 year of non stop trauma and abuse. it's abt being fucking tired.

#tw suicide #uhh vent post ig???#more like a diary entry tbh but yknow #🦝 elwyn posting 🦝

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secretlyofthefeywild · 15 days

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gay panicked my way through a conversation w an attractive coworker and now i am so unbelievably sweaty