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mewtwo24 · 4 months

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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

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buckttommy · 10 days

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When buck screams tommys name in distress, how would you like it to happen?

well. so. obviously tommy gets hurt on the job and obviously buck witnesses it. i don't know how it happens, necessarily. i know 911 said they didn't necessarily want to do big wildfires out of respect for the fact that they have big wildfires in california, but that's the only thing i can think of, like. i don't know if you've seen the og/ls crossover episode (i'm going to assume you have) but having all these firefighters together.. it's the most time buck and tommy have ever spent together while on the job. they do little check-ins with each other throughout the days as the week stretches on, just to make sure they're safe, just to make sure they're coping well. they never do anything more than kiss and hold each other for a couple minutes in a dark/quite corner of one of the sleep tents, both because they're exhausted and because it's definitely not the time or place, but. it's enough. you know?

and so. about eight days into the wildfire, a group of firefighters goes missing. they're completely unresponsive, and that's a bad sign, so tommy's unit has to fly in to go get them. when buck learns tommy's flying out for this specific rescue, he's anxious as hell. that area he's flying out to went bad days ago, visibility is shit, and the group of firefighters that stopped responding was the last group that was ever going to be sent out before the whole area was going to be considered too far gone to save. so he's nervous. scared shitless, actually. but tommy just pulls him aside and he smiles that warm, loving, reassuring smile of his. kisses him and says, "don't worry i'll be okay, everything is okay" and he's scared too, buck can see it in his eyes, but he kisses him back hard and long and just tells him, like, "come home safe to me, ok?" and it's a request but it's also a demand. tommy has to come home. there's no other option. not one that buck can survive, at least.

so tommy goes away and buck/the rest of the 118/some others are is deployed to an area that's pretty close to where tommy is supposed to be flying overhead. after a while, buck gets into a rhythm, so he doesn't think (much) about tommy and just focuses on the task at hand and what he has to do. and then at some point, he hears a chopper overhead and he's so relieved... up until the moment that he notices something is very fucking wrong. he doesn't know what, exactly, but the helicopter is going down and he can't fucking breathe and it is has nothing to do with the smoke. and buck, like.... it'd be one thing if he was hearing about it after the fact, you know? if he heard about it after, he'd be spared the sheer, lifechanging panic of what it looks like to see his world collapse in real time. but he's actually standing there, and he's witnessing the love of his fucking life go down in a wildfire and. so. yeah. he screams tommy's name at the top of his lungs. he's not even aware that he's doing it, tbh. it's completely involuntary, a byproduct of watching this person he loves so much literally die (so he thinks). and there are arms around his waist (he doesn't know whose, but they feel like eddie's) holding him back to keep from running, and someone's talking into a radio (bobby maybe?) but everything is just. it's chaos. his head his chaos, his heart stopped beating ages ago and now he's just. dead. just dead and waiting for, praying for a miracle he's not sure will ever come—

(and. so. obviously tommy is fine. buck doesn't actually, like, learn this fact until several hours later when he is already so firmly entrenched in the deepest depression/state of grief he has ever been in in his life (and considering he watched eddie get shot in front of him, saw a bridge collapse on top of bobby, and his sister was kidnapped presumed dead, that's saying a LOT). but then tommy staggers into the tent and buck absolutely falls the fuck apart. like. tommy barely gets a step inside before buck is on him—before they're on each other, actually—and. like. he's not okay at all. like. he's injured and should definitely 100% be on his way to the hospital. but he knew, okay? tommy kinard knows his boy and he knew what kind of state he would be in. so yeah, stopping by to see him was a no brainer. their reunion only lasts a couple minutes before tommy's body starts to give out on him and, like, yeah, hospital now. but. buck goes with him, and he doesn't leave his side once except when tommy goes through surgery and... everything is not okay but neither of them had the worst day of their lives and that's all buck could ever ask for.)

(and if they finally tell each other they love each other when tommy gets out of surgery and comes out from under the haze of anesthesia. well. that's just between them)

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #*wounded jack noises*#this hurt my feelings AND put them back together [< girl who literally wrote the thing]#anyways #this headcanon is. like. a sequel to the one linked btw. just in case you need to know how crazy this whole thing makes me #jack answers mail #tv: 911 #bucktommy

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sampilled · 1 month

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it's weird how in the flashback episodes we never really see sam as an angry kid when we hear so much about how he argued with john nonstop and how vocal he was about hating the life throughout the show, he's always portrayed as kinda timid and quiet.

the only time we see him act out like that (that i remember right now anyway) is in after school special and he spends the entire episode pushing it down and swallowing everything he wants to say until he is finally pushed too far

its almost like sam wasn't a horribly angry child (or adult)

#this goes doubly for early seasons sam who kept getting told he was so filled with rage #i also just think that its kinda bad writing. i feel like the writers forgot that sam was constantly standing up for him and dean never did #im also reading weechesters fics rn and the most frustraiting thing is reading a fic that portrays dean as the rebelious one who stood up t #john for sam #you literally have never watched the show ever #we also never really get to see teen sam which is so hurtful to me personally :(#i know it would have been difficult because sam was 22 in the pilot so people kinda know what teen him and early 20s dean look like #but i prommy people woyld have suspended their disbelief

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moeblob · 2 months

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I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

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Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands.#It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone.#What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again!#Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes.#Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY.#Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly.#What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person?#What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white?#When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not.#It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible.#This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down.#And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it.#And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

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iamnmbr3 · 2 months

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harry definitely not heterosexual potter is the funniest thing to me because i literally cannot remember a single time in the book where he thinks “i should probably be nervous about draco trying to kill me because i am literally convinced that he is willingly working with voldemort.” no. he was like “oh draco? yeah he is definitely working for voldemort and he is so evil because did you see the way he is combing his hair now? probably switched shampoo. he would never change conditioner, that thing works wonders. what do you mean, this is common knowledge. anyway, he is so evil and definitely working for voldy. but of course he won’t kill me, are you crazy? who would he talk to across the great hall? like literally you don’t even understand.” and everyone just WENT WITH IT.

Hahahahaha I KNOW! Would he feel this safe around literally any other person who he suspected of being in league with Voldemort? I think tf not!

Even once Draco has Harry incapacitated and totally at his mercy on the train Harry at no point thinks that he's in danger. Even after Draco breaks his nose he doesn't think it. After that incident Harry still is all 'can't wait to break into the Room of Requirement BY MYSELF while Draco is in there so I can see what secret evil mission he's working on for Voldemort' and at no point does he worry that going in without backup could end badly. And HE'S RIGHT. When Draco has Harry at his mercy he never seriously harms him and risks everything multiple times in book 7 to protect him. This is NOT Harry seeing Draco with rose tinted glasses. This is Harry deeply and intimately understanding that Draco will not hurt him and feeling comfortable around him on an instinctual level despite every reason he has not to.

And let's not forget why Harry finally stops investigating Draco in 6th year. It's not because he decides he's wrong about his whole "Draco is a Death Eater on a mission from Voldemort" theory nor is it because he gets worried that since Draco is a Death Eater on a mission from Voldemort looking into this could get Harry or his friends hurt. No. He stops because his investigation leads to Draco getting hurt. And Harry is so horrified by this that he completely backs off and gives up trying to stop the super secret evil mission from Voldemort that Harry is sure Draco is on. Harry is like 'foiling an evil plot masterminded by Voldemort himself isn't worth it if it could lead to me hurting Draco.' He really said 'I can excuse putting myself in mortal danger on a regular basis to stop Voldemort's plots but I draw the line at Draco being upset.' In canon.

And yeah Harry cares about people in general but not to this extent. When Umbridge gets carried off by centaurs Harry doesn't even think of going after her. He's just like 'lmao bye bitch.' He straight up KILLS Quirrell in first year and when he finds out he's like 'well that sucks for him.' Tons of Death Eaters get hurt and maimed at the Department of Mysteries and Harry never even stops to check if they're ok. In second year he forces Lockhart to enter the Chamber of Secrets first in case there's a Basilisk waiting at the bottom of the chute.

But anytime he sees Draco in danger he does whatever he can to help without even thinking about it. From the time in first year in the Forbidden Forest when he immediately throws his arm out to stop Draco walking towards Voldemort to 7th year when he risks his own life and that of his friends to pull him out of the fiendfyre and reveals his presence while running through the battle so he can stun a Death Eater threatening Draco. And he does it automatically, without a second thought because Harry can't fathom a world where he wouldn't protect Draco.

#this ask made me lol so much. it's so. SO true.#(I'm now imagining Harry being like Doug from Up going “Squirrel!” but about Draco every time he sees him. Oh wait. That's canon.)#Shoutout to the time Harry sees Draco forced to torture Rowle and is horrified because of how upset and scared Draco is #and doesn't even think about Rowle at all.#Can you imagine him telling Rona and Hermione about it like 'it was horrible'.#'Yeah I guess even though Rowle is a Death Eater he didn't deserve-'#Rowle? Who cares about him? He was just getting tortured. The point is Draco felt bad about it.'#Also. Nose breaking is pretty minor given that 1) in the magical world mundane injuries can be easily fixed and #2) Draco is a literal Death Eater.#And later Draco risks everything to save Harry's life at the Manor.#He also alerts Harry to his presence in the Room of Requirement #tries to stop Crabbe & Goyle from killing or hurting him #and doesn't call Voldemort or tell anyone he's seen Harry.#asks #Draco Malfoy #Harry Potter #drarry #drarry in canon #hpdm #h/d #harco #harry x draco #harry/draco #drarry meta #drarry g

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uncanny-tranny · 1 year

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A (non-exhaustive) list of reasons trans people might not tell you or other people that they're trans:

They might not know if you are close enough to them to warrant a coming out

They might have thought you already knew

They might not be interested in you, and thus don't think it's necessary

They're stealth and don't want people to spread around the fact they're trans to everybody (because they are stealth)

They want to be physically and mentally safe

They don't plan on being in a certain space long enough for personal information like that to feel appropriate

You are not their medical provider

It's not inherently anybody's business

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #people are really quick to assume bad faith in trans people who don't hold up a sign reading: WARNING I AM A TRANSSEXUAL #but like... these non-exhaustive reasons i have included are all ones i have literally gone through personally #and it isn't just me who does this!#you have washed your hands next to a trans person. you have purchased the same shirt a transsexual has #because we are human people who do things other people do #again this list is non-exhaustive #there are a million reasons why we don't tell you about our ~trans status~#and 99.9% of the time we aren't not telling you because we're trying to hurt you

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months

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everybody stay with me im shifting back into speculation & analyzing mode, this time about everybody's favorite pair of besties. ill put this under the cut for everyone's sakes

and please, take all of this with a Hefty grain of salt.

so ive been... thinking about a thing. a maybe-possibility. which if this has some merit, the part of me that loves characters having a good time and feeling good feels is screaming in fear. but the louder part of me that loves angst and hurting characters is rubbing its little fly hands together.

short version: i think Barnaby is going to emotionally distance from Wally, if not outright grow to resent him. maybe temporarily, maybe not.

full version: *cracks knuckles* strap in folks. so.

first of all, an entire chunk of Barnaby's bio is dedicated to his character relation to Wally. everyone else only has one-off lines dedicated to their relationships to other neighbors - even Frank & Julie just have single sentences about each other (note that they're described as "partnered with" and "depicted with" respectively. more on that soon). even Wally's bio has his Barnaby mention tacked onto the end of his first paragraph instead of being its own dedicated section

and then there's their character designs - their bios explicitly point out that they share characteristics; color schemes, hearts on their soles, similar outfits.

they were made to be best friends. literally. this quote is what made me start turning this theory over in my mind (sourced from @ /theneighborhoodwatch's collected & absolutely fascinating livestream trivia)

it appears that Barnaby literally did not have a say in whether or not he and Wally are friends. their bios even say "illustrated pages note that they were best friends multiple times." they have to be best friends.

which brings us back to Frank & Julie. they briefly reference each other in their bios, but they aren't described as best friends. it's incredibly likely that they were meant to be a romantic couple - i briefly covered that theory in this post (dont read the first one i was going insane) but they managed to avoid that. Frank and Julie defied the script and chose to be best friends instead.

and then in the trivia document a few more character relationships are briefly touched on, like how Howdy considers Barnaby a close friend, and Sally considers either Barnaby or Poppy as her closest friend, etc.

everyone else seems to be choosing who they're close with. they're forming their own opinions and dynamics and relationships. & its interesting that Barnaby is stated for both of these - as if implying that he may return the friendship feelings, or at the very least he's developed enough of a relationship with them to earn their affection

Barnaby and Wally... i doubt they ever got that. they were best friends from the start, no development, no choice. it's written into them.

and then there's how their relationship has been portrayed so far. i believe i saw an ask where Clown stated that Barnaby is very polite to Wally, which struck me as odd. have you ever had a polite relationship to your best friend? have you ever seen best friends be polite? i'd be surprised!

best friends mess with each other! they tease and rib and roast! what is a best friend for if not mutual tomfuckery?! jesting around? playfully pushing boundaries? a Polite best friendship... that's a straight up oxymoron. no such thing. that sounds boring and exhausting.

not only that, but the fact that Barnaby is often used for Wally's painting segments, and is the go-to guy for teaching Wally something new, is kind of concerning. it gives me the vibe that a big part of Barnaby's literal reason for existing is to be Wally's friend & guide.

which would make the fact of him being described as polite to Wally make sense. of course he's not going to push their relationship or try to deepen it - he's forming his own dynamics with the other neighbors. with Wally... it's already established. that is how they are with each other. that is what they are to each other.

and it's not like Wally can be the one to introduce nuances. i don't mean that as a slight or anything - he's just the way he's been described and the things stated about him that make me think that he wouldn't really... know how to? it just wouldn't occur to him. he probably thinks his and Barnaby's relationship is what a best friendship is and is how it should be.

but they have to hang out. they have to refer to each other as best friends. and while i believe that Wally does wholeheartedly think that they're best friends, close as can be... i doubt Barnaby feels the same. like - yes, he probably does care about Wally. everybody likes Wally.

but it's gotta be frustrating for Barnaby, especially as time goes on and he becomes more himself as a person over just being a character playing a part. it probably stunts his relationship growth with others, since his ~best friend spot~ is already taken and who would want to encroach on that? especially since its taken by Wally mcfuckin Darling?

their friendship might become less of a role and more of a responsibility. Barnaby might grow to feel obligated to stick with Wally as his "best friend". someone invites Barnaby to hang out and/or help with something? sorry, he has to pose for Wally's painting. Barnaby is trying to do his own thing? sorry, Wally is knocking on the door and asking for help with something.

i wonder if Barnaby ever hopes that Wally will go to someone else, or feels relief when he does. and then does he feel irritation/guilt over that denied hope or that granted relief? then does he get angry at himself for those emotions?

how would this effect how he treats Wally and acts around him? this confusing muddle of emotions and this strange growing resentment for his painfully earnest friend who only ever means well, if he means at all.

it makes me curious whether or not this theory has merit. and how this could come to a head. what would Barnaby, in this situation, do if/when he discovers that they're puppets on a set, and he's literally written to be Wally's bestie while everyone else changed their scripts and chose their own relationships.

personally, i don't think he'd be happy, and i doubt he'd handle it well.

#holy Shit this was tough to translate from my brain #i literally wrote it all out in my head while in the shower #and then i went to get it down on 'paper' and it was Tangled To Hell And Back #*taking a break from art*#brain: soooooo we're bored now. lets overthink and share these thinkings #welcome home theory #welcome home speculation #SERIOUSLY THOUGH IM SCARED FOR BARNABY AND WALLY #mainly for wally bc Ouch it would hurt him to have their relationship sour #barnaby getting resentful and wally not understanding why his best friend is acting differently towards him #and PLEASE keep in mind that im mostly talking outta my ass here #but like.... ugh #barnaby looking at wally walking over one day and feeling the urge to turn away or groan in irritation/exasperation #him posing for a painting and wishing he were anywhere else.#him wanting to be closer with other puppets but unable to bring himself to try bc of the Guilt #everywhere he turns hes called 'wallys best friend' and asked 'wheres wally? hes usually with you' when hes alone #and hearing 'if you want to find wally/barnaby go look for barnaby/wally. if you see one the other isnt far away'#that has GOT to get on his nerves over time #this constant stagnation of their relationship while everyone else is evolving and growing. hes Stuck.#even julie & frank who were written to be together find a way to circumvent that and add so much depth and uniqueness to their relationship #if you want a happy side of this. it could lead to barnaby & wally being really truly besties #barnaby could have an arc about thinking 'holy shit it was all fabricated. Fuck that and Fuck you[wally]'#and then going 'holy shit i Do actually love and care about him[wally] and i want us to develop a real meaningful friendship'#BUT WHO KNOWS who knows not me!#also it must be tiring to constantly have to explain his jokes and so many other things #bc wally Is a curious guy! he wants to learn!#but maybe barnaby just wants to have an uninterrupted conversation but he Cant bc wallys just built different #not said as a bad thing At All.#just... people are complicated. sometimes we have mean thoughts/emotions that conflict with what we really think/feel and our morals #we're only human. everyone is mean sometimes if only in our heads.& yeah theyre technically Puppets but lets not get caught up on semantics

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navree · 1 month

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i'm sorry but this is sending me into the goddamn stratosphere, if you send people to physically attack my mom, torture my sister, cut my six year old son's head off, threaten to murder my toddler, and then also threaten to rape my six year old daughter, i would be very happy and jovial in declaring war on your psycho ass for pulling that shit on people who literally didn't do a thing to you.

consequently, if i sent people to physically attack someone who never did me any harm, torture my sister who never did me any harm, cut my six year old nephew who never did me any harm's head off, threaten to murder my toddler nephew who never did me any harm, and also threaten to rape my six year old niece who never did me any harm, i would be very full of regret and sorrow for what i've done, because those are bad things that i did.

#personal #house of the dragon #hotd #like yeah no SHIT aegon's super gung-ho to carpet bomb rhaenyra and her side #you murder my kid and beat up my mom and make my sister go crazy and literally threaten to RAPE MY SIX YEAR OLD #i'll go apeshit i'll have the time of my life talking about how you're gonna suffer i'll be happy as a clam about it #like rhaenyra should absolutely feel bad and fear what she started! what she started was monstrous!#and by not thoroughly denouncing daemon and removing him from her side for it she's clearly endorsing it!#and people have the right to be happy about causing her bodily harm as a result for either tacitly or outright endorsing things like this #you know things like child murder and threats of violent rape against little girls #(and i mean even just the bad precedent to set of 'you did something that hurt me so i have the right to take it out')#('not on you or anyone who supported you but civilians who weren't even remotely involved in the situation at all')#like come on rhaenyra's side is in the wrong for blood and cheese and it's so fine for aegon (as the person most deeply affected by it)#to be happy about any retribution he could bring on her #just as it is both fine and actually really good for rhaenyra as a character to feel bad about it #as the wrongful party #be fucking for real

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aseplant · 4 months

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they are living rent free in my head your honor

#the thing that gets me about loop is that they are. more jaded sif who has lost everything. right.#they are so angry. they feel powerless and abandoned by the universe and they have nothing left not even their own appearance #and siffrin has everything they ever wanted and they have nothing to lose AND even still. despite all of that #loop's not able to go through with killing him #and like. throughout the game they genuinely ARE being helpful #they help sif work through things they dissuade sif from hurting themselves #LITERALLY in your first convo they tell sif not to repeat their mistakes #like self loathing goes hard bc damn they genuinely are!!! trying so so hard!!! and hhhhhhhhrghhbrgbh #anyway tldr i am so normal about them. thank you.#isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #loop #siffrin #my art #art #aseplant art

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lumpsbumpsandwhumps · 4 months

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To say the whump community hates women characters is so cynical and unfair. Have you considered most of us are women and just not interested in hurting our own? like congrats if that's your deal, but let's not act like there's misogyny at play here.

So being a fellow female survivor of assault, why is it that we have separate tags for lady whump stuff? "Well, because women in DV situations can be too close to home", extremely fair point, I can more than sympathize with that. But then why don't we have an unspoken-rule-type tag for male whump? Why is "whump" in general entirely assumed to be male characters and male dominated? Because it's expected, because most of these women in the whump community love hurting their lil gay bois? We decree violence against women only to turn around giggling with our friends about taking a 12 gauge shotgun to a twink's knees so he has to crawl?

No one said she even had to be a whumpee. She can be a whumper, a carewhumper, a caretaker, a random side character. She can be a mom or a sister or a spouse or a childhood best friend. The problem is she doesn't exist at all. She doesn't get to be the victim or the hero or the villain because she's not appealing enough. I read male whump when I wanna feel spicy, I read female whump when I wanna relate. I want to see the same girl I was, broken and abused, I wanna see her rise to the top, I wanna see her take it too far, I wanna see justice delivered in the bloodiest form, I wanna simp over a bad bitch who would seduce me in a night club with a tight black dress and leave me in an ice bath in the morning.

In a community with 98% male OCs, I think we can spare a crumb for more women who are weak or cruel or kind. Just make more women in general.

#ask #anon #'just not interested in hurting our own' sister in christ i AM your own #i am a lesbian and a cis woman and a SA survivor and i am telling you i want more sexy and/or pathetic lady characters #you make a prettyboy who goes through the worst mental and physical trauma to endure his entire life and youre twirling your hair #but you replace that character with a woman and suddenly its too far? too cruel? how could anyone like such a thing?#you liked it LITERALLY 2 seconds ago.

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sankatsuka · 3 months

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Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY Discussion - Reigniting The Passion Lost to Peer Pressure

Everyone wants to have a place to belong, where the hard work we pour into the things we love will be seen and appreciated by people. But what happens when you decide you will never find this place and resign yourself to a life of solitude, only to be proven wrong by a group of people who insist on your wholehearted hard work? And it only later dawns on you that you will someday have to part ways and you will lose the miraculous place you finally found.

This is what I like to think Rui Kamishiro encapsulates - the battle between being yourself and wanting a place to belong. How easy it is to get swayed from what you love when you think you've found this place and start to subconsciously dedicate your passion to this place instead, to the point that if you're not aware enough, you can forget the feelings in your original passion (resulting in the hesitation and doubt in Curtain Call). After all, nobody is the same, and if you focus too much of your passion on them, that passion becomes about them and not yourself. Ultimately, it is how not acknowledging a healthy boundary with people who are different from you can affect your passion (Shiho as a character is very integral to this).

Warnings:

I believe the entire WxS plot is meant to be misdirection.

Personal interpretation of Rui and several characters by inferring from text.

I believe Rui is a flawed person with no bad intentions, so there will be criticism of his character here. I really suggest turning away if it upsets you.

Spoilers for all WxS unit stories up till Backlit Lens Flare (as well as for Saki, Shiho, Akito, Mafuyu and Mizuki's characters up to their most recent stories)

Edit (11/2/2024): Made multiple edits as always, but biggest change is talking more about the foils in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Kitty's message. Edit (12/2/2024): Compulsory mention of Rui's mom and how he was set up for failure from way back then. Edit (12/2/2024): Expansion on the parallels between Rui and Mafuyu - what it is that makes them the CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Jackpot Sad Girl. And a summary on how three commission parallels supports this interpretation of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY about Rui's characters. Edit (13/2/2024): Lets add a bit more about how Resonate with You criticizes Rui's actions in Curtain Call. AND MANJI ALSO BEING A SLANG MEANING EXCITEMENT, STILL APPLIES TO TSUKASA IDC!!

Rui's character in the story starts off as someone who has thrown the part of himself who wants to have fun making things with people after being repeatedly let down by them. The early times with Wonderlands x Showtime helped him remember that desire from childhood to find a place that accepts that desire, that he criticizes Tsukasa for not appreciating WxS - for not realizing the best shows can't be accomplished without friends.

"--The best shows can't be done alone."

Following the fallout, Tsukasa and WxS' continued insistence and appreciation of him makes him start to see them as a place he can finally belong to. The place he's searched for for so long since childhood. That when he saw Tsukasa get hurt, he became swayed from doing the things he wanted to do for the first time and he hadn't even noticed it - because Tsukasa might leave him like his classmates had, so he has to hold back so as to not disappoint him further. This resulted in Tsukasa and Ruis second argument, with Tsukasa being angry at Rui for lying and holding back - which I later argue is the exact same feelings in his FUZAKERUNA in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

"This is surprising. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way." "Being afraid of losing your place, and then being unable to face the actors who seriously respond to you - this is a failing as a director."

However, this entire ordeal ended in Rui acknowledging his weakness, putting the whole deal behind them and moving on with the show, as KAITO advised. (Spoiler: it isn't weird at all to say that this happens again, with how he deals with it so indifferently like this.)

And then in Curtain Call, he becomes painfully aware that everyone may leave someday for their dreams--

"Someday, the day we will have to depart will come... For both me, and everyone."

Doesn't this just seem like a repeat of Halloween in a different way? He's scared they'll all leave him alone. One can say that Curtain Call ignited the exact same fear of being left alone and losing your place that Rui felt in Halloween - and his reaction feels exactly the same too: acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on to doing what is best for the best shows. After all, Rui lives for the best shows, because it is what makes him most happy - albeit Backlit Lens Flare suggests how he doesn't actually fully remember the joy and passion for shows he had as a child (discussed later). The best way to put it is - Rui feels like a walking corpse of his childhood.

Normally, when you realize this possibility of parting in the future, you talk to your friends about this (see: Saki Focus 3, Get Over It). But Rui refrains from talking to the people he should be talking to (WxS) and proceeds to go for the most obvious decision for his dream by joining Arklands. Only after Asahi turns him away does he go for the next obvious option he sees - the reckless decision that he would do everything in his power to achieve everyone's dreams together. And he can so confidently chase it because he's smart, only to be put down in Backlit Lens Flare lol.

Rui has really just been powering his way through the things he finds unpleasant, as KAITO had told him to in Halloween, ignoring the bad parts and doing everything for the sake for the best shows. You can really, really argue that KAITO's advice in Halloween seems very, very morally ambiguous now lol. He doesn't think ahead of what is the best choice and what would make him happiest - it's as if he's avoiding the very line of thought of how he would do post-WxS. Compared to Shiho in Focus 1, 'Resonate With You', who shows how she has thought it through and is happy enough just spending time with Leo/need for leisure - Rui doesn't even reach this line of thought of what happens next.

I think that he avoids thinking properly about these stuff because he wouldn't have a proper answer to it. Can he really trust Asahi when many other people have disappointed him after showing some interest before this? On the other hand, he's argued with Tsukasa twice and everyone is still enthusiastic - WxS is the only place he's ever felt secure.

"There were a few people who saw my ideas and said, 'it would be interesting if we could do it'." "But even those people gradually became reluctant with the more new ideas I brought to them."

It may generally be underestimated in the story just how much Rui doesn't inherently trust people and actors.

Even CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY begins with 'Nobody's listening anyway. Music's all just fashion, players leaving the field after devouring dead sounds one night.' which can be interpreted as people who became reluctant after they spent too long around Rui as he says to KAITO above, innit.

And then, Backlit Lens Flare happens and Rui encounters ??? (Sakaki). Sakaki immediately identifies the problem with Bakuno's acting, pinpointing it to the directors instead of the actor. Rui was not able to.

Remember, the freelance option isn't permanent - there's the possibility someone may be recruited away (It's a story for another day that he is only really worried about Tsukasa instead of the whole WxS but doesn't realize this). Rui paying attention to their growths first of all before his own is testament to how he's trying to make sure they quickly grow so they can achieve their dreams together:

"...It seems it became good stimulation for both of them right away." "...I also need to more proactively study from this opportunity."

So even now, Rui is more worried about WxS over himself. He prioritizes making sure they are getting something out of the freelancing gig over himself. Only after watching them was he stimulated to do his best too - and here comes the question, where did his drive to be proactive for his own passion go to?

Sakaki's ingenuity finally pops this question to Rui's mind. Had Rui's brain not been filled with the worry of losing his place, he may have been able to think more clearly and just as quickly reach the same conclusion as Sakaki. If he had been filled with thoughts of what was satisfying for himself instead of how he could stay with everyone, he may have been able to create a much better film (see: Shiho Focus 3, Stick to Your Faith). In fact, why is he even so bothered about falling behind Sakaki, when Rui isn't even an adult or a professional director himself?

It's not normal to be bothered about that: Nene was never hard on herself for not being as good as Kazamatsuri, because it's a given she's far away. But she does get upset with herself when she realizes she had looked down on Sakurako and naively seen her as an equal. You only react that way with people you see as equals if you're secure.

Perhaps, the passionate person Rui used to be would have admired Sakaki and want to learn from him out of a pure love for shows instead. And not be so bothered about how he was falling behind professionals.

We see Rui fail twice in the story: not figuring out the problem with the scene, and not thinking ahead of personalizing the script like Ohara had. (There is a third time too: how Tsukasa and WxS seem so moved by Bakuno's performance that Rui played no part in - meaning there are others who could easily replace him - if the emotions in this discussion hold true). And it's no wonder it would have him start questioning and blaming his obsession with WxS for it - if he had not been preoccupied with them, he may have avoided his failures altogether, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been this upset.

It's like a hit to his ego. Is how he's acting and behaving really the same boy who loved shows and would do anything for a show that would satisfy him?

Right now, it's as if Rui is trying hard to protect his position as a talented genius that surpasses everyone so WxS will need him for their dreams and want him around. No one can replace him; only he can achieve their dreams for them.

But Sakaki and Ohara prove him wrong.

The closing lines of Backlit Lens Flare, where he focuses on his own feelings towards directing instead of anything WxS learned, implies this self-realization of how he had been behaving. Rui is finally focused on himself.

"I'm disappointed that I didnt come up with this method, but strangely enough, I feel refreshed." "Directing... really is interesting."

FIRST UP. WHY DID YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE METHOD. SECONDLY, WHY ARE YOU REFRESHED. It makes sense to me as someone who's been carried away a lot: when you realize you lost sight of your original intentions and began worrying more about so many unnecessary things, you feel bitter at your mistake but relieved and refreshed you've finally been woken up.

To me, all of these feel like they're pointing to Rui being afraid of losing his place in WxS. So he has to be capable of solving everything, achieving everyone's dreams, so they will need him for it and they can keep staying this way. Before this, it seemed like a normal human emotion he had just never experienced before, but now, it's starting to show it's actually detrimenting his passion.

This is what I believe the theme of trends are playing into in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY - doing anything you can to make sure there will be people to hear and appreciate your music, and the spite in realizing you've lost yourself in that pursuit. Money is the artificial love you receive by catering to people so they would stay and listen to you. It's heartless, but following his character, it seems the crowd he's referring to is WxS. Because they have their strong individualistic dreams and just won't simply stay with him as he wants them to, he has to keep worrying about keeping up with them (Tsukasa mainly):

But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.

Loners=Rui Manji (a sign of good things to come)=Tsukasa (being surrounded by good luck charms; kanji 天 being associated with heaven; inviting Rui to WxS) (edit: manji is also a slang for excitement, which Tsukasa literally is for Rui) Gen Z=Nene (digital age, playing video games) Monkey=Emu (in Rui's picnic card and Emu in Sky's Edge)

(In NY2, Emu ended up drawing tons of big luck omikuji, and Tsukasa is surrounded by monkeys in Island Panic - so you can suggest their roles are reversed. But the robot monkey Tsukasa in picnic suggests Tsukasa isn't a real monkey.)

Curtain Call and Backlit Lens Flare together show how not addressing and expressing fears properly and simply moving on changes nothing. Self-awareness and powering through is useless advice - anyone who's had troubles with lovers, friends and family know you need to talk and accomodate each other. Or not, is it even feeling loved and cared anymore, isn't it just about control then?

In Resonate with You, Shiho makes Leo/need think through their choice to join her into becoming a professional, rather than accepting them right off the bat. She knows from her prior experience working with people that half-hearted musicians would only fail, suffer and drop out. It is only by Leo/need wholeheartedly declaring their intentions of facing music sincerely and seriously that Shiho is convinced that they can all do it together for sure. This is such a contrast to Rui in Curtain Call where he decides on his own that he will find a way for WxS to achieve their dream together, while barely thinking at all. And he winds up focusing so much on making sure WxS stays together. You need to think it through, face the future seriously and talk properly. NOT JUST LEAVE IT THERE!!

Or else you'll lose sight of your original motivation from focusing too much on things that don't really matter as much to you: you'll just end up half-hearted.

Further proof that Backlit Lens Flare is Rui's realization of his half-heartedness since Curtain Call, is that Tsukasa gets angry at him in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY like he does in Halloween. It isn't even a desperate shout to save someone - it's like a look of pure judgmental disappointment, as if they've been through this already. Stop lying.

He already shouted in anger in Halloween. If that didn't reach Rui, then there was no point in being all angry anymore.

Rui was repeating Halloween, trying so hard to protect the place he belongs to and forgot what he himself truly wants. From there, the lyrics in the entire CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are self-explanatory: what happened to the things you wanted to sing? (I was so happy with the lyrics because it was exactly what I was thinking in Curtain Call but no one seemed to care).

One thing you can never take away from Rui is that he is a very, very passionate guy. He loves what he does that he would spend every waking hour of his day working on it. Even if he's become a shell of his former self, his body is still naturally drawn to shows (Samsa Kanade reference heh). And Rui himself believes himself to be purely passionate too. So when he realizes that passion has been thoroughly dirtied, it makes sense he's as angry as he is in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

In Anni 2, Rui says he didn't know what he wanted to do like Mafuyu, but then he corrects himself to say he THOUGHT he knew.

"Actually, in the past, I didn't know what I wanted to do." "No... I should say that I thought I knew, but I actually didn't know at all."

For a brief moment, Rui thought he was just like Mafuyu with nothing to call his own. Until he quickly remembers that he did indeed have something he wanted to do, but claims to have been mistaken.

Why did you briefly relate to a girl who felt like she had nothing she wanted to do like everyone else, if that isn't a sign of his current state of mind - feeling like he has no dreams like WxS, and having to keep up with them so that he can feel like he belongs (discussed later in the parallels with Cinema). His lost passion became more evident at this point of the story.

If you 'thought you knew', then that means it was once a genuine feeling too. Even if you're alone, doing what you love is still fun - Shiho in her Focus 3, 'That Day, The Sky Was Far Away' demonstrates this. Although she had been let down by the bandmates, she was still fine alone because music made her feel better. And she even inspired Mihane because of her enthusiasm. After all, what you love to do should make you happy to some extent.

In comparison, Rui seems to have forgotten that shows were actually fun in middle school (probably because Stick to Your Faith never happened for him). When he approached Mizuki, he was standoffish and didn't think to introduce Mizuki to the fun of shows even when they expressed some interest in it. Probably because he couldn't even remember it himself. But being able to make that decision suggests he did still have some semblance of emotions that felt like shows were fun. Once again, a walking corpse of his chiildhood.

In the end, it's like he already lost this original joy for shows since middle school, and then grew even more confused about what made him happiest with the new joy he experienced after finding a place in WxS. He hasn't been able to wholeheartedly enjoy his passion because he's been continuously rejected, and he thought he was having fun when WxS accepted him - but in the end, that fun was from finally finding a place.

Update: Tetrad gives more implications of how Rui had gone astray post-Curtain Call. Tsukasa and Rui sing together, "We're facing the same direction", but Rui appears troubled. It's like Rui can't declare that he is chasing his dreams as confidently as the rest of WxS. Deep down, a part of him probably knew this even before Backlit Lens Flare happened but was afraid of facing it.

I would further go on to associate CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY to both Kitty and Cinema which its imagery resembles. The card set takes place in Shibuya where Kitty takes place in, and Cinema uses the same director's cut + Tsukasa's trained card directly mentions Cinema on the billboard.

There's also the naming that is clearly based on Jackpot Sad Girl - which I think just goes to highlight how both Rui and Mafuyu have the power through it mindset that it lands them dead and sad respectively: people need to reconcile their differences with others to truly love and feel alive (Rui) and people can't endure stress for too long without getting depressed (Mafuyu). Both ignored their human needs and thus this is where they wound up.

The parallel with Kitty feels like it's also within the overall messaging - how facing things can lead to losing yourself even more when you aren't mentally prepared and have no clear-cut answer (sounds similar to what Rui carelessly did in Curtain Call, doesn't it?). In Mafuyu's case, she seemed about ready to change herself again to please her mother, and in Mizuki's case, opening up to Niigo would make them more sensitive to what they say and probably even change themselves so as to not be left alone. Mizuki has even expressed this sentiment once by dressing as a boy in middle school, when they already knew they loved cute things since childhood and was even reaffirmed by their sister.

In Our Survival and Escape, the point is made that it's BECAUSE Mizuki never opened up to Niigo that they were able to protect their heart. Compare this to Rui, who bore everything about himself to WxS by not holding back with his performances and past and thus gained their unconditional acceptance. As a result, he becomes swayed by them when he realizes that things would come to an end and becomes preoccupied with stopping it even at the cost of himself - his passion. If Mizuki had similarly put their utmost trust in Niigo like this, it wouldn't be surprising either if they quickly get swayed to stop expressing themselves too if one of them ever expressed dismay (hinting that they would leave).

Thus, in order to find the answer to real love, you have to protect your heart first, even if it means running away and distancing yourself from others (Kitty). But unlike Mizuki, Rui was taught from childhood to simply not care about what people say, so he has never been aware of just how much words can affect you (compare the advice Mizuki's sister and Rui's mom gave them: completely different). This winds him up in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, where he's unknowingly adjusting himself for WxS to not leave him.

As for Cinema, both songs capture how Akito and Rui's struggles and fears at the time feel like the exact same - being left behind and losing your place because you weren't enough, to the point of losing who you really are (Akito pushing himself to be passionate to match everyone else, Rui falling into the trap of peer pressure to match everyone else. What they envy in 'everyone else' is how they want things that Akito and Rui don't feel like they really care about and view as meaningless. But in truth, they don't care about it only because they're more concerned about belonging - they've always had it deep down in them.).

But in Akito's case, VIVID BAD SQUAD directly reaches out for him when he pushes himself far too much and forces himself to suffer to make up for his lack of talent. That's why Akito is reassured that even at his weakest and most pathetic, there will be people there who refuse to leave him alone. So Cinema feels like Akito freely lamenting on how he's different from the people, that he can't keep up with them, but with VBS by his side, he feels like it's fine to find and pursue who he truly is.

On the other hand, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels like Rui's suppressed spite from having to keep up with WxS in order to not be left alone. Because everyone else will betray him, it has to be and can only be WxS who've endured him until now. It's the first time he found people who would stay, so he's desperate not to lose them that he would subconsciously change himself so he can keep matching their needs. And the realization makes him spiteful, because he's lost what was fun for him from that need to change for others to stay. And he's left to stay lost to the very end, because the only way right now for him to be himself and stop worrying is by others matching him instead, but there is no way to 100% control people - compared to Akito who found his answer by coming to terms with the impossibility to control yourself to be someone else. Because VBS was there to accept him as he was when he was trying so hard to be someone else.

Rui will probably eventually realize he has to just accept he's lost his passion from the fear of being alone and stop lamenting controlling everything around him, once he gets tired of it and reaches his limit like Akito in Stray Bad Dogs.

Suddenly everyone started up onto a nonsense scenario (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)

It's just like a movie, exactly like a movie. (But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.)

No matter where you go, there's a story. (Just give me a punchline, its meaning can be whatever.)

Cinema and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are like the perspectives of two boys who feel like outsiders to the world, but one is actively trying change himself to belong somewhere and the other finds himself suddenly facing peer pressure when he used to not care about belonging somewhere. It's even contrasted in Akito's customer service front and Rui's indifference to school terrorism that they are foils of one another in a society. And probably why Akito hates Rui too - for taking any means necessary to achieve what he wants without a care for people, when Akito has spent his life working hard to be equals to people in order to belong.

[More similarities in lyrics, in no particular order (CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY in brackets):

Traffic’s already jammed up now. Oh well, nothing I can do about that anyway (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” "What was it supposed to be like then?" (What happened to things you wanted to sing about?)

Back then I'm sure it was there. The thing that I envisioned was there. When was it that I... (There must have been something you wanted to sing about.)

What are you playing at? Who are you trying to be? There's no way you could be that, right? (At this rate this will never end. What you want definitely isn't money.)]

Maybe it's coincidence, but the lyrics in Cinema also reference Curtain Call very early on:

Someday it'll be bye-bye when the end comes, so Smile for the curtain call and applause.

Cinema is accepting of it and faces it head-on. Rui still avoids it.

And Cinema also captured what happened in Backlit Lens Flare with Bakuno. Something Rui couldn't figure out on his own without Sakaki and Emu:

If you're not suited for the role, Then just rewrite the script!

This is as if implying Akito realizes early on that people are all different, and there may come a time you have to part because of your differences. So you don't have to keep worrying about fitting in - try your best to be yourself instead and smile when it all ends.

This is something that Rui hasn't faced at all, so it's pretty meta that he hadn't thought of matching the actor's individualities. It seems he's lived with the belief that directors have to adjust themselves according to the level they believe the actors are on and actors have to work their hardest to live up to the director's wishes at all times - because the director knows best. Instead of truly understanding their actors for who they are as individuals and what they individually need.

"I always try to cast actors in a way that brings out their strengths." "That's why I always get you to play the role of a type that is easiest for you to match."

And this becomes a regret for Rui in the same story - realizing that he hadn't thought enough about what Tsukasa really wanted and needed.

"...I feel a little regretful that I hadn't thought that far."

Nene's surprise at Rui's words further imply that this isn't how he normally is. That he wouldn't be thinking so much about people and their personal needs.

It isn't therefore surprising that he agrees with and commits to the mindset that he has to power through his emotions without speaking to anyone. He expects that from his actors, and applying it to real life, it means that your role and scenario have already been decided from birth and what was left was living up to it. It's frighteningly similar to the lyrics in Engeki, which I wasn't even thinking about. Except it wasn't forced on him but rather something Rui decided on his own, with no harmful intent from the people who fed that mindset. Even before KAITO - it was his mother who unknowingly instilled this in him:

"People are people, I am myself. If you take care of what you like, someday you'll be able to make friends too. Like how I met your dad." (i.e. don't bother with the painful things around you, just keep doing what you do and keep going until you get there.)

And hence why this commission is full of firey anger. The story tramples on the way Rui has lived until now, proving him wrong when he thought he finally found his answer by powering through his fear of losing WxS. How it made him realize that he had at some point been driven by something petty like being with friends forever and lost the passionate part of him, the one who would do anything to satisfy himself. He's realized he's no longer having fun like the child he used to be, evident from the lyrics that start off with how he no longer has anything he wants to convey.

"Now let's all laugh. Aren't views more important than art? A terrible price for the virus. So what will you do? Is that really fine?" The lyrics are as if Rui is finally realizing that everything he's been doing, making people smile up until now, has been just for views (for WxS to stay around), and it finally makes him question, is this what he really wants??? Where did all the passion, fun and self-satisfaction that he thought he was making shows for went to???

(This is a more literal translation, the popular TL translates it as Then what do we do? Was that how it was supposed to go?)

I don't know if it's clear now - but in conclusion, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels very much like Rui realizing how he was more focused on protecting his place over enjoying what he does. The first lines of the song do seem to be screaming a spitefulness in not being able to just do what you enjoy: "No one wants to listen (...), I don't have anything I want to convey (...)"

That's why CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY is an ironic name, appearing on the director's cut to imply they're filming a movie of Rui's life. How Rui had been living dead against his own self - falling victim to peer pressure (trends) to protect his place in WxS. Until Sakaki reminds him of the heights his true self wanted to reach and reignites the passionate fire for theatre inside him.

In summary, to simplify it, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY's parallels come together to tell a complete story about Rui Kamishiro (biased but idc): 1) Jackpot Sad Girl: The unhealthiness of Rui and Mafuyu's mindset of powering through what they think they want without properly talking to people. 2) Kitty: How putting your trust in people can sway your heart and steer you away from what you truly want, something Mizuki knows and thus avoids but not Rui. 3) Cinema: A combination of Jackpot Sad Girl and Kitty - how a person with Rui's mindset is left feeling angry and confused when realizing he has lost himself from having his heart unexpectedly swayed by people. This is foiled by a complete opposite like Akito who has lived a life with no reason to truly call his own and is bitterly aware of how it is all because his life has always been completely defined by other people.

(Man, I LOVE the Cinema foils so much. Akito and Rui are such perfect opposites I LOVE THEM.)

And finally, from the end of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY:

Devoid of soul, music remains silent Unheard lyrics conceal their essence; without playback, music loses its meaning. Thus, modern music is pronounced deceased.

YES. YES. DEVOID OF SOUL AS I SAID, HOW RUI KAMISHIRO FEELS LIKE A WALKING CORPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. PLAYBACK!!! LOOK BACK AT YOUR PAST AND FIND YOURSELF!!! REMEMBER THE JOY AND PASSION YOU CAN'T GIVE UP RUI-KUN!!! Stop trying to keep people around, face solitude and be brave: what's most important is to be yourself!

Backlit Lens Flare felt like a reawakening for Rui, and it's why it's one of the best stories alongside Pandemonium for me. If Tsukasa is completely avoidant, then Rui is full of blatant lies. But of course because the writers will never clearly describe the emotions in WxS stories, I can't confirm this is the intended interpretation. It's just my own personal interpretation that I enjoy best and makes most emotional sense to my personal experiences.

But my opinions are bound to change because there are soooo many ways of seeing things. For now, this is what I think of Rui Kamishiro in Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

#project sekai #rui kamishiro #kamishiro rui #wonderlands x showtime #wxs #it's so difficult to talk about rui #i do kinda get how this feels but i guess it's hard to put into words because of how dull the feeling is and you don't even know its there #until you do something thats out of character for yourself #someone whos always trying to convince themselves they dont care when people hurt them will get it #ok i take back my comments on the popular tl of cyberpunk dead boy being biased its just difficult to translate lol #rui is literally set for failure and doomed by the narrative #im sorry i keep editing i just find it so hard to put my thoughts about rui into words

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